Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You will be given a test to determine your ability to withstand shock.
(00:05):
Well, look who's here.
This is the night when fear and horror walk hand in hand.
Do you feel up to it?
The most terrifying form of evil is that which lurks within the human mind.
(00:25):
Rated X.
Welcome to what the fuck are you watching?
We're a weekly movie podcast, discovering the raw, the wriggling,
uh, squiggling.
(00:49):
Oh, not quite the same ring to it.
Well, it didn't fucking help me out. I was struggling.
I was floundering.
Well, you know, you never tell us that you're going to try and change this up
and that you want us to help you with it.
You just bring it on.
Yeah, I don't even know what's happening.
And we're just confused.
We don't know if you're trying to do something new or if you've just
(01:12):
are having a moment like you frequently do.
Fucking stroking out.
The famed American philosopher, one Katherine Williams once said,
when people fall down, you owe yourself.
You owe it to yourself to get at least seven laughs out of it.
Yeah. And it took that to heart.
Yeah, it wasn't good.
I wanted to do the Lord of the Rings.
(01:33):
Ron wriggling, but I couldn't bring it home.
Oh, OK. Because it's worms.
Yeah. They wriggle.
I'm Chris. This is Lisa.
Hello. She's she's great.
You'll ever. Yeah, huge bitch.
(01:53):
We also have Bo. Me.
He's great. You'll love him. Yeah.
Hmm. Maybe maybe also a huge bitch.
You'll see.
Got a special episode for you today.
Lisa, what the fuck are you watching today?
(02:16):
We're watching a brand new.
Not yet released movie called Worms.
Motherfucking worms up for preorder now
and estimated ship date of January 25th, 2025.
Hell, yeah. This is a limited release, dude.
So if you have any interests in hot chicks playing with worms.
(02:42):
Go to SamHale.com and order this shit,
because March 1st.
It's gone. Oh, yeah.
And it's starting Ruby Rose. Quite hot.
Yeah. Ruby Reynolds, dude.
I have the exact same haircut as Ruby Reynolds.
But she looks way fucking better than I do.
(03:03):
Yeah. What the fuck's going on there?
Well, you know, fucking hot people.
I also haven't tried spray painting my head.
Or maybe that's hair dye.
My guess smart money is probably on some sort of hair dye.
Yeah, I. Seems unlikely to me that one.
(03:24):
Mr. Reynolds spends a lot of time spray painting her head.
It's just how do you fucking die?
Like tiny hair. Is this.
Oh, my God.
I thought you weren't supposed to get it on your scalp or something.
Are you joking? Yeah, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not actually. How do you?
OK, I don't. I haven't dyed my hair very much.
(03:47):
Have you you paint figurines for fun?
Yeah. And you're confused about.
It's the same thing.
Oh, you paint it.
Yeah, I did. You get a little mix up.
You get a little brushy brush.
OK, I painted up on there.
I didn't know you could just paint it. Yeah.
This one comes from doom perversion pictures.
(04:10):
You got a perversion for doom.
These are your pictures.
I think doom perversion is like a sub label.
Sam Hill. I don't know.
Sam Hill's got 16 different names.
I never know what's going on.
Sam Hill has a lot going on.
This one is directed by Akiko Janos.
Probably fucked that name up. Sorry.
(04:32):
Written by Sam Hill and Andrew.
S Birch starring Ruby Reynolds.
And that kickass artwork is by Silas David Massoff.
Now we are doing the review copy of this movie.
So the Blu Ray could be slightly different than what we see here.
(04:54):
Just so you know.
Uh huh.
I think this I have.
I think we're about to watch this woman use some worms or something.
OK.
I see right out of a strainer.
Describe it.
At least she's washing them off, I guess.
Yeah, they're in a strainer.
She obviously rinsed them off.
Have you guys had the tequila worms?
No, no, I haven't.
(05:16):
I'm not doing that.
I'm not eating any kind of fucking worm.
I'm sure after a bottle like tequila, you pretty much fucked me.
I'm sure you would, too.
How was the worm?
Really strong.
Not like physically.
They didn't touch me.
Not like physically.
They didn't put up like a tie or anything.
Boxing your tongue.
No, like content wise, alcohol content wise, they felt like.
(05:43):
Oh, just soak a whole bunch of tequila or something.
Oh, man, I was so fucked up.
Yeah, that's the whole thing behind it is you're supposed to get really fucked up.
I'm the heavyweight in the group usually.
Yeah.
That one was notable.
Shout out to fuck Silas David Massa because I love this fucking artwork, man.
(06:04):
I can't wait to get a shirt, dude.
Yeah, it is cool.
I know.
I can't wait for you to get our shirt, too.
I'm wearing this one, least you're not stealing this one from me.
It's kind of got like death metal style to it, but I was just about to say it looks like a metal band shirt.
Yeah, but I could still read what it fucking says.
I'm like a lot of death metal shit.
(06:25):
It just looks like I don't know, fucking Bush or something.
Yeah, or some Gothic script that's so overdone that you can't fucking make out.
Yeah.
Damn good.
All right, guys.
Yeah.
You guys want to watch this motherfucker?
Yeah, we do.
All right.
(06:52):
Hey, that's a worm.
Are worms going in or are they coming out?
I don't know.
She is on a sidewalk, though.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Shouldn't be walking barefoot out here.
You ever get so horned up, you just got to rub one out in the corner.
Yes.
(07:13):
No.
Oh.
I mean, yes.
OK, and it said edited and filmed by Sam Hill also like the music of the fucking.
Yeah, we're just saying.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
(07:35):
Is that Janos Janos?
I think it's Janos.
I think it's Janos.
Janos.
Oh, maybe.
Janos.
Look at all those worms.
Yeah, those are worms.
No, does this get it does this get you good and juicy, Lisa?
No, no.
(07:58):
Yeah.
Not a fan of worms.
You say that I am either.
Those are not worm eating nails.
I think they're exactly worm eating nails.
Yeah.
You're going to get dirt all up in there.
Yeah, but I think you think of the satisfaction of plucking one right up out of there.
(08:20):
Right.
They are almost like little chopsticks.
Yeah, exactly.
You could skewer one.
Yeah.
Did we see that fucking clock in this figured perception?
I can't remember, but I like it.
Fuck, it looks familiar.
Oh, no, you almost had all the dirt off and then you dropped it.
That is an onry worm.
Yeah.
(08:42):
Worms fill an onry.
Has to pick a different one.
This one's not as onry.
Yeah.
Now, in this scenario, do you prefer the onry worms or the more like complacent ones?
(09:07):
Probably complacent.
I think you want to go for the weaker ones in the pack, right?
Oh, man.
Those worms aren't going where I thought they were going.
Yeah.
No, I figured this is where we were headed.
But an onry worm, it's going to get in there and get to work there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
If this is the situation, then I guess you're going to want an onry worm.
Yeah.
Get the onry worm.
(09:28):
Yeah.
Like the rabbit of worms.
I liked how the worms were crawling out while she was sleeping.
For some reason, worms in the pussy is less disturbing than worms in my bed.
I'm not sure why.
Yeah.
Keep it off the marital bed.
Yeah.
This is for the Lord's work.
(09:55):
Maybe that's why I need rainbow hair.
They already think you're gay, Chris.
Yeah.
I love this girl and I hope she goes on to do lots more things.
Yeah, me too.
She's cool.
She happened upon a couple of worms outdoors and she said, Oh, I don't know.
Should I?
Yeah.
No, those are street worms.
(10:16):
I don't want that.
Don't know where those worms have been.
Yeah.
She's got standards.
Oh, June bug.
Don't put that in there.
Do we want to venture to June bugs?
Well, listen, if if you prefer the honorary worm, think of what a June bug's going to
(10:38):
get you.
Yeah.
That fucking June bug's going to stab your shit up.
Yeah.
It must have rained the night before.
Yeah, they're everywhere.
That's a consenting worm.
It's crawling towards her.
Yeah.
It wants it.
And I saw that look in your eyes.
(10:59):
And it's not even wearing clothes.
So obviously it's consenting.
Yeah.
Look at that skirt.
Yeah.
The dirt skirt.
OK, so now her salads just worms.
Nothing but worms.
She doesn't like that.
(11:20):
She only fucks worms.
She doesn't eat them.
Thank you very much.
This apartment style is what's referred to as millennial gray.
Yeah.
We've become the elders.
How depressing is that?
I know.
Yeah.
Girl.
(11:41):
Yeah, we're fucking old people, man.
It's wild.
I know.
I feel like I was taking loads in parking lots just last week.
Yeah.
It was just last week for Chris.
(12:03):
Taking loads?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's trying to relive my youth.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like the little flashes of worms.
Masturbating, thinking about worms.
Hell yeah.
Just the occasional little flash.
Yeah.
Well, what do we feel about a stiff plank like worm?
(12:27):
Yeah, no, I was like, I don't know why.
Like a fishing lure?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, if they're going to cut to the floor like that, they could use real worms, right?
I would think so.
Maybe they were concerned about the livelihood of the worms and they didn't want to drop
them from such a high distance.
(12:48):
Okay.
Do worms take fall damage?
I don't know.
Can't you like cut them in half and then just fucking multiply?
Yeah.
Can't even like squirrels survive like terminal velocity?
Am I making this shit up?
I am a scientist.
No, I think they can survive from pretty far.
(13:11):
Yeah, you could drop a worm.
I think a worm can make it, man.
Yeah, they could.
Also, controversial opinion.
Worm lives don't matter to me.
Yeah.
I think they obviously serve a purpose in our ecosystem that we probably shouldn't like
vie for their extermination, but a couple of worms here and there.
(13:34):
I'm going to be all right with that.
I don't know.
I'm down with worms out of all the kind of creepy crawly things.
They're pretty low on the exterminate list for me.
Yeah, I don't go out of my way to like even hurt a worm.
No, you know, I happen upon them on occasion.
Yeah.
Oh, there's a worm.
Centipedes, though, kill on sight, dude.
(13:58):
No, they're helpful, too, though.
The fuck they are.
I don't care.
They could.
They're dark-sighted and from another plane, for sure.
Super alien and creepy.
Yeah, no, I don't kill centipedes either.
I just let them go on their way.
(14:19):
Why are we only dealing with fake worms now, though?
Uh-huh.
That's what I'm thinking.
There has to be a reason why we've switched to fake now.
These ones are like sun-dried worms.
Well, they're all the ones that came out of her vagina.
Maybe.
Maybe that's why.
They're like preserved now or something.
I would have assumed that would have had a bleaching effect on it.
(14:40):
I know.
I was like, I don't know.
I don't know what's happening.
Pickled worms.
No, my pussy's straight acid.
I'm pretty sure she's about to eat them, and that's why we've had fake ones this whole
time.
I wonder if it's like something fashioned to look worm-like, like food.
I don't know.
I think they went to the function.
Yeah, you can make like jello worms.
(15:01):
Oh, OK.
Or maybe they like deep-fried actual worms.
Maybe.
I don't know.
They wouldn't fucking drop them, so I doubt they're going to deep-fry them.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
Freshening these worms up in the colander.
(15:23):
Mm-hmm.
Gotta rinse all the juice off them.
Yeah.
That's just gross.
Oh, yeah, she's eating them.
Munch, munch.
Yeah.
Can't get enough of them worms, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's really eating these worms.
(15:48):
Just a whole strainer full of them.
Shoving them in by the handful.
And she's like spitting chunks out into the bowl and then shoving it all in, too.
Yeah, pick up all those worms.
Yeah.
I don't appreciate that.
Yeah, I was like, that's gross looking.
(16:10):
Wet worm juice.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's all her spit mixed with the worms.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So she doesn't like to eat them until they've already been in her vagina.
She wouldn't eat those worms on the street.
But once they came back out, she's ready to eat them.
(16:34):
Yeah, either that or we're just going deeper into the fucking wormhole.
Maybe.
She's just becoming more and more obsessed with worms.
Yeah.
Did you think we were going to spoil the ending?
You're wrong, bitch.
(16:59):
No, I don't like to eat worms.
I think I think I could eat a worm.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's many worms.
I probably want to cook them at least.
What do you think?
Maybe that's what happened to her worms.
Yeah, you can catch them fucking like salmonella and shit.
Cook your worms.
(17:21):
She did.
She stuck them in her vagina and cooked them all day and then pulled them out and ate them.
Easy bake oven.
Yeah.
Yep.
I liked the soundtrack.
Yeah, I did too.
Yeah.
I don't necessarily understand some of the sound design outside of that, though.
(17:43):
Ruby Reynolds intimate speaking on a phone call.
Yeah.
With I guess her workplace.
And we get a dialogue from what appears to be like her supervisor or something.
Yeah, and it was very quiet on that end.
And then we couldn't hear anything she was saying.
(18:05):
I don't know if it was supposed to be like that.
I think it's supposed to be, you know, like she's not even into the conversation.
This is really one of those fucking worms.
Yeah, because she's just getting more and more obsessed with worms.
I mean, how can you focus when that slutty worm is wriggling?
Yeah.
Across the.
Yeah, that worm was a slut, dude.
Yeah, look how it was moving.
(18:28):
Yeah.
It knew what it was doing.
I like the movie.
I wish we could have used real worms for a lot of it, but I did find the ending to be a little lack luster.
I would have liked a bigger finish.
Yeah, I like bigger finishes.
(18:52):
I want to fucking just explode all over me.
Is is our worms like a this is like an animal rights thing?
Well, no worms were harmed.
So how do you really get can you harm a worm?
Like we were saying, you can go to this.
You could cut one and a half and it makes two worms.
(19:13):
If anything, you're helping the worms.
Right.
I've seen some worms.
Like when we're fishing and stuff, you know, yeah.
They seem fine.
Yeah, you fuck those worms up.
You pale them like multiple times and then still just fucking cruising, dude.
Which, you know, I'm sure that must not feel great.
(19:38):
Maybe I don't know.
Can they feel pain?
I don't know.
Do they?
Because I'm also not.
Do they?
I don't know.
That's what I mean.
Do they have personality?
How do worms procreate?
Do they?
I don't know.
They have to.
Is there a worm sex?
(19:59):
How?
Man.
All right.
I don't know.
They don't lay eggs.
I don't know.
We are not worm experts.
Do they have live babies?
Yes.
Worms engage in sexual reproduction.
They have specialized reproductive organs and use them to mate and produce offspring.
For example, earthworms are hermaphrodites, meaning they have both male and female reproductive organs.
(20:25):
They mate by exchanging sperm and then lay eggs that develop into baby worms.
Other types of worms, such as roundworms, also have distinct sexes and engage in sexual reproduction.
Okay.
Worm sex.
Damn, I've never seen worms do it before.
What about to?
(20:48):
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, I don't want to go to porn sites for the worm sex.
Yeah, that's a little too explicit for my taste.
Oh, no.
I want like a national geographic.
I want like, yeah, give me like, give me educational.
I need a sanitized version of worm sex, please.
I don't need that smut.
(21:10):
I need David Attenborough, like, narrating.
Don't take me to Pornhub.
Earthworm love.
(21:32):
Is this hot?
It's cuddly.
No.
And complicated.
From the start, the earthworm is built for romance with four or five pairs of hearts.
Look at all those hearts.
That's why you can chop them bitches in half.
That's a challenge for these mostly solitary animals.
(21:54):
They go out looking when they're a few months to a year old, and they've grown this fleshy saddle shaped patch called a clitalum.
I like the clitalum.
Yeah, it's nice and wet.
I don't like what that is.
Whatever that is, I don't like it.
(22:18):
The earthworm follows tastes and smells through dirt or leaf litter to find its Valentine.
It's Valentine.
Yeah, I felt them CTs.
Look at that mouth.
(22:40):
Yeah, that mouth just sucked you right off.
I've sucked off a thing that looks just like that now.
(23:02):
They just have giant worm orgies.
Slime tubes.
They just fucking 69 each other, huh?
(23:27):
I'm uncomfortable with the clitalum flaps.
Oh, fuck.
I'm gonna fuck for an hour, dude.
That's that eight month load.
Yeah, it looks like it.
(23:48):
The thing is dark siding.
Dude, that is one worm. They've merged into one worm.
Yeah, and then they suffer.
After they've parted ways, each earthworm produces a sheath with its clitalum and shimmies it down its tubular body.
(24:13):
The protein-rich ring moves over tiny holes where it gathers eggs and some of the collected sperm.
Then it slips right off the worm and becomes a cocoon. Baby worms flourish inside.
Oh my God, it circumcises itself.
That one day they'll give to their special someone.
(24:35):
Wow, that's fucking weird.
I didn't like any of that.
Yeah, I don't like worms anymore.
Anyway, yeah, worms lay eggs.
Was Ruby Reynolds getting stabbed by the CT?
Oh, yeah, she was feeling all those CTs, dude.
Yeah.
That's probably what was getting her off the CTs.
(24:56):
Probably.
Fuck shit. Where were we?
Lisa, give me your star rating and your what the fuck moment.
Oh, okay.
Man.
All right, star rating.
All right.
My star rating, I think I'm gonna do after much consideration, I think I'm gonna do two and a half stars.
(25:24):
Hell, yeah.
I almost did three.
What brought it down for you?
I don't know. Kind of felt anticlimactic.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wish there would have been more of like a twist at the end or something.
That's about it.
(25:46):
Okay.
My what the fuck moment is when she was standing there in the bathroom with worms falling out of her vagina.
And we had obviously switched to fake worms.
Yeah.
So I guess, Bo, what's your star rating and what the fuck moment?
(26:07):
I'd like to give Ruby Reynolds five stars and the film closer to I guess we'll hang out around the two star.
Okay.
It was shot well. I liked the music for it.
I'm fine with sort of like episodic journeys into like hyper specific episodes of mania.
(26:32):
I don't know.
Yeah.
But yeah, the worms.
They didn't they didn't really impact me.
So I'm not like a worm guy.
I'm not like a hentai guy.
And I'm also not like overtly disturbed by worms.
Yeah, I'm not.
But I think if somebody starts munching down a handful of like actual worms, it probably get rise out of me.
(26:58):
I think if I saw someone putting them in their pussy.
Right. Yeah.
I guess we technically were supposed to have just seen.
Yeah, we didn't see shit.
It was intimated.
I expected. I don't know, because we know he's not scared to, you know, be up in the labia with the film.
(27:21):
Yeah, I did expect I did expect something a little more gruesome, I guess.
Yeah, we are calloused, I guess you would say at this point in our journey.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm calloused.
I'm treated and burnt the fuck up.
I know.
Yeah, I guess I'll give her a give it I'll give it two stars.
(27:43):
Okay.
My what the fuck moments going to be where she sees the two worms sort of on a ledge outdoors and she like double takes.
She circles back. She's like, should I should I take them?
Yeah.
It carries on.
Streetwalker worms.
(28:06):
Yeah, she's just yeah, getting more and more distracted by worms.
Love those worms.
Well, that didn't seem to be her primary motivator.
Yeah.
Fucking them worms.
What about you, Chris? What's your star rating and what the fuck moment?
I'm going to go.
(28:27):
I'm going to go with three stars.
I did like the movie.
My only kind of problems with it are the extensive use of fake worms towards the latter half and the ending.
I thought it's a little lackluster and or anti climactic.
(28:48):
But give it three stars.
All right.
And Ruby Reynolds was great.
Give her five stars.
Yeah, we would all give her five stars.
I'd give her money to sit on my face.
Even if there were worms up there, probably.
I guess my what the fuck moment is.
(29:10):
Well, she's just munching all them worms, dude, straight out of that fucking spaghetti strainer.
And I'm just going to work and she's just drooling out worm bits.
And. Yeah, it's pretty gross.
Yeah.
Lisa, how spicy is this movie?
Fuck, why didn't I think about this?
(29:32):
Yeah, you should know by now.
Oh, my God.
All right. How spicy is this movie?
This movie is a salad.
Where is it?
Yeah, it's a TV salad with some worms sprinkled in.
And maybe the dressings like Chipotle Ranch or something.
(29:56):
Just a tiny bit spicy.
Oh, yeah. Just and then you just keep finding worms in your salad.
If this podcast has taught me anything, it's that Lisa and I have dramatically different palates.
Yeah.
(30:18):
Oh, man.
Well, how spicy is this movie for you, Bo?
We'll go with.
Like a tequila worm from the bottom of the jar that's been there for like six or seven months, probably.
Thick and juicy.
Yeah.
And you're going to have to sit down somewhere.
(30:43):
What about you, Christopher?
How spicy was this film?
This film is not very spicy, right?
Not a spicy boy here.
This movie is a dirt and worms ice cream sundae.
You get the Oreo bits and the gummy worms.
(31:04):
Not a very spicy movie.
I think, you know, if you want something low on the spicy scale, this is a movie for you.
How chicks playing with worms.
I think if you're into worms, this is for you.
Or if you're like, I know I'm fucking disturbed by worms, then this is, you know, for those people.
(31:28):
Yeah. If you're sexually attracted to worms, man, this is your movie.
Or if you just absolutely hate worms and they're going to freak you out.
Yeah. And this is your this is your gig.
This is your time to shine.
Yeah.
All right, Lisa, slot this motherfucker on your leaderboard.
Oh, shit.
Shit. Stop moving.
(31:52):
Okay.
I think this movie is going to be my new number 15 between a Serbian film and bouquet of guts and gore.
Okay. All right.
Number 15 for Lisa.
I don't like how low I put it, but that's where it has to go.
(32:16):
Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's any complaints being below a Serbian film in the August Underground.
Those are damn good movies.
Where's it going for you, Bo?
Yeah, I think it's going to go like.
Probably right underneath tumbling doll of flesh and above lowly to vibrate or torture.
(32:41):
Yeah, you did not like lowly to vibrate or torture.
I didn't necessarily. Yeah, it just didn't.
Yeah. It's not having a good day that day.
I know. It just wasn't a good time for you.
Similarly, this film kind of did nothing for me.
I don't know. Yeah.
Where are you, Christopher?
Oh, did you tell us what a leaderboard is?
(33:03):
I was hoping maybe a leaderboard.
You were just.
Well, leaderboard is kind of where we just thought in our personal favorite movies that we've covered on the podcast.
We sort them from our favorites to release favorites.
And I'm going to tell life in the hole right now.
Enjoy your fucking number 31 slot because we're going to die.
(33:29):
The first time I get the chance to move you to the very bottom of the list, I'm going to do it.
I don't know why I put you above black mass.
You don't fucking long. He's not happy about it.
He wants it to be below black mass.
I know I'm here to tell you it's not worse than that film, but I understand the sentiment.
It's a pretty bad fucking film.
(33:51):
Fucking garbage. It's irrefutable, inarguable, objective, inescapable garbage.
Chris, where the hell is this going on?
I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out on the fly here.
Yeah, I think I'm going to I'm going to stick it at number 25 above Devil Woman Doctor.
(34:15):
Yes.
See, I agree with that, but I don't like the Devil Woman Doctor is above Lucky Sky Diamond.
Yeah, I don't know.
But you know, that's fine.
There is garbage.
Uh huh. It was.
OK, Devil Woman Doctor is only garbage because it's a guinea pig movie.
(34:37):
I laughed my ass off during that movie.
I appreciated it.
Maybe that's why it was garbage. Maybe you're right.
I don't think it did not. Yeah.
I think we were expecting something.
Yeah, I was so shocked.
I was expecting a guinea pig movie and that's not a guinea pig movie.
Yeah, you're probably right.
But it's hilarious.
Yeah. Anyway, number 25.
(34:59):
I don't know how I feel about it, but that's where it's going.
Yeah. You're on notice life in the hole.
That's it for this extra flavorful fucking worm salad of an episode from us here.
What the fuck are you watching?
Say bye, bitch. Bye, bitch.
(35:20):
Bye, bitch.
That's damn good.
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(35:45):
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