104 | Pissin' Me Timbers

It's been asked time and time again: what's the sexiest plant? Plus, the boys become time goblins to answer yet another time-travel question before welcoming back a classic segment: local legends. 

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Episode Transcript

Eric (00:00):
Matt, I got a piss story.
A piss story.

Matt (00:03):
This one happened yesterday.
Okay, I hope you've pissedsince then.
I have.
Are we talking about piss?
We're talking about piss.
All right, eric, and you feelit's appropriate to start the
show in the toilet.

Eric (00:19):
Let me add this layer to it.
I'm not going to be talkingabout piss.
I'm going to be talking abouttalking about piss.
Okay, I'm not going to betalking about piss.
I'm going to be talking abouttalking about piss.
Okay, I'm in All right.
So yesterday I was in anillustrious establishment, the
Hard Yacht Cafe.

Matt (00:33):
Oh yes, I know the Hard Yacht Cafe by reputation only.
Yeah, it is a little gem, bywhich I mean we were going to
meet there one day, and then wedidn't.

Eric (00:44):
Yes, and then we were going to meet at the Guin meet
there one day, and then wedidn't.
Yes, and then we were going tomeet at the guinness brewery,
and then we didn't.
We settled for uh, what was it?
Uh, it was glory day or no, itwas glory days grill or
something, yeah, but I'm in thehard yacht.
I'm, I'm, it's me and alissa.
We're getting lunch with somefriends of ours, the La Martinez
, who I sincerely hope will comeguest on our show at some point

(01:08):
.
They said they would.
They're delightful humans.

Matt (01:11):
We talked about this last episode.
They directed you in the movie,in the music video, and they
will be on the show.

Eric (01:18):
And we had just seen the premiere of the movie the night
before and it went splendidlyExcellent.
It was really fucking wildseeing my mug on a giant screen
and people laughing at my jokes.
It was dope.
It was dope, yeah, man.
But we were getting lunch atthe hard yacht and at one point
I get up to go use the bathroom.
Okay, now I go into thebathroom of the hard yacht cafe

(01:40):
and I am in the brig and trulymatt, is that what they call it?
That's the prison isn't it thehead?

Matt (01:49):
the head, the head, my.
It's a good thing my daddoesn't listen to this show.
He's a navy man.

Eric (01:54):
He'd be ashamed, he'd be like, I do not like the cut of
this man's jib.
Who?
This is no son of mine, uh sobut but like describing it like
a brig is actually pretty actbecause you go in, it is, it is
Matt, it is.
You walk in sink, urinal,singular stall and the entire

(02:16):
bathroom is like five feet byfive feet it is.
It is a very it's a very small,intimate bathroom.
So I go in, I'm sitting in thestall, I'm doing I know I'm
doing my grim work and there's aguy at the urinal and I cannot
stress this enough, we are theonly people in here, okay and

(02:38):
he's peeing, he's pissing andhe's pissing.
He just keeps pissing for alittle bit and then I just hear
it just keeps coming out.
Man, damn.

Matt (02:53):
Oh man.

Eric (02:54):
It just keeps coming out, man Damn.

Matt (02:58):
Do you feel like he knew someone else was there and he
knew he was, I'm assumingaudibly pissing, like he's not a
sit sprinkler and we have thesounds of a waterfall.
I'm assuming that's allhappening?
Do you think there was a levelof like social anxiety where he
was like, oh, I better make ajoke about this because the

(03:19):
other guy's like, wow, thisguy's fucking pissing a blue
streak well, like here's thething there was no hint of bit
in his voice.

Eric (03:30):
Yeah, in fact, his inflection suggested to me that
like, it sounded to me like hewas like, like the, like the
experience.
I feel like he got freakyfriday'd with his, with his like
wife or something, because likehe was baffled that piss would
be coming out of his, out of his, out of his.
You know his peeper.
Did you see this man?

(03:52):
I saw him afterwards.
He looked like someone whowould be a regular at the hard
yacht cafe ball gap, ball cap,sunglasses on indoors oh,
indoors is it nighttime?
I'm assuming it's nighttime itwas in the middle of the
afternoon.

Matt (04:10):
Okay, it was, and but like we were firmly indoors, do you
judge people who wear sunglassesindoors that are not of a
certain notoriety?
Because I do I.

Eric (04:25):
I don't judge them so much as I I I feel bad for them
because I'm like all right, thereason you're wearing sunglasses
indoors right now is becauseyou are terrified of intimacy or
anyone looking you in the eyeand you need to like, have this
like hard exterior.

Matt (04:41):
But this exterior doesn't make you look hard, this makes
you look terrified it's onething when it's tinted glasses
that are like part of that, arepart of like a look, that are
part of an ensemble.
Yes, that's one thing but it'sanother when you're fucking just
bringing your oakleys into thehard yacht now sometimes the
only time that I violate my ownjudgment is when I'm in a

(05:02):
restaurant or something and Ihaven't brought my real glasses
and I can't, and I'm reading themenu and I have to throw on my
prescription sunglasses hot fora hot second to see what the
fuck.

Eric (05:16):
I'm reading.

Matt (05:18):
That's, and I always feel like a fucking dipshit when I do
it, when I throw on them WarbyParkers.
Goddamn I would, I would payany amount of just be there with
do it when I throw on themWarby Parkers.

Eric (05:24):
God damn, I would pay any amount.
I would just be there with youlike, oh, hold on one sec.

Matt (05:30):
Yeah, that's what I do too , because I got to make a bid
out of it.

Eric (05:33):
Because otherwise.

Matt (05:33):
I look like a douchebag.
Got to make a bid out of it,because anyone who's just
sitting there in sunglasses I'mlike you're not fucking Jack
Nicholson.

Eric (05:45):
Jack Nicholson, get the fuck out of here now.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Yeah, um, now, obviously, thisexceptions being like there are
some people who legit have likethe privy, isn't it called the
privy?
The privy the privy is is, iswhat it's referred to.
Oh, sorry, I just realized welurched back.
It just hit me.

Matt (06:02):
Yeah, uh, privy no, you're right, it's the head.
It's the head privy is, is.

Eric (06:07):
Is also a term for the bathroom, but in a, in a
nautical context, the head it's.

Matt (06:11):
The head is the ship's toilet says wc wikipedia donate
today wait, wait wait, wc,that's water closet water closet
.

Eric (06:20):
I don't know if they use that on boats, but i'm'm just
naming names of bathrooms.

Matt (06:24):
Don't at me.

Eric (06:25):
All right, but yeah all that to say weird times in the
hard yacht pisser.

Matt (06:31):
Well, eric this cold open has been something.

Eric (06:38):
Pissing me timbers.
Was it worth it for that?

Matt (06:41):
It might be the name of the episode.

Eric (06:45):
Yeah, it's probably the name of the episode now.

Matt (06:59):
Well, hello everybody and welcome to you.
Didn't Ask For this the podcastthat answers life's least
pressing questions.
My name is Matt Shea, my nameis Eric Poach and Eric, take it
away.

Eric (07:14):
Matt, here's what I'm thinking.
We need to spend the rest ofthis episode trying to find the
answer to one question.
What is the question, Eric?
Can we top Pissing?

Matt (07:24):
Me Timbers.

Eric (07:26):
I don't want to force it.
I don't want to force it butthat should be the energy that
propels us through this episodesearching for that quality.

Matt (07:34):
I fucking agree with you, and that's a rare thing.

Eric (07:37):
Yeah, I'm blessed.

Matt (07:40):
Okay, Eric, should we?
Should we jump into it?
Because we what we have for youtoday, folks, is a couple of
questions, and then we're goingto bring back local legends.

Eric (07:50):
It's been a minute, let's get local.

Matt (07:53):
Let's get local.
I have a very local legend.

Eric (07:56):
I have a very not local.

Matt (07:58):
Well, it's not local to me , but I feel I have a local
legend in what is really theheart of the bit, really the
heart of the segment.
Like it's local to a very smallpopulation, it's legendary.
It was submitted by a listenerand Eric, I assume, is going to
have some fucking Japanesecryptid.

Eric (08:16):
Never know.
You never know, you're not toofar off geologically, nice
Geographically.

Matt (08:23):
God, I know my co-host.
Okay, so Eric know my cost Okay.
So, eric, let's jump right in.

Eric (08:28):
So our first question comes from our dear dear friend
DairyKing11.
And this one, in fact both ofour questions today came from
our Discord.
Oh, that's true, but they camefrom people who consistently
submit questions to us, so thistime they just chose to do it
through Discord.

Matt (08:44):
It's true.
You know, we keep opening upnew avenues to submit questions
and, honestly, as I have to makethe rounds through our various
inboxes trying to gather allthese questions as more and more
people submit which I love I'msort of like why didn't we just
have one place?

(09:05):
Why didn't we just do the onething?

Eric (09:09):
but anyway, take it away all right, the question from
dairy king 11 I'll hail the kingbaby.
So poach myself invents a timemachine, shows up randomly at
matt's door and says, quote getin time for an adventure.
That is verbatim, the verbatimquote, and this is a three-part

(09:30):
question.
So I show up randomly at Matt'sdoor.
I have a time machine to sayget in time for an adventure.

Matt (09:35):
Eric, can you give me that again in the best Doc Brown you
got?

Eric (09:40):
Oh yeah, hold on, let me just find my self real quick.
Do what you gotta do Um.

Matt (09:44):
Oh yeah, hold on, let me just find my.
Yeah, get into character, dowhat you gotta do.
Getting time for an adventureNot bad.

Eric (09:54):
Yeah.

Matt (09:55):
Not bad.

Eric (09:56):
Yeah, that quote.
You know this quote wasn't toscale and I haven't had time to
paint it, but I think it getsthe job done.

Matt (10:02):
For off the dome.
You did good, kid, thank you topaint it, but no, no, I think
it's for for off the dome.
You did good kid, thank you.
Thank you for for the man withthe back to the future poster,
literally in frame.
Yep of this, this zoom call.

Eric (10:12):
I could not ask for a better seal of approval, correct
?
Um?
So this is a three-parter.
Got my time machine.
Yes, we're going on anadventure.
Question one what object dideric use as his base for the
time machine?
Two what year are you travelingto?
Three what did eat?
What did each of you do,intentionally or unintentionally
, to alter our current timeline?

(10:34):
Yes, uh.
So what object did eric use ashis base for the time machine?
So obviously I I feel like caris.
Is is too, on the nose it is.

Matt (10:47):
I don't think it's fair to use car because of the Back to
the Future factor and for thatreason, Eric, real quick, what
was the original time machine inBack to the Future?

Eric (10:58):
Oh, it wasn't a pinball machine.
It was like either a microwave,it was some just household
appliance.
It was either a microwave orwas some just household
appliance.
It was either a microwave orlike a boom box or something
eric, can you fit in either ofthose things?
No, but like oh, what was it?
Um fuck, I I know this you'reon the right track bud yeah, not
a bathtub, not a washingmachine, uh, it was a

(11:23):
refrigerator.

Matt (11:24):
I'll end the pain.
The original concept was arefrigerator.

Eric (11:28):
Yes, uh, yeah, I want.
I want something that screamstime machine, but like in a
classy way.
In a classy way in a classy way.
So we don't want to use a car,can't use a car, can't use a
phone booth.

Matt (11:45):
That's bill and ted's bit now it can't use a phone.
Also dr who, and and and alsoin a way, yes, also dr who, and
then you can't like the, theforbidden, as we once named an
up, so the forbidden peloton hgwells's time machine was just
like a fucking exercise bikebasically I, I, yes, yes, it was

(12:08):
uh it.
I've got it.
I love that.
You just laughed at a bit thatwe previously named an episode
after, but you have absolutelyno memory of any of those things
.

Eric (12:18):
I get to.
It's like I get to hear it allagain for the first time.

Matt (12:21):
It's something like that and I say again, I am concerned
about it.
You and I think you should seea doc.
By the way I have this is realtime.
Yeah, I am in a fight with aneurologist oh, stop, hold on,
stop the fucking presses.

Eric (12:40):
Okay, we interrupt this question to bring you live on
the scene, matt fighting medicalprofessionals, please.

Matt (12:49):
And I can't tell you about .
I cannot tell you about this ina Oops All Tangents, because
our previous Oops All Tangentsis a medical story.

Eric (12:57):
It's about you battling medical personnel.
A different medicalprofessional, yeah.

Matt (13:02):
So okay, so I got I'm going to truncate this real
quick, cause it.
You know we have a lot to cover, but you tell me if you think
this is responsible in theHippocratic oath.
So a while ago I had a facialtwitch that was going on.
I went to a neurologist.
They did an EEG, they did allthese different tests on me.

(13:22):
It turns out I'm fine andthey're like you, have
depression and anxiety.
They prescribed me Lexapro Okay, and told me to seek out a
therapist, which I've beenworking on but I haven't
actually accomplished.
It was two years ago that I wasthere for all this good shit.
He says I'm clinicallydepressed and I said, yes, I
agree, nailed it, doc.

(13:43):
Nailed it, doc, got one.
So it gives me Lexapro.
So a year goes by, I needrefills.
They don't call me in for afollow-up.
They refill my prescription.
I expect them to, but theydon't.
So this year I'm also out ofrefills.
I say, hey, I need myprescription refilled and they

(14:06):
say, oh, you need to come in fora follow-up.
And I said, ah, I'm sure I ofcourse makes sense.
Happy to schedule that, but I'mabout to run out of my
antidepressant so I'm going toneed just a short refill, you
know to get to the appointment.

Eric (14:20):
You're not really supposed to just stop.

Matt (14:23):
No, you can't just stop yeah.

Eric (14:25):
You got to ramp down just stop.

Matt (14:29):
No, you can't just stop.
Turkey yeah, you gotta rampdown, otherwise you fucked your
brain up.
And anyway, long story short,the fucking neurologist and his
fucking rude as shit staffrefuse to fill my fucking
prescription.
And I'm like cool, if I can getin there next week, I only need
seven days, or whatever.
But they're like no, we can'tsee you to the end of december.
And I'm like cool, if I can getin there next week, I only need
seven days, or whatever.
But they're like no, we can'tsee it to the end of december.

(14:50):
And I'm like, okay, then I need30 days.
Like I'm not asking for a fullyear, whatever, just get me to
the thing.

Eric (14:58):
And so they're not even a controlled substance no, and
they're saying like okay.

Matt (15:01):
So, uh, this is actually straight from the.
This is a real conversation.
This is straight from thedoctor.
He won't refill yourprescription until he's able to
examine you, and I said so.
Let me get this straight.
The physician who, again, thisis literally a conversation on

(15:22):
the phone and clinical anxiety,and prescribed for those things
an antidepressant which createsa dependency, is refusing to
fill my prescription and isgoing to quote unquote force me
to stop cold turkey, someone whopresumably knows the health

(15:45):
risks involved with that.
She was like well, this is fromthe doctor.
And I said and the doctorthinks that's a good idea.
And she was like I can onlytell you what the thing.
And she was like you might wantto call somebody else.
And I was like oh, you betterbelieve I'll be calling somebody
else.
And Eric, let me tell yousomething.
This goes into oops, alltangents territory.

Eric (16:09):
This violates the sanctity of Upsal Tangents, the sacred
bond of our subscription service.

Matt (16:13):
Of our paid subscribers.
I gave a call to Kaveh and Iexplained this to Kaveh.
I explained this to Kaveh andwhat did Kaveh say?
He was never prescribed me this.
He said well, you can't justquit cold turkey, you're going
to withdraw.
And I was like, yeah, so I justneed you know he wants to see
me.
He's like I'll give you 90 days.
Boom, my man Kaveh, I'll neverthat's.

Eric (16:38):
God.
For those of you who missed outon the tangents we stand, we
stand, kaveh, we stan Kaveh.
Anyway, eric Kaveh is an ally.

Matt (16:45):
So I'm in a beef with a neurologist.
I'm going to review, bomb theshit out of him.
Nice, as soon as I get aregular.
I have a meeting with apsychiatrist tomorrow Not a
therapist, but a psychiatrist.

Eric (16:58):
I'll write like a page and a half screed on how they're
fucking with my podcast.
Co-host.

Matt (17:08):
So, like I can't have that , absolutely it's affecting the
business, eric, yeah, so anyway,I apologize to everyone, but I
had to get that off my chest.
Bro, you got a vent.
Anyway, eric, please get usback on track for the love of
god.

Eric (17:20):
Uh, the device I would turn into a time machine would
be an snes that has beenmodified is like.
I like the idea of a, I likethe conceit of this time machine
being, and this followsabsolute, like 80s movies logic.

Matt (17:35):
If I put in like a medieval video game in the in
the snes, it takes us back tolike the medieval times oh, so
the cartridge itself determinesyes, okay, so is it an actual
game or do you just haveseparate cartridges for like
every year?

Eric (17:52):
like each year.
So what I'm thinking is I havea briefcase and, like you'll you
, you would see that when, likeI open my briefcase, there's
labels on all these cartridgesfor me like trial and error,
seeing where it takes me.
I'm like, all right, I canreliably go to 1597 if I pop in
like super ghost and goblins orlike if I go, or you know,

(18:13):
fucking, obviously the videogame 1942 will take me to 1942.
But yeah, I uh, there mighteven be a few in there, just
labeled do not use.
And you might ask, why are theystill in the briefcase?

Matt (18:25):
again, 80s movies, logic correct you gotta have them on
hand, you gotta have one, youknow not to use them, but
there's the risk of using themyeah they're.

Eric (18:34):
They're handy mcguffin when I need one.
Exactly um what year are wetraveling to matt I?
I shoved your house, I'm like.
I'm like, start plugging shitinto your TV.
I got my SNES set up, yeah.

Matt (18:49):
And I'm like my TV doesn't even have those cables anymore.

Eric (18:53):
Yeah, I'm sitting there soldering shit into the back of
your flat screen.

Matt (18:59):
Eric, what are you doing?
I'm doing the best I can.
Can't we use an emulator?
We got to play Tur turtles intime.
That bad.

Eric (19:10):
Oh my God, Turtles in time is what would create like the
space time paradox.

Matt (19:16):
Man, I fucking love turtles in time Slaps what a
great goddamn Ninja Turtle videogame.

Eric (19:23):
So yeah, what year are we going to?

Matt (19:24):
I feel like.
I feel like this is firmly inyour court, eric.
This is because you're the onedictating the adventure.
Yeah, so what year are we goingto?
I'm assuming this is thebeginning of the adventure.

Eric (19:36):
There's no rule saying we can't go to multiple years down
the road oh, um, I feel like Imean I mentioned the top I feel
like you and I do need to go toye olde medieval times.
I'm thinking like, like,fucking 1300s.

Matt (19:52):
Fucking like, oh, like I want to see some knights and
castles and try to freak out thelocals with some, with some
witchcraft I think, if we'regoing for us eric, I think it'd
be dope as shit to actuallyattend a performance at the real
globe.

Eric (20:11):
Yes, oh my god, yes, so that would.

Matt (20:14):
That'd be in, like the late 1500s like um, yeah, I mean
just go to opening night ofhamlet, you know, dog, because
honestly, eric, it probablysucked, you know?

Eric (20:28):
oh, dude, oh yeah they're doing it for the first time like
we've.
We've had the benefit ofliterally centuries of
scholarship.
I was like I do, I think aboutthat so much, bro, I'm like you
don't have to whisper it.
It kind of feels like, yeah,like I feel like if you or I
went back in time, we couldfucking act.
We'd be doing like we have likeMeisner and shit in our quiver,

(20:52):
like we'd be doing actingtechniques that they can't even
fathom.
No, oh, hell, yeah.
And this I think this willtransition very well into how we
like, intentionally orunintentionally, fuck with the
timeline.
I mean, what better time tosuggest some edits to billy
shakes, you know?

Matt (21:13):
what, bro?
What?
Or eric?
If we wanted to be devious?
Oh, if we wanted to be devious,eric.
Oh, we go back in time with acomplete works of shakespeare.
Okay, we kill shakespeare.
I love where your head's at.
Already, this is the deviousplan.
And the two of us becomeshakespeare.

(21:33):
Yeah, I mean matt.
And then, right at the end,after we, after we published all
the works of shakespeare wordfor word, we just throw in
brighton beach memoirs at theend and dude.

Eric (21:49):
So here's why this works so well is, for those of you who
aren't shakespeare dweebs, wehave exactly five extant
examples of shakespeare's ownhandwriting.
They are his own name as signedon like fucking land deeds,

(22:11):
contracts and shit.
We don't have any piece ofpaper.
That's like what light throughyonder window breaks through
william shakespeare.
Oh yeah, shakespeare, we don'thave anything.
So what I'm saying, matt, isnot only do I think it's
feasible that we could go backin time with complete works
murder.
William shakespeare, assume hismantle going off of the
scholarship.
That might be what happened.

Matt (22:34):
We haven't done it yet there's all kinds of theories
about shakespeare, of course,and we don't need to get into
that's an oops altang that's anoops altang, I will.

Eric (22:41):
I will rant about that shit for.

Matt (22:44):
But I'm saying there's nothing to stop us from from
murdering william shakespeareand becoming the first real,
true theatrical duo.
Oh my god, we'll throw in that.
We'll throw in brighton beachmemoirs and then do a who's on
first oh, my'll introduce who'son and they'll say what is

(23:05):
baseball.

Eric (23:06):
And that privy piece just runneth with thy bit Goeth with
me, brothers.

Matt (23:15):
Goeth with.

Eric (23:17):
Verily and you were going for a title there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can'teven fucking tell me you weren't
Nope.
See, that's what I mean it'sforced's forced yeah, but not
for.
But that's what I'm saying.
I went in because you gottacome with the energy, like man.
How do I top pissing me?

Matt (23:35):
timbers, verily and god damn, that's awful.

Eric (23:42):
What other shit can we fuck with while we're in the
neighborhood?
Well, so that's that's onething we could fuck with.
What other time period I feelfor those?
Everyone, let's just likedisabuse ourselves of of me and
matt being responsible timetravelers.
We are goblins.
We are time goblins.

Matt (23:58):
Well, I said time goblins.
Uh, possible title.
Uh, possible title.
Normally I just write thecandidates down when we, when
something tickles me as I'm, asI'm doing the edits.

Eric (24:13):
This time I like that we're marking them doing it live
and obviously let's let any ofthis conversations, any time
travel conversations we have,which we do have many I there's
like classic shit, like I like,yeah, we could talk about, like
there's the obvious, sure we cango back, kill hitler, whatever
kill hitler like kill it.

(24:34):
Let's stop the jfkassassination.

Matt (24:38):
Like something catch catch uh, uh, the the fucking.
What's his name?
Jack the ripperipper.

Eric (24:44):
Yeah, but like dumb shit though.
Let's talk about that.

Matt (24:48):
Let's talk about dumb shit , because the last question is
what did each of you do,intentionally or unintentionally
, to alter our current timeline?
We could do any number ofthings, yeah, but I do think we
should work together.
I don't think we should go to aplace and then split up.

Eric (25:03):
No, oh, you never.
Split that we're going to needand then split up no, oh, you
never split that that we'regonna need an ally in this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,we've only got each other and
I'm not sure how the rules workfor, how we get back.
Oh, oh, man, that's, that's,that's like the driving force in
each of these movies.
It's a trilogy, um, where,where we, every time we go back

(25:26):
and then we have to figure outhow to, using their technology,
build a functioning televisionset to plug the SNES into.

Matt (25:36):
Yes, or at the very least get electricity.
That's all we really need.

Eric (25:42):
Oh, absolutely.

Matt (25:44):
But then we have to do it blind.
Oh, absolutely so the.
But then we have to do it blind, Like we have to do it
monitorless playing the SNESwhich is always a challenge.
Yeah, we could end up anywherein the timeline.
We could end up anywhere in thetimeline, so that will be a
challenge.
So if the first film is usgoing back and killing
Shakespeare and becomingShakespeare, do we then go on

(26:07):
some sort of having alreadycemented ourselves as the
greatest playwright of all time?
Yes, do we?
Then we have to go.
Are we just committing to beingtime goblins, as you said?

Eric (26:23):
I think so.
I think if we're travelingthrough time with an SNES, we
can't have anything good plannedfor anyone we have to
intentionally mess things up.

Matt (26:31):
Yeah, so there's options.
I would say from a filmproducer standpoint, one should
go more modern, modern ish withthe second one.
But there's also the argumentto be had that we go even
further back like we go evenfurther back and fucking go to I

(26:52):
don't know, like the stone agesor something.

Eric (26:56):
Yeah, yeah, the caveman, times caveman times is a classic
.
We could fuck with some cavepaintings.
We could become god.

Matt (27:04):
We could become we could come back and establish
ourselves as the creator.

Eric (27:13):
I find a caveman.
I hand him like a fucking AR-15.
Here you go.

Matt (27:18):
Oh, that's what you hand him.
You could have handed himanything.

Eric (27:22):
You could have handed him a nice quiche He'll be the most
powerful man on the planet forlike 15 rounds and then yeah,
what if he fucking kills us,eric, you dumbass.
He would never.

Matt (27:35):
Oh he would never.
No, because we can't do that inthe caveman times, because they
can't properly worship us.

Eric (27:44):
No, I would, I would absolutely be on board with you.
Oh, when you say okay, when yousay become god, I was like, oh,
are we just gonna like, are wegonna become?
No, I see what you mean.
Now, become worshipped as godsbecome worship, as pull an
eldorado on them, so to speak.
Absolutely, I, I love that.
Uh, which, uh, so which culturewould we be doing this to?

(28:08):
Um, only answers that could getus canceled.
Go All Okay, all no, that'sgood General yeah.

Matt (28:15):
We just stopped by all.

Eric (28:17):
Yeah, we stopped by.
All I I would this is mepersonally.
I would like to go back to likefucking medieval Japan and do
some goblin shit, just so I cansee, like the later, like the,
the, the beautiful, like scrollpaintings of like you and me.
But we're like, oh, yes, likewe're portrayed as yes.

Matt (28:38):
Yes, we could.
With our time machine, we couldestablish a thing where we're
like okay, we will be back onthis day of every year, eric, if
we were able to deliver on thatand for us we could be doing it
for 20 minutes, yeah, but ifwe're hidden, every year we're

(29:01):
showing up.
Think of the worldwide worshipthat would happen, of the two of
us showing up every random date, and, and at, at or at 1 pm, we
arrive, and there's every yearmore and more people, millions
of people by the end of it.

Eric (29:21):
You know I really like where your head's at, because
you know what I think nobodydoes in like all these time
travel flicks.
It's always like god no one'salways something noble yeah, no
one ever just fucking sends it,like no one ever goes backed
into the past and just fromminute one just starts screaming
I am from the future.

(29:41):
Here's a flashlight.
This is a glock.
I am from the future, theexception being army of darkness
.
Only old, only only old biff inbad news too, like like I, he's
it.
Yeah, we just go in.
We're like masks off.
Yeah, no, we're from the future.
Uh hi, what's up?

(30:02):
We're gonna keep coming backand we're gonna keep bringing
you good news.
We're gonna going to or or or.
Heed our warnings.
He God, heed the shit.
This is a microwave.
You cannot tell me that I amnot from the future.
You cannot explain.

Matt (30:16):
Yeah, we bring something.
Every year we bring a microwave.
We bring a Furby we bring aFurby.

Eric (30:24):
This is a Tamagotchi.

Matt (30:25):
Worship me, this is bring a furby.
This is a tamagotchi.
Worship me, this is a thingcalled pogs.
Okay, they're gonna be reallypopular for like 12 to 18 months
, oh, but you're gonna talkabout them for a lifetime one
thing we super have to do, tellme, is we have to be in the
background of so many famouspaintings.

Eric (30:43):
Oh yes, and photos like Like Washington crossing the
Delaware.
You just look and there's likea second boat way off the
distance.

Matt (30:50):
We got a little motor and we're just two middle fingers to
the fucking horizon.
We got a little motor.
You're doing two middle fingers, I'm fishing.

Eric (30:57):
Yep, oh dude.

Matt (30:58):
And we're like, yeah, we were here also as well.
Last supper.
I'm under the table doing likethe the hand thing with a little
finger circle.
The last supper.
It still exists, as it alwaysdid, only this time.
Each side of the table twowaiters with little vests two
waiters, the silver trays.
So fucking dumb.

(31:22):
It's so dumb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,yeah, I think this has legs.

Eric (31:28):
Yeah, I think time, I think I think time goblins is a
healthy is in a healthypitchable place I think.

Matt (31:34):
So we show up at golgotha and say get down from there like
we're, we're here to which onewas golgotha which which what
was?
That the hill jesus wascrucified.
Oh, I thought that was thatit's the hill Jesus was
crucified on.

Eric (31:47):
Oh, I thought that was.

Matt (31:49):
Calvary it's the same.
It means the same thing.

Eric (31:52):
Oh, okay.

Matt (31:53):
A little bit of biblical history just fucking wedged into
the middle of this.

Eric (31:59):
Yep, yep, I mean, we're time, goblins, we're time
goblins.

Matt (32:04):
So I think we've established we're not going to
be at all responsible with ourtime traveling SNES.
No, no, no, no, no, but that'swhat we're doing and you know
what?
Guess what?
Dairy King 11,.
All hail the king.
Thank you for the question.

Eric (32:18):
Thank you for the question , my man.

Matt (32:20):
Next one.
This comes from Sir Juniper, asEric said, also submitted
through the Discord.
But of course, juniper fucking.

Eric (32:28):
Juniper always sends us bangers all over the place.

Matt (32:31):
What's the sexiest plant?

Eric (32:33):
So we've gone from time travel and the ethics around
that, to what is the sexiestplant.

Matt (32:40):
Now, eric, I've done research.
You obviously haven't, so youstart Hit me.

Eric (32:46):
All right, haven't, so you start hit me.
All right.
So I was gonna snarkily answerthis, but my my answer
unfortunately, the organism.
So when I heard sexiest, I waslike huh, which plant has the
most sexes?
And it is.
It is not a plant, but a funguscalled schizophyllum commune,
split gill mushroom, which canhave over 28 000 different

(33:10):
mating types due to its complexgenetic system.
So that is the.
So that is the sexiest organism, but we're talking about
sexiest plant plant.

Matt (33:18):
I have two candidates okay what do you got for?
Me.
The first is called I'm gonnabutcher this, but it's
paliacoria alata, sometimesreferred to as red lips or and I
I hasten to say this hookerlips oh, so it's got the.
Okay, the, oh, the, the akahooker lips aka hooker lips, but

(33:43):
it's paliacoria alata alata,and it does, of course, have I
can already see this plant in mymind's eye.

Eric (33:51):
Yes, Well, I know you're going to throw it up on that
screen and and and affirmeverything I believe.

Matt (33:57):
Yeah, so this is like the man, that plant's got dick
sucking lips.
It has.
It truly does have red hot dicksucking lips.

Eric (34:05):
Holy shit, that is a DSL of a plant.

Matt (34:08):
It is a DSL of the plant, the other one, I want to make
out with that plant right now.

Eric (34:12):
The other you could?

Matt (34:14):
it really does look like lips.

Eric (34:17):
It's like it looks like cartoonish and this one Like
someone blew a kiss at you andthe kiss is flying through the
air and I got to say that's whatthis plant, this this video
that I'm showing, or this thisphoto that I'm showing.

Matt (34:36):
If you were to turn it vertically, eric, it looks a
little like an another part ofthe female anatomy.
Oh yeah, so I think this lookspretty sexy.
Yeah, it does.

Eric (34:46):
Now.

Matt (34:47):
I also want to mention the Amorphophallus titanum, which
is the I've already got afeeling where this one's going.
Well, this is the actual nameof the corpse plant.

Eric (35:00):
Oh, this is the one that smells like a dead body.

Matt (35:02):
It smells like a dead body and it only blooms, like once
in a blue moon.
Yeah, but it's got this big oldsomeone's getting blue.
This moon's got.
It's got this big old shaft, asyou can see here.

Eric (35:14):
Oh yeah, look at that and so again the name.

Matt (35:17):
They should get together a more faux phallus, so you have
a more right in there, but alsophallus yeah, so love dick, if
I'm translating the latincorrectly, love love dick this
plant okay uh, and yeah, I mean,it's a huge, huge flower with a

(35:39):
giant shaft in the middle of it.

Eric (35:42):
Yeah, just a fucking bam.

Matt (35:44):
So those are some candidates that came up right
away from me.
One looks like sexual,sexualized lips, like the the
lips of jessica rabbit yes,jessica, rabbit coded and the
other is I love dick the plant I, I'll throw this out there.

Eric (36:07):
I saw, I went to a festival not too long ago,
patterson Park.
I saw a tree that looked prettyfuckable.
Okay, what a stink it was, justbecause, well, it was cut down.
It was like a tree.
But, matt, the way this thingwas shaped, tell me, let me see
if I can find it.
I took pictures.

(36:28):
Um, the way this thing wasshaped, it it looked.
It looked it had va, va, va,voom, kurt like.
It looked, like it had an hour,it was, it was an hourglass
stump, it was.
I was like, ah, okay, that'swhy I took pictures.
I was like this is likehilariously erotic, this plant.

Matt (36:45):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah I'm so glad I took this picture.
All right, I am looking at thistree.
It does have a certainsilhouette to it.

Eric (36:55):
Yeah, it looks like a.
It looks like one of thosegreek statues missing the arms
and the head it does it.

Matt (37:01):
It is an interesting statue.
I don't know that I getfuckable out of it.
That tree has got some hips.
It does have some hips.

Eric (37:11):
Now, mind you, when I say fuckable, I don't mean like can
I physically know this tree inthe biblical sense?
But, like it hits my rods andcones.
I go like oh wood.

Matt (37:29):
Wood, if you were wood.

Eric (37:31):
Yeah, strawpole folks, we'll throw up a picture of this
, of this tree stump um yeahsure you can let us know in the
comments if you would yeah,we'll throw that up on the
instagram at.

Matt (37:44):
You didn't ask pod letter, you didn't ask, but we'll also
throw up the pictures of theseother plants and you can tell us
if you agree or disagree.
Now, eric, there's also like wecould say like we could say,
like we could talk about therose or the tulip.

Eric (37:58):
The rose, I would say, and the tulip.
Romantic to be sure, butsexiest but sexy.

Matt (38:06):
Sexy by itself.
We have imbued sexuality uponthe rose.
The rose didn't ask this.
No the rose didn't ask for this.

Eric (38:16):
No, no, no, no.
The rose didn't ask this.
The rose didn't ask for this.
No, no, no, no.
We projected our values ontothe rose.

Matt (38:23):
Yes.
So really the question I havefor you is is everything coming
up roses or is everything comingup amorphophallus titanium?

Eric (38:32):
I know what I wish it was coming up.
The second one oh, we love dickplant we.
The second one oh, we Love Dickplant, we Love Dick the plant.

Matt (38:42):
Yeah, yes, Do you have any other plants you want to
mention?
I think there's something tobefore.
Since you took the big sigh ofcontemplation, I jumped in.

Eric (38:55):
But if you had something.

Matt (38:56):
I won't interrupt you, no, no, no, no, go on.
There's something to be saidabout the orchid.
Orchid is pretty sexy Becauseit's dainty too, and they're
very fickle.
I don't know if you've evertried to.

Eric (39:10):
God, I love a fickle bitch .

Matt (39:12):
I mean, have you ever tried to care for an orchid?

Eric (39:16):
I actually have.

Matt (39:17):
They are difficult, difficult they are, they are.

Eric (39:19):
You gotta earn it, you gotta earn it, you gotta, you
gotta invest time, energy, rightnow.

Matt (39:24):
I have a peace lily.
Uh, that my parents love, apeace my parents gave us a peace
lily as the, as a housewarminggift when we first moved in, and
let me tell you it is a fuckingpicky son of a bitch.
They gave you a chore.
I mean kind of yes, we havekept it alive.
We finally found a good placefor it where it likes the light.

(39:48):
It's so dramatic it gets alldroopy.
Don't get a peace lily is whatI'm saying.

Eric (39:54):
Yeah, oh, I did think of one.
Okay, this plant enablessexiness.
I feel the humble aloe plantbecause, because, hear me out,
if you're using it now, you'resnapping it off and you're,
you're, you're, you're, you'resqueezing that moist, gooey
goodness and, like usuallyrubbing it on yourself, to like

(40:17):
for on a burn or a sunburn orsomething.
It's a very tactile plant yougotta get in there just oh snap,
oh smeared slather and, and Ithink, I think that in and of
itself can be pretty sexy yeahnot always the sexiest uh
circumstances, though if you'reusing it, I don't for first aid

(40:38):
almost exclusively, I'd say yesyeah, yeah, uh, also worth
dropping a name.
We have an aloe plant in ourhouse.
Uh, alissa named it aloe pacino.
Nice, we need to get an aloeplant they're very, they're very
nice, he's thriving well.

Matt (40:52):
I always, uh, growing up, we always had an aloe plant for
this exact reason, to break anduse for our own betterment.
Snap.

Eric (41:03):
You know what I'm realizing?
We're leaving out an entire Ifeel like an entire category of
plant here.
Fruits, a lot of sex fruit, nowStrawberry.
Strawberry Peaches are prettysexy.
Peaches do look like butts aredo look like butts, they do look
like that.
But we, god, we love a, we lovea thick plant, we love a thick

(41:25):
child-bearing plant she's gotthat.
Child-bearing pits, jesuschrist.

Matt (41:33):
Jesus Christ.
But the fruits are fruits of aplant, it's not the plant itself
.
Fair.

Eric (41:44):
Fair and valid.

Matt (41:45):
Eric, I'm sorry you got to fuck a peach on your own time,
Would Now?

Eric (41:52):
trees, Trees.
I feel like decidedlyunfuckable.
I don't think so, despite howmuch I was, fucking that tree
earlier, but that was a specialcase.

Matt (42:03):
Most part like look at a tree, like I mean they give off
all the signs of do not fuck meno, you cannot I have a hard
itchy, sometimes allergic,exterior yeah, there's.

Eric (42:17):
no, there is no part of me that you want your bits to come
in contact with.
Not a single access point.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Even the parts of me that arewet are unpleasant, because that
is sap.
Yes.

Matt (42:33):
Almost the opposite of a lubricant.
Yes, yes.

Eric (42:39):
Girl, I want to get all up in them.
Roots Ugh.

Matt (42:43):
I hated that.
I hated what you just said.
Yeah.

Eric (42:46):
Dog.
It's not good.
Oh, what about bushes?

Matt (42:53):
I feel like bushes might be worse, we're missing the
obvious innuendo here.
But I mean, are they that sexybushes?

Eric (43:02):
Really, Bushes are now Now .
Now, this is hilarious.
I find a bush to be sexy butlike bushes.

Matt (43:12):
Yeah, not great, not great , not great, innuendo free.
Oh yeah, yeah, not great, notgreat, not great, innuendo free.

Eric (43:20):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yes, when innuendos left the room.
Not a fan of fucking a bush,human bush, great, great,
wonderful, 10 out of 10.
Other bush oh, actual, butbrambles, no thank you, I don't
want to bramble.
No, I don't want to ramble inthe brambles.

(43:40):
I feel like a lot of our mostfuckable plants might come from
the ocean.
Okay, because you've got a lotof like.
Follow that train of thought.

Matt (43:45):
Sea cucumbers sure squishy very um, but also you've got
coral, which is a plant coralplant well coral is an organism
is like a million organisms inone, but but they're all hard
and unwelcoming.
They're all hard, sharp, madeof dead fish yeah, yeah, you

(44:08):
definitely don't want to betwiddling about in their living
rock, living rocks defensiverock, living rock.
Living rock Not presentDefensive rock, very defensive
rock, but like seaweed can getup all in you.
Kelp God, I hated you.

Eric (44:26):
Who's out there like?

Matt (44:28):
trying to get with that kelp.

Eric (44:31):
Kelp are like fish.
No, kelp is like a differentversion of seaweed, is it?
I think?

Matt (44:39):
I don't think so.
Oh yeah, you're right.
What am I thinking of?
Krill, krill, I was thinking ofkrill.

Eric (44:46):
I'd fuck the shit out of some krill.

Matt (44:48):
Jesus Eric.

Eric (44:49):
Consensually.

Matt (44:50):
Eric, I don't like kelp.
I'll tell you why.
Why?
Kelp reminds me of a stewedvegetable.
Somebody might prepare cabbagethat I'm supposed to eat yeah,
and don't want to, because itlooks like fucking kelp what is
up with our planet?

Eric (45:10):
there's such a like a lack of fuckable plants.
Is this why we evolved intomammals?
Because, like we, at one pointwe were single cell organisms.
We could have gone down theplant route or we could have
gone down, like the, the mammalroute.
We looked at the plants and wewere like I can't fucks with
this yeah, maybe that's whathappened, eric okay, yeah, I

(45:30):
appreciate the validation, nomatter how sincere it wasn't.
It wasn't.
Yes, absolutely so.
I don't know where do we landwith this I think, sexiest plant
I.

Matt (45:46):
I've got to give it to the jessica rabbit lips.
I think that's where I'm goingto the, the, the.
It's just so openly sexual itis so blatantly sexy yes,
absolutely, look these up, it'suh no, yeah, like legitimately.

Eric (45:59):
I'm just going to test this right now.
I'm calling the shot if Isearch dick sucking lip plant
your search history and it comesup immediately first result
under images.
So yeah, just google dicksucking lip, plant you'll.
You'll see what we mean.

Matt (46:16):
All right, there you go, juniper, there's your sexiest
plant.
Go out there and get with it,pollinate it.

Eric (46:24):
Now that everyone is good and whatever, the alchemical
opposite of horny is this is aepisode that we're doing.
Yeah.

Matt (46:33):
It sure is one of them, and it's time for some local
legends.

Eric (46:37):
Yes.

Matt (46:38):
Eric, it's been a bazillion years since we did a
local legend.
Yeah, would you like to gofirst or would you like me to go
first?
Oh, sure, I'll go first.
I'll go first.
All right, go for it.

Eric (46:46):
Now, when you said Japanese, you were in the right
hemisphere.
I feel I knew.
I would be, but this one Ididn't go with any weird
butt-eye demons.
This time I actually went witha living legend.
Good, Eric, that was the wholepoint originally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So have you ever heard of agentleman by the name of Aki Ra?

(47:08):
No, maybe, aki Ra.
He was born in Cambodia.
This dude's life is fuckinginsane top to bottom.
Uh, so he.
He was born into the khmerrouge, uh, conscripted as a
child soldier, so, like he's.

(47:30):
As a child he was like layinglandmines all over cambodia and
then, once he got out of that,like once he was no longer a
child soldier, he dedicated hisuh and sorry, I say dedicated,
uh dedicates.
He is still alive with us okay,uh, demining cambodia.

(47:54):
So he goes around like disarmingthese old uh mines, uh, which
is, you know, there?
There's a number of people whocould like, like you know, who
live in that region, who do thatkind of thing, matt.
Since 1992, he has personallyremoved and destroyed as many as
50 000 landmines.

(48:16):
Wow, that's incredible.
Yes, he had no demining tools.
He used a knife, a hoe and aleatherman and a stick damn, you
really can do anything with agood multi-tool yeah, he and and
like he just spends all of histime like diffusing landmines
and unexploded or uh ordinancethat he found in small villages

(48:38):
and just bring home the emptycasings.
And like he got so many at onepoint that tourists began
hearing stories about a youngcomer man who was clearing
landmines with a stick and had ahouse full of diffused
ordinance.
So he started in 90.
In 1999 he started chargingpeople a dollar to see his
collection, using the money,money to help further fund his

(49:01):
demining activities.
So that began the CambodianLandmine Museum.
Wow, he cleared mines where hehad fought, where he had heard
about an accident, or likevillage chiefs and farmers would
call him and be like, hey,could you please come out and
clear some of these mines for us?
Dude has adopted over two dozenchildren because, like again,

(49:27):
these are like when he's workingin these Like legally.
Not legally, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay, it's just in the courseof his work he's working a lot
of like war ravaged Cambodianvillages.
He comes across a lot ofinjured and abandoned children
so that he would just bring themhome with him to live with his,
with him and his wife.
So, yeah, he, he Wow Like.

(49:49):
What a dude, what a noble man.
Yeah, this is weird.
Cambodian governmentauthorities tried to close down
the museum and he was requiredto cease his quote uncertified
demining activities and theybriefly imprisoned him in 2001.
What I know, in 2005, he wentto London where he was trained

(50:13):
on ordinance disposal from theInternational School of Security
and Explosives Education.
Brief pause.
I can't imagine how awkwardthat must have been for someone
trying to explain to him how todeactivate a mine.
Right, yeah, like, oh you, just, I imagine there was a lot he

(50:35):
was teaching them.

Matt (50:38):
It's like the Parks and Rec clip of Ron Swanson and home
Depot.
I know more than you.

Eric (50:42):
There's a whole documentary about his life,
called perfect soldier.

Matt (50:47):
Uh, there's released in 2010.

Eric (50:49):
So if anyone wants to check that out, uh yeah, he's
been honored like crazy Cause.
If you ever look up pictures ofthe guy and you see his house
or this museum, it is just likesome of it's been turned into
art.
There's just thousands of theseminds.
I think he's an amazing,incredible human being.
Like what a life started lifeas a child soldier laying mines

(51:12):
and has spent his life sincethen deactivating them, making
the world a better, safer placeit looks like the whole video,
the whole movie, is on youtube.

Matt (51:21):
It looks like oh hell, yeah, it's only 55 minutes.
Uh, so, yeah, wow, what a, whata guy.
Yeah, what a guy.
Eric, great local legend.
Give it up for aki ra.
Great local legend.
Thank you, I appreciate it andI appreciate you, and I'm gonna
repay you by talking to you.
Great local legend, give it upfor Aki Ra.
Great local legend.
Thank you, I appreciate it andI appreciate you, and I'm going
to repay you by talking.

(51:42):
I appreciate you.
I'm going to repay you bytalking about Long Boy.
Oh fuck, yes, do you know whoLong Boy is?

Eric (51:50):
No, I just love the words long and boy together.

Matt (51:55):
Yes long and boy together.
Yes, now, this was uh.
This was submitted quite awhile ago to us by uh eboots,
one on instagram.
Thank you, bootsy.
Yes, bootsy, on our discord, uh, but yes, submitted a long time
ago.
B-o-i.
Long boy Love.

(52:16):
It Is a duck, god.
Yes, it's a very tall duck,about a meter tall.

Eric (52:24):
As a matter of fact A meter A meter tall, like as in
like pert near three feet,correct.

Matt (52:32):
He who lived in Derwent College of the University of
York in England and has beencalled England's most famous
duck.
Let me tell you a little bit.

Eric (52:42):
Well, that's just because Lewis Mallard hasn't been there
yet.

Matt (52:45):
But just well, not yet.
Lewis Millard, you, son of abitch.

Eric (52:49):
Lewis Millard.

Matt (52:50):
Sorry, it's my it's my, it's your turn to be wrong,
thank you.
Long Boy was discovered oncampus around 2018, circa 2018,
and was fed by the studentshopefully not bread who noted
that he didn't seem to begetting along with the other
ducks, eric.
However, eventually he didintegrate with these other ducks

(53:13):
, and two of which were alsonamed chunky boy and fancy boy
oh, I'm curious about fancy boyit didn't take very long for
long boy to become theuniversity's unofficial mascot.
The soon beginning the, theschool soon began selling long
boy merchandise and eventuallystarted giving out fluffy long

(53:37):
boy plushies to graduates alongwith their diplomas.

Eric (53:42):
That's awesome.

Matt (53:43):
That's legitimately awesome, and in 2021, reddit
discovered Longboy and it led tohim becoming an internet
sensation.
His notoriety then furtherincreased when he was featured
by James Corden on the Late LateShow, when he did a bit on the

(54:04):
duck, and after not long afterthat, longboy's Instagram, which
is run by a student,skyrocketed to over 16,000
followers in a single day.

Eric (54:17):
Get it Longboy.
Longboy's got long followers.

Matt (54:20):
From there, he was frequently mentioned throughout
Britain on various TV and radioshows throughout the years.
However, eric in.
April of 2023.

Eric (54:32):
Oh no, don't hit me with sad.

Matt (54:34):
Longboy went missing from campus.
Matt, you can't do this to me.
He went missing from the campus.
No one knew where Longboy wentto and because he was no
ordinary duck, Eric, a searchwas conducted after a few weeks.
Conducted Conducted.
After a few weeks of no Longboyappearances, a search was

(54:58):
conducted to no avail.
In May of 2023, the universitydeclared Longboy presumed dead.
Oh my God, many theories aboutthe duck's disappearance
surfaced A fox attack perhaps,or at one point, a student group

(55:18):
accused another student groupof murdering long boy, but that
seems to be debunked, so no onetruly knows.
Uh, none have been confirmed.
A long boy is simply gone withthe wind holy Truly.

Eric (55:36):
That is when you be.

Matt (55:38):
He flew the coop, if you will, but Eric, on September
26th of 2024, only a few monthsago, a memorial service was held
for Longboy oh of the duck wasunveiled at the college, in

(56:02):
front of hundreds of people whogathered for the occasion to
hear speeches and organperformance of whiz Khalifa's
See you again, a rendition ofhot to go, sung by the sing song
society, which I just have toassume is the acapella group.

Eric (56:18):
Yep, that's.

Matt (56:20):
And, of course, a moment of quacking.
And so God rest His soul, isGod.

Eric (56:30):
I long boy.
Looking at pictures of long boyright now forever.

Matt (56:34):
There is a Wikipedia article on long boy BOI.

Eric (56:38):
He's the most pensive looking duck every picture of
him is like.
Is him looking like like awidow looking out to sea when?

Matt (56:46):
when bootsy shared this with me with us, I should say
originally I thought he didn'thave wings, like I thought he
was just all torso.
Yeah, he's so long and his, hiswings are strapped to the side
of him.
He stands like a people.
He does stand like a person andnow he is forever immortalized

(57:09):
in bronze long may he stand longmay he stand and fuck this
unofficial thing.
Make him the official fuckingmascot of this school make him
the official mascot.
Stand tall, stand long standtall, long boy, and god bless
you, god.
So that's my local legend.

(57:30):
That's a good local legend.
Thank you, thank you and ifyou've got local legends you
want us to cover, it may be a.
It might be a cool person at abar.
Yeah, it could be a cryptidthat only your small town knows
about.
Whatever, send it to us and wewill cover it.
And you know what, eric?
There's a few ways they couldsend that to us.

(57:53):
Oh give them the business man.
You send it to us along withyour questions, as long as they
are least pressing at.
You didn't ask pod.
That's the letter.
You didn't ask pod.
On instagram, blue sky threadsuh, facebook, we are.
I haven't closed our x account,but I think we might.

(58:14):
But we did jump on the blue skytrain.
So we are on blue sky.
Join us, I'm enjoying it quitea bit.
Actually, I don't know ifyou've jumped on blue sky yet,
eric.

Eric (58:25):
I have not.
I'd be a good.
It'd be good Cause I I signedup for Twitter over a decade ago
and then never touched it.

Matt (58:34):
It looks and feels how Twitter used to dope, like it
literally looks like old twitterand they did what threads
should have done.
And I know there's plenty ofpeople still on threads.
And I do say still on threadsbecause, like, can we talk about
how threads kind of sucks, likethey copied all the worst parts

(58:54):
of twitter and none of the goodfunctional parts.
Yeah, anyway, we are on threads, we are on instagram, uh, yeah,
it fucking sucks, but uh, hey,we're on we're on tiktok and
facebook and youtube.
Yeah, so all at.
You didn't ask pod, or youcould literally talk to us
directly on our discord byjoining our patreon, patreoncom

(59:19):
slash.
You didn't ask for this.
It's also in the episodedescription, of course.
One dollar a month gets youaccess to the discord.
Four dollars a month gets youaccess to the discord.
Uh, a discount on all futuremerch which we are working on uh
, we're gonna.

Eric (59:34):
We, we actually have taken meaningful steps.
We are working with an artist,right?

Matt (59:39):
we're working with an artist right now.
We're we, after this recording,we'll be discussing some merch
questions?
Uh, we said previously we'regonna try to get it out by the
end of the year, and we we're.
It's causing me anxiety, but weare trying to make that happen
for you, by god.
So we are taking meaningfulsteps and, of course, you get

(01:00:00):
the monthly bonus episodes Oops,all Tangents, which are only
available with a Patreonsubscription, but they are
available on all your podcastingplatforms.

Eric (01:00:10):
You can learn why we stand Kaveh.
You can learn why we standKaveh because I can't tell you
here.

Matt (01:00:16):
I cannot tell you here, cannot legally, leg.
I cannot tell you here, cannotlegally, legally, I cannot tell
you.
But we are having a great timein the Discord.
Everybody, your messages, yourgifts, your jokes, they're all
so fun.
So keep them going and thanksfor joining us, eric.
Did we miss anything?

Eric (01:00:32):
Buddy, you didn't miss a goddamn thing, did you Nah?

Matt (01:00:37):
Is there anything we need to plug?

Eric (01:00:39):
again Recently, just this past weekend uh, my movie debut,
uh for sale by exorcistpremiered in Baltimore.
Uh, it's.
The hope is that in the nearfuture it will be available on
streaming.
If that's the case, I'll lety'all know.

Matt (01:00:54):
Absolutely.
Uh, as I mentioned, I'm doing aproduction of the Shawshank
Redemption at next stop theaterin Herndon.
When this comes out, there areonly four more scheduled
performances of the show thevery next day and this weekend,
so probably this won't affect.

(01:01:15):
You won't be able to act onthat plug, but there it is
Nevertheless.
Yeah, so there we go, eric.
Do we have anything else totalk about?

Eric (01:01:26):
I think that's about it babe.

Matt (01:01:28):
Well then, from all of us here you didn't ask for this.
My name is Matthew Shea, myname's Eric Poach and listen,
you didn't ask.

Eric (01:01:35):
But a duck walks into a bar, Okay, Waddles up to the
bartender and says got anygrapes?
And the bartender says no, wedon't have any grapes, Get out
of here.
And the duck leaves.
A little bit later duck waddlesback in the bar and says got
any grapes?

(01:01:55):
He says no, don't have anygrapes.
Now, get out of here.
Duck waddles off.
Duck comes in a third time andsays got any grapes?
And the bartender says duck,I'm not going to tell you again
we don't have any grapes.
You come back in here, ask forgrapes again.
I'm going to nail your beak tothe bar.
Duck waddles out.

(01:02:16):
A little bit later the duckwaddles back in Wank Got any
nails?
Says no, Wank Got any grapes,Got them, Got them, Get it
Because he was asking if he hadnails.

Matt (01:02:30):
Oh.

Eric (01:02:33):
Because he didn't even nail his can.
Nails beak to the bar.
Eric that was a terrible joke.
You were insulting Longboy'smemory by not laughing at that
joke.

Matt (01:02:39):
That was an insultingly terrible joke.
You're insulting Longboy'smemory by telling the joke.

Eric (01:02:44):
Longboy would have gotten that like would have seen how
powerful that you don't knowwhat Longboy likes and doesn't
like.

Matt (01:02:55):
I Thank you.