You Can't Scare Me!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Brother, may I have a spooky book?
No. I am starving brother.
As am I brother. The tall, skinny figure named RL
Stein has thrown the Spooks at me.
At me brother. I believe he has taken a liking
to me. No brother, I have seen this

(00:27):
before. He just wrote a shitty book.

(00:50):
Hey everybody, welcome to wait. Why it says you can't, but you,
Oh my God, we're doing you can'tscare me on you can't scare me.
It's book #15 I keep saying episode #15 and that is
incorrect. Book #15 by our boy Jovial Bob
Ariel Stein and who I am furiouswith at this point.

(01:15):
I He may be my greatest enemy. Little known fact, dear reader,
dear listener, dear reader, whatam I saying?
Well, you can read this on Spotify now.
We've got the auto transcriptionstuff, but that's for later.
Dear Listener, one of the reasons that Rachel stopped
doing this podcast is because she kept getting infuriated by

(01:38):
the quality of the books that wewere reading and how fucking bad
they were. She was like, this is a waste of
time. Who can?
Say. And honestly, I think she won.
I think. Who can say what's a waste of
time? She got out early.
Oh my God, I not to spoil it, but we I got to the end of this

(02:01):
book and I literally like I I had to stop.
I double taped at my audio book.I think it is.
It is funny that we named our podcast after this book.
It's a great name for a podcast,and this might be the worst
Goosebumps book that I've yet read.
It is I, I was immediately worried because I was doing a

(02:22):
search and I found a, a Reddit post from someone who said, I
don't know why everybody thinks that you can't scare me as the
worst Goosebumps book. And then in the post, they, they
edited it because it was all about like, it's not so bad.
And then in the edit was like, Ijust finished it.
It's it's as bad as everyone said, yeah.

(02:42):
I'm glad that okay, you know what?
Honestly though, it kind of it does kind of validate me to know
that we named our podcast after a specific Goosebumps book and
it happened to be the actual worst one.
Like it's kind of funny it. Is pretty funny yes, I I like
the sentiment behind it. I also I will say that there is

(03:06):
AI am kind of a glad that we named our podcast after this
because of the TV episode, whichI thought we'll get there, but
it's definitely a marked improvement over the fucking
book. In the book, yeah, very.
Very strange tone, but we'll we'll get there.
Hey, Mario. Yeah, hi, it's me.

(03:28):
It's Mario the cool ghoul who's everybody's pal.
Hey, Brandon. Yo.
Y'all ready to do this y'all? Ready for this bum bum?
But this book fucking sucks ass.This book fucking sucks ass.
Oh my God, it's so. Oh anyway, hey Mario, I hear
that history is a thing that happens.

(03:49):
I got some really great news foryou history in much like this
book, History in the Year of ourLord, 1994 January.
We just made it to 1984. It fucking sucked out there.
Really this sucks. It sucked out there on the
streets. People were struggling.

(04:10):
This is like one of the most fuck you.
It's January months in maybe thehistory of film, right.
Anyway, this is this is history,but only other thing is the
film, television, video games, the only things that actually
matter. Opening up our book to page #2 (
a picture of dog shit. It's, it's January 994, Burr.

(04:31):
It's cold out there, gang. And what can you how why don't
you warm up by going to the theater?
What's what could you watch? Well, House party 3 God.
Still doing that? Car 54, where are you?
I know that title. I don't know that that movie is
good, but I do know that title and Cabin Boy, which I thought

(04:53):
was probably like a raunchy comedy, right?
I don't think it's one of those at all.
It's like I see that. I think like, oh, maybe like an
like an A knock off Adam Sandler, you know, like maybe
like maybe like a Hotshots part part do kind of thing.
Yeah, no, it's not. It's like an actual movie.
And that's a shame. It's a shame.
Tim Burton Productions, directedby Adam Resnick.

(05:16):
Adam Resnick? Yeah.
Who? I believe that's one of the
bosses in Crackdown. Adam Resnick directed Death to
Smoochie, it would appear. No, he wrote Death to Smoochie,
and he also wrote The Larry Sanders Show.
OK. Everything's coming into focus.
He wrote Late Night with David Letterman.
So a lot of things are happeninghere.

(05:37):
He did not write Jurassic Park. No, he did not.
Yeah, this is Andy Richter is inCabin Boy.
Yeah. So, I mean, I like candy.
Yeah, that's fine. He's fine.
Yeah, he's cool. OK.
What about TV? Was there anything you OK, so
you can't go to theaters? Nothing theaters.
But you can stay warm inside, right?

(05:58):
You could you could watch TV. What's on TV?
William Shatner's tech war premiered.
What? I know everyone's excited about
William Shatner's Tech war. I was a sci-fi TV show that
starred Shatner in like the nearfuture and there is like an
oncoming like robot apocalypse kind of thing I believe.

(06:18):
All I know is he did a guest spot on the WWE for it.
Babylon 5 premiered. Is this anything I?
I'm not a Babylon person, but I,I.
I've watched it I think. I hear good things.
I think it, I think it's good. I know I watched some of it and
people had some very silly hair.You know, it's, it's, it really
says something when someone watches something and it's like,

(06:39):
I think it's good. I was, it was 94.
I was barely sentient. True.
Yeah. Yeah.
I was barely sentient watching aa space politics show.
I was yet a grub. The Critic.
The Critic premiered. Oh, do you like The Critic?
That's a good show. Yeah, absolutely.
So you could be watching The Critic and.

(07:02):
My book by my book. Rosebud's frozen peas.
It's full of green penis. It's.
Terrible. I quit Rosebud's frozen Pea.
You could not watch Doug becauseit ended.
Doug ended. But don't worry, it returned
from the grave in 1996. Oh thank God I I needed more.

(07:27):
They took a lot of the my recollection is that they took a
lot of the style out of it for the Disney launch.
Did that That was the Disney version yeah, it sucked yeah
yeah yeah. The one that you liked ended in
94. RIP.
That's it for TV. So that's also not very good.
What about video games? Well, video games.
What about video games? Well, OK, so here is the full

(07:51):
rundown. I decided to add a little here
cuz I'd get a little juicier, you know, juice it up a little
bit right, because it's pretty low energy's low coming down we.
Don't like a dry Mario we like? A yeah, we want something.
Well, guess what? Guess what, motherfucker is
what? Nintendo.
Nintendo got up on January 1 andthey said guess what?

(08:11):
94 year of the cartridge. Hell yeah, they said that.
And I think that might have beentrue.
I think that might have been true.
I can't, I can't prove it yet, but by the end of the next 12
Goosebumps books, maybe we will have proven it.
So consider that what what came out in January, some of these

(08:32):
are going to sound very familiarbecause they came out in 93, but
not on the same platform #1 is Disney's Aladdin for this Ness.
That was last month. It was Doctor Robotnik's mean
bean machine for the Game Gear. The same stuff so far.
The machine is mean. Yeah, Illusion of Gaia, that's a

(08:55):
new one. I think that's a new one for
this Ness. So, so far, I mean, year of the
cartridge is true. There was a Fire Emblem that
came out only in Japan for this Ness that we never got.
There's always a Fire Emblem. There's always a Fire Emblem
Mega Man X for this Ness. I already talked about that one.
Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think we talked about Wario Land for the Game Boy.

(09:18):
No, actually, no. Mario Mario Land 3 Wario Land
came out for the Game Boy. Sick.
Zombies ate my neighbors. Did not talk about that one so.
No, that's this Ness. So I mean, I I remember, I do
remember Zombies Ate My Neighbors because I remember
people talking about it as if itwas quite important.
Yeah, I never played it. But like, for the next like four

(09:40):
years, if you opened an issue oflike fucking Game Fan magazine,
there would be some article about how they should make a new
Zombies Ate My Neighbors. But here's a here's something
interesting I thought would be an interesting thing to know now
that we're in January, right? 93 is over.
What were the games of the year of 1993?
Looking back, what did people say they were?

(10:03):
I've got 123-4567. OK, seven sources of their games
of the year. Brandon, any guesses?
For 199393, yeah, I think Aladdin would probably be at the
top of a lot of people's. Actually, Brandon, you are
right, EG of the Electronic. The Electronic Gaming Awards did
award Disney's Aladdin for Sega Genesis.

(10:24):
It's best game of the year. Impressive since.
Okay, yeah, why that I don't know.
A lot of people have have have very strong feelings about it.
A lot of people are very fond ofit.
It's like a perfectly competent platformer.
Also, we kind of forget that back in the day, platformers
were not so much like a kind of like a shovelware genres.
They sort of became people stillreally liked them.

(10:47):
I would hazard a guess with oh it was on the tip of my tongue,
Mortal Kombat. Bob, you are correct.
Game Informer. Rest in peace, all right?
Did indeed award Mortal Kombat one game of the year 93 I.
Will hazard another guess. OK, Street Fighter Two and
Street Fighter 2 Turbo. I am sorry to disappoint you,

(11:08):
Bob. It is not on this list.
There is another fighting game that one game of the year in
three different publications. Sorry, I'm still not over Street
Fighter not winning. I know, I know.
Street Fighter 2 Hyper fighting.How does mortal?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I apologize.
I mean, there were some SF 2 released this year.

(11:29):
So like you're correct, it is a bit of a a bit of a shock.
Sam Show. Yeah, actually, yes, nailed it.
Sam Show. Sam Show won in Electronic Any
Monthly European Computer Trade Show and Gamest awards.
Wow, OK. All three gave Sam show for the
Neo Geo Game of the year. Pretty buck wild.

(11:51):
There's a Zelda out this year, wasn't there?
There was, but it didn't win. Now a Nintendo game did.
A Nintendo game did win in a prestigious.
I'll, I'll give you a hint. It was from the Chicago the
Chicago Tribune. Brandon, do you think it's like,
it's like a Mario or something? It's Michael Jordan chaos in the
Windy City. It is.
It's really close to that. It's really close to that Shaq

(12:14):
Fu. It's it's Star Fox.
Star, of course. Star Fox is just a reduce.
Skin of Michael Jordan Chaos in the Windy City.
Exactly. And there is one more the Game
Fan Golden Mega Award. Golden Mega Award.
Yeah, you're never going to get this one.
In a million years, you won't get this.
One is it the one that where it had the Dragons that it looked

(12:34):
like fucking giant strings of poo?
No, it's not that one. It's not magic carpet.
Not magic carpet. You'll when I say it, you'll go,
oh, OK, it's Gun Star Heroes. Oh yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly what I thought Brandon would do.
I'm not, you know, you call. Them I patently refused to go.
Oh. That one.
No, no, no, I mean like I seriously, I was just looking at

(12:55):
a list of games and I was like, that would have been if we, if
we were having a bad time and guessing for the next 30, we
would. Never have gotten there you'd.
Never have gotten that #8 for me.
Yeah, there's a didn't re release it.
In fact, the only reason that I got so many that I did is
because I've been. For reasons that will become
clear later in this episode, I have.

(13:15):
Oh, you were looking back on on previous episodes of this show,
so I. Have been going through every
single previous episode of You Can't Scare Me.
That's right, we did. We did discuss Sam's show in a
previous episode. That we did.
What a weird time it is that there is a year or there was a
time in video games where a multiplayer only basically

(13:37):
fighting game like Sam Show or Mortal Kombat could win game of
the year. Not just could win Game of the
Year, but could win Game of the Year in four different
publications. I like that though.
I think that's cool. I wish that that would happen
again. Yeah, it is cool.
I think it is cool. The power of samurais is big.

(13:59):
People like it. I mean it Sam show is pretty
fucking cool. And I guess, I guess pub G like
when that was when in a bunch that that's like basically you
can't play that single player. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just like it's interesting because now all game of years
are always like a big prestige trip.
Not like if not AAA, like AAA adjacent thing, you know.

(14:20):
Oh yeah. And now it's I mean, like
obviously these were kind of AAAgames equivalent, but like, you
know, it's kind of a it's a it'san unusual.
It's an interesting thing. Anyway, that's literally
everything that happened in January 1994.
Fuck you, it's January. Oh fuck, fuck.

(14:41):
Everything. It's January.
Oh my God. Get us out of here, Brandon.
Brandon, show us some pictures. Please, I need to do.
I need to get my mind off of January and into something
that's going to make me feel better.
Like You Can't Scare Me by RL Stein.
Show us between 1 and 19 pictures.
Please. That's right, Bob.

(15:03):
Every time he does, really announce your voice.
Oh, announce your brand and takeit away.
That's right, Bob, this is judging a book by its cover.
The part of the podcast where wedo what they say we should not
do. You can't scare me and you can't
tell me what to do. Consistent #1 one, it's the
Jacobus original, the border andTech Starlight yellowish brown.

(15:25):
The background color is light teal blue.
The tagline is they're coming for you.
I call in the reader or the listener to listen to this
podcast and decide at the end whether this is true or an
odious lie. Yeah, I I was going to say
you're, you're. Describing the cover.
But all I see is just it's just AI just see the big impact font

(15:46):
word that. Lies lie lies.
Fucking lie. This is Satan's book.
This toilet, Yeah. Hey, it's got some fucking cool
mud monitoring on it though. Yeah, the picture is easily the
best part of the entire book. Hey do me a favor, look at RL
Stein's name and erase RST and N.

(16:08):
Lie actually move the S to the end and then it becomes lies.
And if you move the, if you restore the end and move it to
the front, it becomes lies. If actually you know what if you
if you move the end of the frontand then the I and the next and
the L and the E and then the S, it becomes Niles.

(16:32):
Actually, if you look at Goosebumps and you remove every
letter except SU and P, it's up.You remove from RL Stein the R,
the L, the S and the E It becomes 10.
Incredible. If you remove the RL Stein and
the Goosebumps, I think it will be a better book.

(16:53):
If you throw this book in the garb.
Where it fucking belongs. This is a trash book for babies.
Well, it is funny that the frontcover looks very much like a big
toilet. Yeah, it does.
These these, I mean these men who are made of mud, but could
also be made of actual human feces if you wanted to pretend.

(17:16):
Looking pretty poopy. It is pretty poopy and they are
in. They could be in a big liquid
bog of shit of nasty diarrhea shits.
Oh, let me, let me. Actually, I'll, I'll yeah.
Describe the image. This image depicts 3 goopy
humanoid mug figures emerging from a flat muddy ground.
The figures are in different stages of rising out of the mud.
One just has his head exposed, the second is up to the waist

(17:39):
and the front center figure is fully standing.
The main figures arm is raised palm out and his mouth is
drooping open very far. He has a prominent brow and a
rounded head, as though an old bald man is under the mud.
A bit of plant material stretches between his torso and
arm, which is a motif that actually a lot of the images
about this book stick with, including the Halloween costume.

(18:02):
I just saw that there is a blue front light to set him off as
the central figure from the background.
There are a handful of trees in the background, obscured by a
very yellow pissy mist. The yellow mist and lumpy brown
foreground lenses cover the air of a shit filled toilet poop,
but the figures look good and the composition's strong.

(18:25):
I mean, I, yeah, here's the thing.
I like the cover. I think the cover is perfectly
serviceable. Yeah, the mud monster looks good
it. Does, and I will say this, the
TV show does a very good job of translating that mud monster in
the foreground's exact face intoits into its like model for
their actual mud monster. Very good, very classy looking.

(18:45):
Yeah, it's classy. This is a classy cover, I think.
Yeah. This evokes like a Hammer Horror
film. Unworthy of the contents within.
Completely if you take the C andthe L away from classy.
Assy. Assy.
Yeah. All right.
So the second cover is the UK cover.
The UK cover. Literally ever since we started

(19:09):
bringing in the UK covers this has been a joke single time and
I hope it used. And you want to know something
funny? You want to know something
terrifying? You know what?
That I don't know what you're fucking referencing.
Ohh, toast of London. It's not Toast of London, is it
not? No, it's a clip that Matt Berry

(19:32):
narrated a bunch of documentary footage for the Bbci think and
it's just like him talking absolute nonsense over actual
documentary footage and he's talking about ducks going to
private school, like private universities in the UK.
So where did the idea for UK rowing come from?

(19:55):
Nobody apart from me actually knows.
And let me tell you, harbouring this secret about Duke King
rowing has been a terrible tit spanner.
So let me unburden myself by introducing you to these ass
honkers. They are water boatman or
Waterman, and there is their leader, Dennis Waterman,

(20:18):
willfully exploiting surface tension with their all like
legs. It was while watching them on
the River Mack that the first UKhad the idea of UK rowing.
But what was he to do with this idea of UK rowing?
But UK ducks. That's why it's because I

(20:40):
thought it was a voice over segment from the Clem Fandango
recording. Movie, it's got a bit of that.
It definitely has a bit of that,but yeah, that's the origin of
it. In episode 15, all secrets
coming out, that's the origin ofsaying UK like that.
Thank you. It's just deeply ingrained.
This guy really looks like shit.Yeah, so the UK cover has a

(21:00):
Peach rings color scheme, the traditional goo.
Yeah, like, but like gone off like they've gone off the Peach
rings like. They're a little red.
There's a little too much red. 7or whatever is the color that
gives everybody cancer. Yeah.
The traditional goo is cast in orange and red tones.
The faces of three children are in the goo maelstrom.
To the sides are two behatted children, 1 grinning at the

(21:22):
reader and the other looking offscreen in shock.
The central head is smiling in what is almost a grimace.
With her hand in front of her face, index finger extended,
she. Looks sick.
She's like pointing at her eye. She looks like she's she was
trying to pick her nose and mist.
She looks sick. She whipped.

(21:43):
In the bottom corners of the book, 2 green children's hands
extend out of the goo tinted green and slightly dripping
Iker. Yeah, that sucks.
Focused as it is on sneering, wearing, hat wearing children,
this cover is actually a more accurate depiction of what
you're in for with this book. Yeah, except for the tagline.
Reader, beware, you're in for a scare.
Yeah, I think mixed messages really on this cover to have

(22:07):
reader beware, you're in for a scare right below the title.
You can't scare me. Like what?
What are we gonna do, RL? I don't fucking know.
Core. Blimey, I'm you done, boggled
me. I'm in a right sticky wicket
with this. Also, these hands, these hands
are children's hands. They're not like a mud monster.
They just like look like a hand with green.

(22:29):
They they bear no resemblance toa mud monster.
Yeah, but I mean like also, that's pretty accurate.
That's true too. Also, is one of the children in
this supposed to be hat? I have no idea.
I would imagine they're both wearing hats.
I know, but they both appear to be very much young girls.
Or or hat is a beautiful boy like like you know, that's fine.

(22:54):
He can be. He can have very beautiful long
lashes like. And lipstick.
Based on the description of him in the book just.
Also, one of our hats appears tobe bedazzled.
Like, yeah. I just want to note that one of
the one of the characters in this book will be revealed to
have never showered a day in their life.

(23:17):
Yeah, this, this. I can't, I can't judge very
well, but these people all look like they've seen the inside of
a bathtub. I agree they are these three are
done up and the two of the hats,the hat wearing children in this
photo are quite done up like they are.
They are posing for a catalog. If you if you catch my draft,
look at the. Well, I guess.

(23:38):
I don't know. I mean, there are there are two
girls in this book. I just don't know that either of
them wears a hat. There's like 20 girls in this
book and. That's true, there are actually
several. There's actually like 5 or.
More, I wrote. I wrote a very much longer
description of everybody in the book before I realized it was
pointless. Deleted most of it.
Who's Courtney's friend? Was it like Daphne or?

(23:59):
Denise, Denise. Denise.
Denise. Denise.
So yeah, one of them probably. Didn't you wanna do cocaine off
a vertical mirror anyway, Denise?
Yeah, we'll get to Denise. She's got she's she's in for
something. We'll.
Get to you. She's going to take and
distribute anger and hatred likemost of the children in this

(24:21):
book, but moving on to the Korean cover, most of these.
This is cool. Yeah, most of the covers just
use the Jacobus original, but Korea is still showing up.
The only other unique covers this cover it now features the
familiar black and blue color scheme.
A single mud monster is emergingfrom abstract water colored
sludge water and is visible fromthe waist up.
One arm is extended, his white teeth teeth are bared and he has

(24:44):
yellow pinpoint lights for. Eyes, this thing is, this
thing's fucking scary right here.
I'll play that right now. Terrified of his white teeth,
Yeah. His his, I mean his teeth are
very creepy looking. His eyes are scary.
A+ cover. This is a great cover.
Scary mud monster. You made the moment.
You did it, you did it. It's kind of tripophobia.

(25:05):
E Tripophobia. The the texture on him is like
really specifically on a weird. A lot of little dots.
Yeah, the texture of him has like a bunch of what looks to be
little holes. Yeah, hole is.
Yeah, like kind of like bullet holes.
Yeah, weird. Like I don't.
Know maybe he just robbed a bank.
He's Clayface. It's Clayface.
Oh my God, the the the second reference to Clayface and you

(25:27):
can't scare me history. It makes sense.
We know we did that. Yep.
Shit, yeah, there was a I forgetwho it was, but a character on a
cover reminded us of Clayface. But yeah, I'm, I'm all down for
that because that Clayface from what was the Batman the Animated
series. Yeah, I forgot that.
No Brandon, I literally rewatched the Clayface episode

(25:48):
like 2 weeks ago. Like it's so good, isn't the?
While I was looking up images for Clayface I I saw a bunch of
like art for a potential like the a new Batman movie featuring
Clayface. Have you heard about this?
I have. Not, I have not heard of a bat
of Clayface being in a new Batman film.

(26:08):
I wonder if people are just doing like fan art or something.
But yeah, there was a bunch of. I think, I think yes, probably
nothing's come out that like confirmed it, I don't think.
OK, it was. I think it's reportedly
reportedly he's in it. I think OK.
And I'll say Clayface. Cooler than Sandman, Yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, I think that's true.He's a really cool guy, Yeah,
they say he gets cooler. He was voiced by Ron Perlman,

(26:29):
so. Yeah, even cooler.
Fran, would you like to describeto us this cover that looks like
AD and D enemy? Yeah, so this is the classic
Goosebumps cover. I feel uncertain as to whether
that someone really decided to put seven different fonts on
every one of these covers. It's criminal.

(26:49):
The art itself depicts 3 mud monsters, also in various stages
of rising out of goo. The angle is canted by about
30°. The background is a bright piss
yellow forest with greenish yellow trees.
The figures themselves share a lot of similarities to the
Jacobus original, including the outstretched arm on the lead
figure and plant matter stretching between the torso and
arm. Except they look like video game

(27:10):
enemies. Yeah, these figures are less
human shaped, especially in the head and face.
The lead figure's mouth is basketball sized with sticks and
stones protruding from the bodies.
The texture of the mud is distinctly shit.
Like the lead monster looks likea big wet turd.
I guess it's sort of unavoidablewith a brown mud monster.
The more you make it stylized, the more it's probably going to

(27:31):
look like a poop. Much like if you were to, you
know, maybe make like the name of a children's book series, you
know, look, you know, lumpy and drippy.
Troubling. Troubling, yes.
Like Elmer's glue? Oh yes, but with lumps in it.
There's no other fluids look like that.
I love how the one in the background has hands that are

(27:52):
like actively like diarrhea ING it's.
Yeah, it's. Spraying.
Taco Bell hands, Yeah. Yeah.
Taco Bell. Yeah, projectile.
Yeah. These just look like fucking
enemies that you would fight in in World of Warcraft.
Like also there's being so dynamic, which is not a that
happens even in a single moment in this book, so.

(28:15):
Yeah, yeah, I think like, it's an all right cover by itself.
It's more dynamic than the original, though.
I think the original has a better effect.
Like it gives the impression theoriginal does of like an
original zombie, a slow, shambling threat that could
sneak up on you. Yes, rather than like these,
these look like fast, violent monsters.
And that would be even worse considering what happens in the

(28:37):
book for you to expect anything like that to happen.
I'll I'll hit you with this. I'll hit you with this one.
The original cover looks like they could be from the monsters
in my Pocket line of collectibletoy.
The new cover looks like they would be enemies in World of
Warcraft. And they look, yeah, they look
like yeah, they're they're the action pose, like the heavy

(29:00):
action pose, like the very strong movement insinuated from
this is yeah, it's, it's given like an action like vibe to it.
Yeah, they're also crawling out of a big anus.
Yeah, true, I forgot to mention the big butt hole in the sky.
There's a butt hole. Yeah, they're coming out of a
butt hole. The great Butt.
Hole. They're being shot.

(29:21):
You know, haven't we? Haven't we all?
Haven't we all? You know, yeah, when you think
about. The next image that I sent you
guys is excellent, a Jacobus cameo, a real the man himself is
here. The unnamable site included a
picture of Jacobus doing the mudmonster pose on what is probably
his back deck. Jacobus here has big 90s hair,

(29:42):
more mane than mullet. He.
Does. Oh, look at those.
Look at those ripped jeans. Yeah, blue.
Blue jeans torn wide open at theknees.
Oh my. God.
He's so cool. Nice rules.
Yeah, yeah. What a guy.
What a guy. Merch.
This book had a lot of merch. A a tremendous amount of merch.
In addition to some shirts and tote bags, we have a glowing mud

(30:02):
monster figurine. Wow, they've funny.
Pretty cool. Cheap Halloween costume with a
fake vine to drape around the arm.
OK, you skipped over the tote. That tote kicks ass like that.
If I got that tote, I'd use it for everything like.
The mud monster face motif showsup pretty strong and pretty good
on a lot of their stuff. It's weird that Mud monsters
kind of sound boring like the name, but the the image looks

(30:26):
great. It's like it's their Creature
from the Black Lagoon. Halloween costume is kind of is
kind of lazy, but I kind of likeit.
Yeah, I think like it's, it's, it's a in a, a good
illustration, a good example of like how you can Draw Something
and pattern it and make that wayway more than the sum of its
parts. Yes, it's just like a really

(30:46):
lazy bodysuit essentially. But the the drawing is pretty
good on it and the vine is inspired.
There's a little vine that they've raised.
The vine is good. I also like the My Name is Mud
quote on the front of the costume for some.
Reason. Yeah, that's like a famous
quote. Famous quote.
From the Mud Monster. You can remember that, yeah, Mud

(31:07):
Monster said. My name is Mud, yeah.
Yeah, there were also some stickers.
Here's one of I love that monster playing guitar that.
Kicks ass. That's fucking sick.
Accurate, actually. This one's wild.
A pair of goopy safety scissors with the inspired name of
Twisted Scissor. OK, I like several things about
this. Does it?
Ex. Does this scissor, does this

(31:29):
pair of scissors give to you thevibes of a thing that you would
call a safety scissors and yet you'd still somehow managed to
cut off part of your finger withit?
Yes, it also looks like it came out of a butt.
It does. It's one of those things where
you just really can't get away from the feces allegations.
It's they're they're sticking. You can.

(31:50):
There's a a funny little bookmark that says I hate it
when I lose my place with a handreaching.
Yeah, and I hate it when you made me read a bad book.
RL Stein. Yeah, I hate lots of things.
I included a picture of an illustration of what appears to
be Homer Simpson covered in There's a product that I don't
entirely understand called Freaky.

(32:13):
I wrote here Freaky feces mode monster, but it's freaky faces.
I see that is. Put your hand inside my head to
make my face move if you dare. It's a big latex bust.
The text on the box says you were supposed to put your hand
inside the head. I at first I thought inside the
mouth or under it like a puppet.Yeah, I I think it's probably

(32:34):
meant to be a puppet. Like, you put it on your arm.
Yeah. And you open the mouth and like
the latex stretches and it lookslike a guy.
Yeah, but that's such a wild like command to give to the the
person viewing this box. Put your hand inside my head.
Put your hand inside my head to make my face move if you dare.
Like OK. Right there.

(32:55):
Why is it not brown? But yeah, it's a little pissy,
huh? Like why is it like yellow?
That's weird. I don't know, is it just old and
maybe? That's just laziness.
So like we don't want to have tocolor the latex.
This is a the piss monster is from Pissy Creek.
Yeah, well, you know, it's unavoidable to a degree.
The next one is also quite yellow.

(33:15):
Please, Please wait. Are we talking about the jersey?
Yeah, I've included a picture ofa shirt or jersey that features
a mud monster playing soccer with a red Goosebumps baseball
cap, and he is doing a sliding dive with his arms out like a
goalie to deflect a soccer ball.The text is Goosebumps Mud
Monster Slimy Slide which this is pretty inspired.

(33:37):
I'm gonna tell you right now this.
I would wear this. I would both wear this and if
you were like shopping in Japan right now, this shirt would cost
like $600.00. Like like like, yeah, I don't
mean because it's vintage, I mean like they a new shirt that
looks like this would cost you fucking over 3 digits like.

(34:00):
Yeah, there's a mud monster pencil holder that case that
looks really good with the mud Stir himself holding a tablet
with the Goosebumps G and a tombstone with RIP writ
thereupon. Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, I. Like that I like the touch of
the the grave for RL Stein's career.
That's. I like that one of the pencils

(34:22):
in the background has an eraser cover of a sarcophagus.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Can you say that again?
I don't understand what sarcophagus.
Sarcophagus means. Can you say that?
It's the. It's the thing.
Mummy, it's the. Thing case, yeah.
Mummy case. Yeah, it's where your mummy goes

(34:45):
to sleep. I see, I see.
Look, I'm just gonna say this right now.
I'm looking at those pencils andI see they fucking gangs all
here. You got Slappy the dummy as an
eraser Topper, right? I think that that is our.
That's curly a skeleton on that pencil in the purple, I think
and. Then two I can't tell.
I think it is. I just assume that it is.

(35:07):
I think there's a Mohawk, which means it's curly.
And then there is also sarcophagus for the mummy.
You got the whole gang. Good.
Everybody is here at. First, I was really excited
because I thought that was a green thumb.
I thought it was a foot for a second.
A. Sarcophagus is cool too.
Yeah, green thumb, I would say it's more stay out of the base
mini, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the there's a

(35:29):
drink. There was a drink shouldn't
exist hair raising. This looks like monster orange
flavored drink upon which can the guitar playing Mudster
appears again. Why?
I mean I love the guitar playingmudster, however this looks like
it's a pepperoni pizza flavored soda like.
Yeah, yeah, this is a. This is This looks like a almost
like it would have a tomato base.

(35:50):
Yeah, I mean like the mud monster is also yellow, so he
looks like he's made of cheese and the like the red and yellow
gives real. I mean I have a cat mustard or
full on pizza like. Yeah, it says Monster orange
flavored drinks, so it's probably just like.
It's probably a really gross orange soda.
Yeah, I guess they were like, wejust have to make it look like
anything other than shit. Well, they didn't sort of.

(36:13):
I mean, they didn't completely succeed.
I must say no. It was just Tang.
Probably. And there's one more picture in
this folder of AT shirt that looks kind of cool.
This is a modern tea. Cavity Colors is a current
brand. Yeah, this is again, this
doesn't fit the story because these monsters look like they're
doing stuff and they're present.They're dynamic and interesting

(36:34):
to look at which. Also the background has got like
psychedelic colors which. Yeah, all cavity colors T-shirts
are like this where like the colors are really, really
psychedelic aggressive. And I mean, I guess that's like
kind of their shtick. And that's fine.
If that's your thing. It's not, not not my vibe.
But you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not judging you.
If it's your vibe, I want you to, I want you to live your best

(36:56):
life. And and you know, if you got it,
flaunt it. Can you, could you try and say
that again, but less judgmental?I'm, I'm being completely
sincere. I want you to have your best
life and wear what you think looks good on you.
I want you to wear. Digging the hole.
I want you to wear things and express yourself.
I am being completely sinister. I want you to express yourself

(37:18):
through clothing and if and if this is yourself, express it my
friend. Live your ball, your heart and
your bliss. I'm just saying I can't do this
like. Follow your mud and your piss is
what I. Yeah, yeah.
Also. Follow your stupid heart.
I I like my graphic Tees, which I own a lot of graphic Tees.

(37:39):
I like him to be a little more subdued.
That's kind of my vibe. The judgement just oozes out of
you like mud from muddy creep. But some people like him really
a great Lily, really like in your face.
And that's fun, brother. Then the different strokes for
different folks. Wow, I can't believe Mario just

(37:59):
did that live on a podcast. Yeah, I know.
I'm such a monster. I'm history, histories, greatest
monster. Why?
Don't you crawl back into Muddy Creek?
Yeah, go back to the shithole. Go back to the toilet.
Well, Speaking of Speaking of crawling back into the shithole,
I think it's time for someone totell us the plot of the first
nine chapter. Holes.

(38:20):
God please no, please. I don't want to relive this.
What could be laughingly called the plot of this book?
Oh. My.
God, we're gonna check in occasionally, at least in my
section with Remember what this book looks like from the
outside. We're gonna, I think said We
said we're gonna check in occasionally with each other to
see how we're doing emotionally.Yeah, just check in and make

(38:43):
sure we're all, like, awake. Are we all OK?
Is everybody all right? I might start playing SMT four
or five in the No five. Yeah, 5 might play SMT 5 in the
background while y'all. Let's suffer together.
I think that we can experience ahigher quality of suffering with
in each other's concentrate. I do have 4:00 I could do.
Yeah, yeah. All right, let's run down this

(39:05):
toilets. We open on a class field trip to
the woods and are introduced to some of the many children in the
book. Courtney is a Little Miss
Perfect type who exudes the titular You Can't scare Me Ora.
She has a friend called Denise. Denise.
And Denise is notable for being Courtney's friend.
Thank you. There is a kid named Herbie whom

(39:25):
everyone calls Hat because he iswearing a hat.
Wow. The main character is named
Eddie. Can I just note I also have in
the margins of this chapter? Wow.
Bold, bold of you. Real Stein, Eddie hat, Courtney
Denise. Got that?
Better get this straight. It will probably be important.
The class rode on a bus toward Green Forest.

(39:46):
That's green with an E. More children are mentioned.
Molly and Charlene are Eddie's friends as well.
Molly has braces. Charlene looks like Molly but
doesn't have braces. Molly wears glasses too.
Charlene doesn't though. I could go on and I will.
Molly's braces are red and blue.She's always showing them off.
Oh that Molly and her braces. We are in for the long haul,

(40:06):
folks. This.
I'm having flashbacks and I am feeling myself shut down like.
I got to tell you. I got to tell you.
At least I'm going to say right here, I read this book in its
entirety on the flight back fromJapan, OK?
I had nothing else I could be doing.

(40:27):
Like I mean literally no other activity that could be occupying
my time besides this and I stillhad to put it down and stop.
Like this is this sucks. This is too.
I like I got to this chapter 1 and like the the clothing
descriptions began and I was like aw fuck me.

(40:51):
Man, aw. Fuck, this is gonna suck, isn't
it? Yep.
Oh my God. I also read this on a flight
back from a business trip. And it might be the only way to
read it. Yeah, the the OR I guess like an
audio book, if you're trying to read this with your human eyes,
like the words like dance away from your eyes, you.
Can't have any other thing that could possibly be more

(41:12):
interesting than it. The in flight screen tracker is
more is more interesting than this.
Going from fucking Japan. Can I make a confession right
here and now? Yeah.
I listened to the audiobook version of this.
Did you speed it up? No, I did not.
I should have, but I wanted to get the full experience, the

(41:34):
jovial Bob, jovial guarantee. Jovial experience.
I had the. Guarantee.
I could not find this on YouTube.
I could not find this on Spotifyfor free.
It's a wonder. I had to pay for it.
I had to pay $13 very. Sad.

(41:57):
You paid $13. I had to pay $13 for this
patreon.com/youcan't scare me. Fuck fucking God damn it.
I mean this book cost like what,$4.00 when it came out like.
Now here's the thing. I am glad that at least one of
us experienced the audio book because it is good.

(42:20):
Mark Turetsky actually does a really good job, and I will have
a lot of fun with some of the way that he gives voices to some
of the characters. But at the very beginning of the
audiobook, it it clearly says like, hey, if you reproduce this
in any way, you're going to fucking jail.
And that just made me laugh so hard because it just gives me

(42:42):
the idea of someone like, yeah, what are you in for?
Yeah, I got fined like 200 thousand, $250,000 and I got
sentenced to prison for fucking five years because I shared You
Can't Scare Me by Jovial Bob RL Stein on youtube.com.
Everybody in prisons like, whoa,man, this guy's, this guy's

(43:03):
serious. The prison library is mostly
Goosebumps, and we've all read that book and we all know.
I'm just having a. You got jail time for that one.
I'm having a vision. I'm having a vision of the scene
in home movies where Coach McGurk is talking to Jason or
Brendan, and he says, like, you gotta you gotta make sure that
they know you're crazy when you get in there that like, you're
the craziest guy in there. Yeah.

(43:24):
And he's like, so show me how you do that, Brendan.
And Brendan goes, OK, that just makes me want to hit you more.
It's like, OK, well, now I want to hit you.
And that's what I think would happen if you were like, where
are you in for? I copied.
You can't scare me. Just fucking punched in the

(43:44):
face. But it's OK.
Well, now I'm going to be your. That would be you up.
I want to also mention that thisis like one of the one of the
few audio books that we've listened to so far where RL
Stein does not introduce it. I'm not sure.
I just want to reiterate, I paid13 fucking dollars for this
piece of fucking garbage and RL Stein doesn't even give me the

(44:06):
fucking grace, doesn't have the fucking grace, doesn't have the
fucking dignity to show his fucking face.
I wonder if all of the mud man merch isn't like a fucking
scheme to get kids to buy this book you don't like.
I think that like they he just he knew it was bad.
He's like, I'm not throwing good, good time after bad.

(44:26):
I wrote this one, this one, thisbook really feels like an icon,
the listener to to listen and and think.
I think this was an exercise forhim, a writing exercise, an
exercise in talking as though hewas a child writing this book
and having lots and lots of kid dialogue, which in some of the
past books has been sort of likea week.
A weakness of him of having kidssound like kids.

(44:48):
And that instead of trying to actually write, like an actual
Goosebumps story, like a spooky story, he just used this as an
exercise for development. And rather than like not
publishing it because it's not fun to read, he's like, well,
this is one of my monthly books.I'll just release it.
And by the time they buy it, it'll be too late.

(45:09):
They'll have no choice. This is one of the books they'll
they'll just buy because they want to have the full
collection, you know? Yeah, it's one of the ones
that's going to be untouched. It's got the most dust on its.
Cover. This is going to have some dust
on its cover. Yeah, there's.
Going to be an old spooky mansion someday and there will
be a copy of this completely covered in dust but pristine on
the inside. So returning to our terrible

(45:29):
children who aren't terrible yet.
Do we have to? Yeah, the fact that we already
tried to get away from it, like,like we already tried to escape
talking about it. Go on.
Let's slam this. Let's slam it.
Inscribed herein is a depiction which I will spare you of the
children's 90s middle school fashion.
As the class rocked rocked through the forest, the friends

(45:52):
bantered and playfully insulted each other.
Molly criticized Eddie for beingafraid of putting a worm on a
hook while fishing. Eddie cried angrily that he
wasn't afraid of the worm, it was just yucky, that's all.
Yeah, even unto adulthood, yuckiness remains a critical
consideration. It's.
True. Eddie mentions his older brother
Kevin, who makes fun of Eddie's buck teeth by calling him Bugs

(46:12):
like Bugs Bunny. The kid returned, kids returned
to the bus where Eddie mentions that Hat has big ears that bend
beneath his baseball cap and he is always grinning.
Eddie says Hat looks like Dopey from Snow White and the Seven
Dwarves. I have a bad feeling we are
going to be surviving this book,friends.
I wrote. Hat asked why the forest is

(46:33):
called Green with an E and Eddieexplains it was left by a guy
named Green who left the forest to the city when he died.
Hat claimed to have known that despite having asked the reason
literally 2 sentence ago. What a liar, Eddie thinks.
Eddie reflected that the man wholies to himself and listens to
his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the
truth within him or around him and so loses all respect for

(46:56):
himself and others, and having no respect, he ceases to love.
And what as hell but the suffering of being unable to
love? The children reached the forest
and de bust the teachers told them to observe and write down
all the plant and animal life they saw.
Eddie told Charlene the unbracedthat he would record her as
plant life. Charlene stuck out her tongue at
Eddie with a big water chewing gum on the tip hat, slapped her

(47:17):
on the back really hard and the gum went flying.
People speak sometimes about thebeastial cruelty of man, but
that is so terribly unjust and offensive to beasts.
No animal could ever be so cruelas a man, so artfully so
artistically cruel. After a time of wandering, Eddie
noted that Courtney had recordedmuch more plant in animal life
than himself. Courtney also knew the names of

(47:38):
several trees like a proper knowit all.
Eddie thought to himself that the girls were working too hard,
that field trips are for goofingoff away from school.
Eddie then and tried to push Hatinto a huge patch of Poison Ivy,
but missed and went sprawling face down in the dirt.
Standing over his prone form, Hat leaned down and whispered to
Eddie. Your worst sin is that you have
destroyed yourself and betrayed yourself for nothing.

(48:01):
And he brushed himself off and saw a bright green snake next to
his foot. Oh shit.
He opened his mouth to scream but no sound can be come out.
That's the end of chapter 1, the.
Snake was definitely real. And definitely venomous.
Do we want to talk about it right now that our main
character fucking sucks in this?Book He sucks, and he'll
continue to suck more. He will continue to suck until

(48:24):
the end of this book. And everyone kind of sucks but
our main character says he doesn't like bats which like OK
fuck you. I mean, I'm kind of worried when
bats are around just because of rabies and how they're like a
prime vector for rabies. But like, as long as you got
your rabies shot, like Pat, batsare fucking adorable.
I think that this guy is the ultimate wet blanket and I don't

(48:45):
think he likes anything. That's true.
That's true. Yeah, he's it's so weird because
they kind of set him up to be like kind of like, I don't know,
like a cool, like the cool kid. Like, yeah, briefly.
Yeah. And it just completely like I, I
have never, I don't think we've ever had a main character in in
a Goosebumps book that I've hated more than this kid.
So I kind. Of Eddie fucking sucks.

(49:08):
Also, real quick, yeah, just want to note that it says that
that Kevin, Eddie's older brother, calls him Bugs.
Yeah. Does he ever call him bugs?
No. No.
So fucking what the fuck? Irrelevant.
Get out of. Here, this was a one.
This was a one pass book. There was no.
Advising a word count book. Just put a sentence in

(49:30):
somewhere. You, you get the sense very
strongly in especially these opening chapters that he was
like, he didn't know what it wasyet.
He didn't know like what the book was.
In fact, the mud monsters aren'teven mentioned until like
halfway through the book. You get the sense from this book
that he didn't know what this book was.
Yeah, he was just like, he was just riffing you just we.
Should be right instead of riffing.
That would be my opinion. However you get there.

(49:52):
I mean, like, yeah. Yeah, it's not the this.
Is quota a book a month, a book a month really unintentionable?
Maybe it was a bad idea to writea book a month is what I thought
while reading this book. Maybe it was like, I mean, it
was the holidays. You know, December is a busy
time. It's true.
December is hard for families. And you know, RL Stein, he's got
a lot going on. He's got a, I mean, obviously, I

(50:14):
think, I mean, I, you know, he'sjust got, you know, a lot of
stuff to do and get together is in holiday parties and
scholastics, you know, big Christmas orgy.
Just giving me the visual like sort of idea that RL Stein came
up with this entire book and wrote it like on a toilet, like
while he was. I think he wrote this on a

(50:35):
fucking napkin. 4 eggnogs in. I think that he was on the
toilet after eating Taco Bell, wiped his ass, looked at it and
said, oh, you can't scare me. It might be perfect.
A story might. Be a story.
I was going to say there is another book I know well.
I know that Vampire Breath, our main character I believe is a

(50:59):
bully of like it is told from a bully's perspective.
It's an exploration of the humancondition.
So that is an interesting and yeah, it's an exploration of the
human condition and evil as it persists in the soul of man.
Anyway, Brandon, what happens inChapter 2?
I got a prediction. Nothing.
Let's return to the condition ofshitting.
Yeah, Chapter 2. The snake who is real dove

(51:20):
towards Eddie to sink its fangs into his throat.
But of course it didn't. Eddie opened his eyes to see
Courtney the Know it all holdingthe snake, which she explained
is a harmless green snake. RL Stein learned that green
snakes in America are mostly harmless.
There's only one species in Florida that isn't.
This is how the healing starts, yeah.
She petted the snake, petted it,then set it on the ground to

(51:42):
slither away. Denise said they should write
down chicken on their wildlife count.
Shut the hell up, Denise. Molly's Charlene and Hat groused
about Courtney showing off, wishing that the snake had
bitten her perfect nose. Evil devil children.
Eddie petulantly claimed that hewasn't actually afraid of the
snake and that he knew it was harmless.
What a despicable bunch of Flyers and villains.
The children teased Eddie about the snake and he thought to

(52:03):
himself that his day was ruined.The children returned to the bus
to find a circle of kids around the bus.
Had something terrible happened to Courtney?
How would you? Why would you think that?
Chapter 3? Courtney told him.
You described them. You described our cast in a
negative way. I also wrote in the margins of

(52:23):
my notes. Our cast of bitter, maladjusted
losers. Yeah, they, they, they, they've
remained that way. I have many different names for
them. They suck.
Every every character kind of sucks, but our main characters
definitively suck. And they just keep digging the.
Hole they get worse. They suck.

(52:43):
Yeah. It's just like, guys, what do we
do? We'll get there.
Yeah, they have no sense of pattern recognition as well you.
Will none. Yeah, you will see.
They, they don't change their minds.
And it's really fucking frustrating because this entire
time, this entire fucking book is all about painting Courtney
as like this awful, terrible person when she hasn't done

(53:04):
anything wrong. She just showed you up because
you're constantly fucking terrified of everything anyway.
Well, she's about to do something truly unforgivable in
a weird break from her the rest of the book depiction.
It is a weird scene. Yes, this is very weird, Yeah.
Actually it's so strange I totally forgot about it.
You're like, that couldn't have happened.
So Chapter 3 Courtney held in her hand. 2 enormous bumblebees

(53:27):
smile as they crawled around herarms.
Bees will not sting you unless they are provoked.
Courtney said softly. Eddie silently begged the bees
to sting Courtney or to crawl upher shirt.
Courtney then threw the bees at Eddie.
This is actually what happens. This isn't a joke, the psychotic
children. How do you throw bees?
How do you throw a live wasp? How do you throw a bee?

(53:50):
Especially the way where it's described to the book where like
a bee like hits Eddie and harderand then it falls on the what
the fuck? Yes, Chapter 4 One of the bees
bounces off Eddie and the other landed on Hat.
He screamed to get it off, get it off, and did a wild,
frightened dance like many children would do.
Most of the other nightmare children were laughing at Hat.

(54:11):
The other bees swooped at Eddie's face and he dodged,
flailing. Courtney flashed him a smug grin
as they boarded the bus. What the fuck?
You would never throw a bee. I think you just shouldn't do
it. Yeah, you shouldn't throw AB
even if you can like. You wouldn't steal a car, you
wouldn't throw AB, Eddie, Charlene, Hat and Molly.

(54:34):
These are names that are all important.
I hope you all keep them and keep track of them.
I've got a running list I'm. Writing All right, here we go.
Ingmar van Horstman, Thor. Gray, Incognito, Eddie,
Charlene, Hat and Molly engaged in renewed grousing about
Courtney. There must be something she is

(54:54):
afraid of, Charlene said. Eddie suggested that maybe she
is afraid of the Bud monsters. Charlene said that no one really
believes in them anymore and it's just a stupid old fairy
tale. Eddie then tells us the reader
about it, rather than not knowing what it is and having
someone else tell him. So it would be natural,
Whatever. There's a legend in our town
that the mud monsters live underthe muddy banks of the Creek,
and sometimes when the moon is full, the mud monsters rise up

(55:15):
from the Creek bed, all drippingwith mud, and look for victims
to pull down in the mud with them.
It's a good story, claims Eddie.Brandon, what's the name of the
Creek? What's the creek's name?
Muddy Creek. Yeah.
Thanks. Yeah.
Muddy Creek mud monsters. Green Forest and Muddy Creek.
Arlstein Explorers. New Ground?
My favorite part of what I thinkit was the first or second
chapter was was it hat who was like why isn't it called Red

(55:37):
Forest? Like what?
Shut the fuck up. RL Stein answers his own
character's question. Because I'm not trying today
hat. Like, and to be clear, I'm not
telling hat to shut the fuck up.I'm telling RL Stein to shut
your fucking mouth. It's so padded.
At one point when we were listening to this in the car,

(55:58):
like we were like getting groceries and shit when me and
Ray I was just yelling at the top of my lungs.
Fucking padding. Why is this so padded?
Oh my God. That's nothing but pad.
Nothing but pad. Nothing but padding.
If you fell on this book it would be really comfortable
because it's super padded. You could you could sleep on
this book. You could.
It's delicious, delicious bed. It's not very comfortable.

(56:21):
Delicious bed. Delicious bed, though you
wouldn't really feel it. Pretty style.
Listener, if we just randomly scream at the top of our lungs,
please don't be alarmed. We, we are just.
This is how we are processing this this fucking book.
Hey, what about what happens to our fucking horrible freaks?

(56:43):
Fucking horrible freaks. I know it's terrible, but I
briefly want to go back and tellyou this is the legend that is
supposedly the good story. Yeah.
There's a legend in our town that the mud monsters live under
the muddy banks of the Creek. And sometimes when the moon is
full. So not every time.
When the moon is full, the mud monsters rise up the Creek bed,
all dripping with mud, and look for victims to pull down in the
mud with them. It's a good story, is it?

(57:07):
If wait a minute, wait a goddamnsecond.
Are you is was that recapped at the beginning of the book?
Like chapter? What are you on chapter 3?
This is chapter 4 and chapter 4.This is the first we've heard of
it. And this is also basically there
are, I think this book contains maybe 8 sentences that include
the mud monsters in them in any way, and half of them are right

(57:28):
here. Yeah.
And what I'm trying to say is like when we get to my chapters,
I think he RL Stein duplicated basically the same shit with a
little bit extra, a little bit more filling out of like the the
details, but I think it's the exact same shit.
So here you had your chapter. Here is a here is a comment to

(57:49):
kind of date this podcast currently as we speak one of the
semi or anyway what the TikTok algorithm thinks I want to see
and bear in mind that TikTok thinks I would like to stress
that I am a 22 year old lesbian.Wait, you're not?
I guess the secret is I'm a 35 year old man.

(58:10):
The whole. Time I'm a mud monster.
The what the algorithm has been showing me, so I think this may
be a clip that's circulating is the the Tik Tok's discovered the
show Mountain Monsters, I think is what it's called.
Have you seen it? It's like a bunch of guys are
very clearly acting in a show that they're pretending is a

(58:31):
documentary. And it's like six of the most
stereotypical guys from the Appalachian Mountains that
you've ever seen in your life. Like if you if like and they and
the clip is them saying if a monster could beat Bigfoot.
I don't know that one could, butit would probably be a
hellhound. Like like I don't know about any

(58:52):
monster could beat Bigfoot, but if a monster could beat Bigfoot,
I'd have to say it's a Wampus. And this is so I imagine in this
town they sit around like I bet a mud monster kick bigfoots ass.
I think Mothman could use his lasers.
Yeah, the all those Bigfoot shows are of a kind.
Of a kind. The kind are all of a piece.

(59:15):
I think Mothman could use his lasers to be Bigfoot.
He actually Mothman was one of the ones they suggested.
Oh, I mean, I also think that Bigfoot would use his deflector.
There you all see that Mothman got the Mothman statue.
He's got his great ass. Yeah, and he's got one.
He's got a great ass too. Did you see that?
Someone put a tramp stamp on hisbutt.

(59:37):
I would be, if it were me, I'd be up here like I don't.
I don't know that any monster could beat up Bigfoot, but I do
think that he and Mothman would make passionate love to one
another. Yeah, I was going to say, let's
talk about which of the monsterswould be kissing.
I think they'd make out, and thesecond the Bigfoot felt
Mothman's firm, tight ass, he'd say he'd be good to go.

(59:57):
Brother, you know what I'm saying?
I think Mothman and Slender Man would probably that would be a
really cute couple. I think it would be interesting
to see how they would kiss. Yes, yeah, just from from a like
a logistical standpoint. I I want to see that.
Don't worry, someone's drawn it.Don't worry, that's happened.

(01:00:20):
I mean, that's an SCP. Actually SCP SCP-6969, It's just
Slenderman kissing. You have to go into your room
and you just see Slenderman kissing like journal entry
doctor Doctor Blackman Doctor Black Hand 75.

(01:00:44):
Look in the chat. Slitter.
Bigfoot. Holy shit.
It do be like that though it. Do be like that the first the
listener Brandon just posted a fucking tweet from whom?

(01:01:05):
Who TF is Mick Where it's beforedudes kiss you.
They give you this. It's a Penguin giving a.
It's. It's it's a little bit.
A picture. A little bit sultry.
This Penguin is looking a littlebit sultry.
This Penguin's also looking a little bit like he's in The
Godfather. Stop.
Somebody had a Really, really good reply and it was.

(01:01:35):
Oh, Mario, you have to explain. It now see it's Kevin Hart.
It's Kevin Hart looking like really thoughtful.
It was the tweet is they finish off with this and it's Kevin
Hart looking like, yeah. Oh my God, notice how we're
avoiding talking about the. Yeah, yeah, this is what Bigfoot

(01:01:57):
would do to a moth man. I did like when Bigfoot actually
comes up in this story. That was that was cool.
Then he gets shit out of the muddy Creek.
I also like when Bigfoot comes in this story.
Yeah. God damn.
It it's a good story. Wait.
Is that where? Is that the true origin story of
the mud monsters? Good shit.

(01:02:20):
Bigfoot's magical shit. Come out of Bigfoot.
Whatever, whatever, Bigfoot comes in the woods and makes a
mud monster. Bigfoot would love.
To. Talk about cave in this shit.
Fucking the fucking the fucking Appalachian fucking mountain
monster guys. Yeah, well, whatever.
Bigfoot comes in the swamp afterhe takes big old shit.

(01:02:41):
He comes in it. Mud monster comes up.
That's what they say. I've heard that.
I've. I've heard that too.
I've heard that too. I don't know.
I don't know if we can keep thisin here.
If you need to censor it, use the Taco Bell Dong.
Oh, whatever, whatever, whatever.
Bigfoot has big nasty diarrhea. That's a mud monster right

(01:03:05):
there. That's.
How? I've heard that.
And you know, here's the weird thing.
They kiss real good. They make big old mud pies.
That's just what they love. They.
Smell great, they kiss good too.You gotta.
Let them be the way they are, that they they were, that their
creator, the man that chat them out made them.
So anyway, chapter 4 concludes with.
Hat mentioned that Eddie's brother is making a horror movie

(01:03:27):
about the mud monsters. Eddie reflects that he begged to
be in it, but that his brother refused.
Eddie insisted loudly that the group needs to scare Courtney.
An evil smile broke across Molly's face.
She pushed her glasses up on hernose.
Behind them, her brown eyes sparkled with excitement.
I have an idea, she whispered. Let's cut off her head with a
big knife. Chapter 5 No, Charlene idea is

(01:03:50):
actually way Dumber than that. Charlene suggested that the
solution is to scare Courtney with a big rubber snake.
Her brother has Courtney, who previously handled and petted an
actual wild snake in front of the group.
Zero pattern recognition here. I.
Don't know what this plan is. Charlene described the big bad
rubber snake and the kids laughed about their excellent
plan that will work. The plan was to put the snake in

(01:04:10):
Courtney's lunch bag. Eddie described the usual
contents of Courtney's lunch bag. 2 sandwiches, two boxes of
juice plus a bag of potato chipsand an apple, some string cheese
and usually a fruit roll up or two.
Eddie over here having a normal one actually listing the typical
contents of a classmates lunch bag.
At at this point, let us reflectbriefly that this is an entry in

(01:04:32):
a series of horror books for children.
Molly put the fake snake in Courtney's lunch bag.
Eddie cannot wait until lunch tosee the fruits of his villainy.
How would he be able to concentrate on anything?
He kept imagining what would happen With the magic of our
imagination, we can see it now. Perchance, as in the cinema.
Courtney, you will unroll the top of the brown paper lunch

(01:04:54):
bag, expecting the usual. Treats and foods.
Nutrition for a growing Mayan Courtney Doesn't your mother
always say Courtney, that children need to eat food
because they are growing and there are also other reasons to
eat food? Yes.
Will, Will Graham and Hannibal lecture describing what
Courtney's going to do with her lunch mugs.
Yes Courtney, it is as your mother says.

(01:05:16):
But you will not see the foods will you Courtney?
Instead of the bundles of plastic wrapped sandwiches and
shiny aluminum fruit roll up tube, a singular dark form will
greet your eyeballs. For a moment Courtney.
Your mind will be frozen from the contrast of the usual shapes
with the singular dark quailed entity.
A millisecond later, a sharp hang of reflexive fear will

(01:05:38):
shoot through your big dumb brain as the details of the
mystery figure come into focus. The reptile pattern scales, the
sharp white fangs and the yellowslit eyes of a predator.
Oh yes, detective, your body will react to put as much
distance. Between you and you.
And the monster in the bag. Maybe you spring backwards,

(01:05:58):
falling out of your chair. Maybe you spill your milk.
Maybe you fire the bag away fromyou, springing the snake out of
the bag onto a friend. Maybe Denise, that bitch.
And then finally, the final act.Betrayal and shame.
Why it's only rubber, Courtney, I'd say, holding it up high so
everyone could see. You shouldn't be afraid of
rubber snakes. They're harmless.

(01:06:20):
Perfectly harmless. Maybe you'll run away in shame.
Maybe you'll cry and embarrassment.
Maybe you'll fucking die. Yes.
You should never have messed with me, Courtney.
The last laugh haver will be me.The tragedy is not to die, but
to be wasted. I'd like to be wasted.
Wasted the fucking Grand Theft Auto waste.

(01:06:42):
You delight in wickedness and then berate yourself with the
delight. I was trying to think of a good
like equivalent Hannibal quote that you could you could do you
could do for the putting a snake, a fake snake in a lunch
bag. Putting a snake in a lunch bag,
Hannibal Lectern would would be like he'd be into that he.
Here we go, here we go, You put as as Eddie.

(01:07:03):
As Eddie puts the snake in the bag, he goes.
Killing must feel good to God too.
He does it all the time. And are we not creating his
image? In the real story, Courtney,
they watched her pick up her ownlunch bag.
Chapter 6. The teacher groans that he
forgot his lunch. Yeah, Courtney offers the
teacher some of her lunch, but does this by extending the whole

(01:07:26):
ass unopened bag to the teacher like one would do.
The teacher screamed and droppedthe bag to the floor, seeing the
snake Courtney stomp the snake'shead off.
Fierce, hard heroic stomps are is the description given in this
book. Later, the schemers reflected on
their stupid plan and revel at least in the teacher's Funny.
As the terrible children walked back to Eddie's house, they
considered again what to scare Courtney with.

(01:07:48):
Suddenly, the neighbor, Misses Rudolph rushed up to the group
and begged, specifically Eddie. Eddie, please, you've got to
help me. Here's a chapter that doesn't
need to be in this book. Yep.
Seriously, Rudolph, welcome to the chapter that doesn't need to
be here. Gestures to all of them.
Yeah, Chapter Nevin Misses Rudolph's cat was stuck up a

(01:08:09):
tree and she had specifically rushed to Eddie to ask him to
rescue it. For some reason, no other child,
including Hat, was considered for this address.
Eddie reflected that he really didn't want to.
The neighbor put her hand on Eddie's shoulder and again asked
him to climb up after the cat. She argued that little boys are
good at climbing trees, and Eddie countered with he is
afraid of heights. Eddie's terrible friends

(01:08:29):
encouraged him to retrieve the cat without volunteering
themselves. Of course, Missus Rudolph
increased the pressure by sayingher kids would be heartbroken if
something happened into the cat.Then the cat yelped and started
to fall. Call the police you crazy woman.
For real. She's like in car department.
You call the goddamn doing. No, you should climb up in the
tree and then when you fall out of the tree, when the cat

(01:08:49):
latches itself to your face withits claws.
Yeah, then you'll get injured and.
I'll go to fucking jail. Why must this child do this for
you? Why must this be the thing
that's happening? Because we're in a weird bad
world. We're in like a shitty alternate
universe where this might make sense and not just be a weird
reason for Eddie to feel bad. Chapter 8.
They all screamed, but the cat didn't fall.

(01:09:10):
It slipped and climbed back up. Loathsome, loathsome cliffhanger
in a non chapter as the cat cried.
Mrs. Rudolph says. I guess I'd better call the the
fire department. Yeah, you better.
But I guess I'd better call it afire department.
Call the fire. Department.
Also I love that that Gary Jewell song Bad World.
Bad world, bad world. Bad world crap world shit I.

(01:09:32):
Wish. I wish I wasn't in a bad world.
I wish I wasn't in clad. World.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine sending a child to climb
up a tree without a ladder and then having that child try to
grab a frightened cat and carry it down.
But everyone in this book is mean and dumb.
No one will be surprised that Courtney rocks up on a red
racing bike, climbs the tree andsaves the cat.
I like climbing trees, she said.It's really fun, Mrs. Rudolph

(01:09:53):
said. I'm glad someone in this
neighborhood is brave. Oh, my God.
You didn't help either you Chrome.
You are talking to a child. Yeah, you fucking throne like.
Jesus Christ. Courtney grinned at Eddie, then
asked Eddie if he put the snake in her lunch.
Eddie said of course not, which was technically true.
The best kind of true. As soon as Courtney was out of

(01:10:13):
earshot, the group resumed planning how to scare her Hat
suggested a live tarantula down her back.
There is no heaven for these children.
No, they'll never see a lot of heaven.
Chapter 9. There were two tarantulas in the
second floor science lab. The plan was to sneak in, take
one of them and hide it in Eddie's locker overnight, then
drop it onto Courtney's head in the gym.
Amazing plan, what could go wrong?

(01:10:34):
Hat and Eddie waited for the endof the school day.
They snuck into the science lab.It was empty.
The idiot children bumbled and shoved each other, jumping at
several sounds and considering whether they should just hang it
up. Hatred prevailed, and Hat
reached for the tarantula. Both of them realized in that
moment that they had nothing to store the tarantula in and
couldn't just carry it around the fucking idiots and had not

(01:10:55):
considered before this very moment.
This is like the movie Ocean's 11.
Eddie found a plastic cottage cheese container and Hat dropped
the tarantula inside it. The tarantula began flopping
around frantically shooting its legs out, slipping and sliding
on the slippery plastic surface.He doesn't like it in there.
Eddie said. Too bad.
Hat replied, closing the wire mesh cage lid.

(01:11:15):
We will not let the moral imperative to avoid animal
animal cruelty spoil our plan toembarrass our classmate.
As the two loathsome idiots bumbled about, footsteps sounded
from the hall the science teacher was about to walk in.
End of Chapter 9 and also the end of my section.
Congratulations, you've made it.You did it.
Made it through. You didn't.

(01:11:35):
You sound like you're at a funeral.
So Mario is a person who deals with corpses a lot.
I thought you would like this book a little bit more.
Why is that? Because it makes you feel dead.
I mean, I am dead inside. I've been that way forever.
I've been that way for years, you know, So this is really dead
inside. Exactly.

(01:11:55):
That's going to be that's going to be a tattooed on my chest at
autopsy because I love The Walking Dead.
It's gonna. It's gonna, it's gonna say is it
if you knew? No, the full tattoos gonna say
don't open dead inside parentheses.
We are The Walking Dead, Dash. Dead open inside.
Dead. We are the one.
Dash The Walking Dead on AMC deck.

(01:12:17):
And then a picture of a fucking What's his name?
Parentheses. Adapted from the comic by Robert
Kirk. Bracket.
I also watched and then the whole picture of Omniman, like
looking at Mark and doing the like.
Did you even think like? You're gonna have a Norman

(01:12:41):
Reedus on a motorcycle and. Then in the back, it's right
with Norman Reed. There's an arrow, There's an
arrow that goes around my torso to my back, and it's a full.
Giant full back yakuza S fucking.
Tattoo. Of for head for Reedus.
Yeah, yeah, yes. And then.
And that's going to be the wholething.

(01:13:02):
Yeah. Hey, Chapter 10.
This book keeps going. Oh, my gosh, I'm so lucky.
Our intrepid heroes struggle to find a hiding spot before the
teacher returns. Finally, they choose the supply
closet. After several quote UN quote
tense minutes, the teacher leaves.
But the boys are literally too stupid to find their way out of

(01:13:25):
a closet. And.
And what's worse, somehow the spider has escaped and it's on
Eddie's leg. The fear is palpable.
Finally. True terror in a Goosebumps
book. Finally.
Finally. We're always looking for it,
never found it, now we did. Palped it.

(01:13:47):
Palped it. Does anybody have anything else
say about that? Really cool chapter because
that's literally all the thoughts I have on it.
Fuck no. OK Chapter 11 Shockingly, in
quotation marks, the tarantula does not bite Eddie as he bursts
from the locker or as as Hat grabs him and then grabs him

(01:14:08):
like yeah OK so the hat then grabs the tarantula from the
floor. OK, Nor does he bite them as
they sneak up to the gym hallwaywhere the girls lie below them.
Right, so this entire time the tarantula does nothing is what
I'm getting at here. I want to stress that the
tarantula has basically no purpose whatsoever except for

(01:14:31):
this forthcoming scene. We get a bunch more cool
descriptions of clothing, and finally the tarantula is dropped
to definite success. I thought, boy, we spent a lot
of time on this. Like again, as you said,
Brandon, like an oceans, I'm gonna say Oceans 13 kind of
heisty thing. It's Oceans 8.
It's Oceans 8. Yeah, they're little babies.

(01:14:53):
They're all babies. Yeah, it's Oceans Junior oceans,
Babies next chapter. Whatever.
Unbelievable. The tarantula land on Molly.
Not Courtney. How?
Could you have fucked that up? Yeah.
It's almost as if this was a stupid fucking plan, you dumb
idiot. It made me think the way that it
was described made me think like, oh, is is fucking hat like

(01:15:15):
secretly working for Courtney. Like.
But of course, of course, there would never be anything that
interesting. No, I think it's, yeah,
unfortunately, it's just that they're too fucking stupid to
know where to stand, which, I mean, granted, they haven't
planned this out at all and there's no way to know where the
tarantula would fall from if you're standing on the ground,
because obviously there wouldn'tbe.

(01:15:35):
And, you know, a great, a great plan.
I mean, I know they're fucking 12 years old or whatever, but
like, come on, come on. You could.
You couldn't even drop like a weight on a specific place
holding it over another specificplace.
Yeah, you could just drop like apiece of gum, like.
Yeah, something a little less hard to carry around than a
living tarantula. Children throwing insects at

(01:15:56):
each other. Yeah, a lot of this, a lot of
this. In this book there's Courtneys
cool, but that was that throwingthe bugs and.
Yeah. She's got a, she's got a yeah.
It doesn't help. Molly reacts predictably
normally to Tarantula landing ontop of her, and Courtney is
utterly nonplussed. Everyone is once again impressed

(01:16:19):
with how tough and courageous Courtney is.
The boys are predictably caught and made to clean the science
lab for a week. And right thousand word essay, I
believe, about how it's bad to steal tarantulas, which seems
like that shouldn't require any words, but OK.
And remember. That old punishment.

(01:16:40):
Yeah, I remember that. I remember.
The girls have also stopped talking to them.
You'd think that would have moreimpact in the rest of the book.
Surprise, it doesn't. Eddie again blames Courtney for
his complete failure, but he haslittle time for this as a
monster appears in his room. Oh my God, no way.

(01:17:02):
Real monster. This is probably the worst place
to mention this, but I just wanted to quickly note that in
the audio book by Mark Turetsky,he gives Molly specifically a
very funny voice because she hasbraces, so every time she talks,
she talks like this. I'm glad he was having fun.
I was having fun with him too. Yeah, I wish they would.

(01:17:24):
It would have absolutely blown my mind if you had said that.
He gave her the Sailor Moon Molly accent.
But Sabrina. Maybe it's because I've fallen
in love. This is like you're crushing
Jelly. Lawrence.
Molly. He's an older man, he's

(01:17:44):
handsome, kind. Next chapter.
Brandon, were you saying anything?
I was about to say Serena SerenaMelvin but I was like I have
nothing more to add other than Ialso like Mollye voice in the
Sailor Moon dub. It's very good.
That's great. It stays in my heart.

(01:18:06):
It has a special place in my heart.
RL Stein engages in a new form of what I'm calling Monster
Denial, edging us with the promise of a mud monster, only
to reveal that it is in fact Kevin, a character you barely
remember exists. Eddie consults with Kevin, a
scare expert, on how best to getquote UN quote Courtney.

(01:18:28):
Frustratingly, a man in a lifelike mud monster costume
suggests using a large dog. Eddie stupidly agrees.
I don't, I don't. This entire book is so flawed
and. It just it sucks because you you
know the fucking mud monster costumes exist yes in.

(01:18:49):
Chapter 2, Yeah, they're fuckingmentioned in Chapter 2, and it's
like staring you in the face theentire time.
It's like, just do that, Just dothat.
And every time they come up witha stupid fucking idea, it's
like, why don't they just do thefucking monster thing?
Whatever. Yeah, it sucks.
Just mean. It feels mean.
It feels. Mean it's not edging and it's
not in a good way, you know? It's not in a good way.

(01:19:11):
No, it's not in a good. Way not good, way not good
edging, bad edging. Bad edging.
Bad edging. Bedging.
Bedging. Bedging fuck.
Dredging. The gang is hanging out at
Charlene's house. They are playing croquet,
croquet, croquet. Why?
What why I have I have a reason.I wrote it down right here

(01:19:34):
California. They're like they're like, do
you want to play croquet in my backyard today?
And they said, yeah, I would love to pray some croquet in
your Nava vintage Navajo style sitting area area like.
Oh, and that's the other thing about Mark Turetsky.
He Eddie's older brother Kevin. He gives him this straight up

(01:19:57):
like what's up bro, what's up bro?
Like surfer, a fucking like kindof fucking accent and our.
Pueblo style sitting area bro, come play croquet with us.
California Scheming. So I put on the monster costume
and I went out of the ocean. I went well back and then I went
on a lip and went blah. Eddie reveals his great scheme,

(01:20:22):
Needing a vicious dog for this scheme, Charlene suggests her
dog, the menacing Buttercup. Buttercup is amazing and I love
him. He does some amazing stuff, like
lying on his back. Eddie is unimpressed until
Charlene reveals that she has trained him to kill.
He promptly mauls Eddie to death, riding us of this

(01:20:46):
intolerable fool at. Last, thank God it's over.
Yeah, book was a little short. Book is a little short.
The ending is where it really picks up.
Alas, the hapless idiot did not die, begins the next chapter.
Buttercup just get just sort of goes crazy whenever someone
whistles. A good habit to have developed,
the gang decides to ambush Courtney and Denise at their

(01:21:07):
tree house by Money Creek. Molly reveals that she can do a
perfect Denise impression to lure Courtney out, but she is
naturally undone when she calls.Courtney only learn that Denise
is in the room with her. I hate these people.
I fucking hate them. They're stupid and they're mean.
This fucking, this is like a fucking Always Sunny episode.

(01:21:28):
Like, yeah, this is an Always Sunny scheme right here, right
now. This is an Always Sunny plot.
Denise reveals that she taught spiders to talk to cats.
Like Dennis would be. Dennis would reveal he could do
an imperfect impressionist person and call them up, only
for this person to be in the room with Courtney.
Yeah. And then he would say something
utterly insane. And then they would have to come

(01:21:49):
in a new plan that like where Charlie like says that that his
cat is being eaten by bugs and they have to go save it like.
Mud man. Mud Man.
This book is fucking shitty. Made the fucking feces champion

(01:22:10):
of the mud mud. I I will say this genuinely that
I I loved the parts of this bookwhere Buttercup was just being a
dog. Big Beethoven energy from
Buttercup. Yeah, I, I.
Want nothing but good things to happen to my buttercup.
Yeah, Buttercup is great king character.

(01:22:31):
Best character of the book, frankly.
Frankly, yeah. Yeah, need more Buttercup.
You should have written more about Buttercup.
Next chapter, the tale of the shittiest idiots continues.
That's kind of that's kind of sing song equality.
Shittiest idiots. Shittiest idiots.
The time of the Great Dog Scare has arrived until it hasn't
because it rains for a week. Also, Kevin's movie's final

(01:22:54):
scene in which the mud man appear Bad idea from the last
scene of your movie is postponed.
Yeah, that. That's foreshadowing.
In a way, that's foreshadowing, yeah, a little.
See, what he's doing is playing with our expectations.
Finally, on a sunny Saturday, wehead to the woods with Buttercup
Had and Eddie scout the treehouse to find the girls are

(01:23:17):
indeed there. Eddie reveals his secret weapon,
shaving cream to make Buttercup look rabid.
Cool. Yeah, I'm sure that if an adult
saw a dog charging at a small child, they wouldn't try to kill
it. Nope.
Well, again, animal cruelty is on the table.
Yeah, no chance this could get their dog killed, but whatever.
The chapter hints that Charlene may not be able to whistle

(01:23:39):
because these people are morons,but instead the plan fails
because they brought a dog to the woods and it runs away.
It chase squirrels. Who could have seen this coming?
I don't fucking I this book, OK?This begins as a part of this
book where the kids keep giving sentience to Buttercup.
Like, doesn't he know he has a job to do?

(01:24:01):
He's a dog. He'll just, he knows where he
lives. He'll just go home.
He's a dog. The first sentence, this next
summary. God they are so fucking stupid.
Charlene let go of the leash so that Buttercup is missing.
Eddie is still only thinking about the scare and not, you

(01:24:23):
know, the lost beloved pet. The four idiots stupidly split
up to dumbly wander the forest and definitely get lost.
Which is exactly what happens. Eddie blames a dog, calling it
quote irresponsible, and then yells about how lost he is.
Finally, another different dog appears to maul him to death and
in this book. We're going to fire this dog.
This dog is completely irresponsible.

(01:24:45):
Dog, you had one job. Elastis idiot does not get eaten
alive as the black dog is scaredaway by hat.
Not nearly so lost as one might wish.
The kids meet up and lament the lost dog.
The kids reassure Charlene that Buttercup has probably just gone
home. Walking back they find both dogs
have been found by Courtney who has befriended them both and he

(01:25:08):
admits defeat. Courtney cannot be scared, but
he but he promises a scary thingis going to happen just 2/3 of
the way through this book. Oh, a reason to keep reading, I
see. Just drawing you back in.
Just a quick question. Yeah, he was his dog was the
other fucking dog. Actually never addressed.
Like. What the hell?
Like this dog Courtney. Just a giant.

(01:25:31):
Yeah, Courtney just befriends a wild dog.
Dog just. Just like a what was it?
It was like AI got Doberman vibes like.
Yeah, I think so, yeah. What?
OK, all right, there's just a random fucking dog just run
around the woods and then Courtney is able to befriend it
and all right, Well, whatever all.

(01:25:52):
Right the woods. If I am correct, what's
happening? It's the woods dog that's the
dog. The woods, yeah.
That's the doggy woods dog. Yeah, the dog.
Dog of the woods. Yeah, yeah, you got a chicken of
the woods. Chicken of the sea, yeah.
What is it called? Hen of the Woods and then Dog of
the Woods, Yeah. Cat of the Woods.
Worms of the Woods. Squirrel of the Woods.
Woods Mud of the woods Squirrel.Yeah.

(01:26:15):
Mud of the woods. Yeah.
Concrete City, Yeah, Yeah. Rolling around at the speed of
sound. Yeah, yeah.
Got places to go, Got a bottom of my window?
I sang. I sang that in a karaoke room in
Japan. Hell yeah.
Like recently. Like 2 weeks ago.
Incredible. Yeah, yeah.

(01:26:35):
Awesome. Hell yeah.
All right. Unfortunately, I have more of
this book to read. I sincerely apologize to
everybody it. Is unfortunate.
I apologize profusely to Mario and Brandon.
I did not mean to subject you tothis.
I apologize to you, dear listener.
Chapter 19. This chapter starts with Eddie
screaming as he's being strangled by the icy touch of

(01:26:58):
death itself. Cool.
Deserved. Or at least it would be if our
unreliable narrator wasn't one, terrified of literally anything
and everything and two, an idiot.
It turns out the kids are just hanging out at Charlene Place
and Charlene had grabbed a coke from the fridge, causing her
hands to be cold as she wrapped them around Eddie's throat.
Normally I'd question why Charlene's trying to strangle

(01:27:21):
Eddie, but at this point I'm just assuming that's the secret
desire of everyone around him. So the Suck Squad have all
gathered to yet again suck and figure out what dumbass idea
they can come up with to scare Courtney that isn't the
extremely obvious. Get Eddie's brother and his
friends to wear the mud monster costumes.
Anyway, Molly decides to RIP offHat's hat and it is revealed

(01:27:42):
that he doesn't wash his hair, which is described as looking
like wood. This sounds like experience.
Wow, that is legitimately disgusting.
You know what else is disgusting?
The end of this chapter's fake out.
The kids can't decide on how to scare Courtney, so Eddie walks
home at 9:00 and proceeds to scare himself into thinking he's

(01:28:06):
being chased when he absolutely 100% is not in any way shape or
form, just just egregious. Just a chapter that occurred in
this book. It's a chapter.
We've got a couple more that just occur.
Chapter 20 Eddie bursts into hishome, physically tired from
being so dumb. He thinks to himself.

(01:28:28):
It didn't take me long to realize that no one had really
been chasing me. I knew it was all in my
imagination. This had happened to me before
lots of times. UN quote.
You've always been really stupid.
Oh my God why does the main character sucks so fucking?

(01:28:52):
But he's the worst I. Often feel that I am being
chased and only later do I realize that no thing made me
feel that way. He's the worst.
So I have written here what is wrong with this child Anyway,
Eddie's had an epiphany and demands to use the the phone
which he uses to call Charlene, who immediately realizes he ran

(01:29:15):
all the way home because he's a scared baby bitch boy.
Eddie declares quote We've got to scare Courtney at night.
Chapter ends with Eddie teasing that Courtney would give them
the idea for how to scare her herself.
Yes, dear listener, the thing depicted on the cover of this
book is finally going to happen.Chapter 21.

(01:29:37):
Once again, this book proves Courtney is actually fucking
cool as hell. Except that one time where she
threw bees. When she.
Threw the bees. But I totally forgot about make.
A quick point I want, I want to point something out before we
talk about how cool Courtney is.And that is, you know how fucked
up it is that Courtney like fucking saved Charlene's dog,

(01:29:57):
Like literally found the dog andsaved it.
And they're still like, we need to ruin this one, this girl's
life. She sucks.
We hate her. Really wanted to kill.
I still want to kill her. I still like want to kill this
person. Yeah, the several points where
it's like, wait, where are we actually gonna hurt her?
It's like, well, no, no, but there's a possibility.
But like, no. I'm going to fucking ruin this

(01:30:20):
woman's life. She saved my dog, mind you, but.
She say is she kind of saved Eddie too, because with the
snake, it's like you didn't likeEddie was scared.
Eddie thought that the snake wasa Venomous and was going to,
like, hurt him. And she fucking helped him out.
And it's like, yeah, she was a little bit like, you know,

(01:30:40):
highfalutin about him, but. Mine is the B thing.
She's been nothing but an Angel,basically.
But like it it, it just has like, she's cool and this
chapter makes her more cool anyway.
She's fucking cool. She's cool as hell.
And we're dropped into the next morning at school where Mr.
Melvin the teacher is talking tothe class about monsters and how
fake and dumb they are. No, Mr. Melvin shouts Courtney,

(01:31:02):
you're fake and dumb. Courtney then proudly declares
to the class that Bigfoot and Nessie are totally real and her
relatives told her so. Yes, to your listener, Courtney
is a nest head and watches Finding Bigfoot.
Courtney announces that the Mothman and Slender Man are
dating and kiss all the time. Anyways, Eddie's single brain

(01:31:22):
cell finally fires up as he pieces together the extremely
obvious way to scare Courtney that has been standing in front
of him literally at one point this entire book.
Yes, dear listener, the thing depicted on the cover of this
book is finally going to happen.Get ready.
And get ready, because it's going to happen.
It's going to happen. Chapter 22 The Dips The dipshit

(01:31:43):
detachment harasses and Brother Kevin into helping them scare
Courtney by having him and his friends put on their mud and
outfits. Fucking finally.
Kevin asks how they're going to make sure Courtney's at her tree
house, and Molly declares that she'll make sure of that.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll make sure ofthat.

(01:32:03):
Kevin agrees on the condition that Eddie is his servant for a
month, and the Bumble fuck battalion agrees to commence
Operation Scare Courtney for really real this time.
No fooling. Tomorrow night, no.
Fooling. No fooling.
The thing depicted on the cover of this book is finally going to
happen. Chapter 23, back story chapter.

(01:32:23):
Turns out we finally get the history of the mud monsters of
Muddy Creek. So hundreds of years ago people
used to live in huts on the banks of Muddy Creek, which, oh,
I'm getting, I need a drink of water.
I need the Wilder. I eat the.
Wilder Blue Bar So hundreds of years ago, people used to live

(01:32:45):
in huts on the banks of Muddy Creek, which used to be deeper
and wider. The townspeople looked down on
the folks living in the huts andone day a powerful rainstorm
caused a tidal wave of mud to disappear.
All the people living close to the Creek.
Once a year on the full moon, the mud monsters rise up to take
revenge on the townspeople and or throw a dance party.

(01:33:05):
No, I'm not making that up. They they literally say to dance
like in the book it says like that's what Eddie says.
They come out of the mud to dance.
That's and kill people. Really cool.
That's so it's kind of fucking awesome.
Mud dance party. Muddy, muddy dance.
Party. Mud dance party.
Mud dance party. We going, mudding going.
Mud. That's what they mean.
That's what mud means. Yeah, that's what Mudden means.

(01:33:27):
Oh OK. Wow, I thought it was different
back in the present. Kevin has donned his mud monster
costume. Thing depicted on cover of book
finally happened Chapter 24. This chapter is entirely Molly
goading Courtney over the phone to show up at her tree house to
prove the mud monsters a real thing.
Cover book happened Chapter 25. The dipshit detachment all
arrive at Courtney's tree house where Eddie continues to cry and

(01:33:51):
moan about every God damn thing while tripping over every rock
and getting scraped by every tree.
The cringe core head to a bettervantage point as they see
Courtney and Denise arrive. They've been hearing moaning up
to this point and now they see movement behind the tree house
cover happen. Chapter 26 The asshole alliance

(01:34:12):
watches 3 mud dudes described asshambling like zombies surround
Courtney and Denise without themrealizing.
Then the thing literally everyone could see coming from a
light year away happens. Kevin and his two friends show
up behind Eddie and announce they're late because they had a
flat tire. Oh my God.
But then who? Who is the mud?

(01:34:33):
Who mud the the people, the men?Chapter 27 The entire tree house
becomes surrounded by bun monsters as Eddie yells at
Courtney to run. She and Denise finally see the
creatures and start screaming but it doesn't matter because

(01:34:56):
everyone screaming at and running at this point.
Then it's revealed this all happened 2 weeks ago and none of
the fellowship of fuck ups have left their houses since.
But Courtney has because she's cool and was right about
monsters being real. The end.
No, I'm not kidding. That's how the book ends.
What a piece of poop. What a cocka duty boner farting

(01:35:20):
book this is. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
Mud Monsters The real mud monsters appear on the second to
last page of the book only. It is so much more egregious
than the curse of the mummies tomb.
Yeah, this is worse. Villainy Life this villainy.

(01:35:42):
Is the sheer sheer villainy likeRL Stein is the villain of my
story? You.
You. Yeah, you did this.
You, you fucker. What do you think that he
thought when he typed on his actual probably typewriter on
this last bit and hit the enter key or space or whatever the
hell you do to go to the next line?
Yeah. What do you think?

(01:36:02):
He do you think he went? He he probably like I can
imagine he was sitting in his chair.
He hit that, he leaned back, andhe went.
He probably didn't even think about it.
He was like, I got other shit todo.
Yeah, he's probably like, I gotta fucking go to dinner.
I gotta go to dinner. He's like, should I?
Should I? Is it OK?
Can I really do that? Yeah.
What are they gonna do? Their children.

(01:36:23):
What are they gonna do? Stop me.
Stupid and mean, as I apparentlydefinitely feel every fiber of
my being, having invented some of the most loathsome creatures
to ever crawl on the face of this earth.
Is there? Anything redeeming about any of
the main crew? No like.
Absolutely not. No, no, they're dreadful.
And the way that they just doubled, triple, quadruple down

(01:36:44):
on being shitty for really no reason.
They're like Courtney saved my dog that I endangered, but how
can we? How?
Can we get her to kill herself with fear?
I just I. There's nothing redeeming, No, I
guess this. Book is irredeemable garbage.
You know, and you know the fun thing?
It's the name of our podcast. Yeah.

(01:37:05):
Yep. See, maybe we maybe we're
redeeming it. Maybe that's Yeah, we're
redeeming this book with our podcast.
I I the the thing that gets me, the thing that is there are two
things about this book that are just like just pure anti
goosebumps and it one of them isstraight up the ending.

(01:37:26):
Like what the fuck ending is this?
Nothing happens. Nothing.
Not a single fucking thing. It's just.
Like I what the fuck, man? And anyway, but like, God damn
it, like you. Oh, Goosebumps has some really
fucking amazing endings to some of the books.
Yeah, You know, yeah, like and like legit twists in there.

(01:37:48):
This one is this one ends with the start of a book.
That's kind of A twist in its own way, right?
Like to begin the book at the end.
That's kind of that's something right you.
Could read it backwards and start with something mildly
interesting and then read the rest of a really bad book
anyway. Like the entire time, I don't
know about you guys, but the entire time I was thinking like
maybe the reason that Eddie isn't realizing that like the

(01:38:11):
mud monsters would be a cool like thing to use to scare like
Courtney with is because he is amud monster.
And like that's why he is like completely unfazed when he sees
his brother in the mud monster costume.
We're. All and like.
Yeah, I I was waiting for Courtney to be a mud monster
because she wasn't afraid of anything.
That would have been cool too, yeah.
Yeah, that was also another thought I had where it was like,

(01:38:32):
well, if she's a mud monster, that would explain why she's so
calm because she's like, she's kind of like, what was that one
Marvel here, superhero, the Swamp Thing?
That's you mean man thing? Man thing?
Yeah. Swamp Things ADC comics hero.
Oh, Swamp Things DC OK, yeah, Swamp Thing then.
But man thing is also a swamp creature.
I was like, I was hoping that they would do literally anything

(01:38:53):
with it. I mean, it wouldn't have been,
it wouldn't have redeemed the book, but at least it would have
been an idea. You know, you know that in the
first tree House of Horror, at the end of the Raven sketch,
they do Bart, or during the Raven bit they do.
Bart responds to there being nothing at the chamber door, and
he says, you know what have beenmore scary than nothing?

(01:39:15):
And Lisa goes what? He goes anything.
That's how I feel about this book.
That's how I feel about this book.
You could have done literally fucking anything in this story.
Just anything. God, you could have had it
revolve around, I don't know, this is just spitballing here.
Yeah. Some, like monsters that are
made out of mud. You know, you could have had

(01:39:37):
them, like, appear and be present.
You could have had like, say, like some sort of like, slow
creeping horror at the concept of them having been introduced
earlier and built up in some way.
That would have been an idea. That would have been a thing
that you could have written about if you were a writer and
you were like a horror writer who wrote kids books that were
like horror in the horror genre.You might say like a monster,
like a monster on the cover of the horror book.

(01:39:59):
You might like think about writing a story which featured
those monsters and maybe had them be present for more than
literally one page. It's weird because it's like if
this were for example, an episode of like Amazing Stories
or something, I could see it being exactly this setup and it

(01:40:20):
basically working fine. But I think that like, one, the
problem is this book takes like at least two hours to read and
that's too long of your life to waste on a story that doesn't do
anything. And then the other problem is
that like, it's Goosebumps. So you're reading it with the
expect expectation that it's trying to be scary, not like an

(01:40:43):
adventurous story, like, you know, not a goofy little story.
This is a scary story. And then you read it and it's
like, oh, this fucking like, I get that RL Stein did begin
writing comedy stories. You know, like that's like his,
that was where he got his start.OK, fine.
But you're not writing a comedy story, you're writing fucking
goosebumps. And I would like there to be

(01:41:03):
have been a monster in it, even even just a hint of one, just a
hint that monsters were coming into this book like.
Yeah, At a certain point, I was like, maybe, maybe they're
setting up that like these guys are like monster hunters, You
know, Courtney's like, I'm goingto be a Monster Hunter.
And like when the monsters come out, like she's like, oh, yeah,
I know these. And then like, it's like

(01:41:24):
monsters are normal in this universe and that like, you
know, like you can't be scared by by this stuff because you've
got to remain calm while you're like hunting monsters and shit.
I thought that would be a cool thing, you know, Like I thought
that anything would be a cool thing, No.
You thought anything might happen?
Fucking thing. Yeah.
If I were to like plus this bookup, First off, I would throw

(01:41:46):
away like all of it. It's up to probably like chapter
2 and then have like the mud mudmonsters actually like do shit
like the best. That's one of the things I've
noticed about the Goosebumps books is like the best books are
when shit happens in like the first like couple or maybe like
5 chapters. Yeah, like you introduce the

(01:42:07):
threat, you introduce like the the thing that was on generally
speaking, the thing that's on the fucking cover of the book.
Yeah, you get that in there and you start having interesting
shit happen. Have the kids fucking have to
figure out what the hell is going on with the the fucking
mud monsters. You know have them being or have
them being a real threat. They get lost in the woods.
They got to figure out any fucking way that you could take

(01:42:29):
this would be infinitely better than the dog fucking shit that
is this this book. This is like fuck.
Hands down worst fucking goosebumps book we've.
Read The kids should be getting chased or stalked by the
monster. Yeah, pretty easy.
Yeah, the monster should be maybe, maybe 15 books into a
series like this. Maybe, maybe, maybe real.

(01:42:50):
Stein is tired of writing horrorin his horror series, but that's
still no excuse. That's what's on the 10.
You can phone it in. It's not really that hard to
phone it in. You could literally like copy
and paste a chase scene from a prior book and then alter it is
better than what happened here. But again, a book a month is an

(01:43:10):
unreasonable number of things tohave to write.
Yeah, it's too much for anyone, really.
Yeah. And of course the quality is
gonna suck, and that's a problemof the design of the task.
I don't know if I could. I don't think I could pump this
out. No, I definitely think I would
quit. I definitely could do.
This more time, Yeah man, I'm looking at the next couple

(01:43:30):
books, the next few books, like handful books and it's just, I
don't know y'all, I think we're in for what's the some dire
shit? What's the potentially not the
next one? One day at Horrorland.
I'm fucking pumped for that book.
I'm I'm stoked because here's the thing, I think that one is
going to be a banger. I think that's going to be like
start to finish a banger becauseI'm based on the episode of the

(01:43:52):
television show. The entire fucking story takes
place in horrorland. So like I'm I'm there for that
one. If it if it's I will be a broken
hearted man now why I'm afraid of bees.
Oh, I'm. Afraid of bees?
Monster blood 2 to trouble Scarecrow walks at midnight.
Go eat worms. Ghost Beef.
OK, OK. OK, OK, OK.

(01:44:13):
Turn of the Mummy. OK, Scarecrow walks at midnight
I think might be a a good one. I love the cover of that.
I remember reading it. That in deep trouble.
I'm rooting for you guys. Ghost Beach?
Ghost Beach is stupid but I think it might be OK.
Return of the Mummy does have the mummy in it, so the mummy is
in within the mummy. So like, that's like at least

(01:44:35):
something. It's very interesting that like
within the next couple books, like, actually, yeah, within the
next like 10, we've got two sequels, True Monster Blood 2
and Return of the Mummy. I mean, let's just let's look at
the next. I mean, OK, we got we got one
day in Horrorland. That's gonna be good.
Well, I'm afraid of bees. Probably bad Monster Blood 2, a
recipe for disaster. But maybe they'll pull it out.

(01:44:57):
A win on that one. Maybe it could be.
Maybe deep trouble might be good.
I don't know. I don't.
Know I like the cover of that I got.
Hope for scarecrow walks at midnight.
Ghost Beach is probably gonna bedumb, but it might be funny.
I I have seen I I have not looked at more of it but I did
see on YouTube there was a review of Go Eat Worms and the

(01:45:17):
review was is very negative. I can believe that Return of the
Mummy. The Mummy is in it.
That's a positive thing. A fan of the auditorium?
Well, they made that one of the musical.
I'm very interested in Phantom of the Auditorium.
I mean we we got night in terrortower eventually, eventually
cuckoo doom. I don't know if that's good or
not, but I know the cover is really popular.
No, it's I remember it being great.

(01:45:38):
I remember some of these being good, but I think sometimes it
was just that. I liked the image.
It Took 30 of Doom was a good one.
I remember liking it as a. Cuckoo Clock of Doom is
legitimately good from what I remember it it's it's got a very
cool horror concept. How do we possibly take take
longer to get to 9 of the livingdummy 2 than Monster Blood 2?

(01:46:00):
There's there's three monster bloods in the time it takes RL
Stein to come up with maybe the dummy comes back.
Like maybe the mascot of my fucking book series comes back.
I wonder at what point Slappy became like the the mascot
because it was curly for so long.

(01:46:20):
So I don't know. Maybe he just didn't realize and
then maybe maybe I wouldn't think that Night of the living
dummy one would have propelled him into like, you know, I
definitely the ending makes him interesting, but like I wonder
if Night of the living Dummy 2 is what actually propelled
Slappy into mainstream consciousness.
It could be. So we are getting a little ahead

(01:46:41):
of ourselves because there is ATV episode associated with You
Can't Scare Me. You're right.
It was just what we were in a dark place and we were looking
for hope and we didn't find it. We didn't find hope.
It's interesting. We were grousing for oats.
I am going to hold out hope thatMonster Blood 2 is good.
I'm going to cross my finger. I really hope that Monster Blood
2 is good. And I cross my my fingers.

(01:47:03):
I love monster blood. I love the idea of monster
blood. Maybe it will be great, Maybe it
will be. I love the cover of monster
blood as well. Monster Blood 2 as well.
All right, let's talk about the TV episode.
If you all want to want to go ahead and fire up your YouTube
dot coms or whatever you watchedit on, you watched it on
Netflix. I watched it on a Yeah, sure,
yeah, yeah, for sure. I did it on Netflix.

(01:47:23):
That's what I did. That's where I got it.
Find it on. Netflix I got it.
Archive.org has the entire series on it.
All right, forgot that you can get stuff for free.
You wouldn't steal. You wouldn't download a car.
I would download a book though. You wouldn't scare me.
You wouldn't. You wouldn't.
You wouldn't scare me. You wouldn't scare at me.

(01:47:44):
Makes a sound Italian. You wouldn't scare at me.
You wouldn't scare at me. You wouldn't scare at me, You.
Wouldn't scare at me all. Right.
So yeah, the the TV episode kindof drastically changes a good
chunk of the book for the for the better in my.
Opinion cuts out about 2/3 of itand that's which is.
Alright, just yeah. What a shame.

(01:48:06):
Leaps and bounds, like, even if it was a necessity, I mean, you
know, standing ovation for that one.
We also start out with actually something interesting happening.
And, you know, even though it turns out to be a fake out, it's
totally fine in this case because you get to see a mud
monster. Yeah.
So yeah, Mario, did you want to talk about this?

(01:48:26):
One sure. Yeah.
OK, so we open on AV Spooky flashback.
Where a V Spooky. A highly Canadian man takes his
idiot granddaughter to play a ball in a swamp.
The this is like you do. This has some incredible
dialogue in it, mostly because of the way it's read.
Like Bob, I'm sure you I'm sure you had a reaction when the

(01:48:49):
child said now I'm having too much fun.
Starting to rain, Leah. I'm getting real muddy.
Maybe we should go home now, huh?
OK, OK. I'm sure, I'm sure you had a
moment there because. It's like an adult ADR.
Ring the kid. It's really wild.
And then the Canadian grandpa goes, don't go there.

(01:49:13):
Leah, don't go there. Grandma will get your ball for
you. Don't go there.
It's incredible, incredible. And then the so court the child.
The child is like throwing her ball and she throws it as if on
purpose directly into the the muddy Creek and is like OK

(01:49:34):
grandpa go die. Like a clear set up for like
insurance fraud or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She throws it like like a villain, like, yeah, does like
kind of like a almost like a lift one leg up and throw it
behind her with a grin. Here I go, Grandpa.
Yeah. Go get this shoe to hit the
ball, grandpa. Grandpa, like grandpa

(01:49:58):
desperately struggles to get theball, like shakes his way across
a branch and then suddenly a hand emerges and then it's
followed swiftly by a mud man. He kills grandpa.
Grandpa canonically is dead in this episode.
A man dies even if a man was notreal and the mud man gives big
potato sack energy. I'd say the mask.

(01:50:20):
The mud man is great. The body looks like the body of
the gremlin from nightmare 20,000 feet.
The Twilight is on episode whereit looks like a man dressed as a
teddy bear. It's got big Gaia potato sack
vibes but don't worry about thatscare kids because it was just
Courtney giving her presentation.

(01:50:41):
Oh, you neglected to mention howvery, very happy the
granddaughter was. Oh.
She loved watching her grandfather die.
She was like has a smile ear to ear.
It's. Extremely funny.
She hated that man. She hated that man.
She threw that thing in there for a reason.
She was really excited to watch that old man die.

(01:51:01):
We were too, you know, stand in for the audience.
She's like you're you're 2 to Canadian grandpa.
Courtney. The Monster.
Courtney's amazing. We know this.
She's incredible. Everyone cheers because she's so
brilliant and cool. The teacher in the class is not
very good at acting, but Courtney is doing her best to be

(01:51:25):
the most annoying child actor that you have ever seen.
You know, she's got she's doing like, how can I do this?
Well, well, misses so and so I just think learning is so cool
and great. And I love every day that I
spend in class where I learn about the things I care about.
I'm passionate about life and animals and the world.

(01:51:46):
Like Disney Channel Extra. And I respect you doing your job
and teaching me. Really, we should be paying you
twice what you should earn a hero's wage for your.
Efforts. They don't pay you enough.
You deserve a hero's wage. Yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't do drugs. No at all.
Can we talk? Yeah.

(01:52:06):
No big no at all. Energy Eddie cannot whisper in.
This. And I drove me fucking crazy
because he would constantly makecomments and the entire time
he's like how it be like, yeah, she's a monster.
And Eddie would go ha ha ha yes hat she sucks like.
Terrible. I can't control the volume of my

(01:52:28):
voice. Eddie is also not a very good at
acting. He's a bad.
Performance. Hmm, not so good though, does
he? Not so good though.
That's a now, but hat is OK. That's OK.
Great news. Charlene and Molly are not in
this episode. So it's just God.

(01:52:48):
Just Eddie and hat, two kids. That's it.
Just two kids and Courtney. So they jump straight to putting
a snake in Courtneys lunch box. It's a live snake that they just
have. And so Bob, you mentioned this
earlier. Eddie does not know how
computers work. No, Eddie specifically says

(01:53:09):
yeah, my, my, my homework was stuck in the computer, so.
Stuck in our yeah. Need of digital crowbar to get
it out and I didn't know where it was.
It's the. It's in the computer.
It's in the computer logs onto the Jurassic Park OS.
It's like floating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a real OS, by the way. Why are you holding a piece of

(01:53:30):
paper on the monitor? It says whatever is on the
screen will be printed. I oh, whenever I think about
computers now, I think of that amazing joke of no one will
probably understand this, but there's, there's this guy named
DSP Darkseid Phil. And he's, he's known for just

(01:53:50):
being an idiot, OK. And there's an amazing picture
of him where he's looking at a computer screen and it then the
computer screen says press any key.
And DSP thinks to himself and then leans over and presses the
power button on his computer andeverything turns off and he goes
wow. Not it himself.

(01:54:12):
Not it himself? What?
No, no, he's not admitting his. Own I just want the viewer to
know he was he was blaming the instruction.
He is blaming yes, no there yeah, do not get that twisted.
He is blaming the instructions not there is no ounce of self
reflection in that. No, no, he there are certain
people in your life. Well, they they they never do

(01:54:33):
anything wrong. He's also they're.
Always right? Here's the reason I think that
they started putting physical webcam blocker switches on
laptops. Yeah, yes, to appease the fear
of all people who have ever streamed on video because on a
particular stream he did something that normal people
would never do. Yeah, yeah.

(01:54:57):
He, yeah, yeah. You know, you know that.
You know that wonderful font that we keep talking?
About trouble, fluid trouble. He extracted trouble fluid.
He was thinking he was not on stream.
What is that what we're calling Jo?
Yeah. We're calling extracting the
trouble. Fluid extracting the trouble
fluid. Oh God, he was extracting

(01:55:18):
trouble fluid one day and forgotto turn off his fucking camera.
On stream thought he paused it, did not pause it, and in the
mode in that very place extracted trouble Fluid live.
Oh my God, I remember when that happened.
Everybody was in disbelief. But do you remember his initial

(01:55:39):
reaction to that? Was was it to go?
I was just scratching my leg. Was it to go wow, wow, wow, this
fucking wow. Logitech, why did you put in
your manual that I wouldn't haveread anyway that you I can't
just Jack off in front of it? Don't, don't Jack off in front
of us. Don't, don't Jack off to this.

(01:56:00):
Don't do it. I need a list of everything you
should and shouldn't do in frontof this camera.
Yeah, dude, it's funny that you mentioned that because we do
know actually that he is the reason, or at least part of the
reason. Do you remember when God of War
Ragnarok came out and people were criticizing it for auto
finishing the puzzles? Yeah, but I but I, Yeah.

(01:56:21):
Are you familiar with the basically the like I believe
they gave the the the developer 1 developer of the God of War
Ragnarok gave a GDC like talk about why they they did that and
in it they actually show footageof DSP playing the game of
playing God of War and not beingable to figure out a puzzle.

(01:56:43):
Bob, I'm gonna hate you. That's I'm gonna hit you with
the real, real truth because I've been in the DSP trenches
for years. I've been, I've been aware of
this man for like the, like Pablo, probably the first let's
play I saw really well, No, no, I saw two let's plays in like my
freshman year of college. The first let's plays I saw were
Darkseidfill playing Infamous and a guy guy named Lord Vega

(01:57:05):
playing Silent Hill one. That, yeah, sounds funny.
It's. A bad Let's play.
I don't. I'm not begrudging Lord Vega,
it's just a bad Let's play. It's like a camcorder LP, you
know, in the bad times. But.
Most of them in the beginning were.
Yeah, yeah, dog shit. But but there is a video, there
is AI, think it's AI. Can't remember if it's a Red Sea

(01:57:25):
Prey video or a Chip and Ironicus video where they're
talking about let's plays and they have a clip of the video is
Darkseid Phil playing Arkham Asylum one right.
And it's a you have to there's apart where Poison Ivy takes over
the island, right? And you have to you can't go
down into the like ground floor of a building because it's full

(01:57:48):
of poison mist. OK, you have just, you have just
been given the tool that lets you create a zip line.
You have literally just been given it and there is not a
joke, not an exaggeration. A fucking 30 minute clip of dark
side Phil being unable to cross this room because he keeps

(01:58:13):
fucking jumping in the instant kill gas.
Like he, he's like, how the fuckdo I get across this room?
Like. That you can see.
The other platform across the room, you can fucking see it,
like it's right in front of you,and this man won't do it.
Yeah, he's horrible. He's the fucking worst.

(01:58:35):
He's he's so. He's so.
Bad. When you were setting this up, I
thought you were going to be like, so they were talking about
this God of War Ragnarok at GDC and he said he was asked why did
you make the puzzles auto finish?
And he's like, well, actually wehad a part of our presentation
for that. And he like he presses a button.
They all look up on the screen behind him and his dark side

(01:58:56):
feel extracting trouble, fluid. This is why you made the puzzles
auto complete. You see, someone's like, can we,
can we cut the no, no, no, we gotta watch.
No, no, no, we. Have to watch all of it.
All of it. 4 minutes. See him?
He's shaking his leg right there.
He's scratching his. Leg Wow.
Wow. Dude.

(01:59:17):
Wow. Yeah.
Oh my God. Yeah.
God. Did you see the clip of him?
I I'm so annoyed with him, I turned Scottish.
Did you see the clip of him playing?
What was it? Breath Not Zelda.
What was the the second one after Breath of the Wild Tears?

(01:59:39):
Of the Kingdom Tears of the Kingdom.
Tears of the Yeah, tears of the Kingdom.
Do you see him playing that where there was a puzzle where
you had to put all these, he hadto put all these balls in like
like an like a big platform and he had to get them all there.
And listener, the Tears of the Kingdom is a game basically
about building things and you build things to then solve

(02:00:00):
puzzles. And So what you're supposed to
do for this puzzle is you're supposed to come in there and
see two giant like, like like pieces of like a basically like
a wall or like a little bridge or something.
And what you're supposed to think is, oh, I have the tools
to turn this into a thing that can push a massive amount of

(02:00:22):
small objects at once. And I can create this thing and
put them, put a platform in front of it to just kind of
scoop everything and push them in a direction, right?
Guess what DSP does? He takes each ball individually.
He starts moving the one. Oh, I've seen that.
I've seen that clip. And he starts complaining about

(02:00:44):
how the puzzle design is fucked up that they would have him do
this. I've seen that clip.
He's the guy, like he's the reason why there are so much
hand holding because like developers know that there are
people like this that are actually playing the game like
that. He's the one.
It's his fault. Blame him.
Well I mean he literally is the one GDC conference was them
confirming he is the reason theyhave.

(02:01:06):
He is he like exactly he he got so he got pissed off about that.
He tried. He was like, can I sue GDC for
you for using my likeness? And it's like even though they
cut him out, they cut out his face, you can still hear him
talking and being like, I don't know what the fuck, What are we
supposed to do? They were like our our, our

(02:01:26):
dumbest players. Our dumbest players.
Stuff out. So we needed to make a system so
that they could continue playingthe game.
Speaking of our dumbest players,Eddie Eddie, Eddie, isn't all
computers work in this book. In the show, and we cut to the
lunch room where we have a highly awkward child teacher
interaction. That scene hurt to watch.

(02:01:50):
I didn't really think of it in the book like this, no.
But then looking at the scene, it's like, Oh yeah, that is
incredibly awkward when a teacher is like, I don't have
any food. Hey kid, give me some of your
lunch. And the kids, like, you can have
some of my food. Like speaking as a kid who was
like friends with his teachers alot, you know, like on friendly

(02:02:11):
terms with them. This was a fucking rough scene
to watch. It was like.
Are you telling me that like thethe fucking the teacher lounge
doesn't have anything? Yeah, there's there's no
colleague of yours that you could ask.
This is a highly inappropriate interaction.
Yes. Also the scene goes on way too
long where the teacher is like refusing to take the sandwich,

(02:02:31):
but then he does say the sandwich when he refuses the
sandwich. Yeah.
And then she goes, well, it's smoke salmon.
And he goes smoke salmon and then makes a samurai cop face
where he's like, oh, oh. And then the the snake reveals
that it has the power to transform into a rubber snake.
It will, and then Courtney picksup the snake after it scares the

(02:02:56):
teacher and she says, and I quote, I love all creatures.
All creatures equally. And how can how can you live
with yourself? You hate Snow White.
Like, that's Snow White. This is Snow White.
Yeah. You have a problem with.
Well, it's not even that. She's like super cool in the
book. She likes bats and snakes and
bees and shit. This is a cool lady.
This is a cool person. Yeah, she's a little smarty, but

(02:03:18):
she's also like a kid. Like she's, yeah, she's a bit of
a know it all, but like she's into cryptids, kind of a cool
kid. So props to the actor for for
Courtney. She holds that snake.
Handling. Yeah, she holds the snake, and
later she'll hold a tarantula. She does.
She does it with a plum. We cut to a a scene.
That I didn't see a plum in her hand.
You're. God fucking God.

(02:03:40):
Wow, wow, wow. I.
Can do it? Then why can't I?
Wow. So we cut to a scene that feels
like it's sinister, where a man washes a school van with mud,
but it's not. It doesn't mean anything though,
but it feels sinister. So I think it's a worthwhile

(02:04:01):
scene to keep kids infested. I like him spraying mud all over
his face. Yeah, I think that.
I think that if RL Stein had included a scene where a man
washed a car and the water was mud, it would have been more
interesting in the book. It would have been like, oh,
what does that mean? Suddenly tax jeremyfox.jpg and
then didgeridoo dot wave. So I'm going to describe the

(02:04:25):
show in jpegs dot wave files. No way I ain't.
Doing it, it's tax me fox.jpg and.
Then. It's So that's what science
sounds like, right? It sounds like.

(02:04:47):
Yeah, that's what learning sounds like.
The kids attempt to retrieve thespider, the tarantula from the
lab, but they are interrupted bythe arrival of the teacher and
Courtney. What?
The scene is totally different. Oh.
My God. Courtney wants to use a science
class to invent a grade that's higher than an A+, and the
teacher says no such grade exists.
Excuse me, ma'am, a grade does exist.

(02:05:08):
I think you'll find that it's such a stylish.
Super smoking sexy. It's super smoking, sexy,
stylish tarantula hijinks. And Sue, you know these things.
They get stuck in the closet. The spider is climbing on them.
But in a shocking twist, Courtney rescues them from the
closet and also the spider. And then she says, quote,
tarantulas hardly ever bite. And even if they do, it doesn't

(02:05:31):
hurt. And now Courtney, Now Courtney,
I'm going to disagree with you here.
I bet that it does hurt. I bet that it won't kill you.
It's not going to kill you. But I bet it fucking hurts
though, like. Right.
Those people that go skydiving don't die, but it's still scary.
I mean like I think this having looked at a tarantula, it has

(02:05:51):
rather large fangs like. OK, this is from kidshealth.org.
Yeah, if a person gets bitten bya tarantula, the bite will
probably feel a lot like a bee sting, with pain in the area of
the bite. So it does quite literally hurt.
Like like, it's not a fucking jumping spider right?
Where the bite is nothing. It's like it's a fucking big

(02:06:13):
bite. I mean, an Ant bite hurts so so
if that if that hurts, I'm sure this hurts.
Yeah, that you were. You just reminded me.
I watched. There was a clip going around of
this. I forget the name of the tribe,
but basically they had like a rite of passage for boys where
you put your hand inside these like gloves full of ants, big

(02:06:36):
gloves full of ants. And yeah, bullet ants.
And apparently they're called bullet ants because their their
bite feels like you got shot with a bullet.
Well here's here's a personal anecdote.
Like 3 weeks ago I had to pull my car over on the side of the
road because a black Ant had gotten in my shirt and was
biting the fuck out of my neck and it hurt like shit.

(02:06:59):
Like wow it didn't feel good. I mean like, it wasn't a big
deal as like a Terran. It didn't kill me, but it did
fucking hurt actually. Like.
Yeah, there there's a clip of a I think it was a I forget who it
was, it might have been a journalist or something.
But yeah, he's the reason I saw this clip is and know about this
is because this guy put the his hands into the gloves and got

(02:07:21):
stung. And it's just, it's just just
watching this dude writhe in pain, like for fucking hours
until they finally decide, hey, we we'll take him to the to the
hospital and get him some morphine and shit.
He's like shaking. Yeah.
With pain. Yeah.
And what like, yeah, when peopleare yeah, the shaking shit got
me. I was like, Oh no.

(02:07:41):
So bad advice, Courtney, Just saying.
Just saying. Yeah, just saying.
Also, I just wanted to quickly say that we missed an amazing
line. Yeah, from hat.
OK, who patted Eddie on the backand said I got another idea.
Eddie my boy got another idea. Eddie, my boy, forget.
This. One's a beauty.
That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool A.
Hat and this the kids are a little bit better than the book.

(02:08:03):
They are better, the kids and this are not.
It's because they don't they don't spend a full book trying
to torture this woman. Like that's like, that's the
thing. Yeah, and one of them is an
Extra and The Great Gatsby. Well, the guy that played hat.
Eddie, my boy. Oh.
I mean like, I think that these feel more like natural kid

(02:08:25):
hijinks and less like. Vicious, cruel monster children.
Yeah, yeah. Courtney, however, though is not
a natural child that she is a published author now.
And everyone is. Really impressed, I would say,
of her. Let's see, Hat, So she publishes

(02:08:45):
an article on the mud men, right?
And that's how she's going to make make a name for herself.
Hat draws a fucking sweet bud man picture.
Yeah, it's fucking. Sweet to tell Eddie their new
scheme and they just like straight out just fucking call
out corny to be like, you're notbrave enough to go stand in the

(02:09:05):
Creek for a while. And she's like, I am brave
enough to go stand. Yeah, I will do that.
You're not brave enough to do myhomework for a week.
And then and then after this scene happens, Speaking of
having great moments, do you remember how he walked out of
the scene? Oh, walk.
Yeah. I mean, Sasha, remember, I mean.

(02:09:26):
He's doing it to make fun of Courtney, I believe.
I'm sure, because when she turnsaround he stops and pretends
like he's scratching his back. But no, he's got a full, like,
dance swing going on. Oh.
He is fucking serving like he's.It's incredible.
It is very good. Anyway, smash cut to Muddy
Eddie. Muddy Eddie.

(02:09:47):
I have. Eddie is covered in mud.
His mom will love this. Yeah, for real.
All I could think was God, the anger that is gonna happen when
he gets back home. God, we get a lot of squelch dot
WAV in this sequence in the swamp where mud is applied to a
child. A lot.

(02:10:08):
Then Hat impotently wanders around the woods and yells for a
bit for no fucking reason while Eddie stands around covered in
mud like an idiot and he's stand.
He's standing next to it. What I thought would reveal
themselves to be mud men, but I guess they're just giant piles
of mud for some reason. I don't really know what that's
about. That's set dresser.
Yeah, I guess that's true. And suddenly Hat is beset upon

(02:10:31):
by the mud monster Singular. And then you get a one FPS chase
scene. Yes, it's it's very good.
Yeah, Mud Man has the body of like a 1950s wrestler, you know,
and then keep. Thinking oogie boogie when I.
It's a little oogie boogie. Sure.
Yeah. He cries Mud Monster.
But Eddie and Courtney don't believe him.

(02:10:52):
Well, Courtney just, like, completely owns the fuck out of
these kids. Like, just like, rips into him
and, like, leaves nothing but the wreckage of their lives.
But a but. But suddenly a monster
approaches behind her. She turns, gasp.
How will she handle it? She lectures the mud monster to
death. I think it's a funny ending that

(02:11:14):
the book should have done instead.
Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's fun.
Goofy. It's goofy in a fun way.
This was, like, the right way toend it, in my opinion.
Yeah. Courtney is hailed as a hero by
the press, and she has to go talk to the president about the
mud monster. Thank you for saving America,
Courtney. Thank you for saving America
Courtney from the mud Monster. Also, in this scene where

(02:11:39):
Courtney Courtney is lecturing the mud monster, there are
several times when it when you get a close up of the mud
monster and it's just it's like the.
Series. You can.
See. The Dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the mask, like oh man.
The boys are now just mud covered idiots, humiliated for
in front of the entire world. And then they sit around while

(02:12:02):
everyone else leaves, oblivious to the fact that like they just
too stupid to realize that the the rain that's starting is
going to rehydrate the monster. Which then gets up and goes
booga, booga, booga, booga boogaand they go and that's the end
of the episode. What a wacky show.
Bam bam, bam bam. LOL.
LOLLOL. Dot JPEG dot wave.

(02:12:23):
It's better than the book by a wide margin.
Yes, that is such a low bar. I know, but it's true though.
It is true and if anyone watchedthis and was like I wish that
this had had a lot more mud monster in it, I'll read the
book where surely things will bebetter.
What a cruel joke. I just don't.
Yeah. What a cruel joke to play on
children. Maybe don't.
Maybe just don't. All right.

(02:12:44):
And with that, we can go ahead and move on to, I believe we've
got Brandon's patented review trademark.
It's patent, patent pending. I'm gonna it's now broken up
into Babytown frolics and Angry Man Cloud.
So from a kids perspective and from an adult's perspective, I
think I've got to say I would not have liked this as a kid and

(02:13:07):
I sure don't like it as an adult.
I think for the same reason. I think like, especially as a
kid who is a little slower to read, it would be unbelievably
cruel to make it 66 pages into this piece of crap and not see a
monster yet. To have to make it to the 93rd
page to see the monster would feel like someone took a lot of

(02:13:30):
time out of my life on purpose. Yeah.
Like it would feel cruel. It'd feel mean.
I think like this, it probably wouldn't have stopped me from
reading Goosebumps in the future, but like it would
definitely have cooled my heels on it.
I definitely would have been less less excited for the next
Scholastic book fair to pick up whatever the werewolf of Dungy
Creek or something like that. Flipping through it and making

(02:13:50):
sure there's at least one mention of werewolves.
As an adult, I also felt that itwasted my time and I say to the
the kid and me. I also didn't like it when
people waste my time. I also don't like reading stuff
where nothing happens and nothing really changed.
It's just a bad book. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a second, wait a fucking minute.

(02:14:10):
I'm looking on the trivia on theon the site that won't be named.
According to Charlotte Sullivan,most of the mud on the Mud
Monster costume for the TV show was McDonald's milkshakes.
That's the stuff dripping off his nose, yeah.
OK, I could believe that actually.
I totally believe that. That actually makes a lot of
sense to me it. Certain points I was like, what

(02:14:32):
does that remind me of? A Frosty.
Never reminds me of something, yeah.
Anyway, sorry. Why would you do that?
That's that's like, that's gonnabe hard to wash off.
That's gross as well. It is gross, but you know, yeah.
Why? Would that be the thing that
they would use? And I guess like fake mud is
really expensive. Yeah, I guess water and dirt.
There might be something in there you don't know, like a

(02:14:53):
brain eating amoebia amoeba maybe, whose face also looks
like the face in the Tim Dripcoba's cover.
Well, that which I I just realized it does.
The pile from which the kids were drawing on was clearly like
a specific pile that was OK for them to apply to each other.
And it also looked like milkshake frosty.
I mean, it was cold enough outside.
Like you could see their breath.It must have been cold enough

(02:15:16):
that like it would hold up a bit.
It started snowing during that scene.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I noticed that, yeah.
So yeah, extremely Canada moment.
All right, Brandon, is that it? Yeah, that.
I mean, no, no surprise to anyone that's heard the last 2
1/2 hours of us complaining about how much this book sucked.
No one enjoyed it. No one had a had a good time.
I don't think anyone enjoyed writing it or reading it.

(02:15:38):
Exactly. All right, Mario.
Yeah, I OK. All right.
All right. Give me a minute.
Yeah. Gotta psych yourself up.
You gotta wake yourself. Up Yeah, I gotta gotta get into
the fucking zone, right? This is my patented review.
I patented it. I called the president and I
said, hey, patent this please. And he said that was my

(02:16:03):
political joke for the day. OK, so I, as you know, I have 33
sections of my review. 1 is for steininess, the Stein factor,
how RL Stein is this and folks, this book is a Tatan Tatan all
across the board. 100% this bookis RL Stein to AT.

(02:16:24):
It is overwhelmingly full of RL Stein's patented bullshit.
You got cliffhangers for no fucking reason.
You've got description of clothing.
You've got kids who are all fucking 10 years old or 11 years
old. They're all there there.
It's got them all. This book is overwhelmed
comingly RL Stein and unfortunately that means it's

(02:16:45):
not very good. Part 2 was scare factor right?
How scary is it? It's literally it is not scary
at all. This book cannot scare me is a
fucking 0 out of 10 on that. And then the teen zone.
How? Or the kids zone, How relatable
is it? I mean, not really.

(02:17:06):
I mean, I guess it's relatable in the sense that you may hate
someone in your class and want to destroy them utterly.
But like, I would hope that's not a really overwhelmingly
common thing that kids will needto relate to.
I'm going to call it a fucking one.
And then if you want my actual genuine opinion, this book is
fucking terrible. And like Brandon said, if I was

(02:17:27):
a child, I would be overwhelmingly pissed that I my
time had been wasted. But as an adult, when my time
has value, I'm real pissed. Like like I wasn't even doing
anything. I was on a plane that wasted my
time. You can't waste your time on a
plane. Your time is valueless.
Jesus. Horrible.

(02:17:48):
Horrible. Dreadful.
Yeah. Criminal go to go to jail go
directly. Go to jail.
Do not Pesco, do not collect $200.00, but you can collect $13
that you got from me, you fucking mother.
Oh yeah, you paid money for this?
That's paid money for this anyway, I gotta see if I can get

(02:18:08):
a refund. Would you say it was worth $13?
No. Okay, okay.
Barrel like if it's free it's still not worth the money.
No, you have to be paid to listen.
To the show, Yeah, it sucks. So going into mine, yeah, I
already kind of gave it away. This is, yeah, the worst, the
worst Goosebumps book we've listened to.

(02:18:30):
I want to say by far, but looking at my ranking, it
doesn't seem like by far. I'm struggling whether to rate
this 0 out of 10 or one out of 10.
I think I'm going to go with oneout of 10 for now because, I
mean, there took a little while.It took a long while to get
there, but the mud monsters eventually showed up and there
was a cute dog. Two of them, but.

(02:18:51):
Yeah, the dog was good. And Courtney's cool.
Plus it this had, you know, and honestly, I'll give it one out
of one out of 10 purely for mentioning the Loch Ness
Monster. So, you know, all right.
And that's it. That's I love how utterly
depressed we all sound. We are all so fucking bummed
out. Yeah.

(02:19:12):
And hey, we have a good reason. So this is probably a great time
to mention if you want to check us, if you want to support us,
it's why CSM pod.com on Patreon,you can support us there.
patreon.com/youcan't scare me. Do not feel pressured like you
need to give us money, but you know, if you want to you by the

(02:19:35):
way, you can join for free. You don't have to be a patron.
You don't actually have to contribute money.
You can you can just go there and follow for free.
So we're also ICSM pod on Twitter and where you can't
scare dot me on Blue Sky. So that leads me into kind of
what I've been doing for a long time at this point.

(02:19:55):
And the thing that I alluded to earlier, we've got some changes,
y'all, we, we've, we've changed up some stuff.
So First off, go ahead and announce that, yeah, we have
moved away from our previous podcast host at a cast.
We are no longer with them because they're bad.
I do not recommend them. What I do recommend is joining

(02:20:15):
on Spotify and putting your podcast up there because it's
free. Anyone could do it.
You could just, it's like YouTube, you just upload your
stuff and you don't have to pay any money.
And it's it's great. It's really cool.
Plus they've got a bunch of really cool features that a
bunch of y'all are going to enjoy.
They just released the ability to comment on podcasts now,

(02:20:39):
which is cool. So if you want to leave a
comment on the Spotify podcast, like totally do that.
That's really cool. I I like that a lot.
We can also do polls there. So we might like mess around
with that. I don't know.
But probably the coolest thing to happen out of all this is
then the thing that I've been doing this whole time is we are

(02:21:01):
also going to debut on YouTube. We're going to have video
versions of the podcast. And yes, that does include
images. I have been going through all of
our previous episodes. I have completely finished all
of our backlog and all of those videos will be available on
YouTube by the time you are hearing this.

(02:21:23):
So yeah, youtube.com/ycsm pod. And so you can look at all that
stuff there. I'm going to make that into a
podcast playlist. So that should be available if
you listen on YouTube. Also for for if you want the
visuals and stuff, if you go andfollow us on Patreon, we've got
a cool thing that I'm doing where I've gone through all of

(02:21:43):
the episodes, the MP3's, and I've attached chapter art to all
of them. So all of the contextual visual
information that you would see in the YouTube video, you will
also see it if your podcast player supports chapter, chapter
images. And one of the places that does
is the Apple Podcast app. So yeah, if you're looking at,

(02:22:07):
if you're watching this on ApplePodcasts, you'll be able to see
all of the contextual visual information.
Like as we talked about it, you know, that it's really useful
for like the cover discussions and whenever there's any like
fun jokes, I, you know, I'd throw a picture in there
sometimes just to give context and stuff.
There have been a few times whenwe've talked about like stuff

(02:22:28):
that we're posting on Discord, like like what happened in this
episode as well. So it's a good way to to watch
that stuff. So yeah, I highly recommend
checking us out on Apple Podcasts on your on if you have
an iPhone, it works out really well.
I was actually quite shocked that Spotify let us like do
that. The way that it works, it's it's

(02:22:49):
really neat if you want to watchthe visuals, if you want to
watch on Spotify and get those visuals.
Here's the other thing. I have gone through our Patreon
and I've removed all of the old a cast links and I have replaced
them with direct uploads of the raw MP3.
So that's another thing I shouldmention.

(02:23:10):
Across the board, you will hear an improved audio quality
because a cast was just utterly decimating our audio quality.
And I had no idea. Yeah, I kept messing around with
it, thinking like, what the hellis going on here?
I need to be like, I want to make sure that it's loud enough.
I want to make sure that the quality is good enough.

(02:23:32):
And it was always like giving me, giving me guff.
And I figured out what it was. It was just a cast just across
the board. They were messing with our
audio. So now, yeah, you get the raw
audio. And if you go to Patreon, you
can download that raw audio thathas the chapter image images in
it and you can use, you can justplay it wherever you want.

(02:23:52):
You just grab it there. You could also just straight up
listen to it on the Patreon, on Patreon, Patreon, you can use it
as a podcast player. You can play audio from there.
But here's the other cool thing.If you're a, if you're a patron,
which by the way is free, you can go there and just subscribe
for free. All of our content is free
currently. I'm not planning on going back

(02:24:13):
and like making any of the bonusepisodes like paid or anything
like that. I'm just saying that in case
you're listening now and in the future, we have like a bonus
like Christmas episode or something, you know, just just,
you know, covering my bases. But for right now, like all of
our backlog is free. You can just go there and
subscribe. And once you do that, you get a
special Spotify subscription link and you can go to Spotify

(02:24:36):
and subscribe to the Patreon feed on Spotify.
And there if you listen to that podcast feed, you will be able
to see basically I've uploaded the video version that's on
YouTube to Spotify. So you can watch the video
version with all the video of the video of the, the like
visuals that I was talking aboutbefore, the contextual like

(02:24:58):
images. And you can see that on on
Spotify. I couldn't the way that it
works, I couldn't get it to workwith the free feed, but with the
Patreon feed, which is free, youcan, you can just get it for
free. It yeah, it works perfectly
fine. And so that's the way that we're
going to kind of go forward withthis where we've got YouTube,
we've got that has the visuals, we've got Spotify, the free feed

(02:25:22):
does not, but it it has some other cool features like the
another thing I've gone through and added chapter chapters to
everything. So if you wanted to skip around
really quickly, I've added chapters to everything.
So you can do that. There's also of with the free
feed on Spotify. There's also you'll, you'll be

(02:25:44):
able to see the transcript as we're talking.
So it works really well. You can do that with the Apple
Podcasts too. There's just a lot of cool stuff
like, and all it took was me switching from a cast and
suddenly all of this shit's beenunlocked and it's cool and I
love it. So yeah, a lot of work went into
that. So I hope you all are, you know,

(02:26:05):
take advantage of that and just check it out.
So yeah, again, YouTube at YCSM Pod, same podcast on Apple
Podcasts. If you have any issues with any
of the the podcasts on any of your feeds or any of your
players, let me know. I am at Bob vids on Twitter.
I am Bob vids.com on blue sky. You can also hit me up on

(02:26:29):
Patreon. I'm running that there.
So just yeah, drop me a line andI'll I'll get it fixed as soon
as possible. I need to take a break because
my fucking. That was a lot.
That was a lot. You did it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thanks, Bob. That's a huge live.
That's a, that's a yeah. Damn, dude.
Damn, man. Thank you.
Thank you for the work you put in.
That's a lot. No problem.
That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot.

(02:26:49):
I was planning on doing stuff onmy birthday week and it ended up
just being like babysitting renders for for you can't scare
me episodes. So it's fine, though.
I I, I, if you guys, if you haveiPhones, you should definitely
check out the podcast on there. It it like Spotify works really

(02:27:10):
well and I think it's really cool.
A lot of the new features, especially if you use the
Patreon feed, but like it's, it's like so cool seeing it in
on Apple Podcasts where like if you're driving and you're using
like CarPlay, it'll actually change the fucking like image
like on your, your, your, your display.
Like instead of just being the same chapter the entire time,

(02:27:31):
it'll change it to contextual like images and stuff.
So yeah, it's fucking sick. I like it.
I did it for a reason. I think that will be good.
I think that will be good. Yeah, images make things better.
That'll it'll. It'll add some leavening to our
two hour, 45 minute discussion of Bad Book.
Bad book. Sometimes interesting book.

(02:27:51):
I wish this was bad in like a fun way.
Yeah, I do too. I do.
Too, Yeah, I think like I think it feels like we were a bit
unfair to some of the other onesin comparison.
That's that's how bad. It does.
It does makes a lot of feel a lot better than this one.
Yeah, yeah. Looking at Welcome to Camp
Nightmare being 2 out of 10 and You Can't Scare Me being one out
of 10. I think I need to read.

(02:28:12):
Yeah, just yeah, yeah. Yeah, I feel like we were not as
nice to like, what is it called?Which ball?
Which magic? No, be careful what you wish
for. Bad witch, yeah, be careful what
you wish for is like better on reflection.
It is better. It is for sure better.
Everything we have read is better than this.
Everything we have read is better than this.

(02:28:33):
Like, yeah. Yeah, by a mile, yeah.
Oh well, next time, well. Yeah, well, you know, hey,
here's the thing. Sky's looking better.
One day at Horrorland couldn't possibly be as bad, could it?
I feel confident that it will not be.
I like the doom that you've invited.
I can't say it's going to be good, I think it will be good,

(02:28:55):
but like, it can't be worse. I think it's appropriate to
invite doom on this particular podcast.
I I don't think that it's going to be worse, but it would be
funny if it was, Yeah. It would be funny if it was just
like you can't scare me one one day at Horrorland 0.
Why I'm afraid of bees -2. Why I'm afraid of bees.

(02:29:18):
It's not looking super promising.
Why I don't OK, I need to read asynopsis for One Day at
Horrorland at the very least. They go to, they go to
Horrorland. So it's just like horror, OK?
Maybe he'll actually describe something scary.
They go to a park, they go to a theme park run by by monsters.
That sounds sick. Me It's it's better than than

(02:29:39):
this. It's like the opposite is that
there's a bunch of monsters in that one.
I think it's monsters like all the time.
Like down the fucking down the ticket, it's all monsters.
The Morris family got lost trying to find Zoo Gardens theme
park, but that's OK, they found another amusement park instead.
It's called Horrorland and Horrorland.
There are no crowds, no lines, and the admission is free.

(02:30:02):
It seems like a pretty cool place, but that was before the
heart stopping ride on the deadly Dooms Slide and that
terrifying experience in the House of Mirrors.
Because there's something weird about the rides in Horrorland.
Something a little too creepy, alittle too real.
Hayao Miyazaki ripped this off for Spirited Away.
It's true. It's true.

(02:30:23):
It's true all. Right, I have to check out why
I'm afraid of beats. Gary Lutz needed needs a
vacation from himself. Bullies are constantly beating
him up. I wonder if it's the kids from
this fucking book. His only friend is his computer.
Even his little sister doesn't like him.
But now Gary's dream is about tocome true.
Here he's going to exchange bodies with another kid for a

(02:30:44):
whole week. Gary can't wait to get a new
body until something horrible happens.
What the fuck finds out his new body isn't exactly human?
What the fuck is this book about?
Excuse me? What?
Yeah, that sounds like it's at least going to be interesting.
That sounds like a very high concept book for a Goosebumps
story. I mean, that kind of sounds like
where he was going for the Cuckoo Clock of Doom.

(02:31:05):
Like we're getting into Freaky Friday stuff.
Except where the fly, I guess. This is intriguing.
That's weird. Let's do some Cronenberg
Cronenbump it's. Very the fly E, but it like
presupposes that body transfer is just a thing in this
universe. Saying that's this, yeah.
Or is this fucking overdrawn at the memory bank?

(02:31:25):
Mom, my nuts. My nuts.
Can someone turn off the fat rotating guy?
Yes, I was. So the place that I work at the
office I visited this last week is in Bloomington, MN And I, I
went to where they filmed MSD 3Kduring the good years, 89
through 99. And it's a, it's like Ninja

(02:31:48):
Warrior for kids now. It's like a gymnastics thing.
But I did go to the site. I went to the site and sat
outside in the parking lot of the industrial park building
that they once shot MSD 3K in this last week.
Not super interesting, but I diddo it Comma my nuts.
My nuts. My nuts.

(02:32:09):
Hey, Brandon. What's up, Bob?
You should should figure out howto scare Mario.
Oh yeah, you have any ideas? I was thinking like, we could
what if we I got like a funnel, right?
And like, put the funnel in his mouth and then poured like a
mayonnaise jar full of bumblebees right down his
throat. I thought you're going somewhere

(02:32:30):
different with that. Like what if I what if I just
shit? I think you, well, I don't know
about being scared. I'm a sort of.
It's, it's, it's similar to whatI was.
You know what I was thinking? I have a really good idea.
Well, how to scare Mario? OK, OK.
Later on me. What if What if I What if I
shoot him with a gun? Get scared we.

(02:32:54):
Get scared, OK? Get ready.
Get get real scared. I think Mario's dead.
I think, I think it killed him. He was too scared.
Are you? Oh.
He peed his pants. I peed my pants, I pee.
I just I can't stop peeing my pants still going.
I've been peeing my pants for I've been peeing my pants this
whole time, so that's kind of weird too.
I've been peeing my pants for two hours, 52 minutes.

(02:33:15):
Oh. My God.
You know, hard to believe, but hard to believe, but it's true.
I. Think we've got plenty of ways
out? Plenty of ways.
Plenty of ways out. Death is the ultimate way out.
Yeah, yeah, we. Oh, that would be a great
evidence. Definitely.
We just die.

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