Toxic Self-Talk and How to Break Free--Free Your Magic Challenge #5

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You’ve made it to the final day of the Free Your Magic Challenge—and we’re ending with the most important lesson of all: being gentle with yourself. High achievers often carry an inner critic that says “get your act together” or “work harder.” But what if you’ve always been doing your best? What if those harsh voices are just echoes of family and cultural conditioning that no longer serve you?

In this episode, Christine DeHerrera shows you three simple but powerful ways to soften the pressure: shifting your internal language, focusing on what you did accomplish instead of what you didn’t, and treating mistakes as data instead of self-indictments. These gentle shifts will help you stop overworking, release guilt, and finally allow space for the creativity and magic you’ve been craving.

If you’re ready to trade toxic self-criticism for clarity, ease, and real results, this episode will remind you of your worth—and show you how to move forward from a place of compassion. Don’t just finish the challenge—step into your next chapter fully remembering: you are the magic.

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Thank you for listening and just remember, you are the magic!

Episode Transcript

Christine DeHerrera (00:00):
If you've ever said, get your crap
together to yourself, thisepisode is for you.
Welcome to the final day of theFree your Magic Challenge.
I'm so proud of you for showingup for yourself this past week.
You didn't just consume content, you challenged beliefs that
may have been running onautopilot for years.
We've covered a lot and todaywe're closing with something
tender, something that livesinside many high achievers that

(00:23):
harsh inner voice, the neversatisfied critic.
Today we're going to talk aboutlearning to be gentle with
yourself.
Let's start with a recap ofwhere we've been.
This challenge was about helpingyou break free from subtle
forms of conditioning that arehighly rewarded but that are
actually keeping you stuck andkeeping you from reaching your
next level, a level that theworld desperately needs right

(00:45):
now.
On the first day, we exploredtoxic positivity the ability to
focus on the good in somethingso hard that you fail to take
action on something that reallyneeds to change.
On day two, we took on toxicexcellence.
Remember, excellence killsgenius, and genius is what
you're really on this planet todo.
Plus, it's so much more fun towork in your genius.

(01:06):
On day three, we tackled toxicundercharging Improperly valuing
your work drains you on everylevel.
And on day four, we faced toxicoverfunctioning, that
exhausting habit of doing toomuch too often for too many
people, when really they shouldbe doing it for themselves.
Each of these patterns isrooted in old conditioning,
family dynamics, culturalmessaging, even trauma.

(01:28):
And that brings us here to dayfive, where we're gonna look at
toxic behavior toward ourself,because the most insidious trap
of all is what happens when weinternalize all of this
conditioning and turn it onourselves.
Think about it you didn't choosemost of your patterns, you
absorbed them.
You survived with it.
You didn't choose most of yourpatterns, you absorbed them, you

(01:51):
survived with them.
You were praised for them andyou achieved so much with them.
But have you acknowledged thecost of that?
Maybe not.
Do you treat yourself like thebrilliant, brave person you are,
or are you fixated on how youcould be better, how you could
be further along?
Why are you falling short?
Well, now is the time to start anew way of being with yourself,
with gentleness andappreciation.
You're surviving in a worldthat's constantly tearing you
down and it's time to offerkindness to yourself the way you

(02:13):
do with people you love.
So here are three ways to startto be gentle with yourself.
Number one watch your internallanguage.
What's the tone of your innermonologue?
Do you say things to yourselflike get your butt moving or
pull together?
Already that voice might havehelped you push through all the
stuff in the past, but now it'sexhausting.

(02:34):
So start to notice how youspeak to yourself, especially
when you're tired, behind oroverwhelmed.
Ask yourself would I speak tomy best friend this way?
And if not, it's time to shiftthat voice into something wiser,
kinder and more sustainable.
A fun way to do this is giveyourself an internal nickname
like Boo, bear, pookie or Bebe,and start telling Pookie how

(02:58):
much you love them and how braveand wonderful they are.
A second way to learn to begentler on yourself is to focus
on what did get done versus whatwas on your list.
High achievers well, we lovelists and we also love beating
ourselves up when we don't checkevery single item off of them.
This pattern isn't your fault.

(03:19):
It's the list's fault.
A powerful reframe is to focuson what you did get done.
The list's fault.
A powerful reframe is to focuson what you did get done.
Start this change by having nomore than three yes, I said
three must-do business tasks andthree personal tasks on your
list each day.
Seriously, that's it.
These tasks should be needlemovers, not any kind of busy

(03:39):
work, not should-get-done thingsthat make a difference and move
your business and your lifeforward, and when they're done,
celebrate.
And then you can take yourselfon a celebratory creative
adventure, like a walk, a tripto the museum or maybe just
lying on the floor reading songlyrics to the new album you love
, like you used to do when youwere a kid.
This shift alone can dissolveso much stress, guilt and just

(04:04):
nastiness and will help restoreyour sense of peace.
One of the things I work withalmost all of my clients on is
celebrating themselves every day.
This shifts the momentum sofast.
The mental reframe comes around, the feeling of that day-to-day
stuff is so small that it isn'tworth celebrating.
But it's the small stuff thatmakes up our life and is most

(04:27):
worthy of celebrating.
Plus, if you're alive on planetEarth right now, accomplishing
even the tiniest of tasksdeserves massive celebration,
and I'd love to hear what you'recelebrating Big, small and
everything in between.
Text me at the top of the shownotes or DM me on Instagram with
your good work.
It's fuel and the third andfinal way to start to be gentle

(04:49):
on yourself is to notice how youtreat yourself when you do mess
up.
After 23 years and loads ofmistakes, I've learned this the
way you treat yourself after anerror matters way, way more than
the error itself.
When something goes wrong, doyou spiral into shame and beat
yourself up, or do you giveyourself grace and space to

(05:10):
learn?
Mistakes are feedback, notfailure.
I actually learned this fromthe tech bros.
I used to be terrified to makea mistake, which, of course,
didn't mean that I didn't makethem we're all human, after all
but I was so head down in thefirst years of my business that
when any mistake occurred, I wasabsolutely shattered.
It wasn't until I startedlistening to podcasts.

(05:31):
Of course it would be podcasts.
That's when I realized that notonly did everyone make mistakes
, but they even celebrated them.
Silicon Valley not only didn'tbeat up the tech bros for
messing up like colossalbusiness ending mistakes, they'd
fund their next startup withtens or hundreds of millions of
dollars.
This is when I realized Ineeded to lighten up.

(05:53):
Of course, we takeresponsibility for our errors,
but we don't need to destroyourselves over them.
Self-compassion isn't weakness,it's your greatest tool for
resilience.
So pull out that journal againand take some notes around this.
Think of one mistake you'vemade that still traps your hide
and write yourself a love noteabout how brave and wonderful

(06:15):
you were and what you learnedthroughout the process.
And then you can tear it up andthrow it in the trash, flush it
into the toilet or light it onfire Safely, of course, my
daughter's a firefighter.
We don't need any more fires.
Well, I can't believe we're atthe end.
You've completed the free yourmagic challenge, but the real
magic is just beginning.

(06:35):
This challenge was never aboutfixing you.
It was about freeing you fromoutdated patterns, impossible
standards and the pressure to doit all.
Now the question is what's next?
If this challenge stirredsomething in you, if you're
ready to stop over-functioning,start simplifying and build a
business and life that feelslike you, I'd love to talk.

(06:56):
Head to the link in the shownotes to book a free call with
me.
We'll explore where you are,where you want to go and how to
build your next chapter withclarity, confidence and so much
more ease.
And this challenge was just thebeginning.
Season two of the podcast kicksoff next week.
Until then, remember you arethe magic.