The Werewolf of Fever Swamp

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm going to be queasy for a little bit.
Y'all just F just FY I I made a mistake.
I fucked up. I wanted to start this episode
with a joke about you Remember there's a there's a great quote
from the the famous, the world renowned RL jovial Bob Stein.
Rollstein. He Worldstein, Worldstein where

(00:22):
he says he calls something dog shit.
I believe if I remember correctly, and that's one of the
problems here, my memory is kindof dog shit.
What a potty mouth is that, Mister Stein?
Exactly, he is a potty mouth. I never heard Mr. Stein curse
like I always thought that he was too jovial to to say a bad
word to get sent to HE double hockey stick.

(00:43):
Apparently his joviality has limits.
Apparently so. So he, yeah, he called something
dog shit at one point and I remember that vividly.
A man walks into his house and his hand is covered in a huge
pile of dog shit and he says honey look what I almost stepped

(01:06):
in. And because I'm very smart.
And so naturally. I'm very very smart naturally
and so I decided to go on YouTube and try to search for RL
Stein dog shit and I fell into ahole.
I really wish I never knew aboutwhere it is.

(01:27):
Youtubers filming dogs shitting like the poop coming out of
their butt holes. The thumbnails immediately like
I, I, I closed it and my algorithm will never be the
same. You're going to be on on poop
YouTube for the rest of your. Life poop.
Tube. Yeah, poop tube.
Poop tube. You know, you know about poop

(01:47):
tube. Yeah, tube, Tube.
Tube, tube, tube, tube. You know what?
Two tube. Yeah, two tube, the number two,
number two tube, two tube. Number Tube.
Oh, I hate, I hate that that happened.
You've really got to wonder. I mean, is it just that people
are are like, look, I'm filming this and you can't stop me?
It's not technically against theTOS.

(02:09):
It's educational. Guess where poop comes from.
You can't stop me. I mean, listen, kids need to
know about it, about it. They need to know about that
hole, that hole, that hole. Everybody poops.
Here's the proof. Everybody poops, even your dog.
Yeah, look your dogs doing. It that should have been the
title line for this Goosebumps book.

(02:30):
Everybody poops, even your dog. Who is named Wolf, which we'll
get into that. Oh man.
Anyway. No one on earth needs to be
taught that dog's shit. Dog shit is like a permanent
fact of life. You can't escape it.
This. Is such an interesting thing.
I just learned this past again this past week.
I don't know why I've fed so much.

(02:50):
That dog's shit. Yeah, OK, Did you know that this
is a real, real fact? Dog shit doesn't turn white
anymore. What?
You may remember that used to turn white.
Let me guess. Let me guess, does it have
something to do with the way that a dog food is made now?
Yes, yes it does. They removed, gosh, what is they

(03:13):
removed bone meal from dog food.That's what caused, that's what
caused it nitrous. Yep, Fascinating.
Wow. And they found out that not that
beau meal was bad for dogs, so they removed.
It, you know, that's the kind ofthing where I, I actually like
it didn't register and then you said it and I'm like.
You're like you actually. Haven't seen white like I see

(03:33):
dog shit a lot but like. Of course, of course.
And on YouTube especially, yeah.It used to be very important to
certain industries. Dog nighter, pure finders,
people that would collect shit that had become white because
they used it in the production. I think of gunpowder.
Yes, that's true. Yes, dog, Yes.

(03:54):
So actually dog shit's like super important.
We've talked our way around it. I think that this is that
educational content's actually pretty important if they return
bone meal to dog food like they ought to.
Bring back bones. Put more bones in dog meal.
Feed more dogs bones. Grind up bones and give them the
dogs. They like it, they like it, they
like the tape. Yeah, they do.

(04:15):
Can the test when I had a dog atleast.
Oh man, I wish I had a dog. Oh, dogs are.
So. Cool this this episode.
This whole book made me miss my dog.
My dogs. I this, this hit me in a, in a
wish I had a dog kind of spot. Yeah, yeah.
All right, thinking about it, I think that this will it will
probably be weird to front load the episode with like like shit

(04:37):
talk, like actual little shit talk.
So maybe it'll work like as a bonus, like after the fact, like
for people who stick around thenwe can warn them about.
It warning dog shit. Dog shit warning.
This contains dog. Shit.

(05:00):
Hello everybody, and welcome to another wonderful episode of You
Can't Scare Me and I'm here withWe've got Brandon.
Hi, we've got Mario. Hi, it's me.
It's Mario. I'm the cool ghoul who's
everybody's pal. Mario, we we we seem to be
running into a consistent issue where you are neglecting your
catch phrase duties. What?
I believe in the last episode there was not one mention of a

(05:22):
fucking Fariq anywhere. Is there a fucking freak in this
book? I guess there is a fucking
freak. In this book.
There is definitely, at least there's at least there's at
least one significant fucking freak in this book, I say.
There's one Primo freak. Well, on the show.
In the show, he's definitely a freak.
Absolutely. Oh my God, we the show.
I'm so oh wow, that's. Let's just lead up with.

(05:43):
This Oh man. Great episode of Goosebumps.
Let's lead up right now. Fantastic.
They grabbed the dial and they they cranked it to maximum coot.
All right, he just stopped. He doesn't even use English for
the first episode. It's like.
Yeah. Well, let's, let's not get ahead

(06:04):
of our show. Let's.
Not have. I have a lot to say about that
man. But anyway, guess what?
We're doing it y'all. We're yet another Goosebumps
banger. It is the Werewolf of Fever
Swamp, that's what it is. And this is episode #14 of
Goosebumps. So let's go ahead.

(06:25):
And yeah, what did we think of this book?
Just real quick, just real, justjust a broad stroke.
OK, What do we think of this book?
Broad stroke, I did not hate this book.
I would agree. Yeah.
I think this book is OK. I think this show is better.
Than the book. Interesting.
OK. I agree my note, my basic note

(06:46):
is egad bad dad. That OK, I have a lot of
feelings with the parents in this book.
Yes, like a lot of them. Yes, yes, but the story is good.
Wait a minute, Mario, do you notlike science?
I I actually, you know what? I hate?
Science. Let's go on record and say that
I I loathe it. For those who don't know, The
Who will know very shortly. The parents in this book are

(07:09):
both scientists. In a certain way, In a sense,
yeah. In the ancient way where you get
a bunch of deer in a fence and then you see if something bad
happens to them. OK, so here's the thing.
I would argue in the book, they are scientists.
In the show they are just two fucking freaks.

(07:32):
But just two fucking freaks we're getting.
The freaks out of here. Fantastic.
But I think the book is pretty good.
I actually think it's it's honestly in many ways better
than most Goosebumps books. But because of that it moves
into like being evaluated as like an actual book.

(07:52):
And in that regard, it somewhat does not meet the standard of
being like an actual book. Like, yes, I was talking to
Rachel about this because we were listening to it all
yesterday on a really long car ride and we listened to the
entire audio book, which by the way, Oh my God, I missed.
Great audio book Half back, yeah.
Fantastic audio book. The I meant to look the person's

(08:15):
name up, but the the person who does the audio book, they just
did a fantastic job. Yeah, they're great.
They're really good. You didn't have to OCR the book
and pop it into the moon base Alpha TTS.
Ramon Ramon Diocampo is the Ramon Diocampo.
Ramon Diocampo did a fantastic job.
I. Yeah, great narrator.
Really, really, really good. Like they they were nailing it

(08:37):
with the inflections. They'd had different voices for
each character, like just just really good stuff.
There were a couple parts where they kind of forgot to give the
the main character like that kidvoice, but it is what it like.
I'll take it a million times over versus like a fucking AI
bullshit that the automatic. 12345.

(09:02):
The fucking yeah the AI text to speech.
Hey. You.
Hey you. Football.
Football. Ohh, we actually do.
Have football? We have John Madden in this
episode. That's right.
We've got some John Madden y'all.
I'm so excited. John Madden and they're in.
It's Don Madden football anyway.No.
Oh man, we can't get lost into the text to speech whole again,

(09:24):
Mario. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me with history. I'll take you on a journey
through time. I'm.
So. Excited.
That's Here's the problem. Time sucked this month.
OK, here's here's a quick recap of history, but only as it
pertains to movies, TV and videogames.
The only kind of history that matters the this book was

(09:46):
published in December of 93, which is interesting because it
does take place right after Christmas.
By coincidence, the movies number one sister act two do we
two back in the habit back in the habit.
They got back. They put the habit back.
On the subtitle. That's that's, yeah.
That's the only probably the only good creative thing about
that movie. I'm going to guess I'm.

(10:07):
I'm not going to besmirch it andpretend that there's no.
Way I don't know for sure because my only sister act
exposure is the part of the movie Spy Hard where Leslie
Nielsen does sister act and I like that I mean I like that a
lot. Now here's a good one.
Well here's AI mean it's not thebest one but it's like a A1 that
is better than others. Wayne's World 2.

(10:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean like I would.
I think that the original is better.
It's better, but like, it's not gonna.
Be jokes. Like, don't get me wrong, you've
still got some classic making fun of advertisements in that
one. That's the one joke.
Yeah, the the the pizza joke. Yeah, yeah, right.
Also a thing of amazing comediesthat we all love and made us

(10:48):
feel good. Schindler's List came out.
Wonderful. Followed closely by a relevant
movie, Beethoven the Second. What is it with sequels this
month? Like like.
What you could say that for every month?
I know, but hey, hey, kids. Hey kids.
If you think that sequels dot media today, just know in

(11:08):
December 93, three of the only movies that mattered were
sequels. Here is a good one.
All right. There are two, I would say,
actually exciting films on this list.
Not that Schindler's List isn't a great movie.
Guys. Wouldn't call exciting to
quality. Like, yeah, I mean, it's a
classic film, but like, not fun.Batman Mask of the Phantasm came

(11:30):
out. Oh my God, are we kidding me?
I would say is the best Batman movie.
When I think of Batman movies, it is Mask of the Phantasm it
is. Yeah.
Oh my God. So I mean, Batman Returns a
close second, but Batman MassivePhantasm is incredible.
Kevin Conroy, rest in peace. RIP bud.
Incredible performance, incredible movie all time one of

(11:52):
the all time Mark Hamill Joker laughs in that movie The the
end, the end where like he maybedies, Obviously he didn't die,
but like where he like is in theburning amusement park.
Amazing Joker laugh. I think about it all the time,
like stellar performance. I often think of the Joker

(12:29):
laugh. It's crazy.
It's a great laugh. I mean, Mark Hamill's just great
in general in that film. Yeah.
Great movie. Awesome #2 in movies that
matter. Tombstone came out this month.
Never seen it. Really.
OK, you did not see? Oh, crap.

(12:50):
I got to take a phone call. I'm on call.
So this is going to be recorded,I guess.
So enjoy this. Hello.
Yeah, hello. OK, All righty.
Spanish. Bye.
Amazing. Incredible.

(13:10):
One of the most pointless phone calls I've ever received in my
entire life. Hello, do you have a phone?
Like what a great call to get. Thank you so much.
Anyway, back in you missed. You missed that I was doing the.
You were like hello, and I'm like.
I can't relay the contents of that phone call because it does

(13:31):
concern obviously a dead person,but waste of time.
Can we? Can we?
OK. I have an idea of what happened.
Bring. Bring.
Hello. Hey, Mario.
Yeah. We have a we have a person here.
They're not moving. I think they're dead.
OK. OK.

(13:52):
I'll see you later. All right, that is staggeringly
close to what the were. It was literally to tell me
there is a dead bomb. Did you save us some time and
just tell us whether it was a murder?
No, it was not a murder. No, I'm saying them on the
phone. Yeah, okay, okay, literally it

(14:13):
was just to tell me to tell me there would be a dead body.
Whoa. At my job wait at my job where
there are frequently dead bodieslike.
Oh, OK, All right. I was like, there will be a dead
body. There will be.
You're gonna find one. Oh dude, you got this is
evidence. You can't.
You can't say that. All right, back to film
Tombstone on your Huckleberry Val Kilmer classic.

(14:37):
Val Kilmer, one of his best roles, I think as Doc Holiday in
Tombstone. I have Russell.
Val Kilmer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kurt Russell I have not seen that movie in years, but
certainly I'm your Huckleberry is like a ingrained in pop
culture as a as a Michael. Brooker, Yeah.
Billy Zane. OK, Yeah.
Another Zane masterpiece. Charlton, Heston, Nilch.

(15:00):
You know, he was also in a mouthof madness.
He sucked as a person, but he isin sometimes good movies.
He was the drip king because he was king drip.
He he did drip a lot. OK TVTV because movies were so
light. I also checked what was in Japan

(15:22):
in 1993. Sailor Moon R the movie.
I think that's the one with likea circus.
No, like a like a a dream circus.
That's the one where they're pirates.
Yeah, right. There's a boat, right?
What? I don't.
Know Sailor Moon R? R Oh, shut the oh you bastard.
Yes, I will you you. I will, you motherfucker.

(15:45):
Cover the earth in your tears, and it will still be happy to
drink your blood. I'm checking genuinely do not
know what this movie is about. I I think they played it on
Toonami once, but I, I and I probably watched it then, but I.
I vaguely remember seeing Yeah advertisements for this while I
was watching Space Ghost. Centers in the arrival of an
alien named Fiore on Earth who has a past with Tuxedo Mask and

(16:09):
wishes to reunite with him as being controlled by an evil
flower called the Xenian Flower.Don't remember this.
There is one that involves dreams.
I mean, that's super SI mean that's super S anyway.
The flower makes you cheat on your girlfriend.
Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a shitty.
Flower The flower turns your your lover, your lesbian lover
into your sister. That's that's your cousin, your

(16:30):
cousin, your cousin. Yeah, yeah.
I got you. Hope it's not, sister you.
You sure should hope it's not. No, no, no.
Well, actually that's I wasn't going to get into it, but there
there is probably a a audience for that now there, sure.
Is yeah yeah Cartoon Network or or Deek unintentionally creating

(16:55):
the first Deek fostering the seeds of what would currently be
Pornhub's out current algorithm Sailor Moon all alone TV
Speaking of TV and Sailor Moon the I mean a wasteland in
December 93 the only show that came on that premiered was the

(17:16):
state the comedy trip the state with a bunch of the Reno 911
people and. I heard the state's good.
The state is funny. The state is good.
The state is very. It's weird how many now famous
actors are now famous comedy actors.
We're in the state. That's kind of weird.
Like when you look back, you're like, what?

(17:37):
He was there like the cast of Wet Hot American Summer.
That's like half the state crazy.
A bunch of stuff ended. Droopy master detective ended.
What a crime. Tom and Jerry kids ended.
I don't remember the show but I do remember the theme song
because it was like Tom and Jerry kids adventurous, not the

(17:59):
hedgehog ended. And the world has never been the
same. And it's never been the same.
And also Wild West Cowboys of Mesa ended.
I feel like we may have talked about Wild West Cowboys of Mesa
on this very podcast, which is strange to think that in the run
of maybe 14 Goosebumps books it aired and ended pretty messed up

(18:22):
video games. Well, hang on, hang on, you
missed one. What's the most important media
event of that December? Televisual event, I should say,
is the ending of the Sister Act TV series subtitle Don't Bother
None. Oh no.
Maybe one of those days. Just one of those days.

(18:43):
Just one of those days. I guess that's just the way that
it is. It's.
True. I just wanted to point out Wild
West Cowboys of movements. Yeah, it's Code of the West,
yeah. Yeah, one of the antagonists is
named Horrible. Yeah.
Yeah. Sadie.
Wow. Cow.
Yeah. Yeah.

(19:03):
Mayor Oscar Boloni. Yeah.
Wait, they double dipped? Is the sheriff terrible?
And. Horrible.
Yeah. Shit, they didn't try that hard.
I mean also I would like to stress this has been covered on
other podcasts, but the name of the show is Wild West Cowboys of

(19:25):
Mumesa. Yes, Cow is not cow.
It stands for Code of the West. So the name of the show is in
fact Wild West Code of the West Boys of Mumesa.
They should have had a character's name be Patty.
They definitely did. No, no, universe, they didn't
wait. Hold on.
I'm no, I'm not seeing Patty Wait.

(19:45):
Pat T Maybe PATTT. Yeah, Patty, Pat, no.
If they have to use Terror Bull.If they have to use the Bull
ending twice, remake the same joke.
Five card cud skullduggery. Yeah.
I actually like I actually like this one bat blast a gun.
Yeah, bat blasting. Yeah.

(20:06):
Yeah, I think Tim Curry was on Cut of the West.
Cowbell BELLE, eat my ass. Fuck you the great boveny.
I need to. I'm closing this tab.
I'm closing. OK, so video games, but we got

(20:29):
what we got a lot, actually. Pretty important ones.
Cool. Blake Stone and the Aliens of
Gold at Wolfenstein Clone, whichI bought a copy of in Florida in
7th grade. Cool spot.
Cool spot, yes? About the spot.
So Duke Nukem 2, OK Final fight 2.

(20:52):
Oh. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. Kirby's Adventure.
Oh yeah. Classic, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, Yep. Now this is a fun one.
It's a game called Jack in the Dark.
A game many have played since. It's, it's a spin up which you
believe of Alone in the Dark, which is also funny.
Like, yeah, it's a, it's a spin up of Alone in the Dark called

(21:12):
Jack in the Dark. And if you put those two
together, that is funny. Jack in the Dark is a spin off
game made during a loan in the Dark Two's development.
It was used as a promotional game distributed at Christmas
1993. The game was on a single floppy
disk in a golden wrap featuring a jack-in-the-box illustration

(21:32):
at the top. Huh.
Yeah. And we just got that Alone in
the Dark remake too, which not that good, actually started out
pretty strong but then kind of falls on its face.
I have heard that here's the I've been holding back on the
secrets. What the best ones were.
I'm going to go in just I'm going to go in ascending order.
All right. So the number two is art of

(21:54):
fighting. Art of fighting released in
December 93 and that is important to me because it
begins S&K's. Well, Fail Fury did that, but it
it continues S&K's fighting gamehistory and will ultimately lead
to the creation of Dan Hibiki inStreet Fighter.
So that's important. That's important, yeah, because
Rio's Rio, the protagonist of Art of Fighting, is of course, a

(22:17):
clone of Ryu from Street Fighter.
And Capcom, having a little joke, put a character that was
designed to look like a combination of the two
protagonists of Art of Fighting into Street Fighter Alpha and
made him the worst character. Wait, it's called Art of
Fighting? Yeah, it's called Ryuco.
No, Ken. Yes.
That's pretty funny, Ken in the.So important.

(22:44):
Important also it would give us Yuri Sakazaki, the younger
sister of Rio, who would ultimately lead to the creation
of Sakura in Street Fighter because Capcom ripped them off
for that one. And look at that look.
Also, most important of all, Doom came out in this month.
Doom. Oh, you saved the best for last

(23:05):
Doom. The Doom.
The Doom. The Doom.
Yeah, kind of a kind of a big deal.
I think that was the first I want to say I need to, I think.
When did Warcraft come out? Warcraft.
I don't know, I haven't covered it yet, so maybe not 93. 94.
Yes, we haven't covered it yet. I guess Doom was the first.
Yeah, I think Doom was the firstgame I played.

(23:26):
My dad had a Mac in our in our kitchen.
I remember there was a space between the kitchen and the
breakfast room and he had a Mac,an old Mac set up, and he was
playing Doom on it. And I went over there and he let
me mess around with it a little bit.
And I remember being totally blown away.
I was fucking sick. Elliot I.
First played Doom on the 32 X Damn, wow it wasn't good.

(23:48):
No, I mean I liked it. I didn't know any better.
I played Doom on ATI 84. Oh.
Wait a minute, did I play? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm getting confused because my grandparents had a Atari 26128
hundred 600. Yeah. 2600, yeah, yeah.
Yep, I remember that. Yep.
And but they had it for a long time, so I remember playing it

(24:11):
when I was older. So I do have memories of playing
2600 games, but they're from notwhen the 2600 actually came out.
So I get fucked up like that anyway.
I was discussing this with someone, I don't know who, but
it's interesting. The game Descent is a game that
exists to be on your stepdad's computer and you play it.

(24:34):
That's what you play it. I don't think anyone but
stepdad's owned the game Descent.
We haven't gotten there yet, butone day we will cover it, unless
we have covered, in which case Ihave said as much.
Wait, I want to, I want to put out, I want to see how many
people have the same experience.Do uncles like to play
Asteroids? Because my uncle loved playing

(24:55):
Asteroids. Is that an is that an uncle
game? Nevermind, don't worry about.
It my uncle, my uncle had, I don't remember what game it was.
You were on a magic carpet and there were like Dragons you were
shooting. I wanted to say Aladdin.
But it's not it's it was like a,it was like a first PC is the
first person like you were flying on a carpet over a very,

(25:17):
very basic looking grassy plane.Wait, is that is that that one?
Or Serpentine Dragons that were quite linear and like.
Prince of Persia. It was not Prince of Persia that
it would be. I mean, I bet I could.
I bet maybe Google's magic AI will tell me Magic carpet.
Magic carpet video? Is it literally called magic
carpet? It's called magic Carpet.

(25:38):
It's the game Magic Carpet. Well, it didn't really need
Google for that one. The Dragons.
The Dragons, That's what I called them.
Maybe not what I, maybe not whatyou would classically term a
dragon. Giant turds.
See, my uncle's always played this one game and it featured.
It was like isometric and it featured.
There's this. You play it as a Prince.

(26:00):
It was set in Persia. Let's Google it.
I thought you were going somewhere completely different
with that, but thank you for taking it that way anyway.
Mario The picture that Mario just posted, it literally looks
like the Pokémon Onyx. It does a bit.
Yeah, without the head. Yeah, that's it.
So I played that. Those are quote UN quote
Dragons. So anyway, besides you, one of

(26:23):
the most important games of all time.
Yeah, ever. That's it.
That's all of gaming history forthe year of 93.
I was I was curious what game came what.
A Goosebumps book came out on September 11th, 2001.
Oh my God. And I cannot find one, so maybe.
There wasn't. RL Stein, What were you doing

(26:45):
during 9/11? Well, he would have been in.
This would have been surely in Goosebumps 2000 time, right?
If not main series anymore. He was choosing his own
adventure. Goose from series 2000.
Oh yeah, yeah. Oh no.
Series 2000 ended in 2000 and itwas followed by Horrorland,
which did not start until 2008. So actually, oh, he was not

(27:05):
accounted for. No Tisk tisk tisk RL Stein.
Did you see that portal that wasunveiled?
Oh, it was like a big screen that was like a stream on each
side linking. I think it was like, was it like
London or like, I forget what it's called?

(27:27):
It's called the project is called the Portal.
I'm going. To no, I didn't see that they
had unveiled the portal. I miss that one actually.
It's a portal between New York and Ireland and the reason I
have 911 on the brain is becausesomeone with a phone walked up.
It walked up to the portal, which is literally just a screen

(27:47):
that is streaming both ends fromNew York to Dublin, and someone
ran by with the phone that had the twin towers on smoking on
it. Bob this is so fucked up.
I am on a page of Reddit at thisexact moment and it just showed
me a picture of the fucking portal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's that's because

(28:10):
they're listening to everything that.
We. Yeah, all the time, yeah.
Microphones are everywhere and so.
Why is it the Google Chrome logo?
Why is it goat? See.
It is the Google Chrome logo. It is not.
It is decidedly not. You could easily make it goat
see though. You just you can make this goat
see in like 10 seconds. Oh my God, I've never wanted to
see the goat man more than. Two people, two people could

(28:32):
make it goat see very quick if you could get if you could just
two people show up. No 4 people show up on on the
opposites of the earth with large cardboard hands and slowly
move towards. Do not do that.
We will all die, that is. How the?
World ends. Inside of Goatee's butt hole is

(28:56):
the Twin Tower smoking. That's how the Infinity Bell
chimes. It's last, it's last ring and
humanity ends. We quiet the chiming of the
Infinity Bell with Goatee. Speaking of the hands of
humanity, how about this Goosebumps book?
I love goosebumps RL. Hi, I'm RL Stein.
Hi, I'm RL Stein. Hi.

(29:16):
I'm RL Stein. We got a We get a lot of Hi, I'm
RL Stein when we went through this, but we'll talk about that
later. Hey, Brandon.
Yeah. I hear that books have visuals
on the front of them and that you should judge them by those
visuals. That's right, Bob.
This is judging a book by its cover where we do what they say
we should not do. You can't scare me, and you

(29:38):
can't tell me what to do. I.
Love. How you going?
Fuck, it hurt. It hurt, actually.
OK, so I've sent you all the covers.
We're going to start with the Jacobus original, the one
probably most people recognize. That's a good cover though.
Oh my God. It is this is these colors

(30:00):
define my teenage years this. Cover kicks ass, actually.
So good. Like, yeah, just.
Like if I could get a a goosebumps cover framed this
would be one of them Like. I really want A at shirt with
this cover on it like this. Is dopest shit.
This is the fucking best. Yeah, this rules.
It looks good. I think we all agree it would be

(30:21):
better if there were three wolves instead of one now.
True, but. Yeah, that would make it three
times. As well while we're here, this
is a spoiler for a later book but I do have a shirt with one
Day at Horrorland on it. Hell yeah.
So I also have a blanket that's one day at Horrorland, but.
Wait, is that's coming up soon, isn't?
It it is. It's like in two books I think,
like. Two books.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is another book that's

(30:42):
coming up next. I don't, I don't know.
It's weird. A little weird, yeah.
No one ever heard of that book. Anyway, Brandon, talk about this
cover. Talk about this cover.
Use words. Yeah, paint a pic.
It has an image on it. There's some color, the text is
in purple, blue letters on a yellow green ground, and the
illustration a wolf is sitting on a rock above a green pond of
water, howling at the sky. The wolf is not humanoid in any

(31:05):
way, just a straight up wolf. The large full moon is visible
and the purple sky behind him. The pond is hemmed in on all
sides by swampy brush, and the water of the pond itself is
bright Gatorade green on the same rock as a shirt and
baseball cap, No pants. Scandalous.
It's a nice composition. This shirt and hat actually

(31:25):
resembled the shirt and hat thata character will wear on the
cover of Camp Jelly Jam. Oh yeah, weirdly I'm just
realizing that but. Go on, the wolf ate that guy.
That's true. Yeah, the wolf ate that guy
Wolf. But but wear his pants.
I guess he ate the pants. He either ate the pants or he
didn't have. Them or they fell into the
Mountain Dew Slash Monster Energy swamp.

(31:45):
God it's a good cover. God the color is so good on this
like. It is I want to eat this book.
This is the most tide potty cover of.
A Yeah, this looks delicious. This text color and background
is like what I think of as the Goosebumps logo.
Like this is the perfect Goosebumps color palette.
I frankly they could all be thisway and it would be fine.

(32:09):
It's like if you went straight secondary colors and then moved
the hue slider over like 5 or 10°.
It's not quite exactly the greenthat you're probably picturing
in your mind, or the purple thatyou're picturing in your mind.
A few degrees on the on the slider and you'd be at that
hideous Joker palette that people that I do when I play
video games to look horrible. But also it's it's pretty close

(32:31):
to Ava unit 1. Yeah, it's almost Evangelion.
It's almost Evangelion. Oh.
My God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow. Yeah, it totally is.
Oh, we got to. We got to be on the lookout for
the next day or for the other Ava units.
It's I mean, I'm telling you what it just fucking works, man
like this color palette Ava one this color is cover kicks ass
like. Is there a black and white

(32:52):
Goosebumps cover color palette there so we can get some Bardio
up in here? Surely they're it.
Well, I don't know. There's gotta.
Be right. We haven't seen it.
Yet not, not, not maybe in the American coverage.
They'd be sick if it was like a story about like getting stuck
in like like a a black and white, like a silent movie or
something. I don't think that goosebumps

(33:13):
that they think this far ahead. I don't think.
Although to their credit, this palette does match both the sky
in this picture and the MountainDew Swamp.
Yeah, the. Monster Energy.
Yeah, Yeah, totally. Also, yeah.
So this is these are the exact colors for Mountain Dew Pitch
black minus the red. Oh wait, the red.

(33:34):
This is the Scholastic logo. Dude.
We did it. This is a drinkable cover.
It totally is. It's a very, this is a very
drinkable cover. I Oh my God, it's so good.
It's. The wolf looks great.
This enough? This is fantastic.
A little drool on the side of the mouth.
Oh my God. That's a that's a pretty the
eyes closed on the wolf, given abig old howl with the moon now

(33:57):
framing their head is perfect. His silhouette lid.
Now the the tagline is bad. I was.
Afraid of the big bad wolf? They could do better than that.
They could do a lot better than that.
And shouldn't say I'm afraid of the big bad wolf.
They could say that or. What big teeth you have?
That's that's actually I think they do that.
Oh fuck. On the back cover, I think it's

(34:18):
a little bit Riding Hood reference.
We don't see that, but accordingto Wikipedia I believe it's in
there. Well, let's move on to a worse
cover, yeah? Do we have to?
This is the classic Goosebumps cover.
Oh God. The classic Goosebumps cover
depicts a humanoid creature thatlooks more like a rat than a
wolf. It's very, very important for
the werewolf to look good, and this looks like a rat.

(34:39):
This is a rat. This is a rat man.
This is a fucking rat. Behind this is a German ass rat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Behind his head is a large
yellow full moon and a purple sky.
On both sides of the rat thing are gnarled bear trees and a
shirt and baseball cap are laying on the ground near the
creature. He appears to be standing socks
in front of a purple lake in which the moon is reflected.
This would be a much better cover if he didn't look like a

(35:01):
rat. You got it.
It's a werewolf. It's in the name.
You have to do the werewolf. Yeah, why does he look so rat
like? Just make the snout longer.
Yeah, for real. This is Dorman, right?
This is Yeah, this is our usual classics guy.
I will say I do like the hue going from pink to blue in the
background from the moon and there are multiple times in the

(35:22):
book where the moon is describedas like a cheese yellow.
Yeah, OK. I don't think this is his worst
cover. No, by no, by no means.
It's definitely like it's legible.
You can understand what it is. I like the fireflies as well.
The Fireflies, the. Background's actually pretty
good. It's yeah, I like the fireflies,
is weirdly shaped and he looks like a big rat.

(35:42):
I also I must say I don't reallylike the symmetrical trees thing
going on. I I don't like the.
Framing, I don't like the how it's framed.
Yeah, they, they it's just too much visual.
It's too just like all of most. I don't want to say all, I
haven't seen them all, but most of Dorman's covers that it's too
there's it's too busy. There's too much like, there's
such a wonderful simplicity to Jacobus's work.

(36:05):
It's just, yeah, I, I, I think Dorman's really good with with
color, though. I really do like how contrast
the a lot of this is, weirdly enough, the this is a sort of a
contract, like the contrast has been pulled down for this cover
'cause I'm looking at the audio book, which uses the new the the

(36:25):
Doorman cover on it. And they they upped the
contrast. Like it, it is super contrasty
on that. It's like a cartoon.
It's like, it's like, yeah, it'slike it's animated or something.
It's really weird. Moving to the amazing UK cover.
UK this fucking guy. Yeah, the UK cover, as usual,

(36:48):
features character head suspended in multi colored
bubbles and goo. The font is black with orange
outline and the goo transitions from the top of the page to the
bottom, starting at yellow, thengoes to orange, then pink, then
neon green. I.
Have no idea what does that. Oh, no one knows why it does
that. Oh, it's because he's sink.
He's sinking in a in a Sour Patch Kids watermelon.

(37:11):
Isn't a big bowl of Spamoni. Yeah.
Look that Goosebumps logo with the black.
God damn. That's bad.
Yeah, that's bad. Bad.
It doesn't look good, but front and center are the heads of what
I presume to be Wolf the dog andGrady.
Wolf the dog's maw is fully openwith his tongue walling out.
His eyes are wide open showing the whites and he is looking off

(37:32):
screen. His expression is unhinged.
Grady is staring at the viewer viewer with a bemused, almost
DreamWorks character smirk, his big full lips pursed like he
just told an excellent joke, andone eyebrow is raised.
Why? It's goofy as hell.
Why is his eyebrow raised? Why does he like I don't know,
Why don't you tell me who's the werewolf?

(37:55):
I don't know. Is he turning into the dog?
Because like look how far over the year is one of the years is
like on top of his head. I can't.
Tell if this is supposed to be awerewolf metamorphosis thing
going on? Yeah, I don't know, because it's
not really. It's not an anamorphs thing.
Like it's not blended in such a way to illustrate a
metamorphosis. It's just like a boy's head is

(38:16):
emerging from the back of a of awolf's head.
And the boy is. The boy is.
Sucks. The pink is the boy.
The boy is Chris Kattan. Can we just agree?
Yeah, a little bit, a little bitChris Kattan energy.
Is so aggressively Chris Kattan I I can't stand it I.
Would credit this as having a great color of the right color
slime. Like the green would be great

(38:37):
but then they put the orange andpink on there and I don't know
what the fuck it's doing. Like, like just make it all
green guys. It's not complicated.
I will say that the dog illustration is really good.
Yeah, I did a good job making that look like a dog.
That's that's a problem that a lot of these covers have and
this one doesn't. That is true.
It's almost like a photorealistic dog too.

(38:58):
It also looks unhinged, and that's pretty good.
It does not match the energy of the boy in any way.
No, no, it's like, oh, my dog bit you.
I guess my dog did bite. You somebody turning into a
werewolf? Yeah, he's doing his his like
I'm on the I'm on the Vinyl cover for an 80s comedy album.

(39:19):
This is one of those covers listener, you you, you have to
see it. You have to see it.
I will be posting all of the covers on blue sky and on
Twitter. Go there if you want to look at
them. It it it you have like talking
about it doesn't do it justice. You need to see this kid Chris
Katanning at you. It is.
It is. Like I can't even say it's bad
because I'm fascinated by this kid.

(39:40):
Like why like and why does the kid seem to have a fucking ear?
Like coming out of his head? Like that's not even where the
ear is supposed to be. If it was the dogs and wait wait
wait. It's way too far over.
Yeah, moving on to the French cover, Le Lou Galot de Malacache
on the cover for that, a boy in the bottom center of the frame
has his back turned to the viewer, his arms flailed up in

(40:02):
defensive fashion to protect from an enormous red eyed dog in
the center of the frame. A dog head, I should say, the
head alone being larger than theboy's entire body.
Above the head is a small pale moon, and it illuminates wheat
to the sides of the head. The dog's head, freaked out kid,
and wheat all appear to be wildly out of proportion with
each other and it's kind of a rare miss for the French covers

(40:24):
in my opinion. I don't like it.
I don't like it. They're two out of proportion
with each other. The dog head is gigantic, the
kid is like the size of an OompaLoompa, and the the wheat is big
too. And the moon is tiny.
Yeah. Yeah, this stuff, not vibing
with it. I don't know it.
Don't look that good. Yeah, it it for some reason it
reminds me of, I forget who did the art on it, but the the Pink

(40:47):
Floyd, the wall, the the animation in in the movie.
OK, yeah, it's it's very, very stark.
You know it's. Very it is stark.
Also, why are they in a cornfield?
Or yeah, also the dog is. I'm gonna be honest with you in
this one. It's too much of A dog.
Yeah, it's a dog. It's just straight like a dog.
Like what? Yeah, like that's not a wolf, my

(41:07):
dude, that's a dog like. That's like a, it's kind of
Doberman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, this is a big dog, man.
Like yeah dude. Or maybe it's a tiny kid you
don't know. A lot of the alternate covers
don't look very good. Like we're also moving to the
Dutch cover. This was also kind of a beefy
wine. What the fuck sucks dog.
Dutch cover for Kippen Bell. A child in a moonlit Meadow is

(41:31):
front and center and is horrified to see a beclawed paw
on his shoulder. He has an after image, like he
is doing a Mortal Kombat slide. Far behind him is a monster head
looking halfway between a wolf and a tiger.
Yeah, the monster's head looks like it is too far away to be
connected to the paw, which is very close to the boy.
His expression is also pretty doofy.
I guess werewolves must be really hard to draw cause we've

(41:53):
seen a lot of bad looking ones so far.
True. I do think that's probably true.
I think that probably some people are really good at
drawing werewolves and some of them draw werewolves really good
'cause they like werewolves. And some of them draw werewolves
really good 'cause they like werewolves.
Do you get it? Yeah.
Yeah, I was. I actually.
Mentioned that to Rachel while we were listening to it.
It was like, how many, how many,like kids were had their furry

(42:16):
awakening when they were like, yeah, reading this book.
OK, I have a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How because it's it looks like this.
How much do we want to bet that this is one of those like
lenticular like displays where where it like looks like the kid
is like turning and the the the paws like coming at you or like

(42:36):
attacking them like. I did try to find a better
version of this image. It doesn't appear to be a
lenticular, but it that also could just be like a reprint I I
can't tell. Can we talk about the fact that
that's that, that looks like a cat paw, Yes.
Like yes. Yeah, yeah.
And also, well, I mean, I think they were going with like
Siberian tiger face a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. Well, in any case.

(42:58):
You should definitely mention the name of the book.
Pet morass monster. It's the SWAT monster probably,
I presume which? I mean, I mean, we'll get to it.
We'll get to. It.
Yeah, yeah, moving to. Because werewolf isn't mentioned
until like the last third of thebook.
I think anyway. Yeah, yeah.

(43:19):
I mean, technically it's at the very beginning.
I just want to say real quick, Speaking of good werewolf
drawings, if you want to see some good fucking werewolves,
Stephen King's novella, which I think is pretty OK, Cycle the
Werewolf. It's a decent werewolf story.
It's mostly a bunch of werewolf short stories that are loosely
connected and it was turned intoa great movie.
Oh my gosh, Brandon the movie. Gary Beezy's in it.

(43:41):
Oh, we watch it every year, Silver.
Bullet, Thank you God, Jesus, you watch it every year.
My brain pant blanked at the most important time.
Trust me, forgive me. I am a Silent Hill dude.
I have been doing Silent Hill stuff my entire life and even
like sometimes I will just forget the names of basic shit
so. Well, so Cycle the Roof is a
pretty OK novella. It's a short read if you don't,

(44:02):
if you like Stephen King, and I don't really, but I liked it.
Depends on the era, you know. Yeah, the movie Silver Bullet is
great, and Ernie Wrightson or Bernie Wrightson.
Bernie Wrightson, the artist didthe art for what was supposed to
be a calendar that got turned into this novella.
If you want to say some fucking great werewolf art, Werewolf

(44:23):
fart. Werewolf fart.
Bernie Wrightson's Bernie Wrightson's illustrations for a
Cycle The Werewolf are the dopest shit.
Like they're so fucking cool. Yeah, there's people know how to
do it, just not these guys. Wow.
Some, yeah, some people, some artists really like, you can
tell that they did. They have a lot of history with

(44:45):
like a study of form and like musculature, and I feel like
that's one of the things that really defines a werewolf.
Is yeah, the muscles like. Being this threatening force,
like getting not only like it's a combination of knowing animal
form and human form and combining them in a really
fascinating way. And this first one is just like,

(45:05):
yeah, this is this. Look at this one.
This is this one. Look, he's ripped.
Ripping his fucking face off, dude.
Gosh, I this is awakening. Phoenix, Oh my God.
The one on him on this, on this car or this?
Yeah, on this truck is awesome. Wow, these are really good.
It's a great, it's a they're great.
The illustrations are great and I think the book is OK.

(45:26):
I, I think it's, it's short, worth reading and you get the
illustrations for free. So like, you know.
God, yeah. Stephen King.
Returning to Kippenville, Yeah, there's a second Kippenville
cover for this book. Is it better?
It's. Yeah, kind of.
Kind of more technically accomplished like we.
OK, so the new Dutch cover has aclose up of a wolf's T zone with
yellow eyes. The wolf's face is obscured

(45:47):
towards the bottom of the image by the image of a full moon
behind scraggly tree limbs. The wolf's fur and eyes are
rendered photorealistically. It's an OK cover.
Like technically that all looks very good, but it's it's
honestly kind of a little boringin terms of a composition.
You really gotta see the werewolf, but I guess it's not
as bad as if it looked like a rat or just didn't look like a
werewolf or. Yeah, it's got kind of like a

(46:07):
somebody asked me to make a cover real fast, like energy to
it. Honestly, and not to, not to
throw these under the under the bus, but like the, the, I forget
what they're called, the novellas where it's just like,
you know, there's a sexy dude onthe cover.
Oh, Harlequin. Romance.
Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, it's it's kind of got that
vibe where not like the older ones where they were all really

(46:30):
cool drawings and like it was natural craft, but into.
It's like a photo of guys, yeah.It's photo of I did this real
quick in Photoshop here. Whatever.
This feels like a thing you could do in about 20 minutes if
you really feel like. Yeah, yeah.
It feels like one of those like bargain basement, like dumpster
cover things where like a bunch of Harlequin and romance authors

(46:50):
just go to one or two people that just produce these all day
long and it's like they're mostly photoshopped images.
Yeah, and and this is like the post or is it pre Fabio open
shirt era? And they have.
Like a woman pining. And it definitely you're, you're
totally correct, because it really does feel like the the
logo and like the text part of it was done by someone

(47:13):
completely different like than the person who did like the, the
the bottom of like a middle and bottom portion of.
It so coming up on what might bethe.
Best cover? Two good covers here in a row.
The Korean cover. I want dishonest shirt.
Jesus Christ, this. In in the excellent Korean
cover, a red eyed werewolf has its humanoid arms raised around

(47:34):
it with a big long claws as it housed at the sky.
Behind it. A large white moon is in a black
sky I painted. Blotches of blue fog swirl
around it. The figure is very stylized,
like a pastel illustration of a Tim Burton wolf puppet, or like
one of those Soviet stop motion kind of characters.
That's like the sort of shapes and general abstraction.

(47:56):
I can't describe it that much better than that, but it's a
really good look looking cover. Very, very painterly.
Yeah, this rules. It's.
I love that painterly look. Yeah.
It's got like a like, it's so simple rules it's.
So cool, it's a lot better than the story.
I mean, I don't even dislike thestory, but this is much cooler
than the story deserves. Yeah, yes, a little bit.

(48:16):
I would say you are correct. Like it's hard to explain even
what it evokes. It's like a primal thing.
It's it's rad. Like it's really good, yeah.
Yeah. It's, it's, it's like
impressionistic almost. Yeah.
And yeah. And you really get like the the
the sort of like the guttural sort of fury from this.
I Yeah. Also, you can tell it's a
fucking wolf, yeah. Yeah, 1000% You immediately look

(48:39):
at Oh, and is. That's a werewolf right there
that. We've seen a werewolf.
Oh no, the dog in Lelu Garu de Mira Carges has red eyes, so I
thought they would play a littlebit more with the red eyes.
But. The engineation cover is also
great, love it. Yes.
Love it, super stylized. Yeah, beneath the treble fluid
font, the Indonesian cover depicts another stylized

(49:03):
humanoid wolf creature floating in abstract shapes that resemble
trees, flowing water and at the bottom of row of canine teeth.
Yeah, the werewolf is hunched over.
There's no expression on its face, but it has its claws
extended in front of it. This is a great looking cover.
Sharp shit. I.
Love this cover? Super good, Super good.
Again, you can tell it's a wolf right off the bat.
I love the I. Also, you can tell the swamp,

(49:24):
even though it's like super stylized, Yeah, completely swamp
vibes from it. Like great cover.
Excellent. Cover, yeah, it looks excellent.
And he's also spoilers kind of half submerged.
Yeah. Not that it would be that
surprising to guess what happensto a werewolf with it's a
werewolf and a swamp. I also like that thing where so
the top half of the werewolf, it's like chest is huge and

(49:46):
bushy and it's got like an extremely thin waist.
It's like drawn down to A to a very thin spindly bit.
Kind of like a Jack Skellington waist with big long spindly legs
and his arms are really long. Long and wiry.
This is reminding me of a of a toy I used to have a beast wars
the transmetal series. Oh no, the the there it was the
transmetals two it was Chi Tor. Chi Tor had this exact like sort

(50:10):
of build where he was super buffat the top and then he had like
a little spindly. It's a perfect V Is it?
Anyway, but yeah, no, this is fantastic.
It it honestly this Of all of the covers, this feels the most
modern. Yeah, yeah, this is this is a
super sharp cover. Like if I had to pick one as
like this one is attractive and I would put it up in a in on a

(50:31):
wall probably this one. Yeah.
I like the Jacobus original, although I will say the the one
problem with the original is that it's it is a wolf.
It is not like a werewolf at all.
Yeah, yeah. You know what?
It's a. Yeah, it's a real.
It's a real specific interpretation of a werewolf
like which you are literally just a wolf like.
Yeah, I mean, I guess it's better than if he tried to make

(50:54):
it like tried to do the Animorphs thing and and screwed
it up like some of these other guys did.
At least it's a good composition.
It's definitely a wolf. You can say that for sure.
So like box one is checked on that cover.
Yeah. And also I like the Jacobus
original because it also plays with the the inherent sort of
mystery that's happening in the book because, you know, there
there is a dog named Wolf, whichwe will talk about.

(51:17):
But it's like, what is going on here?
What kind of werewolf is it? Like what, how does this magic
system work? Like, is Wolf the thing that we
should be afraid of, or is it something else?
I like the mood of the Jacobus cover, but like stylistically I
think this is very good. And I like if you, if you, if
you follow me like. Yeah, I would love to see

(51:38):
someone merge the two to merge the Super stylized like look of
what's this one, the Indonesian cover with the color of the of
the original of the Jacobus original.
That'd be sick anyway. There were a lot of there was a
lot of merch for this book. I only put a couple of things in
here I specifically wanted to talk about.
They have fake wolf gloves whichare brown but have like bear

(52:01):
claws. Wait, these are gloves?
Slippers. That's what they look like.
Slippers, Slippers. Yeah.
Oh, they're slippers. Oh, OK, OK.
I would wear these around the house for sure.
I would. I would totally do that.
Yeah, and they got the number 14on there, so you don't forget.
And also the wolf howling. Is he?
Don't forget what you're wearing.
You don't get that they're like sewed in.
Arlstein telling us to never forget it.

(52:23):
Never forget. Yeah, suspicious.
I honestly these look pretty pretty nice, like good quality
they. Look comfortable.
Also the claws are plastic, theylook soft.
They look like they're leather so.
Final Yeah, yeah, leather. Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, they look. They look like if you tap
someone with them, it wouldn't hurt.
Them. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
And the the patch of the there is a wolf howling before the

(52:47):
moon like emblazoned on the sideand there's little clouds,
little clouds, like wispy cloudsaround it.
That's pretty strong. He even has he has a silhouette
he has like he's rim lighting. Yeah, he does.
Yeah, yeah, some people worked on this.
Someone cared about this? I like this.
I would buy this. This is merchandise I'd buy.
Agree. I'm going to go on eBay right

(53:07):
now and find them. Yeah, yeah, goosebumps #14
Werewolf slippers, actually, that, yeah, that would be pretty
good. But the most important one is
the hecking skateboard deck. Oh my God, fuck yes.
Goosebumps sport. Goosebumps sport.
Yeah, Goosebumps Sport 1996 Parachute Press Incorporated was

(53:27):
like, yeah, we've got to make a skateboard out of this.
You got to make a gang, we got to make a skateboard out.
Of this, but they put bats in front of the moon.
That's cute and a big G. Big G.
And you'd be a big G if you had this.
Also, funny enough, not the lastskateboard that we're going to

(53:49):
talk about in this episode. So be have fun when we get to
that part. If you know, you know.
If you know you. Know.
If you don't know yet, you're gonna know.
Stay tuned. You will know.
Also, I am killing time trying to find this on on eBay and I
cannot find it. I can't find it.
However, I have found a Goosebumps Werewolf skin VHS

(54:12):
lamp and remote. It is AVHS with a a light bulb
inside of it so it is glowing green with a goosebumps.
It looks like monster blood cover and it that is actually
kind of fucking sick that's. Pretty, yeah.
That is pretty cool. Hold on, hold on, stop.
I have to. I have to.
I have something my Google search for trying to find this

(54:40):
that's brought a website called I'm feeling crafty or feeling
crafty at WordPress. This is run by an architect,
artist, crafter, photographer. So are Quilter Mother wife.
So I'm going to be very nice to this lady and not say anything
mean, but I'm going to post an image of the costume of the
Goosebumps werewolf swamp from the Goosebumps movie that she
has made. That werewolf be wearing

(55:02):
basketball shorts. That is now OK, that's film
accurate. I'm learning.
I don't remember this, but it's true.
That is in fact a pretty film accurate depiction of this way.
Did did this scene take place ina grocery store?
It did. It did.
Oh, OK, OK. I was like, that's a weird
choice otherwise. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(55:23):
Are did I just realized this? Are those Converse sneakers on
this werewolf? Yeah.
Oh my. I I love the movie even more.
It's fantastic. Yeah, anyway, that's all I had
to say about that. Now, the brand.
I see a shirt here. Yeah, it's a shirt.
It's got the Jacobus cover. It's completely fine.
I just brought it in here because on the back and gigantic

(55:43):
hideous font. Lord of the Rings font.
Entire back yeah Lord of the rings font is number 14.
The werewolf of fever swamp covering the entire thing just
in case anyone needed to know you'd be the coolest kid and and
reviled at the same time. You can be both and then after
that is the most important shirtanyone ever made.
I don't think I need to describeit to anybody.
I think you know it in your spirit if you.

(56:04):
Can We're talking about wolves, so you can imagine what shirt
might be here. I think you can figure it out
like. They're just if.
If you like wolves, just imaginethat there are more of them.
Perhaps multiply that by three? I would just like to make one
final piece of werewolf merchandise known, and it's I
have no pictures of it because it was a thing I saw with my

(56:24):
human eyes and I would have no way of finding it online.
But this is a true story. When we were in Japan in 2019, I
was in the Mandaraki Grand Chaosin Osaka and I was buying a Pat
Labour Ingram action figure or whatever because I saw it
sitting in a bin of like cheap items.

(56:45):
And it was like God spoke to me and I went to buy it and I
handed it to the cashier and it was a sweet young lady and I,
very nice, very polite, of course.
And I looked up and I saw her shirt.
There is a pin on it. A pin is a pin of a werewolf

(57:06):
butt fucking a man. Like brutally, brutally pinning
this man down and fucking the shit out of.
Him. What Goosebumps book is that?
That's just a piece of werewolf merch that I remember I will
never forget. I fuck.

(57:28):
So never cry. Was it a twilight thing?
No, no, it was definitely not. No, it was not a twilight thing.
Hey Mario, let's not kink shame on this podcast, please.
No, I'm not. Hey, listen, I no, what I mostly
thought was man, I wish I had the confidence of this person
like. I just love the every.
Person that comes in on this story today is going to see this

(57:50):
and be like, yeah, that's what this is about.
I I love more of the idea that this person is wearing this pin
and you see it and your first thought is man comma.
Piece of flair. Man.
That is flair. It's a piece of flair that's.
Ruby Tuesday, baby. If your fucking Applebee's

(58:11):
waiter comes over. I'm, I'm totally gonna add that
to office space. Office space.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna change that scene where all the pins
are just oh, Mario, you need to get with me.
We need to find that picture so that I can.
Be a very specific Google search?
Well, let's talk about the book.Yeah, it's time for guess what?

(58:37):
Chapter summary discussion and who was first.
My God, who could possibly have been the first person to talk
about the first few chapters of this?
Book, if you can believe it, it was me.
Oh shit, Mario, take us away yetagain.
OK, transport us. Make us feel like we have
fevers. So I should know if this

(58:58):
actually takes place the week after Christmas?
Well, well, actually no, it takes place.
This fucked me up. This is a This book is partially
a flashback. Yeah, it's weird.
Which weirded me out. So actually it begins during
like New Year's, but it then takes place during Christmas.
Figure that out when I'm kids. This is some Netflix Witcher

(59:19):
shit you're going to piece together.
All right? My first thought is, is this the
best first chapter in a Goosebumps book in so much as it
does begin with a wolf howling. So there is a werewolf
technically in the first sentence of this book, which is
pretty remarkable for a Goosebumps book and I must say.
Already beaten Curse of the Mummies tomb.
Yeah, exactly. Like immediately, So

(59:41):
immediately. OK, Brady is 12 years old.
He has moved to the extra shittypart of Florida from Burlington,
Vt because his dad wants to see quote if South American swamp
deers can survive in the I guessEverglades like.
Which is I guess that's science.I guess that's technically

(01:00:02):
science. Hey, are you a scientist?
I mean, and aren't we all at some point in our lives?
Oh well, when you put it like that.
All scientists in the of the world of the natural world.
I would like to note right here that I fucking got RL Stein on
something I'm this is a gotcha moment for RL.
Stein Oh my God. Swamp deer are from South

(01:00:22):
America, RL They're not. They're not.
There are real swamped deer are real.
They are from India. However, there are marsh deer in
South America and they directly meet the description that RL
Stein gives of them, which is they have webbed toes.
Look, in RL Stein's defense, hisname stands for Really Lost, so

(01:00:46):
he doesn't really know where stuff is.
Well, here's what I think happened.
I think that I think that RL Stein either puts the word marsh
deer in this book and then someone editing at Scholastic
said kids don't know what marshes are and changed it to
swamp. Or RL Stein saw the word marsh
and thought it sounded better for them to be swamped, unaware

(01:01:08):
that there is a different breed of deer called swamp deer.
I think some level of unawareness is called for
because later on he also says that green snakes aren't
poisonous. Yeah, they're not venomous.
And also the green mamba is venomous.
You. Piece of shit.
It's not. America, but Dad.
Fuck you, dad. There's no you shut the fuck up,
dad. But there's also another the

(01:01:31):
thing that he is wrong about that we will talk about post
haste. Yeah, so I just think it's it's
OK. So this I'll just say it here,
but it is more during the show, but it's here too.
This fucking freak, This fuckingfreak.
He said it. Y'all just took some deer from
another country and brought him to Florida.
And it's like my experiment is will these deer die?
I don't know. Well let's find out.

(01:01:52):
Or actually it's not even will these deer die.
It's when will these deer die? Like in the show, it is most
certainly when Avis dearly died,but he is joined by his 16 year
old shock of the century. We have an older sister in this
book. Like what?
Emily, who is both a regular teen miserable and living in

(01:02:17):
Florida, miserable. So extremely miserable.
Grady is curious about the swampthey have moved next to, despite
the menacing howls. He hears from it every night
while waiting on a letter from her boyfriend.
Emily. Her boyfriend says Martin were
not important, but I thought it might have been.
It wasn't. Emily is made to accompany Grady

(01:02:39):
on an ominous short walk in which the last chapter the last
words of this chapter are literally Emily.
What could go wrong? Begging for comeuppance.
Wasn't it the dad who likes to just, yeah, just go on a walk in
the swamp? Yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine. Can.
You can, you kids just. Probably learn something.
Yeah, they'll learn how to fucking die real quick.

(01:03:00):
I also like, I mean this it's frankly, it's better than the
show. This is a better this is a
better situation than the show. We.
We. Can't talk about the the show I
know contains to later we need to talk about the book and then
we one of oh, we will talk aboutthe show.
The most unhinged things to happen unhinged things to happen
there are. So many unhinged things anyway.

(01:03:22):
Any other things somebody wants to add about chapter one?
Nope. No, I, I I'm appreciative of RL
Stein having that little, even though it kind of is a little
bit of a time warp. I do appreciate, especially from
the kids Zone area, I can appreciate how as a kid reading
this, like, you immediately get the werewolf stuff.

(01:03:43):
You immediately get like, oh, there's some injury.
Because if you didn't have that,yeah, this is a lot like there.
Yeah, as I said before, like it takes a while before anyone even
says the word werewolf. No, I totally agree it was the
right call to do it in a flash forward scenario.
Like yeah, it was fully the right call.
Yeah, then that's all I got. Chapter 2, RL Stein gives, I

(01:04:03):
think, a pretty solid description of a swamp.
I, I think RL Stein, genuinely, I think RL Stein's imagery in
this book when it pertains to the swamp is pretty good.
Like I had a fairly clear visionof what the swamp looked like.
It felt like a swamp. Maybe it's not that hard to
start a swamp, but to RL Stein'scredit, I think he does a good

(01:04:24):
job. I think he, I think it's a
compelling depiction. It's humid and sticky and for
$1,000,000 I would not be here as a child.
Yes, or an adult. I would hate being there.
I would hate everyone of this. But like a many children, you
might not necessarily get the choice.
Right. Yeah, I liked in chapter one,
the dad says like this is the chance of a lifetime, Grady.

(01:04:47):
Yeah, the chance to live in the shittiest part of Florida.
Got it. Thanks.
Thanks Dad, it is a chance it does happen during your
lifetime. That's true.
That's another thing I wanted tomention I totally forgot about.
I believe it was the first chapter of this book where the
dads mentions that. Or was it the mom?
It might have been both of them,but or Yeah, this is the

(01:05:09):
daughter's senior year. Yeah, it was going to be the
daughter's senior year in school.
This is what the fuck. This is unbelievably fucked up
to do to your children and genuinely like.
Like like I can't even. No, you're a bad parent.
I'm sorry. I.
Truly think, I truly think theseare the worst parents in a
Goosebumps book. And that includes the one where
the dad was a fucking evil plant.

(01:05:30):
Like like I I think this is the worst parents in a Goosebumps
book. But we gotta see if these deer
will die in the swan. I wanna watch these deer die
kids, so I'm sorry. I need to film these deer's last
moments. I need to see the like going out
of their eyes. Again, it's even again, it's
even worse in the show, but we'll get there.

(01:05:50):
Grady and Emily find a nice pond.
Emily digs it and wants to come back with her camera, but Grady
quote isn't really into ponds. Like.
No. No, it's not one of my hobbies.
OK, yeah, no, like fucking OK, Thoreau.
Let's write Walden. Grady freaks Emily out by

(01:06:12):
claiming a small lizard is an alligator.
So that's your scare for this chapter I guess.
Frank. Emily wants to leave, but Grady
is. But Gary's death drive is in
high gear and he runs a secret in a swamp.
We find another even grosser pond.
Emily shouts. It's quicksand, which I'm sure
is true. Me reading this slot.

(01:06:33):
Yeah, definitely, for sure quicksand.
And someone, again, definitely not Emily, pushes Grady from
behind. We assume based on these two
true two true facts, that Grady will die in the next chapter.
You know what's he gonna fill the rest of the book with when
Grady is dead? Yeah, it's pretty much it gets
in quicksand and done. Yeah, I was thinking this part
is like, Oh yeah, yeah, it's definitely gonna be a psycho

(01:06:54):
situation. You know, like, yeah, you just
kill off your protagonist and then have another one.
Like it turns out this is actually about Emily being a
murderer or a mysterious murderer that lives in the
swamp. Chapter 3A Shocking rare older
sister scare occurred. Like turns out Emily was just
being a jerk. And also it's not even quicksand
which can't even kill you in in real life anyway.

(01:07:17):
So take that lesson to heart kids.
You can't die in quicksand. It's a peat bog, which probably
can kill you actually. Like if I had to guess, a peat
bog could actually kill you. It's more dangerous than
quicksand. Emily reveals the secrets of
Pete because she has learned about it in school, establishing
her as a terrible Know it all. Grady reminds us in one of the

(01:07:42):
shittiest, most passive aggressive sentences in all of
Goosebumps that he gets straightA's in school and she gets B's.
So who's the smart one now, you dumb bitch?
Oh, you know about Pete? You know what, Pete Bogs?
Well, who's getting B's in high school?
I get A's in 3rd grade. Fuck you.

(01:08:03):
Big actual child energy. I'm in, I'm in fifth grade, I'm
getting A's. Fuck off Emily.
Truly a conflict for the ages after.
After absolutely bombing a snappy comeback, Emily says why
don't you take a drink and find out how it tastes?
And Grady goes, I'm not thirsty.This is fucking nice, man.

(01:08:26):
Yeah. Even Grady was like oh man that
sucked that. Sucked.
I didn't get him, I didn't got him.
I did not get him. Grady decides that he's had
enough of the bog. Emily begins to lead him back,
but quickly we learn the limits of a straight B student.
They are lost, obviously. That's the bees, certainly in
geography. Bees are fine like.

(01:08:49):
Bees are fine. Bees are fine.
Yes, there's a bee. There's a bee.
I mean it's not like Gray's A's are helping many of like.
Fuck for real. Then they start looking around.
They're like, OK, remember that when you're lost, you could go
find Moss. Moss grows on some side of the
tree. Yeah, chapter four.
They, they do not know what sideof the tree Moss grows on.
Yeah, they list all of them. They they hopefully list all
options. Except South side the.

(01:09:11):
Straight A student nailed, but then the the B student fucked
him up. I mean, and there's a lesson
there. Could.
Be the West or the east though. Yeah, he's like, it's the North.
I think it's the East or the West.
I don't know where Emily revealsin Temper 4, Emily reveals that
she is literally the worst person to be in charge of
anything, and she immediately has a complete nervous

(01:09:34):
breakdown. Like, Emily is the kind of
person who would kill you if youwere like lost with them in a
real situation. Yeah, she would like genuinely,
in a in, in a, in a zombie apocalypse, Emily would get
everyone killed, guaranteed. Also, yeah, guaranteed.
Absolutely. Also, just real quick, I wanted
to point out that it is, this may seem ridiculous, but it is

(01:09:55):
actually incredibly easy to get lost even when you're like
walking with a bunch of people on like a trail.
Oh yeah. And that's one of the reasons
why people one of the, I think it's one of the more common ways
that people get lost is basically they're with a group,
they're on a trail, then they need to go to the bathroom.
So they walk off into the forestto go to to take care of
business, but then they get losttrying to come back.

(01:10:18):
Y'all do not stray too far away when you're going to the
bathroom on a trail. It doesn't matter.
Like just go behind a tree, stayclose.
I've I've heard so many horriblestories of people getting lost
for months and then, you know, dying.
Horrible fates because they justwandered too far off when they

(01:10:40):
were going to the bathroom. I mean, I think an important
point to note and maybe a thing that should have been put in the
book is kids and parents. Don't let your kids go wandering
in swamps on their own. It's a surefire way for them to
die. Like, I don't even know what the
thought process here was. Yeah, go explore.
Swamp, yeah. Yeah, but fucking figure it out.

(01:11:01):
Here's the thought process. The dad wants the kids to die.
In the show I get those vibes strongly.
Like like. The kids are the actual
experiments. Yeah, yeah, kids will die in a
swamp in Florida. Yeah, that would have been a
good twist. I was frankly waiting for that
twist. It was.
Actually a good twist. I was waiting for another twist,
but we'll get. Feeding the alligator.

(01:11:22):
Chapter 4 Emily reveals, so she's worth freaking a lot.
Grady, despite being more level headed headed, decides to follow
her who she is despite her now being completely insane.
Miraculously, they get back to the safety of the bog when a
jump scare happens. Something grabs his ankle, which
a great his ankle. Would you believe?
Spoilers, that is actually nothing.

(01:11:44):
It's not nothing, it's a tree. Yes, my first sentence here is
you will absolutely shit yourselves in shock when I tell
you the thing that grab Grady was a tree root.
Oh fuck, I'd shit myself. Demonstrating the lack of
self-awareness only possible in a 16 year old, Emily mocks Grady
for pancakes. But Grady is actually bleeding

(01:12:06):
from this from this fall, which is more serious than most.
Goosebumps, fake outs. There are consequences here, I
will say. Blood.
And I must say, like landing like that in immediately tasting
blood, Yeah. And then talking about the
blood, like pouring down to yourchin.
Yeah, dude, you got kind of fucked up there.
I I mean like. For goosebumps, yeah.

(01:12:28):
True of much of this book, it ismore intense than most
Goosebumps books are like there are more intense consequences to
things in this book than I thinkI have seen yet in.
Goosebumps. I think there was in Monster
Blood. I think there was a pretty
vicious beating from the the. Yeah, they did.
Yeah, you're right. You're right, you're right.
But. No, like it's still up there

(01:12:49):
with with monster blood, so. Did it?
Pressing on, the two get more lost, but come upon a mysterious
swamp shack. Against his better judgment,
Grady attempts to call for help from a probable deranged swamp
person. At the absence of a response,
Grady decides to just open this random door.
What could? What could possible?
What could go? What could go wrong?
I don't know what that's like. Normal.

(01:13:10):
When I find abandoned shacks in the swamp, I often think I
should go in. 0% chance of old coot.
Suddenly, suddenly, Chapter 6, the Platonic ideal of a true
Floridian burst out of this swamp shack.
He has black eyes. He has jagged teeth.
He is wearing a Jimmy Buffett T-shirt.
Mario, are you saying that the swamp Erbex thing went bad?

(01:13:34):
Yes, it went wrong. A Jimmy A deranged Jimmy Buffett
fan has found them. See, I in my mind, he's like a
he's like an old prospector, OK,but just translocated into a
swamp. So in my mind, it's he like
opens the door and he's like. It's 5:00 somewhere and.
In my mind, he's like the door opens and you just hear.

(01:13:56):
No, that's no. Glory.
No, that's. No glory.
Grady attempts to apologize onlyto realize his truly shitty
sister has already abandoned him.
Which is hilarious. Like this book is.
This book is full of the worst people.

(01:14:17):
Like this is not. This is not even the last time
this is going to happen. That's the people abandoned
Grady to die at the hands of this deranged maniac.
Yes, oh so good. He he runs, he just watches from
the distances. So he.
Swamp Prospector fucking bears down on her brother and she's
just like oh. Family of psychos, yeah.

(01:14:38):
He runs after Emily and the swamp man gives chase.
Thoughts. This is a long chapter, Jesus.
The next one's huge, despite thefact that nothing really
happens. You just described every.
Yeah, next chapter. The swamp hermit gives chase,
but miraculously pursues them right back to a familiar area.
Hmm. I thought this was like RL Stein

(01:14:59):
indicating the swamp permit was actually trying to be helpful.
I do not think that is the case.I think that's just a happy
coincidence, but whatever. I think it was a little one of
them. Good old fashioned plot called a
sax. Grady joins Emily the Coward as
he nearly collapses in a in run induced pain.
The kids return home, Emily swears off the swamp and her
parents briefly reflect on having ruined her life.

(01:15:21):
This not even a joke. They literally say it's going to
be a hard year for her. Like, yeah.
Like, like, Oh yeah, people. Yeah.
Thanks mom and dad for ruining everything.
It's going to be hard for you, but at least we'll learn whether
or not deer die in a swamp that's different from the swamp
they came from. Yeah, yeah.
Brandon, there's scientists. This is science.
This is for science, OK? We'll also learn how a 16 year

(01:15:44):
old survives, removed from all their friends.
Like I just can't. I can't, I don't get it.
Why would you do that? She literally one wait one year.
Like we're just let, how about just let her stay with a a
relative for a year at that point?
For like, like, yeah, but I, I just want to real quickly say
that the reason that they said that it would be a hard year for

(01:16:06):
her is because multiple times she is describing feeling itchy.
And the, the, the bog made her feel like, like itchy, scratchy
and like, feeling like, like something was going on with her
skin. And it was like, you know, it
just had a weird texture to it. And so for me that I was

(01:16:27):
thinking like, and they were saying like, oh, she's going to
have a hard year. I totally forgot the twist of
this book. Spoilers.
There isn't really. What?
No kind of sort of, but whatever.
I thought it would be the sister.
I thought it was Emily the werewolf because of all of these
little things that were happening.

(01:16:48):
Yeah, totally. Yeah.
Totally did not call that one. So.
Interesting. Yeah, I guess that would be.
That would certainly have been Atwist.
It would often be twisted. This was like a resident Old 7
scenario and they became a yeah,a redneck torture family.
I was kind of waiting for that. Yeah.
I I was also thinking like, maybe this is.

(01:17:09):
I think RL Stein leaves a lot ofstuff in the early chapters that
he could use later if he wanted it to be the sister or
something, or have the whole family be werewolves or
something. Yeah, I think you're probably
right. Like this is their puberty is to
turn into werewolves. I for some reason I got the
ending of this mixed up with theending for the Girl Who Cried
Monster. Yeah.
So I was kind of expecting the whole family like.

(01:17:31):
To be werewolves. To be werewolves.
But then, yeah, thinking about it now, like he already did
that. Like, well, spoilers.
He's gonna do it again. Like he's gonna do it again.
Yeah, I know one book for sure where he does that.
Yeah. So Dad reveals the swamp hermit
is a harmless local character despite direct evidence to the
contrary. Over dinner.

(01:17:54):
Over dinner. Didn't he chase them?
Yeah, he just chased some children.
He's harmless. Don't worry about it.
Just chasing. Chasing kids.
He's just a 70s dad where they were just like, yeah, go ahead.
Just stick your hand in the in the blades of the lawnmower.
Figure out what happens. Yeah, See, that's what happens
when you stick your hand in the blades of the lawnmower.
Now, now, you don't need to be told no, I'm not taking you to

(01:18:16):
the hospital. You need to learn this lesson.
It's a hard lesson. It's a.
Hard lesson. Your hand.
Your hand don't work no more. Well, that's too bad.
And I guess we'll find out. You better pick.
Up those fingers with the other hand.
That builds character. And if the hermit's bad, we'll
find out with you. Yeah, that'll put some fuzz in
your chewing gum. Put some fuzz on your chewing
gum. Fuzz on your chewing gum.

(01:18:36):
Over dinner, Dad reveals that the swamp is called a Beaver
swamp, a fact which seems impossible to only have just
learned, but somehow he has no idea where the name comes from.
Like no idea whatsoever. After dinner, Grady is thinking
about his friends back home, when suddenly the swamp hermit,
definitely for real. The swamp hermit grabs him from

(01:18:57):
behind. The swamp permit found him.
If you can believe that. Unbelievable.
It's not the Hermit. What?
It's a suspiciously large boy. My nickname in high school.
No joke. RL Stein spends a lot of time
talking about that. This boy Will Blake is a big

(01:19:20):
kid. He's a, he's built this kids
built like a brick shit house. Yeah.
Spends a lot of time describing his neck.
He does. He's got a thick neck.
He's a thick neck. Thick neck boy.
Yeah, this, this thick necked child, he's big.
He's got a gravelly voice, whichI immediately thought, oh, it's
from howling. This kid has been howling and

(01:19:41):
that's why he has a gravelly voice.
They don't actually make that connection, but like it's my
thought. I thought there be clever about
it and he can catch a ball in the dark.
So figure that one out. Also, he nags Grady a bunch.
Like he starts nagging a lot. He nags a lot of people in this
book. I just whatever reason Grady

(01:20:02):
decides they should be friends. Proof that nagging works.
He reveals the origin of fever Swamp.
Apparently long ago everyone whowent into fever Swamp got sick
or went mad. Grady tells us Emily's boyfriend
is I've just written the word, agoon and she sucks because he oh

(01:20:26):
right, Emily sucks because Gradyhas a friend and she doesn't.
So cool, cool, cool. This is a cool little hey, by
the way, I met this guy. He's weird.
But by the way, Emily, your boyfriend sucks.
You've got no friends. Eat shit, I get as.
Children say the darndest thing.Returning inside, Grady begins
to develop a headache and mom says he has a fever.

(01:20:49):
Swamp Fever. In Chapter 9, we learned that
that was where the flashback ended.
So all of that was prelude to the howling that we heard in the
first sentence of the book, right?
So somehow this is all a flashback.
I am reeling. Grady's fever gets up to 101,
which is a fever, and it refusesto break.

(01:21:09):
He is concerned he will soon go mad with swamp fever.
One night he awakens the main nightmare, the sound of howling.
He goes to wake his parents, buthere's scratching at the kitchen
door. Frightened, he goes to check it
out. But he is not alone.
Santa Claus is there. It's Santa Claus.
With presents, it's my. Oh no, it's my final chapter.

(01:21:30):
Oh, no shock. Could it be?
Surely there are other people inYeah?
No one else is in the house thatcould be in the kitchen at this
time. Of night.
Absolutely not. What time is it 10?
Like, too late for anyone in this house.
Shock, gasp. It's Emily.
Emily has has also heard the howling and woken up.
What a relief. She appears to have no clue that

(01:21:51):
Grady has been sick and is confused as to why he looks
weird. Yeah, I don't know, Maybe she's
spent all day in her room. She's.
Probably been quite sad. So maybe she's got bigger fish
fry. Yeah.
She also heard the scratching. The two joke that it might be
the deer, which is, of course, very funny.
The notion that deer would scratch at a door.
How funny. How, how, how very queer.

(01:22:12):
The howls return. Emily believe it's a wolf.
But those don't live in swamps. Or do they?
It's impossible to know. She only gets bees.
The scratching returns and Gray decides to boldly open the door
and find out what it is. Is it a wolf, a king of the
jungle? And that.
Bob, you'll have to tell us. I will tell you in my chapters,

(01:22:33):
Hello, I have the middle chapters.
It is I time to talk about Chapter 11 through 20.
Chapter 11. Grady opens the kitchen door and
just like the first half of a Goosebumps book, nothing's
there. For the second time in two
pages, Grady thinks, who or whatwas that?
Which is, I just want to point out, that's fucking egregious.

(01:22:56):
Anyway, so Doctor Mr. Dad comes downstairs to investigate the
commotion, and when Grady and Emily tell him about the
howling, he says it's quote UN quote fever dreams.
Emily quickly points out that that's dumb because she heard
the howling too and she's not sick, prompting Dr. Mr. Dad the
scientist to use the scientific method and ignore her entirely.

(01:23:19):
The kids are sent to bed, where Grady has a mercifully short
dream before waking up. The next morning.
Grady feels much better and putson his Raiders TMT shirt A-Team,
which he goes out of his way to say he is not a fan of.
He just likes their colors. OK, don't get it twisted.
Unwarranted, but totally little kid thing to say.

(01:23:41):
Yeah. I need you to know the context.
You gotta know I don't know who the Raiders are.
I don't know what they're all about.
OK, I like. The I don't know like.
The Pirates is cool. Arlstein Arlstein distancing
himself from the Raiders in casethey.
Were cancelled. Stein, not the kid.
He's like, I want everybody to know I don't.
I don't support them. I don't support these pirates.

(01:24:01):
This was in case they got cancelled in them.
Yeah, he predicted the move to Las Vegas.
That was them, right? The Raiders that went to Las
Vegas. I have no idea.
I don't. Las Vegas, they moved.
Let me. Say I went to Mars.
Las Vegas Raiders? Yep, they moved to the Las Vegas
area. They were originally in Oakland,
CA and then they moved to Las Vegas.
Cancel them, fuck them. Yeah, for the longest time,

(01:24:23):
there were like five teams that kept threatening to move to LA
because they were trying to get the local government to pay for
everything through a new stadiumand yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I think like all at once, every single team moved to LA
They're like book you, I guess we'll move to LA And now LA has
like 300 football teams. Don't look it up.
That's all true. Don't look it up.
So Grady eats a bowl of Frosted Flakes TM, which he specifically

(01:24:45):
notes are great, and as Grady opens the kitchen door to find
Will and have a wonderful day ofadventure, he is instantly
murdered by the Werewolf of Fever Swamp.
The end. End of the book short.
Yeah, pretty short. Oh wait, there's another Chapter
12. Never mind.
It was a it was just a huge dog that jumped on Grady.

(01:25:08):
Everyone seems completely fine with this overt sign of
aggression toward children from this random dog.
So much so that despite some initial protests from Doctor Mr.
Dad and Doctor Misses Mom, they eventually cave and let Grady
keep him. They then call the dog Gentle,
which I'll say again was not howthis chapter started and

(01:25:29):
discovered that he doesn't have any tags.
Will comes over and says he's never seen the dog, which looks
more like a wolf to him. Everyone then declares that he
does actually look like a wolf, and Grady decides to name the
dog Wolf, which I'm sure won't get confusing in any way
throughout the course of this book.
Not confusing at all. Completely fine.

(01:25:50):
Don't know why you would have even mentioned that.
Yeah, that's ridiculous. We cut to later that day as
Grady, Will and Wolf the dog arein the swamp exploring.
They decide to head to the bog because they can, quote, throw
sticks in and stuff and watch them sink, which is the most 12
year old thing I've ever heard in a Goosebumps book.
Yeah, literally something that Iprobably have said as a child.

(01:26:16):
At one point Will asks if the bog can suck you down into it
like quicksand, and Grady replies, quote, my dad says
there's no such thing as quicksand, UN quote.
Well, your dad's a stupid asshole moron, Grady.
Quicksand does exist, it's just physically impossible for it to
suck you down into it as depicted in popular media.
But wait, Crunching leaves coming from behind the boys?

(01:26:38):
Someone or something is following them.
Who or what? Oh my God, could it be?
Will whispers. It's the swamp.
Hermit. It's the swamp hermit.
It's the swamp hermit. And the chapter ends.
It's the swamp. It's the swamp permit.
It's the swamp permit. Chapter 13 The boys scramble to

(01:27:01):
hide from the entity. Will dives into a tall clump of
weeds, but that was the only hiding spot in all of the swamp,
so Grady just gives up and embraces death.
But it turns out the thing chasing them was Wolf the dog.
Because of course it was the fucking dog.
Hard to imagine how that's possible.

(01:27:21):
Just boggles the mind. The mind reels.
Wolf jumps on Grady, who then dominoes into Will as cartoon
bonk and crash sound effects echo throughout the swamp as
they fall to the ground. The gang gets up and Wolf takes
off, seemingly knowing where he's going.
Will says Maybe Wolf's a swamp dog?
Grady replies. Swamp dog?
You mean the 70s R&B singer formerly known as a little Jerry

(01:27:44):
Williams who still makes music to this day?
No, you idiot, replies Will sternly.
Not the swamp dog, A swamp dog. Grady furrows his brow.
Oh, you really think Wolf is a member of the PMC headed by
Venom snake that was created after military sons, frontiers
and mother base were destroyed? No, that's Diamond Dogs.

(01:28:06):
You know what, forget it. Will stated.
The kids find the bog and start throwing sticks in as promised.
But suddenly, suddenly, Wolf theswamp dog lowers his head as if
he senses danger. No way.
Danger. In the swamp.
Swamp Danger. Swamp swamp danger.
That's the worst guy in chapter.14 Subtitle Swamp Danger.
You know, a dog for like throwing its brow in any

(01:28:29):
location in Florida Wouldn't surprise anyone.
Is it that is that a dinosaur coming to eat me, or is that a
man coming to eat me? Chapter. 14 It happens.
It happens in Florida more than you might think.
All the time is ridiculous. Chapter 14 subtitled Swamp
Danger. The kids turn to see the swamp

(01:28:50):
permit and promptly hide from his view.
He's got a brown sack over his shoulder and has what appears to
be blood stains on his shirt. Surely those can't be from an
animal he killed and is planningto cook and eat for sustenance,
since everyone knows swamp permits only eat cans of Chef
Boyardee. The boys start to head home but
are stopped in their tracks by dot dot dot Chapter 15, the

(01:29:12):
fresh corpse of a Heron. FYI, this is real animal gore
and it won't be the last for this book.
Actually, it won't be the last for my chapters.
Anyways, the boys conclude the swamp hermit did this and that
he's a monster for doing so well.
OK, well. OK, got to eat.
Got to, got my man's, got to eat.
You got to eat. Can't eat Beefaroni all the

(01:29:32):
fucking time. Sometimes that means you got to
dismember an animal. Yeah, you got to split it right
down its midsection, I tell you what.
But there are paw prints all around the Heron corpse.
But that doesn't necessarily mean a wolf or a dog did it.
Whatever. Just real sloppy detective work
going on here. Honestly someone should get
these kids a Phoenix Rights game.
Detective works there. Objection you.

(01:29:53):
Got to take an issue with your detective.
Work there Will I take an issue with your detective work kind of
sloppy. Anyways, Will goes home, Grady
says some dumb shit to his dad who is also dumb, then takes
Wolf the swamp dog to his room to sleep, but he doesn't sleep
for long as there is a loud crashing sound coming from the
kitchen. A burglar here to steal all of
Doctor Mr. Dad's swamp dear secrets.

(01:30:15):
Probably. I mean, there's probably some
espionage to go on, right? Yeah, Also let's start, let's
say right now because we, we, you mentioned it, let's touch on
it. There's a lot of dead animals in
this book, and more than a little bit of time spent
describing the way the animals are killed and.
Yeah, there's one coming up that's yeah, yeah.
No, but. Yeah, like it's legit.

(01:30:37):
One of these animals is literally split in half.
So like, I think it's interesting because obviously RL
Stein can't describe graphic person murder, although a person
is murdered in this book. Multiple people I.
Believe multiple murdered in theshow for sure.
In the show, at least four people die, I believe.
Two are mentioned missing in thebook, I believe 11.

(01:30:59):
Neighbor for sure is missing forsure, yeah.
Yeah, Mr. Warner. Yeah, Mr. Warner, definitely.
Yeah, so mentioned him. So posthaste one, there's one
implied death of a human in thisbook.
But but that. But there are like, I feel like
RL Stein, when you're writing a werewolf book, there's only so
much you can do with it. And I'm not being critical of

(01:31:20):
werewolves as a concept. I just mean that, like, if
you're writing a werewolf story,something's gonna have to die in
it. Like, that's the problem with
werewolves is they are, you know, like that.
The key issue is they're uncontrollable.
Yeah. Killing animal predatory nature
like they they have a bloodlust that they are like that the
person has to grapple with and like are a.

(01:31:42):
A representation that that is, it happens.
It happens a lot. It's like a Doctor Jekyll, Mr.
Hyde situation where it's like you're, you're you're
contrasting the docile humanity,like sort of the the civilized
creature that we are, while alsohighlighting the the where we
came from and the the sort of brutal sort of nature of man and

(01:32:06):
how we got here. And like these possible like
murderous tendencies that we seein society as well.
Yeah, werewolves are really interesting.
I, I they're a fascinating concept.
Yeah, I do enjoy. That there, I mean, they're,
they're an interesting literary device and I mean on it up.
And you can also like you can read into their existence as a

(01:32:27):
as a folkloric creature one. Obviously there's a there's a
inherent subconscious idea there, but also from a practical
perspective, you can read into them things of like people at
different times dealing with what we would now perceive as
like serial killers, that kind of thing.
You know, like this is the same way that we one that we
perceived these concept in story, but also possibly in the

(01:32:49):
real world. They were reacting to brutal
murders and interpreting it as well.
That had to be an animal. An animal.
And yeah, that actually happens kind of in the inverse where
people will find horribly mutilated animals and they'll
attribute it to someone, like, doing it like.
Right. I hear this theory a lot with

(01:33:10):
cow mutilations. Yeah.
Where it's like someone like, had to have like, done this.
Like it must have been like aliens or something or.
Right, they they attribute intent to it exactly where they
where there wouldn't be. But like now, we attribute
intent to intention. Lists acts of violence.
This is to occur in nature, whereas before they would remove
intent from acts of violence that may have been intentional.

(01:33:33):
It's like the historical French countryside was terrorized by.
The the Beast of Gevadon. Yeah, the the Beast of Gevadon.
Yeah, where which may have been a wolf or may have been a
person. It's I mean.
Maybe both? Maybe.
Both. Is that where the, the, the,
because I was talking to Rachel about this in the car.
I was actually trying to get heron the podcast, but she she

(01:33:58):
declined. But she did mention that she has
done a lot of her, a book that she was working on.
She's done a lot of research on like wolves, werewolves, and she
mentioned that I think that there was like, yeah, it might
be what you're talking about, but like, apparently werewolves
were like subservient to witchesand witches created werewolves
and it's kind of where that trace is back or.

(01:34:19):
So no, the thing we're talking about is I have not heard that,
although I would believe it to be a, a, a cultural belief, I
would say that I would buy that for a dollar.
But no, this was a historical event in France where there was
a series of violent mutilations of animals and people.
And King of France actually sentpeople to like investigate the

(01:34:45):
murder of these these deaths. And also during that time, by
the way, did not tell anyone to stop like working in it.
It was a time when people were working in fields and like
shepherding animals in, in fields and forests and stuff.
So they were quite, and the people doing it were, you know,
usually young women and childrenand, and as such, they were

(01:35:06):
quite vulnerable. And these were like the primary
victims of this, this thing which they, it took place in the
Jevadon region of France. And so it was called the Beast
of Jevadon. Eventually some hunters brought
back a big old wolf and we're like, this is the thing that did
it. And, and they said, OK, I guess
that's it. I guess the problem is solved.

(01:35:26):
And in 2001, they made a movie called Brotherhood of the Wolf
based on it, which became the stylistic basis for Bloodborne.
Or one of them, Yeah. Brotherhood of the Wolf is a is
a pretty wild movie. I like it, but it's it's wild,
like it's a French martial arts historical fiction.
Hell yeah, I still need to play Bloodborne.

(01:35:48):
You. Fucking should man.
Like. I know every time I say that
people are like what the fuck like I love Eldon ring I I I
need a Bloodborne and Sekiro areon my list.
I have I I need to play this. I think I broke the end game
timer in Bloodborne. I have like a billion
characters. You've you've played Bloodborne
perhaps more than any other game, maybe.
I mean, like I, I know for like Brandon just replays Bloodborne

(01:36:12):
for fun. Yeah, his, his, his brain has
like a has been rewired. Problems.
Yeah, his brain's been rewired and there's this like a
Bloodborne sensor in it, like init like, it goes wild like.
But yeah, anyway, I think it's interesting that RL Stein
obviously can't wantonly kill people like like Stephen King

(01:36:34):
did in Cycle the Werewolf. For Every story is about a
townsperson getting murdered, right?
So instead we have dead animals like which, which is pretty
heavy for a Goosebumps book. That's my main point.
But there needs to be stakes. Yeah, there's got to be.
Werewolf is only scary if it's killing stuff.
That's that's what werewolves do.
Yeah. Exactly.
And I guess in that way, having the scientist with the the deer

(01:36:55):
is it actually creates some kindof tension, Although it would
have been more interesting to have like the dog maybe be a
smaller dog and not one of the like in danger of the werewolf
versus like possibly the werewolf.
But I do like the the drama thathappens later of blaming the dog
for, you know, the shit that's happening so.
Blaming it on the dog. Blaming it on the dog.

(01:37:16):
Chapter 16. It was just Wolf the swamp dog
again. See, there he is, Wolf the swamp
dog. Wolf the swamp dog it.
Was just doing all the ruckus. Someone really needs to teach
this kid the difference between human footsteps and a dogs
footsteps. Seriously, this is at least the
second time this has happened and it doesn't make any fucking
sense anyway. Wolf really wants outside, so

(01:37:37):
he's been slamming his whole body against the kitchen door
and the windows. The whole family is up at this
point, and Doctor Mr. Dad uses his sharp scientific mind to
listen to his wife suggest opening the fucking front door
so the dog can stop destroying their house.
He complies and Wolf bolts outside.
The family decide to let Wolf stay on the condition that he

(01:37:58):
sleeps outside from now on. Doctor misses Mom says maybe we
can sleep in peace, but future Grady informs us that she is
very wrong and also time travel is real.
Fucked up he didn't go back and kill Hitler.
No, yeah, it didn't. Why didn't Grady kill Hitler?
Grady's a terrible person. Worse than Hitler, some might
say. Some might say that.

(01:38:19):
If you're a time I would, I would.
Argue. If you're a time traveller and
you don't kill Hitler, that worse than Hitler, Yeah.
I think that's. True scientifically.
I mean, you've got all the time in the world.
You don't have to do it first. I mean, you're going to probably
go see like if Jesus wrote a dinosaur first, but.
Which he absolutely did. I think this is this is a by the
way, this I just wanted to let everybody know this is a
Christian podcast. What is it?

(01:38:41):
We are a highly Christian. We do love Jesus and God and all
that business. We are actually specifically
creationists and yeah, the definitely people were riding
around on dinosaurs. Flintstones is a documentary
anyway, just wanted to make thatclear moving forward.
Chapter 17. This entire chapter is just
Grady hearing Wolf howling and wondering what it is, so he goes

(01:39:04):
outside to investigate the end. Chapter 18.
Upon investigation, he finds that that what he previously
thought were a pile of old rags was actually a rabbit that had
been ripped in half. Neat.
Anyway, the next morning, Grady brings his dad outside to show
him the rabbit, and Emily meets him out there to be annoying.

(01:39:26):
Quote, your dog's a killer, UN quote, she says, Confused.
Grady replies. So you're saying my dog's a
member of one of the biggest rock bands of the 21st century,
responsible for such for such hit songs as Mr. Brightside,
Somebody Told Me and When You Were Young, No.
Somebody told me that you had a werewolf.
No, Grady, that's the killers, Emily said dejectedly.

(01:39:49):
Anyway, everyone's concerned about Wolf the Swamp Dog now,
which they should have been frommoment one, but whatever now.
Now, Bob, Now Bob, I'm gonna stop.
I'm gonna stop you right there because I'm team.
I'm Team Wolf all the way in this.
He's Teen Wolf. I'm.
Teen. Wolf.
I don't want to imply that I'm not Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf, Teen Wolf. I am Teen Wolf.

(01:40:09):
I am Teen Wolf. We are Teen Wolf.
I am teen, we are Teen Wolf. We are all Teen Wolf by our
powers combined. I want to get a picture of I
want to take the picture of the I'm feeling Crafty Wolf costume
sitting on the stone bench just but I'm teen Wolf perfect.
I'm Teen Wolf. I just want to say this.

(01:40:32):
I just want to say if we assume Wolf killed this rabbit, he
didn't. But if we assume he did, even if
that's true, it's a fucking rabbit.
He's a stray dog. He's a dog.
He's a. She loves.
Bone not only not only is he a dog, dogs notoriously will kill
smaller things. It's what they do.

(01:40:53):
Yeah, he's also. When, when Grady's like, there's
no way that Wolf could have donethis.
It's like. There's actually a lot of ways.
There there are many, many in many ways.
But like, not only is he a dog which will do this for no reason
anyway, he is also literally a stray dog that has lived in the

(01:41:13):
swamp perhaps his entire life. Yeah, of course he could kill
the rabbit like. Honestly you should be grateful
that he's not more aggressive towards.
You like, yeah, the fact that like his, but his family, his
family sucks. Just want to put this out there
and they want to kill this dog so bad, but they want to have
this dog put down desperately. We we will get to the chapter

(01:41:35):
where that is specifically discussed specifically.
Yeah, right now not so much, but.
Right now they right now they are in the show, they are
immediately jumped to time to kill this dog in the book.
They're like, well, I guess we'll see.
But like it's it's fine. It's actually it.
First of all, it's not like it'syour rabbit Like it's not it's
like your this is a rabbit. Like OK, I feel do I feel bad

(01:41:58):
about it? I guess, but like the fact that
a swamp dog killed the wild animal is really not shocking at
all if you've owned a dog. I owned a bird dog for many
years. It constantly killed birds.
It's literally what it does genetically like it is.
Predisposed to murdering shit. They should call it murder dog.

(01:42:20):
How do you think animals eat? Yeah, it's also, I also take
umbrage with the fact that they constantly they were like this.
This animal wasn't killed, it was murdered.
It's like bro like. No.
Or the world. Works.
Two scientists are out here likethey murdered this dog.
They were this. They murdered this Bunny, OK?

(01:42:40):
Dad. Primal intent, Full culpability.
Human evil. I'm just imagining a chalk
outline of the Bunny. Detectives are CSI.
Dude every every forest in America is just chalk out the
millions of dead. Every every two feet is a new

(01:43:03):
chalk outline and police tape. Yeah, Also, Emily, you smashed a
mosquito on your forehead earlier.
You killed. That's going to be a chalk out.
Murder. Murderer.
Murderer. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Also, it's it's so it's so fucking silly.
But it also kind of highlights how naive the dad is thinking

(01:43:25):
that he's just going to bring these deer to the swamp and
everything's going to go fine. He's just going to research it.
And there's no way that hey, Dadcould, like, possibly kill them.
I've got a quick prediction about how your experiment's
going. To go bad.
Bad Hey, it's it's a Florida Everglades.
There are there are reptiles in there that exist to kill like

(01:43:46):
they're put on earth by God to do murders.
Thank you for thank you for saying yeah.
Thank you and and thanks Jesus. Thank God.
Hey, I want to take a take him to thank Jesus and God for
making lizards that are designedjust to do murders.
I really appreciate it. Thanks a bunch.

(01:44:06):
Thank you for keeping dinosaurs in the swamp.
Yeah, even today. Exactly.
And you know what? This just goes to serve like,
you know, as soon as those swampdeer are let out and they're
immediately killed. Instant death.
Just instantly and they're dead.That's God's will.
I'll tell you what, it's a cool experiment.
You will find out where all the Gators are and like, like, it's

(01:44:29):
going to be like a cool, cool, like instant map of where Gators
are looking. Oh, yeah.
Gator, Gator, Gator, Gator, Gator.
OK, All right. So there's nine Gators they've.
Formed a 10 foot perimeter around our house.
They're getting pretty smart. Also a really good way to track
where alligators poop. Yeah.
So, yeah, Wolf the swamp dog, which they should have.

(01:44:53):
So look, the reason I say that they should have been wary of
Wolf the swamp dog from moment one is all of the things that we
have just talked about do not preclude a child being mauled to
death and eaten by a swamp dog. And I think that if I were a
parent, and a scientific parent no less, which we can all agree
is just against God. So the science is ungodly.

(01:45:18):
So the moment that my child opened the door and a dog leapt
on them, especially when you consider what happens in the
show. But we'll get to the.
Yeah. I grab my clipboard and observe
it under test conditions. Oh, he's disemboweling my son.
Interesting. Interest.
Vivisected my child Grady, talk to me while you are, while you

(01:45:41):
were moments away from death's grasp.
But yeah, no, like, OK, I love dogs, don't get me wrong, but
the moment that a dog exhibits that kind of behavior toward a
child, that's a fucking problem.OK, that's a problem anyway, So,
and they should have just been cautious about this problematic

(01:46:02):
behavior from the swamp dog anyways.
So that's what I mean when I saythat I don't I'm, I'm a, I'm a
dog person. I'm an animal person.
I love animals. They're great.
And. Are you a werewolf?
I'm aware dog wear dog. Actually, yeah, I'm actually,
yeah. Where's the dog?
Yeah. Where I'm aware, I'm, I'm aware,
ferret. I'm gonna wear it.
I'm gonna wear AT shirt. Oh my God, yeah.

(01:46:32):
We're getting a little. Loopy all right, praise God,
which they should have met the moment, but yeah, Wolf the swamp
dog. OK.
The chapter ends with Grady failing to read the mind of Wolf
the Swamp Dog sucks. RIP.
Skillet she really. Honestly, yeah, straight as one
of those straight. As yeah we're like fucking can't
read dogs minds. Useless.

(01:46:53):
Oh yeah, Grady straight As I getstraight S s Fuck you piece of
shit. I get straight SSS.
I was. Gonna say I'm.
Super smoking sexy stuff. Oh my God, we both live the
exact same place. The only grading system that
matters? Devil May Cry.
Just the Devil May Cry music playing in the background.
Oh man, that's so good. Anyways, how did that game come

(01:47:15):
from Resident Evil? Anyway, Chapter 19.
It's the next morning and Will has dropped by to tell us that
Ed Warner has gone missing. Who is Ed Warner?
Well, I'm here to inform you, dear listener, that Ed Warner is
in fact some guy in the neighborhood.
Apparently Will went wild Turkeyhunting with him at one point,
which Grady thinks is gross. Grady, where do you think food

(01:47:39):
comes from? Oh, wait.
Will specifically says that Ed Warner hunts turkeys for
trophies and hangs them in his house.
Yeah, I'm with Will here. That's fucking weird.
I'm glad he's dead. Maybe the werewolf got him, says
a voice from behind the boys, who definitely isn't a character
that was previously mentioned inthe book and his only now showed
up in the final third. Can we take one quick second to

(01:48:01):
talk about the fact that twice in this book Will has shown up
wearing lycra? I did not.
Really wears lycra twice? He wears lycra shorts twice in
this book. Incredible.
Does children know what lycra is?
Does a child. Old child RL Stein knows what
Lycra is. I don't even know if I know what
lycra is. I think it's.
They like make they make aircraft carriers out of them.

(01:48:22):
Oh, it's, it's spandex. Yeah.
Oh, do you think he's wearing lycra shorts?
Spoilers because when he transforms into a werewolf, it
stretches. Uh huh.
Is that supposed to be like a hint?
I don't know, I don't know. That's like, that's way too much
of a deep cut. In the same way that his his
hoarse voice, I thought could have been a hint, I.
I'll follow you with the hoarse voice.

(01:48:43):
I don't know about the Lycra I. Don't know, it'd be a dog voice.
Bark, Bark. You talking a Scooby-doo voice,
not a. Hoarse voice.
Oh fuck off. God damn it, Brandon.
Warehorse, bring it on. Warehorse over there.
Over there. Source.
Oh, you don't fucking steal my God damn it.
You stole my joke. Oh, sorry, I didn't.

(01:49:05):
I didn't think you're going to do it all right.
Unsteal it, give it back. Give me a bag.
Chapter 20 Why yes, it's Cassie O'Rourke here to finally be the
first person to say werewolf outloud in this book.
My dog is just over there, says Grady.
What? Says Cassie, Confused.
Grady turns to her. Well, you said werewolf and I'm
just telling you that my dog, whose name is Wolf, is just over

(01:49:26):
there in my yard of a studio audience.
Dying with laughter is heard. Then Cassie gut punches Will for
no reason and the trio head intothe swamp to throw more sticks
into the bog. Sick.
Suddenly, Cassie becomes terrified and whispers Werewolf.
She points into the distance, and to Grady's horror, she's
pointing at Wolf. Yeah, Cassie, says Grady.

(01:49:46):
They're Wolf. The kids clasp their ears as the
laughter of the studio audience becomes too loud to bear.
And I'm out. End end.
Fin end of another beautiful chapter.
Hold on, yay. Hold on.
Hold on, I wonder who has the next, the last, the final
chapters? Those are Mario's chapters

(01:50:07):
again. You.
Have to do that again. Wow, that condolences dude.
He gave me for Christmas. He gave me a get out of reading
free ones. 10 free chapters for Goosebumps.
Love gave to me. And I cashed it in.
Not reading Goosebumps. Yeah, so chapter 21, Wolf the

(01:50:28):
dog couldn't be the werewolf. Is Grady's good boy really be a
bad boy? Will we ever have closure again?
Will, will, will Wolf to be where?
The werewolf. Be.
Hold on, I'm having a seizure. Brandon has has cleverly written
down the exact transcript of a conversation we had.
Incredible. Yeah, I had to write in town and

(01:50:51):
then not read it because I couldn't.
I was getting brain bubbles and eating it.
He just. Began saying this to me.
It went this is. Exactly the the same shit as if
I why is it called oven if you up in the cold food?
Yeah, it does. The same why is it to my brain?
Why is it called werewolf if youwolf in the were?

(01:51:12):
Yeah, if the were out. The Wolf, the.
Wolf in the Wolf. Dog Wolf, The wolf.
Dog. Hey, hey, why is it called Sonic
the Werehog? Why does Sonic the Hedgehog turn
into a werehog? That doesn't make any fucking
sense. Where is his hog?
Where is his hog? Where's his?
Sonic Hog. We need the Sonic Hog the

(01:51:33):
Werehog. And we've gone insane.
We've reached a boy in the pock answer.
We've gone insane, yeah. Taking candy from a warehouse,
which is fine by me. The just for the rest of these
10 chapters, please picture me reading this with the UK cover.
Boy face just A1 smirk 1 eyebrows instantly.

(01:51:53):
Yeah, but no, Cassie wasn't pointing at the dog wolf.
She was pointing at the swamp hermit who is walking nearby.
He was carrying something, a wild Turkey over his shoulder.
Grady briefly wondered if the hermit hadn't murdered Mr.
Warner and stolen a Turkey from him.
This is a common crime in Orlando.
I believe that. Cassie loudly shouted.
It's the werewolf pointing at the hermit Will warn Cassie to

(01:52:14):
shut up. And up she did shut, but not
before the gang heard the rustling sounds.
Drawing near, Will shouted for the group to run, but the hermit
was upon them. He burst out of the weeds and
screamed. I'm the werewolf.
And obviously true admission of guilt.
No need to read any farther intothis book.
The Hermit's eyes were wild and excited.
His bright red face was surrounded by long tangled hair,
just like the werewolves are said to be by those who say what

(01:52:37):
werewolves are like. The kids bolted and the hermit
followed, howling with laughter,swinging the Turkey, howling
like a wolf. The dog wolf left his spot in
the bog and bounded towards thisgroup of nincompoops.
Grady slipped in the mud. As the hermit gained, he felt
his feet pulled out from under him.
He was. It's fucked.
The werewolf who is really the hermit has really got him.
This is clearly the end of the story.

(01:52:57):
RIP Grady. All right, Pete.
That was a fever during the summary chapter.
That was a feverish summary. I feel hot.
I do. I'm like fucking fanning myself
right now. Also, can we just collectively
agree that when this the swamp hermit prospector guy is running

(01:53:18):
after them? Like.
I'm a werewolf. Hey, he's a harmless old coot.
No, no worries. I'm an armless old coot.
I'm harmless. Brandishing a Turkey?
As all Florida men do from time to time, he chased some children

(01:53:40):
around in a bog. Yeah, this is normal for Florida
Man. Shout out shout out to Florida.
You kiss two fingers and point them up at the sky.
Shout out to Florida man. Honestly just a newspaper
article from the Florida Times where it's like Florida Man
chases local children. It's.
It literally could be though. That's what I'm saying.

(01:54:01):
Florida Man actually werewolf. Florida Man Werewolf.
There must be. Doctor Florida man Austin Huruf
believed he was half dog, half man in face biting, double
homicide. Well.
Well. Well, cannibal frat boy Jesus
Christ. Be surprised by any of the
headlines though. That's the problem.
Things went downhill after 93. Yeah, it's like Florida Man

(01:54:23):
discovers Portal to Ireland, uses it to film 911.
I don't really get exactly what they're saying, but I don't
doubt it. I don't doubt it.
OK, I did Florida Man Swamp hermit chases child and all of
my results are just goosebumps. It's just.
Well, here's the original Florida Man, the OG Chapter 22.

(01:54:47):
But no one had got Grady. The hermit had stopped several
yards away. The hermit said go on, just
teasing you. Wolf the dog appeared.
The hermit asked whether Wolf the dog was the boy's dog, to
which the boy replied in the affirmative.
The hermit told Grady to watch out for him, and Grady asked
what he meant. The hermit disappeared into the
weeds like Homer into shrubbery,Dharmak and Gilad.

(01:55:10):
Grady accuses Wolf of being a coward.
This sentiment met with the reception that it deserved, and
Wolf ignored Grady. They headed home.
Then Grady stepped on a snake that bit him.
Grady fell to the ground, clearly dead.
Ripped Grady. Wow, the book's over again.
Yeah, it just keeps ending. I'm getting jerked around in
this fucking book. RL Stein, quit jerking me.

(01:55:30):
Yeah, you, you, you keep doing that.
You, Stein. Cut it out.
Stop it. You.
That's actually a nightmare I had.
I was getting a hand job and then I looked down and it's
Arlstein looking up at me going.Hi, Bob.
Holy. Shit.
I'm Arlstein that OK, OK, I. Don't know if I'm including

(01:55:51):
that. Well, well, that's about it for
the podcast. That's about it for the podcast,
folks. I think you're wrapping.
Up. I don't know what it means.
I think we're wrapping up here. The cold food out hot eat the
werewolf. Bob, did you know what was in
that cup? Time.
Time is a flat circle. Where Liz is, there she is

(01:56:13):
standing. She's looking at you.
She's about to. Speak, Oh my God.
By the way, by the way, I lookedit up, the anniversary of the
Dog Cup comic is May 30th. Celebrate to all those who
celebrate John drinking the come.
It's coming up. Happy John, drinks come day to
everybody celebrate. John drinks come day.

(01:56:34):
We have to celebrate by not doing that.
We have to celebrate some other way.
Wait, wait, wait. When does the when does the new
Garfield movie come out? Does it come out on Garfield?
A week early. A week early?
Yeah, I know. I looked it up.
They really missed a fucking golden opportunity with that
one. I've heard it's a puss pound and
good time. Oh my God.

(01:56:54):
Yeah. I all right, I wasn't going to I
wasn't going to do this, but nowI will.
I something happened yesterday. I saw that before you post,
before you pushed it to Discord.Mario and I sent a message to
Ashley, which who is Rachel's sister, and here it is Ashley.

(01:57:15):
I just came out of the bathroom.I was reading the phone, you
know, and I saw the reviewer said something amazing about the
Garfield movie, the new Garfieldmovie.
And so I came out and I was like, hey Rachel, a reviewer
reviewed the new Garfield movie and he said that it was a quote

(01:57:38):
plus pounding great time, UN quote.
And Rachel said what the fuck? There's a new Garfield movie.
Oh fuck. They should just lean into it

(01:58:00):
for the marketing. Yeah, they should.
This post gets pounded. They should.
Get. Your post pounded.
Garfield's here. I'm not going to tell you what
they made the custom popcorn bucket in.
Let's just say that it's got some orange fingers on it, and

(01:58:22):
one of those fingers has a wedding ring on it.
Great. Oh my God, a goat sea popcorn
bucket. Garfield's smug face on the
other side. All right, I wasn't.
I I don't like to do this, but we need fan art right now.
Good. Garfsey.

(01:58:43):
We need Garfsey. Yeah.
Oh no. Oh no.
Oh, this is bad. Back, back to something less
exciting. Chapter 23 Grady hit the ground
and curled into a ball, pain throbbing through his body.
By the way, he was just bit by asnake.
That's we're returning to wolf. The dog began licking his hand

(01:59:04):
and Grady recovered enough to limp home.
Grady wondered if the snake venom was causing his chest to
feel tight instead of him just panicking, or if he was being a
little bitch. I don't know, getting bit by a
snake? That's fine, you can panic for
that. Yeah, I think that's reasonable,
yeah. If I got bit by a snake I would
be like what the oh. I'd be like oh shit.
I really got to get home. I got to get someone else to.

(01:59:25):
Yeah, yeah. No, I totally get.
It yeah, I'm not invalidating Grady's pain, that's fucked up.
The two reached a clearing and caught up with the other
children. Grady told them to get his dad
and pulled off his shoe to examine the bite.
His foot was a little swollen. The dad approached asking what
happened. Cassie told the dad Grady was
bit by a werewolf. Cassie shut the fuck up.
Dad instructed Grady to keep an ice pack on the bite.

(01:59:47):
Green snakes aren't poisonous. His dad told him being wrong in
two ways. What his dad actually actually
meant, dear listener, is that green snakes aren't venomous,
and he's obviously not familiar with the green mamba, which
isn't in Florida or in America. But you know some wildlife
expert he turned out to be. As a scientist, it's a bad thing
to be wrong about. Yeah, that'd be wrong.
Twice in the same sentence aboutsomething that you're expert in.

(02:00:09):
Bad dad, Bad dad. He got bad dad.
He got bad dad those. You're fucked those.
You're. Fucked.
Those deer are dead already. You're even deader than deer
usually end up being. I mean, they were going to die
someday of old age, you know, maybe in a nursing home
surrounded by loved ones, but probably not.
They're going to be in the bellyof an alligator for sure.
Surrounded by dear ones. Dear ones.

(02:00:32):
Fuck you. Grady described the stupid
events of the afternoon. Grady asked his parents if they
believe in werewolves and Dad replied they have too smart of
science brains to believe in such superstitious things.
A sarcastic back and forth ensues, with Grady insisting
that the weird howling at night must mean something.
Emily joined in the bad conversation, insisting that the

(02:00:52):
dog werewolf the dog wolf, is a werewolf.
Grady said through clenched teeth.
I really would like to be taken seriously.
Grady. My boy being taken seriously has
to be earned. Grady, my boy.
Grady, my boy. What a what a sad sense.
I really would like to be taken seriously.
What a very sad sentence. I feel like a lot of a lot of

(02:01:13):
the reason I liked Goosebumps and especially this one is not
only, well, for me, it was partly because of the depiction
of being sick and then having like all this bullshit happen to
you while you're sick, which is just, oh, fighting, being sick,
horrible. And then having people like,
yeah, seeing weird shit while you're sick is fucked up
anyways. But also just the one of the

(02:01:35):
reasons that I like Goosebumps is just because the way that it
kind of leans into the kids. And it's like kids like, yeah,
sometimes your parents are shit,sometimes they don't listen to
you. And sometimes you're right.
Sometimes you're right. Like sometimes you know more
than your fucking parents, and your parents aren't always like,
fucking on on it anyway. Yeah, sometimes they just
respond by gaslighting you. Yeah.
Yeah, swamp gaslighting you anyway.

(02:01:57):
Yeah, the dad says that the wolfwill be well, the moon will only
be full for two more nights. The wolf will be full the next
time he finds you. Nice, nice.
So they'll know what's that. Nice save.
Yes, sure, wolf will be full of of deer.
OK, yeah, it'll be full of deer,so they'll know if it was a
werewolf if the howling stops inthree nights.
He chuckled. Sterling logic.

(02:02:18):
We had no idea that something was about to happen that night
that might change his opinion about werewolves forever.
Except that doesn't happen. Though future Grady Grady at at
once wrongly, dramatically and dumbly.
Like it's a good ender I guess, but like that doesn't happen.
There is such a natural end for this book and the fact that it

(02:02:40):
does not happen it it, it's justweird to me anyway.
It should be a werewolf, like using a toothpick on his teeth
and like Grady shoe falls out. It should be a werewolf going to
Disneyland. Disney World.
Disneyland World. I don't.
Yeah. Don't ask me.
I. Don't.
No, it should be a Disney World going to California Adventure.
Why don't ask? Disney Wan Disney Wan Chapter 24

(02:03:02):
The dad's arms exploded in dog hair.
GRA, I'm the werewolf, he shouted and punched his teeth
into Grady, who screamed. He lifted Grady into the air by
his teeth and shook him violently like a sack of bread,
tearing his flesh and organs into ribbons.
Oh my God, Grady shouted. Something just happened that
changed my opinion about werewolves forever.
That would wouldn't it though. I would, yeah.

(02:03:23):
I believe in them now. I have first hand experience and
his daddy's like. No, he's not scientific.
He. Says hearing him into little
pieces and eating him. No, instead, Cassie, Will, and
Grady got into an argument aboutwerewolves and whether it is a
party foul to accuse someone of being a werewolf.
Grady suggested they play some Nintendo and Cassie responded by
mentioning that Mister Werner was probably murdered.

(02:03:45):
The children accused each other of being various old movie
monsters. They really should have played
Nintendo instead. That night, Grady couldn't sleep
when the howling began again. Grady peered out his window
without seeing anything. He pulled on jeans and flip
flops to investigate outside. Hearing a thud nearby, he ran
out the back door. Hot, wet Florida air pushed him
back. The wind is trying to keep me
inside, Grady thought. The wind is trying to do me a

(02:04:07):
solid by saving me from danger that I'm going to expose myself
into anyway. Normal thoughts.
Grady walked outside. The wind swirled around him.
Nothing was there. After a pause, he turned back
home. Then he uttered a shocked cry
when he saw that the werewolf had murdered again.
Do werewolves have the mental capacity to do murder?
Murder. They're essentially animals,
right? Most depictions of werewolves

(02:04:27):
have them behave basically as violent animals.
So dog murder, can they do it? Can a dog form the culpability
to commit murder? Can it have the men's Rea or
dog's Rea of killing? I think I think we as a society
need to develop a firm stance onwhether dogs can be convicted of
murder if they should be able tovote.

(02:04:48):
Would it be Wolfman's Rea? Wolfman's Rea, probably.
Yeah, I think so. Well, dogs can be convicted as
tools like of murder. I mean it.
Will use to murder somebody. Yeah, I mean, in an episode of
Murder She Wrote, a dog does commit murder, so.
But does it have the culpability?
Does it? Can it form the intent?

(02:05:08):
Can a dog go on so? Here's the other thing about
that particular episode of Murder, She Wrote is that the
dog is set up as the inheritor of a will, so they're trying to
prove the dog committed murder so they can't receive the
contents of the will. Can we?
Like maybe we should, we should pause this episode and go watch
that and finish our description with the end of the episode of

(02:05:31):
Murder She Wrote. In a better world we'd do that,
but we've got, we got a job to do here.
Chapter 25. Something had ripped a hole in
the deer pen and killed one of the deer.
No, sorry. Grady specifies that the deer
has been murdered, not killed. Grady called for his parents.
The parents arrived and immediately accused Wolf, the
dog, of being the deer murderer.Grady and the parents, both

(02:05:52):
utterly without proof, argued about whether this was true.
Dad sentences Wolf the dog to death by lethal injection.
Grady cried that the swamp permit is a werewolf and killed
the deer. The two agreed to discuss it in
the morning. Anyone who had a childhood pet
can identify with Grady. In this situation, parents just
always lean towards murdering a beloved pet the first time any
nearby animal becomes mysteriously eviscerated.

(02:06:13):
The world is so unfair. That's true, yeah.
Unhinged parent reaction here like.
Who ate my ice cream? The dog.
It's. Like do you guys really think
that this dog dismantled your deer shed and then murdered a
deer? Just absolutely unhinged and I
mean that as a pun. But also yes what the fuck?

(02:06:36):
This happens in the show too. Like what do you have completely
unrealistic expectations of what?
A dog? Is going to be capable of.
Yeah, yeah. It's like we found his paw
prints. Well yeah, like a an outside dog
is not going to go smell a dead body.
Shit, you found dog prints outside where the dog lives?
No fucking way. Like dumb the dog.

(02:06:56):
The dog has not yet killed the deer.
The dog has been here for like aweek, but the dog wouldn't be
lying in wait the moment to kill.
Like what's the what's the best night to kill these deer?
Like. He was a murderer.
Also I just don't even think this dog is capable of killing a
deer. Like, like, I don't, I just
don't believe that. I I like the what?

(02:07:18):
OK, so I was going to mention this earlier.
Like the dog. Yeah.
Wolf the dog. Yeah.
What kind of dog is it? They say that he's Dart Shepherd
and he's big. Yeah.
Is that? It I guess so like.
Shepherds. Shepherds are big, but they're
not like, they're not like Newfoundlands, you know?
No, that's like, it's like in the show and they're describing
this dog's huge. It's a pretty average sized dog

(02:07:39):
actually. Like I would.
I would consider the dog in the show a mid sized dog.
Yeah, like. Like if it's a fucking Irish
wolfhound, OK, that's a big dog.It's if a Tibetan mastiff, it's
a big dog. I'd buy that thing to kill a
deer like but like this dog that's just like a medium sized
house dog is not killing a deer like.

(02:08:00):
No, no. The next morning, Grady sees
that Wolf, the dog, has not yet had been taken to his death.
The dad told Grady that people in town were upset because a lot
of animals have been killed thisweek in Florida.
Never. He said Ed Warner had also
disappeared and that the townsfolk have heard howling.
He talked a lot to the general townsfolk.
Dad. That's like going around town.
I'd like to kill my son's dog. What reasons do we have?

(02:08:23):
There's 300 people in Florida standing around a single water
cooler in the middle of town. And his dad asked all of them.
And in a chorus, they in unison respond.
We are worried about the fact that Mister Warner has
disappeared. He was part of the collective
and we feel weaker without him. It is possible the dog did.
It we think. You should kill your dog.
The dog did it the dog. The dog murder the dog.

(02:08:46):
No, kill the dog. The dog did murder.
The dog is the one with the cold.
But we're the ones we have intent to kill the dog.
Isn't that murder? We have been talking about it
with ourselves. They begin to Maybe we need to
stop asking questions out and ask questions in because.
Of in the last. Question in the out food.
The. Dog, their head just starts

(02:09:09):
smoking. I'm just I just imagine I just
had a vision. I've had a vision of if this if
it were Wolf the dog as the killer.
And this is like a slasher version of air Bud.
Well. That's sick.
It's. A cool idea.
That's rad. It'd be like, It'd be like Until

(02:09:31):
Dawn, but then like where it shifts like the style like in
the right in the middle of it that'd be.
Did you? I'm just imagining him holding a
knife in the same way. Imran Conan when they had the
the dog, the gun, so like it's like a dog and then a knife like
comes up, it's like. That that was such a good
fucking Oh my. God, great joke, Great joke.

(02:09:54):
Such a good joke anyway. Darren, go on.
This whole time I'm trying to think of the Air Bud.
What would the subtitle be for if he was a murderer?
Air Bud goes. So there's.
What are the subtitles? Air buddies.
So it's like air buddies. Alright, I'm looking up air bud
movies. Let's see.
Air bud series. Yeah.
Air bodies, air Bud, Air Bud golden receiver.
Oh man. World Pup 7th inning Fetch

(02:10:16):
spikes, Back Air buddies, Snow buddies, Space buddies, Santa
buddies, Spooky buddies. So the tagline on the poster for
Air Bud Golden Receiver 1998, which you can buy from
originalfilmart.com for $30, is the Timberwolves are about to

(02:10:36):
unleash their secret weapon. A gun.
A gun. Okay, okay, okay.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is it against the rules if the
dog shoots somebody in the middle of a game?
Great. Dogs can't do murder the tag.
On the intent the Oscar do murder the tagline for Airbud
7th inning fetch made in 2002 isHe's a natural baseball player

(02:10:57):
with Major League talent. What what the tagline for the
for this poster for Air Bud thatI'm looking at, which looks to
be French, but I'm I assumed originally was just the American
poster for Air Bud and that the tagline was just this.
The tagline here is Buddy Stardess Paneres.

(02:11:18):
I just got the mental image because the second Air Bud movie
Air Bud golden receiver is all of is just Air Bud in a football
uniform with a helmet. I just got the idea like, OK, I
just got the mental image of AirBud being sacked.

(02:11:40):
Oh, OK, OK, OK, OK, it's I got it.
I got it. The the tagline, the tagline on
this post for Air Bud was he sits, he stays, he shoots, he
scores. So you would actually for the
slasher version, you'd have to say he sits, he slays, he
shoots, he scores, right. Yeah.
And then Oh my God. And then below the title, it
says the dog is in the house. And you mean you can even change
that all that's already threatening the.

(02:12:02):
Dog. The dog is coming from inside
the house. The dog.
Is coming from. The bark is coming.
No, no, no. The dog is inside the.
House. The dog is inside the house.
Honestly they could remove the like the they should remove the
the he sits he stays part right?It's just air bud.
And then the the caption is the dog is inside the house.
Look. I I will fully sign off on this

(02:12:24):
idea if you have one scene wherebriefly a man in a dog costume
punches somebody. Oh my God, of course you do.
Here's a great one. Here's a great one.
To think that this is the American cover but not realize.
Well, there buddy Estevez SL crack de la Rica fantastic.
Well there buddy, ESL crack. I I can't not see air Bud with a

(02:12:49):
football and not think of a bunch of huge men smashing.
Into the crowd, OK the tag he just.
Looks like he's about to get beaned in the face by that.
The tagline for this is the tagline for this.
Let's just be clear. The tagline for this is Buddy
Returns, and this time he's the crack of the league.

(02:13:10):
What does that mean? What's that?
This time the ass crack buddy. God Oh my God, this is horror.
Plays. Soccer, you don't even need to
change anything. Oh my God.
He's got shoes on his paws. Oh my God, Rice.
I think we've answered the question of where.

(02:13:31):
Where would a dog wear? That is a murder dog.
That's a murder dog. That's scarier than any
goosebumps cover. Holy shit.
There is an illustrated cover for Air Bud in some Spanish
language version where the dog has human proportions, a wildly
different sized arms and the face of a killer.

(02:13:52):
I mean the eyes of a of a blood bloodlust in the eyes.
I mean like wide open. You the subtitle for this is You
think you, you think you're, you're scared you you wouldn't
know terrier. God damn it.
Also my choke on the on the sneakers there.

(02:14:12):
My choke's face is on the sneakers.
I'm just putting this picture here because it's bad.
Oh. Yeah, that is kind of Yeah.
Yeah, that one's bad world. Pup sucks anyway.
Anyway, sorry Brandon cannot. Get is there a clip in air bud
golden receiver where this dog gets fucking sacked?
I I'm the visual of that it's playing on loop in my brain.

(02:14:33):
It would be good to see. We see like this is the problem
by by chapter 25, we're all we're all really kind of bored
with the book and we're thinkingof much more interesting things
that could be happening to a dogor being done by a dog.
Well, Brandon, why don't you hitus with what's being done by a
werewolf? Real quick, I just want to point
out that the entire Air Bud Golden Receiver a movie is on

(02:14:54):
YouTube for free. Yeah, and the channel is Air Bud
TV and they are verified so. Huh.
OK, it's the official the the real air bud.
What? There's a horse on the wait.
Air Horse. Horse balls.
In this, Yeah. And now there's a monkey.
What the fuck is going on? They're doing a crossover with

(02:15:16):
the Budweiser Clydesdale. We can't get in the weeds on
this one. We're gonna we will be on Airbud
TV for the next six hours. Oh my God, they're brewing beer
together. The Clydesdale and the dog are
brewing beer. Incredible.
They're getting shitty with eachother.
They're arguing about ownership.Oh, oh, they're going bankrupt.
What is this movie? Brandon, tell us what the you've
got to tell us. You got to do it.

(02:15:38):
After 25, everyone dies. What is this fucking movie?
I'm joking. I'm joking.
You've got to tell us at the werewolf.
The next morning, Grady sees that Wolf, the dog, has not been
taken to his death. We already did this part.
Yeah. Yeah.
Grady asked if the dad was taking Wolf away to die, and his
dad nodded because the townspeople said that lots of
things have died and Ed Warner disappeared.

(02:15:59):
The dog's paw prints were outside the pen.
After all, dogs never walk near dead things.
Ever. Never smell anything.
Forever age full of live animals.
Dogs have no interested in that.Anytime a dogs paw prints or
something or are near something you can assume that they
resulted in that things death. Dog paw prints near a piece of
bread. The dog created the bread.

(02:16:19):
The dog made the bread. That's what happened.
Open and shut. Case caught him.
Red paw. Grady protested, but the dad
said he couldn't take any more chances.
Dad, you couldn't take more chances if you were trying.
Yeah, go ahead and to the swamp,kid.
Go meet the old coot that you that you saw while other things
are being killed around you. Now we got to kill this fucking
dog though. Better kill the rest of the
family too, just to be sure. Which by the way, I just want to

(02:16:40):
point out, the townsfolk gave a lot of really helpful
information to the dad, but apparently no one knows the name
of the swamp permit. They just don't call him the
Swamp Hermit. Yeah, that's one.
Kind of rude, but whatever. Kind of rude.
Learn a Learn a hermit's name. Geez for.
Real, just as anyone asked him. Grady ran out the door, the dad
following behind, lusting for dog murder.

(02:17:01):
I love to kill dogs. I love to kill dogs, love to
kill dogs. Yeah.
Grady shoved Wolf the dog and told him to run.
Chapter 26 Wolf the dog escaped the clutches of the vile dad who
can think only of dog murder. The dad declared that when Wolf
the dog returns, he will executethat dog forthwith, and Grady
silently prayed for Wolf the dognot to return.

(02:17:22):
Later that night, the howling began again.
Grady peered out the window and saw Wolf the dog in the
backyard, growling at the sky. Grady pulled on clothes and went
outside. Seeing Wolf disappear into the
swamp. Grady followed but suddenly
noticed footsteps coming after him.
Chapter 27. It was Will.
Wearing a dark sweatshirt over black jeans.
The two agreed to follow Wolf into the woods.

(02:17:43):
Grady told Will about Wolf the dog's conviction for deer
murder. Eventually they lost sight of
Wolf. Before long, Grady also lost
sight of Will. Now he was alone in the swamp.
Hearing various and sundry bog sounds.
Grady was suddenly bathed in thepale light of a full moon.
A structure came into view ahead, and Grady realized it was
the hermit's shack. The howling resumed, and Grady

(02:18:04):
was convinced that the swamp hermit definitely was the
werewolf and not some sort of red hair.
Grady turned to run, but then the werewolf, the actual
werewolf, jumped Grady from behind a tree and shoved him to
the ground. For real.
Whoa. That's right, we're three
chapters from the end of this bitch.
The werewolf has to show up now.It's.
Always the last few chapters. It really is.
It's. Oh my God.

(02:18:24):
Also I just want to quickly point out all swamp roads lead
to swamp hermit swamp. Whenever these kids get lost,
they. Yeah, they always.
Wear to that one. Yeah, Swamp Acre and inside is
gosh, what's that guy's name with a Viva?
Viva Doctor. Vink, Dr. Vink.
I guess you could say I kind of died.

(02:18:45):
I kind of died. One day we'll talk about
argument in the dark. One day.
One day. One day, one day, chapter 28.
And yes, it's not a fake out, it's the actual for real
werewolf fuck. It's dark eyes glared out at
Grady from a human face. A human face covered in wolf
fur. It howled and raged.
Kind of a LON Chaney werewolf I'm guessing in.

(02:19:06):
This. Yeah, Yeah, that's probably what
he was thinking. I think it's what he's thinking.
Classic universal werewolf. I just can we let let Grady say
fuck. Let him say fuck.
Let Grady, let him say fuck. Come on.
RL Stein reissue this book he. Just got jumped by a werewolf.
Let him play, let him play. Let him play.
Let that dog play football of the werewolf, it is said.

(02:19:26):
It's dark eyes glared out at Grady from a human face.
A haste. A human face a haste for short.
Covered in wolf fur. It howled in rage, it's animal
snout opening wide to reveal 2 gleaming rows of wolf fangs.
And somehow Grady could tell that the werewolf was Will.
Will the werewolf. Where will?
What does Where will the werewolf want to do?
Where will? Where will the werewolf go?

(02:19:48):
Will where will Will? Where will the not?
Where will go? Where will will.
Where Will bit Grady on the shoulder and Grady flailed
blindly. After struggling pathetically,
Grady began to pass out. Grady was finally going to
escape Florida in a box, but this happy ending was spoiled by

(02:20:09):
the sudden appearance of Wolf the dog.
Wolf willed that Where Will would not do what.
Where Will willed Wolf left on Where Will and chased him away.
Grady passed out. Will.
Well, yeah, I had to. I had to close my eyes at a
certain point to protect my my brain from that.

(02:20:29):
Revising that nearly killed me. And to chart that sentence, it's
correct though, except for the parts where it's obviously not
correct. Oh, well, there's there's only a
couple, but most of it is correct.
Let's let's chart will wear hyphen will will wear.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
No, I wrote it down. I put it in the chat.
So. Much time on air, bud.

(02:20:50):
Blood will come out of your eyesif I put this in the chat.
So I mean here, take a picture if it does come out OK and then
post it to the to the YouTube soeveryone can it's.
Air, Blood. Air.
Blood, there it is, God, right in front of us.
Right in front of us the whole time.
Couldn't see it because we were too busy having aneurysms.
Mario is just dead. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

(02:21:13):
My brain melted. Yeah, my brain melted.
Yeah, yeah. Bring, bring, bring, bring.
Hello. Hey, this Mario?
Yeah, yeah, we got another. This dude's not moving.
What? What would you call that again?
Tia What's the word starts with a?
DD Ed, He's of course the ad. He's yeah.

(02:21:34):
OK, cool. I just wanted to make sure.
Alright, I'll see you later. Love you.
Bye. Can you tell him to move, get
out, get out of here or? Just kick him a little bit,
Bring, bring. He didn't say love me back.
That would be nice. He's like all the coroners in
the state say. Love you too.
When they hang out, kisses kisses.

(02:21:54):
Sorry I'm sorry, I just learned that Totally spies came back and
the first episode has hypnosis plot.
Like what the fuck? The fetish content never ended
there. It's like they're like, all
right now you guys know what we're doing here, right?
Yep, we're making fetish content.
Got it. Got it in one episode one.
Brandon and I are over here talking about Goosebumps while

(02:22:16):
Mario was frantically searching a fetish porn from like fucking
cartoons from years ago. I just learned it Twitter,
thought I should know it about Twitter.
Thing I need. Twitter said it was for me, this
is for me. And I was like, OK, great.
That's on them. That's on.
On them. Hey, I learned hey hey, I
learned that Rich and Mike from red little media gonna be the

(02:22:38):
villains and smiling friends season 2.
That's interesting news for me also totally spies is doing this
shit again. Inflation's here feet shit.
I don't know and it's all for me.
It's all for me, apparently. Not for you, it's for.
Me Twitter told me I like this all right, without any emphasis,
I'm going to read this sentence and then you need to take a

(02:23:00):
picture of the blood coming out of.
Your face. OK, go on it.
Well, where will will? Where will the not?
Where will go? OK, OK, OK.
Somehow it just didn't hit as hard, I guess.
I guess, yeah, it actually helpsto emphasize things, yeah.
You got to get lost in it. Or we've built up a tolerance
like you would to like poisonousgreen steak venom.

(02:23:21):
Yeah. Yeah, OK, OK.
I've got this guys. I've got this.
OK. Nailed it.
Where will bit Grady on the shoulder?
We already did this part. Grady passed out Chapter 29 The
next morning Grady had a slight fever.
Grady clarified it was swamp fever.
The mom told Grady that the swamp hermit had brought him
home. Grady told all present that Will

(02:23:41):
was the werewolf and that Grady he had been bitten.
The dad declared that it was a crazy story, but he was going to
check this out right away by going to Will's house.
I'm on the case Pops on the case.
Dad returned a short while later, bewildered and informed
all that no one was at the house.
Grady was in the living room eating a big old bowl of popcorn
and listen to the news that Will's house appeared to have

(02:24:02):
been deserted for months. Grady's sister said something
truly stupid that we won't honorwith repetition.
Grady asked the wolf the that wolf the dog be granted leave
from his sentence of dog sentence of death.
Free him from this dog. Free the man from dog.
Free the man from dog. Wolf from dog.

(02:24:24):
This, this, this is so hard to write and so hard to read
because it's like Wolf the dog attacked the werewolf.
Where it was, was. Wolf where Where was Grady Will?
I knew that when I yeah, I made that comment and about the
having the the dog named Wolf and then every.
Well, fortunately the TV is gonna TV is gonna save us from
this. So that's.

(02:24:44):
TV fixed it. TV fixed it.
That would have been fucking awful anyway, yeah.
Also, I was kind of hoping when Emily was like, your dog's a
killer and it's like, yeah, namethe dog killer.
Oh, that. 'D be a good one, be cool,
badass. It'd be it's kind of hard, kind
of too hard, honestly. Goes hard goes hard, man like.
Yes, I'm only you needed to try to come up with like you could

(02:25:06):
become a slam poet. You just gotta come up with
truly hard stuff all the time. It's a hard life.
It's a hard life, but I think that's hard as well for it.
I mean, what else are you gonna do?
You live in the swamp. It's a hard wolf life for a.
Hard wolf life for Will, It's a hard wolf life for a dog.
Why is this book doing this to us?

(02:25:28):
It's not even that bad. No, it's honestly not that bad.
It's. Like it's not that bad.
We don't hate this, no, but no, please listen or don't, don't
don't gather from this. I don't think any of us hates
the hates this, no. No, I just do not gather that I
think that it's the best Goosebumps book.
It's either it's not. I would call this let's.
I'm gonna save my review in a second.
Brandon, wrap it up. We got what we got.
This is the end of the book. We got this.

(02:25:49):
I have 5 sentences left. We can do this in. 15 Go, go,
go, go, go. Grady asked that Wolf the dog be
granted leave from his sentence of dog dog on account of having
his life from where will. Dad reluctantly said he will.
I guess my evidence that the dogwas a murderer was sort of
flimsy. Justice is restored in America
forever. A month passed.

(02:26:10):
Wolf the dog will not be the dogWhere will Wolf the Grady now?
Enjoy many times of exploring this month.
Together. Grady is annoyed by his sister's
constant worrying about a werewolf, which will not.
We will not be there because, shock surprise, Grady is now a
werewolf. He loves it.
He has the will to wolf and wolf, the dog is apparently cool

(02:26:32):
with it. Now they're going to hunt in the
woods. Everybody lived happily ever
after, despite the fact that they still lived in Florida, and
sniff each other's butts. The end.
Yeah, so I guess it's, I guess we should assume that it's like,
is it good that that Grady's a werewolf now?
He seems happy about it. Like, this is what I mentioned
before. The natural conclusion that I
thought that this was building toward was, hey, you got

(02:26:53):
scientist parents who don't believe in werewolves.
You know, what would be cool is if Grady becomes a werewolf and
then his parents are studying him and, like, doing all that
shit that they were doing for the deer, but now they're paying
attention to their kid. Whoa, crazy.
I think that they're too stupid fundamentally to even be able to
recognize it. Like he would show up and he
would be like. I'm a werewolf.

(02:27:15):
And they'll be like I press X todoubt.
There's got to be a rational explanation for this.
It's got to be an explanation. Let's see how.
Let's see how good this werewolfis at basketball.
The hive mind Townsville there. Is no rule that says the
werewolf cannot play basketball now?
So rule it says he can't do it. So now that we have established

(02:27:37):
the eating of this book, I will now say I think this is a pretty
I think this is maybe an averageto a slightly above above
average book in this series like.
Like slightly above average. I thought the I liked the most
of the kid writing was OK. Yeah, I didn't hate Grady.
That's like, I didn't hate Grady.
Yeah. That's pretty rare.
Yeah. He has like real kid vibes, you

(02:27:58):
know? He's in a crappy situation we
can identify with. The parents are terrible.
Yeah, I hate them. Are we?
He's not horribly annoying. Do.
We do a review after the episode.
Yeah, let's do a review after the episode I I do have a couple
things to say, but. Yeah, I was just thinking we're
getting close to doing our, our,our actual reviews to wait for
the episodes over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Besides, there's a lot to talk about.
Oh, my God, there is the TV show.
Let's do it. All right, so First things

(02:28:19):
first, I think I can speak for all of us when, hey, that's an
RL Stein at the beginning of this episode.
Sure is. That's an RL Stein going.
Hello, I'm RL Stein. Hello, I'm RL Stein.
I write the Goosebumps books. You know, werewolf legends
haunted people's dreams for hundreds of years.
People have always been a scared, have always been a

(02:28:40):
scared of werewolves. I'm hiding my hands for no
reason, yeah. Conspicuously hiding his hands.
People can people keep accusing me of sucking their Dick at.
RL Stein I'm just a torso with abusy mouth.
Holy shit I hope RL Stein never.I hope RL Stein never listen to

(02:29:01):
this podcast. He already stopped listening at
the episode where we could not stop talking about something.
Surely he did. Surely he did.
No. Could not stop.
It flowed out of. Air come.
So yeah, RL Stein is like. World Fun says.
The come can't play basketball. It's like Flubber.

(02:29:26):
It's like Flubber. It's like Flubber.
But yeah, so our all sign comes out and he's all like people.
They're all history. Have been a love being afraid of
werewolves. Oh.
My God. Here's a story about one.
Now. I'll see you at the end.
I'm gonna go grab a bite. I'll see you after the show.

(02:29:49):
Right now I'm going for a quick bite.
He's gonna grab a bite. He's gonna grab a bite A.
Bite. Get it like a dog.
Sit on this couch, let me move my like and throw pillow.
Shut up, shut up. Brandon.
They feel so my my reaction to this opening with the newspaper,
my reaction is opening thing is it it feels like RL started

(02:30:11):
trying to justify this show to us.
Like This is why I made it OK. There's a reason for everything.
I had this arm forever. This does reinforce one of one
of the thoughts that I had when I finished the book, which I
will elucidate later. But to continue, Hey, so how do
we feel about what Canadians think passes for both a swamp

(02:30:34):
and a Florida house? Holy shit.
Oh my God. That's just what Florida looks
like. We we open we open to Grady
being shown his new room by his mom who is trying to talk it up
as being like much bigger than his old room.
The room is objectively unlivable.
There is actual black mold in the walls.

(02:30:55):
Like, yeah, there was one point where what did the mom say?
It was like it's. Dry rot it's.
Just dry rot. It's just dry rot.
It's black walled. What?
The fuck toxic it will. It'll fuck you up, Mom.
I mean the wallpaper is peeling off the walls.
This house is a a fucking shit hole.

(02:31:15):
Like it is actively falling apart and like the outside.
Of it, the window panes are falling off like.
Yeah, the window panes are just straight up like uneven falling
down. There's just the biggest thing
for me is just how trees have completely wrapped it up in like
roots and vines. It is a hell hole like.
If they didn't even think to fucking clean that shit up, no.

(02:31:38):
Before the kids came man, what the fuck bad.
Parents bad. The worst parents.
But here's the thing. Because this goes into what I
feel like a weird vibe the show has.
Because in the next, very next scene, Emily screams and there's
a snake in their medicine cabinet, right?
The dad, though, she screams. Dad comes into frame like a
fuck, like fucking Michael Myers.

(02:32:00):
Like he comes in like he's goingto come over here and murder
this girl. And at least motherfucker is
power walking straight up to. And his face just, like, looms
in the frame. Like, what?
Now, Emily? Like, yeah, He's like.
What is it now? Is it now?

(02:32:21):
What's wrong? That's it, That is it.
I don't care what you and dad say, I am not living here.
What is it now? I've got science to do.
I'm. Going to boil you and filter you
through cheesecloth. Emily finds what I would
totally. I would honestly, if my kid saw
that in the medicine cabinet, I would be like, OK, yeah, maybe

(02:32:43):
it's time to rethink what the fuck is going on here.
She finds a fucking snake. It's just sitting in the fucking
medicine cabinet. And, like, OK, if your kid is,
like, afraid of that shit, you got to fucking, like, treat it
seriously. And he's just like, oh, it's
just a fucking corn snake. You quit being overdramatic.
And then not too long later, shefinds the fucking spider her in

(02:33:05):
her fucking like face cream. Yeah, a common theme of Florida
is that unpleasant animals do exist in it.
Like I'd love to know what Canadians think of Australia.
Oh my God. Just think that it's like the
land before time down there. Dinosaurs exist also.

(02:33:27):
So it's a corn snake. It's a corn snake, Emily, you
dumb bitch. It's a corn snake.
How dare you be afraid of this serpent you just found?
Yeah, you child, will you be afraid of a snake in your house?
Dad. Dad.
Dad. The murderer.
Has Grady returned? The snake?
The swamp? Yes.
How does he do this? How does he do this?

(02:33:49):
Why? Transforming the snake into a
rubber. Snake.
Yes, And then walking for five miles.
Oh my God. Like.
His dance probably. Like where the fuck did Grady
go? Like I just meant take it
outside like. Yeah, for real.
And also Grady, I just want to say like, I love animals.

(02:34:10):
Don't get me wrong, you can throw the snake.
You can fucking toss it this, Toss it in the woods.
Grady walks the snake. Grady walks the snake carefully,
by hand to what he imagines to be the snake's perfect home.
Like, like, here you go, a little snake.
Be free. Oh wait, am I lost?
Rolls with it, like in his hands.

(02:34:32):
Yeah, fucking whole hog. Yeah, he's got it in two hands.
He rolls using the snake for support.
And then he returns the snake toits snake hole, which he found
magically, and it becomes a different snake.
A third snake appears. Hey Dad, did you hear the
snake's fucking magic? Oh my gosh, you'll grab the

(02:34:54):
snake. You got to bring it back for
scientific. Study and then Grady encounters
the hermit but don't worry aboutthat because the show didn't
care either like. No, no.
What? If you have to, you have to
explain this. Right.
So so Grady realizes he's lost, lost and then says I'm not lost.
So that's how you definitely know that he is indeed lost and
he begins running frantically. The hermits feet are seen.

(02:35:17):
It's not clear if Grady is awarethat the hermit is there, but
then Grady, like, bumps directlyinto the hermit, who, in the
first episode and the bulk of the second episode of this
two-part episode of Goosebumps, does not use the English
language at all. And he just goes.
And this moment you might think is important goes to commercial.

(02:35:39):
We return to Grady and Emily in the bathroom doing their nightly
rituals. Unhinged.
We don't even. We barely reference it.
We barely reference that Grady has just encountered a strange
man in the woods. Like what we witnessed was a
completely accurate representation of but goosebumps

(02:35:59):
ending chapters really are like yeah just like 5 no closure
disappeared. I, I literally, I was dizzy
watching it. I was like.
What like. Rachel, Rachel and I were
watching it and I was just like,what?
I kept turning and being like, what?
Hold on. I had to rewind it a bunch of
times. Like we cut something out like.

(02:36:20):
Something did Netflix like, like, cut this weirdly, like,
yeah, it's just absolutely unhinged.
And then my favorite part, well,one of my favorite parts.
There are many favorite parts, but Grady goes to add to his
empty cardboard box collection. Yes, I told us watch with
Brandon. I was like, oh, there's the,

(02:36:40):
there's the box pile, box pile. It's like there's so many box.
I mean, I guess they just moved,but like, Jesus Christ.
Also Grady in that scene is wearing a shirt that just says
race on it. Yes, yes, it's a yeah checkered
flag that the yellow and black checkered.
Flag in Florida. That's a big concern.

(02:37:00):
Florida's favorite topic? Yeah, it's a big concern.
It is very Can we also talk about the deer?
Yep, I was just gonna say these are not swamp deer.
These are just deer. The dad basically straight up
says this is an experiment to take deer that have quote never
seen a swamp before. End Quote and see how they will

(02:37:22):
adapt. Well dad, I've got a fucking
answer for you. They'll adapt very well.
If by adapt you mean die. Like let's see how they adapt to
being in a cage in a swamp. No, they, no, they, no, no.
They've got to get the deer ready.
They've got to tag the deer and make sure that transporting them
hasn't given them shock. They need them to die with

(02:37:42):
dignity by being eaten by Greg Gator in the fucking swamp.
They can't have them just dying Willy nilly.
They need to. They need to know when, where
and how they died. Look, as a scientist, it's
really important to investigate,like where you're going to
release these deer. And I think that having a local

(02:38:03):
crazy person living in the swampwho has placed several traps
around the perimeter of his property is a really good place
to release those deer. I can tell you right now they
just brought a free shipment of dinner for that guy for the next
six months. Like that guy's gonna be eating
good for like a year. See how they adapt to my
stomach. If he's got a curing shed or

(02:38:23):
something he could be eating good for like a year or two even
like. He just needs to remember to
pick the tracking device out of the meat when he's.
They started seeing a tracking device moving around the swamp.
01 of them lived. Oh no.
Several of the tracking devices have combined together.
I'm just writing in my notes. They've adapted very well to

(02:38:44):
dinner. They've turned into amoebas.
And they've adapted into a delicious meal.
Oh my God. Today they adapted into burgers.
Yeah. Does anyone have any comments on
Dad's apparel? Possibly his cowboy hat or his
vest? Well, he's a scientist.
I did, actually. I said.
That hat's stupid, but it does fit that man's head.

(02:39:06):
He did say that direct. Ahead of a man who needs a hat.
He looks like a guy who does science in the Everglades like
he is the picture of a man who does science in the Everglades.
Definitely the chest hair of a man who does science.
I like how he OK so first of all, dad says that the hermit is
harmless. He just went crazy after his
wife and children died. Yeah, I bet you make lots of new

(02:39:29):
friends. Oh yeah, right.
Like that psycho I ran into lastnight.
He's not a psycho, it's a hermit.
I asked about him in town this morning.
He lost his family a while ago and ever since then it's been a
little strange. But he just lives off the land,
doesn't harm anybody. Yes, yes, no worries.

(02:39:49):
Don't worry about it. As aghast.
He did. Fine, he just, he's just dealing
with unimaginable trauma. He's fine.
Swamp took his wife and kids andhe's fine.
He's doing fine, but the. Swamp don't mind.
The swamp by the way that we just moved next he took his wife
and kids from him but he's stillhere.

(02:40:10):
He's also dad cannot fathom why his children would hate living
in hell like. Yeah like just completely does
not understand why his kid is like this sucks and looks at him
like confused when Grady is likeNah man this ain't it.
Not even with Confusion Bob, because in the very next scene

(02:40:30):
there Grady is attempting to watch TV like a normal child
might. Yes, and the parents neglected
to fucking provide that basic human need for a child.
So instead the Brady is holding a clothes hanger.
Yes, and attempting to make himself into ATV antenna like.
Yeah, makeshift Bunny ears is what we we old folk call them,

(02:40:53):
FYI. Yeah.
And meanwhile. Rabbit ears rabbit.
Well, mom and dad are on their laptop computer and they're
like. I'm sorry, Mario, do do you mean
that they both have their own individual?
Jewel laptops? Did they They have.
Do you mean that they are both sharing sharing?
One the. Same one.
The laptop computer and it's like, so they're over here doing

(02:41:15):
fucking Excel math and they're like, Grady, can you stop being
a piece of shit child that I can't stand?
Can you just be quiet for one second?
Grady, that's really annoying. Grady.

(02:41:41):
There's nothing to do here. He's not even making that much
noise. He's not like we're.
Crunching the numbers and these deer God damn it.
We have. 1/2. 3/5 No. We have, we have this many holds
up his hand. They're having that they're
they're entering, they're makingup the fucking names, the deer
as they put them in this bed sheet.

(02:42:03):
My God, what's a good name for adeer?
Hold on, let me let me go on Wikipedia.
I'll search up Roman names for stuff.
Darren. Yeah.
And meanwhile, Emily is reading a book.
Great. Yes.
Oh, the thing that the thing that objectively the the TV show

(02:42:23):
tells us that children are supposed to be doing.
Yeah. Being quite out of sight, out of
mind. Seen but not heard.
Yeah. Reading the next day.
Great meets Will, who is in thisepisode is dressed and this is a
quote. I said it to Brandon.
I said he looks like Bob Villa'sChristmas son.

(02:42:45):
Yeah, like he's like he's. Yeah, he's got three different
costumes on this boy. He's got gross yellow overalls.
Yeah, like khaki overalls and and then he looks like a
Christmas decoration. Yeah, like like Christmas
gingham shirt. Red and green combo like a green
T-shirt. No red T-shirt, green long
sleeve shirt underneath. I'm not even looking at a

(02:43:06):
picture I remember too much. Of that, it's a green short
sleeve shirt. OK, OK.
And it's. Just that the Plaid shirt has
had its sleeves cut off. Arms.
Yeah, the sleeves. There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
OK, is this like, is this what Canada's swamp people?
Yeah, I guess, yeah. I mean, that has to be the.
Yeah, like I can't think of anything.
Also this this costume, their their costume department.

(02:43:30):
I'm sorry y'all, I, I hate to put y'all on blast the costume
department, but their idea of making this like worn in and
having this kid like live here is just getting these clothes
and taking some like black paintor like, I don't even know what
it is, but they just took a little bit of it and smeared it
on the front of the overalls andthat's it.
They are pristine. Otherwise, he just went

(02:43:52):
shopping. He so he tells Grady about the
swamp and how it gets in your head and kills you.
He also tells him about the fever but he's unrelated to the
swamp getting in your head and killing you.
But the fever does come from theswamp and will get in your brain
and kill you. So just so you know, if your
brain will be killed, you will die in two different ways from

(02:44:13):
the swamp. But forget about that because
I'm a fucking pterodactyl comes.In.
Like a. Maybe we shouldn't be here.
Yeah, that unhinged scream. And like Will's like we got to
hide from the fucking. The library scream that that
does not make sense at all. Not a how, not a wolf, just like

(02:44:36):
a like a like a dinosaur got torn in half by a robot.
Yeah, they fucking have to hide from the Slee stacks from loss.
I don't know what the fuck is happening.
And that like, I guess it's the swamp permit or whatever, but
they hide from him like, and I'm, I think, I think Peter
Jackson stole this scene for Lord of the Rings because it's
like it's like beat for beat hiding in the ring, right?

(02:44:56):
It's just saying it, just sayingit right now.
Yeah, you fucking hack. You fucking hack, Peter Jackson.
Ripping off the goosebumps. You motherfucker.
I mean, to this episode's credit, I mean, Brandon and I
were both remarking this is a pretty well directed episode of
Goosebumps, actually. They do an extremely good job
with like the lighting. This is a really good time to
mention it too because I actually commented out loud that

(02:45:16):
the the cinematography from I'm on Netflix.
It is 12. It looks like 12:40 to 1250.
And that's a really nice shot ofbasically the cameras on the
outside and there's a small slitof a window and the family is
inside, and it's focused on Grady.
And then it's sort of slowly pushes in and Grady, like, hears

(02:45:40):
like it's suspicious of something outside, walks to it
and, like, looks up in the corner.
It's really nicely done. Yeah.
It really, really, it really feels cinematic, like that was a
really well done shot. The production crew crew is
cooking in this in these episodes.
Especially in Part 2. I think Part 2 really goes hard.
And they're doing like a lot of hard stuff, too.
Like, there's like stunts. There's like, kids get caught in
Nets and they slide. And they barely managed to not

(02:46:03):
fall into pawns that look prettygood.
There's a lot of night shots. It's all very legible.
There's an Evil Dead camera shotgoing on like.
Grady's Also Grady's actor is a does a really good job.
Yeah, a really good job. I think all the kid actors in
this are pretty solid to be honest.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, even like the sister
has given like not much to work with, but like it's true and and

(02:46:24):
Grady's really good in this and Will is as well.
I mean, she's not giving much, but she's also the linchpin of
like the scariest scene in the episode.
So like, you know, like the sister gets the most focus for
the werewolf scene in the show. So like kind of wild.
I don't know, it's a good. Episode talk about the structure
of that whole scene, but we'll get we'll get there.
We we've got a, we've got a dinner to cover.

(02:46:45):
Rob. Oh my.
God, can we talk? So, so All right.
So anyway, they see the Herman and Will tells Grady that the
Herman is an immortal werewolf that stays ageless as he kills.
Just so we all know that. But then we cut to dinner, where
the family is eating a deliciousdinner of salad, spaghetti, and
a fresh cold pitcher of apparently spaghetti sauce being

(02:47:07):
poured into glasses. Like the reddest spaghetti sauce
I've ever seen. Prego.
Prego Prego Prego Prego Prego taste the best.
Just poured all of the excess like blood that they were going
to use as temper paint into the pitcher.
I mean it like. Tomato sauce?
That's a spaghetti. If it's not tomato sauce I don't
know what the fuck it is. Like it's or it's a big cup of

(02:47:30):
French dressing. Like like it's like, it's the
reddest thing I've ever seen. Also, can we talk about how I
would never ever ever eat food in this fucking house?
No, God. No, no.
The current state that it's in. Oh yeah, then please, I would
love some black, some black moldwith my fucking dinner rolls.
Yeah, once the sister opens up face cream, a sealed jar of face

(02:47:52):
cream and there is a giant ass spider and I would never, that's
it. I would never eat anything
contained or uncontained, or never put anything in.
There, yeah, there's nothing is safe, nothing safe that was
sealed, that was a sealed and. I won't even use a toilet in
this house. Like, yeah, the swamp.
The swamp apparently spontaneously generates creepy
crawlies, and they're like. Yes, although can we talk about

(02:48:15):
the thing that we alluded to earlier?
We've got another skateboard, y'all.
We've got a really good skateboard going on right here.
This isn't a Yeah Goosebumps haunted mask skateboard.
Yes, in this is Grady's skateboard.
It is fucking sick. It is so cool.
I had a skateboard similar to this that was Simpsons themed.
Are we into inter I? I also had a Simpsons

(02:48:35):
skateboard. Are we to interpret that this
means that? World of Goosebumps exists in.
Goosebumps. What?
Yeah, yeah. It's like.
Recursive. Yes, every episode.
Yeah, we talked about this. He knows who Carly Beth is.
Yeah, absolutely. You have to think, if this is
true, that he began to suspect at some point that he may be in

(02:48:56):
a Goosebumps novel during the course of this story.
Oh, that. 'D be cool.
That would be cool. And I think that actually
happens in one of these books. I think there is a story where
like. I know attack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Attack of the mutant has some
kind. Of attack mutants has comic
books from the life but there isa story I think it's shocker on
shock street where like they. #35.

(02:49:17):
Where the like, they begin to become aware that someone is
writing the story about them. Like, I don't know for sure.
I could be totally wrong, but I think that's what, or like
something that someone's writingbegins to happen.
I, I think, I think this is whatthe book is about.
I could be wrong. Don't quote me on it.
It's been a while. It's been a while.

(02:49:39):
So at dinner, the parents continue to fucking hate and
torture their children, denying Emily the common courtesy of
letting her take the car she is legally allowed to drive to go
to town. You only just got your license.
Yeah, Dad. So that means I'm legally
allowed to do this Like. I get it as a parent.

(02:50:02):
Well, as a parent who's trapped their child in a home with no
Internet, TV and also full of poison like.
Let me let me reiterate as a badparent.
Yeah, OK. Get back in a spider hole.
I do not have, I do not have children.
Grady tells the family with the werewolf and they all mock him
and hate him and just. Absolute, just fucking pure

(02:50:27):
hatred emanates from every member of this family toward
this child. Did you know that the lady that
owned this house disappeared butWill knows we got her a
werewolf? Well, that's just great
werewolves. I don't know about this will.
Will knows the swamp mom and youknow who he thinks that werewolf

(02:50:47):
is? Swamp permit all.
Right, I've heard just about enough.
Now listen, there is no such thing as a werewolf.
Those stories are just old folk legends.
There's never been a shred of scientific evidence.
Dad is so condescending I hate him so much.

(02:51:08):
So Grady wakes up in the middle of the night and he's sweating.
Any panics? Do you think he has swamp fever?
Nope it's just hot because it's Florida.
But but but he hear his sounds in the kitchen.
Oh my God, what could it be? What could it be?
Well, it's a fucking wild dog that mauls him to death.
Like in this episode, I'm going to have to give a little bit of
credit to the world and say thatthe wolf attacks him.

(02:51:32):
Like, yes, wolf for sure is attacking him in that scene.
No question. The sound effects are like.
Yes, and it's funny because Emily says later like you're
getting licked to death. You're getting licked to death.

(02:51:54):
I, I cannot stress this enough. That dog jumped on this child
and then started snarling. Like I'll play the audio.
It it is, it is not. I don't hear licking at all.
Also, it's not weird to freak out when a random animal enters
your house and pounces on you. It's actually quite normal,
like. This is one of the things that

(02:52:15):
is a vestige from the book that just does not make yeah with how
they did. Also I love there's a quick shot
of if you play it black back in slow MO you can see Grady is
they put the dog on top of Gradyand he he is just like you know
how people pretend to be attacked?
By like. A puppets and they're like and

(02:52:37):
he's doing that with the dog. The dog is just like standing
over him. Just just no, not a care in the
world with a thought in his little head.
And he Grady is just like, so it's just like, I don't know,
this is. To play the sound effect.
This is important to know because in the next scene when
we when the everyone shows up towitness that the dog is here,

(02:52:58):
the dog has turned into the mostwell trained dog who's ever
existed. He's like.
Such a good boy. Cutest such nicest dog that's
just like calmly sitting there like, oh, I'm having such a
great time. Oh at one point, like Brady like
or Grady's actor whiffs a pet onhim and like pets over his eyes
and the dog does not give a shit.

(02:53:19):
Dogs like whatever. One of those trained dogs where
you can tell like, oh. There you can tell.
Right out of camera shot. You can tell.
And also, yeah, when they they're trying to portray the, I
don't know what, what wolf is supposed to be like or this
isn't wolf. We'll get to it.
But like, the dog has his ears back.
Yeah. And it just is so fucking cute.

(02:53:41):
Oh my God. He's just in a completely
passive mode. Couldn't hurt a family.
They are right. He does look like a shepherd
mix, but like, yeah, and they also are like he's huge again.
No, no, he's just a normal dog. He's.
An average dog. He's a very dog sized dog
actually. Very, very.
Yeah, I think dog. I think this dog also, I love
when the dog, when the dad comesin behind the dog, yeah.

(02:54:03):
Yeah, he's. Like whoa.
He has like actually a pretty great natural reaction.
He's like, what's all the huh, What's all the the?
The family agrees to let Grady have the dog in the one act of
kindness I'll ever show to theirown child.
The next day they will. Quickly take away.
And then the Emily is like, well, doesn't care what I think.

(02:54:26):
No, Emily, no, no one cares whatyou think if what you think is
we shouldn't have a dog you like.
And next day we find out that for some reason, oh, the next
day, this very wild stray swamp dog is playing with a soccer
ball like and Grady decides to name him Vandal.

(02:54:46):
What? What?
Way better name than Wolf. It is way better than Wolf.
Vandal's a fucking sick name. I mean, I'll say this, I don't
think Wolf's a bad dog name. It is in this book, however, a
very bad dog name like. Just too confusing, yeah?
Werewolf. I don't know.
You had him last. I had a I had a dog 2. 3K.

(02:55:06):
I had a dog named Beowulf and wecalled him Wolf.
Oh, that's cute. Yeah, I.
Like that? Yeah, Mom is setting up a
telescope. This is important.
Yes, this is an important thing,and it's a good thing.
This is a good ad. Here.
Mom is putting up a Pelican. She wants to watch a lunar
eclipse, and this is important because it means that the moon
will be obscured later. Later.

(02:55:28):
This is important. The kids give absolutely zero
fucks about that. And Mom sighs, knowing that she
will never be able to reach these kids.
They're completely lost to her. She gives up.
This is the scene where. She gives up, Mom gives up in
the scene, she just gives. Up.
She gives up on life, Yeah. This is it in the swamp.
Someone say swamp. Perfect timing, mom.

(02:55:53):
In the swamp. In the swamp, Will informs Grady
that wolfsbane and silver bullets are actually things
made-up by a werewolves to gate keep poor people from killing
them, Which sounds suspiciously like something a werewolf would
say, but whatever. Oh, silver bullets?
Nah man, werewolves made that shit up like.

(02:56:15):
That's not real talking with theother werewolves.
Yeah, I was talking to my werewolf friends the other day
and they were like Wolf. Sort of bullets.
Nah, you know what I heard? I heard that if you put your
head inside of a werewolf's openmouth, that will kill the
werewolf. The werewolf will immediately
die. The trick is to like lay
perfectly still and don't resistwhen they come over and try to

(02:56:37):
eat you. That's like, they hate that.
They they hate that. They will run away immediately
and they'll leave your entire family.
Alone, They hate it when you slap at your whole body in A1
steak sauce. They don't like that.
They they really don't like Brown.
They would hate it if you, if you like, put some BBQ sauce all
over yourself for a couple hoursand like a lamb, marinate in it.

(02:56:58):
They would despise that. They would.
If for some reason you find a Baker who makes 2 gigantic
slices of bread and puts them and you put you crawl into it,
they will. They won't know you're there.
I'll be invisible to them practically.
Wolves wolves, werewolves notoriously hate peanut butter
and do not want you to give any of it to them like.

(02:57:22):
And the werewolves are allergic to warm tortillas.
You show, you show a werewolf a big old scoop of ice cream,
they'll hate that. They'll would not want that at
all. Puppy cups hate them.
Wouldn't. Even a werewolf.
A big thing like taking a werewolf to Starbucks.

(02:57:43):
They would hate that. Then I'll kill a werewolf for
sure. If you if you give a Mouse a
cookie sequel If you bring a werewolf to Starbucks.
He drive up with the werewolf. You're like, yeah, can I have a
puppy cup? I gotta kill this werewolf.
He's just like the the werewolf's eyes are like wide,
like, does he know? Does he know?
Do. They know the the werewolf in

(02:58:05):
the backseat just wild it out. He's like fucking dumped going
Don't, don't let him. Don't let he's got you got 2
werewolf backseat and ones like holy shit, holy shit.
He's going to do it. He's going to give, He's going
to give us a puppy cup. Holy shit.
Holy shit, holy shit. It's.
Working. Why are we having so much fun

(02:58:27):
with this? So anyway, Grady falls into
danger Bog. How does Grady do that?
I don't know. Can we?
Can we? I don't know.
Really quickly he goes from standing around to just rolling
down a hill. Dear listener, this is something
that you just need to see with your own eyes.
So I encourage you to either go on Netflix or YouTube and watch

(02:58:49):
this episode for yourself. This part takes place at around
the 20 minute mark. It is where the two kids are in
the swamp. It's Grady and Will, and they
were talking and suddenly there Grady is looking toward the
like, basically toward the sky. And completely for no fucking
reason whatsoever, He he just eats shit.

(02:59:13):
Yeah, the bottom right corner ofthe frame.
He just he just flies in a very.Pretty good stunt.
A pretty good stunt like. Yeah, no, it was really, it was
well done. But at the same time, like I
watched the scene multiple times.
It makes me giggle every time. It's he's just like, huh?
He so yeah, see, but he does notdie in the in the bog, although

(02:59:36):
Will does mention that the bog has killed a child in the past.
He also magically finds Grady's shoe, yeah, which has flown off
and landed in the bog mysteriously.
And then Grady puts the shoe back on which is so fucked like.
Yeah, might want to write off that shoe, bud.
Yeah, yeah, cut to Dead Rabbit. Dead rabbit.

(03:00:01):
This is OK. Mom makes fun of Emily for being
an idiot and I gotta give it to mom.
In this one, Emily sees a completely immobile rabbit
laying as dead as possibly a dead rabbit could be, and it's
like, oh hey, Mr. Bunny, And then like, reaches down to pet
this clearly dead rabbit and then flips out.

(03:00:24):
Oh, how cute, how funny. They take the radio to the lab.
The lab. For a fucking autopsy.
It's not it. It's not like Telegraph that

(03:00:45):
that's what happens immediately,but then after a certain because
the the scene cuts to the parents just sort of like doing
something sciency with like gloves and like they're they're
moving tools around and it it tome it was like, oh, like Emily
just came in when they were working on something else.
But no, at a certain point, likea few minutes later it the

(03:01:08):
camera pans out and they're straight up doing an autopsy on
this fucking rabbit. Yeah.
What in their in their lab with bubbling green fluid?
I don't know what that's for. Yeah, green beakers throwing
green light all over them. I am so confused.
You know that the bubbling greentest tubes you need for the deer
studies, You know you know those.

(03:01:30):
The green really like seeing thethe dead rabbit though.
I did like that. I like seeing Dad do the fucking
necropsy on this rabbit. I thought that was great and
they definitively proved there are canine bark marks on this
rabbit. Oh yes.
Speaking of Speaking of your job, ring, ring.
Yeah, hello. Yes, this is the health
inspector. We've just received word that

(03:01:51):
your office is contaminated withDick farts.
I said your stupid office is apparently has a Dick in it and
that Dick is apparently farted and now your entire office
smells like Dick farts. This isn't the health inspector.
You would never call me now. I'm gonna fuck you and kill you.

(03:02:13):
Wow, the health inspector is very forward.
It's your butt hole brain go fuck.
This brain, I love the idea of Brandon calling someone and
being like, I'm gonna fuck you and kill you.
That's This is a scene from Wet Hot American Summer, the TV
show. It's from.
The best scene, it's so good. It leads it leads to the best

(03:02:37):
scene where. It's also really strong itself.
The guy said he's gonna kill me like a soup.
I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
Hook you up like a soup. How about I cook you like a
soup? I'll filter you through
cheesecloth or stock and add fresh vegetables and greens, and
once I'm done, I'm gonna kill you.
It's also important to note thisis the I forget his name, it's

(03:02:59):
the guy from Law and Order SVU. And then he jauntily hops
through the camp, like in an intense look of murder on his
face, to go kill Victor Pilak. That sequence reminds me of that
germ of clip where he's like if I put you, if I if I put you in
a meat grinder and all that's left is your eyeball.

(03:03:21):
You're probably dead. Christopher Maloney.
Christopher Maloney. Watch find on YouTube the scene
where he goes to kill Victor Pulak.
It's so fucking funny. That was weird.
I just come by see he's around anyway.
Anyway, anyway, they want to kill the dog now because this

(03:03:43):
random rabbit got fucking killedand I guess also six animals
died last night as if no vandal.The dog was on a murder spree
through town. Like it's like running into
everyone's home and killing their animals.
Also, to this point we've not actually seen a town in this
book. And to get to town Emily must
drive in her car. So Vandal the dog fucking

(03:04:06):
marched into town in the course of one night, murdered 6
animals, and then marched back. Like Dad, you fucking you
fucking rube. That's He's so smart.
He's a smart scientist, so Gradylike abandons Vandal to be
murdered by his parents to go somehow prove the hermit did it.
He is joined by Will they arriveat the cabin.

(03:04:28):
I really want to point this out,this harmless hermit.
Do you know where I'm going withthis?
Is the werewolf. No, this harmless hermit has a
human skull. Yes, on his front door.
A human skull. Probably one of his relatives.
Yeah, isn't his dead wife like? Say hello, honey.

(03:04:49):
Look. Welcome to cabin.
Hello visitors, it's me. Can you pause on that shot?
Are there more? Skulls there may be behind.
They may be the all of them well.
Hello I think. I see 3 skulls.
Hello, welcome to our humble home.
Lick my place. They go to the cabin.

(03:05:12):
And will you know that's not curly by the?
Way well, it could be Will and Grady look in the window and
Will says, do you see anything werewolf to which an old
prospector appears. Yeah, I found one thing.
They run and then Grady is caught in a child net net, net
for children cliffhanger. And next episode?

(03:05:34):
Next episode, the hermit fuckingstraight up kidnaps Grady.
Yes. Yeah.
And the entire time he's like, and then he takes like a no
English. He Turks a Turkey leg out and
grossly eats it in front of a child in a net in his at home.

(03:05:54):
Like, I don't know, man. I don't know what to tell you
about this sequence of events, but it's fucking weird.
And then he does the extremely not werewolf thing of howling at
the moon. Yeah, what?
I don't know. I don't know.
The blood moon is here. The man who discovered the blood
moon is here. Link the blood.
Moon, The blood moon is. Here the blood moon has risen

(03:06:15):
and the spirits of evil are about.
Grady escapes while the guy is howling through a hole in his
wall where the boys can see it all, and he runs home, where he
pointedly does not tell his mother that he was just
kidnapped and held against his will by a strange man.

(03:06:36):
Yeah, kind of kind of important.A little bit like when your mom,
he just immediately jumps to theleast believable thing.
His mom literally says did he hurt you?
Did he threaten you? Yes and yes.
Actually like. He caught me in a net.
And then dragged me through the full for the swamp and.
Kept me in the net while he ate a fucking Turkey leg and howled

(03:06:59):
at the moon. Yeah, with no intention of
letting me go. And he didn't offer me any of
the Turkey legs either. I can only describe it as he ate
Turkey at me. Like I don't know what that
means, but he ate Turkey at me. Mom, he ate Turkey at me.
That's a threat, I would have tosay.
But instead he's like, no, he didn't do any of that.
He is a werewolf, though, by theway.
Like yes. Yeah.

(03:07:21):
Then the whole, then a horrible,then some strange things
happened and suddenly a deer. Yeah.
What? What?
I don't that deer that smashes through the window, Yeah.
A deer. That is decidedly not one of the
deer. Oh no, that's a male deer.
That's a bug. For sure male.
That's a bug that has antlers. All the deer they had were

(03:07:41):
female deer for sure. Yeah.
Also it is comically like not ananimal.
It is not. It is.
Comically not a living animal. It is like.
Is someone clearly taking a A like a a deer like a facsimile
and smashing it against the wallstraight in the window?
So they have to run outside now because a deer attack is

(03:08:03):
happening. I guess deer are attacking them.
We should be more concerned about the fact that deer are
apparently invading of like unbeknownst to them.
Their plan to acclimate the deerto Florida was all part of the
deer's plan all along. Now the deer have invaded.
Oh my God, the deer have taken Florida.
They're, they're starting. They're they're like breaking

(03:08:24):
through everybody's windows. They're throwing them in.
Ghettos started. It started the night of long
antlers. It started again.
We blame a normal dog for dismantling a mesh deer pen and
whatever just happened. But but Grady traps his mother
inside of the barn. Yes, and one of the best

(03:08:47):
differences from the Yeah, Gradytakes some God damn like action
and fucking traps his mom in thebarn.
Yeah. Like he and now we're in full on
like horror movie. Yeah, So I can't over stress how
much better a climax this this show has.
And the book did like, yes, likethe book really, really in

(03:09:09):
Brandon's chapters, the werewolfjust shows up and then runs away
when wolf appears. Like it's a bad ending like
like. Yeah.
Like not to be hypercritical or because I like this book mostly
it's a pretty weak sauce ending like.
Yeah, for the werewolf showing up, you'd think there be more
going on, but I guess there's not really much you can do with

(03:09:29):
it or in a Goosebumps book otherthan have him hunt the kid,
which is what should have happened, really.
But it is what happens in the show because we hear like a Will
scream and Grady runs to Will's house.
Meanwhile, Emily comes home frombeing out on the town and comes
to find her house is empty. Suddenly a fucking werewolf is
there. Like there's a there's a

(03:09:51):
werewolf in their house and it'spursuing Emily around the house
in a pretty cool scene. I just wish that it wasn't like
preceded by a really awkward wayof like conveying the
information that one that Grady is over investigating Will's
house while Emily is investigating the emptiness of

(03:10:13):
her. House Yeah, we're intercutting
between the two of. Them it it's it really kind of
throws you for a loop. They don't let like it's like
scene cut, scene cut. These two scenes don't need to
be together. Like they don't actually.
They don't actually benefit one another.
However, I do think Emily being pursued around the house by the
werewolf is effectively quite spooky.

(03:10:37):
Oh yeah, I think it's scary as shit for a kid.
Yeah, and especially when we getto OK.
The part where the werewolf shows up like.
Yeah, the fucking werewolf. And then the werewolf comes out,
starts chasing her around, and then wait, does it happen now or
is Grady still investigating? The part that I'm specifically
talking about is when the werewolf chases into the barn.

(03:10:58):
Shed and he gets hyper. To the barn, yeah.
And he gets, yeah, They speed upthe footage and he's like
running around. He's like the barn.
Fucking Sonic the Hedgehog over here.
Yeah, the the the speeding up ispretty, pretty corny.
Yeah, it's a it's a little egregious, but at the same time,
like, damn, OK, this is like a anice threat.
I mean, the wolf wolf is clearlytrying to fucking kill these two

(03:11:20):
people and it is a werewolf. Costume looks good.
It is a like great looking werewolf costume.
They put him in places. They do stuff, yeah.
It's dope. It's a dope scene.
And they have the wonderful horror movie trope of characters
like, thinking there's yeah, like, like scooching along the
wall only for a hand to like, bursting the wall and like
actual jump scare. Actual jump.

(03:11:41):
Scare and not the last one in this episode.
So Grady like runs out to the swamp I guess to find Will.
I don't really unclear sure where he runs once more into the
hermit who has captured the werewolf in one of his child
Nets and now he speaks English and reveals that the werewolf

(03:12:03):
murdered his wife and children and he is going to tear the
werewolf's heart out only to find it wasn't a werewolf.
It's that same fucking deer again like.
It's that God damn deer. And then he's like an an
amazing, an amazing moment. He sees the deer and he goes run
boy and then immediately gets murdered like.

(03:12:24):
I swore one day I would take your heart the way you took
mine. Dear.
Run, boy, look. Out immediately murdered.

(03:12:48):
Just instantaneous. Just absolute.
Mass like that guy died. That guy fucking died, like
straight up. And then the eclipse happens and
Oh my God, the werewolf, the werewolf, it's.
It was Will the whole time. Holy shit.
And like, Will is actually like,you know, like a mid
transformation face makeup. And like he talks to Grady about

(03:13:09):
like, not being able to control his animal urges.
Yeah, he he's begging with Gradyto.
Run to run, 'cause he's like, I'm gonna I'll kill you if you
don't and then. He grady's like.
Grady's like, no, I'm I'm gonna stay for.
A really long time. I'm just gonna sit here and
stare at your pretty fucking great face makeup and like

(03:13:29):
prosthetics. Like they do a really good job.
And then it's a really, really strong presentation.
Yeah, these two. And Will's actor?
It's nailed it. There's gotta be something we
can do. No.
Leave now. Go No.

(03:13:56):
This is a good scene. This is a good scene.
And then he transformed back in Werewolf Vandal appears and
what? Go on.
So. So if you were to turn into a
werewolf after your friend who you've begged to run away but he
hasn't, he stupidly stayed there, what is the first thing
that you would do? Would you grab them and lift
them up into the air and shake them violently?

(03:14:17):
Yeah, I would. I think that's my.
First time I think, so I'd be like, well I guess your food
now. I mean, I think I'd I have
earned the right to kill them atthat point like this.
I gave you the chance. Yeah, exactly.
But then Vandal appears and knocks our werewolf into the
bog, which is actually a better back like loop around than the
book gives us. Like yeah, in the book the world

(03:14:38):
just runs away and has never seen again.
In this one, a person falls intothe bog, which we have
established has killed before. There's this actual setup and
payoff to the bog. Yeah, the bog is a setup payoff.
And then we cut to later at dinner where Emily believes in
werewolves. The parents are still fucking
idiots, but at least they're feeding the dog and they like
the dog now. Yes, they're also still

(03:15:00):
pretending that they can make something of this terrible,
horrible fucking house. Yeah, but pretending to paint?
They're painting over the mold. Yeah, Why are we here?
Why are we still here? The deer are not named well.
Maybe his parents are just really, really stupid.
I think that's true. Yeah.
I think that's definite. Then the parents watch as Grady
sleep and say to each other, is he is he going to be OK?

(03:15:22):
But don't worry, because actually it's a werewolf jump
scarer and it's a fake out. It's not a real werewolf.
It's just a dream. We cut to an amazing scene in
the bog where Wills fucking melted skeleton werewolf skull
emerges from the bog. Fuck, that kid is dead.

(03:15:43):
Goosebumps fucking killed that kid.
Heck is. That yeah, they went.
They went for it. And the finale.
Grady was the House of the moon.Yep.
I think it's a little bit of a weaker Grady is now a werewolf
ending than the book, to be honest.
I mean, it works, but I just think that the ending of the
book is a little bit better because you've got grades in
your monologue. Yeah, they should have at least
given him like some yellow contacts or something.

(03:16:03):
I was saying they should have given him like some contacts at
least to show that he's like transforming.
Or something. Oh, they should have had him
turn to the camera and. Go.
They should have fucking done a thriller.
Fake out, Yeah. I agree.
Yeah, yeah. Because like, I get it, I know
what it means, but you could easily, if you were a kid,
interpret that as just like, oh,I guess he's just howling at the

(03:16:24):
moon for some reason. Like it like you know it doesn't
exactly illustrate that he is a werewolf considering the hermit
also heard that the moon like. Exactly.
The hermit did the exact same shit.
So like, yeah, yeah. But that that's not the true end
of the episode, because we've got a bookend with our old
power, Earl Stone. Yeah, he's like, don't worry

(03:16:45):
kids, werewolves won't get you. They're not real.
And then he raises his arm, and it's.
To wave goodbye and it's a wolf hand who he feels so proud of.
Or they tell him to like cross his arms in front of him so that
the wolf hand is still there. Oh, they want you to see it.
They want you to see that they. Really want you to see that wolf

(03:17:06):
hand. They, they worked really hard on
that wolf hand. And yeah.
And that's it. That's the episode.
And yeah, so I think that, yeah,now is probably a good time to
talk about our overall thoughts on the book, starting with
Brandon's patented review. Kid zone, big zone.
So we'll we'll go with that. It's patented pending patent,

(03:17:28):
patent, patent pending kid zone.I think that as a kid, this is
great. I think there's a lot of
suspense. There are many scenes of running
around in a swamp doing things kids would like to do.
For example, the aforementioned going to throw rocks and sticks
to a pond, which today even now makes me think, yeah, I'd like
to see how a stick falls into a pond.

(03:17:48):
Of course, I want to see what kind of sploosh it makes.
Yeah. I'm like, kind of an adventure.
There's a crazy old coot. There's a very minor mystery.
And the whole time you're waiting for the reveal of the
werewolf, which you're pretty sure the entire time you are
going to actually see because something's howling at the moon
and it's probably going to be there.
And I can't wait to see like a cool werewolf transformation

(03:18:09):
sequence probably. And as an adult, I think it was,
it's maybe just a little bit kind of boring because so much
of it is like the build up fake out stuff.
But I do do like that it is not a giant fake out at the end.
It is a werewolf story. It is a werewolf mystery.
It told you what it was and thenit gave it to you.
I could have done with a bit more of the werewolf being
around actually, instead of justthe last two or three chapters.

(03:18:32):
I actually think that kind of that kind of hurts it a lot.
It should, it should have been at least like 20 pages of that.
Like, that's, that's what it's all about.
But overall, I didn't think it was that bad.
And for the episode, I thought the episode was great.
I thought it was. It was really well shot.
It does its job. They tried way harder than they
had to. Yeah.
And we should probably differentiate between the the

(03:18:52):
the show and the book. But anyway, Mario, yeah, I hear
you have a patented review that is also trademarked.
That's. True, I do.
I've got 3 metrics and sometimesI remember what they are #1 is
well, I called the kid zone, butnow maybe I'll call it Hey,
teens, they're hey kids, Hey, hey, kids, fellow kids, This is

(03:19:14):
called How do you fellow kids, which is about the relatability
of this book to children. I think I think is pretty
relatable. I think that the like moving
thing is is good. The like the like isolation of
this of the swamp is good. I definitely the parents like
not listening is pretty good. I think that works really well.
I think it's a solid seven or eight.

(03:19:36):
Probably relatability. I think Grady's a relatable
protagonist and I think that thethat he got his struggles are
real. That's what the dog stuff is
definitely relatable to. Like, yeah, that's gonna get,
that's gonna get any kid with a dog, you know what I mean?
Like that's gonna that's a tug at that heartstring.
Yeah #2 would be scariness, right?
That's the next factor. I think this book, I think the
show, it's a fucking 10 out of 10.

(03:19:58):
That's a scary episode of Goosebumps.
Great, great episode book be more like an maybe more like a
seven or eight, you know what I mean?
Like it's OK. Yeah, there is a werewolf, that
part scary, but a lot of it stuff.
Dies. Well, stuff dies there's there's
dead animals, animals are killed.
There's like actual stakes. There's a snake bite.
The dog might be put down in that regard.

(03:20:20):
There's a lot of stress in it. It's like a stressful book.
So I think A7 and or 8:00 is pretty reasonable.
And then I actually this is not a super RL Stein e-book.
I think this is a pretty atypical book for RL Stein.
There are some fake outs, but most of them do have actual
consequences. Like they they have real

(03:20:40):
consequence to these things thatmay not be a werewolf scare, but
are like a scare. So I think it's like maybe a
maybe a two or three, to be honest, But that's a good thing.
You it's like par. You want to be under par.
So we're good on that. That's a positive.
So yeah, that's my review. That's good.
I liked, I think it's, I think it's a pretty OK Goosebumps book
and a great episode of Television for Kids.
Agreed. All right, and with me, I will

(03:21:03):
go ahead and just yeah, I'll go ahead and update my my ranking
for all my goosebumps books. First off, before I get the,
the, the number out of the way, I do want to say that I believe
this book is perfectly, it perfectly serves its purpose,
which RL Stein mentioned at the beginning of or alluded to at

(03:21:25):
the beginning of the TV episode,which is I think if you approach
this book as children's first werewolf story, it is exactly
what it needs to be. It does exactly what it needs to
do. It sets up the tropes for like
the style and the genre. Like I, I think it's, I think it
works really well as an introduction to kids about what

(03:21:47):
to expect from a, a werewolf story.
And I think that, yeah, when youapproach it like that, I think
that there's a lot to appreciateabout it.
And also, this is one of the episodes or books that I
remember vividly. As I mentioned before, this is
definitely one of the ones whereI I know exactly where I was

(03:22:08):
when I was reading it. I remember exactly what I was
reading. It was the stuff with Grady
getting sick and, you know, walking around his house with
scary shit happening around because it was just so
relatable. Like, yeah.
So for me, I, I think first thought, best thought, I think
I'm going to give it a 7.5 out of 10, meaning it slots into my

(03:22:31):
ranking. Welcome to Dead House is right
above it at 8 out of 10 and girlwho cry monster and stay out of
the basement are right below it at 7 out of 10, along with night
of the living dummy. So I, I think it's just slightly
better than those. OK, I'm, I might adjust that
later because I don't know, maybe girl who I, I, the more I
think about it, the more I, I, Ikind of like the girl who cried

(03:22:53):
monster, particularly, particularly the ending.
But for right now, I just, I'm, I'm going with the vibe,
especially the the the vibe thatthe show gave me, which was just
this is this is good. Like this is honestly, this
should be the baseline that all goosebumps books should strive
toward. Like this is perfectly

(03:23:13):
serviceable. Not too much bullshit.
Some plenty of, you know, fun shit to have to have happen and
relatable in a lot of ways. Doesn't really waste your time
that much. Yeah, I, I, Yeah, So.
Yeah, that's, that's how I feel.Do you all agree?
Yeah. Do you disagree?
I don't know that it's exactly where I'd place it in my

(03:23:34):
rankings, but I do agree that it's overall pretty.
Good. Where would you play?
Where Like what would what what goosebumps books would like rate
slightly higher or slightly below.
Thinking about it. Thinking about it, welcome to
dead house. I would put higher.
Welcome to dead house would be OK.
I think haunted mask is higher. Yeah I agree Haunted mask has

(03:23:56):
that X Factor. Yeah, we're all agreed there.
Just just to refresh, Ghost NextDoor and Haunted Mask are my 10
out of 10s. I think so.
I think I would put Let's get Invisible and Ghost next door
higher. OK, I would agree with both of
those. I in like, I don't remember if I
didn't like Girl Who cried Monster that much, but like in
retrospect, I feel like I like it more.

(03:24:16):
Yeah, I don't. And then it's.
The ending, I think. I think there's some stuff in
Night of Living Dummy that I do like, but I don't know.
It's hard. It's hard.
There's one part of Night of theLiving Dummy that I like, and
that's the. I'll put it this way.
Stadiums. It to audience to my mind this
right now is like middle of the pack like yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's. Right.
And that's roughly where it is for me as well.

(03:24:37):
Yeah. Like, I, I think that if you if
you maybe stay out of the basement and girl who cried
monster were above it. Yeah, I think it would be smack
dab in the center. Yeah.
So yeah, definitely not monster blood.
Yeah, no. Not monster blood.
Definitely not Curse of the Mummies tomb either.
Wow, I've rated welcome to camp nightmare worse than the curse
of the mummies tomb. Alrighty and that's it for us

(03:24:58):
here at you can't scare me. I just wanted to remind
everybody that you can, if you wanted to become, I'm a patron
of this wonderful podcast and support.us@ycsmpod.com or on
patreon.com/youcan't scare me. And yeah, any money helps.
You know, if you want to do it, cool.
If you don't, that's also cool. We post our episodes there.
Everybody gets it at the same time.

(03:25:19):
So just yeah, FYI, any amount isappreciated.
And thank you for all of our current patrons and FYIYCSM pod
on Twitter. That's us and you can't scare
dot me on blue sky, which I am particularly proud of because
ain't got that working. It's a good it's a good ass URL.
If you do ask me, if you do ask dot me, that's.

(03:25:40):
Pretty good. Yeah, I appreciate it.
And yeah, so FYI also saying it again, moving forward, all
visual stuff that we talked about on the podcast, I am going
to post on Twitter and Blue Sky.So just FYI, all righty and I I
don't know, it says it says hereto the talk about the next book,

(03:26:02):
but I'm not I'm not seeing anything listed for the next
book. That's weird because I just see
our podcast. Yeah.
It's like, why did I write the name of our podcast here?
Kind of weird. That's strange.
I don't. I don't know.
Well, that's weird. I guess we'll leave it at that
though. Yeah, so next episode of You
Can't Scare Me will be an episode of You Can't Scare Me.

(03:26:23):
It's recursive. It's.
Recursive. You double can't.
No, you can't scare we. You can't scare.
Oh yeah. We're going to fall into the to
the goatse hole of our own goatse hole in the next podcast
episode of You Can't Scare Me. Wonderful.
I'm excited. I'm excited too.
I'm excited 3. Hello, I'm excited.

(03:26:44):
Hello. I'm RL excited.
I'm real excited IRL Stein. IRL Stein Hello, can I suck
your? Jesus Christ.
Got a wet mouth? Everybody.
And that's a podcast. Mr. Stein, if you're listening,
please don't blame us. We're just trying to have fun
here and and kids today are not alright.

(03:27:06):
We're not. We're not OK Everything is hard.
Why did you stop making goosebumps folks for 9:11 left
us when we needed you.

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