Do you ever find yourself constantly comparing your life to others and feeling overwhelmed by negative thoughts? Join Greg and me as we take a deep dive into the world of self-esteem, discussing its impact on our lives and providing actionable steps to overcome these challenges. From childhood trauma to the dangers of social media, this episode is packed with valuable insights and advice that will help you develop a healthier mindset and build self-confidence.
We first explore the connections between low self-esteem and childhood experiences, discussing the importance of having supportive parents or guardians to help us navigate these formative years. Then, we address the ever-present influence of social media and cyberbullying on young people's self-worth, emphasizing the need for constructive conversations that foster kindness and respect.
Finally, we share practical tips for improving your self-esteem, such as turning negative self-talk into positive thinking, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing assertiveness in your daily life. Remember, small, consistent efforts can lead to significant changes, ultimately bringing you more happiness and fulfillment. So don't wait any longer - hit subscribe, share this episode with your friends, and join us next week for another eye-opening discussion!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of the You Are
Not Alone podcast.
I'm your co-host, debbie Gold,and I'm here with my co-host and
son, greg, and we're so gladthat you're here.
Each week on the show we willtalk about issues that matter
most to you, and it is our wishthat you will find hope,
encouragement and a little bitof Jesus in every show.
(00:22):
Again, we're so glad thatyou're here and thanks for
listening.
Hey there, welcome to our showtoday.
We're really excited about theshow.
We're gonna be talking aboutself-esteem and how that can
affect our lives, maybe some ofthe dangers or the implications
(00:45):
of it, how we can improve ourself-esteem, if it needs
improvement, what it means andmaybe what some of the signs are
.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
There, you go Awesome .
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So what does self-esteem mean?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I think, it's like kind of your perception of like
somebody, i guess, like how youview yourself compared to others
.
I guess I'd say in a certainway, because when I used to play
basketball, you know, i'd godown to the end of the street
every day shirtless and sweat mylittle butt off and just go
(01:19):
shoot for hours and justpractice, because I saw, like
Steph Curry and LeBron James andthose basketball stars you know
playing every day and stuff andI will looked up to them and I
really wanted to, you know,practice their moves and copy
them and just you know kind ofyou know role model myself after
them so.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I mean because so you looked up to them.
Yeah, really.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I looked up to them a lot and I value them a lot
right.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I think that's a, that's a.
Really it's important to make adistinction there.
You looked up to them but youdidn't compare yourself to them,
yeah, yeah so.
So yeah, sure, it's good to usesomeone for inspiration and to
motivate you and do all that,but you don't want to compare
yourself, because that puts youdown yeah, exactly, you look
like a mouse compared to like alion or something like that
(02:10):
right, so we don't want to bedoing that to ourselves yeah,
because it can be harsh you haveto look at that positively and
say one day I want to be likethat person exactly instead of
you know, like I said, comparing, i'm not that person.
Yeah, so this I wish I could bethat person you know so, but
with the hard work anddetermination, you can do
(02:32):
anything that you want to do.
Yeah, okay, so yeah, and Ithink what I think about
self-esteem I used to work withclients on this, you know.
But yeah, they they judgethemselves badly and they
they're really hard onthemselves, overly hard on
themselves some people are likethat too, yeah mm-hmm and the
(02:54):
you know they.
I think what that, what thathappens, what where that leads
is we tend to have like anegative perception perception
of the world it beats you downyes, it beats you down, and then
I know you can start going downthat path of Well, if I go into
(03:16):
work today, i just know this isgonna happen, because this is
what's happened in the past.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Those kind of things You lose confidence and stuff
like that.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah, you lose confidence, you lose, that's the
word I'm looking for.
Confidence, you start cyclingdown, yeah you lose your
socialization skills stuff likethat, you get anxious.
I think, yeah, extremely too.
That plays into that.
That's a very big part of it.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
That's most of what it is probably just your anxiety
telling you.
You know, am I good enough?
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Am I good enough or I know this is gonna happen.
You're dreading, you'rethinking the worst of the world
and what your situation is gonnabe like.
It's that negative thinkingthat can be destructive, very
destructive.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It can just tear you up.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, so gotta stay away from that.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But you know, i think that what I've experienced or
seen in clients, I think thatthis often is a result of some
kind of childhood trauma, thatwhere we end up with low
self-esteem.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Really.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Or maybe it's at home , maybe it's at school, i think.
For me, you know, when I waswhat I think I was going into
seventh grade and I had acondition called alopecia areata
, where I would get bald spotson my head and I had longer hair
, so I could, you know, cover itup in a ponytail, but I'd
(04:46):
always had to wear my hair in aponytail And they continued to
get worse and worse, where Icouldn't really cover it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Your hair scars.
Can you wear scars?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, i couldn't cover it anymore by putting my
hair a certain way.
I would have to wear like Iwore those bandana scars every
day, and I was always anxiousabout going to school because I
was fearful that someone wasgoing to try to pull it down and
they would discover what thereal That's terrible.
Yeah you know, i was just, iwas living in fear, i was
(05:14):
hypervigilant I washypervigilant, but there were
kids that tried to do that.
So because, based on thatexperience, i just thought that
was going to happen.
all the time You were just onhigh alert and freaked out, or
people just talking about mebehind my back.
You know what's going on withher.
Does she have cancer?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, all the time.
You know those kind of things.
I know Kids are ruthless, yeah,and I didn't have a lot of
parent support.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Like I couldn't go to my mom, i don't know what to do
about this Or can we?
you know how can you help me?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
So that must have been tough, yeah.
So I think, as a result, youturned to Cindy probably.
Yeah, my best friend, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
She was a big support for me But as a result I ended
up having low self-esteem goinginto my adulthood And eventually
I was able to overcome thatwith my own successes and things
, my life changing And me justbeing successful at my jobs or
(06:08):
different things, and I was ableto build that up and put that
behind me.
But yeah, so that's justanother example.
I think kids that get bulliedcould end up having low
self-esteem.
So being at home and you haveparents that aren't real
supportive or you're never goingto be any good those kind of
messages that are reallynegative.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Or if it's coming from a parent too, that can just
break it down a lot more too.
It's like hearing your dad sayyou're not going to be this,
you're never going to make it tothe league or something like
that, That can just break youdown.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, exactly, it could be really tough.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And then you lose confidence in yourself too,
because you hear it from yourdad.
You're like, oh my gosh, youhave nobody to turn to.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
At most, Yeah, yeah, i mean, those are your people to
turn to typically In times ofneed and typically, i think, you
said So anyway, i just wantedto give a little background on
that might help people say well,maybe I do need to do a little
check on my self-esteem.
You know I did go through sometough times.
How am I doing here today?
I think that if we don'teventually deal with our
(07:16):
self-esteem, i think that we canhave an impact or impair our
academic or work success, ithink that's life overall.
Sure life overall, i know youcould turn to alcohol and drugs
to ease the pain.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Oh yeah, A lot of people do that too.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And it's called self-medicating.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh, that's not good.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
It can cause problems with your friendships and
relationships if you have lowself-esteem, and it can also
create anxiety and stress andloneliness and it can even lead
to depression.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
It just can cause difficulties.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
it sounds like Yeah it's really important to get a
handle on it and find ways tocheck in with it and build it.
Build it?
yes, for sure, Which is why wedecided this is going to be a
really important topic to talkabout.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Because a lot of people, i mean society, is so
hard today.
The world is so hard.
You know, You post one wrongthing on social media, you're
getting attacked.
You use the wrong words, you'regetting attacked.
And people can say thingsonline too.
That can just break you down.
They can say the most hurtfulthings ever, because they're
behind a screen, so there's norepercussions or anything like
(08:32):
that, so they just beat eachother down, and then that can
have a big impact on self-esteemas well, especially with teens
and younger kids too, becausethey don't know who this person
is and they just hear oh, you'restupid.
Da, da, da, da da.
A younger brain is going to belike oh, it's not going to take
it well, it can be very hurtful.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, and I think the thing with social media is, a
lot of times parents don't evenknow what their kids are getting
into.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
And then all of a sudden you know the kids don't
really feel they can go to theirparents because they've been
doing something that maybe theyshouldn't be doing and it just
kind of snowballs.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I saw a video on Instagram yesterday of like a
bunch of people commenting onthis girl.
She had a TikTok She was, iswear to you, probably six or
seven years old with a phone, amassive phone.
She was doing like dancingvideos and the comments were all
like put your phone away, wearyour parents, stuff like that.
And then she responded like Ican't wait, and she could barely
(09:28):
speak English, like she wasn'teven like developed yet.
Basically, oh my, gosh Yeah.
So like it's so weird howparents aren't in the situation
and a lot of parents don't knowwhat's going on with their kids,
and you know their phones andsocial media.
So and I remember you know Igot.
When did I get my first phone?
14, 15, something like that.
(09:48):
Yeah, i don't know I don'tremember It was 14.
But like, yeah, kids aregetting phones at much younger
ages too.
You know, if you're younger,you know you get cyber bullied.
that can really mess you up.
So it's a dangerous slope Ithink so.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Slippery, slippery slope.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
The government, the federal government, is trying to
put bans on some of the appsthat kids use, like.
I'm not sure how they want todo it.
You know they, the app, say youcan't use this until you're 13,
but there's no way to enforceit.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, there's no way to.
Actually, you can just log inunder your mom's account.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah.
Or you just say you know yougive it a fake birth, Yeah, You
just give a fake name orsomething.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
So that's really hard thing to combat, so it is a big
issue.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
But it's become very.
I think it's become aware.
You know, politicians arebecoming aware, parents, it's
becoming more aware in the mindsof everyone And eventually
they'll, you know, find somekind of way to Solution or
something.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, a solution.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
So anyway, so yeah, so there's that now, And so it
can just you know, Back andforth, back and forth.
And then there's a lot oftrauma.
Now it's that's another traumain itself is being on a cell
phone and these social mediaapps and getting cyberbullied.
Getting cyberbullied Like thatYeah.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I mean, it's very real too.
You said the wrong thing andyou know a bunch of people have
been freaked out, especially ifit's a consensative topic or
something like that too, Andthen if you, you know, you just
check your Instagram, you get,you know, 55 comments that are
saying you know, you're stupid.
I disagree, Go away.
More meme stuff too.
It's just going to hurt you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right.
It's just going to like beatyou down almost So yeah, and
it's one thing to say you know Idon't disagree, or say I don't
agree with that.
This is what I think or how Iperceive this.
You know, you know this, theseare my thoughts about that.
But just to get mean and youknow hurtful, to say those kind
of things is just inappropriate.
(11:52):
Well, yeah, maybe we need to doa podcast on that.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Just how do you?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
respond.
When you don't agree withsomeone, you don't beat them up.
You just say, you know, haveyou thought about thinking about
it this way?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
because you try to have a logical conversation or
you try to see where theirside's coming from or something
Instead of just screaming atthem or saying you know hurtful
stuff, right.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So it's an interesting thing because that
is an actual skill that you haveto teach people.
Like you know, dad and I haveworked really hard with you boys
on owning up to your piece of asituation when something
happens, right, you know.
Just a case in point.
So Chase, my youngest, greg'syounger brother, who's 16 now,
(12:39):
he has a Talaria TalariaElectric bike.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Electric bike.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, and he was out of friends in a neighborhood
with a friend and he ended uptrying to avoid a lady on the
sidewalk because they're to beused on sidewalks essentially.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Right around.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And he somehow tried to voider and he lost control of
the bike and it went down andit caught his right foot
underneath it.
His right foot was caughtunderneath it and he ended up
fracturing it in three spots.
And Father's Day is coming upSunday, in a few days.
And we had made somereservations to go to Topgolf,
(13:17):
for the family That's right, ididn't think about that, i know.
Yeah, and so I said to him theother day I go, well, honey, i
can cancel the reservation, oryou know, because I don't know
you're not going to be able togolf, but you probably don't
want to sit there for two hours.
He goes.
No, he goes.
Don't do that, he goes.
You know it's not your faultthat I did something stupid And
you know he took ownership forme.
(13:38):
He did that, what he did.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Well, yeah, i feel bad because he feels like he did
something stupid, but he wasjust trying to avoid a lady and
like the wrong thing happened atthe wrong time.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
And I don't think he said maybe he didn't say stupid,
but he did you know I didsomething and I hurt myself, so
you shouldn't have to sufferbecause of what I did.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, the fact it's an ownership of that is pretty
big.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
That is huge.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I know a lot of you know 20 year olds and a lot of
people you know in this countrythat just scream at each other.
They don't take ownership foranything anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yes, exactly, so anyway that's crazy.
We can.
That's a great podcast to do,where you teach people how to do
those kind of things, becausethey're important.
What else should we cover?
What do we want to talk about,i think?
how do you know if you have thelow self-esteem?
What about that?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
What do you?
think I'd say you judgeyourself poorly.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You have.
Everything has to be perfect,like everything.
Extremely judgmental ofyourself.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Right, go back to the being perfect.
You know why.
That is because you havecontrol of your situation and
you know that everything willfall into place because you
don't have to worry about it.
You know how we talked about atthe beginning.
If you know you're going to goto work and you go Oh God, i'm
going to get, you know I'm goingto mess up today and you get
(15:01):
all this negative self-talk andyou perceive the world that way.
But if you have every, ifyou're you know you work on
perfection, you can controleverything in your world and you
feel like you're going to beokay.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, pretty much so, because it's all on your
control.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right, it's a defense mechanism.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Exactly so.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
But if you don't trust yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh yeah, if you think you're going to make simple
mistakes with simple tasks, orlike you can't do this or that.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Because you're just afraid to try, because you're
like, if I even try this, i'mgoing to mess it up, because you
know me, you know that's likelow self-esteem.
So, yeah, those are somequalities that are not good,
basically.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Right if you compare yourself to others, and then we
talked about that.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, like feeling inferior to others or something
like that, right.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, and if you are who you are, you're the way God
made you, and he can help youovercome those things that have
happened to you in your lifetime.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And those are things that you know.
We say that when God gives ushard things or has difficult
things happen in our life, it'sfor us to grow from.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And you know, this is just a perfect example of that.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
God gives his strongest battles to the hardest
soldiers, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, yeah, exactly Yeah, he doesn't give you
anymore and you can handle.
Yeah.
And I think another thing toois when you're you like, you
engage in pleasing behaviors topeople.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
you know with people, people pleasing behaviors, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Because you don't, aren't able to stand up to what
your own values are and you kindof go, you kind of cave, and
you say well, if I do that, thenthey'll like me Maybe even like
acting fake.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I guess too.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Yeah, absolutely, that would totally fall into
this.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, because when I see people that are acting fake
and I know that's like not howthey act.
They're just trying to likehang out with this one person
I'm like dude, that is so corny,so cheap.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
What are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good example.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, you'll be at like a party or something and
you'll see someone's wholedemeanor change up in seconds as
soon as they get to them.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Hey how you doing.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You're like that's not Chris So it's because
they're like trying to relate tothem or trying to get the vibe
or the attitude going, but it'sjust fake.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And if you're seeing it happen, you can see right
through it.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
It's pretty corny.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
It is corny.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Okay.
so let's see, i think not beingable to set boundaries, that
kind of ties into that wholepeople policing thing.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
You've got to be able to set your boundaries, know
what your values are, say I'mnot okay with that or that
doesn't fit with who I am.
What are other ways that youset boundaries in life?
Like I kind of set one with youtoday.
I was like you wanted to go tosee your friend and go to their
ranch and we wanted a podcast,or I wanted to get.
(18:01):
You did to, but get this episodeout and you were trying to get
me to give you a time and I saidI can't do a time until I get
home.
I cannot think about.
I was caught off guard.
It was too short notice And Ihad to set that boundary instead
of saying a time and then Iwouldn't be.
I'd be mad at myself because Igave you a time that I was maybe
(18:23):
not okay with.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Right, and maybe it would have been.
You know, let's say you saidthe time was 11 o'clock, it was
already 11, 26.
Yeah, you would have been likeupset and stuff like that And I
would have been upset because Isaid and you're ready to walk?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
out the door because you made a commitment to your
friend.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I would have been upset too.
Yeah, because I'm not ready yet, or something.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
So setting boundaries is really healthy, knowing what
you need and it's okay to sayyou know what I'm not sure about
that.
I need time to think about it.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, i need to think about this, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
You're good at that.
I hear you say that.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, some decisions.
I want to think about thisbecause you can't just like make
incisive decisions, basicallybecause they can be really
dangerous.
So, depending on what it is,That's true, right.
Yeah, depending on what it is,it can either be a big issue or
a small issue, or good or bad.
So you just have to think aboutit thoroughly and think about,
(19:15):
like, what's best for you andwhat's best for your future.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
So, yeah, okay And then I think one other thing
that came to mind is apologizingso much.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Oh my gosh, i hate when people do this.
I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
I'm like what are you doing?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Just that it's annoying, but anyways, that's a
good sign that maybe you need.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
One of my buddies in college does that to me.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Oh, really Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
If I mess something, or like he messes something up
for something, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry, i'm like what?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
It's okay.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Don't be sorry, stop it.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah, i'm like, stop it, dude, i'm like you don't
have to apologize for me fornothing, dude, we're cool.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, yeah, right, it's like weird.
It's okay, yeah, but that'sprobably some insecurity there,
right?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Okay, but you're being great by saying, hey, dude
, don't worry about that.
I mean, you're giving him somereally positive feedback to help
him grow personally, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Cause you're like dude.
You don't have to worry aboutthat.
I think so.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So that's really cool , Greg.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah, it caught me off guard the first time he said
that Didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And then I think too this final thought on this is
people that call themselves fator stupid or ugly.
I think I was guilty of thatWhen my hair was falling out.
I think it's so ugly, i don'tlike myself, you know that kind
of thing.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, negative self-thought, that's terrible
for you.
Yeah, because your brain startsbelieving it Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And then again it just yeah, adds to all that
anxiety and everything.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Not a good path to go down.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Right for sure.
Alright, well, let's talk abouthow do we start feeling better
about ourselves when we do havelow self-esteem.
How do we improve that?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Quick comparing yourself to others.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Because, i mean, there's so many different people
out there and you don't have toact like someone else.
Be yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Be yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
It's kind of weird to act like someone else, because
you're your own self, you'reyour own best friend too, and
you know yourself the best.
So be yourself and just behappy.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, and I think sometimes, like picking someone
like I think you would be a goodperson to sort of try to model
after, like, if you see someonethat you feel is really healthy
with their self-esteem, look atthem and see what they're doing,
that maybe you're doing theopposite of.
That might be a really good wayto help build who you are and
improve Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I think with me.
I don't let small things botherme, but I also I don't let
things bother me that I can'tcontrol, like things that are
out of my power.
I just I don't care becauseit's out of my control.
What am I going to do about?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
it right.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
So, and that takes away a lot of worrying stuff too
.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I'm not worrying about, you know, simple, small
things that are, you know,stupid and don't matter.
In a week or something likethat, right Worrying about lot
less about stuff that doesn'tmatter.
It's great, that's good, that'sgood It takes a lot of like
weight off your shoulders, ithink, because you have, you
know, so much other stuff goingon in your life.
Why worry about something youknow that won't matter tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Right, that's true.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Okay.
So, and I think we've talked alot about the negative thinking,
so let's just stop that.
Yeah, catch yourself.
Oh my gosh, i'm negativethinking.
Let me.
let me turn that over to apositive.
you know saying you know my dayis going to be great at work
today.
I might make a mistake, but youknow what, so what?
Yeah, stuff happens, we're justgoing to move on, yeah, and you
(22:53):
know that kind of thing.
So be thinking positive Anddon't be so hard on yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Just everybody makes mistakes, little or big.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I've seen, you know, tiny mistakes from you know
papers getting printed wrong, toboats crashing into a marina,
because I used to work at amarina And when a captain would
crash a 50 ton barge into thedock, that was a big no.
No, so that'd be a bigger issue, but, like you, i can't control
that, so I don't care.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Well, you don't have to pay for it Yeah.
Okay.
So let's see, i think, whatelse, oh, being assertive,
learning to say no.
Yeah, like, don't be so peoplepleasing, just just say no, just
do it, just to feel what itfeels like Right, just gonna say
(23:46):
no.
Anyway, I'm hoping maybe nextweek we can do a podcast on
assertion, being assertive,saying no you know, doing all
that better in our lives.
Let's see.
So how do you improve?
Oh then other thing just nameat least one thing that you're
(24:06):
good at, or more than one thing.
Give me some examples of youtalking, yes, getting to know
people.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I'm not being outside .
Being what being outside, doingstuff outside.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, active, like fishing and all that is
socialization Or getting to knowpeople.
Yeah, you're really good, gooda communicator with people you
get to know.
You know you could walk up to astranger and What's up, have a
little conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Yeah, much Yeah mm-hmm.
You have to do that in lifesometimes.
Yeah you get to learn to getgoing at it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So You know, and just be patient with yourself,
because this takes time.
This is gonna be something towork on.
Oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Everyday, 21 days, to break a habit.
Well, there's that too, yes,exactly.
Thank you, that's a good one, ilove it.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, i, for me, going to church was was very you
know, and starting arelationship with Christ was a
huge life-changing event for me.
I, in many ways you know, 20years ago.
So that's another possibilityBecause you're, you're around
people that are uplifting,they're supportive, they're
they're not gonna be putting youdown, it's just a really good,
(25:15):
healthy environment.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Mm-hmm, such a good community, yeah, every person
there is so nice so.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
All right, anything else you want to add before I
don't close for today?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Y'all need to stop being so hard on yourselves.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So that's right.
Okay, so I guess that's ourshow for today, then.
And What's your call?
What's the action we wantpeople to Take away and start
working on?
I think you know.
Go ahead and naming some thingsthat you're good at will be a
really good place to start andthen talking look at you know
(25:52):
some ways that you can Startchanging.
Like is that I have to say noor I have to Stop being Thinking
about myself negatively.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Mm-hmm And over thinking or overthinking.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Yeah, setting boundaries.
Don't think you have to pleasepeople.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Just different things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
But I think I think it most importantly is just be
patient with yourself.
I know that it's gonna takesome time and just stay focused
on it, mm-hmm, and over timeyou're gonna see some big
changes in yourself and you'regonna be pretty happy about it.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, it'll make your life a lot better.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So Okay, so let's see , i guess.
Thanks for listening today.
We do appreciate y'all and Ifyou like what we had to say, hit
the subscribe button.
Tell your friends about us,share this with people that you
feel could benefit from some ofthe conversations that we're
having here, and We will see youback here next week and
(26:51):
remember you're not bye-bye.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the You Are
Not Alone podcast.
I'm your co-host, debbie Gold,and I'm here with my co-host and
son, greg, and we're so gladthat you're here.
Each week on the show we willtalk about issues that matter
most to you, and it is our wishthat you will find hope,
encouragement and a little bitof Jesus in every show.
(00:22):
Again, we're so glad thatyou're here and thanks for
listening.
Hey there, welcome to our showtoday.
We're really excited about theshow.
We're gonna be talking aboutself-esteem and how that can
affect our lives, maybe some ofthe dangers or the implications
(00:45):
of it, how we can improve ourself-esteem, if it needs
improvement, what it means andmaybe what some of the signs are
.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
There, you go Awesome .
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So what does self-esteem mean?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I think, it's like kind of your perception of like
somebody, i guess, like how youview yourself compared to others
.
I guess I'd say in a certainway, because when I used to play
basketball, you know, i'd godown to the end of the street
every day shirtless and sweat mylittle butt off and just go
(01:19):
shoot for hours and justpractice, because I saw, like
Steph Curry and LeBron James andthose basketball stars you know
playing every day and stuff andI will looked up to them and I
really wanted to, you know,practice their moves and copy
them and just you know kind ofyou know role model myself after
them so.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I mean because so you looked up to them.
Yeah, really.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I looked up to them a lot and I value them a lot
right.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I think that's a, that's a.
Really it's important to make adistinction there.
You looked up to them but youdidn't compare yourself to them,
yeah, yeah so.
So yeah, sure, it's good to usesomeone for inspiration and to
motivate you and do all that,but you don't want to compare
yourself, because that puts youdown yeah, exactly, you look
like a mouse compared to like alion or something like that
(02:10):
right, so we don't want to bedoing that to ourselves yeah,
because it can be harsh you haveto look at that positively and
say one day I want to be likethat person exactly instead of
you know, like I said, comparing, i'm not that person.
Yeah, so this I wish I could bethat person you know so, but
with the hard work anddetermination, you can do
(02:32):
anything that you want to do.
Yeah, okay, so yeah, and Ithink what I think about
self-esteem I used to work withclients on this, you know.
But yeah, they they judgethemselves badly and they
they're really hard onthemselves, overly hard on
themselves some people are likethat too, yeah mm-hmm and the
(02:54):
you know they.
I think what that, what thathappens, what where that leads
is we tend to have like anegative perception perception
of the world it beats you downyes, it beats you down, and then
I know you can start going downthat path of Well, if I go into
(03:16):
work today, i just know this isgonna happen, because this is
what's happened in the past.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Those kind of things You lose confidence and stuff
like that.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah, you lose confidence, you lose, that's the
word I'm looking for.
Confidence, you start cyclingdown, yeah you lose your
socialization skills stuff likethat, you get anxious.
I think, yeah, extremely too.
That plays into that.
That's a very big part of it.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
That's most of what it is probably just your anxiety
telling you.
You know, am I good enough?
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Am I good enough or I know this is gonna happen.
You're dreading, you'rethinking the worst of the world
and what your situation is gonnabe like.
It's that negative thinkingthat can be destructive, very
destructive.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It can just tear you up.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, so gotta stay away from that.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
But you know, i think that what I've experienced or
seen in clients, I think thatthis often is a result of some
kind of childhood trauma, thatwhere we end up with low
self-esteem.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Really.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Or maybe it's at home , maybe it's at school, i think.
For me, you know, when I waswhat I think I was going into
seventh grade and I had acondition called alopecia areata
, where I would get bald spotson my head and I had longer hair
, so I could, you know, cover itup in a ponytail, but I'd
(04:46):
always had to wear my hair in aponytail And they continued to
get worse and worse, where Icouldn't really cover it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Your hair scars.
Can you wear scars?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, i couldn't cover it anymore by putting my
hair a certain way.
I would have to wear like Iwore those bandana scars every
day, and I was always anxiousabout going to school because I
was fearful that someone wasgoing to try to pull it down and
they would discover what thereal That's terrible.
Yeah you know, i was just, iwas living in fear, i was
(05:14):
hypervigilant I washypervigilant, but there were
kids that tried to do that.
So because, based on thatexperience, i just thought that
was going to happen.
all the time You were just onhigh alert and freaked out, or
people just talking about mebehind my back.
You know what's going on withher.
Does she have cancer?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, all the time.
You know those kind of things.
I know Kids are ruthless, yeah,and I didn't have a lot of
parent support.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Like I couldn't go to my mom, i don't know what to do
about this Or can we?
you know how can you help me?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
So that must have been tough, yeah.
So I think, as a result, youturned to Cindy probably.
Yeah, my best friend, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
She was a big support for me But as a result I ended
up having low self-esteem goinginto my adulthood And eventually
I was able to overcome thatwith my own successes and things
, my life changing And me justbeing successful at my jobs or
(06:08):
different things, and I was ableto build that up and put that
behind me.
But yeah, so that's justanother example.
I think kids that get bulliedcould end up having low
self-esteem.
So being at home and you haveparents that aren't real
supportive or you're never goingto be any good those kind of
messages that are reallynegative.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Or if it's coming from a parent too, that can just
break it down a lot more too.
It's like hearing your dad sayyou're not going to be this,
you're never going to make it tothe league or something like
that, That can just break youdown.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, exactly, it could be really tough.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And then you lose confidence in yourself too,
because you hear it from yourdad.
You're like, oh my gosh, youhave nobody to turn to.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
At most, Yeah, yeah, i mean, those are your people to
turn to typically In times ofneed and typically, i think, you
said So anyway, i just wantedto give a little background on
that might help people say well,maybe I do need to do a little
check on my self-esteem.
You know I did go through sometough times.
How am I doing here today?
I think that if we don'teventually deal with our
(07:16):
self-esteem, i think that we canhave an impact or impair our
academic or work success, ithink that's life overall.
Sure life overall, i know youcould turn to alcohol and drugs
to ease the pain.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Oh yeah, A lot of people do that too.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And it's called self-medicating.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh, that's not good.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
It can cause problems with your friendships and
relationships if you have lowself-esteem, and it can also
create anxiety and stress andloneliness and it can even lead
to depression.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
It just can cause difficulties.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
it sounds like Yeah it's really important to get a
handle on it and find ways tocheck in with it and build it.
Build it?
yes, for sure, Which is why wedecided this is going to be a
really important topic to talkabout.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Because a lot of people, i mean society, is so
hard today.
The world is so hard.
You know, You post one wrongthing on social media, you're
getting attacked.
You use the wrong words, you'regetting attacked.
And people can say thingsonline too.
That can just break you down.
They can say the most hurtfulthings ever, because they're
behind a screen, so there's norepercussions or anything like
(08:32):
that, so they just beat eachother down, and then that can
have a big impact on self-esteemas well, especially with teens
and younger kids too, becausethey don't know who this person
is and they just hear oh, you'restupid.
Da, da, da, da da.
A younger brain is going to belike oh, it's not going to take
it well, it can be very hurtful.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Well, and I think the thing with social media is, a
lot of times parents don't evenknow what their kids are getting
into.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
And then all of a sudden you know the kids don't
really feel they can go to theirparents because they've been
doing something that maybe theyshouldn't be doing and it just
kind of snowballs.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I saw a video on Instagram yesterday of like a
bunch of people commenting onthis girl.
She had a TikTok She was, iswear to you, probably six or
seven years old with a phone, amassive phone.
She was doing like dancingvideos and the comments were all
like put your phone away, wearyour parents, stuff like that.
And then she responded like Ican't wait, and she could barely
(09:28):
speak English, like she wasn'teven like developed yet.
Basically, oh my, gosh Yeah.
So like it's so weird howparents aren't in the situation
and a lot of parents don't knowwhat's going on with their kids,
and you know their phones andsocial media.
So and I remember you know Igot.
When did I get my first phone?
14, 15, something like that.
(09:48):
Yeah, i don't know I don'tremember It was 14.
But like, yeah, kids aregetting phones at much younger
ages too.
You know, if you're younger,you know you get cyber bullied.
that can really mess you up.
So it's a dangerous slope Ithink so.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Slippery, slippery slope.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
The government, the federal government, is trying to
put bans on some of the appsthat kids use, like.
I'm not sure how they want todo it.
You know they, the app, say youcan't use this until you're 13,
but there's no way to enforceit.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, there's no way to.
Actually, you can just log inunder your mom's account.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah.
Or you just say you know yougive it a fake birth, Yeah, You
just give a fake name orsomething.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
So that's really hard thing to combat, so it is a big
issue.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
But it's become very.
I think it's become aware.
You know, politicians arebecoming aware, parents, it's
becoming more aware in the mindsof everyone And eventually
they'll, you know, find somekind of way to Solution or
something.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, a solution.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
So anyway, so yeah, so there's that now, And so it
can just you know, Back andforth, back and forth.
And then there's a lot oftrauma.
Now it's that's another traumain itself is being on a cell
phone and these social mediaapps and getting cyberbullied.
Getting cyberbullied Like thatYeah.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I mean, it's very real too.
You said the wrong thing andyou know a bunch of people have
been freaked out, especially ifit's a consensative topic or
something like that too, Andthen if you, you know, you just
check your Instagram, you get,you know, 55 comments that are
saying you know, you're stupid.
I disagree, Go away.
More meme stuff too.
It's just going to hurt you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right.
It's just going to like beatyou down almost So yeah, and
it's one thing to say you know Idon't disagree, or say I don't
agree with that.
This is what I think or how Iperceive this.
You know, you know this, theseare my thoughts about that.
But just to get mean and youknow hurtful, to say those kind
of things is just inappropriate.
(11:52):
Well, yeah, maybe we need to doa podcast on that.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Just how do you?
Speaker 1 (11:58):
respond.
When you don't agree withsomeone, you don't beat them up.
You just say, you know, haveyou thought about thinking about
it this way?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
because you try to have a logical conversation or
you try to see where theirside's coming from or something
Instead of just screaming atthem or saying you know hurtful
stuff, right.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
So it's an interesting thing because that
is an actual skill that you haveto teach people.
Like you know, dad and I haveworked really hard with you boys
on owning up to your piece of asituation when something
happens, right, you know.
Just a case in point.
So Chase, my youngest, greg'syounger brother, who's 16 now,
(12:39):
he has a Talaria TalariaElectric bike.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Electric bike.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, and he was out of friends in a neighborhood
with a friend and he ended uptrying to avoid a lady on the
sidewalk because they're to beused on sidewalks essentially.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Right around.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And he somehow tried to voider and he lost control of
the bike and it went down andit caught his right foot
underneath it.
His right foot was caughtunderneath it and he ended up
fracturing it in three spots.
And Father's Day is coming upSunday, in a few days.
And we had made somereservations to go to Topgolf,
(13:17):
for the family That's right, ididn't think about that, i know.
Yeah, and so I said to him theother day I go, well, honey, i
can cancel the reservation, oryou know, because I don't know
you're not going to be able togolf, but you probably don't
want to sit there for two hours.
He goes.
No, he goes.
Don't do that, he goes.
You know it's not your faultthat I did something stupid And
you know he took ownership forme.
(13:38):
He did that, what he did.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Well, yeah, i feel bad because he feels like he did
something stupid, but he wasjust trying to avoid a lady and
like the wrong thing happened atthe wrong time.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
And I don't think he said maybe he didn't say stupid,
but he did you know I didsomething and I hurt myself, so
you shouldn't have to sufferbecause of what I did.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, the fact it's an ownership of that is pretty
big.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
That is huge.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I know a lot of you know 20 year olds and a lot of
people you know in this countrythat just scream at each other.
They don't take ownership foranything anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yes, exactly, so anyway that's crazy.
We can.
That's a great podcast to do,where you teach people how to do
those kind of things, becausethey're important.
What else should we cover?
What do we want to talk about,i think?
how do you know if you have thelow self-esteem?
What about that?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
What do you?
think I'd say you judgeyourself poorly.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You have.
Everything has to be perfect,like everything.
Extremely judgmental ofyourself.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Right, go back to the being perfect.
You know why.
That is because you havecontrol of your situation and
you know that everything willfall into place because you
don't have to worry about it.
You know how we talked about atthe beginning.
If you know you're going to goto work and you go Oh God, i'm
going to get, you know I'm goingto mess up today and you get
(15:01):
all this negative self-talk andyou perceive the world that way.
But if you have every, ifyou're you know you work on
perfection, you can controleverything in your world and you
feel like you're going to beokay.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, pretty much so, because it's all on your
control.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Right, it's a defense mechanism.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Exactly so.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
But if you don't trust yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh yeah, if you think you're going to make simple
mistakes with simple tasks, orlike you can't do this or that.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Because you're just afraid to try, because you're
like, if I even try this, i'mgoing to mess it up, because you
know me, you know that's likelow self-esteem.
So, yeah, those are somequalities that are not good,
basically.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Right if you compare yourself to others, and then we
talked about that.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, like feeling inferior to others or something
like that, right.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, and if you are who you are, you're the way God
made you, and he can help youovercome those things that have
happened to you in your lifetime.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And those are things that you know.
We say that when God gives ushard things or has difficult
things happen in our life, it'sfor us to grow from.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
And you know, this is just a perfect example of that.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
God gives his strongest battles to the hardest
soldiers, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, yeah, exactly Yeah, he doesn't give you
anymore and you can handle.
Yeah.
And I think another thing toois when you're you like, you
engage in pleasing behaviors topeople.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
you know with people, people pleasing behaviors, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Because you don't, aren't able to stand up to what
your own values are and you kindof go, you kind of cave, and
you say well, if I do that, thenthey'll like me Maybe even like
acting fake.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I guess too.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Yeah, absolutely, that would totally fall into
this.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, because when I see people that are acting fake
and I know that's like not howthey act.
They're just trying to likehang out with this one person
I'm like dude, that is so corny,so cheap.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
What are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good example.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, you'll be at like a party or something and
you'll see someone's wholedemeanor change up in seconds as
soon as they get to them.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Hey how you doing.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
You're like that's not Chris So it's because
they're like trying to relate tothem or trying to get the vibe
or the attitude going, but it'sjust fake.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And if you're seeing it happen, you can see right
through it.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
It's pretty corny.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
It is corny.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Okay.
so let's see, i think not beingable to set boundaries, that
kind of ties into that wholepeople policing thing.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
You've got to be able to set your boundaries, know
what your values are, say I'mnot okay with that or that
doesn't fit with who I am.
What are other ways that youset boundaries in life?
Like I kind of set one with youtoday.
I was like you wanted to go tosee your friend and go to their
ranch and we wanted a podcast,or I wanted to get.
(18:01):
You did to, but get this episodeout and you were trying to get
me to give you a time and I saidI can't do a time until I get
home.
I cannot think about.
I was caught off guard.
It was too short notice And Ihad to set that boundary instead
of saying a time and then Iwouldn't be.
I'd be mad at myself because Igave you a time that I was maybe
(18:23):
not okay with.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Right, and maybe it would have been.
You know, let's say you saidthe time was 11 o'clock, it was
already 11, 26.
Yeah, you would have been likeupset and stuff like that And I
would have been upset because Isaid and you're ready to walk?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
out the door because you made a commitment to your
friend.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I would have been upset too.
Yeah, because I'm not ready yet, or something.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
So setting boundaries is really healthy, knowing what
you need and it's okay to sayyou know what I'm not sure about
that.
I need time to think about it.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, i need to think about this, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
You're good at that.
I hear you say that.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, some decisions.
I want to think about thisbecause you can't just like make
incisive decisions, basicallybecause they can be really
dangerous.
So, depending on what it is,That's true, right.
Yeah, depending on what it is,it can either be a big issue or
a small issue, or good or bad.
So you just have to think aboutit thoroughly and think about,
(19:15):
like, what's best for you andwhat's best for your future.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
So, yeah, okay And then I think one other thing
that came to mind is apologizingso much.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Oh my gosh, i hate when people do this.
I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
I'm like what are you doing?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Just that it's annoying, but anyways, that's a
good sign that maybe you need.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
One of my buddies in college does that to me.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Oh, really Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
If I mess something, or like he messes something up
for something, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry, i'm like what?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
It's okay.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Don't be sorry, stop it.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah, i'm like, stop it, dude, i'm like you don't
have to apologize for me fornothing, dude, we're cool.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, yeah, right, it's like weird.
It's okay, yeah, but that'sprobably some insecurity there,
right?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Okay, but you're being great by saying, hey, dude
, don't worry about that.
I mean, you're giving him somereally positive feedback to help
him grow personally, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Cause you're like dude.
You don't have to worry aboutthat.
I think so.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So that's really cool , Greg.
I like that.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah, it caught me off guard the first time he said
that Didn't do anything.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And then I think too this final thought on this is
people that call themselves fator stupid or ugly.
I think I was guilty of thatWhen my hair was falling out.
I think it's so ugly, i don'tlike myself, you know that kind
of thing.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, negative self-thought, that's terrible
for you.
Yeah, because your brain startsbelieving it Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And then again it just yeah, adds to all that
anxiety and everything.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Not a good path to go down.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Right for sure.
Alright, well, let's talk abouthow do we start feeling better
about ourselves when we do havelow self-esteem.
How do we improve that?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Quick comparing yourself to others.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Because, i mean, there's so many different people
out there and you don't have toact like someone else.
Be yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Be yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
It's kind of weird to act like someone else, because
you're your own self, you'reyour own best friend too, and
you know yourself the best.
So be yourself and just behappy.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, and I think sometimes, like picking someone
like I think you would be a goodperson to sort of try to model
after, like, if you see someonethat you feel is really healthy
with their self-esteem, look atthem and see what they're doing,
that maybe you're doing theopposite of.
That might be a really good wayto help build who you are and
improve Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I think with me.
I don't let small things botherme, but I also I don't let
things bother me that I can'tcontrol, like things that are
out of my power.
I just I don't care becauseit's out of my control.
What am I going to do about?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
it right.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
So, and that takes away a lot of worrying stuff too
.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, because.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I'm not worrying about, you know, simple, small
things that are, you know,stupid and don't matter.
In a week or something likethat, right Worrying about lot
less about stuff that doesn'tmatter.
It's great, that's good, that'sgood It takes a lot of like
weight off your shoulders, ithink, because you have, you
know, so much other stuff goingon in your life.
Why worry about something youknow that won't matter tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Right, that's true.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Okay.
So, and I think we've talked alot about the negative thinking,
so let's just stop that.
Yeah, catch yourself.
Oh my gosh, i'm negativethinking.
Let me.
let me turn that over to apositive.
you know saying you know my dayis going to be great at work
today.
I might make a mistake, but youknow what, so what?
Yeah, stuff happens, we're justgoing to move on, yeah, and you
(22:53):
know that kind of thing.
So be thinking positive Anddon't be so hard on yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Just everybody makes mistakes, little or big.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I've seen, you know, tiny mistakes from you know
papers getting printed wrong, toboats crashing into a marina,
because I used to work at amarina And when a captain would
crash a 50 ton barge into thedock, that was a big no.
No, so that'd be a bigger issue, but, like you, i can't control
that, so I don't care.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Well, you don't have to pay for it Yeah.
Okay.
So let's see, i think, whatelse, oh, being assertive,
learning to say no.
Yeah, like, don't be so peoplepleasing, just just say no, just
do it, just to feel what itfeels like Right, just gonna say
(23:46):
no.
Anyway, I'm hoping maybe nextweek we can do a podcast on
assertion, being assertive,saying no you know, doing all
that better in our lives.
Let's see.
So how do you improve?
Oh then other thing just nameat least one thing that you're
(24:06):
good at, or more than one thing.
Give me some examples of youtalking, yes, getting to know
people.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I'm not being outside .
Being what being outside, doingstuff outside.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, active, like fishing and all that is
socialization Or getting to knowpeople.
Yeah, you're really good, gooda communicator with people you
get to know.
You know you could walk up to astranger and What's up, have a
little conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Yeah, much Yeah mm-hmm.
You have to do that in lifesometimes.
Yeah you get to learn to getgoing at it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So You know, and just be patient with yourself,
because this takes time.
This is gonna be something towork on.
Oh, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Everyday, 21 days, to break a habit.
Well, there's that too, yes,exactly.
Thank you, that's a good one, ilove it.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, i, for me, going to church was was very you
know, and starting arelationship with Christ was a
huge life-changing event for me.
I, in many ways you know, 20years ago.
So that's another possibilityBecause you're, you're around
people that are uplifting,they're supportive, they're
they're not gonna be putting youdown, it's just a really good,
(25:15):
healthy environment.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Mm-hmm, such a good community, yeah, every person
there is so nice so.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
All right, anything else you want to add before I
don't close for today?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Y'all need to stop being so hard on yourselves.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So that's right.
Okay, so I guess that's ourshow for today, then.
And What's your call?
What's the action we wantpeople to Take away and start
working on?
I think you know.
Go ahead and naming some thingsthat you're good at will be a
really good place to start andthen talking look at you know
(25:52):
some ways that you can Startchanging.
Like is that I have to say noor I have to Stop being Thinking
about myself negatively.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Mm-hmm And over thinking or overthinking.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Yeah, setting boundaries.
Don't think you have to pleasepeople.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Just different things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
But I think I think it most importantly is just be
patient with yourself.
I know that it's gonna takesome time and just stay focused
on it, mm-hmm, and over timeyou're gonna see some big
changes in yourself and you'regonna be pretty happy about it.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, it'll make your life a lot better.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
So Okay, so let's see , i guess.
Thanks for listening today.
We do appreciate y'all and Ifyou like what we had to say, hit
the subscribe button.
Tell your friends about us,share this with people that you
feel could benefit from some ofthe conversations that we're
having here, and We will see youback here next week and
(26:51):
remember you're not bye-bye.
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