October 10, 2024 • 30 mins
When was the last time you truly let go and let God handle your finances? This episode of Yahweh's Money, hosted by Shay Cook and Vanessa McNelley, tackles the challenging question of why so many faithful believers find it difficult to trust God with their financial decisions. We explore Proverbs 3:5-9, emphasizing the importance of trusting in God's wisdom, timing, and provision. Vanessa shares a personal story from her mother, illustrating how the right opportunities often come at the most unexpected times, reminding us to be patient and trust in divine timing.
We also dive into the concept of "let go and let God," exploring how this mindset isn't about passivity but about releasing fear and worry. Personal anecdotes bring the discussion to life, shedding light on family members who struggle with excessive worry and the misuse of religious teachings to control people through fear. Our conversation offers practical advice on making mature decisions and waiting patiently, underscoring the benefits of trusting God's plan over our immediate desires.
Lastly, we share heartfelt stories about achieving personal goals through patience, budgeting, and faith. From the excitement of seeing Usher and Janet Jackson in concert without going into debt to the challenges posed by feelings of scarcity, we highlight how managing resources wisely and trusting in God can lead to unexpected blessings. We also discuss the impact of a scarcity mindset on generosity and the importance of setting financial boundaries with family, fostering healthy relationships, and responsible resource management. Join us for an episode filled with faith, wisdom, and practical insights for trusting God with your finances.
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Our podcast is proudly sponsored by Crusaders for Change, LLC (C4C) and hosted by our CEO and Founder, Mrs. Shay Cook. At C4C, we provide customized corporate financial wellness programs for businesses, government agencies, and nonprofit organizations. Our services are tailored to create happier, healthier, and more productive work environments. We also empower individuals and couples to overcome debt, improve their credit, boost savings, and more. Ready to learn more about how C4C can impact your life? Contact us today at https://www.crusaders4change.org/!
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Music by:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shay (00:03):
Ever felt those awkward vibes when religion and money
come up?
You're not alone.
Welcome to Yahweh's Money, thepodcast where we tackle the
crossroads of faith and finance.
I'm Shay Cook, an AccreditedFinancial Counselor, and the CEO
and founder of Crusaders forChange LLC.
Vanessa (00:19):
And I'm Vanessa McNelley, Accredited Financial
Counselor and COO of Crusadersfor Change.
Join us on our journey as wediscuss topics like tithing
saving and conquering debtthrough religious perspectives.
Let's get started.
Shay (00:35):
Hey everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Yahweh's
Money.
Hey Vanessa, hey Shay, I'm in agood mood today, I don't know.
Vanessa (00:45):
God is good.
Shay (00:45):
That spirit is real.
We're going to be talking aboutthe first and the best, and I
know who that is.
Do you know who that is,Vanessa?
I do.
Vanessa (00:53):
Yeah, I do, and hopefully it's the same person
you're thinking of.
Shay (00:57):
Yes, yes, Jesus, Lord.
So today, Vanessa and I will beconfronting a very crucial
question.
If we truly believe in God'sinfinite power, why do so many
of us struggle to give him ourvery best?
Christians are taught to listento his guidance and honor him
(01:17):
with everything we have.
Yet many of us still wrestlewith giving our all, especially
when it comes to our finances,our money, y'all.
A lot of us struggle there.
Today, we're going to explorehow embracing this divine trust
can transform our approach tomoney and bring out the best in
(01:40):
our spirits, minds and bodies.
Truly letting go can lead toabundant blessings and
fulfillment.
Right, Vanessa?
Vanessa (01:49):
Yes, that is a lot too.
It really really can, and Ithink that's what we need to
realize that I think a lot of usare not given our all, and when
we're honest with ourselves,we'll see that not given our all
or not, and when we're honestwith ourselves, we'll see that.
Shay (02:08):
Amen, you know?
Proverbs 3, 5 through 9 tellsus trust God from the bottom of
your heart.
Don't try to figure outeverything on your own.
Listen for God's voice ineverything you do, everywhere
you go.
He's the one who will keep youon track.
Don't assume that you know it.
All people I'm speaking to Shaytoo y'all Run to God.
(02:31):
Run from evil.
Your body will glow with health.
Your very bones will vibratewith life.
Honor God with everything youown.
Give him the first and the best.
Oh, I love that.
Vanessa (02:46):
That's so good.
That's beautiful and in my headlike I'm picturing this like
running away and just becomingmore and more beautiful as you
get further away from evil Likeit's a beautiful thing to kind
of think about.
Shay (02:59):
Yeah, let's run to God and run from evil, and I mean, I
just love that your body willglow with health and your very
bones will vibrate with life,like God is so real, like he's
in every you know Adam,everything in our body, every
piece in you know everything,every fabric, like in our body
and like, oh, my God, if yougive him the first and the best,
(03:20):
you're going to experiencespecial blessing.
Oh, definitely.
Vanessa (03:24):
Yeah.
Shay (03:24):
Yeah.
Vanessa (03:25):
So what does total trust look like In my head?
I'm I'm picturing a trust fall.
Have you ever done one?
No, I haven't either.
Shay (03:34):
Oh, wait a minute.
I just said no all quickly LikeI've never had.
I have when at Walter Reed, wedid a team building and we had
to do that.
Oh my God, yes, I have donethat actually.
Did you totally trust your team?
No, I don't think so.
I don't remember it all the way, but I remember us being around
and everybody having to fallinto somebody and it was like,
yeah, it was yeah, yeah, I'veseen the ones like where they're
(03:55):
on stage and they fallbackwards into a bunch of people
and I'm like.
Vanessa (04:00):
I don't think I know 10 people I would trust enough to
catch me, I think they all havelike ulterior motives of
something happening.
But that's what I'm picturingLike.
What is total trust?
It's just handing everythingover and just saying I know,
you've got me, you've got me.
So having that total trustinvolves complete faith in God's
(04:22):
wisdom, his timing, hisprovision.
And that is hard.
That is so hard, and I knowpeople like you and me, shay,
who are a little OCD with thingsright.
It's even harder for us becausewe feel like we need to have
that control so that we don'thave chaos in our lives.
Shay (04:40):
Yeah, I'm a total control freak and after 45 years I'm
actually I'll look myself in themirror and be like, well Che,
get your ish together.
God's been taking care of youfor 45 years.
Why can't you fully trust himnow, like and I know that that
really comes with age andmaturity and wisdom but actually
I'm really.
I get frustrated myself now atthis age, like it ain't there
(05:01):
should be no reason, no reason.
I don't trust God completely,right, because I made it to 45
years, yeah, like, and I'm doingpretty good, I'm comfortable,
like God is really taking careof me, like so I don't
understand.
I have no reason.
Vanessa (05:15):
Exactly.
I remember growing up my momused to say often to me she
would say timing is everything,everything, everything, and it's
like anytime something badwould happen she would say
timing is everything, it's justnot the right time, like it
could be the right person.
It could be the right job, butthe timing is not right.
And that was always so correctbecause there was always a
(05:36):
bigger picture and there wasalways something better waiting.
So if we can remember thesethings and it's things that you
know you wouldn't even thinkabout, like being able to move
overseas or, you know, makethree times what you were making
, because you didn't accept this, this little thing that looked
perfect in the moment.
But, these blessings and theseprovisions are tenfold what you
(05:59):
could ever imagine for yourself.
Shay (06:01):
So God has a plan Like you're so right.
Timing is everything I know.
A lot of time we have clientsthat say it.
I've said it.
They're like oh, why?
Why God?
Why God Like or he ain't dothis on my time?
No, you ain't know your time,it's his time.
Like it ain't our time, likey'all need to let that go.
It ain't our time, it ain'ttheir time, it's his time and
(06:24):
his time is perfect.
His time is perfect, period.
Vanessa (06:28):
Yeah, so even trusting God with our finances even when
you have limited resources.
Shay (06:34):
Yeah, that is hard that is so hard, that's very, very hard
Giving that first little bit.
Vanessa (06:40):
You know, I think a lot of people see that as I don't
know how I'm going to make it ifI give first.
But the reality of that is isif you give first, you're going
to have more.
It's going to stretch further.
Shay (06:51):
There are good things that come and we see this over and
over and over and over that, ifyou trust and you're making good
decisions.
Vanessa (06:59):
That's the other part of this is you can't just you
know, go out and blow all yourmoney on something when you know
your funds are limited.
But if you're making gooddecisions, things are going to
happen and you're going to havethese blessings that just kind
of pop into your life when youneed them.
Shay (07:13):
You know it is so hard.
There has been so many times inmy life like Lord.
You know, I don't know if I cantithe this month, Lord, I don't
know if I can give this month,but I'm like, but I'm trusting
you.
So, yeah, I give and he always,always, always provides.
There has not been a time thatShay doesn't forgive me for
hitting the mic because I gotexcited.
(07:34):
But there has not been a timewhen Shay has given to the Lord,
to the house of the Lord, tohis people, that I have not been
blessed.
Now I'm not doing it for thatreason, but I know that to be
true.
I know that when I don't dothat, I am struggling.
Vanessa (07:52):
And it impacts all these areas of your life all
these areas and we wonder whywe're having a bad week, a bad
month, a bad year, whatever itis.
And it's like if we would havejust taken that first and the
best, given it back to God, whogave us the money in the first
place, or the talent or whateverit is, then we would have been
(08:13):
blessed.
But if we wait and we give thatlast little bit, maybe it's not
10% anymore, maybe it's, youknow, 3%, or maybe it's, you
know, just a little bit here anda little bit there, which is
still okay to give because youshould be giving.
But the reality is is when wegive what we're supposed to be
giving from the get go, then weare going to be blessed tenfold.
(08:37):
Exactly, you know, and we'resupposed to pray and we're
supposed to accept and believeand let things go.
And you know, I I will sayagain this is my thing yes, we
can accept, believe and let go,but I feel like we need to be
letting go of the fear, theworry.
(08:59):
Still.
Work hard, you know, doeverything that you've been
doing, add a little extra inthere, a little extra effort in
there, because sometimes thatthat gift from God comes through
hard work.
Shay (09:13):
I love that you've been clarifying that, because I think
there's been a misconceptionabout let go, let God and let go
.
It's not let God and let go go.
Sit on a couch and eat somebonbons, as they used to say a
hundred years ago back in thedays.
It's let go of that fear andthat worry.
Like Vanessa saying, I have abracelet today and I wore this
not even thinking about this.
See how God moves and thespirit moves.
It's literally called let thatS-H-I-T go bracelet.
(09:37):
That's the name of thisbracelet.
Bracelet that's the name ofthis bracelet, and it's a
reminder when I wear this.
Like you ain't got no controlover none, like let that ish go,
keep doing what you do and godwill provide period.
Like I don't know why we're sofocused on you know, not letting
go.
Like, like it were you know, asit always say, we control, uh,
probably five percent of ourlives.
(09:58):
Like if that, like if you thinkabout it, breathing and all
that basic stuff that'scontrolled by your brain, you
ain't got no control on thatexactly.
So that's the main part of it.
You're waking up.
You ain't got no control wakingup, because you could have died
last night, okay.
So then you get up and you werelike I'm gonna take on the
world.
Yeah, you only control aboutfive percent, because all the
(10:20):
other stuff that's moving in theworld like that's all moving in
the world you ain't got nocontrol over that.
This is the matrix y'all.
Vanessa (10:25):
So you ain't got no control and we know those people
who worry about everything andeverything, and they are
constantly worried like, um, Ihave an aunt who worries at
night before she goes to sleepabout dying and I'm like that,
okay, well, it's not going tochange anything.
That's number one.
(10:46):
And if you're worried about theend, you're not living while
you're here and we've had thisconversation over and over again
, and it's it's so hard to seewhen somebody is just constantly
worried about something or mydad used to worry all the time
when I would go out of town andtravel because my dad did not
fly, would not fly because hewas in a plane crash back in
(11:10):
Vietnam timeframe in themilitary and was like I will
never fly again.
So for me it was always oh, I'mworried about you, you're not
going to be okay.
And I would always remind himthat most accidents happen
within a few miles of your home.
Shay (11:24):
And that if it's my time.
Vanessa (11:26):
It is my time.
And me being here or there isnot going to stop that.
And I'm just going to trustthat I'm going to be where I'm
supposed to be when.
Shay (11:36):
I'm supposed to be there Exactly and not worry about it,
and not worry about it Right.
Vanessa (11:43):
And you know we should be worried about a few things.
I think it's normal to worryabout things, but when there's
this excessive worry and lack oftrust and I think I don't know
about you, but I see it a lot inChristians who, um, you know,
have very, I guess, limitedviewpoints on things and it's
just you worry, worry, worry.
(12:04):
And I'm like you know, ifyou're truly a believer, why are
we worrying so much?
Shay (12:09):
We know who's got it.
Well, I believe there's astigma.
No, not a stigma.
There is a systematic issuewith their people have used and
we can.
This can be another episode foranother day, but pastors,
religious leaders, have used theword to weaponize the word
against people of right.
It could have been a racialthing back in the day or just a
people thing, a way peoplecontrolling people with this
(12:30):
word, when god says clearly inthe word we ain't supposed to
have fear, right so?
But man has used it in adifferent way.
Just like we were talking in thelast episode with the rings and
my precious and all that peoplehave used things, including the
word, to weaponize people, andthere used to be those people
back in the day to be likeyou're going to hell if you
don't do that.
Vanessa (12:50):
That puts fear in hellfire and brimstone pastors
exactly and that that createdfear in christians.
Shay (12:57):
So I believe it's this.
It comes from that.
But you know, there's reallystruggle in prioritizing God to
a lot of people the financialpressure, uncertainty that we
feel the need to use everydollar for immediate concerns
instead of budgeting and seekingfinancial counseling through
Crusaders for Change.
I'm just saying y'all numberone god.
(13:18):
Yeah, like there, there's thatstruggle constantly, ain't just
you know we're, we're talkingabout it before just keeping up
with the carters, thekardashians, the joneses.
It's like that struggle ofprioritizing god.
Vanessa (13:31):
I mean, it's hard for people yeah, and you know that,
that feeling of um, you knowmoney burning a hole in your
pocket like they used to sayit's a real thing and you feel
like you know, okay, well, I've,I've got this.
Right now, before it's gone, Ineed to to to get this new
outfit, or I need to to buy thisnew product, or, uh, you know
you can't sit with it and beingable to sit with something and
(13:55):
sit on something and wait andshowing the obedience and
showing that you are are grownup enough and mature enough in
your walk to just kind of sitthere and say, okay, I can sit
here and I can wait until thetiming is right, and you know it
might not take the amount ofmoney you thought it would take,
(14:17):
because you waited untilsomething was on sale or, you
know, you might wait untilthat's not what you need anymore
.
You would have had it for amonth and boom, you wouldn't
have needed it.
You know I've had that happenbefore when I was wanting to buy
a home and little did I know Ididn't get the job.
I thought I wanted to buy ahouse.
That I thought I wanted becauseI'd have the opportunity to
(14:39):
move out the country and livesomewhere for free.
So I mean I was blessed tenfoldfor saying, okay, well, things
are not working out, but there'sa reason for it Time is
everything.
Shay (14:52):
Time is everything.
I mean this is really low scaleversus buying a house and
contributing, but this summerthat's passing now and
contributing, but this summer,that's passing now.
I wanted to go see Usher JanetJackson and Missy Elliott right,
and I was like I didn't havethe budget for that.
Like I was tripping.
I waited to the last minute toget all those tickets Janet
(15:14):
Jackson tickets super cheap.
I waited literally bottom theweek of her concert amazing,
missy, I was like girl, I loveyou, but I'll see you on the
next time.
So I had to like let that go,like I might watch you on
youtube.
Usher my sister called me waslike.
I have a friend from the shop.
She got some tickets.
Man them tickets were supposedto be a thousand dollars a seat.
(15:34):
I got them for less than 200 aseat.
Like I was like.
And it was like two weeks before, amazing, usher's amazing.
So I was just like, see, I justwas still.
I was like.
And it was like oh, two weeksbefore, amazing, usher is
amazing.
So I was just like, see, I justwas still.
I was like Lord, this is what Iwant to do, but I don't know
I'm gonna be able to do it andthat's okay if I can't.
But it still worked out.
I got to see two out of threeand I was just excited about how
(15:55):
I was just patient, I budgeted,I didn't go into debt, I had
the cash, like I was just reallyexcited about that and I'm like
and that's just so small tosome people and big to others,
but to me it was just beingstill in the Lord.
I like wrote it down, my littlebucket list, summer bucket list,
which I've never done in mylife before.
I wrote it down on my desk andI would see it every day and I
(16:27):
was like, how am I going to beable to see Janet, missy and
Usher and to be able to see twoout of three to me was a success
and still was able to go toFlorida and renew my vows, yay.
So I was just like, oh my God,it was a great summer, but it
was really about being stillbeing responsible, not like
Vanessa saying letting that ishgo, but still working.
You know, I had to sacrificesome things.
I wasn't able to do A, b and C,so I could do D, e and F, but
it was okay.
Vanessa (16:44):
It was okay, and I think that's the part people
forget.
It's not that you can haveeverything, but you can have
anything.
Shay (16:51):
It's just you can't have everything.
Vanessa (16:54):
So you have to make those sacrifices, and if we're
doing it for God and through God, then the sacrifices that we're
giving up will mean nothing.
Shay (17:03):
Absolutely nothing.
Vanessa (17:05):
We'll look back and be like why did I even want that
Like?
That doesn't make any sense,like I've grown so much and I've
learned so much and you knowthese are amazing feelings to
have and I think a lot of timeswe we forget about that
sacrifice part that you know wecan be still and we can let
things go, but there's stillsacrifice that needs to be made
(17:26):
on our part.
Amen.
Shay (17:28):
Amen and you know.
But there are feelings ofscarcity, like fear of not
having enough makes it hard togive, and then priorities can
just be wrong, desires can shiftfocus away from honoring God
with our resources.
So, yeah, we need to bespending time with God, but also
realizing that you know wemight not have enough to give
and that makes it hard.
(17:48):
But we can figure that out,like you.
That's where the faith comes in.
Again, I don't know how manytimes I got to say that, like
the faith comes in, letting gothe fear and saying Lord, I'm
going to Lord, I'm going to giveto you, even though I don't
know if I can.
And he's kind of telling youGod, I am it, I am the testimony
, I know what he can do.
(18:11):
I really do.
Vanessa (18:13):
And we have good examples of this too, with this
whole scarcity mindset.
When people grow up withnothing, they are, you know,
okay, when I have something Ibetter get it and take it.
But then we have this wholegeneration before us, people who
grew up in the depression, andit was a constant, you know,
space of scarcity, never havingenough.
(18:35):
But I will tell you people thatI know from that era give more
than anybody else I've everknown, and they have learned to
really balance that.
you know I will have enough, butI still have enough to give and
to help someone else haveenough too, and that is a
beautiful thing to watchsomebody who has less than you
(18:57):
have give more than you have,because they feel like they have
the world and they have neverhad that much in their lives and
they feel so blessed to havewhat they have.
And to see this and to havethese examples it's just a
beautiful thing, and I think itreally helps us to reshift our
mindset too there's so manypeople, like you said, are out
there to have that mindset andthey've done good and some have
(19:20):
not.
Shay (19:21):
You know, we do have some clients that grew up not having
a lot and then they they gocrazy with spending.
Yeah, you know, and they'relike because I didn't have
anything.
I was watching club Shay Shayand Marlon Wayans was on there.
Out of the 10 wins and he waslike, you know, I really didn't
want the big house and the cars,but I had 1500 pairs of shoes
and a lot of clothes.
And he's like I'm 52, 53 andnow I'm realizing I don't need
(19:43):
none of this.
Like it.
Like it's about love, it'sabout family.
He's trying to sell all hisshoes and I was like whoa dude.
Like it was like this, you know, and you hear that a lot People
say I grew up poor but I wouldhave never known it because of
the love.
That is amazing.
Like that's a testament to yourparents, first of all, and the
people in your family that youdidn't even know you grew up
poor, you know which?
Vanessa (20:05):
is crazy, yeah.
So my dad was the um, the oldestchild of three, and he grew up
in a household where he had asingle mom who worked night
shift.
My grandmother and she wouldwalk back and forth to work
every day, couldn't, you know?
Lived in, you know, live in theprojects, that kind of thing.
Um, and I noticed my whole lifethat my dad had this, this
(20:25):
thing with hoarding canned goods.
I mean, you would go to hishouse and his pantry was full
and the counters were full andnext to that was, like you know,
case after case of canned goods.
And it was because he grew upnot having enough and to him,
being well off was having morethan enough than enough, but he
(20:47):
would let things sit and go outa date and get old and all these
things.
So he was really harming hisfinances in reality.
But it can do that to someoneor it can teach someone to be
really responsible and be likeokay like my grandmother who
grew up in the depression andshe would let nothing go to
waste Nothing I would.
(21:07):
I have this story about when wewent to to eat at Cracker Barrel
one day and I had a salad and Ihad this little wedge cheese
left on my plate and mygrandmother gets a to-go box
because she's going to take thislittle wedge of cheese home
with her so it does not go towaste, because everything must
be used and has a purpose.
So there's many ways this canmanifest itself in people.
Shay (21:31):
I love that, though, cause I'm the same way, like I can't
stand with people, like I don'tknow, I'm not taking that home.
I'm like what do you mean?
You're not taking that home?
Like you can't leave a half ameal.
Ooh, that irritates me.
To my husband, I'm like he'slike, all right, I'm taking it.
So if he's taking it, I'll eatoff my husband's food.
I ain't eating off nobodyelse's food, but I was just like
nah, man, you can't do that.
(21:51):
That is so wasteful.
And even if you eat and you arestuffed and you can't even
breathe, you better eat that,yeah, and something that I half
the time.
Vanessa (22:00):
I don't even have a third of a meal, but if I'm by
myself and I know there are alot of homeless people around, I
will go ahead and cut off whatI'm going to eat.
I will box everything up and Ican give it to someone on my way
out.
And when I lived in Puerto Rico,there was a little guy that I
would give to often because Isaw him just around town and my
(22:25):
friends were always like I'venever thought of doing that,
like ever.
And I remember he'd always comeup to me and say where did you
get those chicken fingers?
Those are so good and I'm likewell, I've got them right here
and I'm actually going to getmore.
I'll bring you some in like 30minutes but it's a way to bless
people with things that we have,that we were just going to get
rid of anyway, and to them itcould mean you know going to bed
, you know hungry or not thatnight.
Shay (22:46):
Yeah, Truly in the word, that Jesus believed in
boundaries.
And being able to have thosehealthy boundaries with family
members, including around ourfinances I know I've said this
several times having shut downthe bank of Shay for my family
members has reduced conflict andimproved trust in me, not only
(23:08):
in God, but people thinking likeor knowing that Shay is here
just to help you and we really,really, really need it and not
to abuse me or use me.
So I really believe it doesimprove your relationship.
Vanessa (23:20):
Right Cause there's a fine line between helping and
enabling.
Shay (23:24):
Yes.
Vanessa (23:25):
And I think, when we constantly enable, no one can
learn the lesson that needs tobe learned, because there's
always a way out and they knowthat.
Okay, well, she's always got me, she's always got me, she's
always got me.
But what are they going to dowhen you're not there anymore?
Exactly and this is aconversation I have with a lot
of parents who give constantlyto their children adult children
(23:47):
at that and it's like what haveyou taught them that they can
use when you're gone?
Because you know the thing is isparents are supposed to go
before children.
It's not supposed to happen.
The other way is responsiblefor themselves now and you've
not taught them how to properlymanage their funds and to give
(24:08):
and how to be at peace withthings.
Then you're going to leave themthere and they're going to have
to fend for themselves andmistakes are going to be made
and hopefully they can getthemselves out of those mistakes
.
But if you allow people to makemistakes when you're there to
kind of have their back.
There's a whole lot less of alearning curve when it comes to
(24:29):
it.
And you can be there and belike you know what, just like
God has us, I've got you butthere's a lesson that needs to
be learned.
Shay (24:35):
Yeah, we've talked about that a lot with our clients and
how you can tell that theirparents have enabled them and
they're in their thirties,forties, fifties and still being
provided for by those parents.
And it's like dude, when yourparents leave you I mean even
they, even if they haven't leftyou you're already struggling.
When they're saying no becauseyou've been so enabled.
And we talk about that with myown daughter, like the other day
(24:57):
.
She's like you, can you, can Ihold 40?
I said no and she looked at me.
I'm like no, you, you got a job, you got money and I'm already,
we're still providing yourhouse and your food.
Like no, she just looked at meand she's asking me like every
few weeks.
I'm like no, because I know mydaughter has money and I
understand she don't want to useher money.
Vanessa (25:14):
So she's one of those.
Shay (25:15):
But I'm trying to be a powerful example to others by
walking the walk, like if I'mtelling you that you shouldn't
be enabling your kids, I'm notgoing to enable my kid, and I
know I'm guilty here and therebecause I'm a mother, but still,
like you know, I want to be anexample to my clients, to the
people around.
I'm not one of those trying to.
You know, I walk the walk, Ipreach and what I do when I
(25:37):
preach, like I really do, Idon't.
I've never I hated people likethat, like a doctor who's way
overweight and trying to tellyou to lose weight.
You need to lose weightyourself.
Who you talking to you?
Vanessa (25:47):
are going to be an example by what you do versus
what you say.
Shay (25:52):
Time and time again and over and over again.
Vanessa (25:54):
And more of an example, because they see that it's
working and you're doing whatyou say and what you tell people
to do and I say that withclients too.
I will never ask you to dosomething that I would not or
have not done myself Exactly.
And that's just that whole beingokay with having little and
giving up things and all thethings we talk about, and we've
(26:17):
been through it so we can walksomebody else through it.
We can increase our spiritualgrowth and have a sense of peace
and assurance when we'rehonoring God too.
Our spiritual growth and have asense of peace and assurance
when we're honoring God too, andthat is huge to be able to say
okay, two years ago I was inthis place and I never felt
secure.
I never felt safe.
(26:37):
I had more than I had now but Iwas always wanting more and
needing and I, you know, nevergave what I was supposed to give
.
And I'm in this place now,where it is a joy to give first.
It's a joy to give my best andI know I will be okay and I know
that I have this peace now thathe's given me, because I'm
(26:57):
doing what he's asked of me andhe has given me back so much
more than I've given him.
So that is a wonderful place tobe in life, when you know that
he's got you and you've grownenough and you have this peace
and assurance that things aregoing to work out.
And we see those people andwe're like man.
I really wish I could be likethem.
(27:18):
Like what are they doing?
You know, what are they?
What are they smoking, what dothey eat?
But when we see people likethis, to me that's who I want to
be like.
I don't want to be like the guywho you know is overspending
and has all these cool thingsand and you know, doesn't give
back and, you know, makes fun ofpeople who don't have enough.
I want to be the person who haswhat I need.
(27:41):
I give back first and I knowthat I'm okay and that he has me
and that has you.
I mean that right, there isworth every penny of everything
that you have is to have thatassurance.
Shay (27:55):
And a lot of people have to go through, you know, just
the bottom, just to come back up.
They have to hit rock bottom toreally appreciate God, to really
be able to have that gratitude,because they're like, oh, I've
been living on this high all mylife, or my family enabled me,
and they really don't truly know, understand what God can do
with that spirit, how powerfulit is At this point in my life.
(28:18):
I thank God for God, I thankGod for Jesus, I thank God for
the Holy Spirit, and I knowthey're all one, but I want him
to know I'm thankful for you,Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, the
word you're in, just the beautyof it all, like you did, peace,
the assurance, and yes, I, as Istarted off earlier today or
this, this episode, talkingabout the fear and all the wall,
(28:41):
and maybe that was in anotherepisode, but I know that God has
me and if I turn it all over,I'm going to be okay and there
that's peace and I'm, I'mseeking peace, right Seeking
peace.
Vanessa (28:53):
Yeah, you know, and if we can just remember to give
gratitude and and to say thankyou, like it's cool to walk
outside and say thank you forthis beautiful day, you know,
thank you for that meal that youjust allowed me to have with my
family, or you know, all theselittle things and if we're
thankful for the little things,then bigger things are going to
(29:14):
come, even when we're notexpecting them.
Shay (29:16):
And sometimes the little things are the big things,
exactly Because you know thefirst and the best.
Any final thoughts?
That was amazing.
Vanessa (29:24):
I would just say you know if you are really doubting
things and you don't know ifyou're going to have enough,
just remember he gave it to you,so give him back his small
piece first.
Shay (29:38):
Amen, and he gave it to you.
You can take it back.
Hello, that part.
But you know, let's not evenfocus on that.
Focus on the good and just begrateful y'all.
And thank you for joining ustoday.
A big thank you for listeningto this episode.
We hope you found today's chatabout the intersection of
religion and money insightful.
We would love to hear yourfeedback.
Hit that subscribe button orfollow the podcast and please
(30:01):
feel free to leave us a review?
Vanessa (30:02):
Yes, and for the latest Yahweh's money content, visit
us at crusaders4change.
org or find us anywhere youlisten to podcasts.
Until next time, stayfinancially fit and spiritually
inspired.
Shay (30:16):
And remember it's always better Yahweh's way.
Ever felt those awkward vibes when religion and money
come up?
You're not alone.
Welcome to Yahweh's Money, thepodcast where we tackle the
crossroads of faith and finance.
I'm Shay Cook, an AccreditedFinancial Counselor, and the CEO
and founder of Crusaders forChange LLC.
Vanessa (00:19):
And I'm Vanessa McNelley, Accredited Financial
Counselor and COO of Crusadersfor Change.
Join us on our journey as wediscuss topics like tithing
saving and conquering debtthrough religious perspectives.
Let's get started.
Shay (00:35):
Hey everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Yahweh's
Money.
Hey Vanessa, hey Shay, I'm in agood mood today, I don't know.
Vanessa (00:45):
God is good.
Shay (00:45):
That spirit is real.
We're going to be talking aboutthe first and the best, and I
know who that is.
Do you know who that is,Vanessa?
I do.
Vanessa (00:53):
Yeah, I do, and hopefully it's the same person
you're thinking of.
Shay (00:57):
Yes, yes, Jesus, Lord.
So today, Vanessa and I will beconfronting a very crucial
question.
If we truly believe in God'sinfinite power, why do so many
of us struggle to give him ourvery best?
Christians are taught to listento his guidance and honor him
(01:17):
with everything we have.
Yet many of us still wrestlewith giving our all, especially
when it comes to our finances,our money, y'all.
A lot of us struggle there.
Today, we're going to explorehow embracing this divine trust
can transform our approach tomoney and bring out the best in
(01:40):
our spirits, minds and bodies.
Truly letting go can lead toabundant blessings and
fulfillment.
Right, Vanessa?
Vanessa (01:49):
Yes, that is a lot too.
It really really can, and Ithink that's what we need to
realize that I think a lot of usare not given our all, and when
we're honest with ourselves,we'll see that not given our all
or not, and when we're honestwith ourselves, we'll see that.
Shay (02:08):
Amen, you know?
Proverbs 3, 5 through 9 tellsus trust God from the bottom of
your heart.
Don't try to figure outeverything on your own.
Listen for God's voice ineverything you do, everywhere
you go.
He's the one who will keep youon track.
Don't assume that you know it.
All people I'm speaking to Shaytoo y'all Run to God.
(02:31):
Run from evil.
Your body will glow with health.
Your very bones will vibratewith life.
Honor God with everything youown.
Give him the first and the best.
Oh, I love that.
Vanessa (02:46):
That's so good.
That's beautiful and in my headlike I'm picturing this like
running away and just becomingmore and more beautiful as you
get further away from evil Likeit's a beautiful thing to kind
of think about.
Shay (02:59):
Yeah, let's run to God and run from evil, and I mean, I
just love that your body willglow with health and your very
bones will vibrate with life,like God is so real, like he's
in every you know Adam,everything in our body, every
piece in you know everything,every fabric, like in our body
and like, oh, my God, if yougive him the first and the best,
(03:20):
you're going to experiencespecial blessing.
Oh, definitely.
Vanessa (03:24):
Yeah.
Shay (03:24):
Yeah.
Vanessa (03:25):
So what does total trust look like In my head?
I'm I'm picturing a trust fall.
Have you ever done one?
No, I haven't either.
Shay (03:34):
Oh, wait a minute.
I just said no all quickly LikeI've never had.
I have when at Walter Reed, wedid a team building and we had
to do that.
Oh my God, yes, I have donethat actually.
Did you totally trust your team?
No, I don't think so.
I don't remember it all the way, but I remember us being around
and everybody having to fallinto somebody and it was like,
yeah, it was yeah, yeah, I'veseen the ones like where they're
(03:55):
on stage and they fallbackwards into a bunch of people
and I'm like.
Vanessa (04:00):
I don't think I know 10 people I would trust enough to
catch me, I think they all havelike ulterior motives of
something happening.
But that's what I'm picturingLike.
What is total trust?
It's just handing everythingover and just saying I know,
you've got me, you've got me.
So having that total trustinvolves complete faith in God's
(04:22):
wisdom, his timing, hisprovision.
And that is hard.
That is so hard, and I knowpeople like you and me, shay,
who are a little OCD with thingsright.
It's even harder for us becausewe feel like we need to have
that control so that we don'thave chaos in our lives.
Shay (04:40):
Yeah, I'm a total control freak and after 45 years I'm
actually I'll look myself in themirror and be like, well Che,
get your ish together.
God's been taking care of youfor 45 years.
Why can't you fully trust himnow, like and I know that that
really comes with age andmaturity and wisdom but actually
I'm really.
I get frustrated myself now atthis age, like it ain't there
(05:01):
should be no reason, no reason.
I don't trust God completely,right, because I made it to 45
years, yeah, like, and I'm doingpretty good, I'm comfortable,
like God is really taking careof me, like so I don't
understand.
I have no reason.
Vanessa (05:15):
Exactly.
I remember growing up my momused to say often to me she
would say timing is everything,everything, everything, and it's
like anytime something badwould happen she would say
timing is everything, it's justnot the right time, like it
could be the right person.
It could be the right job, butthe timing is not right.
And that was always so correctbecause there was always a
(05:36):
bigger picture and there wasalways something better waiting.
So if we can remember thesethings and it's things that you
know you wouldn't even thinkabout, like being able to move
overseas or, you know, makethree times what you were making
, because you didn't accept this, this little thing that looked
perfect in the moment.
But, these blessings and theseprovisions are tenfold what you
(05:59):
could ever imagine for yourself.
Shay (06:01):
So God has a plan Like you're so right.
Timing is everything I know.
A lot of time we have clientsthat say it.
I've said it.
They're like oh, why?
Why God?
Why God Like or he ain't dothis on my time?
No, you ain't know your time,it's his time.
Like it ain't our time, likey'all need to let that go.
It ain't our time, it ain'ttheir time, it's his time and
(06:24):
his time is perfect.
His time is perfect, period.
Vanessa (06:28):
Yeah, so even trusting God with our finances even when
you have limited resources.
Shay (06:34):
Yeah, that is hard that is so hard, that's very, very hard
Giving that first little bit.
Vanessa (06:40):
You know, I think a lot of people see that as I don't
know how I'm going to make it ifI give first.
But the reality of that is isif you give first, you're going
to have more.
It's going to stretch further.
Shay (06:51):
There are good things that come and we see this over and
over and over and over that, ifyou trust and you're making good
decisions.
Vanessa (06:59):
That's the other part of this is you can't just you
know, go out and blow all yourmoney on something when you know
your funds are limited.
But if you're making gooddecisions, things are going to
happen and you're going to havethese blessings that just kind
of pop into your life when youneed them.
Shay (07:13):
You know it is so hard.
There has been so many times inmy life like Lord.
You know, I don't know if I cantithe this month, Lord, I don't
know if I can give this month,but I'm like, but I'm trusting
you.
So, yeah, I give and he always,always, always provides.
There has not been a time thatShay doesn't forgive me for
hitting the mic because I gotexcited.
(07:34):
But there has not been a timewhen Shay has given to the Lord,
to the house of the Lord, tohis people, that I have not been
blessed.
Now I'm not doing it for thatreason, but I know that to be
true.
I know that when I don't dothat, I am struggling.
Vanessa (07:52):
And it impacts all these areas of your life all
these areas and we wonder whywe're having a bad week, a bad
month, a bad year, whatever itis.
And it's like if we would havejust taken that first and the
best, given it back to God, whogave us the money in the first
place, or the talent or whateverit is, then we would have been
(08:13):
blessed.
But if we wait and we give thatlast little bit, maybe it's not
10% anymore, maybe it's, youknow, 3%, or maybe it's, you
know, just a little bit here anda little bit there, which is
still okay to give because youshould be giving.
But the reality is is when wegive what we're supposed to be
giving from the get go, then weare going to be blessed tenfold.
(08:37):
Exactly, you know, and we'resupposed to pray and we're
supposed to accept and believeand let things go.
And you know, I I will sayagain this is my thing yes, we
can accept, believe and let go,but I feel like we need to be
letting go of the fear, theworry.
(08:59):
Still.
Work hard, you know, doeverything that you've been
doing, add a little extra inthere, a little extra effort in
there, because sometimes thatthat gift from God comes through
hard work.
Shay (09:13):
I love that you've been clarifying that, because I think
there's been a misconceptionabout let go, let God and let go
.
It's not let God and let go go.
Sit on a couch and eat somebonbons, as they used to say a
hundred years ago back in thedays.
It's let go of that fear andthat worry.
Like Vanessa saying, I have abracelet today and I wore this
not even thinking about this.
See how God moves and thespirit moves.
It's literally called let thatS-H-I-T go bracelet.
(09:37):
That's the name of thisbracelet.
Bracelet that's the name ofthis bracelet, and it's a
reminder when I wear this.
Like you ain't got no controlover none, like let that ish go,
keep doing what you do and godwill provide period.
Like I don't know why we're sofocused on you know, not letting
go.
Like, like it were you know, asit always say, we control, uh,
probably five percent of ourlives.
(09:58):
Like if that, like if you thinkabout it, breathing and all
that basic stuff that'scontrolled by your brain, you
ain't got no control on thatexactly.
So that's the main part of it.
You're waking up.
You ain't got no control wakingup, because you could have died
last night, okay.
So then you get up and you werelike I'm gonna take on the
world.
Yeah, you only control aboutfive percent, because all the
(10:20):
other stuff that's moving in theworld like that's all moving in
the world you ain't got nocontrol over that.
This is the matrix y'all.
Vanessa (10:25):
So you ain't got no control and we know those people
who worry about everything andeverything, and they are
constantly worried like, um, Ihave an aunt who worries at
night before she goes to sleepabout dying and I'm like that,
okay, well, it's not going tochange anything.
That's number one.
(10:46):
And if you're worried about theend, you're not living while
you're here and we've had thisconversation over and over again
, and it's it's so hard to seewhen somebody is just constantly
worried about something or mydad used to worry all the time
when I would go out of town andtravel because my dad did not
fly, would not fly because hewas in a plane crash back in
(11:10):
Vietnam timeframe in themilitary and was like I will
never fly again.
So for me it was always oh, I'mworried about you, you're not
going to be okay.
And I would always remind himthat most accidents happen
within a few miles of your home.
Shay (11:24):
And that if it's my time.
Vanessa (11:26):
It is my time.
And me being here or there isnot going to stop that.
And I'm just going to trustthat I'm going to be where I'm
supposed to be when.
Shay (11:36):
I'm supposed to be there Exactly and not worry about it,
and not worry about it Right.
Vanessa (11:43):
And you know we should be worried about a few things.
I think it's normal to worryabout things, but when there's
this excessive worry and lack oftrust and I think I don't know
about you, but I see it a lot inChristians who, um, you know,
have very, I guess, limitedviewpoints on things and it's
just you worry, worry, worry.
(12:04):
And I'm like you know, ifyou're truly a believer, why are
we worrying so much?
Shay (12:09):
We know who's got it.
Well, I believe there's astigma.
No, not a stigma.
There is a systematic issuewith their people have used and
we can.
This can be another episode foranother day, but pastors,
religious leaders, have used theword to weaponize the word
against people of right.
It could have been a racialthing back in the day or just a
people thing, a way peoplecontrolling people with this
(12:30):
word, when god says clearly inthe word we ain't supposed to
have fear, right so?
But man has used it in adifferent way.
Just like we were talking in thelast episode with the rings and
my precious and all that peoplehave used things, including the
word, to weaponize people, andthere used to be those people
back in the day to be likeyou're going to hell if you
don't do that.
Vanessa (12:50):
That puts fear in hellfire and brimstone pastors
exactly and that that createdfear in christians.
Shay (12:57):
So I believe it's this.
It comes from that.
But you know, there's reallystruggle in prioritizing God to
a lot of people the financialpressure, uncertainty that we
feel the need to use everydollar for immediate concerns
instead of budgeting and seekingfinancial counseling through
Crusaders for Change.
I'm just saying y'all numberone god.
(13:18):
Yeah, like there, there's thatstruggle constantly, ain't just
you know we're, we're talkingabout it before just keeping up
with the carters, thekardashians, the joneses.
It's like that struggle ofprioritizing god.
Vanessa (13:31):
I mean, it's hard for people yeah, and you know that,
that feeling of um, you knowmoney burning a hole in your
pocket like they used to sayit's a real thing and you feel
like you know, okay, well, I've,I've got this.
Right now, before it's gone, Ineed to to to get this new
outfit, or I need to to buy thisnew product, or, uh, you know
you can't sit with it and beingable to sit with something and
(13:55):
sit on something and wait andshowing the obedience and
showing that you are are grownup enough and mature enough in
your walk to just kind of sitthere and say, okay, I can sit
here and I can wait until thetiming is right, and you know it
might not take the amount ofmoney you thought it would take,
(14:17):
because you waited untilsomething was on sale or, you
know, you might wait untilthat's not what you need anymore
.
You would have had it for amonth and boom, you wouldn't
have needed it.
You know I've had that happenbefore when I was wanting to buy
a home and little did I know Ididn't get the job.
I thought I wanted to buy ahouse.
That I thought I wanted becauseI'd have the opportunity to
(14:39):
move out the country and livesomewhere for free.
So I mean I was blessed tenfoldfor saying, okay, well, things
are not working out, but there'sa reason for it Time is
everything.
Shay (14:52):
Time is everything.
I mean this is really low scaleversus buying a house and
contributing, but this summerthat's passing now and
contributing, but this summer,that's passing now.
I wanted to go see Usher JanetJackson and Missy Elliott right,
and I was like I didn't havethe budget for that.
Like I was tripping.
I waited to the last minute toget all those tickets Janet
(15:14):
Jackson tickets super cheap.
I waited literally bottom theweek of her concert amazing,
missy, I was like girl, I loveyou, but I'll see you on the
next time.
So I had to like let that go,like I might watch you on
youtube.
Usher my sister called me waslike.
I have a friend from the shop.
She got some tickets.
Man them tickets were supposedto be a thousand dollars a seat.
(15:34):
I got them for less than 200 aseat.
Like I was like.
And it was like two weeks before, amazing, usher's amazing.
So I was just like, see, I justwas still.
I was like.
And it was like oh, two weeksbefore, amazing, usher is
amazing.
So I was just like, see, I justwas still.
I was like Lord, this is what Iwant to do, but I don't know
I'm gonna be able to do it andthat's okay if I can't.
But it still worked out.
I got to see two out of threeand I was just excited about how
(15:55):
I was just patient, I budgeted,I didn't go into debt, I had
the cash, like I was just reallyexcited about that and I'm like
and that's just so small tosome people and big to others,
but to me it was just beingstill in the Lord.
I like wrote it down, my littlebucket list, summer bucket list,
which I've never done in mylife before.
I wrote it down on my desk andI would see it every day and I
(16:27):
was like, how am I going to beable to see Janet, missy and
Usher and to be able to see twoout of three to me was a success
and still was able to go toFlorida and renew my vows, yay.
So I was just like, oh my God,it was a great summer, but it
was really about being stillbeing responsible, not like
Vanessa saying letting that ishgo, but still working.
You know, I had to sacrificesome things.
I wasn't able to do A, b and C,so I could do D, e and F, but
it was okay.
Vanessa (16:44):
It was okay, and I think that's the part people
forget.
It's not that you can haveeverything, but you can have
anything.
Shay (16:51):
It's just you can't have everything.
Vanessa (16:54):
So you have to make those sacrifices, and if we're
doing it for God and through God, then the sacrifices that we're
giving up will mean nothing.
Shay (17:03):
Absolutely nothing.
Vanessa (17:05):
We'll look back and be like why did I even want that
Like?
That doesn't make any sense,like I've grown so much and I've
learned so much and you knowthese are amazing feelings to
have and I think a lot of timeswe we forget about that
sacrifice part that you know wecan be still and we can let
things go, but there's stillsacrifice that needs to be made
(17:26):
on our part.
Amen.
Shay (17:28):
Amen and you know.
But there are feelings ofscarcity, like fear of not
having enough makes it hard togive, and then priorities can
just be wrong, desires can shiftfocus away from honoring God
with our resources.
So, yeah, we need to bespending time with God, but also
realizing that you know wemight not have enough to give
and that makes it hard.
(17:48):
But we can figure that out,like you.
That's where the faith comes in.
Again, I don't know how manytimes I got to say that, like
the faith comes in, letting gothe fear and saying Lord, I'm
going to Lord, I'm going to giveto you, even though I don't
know if I can.
And he's kind of telling youGod, I am it, I am the testimony
, I know what he can do.
(18:11):
I really do.
Vanessa (18:13):
And we have good examples of this too, with this
whole scarcity mindset.
When people grow up withnothing, they are, you know,
okay, when I have something Ibetter get it and take it.
But then we have this wholegeneration before us, people who
grew up in the depression, andit was a constant, you know,
space of scarcity, never havingenough.
(18:35):
But I will tell you people thatI know from that era give more
than anybody else I've everknown, and they have learned to
really balance that.
you know I will have enough, butI still have enough to give and
to help someone else haveenough too, and that is a
beautiful thing to watchsomebody who has less than you
(18:57):
have give more than you have,because they feel like they have
the world and they have neverhad that much in their lives and
they feel so blessed to havewhat they have.
And to see this and to havethese examples it's just a
beautiful thing, and I think itreally helps us to reshift our
mindset too there's so manypeople, like you said, are out
there to have that mindset andthey've done good and some have
(19:20):
not.
Shay (19:21):
You know, we do have some clients that grew up not having
a lot and then they they gocrazy with spending.
Yeah, you know, and they'relike because I didn't have
anything.
I was watching club Shay Shayand Marlon Wayans was on there.
Out of the 10 wins and he waslike, you know, I really didn't
want the big house and the cars,but I had 1500 pairs of shoes
and a lot of clothes.
And he's like I'm 52, 53 andnow I'm realizing I don't need
(19:43):
none of this.
Like it.
Like it's about love, it'sabout family.
He's trying to sell all hisshoes and I was like whoa dude.
Like it was like this, you know, and you hear that a lot People
say I grew up poor but I wouldhave never known it because of
the love.
That is amazing.
Like that's a testament to yourparents, first of all, and the
people in your family that youdidn't even know you grew up
poor, you know which?
Vanessa (20:05):
is crazy, yeah.
So my dad was the um, the oldestchild of three, and he grew up
in a household where he had asingle mom who worked night
shift.
My grandmother and she wouldwalk back and forth to work
every day, couldn't, you know?
Lived in, you know, live in theprojects, that kind of thing.
Um, and I noticed my whole lifethat my dad had this, this
(20:25):
thing with hoarding canned goods.
I mean, you would go to hishouse and his pantry was full
and the counters were full andnext to that was, like you know,
case after case of canned goods.
And it was because he grew upnot having enough and to him,
being well off was having morethan enough than enough, but he
(20:47):
would let things sit and go outa date and get old and all these
things.
So he was really harming hisfinances in reality.
But it can do that to someoneor it can teach someone to be
really responsible and be likeokay like my grandmother who
grew up in the depression andshe would let nothing go to
waste Nothing I would.
(21:07):
I have this story about when wewent to to eat at Cracker Barrel
one day and I had a salad and Ihad this little wedge cheese
left on my plate and mygrandmother gets a to-go box
because she's going to take thislittle wedge of cheese home
with her so it does not go towaste, because everything must
be used and has a purpose.
So there's many ways this canmanifest itself in people.
Shay (21:31):
I love that, though, cause I'm the same way, like I can't
stand with people, like I don'tknow, I'm not taking that home.
I'm like what do you mean?
You're not taking that home?
Like you can't leave a half ameal.
Ooh, that irritates me.
To my husband, I'm like he'slike, all right, I'm taking it.
So if he's taking it, I'll eatoff my husband's food.
I ain't eating off nobodyelse's food, but I was just like
nah, man, you can't do that.
(21:51):
That is so wasteful.
And even if you eat and you arestuffed and you can't even
breathe, you better eat that,yeah, and something that I half
the time.
Vanessa (22:00):
I don't even have a third of a meal, but if I'm by
myself and I know there are alot of homeless people around, I
will go ahead and cut off whatI'm going to eat.
I will box everything up and Ican give it to someone on my way
out.
And when I lived in Puerto Rico,there was a little guy that I
would give to often because Isaw him just around town and my
(22:25):
friends were always like I'venever thought of doing that,
like ever.
And I remember he'd always comeup to me and say where did you
get those chicken fingers?
Those are so good and I'm likewell, I've got them right here
and I'm actually going to getmore.
I'll bring you some in like 30minutes but it's a way to bless
people with things that we have,that we were just going to get
rid of anyway, and to them itcould mean you know going to bed
, you know hungry or not thatnight.
Shay (22:46):
Yeah, Truly in the word, that Jesus believed in
boundaries.
And being able to have thosehealthy boundaries with family
members, including around ourfinances I know I've said this
several times having shut downthe bank of Shay for my family
members has reduced conflict andimproved trust in me, not only
(23:08):
in God, but people thinking likeor knowing that Shay is here
just to help you and we really,really, really need it and not
to abuse me or use me.
So I really believe it doesimprove your relationship.
Vanessa (23:20):
Right Cause there's a fine line between helping and
enabling.
Shay (23:24):
Yes.
Vanessa (23:25):
And I think, when we constantly enable, no one can
learn the lesson that needs tobe learned, because there's
always a way out and they knowthat.
Okay, well, she's always got me, she's always got me, she's
always got me.
But what are they going to dowhen you're not there anymore?
Exactly and this is aconversation I have with a lot
of parents who give constantlyto their children adult children
(23:47):
at that and it's like what haveyou taught them that they can
use when you're gone?
Because you know the thing is isparents are supposed to go
before children.
It's not supposed to happen.
The other way is responsiblefor themselves now and you've
not taught them how to properlymanage their funds and to give
(24:08):
and how to be at peace withthings.
Then you're going to leave themthere and they're going to have
to fend for themselves andmistakes are going to be made
and hopefully they can getthemselves out of those mistakes
.
But if you allow people to makemistakes when you're there to
kind of have their back.
There's a whole lot less of alearning curve when it comes to
(24:29):
it.
And you can be there and belike you know what, just like
God has us, I've got you butthere's a lesson that needs to
be learned.
Shay (24:35):
Yeah, we've talked about that a lot with our clients and
how you can tell that theirparents have enabled them and
they're in their thirties,forties, fifties and still being
provided for by those parents.
And it's like dude, when yourparents leave you I mean even
they, even if they haven't leftyou you're already struggling.
When they're saying no becauseyou've been so enabled.
And we talk about that with myown daughter, like the other day
(24:57):
.
She's like you, can you, can Ihold 40?
I said no and she looked at me.
I'm like no, you, you got a job, you got money and I'm already,
we're still providing yourhouse and your food.
Like no, she just looked at meand she's asking me like every
few weeks.
I'm like no, because I know mydaughter has money and I
understand she don't want to useher money.
Vanessa (25:14):
So she's one of those.
Shay (25:15):
But I'm trying to be a powerful example to others by
walking the walk, like if I'mtelling you that you shouldn't
be enabling your kids, I'm notgoing to enable my kid, and I
know I'm guilty here and therebecause I'm a mother, but still,
like you know, I want to be anexample to my clients, to the
people around.
I'm not one of those trying to.
You know, I walk the walk, Ipreach and what I do when I
(25:37):
preach, like I really do, Idon't.
I've never I hated people likethat, like a doctor who's way
overweight and trying to tellyou to lose weight.
You need to lose weightyourself.
Who you talking to you?
Vanessa (25:47):
are going to be an example by what you do versus
what you say.
Shay (25:52):
Time and time again and over and over again.
Vanessa (25:54):
And more of an example, because they see that it's
working and you're doing whatyou say and what you tell people
to do and I say that withclients too.
I will never ask you to dosomething that I would not or
have not done myself Exactly.
And that's just that whole beingokay with having little and
giving up things and all thethings we talk about, and we've
(26:17):
been through it so we can walksomebody else through it.
We can increase our spiritualgrowth and have a sense of peace
and assurance when we'rehonoring God too.
Our spiritual growth and have asense of peace and assurance
when we're honoring God too, andthat is huge to be able to say
okay, two years ago I was inthis place and I never felt
secure.
I never felt safe.
(26:37):
I had more than I had now but Iwas always wanting more and
needing and I, you know, nevergave what I was supposed to give
.
And I'm in this place now,where it is a joy to give first.
It's a joy to give my best andI know I will be okay and I know
that I have this peace now thathe's given me, because I'm
(26:57):
doing what he's asked of me andhe has given me back so much
more than I've given him.
So that is a wonderful place tobe in life, when you know that
he's got you and you've grownenough and you have this peace
and assurance that things aregoing to work out.
And we see those people andwe're like man.
I really wish I could be likethem.
(27:18):
Like what are they doing?
You know, what are they?
What are they smoking, what dothey eat?
But when we see people likethis, to me that's who I want to
be like.
I don't want to be like the guywho you know is overspending
and has all these cool thingsand and you know, doesn't give
back and, you know, makes fun ofpeople who don't have enough.
I want to be the person who haswhat I need.
(27:41):
I give back first and I knowthat I'm okay and that he has me
and that has you.
I mean that right, there isworth every penny of everything
that you have is to have thatassurance.
Shay (27:55):
And a lot of people have to go through, you know, just
the bottom, just to come back up.
They have to hit rock bottom toreally appreciate God, to really
be able to have that gratitude,because they're like, oh, I've
been living on this high all mylife, or my family enabled me,
and they really don't truly know, understand what God can do
with that spirit, how powerfulit is At this point in my life.
(28:18):
I thank God for God, I thankGod for Jesus, I thank God for
the Holy Spirit, and I knowthey're all one, but I want him
to know I'm thankful for you,Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, the
word you're in, just the beautyof it all, like you did, peace,
the assurance, and yes, I, as Istarted off earlier today or
this, this episode, talkingabout the fear and all the wall,
(28:41):
and maybe that was in anotherepisode, but I know that God has
me and if I turn it all over,I'm going to be okay and there
that's peace and I'm, I'mseeking peace, right Seeking
peace.
Vanessa (28:53):
Yeah, you know, and if we can just remember to give
gratitude and and to say thankyou, like it's cool to walk
outside and say thank you forthis beautiful day, you know,
thank you for that meal that youjust allowed me to have with my
family, or you know, all theselittle things and if we're
thankful for the little things,then bigger things are going to
(29:14):
come, even when we're notexpecting them.
Shay (29:16):
And sometimes the little things are the big things,
exactly Because you know thefirst and the best.
Any final thoughts?
That was amazing.
Vanessa (29:24):
I would just say you know if you are really doubting
things and you don't know ifyou're going to have enough,
just remember he gave it to you,so give him back his small
piece first.
Shay (29:38):
Amen, and he gave it to you.
You can take it back.
Hello, that part.
But you know, let's not evenfocus on that.
Focus on the good and just begrateful y'all.
And thank you for joining ustoday.
A big thank you for listeningto this episode.
We hope you found today's chatabout the intersection of
religion and money insightful.
We would love to hear yourfeedback.
Hit that subscribe button orfollow the podcast and please
(30:01):
feel free to leave us a review?
Vanessa (30:02):
Yes, and for the latest Yahweh's money content, visit
us at crusaders4change.
org or find us anywhere youlisten to podcasts.
Until next time, stayfinancially fit and spiritually
inspired.
Shay (30:16):
And remember it's always better Yahweh's way.
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