117 | Chock Full of Dicks - You Didn't Ask For This

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Matt, I want to discuss something that, as a
person with a, you know.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Tall frame no Bowel problem.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
No, I got.
Curly hair Nope.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Lower Bent penis Toes that curl into an S.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
As a person of the penis to persuasion Unwashed
calves.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, oh, so it is about the penis.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, tell me about that gore to yours, that gore.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Oh man, what a wild subject for today's episode.
You know the struggles Of thepenis.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm familiar with some of them, yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah .

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Have you ever like woken up and you really it's a
natural part of growing up.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Eric, you know those white spots.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
They happen to everyone, matthew I'm just
trying to derail your coldopener from the start, huh all
right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'msorry yeah, um, I've woken up I
have truly.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
yes, I love that.
I love that you just call it apenis, I don't what do you call
it?
Wait, what do you call it?

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Like on the daily.
Well, yeah, my penis is a name.
If that's what you're after,Okay, first I want to know.
I don't address it as suchnormally.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
What is its name and what do you call it?
Polythymus, polythymus.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Wait, do you understand polythemus?
No, is that a god or is that aphilosopher, polythemus?

Speaker 1 (01:49):
is the cyclops from the odyssey.
Okay, yep, yep, just brushingsheep yes, truly with the
one-eyed monster, if you will sothat's so that.
Okay, so that's so, that's.
But like in your day-to-daywhen you're referring to one
yeah, the the old, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
hold on To one, not my own, your own or another.
I mean, I don't think there'sone universal way that I do it.
My dick, my penis, my JohnThomas my trouser snake Nope,
all I needed.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Okay.
So, matt, we did it at sevenminutes 23 seconds remaining.
So let me clue you in on what'shappening.
Alyssa and I were having adiscussion late at night.
We were both in our cups airquotes yeah sure, delinquents.
And Alyssa was fucking certain.

(02:43):
Alyssa had an idea in her mindabout Matt Shea.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
That that you said you had a cold open you were
passionate about, and it's justabout shaming me.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Matthew, I am a paladin whostands in your defense.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah, all right, alyssa was convinced With that
in mind continue.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
We were talking about what a good boy you are and I
can't remember how the subjectof of of talking about my
schlong genitalia on the showthat but alissa's convinced that
you would never, on the show,refer to an anatomical penis as
a dick.
Why is like I just don't seehim do it, and that's what I

(03:25):
said that's what you call it I'mpretty sure he's done that a
hundred times.
She was like name one dickspulled out.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
The dick couldn't help but notice your dicks.
Have back off my dick.
Elliot lee and his giant dicklove dick.
This plant rang back the dicks.
Red hot dick sucking lips, 15swinging dicks getting together
for a film I love dick.
The plant.
Cut your dick off, eric.
Yeah, alissa, that's just sinceepisode 100 now I was like

(03:57):
alissa.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
I can't even tell you what I talked about on the last
episode alissa's out of school.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
On this one, why would I not talk about my dick
as my dick?

Speaker 1 (04:05):
matt.
It devolved into a.
I was like this is gonna be acold open.
I'm gonna get him to say theword dick on the podcast.
Um, but then we had.
We spent like a half an hourlaying down ground rules.
I have a document open rightnow.
Uh, here is the cold open noteget mac to say the word dick in
reference to talking aboutliteral anatomical dicks,

(04:28):
because alissa is convinced thatmatt would never do that on an
episode of the podcast.
Here are the rules.
Rule one direct quote nofuckery.
And you know what that means Imean eric.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
You do know what that means so I.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
So it's like I have to get you to say it organically
to quote.
It cannot be a movie quote, solet's just get ahead of that
right now.
Great rule three must be inregards to an anatomical penis,
so it can't be like oh yeah,that guy's a dick for quote.
And here's the other thing.
I going to give you a piece ofpaper and an envelope and you're

(05:07):
going to read it.
If you can't get him to do thiswithin the first ten minutes of
the show, it was within threeminutes.
Yeah, I did great as far aslike from the top of the cold
open.
I did it in like two minutes.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
You did it very quickly, because of course, you
did.
That's what you refer to, apenis, as.
Yeah it was like there's noworld in which Matt has not
referred to a dick as a dick.
I would say just for Alyssa'sown, I'm going to say
embarrassment.
I would say 90% of the timewhen I reference my penis in and

(05:42):
around my home, I would say mydick.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
And you've said it so many times on this podcast.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
I'm sure I have, I'm positive that I have.
That's what blew my mind.
I was like Alyssa.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
So Alyssa doesn't listen to the show.
You're telling me the personwho's been in this whole thing,
alyssa, don't out yourself assomeone who doesn't listen to
the show.
I can't handle that.
I can't handle that.
I can't handle that pressure.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
It's, it's truly.
I will say this in Alyssa'sdefense.
It's truly, because you don'thave to by the way.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I know you're romantically linked, but you can
let her embarrassment fester.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
No, no, no.
This is the meme right nowwhere, like she's like the the
noble, being like pelted byrocks and tomatoes, I'm like
holding up my shield to defendher.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
yeah, let that shield down is what I'm saying.
Let my rocks through, uh, myrocks something I could call my
balls, by the way there uh,alissa if you want to know this,
this was a discussion inreference.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
We were talking about how good you are, how pure you
are, thank you and and last 30seconds may be exempted yeah,
yeah, but but that, but like.
That's why I came to yourdefense.
I was like Matt's a dirty boy,matt's pure, but he's like nasty
.
He talk, he say dick.
I say all the words.
But, matt, I do want to circleback to this rule Number four.

(06:55):
I'm just repeat it.
Here's the other thing.
This is what Alyssa said.
She said I'm going to give youa piece of paper and an envelope
and you're going to read it ifyou can't do this within the
first 10 minutes of the show.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
So I obviously want to hear what this piece of paper
has to say I, I, I would do twothings.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
One I did it, so I ain't gotta read shit no, you
don't she didn't give me thepiece of paper, also to her
credit.
She probably didn't know I wasgoing to do this cold open today
, but I have avoidedembarrassment uh yet again,
thank god.
Skin of your teeth rule, notwhich rule 4b uh I get something
, I think if I well, this is,this is an addendum to the to

(07:34):
the I have to read whatever uh4b.
So I am delighted to announcethat alissa named those terms
and then I named my terms, whichgenerated rule number five.
You don't have to do this AfterI said what I would get to do
if I won.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
So what were your terms?
Because you definitely won.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
I won.
I knocked it out of the park, Ipointed to the stands.
I was like that dick rightthere.
My terms are simple.
If I did it which there wasnever a doubt in the fucking
universe that I would I'm goingto go to the discord and I'm
going to post one of my favoritepictures of Alyssa on Earth.
She is like eight or nine yearsold and wearing a bear costume

(08:21):
and it's super precious and shehates that picture.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
You get to post that once this episode airs.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yes, once this episode airs I will be posting
alissa dressed up as an adorablelittle bear head to the discord
right now.
Uh, yeah, so that that's inconclusion.
Matt will say dick on the showI win.
I am the winner, winner,chicken dinner and I'm going to

(08:49):
post a picture of my girlfriend.
I cannot wait to see it.
It's so, it's so.
It's like when you think ofpictures, mom pulls out.
It's like prom night and momsharing pictures with your date.
This is right.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Here's my precious little teddy bear.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, that's mine there she is, so yeah uh,

(09:31):
welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Pull up a.
This, the podcast that answerslife's least pressing questions.
My name is Matthew Shea.
My dick's name, polyphemus,from the Odyssey.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
My name is Eric Poach .
My dick's name is no One.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
No One.
Is that really it?
Or are you just saying youdidn't name your dick, which I
don't believe for a minute?

Speaker 1 (09:51):
No One has lain me.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
No One has lain you.
That's what they say.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
No One has sexed me into traction.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Are you admitting something terrible?
What's happening?
No, no Attraction.
Are you admitting?

Speaker 1 (10:03):
something terrible.
What's happening?
No, no, I'm saying because mydick is named no one when
someone's like bragging aboutlike awesome awesome dick stuff
that my dick did.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
They'll be like no one has, oh, no one so it's an
anonymous, it's an identityprotection.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yes, it's a reverse humble brag.
It's where there's humblebragging about my dick, but no
one will know it's mine I seewhat so I could just watch from
the shadows and go.
Ah, yes, good, good very good.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yes, this is without a doubt the straightest
beginning to this uh show we'veever done, I think.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yes, the most heteronormative or the gayest
One of the two.
God, I hope it's the second one.
It's on the bingo card 2025,bisexual as fuck.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
It is truly, and so far this episode's checking all
them boxes.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Maybe a few boxes too .
Oh, sorry, sorry, I shouldn'thave said that we got to keep it
strictly to the dicks.
I'm gonna say it's an obnoxiousamount in this episode
obnoxious amount of dicks inthis episode.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
This episode will be chock full of dicks okay, like
to the point that game ofthrones would look this and go
like was that really necessary?

Speaker 2 (11:24):
A proper bouquet of dicks.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Tasteful side dick.
Untasteful under dick.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
No God, no one wants the under dick's, not for anyone
.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's just for grainy, poorlysnapped selfies when someone's
thirst trapping at four in themorning, oh my God.
I don't think they call itthirst traffic, but uh, no, not
when they're.
No, that's that that, no that.
When dudes do that shit, whenthey just start like fucking,
fucking, that's water dowsingsexual harassment.

(11:55):
I think, yeah, that's, they'relike oh, I think I said
something, maybe so pro tipfellas, fellas and anyone with a
dick, whoever gets the impulseto send pictures of it at four
in the morning.
Just don't, don't Nobody.
No one you have ever sent oneto has enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Listen, if you now I can't, I can authentically say I
have never sent a dick pic andif I did I'd be lost in the
chaos of production.
I'd be getting good lighting.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Oh my god, it would be immaculate.
You would put a tripod, wouldbe set up.
It'd create a whole, a wholenew department in the anxiety
section of your brain would haveto open up.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
All right, boys, here we go.
The council of mats would belike we got to hold on.
We got to pull up a new chair.
Oh my god, a new chair.
Oh my God, a new member isjoining us Dick pic.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Matt, a new member.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
This is a terrible start to this episode.
I feel very confident.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
But just to follow that up, even if you have sent a
picture of your dick to someone, yes.
And they were like ooh and A.
The only time you should bedoing that is when someone's
like oh, of course I would loveto Like A.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
it shouldn't even be like do you want to see a
picture of a dick?

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Somebody should be demanding it, somebody be like
show me that dick, Even whenthey're like, ooh yeah, they're
just doing that to be nice toyou.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Dicks are ridiculous looking.
Send a picture of Richard Nixonfor the lulls and move on.
That's what I say.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
All bodies are beautiful, all things are
beautiful, but dicks areobjectively the funniest looking
things on the planet.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
It's not meant to be admired, it's meant to do a
function.
Yes, let it do its work, let itdo its work.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Let it speak for itself.
You don't need to give itheadshots.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
It does not need to audition oh man, it does not
need to audition Dick pics inthe style of headshots though.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Give you one serious, okay, one playful.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
Okay, now get a little flirty on this one.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Put a resume on the back of it.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
Yeah, on this one.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
yeah, put a resume on the back of it.
Yeah, that okay.
New, new, new meta hasapproached.
From now on, if you send a dickpic, if you send a dick pic
that has been asked for, it hasto be accompanied by a resume.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
A resume um which a full resume, not only previous
work, but also special skills,yep education we're gonna have
to know height and weight of thedick, not you um dick.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Yes, girth, girth and length yep, uh, if you've done
regional work, the standardsummer stock I actually did this
in rep, all right, oh, man,that eric.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
I think we have spent so much time on this episode
talking about our penises.
Yes, we have, and yet notenough, and yet not nearly
enough.
But we we have spent so muchtime on this episode talking
about our penises yes, we have,and yet not enough, and yet not
nearly enough, but we have someopening business to jump right
on into.
I feel you know, because firstof all, I don't think I've even
asked how you're doing yet.
How are you?

Speaker 1 (15:19):
doing, eric, I'm doing phenomenal.
Something I do want to note forlisteners, because I spent
about 10 to 20 minutes agonizingover this my house is vibrating
yes, my house is 100 years old,so it just makes sounds and
today it's doing a randombuzzing that I thought was like.

(15:41):
Maybe it was like because thewind's blowing real hard.
I'm hearing the buzz.
Maybe there's a door like theback doors, like the screen
doors, like waving or like wayblowing in the breeze nope turns
out, I put my hand against thewall.
When the wind blows just thisside of the house, it just
vibrates a little, don't knowwhy.
Try not to think too hard aboutit.
All that to say, if you hear inthe background an occasional,

(16:04):
that is my house, not my tum tum, yes and not uh, not uh.
A pot belly pig that I adoptedI which I wish was the case I
would absolutely be interviewingit.
Bro, if we're making a bloodpact right now, if either of us
ever gets a pot belly pig, weinterview it, blood pact yeah,
blood packed.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Absolutely dick to dick on that one dick to dick on
that.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
One fucking just docking a hickory dickory dock a
hickory dickory dock.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
Um, very good, eric, thank you.
I'll do my best to edit it out,but you know, maybe it's not
possible.
But we'll see, and and if yourhouse collapses in the middle of
the show, you'll know you'll.
You'll hear that too.
I'll keep that in for context.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, and I will need you to fully in, like a hubcap
rolling and then doing oh yeah,absolutely.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Going to need one of those.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Absolutely.
Now the other bit of businesswe have to take care of regards
a bingo square.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
Ah, yes.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
We are.
We are recording this the dayafter the eurovision finals yes,
excuse me, grand finals yes,the grand finals it's.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
It's been, it's been a whirlwind of a week.
Semi-finals started on the, thetwo, the 10th or the 11th.
No, it started on the 12th andthen, and it was like semi-final
daybreak, semi-final daybreak,and then here we are at the
finals.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
now look, the main question here is did I in fact
get into eurovision, which, forthe second year in a row, was
your submission as what you weregoing to get me into?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yes, this is my albatross and my boulder.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
So once all the submissions were in, you did let
me know about that.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
I was so much better this year than last year you
were much better about it.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
You told me when the semifinals were and the finals,
which right away a bigger stepforward than you did before.
But I will say that I didn'twatch the semifinals.
But what I did watch was everysingle submission and rank them
on the Eurovision ranker websiteyou sent me, which, honestly,

(18:19):
that could use some work too.
Design wise, I might honestlyjust go with a spreadsheet next
time.
Yeah, but regardless, I did.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
I completed my ranking of the what is it 37
total 37 competing countries,who were your top five, by the
way?

Speaker 2 (18:34):
Just for the listeners?
Yes, sure.
So my top five for thelisteners benefit was number
five.
I'll go five to one.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, of course, of course.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
Number five, I had Croatia Poison Cake.
Okay, Luxembourg was numberfour with La Poupie Montée Le
Sang.
Luxembourg had a good showing.
Sure, I nailed that.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
Had a good showing in the semis.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Number three was Australia, with Milkshake man
God gotta have it, gotta be.
Gotta have it.
Number two was Estonia's TommyCash's Espresso Macchiato
Instant classic, and number onefar and away the best was KAJ
from Sweden's Bara Bara Bastu,bara, bara Bastu Bastu.

(19:16):
Yeah, it was in fact the firstsong that I listened to from the
playlist I was working off of,and it never moved from my top
spot.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
It's a banger.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
It's a banger.
And I'll tell you right now,when I'm watching Eurovision
because we were talking a littlebit about Eurovision before the
show started and I'm here totell you I think I picked a bad
year to try to get into itbecause the vast majority of
these 37 songs, I have to say,thoroughly unimpressive to me.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
There were a handful of bangers, and the rest was
just underwhelming.
Here's what I'm after it was aninordinately underwhelming year
.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Here's me when I'm going to Eurovision.
I want to see the next ABBA.
That's my barometer.
That's my barometer.
Abba came from Eurovision.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
They're the kings and queens of Eurovision.
Celine Dion won Eurovision.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
This is the caliber that I'm looking for.
I'm looking for a pop hit thatmaybe is a slight bit eccentric,
that's catchy as fuck, that isstill musically very smart.
This is what I'm after.
This is what I'm looking for,and a lot of these songs very
forgettable, and so I did watchmost of the final before I had

(20:31):
to, somewhat ironically, leaveto judge a singing competition.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
This is a re that's all I not a bit.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, so myself and Lindsay have for a few years now
, been judges in a regionalmusical theater competition.
That's all I'm going to sayabout that, because I'm not sure
how much I'm allowed to say.
But yeah, I was one of thejudges there and it was the
grand final of this year'scompetition.

(21:03):
I was not one of the judges forthe final, but I still went
because I, you know, I was oneof the judges throughout the
year.
Yeah, so the it was a great, itwas a great time, but I did
find it very funny that I had toabandon Eurovision to go to
that Although locally, I willalso point out is it was also
Preakness Day, so, and I had tomiss the Preakness as well,

(21:27):
which I said to you justassuming that you were aware
that it was Preakness and thenyou, I have to be honest, threw
some shade.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
My way, I did not.
I did accuse you of being ahorse girl.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Well, you asked if I was a horse girl in a follow-up
voice memo.
The first voice memo was likedo you watch Preakness?
And I was like yeah, obviouslyI do, along with Belmont and the
Kentucky Derby, because again.
I'm a warm-blooded Americancitizen.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah who also who loves watching those little
jockeys?
Just beat the shit out ofhorses with little riding crops.
Not quite what happens, butsure Someone got a hefty fine
this year for hitting theirhorse too many times.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
That was at the Kentucky Derby yes, yeah.
Yeah, it does happen and Iwould say that, yeah, so is that
the shame You're shaming me forin general watching horse
racing.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
I'm just saying the regulations for the Kentucky
Derby stipulate that you maystrike a horse with your riding
crop up to six times.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
It's why you have six carats when you ride a pona in
ocarina of time and someone wentbeyond that.
That's somebody.
Yeah, again, that's a good.
I'm not.
That's not me.
I'm not the jockey.
I'm way too tall to be thejockey you're just out there in
your, in your big hat, in yourno I suck a suit no, I was
saying to lindsey that we, forbeing a maryland local long as
we have, and in fact at onepoint living down the street
from Pimlico, we never have goneto the Preakness and we should

(22:52):
go sometime.
I guess you're not.
I guess you're putting upbillboards with PETA over here.
Jesus Christ, but yeah, but Ialso.
I enjoy putting some money onsome ponies.
Oh yeah, how do the ponies dofor you?
Not good Three times a year?
I'm not a horse betterthroughout the year, but the

(23:14):
Triple Crown races, I don't know.
It was always on in my house.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
It was always on in my house as well.
My mom and my aunt are so huge.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
I remember the big Smarty Jones Triple Crown run.
I'll never forget that my momand my aunt are.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
That was Preakness Day.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
I literally walked to the chain link fence on the
final turn of Pimlico.
The horses are no more than Idon't know 20 feet away.

(23:53):
Like you're closer than anyonecan sit, I literally walked up
to the fence and sat there forwhen the race started and
watched the horses race behindme.
The final turn.
It was really great.
But yeah, this year I have notwon anymore.
I have won before there were.
A couple of years ago I droppedsome cash I think it was on

(24:13):
Belmont and I won like 500 bucksfor my long shot on the ponies,
on the ponies.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, what are we fuckingtalking about?
You're a horse girl, I wouldn'tsay overall, but I'll always be
third in your life.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
After your horse and your daddy's money I get it, my
daddy's money.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
When am I getting it?

Speaker 1 (24:40):
now you told me lind Dr Lindsay Arbar, former horse
girl.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, former, she grew up riding horses.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
The voice memo I got from you.
You referred to her as a horsegirl and the absolute
indignation in her voice she'slike not a horse girl.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
She was a horse girl at one point in time.
I think if you rode horses youget the title of horse girl.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
Oh, so I'm a horse girl?
Sure, I mean, I've ridden ahorse, if that's what you're
trying to say.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
No, no, I'm saying she competitively rode horses.
Oh yeah, okay, she had thepants and the boots and the hat.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah, it's a helmet, but yes.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
The helmet.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Actually saved her life, but that's a different
story.
Actually saved her life, uh,but that's a different story.

Speaker 4 (25:30):
Uh, her hat, as you put it.
Yes, so yeah, she's not a horsegirl, but by any recovering
horse girl.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
She's a recovering horse girl, uh.
This episode is off the fuckingrails, uh, which I already feel
like half of what we recordedis gonna get cut.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
Oh, it's gonna be great.
Um, if you don't edit the show,if you are a horse girl or no a
horse girl, please reach out tous.
We would love to have a horsegirl episode where we interview
you.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yes, if you're a horse girl, please, horse girls
is welcome.
That's what I say.
Horse girls need apply.
I did tell this is a true thing.
I did tell this is a true thingwhen we were courting back in
college.
Lindsay was telling me abouthow much she loves horses and
grew up with having a horse andall this stuff.
They're noble, beautifulcreatures.

(26:13):
Truly, I told her that I wouldone day get her a horse and that
is still the barometer for myincome.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Can I buy my wife a horse?
Can I?
Buy my wife a horse, and theanswer up until this moment is
still no yep, because thechallenge is it's not even just
like honestly, just buying ahorse is the easy part that's
the easy part, it's the buyingall the things the horse needs
to continue existing as a horseyes, but I have hope, because

(26:43):
there there is a house down thestreet in my suburban
neighborhood that has a twohorses in their own paddock.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
that it's seemingly a plot that honestly should have
been given to another house butinstead was purchased by the
homeowner to be a big old horsepaddock.
And I just love that they're inthe middle of this suburb
there's just this little horsepaddock Hell yeah.
Chill with some horses.
They're very cool.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
They're very chill.
They're very scared ofeverything around them.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
We call them Splash and Chestnut.
We don't know their names, butthat's what we call them Anyway,
should we maybe?
Oh wait, wait, wait, we got toput the thing.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Oh yeah, we got to put this to bed.
So, Matt, talk to me.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Here's the thing.
Here's the question on thetable is did Matt get into
Eurovision?
I'd say?
Was I a little underwhelmed bythe overall quality of the songs
this season?
Yes, but I did listen and rankevery single entry.
I watched a little bit of thesemifinals, just a touch.

(27:56):
It was during the workday.
I had a lot of fucking workgoing on so I couldn't watch too
much.
But I watched most of the finaluntil I had to leave, and if I
didn't have to leave I wouldhave watched all of it.
I'm very disappointed by someof the final until I had to
leave, and if I didn't have toleave I would have watched all
of it.
I'm very disappointed by someof the outcomes.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
Oh, a lot of people were.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
And we don't.
Yeah, we don't need to get intothe controversy of of who is in
the top three, necessarily.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
But we we can leave it for an for another podcast
that talks about Eurovision.
I'm sure there are many, oh somany, but I would say those
actions alone, I think, qualifythat I got into Eurovision.
Yes, that's a bingo, here's howI would describe it.
Yeah, when the entries forEurovision come out, I would be

(28:42):
interested in listening to themall and ranking them, as I did
this year.
I love a good ranking of them,as I did this year, I love a
good ranking of things.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
I know you do.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
So I will gladly do that again.
Would I list Eurovision as aconflict on my calendar?
Probably not.
Probably not.
I don't know that I'd movethings around for Eurovision,
but if it was the day ofEurovision and it was just a
Saturday or whatever, sure I'mgoing to watch it.
I'll probably watch it.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
I'll probably have it on.
Let me ask you this, and thisis how my brain puts a button on
it Are you, Matt Shea, havingwitnessed a Eurovision, having
seen the drama?
This?
Year yes there is quite a bitof it.
There is quite a bit of it.
Do you find yourself alreadylooking forward to whatever the
shit show is going to be nextyear?

Speaker 2 (29:28):
I don't know that I can authentically and honestly
say yes to that answer.
I know you wanted me to.

Speaker 1 (29:35):
I know and I appreciate your honesty on the
show by dashing my dreams on thesidewalk.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
I love doing it Much like.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Australia's dreams were dashed.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Milkshake man.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Not being in the finals is a fucking crime
against music when whenaustralia didn't make it with
milkshake man, but armenia didwith a song that I can only
describe as the musicalequivalent of dudes punching
walls.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
I I don't, it was.
It was very middle of the roadfor me.
I what did I?
You asked me earlier where Ihad it ranked and I think I had
it 28 or something of 37, verylow um, and so very unimpressed
by although my second place pickfinished third espresso
macchiato um by tommy cash butall that to say, I get the

(30:24):
square but, all to say, you getthe square, and so do the people
, because I would actively belike, I don't know that.
I'd be like, ooh, what's thedrama this year?
But I would be like, ooh, theEurovision submissions are in,
let's give them a listen, let'sgive them a rank.
I would do that.
I do look forward to doing that.

(30:45):
Them a rank.
I would do that.
I do look forward to doing that.
I would say I look forward tolistening to all of the
Eurovision submissions, morethan actually watching
Eurovision.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Honest to God, that's like with the.
I love the finals, but I do.
I do look forward to most, likejust the risk.
Oh, I'm going to learn a bunch.
I'm going to listen to a bunchof new music.
Today, I just get to chill forlike two hours on my couch
watching music videos.
It's great.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
And one last bit of business we have to cover before
we move on to something thatresembles a question in this
episode.
Oh, eric, I don't know.
I know you have sometimestrouble remembering the things
that happen in the show that youtechnically one could say quote
unquote produce.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Yes, happen in the show that you technically one
could say quote unquote produce.

Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yes, matthew, as time goes on, my sight dims.
Yes, yes, it does.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
The picture you it fades like marty mcfly my eyes
do not look, but they see yes,uh, so actually, actually, that
reminds me there are two thingsthat we need to talk about.
Oh great, there are two thingsthat we need to talk about.
The first is you had askedlisteners a couple of episodes

(31:55):
ago in episode 115, you saidsome bullshit that didn't make
any sense.
You asked listeners if theyfollowed the garbledy gook.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Way.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Do you recall doing this?
And just to just to prove myown point, what?

Speaker 1 (32:15):
were you talking about, and Matt that's.
I'm so glad you bring that up,because while while while I do
remember spouting off somegarbledy gook and asking people
if they agree with me, and whileI do plan to squeeze every
ounce of joy of vindication if Iam to be vindicated you could

(32:38):
put a fucking gun to my head andcouldn't tell you what I said.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Of course you couldn't, or even what it was
about.
Of course you couldn't case inpoint.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
And anyway.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Zach Deuce called in.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Yeah, Zachy.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
Yeah, yeah, I got that.
I got your back.
I'm with Poach.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
Hashtag I'm with Poach.

Speaker 4 (33:02):
All right, hopefully we put that to bed, matt.
What?

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Matt calm down.
You should listen to him.
All right, we all got it.
They all got it, don't beratethe poor boy.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
He's dealing with enough with you love you, bye.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
They all got it they all got it.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
So says saint zacky d closed.
The patron saint yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Independent podcast if it look.
If anyone was going to speakfor everyone, I would want it to
be zachie d's voice absolutely.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
And speaking of zachie d, uh, he and I can both
be featured on the new season ofpodcasters, assemble, if you
haven't listened to the showbefore.
It's a movie podcast where theygo franchise by franchise.
We've talked about it on theshow before.

(33:52):
Zachy D talked about it whenhe's been here.
They go franchise by franchise,sometimes standalone movies.
They do a spinoff series calledDisassembled where they talk
about bad movies.
Eric and I were on an episodeof that to talk about what was
it?
Shark attack two.
Yeah, oh man, yeah, it was.
We watched some.
We watched some bad shark putthe shark in the aquarium I

(34:14):
can't even remember the name ofit, but it was delightfully
terrible.
So we had a great time.
But this current season justlaunched and they dropped the
first episode of it and it isback to the future.
So, needless to say, there'sthat sylvestri score.

(34:35):
I was called upon.
I was called upon I, like tothink, requested to be a part of
this season, so I have lent myexpertise on back to the future,
to this uh series, which theydesperately need because spoiler
alert, some of the contributorshere I've already heard the
episode because it's already out.

(34:56):
Some of these contributorsdon't know what the fuck they're
talking about I can, but Idigress.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
I cannot wait to listen to it and I can tell,
like I, everything your tone ofvoice just conveyed.
I already knew it's like, likebro, like we called in, we
called in Oppenheimer to thescience fair project.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Like well, yes, 100%.
And to prove that point, somany people on the podcast are
going to talk you through theplot.
So I said up top with mycontribution because?

Speaker 1 (35:25):
because they tell you to keep our submissions to 10
minutes and I don't know how Istart talking about that in the
future and you're not going towaste a precious fucking second
of that rehashing the plot of amovie that everyone knows
Correct.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
So instead I focus on guiding the listener through
the timeline of Back to theFuture which, in the first movie
, fairly straightforward, but aswe get into two and three,
which I have to record this week, I just realized it gets more
complicated.
So they need an expert, and sothat's why I decided to lent my

(35:58):
highbrow opinions.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
Are you going to tell them why there's five
delLoreans in 1955?
Four DeLoreans, Four DeLoreans.
I will See that was a test youpassed.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
I will Thank you, I will get to that and yes, yes
indeed, eric, are you going tocontribute anything to episodes
two and three?

Speaker 1 (36:17):
I am because.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Because what happened to the first episode?
Well, man, I feel like Didsomebody, I feel like did
somebody not remind you to do it?

Speaker 1 (36:33):
So this was so.
This is what you all have tounderstand about Matthew and I
is dynamic.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Was it a text message that maybe got sent and then
just nobody responded to?

Speaker 1 (36:44):
So our dynamic is that I am not allowed to
experience joy, so like when.
I have happy feelings, good,good good things happening to me
, like my, my good friend, zachyD, calling into the show to
tell me that he, that he,understood the words coming out
of my mouth, as I knew all would.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
And they were one more time.
What were they again?

Speaker 1 (37:03):
So when I said those words and zachie agreed with me
and I had that and I got that,that gang, that precious,
precious hit of dopamine, mattsaw that.
Matt saw my joy and he said, oh, like, like, like jimmy stewart
on a portal, oh, you see that.

(37:27):
Oh, is that Eric's joy?
What if I took a rope and tieda?

Speaker 3 (37:30):
lasso around it what?

Speaker 1 (37:32):
if I just pulled it down.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Pulled it all down to earth.
How do you like that, Mr Potter?
Clarence, Clarence, I got it.
I got his joy.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
And then he took off his Jimmy Stewart mask and it
was none other than Mr Potterthere to dash my dreams on the
sidewalk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, I wasreminded so many times.
I was given so much heads up todo this thing and then, super
didn't.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
That's fine, eric, it's fine.
So go listen to PodcastersAssemble.
Wherever you get your podcasts,it's the Back to the Future
episode.
I'm there.
There's some Shark episode liketwo years ago that we did too.
Go find that one too, youshould be listening to all their
episodes.
You should be listening to alltheir episodes.
They slap their fucking bap,but Eric, should we answer some
questions?

Speaker 1 (38:16):
At 40 minutes into the episode.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
Yes, again, I'm sure there's cuts there Simply must
be.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
At 15 minutes into the episode.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
This comes from Aaron on the discord.
You all know Aaron.
He drops us a ton of questions,usually via email.
This time he did it through thediscord and his question was
this may be niche, but I thinkit aligns exactly with Matt's

(38:46):
interests You're creating astarting lineup for a baseball
slash softball team using moviecharacters.
Characters who are professionalbaseball players in the movie
example Crash Davis and BullDurham are not permitted.
However, characters who areamateur players example Daniel
Caffrey, caffey, caffey and afew good men oh, caffey, yeah,

(39:11):
ok yeah Are permitted.
Who's on the team?

Speaker 1 (39:15):
I love this.
This is this is a beautifulquestion and the spirit of the
question, the spirit that I'mtaking this in is you are
putting together a ragtagbaseball team of movie
characters.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
And I'm just going to simplify it for you, aaron, I
think, like anybody in MajorLeague or any other
baseball-related movie, field ofDreams, whatever Sandlot, not a
Sandlot, not a single one ofthem count.
No, it has to be random movies,characters that seemingly have
nothing to do with baseball.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
A team that we have to get to unite and push past
their differences to win thisgame.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
Eric, that goes without saying.
It goes, that's baseball, babyBaseball.
So, eric, let me start bysaying and I know you know this,
but how many, how many peoplein a baseball lineup?
That's going to be 17.
, 17.
, 17.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
You, you, including a bench in that, or oh, that's
including the bench, the secondstring, the you know.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
You must, you simply must know you're already wrong,
right.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
No, no, you also got the.
You know understudies.
The answer is nine.
We're looking for nine.
Looking for nine.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Individuals know understudies, you got the answer
is nine.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
We're looking for nine, looking for nine
individuals.
Oh well, then I've already gotmy answer.
It's the fellowship of the ring.
Let's go okay, but but, eric,my team has gandalf the gray.
We win eric.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
He asked us to create a starting lineup, a starting
lineup, is not thrown togetherwithout any strategy.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
No, no no, I no, I absolutely agree.
We got a rag tag.
It's got to be rag tag.
It cannot be a cohesive unitfrom one movie.

Speaker 2 (40:51):
Yes, and here's what I think is good.
I know he aimed this sort of me, but here's the thing, eric, I
know how a baseball lineup isput together and I definitely
also do, and you definitely alsodo.
But what I'm saying is Idefinitely also do, and you
definitely also do.
But what I'm saying is whydon't we do this?
Let's go slot by slot, okay,and I will say to you what is

(41:13):
normally done in the lineup.
We can figure out theirpositions separately.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Yes, you describe what the role does.
Yes, okay.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
So we start with our leadoff hitter.
The leadoff hittertraditionally has a good average
, gets on base.
That's what we're looking for,more than power although that is
sort of changing in today'sgame but more than you don't
necessarily want a home runhitter, you want somebody who
can get on base and who has agood average, which means they
also know how to walk and, Iwould say, pretty importantly,

(41:46):
they're fast.
So they're a base stealer or asingle, can get from first to
third or first to home.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
So this is someone to put that in poach terms,
someone who sets the tone.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Someone who sets the tone.
They're normally tall, slender,they're usually quite quick,
okay, and they can hit.
They hit for average ratherthan power.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Okay, now here's a question.
This is arising in my mind aswe discuss this.
This is something I feel likewe should get out of the way now
.
Are we putting people withsuperhuman powers on the table,
or do we prefer?
Oh Do you know what I mean,because that can skew the math,
I agree.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
I think we leave the supernatural characters,
superheroes, whatnot, specialpowers out of it, that's what I
say okay because otherwise youcould be like oh hulk is the
cleanup yeah, like yeah andpitching, we have the flash.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Okay, flash would be a great leadoff hitter, but you
know, actually it'd be a betterpinch runner, but that's besides
the point, so yeah, so that'swhat we're looking for.
We're looking for somebody whocan set the tone, maybe also can
work the count you know, is notsomebody who necessarily swings
at every pitch.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
We don't want that.
No, no, no, no, no.
They got to take it as it comes.
Takes it.
Takes it as it comes, cowboyTakes it as it comes Exactly.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Hmm, I know it's a real interesting question.
Yeah, very well done.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
I had an impulse answer.
Okay, well, let's hear it.
Someone who we know can bequick, someone who might not be
the biggest or the strongest buthas the street wise to know
when to swing and when not toswing.
They know how to set the tone.
Yes, jack from Titanic.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Jack from Titanic.
Eric, I'm with you on this.
I think he could be a goodleadoff hitter, legitimately,
yeah, if I were to put him intothe field.
Let's see real quick, how tallis DiCaprio?
Let's figure this out he's sixfoot exactly, according to the
internet.
So, okay, so DiCaprio being sixfoot, I would say that's all in

(44:00):
line with a good leadoff hitter.
I might say third base, thirdbase For Jack.
I think I could see him atthird base.
Okay, I'm going to write thisdown as we go.
So we don't get, we don't getcrossed up.
So we got to Capra.
We, I'm sorry, we have JackDawson, uh, the third base
Dawson.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
And you know he's going to be a heartthrob, Like,
like, like, when he, when hecomes out, yeah, Like, even even
the folks on the on the, on thethe enemy team will be cheering
for him.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
I'm writing this down Like I am putting together my
son's baseball lineup.
So we've got, we've got Dawsonat third base leading off.
Now we're onto our secondhitter, the second hitter.
These days, traditionallyspeaking, your overall all
around best hitter is the thirdspot hitter.
These days, traditionallyspeaking, your overall
all-around best hitter is thethird spot hitter.

(44:50):
But these days in the moderngame, that has shifted a little
bit to being the second hitter.
So this is somebody who can hitfor power, hit for average, a
five-tool player, afive-category player, meaning
they can hit for average.
They score runs, they hit homeruns, they get RBIs meaning they
can hit for average.
They score runs, they hit homeruns, they get RBIs and they can
steal bases.
Here he comes, here he comes.

(45:12):
Casey is at the bat.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
So I would say that two and three a little bit in my
mind in my baseball strategy, alittle bit interchangeable, I
would put two maybe slightlybetter average than the third
hitter.
But that's up for debate,because I'll tell you what's
happening.
What we're coming up to Numberfour is your cleanup hitter.

(45:38):
That's somebody who'straditionally maybe not the best
average hitter but is probablythe best power hitter, the best
average hitter but is probablythe best power hitter, the best
chance of a home run and nothingelse comes off of the cleanup
hitter okay okay cleanup being,if the bases are loaded, he's
gonna clear them.
That's the idea.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
There we go okay, we load the bases.
We we two and three.
Punch the hole one throughthree.
Punch the hole four, scoops themeat Sure Okay.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Absolutely.
So two now we've got JackDawson leading off.
Let's say, jack Dawson hit us asingle.
He's on first.
Who do we want up?
Second, to move Jack alongthose base paths.
Hopefully get him to third, atleast Hopefully get him to third
.
Hopefully get him to home.
Yeah, of course everyone wantsto go home.

(46:29):
So to put this in context ofthe modern game, aaron Judge on
the Yankees, that's second inmost games.
In days of yore it would havebeen third, but he's bad in
second most of the time now.
So this can be your headliner,this can be your headliner, but
that said, we're not usingbaseball players necessarily.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,we're looking for two for four.
We're looking for power, withan extra emphasis on four for
the power.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Yes, Four is your.
Four is traditionally the.
There there are some people whoare like they're either going
to strike out or they're goingto hit a home run, and those
people usually are in thecleanup role.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Okay, um, and this is a clarifying question for two
and three how do we feel, like,like two and three again very
similar, I in my mind they cankind of be interchanged.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Okay, I have, I think I have a pick for two.
Okay, then that means I got apick for three.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Okay, so what?
So tell me about your pick mypick.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
While he comes from the world of sci-fi, I don't
believe he possesses by himselfany supernatural powers.
I'm gonna put din joran as mysecond hitter.
Din Djarin the Mandalorian,better known as the Mandalorian,
I would say Din Djarin, youknow Sans, sans jetpack, sans

(47:58):
any kind of weapons, obviouslyof a Starwardian bent.
Obviously of a Starwardian bent.
But Din Djarin himself, he canbe in the middle if he needs to
Okay yeah.
I'd say he's a good pick forsecond.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
That is such a good pick.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
For second or third.
I think he'd be a good hitter.
I think he's fast and he'd besmart on the base pass, which is
why I'd put him two over threepersonally.

Speaker 4 (48:26):
Yeah okay.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
So I'd put him two over three per second.
Yeah, okay, so I'm puttingJaron down.
Jaron down, I'd say.
I see him as a first base.
Well, you know what, with thatamount of gear, it's very rare
to put a catcher in second.
I'm going to say the gear alone, he can be catcher.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Yes, I'd put him in catcher.
All right, who's your third?
So yeah, the guy, the poorbastard, uh, who's batting on
the enemy team with, with withdin jar behind them.
Every now and then I'll justhear din jar muttering.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
This is the way I'm like what does that?

Speaker 1 (48:59):
mean, um, I?
So I have a third and actuallya candidate for fourth approach
me, but my candidate for third,you said it earlier.
Here comes Casey Casey Jones ofthe Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
Eric, really fucking good, really good.
I have no notes or pushback.
Casey Jones is a great numberthree hitter.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
Yeah, because he's got that flexibility of being
talented with a lot of sportsimplements, but he's not a
baseball player he, he, but he'sgot player yes yes but he's got
that power.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
If we were right, if we were doing a hockey lineup,
he'd be ineligible.
But correct, he's eligible forthe baseball, for sure.
I would say casey jones.
Position wise, I'm gonna slothim in left field.

Speaker 3 (49:51):
I'm gonna left field.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
I'm gonna slot him in left field.
Okay, I might change my mind aswe go.
Now we've hit cleanup.
Cleanup is traditionally a bigboy and I've I've got one, okay
let's hear it I?

Speaker 1 (50:03):
I had some pop to mind as well, but yeah, you hit
me first um, so we want for forthe cleanup, and I think, god,
the fact that's called cleanuptoo is so appropriate.
We want someone I can't believeI'm educating you on that, but
continue.
We want someone.
We're not looking for average.
We're looking for raw power.
The bases are loaded and thismotherfucker just sends it

(50:28):
that's, that is what you want.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
That is.
That is a baseball staple.
Bases are loaded, the cleanuphitters coming up, the whole
fucking stadium is jumping.
Who is?

Speaker 1 (50:37):
it.
You hear him coming, coming asas yeah, yeahpping up to the
plate.
Here's the jump baby.
None other than Sergeant DonnieDonowitz, the Bear Jew.
The Bear Jew is a great thing,the Bear Jew from Inglourious
Bastards Really good.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Really good.
Okay, so, eric, you're reallygood at this.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Yeah, because he may not be a baseball player, but I
know he can swing a fucking batoh, that's true, he does use a
baseball bat.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
Does that disqualify him?

Speaker 1 (51:13):
but yeah, he's, but he used baseball bat to to beat
the like fucking beat nazis todeath.
Like he's not out there playingbaseball, we allow it, okay.
There's nothing in the rulesthat says the bear jew cannot
play baseball any beating todeath of a nazi allow.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
It nullifies any other disqualification.
Oh yeah, so donowitz is there.
I agree, really, really strongpick.
I think my pick could workfurther down the lineup.
I might keep him.
I might keep him in my soul fora minute.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
But I'll yield right to the Bear Jew for sure.
So, donnie Donowitz, you andthe SS, so all right.
So first of all, I need to knowhow tall Eli Roth is.
Six foot really.
I was really hoping he'd be alittle shorter.
Ideally he'd be shorter forsecond base, but for some reason

(52:13):
I'm getting second-based vibesfrom Donnie Donahue.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
You want the opposing team to be thoroughly terrified
of leaving that plate oncethey've hit a ball.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Leaving that plate once they've hit a ball Exactly,
and that's why I think firstbase works for him, because he's
just standing sentinel over atfirst base waiting for the ball
or the runner and he's ready tomake a tag.
And do you want to be tagged byDonnie Donowitz?
I?

Speaker 1 (52:40):
don't think so.
No, you do not, especiallybecause he's still holding a bat
.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Yes.
So now we're in the heart ofthe order and things.
This is where differentmanagers, different players,
have different philosophies.
Some people think, some peopleconstruct a lineup with we're
just starting again.
I want another leadoff hitter.
Now.
Some people even have haveturned into putting more of the

(53:05):
traditional number four spot thecleanup hitter in third and
starting the redo, if you will,at number five.
I don't necessarily think wehave to stick to that.
This is also the heart of theorder.
So once you're in, once you'repast the first three innings and
you've gone through the orderat least once, now the order

(53:26):
you're traditionally startinginnings in the middle of an
order.
Okay, so things, you knowyou're not going to be the same
three, three up, three down,over and over and over again.
So I'm looking for a combo here.
I don't need somebody who is aperfect leadoff hitter.
I don't mind it if they've gotsome extra power behind them,
okay, and so I I wasn't going tonecessarily start with this and

(53:50):
in fact I was going to say thisperson for a different version
of this person for number four,but I'm going to bring them up
now for number five.
Hit me with it.
Biff Tannen.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
I was okay.
So at the start of thisquestion, in my mind it wasn't a
question of if Biff, it was aquestion of when Biff and where
Biff in the lineup.
So you have my buy-in.
So what I was going to say forfour is Easily the most
controversial player on the team.
What I was going to say forfour is Griff Tannen.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
Ooh yeah, with his cyber, but he does technically
have cybernetic implants yes uh,all right.
So, tom f wilson, how tall areyou, my friend?
Oh, he's six, two he's.
Yeah, he's tall, he's a tallboy, okay.
So, yeah, we'll keep him at, uh, at five, and I'm feeling

(54:45):
center field, uh, okay, I'mfeeling right field, I'm feeling
right field for, okay, I'mfeeling right field, I'm feeling
right field for Biff, rightfield yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes.
He's tall, you need somebodywho's.
You need somebody very fasttraditionally to be your center
fielder.
So I don't necessarily knowthat Biff's the fastest, but I
think he'd be a good hitter andcan he's got stamina for sure,

(55:08):
stamina for sure and can pop offsome homers.
We know this.
So, uh, that's where I'mputting him.
Um, I'm also mulling MartyMcFly for short.
I was wondering yeah, Ishortstop for Marty McFly, feels
thematically on brand, yeah,but in which case I could see

(55:30):
moving tannin down a little bitand putting marty you know what
I'm gonna skip ahead, eric okay,I think mcfly can't and just
having them both there is kindof fun yes, the the the drama,
the drama.
So I think let's, let's makemarty our shortstop.
Okay, I don't know that I wanthim at six.

(55:52):
I'm not totally convinced thatI want him at six.
I would say at this juncture,after having really three solid
power hitters in Casey Jones,johnny Donowitz and Biff Tannen,
we want someone who's maybe abetter runner and a better
hitter than they are.
A home run hitter, a powerhitter, okay.

(56:13):
So you mentioned lord of therings.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
Yeah, I think aragon could aragorn aragorn, excuse me
, aragorn could be a good, agood candidate for for second
maybe okay, okay, um, so we arediscussing aragorn, son of
erathorn, called lsr, theelfstone dunedain, the heir of

(56:37):
isceliador elendil, son ofgondor.
That aragorn, yeah, I think so.
So something you should know.
Most people don't know thisjust based off of watching the
movies, unless you've watchedthe extended cuts, but even then
it's a brief scene.
Absolutely, aragorn might notbe eligible because Aragorn is

(57:01):
of the line of Numenor.
Numenoreans are superhuman, theylit.
Like Aragorn at the time oflord of the rings in those
movies is 90 years old.
Okay, uh, he will live to beabout 200 something years old.
Uh, they are, they are, theytend to be his.

(57:23):
Now the numenorean bloodline isin decline.
By the time of lord of therings, like back in the day,
numenoreans were like just ahair above out, like they were
the.
They were the blend of of elvesand men, so they lived for like
thousands of years and by thetime of aragorn, there they've
been, you know, they've beenpopulating with normal ass
humans and stuff, but they, theyare a superhuman subclass of

(57:45):
humans, do we?
Is he still in?
He doesn't have any likesupernatural powers per se, but
he is just kind of the bestversion.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
I think it might be.
I think it might be on the line, I think.
I think we have to rule themout.
It's on the line, it would beit would.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
It would be.
It would come up a lot in in oh, in the papers about, about
aravorn, okay, okay.
Boromir, however, is just.
He's the best version of anormal ass human being there
might be like a drop ofNumenorean in it somewhere but
like not enough to not not thatit'll show up on a doping test.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Do you think Boromir is fast?
That's my main question to youright now.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
That's the issue.
Boromir is not fast.
He is.
That's my main question to youright now.
That's the issue.
Boromir is not fast.
He is stout, he is, he isstalwart, he is, uh, he is, uh,
he is.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
He's very like he's beefy and he's got stamina, but
he is not all right sean bean'sheight is 510, which is is more
in line with second baseshortstop for me, so he could be
if we want to, because I feellike you need a lord of the
ringers.
If we're going to include bifftannin and marty mcfly, you got
to have someone from thefellowship there gotta have

(58:56):
someone from the fellowship.
You could, you and all themhobbits can't count, come on,
they can't play ball.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
No, no, oh, if.
If we were going to includehonest to god, if we were going
to include anyone from lord ofthe Rings, anyone at all, my
first inclination was to sayFaramir Boromir's brother,
because in the books they, they,they did him so dirty.
In the movies Faramir is aranger.

(59:20):
What?

Speaker 4 (59:23):
about Legolas.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Legolas is an elf and they are.
So you know how I was justtalking about, how aragorn is
just better.
We got to stick to normalpeople yeah, elves, like I don't
know, if you watch the scenewhere they're walking through
the snow and legolas can juststraight up like walk on top of
snow.
Like he is, he can see 200miles, yeah or some shit.

(59:46):
Despite the curvature of theearth, like he is faster and
stronger than any human being onearth.
I got it.
Hold on.
That is Hold on.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
I just want to confirm this real quick.
Yep, we got it.
I got our second baseman.
Who's your second baseman?
Ethan Hunt Of MissionImpossible.
Yes, tom Cruise is only 5'7".
He's historically quite short.
He's notably short.
That's a perfect second baseheight.
I think he's a good hitter.

(01:00:13):
I think he's fast, I think he'sclever.
I think we put in Ethan Hunt atsecond base, okay, okay.
So positions we have threespots remaining.
Three positions remaining.
They are Marty McFly atshortstop We've already decided
Center field and the designatedhitter, and I have an idea for
the designated hitter and Ithink they could go seven or

(01:00:35):
eight right now.
Okay, apollo Creed.
Apollo Creed from Rocky.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
He's jacked as shit.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Yeah, he's jacked as shit.
I don't think he's particularlyfast, necessarily, shit.
Yeah, he's jacked to shit.
I don't think he's particularlyfast, necessarily, but he
doesn't need to be.
He's only the designated hitter.
We just need him to do one job.
Smack that fucking thing yeah,yeah, no one one hundo so I'm
gonna for right now I'm gonnaput creed in at uh seven as dh
we.
Once we have complete lineup wecan move it around.

(01:01:10):
I think right off the bat I'mgoing to say we put McFly in at
nine as our bottom hitter so tospeak at shortstop.
Okay, so that means we need acenter fielder, somebody who's
semi-tall, ideally quite fast,probably the best fielder in the

(01:01:30):
outfield Traditionally.
They have a good on-basepercentage and are a good hitter
as well.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
So let me hit you with this.
This is the name because Ithink I started on this tangent
where I said like, oh, faramircame to mind.
I actually wanted to get to theone person I do want from Lord
of the Rings.
Oh, okay, in this lineup, yes,someone.
So you're telling me a goodfielder.
So they're fast.
They're the person making likewhen someone bashes the brains

(01:02:00):
out of a ball and it's goinglike.
They're the person we'rerelying to.
You need to thread this needle.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Centerfield has yeah, centerfield has the most ground
to cover.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
You have the most ground to cover you have the
most ground to cover needs like,like those dramatic moments
where we're like oh, it's goingout.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Yes, oh, he's climbing the wall.
He took it back okay that's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
That's what you want in a centerfielder the out of
nowhere, the holy shit, they didit, matthew.
Imagine the fucking drama I willas soon as you give me a name
when, when, when it's a pop, flyout to fucking, like like it's
going to the wall.
We see, we see this new, thisnew player in the lineup, um,

(01:02:44):
whose jersey just says dirnhelmit.
And they're running for thewalls and they jump, they catch
it.
People should be like, oh myGod, who is he?
What kind of man?
And that's when she takes offher ball cap and throws it to
the ground and says no man, am INice, eowyn?
Am I Eowyn's daughter?

(01:03:05):
You stand between me and myteam in victory.
I like it.
Eowyn is my favorite characterfrom lord of the rings.
Eowyn is a fucking badasswarrior, has like spent most of
her life.
She's like I know I can do.
She is like the devil.
She's like fucking put me in.
And they're like no, sorry, wecan't.
No girls in baseball.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then she just fucking showsup mulan's it in there and

(01:03:28):
takes the game by storm.
She's our dark horse, she's ourace in the hole.
She is fast, she is swift, sheis a mighty warrior.
She stood against the WitchKing of Angamar and slew him
with the help of a hobbit.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
She is only 5'5", miranda Otto.
However.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
Miranda Otto may be 5'5", but Eowyn is of the
Rohirrim.
They are a tall people.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
Okay, all right, so we're allowing the character's
height to be played.
Oh, got to, got to.
Okay, great, in that case, Ithink I'm pretty happy with this
ragtag group.
Just to go it at third basehere.
You know what Actually can Iget some quick baseball music,
excellent, leading off.
Today, at third base, it's JackDawson batting, second the

(01:04:22):
catcher, din Jarin, also knownas the Mandalorian crowds,
cheering.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
No, no Bando.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Batting third the left fielder, casey Jones At
first base, your cleanup hittertoday, Donnie Bear.
Jew Donowitz In right field.
Batting fifth Biff Tannen.
At second base, it's Ethan Hunt.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
They play the Mission Impossible theme over.
The speakers Got to.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
The designated hitter batting seventh, apollo Creed.
Batting eighth the centerfielder, the shield maiden of
Rohan, it's A-Wing.
And batting ninth, theshortstop, martin McFly.

Speaker 3 (01:05:27):
That's the power of love, absolutely, there's your
power of love, absolutelythere's your.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
And just for fun, we got to throw in a pitcher.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
Oh, we got to have a pitcher, Matt.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
Who is the starting pitcher for this ragtag?

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
group of individuals we need I want to say this too
we need a pitcher, and we need acoach and a manager.
We need a pitcher and a manager.
I think this is going to be theonly question we do.
This is probably the onlyquestion we do today.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
It's the only question that matters.
It's the only question thatmatters, um so okay, so the the
manager.
We'll get to the manager thepicture we need a good pitch.

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
So, matt I and and this is not me being like trying
to be cute, obviously like fora good pitcher, what qualities
are we looking for?

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
well, can throw ball good, can throw ball real good,
real fast can throw balldifferent ways, different ways,
but but as long as the ways theycan throw the ball are really
good, you can get away with acouple mad at all.
A starting picture, I'd say,should have at least minimum
three pitches that they can relyon.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
I think I got one.
Okay, the pitcher steps up tothe plate or gets on the mound.
Gets on the mound, sorry.
Steps up to the mound, yeah.
And he's doing the pitcherthing.
He's watching, he's analyzing,he's looking at every detail of
the man at bat.

(01:06:49):
He's like trauma on the fourthknuckle, signs of injury.
Fuck it, fuck it.
Uh.
Sunlight, 45 degrees in the.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
I already know what you're doing sherlock fucking
homes.

Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
Yeah, but you, you're saying it with the rdj.

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
Uh, oh, yeah rdj sherlock comes, but I'll take
classic dumb.
Hat Sherlock Holmes the fact?

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
that you've.
It's been like two episodes ina row, or three episodes in
recent memory, where you'vementioned RDJ Sherlock, and the
fact that that's your defaultSherlock Over Benedict
Cumberbatch's Sherlock Isoffensive to me.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
Okay, well, seeing as how the later seasons of
Sherlock went, not thatoffensive.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
I don't know what you're talking about.
The last season's the onlysemi-offbeat season.
Every single season's amasterclass of.

Speaker 1 (01:07:37):
Sherlock Agreed for the large part BBC'd, bbc'd the
shit out of Sherlock where itstarted so fucking strong.
In the last season it was likeeh.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Okay, regardless.

Speaker 1 (01:07:50):
Irregardlessly Between those Sherlock's.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
I think RDJ's very noticeably ripped.
Sherlock.

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
Yes, he's the most athletic bare-knuckle boxer.

Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
Which, I will point out, is canonically a trait of
Sherlock Holmes.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Yeah, like people tend to forget that Sherlock
Holmes could is a brawler aswell.
Yeah, could kick the shit outof it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
I'm good, I'm very good with RDJ's homes being our
starting picture.
Yeah, so we need a manager.
And what didn't you say?
There's somebody else youwanted.
Uh, did I we could have acloser?
Well, we'll put in the closingpicture as well.
Okay, we'll put in the closingpicture as well.
Okay, closing picture.
You want them coming in hot?
Ideally, they get three outsand they're done.

(01:08:34):
That's what you want.
You want your Mariano Rivera.

Speaker 1 (01:08:36):
The closer.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
The closer.
Okay, to shut the door on thisbad, bad mamba jamba.
What you thinking?
Here's what I'm trying to doright now.
I'm trying to picture who I seelike actor, wise, standing on a
mound and like working my wayback from that.
They're an intent.
Also, you, you kind of wantyour clothes to have an

(01:08:59):
intimidating factor as well, Imean an intimidation factor yeah
, I mean.
So the thing like to use marianorivera, the greatest closer of
all time from the Yankees.
Mariano only had one pitch acutter.
You knew it was coming and youknew he was going to strike you
out.
That's his mystique.

Speaker 3 (01:09:18):
The mat Matt.

Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
Yeah, yeah, go for it .

Speaker 1 (01:09:21):
So we want mystique, maybe we want intimidation.

Speaker 2 (01:09:25):
We want intimidation for sure.
Mystique optional.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
We want intimidation for sure.
Mystique optional Matt.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
I want someone that when they're calling him out of
the bullpen, the batter isshitting himself, and that is
what you want and that istraditionally what you try to
market your closer as A lot ofclosing themes.
The Orioles right now have thewhistle from Omar from the wire

(01:09:52):
as their clothes are coming in.
Yep, mariano came intoMetallica's Enter Sandman, so
you want it to be a show.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
Yeah, the show will be.
They see Sherlock coming offthe plate.
They see Sherlock coming offthe plate and then, when they
bring out their closing picture,the bat signal Bruce Wayne,
batman, mere mortal, nosupernatural abilities.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
He has no superpowers .

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
Peak human abilities.
Got the analytical mind ofSherlock Holmes, has the raw
power of decades of martial artsexperience.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
He will ruin you.
And in this circumstance, Eric,I have a specific Batman in
mind.
Ooh, which one?
Which one?
Christian Bales.
Christian Bales, I think he is.
If I'm a batter, I'm putting upthe big five of the Batman in
front of me.
I think he has the mostintimidating stare.

Speaker 1 (01:10:52):
He does he does Adam West, batman would make an
amazing coach.

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
Possibly, possibly.

Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
Clooney and Kilmer would make incredible hitters.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
Yeah, I see them more hitters than pictures Keaton
Keaton.
I'm not more hitters thanpictures Keaton Keaton, I'm not
sure about.

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
Keaton and Keaton.
Oddly enough, keaton's myfavorite Batman.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
I think he is the best Batman but I don't think
he's the most transferable inthe series.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know why he's jumpingto mind for the coach Keaton.
No, no, I stand by, I think,christian.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
Bale's the best.
I noticed that we're not evenconsidering Affleck or Pattinson
, and and I haven't I actuallyhave not seen Affleck's Batman
um, I've seen, I've seenPattinson.
Pattinson did a good job.

Speaker 2 (01:11:41):
I do want.
I haven't seen it yet, I dowant to.
I've been bullying Lindsay intowatching this film for quite
some time and we haven't doneit's good, I hear um, but yeah,
uh, bail, bail batman.

Speaker 1 (01:11:53):
Uh, yeah, it's good, especially because he's in such
a he's not running fuckinganywhere for the closer.
I want bail batman specificallyI don't know why you hear the
entire crowd chanting swear tome, or or they, as, as he's
stepping up to the plate, theyall start doing I think that's
so dope.
Yeah, that would scare the shitout of me Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:12:19):
A whole stadium getting involved with that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:24):
You hear Bane.
Bane is now catching behind.
He says when I first playedbaseball.

Speaker 3 (01:12:29):
I was already a man.

Speaker 4 (01:12:34):
We didn't have automated strike zones when I
was a boy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
They were nothing but blinding.
I think President Jed Bartlettas the coach, I like a lot,
president Jed.

Speaker 1 (01:12:48):
Bartlett.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
Westwinger.
Oh good, lord President, jedBartlett West Winger.
Oh good lord, oh, hands down.

Speaker 1 (01:12:53):
Hands down.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Just because that, yes, it justhits so hard.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
for me, it's a sheen.
It's a sheen and that's who Iwant in a leadership role.

Speaker 1 (01:13:03):
Yeah you gotta have, you don't want him near the
finances.
You don't want him near thefinances, you don't want him
near anything, you just want himin leadership.
Well, martin Sheen.

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
I do.
Oh, martin Sheen.
If we could somehow get MartinSheen to run for president
entirely in characters JedBartlett, I would 100%
authentically vote for him.
All right.
So we went above and beyond.
We got the whole lineup.
We got a starting picture, acloser and a manager Eric.
I think we've done good.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
What's the name of the team?

Speaker 2 (01:13:37):
What's the name of the team?
Well, we're talking aboutmovies the Buffs, the Buffs.
Nah, stupid, stupid, I wasgoing off movie buffs.

Speaker 4 (01:13:45):
Oh, but it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (01:13:47):
It doesn't work.

Speaker 2 (01:13:53):
The Squonks, the squonks, the squonks, the
squonks, the kirkland squonks,the kirkland squonks, kirkland
squonks.
We have made a baseball team.
We made we did it?
Um, we have spent so much timeon this episode I I
authentically think that can bethe only question yes, and it
was worthy enough to take up thewhole thing.
It was especially because we'regoing into round two of season

(01:14:16):
five of Google gripes now, whichis still movie themed, just
like season four.
So what's going to happen here?
We've got this lovely,lighthearted game where we give
real one-star Google reviews ofwell-known movies to one another
.
The other person has to guess.
Round one spoiler alert endedin.

(01:14:39):
If you need to go back, if youdon't want to be spoiled, this
is your chance to pause A 2-2draw.
Yep, so we are essentiallystarting fresh in round two, but
it is to Matt, to Eric.
Now Eric this is a very specialround of Google Gripes because

(01:15:01):
last episode's guest, Juniper,Sir Juniper, submitted.
This is the very first time.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:08):
Somebody submitted to us.
They they requested can Isubmit a movie for google gripes
along with reviews?
She did do that and I'm gonnado it first.
Now I have to say, juniper, I'mgonna have to put an asterisk
here because your reviews didcome from rotten tomatoes and
technically not from Google, butthat's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:15:30):
But, matt, I'm looking at, I'm actually
reviewing the bylaws of GoogleGripes.
Yes, I am as well A guestsubmittal.
It is not unheard of to doguest submittals to Google
Gripes.
We have in the past, when wewere doing locations, had to
augment Google reviews with.

Speaker 2 (01:15:50):
Yelp reviews.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
I did that in season one, I believe.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
I've done it from time to time too, and it is
perfectly acceptable.
And so for that reason, I'mgoing with.
Juniper gets Knight's Privilege100% she does.
And so I'm going to go with twoof her reviews and I have one
from Google, just to check thebox and put a little bit of
effort into my own submissions.
How's that sound?

Speaker 1 (01:16:11):
A modicum of effort is the hallmark of our show.

Speaker 2 (01:16:14):
All right, eric, I've got three reviews ready to go.
Let's do this.
And, by the way, I couldn'tdecide easiest and hardest on
these three films, so I'm notsure they're in that order.

Speaker 1 (01:16:26):
I want you to know that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:27):
I appreciate you, I see you and I value you.
I couldn't decide, so I waslike you know what?
This is the order.
I'm going to start withJunipers and then we'll go from
there.
Okay, all right, are you ready?
Yes, first film, first review.
A long, slow trudge to nowhere,cleverly wrapped in the shroud
of a faux Zen master.

(01:16:48):
Okay, okay.
Review number two Hated thewhole thing.
Unfunny film about a dirty,lazy slob calling himself Blank,
who swears incessantly and getsinto some unfunny scrapes
involving a kidnap, only playsSkittles as an interest.

(01:17:11):
No doubt he's the type ofperson many fans of this genre
will aspire to be like.
What a sad reflection.
Okay, okay, and this is thethird review.
This one is from Google.
This is the one I put in.

Speaker 3 (01:17:27):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:17:28):
Torture the entire time I was watching it.
One I put in Okay, torture theentire time I was watching it.
I was hoping for it.
I was hoping it for to come toan end.
You see how I got crossed upthere.
Yes, yes, I love the directors,but judging from their standard
of filmmaking, this is theworst film they have ever made.

(01:17:49):
Comedy is not their forte.

Speaker 1 (01:17:52):
My guess is that then , when they said skittles, they
meant to say bowling, and I'mgonna say the big lebowski eric,
you nailed it it's the biglebowski.

Speaker 2 (01:18:02):
Let's not beat around the bush oh, that was good.

Speaker 1 (01:18:05):
Those were good that that was throwing me for a
minute there.

Speaker 3 (01:18:08):
And then it was like brother.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
I was like, what Coen movie is this Exactly?
And then I was like theSkittles threw me.

Speaker 2 (01:18:15):
And I didn't even say brothers, I said directors, oh,
directors, although technicallyJoel Coen is usually always
credited as the director.
But it's an academy thing thatthey do that for.
Oh, those were great reviewsthose are great reviews, wild uh
, we do have a bonus review fromjuniper oh, hit me with it.

(01:18:37):
If I could give.
This isn't from juniper, I'msaying it's one.
She included lebowski bad, badmovie.
If I could give this movienegative five stars, I would the
current rating 80%, and Ibelieve that this is a
disservice to the general publicand Congress must take action.
If I had the choice of watchingthis movie or having to put

(01:18:59):
down ten dogs, I would choosethe dogs every time.
It's not even bad in a funnyway, but bad in the most boring
way possible, and all you canthink of is how much better your
life would be without wastingtwo hours of your life Jesus
Christ.

Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
What condition is this guy's condition in?

Speaker 2 (01:19:16):
Ah, you're telling me .
First of all, and I always feelI have to say this because we
do not, almost, almost, I don't.
I would think if it was everuntrue, we would point it out.

Speaker 1 (01:19:35):
But I think it's a universal fact that we do not
agree with the assessments ofthe films we've done.
No, we love every single one ofthese movies we're bringing up?

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
Yes, so every one of these sparks rage within me.
This is insane, because anyonewho doesn't understand why the
Big Lebowski is a great film isa fucking idiot.
And to call the coen brotherscomedy is not their forte wild
take.
Are you telling me you thinkfargo is devoid of laughs?

(01:20:02):
Yeah, that, no country isdevoid of laughs.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
like burn after, like everyone after.
Reading is hysterical.
Yeah, it's one of the funniestmovies.
What have we learned?
What have we learned?
What have we?
One of my favorite scenes in amovie ever.
Actually, it's just, uh allright.

Speaker 2 (01:20:19):
Are you ready for your second movie?
I am ready.
You've taken the real.
The real time table is updatedthree to two.
Air, let's fucking go.
One of the times where imdbfailed me totally.
Overrated just reinforces thefact that oscars is just an
award for the most boring moviesin the world.

(01:20:40):
Just sat through all that bloodand gore for nothing.
What a waste of time.

Speaker 1 (01:20:48):
Okay, oscar, oscar, either winner or nominee.
Blood and gore.
Okay, continue.

Speaker 2 (01:20:54):
I hate because the demon murders people.
Blank.
That is why the FBI speak tohim.
I do not know he would just lie.
Hard labor is what Blankrequires.
Movie flows well, good fun andSatanan, the serial killer, is
killed.
Agent girl fbi requires threepartners.

(01:21:17):
A group of four fbi agentsgives safety.
Five stars for movie success,one star for reality, okay.
Okay, you got one more review,but it seems like you could be
ready to guess got somethingbrewing, but we'll see all right
third review people say titleof movie is a good movie, but

(01:21:39):
after seeing the cum scene Iimmediately stopped watching.

Speaker 1 (01:21:44):
What a mess uh, I will say the cum scene clenched
it for me.
Silence of the lambs eric.
Very good, it is silence of thelambs.

Speaker 2 (01:21:54):
I thought the come scene inclusion would either
clinch it or throw it throw mecompletely yep yep, because it
all depends on if you remember acertain five seconds of that
film the five seconds thateveryone loves to talk about.

(01:22:15):
Oh man To think there's a singleperson in this world that
doesn't like Silence of theLambs.
It's incredible.
Well, eric, you are two for twoin today's four total points
for you right now.
Okay, going into your finalreview, your final film?
Okay.
First review.
I hate this movie with my heartand soul and other pieces of

(01:22:40):
flesh.
The best character in thismovie is the guy who wants to be
mayor.
We see him struggle as he worksas a waiter at a bar, but he
has hope.
And I was hoping that my boy,the best character, would be
mayor at the end.
But we didn't see him, not evenin a newspaper.
What did they do to my boy?

(01:23:02):
I will never be the same.
The best character in any pieceof art got treated so wrong.
One, two, three, four, five,six, seven.
Crying face emojis.
My mom just told me that we seehim at the beginning of the
movie.

Speaker 1 (01:23:18):
Oops, still mad though okay, uh, yeah, perfect
honesty.
Have nothing so far so great?

Speaker 2 (01:23:26):
uh, okay, number two.
We are aware that you are usingai to track time.
We will only say this germs.
I don't believe in germs.
Sorry, we can't say more.
What the fuck matt?
And finally, review numberthree.

(01:23:47):
Why are you yelling Calm down?
Oh my God, I am surprised, eric.
I thought for sure you'd getthis real quick.
Oh, okay, is this?
I see him cooking.

Speaker 1 (01:24:05):
Someone who wants to be.
Is this Back to the Future?
Future?
I don't know is this your finalthat is my final answer,
because that is the only thingthat I think I can.
Mayor, mayor goldie wilson.
Mayor goldie wilson fuckingalmost threw me because I'm like

(01:24:29):
what fucking?

Speaker 2 (01:24:30):
I was like someone this invested, like that's why I
put it first, because I waslike if that was so well done.
I was like so many of thesereviews there.
It was so hard to pick reviewsfor back to the future so many
are making it very clear it'sback to the future dead giveaway
.
yeah, because I was like, if Imentioned time travel, if I
mentioned a car, if I mentiontime travel, if I mention a car,

(01:24:50):
if I, you know, if I mentionanything related to getting with
one's mom, you picked because Ithink at one point I actually
tried to do Back to the Futurefor you.

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
but I was looking at the reviews like there's nothing
here and Eric you picked gold.

Speaker 2 (01:25:10):
Looking at the reviews, like there's nothing
here and eric, you picked, youpicked.
I figured that you would wantto do back to the future at some
point, so I said I'm gonna doit before he can get to it.

Speaker 1 (01:25:16):
And what almost fucked me is my brain did that
thing because, if you'll recallfrom this season, on the last
episode yes, well, also fromthis season, I picked a movie we
had already done.
Yeah, I know.
Um.
So I was like my brain was likethere's no movie we had already
done, yeah, I know.
So I was like my brain was likethere's no way we haven't done
Back to the Future.
And then I was like I evenremember I was like, but have we
?

Speaker 4 (01:25:36):
No we haven't.
No, we haven't.
No, we have not, just wasn'tthinking fourth dimensionally.

Speaker 2 (01:25:40):
Well, eric, you were not, and this episode has truly
gone completely off the rails,completely off the rails.
So I think it's about time thatwe wrap this sucker up,
unfortunately, but this was adelight, this was an absolute
delight.
This movie, baseball team andthis here, google gripes.
So you do get a perfect round.

(01:26:02):
You finish round two with fivetotal points, so five to two,
before I do my second round,which will be next episode.
Until then, we do need yourquestions, yes, so submit them
to us.
You didn't ask for this atgmailcom, that is all spelled

(01:26:23):
out.
But you can reach us on thesocials at you didn't ask pod,
that's the letter.
You didn't ask pod.
Instagram's the letter.
You didn't ask pod.
Instagram threads, sort of bluesky, sort of mostly instagram
is our main thing these days.
Uh, also on tiktok um, we'llget some.
We'll get some content up theresooner rather than later, but
uh, simply, I'm simply too busyto put together these film clips

(01:26:46):
, if I'm being totally honest.
But we'll get to it, we'll getto it.
So do that and, if you wouldn'tmind, join our Patreon, eric.

Speaker 1 (01:26:55):
Oh my God Gang, for no other.
You get a lot of stuff with us.
Patreon, yeah, but for no otherreason.
Give us the one fucking dollar,just so you have access to the
discord and you can giveyourself access to the discord
yeah, really the ass it, it,it's so fun in there are.
We have this like sweet littlecommunity of weirdos and they're

(01:27:18):
beautiful and we love them anduh yeah, for a dollar a month
you get access to the discord.
For four dollars a month just ahair more than a moon pie you
get access to the Discord.
You get access to monthly bonuscontent in the form of oops,
all tangents.

Speaker 2 (01:27:40):
Your house did the oops thing too, kind of All
tangents.

Speaker 1 (01:27:46):
And you get 20% off of all Yadaf merchandise in the
merch store.

Speaker 2 (01:27:52):
Absolutely Patreoncom slash.
You didn't ask for this, allspelled out.
So give us a follow, subscribeand give yourself the gift of
more of these two idiots, yeah,but also the gift of all your
Yadaf giant comrades in theDiscord.
We're having a great time, yeah, and that'll about do it for

(01:28:12):
this episode of you.
Didn't Ask For this.
My name is Matt Shea, my name'sEric Poach and listen, you
didn't ask.

Speaker 3 (01:28:20):
But here she comes, folks, our center fielder,
stepping up to the plate.
It's Eowyn, daughter of Eomond.
You stand between her and her.
Lord and kin Be gone.
If you be not deathless Forliving or dark undead, she will
smite you if you touch her.

Speaker 4 (01:28:40):
And I'll tell you what she really can fill out
those baseball pants.
Am I right there, chip?

Speaker 3 (01:28:46):
Oh golly she's got the role here a minute today
folks Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (01:28:52):
And you know what?
When she swings that bat, Iswear it's like the rolling
thunder coming across a crimsonsummer sky.

Speaker 3 (01:29:00):
Or like the grass plains of Rohan, give it up for
this would-be, should-bedaughter of Theoden.

Speaker 4 (01:29:09):
Absolutely.
Oh, and she's laid down a bunt.
How unfortunate.
What a bad spot for a bunt.
Never a bad spot for a blunt,however, never a bad spot for a
blunt Chip Smoke him if you gothim folks, Thank you.

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