May 1, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever noticed how your choices directly impact your emotional state? Join Debbie and Greg Gold as they unpack the powerful truth that "choices lead, feelings follow" in this enlightening episode of the You Are Not Alone podcast.
The duo begins by sharing their weekly highlights – Greg's kayaking adventure on Lady Bird Lake (complete with a painful sunburn lesson) and Debbie's unexpected $200 scratch ticket win. These light-hearted moments set the stage for a deeper discussion about emotional health from a Christian perspective.
Drawing from their recent experience in a church freedom group, Debbie and Greg explore how forgiveness exemplifies this "choices lead, feelings follow" principle. Debbie vulnerably shares her struggle with unforgiveness following her father's passing and family conflicts, revealing how choosing forgiveness – before feeling forgiving – ultimately led to peace and spiritual alignment. Greg adds practical wisdom about quickly releasing grudges to avoid being consumed by negative emotions.
The conversation then shifts to practical applications like overcoming procrastination using Mel Robbins' 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which helps listeners push through resistance and take action. The hosts also examine the profound impact of our words, referencing Ephesians 4:29 and providing examples of how choosing uplifting language transforms both the speaker and listener's emotional experience.
Throughout the episode, Debbie and Greg weave together biblical wisdom, personal anecdotes, and practical strategies that listeners can immediately apply to their lives. Their warm, conversational approach makes complex spiritual concepts accessible and relatable.
Ready to transform your emotional landscape through intentional choices? Listen now, and discover how aligning your choices with God's desires can lead to the healthy feelings He wants for your life. Visit debbieandgreggold.com to connect with us and continue the conversation!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello, this is Debbie and Greg Gold, and welcome to
the you Are Not Alone podcast,where we cover topics that will
help you navigate life, and, asChristians, we know that we
can't do it alone.
We need Jesus.
We encourage you to join us onthe journey that will help you
begin or deepen your walk withChrist, no matter where you are.
Hello everyone Today, greg andI are going to be talking about
(00:34):
choices that lead to healthyfeelings, but first let's talk
about the highlight of the week.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
All right.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
All right, what was yours, greg?
So this, it wasn't this weekend, but this week, all right, all
right.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What was yours, greg?
So this it wasn't this weekend,but this week, or yeah, no, it
was this last weekend.
I went kayaking on ladybirdlake with a friend for like
three hours, um, just exploreddowntown austin, kind of it was
super fun, um, and I didn'tthink to wear any sunscreen and
I I was in the hot sun on LakeAustin for three straight hours
(01:08):
in a kayak, shirtless.
So I come home and I take offmy shirt and I realize, oh, I
look like a tomato.
I was red, and so right now I'min the process of peeling and
just recovering from an intensesunburn yeah, blistering too.
Super fun weekend, though, andit was really cool to explore
(01:29):
Austin downtown Austin, cause Idon't go downtown much.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So was it um pretty busy on the water with kayaks?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, it was mostly 90% paddleboards, I'd say they
were all like paddleboards, andthen we were like the only ones
in kayaks, really so interesting.
Yeah, but it was pretty busy Alot of people out there.
So, right, some rope swings onthe sides and cool, yeah, cool
it was.
It was a nice day um.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So what was your takeaway from that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
uh, god is good and you made a beautiful, beautiful
earth there you go um andtreasure your friends?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I guess so great and also um god made sunscreen yeah,
and I need to use that nexttime because yeah, generally you
don't burn.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
But not well, I was in the sun for like three hours
just kayaking, because we kayaklike two miles, so I would just
row in and it's funny like onlythe front of my legs are burnt
because that's where they werein the sun.
So the sides are completelyfine.
So it's just.
All the areas were like myshoulders and my upper chest,
(02:33):
mostly in my back, so those arethe areas that got affected the
most.
So, but we'll do it again nexttime and I'll wear a lot of
sunscreen because this sucks.
So what was your highlight ofthe week?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
So mine is pretty basic, but I won $200 on a
scratcher ticket so I was prettyhappy about that.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I mean, how much do you usually win if you you know,
five, $10 or something?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, 10 or 20 is typical.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Okay 200 is pretty good though.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, that was.
That was pretty huge, I thought.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, you showed me I was like whoa, so anyway,
that's fun.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yet, if anybody's got any ideas, Spend it, text us,
save it, text us.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Text us, go to our website at debbieandgreggoldcom
and send us a message.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Anyway, all right.
Well, let's talk about ourtopic today.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And that is Choices leading to feelings or good
feelings, and how they lead tothem Right.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Well, choices lead and feelings follow.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
That's basically how it's said.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Better said than I did.
Yeah, choices lead, feelingsfollow.
So Greg and I have been doingthis group at church.
It's called a freedom group andit's really breakthrough,
dropping your chains.
It's pretty intense, but wefinished our 12 weeks.
This weekend is going to be theconference, which will be my
(04:01):
highlight of the next episodeprobably yours too, um, cause it
sounds like it's going to beamazing.
But we were learning in thisgroup to you know, removing
obstacles that keep us fromhaving close intimacy, intimacy
with God, cause you know hewants us to have intimacy with
him because he loves us andthat's the most important thing
(04:22):
to him, because he loves us andthat's the most important thing
to him.
So, like I said, the conceptwas choices lead, feelings
follow, and I really had tothink about that, and since I've
been incorporating it in mylife, it really has made a
difference, and so we wanted tomaybe talk about some examples
that will help you wrap yourhead around the concept of
(04:45):
choices lead and feelings follow.
I thought one of the big onesthat sticks out for me, and this
is something I'm working on ingroup itself- is forgiveness and
I think this is big for a lotof people.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You know we've, I think I don't know who has not
been rejected or betrayed.
Or you know, I think I don'tknow who has not been rejected
or betrayed, or, you know,falsely accused of something or
gossiped about or getting cutoff in traffic.
So I kind of feel like thiscould apply to most people.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
It's a really common subject, I think.
Yeah, for sure I mean humansaren't perfect, we're all flawed
, so stuff happens.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean humans aren't perfect,
we're all flawed.
So stuff happens, yeah,absolutely, and so forgiveness
is a choice and beingunforgiving actually only hurts
you.
And I remember another time.
You know, when it's a littlething, I can forgive very easy,
but when they're really big,impactful events, it's really
hard for me to forgive that,naturally it is.
(05:42):
Yeah, it's really hard for me toforgive that, naturally it is,
yeah, and I remember when my dadpassed away in 08, and there
were some changes to the willand there were some issues with
my brother and I and his wifeand man.
It took me a long time to beable to forgive my dad and my
brother and sister-in-law and Iwould think about it and it
(06:03):
consumed my days for months andI finally got that it was truly
only hurting me.
My brother didn't care, youknow, he got the best of the
deal.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
You were like in a dark spot, just like all mad
right.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
So I was mad and sad and wanted to get revenge.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
You know, I was just in a really bad place.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
That's yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And I mean that didn't do me any benefit at all.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I couldn't focus.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I couldn't take care of my family.
Well, I couldn't, you know, Icouldn't do a lot of things
because you were just focused onthat.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I'm really just consumed with it.
So, um, kind of has somethinglike that going on right now and
, um, you know, I was reminded,uh, tuesday night in group, that
holding onto forgiveness reallydoes just inhibit your
relationship or my relationshipwith God, um, the relationship
that he really wants me to havewith him.
So when I'm, I'm in,unforgiving, I'm not living my
(07:08):
life the way God wants me tolive, I'm not being kind, I'm
not being loving, I'm not being,um, you know, happy and joyous,
all those things that the Biblesays we should be.
And so, um, you know, I would,you know, I sit and spend my
time scheming how I'm going toget revenge, you know, and um,
(07:34):
it's just not healthy.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, so I think, like the faster you forgive too,
the better you feel, becauseyou're not focused on that,
whatever was negative,negatively impacting your life.
So yeah you're focusing onwhat's next.
What do we got to do instead ofthis?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So kind of like putting it behind you, I think
so, and you've heard me say thatsome days I can't even focus on
what I need to focus on.
Yeah, I've heard that too Ijust get, I just get, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And it's like I've had friends in the past that
have like done stuff to methat's like wrong and stuff, and
it's like they don't know anybetter.
I I forgive them because youknow it's not worth it to just
be mad at them and just have abunch of built up anger against
them.
I think it's stupid.
So just let it go and justforgive.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So it can be hard to do, but it can be.
Yeah, if we keep our focus onwhat is really important and
that's our relationship with God.
I think that really helps.
So you know, and then I thinkabout another point too.
You know, god has forgiven allour sins because of, you know,
allowing his one and only son todie on the cross for us.
And you know, I don't feel likeI have the right to be
(08:38):
unforgiving when all my sins getunforgiven or get forgiven.
And you know, I've heard justlet God deal with the situation,
he'll handle it.
And so I think that's anotherimportant point that keeps me on
track and keeps me in aforgiving place.
And I guess, going back to theidea of choices lead and
(09:04):
feelings follow, by choosing tobe unforgiving, I'm letting my
feelings dictate me, right?
So letting, when we were justtalking about all this, you
don't want that to happen, sonow and which brings, you know
it's all the negativeconsequences, saying hurtful
things, shutting someone out ofyour life.
You know it's not a win foranybody.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
No, it's just negative negative.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You know it's not a win for anybody.
No, it's just negative,negative, negative.
However, yeah, and however, ifI choose to, if I lead by
choosing and I choose to forgive, the feelings that follow are
peace, enjoy, accomplishment,not being distracted all that
it's like you're in control.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
You can choose how you want to feel.
Why not feel happy?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
So why not feel all those other feelings instead of
you know, not forgiving?
So?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
yeah, so by choosing to forgive I have better
feelings and I'm in a betterplace.
I'm in a better place with godand I'm more productive, etc.
So hope that helps explain thatconcept.
But we can use this concept inany circumstance.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Really it doesn't have to just be forgiveness or
unforgiveness.
Number two waking up earlier.
So Mel Robbins, in her book theLet them Theory, currently on
the New York Times bestsellerlist, talks about the 5-4-3-2-1
idea.
You count down from 5 to 1every time that you have to
(10:28):
nudge or force yourself to dosomething, something that
doesn't come easy for you to do,like dishes or laundry or, you
know, yard work or whatever itmay be, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
We just mowed the lawn.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
this morning, yeah.
So, um, I mean something that'snot easy, that you don't really
want to do, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Or also besides that, it's the you know, when you
have fear about something orsome anxiety about something.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
you know it kind of just pushes you to just 5, 4, 3,
2, 1,.
You know, get out of bed, startthe laundry, do the dishes, pay
the bills.
And she said the author Melsays it helps you power through,
feel fear, anxiety, overwhelm,doubt and procrastination.
So I've used it before toogetting out of bed.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
So yeah at least just like you kind of just force
yourself to spring up yeah, soyou just know, when you get to
one you got to move whateverthat is, I I do that sometimes
with writing our scripts for ourpodcast.
It's like I don't know what towrite today.
I'm not in the mood, but when Ido the five, four, three, two,
one and I have in my head I'mgoing to go now.
(11:34):
Then I go and it's reallyencouraging.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
You kind of like make a fake rule in your head.
It's like okay, when it goesdown to one, I have to do this.
No matter what so it's kind oflike a little law you put in
your head.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So so, um, yeah, I can be good at procrastinating
sometimes, which I think we allcan, but um but when you knock
it out, I mean you just feelbetter, you feel accomplished
and you feel relieved.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
You know, got that out the way, knocked it out
Right, Like.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I was sort of motivated this morning to do the
lawn because I know past, likeabout 11, it's going to be way
too hot.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exactly, I was thinking that too.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
We were out there, I don't know, nine, nine, 30,
something like that, but maybenine.
Um and it was still a littlehot and we got sweaty.
But, um, I didn't really needencouragement to do that.
I didn't have to do the five,four, three, two, one to get out
there, because I I knew theresult if I waited would be
tremendous heat and more sunburning on Greg Exactly.
(12:29):
So that was easy.
But I've got some work on mydesk that I have to get to, and
I'm really not crazy about doingit right now.
So I'm going to have to use the5-4-3-2-1 to get myself engaged
, because once I get engaged I'mgood.
That's it.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That's it, that's my experience.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't know about you.
I mean yeah, yeah, I think too,like I'm thinking of, like
college students or studentsjust sitting down and doing
their work.
You know who wants to study fora test.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
But that theory can be really helpful, I think you
just gotta sit down and do ityeah, yeah, and not even yeah,
just anybody but, okay.
Um well, let's see what about.
I know this is kind of a bigone for me, but watching our
tongues, um, this can bedifficult to do, you know.
(13:25):
Sometimes you just want toblurt something out at somebody.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Watching your tongue and watching your attitude.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, yeah, but you know our words can.
They're either going to tearsomebody up or they're going to
lift them up, and we don't wantto tear people down, right?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, most people don't like really think of it,
but words are really powerful.
So, and like how you say, whatyou say to people, they can
really affect them.
So I mean the other.
The other day some, some ladycomplimented my shirt and I was
like, oh, thank you, so smallthings like that can really lift
you up.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So what shirt was that?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Uh, I was at church.
It was that long sleevecollared one.
Yeah.
So, um, yeah, I mean, just asmall compliment like that can
lift me up.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah, it makes you feel good.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
It does yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It can change your day, and then you can pass that
on to somebody else right, yeah.
It's like even just a smile.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Mm-hmm, or how are you doing this morning?
How are you doing, you know?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, makes a big difference.
Yeah, I know when my energy isreally high.
I know when my energy is reallyhigh.
Stop picking on yourself.
Greg's peeling himself in thebackground.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I know it's so tempting, right, I know.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's like peeling the glue off your finger when
you're a kid Pretty much yeah,all right.
So what were we talking about?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Words.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Lifting people up.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah.
So why?
I guess why?
Maybe why do we do that?
Maybe you were spoken to that,or spoken that way when you were
a child.
Maybe your parents were veryinsultive.
You know, instead of liftingyou up, they're like why are you
(15:09):
doing that?
Or what's wrong with you?
How come your homework's notdone?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You know, just negativity.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know, maybe you're under stress.
I know, sometimes when I'munder stress I get a little
impatient.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Or you get frustrated .
As a mother, I get frustratedwith my children's behavior
because we probably talked aboutit a hundred times and one
example was yesterday.
Greg was um potting someflowers and, um, he did it, you
know, got it done and everything.
And I go out to take the trashcan out and there's the pitcher
(15:44):
of water and the bag of dirt anda little shovel and dirt on the
carport the concrete and I'mjust like I don't know why I
didn't put it away.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I literally just walked back inside after I
finished and then didn't putanything away, so just left it
all there.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And so, um, how many times we talk about cleaning up
after ourselves, right, and um,anyway, just uh, that was sort
of a little example that I wasthinking of.
And um, sometimes we're justfeeling hurt by somebody and we
just don't speak nicely.
Or we're hurt about acircumstance and we're in a bad
(16:21):
place and we just don't speakwell, Um, let's see, and we just
don't speak well.
Let's see, Ephesians 4, verse29, says Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out ofyour mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others upaccording to their needs, that
it may benefit those who listen.
So I think I mean that sums itup right there.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Only what is helpful for building others up.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah, so, um now, what could I have done different
yesterday with you?
You know, hey, Greg, I noticedthat this materials you used are
still sitting outside.
Could you go um take care ofthat?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, but the way I deserved it.
I left a bunch of stuff outthere, I have to say it was a
mess out there.
There was dirt everywhere,potting soil everywhere and the
little shovel I used, and thenthe bucket of water was out
there too.
So, yeah, it was a mess.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So anyway, just some food for thought, and you know,
and just some little examplescan be um, I forgive you versus
I never want to speak to youagain.
You know, or you did your bestversus you're a failure.
You can do it versus you'llnever be able to do it, or
(17:38):
you'll never amount to anything.
I see potential in you versusyou'll never be a doctor like
you're dreaming.
That's pretty bad, okay, anyway.
So making this choice will leadto good feelings versus
feelings of regret for you.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
You know you're gonna feel better I think it's like
thinking about your words and,well, really processing what
you're gonna say to peoplebefore you say it, and then
being positive.
So, like I said in 420,ephesians 429, what is helpful
for building others up?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
You're right.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
So positive talk, I think, is I mean it's just
helpful in general.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So it builds people up Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
It builds people up and you just you feel good about
it too.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So I liked what you said about it.
You know kind of thinking aboutwhat you need, you want to say
versus just blurting somethingout.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
That's where that comes from.
That's where like emotions comein, and that's where the
feelings part comes into it too.
So, anyway, do you have anyother examples you'd like to
share of anything coming to mindabout?
Choices leads, feelings followfollow.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I think just watching your actions and what you're
going to say and what you say isreally important, because your
words can carry a lot of power,um, certainly negative or
positive, whatever they are.
Um, and yeah, watching ourtongues is also really important
and a really good topic, Ithink.
So.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't think so I think, that's all well, I gotta
say, go to church people, and uh, I guess that's our show for
today.
Um, I don't know.
Go check out our website, rightcheck out our website at
debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Um, yeah, we'll see you back here.
We'll see you back here nextweek.
Yeah, thank you god for thisepisode.
Jesus is always with you andwith us.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yes, you are not alone.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
All right, we love you and make it a great day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Take care, bye-bye.
Hello, this is Debbie and Greg Gold, and welcome to
the you Are Not Alone podcast,where we cover topics that will
help you navigate life, and, asChristians, we know that we
can't do it alone.
We need Jesus.
We encourage you to join us onthe journey that will help you
begin or deepen your walk withChrist, no matter where you are.
Hello everyone Today, greg andI are going to be talking about
(00:34):
choices that lead to healthyfeelings, but first let's talk
about the highlight of the week.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
All right.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
All right, what was yours, greg?
So this, it wasn't this weekend, but this week, all right, all
right.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What was yours, greg?
So this it wasn't this weekend,but this week, or yeah, no, it
was this last weekend.
I went kayaking on ladybirdlake with a friend for like
three hours, um, just exploreddowntown austin, kind of it was
super fun, um, and I didn'tthink to wear any sunscreen and
I I was in the hot sun on LakeAustin for three straight hours
(01:08):
in a kayak, shirtless.
So I come home and I take offmy shirt and I realize, oh, I
look like a tomato.
I was red, and so right now I'min the process of peeling and
just recovering from an intensesunburn yeah, blistering too.
Super fun weekend, though, andit was really cool to explore
(01:29):
Austin downtown Austin, cause Idon't go downtown much.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So was it um pretty busy on the water with kayaks?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, it was mostly 90% paddleboards, I'd say they
were all like paddleboards, andthen we were like the only ones
in kayaks, really so interesting.
Yeah, but it was pretty busy Alot of people out there.
So, right, some rope swings onthe sides and cool, yeah, cool
it was.
It was a nice day um.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So what was your takeaway from that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
uh, god is good and you made a beautiful, beautiful
earth there you go um andtreasure your friends?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I guess so great and also um god made sunscreen yeah,
and I need to use that nexttime because yeah, generally you
don't burn.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
But not well, I was in the sun for like three hours
just kayaking, because we kayaklike two miles, so I would just
row in and it's funny like onlythe front of my legs are burnt
because that's where they werein the sun.
So the sides are completelyfine.
So it's just.
All the areas were like myshoulders and my upper chest,
(02:33):
mostly in my back, so those arethe areas that got affected the
most.
So, but we'll do it again nexttime and I'll wear a lot of
sunscreen because this sucks.
So what was your highlight ofthe week?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
So mine is pretty basic, but I won $200 on a
scratcher ticket so I was prettyhappy about that.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I mean, how much do you usually win if you you know,
five, $10 or something?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, 10 or 20 is typical.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Okay 200 is pretty good though.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, that was.
That was pretty huge, I thought.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, you showed me I was like whoa, so anyway,
that's fun.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yet, if anybody's got any ideas, Spend it, text us,
save it, text us.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Text us, go to our website at debbieandgreggoldcom
and send us a message.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Anyway, all right.
Well, let's talk about ourtopic today.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And that is Choices leading to feelings or good
feelings, and how they lead tothem Right.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Well, choices lead and feelings follow.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
That's basically how it's said.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Better said than I did.
Yeah, choices lead, feelingsfollow.
So Greg and I have been doingthis group at church.
It's called a freedom group andit's really breakthrough,
dropping your chains.
It's pretty intense, but wefinished our 12 weeks.
This weekend is going to be theconference, which will be my
(04:01):
highlight of the next episodeprobably yours too, um, cause it
sounds like it's going to beamazing.
But we were learning in thisgroup to you know, removing
obstacles that keep us fromhaving close intimacy, intimacy
with God, cause you know hewants us to have intimacy with
him because he loves us andthat's the most important thing
(04:22):
to him, because he loves us andthat's the most important thing
to him.
So, like I said, the conceptwas choices lead, feelings
follow, and I really had tothink about that, and since I've
been incorporating it in mylife, it really has made a
difference, and so we wanted tomaybe talk about some examples
that will help you wrap yourhead around the concept of
(04:45):
choices lead and feelings follow.
I thought one of the big onesthat sticks out for me, and this
is something I'm working on ingroup itself- is forgiveness and
I think this is big for a lotof people.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
You know we've, I think I don't know who has not
been rejected or betrayed.
Or you know, I think I don'tknow who has not been rejected
or betrayed, or, you know,falsely accused of something or
gossiped about or getting cutoff in traffic.
So I kind of feel like thiscould apply to most people.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
It's a really common subject, I think.
Yeah, for sure I mean humansaren't perfect, we're all flawed
, so stuff happens.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean humans aren't perfect,
we're all flawed.
So stuff happens, yeah,absolutely, and so forgiveness
is a choice and beingunforgiving actually only hurts
you.
And I remember another time.
You know, when it's a littlething, I can forgive very easy,
but when they're really big,impactful events, it's really
hard for me to forgive that,naturally it is.
(05:42):
Yeah, it's really hard for me toforgive that, naturally it is,
yeah, and I remember when my dadpassed away in 08, and there
were some changes to the willand there were some issues with
my brother and I and his wifeand man.
It took me a long time to beable to forgive my dad and my
brother and sister-in-law and Iwould think about it and it
(06:03):
consumed my days for months andI finally got that it was truly
only hurting me.
My brother didn't care, youknow, he got the best of the
deal.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
You were like in a dark spot, just like all mad
right.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
So I was mad and sad and wanted to get revenge.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
You know, I was just in a really bad place.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
That's yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And I mean that didn't do me any benefit at all.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I couldn't focus.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I couldn't take care of my family.
Well, I couldn't, you know, Icouldn't do a lot of things
because you were just focused onthat.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I'm really just consumed with it.
So, um, kind of has somethinglike that going on right now and
, um, you know, I was reminded,uh, tuesday night in group, that
holding onto forgiveness reallydoes just inhibit your
relationship or my relationshipwith God, um, the relationship
that he really wants me to havewith him.
So when I'm, I'm in,unforgiving, I'm not living my
(07:08):
life the way God wants me tolive, I'm not being kind, I'm
not being loving, I'm not being,um, you know, happy and joyous,
all those things that the Biblesays we should be.
And so, um, you know, I would,you know, I sit and spend my
time scheming how I'm going toget revenge, you know, and um,
(07:34):
it's just not healthy.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, so I think, like the faster you forgive too,
the better you feel, becauseyou're not focused on that,
whatever was negative,negatively impacting your life.
So yeah you're focusing onwhat's next.
What do we got to do instead ofthis?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So kind of like putting it behind you, I think
so, and you've heard me say thatsome days I can't even focus on
what I need to focus on.
Yeah, I've heard that too Ijust get, I just get, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And it's like I've had friends in the past that
have like done stuff to methat's like wrong and stuff, and
it's like they don't know anybetter.
I I forgive them because youknow it's not worth it to just
be mad at them and just have abunch of built up anger against
them.
I think it's stupid.
So just let it go and justforgive.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So it can be hard to do, but it can be.
Yeah, if we keep our focus onwhat is really important and
that's our relationship with God.
I think that really helps.
So you know, and then I thinkabout another point too.
You know, god has forgiven allour sins because of, you know,
allowing his one and only son todie on the cross for us.
And you know, I don't feel likeI have the right to be
(08:38):
unforgiving when all my sins getunforgiven or get forgiven.
And you know, I've heard justlet God deal with the situation,
he'll handle it.
And so I think that's anotherimportant point that keeps me on
track and keeps me in aforgiving place.
And I guess, going back to theidea of choices lead and
(09:04):
feelings follow, by choosing tobe unforgiving, I'm letting my
feelings dictate me, right?
So letting, when we were justtalking about all this, you
don't want that to happen, sonow and which brings, you know
it's all the negativeconsequences, saying hurtful
things, shutting someone out ofyour life.
You know it's not a win foranybody.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
No, it's just negative negative.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You know it's not a win for anybody.
No, it's just negative,negative, negative.
However, yeah, and however, ifI choose to, if I lead by
choosing and I choose to forgive, the feelings that follow are
peace, enjoy, accomplishment,not being distracted all that
it's like you're in control.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
You can choose how you want to feel.
Why not feel happy?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
So why not feel all those other feelings instead of
you know, not forgiving?
So?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
yeah, so by choosing to forgive I have better
feelings and I'm in a betterplace.
I'm in a better place with godand I'm more productive, etc.
So hope that helps explain thatconcept.
But we can use this concept inany circumstance.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Really it doesn't have to just be forgiveness or
unforgiveness.
Number two waking up earlier.
So Mel Robbins, in her book theLet them Theory, currently on
the New York Times bestsellerlist, talks about the 5-4-3-2-1
idea.
You count down from 5 to 1every time that you have to
(10:28):
nudge or force yourself to dosomething, something that
doesn't come easy for you to do,like dishes or laundry or, you
know, yard work or whatever itmay be, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
We just mowed the lawn.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
this morning, yeah.
So, um, I mean something that'snot easy, that you don't really
want to do, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Or also besides that, it's the you know, when you
have fear about something orsome anxiety about something.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
you know it kind of just pushes you to just 5, 4, 3,
2, 1,.
You know, get out of bed, startthe laundry, do the dishes, pay
the bills.
And she said the author Melsays it helps you power through,
feel fear, anxiety, overwhelm,doubt and procrastination.
So I've used it before toogetting out of bed.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
So yeah at least just like you kind of just force
yourself to spring up yeah, soyou just know, when you get to
one you got to move whateverthat is, I I do that sometimes
with writing our scripts for ourpodcast.
It's like I don't know what towrite today.
I'm not in the mood, but when Ido the five, four, three, two,
one and I have in my head I'mgoing to go now.
(11:34):
Then I go and it's reallyencouraging.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
You kind of like make a fake rule in your head.
It's like okay, when it goesdown to one, I have to do this.
No matter what so it's kind oflike a little law you put in
your head.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So so, um, yeah, I can be good at procrastinating
sometimes, which I think we allcan, but um but when you knock
it out, I mean you just feelbetter, you feel accomplished
and you feel relieved.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
You know, got that out the way, knocked it out
Right, Like.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I was sort of motivated this morning to do the
lawn because I know past, likeabout 11, it's going to be way
too hot.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exactly, I was thinking that too.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
We were out there, I don't know, nine, nine, 30,
something like that, but maybenine.
Um and it was still a littlehot and we got sweaty.
But, um, I didn't really needencouragement to do that.
I didn't have to do the five,four, three, two, one to get out
there, because I I knew theresult if I waited would be
tremendous heat and more sunburning on Greg Exactly.
(12:29):
So that was easy.
But I've got some work on mydesk that I have to get to, and
I'm really not crazy about doingit right now.
So I'm going to have to use the5-4-3-2-1 to get myself engaged
, because once I get engaged I'mgood.
That's it.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That's it, that's my experience.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't know about you.
I mean yeah, yeah, I think too,like I'm thinking of, like
college students or studentsjust sitting down and doing
their work.
You know who wants to study fora test.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
But that theory can be really helpful, I think you
just gotta sit down and do ityeah, yeah, and not even yeah,
just anybody but, okay.
Um well, let's see what about.
I know this is kind of a bigone for me, but watching our
tongues, um, this can bedifficult to do, you know.
(13:25):
Sometimes you just want toblurt something out at somebody.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Watching your tongue and watching your attitude.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, yeah, but you know our words can.
They're either going to tearsomebody up or they're going to
lift them up, and we don't wantto tear people down, right?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah, most people don't like really think of it,
but words are really powerful.
So, and like how you say, whatyou say to people, they can
really affect them.
So I mean the other.
The other day some, some ladycomplimented my shirt and I was
like, oh, thank you, so smallthings like that can really lift
you up.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So what shirt was that?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Uh, I was at church.
It was that long sleevecollared one.
Yeah.
So, um, yeah, I mean, just asmall compliment like that can
lift me up.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah, it makes you feel good.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
It does yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It can change your day, and then you can pass that
on to somebody else right, yeah.
It's like even just a smile.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Mm-hmm, or how are you doing this morning?
How are you doing, you know?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, makes a big difference.
Yeah, I know when my energy isreally high.
I know when my energy is reallyhigh.
Stop picking on yourself.
Greg's peeling himself in thebackground.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I know it's so tempting, right, I know.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's like peeling the glue off your finger when
you're a kid Pretty much yeah,all right.
So what were we talking about?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Words.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Lifting people up.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah.
So why?
I guess why?
Maybe why do we do that?
Maybe you were spoken to that,or spoken that way when you were
a child.
Maybe your parents were veryinsultive.
You know, instead of liftingyou up, they're like why are you
(15:09):
doing that?
Or what's wrong with you?
How come your homework's notdone?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You know, just negativity.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know, maybe you're under stress.
I know, sometimes when I'munder stress I get a little
impatient.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Or you get frustrated .
As a mother, I get frustratedwith my children's behavior
because we probably talked aboutit a hundred times and one
example was yesterday.
Greg was um potting someflowers and, um, he did it, you
know, got it done and everything.
And I go out to take the trashcan out and there's the pitcher
(15:44):
of water and the bag of dirt anda little shovel and dirt on the
carport the concrete and I'mjust like I don't know why I
didn't put it away.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I literally just walked back inside after I
finished and then didn't putanything away, so just left it
all there.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And so, um, how many times we talk about cleaning up
after ourselves, right, and um,anyway, just uh, that was sort
of a little example that I wasthinking of.
And um, sometimes we're justfeeling hurt by somebody and we
just don't speak nicely.
Or we're hurt about acircumstance and we're in a bad
(16:21):
place and we just don't speakwell, Um, let's see, and we just
don't speak well.
Let's see, Ephesians 4, verse29, says Do not let any
unwholesome talk come out ofyour mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others upaccording to their needs, that
it may benefit those who listen.
So I think I mean that sums itup right there.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Only what is helpful for building others up.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah, so, um now, what could I have done different
yesterday with you?
You know, hey, Greg, I noticedthat this materials you used are
still sitting outside.
Could you go um take care ofthat?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, but the way I deserved it.
I left a bunch of stuff outthere, I have to say it was a
mess out there.
There was dirt everywhere,potting soil everywhere and the
little shovel I used, and thenthe bucket of water was out
there too.
So, yeah, it was a mess.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
So anyway, just some food for thought, and you know,
and just some little examplescan be um, I forgive you versus
I never want to speak to youagain.
You know, or you did your bestversus you're a failure.
You can do it versus you'llnever be able to do it, or
(17:38):
you'll never amount to anything.
I see potential in you versusyou'll never be a doctor like
you're dreaming.
That's pretty bad, okay, anyway.
So making this choice will leadto good feelings versus
feelings of regret for you.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
You know you're gonna feel better I think it's like
thinking about your words and,well, really processing what
you're gonna say to peoplebefore you say it, and then
being positive.
So, like I said in 420,ephesians 429, what is helpful
for building others up?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
You're right.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
So positive talk, I think, is I mean it's just
helpful in general.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So it builds people up Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
It builds people up and you just you feel good about
it too.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So I liked what you said about it.
You know kind of thinking aboutwhat you need, you want to say
versus just blurting somethingout.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
That's where that comes from.
That's where like emotions comein, and that's where the
feelings part comes into it too.
So, anyway, do you have anyother examples you'd like to
share of anything coming to mindabout?
Choices leads, feelings followfollow.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I think just watching your actions and what you're
going to say and what you say isreally important, because your
words can carry a lot of power,um, certainly negative or
positive, whatever they are.
Um, and yeah, watching ourtongues is also really important
and a really good topic, Ithink.
So.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't think so I think, that's all well, I gotta
say, go to church people, and uh, I guess that's our show for
today.
Um, I don't know.
Go check out our website, rightcheck out our website at
debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Um, yeah, we'll see you back here.
We'll see you back here nextweek.
Yeah, thank you god for thisepisode.
Jesus is always with you andwith us.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yes, you are not alone.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
All right, we love you and make it a great day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Take care, bye-bye.
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