July 23, 2025 • 46 mins
Communication is hard, especially when secrets, parents, and neighborhood gossip are involved.
In this episode of Yapping Schnauzers, Erika and Edgar react to 7 juicy Reddit stories where relationships get messy fast. From a daughter discovering she was donor-conceived to a boyfriend hiding a terminal illness from his partner, this week is packed with miscommunications, emotional landmines, and people who definitely should’ve sent a text first.
Whether it’s over DNA, dishwashing, or dads who won’t talk like adults—this episode asks: what happens when people stop talking with each other and start yapping at each other?
👉🏼Stream now at yappings.com or your favorite podcast streaming platform and let the yapping begin!
Join our Facebook Group AITA - Relationship and Family Drama
🎤 Check out Edgar's new app, tini.la, your tiny stage to share your links and grow your email list!
Check out my profile! tini.la/edgar
Links to threads read:
- AITA for telling my biological daughter I was just an egg donor?
- AIO for canceling our trip after my husband invited my high school bully?
- I brought my dad to a 'man-to-man' talk and now my girlfriend's dad is furious
- I’m keeping the biggest secret from my boyfriend
- What being a partner really means
- AITAH for refusing to acknowledge my best friend’s rude wife?
- I told my husband we should yell compliments in public
~
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro (00:00):
Yapping!
Edgar (00:00):
Hello,
Erika (00:03):
this is Erica.
Edgar (00:04):
And Edgar.
Erika (00:05):
And we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you
with the noteworthy stories wefind around the web. Today's
theme is CommunicationBreakdown.
Edgar (00:14):
Our first story is titled, Am I the Asshole by
Telling My Biological Daughter IWas Nothing More Than an Egg
Donor and That Her Real Motheris the Woman Who Raised Her.
Sorry this is long, butcomplicated I really need some
perspective. Twenty five yearsago, my close friend Clara and
her husband James werestruggling with infertility.
(00:37):
Clara couldn't conceive or useher own eggs and she asked me if
I would consider carrying a babyfor them to use my eggs and
James sperm. I had already hadmy two kids and was done having
children.
I was hesitant at first, buteventually I agreed because I
wanted to help my friend becomea mother. Nine months later,
(00:57):
their daughter Bella was born.From the start, Clara and James
praised her as their own. AndI've always been auntie to her,
just a close family friend andthat's all she will ever know.
My own kids always knew thetruth, I never hid it from them.
They understood that Bella wasbiologically related to them and
(01:18):
that I had helped my friendsstart her family. I never told
Bella anything because I trulydidn't feel it was my place. It
was something her parents neededto decide if or when to tell
her. A few weeks ago Bella andher fiance were at his family's
house and they all did one ofthose DNA kits for fun. It's
(01:40):
always a bad fun time.
When the results came back Bellasaw that she had Cuban and Black
ancestry, which confused hersince she knows both of her
parents are white. Instead ofasking them, she used the
combination to the safe whichshe had learned a while back and
started going through theirpersonal documents. She found an
(02:03):
old photo of me pregnant in ahospital bed with Clara holding
my hand and she also foundpaperwork about Clara's
infertility. After that shestarted pulling away, especially
from Clara, and none of usunderstood why until everything
exploded. My family and I wereover at Clara and James' house
(02:24):
helping with wedding prep.
At one point Clara and I were inthe kitchen talking about my
kids and Clara mentioned that Ihad paid for both other weddings
and she wished she couldn't dothe same for her daughter. Bella
must have overheard because shewalked in and suddenly said that
I should be paying for herwedding too since she's also my
(02:45):
daughter. I was totally thrownoff. Clara asked what she meant
and Bella just snapped. She saidI was a real mother and accused
Clara and James of lying to her.
She said she had grown up in afake home when my kids got the
life she was supposed to have.She slammed the photos on the
table and stormed out with herfiance. The next day Clara asked
(03:09):
me to come over, Bella didn'twant to, but showed up later
after Clara begged her. She toldus about the DNA test and going
through the safe and how shefelt like this answered
something she had always feltdeep down. She said she'd always
been jealous of my kids, notjust for their vacations or home
life, but also because I gavethem a good life without any
(03:31):
hardships.
She said she still loves Clara,but feels like she never really
belonged and now she thinks I'mthe missing piece. She even
called Clara a child snatcher.That's when I stepped in and
told her she needed to stoptalking to Clara like that. She
turned to me and said, You're myreal mother, why don't you love
(03:51):
me? And I told her as calmly asI could that I was nothing more
than an egg donor.
I told her I loved her like aniece and that's all. And Clara
is her mother, not me. I wasn'tthe one who raised her. I wasn't
there for her childhood. Clarawas.
I never saw her as my daughterbecause that wasn't the role I
(04:12):
had in her life. She left againcrying and since then has sent
me over 20 messages. Some areangry and some are pleading and
she asked me to meet with herand James because she says we
are her real parents. She saysshe loves Clara but insists
she's always felt a disconnectand that I'm the reason why.
(04:33):
Clara and I have been in touchsince the blowup and we're both
heartbroken.
My husband thinks I should havea one on one with Bella, but
honestly I feel like there'snothing left to say. I didn't
raise her, Clara did. And shewas always a wonderful mother
and up until now she and Bellahad a great relationship. I
(04:54):
don't know why Bella isspiraling like this. Claire was
there for every birthday, everyschool day, every scraped knee,
heartbreak, and milestone.
I made peace with my world andBella's life a long time ago.
And I never saw myself as amother, not because I didn't
care, but because that was neverthe agreement. I helped a friend
(05:15):
become a mother and I kept thatpromise. So, am I the asshole?
Erika (05:22):
Absolutely not.
Edgar (05:24):
Yeah, no one here is relay the asshole, maybe Bella's
parents, but that's the mosteasiest conversation to have,
telling your child, Oh, we had asurrogate, We had this
situation. There's no realsmooth way to bring that about.
Erika (05:40):
Yeah, and then I want to know how old Clara is because
the way she's acting, it doesn'tseem mature at all.
Edgar (05:48):
Well, she has a fiance I think, right?
Erika (05:50):
So, yeah. So, I mean, she could be twenties, thirties.
Edgar (05:55):
I
Erika (05:56):
don't know. The way she's thinking, I think she's just
jealous of the money, honestly.
Edgar (06:01):
Yeah, maybe low key. She's just like jealous that
OP's family was a little bitmore well off than Clara and
James.
Erika (06:10):
Yeah, I mean, she emphasized on that. That was the
first point that she said whyshe didn't, you know, she felt
like she was being robbed justbecause she was jealous of how
much money and how well her kidshave it.
Edgar (06:26):
And
Erika (06:28):
I don't know, it's just one of those things where you
really have to think about isshe really jealous or is she
just feels like they don'tconnect. From what she was
saying though, it seems thatthey had a good relationship and
that the only reason she startedsaying, Oh, I don't belong here,
was because she found thepaperwork.
Edgar (06:49):
But so, has a good relationship because everything
that they built from this pointon, from Bella's perspective, is
based on a lie. So that's whyshe's filed so drastically. She
went from a perfectly goodmother daughter relationship
with Clara to just wanting tohave nothing to do with her and
just be with Ophie.
Erika (07:12):
I mean, I really think,
Edgar (07:14):
I
Erika (07:14):
mean, in my opinion, they should have told her when she
could really understand, yeah,this is what happened and this
is the deal because this isreally complicated. This is
really complicated. Not really.Yeah, as you know, obviously now
it's causing issues. She thoughtthey took her away, she thought
(07:36):
the worst thing of them, eventhough it wasn't like that.
But if she was to tell them thetruth from the beginning and say
that you know, you're ourdaughter but this is how we want
to conceive you because therewas no way for me to have you,
this is how much we desire tohave children and that's why we
love you so much. You know, Idon't know anything, something
like that And it would have beena better outcome.
Edgar (07:58):
Yeah, like these situations, the earlier you tell
the truth, the better. But theproblem is it's just a very hard
conversation
Erika (08:05):
to Yeah, yeah.
Edgar (08:06):
I mean, if you tell it to a child young enough, I feel
like it'd be easier because thenthey just kind of accept
everything and they don'treally, depending on the
severity, they don't reallyreact too broadly, but now that
it's been twenty, thirty years,she has to take all of that in
and just re contextualize herentire life up to that point.
(08:28):
But yeah, so there's only everone good time to have told the
truth, which was just the verybeginning, which is just not an
easy thing for anybody to do.
Erika (08:37):
I feel like they should have said, you know, she was a
surrogate. They should have saidmore of this vocabulary so she
could understand even thoughthey're friends, but she was the
surrogate. It was just likethat. And obviously they went
into this whole relationship orthe whole outcome knowing what
was the ending result. So if shewas to be told exactly, you
(09:01):
know, she was just a surrogate,I feel like, you know, it would
be better maybe.
So the top comment actually gotdeleted, but the second one is
she agreed to be an egg donorand surrogate. She was never her
mother because that's not howeither of these things work.
This isn't the same as adoption.She didn't have a child for
whatever reason she couldn'tkeep. She didn't have a child
(09:24):
that for whatever reason shecouldn't keep.
She wouldn't have had a child atall. She only did so
specifically to carry someoneelse's child to term because her
body was incapable of doing so.Even if she weren't the egg
donor as well, she'd still be asurrogate. And then she put
therapy 100%. Yeah, I honestlyjust feel she's just jealous
(09:52):
about the money.
Edgar (09:53):
I don't think so. I think she feels like it's like a big
bomb that's just gone into herlife.
Erika (10:02):
Yeah, but like, okay, I understand if she had a bad
childhood or she didn't have agood relationship with her
parents and she was like, Inever belonged here, but she had
a good relationship. She wasn'tmistreated. She had everything.
Sure, she didn't have theabundance of money, but she had
everything you would want in alife. But instead, she really
(10:25):
focused honestly in hercomplaining about the money and
how jealous she was of herchildren.
Edgar (10:31):
But Yeah. We're going off of OP's assessment, Bella, and
she's like, Oh yeah, she had aperfectly good childhood, but
maybe in Bella's eyes she justfelt like she's speaking from
her perspective, she said, Oh, Ifelt like a slight disconnect,
like it was just alwaysbothering me.
Erika (10:47):
I mean, I guess we don't really know the full story. And
the comment that I replied tothat was, Honestly, Bella
already knows it. She saw theinfertility info. She's just
jealous of the lifestyle andwants the money. So I mean, she
didn't even care about her halfsiblings.
She only cared about the moneyand the lie. I don't know. Mean,
(11:10):
Well,
Edgar (11:12):
not complicated, but I think it's more that she wants
to be connected with her actualparents, which happens to be OP
and her actual dad.
Erika (11:21):
But it's not like that, you know I mean? It's not the
same thing as being adopted,it's literally she was a
surrogate. Yeah. That's it.There was no love between her
conceiving.
It was literally a surrogate.It's completely different.
Edgar (11:37):
Yeah, but from her perspective, she just feels
Erika (11:39):
She's just not understanding Because there's
just no around it. There's justnot she's the mother, it's just,
it was service y and that's it.She For needs to understand
Edgar (11:49):
them, it's like, for her, she just says, oh, this is the
person who birthed me, so you'rethe mother, and then the other
half of the birthing process,which is the father, she still
accepts her as the father.
Erika (12:03):
Yes, because she's infertile, so she couldn't have
kids, so they did what they hadto do. Like, I don't know. I
think she needs to understandbetter and she needs therapy.
Because this is really hard toswallow and right now she's
trying to understand everything,but really, it's it's a clear
(12:25):
path here. There's just no, oh,maybe let me take a detour here
and end up here.
No. There's just a clear path towhatever it is.
Edgar (12:32):
My thing is it's not a clear path because you can just
say, oh, this was the agreement.Everyone else, Bella wasn't
there to actually agree to it,so she has her own perspective
on the issue. She won't acceptthat, Oh, there's these
boundaries that the parents set.She's not going to accept that.
Erika (12:51):
I mean, when you're born, did you have a say? No, right?
You were just born.
Edgar (12:59):
Yeah, but if, imagine for yourself, your parents aren't
actually your parents, like itwas just like your aunt or
whatever, actual parents, butthey said, oh, when you were
born we agreed that your parentswould take care of you, like the
ones who actually raised you.Would you accept that
arrangement or once you foundthat out,
Erika (13:15):
I would like would to know the reason though. They
have a specific reason whybecause they were infertile. I'm
not saying that's not true, I'mjust saying it would be the same
thing if they actually useanother surrogate and not the
aunt.
Edgar (13:25):
Yeah, so then he actually would want the surrogate,
whoever the actual surrogate is,to be her mom. Because naturally
they want to be connected to thepeople who actually birthed
them.
Erika (13:35):
The only reason I feel like she feels strongly about
this is because it's the aunt. Ithink it would be a completely
different reaction if it was acomplete stranger that she's
never seen, never grew up with,never related to, never was with
at all and was the surrogate.
Edgar (13:52):
I feel like it would still be the same reaction, but
she would just be looking forwhoever this random woman is.
It's a pretty common phenomenonwhere if you find out if you had
a surrogacy or some sort of anyof that situation, the kids
usually try to find out theactual families, where their
actual parents would come from.
Erika (14:11):
No, I think you have a right to find out. I think
that's great, but you can'texpect the other person to want
to be your mom when obviouslythat is not what it was planned.
Unfortunately, don't have a sayin that. You can't make somebody
love you or wanna be yourmother, especially if that's not
what it was agreed upon.
Edgar (14:31):
So,
Erika (14:33):
I mean, I get she's having a difficult time, but I
mean, everything is written instone. I mean, there's no way
there's gonna be change. I mean,I don't think OP wants to be her
mother. She just has to acceptwhat it is. There's not much she
can do.
All I can really say is therapy.
Edgar (14:52):
I think they should just be honest with her because I
feel like up to this point she'sjust been lied to. So I think
that's a first step for OP andClara. Just to have an open
space between all of them, sonothing's foggy and in the air
like that. Because I imagineBella still has a lot of
questions about the situation Iand about her place in this
Erika (15:18):
know, but I'm saying with therapy she could find a way to
talk to her parent or hersurrogate or whatever, her aunt,
and talk and be able to expresswhat she's feeling because some
people just say whatever theywant and then those words
sometimes really breakrelationships. Words can end
relationships and if that's notwhat you want, you're gonna try
(15:41):
to be talking to people, but notin where you wanna hurt people
because you're hurting. Andhaving somebody to talk to like
a therapist to help you realizeor reflect or give you those
tools to be better at speakingof what you're feeling is
something that is valuable.Because having a relationship
right now, it's already in therocks right now. Everything is
(16:03):
terrible for them.
And if she says the wrong thingor says whatever, she's like,
oh, I just wanna end myrelationship with all of you and
I don't wanna talk to anybody,you all lied to me, then how is
that gonna help her in the longrun? It's not gonna be helpful
because she's going off whatshe's feeling emotionally, but
she's not thinking outeverything. So I don't know what
(16:24):
you guys think. You shoulddefinitely comment about this. I
think we're really not seeingeye to eye with this one, but
I'm not agreeing with whatyou're saying.
I understand what you're sayingis true. It's really hard
because they did lie to her.They didn't tell her truth since
she was small. So she feelsheartbroken and lied to, but she
(16:45):
needs to find a way so she candeal with all these emotions and
talk it through.
Edgar (16:51):
So, found her correct?
Erika (16:53):
I still don't think she's an asshole though. The OP, I
mean, she did what she wanted tohelp her friend and that's about
it.
Edgar (17:03):
Yeah, I feel like there was no one, in this situation I
was acting like an asshole.Everyone was it was emotional
and just, what was the secretfor like ten, twenty, thirty
years has now come to life, sothis is just a natural reaction
to it.
Erika (17:17):
Yeah, feel like the DNA test has broken a
Edgar (17:20):
lot of family. How many have you read? Like three or
Erika (17:24):
four of them, I think? All right, so the next story is,
Am I overreacting for cancelingour weekend getaway because my
husband secretly invited hisfriend's new girlfriend who used
to bully me? My husband, 33male, and I, 30 female, planned
a weekend cabin getaway, justthe two of us. I was really
looking forward to it. Two daysbefore we left, he told me he
(17:47):
invited Jake and his newgirlfriend just to make it more
fun.
Jake's girlfriend is someone whoused to bully me in high school.
She spread a really personalrumor about me back then that
still haunts me. I told him Iwasn't comfortable and asked him
why he didn't ask me first. Heshrugged and said, It's no big
deal and that I should let thepast go. I canceled the whole
(18:08):
trip.
He called me immature and said Iwas punishing him for something
that happened ten years ago. Wasthat too much? Was I
overreacting?
Edgar (18:16):
Yeah, would say she's overreacting.
Erika (18:20):
Why?
Edgar (18:22):
I think she took the approach where it was either
however she wanted to controlthe situation or no one gets to
go to this vacation and she justdid a nuke and just canceled the
entire trip without just furtherconsulting all the parties and
(18:42):
just trying to find a way tomaybe de escalate this a little
bit better.
Erika (18:47):
Okay. So I really think that he disrespected her first.
Went behind her back and invitedsomething that was supposed to
be just the two of them. Andthen he said, Surprise, I
invited my friend and hisgirlfriend without telling her.
And so he had, I'm assuming hehad plenty of time to tell her
(19:08):
before the trip that was aroundthe corner, but he instead
decided to keep it hidden fromher, not ask her opinion, and
said, well, they're coming.
The top comment is I would justtell him something like, why
would I want to go on what wassupposed to be a romantic
getaway with someone who hasdisrespected me and tried to go
behind my back by not asking mebut telling me last minute about
(19:32):
what plans you secretly made,especially when including
someone that brought pain in mylife. Why would I want this trip
after you've polluted it withsuch negativity? Nor what an ass
he has been. I'd have a serioustalk about boundaries and
communication. He can't pullthis last minute completely
(19:53):
changing the whole dynamic ofthe getaway.
What he did, I'd find it hardnot to see as a permanent turn
off. Like if he tried to beunromantic, it would be hard to
top what he did. So it's notjust about last minute changing
or is just whatever, you know,we could change the plans. It's
(20:14):
about him not discussing. Youknow, it's important to have an
open communication and the factthat he did this last minute is
because he knew she was notgonna be okay with it.
So he completely ignored whatshe wanted, ignored her feelings
and said to just get over itwhen she expressed her feelings
to him saying that she does notwant that person over there. He
(20:36):
said, Get over it. The past isthe past. It's not like he went
through that hurtful situationor the way that she treated her
or bullied her. He doesn't know.
But even though that personcaused her pain, he said, Just
let go, it's the past. Andcompletely dismiss her feelings.
Edgar (20:55):
I know.
Erika (20:56):
So it's not okay.
Edgar (20:57):
So find her thoughts or find her verdict?
Erika (21:00):
I don't think she's overreacting. And she should
really take a look if she wantsto be with a man like that
because if he continues likethat, then he's going to
continue in every situation andjust get over it.
Edgar (21:12):
So, the next story is titled, I, 17 male, brought my
dad to my girlfriend, 17female's house for a man to man
talk. Her dad requested and nowhe feels disaffected and I
wanted to break up because ofthis. I don't know what to do.
(21:32):
I, 17m, have a girlfriendAndrea, 17f. And we've been
together for a year.
We are both in high school andwe are about to start our senior
year this fall. I plan on goingto a robotics AI program for
college and I plan to apply toas many colleges as possible,
but all of this costs money.While I do have a college fund,
(21:55):
the idea was for me to come upwith money to apply to the
schools. My uncle had a mechanicshop and my parents had two
rentals. This past school year,I took a mechanic shop course
and was able to get my ASE inengine repair, A1.
Now because of my schedule, Ihave been seeing my girlfriend
later in the day around 6PM andif I work the next day, I am
(22:19):
home by like nine or 10PM, buton Sunday once I am done working
and showered her and I usuallyspend the rest of the day Sunday
together on Monday, I guess thishas been an issue for her dad. I
got a message from him onThursday that on Sunday when I
come over he, myself, and mygirlfriend's brother, and I team
(22:39):
out, are going to have a man toman talk. When I asked about
what he said, it was time thatwe speak as men to have a man to
me and talk. When I was about toask what he said, it was time
that we speak as a man and itwas not negotiable. I asked my
girlfriend and all she said wasthat her dad isn't letting up on
the talk and asked me why I'mover late or certain days and
(23:02):
why I am just driving aroundwith her.
Which is weird to me because Iwork and my girlfriend should
have told him or his mom becauseshe always asks me how work is
going. She even came for an oilchange like two weeks ago. Like
what got me is that we don't goaround driving around. We drive
(23:23):
to the movies, we drive to getsomething to eat or go to a
friend's house, but we don't godriving around. I told my dad
what was happening and asked himif he can come with me.
So yesterday after work, my dadand I drove to my girlfriend's
house and they were a bitsurprised. I don't know, was all
tense because my girlfriend justlooked at me and walked away.
Her dad was grilling in the backand we all had just small talk
(23:45):
until my dad just said, Okay,let's have the talk. My
girlfriend's dad was trying toavoid it saying things like,
Well, maybe some other time,maybe it's not the best time.
Well, y'all don't know my dadand he doesn't let this go for
anything and it's reallyannoying.
So he brought it up again. Mygirlfriend's dad again awaited
the conversation and my dad toldme to go inside so he can talk
(24:07):
to him and wait inside. Andreaand her mom were really quiet,
but her mom and auntie werepolite. About twenty minutes
later, my dad comes in and thehouse made some small talk with
my girlfriend's mom, aunt andbrother, and we left. I asked my
dad what happened and all hesaid he would tell me later
after talking to mom.
But I have been getting nothingbut spam messages from my
(24:31):
girlfriend saying that her dadfeels disrespected that I
brought my dad and I am notmature enough to have a man to
man conversation with him. Shewants me to come today to talk
alone to her dad and not bringanyone. Usually, I would be at
her house already, but I feellike I need to talk to my dad
first. Also, it feels like allthis is too much drama. I only
(24:53):
have like one and a half daysoff and I don't want to fill it
with stuff like this and itmakes me want to just break up
with her.
She even has our friends sendingmessages saying I was weird to
bring my dad and I am missingthe point of all this. Like what
point? I don't see anythingpositive talking to her dad. For
the past year he has alwaysignored me outside of hellos.
(25:13):
Should I go over to her houseand just have this talk with her
dad?
Should I just wait to talk to mydad first and then go? I feel
like breaking up is just thebest thing because why does he
really want to talk to me sobad? Again, it's literally my
only day off and I just wantedto hang with my girlfriend and
friend and now I am just sittinghere in my room on the verge of
(25:34):
a crash out. Too long I didn'tread. My girlfriend's dad wanted
a man to man talk with him.
My girlfriend's brother and me,but I brought my dad. My dad
somewhat called out her dad andhe now feels suspected and is
causing issues with mygirlfriend and I think I should
just break up with her.
Erika (25:53):
There's just so much drama for no reason.
Edgar (25:56):
Sounds like a kid wrote it. Definitely. Yeah. Like, no
punctuation or grammar?
Erika (26:02):
Yeah. I mean, he's 17 years old.
Edgar (26:04):
Well, I knew I to write when I was like eight. But,
yeah, I just think I agree withhim, with OP, that this is like
too much trauma. He's like abusy child. Like he has like two
jobs basically and school andthen whatever else he has time
to do. So to have all this dramaover like a high school
(26:26):
relationship is like just toomuch.
Yeah. Like sometimes like yeahyou can be with someone else,
but if there's othercircumstances that make it more
difficult, maybe it's not worthit, especially when you're this
young.
Erika (26:41):
Yeah, I totally agree. I think it's just there's no
reason for the father to be likethis and then to feel
disrespected because he broughthis dad. Like, I I don't
understand what he was trying tosay. He was trying to have her
him and her older brother there,then what? So, you have two
against a 17 year old?
(27:03):
Like, what is going on?
Edgar (27:05):
Yeah, think it's odd too. I think it's just like a lot of
weird power dynamics. Like, ifyou want a one on one talk, have
it actually one on one to bringlike, I I I it's, a little bit
hypocritical on OP's ex's orOP's girlfriend's dad that he
wants a one on one, but he canbring, like, his child, like,
his own, like, son
Erika (27:23):
into the conversation. What does he have to do with
anything? Yeah. He's just beingdifficult, honestly. There's no
need for it.
If you need to talk to him, thentalk to him.
Edgar (27:33):
Yeah, don't like just plan it in advance.
Erika (27:35):
Yeah, it's just weird. Think it's just as, I think
though dad is beingoverprotective, sure, mean, it's
his little daughter, but I mean,still, like have a conversation,
like, see why he's coming lateor where are they going or what
are they doing? Make sure, youknow, that is fine. As a father
he has the whole right for doingthat, but the way he went about
(27:57):
it is kind of weird. Like it wasjust too much drama for no
reason.
Edgar (28:01):
Exactly. And then OP's dad came, because I'm pretty
sure OP told him the situation,In Opie's dad I was like, Yeah,
this is fishy. You shouldn't bealone with two other men that
you don't know that well.
Erika (28:12):
Yeah, what were they planning to do? Snuff him?
Edgar (28:14):
I don't know. I'm sure it was just a talk, but it's just
actually just being a normalhuman being and just have a
conversation.
Erika (28:23):
Yeah. The father just went the wrong way about it. I
don't know what he was trying todo, but it's just not good. I'm
glad that I mean, hopefully hefinds a solution, but if he
really doesn't want to deal withthis and is not willing to deal
with her family, then it'sreally hard to have a
(28:44):
relationship, especially if youwant it to be serious. But he's
just 17, you You know?
Don't have to stress out, dude.Just do your thing, have fun,
work, whatever. You don't haveto be in a relationship. It's
not the end of the world. And Iwish a lot of, when you're that
age you feel like any ending ofa relationship is, like it's
(29:07):
like your world crashing down.
But I'm sure if he breaks upwith this girl he will find
somebody else.
Edgar (29:13):
I just think that if everyone involved works better
at communication, this wouldn'thave gone like so awkwardly.
Like if OP's girlfriend's dadwould just like just talk to him
like from the get go, like afterlike a night out where he felt
like disrespected, like becausehe brought the- he brought her
daughter in too late, he couldhave been like why are you here
(29:34):
so late? Instead of just likewaiting days and like just
having to fester and then justlike yeah. Like, that's just a
failing on the dad's point ofview.
Erika (29:43):
Or maybe the daughter is not telling him exactly what's
going on. Maybe she just says,oh, yeah, we're doing this, but
doesn't he doesn't understandthat he's working. He kind of
tried to say what he was doingto his schedule. So according to
his schedule, he's doing a lot.So that's the only time he could
hang out with her.
Edgar (30:01):
But also, I I was just picking on OP, but like, because
for me it was really hard tofollow his schedule when he was
writing it down. Because, Idon't know, he, like if you're
bad at writing, more times thannot you're also bad at
communicating. And I feel likehe probably was trying to
explain to OP, like to hisgirlfriend's dad, but it just
(30:23):
came across as confusing andjust like, I don't know. His So,
if his own communication skillswere a little bit better, it
probably would have not gonethis way. But I also feel like
just because this is probablylike the dad's thing.
Not OP's dad, but thegirlfriend's dad. He's just like
a hard ass like this.
Erika (30:39):
Yeah, mean, he tried to say hello, he never returned it.
Like he doesn't even wanna havea conversation with him. So how
are you gonna try to see what'sgoing on if you can't even be an
adult and have a conversationwith a 17 year old? Like dude,
you should be more mature thanthis. The top comment is
insecure adult man is upset thathe couldn't bully a 17 year old
(31:01):
and instead of faced with anactual adult man to man talk
that he claimed he wanted.
Exactly, so he didn't have theballs. I don't know, he's just,
he needs to mature. Mhmm.
Edgar (31:17):
Yeah. Everyone involved needs to mature.
Erika (31:21):
Yeah. Mhmm.
Edgar (31:22):
So final verdict?
Erika (31:24):
I would say I mean, I don't think the kids are fault
here.
Edgar (31:27):
Mhmm. I think yeah. No one's well, I just feel like
Erika (31:31):
The dad is. The dad needs to be a
Edgar (31:33):
Yeah, girlfriend's dad is the asshole in this situation,
just escalating it for no reasonagainst like a poor guy that
can't even communicate.
Erika (31:40):
All right, so the next story is, saw something today
that really made me think aboutwhat being a partner actually
means. I'm a healthcare workerand we had this little four year
old come in after getting bittenby a dog on the face. Super
tough situation for any parent.The mom was all hands on deck,
listening carefully, holding herkid, asking the right questions.
(32:02):
Meanwhile, the dad shrugged offthe bite with, Do we really need
all that?
It's just his face. When it cametime for an actual injection, we
asked if he could come in andhelp hold the kid since the
child kept calling for him. Hestraight up refused. Didn't step
into the room once. Afterwards,he even blamed the mom for the
(32:22):
cost, even though most of thetreatment was free.
And I couldn't help but think inmoments that matter, it's not
about who earns what or who'stoo tough for medical stuff.
It's about showing up, holding ahand, being there even when
you're uncomfortable. Being apartner isn't always about big
romantic gestures. It's aboutbeing the person who walks in
(32:44):
the room when everyone elsestays outside.
Edgar (32:49):
Think it's odd for the dad. But yeah, I imagine there's
like a lot of poor fathers thesedays and just poor people and
poor adults just because a lotof them haven't grown up to,
like they need to have this sortof responsibility and sort of
like grown up mentality. I thinkit's just sad because I think
(33:09):
it's just a cycle.
Erika (33:10):
I mean, maybe his dad was like that too. The way he's
acting, his dad was like thatwith him when he got hurt or he
didn't care or he should betough. So when people grow up
like that, it's very rare theywanna be like, oh, I don't wanna
be like my father and be abetter version, you know? But
(33:31):
sometimes it's a hard habitbecause that's how you were
taught. That's how you grew up.
So taking breaking those chainsor being a different version of
how you grew up, it's hard. Imean, clearly the mother is, at
least he has his mom and his momis able to be there and help him
out. But honestly, I thinkpeople really need to think
(33:53):
about your partner. If yourpartner is a certain way or he
has shown you things that you donot like, you have to make sure
that you want to have a kid withhim. Like do you think with
situations like this, what ifthey were dating and she solved
situations where he was gonna belike this as a parent?
(34:14):
You should really think itthrough. Do you want a partner
like that, your child to have adad like that? You really need
to think it through. It'sdifficult. But I mean, at the
end of the day, it's like reallysomething that you have to make
sure you're gonna be able toswallow or deal with a
separation or divorce at theend.
So the top comment is momentslike this are opportunities to
(34:36):
break the cycle. To be therewith your kid even if no one was
there for you. To be a partnereven if you never saw your
parents act that way. Exactly.If you want to be better, then
you should try to be better, notjust be like, Well, no, I'm just
gonna act the way my parents didto me.
Edgar (34:56):
I feel like the mother in this situation should have
affected her husband then.
Erika (35:00):
Yes, I agree. But to a certain extent you always have
some hope that the person wouldbe better or that you think the
person is good enough or be agood father, but you never know.
It's a gamble because a lot ofpeople can hide and say certain
things, but you don't know untilit actually happens
(35:22):
unfortunately.
Edgar (35:24):
Do have a final verdict?
Erika (35:26):
Just a read, like self reflection or something. But
yeah, I think definitely thehusband obviously is the asshole
here.
Edgar (35:34):
Yeah, I agree.
Erika (35:36):
He could definitely be a better father and a partner.
Edgar (35:40):
The next story is, Am I the asshole for refusing to
acknowledge my best friend'swife? I, 24 male, have been
having issues with my bestfriend, 23 male, wife, who is 20
female, for months now. From thefirst day of the night she
judged me. First, it was becauseI couldn't attend their wedding.
I was working remotely in adifferent country at a time, and
(36:03):
I apologized profusely andordered them a pizza oven for a
wedding gift.
It was little remarks that mygirlfriend, phonetically female,
could hear in the background ofour phone calls. She would write
down what she heard from mesince I'm deaf. My phone is
capable of translating audiocalls into text on my screen,
but it can only pick up so muchand for the most part I rely on
(36:24):
contact clues. It had gottenmore ridiculous when I returned
to The States and finally mether. She didn't realize that I
was deaf.
She started yelling, for therecord we could tell, and
ignored my girlfriend, who triedto explain that yelling is rude
to do. It's much easier to readlips when you speak normally.
(36:45):
Any other time we would've metup, which I made sure wasn't
often, she wouldn't look at mewhen speaking. She was relying
on my girlfriend to translate,which my girlfriend shouldn't
have to do. I'm capable ofreading lips.
Again, also rude to do even if Ihad a certified translator with
me. Last night at game nightbroke the straw for me. His wife
(37:11):
offered to order it in for allof us. When the driver dropped
off the delivery, she didn'torder anything for me. She
apologized and said, Well, Iforget he was here since he was
so quiet.
I've never been embarrassed tobe deaf until that moment, which
is saying a lot because I wasborn deaf. My girlfriend shared
her dinner with me. I ignoredhis wife for the rest of the
(37:34):
night and we called it early. Mygirlfriend lied and told them
she had important meetings toprepare for. His wife, I think
he asked her to, had beentexting me with half baked
apologies that I had beenignoring.
This caught the attention of mybest friend who texted me asking
why I was being mean andignoring her. That she was sorry
(37:59):
for what happened and that shewasn't lying about me being
quiet. He told me that Ishouldn't get so butthurt over a
few comments. I have beenignoring him too. I don't think
making fun of me or the DeafHoHcommunity is funny.
I'm an asshole for actingsensitive to this and ignoring
them both. I don't want to throwaway our friendship but I feel
(38:21):
like it's for the best. Mygirlfriend is supportive for
removing ourselves from them orfor forgiving them and for
moving forward.
Erika (38:30):
Throw them all away.
Edgar (38:31):
Yeah, agree. They're just being very insensitive and for
no reason.
Erika (38:38):
Yeah, I, she did it on purpose. There's just no way
around it. She didn't do it byaccident. The one things I
really despise or I really don'tlike is when people do something
and then they're like, Oh, Ididn't realize, and they
apologize, and you could justsee right through it. It's a
(38:59):
fake apology.
They did it on purpose to hurtyou.
Edgar (39:03):
And
Erika (39:04):
there's just people like that that obviously exist and I
have met people like that. Youshake it off and you continue
your way because you know what,people like the art just better.
And you just do, you know,you're still you. If people
wanna be like that, just, youknow, distance yourself from
them and be yourself and behappy. You don't need negativity
(39:28):
like that.
So the top comment is, just beclear, that slight of forgetting
to get you food because you'requiet was intentional. No way
she forgets you but remembersyour girlfriend. Exactly. The
person the girlfriend isliterally sitting next to you,
(39:48):
she remembers but then forgetsyou. It makes no sense.
There's just no excuse.
Edgar (39:53):
Yeah.
Erika (39:53):
And then the fact that the boyfriend the postly best
friend is agreeing with hersaying that he's being mean.
Okay. They're not worth it. Youneed your peace. So the next
story is new neighbor thinks I'mhaving an affair when she
doesn't know I have a twinbrother.
My wife and I have been livingin our current neighborhood for
about two years now. Next doorneighbor moved in last April,
(40:16):
married with no kids and worksfrom home. I had my identical
twin brother and his wife visitus June and they decided to stay
over for a few days.Unfortunately, they arrived in
the middle of the week and afterlunch, so my wife and I were
both at work. But we do usesmart locks, so I gave them
remote access.
They also came in by Uber fromthe airport, left their luggage
(40:39):
at our house, and met my wifeand I for dinner downtown. Next
day, this neighbor approaches mywife as she's about to leave for
work in the morning. I leavelater, then her and my brother
and sister-in-law were stillsleeping. She asked her if she
knew anything or had noticedanything different about me. My
wife was a bit taken aback byher question and asked why.
(41:01):
She goes on saying that she sawme bringing another woman home
the day after the day before adifferent car. My wife realizes
this neighbor's mistake andexplains my twin brother arrived
in town. Our neighbor gasps andis obviously embarrassed, but my
wife handled it pretty calmly.She even showed our new neighbor
(41:22):
our dinner picture with my twinbrother and his wife. The
neighbor didn't see our grouparriving back at home, so made
an assumption.
My wife and I laughed about itwhen she shared it with me. All
is well until I got a text froma neighbor close to me asking
what I've been up to.Apparently, the new neighbor
quickly gossiped about me toothers. It's annoying because,
(41:43):
well, not everyone in theneighborhood saw my brother or
my twin brother arriving becauseit was in the middle of the day.
Second, we realized our neighbortalked to three other neighbors.
Like, what the hell? My wife andI were unsure whether or not to
explain the rest. What's reallythe deal? But at the same time,
it's quite the effort. Wethought of walking around the
(42:05):
neighborhood with my brother andsister-in-law, and we did.
But it's not like everyone'speeking through the window or
waiting at their porches. I getthe whole woman half woman
behind their back, but just inknowing how quick it spreads
with others without any attemptsto confirm it first. Yeah,
sharing this after the Coldplayconcert issue, LOL. I'm sure the
CEO dude has no twin. So what doyou think?
Edgar (42:31):
Yeah, it's just what happens when you have a bunch of
nosy neighbors.
Erika (42:38):
Yeah, I mean, it's better to have nosy neighbors than not,
I guess, because then again, ifsomebody's breaking in your
house, you kinda wanna know.Wanna be friendly with your
neighbors so they can tell you,or if something's going on,
they'll tell you.
Edgar (42:51):
Mhmm. Yeah, it's definitely like a double edged
sword. And I don't think this isthe worst thing ever. Like, I'm
sure for the next few weeks, afew months, Terry are gonna just
look at OP differently or justlike wrong, but I think over
time, like depending on how longOP stays in that place, they're
gonna realize he has like a twinbrother and be like, oh.
(43:13):
Hopefully they are smart enoughto put two and two together.
Erika (43:18):
Yeah, I mean, come on. Like I think if you want to
spread rumors, at least verifyit. And then when everything's
found out, you're gonna lookstupid. Know what I mean?
Edgar (43:28):
The average person doesn't do that.
Erika (43:31):
I know, but I guess people like to look stupid.
Alright, so the top comment isask your busy body neighbor to
go undo the damage she did.Yeah, that would be nice if she
put the facts straight.
Edgar (43:47):
Yeah, I mean that's the least they can do. It requires
they be a littleaccommodational, but yeah. Some
people are okay with that andothers aren't. So find a verdict
on this situation.
Erika (44:00):
I mean if he doesn't care if people were talking behind
his back then he doesn't have todo anything. If he does care
then try to get it straight, thestory straight.
Edgar (44:10):
The final story is I told my husband we should do
something radical. I told himand dad it'd be fun if we stood
out in the front yard two orthree times a week and
aggressively shouted complimentsat each other for a little
while. We live in a cute cul desac and know all of our
neighbors really well. We aren'ta shouty, fighty couple and
neither are our neighbors. Ijust thought it would be so
(44:32):
funny for our married couple tobe regularly yelling nice things
at each other out in publicinstead of fighting.
He laughed and asked me wheredid I see this on the internet.
And I told him that I didn't, itwas just a random idea that
tickled the hell out of me. Helaughed again and then stage
yelled, aka pretend to yell. Notso much volume but mock
intensity. You're so amazing.
(44:54):
And I replied in a similar tone,I love you so much. I wish it
was a sketch comedy troupe orsomething because it was a
golden premise, but we love ourneighbors too much to actually
make a regular disturbance, evenif it is amusing and positive.
So we'll probably never actuallydo it. But man, did we laugh?
Erika (45:14):
I think it's cute.
Edgar (45:15):
Yeah. I don't think it's like funny or anything like
that, but yeah. Sure they justare very excited by each other.
Erika (45:23):
I do think it's funny because imagine just hearing
people yell, but positivethings, it's like, what? If
you're a nosy neighbor, theywould definitely hear it.
Edgar (45:31):
I'd just be annoyed.
Erika (45:33):
Okay, what's the top comment? This is the best
current contribution of theinternet. I'm inspired and off
to blast my husband with acompliment. You rock. Yeah, I
thought it was cute.
Alright, that is all the storieswe have today. Thank you for
tuning into this week's episode.Check out our website,
www.yappings.com and join ourmailing list for updates. If you
(45:56):
love our podcast and want tosupport us, subscribe and share
it to your friends and family.We would appreciate it so much.
Edgar (46:03):
Also, we have a Facebook group called AITA Relationship
and Family Drama linked in thedescription. Join so you can
share Am I the Asshole posts youlike or share your own stories
for us all to judge. We may evenread a few posts in one of our
episodes if you are lucky.
Erika (46:18):
Thank you, bye!
Yapping!
Edgar (00:00):
Hello,
Erika (00:03):
this is Erica.
Edgar (00:04):
And Edgar.
Erika (00:05):
And we are the Yapping Schnauzers. We entertain you
with the noteworthy stories wefind around the web. Today's
theme is CommunicationBreakdown.
Edgar (00:14):
Our first story is titled, Am I the Asshole by
Telling My Biological Daughter IWas Nothing More Than an Egg
Donor and That Her Real Motheris the Woman Who Raised Her.
Sorry this is long, butcomplicated I really need some
perspective. Twenty five yearsago, my close friend Clara and
her husband James werestruggling with infertility.
(00:37):
Clara couldn't conceive or useher own eggs and she asked me if
I would consider carrying a babyfor them to use my eggs and
James sperm. I had already hadmy two kids and was done having
children.
I was hesitant at first, buteventually I agreed because I
wanted to help my friend becomea mother. Nine months later,
(00:57):
their daughter Bella was born.From the start, Clara and James
praised her as their own. AndI've always been auntie to her,
just a close family friend andthat's all she will ever know.
My own kids always knew thetruth, I never hid it from them.
They understood that Bella wasbiologically related to them and
(01:18):
that I had helped my friendsstart her family. I never told
Bella anything because I trulydidn't feel it was my place. It
was something her parents neededto decide if or when to tell
her. A few weeks ago Bella andher fiance were at his family's
house and they all did one ofthose DNA kits for fun. It's
(01:40):
always a bad fun time.
When the results came back Bellasaw that she had Cuban and Black
ancestry, which confused hersince she knows both of her
parents are white. Instead ofasking them, she used the
combination to the safe whichshe had learned a while back and
started going through theirpersonal documents. She found an
(02:03):
old photo of me pregnant in ahospital bed with Clara holding
my hand and she also foundpaperwork about Clara's
infertility. After that shestarted pulling away, especially
from Clara, and none of usunderstood why until everything
exploded. My family and I wereover at Clara and James' house
(02:24):
helping with wedding prep.
At one point Clara and I were inthe kitchen talking about my
kids and Clara mentioned that Ihad paid for both other weddings
and she wished she couldn't dothe same for her daughter. Bella
must have overheard because shewalked in and suddenly said that
I should be paying for herwedding too since she's also my
(02:45):
daughter. I was totally thrownoff. Clara asked what she meant
and Bella just snapped. She saidI was a real mother and accused
Clara and James of lying to her.
She said she had grown up in afake home when my kids got the
life she was supposed to have.She slammed the photos on the
table and stormed out with herfiance. The next day Clara asked
(03:09):
me to come over, Bella didn'twant to, but showed up later
after Clara begged her. She toldus about the DNA test and going
through the safe and how shefelt like this answered
something she had always feltdeep down. She said she'd always
been jealous of my kids, notjust for their vacations or home
life, but also because I gavethem a good life without any
(03:31):
hardships.
She said she still loves Clara,but feels like she never really
belonged and now she thinks I'mthe missing piece. She even
called Clara a child snatcher.That's when I stepped in and
told her she needed to stoptalking to Clara like that. She
turned to me and said, You're myreal mother, why don't you love
(03:51):
me? And I told her as calmly asI could that I was nothing more
than an egg donor.
I told her I loved her like aniece and that's all. And Clara
is her mother, not me. I wasn'tthe one who raised her. I wasn't
there for her childhood. Clarawas.
I never saw her as my daughterbecause that wasn't the role I
(04:12):
had in her life. She left againcrying and since then has sent
me over 20 messages. Some areangry and some are pleading and
she asked me to meet with herand James because she says we
are her real parents. She saysshe loves Clara but insists
she's always felt a disconnectand that I'm the reason why.
(04:33):
Clara and I have been in touchsince the blowup and we're both
heartbroken.
My husband thinks I should havea one on one with Bella, but
honestly I feel like there'snothing left to say. I didn't
raise her, Clara did. And shewas always a wonderful mother
and up until now she and Bellahad a great relationship. I
(04:54):
don't know why Bella isspiraling like this. Claire was
there for every birthday, everyschool day, every scraped knee,
heartbreak, and milestone.
I made peace with my world andBella's life a long time ago.
And I never saw myself as amother, not because I didn't
care, but because that was neverthe agreement. I helped a friend
(05:15):
become a mother and I kept thatpromise. So, am I the asshole?
Erika (05:22):
Absolutely not.
Edgar (05:24):
Yeah, no one here is relay the asshole, maybe Bella's
parents, but that's the mosteasiest conversation to have,
telling your child, Oh, we had asurrogate, We had this
situation. There's no realsmooth way to bring that about.
Erika (05:40):
Yeah, and then I want to know how old Clara is because
the way she's acting, it doesn'tseem mature at all.
Edgar (05:48):
Well, she has a fiance I think, right?
Erika (05:50):
So, yeah. So, I mean, she could be twenties, thirties.
Edgar (05:55):
I
Erika (05:56):
don't know. The way she's thinking, I think she's just
jealous of the money, honestly.
Edgar (06:01):
Yeah, maybe low key. She's just like jealous that
OP's family was a little bitmore well off than Clara and
James.
Erika (06:10):
Yeah, I mean, she emphasized on that. That was the
first point that she said whyshe didn't, you know, she felt
like she was being robbed justbecause she was jealous of how
much money and how well her kidshave it.
Edgar (06:26):
And
Erika (06:28):
I don't know, it's just one of those things where you
really have to think about isshe really jealous or is she
just feels like they don'tconnect. From what she was
saying though, it seems thatthey had a good relationship and
that the only reason she startedsaying, Oh, I don't belong here,
was because she found thepaperwork.
Edgar (06:49):
But so, has a good relationship because everything
that they built from this pointon, from Bella's perspective, is
based on a lie. So that's whyshe's filed so drastically. She
went from a perfectly goodmother daughter relationship
with Clara to just wanting tohave nothing to do with her and
just be with Ophie.
Erika (07:12):
I mean, I really think,
Edgar (07:14):
I
Erika (07:14):
mean, in my opinion, they should have told her when she
could really understand, yeah,this is what happened and this
is the deal because this isreally complicated. This is
really complicated. Not really.Yeah, as you know, obviously now
it's causing issues. She thoughtthey took her away, she thought
(07:36):
the worst thing of them, eventhough it wasn't like that.
But if she was to tell them thetruth from the beginning and say
that you know, you're ourdaughter but this is how we want
to conceive you because therewas no way for me to have you,
this is how much we desire tohave children and that's why we
love you so much. You know, Idon't know anything, something
like that And it would have beena better outcome.
Edgar (07:58):
Yeah, like these situations, the earlier you tell
the truth, the better. But theproblem is it's just a very hard
conversation
Erika (08:05):
to Yeah, yeah.
Edgar (08:06):
I mean, if you tell it to a child young enough, I feel
like it'd be easier because thenthey just kind of accept
everything and they don'treally, depending on the
severity, they don't reallyreact too broadly, but now that
it's been twenty, thirty years,she has to take all of that in
and just re contextualize herentire life up to that point.
(08:28):
But yeah, so there's only everone good time to have told the
truth, which was just the verybeginning, which is just not an
easy thing for anybody to do.
Erika (08:37):
I feel like they should have said, you know, she was a
surrogate. They should have saidmore of this vocabulary so she
could understand even thoughthey're friends, but she was the
surrogate. It was just likethat. And obviously they went
into this whole relationship orthe whole outcome knowing what
was the ending result. So if shewas to be told exactly, you
(09:01):
know, she was just a surrogate,I feel like, you know, it would
be better maybe.
So the top comment actually gotdeleted, but the second one is
she agreed to be an egg donorand surrogate. She was never her
mother because that's not howeither of these things work.
This isn't the same as adoption.She didn't have a child for
whatever reason she couldn'tkeep. She didn't have a child
(09:24):
that for whatever reason shecouldn't keep.
She wouldn't have had a child atall. She only did so
specifically to carry someoneelse's child to term because her
body was incapable of doing so.Even if she weren't the egg
donor as well, she'd still be asurrogate. And then she put
therapy 100%. Yeah, I honestlyjust feel she's just jealous
(09:52):
about the money.
Edgar (09:53):
I don't think so. I think she feels like it's like a big
bomb that's just gone into herlife.
Erika (10:02):
Yeah, but like, okay, I understand if she had a bad
childhood or she didn't have agood relationship with her
parents and she was like, Inever belonged here, but she had
a good relationship. She wasn'tmistreated. She had everything.
Sure, she didn't have theabundance of money, but she had
everything you would want in alife. But instead, she really
(10:25):
focused honestly in hercomplaining about the money and
how jealous she was of herchildren.
Edgar (10:31):
But Yeah. We're going off of OP's assessment, Bella, and
she's like, Oh yeah, she had aperfectly good childhood, but
maybe in Bella's eyes she justfelt like she's speaking from
her perspective, she said, Oh, Ifelt like a slight disconnect,
like it was just alwaysbothering me.
Erika (10:47):
I mean, I guess we don't really know the full story. And
the comment that I replied tothat was, Honestly, Bella
already knows it. She saw theinfertility info. She's just
jealous of the lifestyle andwants the money. So I mean, she
didn't even care about her halfsiblings.
She only cared about the moneyand the lie. I don't know. Mean,
(11:10):
Well,
Edgar (11:12):
not complicated, but I think it's more that she wants
to be connected with her actualparents, which happens to be OP
and her actual dad.
Erika (11:21):
But it's not like that, you know I mean? It's not the
same thing as being adopted,it's literally she was a
surrogate. Yeah. That's it.There was no love between her
conceiving.
It was literally a surrogate.It's completely different.
Edgar (11:37):
Yeah, but from her perspective, she just feels
Erika (11:39):
She's just not understanding Because there's
just no around it. There's justnot she's the mother, it's just,
it was service y and that's it.She For needs to understand
Edgar (11:49):
them, it's like, for her, she just says, oh, this is the
person who birthed me, so you'rethe mother, and then the other
half of the birthing process,which is the father, she still
accepts her as the father.
Erika (12:03):
Yes, because she's infertile, so she couldn't have
kids, so they did what they hadto do. Like, I don't know. I
think she needs to understandbetter and she needs therapy.
Because this is really hard toswallow and right now she's
trying to understand everything,but really, it's it's a clear
(12:25):
path here. There's just no, oh,maybe let me take a detour here
and end up here.
No. There's just a clear path towhatever it is.
Edgar (12:32):
My thing is it's not a clear path because you can just
say, oh, this was the agreement.Everyone else, Bella wasn't
there to actually agree to it,so she has her own perspective
on the issue. She won't acceptthat, Oh, there's these
boundaries that the parents set.She's not going to accept that.
Erika (12:51):
I mean, when you're born, did you have a say? No, right?
You were just born.
Edgar (12:59):
Yeah, but if, imagine for yourself, your parents aren't
actually your parents, like itwas just like your aunt or
whatever, actual parents, butthey said, oh, when you were
born we agreed that your parentswould take care of you, like the
ones who actually raised you.Would you accept that
arrangement or once you foundthat out,
Erika (13:15):
I would like would to know the reason though. They
have a specific reason whybecause they were infertile. I'm
not saying that's not true, I'mjust saying it would be the same
thing if they actually useanother surrogate and not the
aunt.
Edgar (13:25):
Yeah, so then he actually would want the surrogate,
whoever the actual surrogate is,to be her mom. Because naturally
they want to be connected to thepeople who actually birthed
them.
Erika (13:35):
The only reason I feel like she feels strongly about
this is because it's the aunt. Ithink it would be a completely
different reaction if it was acomplete stranger that she's
never seen, never grew up with,never related to, never was with
at all and was the surrogate.
Edgar (13:52):
I feel like it would still be the same reaction, but
she would just be looking forwhoever this random woman is.
It's a pretty common phenomenonwhere if you find out if you had
a surrogacy or some sort of anyof that situation, the kids
usually try to find out theactual families, where their
actual parents would come from.
Erika (14:11):
No, I think you have a right to find out. I think
that's great, but you can'texpect the other person to want
to be your mom when obviouslythat is not what it was planned.
Unfortunately, don't have a sayin that. You can't make somebody
love you or wanna be yourmother, especially if that's not
what it was agreed upon.
Edgar (14:31):
So,
Erika (14:33):
I mean, I get she's having a difficult time, but I
mean, everything is written instone. I mean, there's no way
there's gonna be change. I mean,I don't think OP wants to be her
mother. She just has to acceptwhat it is. There's not much she
can do.
All I can really say is therapy.
Edgar (14:52):
I think they should just be honest with her because I
feel like up to this point she'sjust been lied to. So I think
that's a first step for OP andClara. Just to have an open
space between all of them, sonothing's foggy and in the air
like that. Because I imagineBella still has a lot of
questions about the situation Iand about her place in this
Erika (15:18):
know, but I'm saying with therapy she could find a way to
talk to her parent or hersurrogate or whatever, her aunt,
and talk and be able to expresswhat she's feeling because some
people just say whatever theywant and then those words
sometimes really breakrelationships. Words can end
relationships and if that's notwhat you want, you're gonna try
(15:41):
to be talking to people, but notin where you wanna hurt people
because you're hurting. Andhaving somebody to talk to like
a therapist to help you realizeor reflect or give you those
tools to be better at speakingof what you're feeling is
something that is valuable.Because having a relationship
right now, it's already in therocks right now. Everything is
(16:03):
terrible for them.
And if she says the wrong thingor says whatever, she's like,
oh, I just wanna end myrelationship with all of you and
I don't wanna talk to anybody,you all lied to me, then how is
that gonna help her in the longrun? It's not gonna be helpful
because she's going off whatshe's feeling emotionally, but
she's not thinking outeverything. So I don't know what
(16:24):
you guys think. You shoulddefinitely comment about this. I
think we're really not seeingeye to eye with this one, but
I'm not agreeing with whatyou're saying.
I understand what you're sayingis true. It's really hard
because they did lie to her.They didn't tell her truth since
she was small. So she feelsheartbroken and lied to, but she
(16:45):
needs to find a way so she candeal with all these emotions and
talk it through.
Edgar (16:51):
So, found her correct?
Erika (16:53):
I still don't think she's an asshole though. The OP, I
mean, she did what she wanted tohelp her friend and that's about
it.
Edgar (17:03):
Yeah, I feel like there was no one, in this situation I
was acting like an asshole.Everyone was it was emotional
and just, what was the secretfor like ten, twenty, thirty
years has now come to life, sothis is just a natural reaction
to it.
Erika (17:17):
Yeah, feel like the DNA test has broken a
Edgar (17:20):
lot of family. How many have you read? Like three or
Erika (17:24):
four of them, I think? All right, so the next story is,
Am I overreacting for cancelingour weekend getaway because my
husband secretly invited hisfriend's new girlfriend who used
to bully me? My husband, 33male, and I, 30 female, planned
a weekend cabin getaway, justthe two of us. I was really
looking forward to it. Two daysbefore we left, he told me he
(17:47):
invited Jake and his newgirlfriend just to make it more
fun.
Jake's girlfriend is someone whoused to bully me in high school.
She spread a really personalrumor about me back then that
still haunts me. I told him Iwasn't comfortable and asked him
why he didn't ask me first. Heshrugged and said, It's no big
deal and that I should let thepast go. I canceled the whole
(18:08):
trip.
He called me immature and said Iwas punishing him for something
that happened ten years ago. Wasthat too much? Was I
overreacting?
Edgar (18:16):
Yeah, would say she's overreacting.
Erika (18:20):
Why?
Edgar (18:22):
I think she took the approach where it was either
however she wanted to controlthe situation or no one gets to
go to this vacation and she justdid a nuke and just canceled the
entire trip without just furtherconsulting all the parties and
(18:42):
just trying to find a way tomaybe de escalate this a little
bit better.
Erika (18:47):
Okay. So I really think that he disrespected her first.
Went behind her back and invitedsomething that was supposed to
be just the two of them. Andthen he said, Surprise, I
invited my friend and hisgirlfriend without telling her.
And so he had, I'm assuming hehad plenty of time to tell her
(19:08):
before the trip that was aroundthe corner, but he instead
decided to keep it hidden fromher, not ask her opinion, and
said, well, they're coming.
The top comment is I would justtell him something like, why
would I want to go on what wassupposed to be a romantic
getaway with someone who hasdisrespected me and tried to go
behind my back by not asking mebut telling me last minute about
(19:32):
what plans you secretly made,especially when including
someone that brought pain in mylife. Why would I want this trip
after you've polluted it withsuch negativity? Nor what an ass
he has been. I'd have a serioustalk about boundaries and
communication. He can't pullthis last minute completely
(19:53):
changing the whole dynamic ofthe getaway.
What he did, I'd find it hardnot to see as a permanent turn
off. Like if he tried to beunromantic, it would be hard to
top what he did. So it's notjust about last minute changing
or is just whatever, you know,we could change the plans. It's
(20:14):
about him not discussing. Youknow, it's important to have an
open communication and the factthat he did this last minute is
because he knew she was notgonna be okay with it.
So he completely ignored whatshe wanted, ignored her feelings
and said to just get over itwhen she expressed her feelings
to him saying that she does notwant that person over there. He
(20:36):
said, Get over it. The past isthe past. It's not like he went
through that hurtful situationor the way that she treated her
or bullied her. He doesn't know.
But even though that personcaused her pain, he said, Just
let go, it's the past. Andcompletely dismiss her feelings.
Edgar (20:55):
I know.
Erika (20:56):
So it's not okay.
Edgar (20:57):
So find her thoughts or find her verdict?
Erika (21:00):
I don't think she's overreacting. And she should
really take a look if she wantsto be with a man like that
because if he continues likethat, then he's going to
continue in every situation andjust get over it.
Edgar (21:12):
So, the next story is titled, I, 17 male, brought my
dad to my girlfriend, 17female's house for a man to man
talk. Her dad requested and nowhe feels disaffected and I
wanted to break up because ofthis. I don't know what to do.
(21:32):
I, 17m, have a girlfriendAndrea, 17f. And we've been
together for a year.
We are both in high school andwe are about to start our senior
year this fall. I plan on goingto a robotics AI program for
college and I plan to apply toas many colleges as possible,
but all of this costs money.While I do have a college fund,
(21:55):
the idea was for me to come upwith money to apply to the
schools. My uncle had a mechanicshop and my parents had two
rentals. This past school year,I took a mechanic shop course
and was able to get my ASE inengine repair, A1.
Now because of my schedule, Ihave been seeing my girlfriend
later in the day around 6PM andif I work the next day, I am
(22:19):
home by like nine or 10PM, buton Sunday once I am done working
and showered her and I usuallyspend the rest of the day Sunday
together on Monday, I guess thishas been an issue for her dad. I
got a message from him onThursday that on Sunday when I
come over he, myself, and mygirlfriend's brother, and I team
(22:39):
out, are going to have a man toman talk. When I asked about
what he said, it was time thatwe speak as men to have a man to
me and talk. When I was about toask what he said, it was time
that we speak as a man and itwas not negotiable. I asked my
girlfriend and all she said wasthat her dad isn't letting up on
the talk and asked me why I'mover late or certain days and
(23:02):
why I am just driving aroundwith her.
Which is weird to me because Iwork and my girlfriend should
have told him or his mom becauseshe always asks me how work is
going. She even came for an oilchange like two weeks ago. Like
what got me is that we don't goaround driving around. We drive
(23:23):
to the movies, we drive to getsomething to eat or go to a
friend's house, but we don't godriving around. I told my dad
what was happening and asked himif he can come with me.
So yesterday after work, my dadand I drove to my girlfriend's
house and they were a bitsurprised. I don't know, was all
tense because my girlfriend justlooked at me and walked away.
Her dad was grilling in the backand we all had just small talk
(23:45):
until my dad just said, Okay,let's have the talk. My
girlfriend's dad was trying toavoid it saying things like,
Well, maybe some other time,maybe it's not the best time.
Well, y'all don't know my dadand he doesn't let this go for
anything and it's reallyannoying.
So he brought it up again. Mygirlfriend's dad again awaited
the conversation and my dad toldme to go inside so he can talk
(24:07):
to him and wait inside. Andreaand her mom were really quiet,
but her mom and auntie werepolite. About twenty minutes
later, my dad comes in and thehouse made some small talk with
my girlfriend's mom, aunt andbrother, and we left. I asked my
dad what happened and all hesaid he would tell me later
after talking to mom.
But I have been getting nothingbut spam messages from my
(24:31):
girlfriend saying that her dadfeels disrespected that I
brought my dad and I am notmature enough to have a man to
man conversation with him. Shewants me to come today to talk
alone to her dad and not bringanyone. Usually, I would be at
her house already, but I feellike I need to talk to my dad
first. Also, it feels like allthis is too much drama. I only
(24:53):
have like one and a half daysoff and I don't want to fill it
with stuff like this and itmakes me want to just break up
with her.
She even has our friends sendingmessages saying I was weird to
bring my dad and I am missingthe point of all this. Like what
point? I don't see anythingpositive talking to her dad. For
the past year he has alwaysignored me outside of hellos.
(25:13):
Should I go over to her houseand just have this talk with her
dad?
Should I just wait to talk to mydad first and then go? I feel
like breaking up is just thebest thing because why does he
really want to talk to me sobad? Again, it's literally my
only day off and I just wantedto hang with my girlfriend and
friend and now I am just sittinghere in my room on the verge of
(25:34):
a crash out. Too long I didn'tread. My girlfriend's dad wanted
a man to man talk with him.
My girlfriend's brother and me,but I brought my dad. My dad
somewhat called out her dad andhe now feels suspected and is
causing issues with mygirlfriend and I think I should
just break up with her.
Erika (25:53):
There's just so much drama for no reason.
Edgar (25:56):
Sounds like a kid wrote it. Definitely. Yeah. Like, no
punctuation or grammar?
Erika (26:02):
Yeah. I mean, he's 17 years old.
Edgar (26:04):
Well, I knew I to write when I was like eight. But,
yeah, I just think I agree withhim, with OP, that this is like
too much trauma. He's like abusy child. Like he has like two
jobs basically and school andthen whatever else he has time
to do. So to have all this dramaover like a high school
(26:26):
relationship is like just toomuch.
Yeah. Like sometimes like yeahyou can be with someone else,
but if there's othercircumstances that make it more
difficult, maybe it's not worthit, especially when you're this
young.
Erika (26:41):
Yeah, I totally agree. I think it's just there's no
reason for the father to be likethis and then to feel
disrespected because he broughthis dad. Like, I I don't
understand what he was trying tosay. He was trying to have her
him and her older brother there,then what? So, you have two
against a 17 year old?
(27:03):
Like, what is going on?
Edgar (27:05):
Yeah, think it's odd too. I think it's just like a lot of
weird power dynamics. Like, ifyou want a one on one talk, have
it actually one on one to bringlike, I I I it's, a little bit
hypocritical on OP's ex's orOP's girlfriend's dad that he
wants a one on one, but he canbring, like, his child, like,
his own, like, son
Erika (27:23):
into the conversation. What does he have to do with
anything? Yeah. He's just beingdifficult, honestly. There's no
need for it.
If you need to talk to him, thentalk to him.
Edgar (27:33):
Yeah, don't like just plan it in advance.
Erika (27:35):
Yeah, it's just weird. Think it's just as, I think
though dad is beingoverprotective, sure, mean, it's
his little daughter, but I mean,still, like have a conversation,
like, see why he's coming lateor where are they going or what
are they doing? Make sure, youknow, that is fine. As a father
he has the whole right for doingthat, but the way he went about
(27:57):
it is kind of weird. Like it wasjust too much drama for no
reason.
Edgar (28:01):
Exactly. And then OP's dad came, because I'm pretty
sure OP told him the situation,In Opie's dad I was like, Yeah,
this is fishy. You shouldn't bealone with two other men that
you don't know that well.
Erika (28:12):
Yeah, what were they planning to do? Snuff him?
Edgar (28:14):
I don't know. I'm sure it was just a talk, but it's just
actually just being a normalhuman being and just have a
conversation.
Erika (28:23):
Yeah. The father just went the wrong way about it. I
don't know what he was trying todo, but it's just not good. I'm
glad that I mean, hopefully hefinds a solution, but if he
really doesn't want to deal withthis and is not willing to deal
with her family, then it'sreally hard to have a
(28:44):
relationship, especially if youwant it to be serious. But he's
just 17, you You know?
Don't have to stress out, dude.Just do your thing, have fun,
work, whatever. You don't haveto be in a relationship. It's
not the end of the world. And Iwish a lot of, when you're that
age you feel like any ending ofa relationship is, like it's
(29:07):
like your world crashing down.
But I'm sure if he breaks upwith this girl he will find
somebody else.
Edgar (29:13):
I just think that if everyone involved works better
at communication, this wouldn'thave gone like so awkwardly.
Like if OP's girlfriend's dadwould just like just talk to him
like from the get go, like afterlike a night out where he felt
like disrespected, like becausehe brought the- he brought her
daughter in too late, he couldhave been like why are you here
(29:34):
so late? Instead of just likewaiting days and like just
having to fester and then justlike yeah. Like, that's just a
failing on the dad's point ofview.
Erika (29:43):
Or maybe the daughter is not telling him exactly what's
going on. Maybe she just says,oh, yeah, we're doing this, but
doesn't he doesn't understandthat he's working. He kind of
tried to say what he was doingto his schedule. So according to
his schedule, he's doing a lot.So that's the only time he could
hang out with her.
Edgar (30:01):
But also, I I was just picking on OP, but like, because
for me it was really hard tofollow his schedule when he was
writing it down. Because, Idon't know, he, like if you're
bad at writing, more times thannot you're also bad at
communicating. And I feel likehe probably was trying to
explain to OP, like to hisgirlfriend's dad, but it just
(30:23):
came across as confusing andjust like, I don't know. His So,
if his own communication skillswere a little bit better, it
probably would have not gonethis way. But I also feel like
just because this is probablylike the dad's thing.
Not OP's dad, but thegirlfriend's dad. He's just like
a hard ass like this.
Erika (30:39):
Yeah, mean, he tried to say hello, he never returned it.
Like he doesn't even wanna havea conversation with him. So how
are you gonna try to see what'sgoing on if you can't even be an
adult and have a conversationwith a 17 year old? Like dude,
you should be more mature thanthis. The top comment is
insecure adult man is upset thathe couldn't bully a 17 year old
(31:01):
and instead of faced with anactual adult man to man talk
that he claimed he wanted.
Exactly, so he didn't have theballs. I don't know, he's just,
he needs to mature. Mhmm.
Edgar (31:17):
Yeah. Everyone involved needs to mature.
Erika (31:21):
Yeah. Mhmm.
Edgar (31:22):
So final verdict?
Erika (31:24):
I would say I mean, I don't think the kids are fault
here.
Edgar (31:27):
Mhmm. I think yeah. No one's well, I just feel like
Erika (31:31):
The dad is. The dad needs to be a
Edgar (31:33):
Yeah, girlfriend's dad is the asshole in this situation,
just escalating it for no reasonagainst like a poor guy that
can't even communicate.
Erika (31:40):
All right, so the next story is, saw something today
that really made me think aboutwhat being a partner actually
means. I'm a healthcare workerand we had this little four year
old come in after getting bittenby a dog on the face. Super
tough situation for any parent.The mom was all hands on deck,
listening carefully, holding herkid, asking the right questions.
(32:02):
Meanwhile, the dad shrugged offthe bite with, Do we really need
all that?
It's just his face. When it cametime for an actual injection, we
asked if he could come in andhelp hold the kid since the
child kept calling for him. Hestraight up refused. Didn't step
into the room once. Afterwards,he even blamed the mom for the
(32:22):
cost, even though most of thetreatment was free.
And I couldn't help but think inmoments that matter, it's not
about who earns what or who'stoo tough for medical stuff.
It's about showing up, holding ahand, being there even when
you're uncomfortable. Being apartner isn't always about big
romantic gestures. It's aboutbeing the person who walks in
(32:44):
the room when everyone elsestays outside.
Edgar (32:49):
Think it's odd for the dad. But yeah, I imagine there's
like a lot of poor fathers thesedays and just poor people and
poor adults just because a lotof them haven't grown up to,
like they need to have this sortof responsibility and sort of
like grown up mentality. I thinkit's just sad because I think
(33:09):
it's just a cycle.
Erika (33:10):
I mean, maybe his dad was like that too. The way he's
acting, his dad was like thatwith him when he got hurt or he
didn't care or he should betough. So when people grow up
like that, it's very rare theywanna be like, oh, I don't wanna
be like my father and be abetter version, you know? But
(33:31):
sometimes it's a hard habitbecause that's how you were
taught. That's how you grew up.
So taking breaking those chainsor being a different version of
how you grew up, it's hard. Imean, clearly the mother is, at
least he has his mom and his momis able to be there and help him
out. But honestly, I thinkpeople really need to think
(33:53):
about your partner. If yourpartner is a certain way or he
has shown you things that you donot like, you have to make sure
that you want to have a kid withhim. Like do you think with
situations like this, what ifthey were dating and she solved
situations where he was gonna belike this as a parent?
(34:14):
You should really think itthrough. Do you want a partner
like that, your child to have adad like that? You really need
to think it through. It'sdifficult. But I mean, at the
end of the day, it's like reallysomething that you have to make
sure you're gonna be able toswallow or deal with a
separation or divorce at theend.
So the top comment is momentslike this are opportunities to
(34:36):
break the cycle. To be therewith your kid even if no one was
there for you. To be a partnereven if you never saw your
parents act that way. Exactly.If you want to be better, then
you should try to be better, notjust be like, Well, no, I'm just
gonna act the way my parents didto me.
Edgar (34:56):
I feel like the mother in this situation should have
affected her husband then.
Erika (35:00):
Yes, I agree. But to a certain extent you always have
some hope that the person wouldbe better or that you think the
person is good enough or be agood father, but you never know.
It's a gamble because a lot ofpeople can hide and say certain
things, but you don't know untilit actually happens
(35:22):
unfortunately.
Edgar (35:24):
Do have a final verdict?
Erika (35:26):
Just a read, like self reflection or something. But
yeah, I think definitely thehusband obviously is the asshole
here.
Edgar (35:34):
Yeah, I agree.
Erika (35:36):
He could definitely be a better father and a partner.
Edgar (35:40):
The next story is, Am I the asshole for refusing to
acknowledge my best friend'swife? I, 24 male, have been
having issues with my bestfriend, 23 male, wife, who is 20
female, for months now. From thefirst day of the night she
judged me. First, it was becauseI couldn't attend their wedding.
I was working remotely in adifferent country at a time, and
(36:03):
I apologized profusely andordered them a pizza oven for a
wedding gift.
It was little remarks that mygirlfriend, phonetically female,
could hear in the background ofour phone calls. She would write
down what she heard from mesince I'm deaf. My phone is
capable of translating audiocalls into text on my screen,
but it can only pick up so muchand for the most part I rely on
(36:24):
contact clues. It had gottenmore ridiculous when I returned
to The States and finally mether. She didn't realize that I
was deaf.
She started yelling, for therecord we could tell, and
ignored my girlfriend, who triedto explain that yelling is rude
to do. It's much easier to readlips when you speak normally.
(36:45):
Any other time we would've metup, which I made sure wasn't
often, she wouldn't look at mewhen speaking. She was relying
on my girlfriend to translate,which my girlfriend shouldn't
have to do. I'm capable ofreading lips.
Again, also rude to do even if Ihad a certified translator with
me. Last night at game nightbroke the straw for me. His wife
(37:11):
offered to order it in for allof us. When the driver dropped
off the delivery, she didn'torder anything for me. She
apologized and said, Well, Iforget he was here since he was
so quiet.
I've never been embarrassed tobe deaf until that moment, which
is saying a lot because I wasborn deaf. My girlfriend shared
her dinner with me. I ignoredhis wife for the rest of the
(37:34):
night and we called it early. Mygirlfriend lied and told them
she had important meetings toprepare for. His wife, I think
he asked her to, had beentexting me with half baked
apologies that I had beenignoring.
This caught the attention of mybest friend who texted me asking
why I was being mean andignoring her. That she was sorry
(37:59):
for what happened and that shewasn't lying about me being
quiet. He told me that Ishouldn't get so butthurt over a
few comments. I have beenignoring him too. I don't think
making fun of me or the DeafHoHcommunity is funny.
I'm an asshole for actingsensitive to this and ignoring
them both. I don't want to throwaway our friendship but I feel
(38:21):
like it's for the best. Mygirlfriend is supportive for
removing ourselves from them orfor forgiving them and for
moving forward.
Erika (38:30):
Throw them all away.
Edgar (38:31):
Yeah, agree. They're just being very insensitive and for
no reason.
Erika (38:38):
Yeah, I, she did it on purpose. There's just no way
around it. She didn't do it byaccident. The one things I
really despise or I really don'tlike is when people do something
and then they're like, Oh, Ididn't realize, and they
apologize, and you could justsee right through it. It's a
(38:59):
fake apology.
They did it on purpose to hurtyou.
Edgar (39:03):
And
Erika (39:04):
there's just people like that that obviously exist and I
have met people like that. Youshake it off and you continue
your way because you know what,people like the art just better.
And you just do, you know,you're still you. If people
wanna be like that, just, youknow, distance yourself from
them and be yourself and behappy. You don't need negativity
(39:28):
like that.
So the top comment is, just beclear, that slight of forgetting
to get you food because you'requiet was intentional. No way
she forgets you but remembersyour girlfriend. Exactly. The
person the girlfriend isliterally sitting next to you,
(39:48):
she remembers but then forgetsyou. It makes no sense.
There's just no excuse.
Edgar (39:53):
Yeah.
Erika (39:53):
And then the fact that the boyfriend the postly best
friend is agreeing with hersaying that he's being mean.
Okay. They're not worth it. Youneed your peace. So the next
story is new neighbor thinks I'mhaving an affair when she
doesn't know I have a twinbrother.
My wife and I have been livingin our current neighborhood for
about two years now. Next doorneighbor moved in last April,
(40:16):
married with no kids and worksfrom home. I had my identical
twin brother and his wife visitus June and they decided to stay
over for a few days.Unfortunately, they arrived in
the middle of the week and afterlunch, so my wife and I were
both at work. But we do usesmart locks, so I gave them
remote access.
They also came in by Uber fromthe airport, left their luggage
(40:39):
at our house, and met my wifeand I for dinner downtown. Next
day, this neighbor approaches mywife as she's about to leave for
work in the morning. I leavelater, then her and my brother
and sister-in-law were stillsleeping. She asked her if she
knew anything or had noticedanything different about me. My
wife was a bit taken aback byher question and asked why.
(41:01):
She goes on saying that she sawme bringing another woman home
the day after the day before adifferent car. My wife realizes
this neighbor's mistake andexplains my twin brother arrived
in town. Our neighbor gasps andis obviously embarrassed, but my
wife handled it pretty calmly.She even showed our new neighbor
(41:22):
our dinner picture with my twinbrother and his wife. The
neighbor didn't see our grouparriving back at home, so made
an assumption.
My wife and I laughed about itwhen she shared it with me. All
is well until I got a text froma neighbor close to me asking
what I've been up to.Apparently, the new neighbor
quickly gossiped about me toothers. It's annoying because,
(41:43):
well, not everyone in theneighborhood saw my brother or
my twin brother arriving becauseit was in the middle of the day.
Second, we realized our neighbortalked to three other neighbors.
Like, what the hell? My wife andI were unsure whether or not to
explain the rest. What's reallythe deal? But at the same time,
it's quite the effort. Wethought of walking around the
(42:05):
neighborhood with my brother andsister-in-law, and we did.
But it's not like everyone'speeking through the window or
waiting at their porches. I getthe whole woman half woman
behind their back, but just inknowing how quick it spreads
with others without any attemptsto confirm it first. Yeah,
sharing this after the Coldplayconcert issue, LOL. I'm sure the
CEO dude has no twin. So what doyou think?
Edgar (42:31):
Yeah, it's just what happens when you have a bunch of
nosy neighbors.
Erika (42:38):
Yeah, I mean, it's better to have nosy neighbors than not,
I guess, because then again, ifsomebody's breaking in your
house, you kinda wanna know.Wanna be friendly with your
neighbors so they can tell you,or if something's going on,
they'll tell you.
Edgar (42:51):
Mhmm. Yeah, it's definitely like a double edged
sword. And I don't think this isthe worst thing ever. Like, I'm
sure for the next few weeks, afew months, Terry are gonna just
look at OP differently or justlike wrong, but I think over
time, like depending on how longOP stays in that place, they're
gonna realize he has like a twinbrother and be like, oh.
(43:13):
Hopefully they are smart enoughto put two and two together.
Erika (43:18):
Yeah, I mean, come on. Like I think if you want to
spread rumors, at least verifyit. And then when everything's
found out, you're gonna lookstupid. Know what I mean?
Edgar (43:28):
The average person doesn't do that.
Erika (43:31):
I know, but I guess people like to look stupid.
Alright, so the top comment isask your busy body neighbor to
go undo the damage she did.Yeah, that would be nice if she
put the facts straight.
Edgar (43:47):
Yeah, I mean that's the least they can do. It requires
they be a littleaccommodational, but yeah. Some
people are okay with that andothers aren't. So find a verdict
on this situation.
Erika (44:00):
I mean if he doesn't care if people were talking behind
his back then he doesn't have todo anything. If he does care
then try to get it straight, thestory straight.
Edgar (44:10):
The final story is I told my husband we should do
something radical. I told himand dad it'd be fun if we stood
out in the front yard two orthree times a week and
aggressively shouted complimentsat each other for a little
while. We live in a cute cul desac and know all of our
neighbors really well. We aren'ta shouty, fighty couple and
neither are our neighbors. Ijust thought it would be so
(44:32):
funny for our married couple tobe regularly yelling nice things
at each other out in publicinstead of fighting.
He laughed and asked me wheredid I see this on the internet.
And I told him that I didn't, itwas just a random idea that
tickled the hell out of me. Helaughed again and then stage
yelled, aka pretend to yell. Notso much volume but mock
intensity. You're so amazing.
(44:54):
And I replied in a similar tone,I love you so much. I wish it
was a sketch comedy troupe orsomething because it was a
golden premise, but we love ourneighbors too much to actually
make a regular disturbance, evenif it is amusing and positive.
So we'll probably never actuallydo it. But man, did we laugh?
Erika (45:14):
I think it's cute.
Edgar (45:15):
Yeah. I don't think it's like funny or anything like
that, but yeah. Sure they justare very excited by each other.
Erika (45:23):
I do think it's funny because imagine just hearing
people yell, but positivethings, it's like, what? If
you're a nosy neighbor, theywould definitely hear it.
Edgar (45:31):
I'd just be annoyed.
Erika (45:33):
Okay, what's the top comment? This is the best
current contribution of theinternet. I'm inspired and off
to blast my husband with acompliment. You rock. Yeah, I
thought it was cute.
Alright, that is all the storieswe have today. Thank you for
tuning into this week's episode.Check out our website,
www.yappings.com and join ourmailing list for updates. If you
(45:56):
love our podcast and want tosupport us, subscribe and share
it to your friends and family.We would appreciate it so much.
Edgar (46:03):
Also, we have a Facebook group called AITA Relationship
and Family Drama linked in thedescription. Join so you can
share Am I the Asshole posts youlike or share your own stories
for us all to judge. We may evenread a few posts in one of our
episodes if you are lucky.
Erika (46:18):
Thank you, bye!
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