The Life of a Waiter | Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

 

From passing Hors D'oeuvres,  To serving  dinner,  To slicing the wedding cake,  To clearing the tables,  To stacking the chairs,  and then finally, making my way home.

 

Having worked in the homes of Larry Alison, The Getty’s, The Joost, The Fishers, The John Deere Family, The Gallo Family, and The Japanese Consulate General of San Francisco.

Having served  Margaret Thacker, Sharon Stone, Cheech Marin, Richard Gere, Cindy Crawford, Julia Child, The Queen of Thailand, and Joe Montana [to name a few];

I have many stories to tell - stay tuned for more of "The Life of a Waiter."

 

San Francisco Event Manager, Tony Eason: https://ynottony.com/ynot/catering/

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Once upon a time in the early nineties,
I worked at Grandma's bed and breakfast in Berkeley,
California.
Each weekend I participated in wedding events from passing hors d'oeuvres to serving dinner,

(00:23):
to slicing the wedding cake to clearing the tables to stacking the chairs.
And then finally making my way home after six months of toiling for slave wages.
A bluebird whispered in my ear.

(00:45):
Rumor had it working for the event.
Staffer Barry Siegel would boost my reputation,
increase my pay rate and keep my phone ringing off the hook.
So first I gathered Intel on Barrett Barry was a New Yorker,

(01:12):
a former Wall Street guy,
a father,
a Gin connoisseur,
a member of the Jewish community,
openly gay and a punctilious individual.
After studying my intel,
I developed an interview strategy.

(01:37):
Three days later,
I arrived at Barry's house for an interview nervously,
I rang his doorbell and as the door swung open,
I couldn't help but think he resembled Mr Magoo.
And as his gaze swept over my tight fitting jeans,

(02:01):
I sensed that he found me pleasing.
Therefore,
with a touch of confidence,
I entered his home and proceeded to his kitchen minutes later after unpacking my grocery bag,
I placed smoked salmon capers,

(02:24):
creme fresh dill and water crackers on the coffee table.
And as Barry's eyes sparkled with amazement,
I asked,
can I fix you a Gin Martini?
As the martini shaker rattled.

(02:46):
I asked,
what is your favorite art piece at the Met?
As the interview drew to a close,
I asked,
how are your Children?
Two days later,
Barry offered my first big time catering gig.

(03:07):
And without hesitation,
I accepted the offer on the day of the event.
In a piece,
Milled Tuxedo.
I arrived at the gift center located at 888 Brannon Street in San Francisco.

(03:31):
Standing amongst 30 waiters.
I anxiously awaited the general meeting.
And as the meeting began,
I jotted down the timeline menu and table assignments.
As I navigated toward my assigned tables,

(03:52):
anxiety welled up within me.
You see,
I had never served a five course dinner,
let alone carried a banquet tray of 10 entrees.
Yet I clung to my mantra fake it till you make it.

(04:15):
And as the dinner service got underway,
the waiters queued for the first course.
As I stood in line,
I carefully observed the waiters preceding me as I arrived at the front of the queue like a diligent parakeet.

(04:36):
I mimicked the preceding waiter's actions and therefore my inexperience remained undetected between dinner courses.
I struck up conversations with my fellow waiters after which I concluded all the waiters on the upper upper balcony were green as I served dessert,

(05:08):
I noticed a tray of dessert plates slipping over the balcony edge.
However,
I continued to cling to my matra fake it till you make it.
As I cleared the last table.
A sigh of relief escaped my lips.

(05:30):
You see,
despite my aching biceps and a sweaty drenched tuxedo shirt,
I didn't drop a plate.
My mantra worked fake it till you make it.

(06:03):
Once upon a time,
I found myself working at the San Francisco Fashion Center located at the intersection of Eighth and Townsend Streets.
The event was no ordinary gathering.
It was a multimillion dollar A I DS fundraiser of epic proportions bearing the title seventh on sale two hours prior to the event,

(06:36):
20 waiters and I congregated in the preset dining room with a sense of curiosity.
We wandered amongst the dining tables,
reading the meticulously arranged place cards.
Soon afterwards,
a wave of gossip swept the dining room.

(06:58):
Word had it.
Paloma Picasso,
Donna Karan,
Ralph Lauren,
Calvin Klein Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford were attending tonight's gala.
Also word had it.

(07:18):
Waiters were offering a bounty of $100 for the privilege of serving Cindy Crawford.
As the ballroom lights dimmed,
bedazzled in furs,
sequins and diamonds.
The guests made their way to their seats as my guest arrived,

(07:43):
I tuck their napkins and poured the wine.
Once the welcome speech is concluded,
I delivered the salad course while placing the salad courses.
I noticed the place cards of Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford,
after which I couldn't help but burst into laughter.

(08:08):
As I returned to the kitchen,
I contemplated why would a waiter offer $100 bounty for a glimpse of the rich and famous?
So I decided to see what all the fuss was about.
As I returned with the entrees,

(08:30):
I looked directly into Richard Gere's eyes.
At that moment time came to a screeching halt and my jaw dropped.
You see,
in 1980 I viewed one of the first HBO Hollywood films to feature frontal nudity from its main actor repeatedly,

(09:01):
I watched that film and each time the main character removed his clothes,
I became aroused below the waistline.
And on occasion,
I would fondle my genitals until that present moment.

(09:21):
I had no idea that the main character was the actor Richard Gere.
It was an embarrassing revelation.
One that left me with the raging heart on.
Therefore,
as the dinner service concluded,

(09:42):
I refrain from looking at the Hollywood legend.
As the event concluded,
a fellow waiter asked what was Cindy Crawford wearing?
My response,
who is Cindy Crawford?

(10:15):
Once upon a time,
I managed a private cocktail party held in the most opulent zip code in the United States 94027.
This event was no ordinary gathering.

(10:37):
It was a political fundraiser in support of the Iron Lady.
After the wait staff arrived,
I conducted a staff meeting each waiter received their specific duties from serving,
delectable bite size h d'oeuvres to mixing cocktails with precision.

(11:04):
As the event began,
a representative of the Iron Lady presented me with a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue and instructed it be poured exclusively for the guest of honor.
While the remaining guests were to be served.

(11:25):
Johnnie Walker Red,
given the opulence of the atherton setting,
the instructions struck me as somewhat tacky.
I felt if one can afford to provide Johnnie Walker Blue for the entire party,

(11:51):
one should offer Johnnie Walker Red to everyone.
However,
I followed the directive and relayed the message to the bar manager.
As the party got underway,
the cocktails flowed and the kitchen churned out delectable hors d'oeuvres yet out of the corner of my eye.

(12:20):
I noticed something particular happening.
I witnessed the bar manager pouring Johnnie Walker red into an empty Coke bottle.
While surprising to see,
I assumed the bar manager had a valid reason for his actions as the night came to close and we began to dismantle the bar curiosity got the better of me.

(12:55):
Therefore,
I approached the bar manager and asked,
why did you pour the Johnnie Walker rat into a coke bottle with a smile.
The bar manager stated,
I poured the Johnnie Walker red into the Coke bottle and then I poured the Johnnie Walker Blue into the Johnnie Walker Red bottle.

(13:22):
And finally I poured the Johnnie Walker red into the Johnnie Walker Blue bottle upon hearing this audacious plan,
I was impressed.
So therefore,
in appreciation of his quick thinking,

(13:44):
I handed him a $40 tip.
Minutes later,
the Iron Lady Representative approached me and requested the remainder of the Johnnie Walker blue bottle.
Without hesitation.
I handed it to her.

(14:19):
Since that time,
30 years has passed.
Having worked in the homes of Larry Allison,
the Gettys,
the Jews,
the Fishers,
the John Deere family,
the Gallo family and the Japanese consulate of San Francisco.

(14:39):
Having served Margaret Thatcher,
Sharon Stone Cheech Moran,
Richard Gere,
Cindy Crawford Julia child,
the queen of Thailand and Joe Montana.
To name a few.
I have many stories to tell.
Stay tuned.