112 | YDAFT & Afraid 2: Costco - You Didn't Ask For This

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matt (00:01):
Oh hey, everybody, oh hi, didn't see you there.
Now listen, this is just alittle preamble to the podcast
you're about to hear.
This is a pretty special andunique episode of you.
Didn't Ask For this.

Eric (00:15):
You Daft and Afraid.
We call it Costco edition.

Matt (00:18):
Absolutely.
We've done one other of theseso far.
Almost a year ago, you Daft andAfraid Ikea, ikea.
So what's gonna happen here iswe're for the bulk of this
episode.
We're wearing personal mics,we're walking around a costco,
so we wanted to hit you up topwith what the sound quality of
this show normally sounds like.

Eric (00:40):
This baby right here basking it butter smooth,
buttersmooth, chocolatey voice.

Matt (00:45):
Because for the rest of this episode you're going to
hear a lot of carts in thebackground.

Eric (00:49):
A lot of carts, especially towards the beginning and at
the end, a lot of whoosh.
It was a windy day.

Matt (00:55):
As we approached Costco, it was a windy day, I tried to
cut out as much of the windsection as possible.
So, absolutely, it's a uniqueepisode, but we hope you enjoy
the hell out of it.

Eric (01:09):
We know we did.

Matt (01:09):
So that's the story for you.
We collected your questions inadvance for some Costco-based
questions.
We're going to be talking tosome folks.
We're going to be eating somesamples.

Eric (01:22):
Oh, aaron, oh, we're going to be joping and a-jorking,
yeah, and of course we're goingto be joping and a-jorking, yeah
, and of course we're going toget ourselves a glizzy.
Oh, brother, and honestly, ifyou're listening, best way to
listen to this episode, pull outyour dollar, pull out two
quarters, go to Costco, get yourglizzy, get your soda and
buckle in and just walk around.

Matt (01:39):
We, of course, reference some images and stuff which will
be on the Instagram linked inthe show description.
You know where to find us.
Anyway, let's turn it over toMatt and Eric in the field.
Live in the field, live in thefield.
Please enjoy.
You, daft and Afraid Costco.
Costco Kirkland.
Well, hello everybody andwelcome to you.

(02:02):
Didn't Ask for this, you, daftand Afraid edition.
You, daft and Afraid babies.
You, daft and Afraid babies.
We are here in the parking lotof a Costco.
Yes, on a Saturday.

Eric (02:14):
And it is bumping.

Matt (02:15):
Folks, we are arriving.
I'm looking at the clock hereit's 1 47 pm and we are about to
go in.
We're parked about half a milefrom the actual Costco.
So we're going to walk over now,all of which, I'm assuming, is
going to get cut for wind.
We've got your questions herethat you have submitted both on

(02:38):
the Instagram and on our Discord, which is great.
We got so many, so thank youfor that.
We did.
We got a bunch of duplicates aswell, so but so, but we, we did
combine some, uh, so we'llanswer those as we're going
along.
Uh, we'll probably get a glizzy.
We'll get it whoa, we debt.

Eric (02:58):
We got to get a glizzy at the end.
We'll stop by at the end.

Matt (03:01):
Hit some sampies, hit some sampies, eric, shall we begin?

Eric (03:04):
let's do this, let's just fucking get into it let me, let
me ask you this please be, doWe'll go in there Anything like

(03:26):
podcast aside?

Matt (03:28):
Yeah, yeah, anything you're scoping out or on the
lookout for as we go in, I havetwo One thing that I might
actually get is we're pretty lowon like band-aids of various
shapes and sizes, so if I seelike like a big variety pack, I
might go for that.
I might go for that.

(03:49):
I'm sure there are things weneed.
I told them I wouldn't spend afortune on random bullshit, but
you know what Content doesn'tcreate itself?

Eric (04:00):
No, you gotta spend content to make content.

Matt (04:04):
So if we come, across some sort of I want to say outdoor
patio set that I feel we need tohave.
Who am I to stop myself?

Eric (04:15):
you providing for my family yeah, I mean, and you
have.
You have a lot of patio canvasto paint truly.

Matt (04:23):
Um, you have to switch the old eyewear.
All right, we're here, we'regoing in.
Okay, let me get out the card.
Play it, cool, everybody.
Yep play it cool, nobody has todie today.
Thank you, All right.
Holy shit, that was close.
All right.

(04:44):
So the first thing we got hereare televisions oh okay, yep,
got the flat screens.

Eric (04:49):
Oh, stuff now so what are you in the market for?

Matt (04:51):
are you in the?

Eric (04:51):
market for telephones.
One of my two is, uh, um, oneof my two is, in no uncertain
terms, giant like squish mallow,stuffed animal for al.
Okay, oh, does she know aboutit?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, because wediscovered that you could buy
Squishmallows at Costco.

(05:12):
It was all over.

Matt (05:14):
Well, what we got here is this giant Pikachu.

Eric (05:18):
Big-ass.

Matt (05:19):
Pikachu $16?
Oh no, it's $39 forSquishmallows.

Eric (05:23):
I might have to get that.
Oh yeah, it's $39 forSquishmallows.
Yeah, I might have to get that,is this Squishmallow.
Oh yeah, it's the 24th.
The big old boy.
What is this?
It's like a Hello Kitty purse ohmade of Squishmallow.

Matt (05:36):
So we might need to get that for Lindsey.
Oh yeah, there's a big old oh,they got Squishmallows of all
shapes.
Yeah, yeah, there's big old oh,they got these squish models of
all shapes, yeah yeah, yeah.

Eric (05:47):
So what are you actually here for besides that Sunglasses
?
I lost mine on the river thispast year.
You lost mine on the river.
It is a flex.

Matt (05:56):
The river took them.

Eric (05:58):
But let's be clear, the Shenandoah claimed my sunglasses
and I am bragging about that.

Matt (06:03):
I think you should.
There's all kinds of goodelectronics that we are gonna
look at, but not get.
No.
The watches are neat.
Well, I got one of them on meright now, although I could use
an upgrade, as is the mac way oflife.
Gotcha, we do need a beerfridge.
Let me check out some beerfridge.

Eric (06:23):
Uh, yeah, we need a beer fridge.
Let me check out some beerfridges.

Matt (06:24):
Keeping beer fridges?
Yeah, we need a basement fridge.
Let's see what kind of priceswe're working with.
I won't get one right now.

Eric (06:31):
Do you want to?
Tell me how much this is yeah,it's Maytag, so it'll probably
be worth every penny you spend.
See, the fact that they're notshowing me prices is giving me
pause.
That's suspicious.
Watch behind you there.
Oh yeah, thank you, thank youThank you?
Oh, they have Kirkland Signaturesunglasses.
Excuse me, oh hello, you don'tget a prescription for this.

(06:52):
No, my prescription isn'tstrong enough to warrant them.

Matt (06:56):
Oh well, I enjoy seeing things, so I just did it.
Now, this is one of those smartfridges that has the screen
here for no reason the smartfridge is such a trap.
Of course it is Like why do Ineed Just first of all put an
iPad?
They make magnets for your iPad.

Eric (07:13):
Yeah.

Matt (07:14):
Isn't there a way that it becomes a window?
I thought there was a way to.

Eric (07:17):
Oh, the super fancy ones that are like here's what you
got inside, yeah.

Matt (07:22):
I don't know about that, so why don't we whoa Eric?

Eric (07:27):
Yes, look at this, it's like a oh hello, it's a plastic
outdoor like bar it's like, butit's made of shed.

Matt (07:34):
Oh, it's made of shed.
Hold on, I'm going to go in.

Eric (07:42):
Yeah, oh hi, you got any questions.
Welcome to my backyard.

Matt (07:48):
Do I have any questions?
Do I?
Let's take a look.
I don't know how the sound ishere.
What's funny is people areactually trying to look at this
thing and we're not going to letthem.
We're not going to let them.

Eric (08:01):
No, that'd be too neighborly of us Is this from
Rubbermaid.
This here, this feels dangerous, this little lip, because it's
so wobbly Like if one asshole,just like everything sitting on
here, just goes pear-shaped.

Matt (08:16):
So the first question we have here is from you.
Keep saying goes pear-shaped.

Eric (08:21):
What does that mean?
English expression means goeswrong, got it goes pear-shaped.

Matt (08:25):
What does that mean?
English expression means goeswrong.
Got it, becky, the sassyseagrass scientist who has a
number of questions here today.
Thank you, becky says whatisn't Costco good at what isn't
Costco good at I'm going toleave the shed barn the shed bar
, I would say acoustics,acoustics.

Eric (08:45):
It is a pretty.
Even when it's not that busy,it feels like it's always loud
in here I do think so, they.

Matt (08:53):
And it is busy today, but not as busy as I feared, not
absolutely slammed which is nicewe have reached, uh, one of the
key areas of Costco, which isthe piles of clothing.
Yes, I think it could beappropriate for you and I to
choose one article of clothingfor the other.

Eric (09:13):
I love that.
Let's do it Okay.
But while we're ponderingclothing, what would you say
Costco is not good at?

Matt (09:22):
What is Costco not?
I don't hate these shirts FromJacques.

Eric (09:27):
Yeah, these are pretty nice.

Matt (09:31):
What is Costco not good?
Well, obviously small sizes.
You know, discretion doesn'tcome easily to Costco, but by
design that's by design.

Eric (09:45):
Yeah, they're not good at chill amounts of things.

Matt (09:50):
No.

Eric (09:51):
Unless you're buying a single item.
It is either single item oryou're buying a pallet of them.

Matt (09:56):
You're buying a pallet of something, or you're buying
something very large.

Eric (10:03):
You're buying one very large thing like a jacuzzi and
it's usually something that like, unless I have a family of 12,
I'm not gonna get a whole lot oflike I'm wasting it.
If I was like this will go badbefore I use it.

Matt (10:16):
You didn't think you would , but you'll find.
You'll find if you spend thecash.
You'll find the reasons youlove a henley.

Eric (10:23):
I do love a henley, so do you oh yeah, I am wearing a
henley right now the same one Iwore to uh ikea, by the way, a
collared.
So this is okay.
Short button up.
I do like I do love a forestgreen are you?

Matt (10:36):
is this you dropping hints for me to buy?

Eric (10:39):
no, no, no, I'm just letting the the listeners know
about me, you know what I reallygot to establish that
parasocial relationship.

Matt (10:46):
I am spying something.
It's poach-based right here.

Eric (10:52):
Yeah, this is pretty poach-coated, I'm not going to
lie.
This sort of flannel.

Matt (10:57):
I do dig this.
It's like a shacket a littlebit.
That's on my list of things Imight make you get.
Oh, I am so sorry.

Eric (11:05):
There were a cute pair of swim shorts.
I saw back there that I wouldlove to see you in.
Oh really.

Matt (11:10):
Yeah, they were very festive tropical Festive and
tropical.
All things that describe me.
What is this?

Eric (11:16):
Oh my God, this is very so , oh my God, matt, I think we
might have hit a little bit ofpay dirt.
I love this.
It's so small.
I think I'm just going to begetting this by default.
You know what we could do, whatwe could get matching, let's
get matching let's get matchingso we're getting matching
Rainforest men's texturedhoodies, hoodies, yes.

Matt (11:36):
I mean, it is actually, I think officially the softest
thing I've ever touched.
Never Now do they have XL?
Do they have anything otherthan small, small, small, small?

Eric (11:45):
That ain't going to work for me.

Matt (11:46):
I found a large.
What do we think?
I'm not going to put it on myperson.
Oh, I covered the mic.
Oh well, this fits you, youthink.

Eric (11:54):
Yeah, is this the L?
This is the L.
Do I just you know what?
Go with the XXL?
I might just have this be baggyhoodie.
Yeah.

Matt (12:03):
Because I don't see any XLs.
No, they're usually the firstto go.
So there's XXLs.
I think I'm going to risk the LBecause an.
Xxl for me is way too big.
This is cute.
There you go.

Eric (12:16):
Okay, so we matched in clothes, I think mission
accomplished and Alyssa will bedelighted that I've gotten her
this hoodie as well.
All Alyssa will be delightedthat I've gotten her this hoodie
as well.
All of my hoodies andsweatpants are also Alyssa's
hoodies and sweatpants.
Oh, I see I see.

Matt (12:33):
Well then perhaps we're done with the clothing, Unless
there's something else you wantto get your lady.
No, this is cute.
I like our cute matchinghoodies.
We should mention we arerecording this on International
Women's Day.

Eric (12:42):
Yes, happy.
International Women's Day Happy.

Matt (12:43):
International Women's Day.
Yes, happy InternationalWomen's Day, happy International
.

Eric (12:45):
Women's Day, I'm going to celebrate by buying my
girlfriend a giant-assSquishmallow.
I do think that's appropriate.

Matt (12:50):
What are you getting for your beloved?
Matthew, I'm just going to saywe're passing princess dresses
designed for children.
Where did Good bit, bad bit,bad bit, yeah For International.

Eric (13:01):
Women's Day, but no, matt, can I just say it's got flowers
.
The fact that you stopped toreflect and this is how I know
you're an ally, that's growth,that's growth, that's growth,
that's growth.
Take note, ladies.
Thank you, take note, gentlemen.

Matt (13:18):
Oh, they got good rugs here.

Eric (13:21):
Oh, we love a rug.
What is this?

Matt (13:26):
Here's the danger of costco I could get distracted by
things we actually need.
Yep, like a poof, like a nicepoof.
My parents like a poof.
Um, all right, this is lightingmatt and that's another thing
about costco.
You just every, every time youturn a corner, you're faced with
a section that you didn'texpect but you suddenly need.

(13:48):
Yeah, I didn't expect to seeemergency lights that I'm like,
oh, do I need these, do we need?
Oh, and and.

Eric (13:55):
On the other side, mattresses yes, ooh, mattress
toppers.
Look at this trash can oh it's.

Matt (14:02):
It's quite, quite close to my trash can, but it's.
This is the simple human.
It's.
Uh, it's very fancy.
We do need a uh we need a newtrack.
Yes, give it a kick.
Well, don't give it a kick.
Oh, and it's got the separate.
It's got separate compartments.
Yeah, it's like mine, but it'sbetter.
Oh, here's a nice safe.

(14:22):
Oh, look, look at all thesesafes.
I have a safe that I inheritedfrom single care.

Eric (14:30):
This is a classy safe.
It's got glass shelves on theinside it's got glass shelves.

Matt (14:35):
It's got little velvet.
I broke it.

Eric (14:39):
Wow, Nice fucking safe.
You actually did oh yeah.

Matt (14:43):
It's.

Eric (14:45):
I'm getting quiet because, eric, no, you didn't fix it,
you just put it back on but,matt eric legitimately broke
something that is now beeping athim.
Yeah so so gang just found itthat way there's a little
electronic number pad on thefront of the safe that just
pulls off, just pulls off.

Matt (15:03):
Now this is that's a gun safe.
This is a safe that is clearlybeing advertised to do other
things, but it is definitelyjust 100 of gun safe.
Um, and we can't, I'm afraid we, in this uh climate, we can't
even look at it no, no, no um,we're not backtracking
immediately, which isinteresting.
Are you in the?

Eric (15:22):
market for a KitchenAid.
Matt, I am always in the marketfor a KitchenAid.
I have one, but is my bankaccount in the market for a
KitchenAid?

Matt (15:30):
Eric, on the way here, we were having a very serious
discussion about how you onlylive once.

Eric (15:36):
God, you only YOLO once.

Matt (15:37):
You only YOLO once.
And I say remember money's notreal, and so when you're grilled
later about the bank accountstatements, that's true Remember
to say that I find it helps.
We're in the Roomba aisle.
We just got a new robot vacuumfrom Rock Queen.

(15:58):
We call them Rocky, yeah, butit's like rocket.
It's amazing.
It's actually amazing.
It's so smart.
It maps the whole room likevery detailed, to the point that
when you look on it on the map,the like legs of the individual
chairs are mapped out, so itknows what it can get under.

Eric (16:22):
I'm gonna ask you a question right now.
All right, you, you, you useyour little robot butler.
Yeah, it's mapping rooms andyou can send them to a specific
room.
You're looking at the map dataand you see him cleaning a room
that is not on the blueprints ofyour house.
That'd be great, wouldn't thatbe?

Matt (16:38):
dope you just added to my square footage.
That's gonna be huge.
What a revelation that the theprevious tenant in our house had
a secret room, something I'vebeen on the lookout for since
day one.

Eric (16:49):
All things, considering everything you've told me about
the previous tenant, yeah, thatlike it can only be cool shit in
the secret room.

Matt (16:58):
I, I am not kidding.
I have every now and then.
Give a little feel to the wallsto see if there's a panel.

Eric (17:10):
Give a little feel to the walls to see if there's a panel,
give a little knock that I'llopen.
Okay, so I I do need to get agood surprise for lindsey for
international.
While we're here.
This question did occur to meand this is a question that we
got from several people yeah, uh, what doesn't costco sell that
they should, that they shouldOff the dome bookshelf secret
doors.
I want one.
So bad.
I want false walls to installin your home.

Matt (17:32):
Oh, we just passed a little shelf that the guy
passing it gave it a little slap, and then I gave it a little
slap for no reason.

Eric (17:43):
What did you take away from the slap?
It's solid, it's not.
It's solid.
Ooh, Matt, my eyes do a spy.
Okay, we have reached our firstsample.
We've reached our first sampleof the day.

Matt (17:51):
I think we have to take it , no matter what it is yes,
unless we're allergic to it yeah.
And then we have a bunch ofsample questions we can start
getting into.

Eric (17:59):
Eric, there are three in a row.
Oh, matt, I'll tell you thisthe only thing I'm allergic to
is cowardice.
So excellent, that is sulfa,but you know who's counting
popcorn.
Oh, I've had that, matt.
Brace your taste buds.

Matt (18:14):
Thank you very much, oh my god eric oh all right, it's
like a cinnamon sugar popcorn Ican I can eat so much it it's
like Eric.

Eric (18:25):
Okay, so this brings us to our next question.

Matt (18:27):
I'm going to take a picture of this.
Yeah, there's a giant slide.
Like a gigantic inflatablewater slide that is currently
set up floor to ceiling.
I'm taking a picture of it.
It'll be on the Instagram.

Eric (18:43):
At an angle I would honestly say seems terminal.
It's troubling you are notsurviving that.
I don't think it was designed.

Matt (18:54):
I was going to say I do think it is positioned upside
down.
I think that is the startingpoint, but it is notable that it
looks.
It is a few degrees fromperpendicular if I came in as a
manager and saw this setup, I'dbe like, yeah, that's not how we
wanted the slide set up.

(19:15):
It looks like a death sentenceyes, like how you would execute
someone.
Yeah, yeah, let us look at thesample questions.
Yes, yes, yes.
Before we move forward, we havethe following questions let's
get out of the main thoroughfare.
Yep, yep, yep.
Oh God, this is no better.
They're everywhere here.

(19:36):
Let's take this sample and walkover.
How about this Tattooed chef?
Ooh.

Eric (19:43):
Ooh, stir fry Okay.

Matt (19:45):
Almost ready.

Eric (19:45):
We'll have to come back to that one.
We'll come back, don't worry.
Good things come to those whowait.

Matt (19:52):
Okay, so we've got sample maximization strategies.
That's also from Becky theSeagrass Scientist.
Dairy King 11 asks what shouldCostco give free samples of but
doesn't which is similar toSarah Feldman asked this
question first, but many othersfollowed which is what doesn't

(20:15):
Costco sell or offer that theyshould?
Yep, yep, yep and then how many?
Free samples must you eatbefore you've technically eaten
a meal?
That's from alwaysacookie onInstagram.
So let's talk maximization,let's talk about it.
So right here we got three in arow.

Eric (20:31):
Yep, and we've hit one, we've hit.
The others are in theirpreparatory stages.
Now here's what I'll say Do weneed a cart?

Matt (20:38):
I think it'll slow us down .

Eric (20:39):
It'll slow us down.
It might also create a lot ofnoise.
Yes, yes, yes, god, you'resmart.
I love you.

Matt (20:48):
Love you, jury's out on you.

Eric (20:55):
So what I'll say?
Maximization In terms of anapproach path.
I don't think it's in terms ofwhat order you hit the samples
in.
It's the.
What kind of approach mattersis your attitude.
You gotta be easy to work with.
Yes, you show up if they're, ifthey're in the middle of
prepping the sample.

(21:15):
You do not fucking hover aroundthem.
You don't like sit there sayingare they really well.
Is it done yet?

Matt (21:21):
no, first of all, that makes you an asshole.
It makes you an asshole.
You're losing time, you asshole.
Second of all.

Eric (21:24):
You're losing time.
You're losing precious samplingtime.
You move on, you make a mentalnote, you circle back.
You were nothing but polite andrespectful to the person giving
you the sample.
You know what, if it's not busyor slammed, maybe do a little
small, like a little hey, how'syour day going.
This gets you in their goodgraces, because if you're in
their good graces, that meansyou might get a little.

(21:46):
Oh, do you want another?

Matt (21:47):
one yeah, because you just made a little joke to this
woman.
Yep, she might give you two.
She might give you two.
And also another maximizationstrategy.
Say, you come across somethingthat you don't particularly like
, or your partner is with, yeah,and they don't particularly,
you can take your sample, sendthem to get you another one.

Eric (22:08):
Yes, absolutely.
This is the classic sampleswitch.

Matt (22:11):
And if somebody's super slammed at the sample station,
you take one without reallydrawing attention to yourself,
right?

Eric (22:20):
They don't actually see you take it.
You come back again, you comeback.
Or yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
But that all said, if you havea good rapport, usually you just
be like, hey, can I, you know,maybe If there's a little
something extra for me, there'sa little something extra for you
.

Matt (22:35):
Exactly, it's just a little slides in my nudes I
print out and keep on me, incase I run into this exact
situation.

Eric (22:47):
I have a dossier of feet pics I take with me everywhere I
go.

Matt (22:51):
God there's so many different kinds of frozen pizza?
What?

Eric (22:55):
if I got bagel bites from Lindsay for International
Honestly, like it's not theworst random thing I could get
the three words every girl wantsto hear Bagel Bites, yes, bagel
Bites, yes, bagel Bites, yes.

Matt (23:11):
Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening pizza at
supper time.

Eric (23:17):
That's what it's all about , oh, eric.

Matt (23:21):
We got to get our stir fry .
It's about to go away.

Eric (23:23):
Oh is it?
I don't even think.
Oh is it?
I don't know, it's not even.
I thought it was there.

Matt (23:26):
But it's not you good, so we missed this.

Eric (23:30):
Yeah, we're fine, we got a circle.
We're swinging around to.
There's more samples happeningover here.
Oh this.

Matt (23:36):
Oh, this sample has a three tier table.

Eric (23:39):
Now this right here.
Oh, this one's not ready yeteither.
Okay, so we're in a changeoverperiod.
We have entered in a dead zone.
Yes, because they're over here.

Matt (23:49):
Garden Fresh Gourmet Hummus.
I got to be honest, I gotabsolutely no interest in this,
but I will eat it.

Eric (23:56):
I love a good hummus.
Welcome guys, Hi Matt.
From top to bottom.
Okay, that's a lemon garlicdill right there.
So these are too savory.

Matt (24:05):
This is a bit of a spice, and this is our sweet.

Eric (24:07):
I know that the brownie batter hummus is like chocolate.
Yeah, I was like that's veryintriguing Okay.

Matt (24:16):
Lemon garlic dill.
What's your review?

Eric (24:20):
It's quite nice.
Actually, I'm a sucker withanything that has dill in it.

Matt (24:25):
I agree.
I'm moving on to the ArcticShogun spinach.
These are very good chips.

Eric (24:32):
Yes, oh, he's after you.

Matt (24:35):
Oh, yeah, yeah, I got to wait for the brownie batter.

Eric (24:39):
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm most excited for the brownie batter.

Matt (24:43):
I bet, this is a honey jalapeno.

Eric (24:47):
Yes, it's not spicy at all , okay.

Matt (24:51):
Are you waiting for the brownie batter?
Yeah, I don't blame you one bit.

Eric (24:56):
I'm just going to slide in and get a little.
Can you get two packs of thesefor only?

Matt (24:59):
$5.99?
.

Eric (25:02):
The honey jalapeno is actually quite good.
That's a steal, we're only hereuntil tomorrow.

Matt (25:08):
That's a steal.
Oh, this is a pop up.
It's a pop up, both offeringand sample.
For rolling my trash away.
But this is you guys over here,right yeah?

Eric (25:20):
Okay, I think They'd be fools not to take you.

Matt (25:21):
Yeah, okay, okay, you guys can tell Tosslehead we want us
to be here.
I think they'd be fools not totake you.

Eric (25:28):
Yeah, from what I've tasted so far.
Oh, and it's on the pretzel chip.
I love the pretzel chips too.

Matt (25:34):
Tastes like chocolate pudding, only five grams of
sugar, because we use dates.
Only five grams of sugar, allright, I might have to get a
container of this on the way out.
Where are they?
All right, I might have to geta container of this on the way
out.
Where are they?
It's $5.99.

Eric (25:47):
Come on that's a steal.
That does straight up tastelike chocolate pudding.

Matt (25:53):
You know what these people were featured here?
This is Garden Fresh Gourmetthat we were speaking to.
Yeah, I'm going to take apicture of their dessert hummus
here.

Eric (26:02):
Please sponsor us.

Matt (26:04):
Please sponsor us, if you wish.
Should we tell them that we'rerecording a podcast?

Eric (26:08):
Maybe, maybe, we'll feel it out Right now.
They're busy Right now they'rebusy.

Matt (26:14):
I don't hate this little shed.
I could probably fit this inthe backyard.

Eric (26:19):
So this is the cool thing.
So we're at the foot of theslide right now I'm tilting my
head down, so I don't get lostMike.

Matt (26:26):
I'm trying to figure out what it is, which of these
things it is.

Eric (26:29):
Body Glove, aqua, luxury Wham-O Air Slip and Slide.
It's not the Crocodile Cave,because that's this, I think
it's the 31-foot Wham-O ConstantAir Slip and Slide.
Oh yeah, because there's theyeah.
So we're looking up at it andyou have to crane your neck
almost entirely back to get this.

(26:52):
It is, I took a picture of it.
It's going to be on Instagram.
Get it from this angle so youcan like truly, so they can
grasp the horror.

Matt (27:00):
Yeah, so like, just so you get the plunge view.

Eric (27:04):
So circling back to samples, real quick, yeah.
While we wait for samples to becooked because I don't know
about you, I'm too far away fromthem I'm eyeballing that
tempura shrimp sample hard.
Let's get closer.

Matt (27:18):
Oh, it looks like Christmas just landed, let's
move.
And that's part of it, folks.
So you got to.
When you have the opening, yougot to go.

Eric (27:25):
So you're already fucking done.
Oh, looks like you're about togo.
So here's the thing kids Tellme.
And tell them A, keep arespectable distance while
they're preparing.
But B, do not take, do not losesight of that prize, because
some samples are going to bepopular, some samples are going
to get snatched up.
The second they hit thatplastic tray.

(27:46):
Yeah, so you, just you knowrespectable distance, but watch
it like a hawk.

Matt (27:51):
I agree, and that's what we're doing now.
We're right outside of tempurashrimp.

Eric (27:55):
And while we wait this extra couple minutes, what
should they have?
Samples of that they don't.

Matt (28:02):
Oh, Eric, I'm looking over here.
We totally missed the crocodilecave.
Oh Eric, I'm looking over here.
We totally missed the Crocodile.

Eric (28:05):
Cave, I got to get it from that action.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get toit.

Matt (28:07):
There's this giant inflatable crocodile cave.

Eric (28:09):
I'll say this THC edibles, fuck, yes, like instant.
Could you imagine if the second, we should have done some
before we got it, if Kirklandedibles would be so good,
kirkland Edibles would be sogood, kirkland Ganja, I want it.

Matt (28:30):
That Kirkland OG.
Kirkland Signature Kush wemight have just found a name for
the episode.

Eric (28:40):
Kirkland Signature Kush.
Hi Costco, please hire us,we're only serving up slam dunks
.
Sorry, we only do success.

Matt (28:50):
Take only samples, leave only slam dunks, I am.
They're putting out the cups.
So I think we're close totempura time.
Okay, tick, tock, tempurao'clock yeah, uh, any other?

Eric (29:00):
oh uh, how many samples constitutes a meal?

Matt (29:05):
I think on a good day when , when you're at prime
middle-of-the-day sample time,they have all shapes and sizes
right.

Eric (29:12):
They have savory, they have sweet.
We just went through the hummussamples.
They have the entire spectrumof flavor, all flavors that
exist from dill to brownie,Absolutely All right.

Matt (29:23):
They're pulling it out of the little hot caliente okay, I
need.

Eric (29:28):
You know what a pro move would get would be.
I want one of those hotcaliente magnets for my fridge.
I want one for you, oh my god.
But like everyone recognizesthe hot caliente magnet, from
the back of these little sampleovens.
I agree.

Matt (29:46):
Oh my god, eric, look, the cups came out and people are
even closer than us justsurrounding the place with their
carts.

Eric (29:51):
They made a moat of carts.
They're trying to keep us fromthe tempura.
They're circling the wagons.
Let's get in there.
This is the juncture at whichyou start politely queuing up,
much like the Oregon.

Matt (30:05):
Trail.
We've got to get in line.

Eric (30:07):
Yep, what a pro move.

Matt (30:10):
This woman just cut us off with her cart, then pushed the
cart out of the way.

Eric (30:16):
Yep.

Matt (30:20):
And let it free roam while she went and got the two-par.

Eric (30:21):
Honestly brilliant strategy.
I'm doing it.
Let's get a work.
I do feel bad for anyone tryingto get an Akai bowl right now.

Matt (30:30):
Yeah, the Akai bowls are off limits.
Yeah, they've been, they'vebeen.
Oh, panko shrimp loaded byhumans trying to get to brew a
shrimp, eric.
I'm going to say it.
I don't think we're going toget to Matt there's 20 people.

Eric (30:44):
People, I want you to look me in the eye right now.
I am very uncomfortable doingso, but okay, we will have
shrimp.

Matt (30:50):
Okay, I need you to trust this process.
I don't, but I trust you.
You know what?
I trust you, yeah.
We'll be taking a closer lookat this shacket you've got on.
It's quite nice.

Eric (31:05):
Isn't it?
Lucy's become a big fan ofShackets.
I love.
I'm very pro-Shacket.
Now Alyssa got this for me.
Oh, did you need to get throughhere?
Oh, okay, I'm just making sureI'm not blocking anyone.

Matt (31:14):
He constantly feels he's an obstacle to his people.
Yes, it's because he's sogargantuan.
Oh, yep, Yep, yep, yep.
I'm just going to say we're alittle slow on the upkeep with
the temporary.
Yeah, you know, it's a.

Eric (31:31):
I always like to remind myself like okay, most of these
folks give you a sample areretirees.

Matt (31:36):
They're very smart, they're very smart to do so yeah
, Because Lindsay had to give methe prep talk of.
Since she's not going to behere, you have to keep my mental
faculties at bay.

Eric (31:49):
I will be your port in the storm.

Matt (31:53):
Because we're flirting with the time where I might have
to lash out.
Yeah, any moment, Any moment.

Eric (32:01):
I could.
I'm the thread by which yoursanity hangs.

Matt (32:06):
Yes, and that is incredibly dangerous.
And Lizzie does this every day,Every moment of every day.
Isn't she a saint?
This International Women's Day,honor my wife Now.

Eric (32:15):
Matt, this is what we call the scramble.
This is where everyone's goingin.

Matt (32:20):
It's literally like seagulls on the beach.

Eric (32:22):
Now, and it's okay, so like.
So, now, what you'll notice,matt, we are now first.
We are now first, we're goingto hit that direction.

Matt (32:33):
And now, matt, we are locked in, we're locked in,
we're committed to this sample.
Oh yeah, oh, a little prepsauce.

Eric (32:40):
Okay.

Matt (32:41):
Truly an artisan approach to the same thing.

Eric (32:44):
See, that's me.
Anytime I get a thing with alittle packet, I always no, no,
that's why you don't have thisjob.
Yeah, you can't do this.
I am woefully unqualified.
You don't have the skill setfor that?
Oh, I don't think you are.
I really don't think you are.
I don't think so at all.
No, no, I don't think so no.
How's your day going Busy?

(33:07):
Oh yeah.

Matt (33:08):
How quickly do you think people are scooping up these
shrimp tempuras?

Eric (33:12):
I don't even think they all made it to the tray last
time.
I barely got a look at themthat quick yeah, there you go.
See, now that's a pro.

Matt (33:23):
That's a pro.
If nothing else you can just doa little shot of teriyaki sauce
.

Eric (33:26):
Yeah, see, if this were me , by now I would have squirted
the first packet everywhere.
I would have lost the secondpacket somehow.

Matt (33:37):
This is the point.
At home, I'd be digging throughthe trash looking like where
did I?
The main part of this episodehas turned into waiting for the
shrimp to burn.
Waiting for the shrimp tempura,oh no Cheyenne's getting yelled
at.

Eric (33:53):
No, I know that the wait for this has been extended, but
I will say that the person doingthis has been busting ass
Busting her ass, dude, to get methe shrimp tempura.
Oh, it's backed up a little bit.
I feel like there we go.
Oh, thank you, we got ourshrimps, we got out.

Matt (34:07):
It truly was a feeling frenzy just now.

Eric (34:09):
Thank you so much.
And you always thank them.

Matt (34:13):
Always thank them God yeah , that was sad.

Eric (34:15):
There were people like there were a few hands in there
that were definitely there wayafter.
We were at the front of thatline and we're trying to get
cute.
So, yeah, you've got to seizethe day by the throat.

Matt (34:28):
Oh my God Dude, it was worth it it was worth it.

Eric (34:32):
Oh my God.

Matt (34:36):
That was excellent, yeah, excellent.
All right, we've sampled Excuseme, people are all over the
hummus.

Eric (34:45):
Now I'll also say this for sample etiquette Once you have
gotten a sample, the only, Iwould say, socially acceptable
time to go back for potentialseconds, because nothing's
guaranteed in this life.
No, you wait until the crowdshave died.
Way the fuck back.

Matt (35:00):
Yeah, Like.
I'd feel bad going back there Ifthey're still getting slammed.

Eric (35:04):
Do not complicate things further.

Matt (35:07):
No, that poor woman who then just got scolded by someone
a third of her age.

Eric (35:11):
She was getting scolded by clearly someone with big middle
management energy who was likecomplaining about how long she
was taking, and our sample ladywas going legitimately as fast
as she and the laws ofthermodynamics could go.

Matt (35:24):
I'm sorry, I tried to make everything easy and I made
everything difficult.
So, like this man's got his earpods and he might be listening
to our show, One can only hope.
Why don't we just grab someoneand tell them hey, I'm a podcast
player.
I thought about wearing thehoodie today, oh, but I thought
it might be, a little likewearing the band shirt to the

(35:44):
concert you know, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah.
So right now we're in the meatsection we have entered the meat
section, one of my absolutefavorite sections it is.

Eric (35:54):
It is so much fun.
This is one of my favoriteplaces to eyeball shop because
they will often have stuff.
It was like I'm never going topurchase that, but it's fun
knowing that it's here if I needit.
I want to look at the marbling.

Matt (36:03):
Oh.

Eric (36:03):
God, I love it.

Matt (36:04):
Are we going to talk about marbling, I guess.
So, all right, what do we gothere, okay, beef brisket, a
whole beef brisket.
Oh my God, oh the whole beefHonestly.
God yes.

Eric (36:17):
Sliced ribs 60 bucks for 12 pounds of brisket.
Yeah, no, that's a yes for me,dog.

Matt (36:24):
Okay, so these are all your stew meats, your stew meats
yeah, your slow cookers.
Some little flank steaks.

Eric (36:32):
Ooh beef, matt.
Have you ever had beef tongue?

Matt (36:35):
I have not have you had a beef tongue.

Eric (36:36):
It's delicious.
I wouldn't be opposed to tryinga tongue, if you're ever at a
good Mexican.
I mean, I've tried some tongue.

Matt (36:42):
Now see, this is pork belly Skin on pork belly.
It looks like two-inch thickbacon, right?

Eric (36:50):
now and I'm all about it.
Yes, that is dangerous.

Matt (36:54):
I want it.
I want it inside of me.
I believe the kids say raw, andI'm going to say raw and with
your yacht, and I'm going to sayraw and with your yacht.
Now, this is Dungeness crab.

Eric (37:10):
I don't know why it's even in there I've heard Dungeness
crab is very delicious, it is.

Matt (37:14):
It is good.

Eric (37:18):
But us being from.

Matt (37:19):
Maryland.
It feels like we're classtraders.
My sister-in-law, who now livesin Seattle, goes on and on and
on about these crabs, these BDSMcrabs yeah, and the answer is
no.
She's obviously wrong about itand she's originally from
Maryland.
So well, mostly.
So.
There's really no excuse forthe blue crab blasphemy the blue

(37:41):
crab.

Eric (37:41):
blasphemy Sumit did we get through all of our sample
questions?

Matt (37:48):
Let's dip into the side aisle.

Eric (37:49):
Blasphemy, the blue crab blasphemy.
Sumet, tell me, did we getthrough all of our sample
questions?
Let's dip into the side aisleand let me see, because I know
we started talking.
We got distracted, rightfullyso.

Matt (37:59):
I will add, by the tempura , shrimp, rush Macaroons.
Macarons, macarons, macarons.
What if I got a macar Macronfor International Women's Day?

Eric (38:05):
They're only $5.99.
Does Lindsay like a Macron?
Let me ask you this who?

Matt (38:08):
doesn't.

Eric (38:09):
That's fair.
Thank you, that's fair.

Matt (38:11):
Okay.
So what should Costco get freesamples of?
But doesn't I?

Eric (38:15):
don't think we ever oh yeah yeah yeah, we mostly get
the Maxima.
Oh yeah, we were talking aboutKirkland Kush yeah.
Kirkland Kush what doesn't?

Matt (38:25):
That's in general.
What doesn't they offer?
But they should.
We should keep that in mind.
We should keep that.
That's a running question.
How many free samples must youeat before you technically had a
meal?
We never finished it?

Eric (38:34):
So I'll say this At a minimum I know for a fact that
once you've hit every sample,you've definitely like if you've
hit so many samples to thepoint that that, like, there's
no way to go to them withoutdoing a second pass, yeah, yeah,
I think you've hit a meal.
But I think it also depends onwhat time of day.
If it's like on monday at like11 am, I don't think there's

(38:58):
going to be like a robust sampleselection.

Matt (39:00):
But if it's on a a.

Eric (39:01):
Saturday of two.
You've got a meal's worth ofsamples in store.
I think you could.

Matt (39:06):
for a lunch type size meal , I'd say six to ten samples,
depending on what they are of,could do it.
We've had shrimp tempura.
If we also went back, got thatstir fry, Got a little rice in
you got the carbs, got some moreof those chips with the special
little hummus.

Eric (39:24):
Okay.

Matt (39:25):
We're looking at a grand old time and I think you're
approaching a lunch, not adinner, not a dinner.

Eric (39:33):
But you could have a lunch , a sample brunch, because at a
certain point you think of it,it's just tapas.
Yeah, truly, oh, now see, theseare two of my favorites.
Oh my God Gang, if see, theseare two of my favorites.
Oh my God Gang, if you realizelook at this, the size of this
shepherd's pie, like truly.
If you've never had these, I'venever had them.
The pre-made Kirklandshepherd's pie and the chicken

(39:55):
pot pie.
You vouch for them, I vouch forthem, so fucking hard.

Matt (39:59):
I can't wait to eat them.

Eric (40:00):
You just throw them in the oven.
Yeah, you wait, and then youhave food for, like the next
week.
They're huge, they're gigantic.

Matt (40:08):
They're delicious.
I'd reckon this is a 13-incher,yeah.

Eric (40:12):
Oh, easily, easily, Easily .
It's a five and a quarter poundpie.
Oh, or the cheese section.

Matt (40:22):
French brie Gotta have it, gotta have it.

Eric (40:24):
Gotta have it.
My personal favorite.
I saw this on the other sidethe little balls of mozzarella
swimming in olive oil.

Matt (40:32):
I love those and I'm new to that experience.
Lindsay got them for somespecific, oh really.
Yeah, lindsay got them for adish not too long ago.
Oh, and I discovered the greatjoy of just popping one right in
Matt.

Eric (40:46):
You ever want to be everyone's favorite at the
potluck.
You just buy a tub of those.
You buy a bunch of cherrytomatoes.
Slice cherry tomato in half,skewer it on a toothpick, skewer
the cheese on the toothpick.
Instant, instant, hordoverous,hordoverous.
Okay, all right, that guy justslammed an empty carton onto his

(41:12):
Under his flatbed cart Like hewas declaring a transaction
completed, correct.

Matt (41:18):
And Eric, this is what I'll say.
This is what you have toprevent, yep, because I saw that
and I said that's a machéaction, if ever I saw one.
Yeah, oh, that's the.
I'm done.
That's the.
I am losing touch with how tobehave in society.
That is the point of which I'mready to go home.
What are these?

Eric (41:40):
oh, my god little poofs they are like little poofs
Frontier Bakery.
They're like little chouxpastries.

Matt (41:47):
Oh, eric, we have to have a slight moment to talk about
the Madelines here.
Oh, the classic.
And you had them.
Yes, because they are sogoddamn good.

Eric (41:57):
The fluffy, buttery, the churro donut bites Churro donut
bites that is dangerous.
I'm seeing so many snacks.

Matt (42:07):
There's so many things I could, and that's another place.
Costco really excels.
Snacks, snacks, oh my God,snacks.
A nice party setup, for sure,for sure.
Yes, why don't we check on aquestion?

Eric (42:20):
Yeah, let's answer a question while we're chilling by
the emergency exit.
Let's see, let's answer aquestion while we're chilling by
the emergency exit.

Matt (42:24):
Let's see it's one of the best places to go.
Mike Parig Jr, Don't tell thefire marshal he asks is the full
name Cost Company?
Feels like a Google wouldanswer this.

Eric (42:37):
one Feels like a Google would answer this, but I don't
think Mike wouldn't come to us.

Matt (42:41):
He didn't trust Google and he trusted us.
You know what wouldn't come tous?

Eric (42:44):
He didn't trust Google and he trusted us.
I'm going to throw it out.
Costner Company, follow themoney.
See who sits on the board ofKirkland.
I guarantee it's a Costner.
You do Guarantee it.
I don't think you're correct.
I'm willing to bet Alright.

Matt (42:57):
How much A dollar Fine Low effort bet.

Eric (43:02):
And I will say this I said a Costner, I didn't say Kevin.

Matt (43:06):
Yeah, sure, just any old.
Are you Googling the board?

Eric (43:09):
Yeah, oh, okay, I think the answer is probably no, by
the way, mike Paray Jr.

Matt (43:14):
But no, the whole name is Costco Wholesale Corporation and
it's the third largest retailerin the world.
Congratulations, costco, damn.

Eric (43:23):
Not a costner on the board .
Damn Eric.
I'll then owe you a dollar.

Matt (43:30):
Well, I gotta pay you for breakfast.

Eric (43:31):
No, you don't.
You're gonna tell me how much Iknow I love getting you a
Lindsay breakfast.

Matt (43:36):
Oh wait, hold on Eric.
It's our little tradition no,for real, for real I am looking
at this.
Oh man.
So we have been pricing this out.
This is a.
This is a workbench toolboxcombo.
Oh, it's got.
And there's.
There's one at home depot huskythat I was thinking of getting
349.
This is cheaper.
This is by by.

(43:57):
This is by a country mile.

Eric (43:59):
This is cheaper.
Lindsay needs to know aboutthis.

Matt (44:01):
Usually run yeah, no, this is like literally the size it's
going to go right inside my,because we have very limited
space in my utility.
Yes, so we need something ofthis size.
Oh God, I'm going to be comingback to buy this for sure.
Yeah, that's 100%.
Now that I know it's here,speak Okay.

Eric (44:20):
You may.
Oh, I was just going to say dowe have another question?
Ooh, bidet aisle.

Matt (44:24):
I do think we need to get bidet.
What if?

Eric (44:27):
I got a bidet, A bidet, dude.
I'll tell you this right nowIt'll change your life.

Matt (44:32):
Wait, is this how much bidets are?

Eric (44:34):
Yeah, here's the wild thing.
The actual Isn't it just a seat?
No, usually it's a plumbingsystem built into this as well.
But I'll tell you this.
Normally the actual toilet partof your toilet is dirt cheap.
The bidet itself is usuallyjust a topper that goes on, and
they are expensive and they areworth, Matthew, every fucking

(44:58):
penny.
I don't own one of these.
We have one of those like Waterphone.
Yeah, Kind of like a little.
Also, I want to get a nice one.
I want to get one because thisone it's electronic, I'm
thinking.
This one has a seat warmer.
Change your life.

Matt (45:14):
All right, well, I'm not going to drop that.
That'll get me in trouble, Ithink, without a discussion.

Eric (45:19):
Oh shower heads.

Matt (45:20):
Now, this is what homeownership does to you.
I was drawn to this gutterguard.

Eric (45:25):
Mm-hmm.

Matt (45:27):
I think it's something that I might need, Matt.
How?

Eric (45:31):
many drill bits do you need?
Does this not make your braingo happy?

Matt (45:35):
It does make my brain go happy, but I do have a decent
collection of drill bits.
I've got to be honest with you.
I wish they'd give samples ofdrill bits.

Eric (45:43):
There's someone standing there with an impact drill and a
bunch of bits, so here, givethis a swing see, this is what
happens.

Matt (45:47):
You pass this section of like faucets that we're passing
and you're like, oh, maybe I doneed a fucking nice faucet.
I wouldn't hate this either,for above the thing I was just
talking maybe I do needsomewhere to hang my seven
drills I am thinking that I needsomething like that and I'm
taking a picture of it, not formy seven drills.
I am thinking that I needsomething like that and I'm
taking a picture of it, not forthe seven drills, but it's nice

(46:08):
to have the option as time goeson.

Eric (46:11):
I'll tell you this right now.
This takes me back Back when Iused to work night shift.
Brooklyn brand blackoutcurtains saved my life.
I bet I would have lost my mindfar sooner if it weren't for
them.
What is this?
Is this a nice flashlight?
God, I love a good flashlight.
Sorry, I get.

(46:31):
So it's a good one.
Apparently.
I'm like it's heavy.
It's like the old schoolmaglizer.
Yes, yes, yes, it's also kindof a weapon.

Matt (46:39):
Yes, that's what you need.
This is what I keep.
Multifunctional, 5 000 lumenhow much is it?

Eric (46:45):
what are you?

Matt (46:46):
30 bucks.
What are you lighting up at 5000 minutes?
Who can say I will?
Find a reason that's right, youare the son.

Eric (46:55):
Y'all have a good one, uh, the, I love, I love bantering
uh, listening to this podcastcomedy, good plug, good plug.

Matt (47:07):
Does anyone buy the Hot Tubs and the who that is also
from Mike Briggs Jr?
Somebody's got it, so here'swhat I'll tell you.
Let's get in the flow.
Yeah, are we going this way?
Which way are we going?

Eric (47:18):
We're following the flow.
Costco is very cool in that notonly are you usually getting
this shit cheaper here, butrolled into that price as well,
is them coming out to install itfor you.
I know that's the case withtheir appliances like fridges,
ovens and stuff.
I can only assume that alsoapplies to hot tubs.

(47:41):
So I would love to meet thehuman, though, who comes here.
I would love to be the personthat comes here, and I hope I
have a fuck-off amount of moneyone day to do this.
I'm going to come here and sayno, no, no, no need to install
it, just bring it out to mytruck, nice.
And they have to carry the likeI want to see like.
Will they even let me do thatat?

Matt (48:00):
they're like sir, you can't just so.
You want to have enough moneyto be a problem.
Is that what you're saying?
I'm gonna tip them all like tenthousand dollars.
Now here are squishmallow minis, mini squishmallows is that
attractive to you?

Eric (48:13):
honest to god?
Yeah, I think alissa would lovethese little guys.
They're so cute.
It's like a little sample packa little squishmallow little
parrot.
There's a little cheetah, oh,there's a little koi fish.
Yeah, I think.
What is this?
The?

(48:34):
Yeah, I'm, I'm getting a listof the sample pack of the
squishmallow let me tell youabout my girlfriend.
All right, my girlfriend, mygirlfriend, loves two things
Soft things and small things.

Matt (48:46):
If it's a tiny version of a thing she goes gaga.
And this is a good find, then,because Costco, as we've already
discussed, doesn't do tiny no,yeah, yeah, they struggle with
tiny.

Eric (48:57):
They struggle with tiny.
I stand corrected.

Matt (49:00):
Both of us have just been walking around with these
sweatshirt hoodies on our necks.

Eric (49:04):
Oh, I know.

Matt (49:04):
They're so good.
Have you had these Dots,pretzels?

Eric (49:08):
Oh yeah, the Dots pretzels are very good.

Matt (49:10):
Oh my God, they change your life.
Have you had the?

Eric (49:13):
I think they do like a honey mustard.
Oh yeah, oh you fucks withZapp's Voodoo chips.
Right, I've had them.
They do Zapp's Voodoo pretzelsand they're like the dot-style
pretzels with the Voodooseasoning.

Matt (49:25):
We can't even go this way.
We can't.
It's closed.

Eric (49:28):
It just got stanchioned off, All right, so we're by the
like deli area.

Matt (49:34):
Here's a non-edible sample of wicking air wicking Right
air.
Wick right here if you want totake one.
Oh, we can just take this oh wecan just take this, okay.

Eric (49:48):
Gotcha, gotcha.
I was like I don't want to wasteit.
They were just handing outAirwicks Good air.
Good out, eric.
But that's a really goodstrategy on their part, because
if you already buy them, itincentivizes you to come back.
But it also like oh, oh, maybeI get into airwix, since you're
giving me a free one.
Yeah, it's just a free at thatpoint um, now, okay, now we're

(50:12):
in what I would, what I think wecan all agree.
We're in the most boring partof the costco right now the back
.
Giant cases of paper towels,giant cases of water charcoal.

Matt (50:30):
I got.

Eric (50:30):
Miracle-Gro Organic Choice , which means it's priced up
While we're hanging out by thismanure.

Matt (50:33):
While we're here at the fertilizer Got any?

Eric (50:35):
questions we want to yeah.

Matt (50:36):
This seems like an appropriate time for one.

Eric (50:38):
Yeah.

Matt (50:39):
What is the minimum number of people required to justify a
five-foot-long cheese log, andthat is from Always a Cookie?
Are you familiar with a justifya five foot long cheese log and
that is from always a cookie.
Are you familiar with a fivefoot long cheese log?

Eric (50:48):
the the, that it's in what I would put into the category
of catering size things.
Okay, um, what I will saygraduation party?
Oh sure.
What I will say graduationparty?
Oh sure, Graduation party'sworth of people, there's no like
, honestly, the five-foot cheeselog.

(51:12):
Unless you're going for a meme,you're never going to bring
that to like a party at yourhouse.
Okay, Unless your house haslike is like a McMansion.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cheaper bythe dozen house.
Yeah, yes, Unless your housecould also double as a venue.
That juice ain't worth thesqueeze.

Matt (51:33):
No, I agree.

Eric (51:33):
No one's taking a cheese log home with them.
No, I shouldn't think so.

Matt (51:37):
Where would we find one?

Eric (51:40):
Probably in the cheese section.
Should we look?
Yeah, now, that's to say, Idon't think they have them here,
but we can always take a look.

Matt (51:48):
That's always the fun thing about Costco that's always
a cookie.
That's Costco across the pond,oh.

Eric (51:54):
Costco across the pond.
I thought that guy was going tofist bump me.
He was raising his fist.
Maybe he was British.

Matt (51:58):
Oi mate, oi mate, oi mate, oi mate.
Oh yeah, watch out thetraditional British fist bump as
we're known for.

Eric (52:05):
A la best.
That's one of the things I loveabout Andy.
He would always end his emailsand messages with a la best, a
la best.

Matt (52:14):
A la best, isn't it A la best?

Eric (52:16):
Don't see a five-foot log.

Matt (52:18):
No, I don't see a five-foot log and that's okay.

Eric (52:20):
But yeah, I would say like this has to be like.
If you're catering your ownwedding, yes.
If you're graduation party yes.
Retirement party yes.

Matt (52:35):
All right, we're accidentally heading towards the
perimeter wall.

Eric (52:41):
Do we want to?
Oh, they got banana-flavoredmilk drink, jesus.

Matt (52:44):
That's interesting.

Eric (52:45):
Is this good Can't be.
I would love a sample of that,because I'm not buying a.
What if you Okay?

Matt (52:52):
In terms of what did Costco offer that they don't
offer?
That they should, On-demandsamples.
Go up to someone and be likeI'd like a sample of this
Perfect example.

Eric (53:05):
Right now we're in this exotic drink style.
Yeah, exotic drink style, yes.
What if they had a little mini?
Not a vending machine, youwouldn't put money in but a
little mini fridge with justonesies, twosies of all these
different drinks and people canbe like, okay, go up and like.

Matt (53:19):
I think, for sure.
Here's a 40 variety pack ofcapri sun whatever.
Also something I brought thathome 40 capri sun everybody.

Eric (53:29):
I've never met a person in my life who wasn't at least a
little stoked about getting apre-sale like who has ever been?

Matt (53:35):
like, I don't care for him because you drink them.
You turn into liquid metal,that's right turn into alex mac
from the secret life of alexmack how many years inside a
costco can you ask, withoutleaving the costco stays on.

Eric (53:49):
I think he meant open oh, no, alex, or see how I
interpreted that.
And alex, first off, cook aclick, second off, uh, I, I now
that I'm thinking about it.
That makes so much more sense.
I thought he was being verywhat's the word?
Sexual?
Oh, I think it was almost likewhen I say to Alyssa the

(54:12):
Carhartt fanny pack stays on.
Oh, okay, but no, yours makes alot more sense, the Carhartt
let's speak more about that.
The Carhartt fanny pack stays onwhen I look her in the eyes, as
we're about to, and I'm notgoing to be blue here.
So you're nude, but with onebig exception, with one notable

(54:35):
exception, I look into mybeloved's eyes and I say the
Carhartt Fanny Pack stays on,eric come over here.

Matt (54:43):
Come over here, let's get real close to the Stacy's
Organic Chips Classic statement,cape Cod.

Eric (54:50):
Have you done that?

Matt (54:53):
That's all I needed to know.

Eric (54:56):
You will never know, Eric come here again.

Matt (54:57):
Come here again.
What do you get out of that?

Eric (55:08):
I feel sorry for everyone listening to this only because
they will never see the, thelooks, that me and matt just
gave, we just had a fullconversation.
We shot each other, looks yeah,I mean, that's that's.
That's what rules about havinglike bestest buds?

Matt (55:21):
is like all right now I just have a question.
Yeah, do you load it up withlike I put snacks in there.

Eric (55:27):
Oh, snacks like a little, put throw capri sun in there.
Oh yeah, take a little dinnerbreak.
Oh, dude a little dinner break,a little dinner after my
dessert.
Um, uh yeah, I, funny thinglike again, cannot stress this
enough.
We don't have sponsors and Ireally wish we did oh yeah,

(55:49):
because the fanny pack wouldjump on.
Oh my god, carhartt, carhartt,if you're listening, please.
Before we even came here, I wasshowing, I was making matt feel
my new carhartt wallet that Igot you made me put this wallet.

Matt (56:01):
yeah, my face, sorry, the genuine saddle leather is so
fucking supple.
Eric.
We are in the Eric listen andlisteners listen.
We are in the far corner of theCostco.
We're surrounded by diapers andfrosted flakes, because those
two things should be next toeach other.

Eric (56:19):
It is wild, it was like crossing a barrier.
This section has, like theacoustics of a church.

Matt (56:24):
This is the quietest place in the.

Eric (56:26):
Casca.
I have never.
It's almost like disconcerting.

Matt (56:32):
We could stack up some of these sun kists and play a game
of chess.
No one will find us back.
No one.
We could live back hereundisturbed.
See that there's an upper shelf.
That is missing one.
There's a little gap that'smissing one pallet.
We could just make a littleladder out of the Coca-Colas.
Step on up there, yeah, and wejust host the show from up there

(56:52):
.
We just live up there and, matt, I'd love that.
I'd love being like a mystical,wise man in a store that people
can just come up to.
We fashion cloaks from ourKirkland hoodies, yeah, and we
still have name tags, still havename tags and we offer advice
and then if people are like,excuse me, where can I find the

(57:12):
diapers We'd be like?
Oh, not that type of questionactually.

Eric (57:15):
Be gone.

Matt (57:16):
Go see Jerry yeah.

Eric (57:19):
This is not our remit Only .
Joanne knows that, honestly, ifyou're in a survival situation,
look around.
We have, there is there'severything.
We have beverages, we havecereal to eat and we have
diapers.
We have every conceivable human.
The hierarchy of needs isaddressed.

Matt (57:38):
Let's go further.
We have mattresses, we havebedding, we have more TVs than
we know what to do with.
Oh my God, oh no.

Eric (57:46):
I'm just like talking about this.

Matt (57:49):
This is where we would set up.
I think we have anotherquestion coming down about the
zombie apocalypse.
Oh yeah, yeah.
If a zombie outbreak finallyhappened.
This is from Zach Deist.
What is this?
The undead roam the streets.
Amid the chaos.
You find yourselves trapped ina cost.
Going to come back to thatverbiage it's only a matter of
time until the zombies startbreaking in.
What are the bestnon-conventional melee and

(58:11):
ranged weapons you'll be able touse?
Again, from zach deuce, I'lltell you this right now the
survivalist for me, I'll do itfor you.
I'll do your bit for you.
How about that?
Okay, all right go on.

Eric (58:23):
That was a good you did well.
Thank you, you did.
You did right.
I'll say this first off um well, we passed some bows and arrows
.
We passed bows and arrows, wedid.
We legitimately pass archeryequipment?
I'm pretty sure.
Well, that's that okay, that'spretty conventional, I would say
.
Is it in today's economy?
I would say they're stilldesigned for killing things,

(58:45):
sure, but what I will say isthis Costco cart.
Costco cart, especially upagainst zombies, is a good
knockout.
Like that is good.
The number one thing you haveto keep in mind when dealing
with zombies who are trying tobite you and also turn you into
a zombie keeping distance.
Yeah, turn you into a zombiekeeping distance.
Yeah, costco cart is like it'slike a ram and you can.

(59:06):
You can keep supplies in it,you can keep a cache of weapons
in the cart, so you're justputting.
Shove zombies over, pull yourfucking number nine iron out of
the cart, or how many, goddamnforklifts are in this place.

Matt (59:18):
Oh, forklift, you put it.
You put the forklift up halfway.
Yeah, about head height.
Yeah, you just get some, maybea couple of accoutrements to it.
You just whip them heads off,absolutely.

Eric (59:31):
In terms of not so much weapon but survival techniques.
Again, these shelves, thesepallet shelves.
You just live upstairs.
They're dumb, they can't climb,and so Zach said, trapped in a
Costco.

Matt (59:41):
I'm seeking out the Costco Because once you clear it, sure
it's going to be very dangerousinitially, initially very
dangerous, but if you were ableto clear it or if it was closed
before the outbreak, why wouldyou ever leave?
And there's minimal things,that's what I'm saying.
You take these shells, you putthem in front of the door, take
some of these, king, look atthis.
We're staring at a pallet ofKingsford charcoal.

(01:00:02):
Yep, we can stack this in frontof all the entrances and exits.
We're in here, baby.
Sure, we'll never see the sunagain.
Why do we need to?
They got these windows up top.
We build a ladder and thenwe're roof access.

Eric (01:00:16):
And what you do is because , honest to God, if you're
trapped inside the Costco, yourbiggest immediate concern is
going to be spoilage.
Like you have thousands ofpounds of meat and dairy, tens
of thousands of pounds of meatand dairy.
So at least for the meat,immediately take.
Go to the charcoal aisle, yeah,build a big old pile, start

(01:00:40):
burning.
Punch out some ventilation inthe roof.
You're going to want to startsmoking that meat.
You're going to start curingthat meat.
Try to convert as much of it ashumanly possible to jerky.

Matt (01:00:49):
Yeah, or get to the freezers in the back.
If it still has power, oh sure,if it still has power.
I think, Eric, we might becoming to the end of our
strollabout.

Eric (01:01:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's just about time because we've
thoroughly.
I do want to hit the sunglassessection.

Matt (01:01:06):
We should mention the rotisserie chickens.

Eric (01:01:08):
The rotisserie chickens are such a bargain, so good,
they lose money on the chickens,but they gain money from all
the people who come to theirstore for the chickens, because
I came here for a chicken, butyou know what I'm leaving with
Chicken and Squishmallows.

Matt (01:01:21):
That lady had a nice plant .
Maybe I'll get a nice plant.

Eric (01:01:24):
Maybe I'll get a nice plant.
Oh, these cookies look goodLike that's what I need the MBAs
of the world to understand.
It's like you gotta thinkfurther.
The next quarter.

Matt (01:01:38):
We're now at the bakery.
Now I don't know about you.
Oh, are you going to direct meto the Costco?
Rugal Staple in my house, sogood, staple in my house so good
.
Staple the Rugal can't bebeaten.
The Rugal is Is also a staplegrowing up for any kind of event
my mom would get you know forparty things All these people
have these like fragrant things,these massive pies Jesus H.

(01:02:00):
These are so good.
What if I just went back intothe working area of the bakery,
just started interviewing people?
Just started interviewingpeople?
Excuse me, life story please.
We also have a Costco questionhere about caskets.
Oh, it's from Alex Kavraks.
If I buy a casket at Costco,can I return it under any
circumstances, is the question.

Eric (01:02:21):
So if I buy a casket from Costco, can I return it under
any circumstances?
Matt, honest to God, let's hitup the information desk.
I want to ask them.
I want to ask them directly.
This is always fun.
I love coming into the.
We're in the fridge room.
We're in the fridge roombecause we had to, you got to.
It's a little refreshing,especially in summer.

(01:02:42):
I'll tell you this I'm glad wewent coats on.
Yeah, I think so.
I would have been a cool boy.

Matt (01:02:46):
You just got a very evil eye from that guy.
Oh, I don't know why, but I did, and this is what I mean.
It's a good thing you're herekeeping a lid on that, and also
that I am trying to do a comedyshow.

Eric (01:02:59):
Yes, because without those , first of all, Eric, if I'm
coming in here without, if I'mbrowsing, that's one thing, yeah
.

Matt (01:03:13):
But if I came to browse I'd come at night.
But if I came in here on asaturday to do stuff, hold on,
hold on.
Spotted in the wild, spotted inthe wild, there is a parent
driving around, I'm gonna saydriving around in a cart, a
child who is laying down, yes,the length of the cart fully
asleep that I let me tell youthis I am furious, not because
the child is wrong, no, no, ithas nothing to do with the child

(01:03:36):
being in the cart.

Eric (01:03:36):
I think that's amazing.
I think that's something.
Yeah, just just like there.
What I'm so so angry about isI'm looking at I looked at that
kid.
That kid is sleeping so muchbetter than I ever would Like.
That kid is what are?
Are they handing out samples?

Matt (01:03:52):
of Michelin wiper blades.
Eric, let's go.

Eric (01:03:55):
Let's do, we get a free wiper blade.

Matt (01:03:58):
Are these sample wiper blades?
No, they're not samples.
Man, I was like damn, they justgave you the sample cart.
You see how I arrived at thatconclusion.
I thought you were going to belike oh, you get one, the first
one's free.
No, no, no, only the firstwiper is free.

Eric (01:04:16):
You have to buy the second one.
They are on a great deal though$7.99.

Matt (01:04:21):
That is a really good price for windshield wipers For
Michelin yeah.

Eric (01:04:25):
Oh yeah, I had to replace mine recently, and now I'm mad
that I did it before this.

Matt (01:04:30):
Well, yeah, I mean, I don't blame you.
Thank you, sir.

Eric (01:04:34):
Ultimate organization.

Matt (01:04:41):
Is this just various straps for your hauling purposes
, or perhaps you can put them inyour Carhartt fanny pack for
whenever you might need straps?

Eric (01:04:48):
You never know.
Never know when you're going toneed an anchor point.
Now, what were you saying?
Before I was distracted by asample of wiping blades that
were not I was furious about thechild sleeping in the cart,
because that child was sleepingso much better than I know I
ever will for the rest of mylife, and they're on a metal
mesh cart.
That kid was sleeping.

Matt (01:05:12):
the sleep of kings and assassins, while we're nearing
it, I do want to peep sunglasses.
Well, optical is this way.

Eric (01:05:15):
I was leading us towards the optical, yeah yeah, yeah, oh
wait, we do have the packs ofKirkland sunglasses.
Oh yeah.

Matt (01:05:22):
We passed those.

Eric (01:05:23):
There's a weird leopard print that I do not like on
sunglasses yeah, you can rock aleopard print.
Oh, I matt.
Let me be clear.
I know I could thank you, butthis is about what I want.
That's and that's at the end ofthe day.
Is that not what costco isabout?
What do you?
What do you want?
and how much of it.
Do you want exactly look and ifthe answer is a lot.

(01:05:43):
If the answer is much, I wantmuch sunglass.
Eric, I'm.

Matt (01:05:49):
I want big fridge.
I'm distracted by how nice someof these TVs look.

Eric (01:05:53):
These are really nice, $1,500.

Matt (01:05:59):
Well, yeah, eric.
First of all, it's a 77-incher.

Eric (01:06:03):
O-L-E-D and it's LED O-L-E oled that's a 4k and look at it
, though.

Matt (01:06:08):
Look at what you're getting.

Eric (01:06:09):
But like the one on the left is like maybe an inch or
two smaller, also 4k.
Oh, it's not it's not oled.
That's where you go but lessthan half the price.
It's that oh you're paying for.
Sorry, more than half, I lessthis is some good images.
Hurting yourself, can't helpbut notice all the motion
smoothing is on Side note.
If you buy a TV, turn motionsmoothing off.

(01:06:31):
All right, here we are at theoptics.

Matt (01:06:33):
Okay, should I buy these?
Are sunglasses, Eric here's83-inch OLED $2199.99.
What?

Eric (01:06:44):
a steal.

Matt (01:06:44):
But look at it.

Eric (01:06:46):
At a certain point there's too much, at a certain point
get a projector.
If I have to start rotating myhead to catch everything that's
happening on screen.
It's too much.

Matt (01:06:56):
That's what I'm saying, Get a projector, then Now you
need a theater room.
Yeah, at that point.
Do I need to get a drone?
Yes, okay, do you think Lindsaywould be pleased if I come home
with a drone?
I mean, I can't imagine herbeing it's International Women's
Day it's.

Eric (01:07:11):
International Women's Day, it's for her.
I couldn't agree with you more.
It's like a prescriptionsunwear, but I just want to look
at Were those the only sunglassoptions it could be.
I'm going to Well.
Well, we can circle back around.
I'll ask him.

Matt (01:07:25):
oh, bro oh, I got one of these not this one.

Eric (01:07:28):
I I I honest to god this is a percussion power.

Matt (01:07:33):
Percussion pro is what eric's looking at.

Eric (01:07:35):
It's a massager, massage gun air quotes body massager,
but but realist of talk, Iactually want to use it for that
we never found those plants.

Matt (01:07:46):
I want to find the plants Are they maybe outside.

Eric (01:07:49):
Oh, I see a plant ahead, okay.

Matt (01:07:52):
That looks like an orchid.
So we'll see.
Now let's see how many morequestions we have to go through.
If you were offered a wholepall at costco of one costco
item, what would you get?
That is also from alexcaporettis okay.

Eric (01:08:13):
So there's the fantastical , and then there's the practical
, practical q-tips.
Because this is the one thingthat, when we are out of them, I
feel it in my fucking soul andI and I despair, I straight up
despair.
If I, if you, could tell me,eric, we'll give you a pat, you
will never have to worry aboutq-tips ever again in your life,

(01:08:35):
I would be over the moon,matthew, would you really?
Yes, I mean, be real, but like,truly and truly, just like that
I was, like I never had.

Matt (01:08:44):
They don't go bad, they don't spoil, they're q-tips now,
this is what I saw people withfragrant collection.

Eric (01:08:51):
Oh, they're rose plants roses and then okay, looks like
we've got some, but like in thefantastical- yeah in the
fantastical yes, eric, you'vesaid it in the fantastical
Pallet full of super soakers.
Get all the friends together,have a grand old time.
That's a good time.
Yeah, yeah, super soakers orNerf guns.

Matt (01:09:10):
For me I'm wondering about , like something I get here
Allergy medication.
Never have to worry about thatagain.

Eric (01:09:17):
Yeah, that is also a good call being out of that.
What's the word?
Fucking sucks?
Yes, God, it does.

Matt (01:09:25):
Well, I think I'm definitely going to get some of
that fancy hummus.
Eric, are you noticing that theline to get out is forming here
in the middle of the store?

Eric (01:09:32):
Oh, no, oh goodness.

Matt (01:09:35):
So what I'm thinking is I think we've got to get in this
line soon.

Eric (01:09:39):
We've got to get in line.
Oh man yeah.

Matt (01:09:41):
What are we?

Eric (01:09:42):
closing.
What the vine?
Yeah, Is there an express line?
I think it's time we get inline and we discuss some.
We can discuss any leftoverquestions.

Matt (01:09:49):
I think I'm going to get that hummus.
Okay, because that's a nicelittle surprise, yep.

Eric (01:09:57):
I got my girl who had her little squish malls.

Matt (01:09:58):
Eric, we can't even get out this way, oh my God, we
can't even get out the aislethis way.

Eric (01:10:00):
It, it was made by those who are waiting in line, and
those who are waiting in linekeep it.
The way is shut, the way isshut.
We are just trying to getthrough this.
As a kid coming to Costco, thatwas always the part that, with
my little undiagnosed ADHD brain, killed me.

Matt (01:10:16):
Oh, it's because it was just torment.

Eric (01:10:18):
I was like how long am I going to be in line, though?
How long am I going to bestanding in a place where I'm
not allowed to leave where I'mstanding?
And the answer, eric, is toolong Forever, all right.
So I'm going to get some of thegifts and then, like some
Costco worker, would scream atme like you're going to die in
this line, kid.

Matt (01:10:33):
I think, rather than try to navigate the plane because we
don't have a cart, no, I'mgoing to get the hummus.
You get the hummus and call ita day.

Eric (01:10:45):
You have to get a picture of this line.

Matt (01:10:54):
It is legit listeners halfway through the store, okay.

Eric (01:10:59):
And Matt reaches for the hummus.
Matt has the hummus.

Matt (01:11:04):
Matt elbows.
Oh, they come in twos Packs oftwos.

Eric (01:11:07):
Only twos For $5.99?
.
That's, you buy one, you openone, you freeze one.

Matt (01:11:15):
Can you freeze hummus?
I'm not a big hummus person, Idon't know.
We'd probably freeze anything,what was?
Your favorite of the others, doyou think?

Eric (01:11:23):
My favorite of the other two would probably be between
lemon garlic dill and the honeyjalapeno.

Matt (01:11:29):
I think she'd like the honey jalapeno.
I think she'd like it.

Eric (01:11:31):
It truly is not that spicy .
It doesn't even really havespice, but it tastes like
jalapeno.
It does.

Matt (01:11:38):
Are they only in the two packs?

Eric (01:11:40):
Yes, Okay, yep, yep, yep, yep, he is.
He has told us that the honeyjalapeno is the most popular one
.

Matt (01:11:52):
No, less, no less than like five times.
I would agree, if not more.

Eric (01:11:56):
Okay and honestly he's, he's on the grind.
I respect it.
Oh shit, yeah, you, you get inline and I, I know this game.
Go, go get your macaroons.
I'm going to go get themacaroons.

Matt (01:12:06):
Am I in line yet?
And right now we're doing.
What we're going to do is we'regoing to I'm going to keep
talking and you're going to keeptalking, Yep, and we'll see how
the conversation goes.

Eric (01:12:14):
Oh, I hope, oh yeah.

Matt (01:12:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I've left Eric in.
I'm walking away.
I'm going so hard against thegrain right now Waiting in line
like a jackass.

Eric (01:12:27):
Luckily people don't think I'm insane.

Matt (01:12:31):
I am not convinced that they only have two packs of this
hummus, because they probablythink I have Bluetooth.
I think I saw some on the shelf.
In fact, just to give a littlecredence to that, I'm going to
Eric.
I'm talking to Poke my ear so Ican hear you better.
Okay, but I respect that Idon't have the time to do.
Are you trying to get past allright now?

(01:12:52):
I'm alone without my emotionalsupport, eric.
Oh no, they're only in twopacks over here too, and here we
are got the macarons I.
I am returning to Eric.
I'm just it's like are theyclosing early or something?
Everybody's making their way tothe exit.

(01:13:12):
It's really hard for me to notlook like a crazy person?
Right when we're trying to makeour way to the exit.
It's madness why.
Oh, my God, everyone's in allkinds of directions.
I'm in dangerous territory,eric.
It's pretty tight.
I could easily see myselfgetting hurt, emotionally Packed
in, and I'm just realizingEric's going to kill me.

(01:13:34):
I'm making a detour because I'mrealizing, if I'm going to get
all this hummus, I better showup with some sort of pretzel
chip.
Oh my God, a little dog in apouch.

Eric (01:13:50):
I can only imagine what Matt is doing right now.

Matt (01:13:54):
I thought I knew where the pretzel chips were.
Shit, eric, this is your airwaxthe Eric.
Yes, the Eric the freedispenser.
I know, airwax Lady, I know, Iknow it.

Eric (01:14:05):
I think most people are not even aware, like me, or they
are.
They think I'm insane.

Matt (01:14:14):
He's probably scared.
He's there by himself.
What if they put him into anexpress lane and he's like no,
no, I'm waiting for my co-host.
And they're like, what co-host,andhost?
And then they say, oh, are youmaking a podcast again?
God, we're always constantlykicking you people out of here,
good clip.
I'm lost and I'm afraid.

(01:14:34):
Sorry sir, see, I brushedagainst that man and to be
honest, I said I'm sorry sir I'mbeing honest with you listeners
.
It's because I'm being recorded.
The madness is beginning totake me Of all these people
coming and going.
You don't want to know what itis.
You want to know where theanxiety is coming from.

(01:14:55):
It's because I'm trying to findsomething, I'm trying to
accomplish something, and thisis where I have to say, and I
think I'm justified these peopleare in my fucking way.
At this point.

Eric (01:15:09):
You know what I mean Now, matt has not returned and I'm
worried that he has died.

Matt (01:15:17):
There's the princess dress again.
I should have gone with thatoption in the first place.
For International Women's Day,it's all right.
I wonder if Eric kept up hisend of the party.
Where did he go?
Oh my.

Eric (01:15:29):
God.

Matt (01:15:31):
What do you think?
What's the over-under on Erictalking?
All right, I'm cutting ahead.
I'm going to try to interceptEric in line, because if the
chips are anywhere, they'reprobably around here.
I feel like I'm in the zone.
I feel like I'm in theneighborhood.
Oh, they're probably aroundhere.
I feel like I'm in the zone.
I feel like I'm in theneighborhood.
Oh, by the way, the Kirklandnut bars very good, very good.
You know what?
That pulled me back a littlebit.

Eric (01:15:52):
Honest to God, matthew where are you?

Matt (01:15:55):
I'm getting so stressed out.
I found.
Eric, I intercepted him too farahead.

Eric (01:16:05):
How did you end up in front of him?

Matt (01:16:07):
We're going to have a brief reunion.
Eric, it's creeping in.
The dread is creeping in.
It's been moving fast.
I've been looking for the chipcrackers Because if I'm coming
home with all this hummus.
I better have some dippers.
Probably we are passingbouquets.
I could just get flowers forInternational Women's.

Eric (01:16:25):
Day as well better have some dippers.

Matt (01:16:27):
Probably we are passing bouquets.
I could just get flowers forthe.
International Women's Day aswell.
That's a nice touch, isn't it?

Eric (01:16:32):
Yeah, I realized I started like something, but then I
realized there's so many peopleclose to me I sound like crazy.

Matt (01:16:38):
Eric, I've been talking this whole time.

Eric (01:16:40):
I just said to the listeners what is the over under
on Eric still talking.

Matt (01:16:43):
Nobody's stuck with you.
That's the problem.
Moving around, what is theover-under on Eric still talking
, nobody's stuck with you.
I'm going to check this aislereal quick for chips and he's
off the back all the way intothe night.

Eric (01:16:54):
Oh, sorry, that back.

Matt (01:16:54):
Pretzel chips Okay.
Oh okay, thank you, oh yeah the.

Eric (01:17:00):
Stacy's chips.
I'm going to check this way.
Good luck, champ.
You're my rock, I love you.
I love you.

Matt (01:17:09):
And I never saw him again.
So there you go, eric, I wasafraid to keep talking.

Eric (01:17:14):
Because I knew he would be .
Oh Matt, you better be swiftdog.
He's afraid he's a delicatesoul.
He doesn't want to look crazy.

Matt (01:17:21):
Oh Matt, this line is a-moving, even though you know
between you and I listeners, weknow all too well he's fucking
nuts.
This ain't going to work.
I'm going to run out of time.

Eric (01:17:31):
Actually I might have to call Matt and be like get back
here.
This line is moving withKirkland swiftness.
I know I saw them at one pointin time.

Matt (01:17:39):
They do nothing by half measures and I'm getting ready
to just there.
They are Fuck me measures andI'm getting ready to just there.
They are fuck me.
Okay, found it.
It's the biggest, biggest bagof them you've ever seen yes,
I'll tell you.

Eric (01:17:53):
I'll tell you this.
The line is moving swiftly.

Matt (01:17:56):
I'm coming, I've got them.
I've got them in hand, okay,good, I'm coming, I'm racing
where last you saw me.
I'm racing back to you, I'mcoming, I'm racing back to you.
I'm racing back to you.
Yeah, you run myself.
I'm running, you know, in asocially acceptable way.

Eric (01:18:09):
I believe in you.
I'll see you soon.
Oh, we're past the bouquets.

Matt (01:18:12):
No bouquets.
Why do I keep saying bouquets?
It's not the word.
All right, listeners.
I'm in the supplements, Gotsome whey protein.
Seems like maybe I could use it.
Thank God Eric is 100 feet tall, because I can see him from all
directions.
There comes my hero.
Watch him as he comes.

Eric (01:18:34):
I found this giant bag of those chips.
Oh, those are the best, thepretzel chips, man, we are past
the flowers.

Matt (01:18:38):
Yes, so no flowers for my lady.
Are we still going to getglizzy?

Eric (01:18:42):
Oh, you've got to All right, my lady, are we still
going to get glizzies?
Oh, you've got to.
Oh, alright, because we werealso given a question to do a
definitive ranking of the Costcofood court items.
I figured we could do thatwhile we're shopping for
glizzies.

Matt (01:18:57):
I think that's a good idea that we talked about before.
I will tell you this, eric, I'mnow exhausted from that.
Yeah, I am now stressed.
I was thinking that would allget cut, but maybe not.
I don't know how the hell I'mgoing to edit this episode.

Eric (01:19:10):
It's going to be an adventure, to be sure.

Matt (01:19:12):
Okay, so this is good.
While we wait in line, we cando Costco fashion hits for
unexpected fits, Unexpected fits.

Eric (01:19:19):
I'll tell you right now the hoodies.

Matt (01:19:21):
We found immediately the hoodies we found like
immediately, and they're noteven hoodies.
They're what I like to refer toas hooded garments.

Eric (01:19:26):
Yes, because they're shirts with hoods.
Yes, I would never wear thisinto the cold.
I'd never wear this.
This is my new house hoodie.

Matt (01:19:33):
I was going to say I might never wear this out of doors.

Eric (01:19:36):
No, if I'm at a beach, though, I'd wear this A beach at
night, beach at night, a beachat night.

Matt (01:19:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, To guard against the cold.
Oh, absolutely.
Well, you know you can take.
You know, it's good that thesehummus comes in twos, because
you can take one of each.

Eric (01:19:51):
And we got so many tortillas at home.

Matt (01:19:54):
There you go.
I've got the snack factory bigbag of pretzel chips, got two.
I made somebody laugh when Iwas walking and talking, when I
told you I was running to you ina socially acceptable way.
Good, I heard him guffaw.

Eric (01:20:08):
Yeah, you got to give him a good little gut buster every
now and then.

Matt (01:20:11):
From now and again A little knee slapper.
Now this is a question I like.
So we talked about the fashionhits for unexpected fits.
But there are other options.
They have all kinds of clothes.
I'll tell you this.
Those short sleeve button upshirts they're great which I
want to get into this year.
I want to start wearing them.

Eric (01:20:29):
You want the short-sleeved .
Oh, we have much to discuss.
What?

Matt (01:20:32):
creatures lurk beneath the shelves, as of yet unseen by
man or elves.

Eric (01:20:38):
Matt are we about to invent a Costco cryptid?
The Costco cryptid, the Costcocryptid the Costco cryptid the
Costco cryptid the Costcocryptid the Costco cryptid, the
Kirk.
Cryptid the Cryptcom.
Cryptland, cryptland, cryptland, the Cryptland, cryptland,
cryptland signature cryptid.

Matt (01:20:57):
Well, his name is Kirkland .

Eric (01:20:59):
His name is Kirkland.
He subsists entirely on thesamples.

Matt (01:21:02):
He said creatures, they're Kirk's.

Eric (01:21:08):
Kirk's.

Matt (01:21:08):
This is the kirkland and this, that's what it is.
That's eric, are we?

Eric (01:21:11):
not world builders?
Are we not the philosopherkings of old?
Are we not myth makers?

Matt (01:21:19):
yeah, the kirks they come out at night, they in the
kirkland the sample.

Eric (01:21:23):
Ladies know about them they leave they they leave them
little for it's like for goodluck.
It's like you gotta leave.

Matt (01:21:29):
It's like me leaving milk out for the fairies and you talk
about spoilage, the kirkseed,the sport, the, the one they got
one day left on them productsand meats.
Yeah, just drop them on thefloor, if you, if you leave them
.
Little closing time k Kirklandtime, you know?
Yes, tiktok it's Kirk and Kloppit's.

Eric (01:21:48):
Kirk and Klopp, but they're the ones they can be
mischievous.
They're the ones that, likewhen you come in on a Thursday
and you see palette upon paletteof like a thing, you're like
okay, I'll come by like onSaturday and grab that.
When you come back they're allgone, yeah.

Matt (01:22:05):
That's Kirk, and similar to what just happened where you
go when I'm looking for thesepretzel chips and I go to three
or four shelves that I swear Isaw them and they're not there.
Kirk's moving, kirk's, thosemischievous little bitches,
mischievous little bitches theyare.
Do we have any other questions?
We should get over Costco.
Do we have any other questionswe should get over?
Costco has spare 10-ouncesilver bars and it's one of the

(01:22:27):
cheapest places on the market toget them.
That's not a question, Justpreppery financials.
That's from Tim at Against AllOddities.
Thank you, Tim.

Eric (01:22:35):
It's just dropping some knowledge.
So for anyone listening, nexttime you're at Costco, you see
10-ounce silver bars.
Buy them up.

Matt (01:22:42):
Buy them up.
I'll tell you.
I am at the point where I'msort of wishing we had a car.
Oh yeah, this hand is liftingfor a family of four, yeah, each
of whom get their own tub ofhummus.

Eric (01:22:55):
Yes.

Matt (01:22:56):
Garden Fresh gourmet hummus Again.
I can't say enough about it.

Eric (01:23:00):
I'm willing to bet this is the same company as Sabra,
because it looks like theirsignature swirl.

Matt (01:23:11):
The problem is the next you adapt.
I'm afraid we need to go to aregular size REI.
Maybe or even a Tarjay, aTarjay.

Eric (01:23:23):
Is Tarjay an ally.

Matt (01:23:25):
Oh, you know what Maybe not Costco is?
That's why we're here.

Eric (01:23:28):
And God Costco, Ms Kirk's, I beg of you, Because Walmart's
out, walmart's out, amazon'sout, amazon's out.

Matt (01:23:36):
I think Target is also pro-trump, so they got to go too
.
So it's just Costco and BettyJerry's.
That's all you can trust,that's all you can rely on in
these hard times In fascistAmerica.
That's what we got.
We got bargain deals at yourlocal wholesale retailer.

(01:23:57):
All right, you go, you dropyour knowledge, and then I'll
put a second bar.

Eric (01:24:00):
Oh, you got to put a second bar.
Oh my God, Did you just shakeout my Carhartt wallet?
I want to get a Blackstone.
So bad, I do kind of want aBlackstone.
I want a Blackstone.
So it's on my wish list.
Everyone loves it.
My dad has one.
I've never seen him happier.
No.

Matt (01:24:23):
Well, that's because you're such a disappointment,
yeah.

Eric (01:24:26):
Yeah, I wish my old man looked at me the way he looks at
the grill the way he looks at ablackstone.
He's proud of the grill.

Matt (01:24:35):
Well, that turned out the way you wanted it.
Yes, we laughed, oh yeah, welaughed.
The therapist gets the tears.

Eric (01:24:49):
Man, I'm on fire in this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Man, we need to find out whatthat is in Latin.
Like that used to be the mottoof the show we laugh, the
therapist gets the tears Put itin Latin there's a recognition
for superior member service overhere, just like a wall of fame.

Matt (01:25:10):
I like that for this week.

Eric (01:25:14):
Let me hit you with this.
All right, talk about stats.
I want to see at the end of mylife, at the end of costco's
existence, I want to know whatthe law, which sample held the
record for both most samplesgiven away of this thing, but
longest running sample.
Was offered the longest.
Yeah, that's a good step.

(01:25:35):
What was the Phantom of theOpera of samples?
I saw this.

Matt (01:25:38):
TikTok around Thanksgiving .
Around Thanksgiving, somebodyat a Costco put up a camera on
the big section of the pumpkinpies and just did a time lapse
of all the piles of pumpkin piesrising and falling to the Benny
Hill theme.
It was all oh, that's not BennyHill, but it was that song.

Eric (01:25:59):
No, that's the Benny Hill.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that'sBenny Hill.

Matt (01:26:01):
That was right, I am smart yeah, and it was just a
constant like up, down, up, down, up, like that's really it was
really good, that's good, oh, ohperfect how's your?

Eric (01:26:30):
day going.

Matt (01:26:31):
Yeah, good, better than the alternative.
Oh, thank you.
Is there ever a slow day atCostco?

Eric (01:26:41):
Tuesday at 2 o'clock.

Matt (01:26:42):
Tuesday at 2 o'clock.
All right, just good to know.
Is that my stuff?
Thanks, I got you.
Y'all have a 2 o'clock.
All right, just good to know.
Is that my?

Eric (01:26:47):
stuff.
Thanks, bud, I got you.
Y'all have a good one.
Thank you everybody.
We have checked out and nowwe're going to check out some
glizzies.
We're going to check out someglizzies.

Matt (01:27:01):
A child just nearly ran straight on into my knee and I
had to do like oh geez whoa.
And the mother then said to mebe careful, matthew, I'm just
out here walking.

Eric (01:27:18):
I just want you to know that you are seen.
Thank you, you are valid, aaron, and if this were a sane and
just society, you would havebeen perfectly justified in
punting that child right acrossthe street.

Matt (01:27:30):
I didn't say anything to this one.

Eric (01:27:31):
No, Also international woman today, let's get another
selfie.
Hold up your dog.

Matt (01:27:35):
Okay, so we're back after a concession delay.
We got our dogs.
We got our dogs, so we got.
What are some of the options?
We got chicken bake.
Oh, actually no, I frequentlyget the food at the end of
Costco.

Eric (01:27:50):
So I've had all but one of these items that is currently
open.
Okay, what is the one youhaven't?
I have not had the chicken andbacon sandwich.

Matt (01:28:00):
That seems newer, as a result of the chicken wars
probably.

Eric (01:28:05):
Yeah.
So here's what's going to comeout the gate Bottom tier,
dumpster tier, the Caesar salad.
The size is great, the fillingis, but man, you're a food court
, you're not going to wantCaesar salad.
Come on, what I will say atthis point?
We're just going to be goingdegrees of awesome.
I'm with you At great tier.

(01:28:27):
We have the frozen fruitydrinks, we have the smoothies,
the cold brew, mocha freeze,your ice cream sundaes, your ice
cream cups, yeah, great.
But I need a meal.
I will say in solid, fantastictier, the pizza.

Matt (01:28:48):
The pizza is very good, one slice of that pizza is
enough to sate my hunger.
And I'm sure there are peoplein this world who say this hot
dog is a meal.
It's not.
It's a heavy snack.

Eric (01:29:02):
But this bridges me to my next meal.
The $1.50 meal deal Can't beatit.
The fact meal the $1.50 mealdeal Can't be beat, it's the
fact that it's $1.50.

Matt (01:29:10):
And here's the thing I happen to know, at least I heard
this story.
It could be bullshit, but theoriginal founder of Costco, when
he gave over most control tothe board or whatever I think
I'm telling the story right hekept enough power that he could
basically say he was like youhave full control over the

(01:29:34):
direction, blah, blah, blah.
However, you will never touchthis dog.
You can never increase theprice of the $1.50 hot dog meal
he felt that strongly about itthat he, at one point it came up
and he got on a board call andof the $1.50 hot dog meal.
He felt that strongly about itthat he, like, at one point it
came up and he got on like aboard call and cursed everyone
in a fucking blue streak.

Eric (01:29:52):
Yeah, because he's intelligent and understands that
if you lose money on one thingbut everyone likes to come for
that and they remember thatexperience they're more likely
to buy something else whilethey're here and you make money,
it all comes out in the walk.
Well, here's the thing.

Matt (01:30:07):
Nobody's coming here just for the hot dog.
No, it is a bonus, and becauseit's so cheap and you get two
things, it's guaranteed a littlebit of extra money.
Yeah, basically.

Eric (01:30:19):
It is a motivator to keep you in the store.

Matt (01:30:22):
By having that motivator, every second you spend in the
store you are likely to buysomething I could easily say oh,
that person's got Cottonellewipes, I should get those.
For example, I didn't even lookfor the band-aids, but I'm not
going back.
Not going back Too late.
I forgot all about them.
I was distracted by the sweethummus.

Eric (01:30:40):
I would say for the socioeconomic savvy of the hot
dog.
That puts it in a top tier,just because of the culture
surrounding this dog.

Matt (01:30:54):
You think of Costco, you think of the hot dog that has to
mean something it does and forthat reason, if we're doing our
off-the-cuff definitive ranking,it has to be number one.

Eric (01:31:04):
It has to be number one.
I think it's just degrees ofsecond place after that.
I will say this though Divorceyour mind from the hot dog.
In a world where there is nohot dog, Okay, the chicken bake
reigns supreme.
I don't know if you've neverhad it, Matt.
It is incredible, so like, andit is easily.

(01:31:26):
Yeah, it's like it's almost athousand calories.
Nice, so you are getting your.
That will sustain you through aday, Because you have like
thick, golden, like butterybread crust and inside is like a
creamy, like somewhere betweenranch and Caesar dressing, with

(01:31:51):
chunks of grilled chicken andbacon.
They don't tell you about thebacon.
It's written up there, but youdon't think about it.
No, and that's like a nicesavory surprise.

Matt (01:32:04):
It is so good.
It's like a salty cream.
You don't think about it, no,and then it's like a nice savory
surprise.

Eric (01:32:06):
It is so good, it's like the salty cream.
It is so decadent, it's perfect.
I'll eat half of one and savethe other half later for dinner.
If the Kirkland hot dog is theking, the chicken bake is the
prime minister.

Matt (01:32:24):
Okay, I get that.

Eric (01:32:26):
One is the figurehead, the projection of power, but one's
getting business done.

Matt (01:32:32):
One's getting shit done.
I think the only one we missed.
You have to commit to onepre-fried frozen junk food.
Oh yeah, you're about to buy an8 to 38 pound bag of it.
What are you getting?
Chimichangas, hotty PockyPockets, cheesy Stickery Doos.
Edited to add as Werner Herzog.

Eric (01:32:55):
I know my answer.
I guess you have to give it asWerner Herzog.
As I look out over the frozenwastes of this aisle
Significantly better, by the way.
I see a reflection of my ownhumanity, but more so I see the

(01:33:16):
reflection of those once greatcreatures that walked the earth,
the dinosaurs.
Sure, I buy my 38 pound box ofdinosaur nuggets and I take them
into my home, where I know theywill reside in my freezer, much

(01:33:38):
like they now reside in thecrust of the earth itself.

Matt (01:33:42):
Eric, really good.
Thank you, and I want to say donot take offense to this.
Have you been working on theWerner Herzog?
I have been.
It's really good.
Thank you, and I want to say donot take offense to this.
Have you been working on theWerner Herzog?
I have been.
It's much better.

Eric (01:33:49):
Thank you, it's much improved.
I've dialed some sliders in.
I can see you've done some workshopping and it's paid off.
That is my answer to learn thestyle of Werner Herzog, dino
nuggies.
I can always eat them.

Matt (01:34:01):
Sure, in this cold and dark world, I find there is but
little comfort to be had as alonely individual on this
endless, vast, ever expandingtimeline of sadness and strife,

(01:34:21):
and it is for those reasons thatI will always pick up the very
embodiment of wrapping one's rawintentions and motivations and
dreams in the loving and caringblanket that is, the miniature

(01:34:43):
piggies in a blanket.

Eric (01:34:44):
Yeah, Thank you, werner, you're welcome.

Matt (01:34:51):
I'll be honest, you might have better Werner at this point
by the next.
You Daft and Afraid.
You Daft and Afraid 3, allGerman, All German.
You Daft and Afraid 3,Oktoberfest when.

Eric (01:35:04):
I am at home.
I call them Werners in.

Matt (01:35:12):
Herzog, when it is just me alone, with my piggies and
blankets, comforted only bycarbohydrates.

Eric (01:35:23):
Eric, I think we've done good.
I think we've done so good.
I think we nailed it.

Matt (01:35:27):
I think we nailed it as if there was another option.
Is this what we bid adieu?

Eric (01:35:33):
I think we might be ready to wrap up.
Yeah, we're sunsetting here inthe food court.

Matt (01:35:39):
We stopped the Ikea in the food court it feels only right,
we stop here.

Eric (01:35:43):
You come in, you get get overwhelmed.
You stumble around, you grabsamples where you can get them.
You see things you neverexpected, never thought you knew
you needed.
Yeah, uh, never wanted beforeyou saw them.
And at the end of the day,we're just retired to the food
court, eat one last glizzy andwait in that long line for the

(01:36:05):
man to check our receipt.
Yeah, it actually is quite along.

Matt (01:36:08):
Oh, yeah, we got it, we're gonna be in purgatory for a
little bit.
Well, we I mean we can make ourway over to the line um we're
away.
Oh, thank you, but how are yougonna put all of me?
Got him All right, so we are inthe car now.
The line moved very quickly,yeah, and now we are.

(01:36:31):
We have come to the end of yetanother you Daft and Afraid.

Eric (01:36:35):
To quote Greg Davies, what did we learn today?
What did?

Matt (01:36:38):
we learn today.
What did we learn today?
We learned that the efforts ofyou combined with me trying to
put on a comedy dialogue, I canmake it through prime Costco
time on a Sunday, Saturday.

Eric (01:36:58):
It gives your brain something like it's a safety
anchor.
It's like, oh, I'm performing.
If I feel myself starting toslip into dissociation and dread
, I just remember right bits wecan talk about funny things.

Matt (01:37:11):
I think it is only appropriate that you submit
questions to us.
Yes, Not just about the regularriffraff.
But what is the next place?
Where should you Daft andAfraid 3 take place?

Eric (01:37:25):
Yeah, all I ask and like I'm not trying to like influence
your decision making all youask of me phantom got him make
it rip, make a rip, make a rip.
She says like a beyblade justlike one.

Matt (01:37:41):
Yeah, I haven't mentioned the beyblade.
Good callback.
Yeah, it's been a minute.
Yeah, it's been a minute in aminute anyway, uh, well then, I
think that'll about do it.
So, uh, submit your otherquestions that you didn't ask
for this.
Gmailcom, that's uh all spelledout.
And also you didn't ask pod,instagram, blue sky, facebook,

(01:38:01):
tiktok, etc.
Uh, and then, of course,patreoncom.
You didn't ask for this.
You can join the Patreon $1 amonth, you get into the Discord,
$4 a month, you get the Oops,all Tangents, bonus episodes.
When we're recording thisepisode right now, your latest,
the March Oat, features you andAlyssa, yeah, telling us a

(01:38:24):
rather rambunctious tale.

Eric (01:38:26):
And cute.

Matt (01:38:26):
It's just straight up adorable, it's very good, it's
quite the story.
Adventure did indeed find andtake you.
Yes.
But I think, from all of us here, that'll about do it.
That'll about do it For this.
You daft and afraid episode ofyou Didn't Ask For this.
My name is Matt J.
My name is Eric Poach.

Eric (01:38:45):
And listen.
You didn't ask, but I forgot toget sunglasses.

Matt (01:38:49):
No, you didn't forget, you just didn't find the option.
I thought, yeah, you want to goback in?

Eric (01:38:53):
No, I don't, let's go back , we're going back, let's go
back, let's go back.

(01:39:19):
Thank you.

All Episodes

112 | YDAFT & Afraid 2: Costco

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

Intentionally Disturbing

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}112 | YDAFT & Afraid 2: Costco