111 | Thou Shalt Read the Room

We've got a very special etiquette-themed episode for you this week! We've been saving up some questions of etiquette in various situations and now you get them all at once, including: What's the proper etiquette for asking someone to be the base in pool chicken? For inviting a friend of yours to a party they weren't invited to? For guillotine use? Then, Eric brings Matt a fresh Pop Quiz: Punk or Poser

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Episode Transcript

Matt (00:00):
Eric, I talked about this recently on a recent episode
that we've been working on thefront room.
Yes, with the bookshelves.

Eric (00:06):
With the bookshelves, the bookcases, the bookcases, yes,
the bookcases.

Matt (00:09):
Getting it furnished, getting it into an actual room,
because since we've moved intothis house for like a year, it's
been like basically a dumpingground of like boxes that got to
go out, as is tradition, sure.
So now we're making it um,proper and someplace that right,
proper, rock, proper, and makesit look like someone lives in

(00:30):
this house when you walk throughthe door.
And so we were furnitureshopping recently.
Okay, and you know we did.
We did a lot of the stores thatyou would expect.
Of course, our friends, IFriends, ikea, home goods Gave
that a spin, gave home goods aspin, stuff like that Got to.
But we also went to furniturestores and, eric, there is very

(00:53):
few things, there are very fewthings in this world that I hate
more than being stalked at afurniture store.

Eric (01:05):
Oh, by the work, by the work, by, like the salesman, by
the salesman.

Matt (01:09):
Sales person and listen, I know for the salespeople out
there, I know you've got a jobto do.

Eric (01:17):
Okay, I know you're on that grind.

Matt (01:20):
It's what the company is making.
It's what Lazy Boy is making.
You do, I understand it?

Eric (01:27):
But listen my Haverty's friends, just chill the fuck out
, just back off my shit, justback off my shit, my thermometer
of stress just goes straightthrough the roof.

Matt (01:42):
The second I walk through a furniture store Because you
know how they're all like linedup, like there's an order, like
the next, the next one of themgets the next person to walk
through the door like lord ofthe flies shit with sales yeah,
they like swarm in on you and ifyou get a good one, they'll be
like all right, well, I'll bearound if you have any questions
.
I'll be right over there if youneed any.

(02:02):
Yeah, if you get a good one,they'll be like all right, well,
I'll be around if you have anyquestions.

Eric (02:05):
I'll be right over there if you need anything.
And then they fuck off.

Matt (02:10):
They fuck off and maybe they come check on you after
like 20 minutes.
That's acceptable to me, yep,but what I hate, eric what I
cannot stand, pour the tea baby,I'm here, eric.
What I cannot stand Pour the teababy, I'm here Is when you're
like looking around and you lookover your shoulder and 30 feet
away, but like milling about anOttoman, is the fucking guy

(02:39):
who's just like waiting for youto take more than five seconds
looking at a piece of furniture.
So what do you think about thisone?
Yeah, is this catching your eyeFor him to sweep in and just be
like it actually has a hiddenstorage compartment underneath.

Eric (02:49):
And I'm like listen fuck off my guy.

Matt (02:53):
Let me look at these tables by in peace.

Eric (02:56):
You are actively chipping away at the precious crystal
sphere containing all of myfucks to give all and like, like
you're, you're just chip,you're just chipping and, and
then what?
and like, at a certain point Irealized that on the easily
cowed um, that this tactic mightwork.
You might pressure them into asale, but with me, my adhd ass

(03:19):
brain.
At a certain point you have puttoo much on me and i'm'm just
like bail, ripcord, bye.
There's a million differentplaces I can go to buy furniture
.
Goodbye, do not speak to me, donot perceive me.

Matt (03:30):
A hundred percent and Lindsay and I.
Lindsay always has to give me.
Well, she doesn't have to, shechooses to give me a little pep
talk Like as we're pulling up toa place.
She's like matt, there's gonnabe a guy and I'm like I know
there's gonna be a guy.

Eric (03:48):
I was like I don't need.

Matt (03:49):
I don't need this kind of talk, uh, and she and she'll be
like don't take that town withme.
And she'll be like I'm justsaying we can't go in there and
I don't want you getting upset.
The second somebody talks to meand I was like, fine, as long
as they don't fucking talk to me, they're gonna talk to you, to
you.
You know, this is what happens.
So we walked through the doorand the person never becomes
over to me like a vulture, to acarcass, and I say something

(04:12):
like yeah, we're good, oh, we'regood, oh, thanks so much, I'll
seek you out.
But then we walked down theaisle, eric, and I just look
over my fucking shoulder andLindsay's already like yep, he's
going to be there, he's goingto be there and I look over.

Eric (04:27):
He's going to be watching you.

Matt (04:28):
And I see him and I'm like baby, he's fucking watching us.
And she was like I know that, Itold you that and I was like
yeah, but he's doing it.

Eric (04:37):
He's looking at the thing that I want to put my ass on
every day.
Yeah, and so I'm looking at melook for for ass things he's
looking me for ass things and II don't want that.

Matt (04:48):
I don't want that.
That's why that's why I stoopso low as to show up to that
loading dock store to see zaneand justice for zane and almost
get myself killed.

Eric (05:02):
Yeah, oh man yeah, but again, nice guy zane didn't love
zane in many ways the nicestfucking psychopath um, but yeah
it's, it's a, it's like anindescribable vulnerability when
you're, when you're likeshopping for furniture, and I
just need to be left with mythoughts, yes, and my gut, and

(05:25):
and when they start, they startchirping, they start chirping
and pitching because I and itand it and it fucks with my
calculus because I sit in achair and I'm immediately like
okay, let me try to close myeyes.

Matt (05:39):
Let me picture myself I'm reading a book blah, and you
know, this one also comes inleather and I'm like hey, my guy
, fuck your children.

Eric (05:52):
May your line be reduced to dust.

Matt (05:55):
Hey, my guy, I don't want to be dramatic, but I hope your
tree shrivels up.

Eric (06:00):
Yep, yep, I hope thy milk curdles and the beer goes stale.

Matt (06:05):
Let me ask you something Do you want your kids to have a
father, in which case back offmy dick?
Yeah, and Lindsay's like no.
I don't think you needed to saythat.

Eric (06:20):
I don't think you needed to wish ruin on his house,
Matthew.

Matt (06:24):
I just want to get this over with in one conversation.
Yeah, when I have a questionfor you, I will approach you,
jasper.

Eric (06:34):
Jasper, you villain, you fucking rogue.

Matt (06:39):
I will approach you and then demand your immediate
attention.

Eric (06:43):
Yes, and then I will complain when you are not
immediately available to me.
Now hold my tape measure canyou believe this?

Matt (06:50):
does he want to make a sale or?
Not talk about fucking service,jesus, let me tell you
something about floorcommissions, though, real quick,
my very first job.
I worked at office max and Iwas a cashier, but um, I was
really good at selling thoseplans you know, like insurance
plans for the chairs andwhatever all that bullshit, but

(07:14):
the reason I was so good at itwas it was problem.
Well, I should say the fact thatI was so good at it was very
problematic for the floorworkers who earn like commission
off of like selling thosethings and all the I don't earn
commission I I'm just sniping.
I'm just, I'm literally snipingdeals.

(07:35):
Oh, you're scab, but like I'mjust, I also am told to make the
pitch if they haven't purchasedit.
So like they come up and mytheory was always the floor.
People wore them the fuck downto the point where I'm like oh
and were you interested in afive-year coverage plan?
yeah fine, put it in that yieldand like like I gotta be honest,

(08:00):
that was the pitch.
Like I was just literally likeyeah, you, you want this.
Like hey, hey, uh, you, youfuck with this and the floor,
fuck it, the floor.
Workers hated me because I wasmy numbers were so high and I
did not get commission for them.
You got this would come back.
I've mentioned this, I think,before at barnes and noble.
I was very good at um sellingthe, the memberships uh yes and

(08:25):
for one.
One easy tactic is if people gota lot of shit, it actually will
cover the cost of the card.
Ah, so like it'll cover thecard and it'll give you a
discount if you're if you'realready spending like 150 or
something yeah, dollars orwhatever, my point being, you
wouldn't even notice it if Ijust scanned it, right?

Eric (08:48):
ah, and so like uh, you could be.

Matt (08:50):
Like hey, I just gave you a discount because I like you so
much and this card eric, Icould be like that and I was, oh
you bad man, and sometimesaround the holidays.

Eric (09:08):
When people are at their most vulnerable.

Matt (09:10):
When we're getting to the end of the year, right yeah, and
hearts are bleeding.
Hearts are bleeding and numbersare due for corporations Every
now and then.
That tactic wouldn't work.
And the the person be like justfucking ring me up please, and
I'm like, okay, but youliterally will save money if you
get like I.
I'm telling you it'll be like$20.

(09:32):
You're like I don't want it.
I come here once a year, blah,blah, blah.
I'm like totally understand,sir, got it totally.
Drop it in the bag.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me I'm wrong.
For that I get a membership, myboss is happy with me and I
saved you fucking money bruce,is there any?

Eric (09:55):
do they have to spend?
Do they have to pay any sort ofupkeep on this card?

Matt (09:58):
no, oh yeah, fuck them, you're welcome I mean it
automatically renew if you don'ttell it not to.

Eric (10:03):
But you know, that's besides the point, that's
besides the point that's.

Matt (10:05):
Besides the point that's besides the point, I give him
the card.
Eric, give him the card.
My numbers were great.
Look at these numbers.
Look at my fucking numbers.
Fucking Barnes, I haven'tworked there in a long time and
yet I still feel passionateabout it, anyway, anyway, let's

(10:37):
start the goddamn show.
Yeah, let's start the goddamnshow.
Well, hello everybody andwelcome to you.
Didn't Ask For this.
It's the podcast answeringlife's least pressing questions,
and my name is Matthew Shea andmy name is, for the record,
eric Poach.
Eric Poach let me ask you thisyeah, how are you?

Eric (10:53):
doing?
Oh, you know they're taking thehouse Credit.
Plummeted Bank accounts are.
You know they're seizing.
Everything turns out I had abarnes and noble card that I
hadn't made payments on in 15years yeah, yeah, that's what
really gets you that's whatreally gets you.

Matt (11:12):
But you know other than that, honestly, vibing tell you
what it also got you two daysshipping and 40 off god damn
cover releases there it is there.
It is there, it is there it is.
Yeah, I still got it.
I remember the thing thatalways got me working at that
retail store is like when you'danswer the phone.

(11:35):
There's always an ever-changingseasonal greeting that you'd
had to do, and one that stickswith me more than the others.
It was in like May, right goingon into June, and the answer
the thing I'd say was thank youfor calling Barnes Noble the the
number one spot for dads andgrads.
My name is.

(11:55):
Matt how can I help you?

Eric (11:59):
And now that is the demographic we seek Dad, the
number one spot for dads andgrads.

Matt (12:05):
How can I help you?
I got a lot of good storiesfrom my time at BNN Dad jokes
grad folks Absolutely.
Now listen, we've got a littlebit of a themed episode on tap.
I love a themed episode.
Themed episode on tech I love athemed episode.

(12:25):
We, Eric, I think one area ofquestion, one subsection of
question that we really excel atis etiquette questions.

Eric (12:34):
Yeah, my God yes.

Matt (12:36):
And so we have gotten a lot of etiquette questions over
time.
These have been sitting aroundfor a while, and so we've we've
got like four of them here, andso we're just gonna fucking
knock them out all in one go allright sit down, but let one,
two, three eyes on me.

Eric (12:53):
Welcome to fucking you daft etiquette school nerds
pencils out.

Matt (12:58):
Okay, phones off no, no, no keep those on, keep those on,
keep those, take your pencils.

Eric (13:03):
Shows on the phone shows on the phone phones out.
Take your pencils out so youcan put them down.

Matt (13:08):
We're here to learn, not to educate, that's right, take
the pencil out and put them down, fucking listen up all right,
respectfully at carissa hatfieldasks hi carissa what's the
proper etiquette for askingsomeone to be the base in pool
chicken?
So this one speaking as a base,eric, go ahead.

Eric (13:30):
Huh, speaking as a base and that is exactly my point.
I was like I am six and a halffeet tall, I there is never any
situation and I have nevergotten to be the top in pool
chicken no, and you never will.
I am a power bottom yeah, inthis circumstance, you will
always be a bottom a 100 andlike yeah, so like the etiquette

(13:52):
is, I'm there and someone justgives me like you're ready for
this, like they don't even haveto add yeah well, I know I am, I
have been the top and pullchicken, but, but I'm often, I'm
most likely going to be abottom, especially now.

Matt (14:08):
Oh, oh, my, yeah, yeah.

Eric (14:10):
But if it was, you and me, I'm on top of you buddy.
You gotta be.

Matt (14:13):
You gotta be.
You gotta be underneath me.
I'm sitting on your face.
That's how you play, right?
Yeah, I mean I should be forfree, you know, like a safety
latch.

Eric (14:26):
Yeah, yeah, just like I latch on with my teeth, you just
bit my dick off what justhappened.
No, no, no, no, no, I gentlygripped it.
Nice Between my chompers.
Yeah, get a good seal on there,just get a.

Matt (14:39):
Get a latch on me like a newborn yeah.

Eric (14:51):
So yeah, but latch on me like a newborn.
Uh, so yeah, so, but, but let'sassume, let's, let's assume two
human beings of equal heightand like general like silhouette
, both alike in weight anddignity.
Yes, um, so, so the etiquette is, I mean, like I feel like the
proper thing to do is to, islike the, the etiquette.
The etiquette thing to do, yeah, is to offer to be the base.

(15:13):
Like you are, you are to be thebeast of burning.
Like, oh, shall I shall?
Do you wish to get upon myshoulders?
And like, oh, yeah.
And then that opens the gatefor the other person, like the
right of first refusal, thatthis is the part where they can
go.
Oh, no, dog, like I amuncoordinated and top heavy,
like I can't, I'm just youshould be on top of me.

(15:35):
But like someone's someone, Ifeel like the opening offer has
to be someone offering me like,all right, all right, do you
want to get on my shoulders?
Yeah, but when was that Let?

Matt (15:42):
me ask you this, eric someone offer and be like all
right, all right, do you want toget on my shoulders?
Yeah, but when was the last?
Let me ask you this, eric whenwas the last time you were in a
situation where you played poolchicken?
I can't tell you a year I lastplayed.
it's got to be high school forme, is what I'm saying uh, mine
probably probably like a fewyears post-college yeah, maybe,
maybe in college, like a summerparty or whatever you know, I
had a friend, uh who's who'sfamily home back in lancaster.

(16:07):
They had a pool and like I'dstill hang out over the summer
and you know whatever.
But like in my experience andyou tell me if this is different
from from in the high school,friends hanging out in a pool,
situation which I feel is thenormal place where pool chicken
lives yes, the most likely placefor it to occur.

Eric (16:25):
The hormones are raging.
Boys wanna, boys wanna be.

Matt (16:29):
That's exactly my point like I can't remember the last
time I a played pool chicken butb didn't have the sub-objective
of having a woman on top of meas the top chicken.

Eric (16:44):
Yeah, I mean like that pole chicken is the like we can
say the quiet part out loud itis, it is the universal excuse
to have someone's legs wrappedaround your head.
Yes, the wrong way, butnevertheless to wear the finest
pair of earmuffs that a pool canbuy.

Matt (17:03):
To wear the finest pair of earmuffs that a pool can buy To
wear the finest pair ofearmuffs, which are human thighs
.

Eric (17:08):
Yes.
Yes, which is a privilege it's aprivilege.
It's on, it rules.

Matt (17:17):
And I'm not even trying to say anything I think out of
pocket.
I'm just saying I think that'swhy pool chicken was made.

Eric (17:24):
Yeah, yeah, oh, hello, think out of pocket.
I'm just saying I think that'swhy pool chicken was made.
Uh, yeah, yeah, oh, hello,hello, barely dressed person
covered in water.
Do you wish to play a game thatessentially involves you doing
the black widow neck twistmaneuver on me, but without
killing me, so you?
Can knock and and it yeah.
So so us two dumb asses onbottom, we just look up exactly.

Matt (17:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the objective of poolchecking, because I think you
tell me if I'm I'm speaking outof my ass here.
If you want to play a pool game, I mean you want to play the
game, say it.
You're playing marco polo, ohokay what are you playing close?

Eric (18:06):
uh, uh, very sharks and minnows baby, oh, sharks of
course, sharks and minnowssharks, of course, sharks and
minnows.
Oh, I'm mad of culture I see,so fun.
I didn't know I was talking toan aristocrat, oh yeah,
philosopher, king of old, um uh,sharks and minnows rules.
Also funny story because thepeople who listen to the show
know exactly what story I'mabout to tell.

(18:28):
I did infamously, uh, give myfriends one of my best friends,
his now wife, girlfriend at thetime a black eye playing sharks
and minnows, because I was theshark and I was blind and I was
swinging these big noodley limbsabout just like and I smicker,

(18:49):
smack, right, right and I gaveher a black eye and it gets
brought up I'd say every two tothree years.
Got to, got it like.
I will never live it down no,and nor should you eric and
alicia, if you're listening tothis, truly you gotta fucking
duck like I'm a shark, you're aminnow, you've gotta.

(19:11):
Fucking keep your head on aswivel, like I don't.
I always like give it avaluable lesson that day, which
is like when you're when you'rea minnow in the water with
sharks, you gotta.
And and fucking frankensteinswinging my arms around, you
gotta got to dodge.

Matt (19:25):
What he's trying to say is you're welcome, but I always
preferred maybe Marco Polo,because I and again, how many
years has it been since I playedany kind of pool game?
But in my youth I was quitegood at swimming underwater.
So, I was quite adept at beingable to pop up.

(19:46):
Oh, it's a bottom feeder.
Give that polo and silentlyjust under the water and zoom it
a notable distance.
Pop up again polo back under thewater like I, just I'm.
I am truly like a, a mist.
A mist upon the, upon the waves.

Eric (20:06):
Where am I?
You don't know.
You don't know where I am.
I would do that thing where,like I would sink down, I would
like get my like right beforeI'm ready to go down, like just
my mouth, just like right by theyeah.

Matt (20:16):
So I don't want to hear him, I don't want, I don't want
them to hear the splash of mesubmerging, sometimes urging
sometimes, yeah, you, that'swhat I'm saying you just get
your little face up and go pullup and back and then slip under.
Yeah, you sink down in thewater like a fucking psycho.
Yeah, you slip on in and out ofthat water like you're martin
sheena in apocalypse now, or you, you know, you're just, you're
just popping in and out.
Yes, you just do that.

(20:39):
And then, if you, if you reallywant to flaunt how good you are
one time when you're goingclose to Marco, just let your
toes, just stroke that leg, justbriefly on the way by.

Eric (20:52):
Oh my God, Just let them know.
Dunking on him, oh, absolutely.

Matt (20:56):
Just let them know, fuck you, I'm right here.
You don't know and you neverwill, never will, you will never
discover the riches of thisEast.

Eric (21:04):
So, in short, that's what marco paulo so, in short, uh,
proper etiquette for playingpool chicken.
Oh right, there's a question.
Yeah, always offer offer to bethe base first.
Yeah, um, give them right, afirst refusal, and uh, you know

(21:25):
and like no, just know yourself.

Matt (21:26):
Like, take a good hard look at yourself.
Imagine what if you're, ifyou're talking as an adult to
adult, imagine the back pain youmay or may not cause a person.
If you are the upper crust,yeah.
If you're gonna be the theheavier of the two people, yeah,
you know, be the bottom and ownit.

(21:47):
Be the bottom, be the bottomand own it, because you are past
the point.
You're past this high schoolflirtation.
You're past this, like thisneat because, eric, if I were to
, once you're in your 30s.

Eric (21:58):
It's about the game.
It's about the game.
You got to get your head out ofthe fucking thighs and into the
game.

Matt (22:01):
Listen, you had your fun with the thigh earmuffs in 12th
grade.

Eric (22:06):
Now it's time to get serious Now it's time to fucking
murder that other person ontheir shoulders.

Matt (22:11):
There's a fucking role for you down there, okay, yeah, you
know what it is, eric, becauseyou keep bringing this up as if
it is universally true of MajorLeague Baseball.
This is not Little League,where right field goes to the
person who can't run and can'tcatch.
Yeah, this, if you're playingpool chicken as a base as an

(22:33):
adult, if you're playing rightfield as adult, no, no, you got
responsibilities, you got toknow the position you got to get
in there.
You got to play.
Okay, you're no longercontending with brendan, the
coach's son.
Okay, you are a professionalbase fucking bless power bottom,

(22:54):
that chicken power bottom.

Eric (22:55):
Speaking of being a professional base, good
etiquette as well, just alsogood physics.
Um, your, your inclination youdirty pervert is going to be
reach like when they're sittingon your shoulders is to reach up
and clamp your hands aroundtheir thigh.
High school move, high schoolmove.
That's fucking no.
You reach around their shins,you lock your arms in front of

(23:16):
yourself, like you just holdyour arm and like that will
secure them and you provide anexquisite base, an exquisite
base Because, listen, if I'm amarried man, I'm going to end up
playing pool chicken with anyfemale other than my wife.

Matt (23:29):
I'm going to pull that person close, give them pep talk
and be like look, I know whoyou think this is, but I'm here
to play.
Okay, my eyes are up here, I'mgoing to be pulling those legs
in close and you, your back,listen, your back may go back,
may fall off.

Eric (23:47):
These legs ain't going up.

Matt (23:48):
So I hope you were doing core, because you're going to
have to pull yourself up, girl,so moving on, yeah, next
question.

Eric (23:58):
This comes from at Sarah Feldman.
Hi Sarah.
What's the proper etiquette forinviting a friend of yours to a
party they weren't invited to?

Matt (24:07):
This is a great question and I think I can answer it real
quick, you don't?

Eric (24:11):
Or just play the devil's advocate.
Or yeah, let's Because thereare situations like, let's say,
you know I'm invited to a party,turns out friends crashing at
my place this weekend.
I do, I do.
I just tell that friend, hey,I'm just gonna need you to like
sit and chill like in the livingroom of my house and go like
just kind of sit there for likefive or six hours while I'm out

(24:34):
getting six hours, you're 35eric not not up here, or you're
gonna be 35 not up here, not upthere, but in the rest of the
bones, oh yeah no, I feel it.
I sacrifice these bones when Iparty you can, you can.

Matt (24:49):
Honestly, let's push the bits out of the yeah, yeah, bits
, bits side this is a free spaceyeah you're telling me you can
do five hours of a party oh bro,I'm, I'm, I, yeah, I'm.

Eric (25:00):
I'm regularly the person like now.
Granted, partying for me nowisn't just fucking like chugging
alcohol and shit.
Partying for me is going, justhanging out, listening to cool
music and fucking chilling withmy homies while we may or may
not partake of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah okay,yeah, in that case totally, but

(25:20):
yeah, but like I can go to, likeI could go to like two or three
in the morning, yeah, soinviting a friend.
So this is this is my approach,this is my recommendation.
Uh, first of all, you don'tmention the party's existence to
the friend until you havereached out to the person
hosting the party and given thema solid hey, just getting a

(25:42):
temperature check.
I've got the like is it okay ifmy friend joins me?
Now, if you and the host aretight, 99 times out of 100,
they'll be like oh yeah, no, noproblem.
But if this is like, let's say,a coworker is hosting a party,
like someone you're you're notlike really friends with, but

(26:05):
your acquaintances with, andthey've invited you to a party
and like a bunch of yourcoworkers and shit are going to
be there, at that point it'sjust hey, or plus one's okay,
exactly that's that's it.
That's the beginning of the end.
And they're like hey, your plusone's okay.
Do you have a space?
No worries, and I always throwin like a no worries if not just
want to check.

Matt (26:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the reason I was so quickto be like you don't the
asterisk there is you?
Don't without checking, Becauseif you show up to I think
showing up to a party withsomeone who wasn't invited and
you didn't give the host anykind of heads up, not even a
courtesy, like hey, I'm gonna bebringing my boy, yeah, like

(26:44):
just so you know, like I, I likeI got no choice, really like
there's your example, they'restaying with me or whatever.
Yeah, you got to you gotta bringthem, but got to give the
person a little bit of a hey,just so you know, is it cool if
I bring my tall friend EricBecause, like yeah, Because,

(27:05):
like you've got a pool, we mightbe playing pool, chicken we
might be playing pool chickenand like I don't want to be in a
circumstance where we don'thave enough power bottoms.

Eric (27:16):
It's the worst problem to have at those kinds of parties
really is.

Matt (27:19):
Yeah, so many hours, marco polo.
Then yeah, um, so you put, yougotta pull, you gotta pull in
the, the party host for the.

Eric (27:29):
Okay, that's what I'm saying.
You just gotta clue them in.

Matt (27:32):
You just gotta clue them in because, because, maybe they
have a tight, maybe they gotthis thing catered and they got
numbers, you know.
So like yeah, don't just don'tbe a party crasher that way.

Eric (27:43):
That's what I say no, the worst, the worst possible way
you can violate this ancient,this social contract.
Uh, speaking now I'm going topivot to a slightly different
kind of party, but I've been insituations where I am hosting, I
am dming for a game of dungeonsand or dragons and something
like I have my, like we're,we're showing, like my, it's

(28:04):
like our.
This happened.
It was like our first time,like, hey, we're, everyone's got
the character.
It's gonna be our first timeplaying.
I'm excited to run the session.
I have five players and one ofthem brought their little
brother.
Little brother who did not havea character, who had never
played dnd and was like hey,yeah, I figured it would be okay
if you, you know you could playwith us.

(28:25):
Oh you figured, huh, oh youfigured.
I have weaved an entire fuckinguniverse.
I've created life on this boardbalanced the scales of good and
evil around, there being five ofyou, and you introduce a sixth,
a sixth and at that, a child.
And a child, um yeah, oldenough to play, but like how
fucking dare you if you werelistening to the show and you

(28:47):
play dnd?
Never do this.
It is the worst thing you canpossibly do and I will judge you
until the end of time for it Ijust think it's rude to, in any
kind of party, to show up withsomeone that the person doesn't
know.

Matt (29:01):
Now I will say, if the party is of a certain size, yes,
yes then then there, I think,is a relaxed etiquette.

Eric (29:12):
Yeah, you know if we're hosts, if the party's at a
fucking bar and it's like one ofthose parties where, like, the
bar is open and it's just normalbar night.
But also we're hosting, if theparty's at a fucking bar and
it's like one of those partieswhere, like, the bar is open and
it's just normal bar night, butalso we're having a party, we
rented the back room or whateverthat nobody gives a fuck.

Matt (29:25):
Nobody, I don't think anybody gives a fuck, especially
and of course this is acceptingalso if the invitations like
plus ones.

Eric (29:33):
Yeah, you know, plus one's welcome, bring a friend,
whatever.

Matt (29:38):
Then you don't need to ask , yeah okay, because the host
opened it up, yes, but but ifthere's not that verbiage, I
think you have to assume thatyou need to ask permission.
That's my, that's my stance onit.

Eric (29:46):
And if it's in someone's home.

Matt (29:49):
Oh god, especially then yes, if it's in a home and you
did not ask the host if youcould bring a friend, fuck you.

Eric (29:59):
Yeah, you have officially put that person in the shittiest
position to ever be in.

Matt (30:03):
Yeah, because if I'm hosting something and I invited
people to my home and youbrought somebody in that I
didn't explicitly invite, how doI know I haven't just opened
myself up to a vampire situation?

Eric (30:15):
Yes, Matt will be making many.
Matt will be needing Lindsay'shelp with many a thing in
another room and it will bewhere they discuss what a piece
of shit you are.

Matt (30:26):
Yes, I'm going to pull Lindsay into the room and be
like, well, we got to get rid ofthis guy.
Okay, I don't trust him.
I don't like the cut of his jib.

Eric (30:34):
I don't like this one bit.
Yeah, why is he showing up?

Matt (30:38):
shirtless.
Yeah what.
We have a quality party goingon here and the vibe is now off.

Eric (30:44):
The vibe is now off.
It does throw the whole fuckingvibe off.

Matt (30:46):
The whole fucking vibe is off.
Yeah, so if you don't want tothrow the vibe off, just ask,
just ask, just ask.
What do you think Eric Didcharacter?
Did we hit it?
Oh, we nailed it.
Now, this one we get.
We're getting a little bit more.
I'm gonna skip this one.

Eric (31:00):
I feel like actually this is a good last.

Matt (31:01):
That's a good closer.
So I'm gonna go to a namepopped up in the last couple
episodes in a row.
I feel like at mike perry jr oninstagram.
Thank you, mike.
He asks what's the properetiquette for showing someone a
youtube video you love.

Eric (31:18):
Oh my God, now we're digging where there's taters.

Matt (31:22):
Indeed, we are, because there this Eric is tricky, this
is tricky and there is a fuckingart to it Because, listen and
this is going out to anyone whoI've ever and this includes you,
eric this is going out toanyone who I've ever and this
includes you, eric If I textedyou a video or in person have

(31:43):
been like, hey, I want to showyou this video.
That is something I am, you'vebeen chosen, bearing my soul to
you.
I am saying this is requiredviewing.

Eric (31:56):
Yes, and.

Matt (31:57):
I would like your full fucking attention on this video.

Eric (32:01):
I didn't just stumble upon this and thought, oh, maybe I'm
watching this to someone.
No, I have weighed the calculusof our entire relationship to
each other and the species ofhumanity before I have shown
like you must watch this youmust watch.

Matt (32:18):
this must I make it fucking count I chose this for
you because I suspect you'llhave an interest in it.
Yes, and if you ignore that,don't expect it.

Eric (32:32):
Don't expect me at your wedding and and you did don't
expect me to fucking help youoff the ground when you're
bleeding in a ditch yeah, yeahum, I'll lean down and be like.
Remember the trailer tropicthunder 2008 you didn't want to
watch it, you little fuck, andthis is why I am leaving you gut
shot in the desert to die.

(32:52):
But there are two different.
There's two different levelshere.
There's two different.
There's two different flavorsof sharing a video with someone,
and you named them.
One is I am sending you oneonline, yes, and we are.
We are occupying the samephysical space and I'm like all
right, you got to check this out.
There are two very I have very,very different opinions on

(33:16):
execution here.
On the etiquette.
Now I this is me my strongfeelings are going to lean much
more towards the when we're inperson because, matt I don't
know if you know this I could bebetter about responding to
messages that people send meonline.

Matt (33:38):
Yeah, you're the way I'd put it, and I, I want to be
respectful.

Eric (33:42):
Oh, yeah, respectfully.

Matt (33:44):
Um, you're the worst texter I've ever encountered.
Yes, this is objectively true,it is um Eric bit free.
It can be infuriating.
I'm just going to know bit freevalid I.
I'm just gonna let you knowthere are times where I'm like
what?
The fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, I Iso, yeah, I'd say there's room

(34:06):
for improvement, there's roomfor improvement but, that being
said, if you are, if you aresending someone a video.

Eric (34:13):
So so etiquette, rule number one for sending video
online a do not just drop a link, zero fucking context or
exploit.
Don't.
Don't just drop like a fucking.
I'm like what, what?
Because a I don't know.
If you got fucking fuckinghacked and you're sending me
random shit, you got to give melike a.

(34:33):
At least give me like a, please, at your earliest convenience.
Watch this video.
You will love it sound yeah,yeah, there, like generally when
you've got to put you got togive me some, because otherwise
what you've done is you'veclicked two buttons and are now
expecting me to take fiveminutes of my life and do all
that emotional labor to watchthe thing.

Matt (34:54):
If you're yeah you got, I agree.
And you, when you're sending mesomething that you want a bit
of content you want me toconsume, you generally will
either include some witty textor you'll do a voice memo, send
the voice memo first.
This is your own personal styleanyway, to be like I'm about to

(35:17):
send you something and then Iknow, okay, maybe you know I'm
out and about, I'm in grocerystore, whatever.
Okay, I know I got a funnyvideo to watch when I get home.
It's in the queue.
If you just send me a link, I'mlike I don't.

(35:43):
And I think there aresubsections to this etiquette
question as well because, like,it also depends on where the
video is right.
If we're talking tiktok, if Isend you a tiktok or a reel or
whatever on the platform, if, ifI Instagram message it to you,
I message you on TikTok,whatever, that's a.
Hey, I thought this would befunny.

Eric (36:04):
Hey, I saw this the other day.

Matt (36:05):
I took half a second to send it to you because, like, oh
, poachers will think it's funnyIf I, on those two platforms in
particular, anyway, if I textyou a TikTok, that is.
I don't think there is anadditional text needed.
That should speak for itself.
I want you to watch this.

Eric (36:27):
Yes, I need you to watch this.
I need you to watch this.
Please validate my choices.
Yeah, 100%.
I will also say this Tell meWhile we're still in the realm
of sending it online, and thenwe can probably move on from
there.
When I think sending someone aclip or a video or anything, I

(36:51):
hear the unimpeachably competentvoice of Robin Quick in my head
.
He's our theater historyprofessor and, uh, chair of the
theater department at taliesinuniversity was for was yes, uh.
I hear the words why this playat this time for this audience?

(37:12):
There is a time and a place foreach video, and quantity is not
a quality.
What's the number one way toensure that I don't watch
anything you send me is ifyou're one of those folks who
sends me like too much 30,goddamn like too much long video

(37:34):
.
Like I'm not, you've just givenme an hour long chore.
Pick your battles.
You got chore.
Pick your battles.
You gotta pick your battle.
You have to a surgical like hey, one of these, oh, oh, my god,
the only person.

Matt (37:45):
But the only person that's applicable to is your
significant other, that's theonly person who should be
watching 20 minutes of tiktokyes, because that's a communal
experience then yes, you'vegotta, you've got.

Eric (37:58):
Now, if they watch it, they're like oh my god, that was
so funny.
And they're like well, if youlike that, here's a few more you
can check out.
When, like, I'll throw like ahere's some more you'll like.
But like, that's like a, youdon't need to watch this right
now.
You just like come to those ifyou ever ever come to.
Or like oh, if you like thatcontent, here's the channel I
got it from.
Like they, they make reallygood, funny stuff.
Now let's talk about in person.

Matt (38:18):
Yes, because this is the tricky part.

Eric (38:21):
I think the in person is the tricky part, because usually
if I'm showing someone videos,like YouTube videos and like in
person, usually it's going to bein like a social setting.
Yeah, definitely, there's likeat least three plus people in
the equation, myself included.
Now, I may have mentioned thisbefore, I have ADHD.
I think it's come up.

(38:41):
I think it's come up.
So there is no greater hell onearth to me than, like, if we
all got together like, oh, we'rewatching a movie, where we're
like we're watching a movie,we're watching a show, and
throughout that movie and show,someone is trying like, hey, you
should watch this video.
Yep, and that is hell to me.

(39:03):
That is, that is because, likeor like, we're sitting there.
Why, like, I'm like focused onthey and they're like just like,
hey, you're watching.
I'm like, I'm like, pause thefucking tv, at least, like you
who are you watching movies withthat?

Matt (39:16):
this is even entering their brain.
Other people with ADHD, Eric.
I'll tell you this right now.

Eric (39:23):
That's the problem with ADHD.
It comes in so many infuriatingflavors.

Matt (39:29):
I'll tell you this right now If you are watching
something with me, you are notwatching something on your phone
, and that's one of the things Ilove about watching shit with
you, because if somebody iswatching something on their
phone and we start the movie, Iwill pause the movie and be like
do you want to take that?

(39:50):
Do you need to take that?
Oh, it's just a video.
Oh yeah, Do you?
You want to go do in anotherfucking room then?

Eric (39:56):
Matt, especially if it's something that I have seen.
They have not, and I'm tryingto show it like I'm like fuck,
I'm like you.
You are twisting a knife in myfucking liver.

Matt (40:08):
If I yeah, if I am I'm like, hey, come over, I want you
to see this movie.
You're seeing this movie andyou're dicking around on your
phone, I'm going to be like, ohokay, you hate me, that's just
great, you hate me and I'llfucking turn it off because,
like I'm sorry, I don't thinkStanley Kubrick intended his
film to be watched part time.
God, it drives me insane.

Eric (40:27):
It really drives me insane .
It drives missing plot.
Critical information watch it.

Matt (40:35):
You know if you're hey, if you're all coming over to watch
a sporting event, or you knowsome reality show or some shitty
.
You know comfort show, that'sdifferent.

Eric (40:48):
You know I'm I'm on my phone during there yes, there's
entire category of shows thatare background shows.
Yes, like Great British BakeOff, fucking, I can have that
rolling all day or fuck it.
Or if it's a show I've watcheda million like if I'm just like
playing Parks and Rec or theOffice, I don't give a fuck, oh,
especially if you're rewatchingsomething.

Matt (41:10):
Yeah, I'm not a big background show person.
Yeah, I'm not a big backgroundshow person, but like we
generally, when we generally arenightly TV viewing structure is
me and Lindsay, that is is, ifwe're not watching a movie or
something, we'll watch one ortwo like of the dramas that
we're watching right now, thenlike a comedy, and then we'll

(41:37):
end with like a cheers, ataskmaster, a Frazier, something
in that, something in that ilk.
Yes, and it's usually thosethree right now that we're like
altering between just a nicestraight up sitcom, you know, a
reality show whatever, somethingat the end, to just kind of be
like cool During those dramas.
My phone's generally not outwith the exception of oh where
do I know that guy from?
With the exception of that, Ican't, yeah, I can't, give in to

(41:58):
that.
Look it up, I can't, I.

Eric (42:00):
I matt shea physically have to know I same, hard, same,
and alissa has the patience ofsaint with me when it comes,
because there will be timeswhere it's like several times
within a 20 minute window thatI'm like wait, no, I know that
guy was oh, oh, my God.

Matt (42:14):
Well, most of the time, most of the time, I do know the
person, but the times I don't.
Yeah, I have to know.
I have to know, because I feelI've let the room down by not
knowing hit that person's nameoff the bat.

Eric (42:27):
It will live rent free in my head until the end of time.

Matt (42:29):
I'm trying to wait to the end of the program but, like
generally, dramas or whatever Iam, I'm locked in.
I'm paying attention.
We're watching some show, thatdoesn't matter.
Yeah, I'll pull out my phonefrom time to time.
I don't think that's a big dealIf it's a movie, fuck.
No, that phone is out.
I don't even look people uptill the end of the movie

(42:49):
because I am like imagine, we'rein a theater right now.
If you pulled out a phone in atheater, I will throw popcorn at
you.
I've done it and I willcontinue to do it.
You'll throw popcorn, followedby hands, followed by hands and
shade throughout.

Eric (43:03):
Yes.
So to further us along on thisetiquette of showing a video in
person, just to summarize thepoints we've made so far One
everything like if I'm showingyou like I need you to watch
this video One made so far.
One everything like if I'mshowing you like I need you to
watch this video.

Matt (43:18):
one everything else paused , get undivided attention get
that, get that shit on, do notdisturb my friend show to me or
in the other and the otherbecause, like any, any sort of
like anything else happening.

Eric (43:28):
My brain will just be panicking the entire time
because I cannot not payattention to both the other
angle of this.
Let's say we're we're fallingto.
I love when, when you have agroup of like tight friends,
you're hanging out living room,you're in front of the tv and we
fall into showing shit, showingeach other shit on youtube time
.
Yeah, that's a great time, ohgreat time.

(43:49):
There is a a certain amount ofreading the room.
When it comes to when your assneeds to pass the baton.
I I don't know if this ishappening to you I'll be like,
oh, yeah, let me show you thisvideo.
And then you're showing peoplevideo and someone like already
like have it.
Like oh, oh, after this is over, after this is over, I'm gonna
show you.
I'm gonna show you another,like no, no, you shut the fuck

(44:10):
up.
We're gonna watch the wholething, we're gonna absorb it,
and then I will pass the batonto you.
Then you can put on whateveryou want.
But also, do not bogart.
Do not bogart the search box.
Do not bogart the youtube.
Yeah, there are people who willfall into this group like, oh,
you like that, oh, I'm gonnashow you.
And then, like you, you end uplocked into like fucking 10
videos of like one kind of thing, because one person did not

(44:33):
read the room and pass the batonthat's the equivalent of like
one kind of thing because oneperson did not read the room and
pass the baton.

Matt (44:38):
That's the equivalent of like not actually partaking in a
conversation and listening andjust waiting for your turn to
talk.

Eric (44:43):
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah my lines.

Matt (44:46):
Exactly, it's the same thing.
Only, like you said, read theroom.
Thou shalt read the room, thoushalt read the room.
Know the vibe.
Is your video related?
Is it going to play?
In the playlist in theunofficial playlist that's being
created in this YouTube showshowing.
Is it going to fit?

(45:07):
If not, you just want me to seesome unrelated video.
Pump your brakes.

Eric (45:12):
Yes, yes, unrelated video pump your brakes, yes, yes,
there is a, there is an art toto the ebb and flow of the vibe
as we go through these videos.

Matt (45:23):
Yeah, and if you're, if you're at some party and you're
talking to somebody and a videocomes up in conversation like oh
, that reminds me of the, putsme in mind of a youtube video.
Yes, I would.
I would say, depending on whereyou are, if you're able to be
like you know what.
Actually, here, can I show thisto you Just like a.
Do you want to see this?
Yes, because that opens theperson up to be like oh, you

(45:45):
know what, send it to me, I'llwatch it when I get home.

Eric (45:47):
Yes, oh my God, that's another thing.
I see I'm at a rager and likeI'm in a room and like there's
like fucking 20 people standingaround in this kitchen and we're
all like having loud assconversations.
That is not the time to show mea video no, I'm not, I'm like.
I'm not doing this and itwouldn't come up for me because
I know you can't properly hearit no, you can't experience it

(46:08):
the way I want you to it'sthere's no greater hell than
when you're desperately liketrying to show someone a video
but like it's so loud that likethey have to do that thing where
, like their eyes are off thescreen, they're leaning in.
Just I'm like.
That is why I never put myselfin that position, because I wait
for an appropriate time to showsomeone a video.
The video times at a party, ifyou're at a rager, it's at like

(46:28):
the two to three m range wherelike people have started filing
out and it's just like it's it'sdown to like a core group in
the living room that are justkind of like we're getting our
last, last of our our partyadrenaline out.
We're coming down and like we'reabout to head home.
That's video time that's video.

Matt (46:44):
Time, that's video.
Or just be like blah, blah,blah.
Oh yeah, this key and peelsketch.
It's so funny, you know what.
I'll just text it to you andthen that's it.
That's it, and then you justgotta let, let it go.
Text it to you and then that'sit.
That's it, and then you just gotto let, let it go, and I'm I'm
saying that as somebody who's itsometimes is hard for me to
discover.
It's hard for me to discoveryou haven't seen a certain video

(47:07):
that I feel is imperative to mycanonical existence and and
can't show it to you.

Eric (47:16):
It's hard for me, yeah, and while we're there on the
subject, have you seen, uh, thecute house video, cute?

Matt (47:22):
house video.

Eric (47:23):
It's it's a, it's a, it's a little sketch, little sketch
comedy.
It's uh, no, oh, I, I'm gonnasend you a video send me the
video.

Matt (47:29):
I'll send you a video but don't show it to me right now,
in the middle of this podcast.

Eric (47:33):
No, not in the middle of the podcast time and and place.
Time and place.
Time and place.

Matt (47:37):
Speaking of killing the vibe yes, or killing a vibe or
killing.
I think it's time we get to ourlast question.

Eric (47:44):
Yes, this comes from at the Jarge on Instagram.
You know who you are, you knowwhat you did, you know what you
did and I love you for it.
Love you, george.
Love you, george.
What's the proper etiquette for?

Matt (47:57):
guillotine.
Use Now this in the year of ourLord, 2025,.
I think this is something we'regoing to need to know.

Eric (48:04):
So you know what Matt.

Matt (48:06):
Everything old can be made new again.
It can be made new again.
You know there were some theguillotine.

Eric (48:16):
There were the guillotine, there were pros and cons.
Pros and cons why that thatimplement at that time for that
revolution for that revolution.
Etiquette for guillotine use onegonna want to set up and up so
like, let's, let's say the quietparts out loud, you're gonna
want this to be public.
The guillotine is a public,it's a public, it a public
execution.

Matt (48:35):
It's a public device.

Eric (48:37):
It's not about just killing somebody.
You could do that with a rock.

Matt (48:41):
No, guillotine is about the theater the guillotine is
not merely a punishment, it isalso a performance.
Yes, and so you're sending amessage.
It's about sending a message tothe people, to the masses.
So what you're going to want isyou're going to want some sort
of public square, uh, you know,main street, if there's steps of

(49:05):
a capital, steps of a capital,if there's a, a town square with
a gazebo in it, you're going towant to be by the gazebo, but
not in the gazebo, because youneed to be visible.

Eric (49:16):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Got to be.
Uh, yes, Got to be upraisedplatforms, Got it?
I'd say at least about like sixand a platform's got to be at
least six and a half feet offthe ground.
That way everyone can look.
Ideally, ideally, you'd have akind of realizing the fucked up

(49:37):
psychology of of the guillotine,because the way guillotine
stages are built, you have toyou you're.
It's a raised platform, like,probably like a foot or two
above the heads of everyone.
But that's the thing you arewatching someone have their head
chopped off while lookingthrough a forest of other heads.

Matt (49:51):
Correct and what you're going to want to do.
What are you going to want todo?
I'm going to say you want tothink about your audience, you
want to think about the messagethat's being sent.
Because I'd say you want thegazebo.
In a way doesn't work great,because you want the gazebo.
I mean you want the guillotineto be backing up to something,

(50:14):
so somebody's not.
You don't want somebody lookingat the ass of the person in the
guillotine.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is proscenium style,proscenium slaughter.
Yes, this is a prosceniumslaughter.
You want everybody on one side,so everyone's got a good view.
And the reason I think you wantthe platform to be raised up a

(50:35):
little bit is because I thinkthe best kinds of executions via
guillotine are where the headhas somewhere to fall, to roll
dramatically To roll away, andthen some kids in the front row
can pick it up and hoist it up.

Eric (50:52):
I've got the tyrant.

Matt (50:54):
I've got the tyrant.
I've got him.
I've got him, stick him on apike.

Eric (51:02):
And they're like tossing it around like a beach ball and
everyone's having a great time.

Matt (51:04):
Everyone's having a great time.

Eric (51:06):
People would get dressed up to go see guillotines.
Absolutely, they'd put on theirSunday fives.

Matt (51:10):
They'd have picnics, you're going to want to erect it
at least 24 hours before theexecution.
That way people, that waypeople know there's an ominous
announcement that you know.

Eric (51:21):
You have to be here at a certain time ideally make sure
you're building it somewherewhere and this is like in a
perfect world but like you'rebuilding it in the town square,
but that also just happens tohave a perfect like line of
sight view to like the littlecell, the little basement

(51:42):
dungeon that, like the soon tobe tyrant, is going to be like
sitting it, like they'rewatching you build the
guillotine from their littlebetween the bars.

Matt (51:49):
They're like yeah, you want them to know how close they
are to their demise.
Yes, but, this is Eric.
This is not the FrenchRevolution.
This is 2025.
For guillotine use today,you're going to want to have
some microphones on hand soeveryone can properly hear the
last statement of the accused.
You're going to want, maybe, apodium off to the side with a

(52:12):
microphone that somebody canread out the charges before
saying you know, do you have anylast words?
I sentenced you to die fuckingoff with their head and then let
that stuff roll.

Eric (52:22):
At least a megaphone at least a megaphone at a minimum.
A megaphone at a minimum.
You've got a proper etiquette.
And this is just in terms oflike.
Again, this is theater.
This is performance.
This is just in terms of like.
Again, this is theater.
This is performance.
This is grandiose.
You got like whoever's pullingthe lever.
Gotta be wearing that blackhood thing.

Matt (52:39):
Gotta have the black hood.

Eric (52:43):
The black tunic, the pant, the hood, with a little.
Yeah, you know Bare arm, barebig, muscly arms.

Matt (52:49):
He's not doing anything intensive, he's just pulling a
lever and listen, it's aboutsending the message, it's about
putting on a show because, look,there's a reason the all black
tuxedo never goes out of style,and that's for formal events and
for formal executions.
The black hood Always good,yeah, yeah, always great.
Stick it in there and off withhis head.

(53:12):
You know, and I'd say minimum,I'd say honestly minimum, if
you're going to go to the laborof constructing a guillotine, of
constructing a stage minimum ofthree, three executions.

Eric (53:26):
Oh you got.
I mean, yeah, you can't, youdon't build a gate, just for one
.

Matt (53:30):
It's like boxing.
You know, you got to build upto the main event.

Eric (53:34):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Matt (53:36):
You know, if you're, if you've got one main person being
executed, you need two or threeopening acts.

Eric (53:43):
And this similar to the what I was describing to you as
I was watching the SNL musiclike review.

Matt (53:50):
The 50th concert.

Eric (53:52):
The 50th concert the feeling there, the vibe there
was like I feel like thedirection given to each act was
do this like it's the finale.
Yeah, and I think that's key toproper guillotine use.
You're going to want to work up, but you got to give everyone
the get your final words out,get their head in there, and

(54:12):
then you give it before it drops.
It's got to be up.
You can't just like all right,neil chop, neil chop, no, no, no
, no, no, no.

Matt (54:22):
Got to let it.
Got to let it hang in the air.
You got to have an executionerwho also has flair right,
Because we all know it's a lever.

Eric (54:30):
You can just go like any asshole, can pull the lever you.

Matt (54:32):
You can just go like oh, you can do it with your foot
while you're reading the SundayTimes, oh my God.
But what you need is somebodywho strikes a pose, who squares
their legs, leans over and makesit look like they're hoisting
it over.
Shark Like they're.
Sisyphus pushing that boulder.

Eric (54:53):
And then when they're resettingting, they're hauling
on that fucking chain, justhauling on the chain one, yeah
two, yeah three.

Matt (55:02):
Yeah, that blade's like 20 pounds, but it doesn't matter.
No, no, no we it's.

Eric (55:09):
It's like watching the ball drop at new york city.
Human beings just have.
We love to see things go fromhigh place to low place and we
all cheer when it gets there.
Just lots of different reasonsfor doing it.
High place to low place alwaysa winner.
Yeah, yeah, Always really testswell with execution audiences.

Matt (55:26):
I'm looking forward to getting the guillotine back in
action.

Eric (55:29):
Oh man, to quote AJJ mega guillotine.
I love you, mega guillotine.
I am voting for you, Thank you.

Matt (55:37):
Thank you very much.
Now, Eric.
I think that about does it forour etiquette questions.

Eric (55:42):
Think that about.
Does it?
I feel enriched?

Matt (55:46):
I hope you do and I think you should, and I understand
that you have a pop quiz for me.

Eric (55:53):
Oh, matthew, do I that you have a pop quiz for me?
Oh, matthew do I speaking ofspeaking in a similar vein to
ajj.
Oh uh, matthew, today's popquiz.
If you'll indulge me, I will,matthew.

Matt (56:07):
I call this punk or poser, okay I'm gonna read off 23 punk
band names this is good, eric,this is good, and you're gonna
tell me which ones are real andwhich ones I made up.

Eric (56:23):
Yep, yeah, I'm proud of you bud yeah, this is a good one
.

Matt (56:25):
All right, we're gonna pose her punk or poser.

Eric (56:28):
I'm ready if it's real poser, if it's not, I got it
first.
Band psycho billy murder scenepunk poser made that up.
Made that up in high school I,I was gonna.
I wonder if you've said it to mebefore, because I swear I've
heard that before oh, there'sgonna be a bunch in here that I
know I've mentioned to you atsome point, but also fake ones

(56:49):
that I know I've probablymentioned to you at some point.
Great, great Second band Fugazioh, that's punk.
That's punk, they are real,they're awesome.
If you saw someone in a Fugazishirt no, you didn't.

Matt (57:03):
Well, you put some Fugazi on my punk folk playlist yeah,
yeah.
I liked Fugazi more than a lotof the rest.
They're in my upper third.

Eric (57:14):
Oh you, really I liked Fugazi more than a lot of the
rest.
They're in my upper third.
Oh you, really, I'm over themoon that you were, that you
fucks with Fugazi yeah, I didlisten to it, Eric.

Matt (57:20):
Yeah, I know I did listen to it A lot of it Not for me,
but Fugazi better than some ofthe others.

Eric (57:27):
Good place to start.
Next band Amel and the SniffersAmel.
Amel, amel and the SniffersPoser.
That is a real band they're.
They're a phenomenal womanfronted punk band out of
Australia.
So what?
I'm one for three, really Onefor three.
I'm checking off the ones thatyou get, correct?

(57:49):
Oh OK, the Stepdaddies.

Matt (57:53):
Hmm, real Fake.

Eric (57:57):
Damn.

Matt (57:57):
Yep, okay, the stepdaddies .

Eric (57:58):
Hmm, real fake damn.
Yep, ah, screm femme, scremfemme yes, real fake fuck eric,
and you're good at this man thatis a nickname we use, for there
is a real band called thescreaming females, but we just,
in the house, refer to them toscrimp them.
What's the polite thing to do?
Stiff richards, stiff richardsuh, punk or poser poser real

(58:26):
motherfucker.

Matt (58:27):
I'm bad at this and you're good at this, ah next band,
feral mare feral mare real fakejesus christ.

Eric (58:41):
That's amazing, I couldn't be worse at this, that's
because it's just a differentversion of wild stallion.

Matt (58:51):
Sure, yeah, next band propaganda either way, great
name great name um, I want it tobe, I want it to be real.
I'm saying punk that is realokay, a second, I got two I'm up

(59:12):
to two, you're two.

Eric (59:17):
Spoonboy, you there, spoonboy, spoonboy.
Please, the super zombieSpoonboy.
Spoonboy's fake Spoonboy isabsolutely real.

Matt (59:28):
I hate you and Spoonboy, damn you, spoonboy, away with
you.
Maximum fuck Real boy damn youspoon boy, away with you maximum
.
Fuck, real fake I give up.

Eric (59:43):
I, I give up.
No, no, no, matt, I believewe're just about halfway through
.

Matt (59:48):
Okay, biff, tannin overdrive you justdrive, you
just had to, you just had to.

Eric (59:58):
I feel like it's real, is that?
your final answer yeah.
It is real.
Okay, that was a local band.

Matt (01:00:22):
One of my best friends in high school.
His brother had a band calledBiff Tannen Overdrive.
My logic was if you're going topull?

Eric (01:00:25):
out a Back to the Future reference for me.
If you were to make one up,that doesn't sound like what
you'd make up.
Yeah, yeah, that was my logicthere.
Flea to Only Fake, fake, that'sa band Alyssa and I made up.
Okay, shite Geist.

Matt (01:00:33):
Shite Geist, real Fake, real fake, damn, mother fuck did
you?
Are these ones you made up forthis quiz, or?

Eric (01:00:40):
ones you've made up over the course of a couple of these
are one like psycho billy murderscene, like that's a fake band
me and my friends have beentalking about since high school
but for the most part we uh,alissa and I put our noodles
together.
Alyssa helped provide 99% ofthe actual bands on this list
because her music knowledge isencyclopedic.

(01:01:02):
I see Infinite Pizza.
I think Infinite Pizza is real.
Infinite Pizza is real, localBaltimore band fronted by my
good friend Becky, who's goingto be a guest on this show soon.

Matt (01:01:17):
Yes, she is.
Didn't you give me an InfinitePizza thing on the playlist, or
no?
Is that why?

Eric (01:01:23):
it's familiar.
No, oh, I might have.
If I haven't, I can think ofsome good Infinite Pizza songs
to add to that playlist.
Spitshoe.

Matt (01:01:32):
Spitshoe, oh Spitshoe shoe , I don't know.
I'm gonna say it's real fakeand it is brace, face, brace
face.

Eric (01:01:50):
That's real.
That is real.
Also, a Baltimore band.
Oh, look at that Bikini.

Matt (01:01:57):
Kill.
Bikini Kill is fake, real.
I hate you.

Eric (01:02:02):
I love you All right.
Illuminati Hotties.

Matt (01:02:05):
That's great.
That's a great fucking name andit better be real it better be
a band?

Eric (01:02:11):
Is your final answer real?
It is.
It is fake.
Okay, studfinder, all right, allright.
This is the beauty of punk bandnames.

Matt (01:02:28):
Why not just call it Dad Joke the Band?
I'm going to say fake, that isfake.

Eric (01:02:33):
Good, good that it is the Duke Nukems, nice Wow.

Matt (01:02:36):
Good that it is the Duke Nukem's Nice, wow, oh, I want to
play Duke Nukem now.
That's classic gaming for youright there.
Duke Nukem, duke Nukem.
I'm going to say it's real Fake.
That one's me.

Eric (01:02:49):
Congratulations on that one Illuminati hotties and stud
finder was Alyssa.
All right.
On that one Illuminati hottiesand stud finder was Alyssa All
right.
We're down to our last three.
Mean jeans real, that is real.
Okay, mom jeans Fake that isreal.
Okay.
Pissed jeans Fake, that is real.

(01:03:11):
Oh three of them are real Meanjeans mom jeans, pissed jeans,
All right of them are real Meanjeans mom jeans, piss jeans, All
right, Matt, let me run thisthrough this and they're
unrelated.

Matt (01:03:19):
They're not like a super group, no no, no, oh, but when?
They combine with their powers.
Combined so much denim.

Eric (01:03:27):
The devil's denim Son is something wrong.
You've hardly touched yourjinner.

Matt (01:03:33):
The devil's denim's the name of that super group.

Eric (01:03:37):
The devil wears dickies dante's denim.
So running through we had 23bands and you got one, two,
three, four, five, six, seven,eight, eight out of 23.
That's not great, hey, you know, we all got those days, god
knows.
I don't think I thought Ifigured out a single fucking one

(01:03:57):
of those houses or who theybelong to.

Matt (01:04:00):
No, but again, you weren't supposed to.
It was educational, I wasteaching you through your
failure boy.
I was merely inviting you toguess at something that I didn't
think you'd likely know, and ifyou did I'd be very impressed
with you, and I think that isvery much the realm here.
I learned some real bands and Icongratulated you on some fake

(01:04:23):
names that are very funnythey're very I.

Eric (01:04:26):
And for those of you listening, um, for the real
bands you've heard of, ifthey're on this list, go listen
to them.
They fucking rule, um.
And if there a made-up band,you're welcome.
You now have a name for yourband.
There you go.

Matt (01:04:40):
And Eric, I think, on that note, that'll about do it.
That'll about do it For thisetiquette episode of you Didn't
Ask For this.
Yeah, you're going to give themthe business.
I think it's time that we givethem the business.
I think so.
I think so.
Well, first and foremost, I dowant to say that we do have a
Patreon that we'd love you tojoin, eric.
You want to give them the deets?

Eric (01:04:58):
Yes, Tell you about our side hustle.
So if you subscribe to theYadaft Patreon for one measly
fucking dollar a month, you getaccess to the Yadaft Discord and
we're memeing and dreaming overthere, memeing and dreaming,
memeing and dreaming.
For a mere $4 a month Less thana fucking latte, less than a

(01:05:26):
goddamn latte you get access tothe Discord.
You get monthly bonus contentOops, all tangents and you get
20% off of all your Daft merch,which you can go buy right now.
You can drop everything you'redoing right now and go buy a
bitchin' mug or a hoodie.

Matt (01:05:48):
Or a hoodie or a t-shirt or a fanny pack or other things.
We're going to add some moremerch there soon.
It's youdontask for thiscomslash shop.
Of course, we still need thosequestions from you.
You can do that.
You didn't ask for this.
Gmailcom.
Send us an email.
You can leave us a voicemail atthe thought line at
410-929-5329 and catch us on thesocial medias.

(01:06:11):
We're mainly on Instagram andblue sky and Tik TOK at.
You didn't ask pod.
That's the letter.
You didn't ask pod.
Uh, yeah, so that I think.
I think that wraps up thebusiness, eric.

Eric (01:06:25):
I think that wraps it up.

Matt (01:06:27):
We got a lot of fun stuff planned for you.
We got multiple guests lined upfor, uh, upcoming episodes and
in our very next episodeactually is going to be another.
You daft and afraid we're goingout to the people live, but
also pre-recorded.
But also pre-recorded.
I don't know, Eric.
Should we tell them where we'regoing?
Oh, Matthew.

Eric (01:06:49):
No, let us build the suspense.
Let us build the suspense, Letthem wonder.

Matt (01:06:54):
But you know we will announce it.
We'll give a little teaser whenwe're a little bit closer in
our Instagram.
So, at, you Didn't Ask Pa, gothere for the heads up, but
otherwise I think that'll aboutdo it for this episode of.
You Didn't Ask for this Fromall of us here.
My name's Matt J, my name'sEric Poach and, listen, you
didn't ask for this From all ofus here.

(01:07:14):
My name's Matt J, my name'sEric Poach and listen, you
didn't ask, but Mega guillotine,I love you, mega guillotine,
I'm voting for you.

Eric (01:07:30):
Come on everybody.
You know the words.
I'm praying for you every day.
I'm praying for you every day.
Yeah, can we play that legally,oh?
Yeah, yeah, we performed it,thank you.