May 8, 2025 • 18 mins
The wounds of childhood often leave lasting impressions that shape our relationships, emotional responses, and spiritual journeys well into adulthood. In this vulnerable conversation, Debbie Gold opens her heart about growing up in a household where "I love you" was rarely spoken and physical affection was almost non-existent.
Debbie shares how this emotional disconnect followed her into adulthood, making it nearly impossible for her to say simple phrases like "I'm sorry" to her husband. She recounts living above her parents' tavern between ages 9-14, where she witnessed her father's struggle with alcoholism and the domestic violence that followed. The painful memories of seeing her mother physically abused created trauma that took years to process and heal from.
What makes Debbie's story so powerful is her journey to forgiveness. Through her faith and recent experiences at a Freedom Group Conference, she found the strength to forgive those who hurt her most deeply. She draws particular comfort from scriptures that remind her God can use painful experiences for good: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." The realization that she would never again be truly alone because of God's presence brought profound healing to someone who grew up feeling she always had to handle problems by herself.
This episode serves as a reminder that no matter what trauma we've experienced, healing is possible through faith, forgiveness, and community. If you're carrying wounds from your past, know that your experiences can ultimately become the very thing God uses to help others. Subscribe to hear more conversations that remind you that truly, you are not alone.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Debbie and Greg Gold.
Hello, this is Debbie and GregGold, and welcome to the you Are
Not Alone podcast, where wecover topics that will help you
navigate life, and, asChristians, we know that we
can't do it alone.
We need Jesus.
We encourage you to join us onthe journey that will help you
(00:21):
begin or deepen your walk withChrist, no matter where you are.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello, listeners, welcome back to.
You Are Not Alone.
Today we're going to be doingsomething a little bit different
, Mom, I know at some point inthe near future you're going to
be sharing your testimony withour listeners, and today I want
to talk to you about some of theexperiences of your childhood
because I think your sharingwill help other people.
So we'll get that.
We'll get into that for a bit,but first it's time for
(00:51):
highlights of the week.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So my favorite.
Yeah, so it's all my favorite.
So what was yours this week?
What do you got?
Okay, well, I, it's hands downeasily.
It's the highlight of the week.
It is is, uh, the freedom groupconference that we did last uh
weekend.
So it was it was friday night,right, and all day, saturday,
(01:13):
yep and it was a um, just aremarkable experience really.
So this freedom group, we wedid talk about this a little bit
last week, but it was like a 12week program.
And we learned about removingobstacles that keep us from
(01:33):
having a close, intimaterelationship with God and um.
So for me, um got a lot out ofthat.
We did a lot of worship, we dida lot of reflecting and a lot
of praying right, wouldn't yousay oh yeah, for sure.
And um for me.
I it just broke some of thechains of my past and my present
Um, for example, like I wasable to do some forgiving of
(01:55):
some of the people who have hurtme, and that was really huge
for me, and by havingunforgiveness, it um brings me
closer to God and it heals me aswell.
So if I can take away thatbecause not being able to
forgive is a sin really initself and so being able to say
(02:17):
I do forgive that person becausemaybe they didn't really know
what they were doing- orwhatever it was, and by doing
that, that brings me closer toGod, it takes that barrier down,
so, and then I feel betterabout myself as well.
Um, and the I think the otherthing that happened was it.
Well, it took my face toanother level.
(02:38):
Like I feel so much closer toGod.
I've learned different thingsabout praying and it's just.
It was just unbelievable.
The takeaway on that experienceand then, not to mention the
connections that I made withsome of the women in my group
during those 12 weeks, but thenduring the conference, it was
just a lot of laughter and tears, like really a lot of tears,
(03:01):
and handing people tissues andhugging people and telling
people you love them, and it wasjust so close and intimate.
It was really wonderful.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So yeah, um, I don't know, I'll probably do that
group again.
Some people go back and do itover and over, so, um, yeah, it
was really good.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, I'd have to say , mom, was also the freedom
group conference.
You know a lot of letting go, alot of reflecting.
And then also the next, thefollowing Tuesday after that, we
went out for pizza at the samegroup where we always meet and
then we just reflected on thegroup and the conference and all
the you know 12 weeks that wewent through it.
And just we just got to sit downand have a meal with each other
(03:39):
and it was really nice so, butyeah, it was a lot of reflecting
, a lot of looking back.
Really nice so, but yeah it wasa lot of reflecting, a lot of
looking back.
So, and it was, it was reallygood.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So really big on forgiveness as well.
So yeah, so some of the otherthings we talked about, too were
like pride and um, anger andfear and abuse and you know,
just things that we all dealwith in, in our lives it was
just really impactful yeah, so,um, so me and you we've talked
(04:11):
about like the trauma that youexperienced growing up a little
bit yeah, and then I want tostart.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
We have shared some things yeah, but let's start
with like emotional abuse.
I mean, how was your experiencegrowing up?
I mean?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
um, yeah, so that that was probably my biggest
type of abuse, if you want tocall it that.
But, um, I I want to just startwith um some scripture, and
it's Psalm 139, verse one.
It says you have searched me,lord, and you know me.
So God knows everything aboutme, right?
He knows everything I've everdone, everything that I will do
(04:45):
in the future.
He knew everything that wasgoing to happen in my life from
prior to the future, before Iwas even conceived, and that was
all part of the big plan backin Genesis.
He's got everyone planned outand we're in the book.
We're in the book.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So I just wanted to start with that.
It seemed like the right thingto start with, but um.
I think emotionally, um, I justremember growing up and we
weren't huggy, touchy family andI don't know if that was kind
of a common thing back then, um,or if that was just my family,
(05:27):
I really don't know.
Um, not a lot of hugs oranything no, nothing like that,
and I can't imagine that.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I hug you every morning when I wake up and every
night before you go to bed, ifI'm awake yeah, I know it's just
crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And to think that we never did that.
Or like my mom saying I loveyou, or my dad.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
You really didn't hear that much.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
No, and for me to say so.
Like I moved to California whenI was 22 and the first trip I
came home because I it was itwas over a year before I got to
come back, a little over a yearto get to go back to my family,
and I remember telling my mom Iloved her then and it was really
(06:09):
awkward for me to say it butshe couldn't say I love you back
.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Seriously, yes, really.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Eventually over time and me coming and going back and
forth, I got them to loosen up.
Wow, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
That is crazy.
I never knew that about you.
I never got to meet your mom.
She passed right before youknow.
I was adopted and so.
I wish I got to meet her, butwow yeah, and my dad.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I mean, you know my dad Harley.
He was um, he was like thissolid rock when you tried to hug
him do you.
I don't know if you rememberthat you were still kind of
little.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I was very young.
I remember he was big, thoughyeah, he's a big guy yeah, he
was yeah but yeah, just solid asa rock.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I'm like loosen up, dude, loosen up, you know yeah
um, but yeah, so that was kindof that emotional disconnect
there and um, and of course youtake that into your.
I remember being married to dadand your dad and um for the
longest time I could never sayI'm sorry, like those words
could not come out of my mouth.
(07:11):
It was the hardest thing andI'm sure through therapy or some
wild experience or whatever Iwas it got to the point.
Or you know, in my own careergrowth or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So they didn't express emotion.
So you had a hard timeexpressing emotion too.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Exactly, exactly.
See, that's that generationalthing that we talked a lot about
in the conference.
We heard, yeah, we talked aboutthat, so so, um, oh, and the
other thing too, which I Ididn't realize it at the time
when I was young, but I realizedit after being out in
california I I really neverspent a lot of time, nothing,
(07:46):
alone with my dad.
Never time alone with my dad,um, but with my mom I can recall
one time we went to the movies,we went to go see Gone with the
Wind.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Just once.
Well, we actually saw the movietwice.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Oh yeah, but she never would go to the movies.
Oh, yeah, it was just me withfriends, but she wanted to see
Gone with the Wind, so we wentand it was great, and then we
went back and saw it again, sothat, like that's one thing I
remember.
But then also on Saturdays thatwas kind of her day to go get
her hair done and then we'd goshop around downtown and then
(08:18):
we'd go to the grocery store andget groceries and it was our,
it was I always looked at, thatwas a special time for for us to
be together.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Oh, that's kind of nice, yeah, and oh, that's kind
of nice.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah, and it was just me.
My other sisters never wantedto go, so I did get that yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
But yeah, so there's that and then I heard you
mention that your dad also, youknow, drained kind of frequently
too growing up.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Growing up in that environment, right, yeah, yeah,
okay, well, we can move on.
I'm sorry I was thinking aboutI had another song.
It kind of went away.
um, but no, I, I do want to goback, it's um problems, like I
could never go to my mom withproblems, like I tried and I
(09:03):
don't feel like she ever wasavailable to console me or to
spend time, like I don't know ifshe didn't have the words or
didn't have the thoughts toconsole me or to spend time,
like I don't know if she didn'thave the words or didn't have
the thoughts to help me or shewas just too busy.
You know, I'm really not sureand like one example that when I
was in um seventh grade sixthor seventh grade I was hanging
out with Cindy, my best friendum, at her place and we were,
(09:26):
you know doing our hair, youknow doing things with our hair
and stuff and she goes oh my god, she was gonna part my hair in
the back and put my hair inponytails and she's like Debbie,
you have a bald spot back hereand I went what you know, I kind
of painted.
You know how when you getnervous, you get really hot.
And yeah, I just remember thatso well sweaty yeah, and.
I'm like no what.
(09:46):
And so anyway, she showed me inthe mirror and I, um, I mean, I
I told my mom about it and shedidn't do anything about it.
She didn't really seemconcerned about it.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Really.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
And it just time went on and it started getting worse
, Like I'd get more.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Wow Huh.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yeah.
And then I was talking to mysister-in-law and my brother's
wife and she's like well, whydon't you come and stay with us
during the summer?
You can babysit the kids,because her and Roger worked.
I said okay, so then I stayedthere.
She said, oh, my God, this isgetting bad.
She goes let me talk to mom andget her to take you to a doctor
.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
So she did, and finally my mom made an
appointment to a dermatologistin Madison.
And we went down there and itwas alopecia areata, which means
hair falls out in patches,basically, and he thought maybe
I was low red blood count.
And then it was stress.
Well, there was a lot of stressgoing on because at the time we
(10:43):
lived in the tavern, in the barthat my parents ran.
We lived upstairs, but yeah, Imean I really felt alone a lot
of times and didn't really haveanyone I could go to.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I was afraid, or I didn't know what to do, or you
know all these things like amother and father figure?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, exactly, but I am.
I'm reminded of the scripturehere.
It's Joshua 1, verse 9.
It says have I not commandedyou to be strong and courageous,
do not be afraid, do not bediscouraged, for the Lord, your
God, will be with you whereveryou go.
And I was reminded at theconference that I will never be
(11:27):
alone and I will never beabandoned, ever again, because I
have God.
And that was one of the prayersthat the ladies prayed with me
over, because I said I alwayshad to deal with my own problems
on my own.
And that was just such a reliefto me knowing that, yeah, I am
going to have problems, we allhave problems.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
We all have issues.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
But we just turn to God with them.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So that was really empowering and, as you were
saying earlier about my dad, andhe did drink a lot and we did.
My dad did several differentthings actually throughout his
life, kind of like me, and he myparents bought a bar or I like
(12:11):
to call it a bar and grill, Ithink we and we lived upstairs
and that was between the ages of9 and grill Um, I was, I think
we and we lived upstairs andthat was between the ages of
nine and 14.
And, um and it was.
There were so many good thingsabout that, but then there were
so many bad things about it andone of the bad things was that
my dad's at some point starteddrinking probably every day, and
then sometimes it would getlike really bad, where he'd be
drinking during the day, throughthe day, into the night, and
(12:34):
then he would be intoxicatedbasically yeah.
And I used to always say heabused alcohol.
But truthfully I think I don'tknow if they had Al-Anon or AA
back then, but if he would have,if they did, he was an
alcoholic.
I truly believe that and youknow it was just yeah and um,
you know it was just, it justreally got, it was bad and and I
(12:56):
mean, was he like a nasty drunkwhen he got?
yeah, I mean, sometimes he couldbe so happy and then sometimes
he could be aggressive orsomething aggressive, and it
really was mostly toward my mom,and that kind of takes takes me
to that next level of thephysical abuse that went on when
I was growing up and it wasnever me.
I mean, I don't ever remember,you know, being hit or if I.
(13:19):
If something happened, I wasprobably trying to be in the
crossfire and save my mom frommy dad.
But I don't really remember,you know, being physically
struck or anything.
Um, but yeah, they did fightand I remember a time when you
know my dad, he would pull herhair and my mom was screaming.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
I know.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
And another time, um, that's traumatic.
I remember being downstairs inthe bar and we were, it was
closing time and my parents gotinto it and sometimes my mom
would just say you know, dad, goup to bed.
I got this, I'll take care ofclosing, because she just didn't
want to have any confrontations.
But one time that didn't happenand they got into an argument.
(14:01):
I remember it being by the pooltable and he hauled off and hit
her in the head.
Her glasses went flying.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Oh my gosh, it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
And those are just a couple of examples.
There's many more of that typeof thing that happened.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I had no idea.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, I mean imagine seeing at any age, but being in
that age of between 9 and 14 andseeing your parents do that to
each other.
Traumatic yeah, yeah andhonestly, my mom was a saint.
Back then, divorce wasn't athing really yeah I mean it's
rare that you walked out rightso um anyway that's heavy,
(14:40):
that's very heavy.
I know I'm going okay yeah um,but again, I'm reminded of,
reminded of a scripture, matthew5, verse 44.
It says love your enemies andpray for those who persecute you
, and I think that, um you know,seeing all this with my parents
, it all happened.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I love my parents and um I remember when your dad was
passing, you were by his sideall the time.
I know, right, yeah, I wassuper young when he was, you
know, passing away in hospiceand all that, but I remember
just, you were glued to his sideso you'd go up and see dad and
me, and dad would go take aflight up there or something
(15:22):
like that, just to see him.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
So and then we'd meet you there at the hospital or
whatever so I know that last umthose last few months of his
life I mean, I was up there somuch I would struggle between
being here to take care of youbecause you were about five.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah, I was young.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, five or six, I remember you had a birthday
coming up and I told Dad I go.
I went up there, I could onlystay I don't know three or four
days because we had a birthdayparty planned for you.
And that was like Clifford theBig Red dog, I think oh my gosh,
I remember that, yes you know,it was always like a big, big
(15:57):
event.
Yeah, you were the only child,so you got special yeah um at
the time and um, and I said, dad, I go, and he was.
He was not in a good place, um,and he was in a nursing home.
I said, dad, I gotta go, Igotta get home.
I got this birthday party.
He didn't want me to go and hewas crying and I said, dad, I
promise I'm coming back.
And it was just really hard,just you know, just really hard.
(16:18):
But, yeah, you do what you gotto do.
But, yes, you know, we do gethurt, we have enemies, but we
have to pray for those who hurtus and hope that, if you know
they are Christian, they'llrepent and and, uh, yeah, just
(16:38):
but it sounds like ultimatelyyou forgave your dad for
everything.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So in the end, right, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Absolutely, I don't.
I can't say it didn't.
You know, did it happenovernight?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Did I even think that all these things that happened
to me as a child were somethingI would ever have to forgive?
Because when you go through ityou're just like, well, maybe
this is just life, or you're nota Christian, and so you don't
even think about it that way?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
But the fact that you forgave it's big, so you're at
peace with it.
Right, exactly, that's theimportant part.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And anyway, just to close with another scripture,
genesis 50, 20 says you intendedto harm me, but God intended it
for good to accomplish what isnow being done.
So I just hold on to that,whenever I go through struggles,
that whatever is going on here,it's been planned out from the
(17:31):
very know, from the verybeginning.
And, um, god does intend it forgood.
And there's, I mean I can.
Every difficult struggle that Igo through, I can always see
the good that comes out of it.
And right now we're podcastingabout it and we're helping other
people know that they're notgoing through that alone, or
didn't go through it alone, orhelping people see that, um,
(17:53):
it's okay to have strugglesbecause we all have them and
we're human and it makes usbetter people stronger, yeah, so
yeah
Speaker 2 (18:02):
so um I think that's our show for today, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
that was a little tough, I have to admit a little
heavy episode yeah, but that'sokay.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Make sure to please check out our website at
debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And I want to just remind everyone that my Bible
study Crossing Over is nowavailable in digital download on
our website, and it really isjust.
It's for new believers thatwant to take that next step and
begin a relationship with JesusHighly encourage it.
Or it's for believers who havenever heard of a relationship
with Jesus Christ and want tostart that walk, and I promise
(18:40):
it will be life changing.
All right, so we'll see youback here next week.
Thank you, god, for thisepisode and remember Jesus is
always with you.
You are not alone and we loveyou and have a great day.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
All right.
Debbie and Greg Gold.
Hello, this is Debbie and GregGold, and welcome to the you Are
Not Alone podcast, where wecover topics that will help you
navigate life, and, asChristians, we know that we
can't do it alone.
We need Jesus.
We encourage you to join us onthe journey that will help you
(00:21):
begin or deepen your walk withChrist, no matter where you are.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hello, listeners, welcome back to.
You Are Not Alone.
Today we're going to be doingsomething a little bit different
, Mom, I know at some point inthe near future you're going to
be sharing your testimony withour listeners, and today I want
to talk to you about some of theexperiences of your childhood
because I think your sharingwill help other people.
So we'll get that.
We'll get into that for a bit,but first it's time for
(00:51):
highlights of the week.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So my favorite.
Yeah, so it's all my favorite.
So what was yours this week?
What do you got?
Okay, well, I, it's hands downeasily.
It's the highlight of the week.
It is is, uh, the freedom groupconference that we did last uh
weekend.
So it was it was friday night,right, and all day, saturday,
(01:13):
yep and it was a um, just aremarkable experience really.
So this freedom group, we wedid talk about this a little bit
last week, but it was like a 12week program.
And we learned about removingobstacles that keep us from
(01:33):
having a close, intimaterelationship with God and um.
So for me, um got a lot out ofthat.
We did a lot of worship, we dida lot of reflecting and a lot
of praying right, wouldn't yousay oh yeah, for sure.
And um for me.
I it just broke some of thechains of my past and my present
Um, for example, like I wasable to do some forgiving of
(01:55):
some of the people who have hurtme, and that was really huge
for me, and by havingunforgiveness, it um brings me
closer to God and it heals me aswell.
So if I can take away thatbecause not being able to
forgive is a sin really initself and so being able to say
(02:17):
I do forgive that person becausemaybe they didn't really know
what they were doing- orwhatever it was, and by doing
that, that brings me closer toGod, it takes that barrier down,
so, and then I feel betterabout myself as well.
Um, and the I think the otherthing that happened was it.
Well, it took my face toanother level.
(02:38):
Like I feel so much closer toGod.
I've learned different thingsabout praying and it's just.
It was just unbelievable.
The takeaway on that experienceand then, not to mention the
connections that I made withsome of the women in my group
during those 12 weeks, but thenduring the conference, it was
just a lot of laughter and tears, like really a lot of tears,
(03:01):
and handing people tissues andhugging people and telling
people you love them, and it wasjust so close and intimate.
It was really wonderful.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So yeah, um, I don't know, I'll probably do that
group again.
Some people go back and do itover and over, so, um, yeah, it
was really good.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, I'd have to say , mom, was also the freedom
group conference.
You know a lot of letting go, alot of reflecting.
And then also the next, thefollowing Tuesday after that, we
went out for pizza at the samegroup where we always meet and
then we just reflected on thegroup and the conference and all
the you know 12 weeks that wewent through it.
And just we just got to sit downand have a meal with each other
(03:39):
and it was really nice so, butyeah, it was a lot of reflecting
, a lot of looking back.
Really nice so, but yeah it wasa lot of reflecting, a lot of
looking back.
So, and it was, it was reallygood.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So really big on forgiveness as well.
So yeah, so some of the otherthings we talked about, too were
like pride and um, anger andfear and abuse and you know,
just things that we all dealwith in, in our lives it was
just really impactful yeah, so,um, so me and you we've talked
(04:11):
about like the trauma that youexperienced growing up a little
bit yeah, and then I want tostart.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
We have shared some things yeah, but let's start
with like emotional abuse.
I mean, how was your experiencegrowing up?
I mean?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
um, yeah, so that that was probably my biggest
type of abuse, if you want tocall it that.
But, um, I I want to just startwith um some scripture, and
it's Psalm 139, verse one.
It says you have searched me,lord, and you know me.
So God knows everything aboutme, right?
He knows everything I've everdone, everything that I will do
(04:45):
in the future.
He knew everything that wasgoing to happen in my life from
prior to the future, before Iwas even conceived, and that was
all part of the big plan backin Genesis.
He's got everyone planned outand we're in the book.
We're in the book.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So I just wanted to start with that.
It seemed like the right thingto start with, but um.
I think emotionally, um, I justremember growing up and we
weren't huggy, touchy family andI don't know if that was kind
of a common thing back then, um,or if that was just my family,
(05:27):
I really don't know.
Um, not a lot of hugs oranything no, nothing like that,
and I can't imagine that.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I hug you every morning when I wake up and every
night before you go to bed, ifI'm awake yeah, I know it's just
crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
And to think that we never did that.
Or like my mom saying I loveyou, or my dad.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
You really didn't hear that much.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
No, and for me to say so.
Like I moved to California whenI was 22 and the first trip I
came home because I it was itwas over a year before I got to
come back, a little over a yearto get to go back to my family,
and I remember telling my mom Iloved her then and it was really
(06:09):
awkward for me to say it butshe couldn't say I love you back
.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Seriously, yes, really.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Eventually over time and me coming and going back and
forth, I got them to loosen up.
Wow, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
That is crazy.
I never knew that about you.
I never got to meet your mom.
She passed right before youknow.
I was adopted and so.
I wish I got to meet her, butwow yeah, and my dad.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I mean, you know my dad Harley.
He was um, he was like thissolid rock when you tried to hug
him do you.
I don't know if you rememberthat you were still kind of
little.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I was very young.
I remember he was big, thoughyeah, he's a big guy yeah, he
was yeah but yeah, just solid asa rock.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I'm like loosen up, dude, loosen up, you know yeah
um, but yeah, so that was kindof that emotional disconnect
there and um, and of course youtake that into your.
I remember being married to dadand your dad and um for the
longest time I could never sayI'm sorry, like those words
could not come out of my mouth.
(07:11):
It was the hardest thing andI'm sure through therapy or some
wild experience or whatever Iwas it got to the point.
Or you know, in my own careergrowth or whatever.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So they didn't express emotion.
So you had a hard timeexpressing emotion too.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Exactly, exactly.
See, that's that generationalthing that we talked a lot about
in the conference.
We heard, yeah, we talked aboutthat, so so, um, oh, and the
other thing too, which I Ididn't realize it at the time
when I was young, but I realizedit after being out in
california I I really neverspent a lot of time, nothing,
(07:46):
alone with my dad.
Never time alone with my dad,um, but with my mom I can recall
one time we went to the movies,we went to go see Gone with the
Wind.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Just once.
Well, we actually saw the movietwice.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Oh yeah, but she never would go to the movies.
Oh, yeah, it was just me withfriends, but she wanted to see
Gone with the Wind, so we wentand it was great, and then we
went back and saw it again, sothat, like that's one thing I
remember.
But then also on Saturdays thatwas kind of her day to go get
her hair done and then we'd goshop around downtown and then
(08:18):
we'd go to the grocery store andget groceries and it was our,
it was I always looked at, thatwas a special time for for us to
be together.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Oh, that's kind of nice, yeah, and oh, that's kind
of nice.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah, and it was just me.
My other sisters never wantedto go, so I did get that yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
But yeah, so there's that and then I heard you
mention that your dad also, youknow, drained kind of frequently
too growing up.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Growing up in that environment, right, yeah, yeah,
okay, well, we can move on.
I'm sorry I was thinking aboutI had another song.
It kind of went away.
um, but no, I, I do want to goback, it's um problems, like I
could never go to my mom withproblems, like I tried and I
(09:03):
don't feel like she ever wasavailable to console me or to
spend time, like I don't know ifshe didn't have the words or
didn't have the thoughts toconsole me or to spend time,
like I don't know if she didn'thave the words or didn't have
the thoughts to help me or shewas just too busy.
You know, I'm really not sureand like one example that when I
was in um seventh grade sixthor seventh grade I was hanging
out with Cindy, my best friendum, at her place and we were,
(09:26):
you know doing our hair, youknow doing things with our hair
and stuff and she goes oh my god, she was gonna part my hair in
the back and put my hair inponytails and she's like Debbie,
you have a bald spot back hereand I went what you know, I kind
of painted.
You know how when you getnervous, you get really hot.
And yeah, I just remember thatso well sweaty yeah, and.
I'm like no what.
(09:46):
And so anyway, she showed me inthe mirror and I, um, I mean, I
I told my mom about it and shedidn't do anything about it.
She didn't really seemconcerned about it.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Really.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
And it just time went on and it started getting worse
, Like I'd get more.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Wow Huh.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yeah.
And then I was talking to mysister-in-law and my brother's
wife and she's like well, whydon't you come and stay with us
during the summer?
You can babysit the kids,because her and Roger worked.
I said okay, so then I stayedthere.
She said, oh, my God, this isgetting bad.
She goes let me talk to mom andget her to take you to a doctor
.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
So she did, and finally my mom made an
appointment to a dermatologistin Madison.
And we went down there and itwas alopecia areata, which means
hair falls out in patches,basically, and he thought maybe
I was low red blood count.
And then it was stress.
Well, there was a lot of stressgoing on because at the time we
(10:43):
lived in the tavern, in the barthat my parents ran.
We lived upstairs, but yeah, Imean I really felt alone a lot
of times and didn't really haveanyone I could go to.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I was afraid, or I didn't know what to do, or you
know all these things like amother and father figure?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, exactly, but I am.
I'm reminded of the scripturehere.
It's Joshua 1, verse 9.
It says have I not commandedyou to be strong and courageous,
do not be afraid, do not bediscouraged, for the Lord, your
God, will be with you whereveryou go.
And I was reminded at theconference that I will never be
(11:27):
alone and I will never beabandoned, ever again, because I
have God.
And that was one of the prayersthat the ladies prayed with me
over, because I said I alwayshad to deal with my own problems
on my own.
And that was just such a reliefto me knowing that, yeah, I am
going to have problems, we allhave problems.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
We all have issues.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
But we just turn to God with them.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So that was really empowering and, as you were
saying earlier about my dad, andhe did drink a lot and we did.
My dad did several differentthings actually throughout his
life, kind of like me, and he myparents bought a bar or I like
(12:11):
to call it a bar and grill, Ithink we and we lived upstairs
and that was between the ages of9 and grill Um, I was, I think
we and we lived upstairs andthat was between the ages of
nine and 14.
And, um and it was.
There were so many good thingsabout that, but then there were
so many bad things about it andone of the bad things was that
my dad's at some point starteddrinking probably every day, and
then sometimes it would getlike really bad, where he'd be
drinking during the day, throughthe day, into the night, and
(12:34):
then he would be intoxicatedbasically yeah.
And I used to always say heabused alcohol.
But truthfully I think I don'tknow if they had Al-Anon or AA
back then, but if he would have,if they did, he was an
alcoholic.
I truly believe that and youknow it was just yeah and um,
you know it was just, it justreally got, it was bad and and I
(12:56):
mean, was he like a nasty drunkwhen he got?
yeah, I mean, sometimes he couldbe so happy and then sometimes
he could be aggressive orsomething aggressive, and it
really was mostly toward my mom,and that kind of takes takes me
to that next level of thephysical abuse that went on when
I was growing up and it wasnever me.
I mean, I don't ever remember,you know, being hit or if I.
(13:19):
If something happened, I wasprobably trying to be in the
crossfire and save my mom frommy dad.
But I don't really remember,you know, being physically
struck or anything.
Um, but yeah, they did fightand I remember a time when you
know my dad, he would pull herhair and my mom was screaming.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
I know.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
And another time, um, that's traumatic.
I remember being downstairs inthe bar and we were, it was
closing time and my parents gotinto it and sometimes my mom
would just say you know, dad, goup to bed.
I got this, I'll take care ofclosing, because she just didn't
want to have any confrontations.
But one time that didn't happenand they got into an argument.
(14:01):
I remember it being by the pooltable and he hauled off and hit
her in the head.
Her glasses went flying.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Oh my gosh, it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
And those are just a couple of examples.
There's many more of that typeof thing that happened.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I had no idea.
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, I mean imagine seeing at any age, but being in
that age of between 9 and 14 andseeing your parents do that to
each other.
Traumatic yeah, yeah andhonestly, my mom was a saint.
Back then, divorce wasn't athing really yeah I mean it's
rare that you walked out rightso um anyway that's heavy,
(14:40):
that's very heavy.
I know I'm going okay yeah um,but again, I'm reminded of,
reminded of a scripture, matthew5, verse 44.
It says love your enemies andpray for those who persecute you
, and I think that, um you know,seeing all this with my parents
, it all happened.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I love my parents and um I remember when your dad was
passing, you were by his sideall the time.
I know, right, yeah, I wassuper young when he was, you
know, passing away in hospiceand all that, but I remember
just, you were glued to his sideso you'd go up and see dad and
me, and dad would go take aflight up there or something
(15:22):
like that, just to see him.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
So and then we'd meet you there at the hospital or
whatever so I know that last umthose last few months of his
life I mean, I was up there somuch I would struggle between
being here to take care of youbecause you were about five.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yeah, I was young.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, five or six, I remember you had a birthday
coming up and I told Dad I go.
I went up there, I could onlystay I don't know three or four
days because we had a birthdayparty planned for you.
And that was like Clifford theBig Red dog, I think oh my gosh,
I remember that, yes you know,it was always like a big, big
(15:57):
event.
Yeah, you were the only child,so you got special yeah um at
the time and um, and I said, dad, I go, and he was.
He was not in a good place, um,and he was in a nursing home.
I said, dad, I gotta go, Igotta get home.
I got this birthday party.
He didn't want me to go and hewas crying and I said, dad, I
promise I'm coming back.
And it was just really hard,just you know, just really hard.
(16:18):
But, yeah, you do what you gotto do.
But, yes, you know, we do gethurt, we have enemies, but we
have to pray for those who hurtus and hope that, if you know
they are Christian, they'llrepent and and, uh, yeah, just
(16:38):
but it sounds like ultimatelyyou forgave your dad for
everything.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So in the end, right, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Absolutely, I don't.
I can't say it didn't.
You know, did it happenovernight?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Did I even think that all these things that happened
to me as a child were somethingI would ever have to forgive?
Because when you go through ityou're just like, well, maybe
this is just life, or you're nota Christian, and so you don't
even think about it that way?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
But the fact that you forgave it's big, so you're at
peace with it.
Right, exactly, that's theimportant part.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And anyway, just to close with another scripture,
genesis 50, 20 says you intendedto harm me, but God intended it
for good to accomplish what isnow being done.
So I just hold on to that,whenever I go through struggles,
that whatever is going on here,it's been planned out from the
(17:31):
very know, from the verybeginning.
And, um, god does intend it forgood.
And there's, I mean I can.
Every difficult struggle that Igo through, I can always see
the good that comes out of it.
And right now we're podcastingabout it and we're helping other
people know that they're notgoing through that alone, or
didn't go through it alone, orhelping people see that, um,
(17:53):
it's okay to have strugglesbecause we all have them and
we're human and it makes usbetter people stronger, yeah, so
yeah
Speaker 2 (18:02):
so um I think that's our show for today, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
that was a little tough, I have to admit a little
heavy episode yeah, but that'sokay.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Make sure to please check out our website at
debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And I want to just remind everyone that my Bible
study Crossing Over is nowavailable in digital download on
our website, and it really isjust.
It's for new believers thatwant to take that next step and
begin a relationship with JesusHighly encourage it.
Or it's for believers who havenever heard of a relationship
with Jesus Christ and want tostart that walk, and I promise
(18:40):
it will be life changing.
All right, so we'll see youback here next week.
Thank you, god, for thisepisode and remember Jesus is
always with you.
You are not alone and we loveyou and have a great day.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
All right.
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