120 | After Sex Pop Tart

Since we're halfway through the year, it's time to check in on those YDAFT Bingo Cards. The boys see who is in the lead among the fan submissions, as well as check their own progress and provide a list of the squares we've marked off thus far.

Then: What is the best pop-tart filling? Do you prefer frosted or naked?  And what is our era’s Library of Alexandria? 

Finally, we kick off the final round of this season of Google Gripes. 

Matt's Star Trek voice memos for Poch will be released tomorrow, 7/18, for all Patreon members!

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Episode Transcript

Matt (00:00):
Podcaster's Log pod date 712025.1.
In front of me stands a strange, unusual creature, inexplicably
tall and yet unexplainably weak.
I see a puzzled look upon itscreamy face as it observes me,

(00:22):
creamy face as it observes me.
Little is known about this newspecies, this new planet.
He seems mute, as if he doesnot wish to engage with this

(00:42):
medium in any kind of way.

Poch (00:42):
Captain, I have to question your logic and judging
such a creature that we do notunderstand first officer poach,
I will ask you to please keepyour opinions to yourself.

Matt (00:55):
Go fuck yourself, jim yes yes, are you doing it?

Poch (01:01):
are you finally doing?

Matt (01:02):
it.
Am I doing it, eric?
Oh yeah, I fucking did it yeah,you blasted through some track
eric poach, you sent me Ibelieve it was 11, maybe
episodes yeah, the critical onesof the original series of star
trek.
Yes, and I'm here to tell youthat over the past five days, I

(01:27):
blew through each and every oneof them and I'm going to do one
more, because you didn't includethe episode where they kiss
this famous kiss.

Poch (01:39):
Oh yeah, the famous yes, yes.
Where Kirk and Ahura kiss.

Matt (01:43):
Yes, it's true, I have watched what you deemed to be
the essential episodes of theoriginal series Because, as
we've talked about on this show,I have an interest in seeing
what it is people like aboutStar Trek.
Yeah, because I firmly in theStar Wars.
You know, upbringing.

Poch (02:06):
Not for long.
You haven't made it to NextGeneration yet.
It's fine.
What thoughts Thus far Give methoughts.

Matt (02:16):
Oh, eric, I had this idea for this cold open while I was
watching my first episode, but Iknow that you asked me to send
you voice memos as I wentthrough them.
Yeah, and I don't want you tothink that I forgot about that
requirement one little bit.

(02:36):
Mr Poach, I have 48 voice memos.
Holy shit.
Some the first couple were likerecaps after the episode, but
then I started making them as Iwas watching them.
Good man, I'm going to put thistogether for you in a big old
super cut.
Once I watched this lastepisode with the kiss cause, it

(02:56):
feels like I have to.
Oh, you got to.
And it's the cherry on top.
Indeed, it's actually the verynext episode from where you told
me to stop.
Oh, good, the uh.
So I have, I have those, I'mgonna put them together for you
and I'm gonna give that to you.
But don't worry, listeners, Iwouldn't bring this up if I
didn't intend to give it to youtoo.
It'll be on the discord, ohwhat a good, just fucking day.

(03:22):
I'm gonna, I'm just going todump it right into the Discord,
so I don't know how long it endsup being.
I mean, I said 48.
Some of these are like fiveseconds long, yeah.

Poch (03:33):
Man you are spoiling.
You're making me an Excel sheetof critical survivor to watch.
That corresponds with theseason 50 contenders.

Matt (03:46):
yes, and you're giving indeed, this is uh available for
your uh consumption as well.

Poch (03:51):
Listener, go to the show notes of our last episode oh,
and you're, and you're giving methis mega cut of your, of your,
of your steaming, hot takes.

Matt (04:04):
I mean hot takes of this show from 1966 and 1967.
Love it.
It is largely, I have to say,it hasn't aged great, no no
goodness, no God no, and that'spart of the charm.
But I think some of my takeswill be of interest to the Star
Trek community.

(04:25):
For example, I mean, my mainexposure to Star Trek is here
and there seeing a TNG episodegrowing up like because it was
just on.
And then I saw the Chris Pinemovies.
Yes, with exception of the lastone, beyond.
I didn't see Beyond.

Poch (04:46):
Did I see Beyond?
I saw the first.

Matt (04:47):
Were first were there three.
I saw two, there's definitelythree.
Um, there's b, there's startrek into darkness and, um, yeah
, the uh beyond, and I I feellike the star trek community
kind of shits on into darkness,but I liked it quite a bit no, I
liked, I liked Into Darkness awhole bunch.
And I also, granted, haven'tseen them, but I'm culturally

(05:08):
aware, as we've talked about, soI know that they reversed the
whole con thing.
You know like all that and whatan episode that was of the
original series.
But yeah, I wanted to surpriseyou by telling you that I not
only did I start, I finished Iam over the moon.

Poch (05:27):
It and and mostly because, like a, beyond stoked that you
watched the original series.

The Watcher (05:33):
Everyone should, um , I watched the key episodes you
watch the key episodes and ittruly, trekkies, miss me with
this shit.

Poch (05:42):
The real ones get it.
What you did is perfectly fine,like, like, that's what I did,
I, I, I don't think I've seenevery episode of the original
series and this eric how I gotthrough it was I literally
filled any dead time I had.

Matt (06:00):
Uh with like serious like folding laundry.
I put it on on my phone makingl.
Lindsay wasn't home for likefive days.
She was cross country at aconference.
So making dinner, eating dinner, I'm just consuming hour after
hour of some of the greatestacting known to man, from Mr

(06:21):
Shatner Drink every time youtake someone down with the, with
the, with the, the handsclasped over the hands.

Poch (06:27):
Class strike and what's the finisher?
The universal move, mom.

Matt (06:32):
There's so many fights that go, that oscillate between
shockingly intense fightchoreography yeah to for the
time to just like a like fisthand over fist, one whack on the
back and the man is dead.
Like and then yep that, thatends it I say this in in the

(06:55):
super cut as well.
Some shows are brought down byremastering them.
Some shows do not need to be inhigh definition and should not
be yes correct.
I don't need to see exactlywhere the makeup artist stopped
putting Kirk's foundation on.

Poch (07:17):
Yeah, yep, or they just stopped plastering it on.

Matt (07:21):
But my big note and I bring this up a bunch of times
in my supercut, uhura's cooch ispractically out the whole time.
Oh yeah, just the whole time.
Anytime she remotely bends over, that ass is out.

Poch (07:37):
Oh yeah, that skirt couldn't be shorter and we don't
, and she'd be bending over.

Matt (07:50):
we'd be like god damn god damn, yeah, so I, I'm here to
say just a mini plug for thediscord, because I'm throwing in
that, throwing it in there.
That's bonus content, baby.

Poch (08:04):
Oh that's worth a dollar and and, and I will say this,
say it to me, uh, the other.
The foundational joy ofwatching the original series is
is, as the future series happen,like tng, deep space, nine,
voyager they're very self-awareof star trek's vibe in the 60s.
So anytime they kind of have torevisit, like the pat, like in

(08:28):
their timeline, like oh yes, youknow, a hundred years ago, like
they, they, they will theydirectly address a lot of the
shit decisions that happened, heshow made and it's wonderful.

Matt (08:40):
I am looking forward to some of that and I'm looking
forward to your responses to mytakes.
I'm not gonna do much.
I'm not gonna do editing oranything.
I'm gonna throw them in onefile and throw them over,
fucking as as they were, as godintended them.
Uh, god damn, gun it my man.
I'm gonna send it over to youand send it to the discord when
this episode drops.
I guess you'll get itbeforehand, don't worry I want

(09:03):
to take those hot.

Poch (09:04):
I want, I want those hot takes delivered to me like a
double fist overhead from kirkwell, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
finish this.

Matt (09:12):
This last thing, I also, you didn't include the series
finale.
I feel like maybe I'll watchthat too, and uh, then I'll send
them over your way.
Um, but my big note that I'vetaken away from Star Trek yes.
It is a gay Fantasia in spacethat revolves entirely around

(09:33):
this flirtation between Spockand Kirk, which is oh, my God,
yes.
Which is the seemingly thebackbone of the series.
Yeah, the backbone of theseries.

(09:58):
Well, hello everybody andwelcome to you.
Didn't Ask For this.
It's the podcast answeringlife's least pressing questions,
and my name is Matthew Shea.

Poch (10:10):
And my name is Eric Poach.

Matt (10:17):
Eric Poach.
That is logical.
One last thing about Star Trekbefore we continue before we've
completely alienated the entirefan base.

Poch (10:27):
I mean of our show, not of Star Trek and dancing with
alienating the Trekkie fan base.

Matt (10:32):
And funny.
You should use that termbecause when Lindsay came home
from her trip and I told herthat I had been watching damn
near 12 hours of Star Trek overa four-day period or so, she
came out of the gate with youcannot become a tricky.
That was her response to me.

Poch (10:55):
Matthew, our marriage cannot survive you becoming a
tricky.

Matt (11:02):
And I don't know that I have interest in becoming a
trickyie.
I really only truly have aninterest in watching Next
Generation and now that I'veseen the original series, maybe
the movies, because I hear themovies are better than the show.

Poch (11:13):
I cannot wait for you to get through Next Generation and
be like all right, okay, I'llwatch Next Generation and Deep
Space.

Matt (11:20):
All right, I'll watch Voyager, but I'm not watching.

Poch (11:24):
Strange New Worlds as we're waiting in line for the
fucking Farpoint convention.

Matt (11:29):
All right, I'll watch Enterprise but I'm not.
It is a compelling universe to acertain degree Right now I got
to be honest right now only seensome episodes of the original
series, and the new movies can'thold a fucking candle to Star
Wars.
But anyway, yeah, buckle,buckle, ye up.

(11:51):
I'm, I'm, I've.
I've been waiting to see thecase for Star Trek my whole life
, and so perhaps I will.
But we can't, we simply can't,talk about Star Trek the whole
time.
Instead, eric, I want to talkabout how you're doing.
You just came back from theriver.

Poch (12:06):
Oh yeah, Just got back from the river.
For those of you who may notknow, I talk about this before.
I have a big group of friends.
We go paddling down theShenandoah River every year.
25 miles, 26?
Can't remember.
It's a wonderful time, it'sbeautiful who keeps track of the
mileage?

The Watcher (12:24):
on on the, on the current we're, we're on river
time we're on river time.

Poch (12:28):
Uh, I do, I do have to update everyone.
Um, and you, matt, I've beenexcited to talk, tell you about
this especially well, good, I'mthe only one here who can
respond so?
We have, uh, we have river bits, bits we do upon the river.

Matt (12:44):
Yes, we talked about this much and more last year.

Poch (12:47):
Yes, yes, last year, famously, my friend played the
Jurassic Park theme on a trumpetas we were passing between the
valleys of the Shannon.
So funny this year, matt, me,the, the, the, the bits arms
race has reached its arms race.
It is reached an apex.

(13:07):
And I honestly don't know how wego, where we go from here.
Yeah, where do we go from here?
So, typically, what our dayincludes is day two.
We paddle for a few hours andthen eventually around, like you
know, between like noon and two, we'll find some spot on on on

(13:28):
the side of the river.
We'll pull off, we'll pull theboats up on the shore, we'll eat
lunch yeah, so we're doing that.
We find a beautiful spot, thislovely little cove, to pull our
boats into, and you know, we'reall eating food and folks are
like taking a moment to splasharound in the water.
It's a hot day, like it's it'seating food, and folks are like
taking a moment to splash aroundin the water.
It's a hot day, like it's it'sit's.
Some folks are exploring theshore Just having a good lazy,

(13:51):
laughter filled lunch.
Matt.
We go to get back into theboats and I hear Becky, our
guest, becky, yes, and Alyssa,yeah, almost in unison.
Yell.
What the fuck?
Uh-oh, matt, I turn the corner.
Someone has placed a car booton their boat.

(14:14):
Oh, my God, someone has taken afucking big-ass yellow metal
car boot and booted two of theboats together okay.

Matt (14:29):
Who and why would you do this to yourself?

Poch (14:33):
that's the best part.
Well, a it was easy to get off.
It was purely a visual gag, um,but b uh, no idea how, how how
they transport it how, howsomeone managed to to smuggle it
onto the river, trip into camp,bring it.

Matt (14:52):
Forget that how did they obtain it?
How don't know how they got it.
Where does one get a civilian?

Poch (14:59):
boot.
Don't know how they transportedit down several miles of river
without detection.
Yeah, and we have no idea whodid it you still don't know who
did it, no clue.
Well, it's one of you jokersthat oh yeah, oh yeah it's a
member of the party it was.
It was so immaculately donethat is.

Matt (15:20):
That is a nice crowning achievement, I think yeah.
Yeah, that takes salt, it does.
It takes some stones to do sucha thing and I applaud it.

Poch (15:31):
Oh yeah, God, we love a river bit.

Matt (15:33):
We love a river bit, and we also love a good bingo bit,
do we not, eric?

Poch (15:38):
Oh, we do love a good bingo bit.

Matt (15:40):
Yes, it is July, believe it or not?
Yes, if that it hurts bit.
Yes, it is July, believe it ornot?
Yes, if that it hurts.
When we were full disclosure.
We're recording this on July.
1st of all the months of theyear, it is the seventh, it's
the seventh one of them, and sothe first half of the year gone.
So, as it has become our littlemini tradition, let's, let's do
a quick bingo card check in Now.

(16:02):
Now, we talked about this onthe last episode of Dairy King
11 a little bit as well.
Dairy King 11 is doingextremely well.

Poch (16:12):
He is in a terrifyingly commanding lead.

Matt (16:16):
He is the closest to achieving a bingo.
He has four greens in a row.
He needs only the word of theyear to become Corpo Cook.

Poch (16:29):
What a needle.

Matt (16:30):
So put that out there Now.
Let's check in first with youand I.
Eric, here's what I've got onmy card.
My top left corner is lookingpretty good.
Eric, you got into Survivor.
We can say that.
Yes, yes, I did.
Joey Chestnut is going to bereturning to the Nathan's Hot
Dog Eating Contest.
Yes, he is.
So we have marked that as green.

(16:52):
And GTA 6 was delayed until2026, as predicted by me.
In my bottom right corner I gotTikTok will be rescued within
24 hours of the ban.
Everybody pretty much got thatas a gimme and a big old red
square for me and I think foryou as well.

(17:13):
No, not for you.
Yeah, huxatawney, phil was not.
No, attempted assassinationhappened for our boy Phil.
So here's what we got Someother things that you can mark
off your bingo square if youhaven't already.
Matt gets into Eurovision.
Douce poids.

(17:35):
We did mark that off and thoseare the big four that most
people have across the board.
I'm just doing a quick scan ofthe submitted bingo squares from
listeners to see if there'sanyone who is threatening Dairy

(17:56):
King 11.
Not really we have.
At EJ Hoff.
He has two in a row in twodifferent places, Three
different places, threedifferent places actually, but
one of them is blocked by thePuxatawney fill square and one
of them is the center row or thecenter column, which does
require us to get 100 patrons onPatreon.

(18:19):
So, patreoncom slash you didn'task for this if you want to
help everyone out, including,dare I say, yourself $1 a month
gets you access to the Discord.

Poch (18:29):
$4 a month gets you access to the Discord Monthly bonus
content in the form of oops alltangents and 20% off of all your
Daft merch.
Well done, eric Matt.
I'm feeling good, okay, so letme tell you this yes, how are
you feeling Because your threesquares are very disparate?
They're very disparate.
See, matt, it's like jazz.

(18:50):
It's about the squares.
I don't have that I feel goodabout.
Okay, talk to me, I'm lookingat my top left corner to bottom
right corner, diagonal.
Okay, so here's what we got.
I feel like these are allachievable within the next six
months.
We got high profile geneticidentity theft.

(19:11):
Yes, the world's largest ballof twine stolen, matt, need I
remind you I will be on the roadto Tennessee this weekend in an
RV.
I've got opportunities.
Okay, I expect to see yourolling back with a ball of
twine.
You daft reaches 100 patrons onpatreon.
That's up to you listeners.
I've got mac.

(19:32):
It's in eurovision.

Matt (19:33):
And then bottom right, statue of liberty defacement now
this isn't a call to action assuch I'm just saying it seems
like an easily achieved yeah forlegal reasons.

Poch (19:46):
This is a joke.

Matt (19:48):
But Bootsy also has a submitted bingo card with.
She needs two.
She needs GMO pets will be soldand a reveal that billionaire
has hunted humans for sportSomething you need as well.
Do I have that on my card?
No, I don't, uh, but you knowwhat?

(20:08):
Hey, it could.
It could I do have world'slargest ball of twine stolen.
That would give me four corners, but we, I don't believe, are
accepting uh or no, not a fourcorners.
A postage stamp it would giveme a postage uh is a postage
stamp.

Poch (20:23):
Oh, is that when you have uh wait what is a?

Matt (20:25):
postage postage stamp.
Well, okay, so postage stampany corner is what I would have.
Postage stamp is the four inthe top right corner where the
stamp goes uh, cute, but you canalso get it in the other
corners uh, yeah, I've playedbingo with my mother-in-law uh,
bingo.
Every now and then I have dabbedsome dabbers yeah so I think

(20:47):
that's pretty much the bingosquare update there.
Haven't been there, haven'tbeen too many others um you.
You, of course, did offer that2025 will be bisexual as fuck,
and I do feel we're kind of onthe road there oh yeah, we we're
, we've got some.

Poch (21:03):
We got some some movement there.
We're on the board.

Matt (21:06):
But I'm still holding out for the uh, the revival series,
tuesdays with maury.
I'm still.
I'm still holding out, I'mstill now.
I hope for that, um, oh, and ofcourse, our two deaths are
still on the table.
Plenty of time yet for that tohappen.
Winds of winter will set apublication date.

(21:28):
It it certainly sounds fromgerm's latest uh announcement
that he basically was like uh,leave me alone about the whole
thing.
It certainly doesn't bode well,uh, for that book, uh, setting
a publication date or indeedever coming out.

Poch (21:47):
Yeah, georgie got his bag and he's going home.

Matt (21:50):
Well, I heard an interesting theory about that in
the sense that, like becausethe series ended on such a
negative note after being sohigh for so long, that, if that
was how he intended to end theseries of books, he now feels

(22:11):
compelled to change it.
And if you feel compelled tochange something that you felt
was good, like, it will take along time to come up with a
better end game, especially ifhe had a certain end game in
mind the whole time.
I don't necessarily think thatall aspects of the final season
were his vision, but who am I tosay you know who?
Who are we?

(22:31):
Who are we but men?

Poch (22:34):
um two fellas that answer questions on a podcast.
That's right, would you by?

Matt (22:39):
the way.
Would you like to do that, bro?
I would love that.
Let's get to some questions,because we do have the final
round of this season of GoogleGripes to begin this episode.
So we'll get to that, but first, eric, give us the first
question of the day.

Poch (22:56):
Matthew, our first question and this comes from the
goodest boy, the boy for me,zachy D.
There you go.
This is at Zach Deuce, he says.
For decades people have talkedabout a basic moral question.
Would you go back in time andcommit an atrocity with the hope
of making the world a betterplace?
One of the most famous exampleswould be going back in time and

(23:23):
killing baby Hitler to avoidthe holocaust.
You would essentially bekilling an innocent baby that
knows not what his future holds,but you did it with the intent
of saving millions of people.
So, with that said, what zackyd actually really wants to know
is what is the best?
Pop tart filling can be real,or you can choose a new flavor.
And do you prefer frosted ornaked?

(23:45):
Zachy D.

Matt (23:46):
That's Zachy D, and he sent that to us via the Discord.
Zachy D, what a buildup to thatquestion.
Got to, got to have it Now.
My question to you, pudge, isdo we just ignore the first part
Dare I say the majority of thequestion, or do we incorporate
that into our answer?

Poch (24:07):
I say in the spirit of the question as it was asked we
ignore it entirely and talkabout Pop-Tarts for the next 10
to 15.

Matt (24:16):
There we go.
Yeah, all right, I think I canstart pretty easily with the
frosted or naked.
I feel that the naked is theexception to the rule.
I think it's frosted or bustfor me.

Poch (24:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm going to.
Is this a safe place to put outsome hot takes?

Matt (24:35):
Eric, you know it always has been.

Poch (24:38):
I have dear friends, yeah, close, wonderful, beautiful,
dear friends.
I'm told who prefer the nakedPop-Tart and it's the reason
that they prefer it, for that Irespect.
Is it the butter?
It's buttering the Pop-Tart.
Look, I buttered a Pop-Tart.
I'm not a Pop-Tart butterer.

Matt (24:59):
I buttered a Pop-Tart because Family Guy told me to.

Poch (25:02):
And what'd you think it's?

Matt (25:04):
fine, it's fine, it was fine.
I haven't sought it out to doit again.
Notice, yeah, yeah, notice thatwhat?
I will say is what I have donesince our last episode.
I did make a grilled cheese andput a little garlic powder in
the butter as it's being cookedon.

The Watcher (25:21):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Matt (25:22):
And I'm here to tell you, boys and girls, listen to Dairy
King 11 when he gives youculinary advice, because that
was banging.

The Watcher (25:30):
Yeah.

Poch (25:31):
The man had infinite access to a blizzard machine for
most of his childhood.
He is an honorary resident offlavor town.

Matt (25:39):
The man can cook the man can cook is what I was gonna say
.

Poch (25:44):
Let that, oh man, on dairy king's banner.
That would be the latin motto,which is the latin for let him
cook.
Let him cook, god hold on, uh,yeah yeah, I knew you going to
look it up, gotta look that up.

Matt (25:56):
While you're looking that up, I do feel that if you're
going to butter a Pop-Tart, itbetter be naked.
But that's the only good thingabout having the naked Pop-Tart,
is it not?
Is having the canvas for butter, Whereas the Frosted is already
taking care of that.

Poch (26:13):
Yeah, the frosted also.
Just looked it up.
This is so badass.
The Latin for let him cook iscoquer, which looks a lot like
the word conquer.

Matt (26:25):
Ooh, let's see how it's pronounced Hold on.

Poch (26:28):
Let me just get that my assistant right up to the Coquer
.

Matt (26:32):
Coquer, coquer, yes, and Let him cook.
It's befitting a king, I think.
Let him cook, particularly oneof dairy king's status, yeah,
but god gotta have a frosted Igotta have a frost it's the
visual appeal I love.
I like, I like the littlelittle sprinkle spranks to be
honest, if I can be honest withyou, I prefer my Pop-Tarts.

(26:54):
This wasn't asked, but I'mgoing to give it.
I prefer my Pop-Tarts untoastedBrave.
I prefer my Pop-Tarts straightout of the bag.

Poch (27:04):
I'll toast them here and there Raw dog and Pop-Tarts.

Matt (27:07):
If I'm having a Pop-Tart for breakfast, I will probably
put them in a toaster.
Oh, okay, yeah, sure.
But, if I'm pulling out a poptart at 4 pm, like as a snack,
as a snack, you're not toastingthat.
I'm not toasting that shit and,if I'm honest, that's how I
mostly consume pop tarts.

Poch (27:24):
I also love how like our brains work, where like we could
be eating the same exact thingat 7 am or at 4 pm but it
different sweet.

Matt (27:34):
This is a is a full breakfast yes, this is part of a
balanced breakfast and this isa dirty snack.

Poch (27:43):
It's my silly little dirty ass snack so what is your
favorite pop-tart flavor?

Matt (27:49):
eric is that?
Is that what we're going for?
We're.
What is the best pop tartfilling you can?
Can be real, or you can chooseand find a list yeah, that, bro
you, you beat me to it list.
Well, it sounds like we'reracing now all pop tart flavors
from pop tartcom.
That's gonna be what's.

(28:09):
That's what we got currentlyanyway.
So here's what.
I'm just gonna run throughthrough them real quick.
We're not going to take a lotof time with this folks.
Uh, we've got apple scentfrosted.
Just assume frosted comesbefore all of these apple,
cinnamon, apple jacks, bananabread, chocolatey chip, pancake,
cinnamon roll, also known ascinnamon roll, cinnamon roll

(28:35):
bites, lemon, blueberry crumbleGod damn, that sounds good.
Spring, no-chill sugar cookie,strawberry milkshake, girl
Scouts, frosted coconut caramel,frosted Thin Mints also Girl
Scouts.
Blueberry, boston cream, donut,brown sugar, cinnamon Cherry,

(28:57):
chocolate chip, pop tarts,chocolate fudge, confetti,
cupcake, cookies and cream grape, hot fudge sundae, raspberry
s'mores, strawberry, wildliciouswild berry.
Girl Scouts, frosted coconutcaramel.
I thought I already read that.

(29:17):
Frosted Thin Mints.
I'm pretty sure I read that.
Frosted harvest strawberry,snickerdoodle, unfrosted
blueberry, unfrosted brown sugar, cinnamon and unfrosted
strawberry.
And then there's a bunch of thebites and the crunchy poppers
which I wasn't aware of untiljust now same.

Poch (29:39):
I'm also.
I'm looking at a reddit postthat has so many more, because
they also list, like, all thediscontinued flavors, the
discontinued.
So yeah, there's plenty more,but but I, I, I have my, I know,
I know my answer.
I know my answer as.
Do you want to say it on three?
Sure, three, two.

(29:59):
One Small Wildlicious WildberryOkay, now, wildlicious
Wildberry.
That was the one with thepurple frost.
It looks like the cool jazzdesign on top.

Matt (30:10):
Yeah, it's got purple frosting and then like a blue,
like squiggly lines of blue yes.

Poch (30:18):
Now let me tell you when that flavor came out, the
marketing was immaculate.
Because I wanted it.
I wanted it so bad, I needed itin my, in my body, and then I
tried it and I was just notabout it I will say that, uh one
, I don't want to incringe on amuch, much in cringe.

Matt (30:38):
I don't want to increase.

Poch (30:40):
Add that to the lexicon.
I don't want to incringe.

Matt (30:42):
That's where you interject something that makes the
conversation totally all right,I made up a word, uh, I don't
want to uh invade the uh spaceof the much more successful
Bobcast, the Basement Yard, butthe tie-in frosted Spider-Berry,
spider-man limited editionPop-Tarts that came out for the

(31:03):
Spider-Man movie when we werechildren, that was like the red
and blue ones it was.
They were like red Pop-Tart,like the Pop-Tart was red, yeah,
the whole the tart.
The frosting was blue and thewebbing was white, but it was
essentially the wild berry.

Poch (31:20):
Yeah, and the most patriotic part.

Matt (31:23):
Also that they were dope.
They were super cool.
I still I am excited about thethought of them and I pulled up
the image of them just formyself, just because I needed a
little pick me up.
Now I feel that there aredessert Pop-Tarts among us, and
the biggest one being theCookies and Cream Pop-Tart.

Poch (31:43):
The cookie, I would say the top three dessert Pop-Tarts,
cookies and Cream, birthdayConfetti and.

Matt (31:50):
S'mores.
What about Hot Fudge Sundae?
That's up there too.
That's also up there.
I mean, there's just no way toargue that those guys are
breakfast material.
You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.

Poch (32:04):
I just roll up, wake up in the morning, feeling, feeling
like a fucking baller, fuckingreaching for my balanced
breakfast.
I've got.
I got my, my, my table, with aperfect sunny background, with a
nuclear family playing in theyard, and there's my glass of
orange juice, my glass of water,my glass of orange juice.

Matt (32:24):
You mean the miracle elixir that fixes everything in
the star trek universe.

Poch (32:28):
Yeah, yes, uh, got my, got my bowl of nondescript corn
flakes.
I have a plate with an out witha waxy looking apple and a
banana, and then the entree my,my hot fudge sundae.

Matt (32:47):
Oh, my god, stop describing a norman rockwell
painting to me I know I think,uh think, so I think it's
honestly one of my favorites ofthe mainstream ones, Although I
think the wild berry, the wild,delicious wild berry, is
mainstream.
You find it in almost everygrocery store.

Poch (33:07):
Yeah, it was a smash hit.

Matt (33:09):
I think that the brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tart is the
Pop-Tart that rides the line.
Of this is as far into thesweetness category you can go
before.
This is not an acceptablebreakfast pop tart with the
caveat that these are all.

Poch (33:30):
Just none of them are good like flat cubes of sugar.
Yeah, none of them are goodLike flat cubes of sugar?

Matt (33:35):
Yeah, none of them should be given to say a developing
human.

The Watcher (33:39):
No.

Poch (33:41):
But that s'more Pop-Tart though.
The s'more Pop-Tart issomething the s'more Pop-Tart
fucks.
But here's the thing, and thisis kind of like it's my favorite
, but if you love something youhave to let it go.
Vocalize its flaws, sure.

Matt (33:59):
Okay, weird way to get into this, go ahead.

Poch (34:05):
No, it's just that the s'mores Hold on.

Matt (34:08):
Let me call my wife in here, so I can vocalize her
flaws.

Poch (34:14):
Our significant others love it when we criticize them
that way that all know what tofix all.
Direct quote from one of mybest friends who is a husband
and father, um, and a damn goodone.
Tbd, tbd, uh, uh.

(34:35):
Here's the thing about thes'mores pop tart.
I am begging you to tell mewhen it's when it's been toasted
, yeah oh, okay, all right ohgod, it like it can't be tough.
It's got.
It's got the rich velvetychocolate and the melty fluffy

(34:57):
marshmallow and just like thatwarm graham, but raw it's
absolute dog shit.

Matt (35:08):
Well, that makes sense.
That's the heartbreaker.
The s'more is a hot treat, soyou're meant to have a melting
um um marshmallow in there atthe very least.

Poch (35:18):
but here's the wild thing, tell me, and have you ever done
this?
Because they suggested?
Because I remember when theystarted suggesting to the uh
this to us as children, I triedit was like, oh, this fucking
rules pop tart in the freezer.
No, oh yeah, that's the thing.
Pop, pop tart in the frozen poptart turns it into like uh, the
the s'mores pop tart becomeslike almost like an ice cream

(35:40):
inside.
It's awesome.

Matt (35:43):
Well, I have had.
I haven't made a pop tart icecream, which I am tempted to do
I need to get back to my icecream making habit but I haven't
in quite some time.
The frosted s'more, I could seeit as I'm gonna say, an after
sex pop tart.
You know, oh, dude for sure,just break one in half and just

(36:06):
sort of as you're laying backbasking in the glow of our
basking in the glow of yourfrosted s'more pop tart.
Oh my God, I would absolutelyfeed my beloved a s'mores pop
tart.
Having done, sin.
Honestly, I'm looking throughthe flavors currently available

(36:29):
to me.
There's few others I would putin that category.

Poch (36:34):
Bro, you're not telling me you wouldn't.
You know, after you're layingthere you're panting, you're
covered in fucking sweat andyou're telling me you're not
like just.

Matt (36:48):
And.

The Watcher (36:48):
I reach over for the Boston cream.

Matt (36:50):
Slinging a Spider-Man Pop-Tart oh anytime, anytime of
the day, anytime thoseSpider-Man Pop tarts can come
back right now and folk, folks,make your own joke here about
slinging webs slinging web we'lllet you fill in that one.

Poch (37:05):
It's a it's a mad libs bit here on the show coming back as
well.
Yeah, not the only thing that'scoming back, um okay, I guess
we will enter the joke ourselves.
I thought you know well dude,you can't, we can't be all like,
okay, here, make your own jokeand like it's kind of like if we
went to like a little leagueteam and we were like, all right

(37:25):
, kids here play some baseballand then you were like, and then
you like, tossed me a bat, saidhey, poach.
And threw a ball at me.
Like what am I gonna do notknock it out of the park and
make all those children feelinadequate?

Matt (37:36):
well, you need to make sure that you uh, you remain a
giant in their eyes.
I think that's good parenting.

Poch (37:43):
You have to humble them yes, you have to humble them as
I'm walking away.

Matt (37:47):
I'm an adult, I fucking eat pop tarts but only after
sexual intercourse and onlyafter marriage and giving each
other promise rings oh god, uh,we're getting into some
interesting territory now,aren't we with the pop tarts and

(38:09):
the relationship, once you popthe cease and desist, won't stop
.
I mean with the way we'vetreated this bit, surely.

Poch (38:20):
Matt hot take.
What's your opinion on toasterstrudels I like a toaster
strudel.

Matt (38:25):
Love a toaster strudel.
I'm down with a toaster strudel, you fuck with a toaster
strudel.

Poch (38:30):
They operate under a different brain center.
Let me tell you somethingPop-Tart is a grab and go, a
toaster strudel, that's a whole.
That's a.
That's a sit, that's a sit,that's a sit down restaurant of
breakfast.

Matt (38:44):
Sit down breakfast yeah, that's a sit down breakfast.
That is, and that isexclusively a breakfast, or a
late night snack.
It, yes, it is both categories,but you have to heat it.
You have to heat it.

Poch (38:58):
Oh, you cannot raw dog the toaster strudel.

Matt (39:01):
You can't, something I'll say.
I can say that, something thatI learned from my father-in-law
that I can authenticallyrecommend is the following
action Getting yourself some ofthat Betty Crocker icing and
placing that on the toasterstrudel instead of the strudel

(39:25):
icing that they provide, thelittle baggages that they give
you.

Poch (39:31):
Yeah, the topping product, it's the Kraft cheese.
Signals of icing yes.
I'm like what is?

Matt (39:38):
this Go get some big boy icing A miracle whip of icing
and then get yourself a fullspread of it.
I will say that was some solidadvice.

Poch (39:47):
That dude.
I could fuck up a toasterstrudel with some fucking
funfetti icing spread on it.
Yes, hell yeah, hell yes.
Are you kidding me right now?
God, please, I'm also.
I'm kind of curious whattoasted pop tart with toaster
strudel icing on it, oh we gottatry it, we gotta try that.

Matt (40:08):
We got to give it, I still have to try to.

Poch (40:10):
I still have to try to oh sorry, not try to I still have
to objectively accomplishcooking pop tarts like ravioli's
for you.

Matt (40:18):
Well, of course you can have a pop tart date, sure, why
not?
We can, we can say that.
Um, the do that, we can do it,we can say it, we can experience
it.
Chocolate chip pancake poptarts only has a 3.4 review, and
that is again on the officialpop tarts website.
So that doesn't bode well.

(40:40):
I think that might be thelowest ranked of any of.
Oh no, the boston cream only isthree stars, a solid three
stars.
Uh, oh no, it goes down.
Thin mints is 2.9.
That is, that is the lowestsquare that I see.
It's that 2.9.
And that is again once more onpoptartscom.

The Watcher (41:03):
It's where you can find that.

Poch (41:05):
Oh bro, I'm looking at the limited edition flavors.
These go so fucking hard.
Tell me some of them.
Because I was just about to askwhat?

Matt (41:14):
because Zach also introduces the idea of us making
a film.
Yeah, so what?
I wanted to know what you wouldmake you got guava mango dulce
de leche.

Poch (41:24):
Oh, my Fucking grape blows my mind.
I love grape flavored things.
Fuck a grape Pop-Tart.

Matt (41:34):
They have one now, that's current Grape.
Pop-t now, that's current Grapepop tarts.

Poch (41:36):
That's terrible.
They made an A&W root beer poptart.
I'd try it.
Maple bacon sounds dope.

Matt (41:45):
Oh, I've had maple bacon.
I had it, it was good.
It was good.
Oh fuck, I did have that.
I didn't know that was limitededition.
I did have that.

Poch (41:52):
But get this shit.
There was a mystery flavor in2021.
The flavor was everything bagel.

Matt (42:02):
I'm intrigued by that, I'm intrigued, I'm intrigued by
that.

Poch (42:06):
Cinnamon churro de los muertos in 2021.

Matt (42:10):
My flavor Cultural appropriation in a toaster my
flavor, that I would add that Ihonestly can't believe I don't
see is a nutella dude, a nutelladon't pop tart.

Poch (42:24):
It feels like a match made in heaven matt, you cannot
fucking say those words to meand not immediately produce a
nutella pop tart.
Are you joking with me rightnow?

Matt (42:35):
well, eric, eric, I'm not.

Poch (42:37):
General.

Matt (42:37):
Mills, Wait hold on.

Poch (42:39):
There's one.
This has to have been a thing,but I'm not.
There has to have been alimited edition right, okay, so
I'm going right to.

Matt (42:46):
I'm googling it Nutella, pop-tart.
Let's see.
No, I'm not seeing any officialresult for it.
Plenty of recipes, matt.
Let me hit you with this.

Poch (42:56):
I wish you would hit me For a Pop-Tart that I would make
.
So the tart, the flat, thebread, the rectangle hard part.
Yes, I got it, eric, thank you.

Matt (43:10):
You got it there eventually.

Poch (43:11):
Would be chocolate flavored which is not unusual.
Chocolate base Chocolate baseyeah, filling, filling Reese's
peanut butter.

Matt (43:20):
Iced.
Sorry, I gotta go change mypants.

Poch (43:24):
Yeah, dog Reese's cup Pop-Tart come the fuck on, come
on.

Matt (43:28):
Oh, my god Put that in the freezer.

Poch (43:31):
Put that in the freezer, though Put that in the fridge.

Matt (43:33):
Oh yeah, well, you know, I'm a Reese's freezer, though.

The Watcher (43:35):
Okay put that in the fridge.

Matt (43:37):
Put that in the fridge.
Oh yeah, ooh, mm.
Well, you know I'm a Reese'sslut, though.

Poch (43:41):
Oh yeah, I fucking know it , I'm Fucking.

Matt (43:44):
I didn't care for that Fucking.
I didn't care for that one bit.

Poch (43:53):
The most awkward, most awkward pimp dynamic.
What a weird, I didn't care forthat.

Matt (44:02):
That's the best way to role play.

Poch (44:05):
That's infringement.

Matt (44:06):
That's good role play when someone.

Poch (44:09):
I didn't care for that.
The safe word is I didn't carefor that.
I didn't care for that.
Let's do another take.
I know you got them cups.
Let's do another take, I knowyou got them cups.

Matt (44:19):
Let's do another take of that.

Poch (44:20):
I know you enjoy that, matthew.
You fucking slut, oh God no, ohman, that's look my pants
actually dried up, yeah.
Kids New safe word for when youneed to end the scene safely
but also bring all arousal to astop.
Just give one of them.

(44:40):
Oh, didn't like that it'spermanent, is it?

Matt (44:45):
uh, you know?
So yeah uh, also, when Igoogled this, when I googled
nutella pop tarts, yeah, some ofthe search results I'm gonna
send you, like some of thesearch results, truly do look
like someone came on top of apop tart with some of this

(45:08):
homemade frosting if it's gotnutella in it.
I mean, it's not even thenutella that is in the image
that I'm throwing your way.
I will put the nut in theNutella.
Hold on, I think I sent you aGoogle result.

Poch (45:22):
Oh no, I found it.
Yeah, they busted.
They nutties all over thatPop-Tart, good Lord they did, oh
man.

Matt (45:31):
Splash zone Get the ponchoesus good lord, so that
they look like good pop tartsthough did you give us a flavor
that you would make?

Poch (45:44):
oh yes yeah, the reese's, yeah, so zacky d.

Matt (45:48):
I think we covered this question from all possible
inappropriate angles oh yeah,okay, so let's wrap things up in
the question segment, alsoknown as the main part of the
show, with a question from ourgood friend, aaron.
This uh, this comes from aaron,I believe from the discord as
well um, what is our era'slibrary of alexandria?

(46:10):
Something that is part of ourcivilization today, that will be
lost in 1200 years and thathumans in that time will see as
a triumph of our species,wishing they could experience it
?
I have something that jumped tomind immediately the same, okay

(46:31):
, should we do another three,two, one yeah, let's do another
three, two, one yeah let's do athree, two one.
All right, three, two one.
Then say it Okay.
Three, two, one.

The Watcher (46:40):
Wikipedia.
Donate today.

Poch (46:44):
Donate today to Wikipedia, is it?
It feels like a little bit ofthe easy answer.
Here's what we do.
Obviously, it's Wikipedia.
Donate today, there is when weeventually lose the internet or
there's global collapse.
There will be people who do notbelieve us when we tell them

(47:05):
that we had literally thesummation of all human knowledge
for free, accessible to us atall times.
It will be the shame of ourspecies.

Matt (47:11):
There are people who judge me for how vocal I am about
supporting Wikipedia and I knowthe donate today thing has
almost become like some we'vesaid it so much that it almost
feels like a breath.
You know what I'm saying.
Like it's just part of thething.
I authentically donate toWikipedia, at least minimum once

(47:37):
a year.
Yeah same.
Because Got to Like take $10.
You're telling me you haven'tspent $10 worth of time on
Wikipedia today.
Fuck you, you spent it thisweek on Wikipedia.

Poch (47:52):
Also I'm going to bits aside comment real quick.
I've generally found that thepeople who get judgmental about
voting they're like well, anyonecan go on there, okay dog, but
you can't.
A, you can't.

Matt (48:04):
There is vetting, but B Recent changes patrol.

Poch (48:08):
I am a veteran of I don't know if they know how recorded
human knowledge has literallyalways worked.
Dog, it's always been opensource someone wrote it down.
Someone had to write it down.
I find that, like the peoplewho are like, well, anyone can
go on there and add anything,are also the kind of people who,
back in the day, would be likeoh man, with the printing press,

(48:28):
anyone will be able to write orsay anything fuck that no dog
go fuck yourself also knowledgeis good.
Keep it it open, keep it free,keep it open source.

Matt (48:37):
That was kind of the point .
Also, I haven't done one ofthese in a minute.
Let me just type into theWikipedia search bar you didn't
ask for this and yep Nope, Stillno results.
Nobody has found the time, Iguess, to enter our show.
Listen, I do do it, but that'sjust sad that that we can't do

(49:00):
it, we, we cannot I need to.
I need to respond to it.
You know what I mean.
We need to respond to it, weneed to critique it.
It's like when, when weeventually become big enough,
that we have a reddit community,you know, dedicated to us.
We can't directly interact, wecan only observe.
Yeah, we, we you know what Imean Like we're the watchers
from Marvel or the watchers fromthis, from this show.

The Watcher (49:24):
Eric, oh, she don't forget about the watch he's.
He may be sleeping for 17 years, but he's there, he's waiting,
he will awake.

Matt (49:36):
Our watcher.
By the way, in my own mentalimage and the voice we've always
given the watcher is a 1966star trek.
Uh, alien species, oh my god.
Yes, captain, you've enteredour airspace illegally we will
give you until, let let's say,50 minutes for you to vacate

(49:57):
this area Careful.

The Watcher (50:00):
the brood awakens.

Matt (50:02):
Hold on.
Allow me to make a web.
It will take some time tocomplete.

Poch (50:08):
Now I will leave you in the clutches of my perplexingly
humanoid and attractive daughter.
Please do not make coitus withher.

Matt (50:17):
Farewell, my goodness Fair maiden.
How are you, oh God, oh my, ohChrist?

The Watcher (50:31):
Phasers, Mr Tulu.

Matt (50:40):
They do not make a phaser setting high enough for what I
must do oh god, oh shit, oh man,that was, that was, that was a
real after sex.
Sigh, we just had where's mywhere's my pop tart.

Poch (50:54):
Yeah, now I want a pop tart.
Babe, I've got a night, I gottapitch something I've gotta
pitch something is that.

Matt (51:03):
Is that how it begins?
That how your role play beginswith a pitch meeting?

Poch (51:07):
yeah, yes, you lay well, because, like, consent is sexy,
so we want to pitch.

Matt (51:11):
We want to pitch the play first I can see you, you, you
pull out your little notepad andyou're like okay, so here's the
elevator pitch.
Get this right, Get this shit.
All moisture's dried up in theworld.

The Watcher (51:29):
Oh God.

Matt (51:30):
All right, it's the Library of Alexandria Wikipedia,
so excluding Wikipedia from theequation, okay.
But yeah, if we were to go withsomething physical let's get
like a physical place, physicalI, I've got one well, tell me
what it is, for god's sake uh,dolly parton's dream library, oh

(51:50):
that that is good.
I mean we could go with any ofthe actual like Library of
Congress.
Library of Congress, or, youknow, congress, but like the
National Archives, you knowsomething sort of dare I say,
yeah, actually historicallysignificant like that, but so is
Wikipedia is the thing.
Because, not to go back to it,but like it is the community

(52:15):
contributing and policingwikipedia, because everybody
likes to point the screenshotsof, like the oh look, this
wikipedia said you know whateverjoke that was up for all of 10
seconds, truly, if the longestsomething like that would last
is like a literal 24 hoursbefore the recent strangers

(52:37):
patrol gets on it.
They're gonna fucking see you,because most of and this is
another thing about Wikipediamost of Wikipedia these days, in
the year of our Lord, 2025, issourced, and if it's not sourced
, it's blatantly obvious thatit's not.
It says that it's not.
What I'm saying is it's atrusted source that comes from

(53:00):
our collective consciousness andknowledge and it should be
lifted up and celebrated and notridiculed anymore.
This is not 2005, and you arenot in sixth grade, unless you
are in sixth grade, in whichcase, thank you for listening to
the show, young one.

Poch (53:13):
When we were in high school and early college it was
still very much of the no, youcannot quote Wikipedia and I
swear to God, by the time wegraduated there, my professor
was like, ah, fuck it, it's.

Matt (53:23):
Wikipedia.
It was fine, it works.
Yeah, it's fine, it wasabsolutely fine.

Poch (53:27):
But aside from Wikipedia, I do.
I think Dolly Parton's DreamLibrary is a good.

Matt (53:32):
Dolly Parton's dream library is good Because we're
going to be sitting general.

Poch (53:36):
Dollywood, which I will be going to this weekend, because
we'll be sitting around thefires in the post-apocalyptic
hellscape and we're like, yeah,we actually had this really nice
person who would send books tochildren so they would learn how
to read, and she just did thisout of the kindness of her
fucking heart.

Matt (53:57):
Is that what made her a communist?

Poch (53:59):
says the children.
That sounds like commie talk,susan oh, you mean in our
commune that's literally what welive in you dumb shit.

Matt (54:11):
And then a shotgun blast rings out.

Poch (54:14):
Blam Working 9 to 5.
I was recently, while we wereplanning the Tennessee road trip
this weekend.
We were in our living room so Iput on.
I just went to YouTube, typedin Dolly Parton playlist and had

(54:34):
that playing in the backgroundwhile we were planning.
It started, opens with Joleneand nine to five and the
playlist, which is like 15 songslong it's like dolly's top hits
opens with jolene and nine tofive, closes with jolene and oh,
they bookended it.

Matt (54:54):
Just start.
Alpha and Omega.
Yes, jolene is the Alpha andthe Omega.
Oh, what a woman.

Poch (55:06):
God, what a, when I think, national treasure.
Dolly Parton.

Matt (55:09):
I think Dolly Parton and Jolene, as we've talked about
before.

The Watcher (55:13):
Yes, yes.

Matt (55:16):
What is your?
Who is your?
Jolene, write us an email.

Poch (55:19):
you didn't ask for this email they cannot have flaming
locks of auburn hair or greeneyes yeah, they can.

Matt (55:26):
Okay, yeah, they can I allow it.

Poch (55:28):
You, you send those to me uh, matt what flavor pitch okay
back to pop tarts, matt?
What Flavor pitch Okay Back?

Matt (55:36):
to Pop-Tarts Dolly.
Pop-tart Dolly.

Poch (55:38):
Pop-Tart Explain Dolly, pop-tart, dolly part Dolly.
Hold on Dolly, dolly, dolly.
Computer Synthesize, part top,dolly part top sounds like a,
like a, like a dominatrix.
It does like drag drag, itdoesn't not yeah you know so

(55:58):
okay.

Matt (55:59):
So there's that.
I don't know why this jumped tomind.
The teletubbies set theteletubbies.
It's not an actual place is theproblem, but like sesame street
, oh yeah pbs.

Poch (56:12):
I think pbs will be a library of alexandria yeah, in
the very near future.

The Watcher (56:16):
We had this later this year.
Yeah, yes, oh god I hate ithere.

Poch (56:22):
Um, honestly, if you want a good list of library of
alexandria, uh, candidates, justlook at whatever they're posing
to cut in congress right now.

Matt (56:30):
That's, that's look what's been removed from whitehousegov
and that ought to be a goodcomprehensive list.
Yes, um, anyway, um what else?
Eric.
What else is a good comparableto library of alexandria, which
I don't think we everestablished what it is, in case
people didn't know, it was thesum of all human knowledge

(56:53):
burned to the ground on Caesar'sorder.

Poch (56:59):
And famously, infamously, the actual burning of.
While the Library of Alexandriadid catch on fire, it wasn't
one giant like.
It wasn't decimated, it wasn'treduced by a factor of 10, no it
it wasn't destroyed in aninstant by fire.
It actually, like the collapseof library of alexandria,

(57:20):
happened over a very long it'sgreatly exaggerated, is what
eric's like trying really good,but god damn, do I want to go
there?
um, I'd love to.
No time we've talked about thistime machine library of
alexandria 100, I just want toperuse.
Yeah, I'd also slip some shitin there, just to fuck with them
.
Put some I'd love to.
Oh, we've talked about thisTime Machine Library of
Alexandria A hundred percent.

Matt (57:37):
I just want to peruse yeah , I'd also slip some shit in
there, just to fuck with them.

Poch (57:40):
See, this is why we can't time travel.

Matt (57:41):
Throw a copy of the Da Vinci Code in there.
No Eric, no Eric.
The cliffhangers, they can'thandle it.

Poch (57:56):
They don't have eight straight hours to read that book
as most of the world read it.

Matt (58:00):
Uh, the international seed bank.
I thought you were gonna saythe international pancakes.

Poch (58:02):
Oh, bro, you could go there and they had so many.

Matt (58:05):
Waffle house will be a library five different flavors
of syrup right there on thetable you'd only ever use the
same one or two.

Poch (58:13):
You'd only use original, but they were all there, but
you'd be curious, you'd do alittle finger dollop each time
and go.
Not for me, no, I don't thinkso, not today.
The fall began when they triedto make burgers their thing for
a little bit.

Matt (58:28):
It was just a gag, eric, we all knew it.
It was a bit.

Poch (58:35):
It was a bit.
It was a bit and it did notwork.
It was a giant flop.
And if it's a bit and it didn'twork, then it's just shitty.

Matt (58:40):
Sure, okay, that's encringement there you go,
writers everywhere.
Your first idea truly bad oh,fucking garbage.

Poch (58:49):
No, no, no.
I'm saying like, if you'regonna, if no, I'm saying this in
the context if you're amulti-billion dollar corporation
, I expect you, I expect you tobe able to to to threat your
marketing ideas a little bitbetter yeah.
So there you have it, thelibrary of alexandria.

Matt (59:07):
You know, dolly parton's dream library teletubbies
international house pancakesyeah, but really we're all just
trying to come up with answersbeyond wikipedia because we
nailed it out the gate.

Poch (59:17):
We, we knocked it out of the park first try.
It's wikipedia.
It's wikipedia all the way noweric poach.

Matt (59:23):
I do believe we are coming to the point of this episode
where it is time for us to getinto it with I'll fucking fight
you oh, okay, sure.
Now, eric, this is the finalround.
You enter it up five to four,so you, you do have a lead and,
unlike last season, you couldwin it without any kind of

(59:46):
helping hand.
You really could, I could, andif I get a turkey here I try I
get a hat trick.
We discuss going hard mode and Itried my best and I will say
eric, I think we might have togo to some, either back to
locations or something else, ifwe do another season of google
gripes, because I went throughso many movies that I wanted to

(01:00:07):
do that I couldn't find goodenough.
One star reviews every everyweek, yes I must have gone
struggle no, no lie.
I must have gone through 20movies that I was like I'm
trying to find something that'sboth well known and has good,
helpful but hard reviews yeah,it's a needle to thread um so,

(01:00:28):
uh, here we are to finish thingsoff.
Hopefully you don't need theprep.
But Google gripes game.
We play one star.
Google reviews they're real ofwell-known movies.
Eric's up five to four.
Eric, are you ready?

Poch (01:00:43):
I am so fucking ready.

Matt (01:00:45):
All right, here we go.
I got three movies for you withthree reviews Each.
This is film one review one ohM G.
I watched this for the firsttime with my son and husband.
My son gave up on it halfwaythrough.

(01:01:07):
My husband and I agreed it wasso stupid and the singing was
horrific.
We really didn't like the movieat all.
Okay, so there's singing okay.

Poch (01:01:11):
Review number two all Okay , so they're singing Okay.

Matt (01:01:12):
Review number two.
I didn't care for this movie.
It was kind of creepy.
The vibe blank was giving, verypredatory, which is disgusting.
Outside of that, it was justboring.
None of the characters wereincredibly memorable or likable,
the imagery was bland and thestory was ridiculous.

(01:01:32):
Fantasy slash fairy tales canbe done well, but this isn't it.

Poch (01:01:40):
Damn Okay.
Singing fairy tales, okay.

Matt (01:01:47):
Review number three I tried refunding this seven
minutes in, but couldn't Boy do.
I hate this 80s campy, badacting teen movie stuff.
The bar for 80s fantasy wasjust despicably low.
I'm blanket banning all future80s fantasy from now on.

(01:02:11):
The best I could say is thatit's visually appealing.

Poch (01:02:15):
Okay, so we're getting a lot of heavy.
It's fantasy, fairy tale, hmm,music numbers Okay.

Matt (01:02:25):
Okay, I think I have it.
You think you have it.
Eric, Would you like to submita guess?
I submit.

Poch (01:02:32):
Yes.

Matt (01:02:41):
Labyrinth, labyrinth, youth.
You say labyrinth, I say the uh, david bowie vehicle, one might
call it yes it's just a movie,matthew, nothing more.

Poch (01:02:47):
But if you turn it this way, it will show you your
dreams and if you turn it thisway, it's the answer, eric, you
got it right it is labyrinthvery so alissa's if not favorite
, one of her favorite movies ofall time.

Matt (01:03:01):
It was very, very difficult to find a suitable
review that didn't mention themuppets um oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I that, yes, god, what a goodmovie.
Okay, all right, now maybe onceagain.

Poch (01:03:15):
Nothing.

Matt (01:03:16):
Nothing Tra la la.

Poch (01:03:17):
Sorry, that's my favorite line.

Matt (01:03:19):
Maybe what I considered to be hard mode wasn't really hard
mode.
We'll see.
You are up six to four now,eric.
Are you ready for your secondfilm?
Yes, an abhorrent film.
Aside from the quitewonderfully filmed and

(01:03:39):
historically accurate depictionof scenery and what life might
have been like at a time wheregreed-driven men preyed on
innocent landowners and howabsolutely self-centered and
unethical a man could be, themovie was absolutely evil in its
depiction of religion.
Nothing new for Hollywood, butthis movie was a new low.

(01:04:01):
Two hours in I wondered ifthere was ever going to be a
point to the movie, but afterwatching the main character
prove he had no redeemingqualities and commit two murders
, I found out there was not.
I can only pray for the actorswho thought it okay to mock God
and Christianity in an attemptto prove that there is greed in

(01:04:24):
the world.
Okay, an attempt it's myfavorite part of that review An
attempt to prove there is greedin the world, as if it needs to
be proven.

Poch (01:04:35):
Yeah, as if that was ever in question Okay, second review
Are you ready?

Matt (01:04:40):
Yes, I've just wasted two hours for nothing.
Boring film.
Kept thinking it was going toget into it and never did.
Ending was boring andpredictable.
The ending would have been goodif his butler dragged the body
into the basement and the camerapanned around and there was
loads of dead bodies of thepeople he didn't like in there.

(01:05:00):
That would have at least beensomething, but it was rubbish.
Don't watch it if you'relooking for an entertaining film
after work.
Crying, laughing emoji.
Crying, laughing emoji.

The Watcher (01:05:13):
Okay.

Matt (01:05:14):
Now you do seem like you're chomping at the bit here,
which upsets me, but I do haveone more review.
Okay, total waste of time.
Sucked the big one.

Poch (01:05:26):
Read the book.
That was it.
That was it Nice.
Those are your three reviews.

Matt (01:05:33):
Oh, eric, I really thought you, you knew, I thought you
were locked in drainage eli youboy why are you doing there will
?

Poch (01:05:45):
be blood, air.
There will be blood.
That's my, that's my, that's my, that's my guess can you
imagine if you were wrong?

The Watcher (01:05:53):
Oh my.

Matt (01:05:53):
God, how stupid you would look right now Bro.

The Watcher (01:05:56):
I wouldn't, but no you drank my milkshake.

Matt (01:06:00):
You drank my milkshake.
I drank it up.
It was the butler thing rightAgain from dozens of episodes
ago.
That was Eric's eyeballs.
You just heard he did it again,this violent rubbing of his

(01:06:20):
eyes.

Poch (01:06:23):
The Butler.
It was the two murders.

Matt (01:06:25):
I thought you'd forget about the first one.
Okay, eric.
To my disappointment, you arenow seven to four, which brings
us to our last film.
Well, it brings us to your lastfilm that you have to guess
anyway.
Never heard of it.

(01:06:46):
No one has ever mentioned ituntil I searched up the word
today.
I mean, no one even watchesthis in my place.
Okay, yeah, I mean, no one evenwatches this in my place.
Okay, yeah, so in this guy'sapartment it's not frequently
shown.
Review number two it may havebeen effective back in 1979, but
now it is aged as well as milk,with the only exception being

(01:07:09):
visual effects, which stilllooks amazing.
It is way too predictable andticks off every horror cliche in
the book.
There is very little else tothe story and the characters
that make it worthy of a secondviewing.
Okay, and your final reviewGarbage movie.
So boring.

(01:07:30):
Blank showed up for only 45seconds just to do jazz hands
and stare at man with blowtorchwhat the fuck okay, so movie
from 1979 horror elements.

Poch (01:07:46):
Sounds like there's a, a person or thing that is like
supposed is like it's like onlyshows up for 45?
Did you jazz hands and scareman with blowtorch is now, is
jazz hands man the one scaringsomeone with a like he's scaring
someone with a blowtorch, orhe's scaring someone who

(01:08:06):
possesses a blowtorch sentenceagain is showed up for only 45
seconds and only did jazz handsto scare man with blowtorch.

Matt (01:08:16):
So take that how you will, Eric.

Poch (01:08:18):
Yeah, I fucking.

Matt (01:08:20):
I have a bonus hint for you, but I am only going to give
it to you after you submit yourguess.
Sure, sure, sure, because if Iget this Well, I've learned my
lessons.
Okay, lessons from the past,and what I have to say might
indeed give it away that fair.

(01:08:40):
At least I got one that waslegitimately hard for you.
This is I'm I thought you'dtake more than a a heartbeat to
get.
There will be blood, if I'mgonna be honest yeah, this one,
I'm utterly lost.

Poch (01:08:55):
I like I don't even have an inkling.
The the jazz hands andblowtorch is the.

Matt (01:09:03):
Give me that sentence, just that sentence one more time
blank, showed up for only 45seconds and only did jazz hands
to scare man with blowtorch.
Do you need in like an accent,or yeah?

Poch (01:09:17):
Give it to me in like, like a like a transatlantic
radio announcer.

Matt (01:09:24):
Blank showed up for only 45 seconds and only did jazz
hands to scare man withblowtorch.
Oh, Mr Smith goes to.

Poch (01:09:29):
Washington.
No, um, uh, oh man, uh, mrSmith goes to Washington.
No, oh man, okay, I've got it,I've got to get it.

Matt (01:09:40):
I'm basing this literally, just off, you're going to get
it.
I can feel it.

Poch (01:09:49):
In the first review you mentioned something about
looking up a word which I'massuming means that the title of
the movie is a word that mostpeople don't use normally or it
might be archaic, but the movieI'm thinking of I have not seen,
but I'm like it could be this,and it is a famous movie.

(01:10:10):
I'm going to say Deliverance.
Ooh, interesting.
Final answer is a famous movie.

Matt (01:10:16):
I'm gonna say deliverance, oh, final answer that.

Poch (01:10:18):
That because I I I've never seen delivered, but I know
it's like a horror movie.
I know this is like.
I just don't know if there's abunch of crazy cool oh or what's
he gonna do?

Matt (01:10:28):
what's he gonna do what?
What jumped to my?

Poch (01:10:32):
clearly, you had a candidate jumped to my blade.
What jumped to mind?
Clearly, you had a candidate.
Something jumped to mind BladeRunner jumped to mind Blade
Runner.

Matt (01:10:37):
Okay, so we got Blade Runner and Deliverance, two
extremely different movies.
Wait, he's cooking, speak it.
Speak it now.

Poch (01:10:49):
Predator.
But that doesn't make sense.
I was, I was like, I was likearnie has a, a torch at the end,
but I don't remember the thepredator, the yautia, as they
are known in their tongue, ofcourse doing jazz hand eric I, I
think I'm gonna need an answerat it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go with myinitial get.

(01:11:09):
I'm gonna say deliverance,final answer.
I don't feel good about it, Ido not feel confident about it
at all.

Matt (01:11:14):
Going with deliverance final answer deliverance final
answer.
Didn't feel good about itdidn't feel good about, nor
should you.
It wasn't right, it wasn't evenclose son of a bitch you were
much.
You were much closer with yourthird guess, because this is a
film, eric, that you recentlygave me shit for not seeing,
except I now have seen it, justlike Star Trek.

(01:11:38):
It's all been a part of a theme, eric Alien, you saw Alien.

Poch (01:11:44):
Bro, you finally saw Alien .

Matt (01:11:48):
The scene that you've been trying to conjure up is when
he's going through the ventswith the literal flamethrower
and it turns on the alien forfive seconds and he puts the
hands up or, I'm sorry, she putsthe hands up.

Poch (01:12:03):
Yes, god, yeah, I my.
My disappointment in missing itis immensely outweighed by the
fact that I got the first two.

Matt (01:12:09):
But now you've seen alien I saw alien and I just want to
say I this was another nightwhen lindsey wasn't here and so
I was just watching movies thatI know she doesn't have an
interest in.
And I watched alien and I damnnear I finished the movie at
like 11 o'clock and you knowwork and whatnot, so I went to
bed, but I was very tempted tojust boot up Aliens.

Poch (01:12:32):
Dude, it's a perfect movie .

Matt (01:12:34):
Let me tell you, alien holds the fuck up.
I knew very well what was goingto happen in that movie.
I literally know the plot ofthe movie and it still was so
fucking suspenseful.
It's such a fucking good movieand Aliens, I know, is very well

(01:12:55):
regarded as well, so I'minterested in the.
We're going from one director,ridley scott, to james cameron,
so I'm interested to see howthat plays out I will not tell
you anything about plot ofaliens.

Poch (01:13:06):
All you should know, really, is that you're moving
from a ridley scott to a james.
You're moving from a suspenseto a action movie, and it's
still well, the poster alonegives that away.

The Watcher (01:13:18):
But but uh damn yeah, it was.

Matt (01:13:22):
It was really really great .
I would watch it again rightthis very second.
Yeah, it was really good Imentioned blade runner um.

Poch (01:13:30):
Canonically, blade runner and alien take place in the same
universe oh really yeah, yeah,very interesting uh, there
there's a lot of um, becauseridley scott also directed blade
runner of course um, but likethere's a lot of tie-ins to the
alien universe and a lot ofdifferent media, firefly takes
place in the same universe asreally.

(01:13:51):
Yeah, there's a way.
There's a weyland yutani cratein the background of one of the
uh I see I see, god, my and canwe just talk about real quick
just one of the one of the thegreatest lines in movie history?
Its structural perfection ismatched only by its hostility oh

(01:14:11):
, ian home is great in that ianhome is a fucking treasure he
was something else.

Matt (01:14:17):
He was good.
John hurt was great.
I mean, of course, obviouslyjohn hurts great, but everybody
was great.
Sigourney weaver is incredible.
Uh, but the.
Honestly, I was blown away bythe, the, just how well the, the
suspense holds up, it's reallyreally good and and and and
something I I admire about themovie a lot.

Poch (01:14:36):
I think like it's good for people to be like mindful of is
like if that movie came out ata time where you go into that
movie thinking dude in the ventswas the hero, like was the main
character, yeah, yeah of themovie and then he fucking just
he just fucking dies, yeah, hejust gets fucking murder, like
what.
Like, oh, the engineer is thefucking hero, hell yeah they

(01:14:58):
didn't know what they had.

Matt (01:15:03):
But nevertheless, we're not here doing oops.
All tensions, eric.
We are here to talk aboutgoogle gripes and you end this
season at seven to four.
Live live score seven to four.

Poch (01:15:16):
So that means we're at a point where we fucking christ,
if you get all three, I have tohope for a tire.
You have to hat trick it.
I have to hat trick it and thenwe have to come up with an even
more convoluted tiebreaker andI know for a fact you're gonna
come hard for me.

Matt (01:15:32):
I got to, you've got to because, quite frankly, it's
yours to lose.

Poch (01:15:39):
Oh, bro, don't tell me that.
It's all yours to lose.
Here I am, game in hand youpick three impossible things for
me.

Matt (01:15:47):
There's no way I can get through it.
But we'll have to get to thatnext time.
Next time On another fantasticadventure, which is how I felt
like every single episode ofStar Trek wanted to end.
Yes, next time on anotherfantastic adventure of the USS
Enterprise.
Yeah, I mean, that's just thevibe it gives us off.

(01:16:08):
Also the reason I say I'm oh,we, we didn't.
We talked about that off mic.
I was just going to say we weretalking about casting.

Poch (01:16:17):
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Matt (01:16:18):
Star Trek in the Adept universe.

Poch (01:16:21):
And I, such fucking dorks we were, we were dream casting
members of our members of thediscord into into Star Trek.

Matt (01:16:29):
I do feel that you and I are not necessarily Spock and or
Kirk.
If the discord want to takethis as a launching point, I do
feel I am a candidate for, asyou pointed out, bones and
Scotty bones coded.
Well, and Scotty, because Ijust I've.
I.
How many times in my life haveI been like damn it, jim, I

(01:16:50):
can't push it any faster.
Jim, we're only at 79%, jim.
Damn it, poach, I'm like damnit, jim, I can't push it any
faster.

The Watcher (01:16:55):
Jim, we're only at 79%, Jim, Damn it, Poach.
I'm an actor, not a doctor.

Matt (01:17:00):
Oh my God, I need a super cut.
The last thing I'll say aboutSergeant Jim I need a super cut
of all the things Bone says thathe isn't, but he's a doctor.

Poch (01:17:11):
Yeah, it's just so good.

Matt (01:17:14):
I'm a doctor, not a dentist.
I'm a doctor, not anarchaeologist.

Poch (01:17:18):
I think I'd be the Gorn.

Matt (01:17:21):
Yeah.

Poch (01:17:22):
You'd be a good Gorn, I'd be, oh, your Gorn your dag Gorn
right, your dag Gorn right.

Matt (01:17:33):
And I want to see some dag Gorn good gripes out of you
next time around, eric, becausethat I think will about do it
for this episode of you.
Didn't ask for this.
We already gave you the reasonsto uh, join our patreon.
It's at patreoncom slash.
You didn't ask for this, do it.
Why don't you do it?
Do it now and enjoy all thisbonus content.
That's just honestly.
We're just dripping it out.
We got that spreadsheet for forpoach, we've got the, uh, the

(01:17:57):
super cut, for sure, thesurvivor spreadsheet's out there
, but I, I am dropping this, uh,this thing, exclusively for and
if, if, for some reason, I'msaying this live, if discord
doesn't, let me drop it, I willput it on patreon as a, as an
oops, all tangents, tangent.

Poch (01:18:12):
Nice, a tangent to the tangent.

Matt (01:18:14):
That's just a random MP3.
Here you go, that's for you,but we do need your questions.
It's our bread and butter,after all.
You can send them to us.
You didn't ask for thisgmailcom, that's all spelled out
.
Or on blue sky, facebook,youtube, tiktok, etc.
Etc.
Etc, but primarily Instagram at.

(01:18:35):
You Didn't Ask Pod.
That's the letter.
You Didn't Ask Pod.
Send in your questions today,eric.
Did I miss any of the businessyou didn't miss a goddamn thing,
my man, although one more thingI will say is you do not need
to be a member of the Patreon toget our merch, though, and you
can get that from.
You Didn't ask for this dot comslash shop.

(01:18:55):
You didn't ask for this dot comas of now, still working on a
new version of our website foryou, but that should be dropping
pretty soon, but it mightalready be out by the time this
episode airs.
But because we are a little bitahead of schedule here, but
that's neither here nor there.
Go buy our shit, is what I'mtrying to say.

The Watcher (01:19:15):
Did I miss?

Matt (01:19:15):
anything, eric?
No, well then, for God's sakefor all of us here, you didn't
ask for this.
My name's Matthew Shea, myname's Eric Poach, and listen,
you didn't ask, but that's allyou wanted to do.

Poch (01:19:40):
That's all I had to do, Just the theme huh, that was all
the dilithium crystal in thetank.

The Watcher (01:19:47):
Oh God, so much of this goddamn crystal, so much.

Poch (01:19:51):
We always have not enough or too much somehow.

Matt (01:19:56):
It feels like maybe we need to take better care of our
inventory.

The Watcher (01:19:59):
Who can say you?