128 | Glizzy or Isn't He? - You Didn't Ask For This

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matt (00:00):
Eric, I don't know about you, but I'm one of those people
that like if you're in arestaurant and you're talking to
somebody, but there are TVsgoing.
I can't not, my eye is justnaturally drawn to the TV.
Like glued to whatever ishappening in that moment.
It's a constant battle for meto be like, keep my eyes here,
and I'll look up, but like I'mnot paying attention, especially

(00:21):
now it's football season.
We all know I hate football.
I'm not fucking watching it.

Eric (00:25):
So, but like I still want to see what's happening on the
magic box.

Matt (00:29):
I can't not see it.
And I feel like it's similarwith phones.
Like if somebody's in the rowin front of you, uh a row in
front of you, and I don't know,an audience of some kind.

Eric (00:40):
Yeah.

Matt (00:40):
And you see their phone, like you're kind of taking a
peek.

Eric (00:43):
Are you like, right?
Yeah, no, it that it's why ifI'm if I'm the one with the
phone, if it's like we're we'rewaiting for the previews to
start, and I'm just sittingthere like doing whatever on my
phone, just killing some time.
I never open anything that I'mnot okay with, like people in
five or six rows behind me alsoseeing.

Matt (01:02):
Yeah, that I think that's important because I'm gonna be
looking.
Yeah, I'm gonna be looking.
And also, you better not bedoing it at once the previews
begin and any other time in themovie theater.
I'm not a fucking savage, no.
Because I'll I'll be upset withyou.

Eric (01:18):
The previews are the best part of the movie.
Why would I want to?

Matt (01:22):
I I just the phones and movie theaters.
I see I I have a hard time evennot uh killing anybody.
I say all that to say recentlyLindsay and I were at a concert.

Eric (01:33):
Okay.

Matt (01:34):
Who who were you seeing?
It was during uh the OutlawMusic Festival when uh with
Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan anduh Cheryl Crow and a bunch of
other people.
And it was, I think, during BobDylan's set, which I can't I
don't want to get into, I don'twant to derail myself, but it
was fucking awful.

(01:55):
And Bob Dylan owes me money.
Um he owes me, he obscured hisface.
He did it all in darkness.
He didn't it was bad.
It was off.

Eric (02:07):
Matt's up there in the balcony.
Show me your face.

Matt (02:10):
I was I fucking paid for you, Bob.
I'm and I'm looking I'm notgonna say I'm not gonna listen
to Bob Dylan, but I'm mad at BobDylan.
We have beef.
Okay.
You heard it here first, folks.
This is the start of a freshbeef.
Fresh beef, me and Bob.
So there I am.
I'm sitting there, and the guynext to me, he he's got his
phone out.

(02:30):
He's looking at things.
Directly next to you?
Directly next to me.
Okay, okay.
And so, you know, he's got itout for a while, and I'm
Lindsay's to my right, thisman's to my left.
Sorry, clowns to the left ofyou, wife to the right.
Correct.

Eric (02:44):
Okay.

Matt (02:45):
So I'm not trying to like look at this guy's phone.

Eric (02:48):
No, if they're next to me, I out of politeness, I'm like,
I'm not gonna be like craning myhead.
I also don't want to getcaught.
Like I also don't want to getcaught.

Matt (02:56):
But you know, at one point I'm going to put my beard down
in the cup holder in front ofme.
And so on the way back, my eyehappens to catch what he's
looking at.
And what he's looking at is hisuh library, his photo, his
reel, you know, the the photoreel.
And Eric, he starts goingthrough a collection of nudes.

(03:20):
Okay, and those nudes, and Ihave to stress this, are of
himself.

Eric (03:26):
Okay, that that was gonna be my first question.
Please continue.

Matt (03:30):
He was selecting a nude from a collection of nudes from
his portfolio.
Yes, as if he was selecting a ga gif uh from a secret
collection of favorite memesthat he wanted to send.
Uh he was going through for thebest possible photo of his
penis.

(03:51):
Yeah.
And I am stuck becauseobviously I want to tell this to
Lindsay.

Eric (03:57):
I want to be like, there's not like there's look at this
guy's dick, but like, hey, youshould know that I'm I'm seeing
this guy go through his greatesthits.

Matt (04:06):
And I didn't know how to handle this.
So at a certain point, um, theguy is right next to me, and I
like pull my phone and put itbetween Lindsay and I's chairs
and just like type man nudes.
And luckily, Lindsayunderstood.

(04:31):
So I want to know what's thewhat would you have done in this
situation?

Eric (04:37):
We can hold two things to be true.
God, can we?
Thing number one all bodies arebeautiful, everyone is
gorgeous.
Skip it.
Two skip ahead.
Two not at the Bob Dylanconcert.
Come on.
Not at the Bob.
This is this bro.
This was a very similar thingwhere it's like, it's like, I

(04:59):
don't want to, I don't want toshame anybody.
It's not about shame, it's butit's about like, hey, buddy,
you're surrounded on all sidesby people of all ages and and
flavors of life and anddispositions.
A, I should hope he takes nooffense if if if he notices
anybody looking at because he'sthe one waving his dick in the

(05:21):
wind.
I would think he's becausethere's no and and sorry, if
you're at a concert that packedand surrounded by people, you
are waving your dick in thewind.
Because like I we're we're inclose quarters, dog.
Again, don't open anything youdon't want five or six rows of
people behind you to see.
But what I would have done, andwhat I'm I I understand why you

(05:44):
didn't.
Oh boy.
But but and this is I'm sayingthis if if if I was glancing
over like you were, and likelet's say something happened, he
just happens to look right atyou and see your eyes looking at
his phone and the jig is up.
I would have just taken a B.
Nah, you should have gone withthat one.
Good angle.

Matt (06:08):
Great lighting on this one.
Yeah.
Really gets the sack.
Ooh.

(06:29):
And welcome yet again to YouDidn't Ask For This.
It is the podcast that answerslife's least pressing questions.
And my name is Matthew Shea.
And my name is Eric Poach.
Eric Poach, tell me how youare, and tell me right now.

Eric (06:46):
Oh man, I am I am good.
Had a we were talking aboutthis before the show.
I had a long week.
Too long.
Too long.
Tired, boss.
Um, but today uh it's a lovelySunday, beautiful weather.
Had some folks craft in in myhouse earlier doing a little
craft day.
Yeah, like in earlier, somesome folks were playing folk

(07:09):
music on their porch, and I wasdrifting through the windows.
It's a very lovely Sunday.
Nice.
Got to hit up a coffee shopbefore we got in here.
I'm doing swell.
How are you doing, baby?

Matt (07:20):
I'm doing just fine.
I'm doing just fine.
You know, we were also we alsohad some some folks over at the
house here, so we had someentertaining going on and the
uh, you know, dealing withdealing with with with what
comes with hosting.
Uh it it was also a bit of aweek for me.
Uh in preparation for saidcompany, I was cleaning the

(07:41):
bathroom, uh the guest bathroom,and whilst scrubbing the wall,
several tiles just collapsed.
Oh my.
And it revealed that behind it,the backing board, and I do
mean board, because it's beenthere since the 70s and it's
fucking wood cardboard piece ofshit.
It's all fucking wet, it's allrotted out, and uh, it became

(08:06):
very apparent very quickly thatthe entire shower was secretly
rotting behind it.
So now we have to doessentially an emergency
renovation of the bathroom.
Um we were not exactly planningon doing a new bathroom, but
here we are.
Here we are.
It is what it is, and we arewhere we are.
We are where we are.

(08:27):
So it was also a long week forme.
So I am excited because I amhere with one of my bestest
boys.
And we're gonna answer somequestions.
We're gonna have some yucks,you sweetie.
We're gonna yucks.
We're gonna have some yums, andthen we're gonna end.
We got some items to circleback and follow up with.

(08:47):
We've got some items in thethought line, we got some items
that have been asked of us, andwe're just gonna we're gonna
touch on some topics that need alittle retouch.
Just a just a touch, just tosee how it feels.
It's been a minute since we dida circle back follow-up, so we
we got to.
Got to.
Got to.
But first, we got realquestions to answer.

(09:07):
Yeah, we got real matters ofbusiness.

Eric (09:11):
Uh, shall I take the first one?
I wish you would.
Okay.
This one comes from um Aaronfrom the Discord.
And Aaron asks, when you tellsomeone there, quote, too much,
end quote, what are they toomuch of?
Mm-hmm.

Matt (09:31):
This is good because it has the too much thing has
really catapulted in, say, thelast decade, maybe.

Eric (09:38):
Yeah, yeah.
It's really come into its own.
Matt, when you tell someone,let's let's do a little
exercise.
I'm being too much.
Tell me I'm too much.

Matt (09:46):
Well, I feel like I would actually, in this day of age, be
in like, you're you're a littleextra.
Okay, I feel like the kids say.
Yeah.
Okay.
But who knows what they say.
They say all the other.
Or they'd say six seven.
They say six seven.
They'd say skibbity Ohio Riz.
And and I really need Skibityto get in the word of the year.

(10:06):
No, Skibbity, Skibbity is can'tbe word of the year.
Corpo cuck needs to be word ofthe year.

Eric (10:14):
I can see both sides of it.
You can't.
I just see my side.
Playing both sides of it.
Playing both sides.
But yeah, but but but let'spretend for a second that you
weren't you didn't have yourfinger as fucking buried in the
pulse of of the culture as youdid.
Thank you.
And you were to tell someonethey're being too much.
I'm being too much right now.
Go.
Eric, you're Eric, you're beingtoo much.

(10:36):
Okay, so you you you lean inlike it's it's a it's a you
you're you're looking out forthe homie by hitting them with a
bit of oh like doing too much.
You're okay.

Matt (10:46):
You're doing too much, you're being too much, you're
encompassing too much.

Eric (10:52):
See, in my schema, oh in my in the zeitgeist of my
family.
What a noise your throat madejust now.
Uh yeah, I did a little ribbetalmost, like a like a toad.
Yeah, oh yes.
Don't know where that camefrom.
Hippety hop.
But my family, we would be morein like it, it's it's in
response to someone like beingfunny, but like in a way that

(11:15):
subverted your expectations.
Like, like, like, oh, they wentthere.
So you're like, you're like,oh, you're too much.

Matt (11:22):
Oh, okay.
Very interesting.
Too much.
I do think those are twodifferent interpretations.

Eric (11:28):
Yeah, it's a very flexible phrase.
So like the context reallymatters, but but I think we can
agree that there's there's apositive, like, oh, you're too
much.
There's like a good, there'slike a like an like it's like
complimentary almost, or like aooh, you, and then there's a
bro.

Matt (11:45):
Yeah, one is like a warningslash condemnation, and
one is a uh you are too much forme to handle.
But I feel like that could turnsavage as well.
I feel that could easily bedelivered often by someone who's
saying it sarcastically.
Oh, you you are too much, Eric.

(12:08):
You are too much.
What a fucking idiot.
You know what I mean?

Eric (12:12):
Yeah.
That's it.
The the general theme I senseoverall, though, is it seems to
be a general lack, like, hey,you're letting too much out of
your brain hole right now.
Like you're you're youparadoxically, you're too much
when you don't have enoughfilter on in that moment.

Matt (12:31):
So is it too much of you, of your opinions, of your
thoughts?

Eric (12:37):
I think it's too much almost too much stream of
consciousness, almost.
Like, hey, you're saying allthe things that are popping into
your head right now.
Pop a pop a filter on there.
Pop a filter, but get in there.
Turn one of them filters on.
Yeah, it's lit up too much.
Um, yeah, it it it's it'sthere's too much uh too much

(13:00):
firing off of the hip.
Firing off of the hip.
I feel like in any case, it'salmost like you're firing off of
the hip.

Matt (13:06):
Yeah, I think because it does seem personal, like you're
being too much.
When if I were to say that toyou, hey, just word to the wise,
you're being a little muchright now.
I feel like you're being alittle much right now is you're
sort of saying you aredominating the conversation, or

(13:28):
you are you're you're you'relike a tidal wave coming in on a
small beach and people aredrowning.
Not enough reading the room.

Eric (13:38):
Not enough reading the room.
Yes, not not enough reading thevibe.
It's it's happening in a socialsetting, I feel like, most of
the time.
Like on a one-on-oneconversation, I I rarely, if
ever, am gonna be like, hey, abit much right now.
Um, unless the person is like,you know, I'm having a conver a
one-on-one with someone and theydecide to start like screaming
at me or something.
But but like other than that,like I don't care.

(14:00):
I'm like, go off king, but it'swhen we're in a social state,
it's when you're aware of likethe the impediment to the vibe
that is incurring, yes, and theperson causing that impediment
is not.
Yeah, I think that's what itis, right?

Matt (14:14):
Like you, if if we have a soup, if the vibe is a soup,
vibe vibe is a soup, I'm withyou.
We're soup.
If if the soup is a vibe, youhave added suddenly a nice
little sprinkle of salt, alittle sprinkle of salt.
And the fucking top just cameoff.
You're dumping salt in here,you're being too much.

(14:34):
Too much, too much, too much,back it up because now we have
to recalibrate the vibe,recalibrate the soup, mix the
soup again.

Eric (14:44):
And that is that is exhausting.
That's exhausting.

Matt (14:47):
We're masters of it.

Eric (14:49):
Culinary labor.
It puts the impetus, like it'sa warning, like, hey, help me
help you help us all becauseyou're about to you're you're
about to step over the line.
When I'll bust out the too muchof like, hey, you're too much,
right?
It's like, look, you haven'tdone anything like unforgivable
yet.
Yet, but you are on the road tosin.

(15:11):
And I don't want to have topick up these pieces.
I don't, I don't, I don't, itwill be on me to restore balance
to the vibe, and I really don'twant to do that.
I don't have the spoons.

Matt (15:23):
Yeah, the you know, the road to hell is paved with good
intentions, and you think you'redelivering some interesting
knickknacks, some niceanecdotes.
You're not.
You're not.

Eric (15:35):
Now, Matt, can I ask you a raw fucking question?
A raw question.
Raw.
All right.
Slip the rubber off and similarsound to it.
In a similar vein, you and Iare those people who like in
those situations and the vibehas been tarnished.
No one's like, oh, Matter,Eric, have to repair the
situation.
It's but it's kind of anunspoken like like when you're

(15:59):
when you're the I'm trying tothink of a non-conceited way to
say, like, easily one of themost charismatic people in the
room.
Um, A, it's exhausting.
You're like, oh fuck, I gottamaintain this vibe, gotta keep
it going.
But B, how often do you findyourself in the position when
someone's showing their ass andmultiple people are taking

(16:22):
notice?
How often have you been the onewhere someone's like, hey, can
you go say something to him?
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
I've been in I've been in thatposition.
And it's and A, and that waswhat the point I was getting to
is not only is restoring balanceto the vibe exhausting, it's
exhausting just having to like,oh fuck, I have to say
something.

Matt (16:42):
Because now you are also doing social labor.
Yes.
Because you you have to saysomething, and you are if you've
been asked to, hey, can you godeal with this?
You have been asked to handlean uncomfortable situation.
Yes.
And the person knows that it'suncomfortable because they're
your friend or they're your dateor whatever it might be.

(17:04):
They're your dad.
Who knows?
You, but now you have to goover and you don't want to cause
a fight with this person.
You don't want to make themfeel weird.
Oh no, I'm gonna do it somasterfully, but I don't want
to.
Eric, I'll be honest with you.
I think you are asked to dothis probably more often than I
am.

(17:24):
I think that's true.
Because I I can't think of thelast time somebody did that at
like a gen general party, otherthan if somebody was like, like,
I think when I do it, it'ssomething I volunteer.
Like if somebody was, I don'tknow, upset or like had a freak
out about something, and I couldsee myself being like, you

(17:47):
know, I'll I'll go talk to them.
Yeah, you know, like you wouldbe amazing at it.
Like you would be so good atit.
I'm gonna go smooth this over.
That I've done.
I don't I can't remember thelast time somebody was like,
hey, can you go talk to what'sher name over there and just you
know, smooth this out?
Tell them they're being alittle obnoxious.
Yeah.
No, I don't I can't I can'trecall that.

(18:08):
But you seem to have a numberof examples right up at the top
of your brain there.
So give me one.
They're they're tell me who wasbeing too much and what you did
to correct them.
I the docs your friends.

Eric (18:21):
The the common ones, look, I'm very fortunate to say that
like it doesn't, it hasn'thappened a lot in like recent
years, mostly because thecompany I keep tends to be very
chill.
Like, even though we're a bunchof punks, artists, what have
you, we we we tend to be aroundquality human being.
We don't have that many squeakywheels in the fucking mix.

(18:42):
Could it be the horrible truth?
Are you the squeaky wheel, myfriend?
Oh my god, do am I the boy thatneeds to come get got?

Matt (18:50):
Is the call coming from inside the friend group?

Eric (18:52):
Oh my god.
Uh, I live in perpetual terrorof that.
Uh well, I'm glad to stokethose flames.
Oh, yeah.
Well, no, it was because likebefore I got diagnosed with
ADHD, I was just always that kidwho was was suddenly talking,
like was you'd be in aconversation with a party, and
at some point I I went from justtalking to shouting everything

(19:14):
I'm saying.
Like, like no volume control.
And they'd be like, Hey, Eric,you're being like, I I I have to
You're being too much.
You're being too much.
You gotta, you gotta quiet.
You gotta like, oh, I'm sosorry.
I just got so excited about thething.
And that that turned into anadulthood of constant paranoia
of like, am I talking too loud?
Am I sorry?
Am I too much?
Is it combined with six and ahalf foot person?

(19:35):
Yeah, um, I take up a lot ofspace.
I'm I am I live in perpetualterror of being in anyone's way
ever or in any way aninconvenience.
But that is also what whatcomes to the benefit of like,
hey, you gotta go talk.
I think that that's why I Ilike in in in like college, in
like a little few my mid-20s andstuff.
If there was someone showingtheir ass at a party, they would

(19:58):
they would have me go talk tothem because A, I was gonna be
super nice about it.
I was gonna be like, I wasgonna be really chill about it.
I wasn't gonna meet them wherethey are.
Yeah, I'm gonna meet them wherethey are.
I'm not gonna fucking, I'm notgonna escalate.
And and but it does help that II usually tower over whoever
the fuck it is.
So it makes it a lot easier toagree with the things I'm oh, so

(20:19):
you you like to intimidate theminto silence.
I think that's why I get asked.
Is there like, hey, you can'tdo it?
Oh, you think that's why youget asked.
You're gonna I would scary man.
I would I would get pulled alot for the hey, like, girl
comes over, like, hey, some dudeis like will not stop like
harassing me.
Not not even harassed, but likethis dude is not getting the

(20:41):
message that like no one does.
He keeps trying to make likesmall to like can use.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt (20:45):
And that's what that's what I mean by harassment.
Oh, yes.
Somebody ain't getting thehint.

Eric (20:50):
You know, harassment.
Like, yeah, they're not readingthe room.

Matt (20:54):
So you gotta go over there with your with your karate in
your back pocket.

Eric (21:00):
And that's what that's what I mean like.

Matt (21:01):
Boy out the black belt, get it on.

Eric (21:04):
There's no huge fun stories here because like all
the time it was just me goingover, like it would be me going
over to a dude like, hey man,yo, I fucking love those shoes,
dude.
Like, tell me, like, I would Ibecause usually they were shit
faced, so it's real easy.
It's like jingling keys, like,yo, dog, tell me about your fit,
walk over here with me.
And then just giving ameaningful glance to the person
over show, like, and here's yourhere's your window of

(21:26):
opportunity.
Go to get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here or goabout your life.
You shouldn't have to doanything in this equation.
I'm just gonna go talk and andand and usually it stops there.
I I did I ever tell you I Matt,I did a shift as a bouncer
once.

Matt (21:44):
Eric, forget this question.
Tell me about this immediately.
No, no, you have not told meabout when you did a shift as a
bouncer.
Oh no, I'm obsessed.

Eric (21:55):
You're you're okay.

Matt (21:56):
Strap in, folks.

Eric (21:58):
Let me set the stage.
This is like mid-20 teens.
So this is like this isprobably around like 2010.
20 teens?
What the hell did you just say?
Like 2014, 2015, 20s.

Matt (22:09):
Mid-20 teens.
I thought you were giving me anage, and then you yeah, my 20
teens.

Eric (22:14):
I'm 2016, dog.
It's like, what are you saying?

Matt (22:19):
This makes a lot more sense.
I'm the youngest old man you'llever meet.
Were you 15 or 25?
I don't understand.
Um, 15-year-old Eric Poachbouncing at a club.

Eric (22:29):
I was not a girl, not yet a woman.
Aren't we all?
Aren't we all?
But I was asked, uh, a buddy ofmine would do was a bouncer at
a club in Baltimore.
I may have mentioned this clubbefore.
It was called Orpheus.
It was a goth club inBaltimore.
And Matt, when I say goth club,that is such an all-encompass,

(22:50):
like it was like industrialmusic, goth, rave stuff, but
always kind of defaulted back tolike alternative culture stuff.
So, Matt, one day, mind you,I'm in my I'm in my mid-20s.
My buddy calls me up.
He's like, hey, we need anotherbouncer for this event.
I'm working at Orpheus tonight.
Would you, A, would you like tocome help me?

(23:14):
They'll throw you a few bucks.
You're really just gonna belike this this friend of mine,
by the way, is another fellowgiant.
So he's like, our job isliterally just stand there and
be a deterrent because we'rehuge.
And and it and it's it's itreally is that simple.
It was a small club, like this,this club was basically built
into a townhouse.

Matt (23:34):
I think I I think I know the one that was it was right in
front of Eurydice, right?
Yes, yes.

Eric (23:39):
Thank you, thank you.
It was in in Greek town, notnot Greek town, uh Little Italy.
There we go.
Uh oh, you motherfucker.
I I just got the joke.
There is a restaurant namedEurydice in Baltimore that
fucked me up.
Is there really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
There, it's either like a Greekrestaurant or a strip club.
I can't remember.

Matt (24:00):
I thought, Eric, I gotta be honest, I thought you were
yes-anding so good that I waslike, I don't know if people are
gonna know that was a joke.

Eric (24:09):
Are they gonna realize the the kind of meta humor we're
laying down right now?

Matt (24:13):
Because Eric is so he's just so literate and he's so
with it that like he justyes-and me, and people aren't
gonna keep up.
But like, no, I lost you.

Eric (24:25):
I also lost you.
You lost me, and I and and butthat was such a good joke.

Matt (24:30):
And this is Eric, this is Eric looking back at me and
ruining everything.

Eric (24:37):
Uh, and then my head got chopped off.
So that that happened in themath.
Um, but to say, but yeah, no,you were so smooth with that
that I thought I legitimatelywas like, oh yeah, like that.
I I I think there is a businesscalled Eurydice.
I was like, yeah, yeah.
And but no, the Orpheus is inLittle Italy, so that sounded
like on in like near Greek townand stuff too.

(24:58):
So it sounded on brand.
But all that to say, I'm like,oh yeah, yeah, sure, I can come.
He's like, cool.
Here's the event we're gonna beworking.
It's a made cafe.
Sorry?
There it is.
I was I I I knew.
Sorry, a made cafe?
A made cafe, Matt.
All right.
It's a it's an anime dweebthing.

(25:19):
Because they would like again,they would post all these
alternate events.
There's a thing in Japan,they're called made cafes, where
there are cafes you go to, youget coffee, tea, whatever, but
all of the coffee and tea isserved by you by like waitresses
who are wearing like cute animemade outfits.
Got it.
And and it's like it's like awhole like like people don't go

(25:40):
for the pastries.
They they go they go for thepasties.
They they go for the pasties,they go for the for the for for
the cute waitresses who areserving them whatever this is.
Yes, it's an anime hooters, Igot it.
It's an it's anime hooters.
Um, so he's like, yeah, we'reyou we're gonna be bouncing that
he's like, and obviously he'slike, this is for this is like

(26:01):
uh there was an anime conventiongoing on around the same time.
The the club was hosting thislike tertiary event to the anime
convention.
We're like, we're gonna have amaid cafe and and blah blah
blah.
So he's like, Yeah, so you'regonna have a bunch of like girls
dressed as maids serving umlike tea and stuff to people
upstairs, and they're all animedweebs, so we just want to make

(26:24):
sure that they that they comportthemselves and are like
respectful.
Like, okay, cool.
And I'm happy to say it was areal chill gig.
I just stood at the top of thestairs, they did, they did their
whole their whole thing,everyone was safe.
I think there was one dude wehad to ask to leave, but that
was because he was downstairs atthe bar, shit faced.
And then me and my buddy justbe like, Hey, we're gonna walk

(26:47):
you out.
And he kind of ran his mentalcalculus and said, Yeah, yeah,
you are.
And then we just walked himout.
But the but the cute thing isat the end of the night, we we
worked the shift, and like itwas just like five hours of just
standing in one place with myarms folded, just chilling,
making sure everything's okay,walking over to occasionally.
Uh dress code for the club isblack slacks, black button-up

(27:13):
shirt, red tie.
Classic bouncer look.
Classic bounce.
I I think I might have also hadsuspenders going.
I was going for if I'm gonna bea bouncer, I like to be a
classy bouncer.
Where the I I like to thinkthey're white suspenders.

Matt (27:27):
Ooh, that I'm I'm putting those.
That would be a good loot.
And you had a you had a fedorawith like a white ribbon on, a
black fedora with a whiteribbon.
You uh basically I look likeTuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon.
I was about to say, I I wantyou, I want to picture you as a
Dick Tracy villain.
Uh love it.

Eric (27:45):
Uh but uh but at the end of the night, this was adorable.
Um uh at the end of the night,we we also walked all of like
all the girls who were like thethe the maid waitresses for that
evening.
We all me and my buddy alsotook took shifts, walking them
all to their cars at the end ofthe night and stuff like that.
But but uh before they all leftand packed up their stuff,

(28:06):
they're like, Thank you so much.
Do you want any like of thelittle?
I was like, they showed metheir menu.
Like, do you want a free treatfrom the menu?
I was like, Yeah, I'm fine.
They brought me those littlenoodle, clear noodle dish.
It was like candy noodles in alittle thing, and I had a little
fruit drink.
I was like, this is so nice,thank you.
And they're like, Thank you.
And then that was not it wasthe most lo-fi bouncer

(28:29):
experience I could have everhad.

Matt (28:30):
I think the only way you could have maybe even made it
more lo-fi was when you kickthat one guy out.
You just went up to him andsaid, Hey, brother, you've been
a little too much.
You did you pay too much?
There that that's me bringingit back to the question.
Nice.
I think, but I think that iswhat it is, right?
It is like you are the two youyou have gone too far with

(28:53):
whatever it is.
That guy went too far in hiscups.
Too much, and he became tooloud, he became too whatever he
was doing.
Too much of your inside iscoming outside.
Too much of your inside hasmade its way outside.
Too much, dial it back.
And now we gotta put you down.
Yeah.
Socially.
Socially and headlock.
I think we answered thequestion, Eric.
I think we nailed it.

(29:14):
Too much of your inside comingto the outside, and that leads
me to ask, what makes a grin ashit eating grin?
And that comes from me.
That's an authentic question.

Eric (29:25):
Matt Shea off the dome.
What makes a grin a shit eatinggrin?

Matt (29:29):
I think there's an intent behind it.
I think there's a message thatcomes with the grin that says,
like, sometimes I feel like it'sa fuck you.
And sometimes sometimes it'slike a I gotcha.
I gotcha, and I know I gotcha.

Eric (29:47):
Yes.
There and yeah, there aremultiple layers of meaning in
this.
It's like all contextual,because I've also heard shitting
and grin to describe likesomeone who's just like usually
if they're if they're a littledrunk, a little Little high,
like they're they're they'rejust like happy and stupid at
that moment, and there's likegot a big shit eating grin on
their face.
Like they're just they're justcheesing, as the kids would say.

(30:09):
But a shit eating grin in thecontext that you're describing
is the one I've always liked.
That's been like my this guywas a fucking shit eating grin.

Matt (30:18):
There's like a twinkle in the eye as well that says, like,
something nefarious is going oninside that brain of yours.
Like you're eating well, well,well.
Yeah.
A shit eating grin goesperfectly with well, well, well.
Or like if you told somebodynot to do something and then

(30:40):
they got hurt or something andthey come back and you're like,
how'd that go?
You know, like just that littlelike, you're wrong, I'm right,
and I know it.
And I'm gonna express it withlike a real tight corner of both
my both sides of my mouth, andjust be like, hey, I gotta have
teeth.

Eric (30:58):
Gotta gotta have teeth.
Toothy grin.
And it and it's it meets theyour eye, like you said,
sparkling.
I'm like if I have a shiteating grin on, I like my my
eyes are happy, sparkling.

Matt (31:09):
I think I think the the what really makes the shit
eating grin is the eyes aresaying something else.
Yes.
Your grin is saying one thingand your eyes are saying
something else.
But there is, it's like aSchaden Freudian delight that's
within you.

Eric (31:25):
It lends itself very well to malicious compliance.
Yes.
Like, oh, you told me to dothis.
Hey, did that thing you'regonna do?
Oh, I can't I can't do that.
Why?

Matt (31:35):
Because you told me I couldn't, you know.
Oh, sorry.
Hey, can you do this thing?
Oh no, sorry, I'm already doingthe other thing you asked me.
Oh, sorry.

Eric (31:45):
I am the manager.

Matt (31:47):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It goes perfect with a oh, youwant to speak to the manager?
Let me get him.
Do a 360.
Hello, I'm the manager.
Yeah.
That's a perfect deployment ofbecause I do think I'll say
this.
I think when I want to, I got agood sheet shit eating grip.
Oh yeah.
I think I think I can I canflash you a real malicious shit

(32:12):
eating grip.
And I do at work all the time.

Eric (32:15):
Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I I most of my my meetings atwork are over the the job that
requires me to be in the officeevery day.
Um, all of our meetings are onTeams.
Um God.
But I I I can vocally convey ashit eating grin.
Like, you know, you know what Imean?
Like, like there's a tone youcan take when you're explaining

(32:36):
something to somebody who justtried to make you look bad, and
then you pull the Uno reverse onthem.
Yep.
I can put a shit eating grininto that tone.

Matt (32:44):
It and in the Teams call, in the Zoom call setting, it's
the grin you do when you go, Oh,what about this?
Like you're leaning in to say,what about this?
You say your piece, and thenyour natural response is to lean
back and watch silence.
Yep.
Watch the dominoes fall.
Like that's what it is.

(33:05):
That's what it is.

Eric (33:07):
Now it's a checkmate.
It's a checkmate.
It's a, it's a you can't, it'slike, can't touch this.
I'm ooh, I that's anotherthing.
It's specifically with kids,kids will pop out shit eating
grins when they're when they'redoing something that they know
they can't get in trouble for,but is pissing you off
nonetheless.

Matt (33:26):
Yes, or they'll do something when they s that when
when they call you on some sortof hypocrisy.
Like being like, hey, you can'tyou can't you can't be doing
that.
Don't be yelling at the videogame because you're upset, but
you yell at the football gameall the time, Dad.
It's that, yes, it's that yes,fuck it to it's something that

(33:50):
elicits the response in theunderperson that is fuck you,
God.

Eric (33:55):
Yes.
Uh prime example, going back tokarate daycare.
Oh, yes.
One day I was watching the kidsspar, and when we watched kids
spar, all the kids sit in a bigcircle around like around the
gym and like watch andattentively.
And and then I'm their youknow, their instructor.
I'm circling the fight, the thethe fight, the sparring as it's

(34:17):
happening, and and like justgiving them notes that they're
gonna be able to do.
Not the sensei.
Not the sensei.
No, no, no, no.
We didn't use the term sensei.
It's uh because sensei is aKorean not sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh sensei is a Japanese term.
Uh Taekwondo is a Koreanmartial art.
We just yeah, we uh we wouldjust but that said, in in

(34:38):
American Western martial arts,there's so much
cross-contamination culturallybetween all the martial like it
all bleeds together.
So you'll you'll find taekwondoschools that call people
sensei.
We just went by Sir.
It was it was like I was Mr.
Eric, and uh like they wouldrefer to me as Mr.
Eric or Sir, like when therewas a yes, sir, no sir, blah,

(34:59):
blah, blah.
Well, we've all learned someactual knowledge here today,
haven't we?
But one day I'm I'm watchingthe sparring thing and and and
and I'm giving notes.
I'm like, hey, okay, keep yourhands up.
Remember to breathe.
Don't forget to breathe.
You die if you don't breathe.
Uh, because you'd be surprisedby how well the many people,
when they're in a fight, theirfirst impulse is just hold their
breath the whole time.

(35:19):
Oh, and they wonder why theyfall over.
And then I but I hear a voicedown from around the the space
of my knee, and and I just oneof the kids going, Mr.
Eric, and I'm like, Oh no, I'mwatching.
Mr.
Eric, I'm like, what?
I'm like, what?
And I like you get down, like,what?
What is it?
Everything okay?
And this kid looks me dead inthe eye, he's like 10 or 11

(35:39):
years old, looks me dead in theeye, he says, Tell him to sweep
the leg.
I'm like, what?
And he's like, tell him tosweep the leg.
And I just look at him like,are you quoting the karate kid
at me?
And he looks me dead in the eyewith a shit eating grin and
says, quote, is that a problem?

(36:01):
I'm like, I was like, ooh, andhe knew it was like I couldn't
do anything about it right nowbecause I'd have to watch this.
It was like funny.
I was like, you made me laugh.
You're doing push-ups afterthis.

Matt (36:13):
I was gonna say, clear those other kids out of the way.
Yeah, I'm sparring with younow.
Yeah, you're taking me now.

Eric (36:19):
Come here, Billy.
It was so funny.
God, I could it was one ofthose I couldn't even be mad
because it was funny.
That's why he had a shitty grinon, because he knew he got me.

Matt (36:26):
He's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And like, because he caught youoff guard.
Oh, he caught me off guard.
I thought for a second, whereyou were going with that is he
was gonna be like, Come here,come here, come here.
And you're gonna lean down andhe'd go, remember to breathe.
That's what I thought you weresetting up.

Eric (36:41):
The kid who said it, I he was he was he was one of a pair
of twins, and those boys werefunny as shit, and they knew it
and would pop would 100% besomething they say to me.
They were very, very, veryfunny.
I think that's part of it too.

Matt (36:56):
Like, I think you could the non-malicious shit eating
grin can come out when you Idon't know, you do something and
you fucking nailed it.
Like, if you I don't know, Idon't know, if you're like
belting out a song in like acabaret or whatever, and you
know it was good, and people areclapping, and you're like,

(37:17):
thank you, thank you.
But like you got the lipspulled back that say, Yeah,
you're right, it was fuckinggreat.

Eric (37:25):
When my nephew challenges me to a game of Smash, I'm like,
oh Smash Brother, what game amI holding the controller right?
And and just obliterate him.

Matt (37:36):
Good game.
Oh, um, good game.
If it's no problem, are youinterested in Kirby?
Can I be Kirby?
Oh, can I play?
Oh, he looks fun.
He looks cool.
What's he do?

Eric (37:49):
He looks fun, huh?
Yeah, and then you just destroyhim.
Oh, when I press this button,you're it doesn't hit me.
Oh, that's cool.
I can just keep doing this, andthat's wild.

Matt (38:00):
So if I just hold the shield up, it just it you
deplete your energy.
Oh, interesting.
And I can just suck you andpoop you out the fucking back of
this map.
You never step to me on highrule.
I fucking learned the old magicwhen it was new.
Do not quote the deep smash tome, witch.

(38:22):
Do not Falco punch me, youinterloper.
I know all of Link's moves.

Eric (38:33):
You merely adopted Kirby.
I was born to it.
I was sucked into him.
Molded by it.
I didn't play Ultimate till Iwas a man.

Matt (38:46):
Oh no, I'm falling.
What's this?
I can jump twice.
Oh, who knew?
Flip you off the dock.

Eric (38:53):
Oh, if you press this button, he does a little emote.
That's cool.
I'm gonna be doing that a lot.
That didn't demoralize you, didit?

Matt (39:01):
Oops.
Oops.

Eric (39:02):
I love how hard we're bragging about beating children
so fucking hard.

Matt (39:08):
I'll just stand here.

Eric (39:10):
Oh, you stepped on that mine I dropped.
I forgot all about it.
But now my nephew gets to bustout the shit eating grin because
my nephew is a fucking freak ofnature athlete at everything he
attempts.
He plays all sport.
Uh so we'll be in the backyardat a barbecue playing cornhole,
and he's like, Oh, yeah, here,keep you gotta keep your wrist
straight, Uncle Eric.
Just like dunk it in, and I'mlike giving me the shit eating

(39:32):
grin.

Matt (39:32):
Got him.
And he was like, Yeah, butlet's go play N64 again, you old
hag.

Eric (39:38):
Here, I'll walk you across the porch, grandpa.
Yeah, you bag of dicks.
Pick up them.

Matt (39:43):
And I think it was rude he called you that.

Eric (39:46):
I know.
That's why I'm like, pick upthem sticks.

Matt (39:48):
Pick up them stick?
Are you playing pickup sticks?
What are you doing?

Eric (39:52):
No, that's what you say.
When you when you're about towhoop someone's ass at any video
game, you tell them to pick.
We've talked about this.
Pick up them sticks.
Oh, oh, I see.
Control stick.
Yeah, control stick.
No, I got it.
No, I got it.
But uh yeah, shit eating grins.
Shit eating grins.
Quick quick post note why shiteating?
Yeah.
How did we get to the shiteating?
I think that was actually thequestion.

(40:12):
What makes a grin a shitty?
No, no, we answered thequestion.
No, we answered the actualquestion.
Why shit eating?
It's the smile of someone whocould who is so satisfied with
themselves they could eat shitand ask for seconds.
Do your worst.
They've already won.
That's that in my mind, that'swhat it is.

Matt (40:29):
One, I've just Googled it, and there is an this is from
the fucking AI overview,goddammit.
But it does say etymology, itit might come as a contraction
of the phrase, and you tell meif you've heard this, Eric,
grinning like a possum eatingshit.

Eric (40:50):
Huh.

Matt (40:50):
Never in all my days.
Have I been all my days, all myyears.
Yeah.
The phrase eat shit itself, avulgar insult, likely became
associated with a type of smileshowing humiliation or disgrace,
with the insult then evolvingto describe a sly or smug
expression.
I think in a way, the eat shit,maybe that's it.

(41:13):
Maybe that is it, in the sensethat if I'm giving you a shit
eating grin, it is causing youto look at me feeling like you
want to tell me to go eat shit.

Eric (41:25):
I get I get down with that.
Yeah.
Eat shit, motherfucker.

Matt (41:29):
Let's see what let's see what Urban Dictionary has to say
about it.
Someone's gonna be eating shit.
And it's not me, and thereain't no possum here.
Uh the number one definition onum Urban Dictionary is noun, a
shit-eating grin is a very wideand to the outside observer,
stupid looking grin, usuallyshowing smugness,
self-satisfaction, or innerhumor.

(41:51):
The term is most often seen inthe expression wipe that shit
eating grin off your face,usually said by the
aforementioned outside observer.
This observer-based definitionmakes shit eating grin the
negative counterpart to you looklike the cat who ate the
canary.
What?
Are two options eat canaries oreat shit.

(42:13):
While the two expressionsdescribe the same grin, they
have different connotations.
The definition has nothing todo with the term shit eater.
Okay?
Okay.
Well, I think we'll never know.
Who can say?
I mean, I think it's buried,but I do think it is some
somehow related to the likeshit, like go eat shit

(42:34):
expression.
Like, if I'm interpreting whatyou're saying as a shit eating
grin, it's because I want you togo eat shit.

Eric (42:40):
Yes.

Matt (42:41):
With that dumb fucking grin of yours.

Eric (42:43):
That's why I'm so happy, because you're gonna be eating
poopy and I'm not.

Matt (42:47):
There you go.
I think we covered it from allangles, and I think we did a
grand old job.
Bury it.
Now, Eric, we have some thingsto circle back to.
We have some things to address.
Okay.
And I'm afraid you were at thecenter of both of them.
Great.
Now you had the option tolisten to these voicemails, but

(43:12):
I know you didn't.
No.
So I'm just gonna play them foryou cold.
Come in raw.
A while back, you asked peopleto phone in when they first
heard the term glizzy.
Tight.
And the only person to take usup on that was, of course, Zachy
D.
Zachy D, the gliz boy for me.

Zack Deuce (43:33):
Oh, hey.
Uh Zach from the kneecap.
And um, you guys are just someglizzies.
And I was prompted.
My poach.
I got a poach from the when Ifirst learned about glizzy.
Being up in New England, I'm atleast three decades behind

(43:53):
everybody.
Um I don't know what the fuckis.
I learned about it from you, Iguess.
I don't understand why it'scalled Glizzy, but you guys
reference it for you.
I don't understand it.
Anyway, that's that's you.

(44:19):
You guys educated me about it.
I feel cultured.
I have been cultured, but I'mcultured.
Thank you.
Thank you for my poach prompt.
Alright, continue, continue onwith your episode.
Bye-bye.

Eric (44:34):
Hashtag Poach Prompt.
Hashtag Poach Prompt, hashtagglizzygate2k25, hashtag glizzy
or izany.
I it is a privilege to be onthe cutting edge of culture.

Matt (44:49):
It seems but I think Zach has proved that, that you are
ahead of the curve, but yet youmock I'm in the trenches.
You choose to mock me for notknowing the term glizzy a year
and a half ago or whenever itwas.
Well, Matt, we don't live inNew England.

Eric (45:03):
You have no excuse.
Oh, Eric.
That was that was Zach'sexcuse.
He lives in New England.
New England.
Named after one of the oldestplaces ever, as far as I can
reckon.

Matt (45:16):
But but implying a new and hip version of it.
New and hip.
It's a new oldness.
It's a new oldness.
It's like a it's like a a retrofit that's brand new.
It's tomorrow's future,yesterday.
It's the ripped genes ofstates.

Eric (45:34):
It's the jinko state.

Matt (45:38):
Yes.

Eric (45:39):
They are jingo politics.
They have jinko politics.
Oh, Eric.
Got 'em.
Got 'em.
Jinko and New England.

Matt (45:45):
Got 'em.

Eric (45:46):
Got 'em.
Uh, yeah.
And no, it may, it makes senseto me that, especially in New
England, that they they probablydon't conglesize.
It's a very, it's a, it's amore West Coast thing.
It's a term that originated, Ibelieve, don't at me.
I believe it originated inChicago in reference to their
hot dog.
It just refers to a hot dog.
Yeah, it's just a regular hotdog.

(46:07):
I'll say it, I'll say what Isaid back then when I was in
Chicago for Riot Fest.
We were walking back to ourAirbnb.
There was a little mob of oflike 11-year-olds in front of
us, and their leader said, Yo,let's go get some glizzies, and
they're all like, Yeah.
That's how I know I live on theedge of the culture.
Oh, that's how you do it.
My fingers eternally pressed tothe pulse.

Matt (46:28):
You are pressed to the pulse.
And I like this term that Zachhas has thrown out of uh Poach
Prompt, because there wasanother one recently that I
don't know if you remember, butPoach, you did prompt our
listeners for anothersubmission, and once again, the
only taker was Zach Deuce.

(46:48):
So here's Zach Deuce again.

Zack Deuce (46:51):
Oh, hello, uh Matthew and Eric from uh and all
the other things that areimportant right now.
Eric D the one for me.
Uh yeah, for me.
That is my dry color routine.

(47:13):
Give me my dry color routine orthat would hopefully explain a
lot.
Maybe it won't.
Maybe I'll just fill the crowdin mystery.
But Eric P, you're the one forme, and I rely on your infinite

(47:37):
wisdom.
Okay, bye-bye.

Matt (47:39):
Yes, that's right, Eric.
You told people they could callinto the thought line and you
would read their noodle scope tothem.

Eric (47:48):
Yes.

Matt (47:49):
And Zach Deuce has has obliged.
He's answered the poach promptnot once, but twice, and try
colored routine, Eric.
What is the horoscope?

Eric (48:01):
Uh, first, I'd I'd like to welcome everyone to the new
segment, Beyond the Nudes.
Beyond the nudes.
And you can hit it, hit it witha bum.

Matt (48:09):
Almost like a that's all I know.

Eric (48:20):
That's a shit eating grin.

Matt (48:21):
That's all I had up on the on the old uh the old uh uh
soundboard there.

Eric (48:26):
So so Zach, my child, um sweet baby boy.
Come come in come into my comeinto my wagon uh and I will read
your come to my wagon.
Uh the tri-colored rotini, asyou, as you pointed out, it is a
it is a sign that calls to thesense of wonder within us.

(48:50):
It starts it starts aschildren.
We're drawn, we're it's thepasta we are we find ourselves
all drawn to.
We ask Mama, Papa, why?
Why?
It's the it's theinquisitiveness of a child
asking why is this rotinidifferent color from that
rotini?
And why doesn't the spaghettihave these colors?
It's a sign of inquisitiveness.

(49:13):
It is also a sign because Iwant you to remember it's a sign
of openness to new experience.
It's a sign of letting othersin because the tri-colored
rotini, as we all know, is thepasta of grandma's pasta salad.
It is the pasta salad pasta.

(49:35):
So it's about a journey ofbringing others to you, like
olives, feta, a dressing of somekind, maybe red onion.
Where unlike other pastas, youare not in and of yourself the
dish.
You are part of an amalgam.
You are you are yet you aresomehow the base.

(49:55):
You are the stick by which theother ingredients are measured.
So this is about opening up,letting others in and uplifting
each other.
A rising, a rising tide liftsall routinis.
Um, so as you move forward intoas 2025 begins to come to a
close, 2026 is going to be aboutlooking forward, but also

(50:21):
looking back in that sense ofnostalgia for the tricolor
routine, refining that childhoodwonder and inquisitiveness and
opening yourselves up tograndma's pantry and letting
letting that Whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.
You do not need to be openingup grandma's pantry.
You open up grandma's pantry,you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,

(50:42):
you gotta go back to yourroots.
You gotta go back to the tothis is what's very vulgar what
you're saying.
This is what we would eat on onSundays after church when when
when Yaya would make us pastasalad.
You don't have a ya ya, nor doyou go to church.
No, but we all like children ofthe eye of the routine, we do

(51:03):
have the celestial that was thatwas a Jawa.

Matt (51:07):
That was my impression of a gjawa.

Eric (51:10):
Uh also I see jawas in your future.
I see a sand crawler.
Eric, what what uh honestly, anincredible bullshit job you
just did.
And the eye is closed.
Okay.
Sorry, where did I go?
I don't know.
You disappeared.
Oh, sorry, I just it it when itwhen it comes on me.

Matt (51:28):
You disappeared like a like a spaghetti sinking into
Marinera.
I was spiraling, some mightsay.
Some might say you werespiraling.

Eric (51:37):
God, he is in the fucking drift, folks.
Oh, sorry, sorry, residualvibes.
I'm I'm I'm back.

Matt (51:43):
So if you if you I assume the offers are still open.
Uh oh yeah, send them all myway.
This has been beyond the nudes.
This has been beyond the nudes.
Uh, we'll need a couple to doanother beyond the nudes.
We can't just rely on ZachDeuce.
So send them in, 410-929-5329.
That's the number for thethought line.
Send in your nudes.

(52:04):
Nope.
Send them in, folks.
Nope.
Nope.
Caught them if you got them.
I caught it too late.
Don't send them slurp them ifyou got them.
It's just a voicemail box.
You can't send them to us, butyou could call the thought line
and describe your naked visagevisage.
That would be acceptable.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We won't play it on the show.

Eric (52:24):
No, but we'll we'll just be like, hell yeah.

Matt (52:27):
We'll listen to it.
We'll take it in.
We'll draw it like Jack Dawson.

Eric (52:33):
Well, we'll paint you like one of our French girls.
We'll paint you like one of ourFrench girls.
One of our French girls hadlike uh like an astigmatism.

Matt (52:41):
Absolutely.
Now we do have a circle backfollow-up.
This one is ancient.
It it's from the deep, the deepweb.
Oh I pulled it out with I hadto go into the archives with a
with a lantern and take it outof the catacombs, the question
cooms.
Nice.
And it comes from at SarahFeldman on Instagram who asks if

(53:02):
there were scouts for adults,what would be the patches?

Eric (53:08):
That risk.

Matt (53:09):
Yeah, we we of course have spent a good grand old amount
of time talking about various uhuh things related to the Boy
Scouts and uh you know my EagleScoutum.

Eric (53:24):
There it is.

Matt (53:25):
But the Patches for adults.

Eric (53:28):
That's where we're at.
That's what we're trying tosolve for.

Matt (53:32):
Oh man, in this day and age, I would say uh do you think
they're for like adult tasks oradult op because like that's
not all merit badges.
Merit badges are not just likekids stuff, no, but it is stuff
like emergency preparedness,basketry, the essentials.

Eric (53:52):
I so I think whereas Boy Scout or as scout patches are
for demonstr gen notexclusively, but often for
demonstrating a level ofcompetence at preparedness.
At a new skill.
At a new skill, I think theadult badges should be surviving
adulthood.

(54:12):
Like you like like like uh likeyou you get a you you get a uh
a uh are they just adult based?

Matt (54:21):
Like yeah, as opposed to like uh archery or you know
citizenship in the community,both of which real merit
patches, it might be somethinglike uh car rental badge, rented
my first car.

Eric (54:38):
Tax paying, got the deposit back badge.

Matt (54:42):
Got the deposit back badge.
Uh it could be something likeum air filtration expert, which
means you learned how to changean air filter.
Built a deck, that's a badge.

Eric (54:56):
Built a deck, that is very advanced.
That is is is it it is it isone of those things where all
the skills involved arerelatively simple, but it is
involved.
It is in it obviously, it'svery involved.
People make a whole bitch.
If you get your medical card,if you get your medical weed
card, that's a merit badge.

Matt (55:14):
Medical card it becomes uh an instant merit badge.
Yes.
That you because you had toearn that.
You did.

Eric (55:21):
Yeah.

Matt (55:21):
You go through the in a way, a driver's license is like
an adult merit badge.

Eric (55:26):
It's your first merit badge.
Yeah, it's your first meritbadge.

Matt (55:29):
Yeah, yeah.
Getting married is is an is abadge.

Eric (55:33):
If you get married like all badges, it's optional.
You have a joint filing badge,but it's like one, it's like a
best friend's patch, but likeyou each have one half of the
joint filing patch.

Matt (55:44):
Absolutely, yes.

Eric (55:45):
The perhaps lawn mowing.
Lawn mowing, uh I I I I wouldput lawn mowing, I would put uh
harvesting badge for yourgarden.
World War II interest badge.

Matt (55:59):
Oh man.
When that phase hits you, thatwhen that comes over you, as it
does, as it will for allmiddle-aged male identifying
humans.
Prostate check badge.

Eric (56:10):
Prostate check badge.
That'll be us soon.

Matt (56:13):
I had a doctor basically be Oh, yeah, all up in your
guts.
I had a doctor ask me not allthat long ago, if I wanted him
to check my prostate.
And he was like, I don't thinkanything's wrong with it, but I
can knock it out if you want tocheck the box.
And I was like, Well, if youdon't think anything's wrong
with me, keep your fingers toyourself, is basically what I

(56:36):
said to the mayor.
Keep keep that lube drawerclosed.

Eric (56:45):
God, keep it to yourself, keep it to your key, hold on.
I think there should be bad,there should be merit badges for
emotional labor type stuff.
Like uh still friends with myex badge.

Matt (56:59):
Oh, yeah.

Eric (57:01):
On friendly terms with my ex-badge.

Matt (57:02):
Friendly terms with the amical, amicable badge.
Amicable breakup badge.
Amicable breakup badge.
God finished the novel you werewriting.
Don't have to publish it.
Just have to be a badge.

Eric (57:16):
Teeth cleaning badge.
Teeth cleaning badge, Eric?
Like going to the dentistregularly.
It's hard for some folks, Matt.
I guess it is hard for somefolks.
It's hard for some folks.

Matt (57:26):
It's hard for some folks.
I was gonna say, are you one ofthose folks?
I'm one of those folks.
You're not going every sixmonths?
No.
Eric, you gotta be going everysix months.
I know, bro.
Those teeth, you're 35, thoseteeth are about to fall out.
I take good care of my teeth.
I just haven't been to adentist.

Eric (57:39):
Oh, yeah.
How often you flossing?
Every single goddamn day.
Really?
Yeah.
That's very impressive, Eric.
Oh, yeah.
I've it I can't remember how,but like, this is like seven or
eight years ago.
I was just like, I floss now.
And then I just made myself doit long enough, and then it just
became second nature.

Matt (57:55):
I got I was really in the habit of doing it like every
other day, and then I got thislike nasty cut on my finger, and
I couldn't like hold the, youknow, like I couldn't really do
it.
So I was like, I'll take a fewdays off, and I haven't gotten
back into the the rhythm.
But Lindsay and I just upgradedour toothbrush game to the to
the Sonicares.
Nice, they mean and let me tellyou, they mean business.

(58:17):
Yeah, it's like a fucking carwash in that mouth now.
Oh, yeah.
It's nice, but it's intense.

Eric (58:23):
Sounds like it.

Matt (58:24):
It is a little intense, but it does leave you with the
like, I do feel like my teethare dentist clean.

Eric (58:30):
Okay.

Matt (58:31):
Yeah.
I want a mosh pit badge.
Of course you do.
I want a mosh pit badge.
Of course you do.

Eric (58:37):
I want uh for for for my psychonauts who listen to this
show.
Um, I I think there's a wholeother category of merit badges
are stuff you've accomplishedwhile on psychedelics.
Talk to my parents on the phonefor 20 minutes badge.
Oh, that's just a whole otherseries of badges, though.

Matt (59:00):
Yeah, those aren't adult badges, those are psychedelic
badges.
Those are feats you'veaccomplished in a certain
mindset, in a certain plane ofexistence.
Yes.
Yeah.
So there you go, Sarah.
There's some options for you asan adult.
Have some badge for you toearn.
Now, this next question uh camefrom the Discord from Aaron.

(59:20):
Circle back follow-up to sicksemperfiles.
What does sick semperphilanismean?
Eric, you want to tackle thisone?

Eric (59:30):
Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and say I can't remember
the context, but I'm gonnaguess.
Why don't you guess thecontext?
Had to do with Rexum.
Were we referring to Phil, thethe the manager of Rexamea Phil?
Phil Parkinson.
Yeah.

Matt (59:45):
No, it had to do with Puxitanny Phil, Eric.
Oh, yeah.

Eric (59:56):
The guy probably yells sick semper Phil Ranis.

Matt (01:00:00):
Phil Ranis or some shit like that.
Thank you very much.
So what does it mean?
What we I what he's saying, Ithink, is we said the phrase
sixemper Phil Ranis.

Eric (01:00:12):
Yeah.

Matt (01:00:13):
And did not actually uh describe what that phrase means.
Thus always to Phil.
Thus always to Phil.

Eric (01:00:23):
I think is Thus always to Phil and Phil, and it'll just
show it it's the flag, SixSemper Phil Ranis, thus always
to Phil, and shows Phil pokinghis little head out of his hole
and absolutely fucking thriving.
Because Six Semper Tyrannis iswhat we were parodying, Eric.
Thus always to tyrance, whichwas famously shouted by John
Wilkes Booth after he shotLincoln and leapt to the stage

(01:00:45):
and broke his ankle.

Matt (01:00:46):
Well, perhaps even more famously uh shouted by Brutus
after killing uh Game Caesar,which was in fact what John
Wilkes Booth was uh referencingbecause he's a tryhard.

Eric (01:00:58):
Yeah.
Ours is a nice one.
Ours is a nice one.
We want the best for Phil.
Thus always to Phil, not beingassassinated.

Matt (01:01:06):
Yeah, well, I obviously didn't want it.
I think in the episode, I wouldI I in the usage of six semper
tyra Phil Rannis, I think it wassaid as if this is what the
assassin would yell afterkilling John uh killing Puxa
Tawani Phil.

Eric (01:01:26):
Because someone's swinging for puck puxtawny Phil.
They're a John Wilkes booth inthat they're a tryhard, they're
they're over dramatic, they'rethey're they're a little little
little weepy cry piss baby.

Matt (01:01:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
Don't come on to and it listen,if you're gonna come for
Pennsylvania's favorite son andkill a living legend, uh, an
ancient being who has neverdied.
No, no, just deathless,deathless groundhog with a

(01:01:58):
frankly a thankless task.
Yeah.

Eric (01:02:01):
And this is coming from Pennsylvania's second favorite
son.
So, like That's right.
He's coming correct.

Matt (01:02:07):
That I'm not even talking about uh Gus, Pennsylvania's
second most famous groundhog.

Eric (01:02:13):
No.

Matt (01:02:14):
Uh and spokesman of the Pennsylvania lottery.
That's just for you, Eric,because I I don't know if you're
aware of the marketingcampaigns that have been going
on for decades now with Gus, thesecond most famous groundhog in
Pennsylvania, uh, talking aboutthe Pennsylvania lottery.

Eric (01:02:32):
And is the whole bit that he's the second most famous?

Matt (01:02:34):
Yeah, and he'll be like, here's the scratch off.
Who are you?
I'm Gus, the second most famousgroundhog in Pennsylvania.

Eric (01:02:40):
It's such a good bit.
It's such a bummer, it's forgambling, but hell yeah, that's
a good bit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's clever marketing.

Matt (01:02:47):
It is clever marketing.
And they they put him away fora while, they put him on the
shelf, and only in the last likethree, four years they brought
Phil back.
Pennsylvanians rejoiced.
We rejoiced.
The savior returned.

Eric (01:02:59):
But yeah, that's where we're at with it.
We want the best for Phil.
We're not saying thus, thusalways to Phil and stabbing
Phil.
No, we're saying thus always toPhil.
Phil is thriving.
Phil is Phil is radiant, and inthe background of this flag,
there's like a would-be assassinjust getting tackled to the
ground and peppered and peppersprayed by by Phil's bodyguards.

(01:03:20):
Yeah, absolutely.

Matt (01:03:22):
Absolutely.

Eric (01:03:23):
The members Phil should have a Secret Service detail if
you don't have already the innercircle.

Matt (01:03:27):
Okay, good.
Eric, I am very concerned thatyou are not up on the lore of
Puccani Phil as much as I needyou to be.
Well, because I know he's andone day we're gonna do a daft
and afraid of going to seePuxitani Phil.
Oh, hell yeah.
And what is the location, Eric?
Puxitani Phil lives where?

Eric (01:03:45):
Damn, I thought it was gonna be Puxitani, Pennsylvania.

Matt (01:03:48):
Well, it is Puxitani, Pennsylvania, but specifically
in Lancaster?
Gobbler's Knob, Eric.
It's Gobbler's Knob.
My goodness.
Sorry, it was on the tip of myknob.
Now gobble that.
Yes, it's Gobbler's Knob, I'mafraid.
Gobbler's Knob.

Eric (01:04:06):
It is the home of Puckstoniphil.
Once again, establishingPennsylvania has the coolest
town names.
Although, although, really, ifwe're if we're it's not a town,
Eric.

Matt (01:04:15):
It's where it is where he lives.
His little hillock.
It's his little hole.
Yeah.
Except it except he doesn'treally live there most of the
year.
He goes there the night ofGroundhog's Day.
But the rest of the time helives in the like the inner
circle museum or wherever helives.

Eric (01:04:32):
He lives in the lap of luxury.

Matt (01:04:34):
He does live in the lap of As he should.
Yes.
And then he then he gets placedthere the night of his terrible
burden.

Eric (01:04:42):
Of his grim work.
Of his grim purpose.
Why do they come to me?
Year after year I have to cometo face my oldest foe.

Matt (01:04:54):
My shadow.

Eric (01:04:56):
It is not me they should be seeing.
They should see what liesbeneath.

Matt (01:05:01):
Yes, that and not many people know that that's what
Phil sounds like.
And what when Phil comes outand he looks around and those
stage lights hit him, making itimpossible for him to see
anything other than his shadow.
And he looks down and says,You, you back again.

Eric (01:05:17):
And because of all the angles of the lights, there's
like ten shadows around him.
So many of them said on allsides.

Matt (01:05:23):
Six weeks more.
And then they say, He's spoken.
He has spoken.
And she like passes out, andthey have to like cart like rest
now, Phil.
Rest now.
Rest now.
Sweet prince.
Yeah, so that's uh that's wherewe're at.
That's where six semperphilanisevery thus always to that.
Thus always to to Phil, andthus always to this episode.

(01:05:47):
Yeah.
Because I do think that'llabout do it for yet another hit
edition.

Eric (01:05:52):
Matt?

Matt (01:05:53):
Eric.
Continue.
I cut you off.
I'm so sorry.
If you didn't ask for this.
Matt! Yeah, Eric.
Give him the business.
I'd love to.
We would need some questionsfrom you.
We would need.
I said.
And we do.
We would and we do.
We need those questions.
Submit them to us at you didn'task for this at gmail.com.

(01:06:15):
That's all spelled out.
Or you can send it to us on thevarious social media platforms
at you didn't ask pod.
That's the letter you didn'task pod.
I'd start with Instagram,personally.
Or you can submit thosequestions to us directly through
the Discord.
And you can join the Discordover at patreon.com slash you

(01:06:35):
didn't ask for this.
One dollar a month gets you inthe Discord.
Four dollars a month gets youaccess to All Tangents.
There he is.
It's our monthly bonus episodewhere we tell personal stories,
we answer more in-depthquestions, we do all kinds of
fun shit.
We get weird that we simplycan't handle on the main

(01:06:58):
flagship production.

Eric (01:07:00):
Doesn't it feel really important when we put it like
that?

Matt (01:07:05):
I said flagship.
Oh my god.
And it gets you a 20% discounton all your daft merchandise
over you didn't ask for this dotcom slash shop.
New website is still comingsoon.
I'm working on it.
I've been very busy.

Eric (01:07:19):
We're gonna feed it.

Matt (01:07:21):
I've been busy, folks.
I've had other stuff.
Leave him alone.
My shower collapsed.
Back off of him.
Back off of me.
I still haven't killed themouse.
He had wood in the wet place.
The wet place was on the wood.
Too much.
My wood was wet.
His wood was wet.
My wood was wet, and I'm sorry,I am being a little much.

(01:07:44):
A little too much.
So for all of us here, youdidn't ask for this.
My name is Matt Shea.
My name is Eric Poach.

Eric (01:07:53):
And listen, you didn't ask.
What do they so you know howyou know how like there are
files in government they're likeprotocols that get activated in
the event of certain things?
Like if like the United Statesgovernment has files like here's
here's what we do in the eventof a zombie invasion.
Yeah, yeah.
Are there files like that forPhil?

(01:08:16):
Like, do they have like becauseI was just thinking, what
happens if Phil just of ripe oldage and and never ending blitz?
Don't you say it.
But what if there are Ericspeaking?
Are there cont are there Philtingencies?
What would it even be, Eric?
Oh man, you know they have likea puppet at the ready.
Like they do a quick weekend atBernie's a little a little a

(01:08:39):
little bit.

Matt (01:08:40):
For you to even suggest that they would have a puppet,
that it would be possible forPhil to die.
I I am in disbelief of you.
That's what we're gonna thatthe the credit music's about to
play, and I want you to answerme this.
You happy with that?

(01:09:01):
That's all right.

Eric (01:09:04):
Like a groundhog.

Matt (01:09:10):
I I like that we were both staring each other down to see
who would break the silencefirst.

Eric (01:09:32):
Do not quote the deep smash to me, witch.

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128 | Glizzy or Isn't He?

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}128 | Glizzy or Isn't He?