Gay San Francisco - Coming Out | LGBTQIA [1983]

Some people believe coming out begins when one declares one sexual orientation to family or friends.

I disagree.

I believe coming out begins when one realizes their inner feelings are not congruent with their behavior. Coming out begins when one can no longer live a lie.

Listen to "Coming Out of The Closet" to hear San Franciscan,  Tony Eason's journey from Heterosexuality to Homosexuality & uniting with the Gay / LGBTQIA Community.

 

Ynot Truth Podcast Website: http://ynottruth.com

 

Tony Eason Website: http://ynottony.com

 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
some people believe coming out begins when one declares one sexual orientation to family or friends.
I disagree.
I believe coming out begins when one realizes their inner feelings are not congruent with their behavior coming out begins when one can no longer live a lie.

(00:34):
Once upon a time at the age of nine,
like many boys,
I was required to participate in baseball,
football and basketball.
Each time I arrived at the playing field as the teens were chosen,

(00:57):
I was the last one picked during each game.
My teammates would call me sissy and label me worthless and weak.
After each game,
I would hide and cry.
I hid because I was taught,

(01:19):
boys don't cry.
I cried because I didn't understand why I was being persecuted.
Yet over time I found a way to end this torment in future games.

(01:43):
I purposely created errors.
I dropped the baseball,
I dribbled in,
tripped and I tackled no one.
Eventually I was removed from team sports and I returned to roller skating in the streets At the age of 12.

(02:08):
In Junior High School,
I was introduced to physical education and communal showers.
It was in the locker room that I had my first glance of the male anatomy upon seeing other students muscles,

(02:30):
pubic hair and penis sizes.
I became aroused and then again I head and cried.
I cried because I didn't understand my inner feeling.
I cried because I wanted so much to be like everyone else.

(02:57):
I cried because I had to live in secrecy.
For the next six years.
I suppressed my feelings.
I told no one At the age of 19 as a musician,

(03:19):
I traveled to Tokyo When not performing classical music.
I found fascination in touring the streets on one particular evening.
As I returned to the Century Hyatt lobby,

(03:39):
a young man approached me.
We exchanged names and engaged in conversation and then he invited me for a drink at the hotel bar.
Yet being 19,
our chaperones forbid the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

(04:04):
So instead of drinking publicly,
we proceeded to my hotel room.
As we sat in my hotel room,
he spoke of Guam,
I spoke of san Francisco.
We danced,
giggled and laughed and then he kissed me at that moment.

(04:30):
I could no longer suppress my inner feelings.
Soon following we laid in my bed as the morning sun rose,
I realized other men shared the same feelings as me.

(04:50):
Yet I also realized I could tell no one of this encounter.
Therefore,
during breakfast,
when asked how did you get those hickeys on your neck?
I replied,
I slept with a geisha.

(05:16):
six months later while studying music theory.
A college friend rang my phone requesting my presence.
As I entered his dorm room,
I noticed an older man sitting on the bed,
although startled by the man's presence.

(05:38):
I asked my friend what's up.
At which point my college friends stated.
four things I am gay.
This is my boyfriend.
I'm dropping out of SAN Diego state and I'm moving to san Francisco.

(06:00):
Upon hearing this,
I informed him of three things I am gay.
You are the only homosexual I know and I'm going with you to san Francisco.
Days later I decided to share the truth With seven of my high school friends.

(06:29):
So I drove to Oceanside to meet with each friend and with each meeting I expressed my inner feelings and with each meeting I was excommunicated and immediately thrown out of the house again.

(06:54):
I hadn't cried.
The following month,
my college buddy,
his boyfriend and I hightailed to san Francisco as the Camaro arrived at our new home,
I no longer felt the need to suppress my feelings.

(07:18):
I no longer felt ashamed and I began a new life as a homosexual.
The following day I walked the streets in search of employment and for the next 14 days I walked and walked and walked.

(07:44):
Yet on the 15th day I landed a security guard job.
one month later,
my college friend informed me next week,
we are returning to san Diego.

(08:04):
I responded,
oh hell no.
The following day I began to search for new housing,
Yet void of friends or family and with only $75 in my pocket,
I had no idea where I would rest my head.

(08:31):
I felt I was destined to become homeless.
Yet.
A week later I secured housing.
I moved into a residential hotel,
the Gotham hotel.
After paying the $70 weekly rate,

(08:53):
I had $5 to spare.
After my $5 dwindled void of funds,
I had nothing to eat.
So I applied and received food stamps,
And for the next four months my diet consisted of one avocado,

(09:19):
two tablespoons of peanut butter and a can of tuna per day.
Being friendless and broke.
My social life was non existent.
Therefore,
I found amusement in the streets.

(09:41):
I hung out with male prostitutes on polk Street.
Unlike the company of older gays,
the prostitutes.
People of my age didn't take advantage of my youthfulness.
I felt safe.

(10:03):
At the age of 21,
I began to patronize the local gay bars.
As a result,
my social network grew,
and with the growth of my social network came more lucrative job opportunities,

(10:26):
and with the increased income,
I was able to secure an apartment.
Feeling secure in my new housing.
I yearned for a partner.
So I cruise the bars in search of companionship,

(10:50):
and on one particular night while dancing at Badlands,
a man caught my eye.
So I approached him,
we chatted,
we danced,
and we fell in love.
Months later,
I moved in with my lover.

(11:11):
And over the next two years our relationship blossomed.
I learned to find no shame in loving another man,
and even more so I learned to love myself Presently.

(11:33):
40 years later,
I've come to realize no one deserves to be ostracized,
bullied or made fun of.
I've come to realize No one should suppress their inner feelings.

(11:54):
I've come to realize love is love.
I've come to realize I am what I am.