Deep Trouble

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Gentlemen, behold a mermaid. Isn't that acclaimed children's
or author Ariel Stein? I made him sexy.
Can he breathe in there? Of course not.

(00:26):
What's that beeping sound? I put a bomb in his ass.
I'm still oral star and. Then you could put the goofy
screen sound effect in there. Oh yeah, yeah.

(00:54):
Yeah, hello and welcome to another episode of You Can't
Scare Me, joined, as always withmy good pals Mario.
Hi, it's me. It's Mario the cool ghoul who's
everybody's pal. Oh and yeah, this is the the
summer edition. So yeah, we're wearing Speedos.
Just FYI, we're recording. I am wearing some trunks.

(01:16):
Yeah, no. Oh wait, am I the only one
wearing a Speedo? Well, I mean a Speedo.
This is swimwear. It's true.
It's true. Yeah, I'm getting sand
everywhere and. So is my neon yellow banana
hammock. It's true.
It's true. Yeah, yeah.
No, yeah. Hammock pals.
What's up? Hammock hams.
Yeah, we're bumping hammock hams.
What's up, Brandon? How you doing?

(01:36):
Not too bad, not too bad. Good to know.
What are your feelings on sand? You know, I think I love it.
It's really coarse. It's coarse and uncomfortable
and it gets everywhere. Gets everywhere, so in that way.
It's predict Daring, yeah. Yeah.
It's like consistent. I would say yeah, sand is often

(01:57):
predictable. Welcome to the fanservice
episode of You Can't Scare Me, the summer edition where we're
all scantily clad and we're talking.
I would say I'm at my sexiest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I've never been sexier. Yeah, yeah.
I have I have a mustache so. Wow, really?
Yeah. Ohhh.
Yeah. Can you detect it?
Can you hear it? Can you hear that?

(02:18):
And. I I think I could have heard it
when you were recording the intro.
Yeah, I could hear a few bristles on the microphone.
Sure. It comes through beards, all
that you can always hear the brain.
You can hear him, yeah. I just heard it.
Whoa, yeah, it's there. And no, no, no, dear listener,
that it's there. Not me, I'm smooth and sexy, not

(02:42):
a hair on my body like a baby seal with alopecia.
Oh damn, you got that baby oil? No.
You got that baby oil. You got that baby oil.
Hey, Brandon, you got that baby oil?
You got that baby oil. Hey, relevant social commentary
about baby oil. You can put it right here.
Let's put it right there. I wasn't even thinking that.
Wow, baby oil has been ruined, hasn't it?

(03:04):
Hadn't it? Hadn't it?
Hadn't it? Hadn't it?
All right, we're well, guess what y'all we're here to talk
about. Weirdly I don't know why I
didn't plan this, but a very like ocean summary kind of book,
you know? This is a summer special.
Book #19 in the Goosebumps series Deep Trouble.

(03:26):
Wait, what's that? What do I hear on what do I what
do I see bounding across the thethe beach in slow motion?
Why? It's history.
I'm trying y'all. I'm recovering from a cold and
that really hurt. I'm sorry.
It's summer that history. Oh my God, Brandon, God damn it.

(03:52):
Ouch, Mario. Yes, hi.
As established, I have a mustache, which means that I
qualify, I think, for professorship.
So that's right. It's me, Professor Doctor Mario,
here to tell you about what was happening in the big, big book
of History in May 1994. But only those pages of history

(04:15):
that pertain to movies, TV and video games.
The only history that matters. There's a lot of talk about
movies actually, in the in May 94.
This is going to surprise you. Maybe actually, it won't
surprise you because it's a pretty mixed bag.
Well, it. Surprised me that you think it
surprises me. So that's a surprise.
Well how about this one coming coming at you immediately

(04:37):
surprising 3 ninjas kick back. Hell yeah, I'm there.
Did I? The only three Ninjas movie I
remember is High Noon at Mega Mountain.
What, like that's the one that Ithink about, you know what I
mean? Like for whatever reason, that's
the that's the three ninja movie.
You don't remember the first onewhere they give laxatives to the

(04:59):
invaders, the home invaders and make them shit themselves?
That's an extremely traditional ninja technique as I recall.
Yeah this is true as the art of the shinobi is full of giving
laxatives to people. I just feel like it's a weird
one where there is actually 4 movies in the Three Ninjas
franchise and the 4th one in my mind is the one that people

(05:20):
talked about. Like maybe I'm an outlier, maybe
my high school experience as an outlier, but whenever we
referenced our childhood in highschool, I feel like we were
talking about High Noon at Mega Mountain.
I don't know. That's like being really into
TMNT and. Carrying the third movie.
Yeah. And everybody's talking about
the third movie, and it's like, no, no.

(05:41):
I mean the 4th 1 is unique in that it has Hulk Hogan.
Rest of the kiss, rest in piss. Yeah, rest in piss.
But you know any regardless, let's just say this. 3 Ninjas
was certainly, if you were a 90skid, 3 Ninjas was important to
you at some point. Yeah, one of the movies you
definitely watched. It was definitely a movie that I
did watch. Speaking of things that are

(06:03):
definitely a movie, here is a movie I didn't know existed but
sounds so wild that now I'm verycurious about it.
It's a film called Being Human. It stars Robin Williams, Bill
Nye, Vincent D'onofrio and it's also Ewan McGregor's first movie
ever. Sand.
It was an international Co production of the United Kingdom

(06:27):
and Japan OK. The film portrays the experience
of a single human soul portrayedby Robin Williams through
various incarnations, with Williams being the only common
actor throughout the stories that span the entire history of
mankind. That's that's a lot.
That's a lot, right? I've never heard of this film
before in my life. Yeah, that's that's wild.

(06:49):
That's like not only high concept, but also a litany of
stars. Yeah, dear listener, I'm about
to show something visual so I apologize in advance, but we
just watched in my discord The War of the Worlds movie 2020.
The new one, the new. One featuring Ice Cube, and I am
making the face that Ice Cube ismaking in throughout that entire

(07:14):
movie, which is thus. That one, you know, it's weird.
I haven't seen the movie, but I could imagine the face.
That's what's impressive. Yeah, it's like ice cubes.
Default face basically. I gotta, I feel like I gotta
watch that. Movie.
I mean, I don't want to face in general.
It is one of those movies that Iwould recommend watching because
it is so bad. If you have Prime yeah who who

(07:35):
fucking cares? You know, let just.
Yeah, true. They're not getting any more
money out of it, so. Yeah, exactly.
It's like, you know, it is what it is.
It's bad. Yeah, expect something bad, but
it is entertainingly bad. You will have a time and you
will laugh. So.
So here's an interesting one that was released this month in
May 94 that has for some reason been showing up on my TikTok for

(07:58):
you page, like edited clips of it.
It's the movie dream lover. This was during the the sexual
years for James Spader. You know, when James Spader was
like in a lot of psychosexual thrillers.
The Secretary, this movie where he stars opposite of Mansion

(08:20):
Mick from Twin Peaks. I mispronounced your name, but I
loved her in Twin Peaks. I guess it's sort of a thriller.
It's in the vein of like Cruel Intentions, that kind of thing.
You know, back in the in 94, everyone is making movies about
people having sex and then regretting it in big ways.

(08:41):
So do with that information, we will.
I don't know why it's been popping up on TikTok clips of
it. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know. When did species come out?
Oh, 1995. Right, a species is pretty good,
actually. Yeah, you just said like people
having sex and regretting it. And I was just thinking, like,
what? Oh yeah.
Species is cooler than this. I'm talking about people having
sex and then regretting it because they slept with like
their secretary and their secretary, like kills a beloved

(09:05):
family pet or something. You know, something like that.
Something that kind of vibe. They're having sex with
psychopaths and it doesn't work out great.
Oopsies, apologies. You ever get done having sex and
just say whoops? God, who hasn't?
Oopsie dooples. Oopsie Daisy.

(09:27):
That seems like. Oh.
Baby made an oopsie that. Seemed like a way better idea
like 5 minutes ago. I think we both know this is a
mistake. You ever?
Have you finished having sex andthen display?
Yeah, the trumpet player is a roommate.
That's every time. You ever start having sex in

(09:49):
this place? That's also every time.
Stop putting it on blast, Bob. Speaking of mistakes, this is a
weird TV movie crossover. It was listed in her films on
Wikipedia, but it was definitelyATV miniseries, so I don't know
what's happening here. Stephen King's The Stand.
Yeah, yeah, OK. From from director Mick Garris,

(10:12):
a nice guy who makes pretty muchonly bad movies and also bad TV
miniseries. No offense to those who love the
ABC, The Stand I I I bet. I bet the love is 1 of nostalgia
and not because anyone thinks it's actually very good.
Yes, I sit. Damn it, Brandon.

(10:36):
Christ, you I I don't think listeners appreciate you have
torpedo jokes, Yeah, that just like completely go under the
water. But they're hilarious and like.
Brandon is a sort of submarine on this podcast.
It's true. It's true.
Running, running deep, running still.
That's why I'm in my element with this one.

(10:59):
I'm a battleship and you have sunk me.
I'm. Why did that sound sexual
anyway? I am a seagull.
I'm above at all I'm. Think.
I think only of bread. And shitting on people.
Speaking of birds, the crow cameout this month.
Oh. Yeah, that's OK.

(11:19):
That means, you know, that meansall right.
A shame about the lead actor. Yeah, not worth someone dying,
but yeah. No, but it you know return of
Jafar. I heard that that wasn't that
bad. Is that?
I mean, I watched it. I watched it a lot.
I definitely had it on VHS. That's the one that's all about
Iago, right? Yes, it also features Jason

(11:39):
Alexander as Abysmal. Abysmal.
I remember. What is abysmal?
Abysmal. It's a It's Jason Alexander in
an Aladdin movie. It's a It's a short con artist
who gets Jafar's lamp. It's the plot of Return of
Jafar. Beverly Hills Cop 3 The bad one
came out. The Flintstones movie.

(12:03):
That. Yeah.
I mean, yeah, yeah. The the an animated one or.
No, no, no, no, no. The John Goodman live action 10,
dear. Moving on.
And then a weird, cyclical nature of history.
The unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie snuck its
way into people's greedy claws on VHS this month.

(12:25):
'S way into their nightmares. If you ever want to watch a bad
movie, you could watch that. If you, if I mean.
Or don't. Or don't or watch the new one.
That's probably bad too. Wait, TV?
Boy, nothing happened in TV. There were literally literally

(12:46):
no new shows were aired. But Phil Hartman did make his
last SNL appearance and he was leaving the cast and Star Trek
The Next Generation ended, so make it not so.
Because it's. Not so.
Not so on TV anymore. G Gundam premiered on TV

(13:07):
actually last month, and I didn't know it, but here it is
now. I'm saying it, yeah.
You mean Gundam? Gundam, a great show, an amazing
show, don't let anyone tell you differently.
A piece of art that deserves to be preserved and remembered and
is featured in Super RIP at Where is Y coming August 28th

(13:27):
Anyway, video games. That's a great wow.
I'm doing transitions out the ass man, I've got this woof.
Video games. They are a mixed bag, I must
say. Andre Agassi's tennis for this
Ness. We've talked about this before,
somehow, I don't know how, but it's here.
He was in his prime. It was a time everybody loved
Agassi. They were all Agassi heads.

(13:48):
They were all Agassi heads. They were, yeah.
This one I think we might all remember.
I remember certainly. Clay Fighter.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, Bad Mr. Frosty is there anda bunch of racist caricature is
that we will not be talking about.
Yeah. That was among the games that I
that my parents considered Satanic and I wasn't allowed to

(14:09):
play. Wow, really?
Yeah, that one, because of like some of the visuals that they
had in that one was so scary. That and Diablo.
Diablo. I mean that that makes sense,
yeah. Yeah, yeah, it was icky bad clay
that did it. It was icky bad clay.
I played Clay fighter a fucking lot.
I rented that from Blockbuster on a near weekly basis and I

(14:31):
couldn't tell you why. That's like me with primal rage.
I thought Bad Mr. Frosty was cool.
I don't know what I mean. Ha ha.
Funny joke, but also I Yeah. I was a fancy little lad and I
did not like Clay Fighter despite playing it because it
wasn't as good as Street Fighter2.
Oh, it wasn't. It definitely wasn't.
What is I really? I mean, yeah, hey.

(14:54):
Speaking of fighting games, though, a transitioned again
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers forthe Genesis.
I remember that being pretty damn good.
I played this only at a friends house.
I never had a Genesis, but I wasreally into it and when I played
it I was like, oh this is cool, this is a cool game.
I played the pants off that sucker.
I was. I could be so large.

(15:15):
You can also be I think. Is this the one where you can
play as the Megazord like properly and there's big Kaiju
fights that aren't actually thatgood but.
You can play as the Megazord in that one, Yeah, yeah, I have no
transition for this next one, but it is important.
Tokimeki Memorial was released this month for PC Engine in
Japan. The prequel to Symphony of the
Night. It was actually.

(15:38):
I mean, that's true in the in the sense that the, you know,
yeah, in the. Sense that's sequentially the.
Sequentially, the dev of the. Writer of Toki Meki Memorial
then went on to make Symphony tonight.
Yeah, but yes, you too. If you were in Japan, the most

(16:00):
important thing in your life at this time would be trying to
successfully romance Shiori Fujisaki in Toki Meki Memorial
and never ever succeeding. Also a little one that's not as
important as Tokie Maki Mori, but I did play the lot.
Jazz Jackrabbit. I I never played that one.
It's not, I mean, like it's not good, you know, it's not like

(16:23):
it's, it's not like it's really good.
But you know who designed that game?
Cliffy B. Cliffy B.
That's right, Cliffy. B gave us gave us that game and
that's it. And then he made This was years
before he did the sequel to JazzJackrabbit, Jazz Jack Rabbit 2,
and then the sequel to that Gears of War one.
Oh, I was gonna say Jizz Junk Rabbit.

(16:44):
Yeah. I don't know what I mean.
I don't. Yeah.
The Gears of War is basically a direct continuation of Jazz Jack
Rabbit. Jack's Jazz Rabbit.
Same vibe, very similar vibes. You can close the book of
history because that's it. We'll see you again in June for
some other stuff. There actually is some stuff in
June that's important. But, but, but we don't, but

(17:04):
don't. We don't talk about that.
Yet rather than welcome to the stage of history, it's say
goodbye to the stage of history.I forgot I was going to say
welcome to the stage of history,but fuck.
I was, I was going to make that joke, but I forgot the specific
wording of it. So yeah, I was getting.
The fuck of history. A tale of souls and swords
eternally retold. Get the fuck out of the stage of

(17:26):
history. We don't want you here.
Right, Sophitia. We done did all the history.
We done did it and if you and you picked Killick, which means
you're an asshole. Kill, I was literally going to
say Killick is here to poke the history we talked to stage.
Literally in the last episode. But yeah, I'll say it again.

(17:49):
Fuck you if you picked Killick, and also fuck you if you picked
Jing Hua. You suck.
You suck. You know why you did it?
You know why you did? It Where are my nightmare manes
out there and my nightmare hey. Hey.
I had such a combo with that dude.
I don't know if I mentioned it before, I probably did, but that
combo that I had for that dude, Oh my God, it was diabolical.

(18:10):
I mean, I think if you're, if you are of a certain age, when
Soul Calibur 2 comes out, you are automatically drawn to
Nightmare. And if you're drawn to anyone
else, you're not. You're not normal.
I liked Maxi. Maxi was cool, Maxi was cool.
Maxi was cool because Maxi reminded me of Michelangelo.
Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah, not the had them

(18:31):
nunchucks. So turtles, I mean, Yeah, yes.
And if you had the GameCube version, if you were blessed
like I was, yeah, Link. And it was actually kind of fun.
I had the Xbox version so I could play as I could play a
spawn which. You.
Know, I at the time I thought that was pretty dope.
I did and it's pretty cool. I had the Dreamcast version, I
don't remember. You guys talk over 1 Where's?

(18:52):
Myself 2. 02 Oh yeah, Well, there's a lot of similar stuff.
I forget which console. I had two on I think it was
PlayStation I think. Then you had Hey Hachi.
Right. Yes, yes, correct.
Because which I didn't play because I didn't know who he
was. Well, because that's because
they lost the licensing stuff tohave cloud, but they were, they

(19:13):
were trying to get cloud, which if they had gotten cloud.
That would have been great. That would have been the, I
mean, yeah, that would have taken it.
Sweenex dropped the ball there. Why don't they want him in
everything? Everybody wants him in
everything. Well, now they do, yeah.
Which Soul Calibur was? Yoda.
That was 5 No 4444. Yeah, I kind of fell off after

(19:33):
2. You were right to do it, but
anyway. I remember the custom characters
being really interesting, like you could do some really insane
shit with those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember 1
interesting thing about Soul Calibur 1 is there is a mode
where you can have them do like AI don't know, kind of like a
routine of their moves or whatever.
It was just like a video. Yeah, yeah, and and at the time

(19:55):
I remember what there were people posting.
I don't on the proto Internet that was that existed that you
could sync them up with certain songs and Astaroths went along
with. A Monty Python song always look
on the bright side of life. That's funny.
That's funny. Look it up.
I remember that. No, look it.
I remember that. I remember that specifically,

(20:15):
yeah, because I was looking, yeah.
It was like kind of the attract mode kind of like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember
that. The well, I put the shit out of
Soul Calibur 3, I will admit that.
And then Four came out and that had Yoda and Darth Vader and
Starkiller and also a bunch of random guest characters that

(20:37):
used the same move set as other characters, but they were
designed by different anime artists.
So there is one the artist of Sergeant Frog.
I remember only that. And then five ditched the entire
cast, I think, and replaced themwith their kids and everyone
hated it. And Six, it had Geralt in it.
And that's the history of Soul Calibur.

(20:58):
Thanks for joining me again on this little extra bonus episode
of History where I talk to. You about.
That. Well, much like Voldo, let's
bend over backwards and and and slide into the next segment.
Cover discussions with Brandon. Yeah, yeah.

(21:18):
Oh, wait, no. Oh, is there a different name
for this section? That's right, Bob.
This is judging a book by its cover.
The part of the show where we dowhat they say we should not do.
You can't scare me, and you can't tell me what to do.
So the Jacobus nodding. I'm nodding.
Yes, yes. No, yes.

(21:39):
Maybe the Jacobus cover, the original, the big one.
I think it's pronounced Jacobus.Jacobus, I'm going to always get
it wrong. Jacobius.
Jacobius. Jacobus.
Jacobus. Jacobus.
Jacobus. So the Jacques cover features
blue text on a cream background.The center image features an

(22:02):
underwater scene tilted slightlyup towards the surface of the
ocean from beneath. The bulk of the image is
occupied by a black and white hammerhead shark with bared
teeth turning to take a bite outof a human child with green swim
trunks and flippers, his head hidden above the surface of the
water. A multi colored coral forest is
visible in the background and God rays descend diagonally from

(22:24):
the surface. The tagline is just when you
thought it was safe. It's a solid cover.
Hey, have you seen Jaws? I love Jaws.
Jaws. Before there may be some
references to JAWS in some of these covers, there may be some
pretty straight RIP offs of Jawsin some of these covers.
I mean, I gotta tell you, I likethis cover, yeah.
I like you see the whole hammerhead shark.

(22:45):
You do it, does it? Hammerhead shark don't look like
that, but you know. It's one that I appreciate more
as an adult. I, I really like the color
combo. I I I like.
The I do think it it aesthetically it's very
pleasing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, very like it. It's, it's the composition is
really nice, like the way that the the shark is like arched and

(23:07):
then pointing basically at the the kid who's just like
swimming. It also plays into a a very
basic fear of like, I don't knowanyone out there who's swam in
the ocean. Yeah, anything.
And anytime anything touches your your body, it's just like,
what the fuck was that? It's true.
It's stuff under the Wow. Under the sea.

(23:28):
Sea. It's killing me, yeah.
I mean, I. Think always better down where
it's wetter. It's not I that.
Should have been the tagline. Oh my God.
Oh my God, they probably they're, I wonder if they even
thought of that or they're just like, no, no, Sebastian Crab is
going to sue us. Here's the idea.

(23:49):
Let's get to sue you up, boy. Here's my here's my tag shark.
I wish one of the tag tag lines for one of these books was just
fuck fuck yeah. The fucking shark.
Or just like, just like a huge scream.
Just yeah, just literally the tagline is.

(24:14):
I mean, I here's the thing. I agree with you, Bob.
If I was a kid, I think this would not have grabbed me as
much. Like, like, I appreciate it more
now than I I think I would have as a child.
Like, I think I would have just kind of skimmed, skimmed past
this one as a kid. Yeah, I think just a shark.
You would skim past it on first glance but if you look at it,

(24:35):
it's like it is giving like horror suspense.
The fact that you can't see his head is is like makes it feel
pretty classy. Jacobus has pinpointed a scene
that lasts for approximately onesecond.
Yeah, but, you know, OK, fair enough.
Fair. Enough.
I mean, we'll get into it, but like, the book is pretty
atypical for Goosebumps. And so if you were trying to

(24:55):
make a cover that like fits on ashelf of horrible.
True, you wouldn't. Yeah, it would be hard the.
Majority of this. It would be hard to make what
this book is actually about intoa horror cover.
That is true. Although you could do another
thing in this book that is arguably more interesting than
this singular shark scene. But you know, it's good.

(25:15):
I like the cover. I think it's, I think
aesthetically and compositionally it's really good
actually. Yeah.
And an interesting thing to compare it with are I've
included some of the pencil sketches for other versions
that. The treble sketch.
But the J boy, the J boy the. J Boy the Jake.
So Jacques provided pencil sketches with even more hecked

(25:37):
up encounters with the shark, including one in which Billy is
swimming towards the viewer, closely followed by an enormous
open mouth of a shark many timeshis size a second.
It's OK, it's not it run. It's like really similar to some
of the other, but like just a kid being scared, like looking

(25:58):
at the at the view, at the like viewer.
Yeah, it's it's neat, but it's very direct and I think that I
think so. Both of these pencil sketches
are much more actiony and much more horrifying than the book
actually is. I think the first one is
inaccurate but fits with the Goosebumps theme a bit more.

(26:19):
I think that the type, the coverhe ultimately went with is a
little classier, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, although we didn't mentionit, it's strange that this
hammerhead has like orca colors,like a white belly.
Yeah, back. Yeah, but I guess.
It must be said that Hammerheadsare not aggressive, so the whole
premise is flawed, but you know,it's.

(26:40):
OK, they they were making good choices for kids media.
It's like a hammerhead is a recognizable type of shark.
I'm sure they said we can't do agreat white.
They already did that in Jaws, so like I'm sure that they that
that's literally what they said.Yeah, Speaking of Jaws, here's
the other pencil sketch by Jacobus, which is Jaws.
That's Jaws all right. That's JAWS, except not a JAWS
isn't under the water, it's the hammerhead is is breaching the

(27:04):
surface of the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, features the
shark's enormous open mouth. Breach we are being.
So generous child dwarfed in theforeground.
We're being so generous of the size of a hammerhead's mouth.
We're just like. I kind of like this one though,
not gonna lie. This ones pretty like honestly,
if you're gonna interest kids, play around with like

(27:26):
referencing popular culture. It's fine and stuff, nothing
wrong with it. The best part of this to me is
these. He's done a lot of work drawing
these waves of very well rendered.
It looks like he's in a there's.A lot of detail in this sketch.
Yeah, he's like in a choppy sea,like and there and he's got like
some real Hokusai waves breakingbehind the the the hammerhead's

(27:51):
giant head as he emerges from the water.
It's cool, it's actiony. I think it arguably fits the
book better. But also it's Jaws, so.
And I would say that it doesn't fit the book.
I I would argue that it kind of doesn't fit the book that well,
but yeah, yeah. I think I think it fits the book
and the fact that the book is very action centered and is not

(28:13):
very subdued or horrifying. So I guess yeah.
Anyway, that's the sketches. So let's go to the classic
cover. Now let's.
Talk about that. The classic cover is not that
different an idea or composition, featuring another
underwater scene with a more monstrous and mutated looking
hammerhead shark front and centre.
In the background, a rock outcropping looking like a giant

(28:34):
skull is visible above. Red coral and God range descend
from the surface. No human figure is visible in
this one, which I think makes itless effective and less spooky.
I mean, it does represent what the shark is doing for 99.9% of
the book's runtime. It's just hanging out in the
ocean. I mean like, you know.
Also got a shout out the fuckingsix different fonts on the

(28:57):
cover. Graphic design is my passion.
It's so bad, why do they keep doing it?
So. It's what could the bonus
features possibly be for this book?
It is a book. It's a URL that you have to type
probably. Probably.
Imagine if it came with like a disk of a of a a flash game.
Wouldn't that be amazing? Cool a little a little point and

(29:18):
click Learn about sea creatures game.
Oh, that's that would that wouldbe cute like all of the the the
animals referenced in the book and like the.
Yeah, I I had such a thing. I had a Magic School Bus game
that did that. Oh yeah.
This shark looks like a fucking wow monster.
I've said it before about other things this artist draws, but
this looks like a video game monster.

(29:39):
It just has big like fantasy creature and energy.
Yeah, this is a pretty boring covering.
I should say I like the skull thing, but like, you know,
that's just intrinsic to skulls.It doesn't really fit with the
vibe of this book or the realityof this book either.
Yeah, it's it. It's fine, but it's not really.
It's nowhere near the original, and it's not really doing

(30:00):
anything for me. Yeah.
For my for my wow players yes you you absolutely like.
I think this is straight up a screenshot from Vashir.
Yeah, so I'm. Gonna cuddle it now.
Moving, Moving. For for my sheer my.
Sheer Vashir is the underwater zone in the Cataclysm expansion.

(30:21):
Oh yeah, it does look a lot likethat, doesn't it?
Doesn't it? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Do they have a skull like like, like place that you go that you
swim into? Anyway, I'm going to shut the
fuck up. It's a skull place.
It's the kind of place that's got a skull in it.
You know, you got skulls and places.
What are you supposed to do? What are you?

(30:41):
Supposed to do? What are you?
Supposed to do. And what's to do with the
skulls? So the.
That's. Pretty good, yeah.
So the UK cover the goo background this time is pure

(31:02):
blue 'cause it's the ocean. The oh wow.
The A besnorkeled swimmer with full mask and breathing tube
apparatus is 1 head out of the ocean.
He has light colored eyes and brown hair and is surrounded by
a thrashing octopus tentacles. It's pretty good as UK covers
go. I mean, it references the
octopus, which is remarkably rare for the octopus's

(31:26):
prominence in the book. I'd also say it's certainly
first time that like the the gookind of makes sense a little bit
where it's like you're in water I guess.
Yes, the goo does. I mean, it's not like it does
kind of feel like they've just put the goo around another
picture, but it it does make sense, I'll grant them.

(31:46):
At least they've like incorporated by having these
these octopus legs coming out atdifferent parts of the goo.
It does at least look like there's some perspective where
usually the goo is like it's very obviously that they've made
an illustration and stuck it in the middle of the goo.
I need to know the story behind how the UK covers were done.
Yeah, it feels like they were done in one giant batch.

(32:10):
Yeah. And they were just like, what
kind of theme can we have acrossall of the goosebumps?
How about goo? How about just everyone's in
goo? There's just goo.
I think it was like the 90s thing where like kids were it
like they had that, that not board game, whatever, you know
what I mean? Where where like you had a guy's
head, big plastic guy's head andthe game was pulling boogers out

(32:31):
of his nose. They had you.
Mean like you mean like. Gross out type stuff in the.
Skull, the monster factory thing, the yeah, yes.
You know what I mean. I don't think that.
Probably creepy crawlers adjacent.
Don't pick daddy's nose, creepy.Crawlers.
Oh my. God, creepy crawlers.
It was a thing in the 90s where where there was a lot of like

(32:54):
toys, games, card games, where gross out humor was like kind of
the thing. I'm sure it parents hated it but
I briefly I remember being around that stuff as.
The Doctor Dreadful Food Lab Monster face toy.
No, there's a Goosebumps MonsterFace toy.
Whoa, wait, who is it? Is there RL Stein?

(33:15):
Don't pick my nose, RL Stein. You'll have to get the goobers
out of my nose. I do think that it is.
There is a Doctor Dreadful. Yeah, there's a Doctor Dreadful.
It's like a zombie head thing. But yes, to your point, yes,
Brandon, there were a lot of like random gross out toys for

(33:36):
boys. And the person playing Doctor
Dreadful is the Crypt Keeper. It's John Casser.
Yeah. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm, I'm putting a link to it
right now. One of them.
Wow. Oh yeah, I remember this.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You definitely remember this. I remember the beakers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1000%, yeah. This one's not John Casser, so
that's. Weird, I remember the brain.

(33:58):
Yep. Yep, Viewer listener, not
viewer. There's a so there's a toy that
it is an orange skull with a green base in which brain foam
yeah, pink foam is ascending probably you mix sugary powders
and stuff and it foam I. Remember a white skull but I and

(34:18):
I can't find it now but regardless.
I think all secondary colors, this one.
Oh yeah. And you like, I think the thing
in the back is like maybe you make like gooey gummy worms or.
Something out of them. Yep.
Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep. Yeah, there's a lot of like
gross out food type guys back inthe day.
Very strange. I do.
You got to think the artist for the UK cover, the UK covers,

(34:38):
was. You got to think when he got to
this, when he was like, fucking finally.
My time to shine. This is what?
I trained for. Yeah, yeah.
All right, yes. So let's move on to the French
covers and Cher de Poux. Cher de poux.
So does this Binya Dante RDP? This looks familiar.

(35:02):
No swimming. What's this like?
What's this look like to you? Features a fairly accurate
hammerhead shark head vertical in the water with the classic
Jaws mouth open pose. Yeah, I thought we're gonna say
a fairly accurate recreation of Jaws.
Yeah, yeah. The flippers of a scuba diver
are visible just in front of themouth, and the background is a

(35:22):
simple dark and light blue gradient.
It's Jaws. It's Jaws.
It's. Jaws not fine.
It's JAWS. Not even breaching the surface
of the water, it's just straightup.
That's just Jaws. It's just jaws.
OK, so the French 2 cover. I guess they felt bad about the
first one. I like this cover.
Yes, Cher de Poo features a scuba diver underwater.

(35:43):
His leg is caught by the tentacle of a giant glowing one
eyed sea monster with giant sharp fangs that occupies the
entire bottom of the frame. This is very cool.
This is cool and I wish this were in the book.
This is good. We like this guy.
Technically, this thing could bein IT.
Yeah, yeah, technically, but notin a way that you would feel
like you, you read the book, you're like, oh, no, I want to

(36:05):
see that guy. I want to see what he's doing.
What's his story? What's his deal?
Italy has a good one too, actually.
Yeah, Picori BVD features a similar composition as the
second French cover, with a scuba diver and El Monstro Ocean
at the bottom in the center of the frame.
A scuba diver shines a flashlight down onto a monster

(36:26):
at the bottom of the frame, which is a mass of tentacles
with glowing yellow eyes. I kind of like this one, though
I think, again, I think for the book's content focusing on the
shark, it's probably the better move.
I mean, I like, I like it conceptually.
I think the monster has a neat look to it where they've like
not gone for an octopus thing. Yeah, he's almost more like a

(36:47):
bug. I think he's got four eyes,
actually. This is an extremely low quality
picture. Yeah, I think it's neat.
I think it's neat. But yeah, I mean, again, it's
not a great fit for the for the for the book, but you.
Know Edo Teroresi Discon de negli BC.
Yep, that's exactly what they say.
That they they, that all the beautiful Romance languages.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so next one is the Korean

(37:10):
cover, which could have just been called shark.
A hacking great white shark is swimming open mouthed toward the
reader. The background is red.
The shark is black with red eyesand white teeth.
It's cool. It's very subtle.
I would call this book jump scare.
The book like this is like you pull it off the shelf and get

(37:30):
jump scared. There are also little like
completely 2 dimensional cut outs of sharks and one of them
has like eyes and teeth. Teeth like little little like
eel teeth. That's cool.
These Korean covers man, they'reall, they're all cool.
I like their vibe. It's a great vibe.
I I I like it. I think it's a cute cover.

(37:50):
This has got like a sponge texture all over it as well.
Like they they always do the work these guys.
So next one shirts. There were a lot of shirts.
Mostly they were the Jacques Jacobus.
I can't remember Jacobus Jacobuscover.
It's Jacobus. If I say it a million times,

(38:11):
I'll still forget it. The Joker.
Joker. Joker's chance.
There were a few shirts, all featuring some rendition of the
Jacobus, the title of the book. I'm going to take you breaking.
I'm going to take you just say just give me a clean Jacobus and
I'm going to copy paste it everysingle time.

(38:34):
Jacobus. Wait, Jacobus recognizable every
time. There were a few shirts, all
featuring summer edition of the Jacobus cover and the title of
the book. The tagline is not Jacobus is
also featured on this one. I've included Just When You.
This this is the kind of shirt. That I made kind of boring.

(38:55):
I hate this. Kind of shirt.
I hate shirt or like. And by the way, this is the
cover of the book Deep Trouble, a Goosebumps book, the 19th one
in the series. You can buy them in your local
library like yeah. You can see that they subtly
manipulated the image so that the swimmer is even bigger,
which, Oh yeah, yeah, it sucks. Yeah, they did have like a WAVY
motif, but still, this is a minimum effort kind of guy.

(39:17):
I like how, but you got the quote right and then it says
Goosebumps at the very bottom under the quote, under the
tagline. And then you go to the back of
the shirt where it says Goosebumps at the top.
And then it sounds like like just in case anyone was possibly
confused what this is, it's the cover of Goosebumps book 19 Deep
Travel, published in May 1994 by.

(39:37):
Scholastic. The whole the whole statement is
just when you thought it was safe.
Goosebumps. Deep Trouble 19, except it's.
Really, really tiny. So it'd.
Be and you got to say goosebumpstwice because it's at the bottom
of the the front of it and the top of the back.
So to be clear, what this shirt is saying is just when you
thought it was safe, Goosebumps.Goosebumps.

(39:58):
Deep Trouble 19 Got it, got it, got it.
Held it. Just when you thought it was
safe. You know you.
Thought it was safe. You're going to get hit with the
fucking synopsis for this book. That's right, we have completed
the judging of the covers. You'll get fucked up with the
goosebumps. I was also thinking of Crossfire
when we were talking about thoseold toys.

(40:19):
If you're the number one commercial, the one that lives
in every child's mind that grew up at that time, you'll get
caught up in the Crossfire. It's sometime in the future.
The ultimate challenge. Crossfire, Crossfire.
You'll get caught up in the crossfire.

(40:40):
Crossfire. You'll get caught.
Up in the Crossfire Crossfire. You'll get caught up in it.
I always thought it was cop in love.
Yeah, I don't know why I thoughtthat, but for many years assumed

(41:03):
as you get caught up in love. This is how most people meet
their significant other crossfire.
How do you know How do you really know a person, if you
ever. Played.
You haven't played Crossfire with them.
Fire a marble at. Them.
Did you actually play Crossfire?Did you play for?
Once I wanted it always. I never saw it.
I never even saw it. I.

(41:23):
Had crossfire. Damn we had crossfire also real
quick. I just want to here watch this.
Crossfire, you'll get caught. Crossfire You'll be caught up in

(41:50):
the crossfire. Crossfire, You'll get caught up
in the crossfire. Crossfire, Crossfire, crossfire.

(42:16):
That was good. It's got, it's got, it's so, so
dramatic. The song, there's a lot of built
in drama to it. It's very dramatic, yes.
It is. It is.
It is that commercial. It's one of the classic
commercials that I mean. Seriously.
Mr. Bucket, put the balls in my mouth, Mr. Bucket.
Yes, yes, yeah. Mr. Bucket, if he was a real

(42:38):
creature, would definitely be injail today.
Or or he would be the president of the United.
States I'm just thinking of Mr. Bucket like covered in baby oil
now. Yeah, everything I just thought
I can't say out loud. Well, you can.
I'll just take a nap. Yeah.

(42:59):
All right. And with that it's.
A clip of swearing of. This beep beep beep beep beep
beep beep. Beep.
Cue 30 minutes of beeping. All right.
And with that, I think it's timethat we actually dove into this
book. Wow.
OK, we're waiting to do that theentire time.

(43:19):
Hi, how you doing? It's me.
It's Bob. And I am here with the 1st 8
chapters of the summary. We're going to do it.
We're going to do it right now. We're walking live, Yeah.
We're going to do it live. Fuck it.
Chapter one The first chapter ofthis book is a Daydream sequence
in which 12 year old explorer William Deep.

(43:39):
William Deep William Deep solvesquote scary ocean problems like
an electric eel in Miami, which William says he quote unplugged.
This is. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. William says he's from
Baltimore, MD and specifically mentions Myrtle Beach, which has
my East Coast ass invested. William says he's on the hunt

(44:02):
for a great white Stingray he has named Joe, which reminds me
of the time when someone could talk about a Stingray and not
immediately be reminded of SteveIrwin's death in 2006.
Man, the entire chapter it's allI thought about.
Rest in peace. Yep.
Anyway, William gets nitrogen narcosis in the Benz and dies.
The end. Yeah.

(44:25):
Yeah, Chapter 2. Wait, there's another chapter?
Well, that's weird. Interesting.
Interesting. Just kidding.
In a shocking twist, Williams name is revealed to be Billy and
quote, I'm 12, I think I mentioned that already.
UN quote. Can we can I say something real
quick though? Sure.
Before we before we, I want to give props to whoever wrote this

(44:47):
book because they open with there I was 200 feet under the
sea hunting for the great white Stingray, right?
That is the maximum depth for a Stingray.
So. I also want to, I have AI have a
little note right here. I'm absolutely here for the
goose rider, having some fun with Stein's formula.
So whoever wrote this, whether it was Stein, whether it was a

(45:09):
goose rider, I enjoyed. Yeah, we'll get to it.
But like actually, we'll get to it.
I'll shut up. I won't.
I keep. Talking about stuff before it
happens in these things and I need to.
Stop. We all, we all do.
We all do. We have a we have a problem, a
brain problem. But I will say, I'll, I'll just
say of this chapter specifically, I think this is
the kind of Daydream I like in aGoosebumps book.

(45:32):
Yeah, because it's got useful information that's in it.
Like if you're going to do a dream sequence or like a, I
think it works really, like a lot better if it's a Daydream
thing, because then you can insert like things that are
happening. And especially if you do it like
early on, you have a bunch of useful information that you can
give to to the reader so that you don't have to like, you

(45:54):
know, it's so it's not an utter waste of time.
I think this is an inoffensive Daydream sequence.
Yeah, yeah, I think it also it's.
Typical for a kid too. It's like they're they're having
delusions of or daydreams of grandeur, I guess I should say.
Daydreams. Daydream Delusion.
The other thing is, and this is unusual, extremely unusual, for
Goosebumps. This actually sets the stage for

(46:16):
the events of the book. That is unusual for dream
sequences, which are frequently much more interesting than
what's actually happening in. The book in, in fairness, Billy
is something of a deep sea explorer.
So like, yeah, it's not like he was in his pool that, you know,
like I was expecting that kind of reveal.
I want to bring this up because we are going to be talking about

(46:36):
it a lot and I don't want to forget this.
So this book is pretty cool and pretty unusual in terms of
Goosebumps. A lot of stuff happens in it.
This book was one of three Goosebumps books to win a
Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Award,which it won in 1995.
The other two winners were even more tales to give you
Goosebumps, and the third was deep trouble too, So.

(47:00):
Look forward to it. Yes.
And as we go on, you, you will, you will be like you.
You listener will understand. Also feel that this is an
extremely atypical Goosebumps book for the amount of stuff
that happens in it. That's actually stuff.
I'd also like to add from the trivia section of the same
website, you pulled a great piece of trivia.
They added Billy's name is William Deep Junior, which means

(47:23):
his dad's name is William Deep Senior.
Yeah, so take that piece of trivia with you.
True facts, True facts and his grandfather could be was
unnamed. Well, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So sorry, Bob, continue, continue.
Billy has a sister named Sheena who is 10 years old and annoying

(47:43):
considerably more. So if you listen to the audio
book, it gets really bad. Oh yeah, by the way, I did
listen to this with the officialaudiobook.
Yes, how which they do have. How was that?
It was it was fine. Yeah, it was read by Pierce
Cravens, who, yeah, did a prettygood job.
I'm gonna make some jokes about it later, but you know, for the

(48:04):
for on the whole, I I do I I dida really appreciate, you know,
this audiobook. I think that maybe going without
audiobooks for a little while has made me really appreciate
just at least having something. Although I will say Cravens does
do the Kip fuck about thing of quiet yelling and but he doesn't

(48:27):
do it all the time. It's just here and there.
Also, his voice for Sheena is like nails on a chalkboard.
But but yeah, we'll also reference it later.
But yeah, we'll, we'll we'll getto that when the book gets
pretty interesting. This book actually pretty.
It's pretty cool there. There's some, really.

(48:48):
Interesting, I agree. So this is a pretty dense
chapter. So here's the most important
stuff. Billy and Sheena like pinching
and playing jokes on each other.Sheena's a stick in the mud.
They're here visiting their scientist uncle on his research
ship named the Cassandra. And I promise I'm only going to
highlight this once and move on.Their uncle's name is George

(49:10):
Deep, but quote, everyone calls him Doctor Dee.
This man will be referred to as Doctor Dee this entire book.
No, I am not fucking with you every single time.
In the audio book they called this man Doctor Dee.
Yeah, Doctor, Mr. the D penis. Oh, is oh like cock?
Like, yeah, like, like a Dick. Like Doctor Dick.

(49:31):
Like deep my my mind was not in the gutter so.
I was it Is it? Is it just me?
Maybe. It's just me, isn't it?
Disgusting brain that took us here.
Hey guys, can can we can we pause the pocket?
Lowered. Lowered the standard can you
can. You do so it's just am IA
pervert. Who isn't Bob?

(49:54):
Who isn't? Really.
Everyone who is pretending not to be a pervert is pretending.
Hey, listen, there's, there's this book.
Hey, they don't need the, you don't need the doctor DD
pervert, pervert about this book.
There's foot stuff in here. There's fish women.
There's fish, women. Hey, spoilers.
Tickling your feet. There may be fish women.
There may or may not be fish women.

(50:14):
There may or may not be fish women.
There was no fish women on any of the covers.
That's true. Also, I'd like to note that
Sheena is described as having noimagination, and I wrote 100
years ago that would be a compliment.
So Doctor D's physical appearance is described as
scientist. Quote.
Anyone who saw him would say I bet you're a scientist.

(50:35):
UN quote. So he's basically just Doctor
Kleiner from Half Life. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like straight up Doctor Kleiner.
Yes. Gordon, what is it?
Help me, Gordon. Help me, Gordon.
Look, Gordon, a rope. Help me Gordon, I don't know if
you. Yeah, you know, I know.
Yeah, the last, yeah. Look out, Gordon.
Yeah, yeah, haunted boobs up ahead.

(50:57):
Yeah. It's big ones.
It's big ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I read about it. Yeah, it's real.
It's real. Yeah, I read about it on
Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can
edit. The free online encyclopedia
that no one can edit anymore. No one can edit anymore.

(51:18):
You forgot your passport, Gordon.
Doctor D reveals there have beenreports of sharks in the area
but ultimately decides to let the kids go swimming because if
it's a choice between having thekids around him or death, death
it is. I think this describes so many
parents. Cast them away into the sea.

(51:41):
Doctor Dee warns the kids to stay away from the nearby
clamshell reef instructions Billy immediately decides to not
listen to. Billy has not followed the
Harbinger's warnings and is thusmarked.
For death, in fairness to them, I I feel like Doctor Dee could
have maybe explained why. Yeah, it would have been.
Helpful. And I I think Billy actually

(52:01):
mentions this one, but we'll, we'll get there.
Billy has not followed the Harbinger's warnings and is thus
marked for death, which he nearly finds when some kind of
weird but tentacled creature grabs him and starts pulling him
toward the bottom of the sea. Oh no, not the Hall of Death.
Oh, no, I don't know about you all, but right now, like in

(52:21):
chapter 2, I'm already clocking this is this feels different.
Yeah. Like something, something's
different about this. And I and I like it.
Agree. And I would also say you're
going to quickly continue that in Chapter 3, and you're about
to say it, but like, we're ending here, the cliffhanger.
And like, while in the context of the book you'll say what

(52:43):
happens, this does not feel likea fake out to me.
Yeah, this, this whole book has like big action serial energy
and it's basically like the opposite of really large Stein.
To add on to what Mario was saying, Chapter 3, weirdly, this
isn't a fake out. Yeah, Billy is actually being
attacked by some kind of weird sea creature, described as an

(53:05):
enormous dark green balloon withat least 12 tentacles and one
giant brown eye. Don't laugh.
It continues to attack Billy, but Doctor D arrives in time to
save Billy and the monster disappears.
Wild. I'm sure this event that caused
Billy's life to flash before hiseyes won't soon leave his mind.
Never mind, it's time to race Sheena to the boat.

(53:27):
Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Oh wait, Sheena's wearing flippers, which is basically a
swimming cheat code. So Billy decides to take a
shortcut through Clamshell reef.On his way through the reef, he
gets tired and decides to step on the coral, causing him to
scream and probably die. I mean, first of all, even if
this wasn't what we're about to find out, shouldn't step on

(53:49):
coral anyway. Yeah, It's like, it's not, it's
sharp like, you know, I mean, like if you've ever done it,
it's sharp. It it will cut you.
It's like rubbing Obsidian. It's like just don't do it.
Just don't do it. But also let's note that if this
sea creature that he was attacked by, which again I grant
that only he knows about it. So it's not like a thing that

(54:10):
they can everyone will tell him it's not real, but he is
insistent it is real in this chapter.
So we are I I take it as written, it is a real thing.
And I guess it would technicallybe a dodecapus.
So it has 12 tentacles, so. It has a brown eye.
It hungers. It is Doctor Weird's ass.

(54:32):
He's a crazy guy. Chapter 4 Doctor D explains that
Billy stepped on fire coral, which is real.
It's real. It's a lot if it touches your
skin, delivering a burning sensation, hence the name.
I didn't put this in here, but Idid, I did a little research and
I actually looked at some videosof fire coral burns and they

(54:55):
last from two to two days to twoweeks.
So Billy recovers really quickly, but.
He's superhuman. Yeah, there there is a video of
a of a a diver just brushing against some of this fire coral
and it yeah, her hand is completely fucked up for like a

(55:15):
while, like huge blisters. It looked really painful but.
So Billy spends the rest of the book in terrible pain,
incapacitation, covered in blisters.
Yeah, the that's the other thing.
I didn't put this in here as well, but fire coral, fun fact,
fire coral is not coral. Yeah.
So there you go. It is.
I forget what it's called. It's some kind of like.

(55:38):
Plasma. It's fire.
It is a hydrozoan, so yeah. Anyway, also coral can be
extremely sharp. Billy, why the fuck would you
step on it? I feel like that's a pretty
common thing that everybody knows these days.
But I don't know, maybe when this was written it was like,
also it's for kids who may not necessarily know these things so
I need to like chill anyway. Billy's 12.

(55:59):
He don't know. No, he don't know nothing about
nothing. I'll add that A hydrozoa is a
small predatory animal that forms colonies with others of
its species. So the the fire coral is
actually a bunch of little tiny animals.
Yeah, little stationary hunters,Yeah.
Yeah, apparently they it was. Also an animal, but.

(56:20):
They sting because they're actually basically grabbing
micro, not microfiche. That's.
Microfiche. They go to the they go to the
library and they hunt microfiche.
Yeah, yeah, they, they, they like, stun their prey, which.
Are yeah, they're releasing stingers into your body.

(56:41):
Also I also learned this if you get stung by fire coal.
I don't know why I'm just throwing this out there.
If you get stung, do not pour tap water on it.
Do not wash it off with tap tap water.
Wash it off with alcohol, isopropyl alcohol or sea water
because if you if you wash it off with tap water, it will

(57:02):
reactivate the stingers and it will fucking hurt so.
Good to know. It also causes your skin skin
necrosis on the edges of the burn, so that's nice anyway.
That's not good. You don't want that necrosis.
Don't want that necrosis. I don't want that necrosis.
Doctor, get this necrosis. Awful Doctor.

(57:23):
Doctor, Doctor. Got necrosis?
All the big characters that do stuffed books.
Should talk like that doctor doctor I got.
Doctor help me. Help me I got.
I got this. I stepped on Falco.
Help everyone. Why are we?
Turning to the children. We're turning the children from
pork chop sandwiches. Yeah.
It's a hydrozone, so. I.

(57:46):
Was going for more of an ooh wootype thing but yeah I don't
know. Everyone starts swimming back to
the ship as Billy feels fingers tickle his leg.
He tells Sheena to cut it out only to realize Sheena is
swimming with Doctor he Doctor D, Doctor he Doctor D Man,
Doctor he man only to realize she is swimming with Doctor D up
ahead of him. So who or what touched Billy

(58:11):
chapter? And.
I don't know who's who's. Fingies touch me.
Whose fingies touch? Whose fingies touch me?
So Chapter 5. This chapter introduces
Alexander Dubrow. Dubrow.
Dude, bro, Dubrow. Alexander Dubrow, I mean.
That's that's cannon now that's cannon now doctor D's assistant

(58:33):
and cook. I guess he basic.
He's basically a big buff dude who makes great food but the
kids hate it for kid reasons. Dude bro, he's he's made chicken
salad sandwiches for lunch. Billy decides to try it first
and freaks out because the sandwich is mildly spicy.
He starts screaming about how Alex put fire coral into his

(58:53):
sandwich. Kid shit.
OK, Billy. Yeah, yeah.
The kids demand cereal instead. Words happen describing the kids
getting used to Doctor DS boat and feeding the fish on it,
including some kind of eel namedBiff.
I don't have this written down, but I really do like the the
names for fish in this book right now.
Yeah, it's cute. It's cute.

(59:14):
And Joe, I don't know, there's something cute about.
That's cute. I like all of the names.
Billy Deep. It reminds me of how the the
shark, the animatronic shark in Jaws was named Bruce.
Yes, yes. Probably because he had a bunch
of springs in him that kept breaking.
I think it's cute to name, to name the creatures like this.
I think it's cute. I think, I think this book is

(59:35):
like actually very well crafted.Like, I think there's a lot, a
lot to like about this book, yes.
There's 1 chapter that it's, I'll just say it's very
goosebumps. But other than that, yeah, no,
this is shockingly like, we'll get there.
I need to shut up. We're all in agreement.
We'll. Get to the part where he gets
necrotizing fascism. Doctor D gets some back story

(59:58):
here and is described as a God damn maniac when he's not in the
water quote. Doctor D ended up spending a
good part of Christmas Day in the bathtub playing with my old
toy boats. As long as he stayed in the
water, he was back to normal. UN quote.
Doctor, Doctor D is not, well, normal.
Has mental problems. Very normal things are happening

(01:00:19):
in this book right now. I will say that this may act as
I don't I I haven't seen I haven't read anything about Deep
Trouble 2, but there is some setup for stuff in this book like a
few things, this being one of them where it's like this made
me think is there something is this like a stay out of the stay
out of the basement situation? Stay out of the basement.

(01:00:42):
I I do know that on some level, Deep Trouble 2 involves a mad
scientist. OK, I don't, I don't know who it
is, but I know there is one in that book.
The blood Walker. Doctor Deep, Yeah.
Yeah, who's going to say it? Doctor.
Mr. Doctor. Orgasm, the weed of deceit.
Thank you. Yeah.

(01:01:02):
The weed of deceit. Anyway, a boat with a marine zoo
logo pulls up next to the Cassandra.
And a man and a woman up here, awoman up here, and a man and a
woman up here. I don't know why I'm putting it.
You're at the end of the woman. You're the one he's cursed
today. Yeah, I don't know why I'm going
to take a sip of water. Hold on, feel free to make fun

(01:01:23):
of me, OK? I was just going to say, Doctor,
Mr. Dick. Doctor.
Mr. Dick. That's Doctor.
Mr. Doctor. Doctor.
Doctor. Doctor.
Doctor. Doctor.
Doctor, Doctor. Doctor Doster, Master Dong.
Doctor Mr. Cock and Balls is what I was trying to say anyway.

(01:01:46):
Doctor Monster balls. So yeah, a boat with a marine
zoo logo pulls up next to the Cassandra, and a man and woman
appear. Doctor Dee takes them to his
office. Billy decides to eavesdrop, and
the chapter ends as he overhearsthe man saying, I don't care how
you do it, Doctor Deep, but I want you to find that mermaid.

(01:02:09):
Whoa. Fuck, but can I just say.
I heard that Cohen somebody'd earphones and so it was pretty
good. Fuck.
Can I just say I appreciate thatthe events of this book have
begun in the first third of the book?

(01:02:31):
Yeah, usually it's a really goodsign when a Goosebumps book it's
like within the 1st 5 or 6 chapters if stuff.
Starts happening. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a
mark of a good goose, a good goose, a good goose, a goose,
goose be. That's the mark of the bump.
The mark of the bump. I need that mark of the wolf

(01:02:53):
like movie poster to be subbed out with that the mark of the
bump. Yeah, Mark, the mark of the
bump. Mark of the Goose.
He has the mark of the goose. Just the goose mark.
I need like a 10% like faded RL Stein like in the background
just as like just like Hello Mark Stein Chapter 6.

(01:03:15):
Mark of the Goose. Mark of the goose.
Hello, I've got the Mark of the Goose Chapter 6.
The zoo people are not kidding about the mermaid.
They heard. Some fishermen, who are famously
known to not exaggerate, ever report sightings of a young girl
with long blonde hair and a shiny green fishtail, and
they're prepared to reward Doctor D if he can find her, a

(01:03:39):
reward of $1 million. Fuck.
Fuck. In Chapter 7, Billy leans too
hard against Doctor D's office door and falls into the room I
have. OK, I have created a

(01:04:01):
approximation of what that sounded like now.
OK. You know I.

(01:04:39):
Was waiting. I was waiting.
I spent a little bit of time before the pocket.
That's when I was. That's the stupid thing I said.
You know what? It was worth it.
Yeah, you know, I like goosebumps.
Appropriate for goosebumps. You left nothing to the
imagination. I'm I'm a big fan of metal pipe
smashings dot MP3 Yeah, I love that sound of of people who

(01:05:04):
listened to the previous podcastmay also hear a certain metal
pipe smacking like a metal wall or something in our Space Ghost
tribute. Yes, I.
Did it's one of the it's one of the sound designer tool kits
Wilhelm scream type things including doom door open that

(01:05:26):
wave and creaky old door doors feature a lot, don't they A.
Lot of doors a. Lot of doors.
I mean sound design is mostly doors sort of life.
Sort of life, really. A lot of doors.
When you think about it chapter 8, the zoo crew get very upset
learning that this 12 year old has heard their plans.
After all, 12 year olds are verytrustworthy and if any child of

(01:05:49):
that age or heard talking about mermaids they would be they
would be taken extremely seriously.
If you can't trust a preteen, who can you trust?
Billy is forced to promise to keep his dumb baby mouth shut
and not mention any of this to Sheena, who has already been
established to not believe a single word that comes out of
Billy's mouth. But whatever, better safe than

(01:06:11):
sorry. The search for the mermaid has
commenced. Billy then has an obvious
nightmare so the chapter chaptercan end on a cliffhanger.
I literally did write this is 100% a dream.
This is this is obviously a dream.
Yeah, yes, yeah. Hey, but the tentacle monster
does come back. So the Dodecapus is featured in
that chapter as well. That's a second.
It's a second of a spoiler. I know.

(01:06:33):
I meant, I meant in the chapter you just the dream sequence just
now that's out. That's that's a second, a second
appearance from the Dodecapus. Right.
Yes, I do remember the description of a of a a single
brown eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How? Like, how can you not?
He's the. He's the.
The duty CAPUS. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
A brown eye and a tentacle comesout of the ocean in his dream
and grabs him. It's how you know, it's

(01:06:54):
definitely a dream. But he is again, Decapus
appearance too, you know? Hey, hey, take it where you can,
folks. I know I'm gonna.
And we all are. Yeah, all right.
Who had the next chapters? Twas I.
Twas ever thou. Yes the mirror yes so the brown

(01:07:18):
eye monster is as big as a whaleand it's about to set sail.
Billy Chapter 9 Billy was definitely dead and it's not
ATM. Goosebumps dream fake out.
No wait, he was not dead. Boy do I already have egg on my
face. Billy became awakened on he bed.
It was sunrise. After mentally shoving the evil

(01:07:39):
dream into his mind closet and reflecting on his goal of
finding the mermaid, he quietly slipped into his bathing suit
and crept out of his boat cabin.Coffee was brew in the gallery,
so he knew that sneaking past galley, galley.
So he knew sneaking past the doctor Mr. Dick would be
necessary. With utmost stealth, Billy
obtained the rest of his snorkeling gear sneakily

(01:08:00):
sneaking up to the deck. Sneakily Billy silently,
sneakily slipped into the dark water of the lagoon and pondered
about precisely what level of hecht up it was for him to sneak
out to snorkel the ocean solo. He's set to searching for the
mermaid and tried to picture what she would look like.
Then he thought about what it would be like if he were the
mermaid. You go Billy, live your truth.

(01:08:22):
After I am famous from having become the discoverer of
mermaid, I will write a book, hethought.
It will be called Courage of theDeep by William Deep Junior.
It is possible that if Billy survives this book, he might
find himself working in a different medium.
Deep Fear is a 1998 survival horror video game Co developed
by Sega System Sat com and Sega CS2 and published by Sega for

(01:08:44):
the Sega Saturn said on the underwater big table research
facility in the Pacific Ocean, the player controls John Mayer
Yes, as an unknown infection begins transforming the facility
staff into hostile mutants. It's lovely.
You should play it and Billy. This is what?
When did this book come out in 94?
I think so, yes. May he.
He he could have, if he was veryambitious, become a developer on

(01:09:08):
such a game. You just have to move to Japan
as a 16 year old and learn game development.
But it it could happen. Timeline checks out.
As Billy neared the seaweed, he felt something wrap around he
ankle and scratch him. He gulped a mouthful of
seawater. Seaweed doesn't have claws.
Is it Go time? Chapter 10 No.

(01:09:30):
No. It was his sister Sheena doing a
little scratch attack. The weird freak chastised her
brother for being in the forbidden zone near the reef,
which was a bit hypocritical because she was also there.
But she explained she was just breaking the rules because she
had to make sure he wouldn't break the rules.
Cop Material. The two argued about Billy's

(01:09:51):
presence in the Forbidden Zone. Billy was about to stop arguing
and return to the boat when he saw a big splash on the other
side of the reef. Deciding this was definitely the
mermaid, Billy bolted to Sheena's Great vexation.
Chapter 11 Billy chased the splashing entity, though this
was surely the splashing of a mermaid.
He peered, he swam, he stared. He thought he saw a fin.

(01:10:12):
There is only one thing that could have fins in the ocean but
Oh no. Billy's mask fogged up.
He surfaced to clear the fog. When he broke the surface he
searched for the mermaid. What he saw instead of 1/2 fish
lady was a full fish dorsal fish, full life hammerhead and
and it was headed right for him.Yeah.

(01:10:34):
Chapter 12. This is not a fake out and Billy
did not have his has weapon. It is in fact the elusive go
time. The shark approached Billy with
malicious intent, swam past him and began circling.
Oh fuck, Billy made. It.
But was incepted by the intercepted incepted he the the
fish got into his mind. No, the fish within a fish.

(01:10:57):
Fish. Fish the recursive fish, but was
intercepted by the monster fish.It continued to circle, growing
closer and closer. Finally the sharks nose bumped
billye leg, its jaws opened and Billy had his life flashed
before his eyes. Because he's about to die for
real halfway through the book. This.
The rest of the book is an extended epilogue.

(01:11:19):
There's a funeral. It's beautiful.
Sheena learns to dance, like to live in, to live Billy's memory.
Alexander makes a lot of food specifically about it.
I don't know how you make food about a funeral.
He did it. He did it.
This. It's a squawless dead type book
is what I'm saying. Its jaws opened.

(01:11:39):
Billy kicked with all his strength, barely managing to
avoid being chewed. Billy broke for the reef again.
He reached the fire coral and pulled himself up on it.
Saifu. But Oh no, he was dragged
backwards into the ocean again. Billy tells us this, the shark
dragging him back. But since this is the end of a
chapter, it's probably his sister or something, right?
Right, because this is Goosebumps, right?

(01:12:01):
Chapter 13. No, it was the shark.
The shark. Moving back into the wall?
No. What was happening?
They they're setting stuff up and then doing it.
You can just do that. You know it's free.
You're writing. A book.
Can we check the cover of this book?
Is this? Oh no, we're reading Boost
Gumps, Boost Gums and. Laurel Netesta wrote it.

(01:12:25):
Oh, I am I having a seizure? What you're reading?
Yeah, Mr. Smub. Why do they?
Call it oven. When you when you know the the.

(01:12:46):
The the toe teeth. You've got your fucking good
workers. You have to stop.
You can. Please no.
No, I've lost my place. I'm tearing up.
OK OK, but no, it was actually the shark pulling Billy back

(01:13:07):
into the water somehow to eat the child.
It it was then that deliverance came in the form of another fish
which began to fight the shark. Stuff is happening.
What book is this? He witnessed a large green
fishtail attack the hammerhead and heard shrill squealing.
Billy heard a loud bump and the shark swam off away in defeat.
As the waters calmed, Billy heard whistling and low musical

(01:13:29):
humming, beautiful and slightly sad, sort of like whale song.
Then the creature lifted its head ahead of long blonde hair
on it. A mermaid for real?
Chapter 14 Ahans. Christian Anderson asked.
Mermaid may interject. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Seeing as how the shark grabs Billy in that chapter, we can

(01:13:50):
now assume that Billy's leg is just a pile of meat.
Yeah, I mean, I presume that andit shouldn't be.
Covered in blisters and horribly, wholly racked with
pain from the fire coral, his leg is now just meat dangling
from his body. This kid is just.
Dead Billy gets fucked up in this book, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, there's just like shredded pork hanging off.

(01:14:11):
Like please, yeah, Please note in this book Billy has touched
fire coral and also he was actually mauled by a shark just
now. Yes, yes.
But Billy is actually pretty resilient in this book.
Yeah, he's a superhero. He.
Is an underwater explorer, yeah,So makes sense, makes sense and
that. Boy is deep.

(01:14:32):
The boy is deep, yeah. So Hans Christian Anderson, ass
mermaid with a green fishtail and long blonde hair.
Billy stammered out that the mermaid had saved him and asked
what he could do in a return. The mermaid cooed and reached
out to him, healing the fire. Quarrel instantly.
Burns instantly. Wow, said Billy.
This is a lot of stuff happeningin a Goosebumps book.

(01:14:56):
Billy looked around and verifiedthis was not a dream.
Suddenly, the mermaid flipped her tail and was gone.
Will I ever see her again? He thought suddenly, a sharp
pinch at his foot. Was it his sister Sheena?
No, it was the mermaid again. The mermaid was the pincher all
along. Wow, wow.
Set up and pay off, not same forthe final chapters again.
Is this a Goosebumps book? I think I speak for all of us at

(01:15:17):
Bubba Gumps. Thou canst not instill in US
fear. This book's consistent action
and lack of boring fake outs hasghasted us.
Flabber. My flabbers are ghasted, that is
for sure. Yes, I'm just imagining the vine
that that kid or he's the fucking mermaid reason.
And he looks down and goes wow. Wow, wow, it must be said.

(01:15:39):
I mean, this is this is now chapter, the number that we're
on. 14. There you go, this is my my my
my thing. Minimize 1414 chapters and in 14
chapters I think basically something has happened in all 14
of them. I think there's more happens in
this book's two chapters than the entire mummy tomb book.

(01:16:03):
I mean, we're, we're not even halfway or maybe right at
halfway through the book and an actual fucking mermaid is here,
indisputably real. Fighting a hammerhead.
Shark fighting a shark? Yeah.
What the? Hey, hey, RL Stein or whoever,
Where have you been? Like what the fuck?
Yeah, This is why the kids choiced this one.

(01:16:23):
Yeah, I mean, I've. Got stuff and it's it's fun and
it's an adventure and there's stuff in it.
It is. You can just do this.
I read this book faster than anyother book we've done.
Yeah, like, genuinely, it was the only one.
I hate to admit it was the only one where I was reading it, not
for a goal, but because I wantedto see what they did with it.
Yeah, wanted to see where this Indiana Jones thing went.

(01:16:46):
I was compelled by this book. It is a compelling book.
Yeah, it's it's it's like why isthere so much boring?
Like I was thinking about this alot while reading this.
Like why are the goosebumps books like so boring?
Words are free, you can make anything happen in them and kids
don't care if it's realistic, they just don't give a shit.
They would rather be entertainedand same.

(01:17:06):
I think it's probably because like the initial like blueprint
of Goosebumps was it's supposed to be kind of a slow burn
suspense building up to a scary thing.
And you don't want to like blow your monster load all at one
place. You want to kind of build up to
it. And so it in order to get there,
you have to kind of like tease that stuff is happening.
You got to see the Dagon priests, you know, down the

(01:17:29):
hallway very far away dimly and then the door shuts quickly so
that you can build up to it. It's just that he's generally
not that good at that kind of build up thing.
The stuff where it does it best is always when like, wacky shit
is happening where there's a robot in a weird piano school,
you know? But words are free.
You could do that. You could just have a build up.
Kids don't care if it's realistic.

(01:17:50):
You can write whatever you want.Yeah, I think it's.
A. It's you can do that.
Mixing this like adventure serial kids media with horror is
like kind of a natural fit and very obviously just much more
compelling. And the kids choised it, so they
agreed. I hope there's more more like
this as we go through it. There's more, I think more.

(01:18:11):
I hope that more Goosebumps books like, after this one, kind
of like, recognize this, Yeah. Or at the very least a Deep
Trouble 2. Deep Trouble Two I'm really
interested in because. I'm, I'm, I mean, we're, it's
going to be a while, but yeah, Ican't say I'm not intrigued.
I'm, you know, I'm looking forward to it actually.
Yeah, Day 2. The hecked up ducks returning to

(01:18:34):
a flabbering guest. The mermaid was there, the boy
was there. Everything was fine.
Except it wasn't. A shadow overtook them both as a
net was dropped onto them. They screamed.
Chapter 15. It was Doctor D and Sheena who
immediately congratulated Billy for finding the mermaid, which
was now be captured. Dr. D praised the zoo people who
were so right about the mermaid's existence.

(01:18:56):
It's astounding. It's historic and imprisoning it
is definitely a crime against life itself.
Alexander was there too. I guess the group was all in
raptures over the mermaid's actual realness as it squirmed
and tried to free itself. As they prepared a little jail
cell for the mermaid, Billy toldDoctor D that the mermaid had
saved him from a shark. Doctor D said.

(01:19:17):
Astounding. The find was amazing for the
scientific community. Billy immediately retorted that
Doctor D just wanted the $1,000,000.
Doctor D looked hurt. This is a pretty good conflict
for a Goosebumps book. Characters doing stuff.
Kid has agency. He's like, making up his mind
about a moral quandary raised bythe book's events.
Yeah. What the fuck is this?

(01:19:37):
Yeah, Doctor D insists in his Doctor Kleiner voice that he
only wanted the money to continue his research and would
never use the mermaid to get rich.
I'm sure the mermaid will appreciate that Doctor D had
good reasons for selling her into captivity.
Billy looked to Sheena, who did not want to pick a side.
The mermaid in the tank gradually stopped moving.
Billy declared she was dead and they had killed her.

(01:19:59):
Chapter 16 and this is Goosebumps.
But no, she was crying or something weird.
Fake out. They discuss what mermaids eat.
What do mermaids eat anyway? And.
I think I know. I think I know what the mermaids
eat. What they eat when they eat
cookie. Cookie Crisp cookie they.
Eat rice crispy. Rice crispy.

(01:20:19):
The cookie I was like waiting for.
I was like, oh, so put the cookie in so it gets fucking
gross and soggy. And then it did, and I was like,
whoa. This is this is a kid thing.
Yeah, and I love it. It's it's like normally in
Goosebumps it would be like, oh,why'd you do that?
That's stupid. Yeah, it's very adult writing
children, you know that. We've called out before, but

(01:20:40):
this really feels like authentically like the kids just
trying stuff, being a kid, not knowing shit, stepping on fire
coral like a fucking idiot. I agree, I I think this is a
really genuinely good kid protagonist doing kid stuff.
Yeah, with a heart in the right place.
Yeah. Also, he doesn't suck.
Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't.

(01:21:01):
He doesn't suck. He doesn't suck.
He's actually enthusiastic and proactive.
It's pretty cool. He doesn't have to suck.
The story doesn't have to suck either.
Words are free, You can just write them good.
Words are quote Brandon. Stop.
Words are free. You could just write them good
you can. Just do that.
You can just do that. It's like I really I.

(01:21:22):
Really want RL Stein to come on our RL Stein.
If you're listening, I challengeyou, Sir, to come on our podcast
so that we can talk to you. And Brandon could tell you to
your face. Words are free.
Words are. Free.
You can just write them good. I preempt this by saying this.
This guy had a completely unreasonable turn around time of
one month per book. Right?

(01:21:43):
It's free if you have infinite time, you know.
Yeah. Maybe when he wasn't writing one
of the previous books, he did write this one and just like.
I will say that while I joke about the Goose writer and all
that stuff, and I think there is, you know, definitely like
something's happening here. I will say that this does remind
me of a little bit of a welcome to dead house in just the the

(01:22:06):
way that the adventure is kind of structured a little bit.
So that says to me that at leastI, I think RL Stein was like in
charge of the like giving a skeleton like for someone to,
for a ghost rider, a goose rider.
I'm sorry to to mess around withit.
It I I am ready and willing to believe that RL Stein did this
and he didn't do like the previous two and he was just

(01:22:28):
given time to write a good book.It is possible.
We we can choose to believe thatthat's like.
I want to believe in Ariel Stein.
I want to believe that with the first couple of books, he
actually had like the time to tomake them and craft them.
And then he got pulled into a deal and he had to basically
take it and he started having toproduce material quickly that he

(01:22:49):
wasn't happy with. Because you've got a month
deadline that's that's actually like super fucked up and
basically impossible to write serially good, different themed
horror books. Let it, let it not be said while
we criticize the books that are bad because it's impossible to
say that good that bad things are good.
You know, we're all honest aboutthat sort of thing.

(01:23:10):
This task is really hard. I don't blame him.
I don't blame a writer in this situation for phoning stuff in.
It's just that, you know, we're all esthetes.
We are artists in our own way. And when the stuff is bad,
there's no, there's no fleeing from it.
You know, when you're reading itand it sucks, it just sucks.
There's if it sucks for a good reason, it still sucks.

(01:23:33):
So yeah, but this doesn't suck. This, this book is, this is
good. They were cooking.
They were cooking the whole timeand and on the giving a cookie
to a mermaid thing. I'm pretty sure I did this with
bread and a fish when I was myself a dumb kid.
Yeah. So yeah, you know, kid don't
know nothing can't feed oatmeal.It's like.
That fish, it's like that raccoon giving trying to wash

(01:23:54):
his food. Yeah, his cotton candy.
He's given a little thing of cotton candy and he tries to
wash it and just. Disappear.
Yeah, Yeah. He's like, what?
What the what? Where'd it go?
That's not how stuff works. I guess that's what cloud food
happens with like due to it. And what then what?
That was the most sincere I've ever heard.

(01:24:14):
Mario. What?
What? OK, what?
Chapter 16. But no.
She's not dead, she's crying or something weird fake out.
They discuss what mermaids eat and Doctor Dee declares his
intent to go to the store to getsupplies and quote Try various

(01:24:38):
foods on her. No try various foods out on her.
Try various foods like other than fish.
I'm thinking Arby's. I'm thinking Arby's.
Doctor D got speed off in his dinghy.
Billy and Sheena wilted in the heat of the ship's deck.
Billy tried to communicate with the mermaid.
He asked if she was hungry and pantomimed nodding or shaking

(01:24:59):
her head to indicate yes or no. She alternatingly nodded and
shook her head when asked the same question if she was hungry
just copying Billy. Billy figured he should just try
feeding her or something and decided that everyone must like
chocolate chip cookies with actual child logic.
Having retrieved the cookies, hepassed Alexander carrying lab
equipment, who simply shrugged at the idea.

(01:25:20):
Billy returned to the tank and attempted to communicate to the
mermaid that the cookies were food.
He rubbed and patted his belly. The mermaid did the same.
This, this is this feels like stuff is happening again.
There's, there's like stuff. Someone wanted to write this.
Billy and Alexander fed the cookies into the tank lid and
they, of course, became insoggedand disintegrated.

(01:25:42):
The mermaid did not attempt to eat the soggy, nasty cookie
pieces. Oh yeah, that's what cookies do
when they get wet. Alexander walked off to get his
notebook. Billy stayed with the mermaid,
who began crying again. He then decided he was going to
set the mermaid free despite Dr.DS deal.
Based Billy Good. Actually.
Heroic Billy. Yeah, Goosebumps protagonist

(01:26:03):
being heroic in a non coerced oraccidental way.
It's weird that that's weird, isn't it?
A little bit. It is weird.
It is weird that it's weird. Yes, I agree.
Chapter 17 Billy began trying toopen the tank and he was
immediately stopped by Alexanderand immediately he admitted what
he was doing. Billy, heroic but not very

(01:26:23):
bright, yeah said he was trying to free the mermaid.
He told Alex to look how unhappythe mermaid was.
Alexander appeared sad for a moment but told Billy that
sometimes the happiness of othercreatures is worth sacrificing
if you really want something badly enough or are like getting
money. He also said it would break
Doctor Dee's heart if the mermaid was set free.
Billy retorted what about her heart?

(01:26:45):
The two argued back and forth, with Alexander saying Doctor Dee
is a very caring man and people could learn a lot from the
mermaid and so forth. There's like a conflict.
Yeah, yeah, Billy thought he loves Doctor DI.
Don't want to spoil his big discovery, but that mermaid
shouldn't have to suffer for science.
He left Alexander with Alexanderto look at some lab equipment.

(01:27:06):
Even if the morally correct answer is pretty clear, this
back and forth is pretty heady stuff for for for boost gumps.
After showing him some cool probes, Alexander took Billy to
the kitchen for lunch. He showed him marinating squid
with squid ink. Billy sarcastically said Yom, I
haven't had squid ink in days. This dumbass isn't right that
squid ink is an ingredient used in a number of delicacies, and

(01:27:28):
he was passing up an opportunityto broaden his culinary
horizons, a thing that children famously do.
Alexander told Billy to bring the bull up to the deck.
Billy brought the bull up to thedeck near the mermaid tank.
The bull of marinating squid. Billy had the idea to feed the
squid to the mermaid. He unlatched the tank lid and
drops him in. She leapt and caught it.
Mermaid eats ocean fish? Check.

(01:27:50):
Alexander came on desk and askedwhat was happening.
Billy threw another piece in andagain the mermaid caught it.
Wow, said Alexander and wrote some notes.
Hey, that's our lunch, he said. Billy wondered whether his
feelings were hurt, but Alexander thought of it for a
moment and said at least someonelikes my cooking.
Characters are interacting and developing in the story.
I I keep asking, is this a Goosebumps book?

(01:28:12):
Keeps looking at the cover and what what the OK, all right, all
right. Double take, triple take Did did
someone stick a a different jacket on this book?
On returning from the store, Doctor D fed some of the seafood
he bought for the mermaid to themermaid.
He checked some instruments and confirmed the mermaid uses sonar
to communicate. Billy went to he cabin after

(01:28:33):
dinner and pondered. Suddenly Sheena burst into his
room to declare the mermaid had escaped.
This is real. That's the end of my chapters.
Chapter 18 In a particularly cruel sibling fake out, Sheena
was just kidding about the escaping mermaid.
Lol. But Billy is still conflicted.
Dr. D sends the kids to bed early, but Billy is kept awake

(01:28:54):
by the very valid ethical questions raised by giving a
seemingly sentient creature to arandom zoo suddenly.
Oh, Mario, I think, I think you made a little bit, a little bit
of mistake, Yeah. This wasn't a zoo like the the
people aren't from a zoo. They're.
From Not a Zoo. It's not a zoo.

(01:29:14):
It's it's they're, they're representatives of SeaWorld, so
they're. Follow Now Bob.
Now Bob. I feel pretty sure it is a zoo.
But no, no, it said SeaWorld. No, it's absolutely SeaWorld.
Does it say? Does it say?
So I'm fucking with you guys. I know, I know.
I know. It's the letter C.
Follow the letter C now C now E world.

(01:29:37):
Brandon has her ID. You got to say it's not a zoo.
Not a zoo. Not a zoo.
Also, while I have a horribly hijacked your wonder the
beginning of your wonderful chapter, I mistakenly forgot to
point out a little thing. So y'all are not listening to
the audio book. I wanted to give you a quick

(01:29:59):
little lesson of what I've been experiencing.
So this is the beginning of chapter 17. 17 My hand trembled
as I reached up to unlatch the screen at the top of the tank.
The tank was taller than I was. I wasn't quite sure how I'd get
the mermaid out of there, but I had to find a way.

(01:30:23):
As I struggled to pull the screen off, the mermaid began to
squeal. OK, I see now.
I see. Now it all becomes clear.
He was. He's doing it though.
He was doing it. He does that over and over and
over every time. Well, Speaking of E, Speaking of

(01:30:51):
ES and OS. Suddenly several mysterious
individuals board the ship. A cry of pain comes from the
deck. Could the mermaid be in trouble?
Chapter 19 No, it's just Doctor D.
We don't have to feel bad about that at all.
Don't worry about it, OK? Just a regular guy getting hurt.
Four men dressed in black have knocked out Doctor D and are

(01:31:14):
preparing to kidnap the mermaid.Sheena calls for Alexander but
there is no response. I am certain he is just fast
asleep and there is no sinister reason for this.
Billy attempts to stop the kidnappers, but they are, you
know, 4 adult men and are not hindered by the objections of a
literal child. As they extract the mermaid,
Billy prepares to make the in inadvisable decision to try to

(01:31:34):
tackle one of them. This will 100% work.
Chapter 20 RL Stein provides children with a valuable lesson
in physics. A 12 year old child's weight is
not sufficient to stop an adult man, even at Max velocity.
The unfazed kidnapper throws Billy into the fish tank,
presumably one handed, which would be very funny at least.
At last, at last, Alexander appears.

(01:31:56):
Billy is sure he is going to punch one of them.
He's never seen him do it, but he knows, looking at him, that
Alexander could punch someone. But low treachery Alexander has
been paid off by the kidnappers.Who could predict have predicted
this? Certainly not I.
Gay. ASPA Gay ASPA Chapter 21 Turns

(01:32:17):
out the kidnappers gave Alexander $20 million for the
mermaid, which, yeah, that's a pretty great deal if you have no
morals whatsoever. Yeah, I kill like a bunch of
people for that. I may, you know, listen, if you
just think of it as a big old fish, $20 million, $20 million.
As a responsible investing decision.

(01:32:38):
Yeah, yeah. I mean, what are they gonna do
with it? I'm imagining Free Willy, but
then the kid is offered like $20million and he's like, actually,
never mind. And then the movie just dances.
See, Bob, here is your mistake. This is SeaWorld.
These guys are from SeaWorld. I see where you get a confusion.
Yeah. OK, OK.
I see. I see.
Doctor D grabs Alexander's ankles as he tries to get off

(01:32:59):
the boat and he totally beefs itin front of his cool kidnapper
friends. Emotionally raw from having
beefed up so hard and knowing full well that he is going to
get brutally mocked by the guys for this, Alexander winds his
friends to handle the family. They come to the reasonable
conclusion that they really haveto kill them.
Say, throw them all into the mermaid tank.
I mean, what else can you do, you know?

(01:33:19):
You got to protect that investment.
You got to do something. You can't just leave them they
have. You can't just leave them with a
boat, you know. They have a responsibility to
their investors to maximize profit.
I mean nothing else for it. I mean, if it comes to money
versus killing Americans, they are themselves.
I presumably American. They are making the responsible
financial choice. Yes, Chapter 22.

(01:33:42):
Alexander is honestly pretty chilled with the idea of killing
two children if it means he getsa lot of money and no one kills
him. So into the tank they go.
You can't just leave us here, shouts Dr. D, and the kidnappers
agree, so they throw the tank into the ocean, a foolproof plan
if ever there was one. In the future, just for
listeners at home and readers ofthis book, if people leave you

(01:34:03):
to die, don't say you can't justleave us here because they might
decide like, no, yeah we can't and then just kill you, you
know, just a thought. Allow for the possibility of
escape if you can. Chapter 23.
Claustrophobic and or aquaphobicor claustro aquaphobic.
Readers beware. In a genuinely pretty stressful

(01:34:24):
scene, the gang tries in vain toescape the tank as water pours
in. Billy discovers a latch and with
Sheena's help, successfully opens it.
However, it turns out there are two other latches, and they are
unreachable. God damn it.
Redundant design. Suddenly shadowy figures that
surround the tank. It's the mermaids and they want
revenge. Yeah.

(01:34:46):
We are in check 23 and there aremany mermaids.
We've escalated. Look at this.
Look at this natural escalation storytelling gang.
You could just write books like this.
It's true. I love how this was set up too
because the yeah at a certain point the mermaid is said to
like. She's calling out.
They say that she's calling out for other.
Yeah. Using sonar I think.

(01:35:07):
Yeah, yeah. Also, this is a bit of like an
empathy play, like this is an inversion of the situation of
the conflict of Doctor D and Billy now.
They. Are the.
Ones in the tank, yeah, yeah. And in their lives don't matter
because of money. It is unto the mermaids to
decide what to do with them. Yeah, he he clears his throat
for no reason. He clears his throat.

(01:35:29):
No reason. Down, down the mermaids
descended into those stygian depths which lie beneath the
Ocean's Placid surface. Through the tenebrous abyss,
strange edifices emerged, evoking the terrible, vivid
descriptions Billy had once readin that most cursed book in his
uncle's collection, the Necronomicon.

(01:35:49):
Descriptions of that damp cyclopean corpse city of
Ruhlech, built measureless aeonsbehind history by the vast,
loathsome shapes that seep down from the dark stars.
The monoliths loomed ever more imposing.
Terrified, Billy heard Doctor Deep proclaim the geometry.
It's wrong, but more madding still in the fringes of his.

(01:36:10):
In the fringes, Fuck, Bah, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck.
I'll do it again, but more madding still in the fringes of
his mind. Billy could hear that strange
chanting he had once heard his uncle whisper in his sleep.
Yeah, yeah, Cthulhu Photon. It is written that in his house
in Relay dead Cthulhu waits dreaming, and at once Billy knew

(01:36:31):
that just below him lay great Cthulhu at his hordes, hidden in
green slimy vaults and sending out at last, after cycles
incalculable, the thoughts that spread fear to the dreams of the
sensitive, and called him perilously to the faithful to
come on a pilgrimage of liberation and restoration.
Billy and his family were awed by this dripping dripping

(01:36:52):
dripping, this dripping Babylon of Elden Evil and New ones.
And it was nothing of this or any sane planet.
Who? Who Who wants to go worship that
nag on? We got to go worship that Dang
Cthulhu anyway. And what I think worship that
Dang Cthulhu y'all anyway. And what I think is a.
Jet truck. Praise Jesus.
Praise Jesus. Anyway.

(01:37:13):
Also, I just wanted to, the entire time you were saying
that, I wanted to add a little chant in the background of what
not? No, that's how I felt about it
too. All right.
Ready. Yes.

(01:37:35):
Yeah. Just really siling them also.
But anyway, what I think is a genuinely pretty effective
sequence. A pot of mermaids surround the
tank. And by the way, pot is the
correct term for a plural group of mermaids.
I checked that. They surround the tank and they
raise it from the water. Billy insists that they they

(01:37:57):
must save the mermaid. Fuck me, I fucked this up so
bad. A pot of mermaid, which is the
term plural for mermaids, surround the tank and raise it
from the water. Billy insist that they must save
his mermaid friend, but Doctor Dee is apprehensive.
How will they even find her? Fortunately, the mermaids just
kind of vibe with Billy a littlebit and decide to leave them to

(01:38:20):
Andrew, who is holed up in a spooky cave.
Chapter 25 The mermaids agree with Doctor Deeb that the human
beings are basically useless andbegin to untie their missing
compatriot who's just sort of tied to the side of the
kidnappers boat. You know, could have done a
better job, but whatever Doctor D suggests, they all just leave,

(01:38:43):
you know, because they're not contributing.
When suddenly a light flares up on the boat and the kidnappers
have spotted them. It's time to Metal Gear.
Well, it would be if in chapter 26, the kidnappers just didn't
talk to Doctor Deep for a minute.
Doctor Deep is like, you know, no, don't take the mermaid.

(01:39:04):
But the kidnappers invoke the maritime law of Finders Keepers
and decide to set fire to our hero's dinghy.
A real life cliffhanger. Trying to convince the people
that just tried to kill you to do what?
Hey, don't. Don't do that.
Just just a real quick, I think this is the part where it
happens, but I think I like how sinister these guys are and I

(01:39:26):
really like how are you going tobe able to, you know, worry
about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mermaid when your boat's on fire.
Yeah. And then he like then he filed
sets the the dinghy on fire. I just thought that was.
Like pretty, pretty baller line there.
Yeah, Speaking of this. Pretty atypical and weird for
goosebumps. Yeah, it reminds me of, you

(01:39:50):
know, you, you'll hit like, hit me like a girl and you'll.
Bleed like a bleed like a boy. Somebody on the goosebumps staff
is is firing an all cylinder when it comes to 1 liners.
Yeah, it's. It's sort of strange how
infrequently there's proper villains in a Goosebumps story.
You'd think that that would be like a pretty natural fit.

(01:40:10):
I. Mean there was one in Curse of
the Mummy's Tomb. Yeah, and that the sequence
where they're the water is like filling in.
That was similarly harrowing. Like, yeah, like a curse in the
movies. Tomb.
I was I could not help but be reminded of curse in the movies
Tomb by the fact that our villain is like specifically a
bunch of regular guys. I mean, not in a bad way, but I
was like, Oh yeah, this is very much like that one book that's.

(01:40:32):
Doesn't have mummies in it. But unlike that one, this book
has a mermaid in it. Yeah, yeah.
Chapter 27. Chapter 27.
Water in the Fire, the the gang.Have you ever heard that?
I put it in the chat. No, I haven't.
What is this water in the fire? Why?

(01:40:53):
Why water in the fire? Why?
Why water, Water fire? Why?
The gang struggles to extinguisha fire in the middle of a body
of water, and the kidnappers areready to send on them with
clubs. Not only are they setting on
fire in the ocean to presumably to burn to death and drown,

(01:41:15):
they're going to get in the boatand beat them to death.
Suddenly, the mermaids appear. Wet and on fire and beat.
No one said that the SeaWorld employees were anything but
effective. They always go the extra mile at
SeaWorld. To beat things to death.
Right. Suddenly the mermaids appear and
rock the kidnappers boat long enough for everyone to escape,

(01:41:36):
leaving the kidnappers to presumably be brutally mauled to
death by fish people. I I can only assume that Andrew
is buried dead now. Yeah, absolutely.
I am envisioning them being descended upon by ravenous sea
creatures. All is well, but Billy worries
if Doctor D is going to try to catch the mermaid again.
The next day, the zoo people return.

(01:41:58):
Chapter 28. Worry not, dear readers.
Dr. D is an ethical scientist. He informs the zoo officials
that there are absolutely no such thing as mermaids and they
have wasted his valuable time. And also, please don't bother
asking anyone else either. Please.
And so everything is groovy, andBilly decides to sneak out to
say goodbye to his mermaid friend one last time.
As he approaches the lagoon, he feels her tickling his feet.

(01:42:20):
Very flirty, you fucking freak. But no, it's the sea monster
again. Billy dies.
We think. The end.
Very flirty sea monster. Very flirty sea one, very funny.
Oopsies. Oh no, not the Hall of Death
again. Not.
The only way out of here is death.
It's like you post that earlier,God damn it.

(01:42:40):
And that's the end of the book, you know?
That was that ending is wow, that's.
It's, it's a heck of an ending. Yeah.
It it's. Less of AI, don't know how I
feel about it. I like it when goosebumps like
kind of are self-contained. Like this is just sequel bait
but. Like a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. I I do like that the the brown
eyed monster is like, oh, by theway, there was description of a

(01:43:03):
chocolate starfish at a certain point in this.
I don't know if you all caught it, but yeah, yeah.
Shout out to Fred Durst fans outthere.
Shout out to that chocolate starfish.
Hot chocolate flavored water. That brown eye.
You know, it's just one of thosedays when you don't want to wake
up, everything is fucked and everybody sucks.

(01:43:25):
You don't really know why, but you want to justify ripping
someone's head off anyway, so. Preaching the choir.
The yeah, the the All in all, though, I mean, we've been
saying it this entire time. Good book.
I like this book. Weirdly good book.
It's atypical from Goosebumps, but I kind of like that.

(01:43:45):
I like this. Yeah, I would rather it be good.
It's hard to write jokes for when it's good, but.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like I didn't have a lot of funny
things to say about this book, but, you know, it was just good.
Like it just was like a pretty fun read.
Yeah, it kind of reminded me of Haunted Mask where it was just
like it's hard to at a certain point we're just kind of

(01:44:05):
recapping it. And that's fine though, because,
you know, we do it in our own funny way.
But this just, yeah, there's notreally much material here
because it's just good, good book.
It I'm actually, you know, I wasn't really surprised.
It's 1. Of those things do with an
adventure series. It's one of those things where
it's like you're never going to say like, well, if you only read
1 Goosebumps book, like if you're, if it's Halloween,

(01:44:26):
right? If this Halloween, you a
listener wants to read a Goosebumps book, you're probably
not going to read Deep Treble. You're going to read Haunted
Mask probably, right. But, and that's fine.
But like, if you didn't have that, if you had already read
Haunted Mask last year, you wanted to be different.
You know, you're going to list alot of these books are not going
to be very good. Yeah, but this one is pretty
Dang good. You could do way worse if.

(01:44:49):
You're going to be at summer camp.
This is this is a pretty good pick.
Yeah, I mean, this is like a. Tour for all times a year.
If you had, if you were just like, casually wanted to read a
random Goosebumps book, pick this one honestly.
Like, yeah, you'll enjoy your time with it, I think.
The Nickelodeon kids chose to this they chew.
They did, and I think they're right.
They chew. They didn't.
They they chew. I think that the kids were

(01:45:12):
hungry for adventure cereals, and I'm hoping that, like the
Goosebumps people took that lesson to heart.
Yeah, we can hope. We can hope.
One can only hope. We have to patently review this
thing. Yes, we do.
Yeah. Yeah, because there is no TV
episode, right? The well, there is ATV episode,

(01:45:32):
but it's based on Deep Trouble 2.
It's a lie, a brutal lie, A. Brutal lie.
We've been lied to, so who wouldlike?
Dramatizing that would be if youwatch this and then read the
book and we're like, wait a minute, hold.
On Wait a Dang minute. Although apparently Deep Trouble
2 is good in its own right, so. We yeah, yeah, look forward to
that. So yeah, yeah, if I don't know

(01:45:54):
who wanted to start their patented review process first.
I'll go first because it's basically Mario's patented
review and. If he gets it now, he can just
steal it. I've been trying to find a way
around this but we're we're justgoing to call it they.

(01:46:15):
Say eyes of a child. Not not Mario Mario's not
Mario's legally distinct review.Eyes of a child.
You called you like you know. Yeah, the eyes of a child.
That's a 10 out of town. That's a 10 out of town.
That's a great book. It's fun.
It's interesting. Stuff keeps happening.

(01:46:36):
It's an adventure serial. It's not super scary, but like,
it's actually not that less scary than a typical Goosebumps
book is either. There's stakes, there's a lot of
stuff happening. I understand why the
Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awardschose it.
Chose. They done chose it.
They slimed it I think. Done, gone, done did it.

(01:46:59):
They put up all there's nasty slime on it and said you're the
one. Yeah, there's even like
character development. They're set up and pay off.
There's like a moral dilemma andup with one with like, pretty
clear like with great moral clarity from the get go.
He is. He pretty much immediately sides
with the mermaid who saved his life.
Of course he would. Yeah.

(01:47:19):
But yeah, we didn't have to do any like hand wringing about how
money is actually super important, even if it means like
treating a sentient creature like shit.
But we did do some discussion oflike, you know, we like our
uncle, we want our uncle to be happy.
So like, you know what I mean? Like that was there was an
actual, there was conflict. Yeah.
So I'll just say it. I know that we were joking about
it earlier, but the twist of, you know, Alexander, dude bro

(01:47:44):
being a bad a batted guy, Yeah, actually did kind of kind of not
shock me, but it was like, oh, oh, OK, we're doing this.
Well, it's something happening for sure.
I mean, yeah. Definitely it did kind of, you
know, it was interesting. I did not expect it.
Yeah, they didn't do any of the like the teasing that he was a
jerk secretly or whatever. Yeah, like early on, like him

(01:48:07):
being feeding the kids and stuff, it was like, oh, like
this guy seems legit. He seems like he's a nice dude.
He seems like a nice dude. Yeah, he seems like he.
Reminded me dude, bro. Yeah, he nice dude bro.
You know he reminded me of what was it from the duck from
Tailspin? What was his name?

(01:48:27):
Launchpad Mcquack. Launchpad Mcquack, Yes.
You reminded me a lot of Launchpad Mcquack.
Yes. I've never seen Tailspin, I
don't think Launchpad, so I presume you guys are making
stuff up. Launchpad is the duck pilot from
DuckTales, did you not? Did you say?
You said tailspin, right? Yeah, he I'm pretty sure he
isn't. Is he in?
Is he in? I don't think he is.
I'm pretty sure he's not. Tailspin is, * is.

(01:48:50):
OK, I I'm getting my shit too. OK, I'll I mean.
He is a buff duck. He is a pilot, he is a pilot
duck and he is a buff duck and he has kind of Alexander energy.
I completely agree. I just mean launchpad is only in
is in Duck. Duck could've sworn and he's
also he's also in Dark Wing Duck.
Maybe it was Dark Wing Duck thatI'm thinking of.
He was in both. But yeah, yeah, no, I got that

(01:49:10):
wrong. I'll take that part out.
No, no, leave it in. Leave it in.
We want. No, you're wrong.
My memory is going help it's. He is like Launchpad from
Darkwing Duck. Yes, he is Bob.
I agree. We have to we have to have when
our when our brain cells explodelive on air, we need, we should

(01:49:33):
try to leave it in because not only as an example to our
friends and family around us, it's also a little elegy for
that dead brain cell. Rest in peace.
I mean, I've been wrong a lot inhistory so and had to correct so
you know, I'm not judging you. It's just I have a lot of
experience with saying somethingwrong and then someone not
listening to the very end to hear me correct myself or read

(01:49:55):
the description of a video. Fair enough.
They just immediately start typing that comment and they're
like hey, you're fucking wrong you fucking idiot.
Fuck you. Fair enough.
You know if they are causing youtrouble the commenters.
When there's trouble, you call. DW Darkwing Duck Darkwing
Darkwing Duck. What a good show.

(01:50:16):
Tailspin was good too. Really.
Tailspin was good too. Tailspin was good too.
There is a. Fucking character in Tailspin
that is like in like other media.
I don't fuck. Well, I mean tailspin.
Tailspin does like Star Balu from The Jungle Book.
Yeah, I think that's it. I mean, yes, like, I mean like
he is in this a pilot bear. Yeah.

(01:50:37):
So I mean, I I understand why one would make that connection.
Like, I mean, it's it's like a pretty natural 1.
And I think I want to say Don Carnage, the fox pirate from
Tailspin does show up in other things I I want to say.
You're making this up. I want to say Don Carnage shows

(01:50:58):
up in DuckTales and I believe, Yep, he's the villain.
He's the villain. Yes, Don Carnage does show up in
DuckTales. Also count flatula and other.
I think he shows up in the modern remake of Ducktail or
continuation of DuckTales. But regardless, regardless there
is a crossover. There they are.
There is crossover. And anyway, this is my my review

(01:51:20):
of DuckTales and Tailspin. I'll I'll review the book now.
I haven't finished with mine. Didn't finish.
All right, the eyes of a child. The other one, the old person.
Eyes of an adult The eyes of Kenneth Mars.
Yeah, the through the Eyes of anadult.

(01:51:43):
I liked this. I was more interested in this
book than any of the other ones that we've read, except for
maybe the Kingdom Hearts 1, because, like, I, I didn't
remember this one at all. So that's part of it.
But the other part of it was that it was like genuinely doing
stuff the whole time. Like, it's very, you know, it's
still definitely kids media. It's not as engrossing as you
would make for an adult audience, but like, that's cool

(01:52:05):
too. There should be good kids media.
I would much rather kids be reading something like this.
Yeah, I I'd say for Goosebumps it's also a 10 out of 10.
Wow, wow. Now I'll take the review.
My review, as you listener will remember and I will remember
with you as I say it now, is in three parts.

(01:52:27):
Number one is the scariness factor.
I don't think this book is very scary, if I'm being totally
honest. I mean, there's a couple.
The classic guy in water gets grabbed by Ghuli, you know,
like, I mean, there's only really one thing you can do with
that. And I would, I'm going to give

(01:52:49):
it like a 2, you know what I mean?
There's some stressful parts. The drowning stuff is there, you
know, but I think that's more inservice of an action sequence
than it is to be deliberately frightening.
So I'm gonna stick, I'm gonna stick with two on that.
I I just. Don't think it's that it's that
permanent, like resi problem, like the more actiony it is, the
more able you are to fight the zombies, the less scary it gets.

(01:53:11):
It's kind of you kind of just have to pick where on that
spectrum you're gonna fall. I, I call it if anything more
stressful than scary #2 is steininess the RL steininess of
it all. Honestly, man, this book is free
of most of RL Stein's worst writing techniques.
Like genuinely, you know, cliffhangers are, are real.

(01:53:34):
There are real consequences of cliffhangers.
There's very few fake outs. I think that it's honestly not
that Steinie, whoever is the goose rider, whoever they may
be, is not writing. I mean, I don't think it's
outside the wheelhouse of Stein.It could be his work completely.
I just mean it's free of his worst trappings for the most

(01:53:56):
part. So maybe like again, A2, you
know, is I guess that's you knowwhere I'm at and #3 is
relatability, AKA the kids zone.I think this book, while not
super relatable and like movie of ATV of the AT episode of the
week kind of thing, you know, a very special episode of blossom

(01:54:17):
kind of relatable. It is giving Billy a lot of
agency and making Billy like a very compelling character.
And so I think people would probably be able to project onto
him to some degree. So I'm going to call it A88A set
an A snake. A snake.
Yeah, yeah, 228. That's what I'm feeling.

(01:54:39):
Yeah, it's like it, it is a little strange.
Whereas so many of our protagonists in these Goosebumps
books are like, loathsome cowards and shitheads and like,
they don't grow out of it. Do kids like that?
I don't know think that that would have been annoying.
I would think people, kids wouldlike Billy as a protagonist.
And obviously they did 'cause itwon a Kids Choice award.
I think overall it's a really good book.

(01:55:00):
I would recommend it. I, I think it's, I mean, like, I
mean, it's not, you know, it ain't The Great Gatsby, but it's
a good book, you know? If you're if you're reading
Goosebumps and looking for The Great Gatsby I.
Just think when I say, when I say it's a really good book, I
just mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, you got,
you got to kind of like, you know, conform to the standards

(01:55:21):
of and understand that like Goosebumps and kind of like what
the tropes are, like how what what the peaks are.
The peaks are not very high. It's a fucking kids series.
They don't need to be. Yes, right.
I I just mean, yeah, when I say it's a good book, I mean this is
a good Goosebumps book to read. You want to read a kids book?
This is a great one. And that's kind of my like,

(01:55:43):
I'll, I'll go ahead and talk about, you know, my ranking
update. But yeah, that, that was kind of
my, my, my trouble ranking this because it's like, on the one
hand, this is a this is a good book.
This is just like, if I pick this book up and read it, I
would absolutely recommend it tokids.
Like this is just a fun like book.
Like it, it is perfectly serviceable for what it's doing.

(01:56:06):
However, it is a Goosebumps book.
And I think when you listen to when you read Goosebumps books
and when you listen to their audio books, you're expecting a
little bit more like like overt scariness.
And that's the that's kind of the problem that I'm having
where it's like this is simultaneously a good book, but
not it is atypical from Goosebumps books.

(01:56:27):
However, it does include some nice spooky things.
I have decided to rank it 9 out of 10.
It is number 5 on my list so far.
OK. It is right behind say Cheese
and Die, which is 9 out of 10, and right in front of One Day at
Horrorland, which is 8.5. OK.

(01:56:47):
Yeah, so I think that's a nice good place for it.
I I do want to appreciate it forit.
What it, what it did. And if Arlstein is still writing
these, which I'm sure he is, I believe, yeah, definitely use
this as a yeah, take our feedback because he's absolutely
listening to the podcast. Yeah, absolutely.

(01:57:10):
Yeah, I think he's an avid listener.
So guess what y'all, I have a new segment.
OK, I am debuting a new segment right here and now.
All right, all right, all right.Are you all ready for this?
Yeah, yeah. I'm going to call it Goodreads
Reads. We are going to.
I have a collection of reviews of this book.
Oh, OK, OK. Found all over the Internet, but

(01:57:32):
mostly from Goodreads. FYI, Goodreads has has this
rated there. What is this like?
I believe yeah. 9914 ratings. Wow. 603 reviews.
It is rated at 3.55 out of five.OK, gosh, little low.
Some of our viewers or listenershave even left such a review.

(01:57:55):
That's a lot of reviews. Yeah, Also, I, I just wanted to
note that we didn't mention thiswhen we were talking about the
covers, but the the tagline for this book has changed.
The new tagline is Swimming lessons Won't Help You Now.
I don't think that that fits with the nature of the book,
really, but it does. Freedom from ripping off Jaws.

(01:58:18):
Yeah, they should say watch out for the fucking shark.
They should say this book is about a fucking mermaid.
All right, so yeah, I'm going toread.
I have 123456 reviews here. I'm going to blast through them
and we are just going to also I did in order to find these, I
did read a bunch of review of reviews of this book and there

(01:58:40):
is a consistent sort of like disappointment with the book
just not being scary. And weirdly enough, a lot of
people reviewing this book poorly specifically take umbrage
with mermaids. And mermaids aren't scary, huh?
OK, Huh. Which is, I don't know, I've
seen, I feel like I've seen somehorror.

(01:59:01):
Movies that feature pretty. Fucked up mermaids.
I agree. So anyway, yeah, all right,
first review there are some great scene about the monster or
the shark, but mermaid that not scary.
When I read a goosebumps I'm looking for something scar
scary, not mermaid one star you.Should read a different book
then. You should read.

(01:59:22):
A different book, frankly. I feel like this one will
infuriate some people and delight others.
As a kid this book disappointed me beyond belief.
Nobody fights the shark on the cover.
The monster is mermaids. What gives?
Reading it as an adult with the Blogger Beware experience, I

(01:59:44):
felt those same feelings like itwas yesterday.
Funny, even. Nostalgia for bad feelings is
still nostalgia. Deep trouble.
More like deeply disappointed one.
There is sun a shit music and Bud Jackson.
What the fuck Who thinks like? Oh God, the title Oz.

(02:00:06):
This deep book is Deep Trouble. It's written by RL Stein.
The genre is horror slash suspense with major excitement.
This book is about a boy who imagines himself being a great
marine scientist. He finds a sea creature that
very one thinks is fairy tale creature.
But people are after this creature and they're before

(02:00:30):
ready to kill. I rated this book 4 out of five
stars for it's suspenseful keep you up at night excitement.
I thought this book was very exiting one star.
Thanks I could help. I was going to say, you have
some of a full life consequences.
You're fucking reading it right now, God.
Damn Billy did not has weapon. So wait, it was really good and

(02:00:53):
it it's one star. Yeah, they specifically said I
rated 4 out of five stars and it's one star they they fucking
like misclicked or something. I don't know.
I don't know who. Who knows what goes on in the
madman's mind? It's true.
OK, next review. This book invented animal
rights. Two stars.

(02:01:15):
Animal. Is that is that the fucking
YouTube thumbnail that? Yeah, that would be a very good
YouTube thumbnail, actually. OK, this next one, FYI, this is
in all caps. OK Hi my name is Shena Deep and
this is my brother Billy. We are with our uncle but
something weird today we saw some D3 teen and we find out

(02:01:38):
it's mutating the sea creatures to prehistoric sea monsters.
Will they find a way to stop this chaos theory?
This book I read and one of my favorite episodes from the show
and Disney adapt this book with Shena Deep and Billy Deep facing
creature from the books and makeseason 3 a creature feature
season. Season 1 is Supernatural and
season 2 is Seafy, and season and three can be a creature

(02:02:01):
feature and bring back the Praying Mantis 5 stars.
Season 2 is Seafy. I lost the plot like.
So she's reviewing, so she thinks she's reviewing.
Character is reviewing too, yes.First of all, I don't know why
she's going to be in character, but OK.
And then abandons it. Did she stop at some point?

(02:02:23):
It does seem that way, yeah. It does seem like she realizes
that that bit is hard to commit to.
And the final review, yeah, I don't know how to rate kids
books two stars. Very valid.
That one's valid. Yeah, that one I feel in my
core. Yeah, that one.
I'm, I'm with you there. I'm with you there.
Buddy Yeah, that's the troublingaspect of this exercise.

(02:02:44):
That's true. That's true.
All right. And with that, thank you all so
much for listening to You Can't Scare Me.
I hope you all had a great time,had some laughs, had some
gaffes. I don't know how you would have
gaffes. Whatever Anyway.
So if you would like to support us, please check us out on
patreon@patreon.com/youcan't Scare me Reminder, you can join
for free. You do not have to pay any

(02:03:07):
money. You can get access to the full
feed all of the bonus episodes that we've done and probably
will do. So, yeah, just check it out
there. If you want us to check out our
sites, it's YCSM pod.com and youcan't scare dot me.
We are also you can't scare dot me on Blue Sky.
We are not on Twitter. So, yeah, thank you all so much

(02:03:28):
for and thank you, by the way, to everybody who's currently
supporting the podcast. Thank you so much to our our
current and former patrons. Not unlike the squeegee we love,
we love you. So thank you very much.
All right. And with that, y'all, I'm seeing
our next book. Yeah, the Scarecrow walks at
midnight it. Sure do.

(02:03:50):
It sure do. I'm seeing that on a lot of
T-shirts and hoodies and stuff. I I'll tell you this, I mean
this is a spoiler for the the next episode, but like I, I have
vivid memory of reading this book.
I remember this. I remember you saying that,
yeah. Yeah, me too.
Yeah, I'm, I'm stoked. I'm excited.
I'm excited and worried at the same time.

(02:04:12):
I like a fire on a cold night. I'm stoked.
And we get to go back to the wonderful well of Fox Kids TV
so. Yay, I get to have fun figuring
out how to take screenshots of the TV episodes and recordings
of it, because we're going to bereferencing it a lot.
Boy, there is a lot of a lot of images for this next book.

(02:04:35):
There's a very good Halloweeny image in here too.
Oh OK, how the fuck are we goingto end this?
Don't go in the water. Don't go in the water.
Oh, wait. In the water, No.
No, no, no, wait. No, no.
I know what I know what it is. I've got to no give me out of
the wild I've got to find. It.

(02:04:56):
Dog shits in ocean. Have you seen this video?
Yeah, yeah. Dog if dog won't listen.
Is this it? I think yeah, This is it.
This is it. There it is so good.

(02:05:46):
That's how we ended. We say don't win that water,
don't win that water, stay out of water.
Take that shit. Dog home with me.
How we ended You just play that clip.
You just play that clip. Nailed it.

(02:06:06):
Alright, he got to do a little meditate.
Anyway, that's the nastiest thing I've ever seen.
Like I ever seen they have. That water, anyway, it's.
Not the guy taking that shit down home with me, weirdly
enough. Not the first time this podcast
has talked about dog shit. No.

(02:06:28):
And we are again here. We are again here.
Again, familiar territory. Yeah, I just imagine this video.
But it's it's us, the readers ofGoosebumps, telling RL Stein to
stop rolling. This shit, RL Stein is this
bulldog? Yeah, yeah.
Shit. Already launched that.

(02:06:49):
That's the nastiest thing. I ain't thinking that shit,
Stein. Home with me.
Why did you not put a mummy in at?
All it has. A mummy on the cover.
Oh, that sucks. Well.
Good night everybody.

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