December 4, 2025 • 64 mins
After a best-of break, we're back with these bangers:
How does one become "a regular" somewhere?
If you could replace all pigeons with one other animal that serves the same “city animal” role, what would it be and why?
Then, Matt introduces a spin-off of "Pop Quiz."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Eric (00:00):
Matt, we're in that time.
Halloween is done.
Done.
So out of here.
And once you know what theysay, once the Halloween
decorations come down, theystart throwing up other
decorations for another thing.
Matt (00:15):
Sure do.
Eric (00:15):
The thing we all know and love, that time of the year, it
encroaches more and more intoour autumn.
Oh, yeah.
Every gosh damn year.
Holly and Jolly, baby.
I'm speaking, of course, ofCreedmus.
Matt (00:30):
Oh, yes, of course.
Eric (00:32):
Creedmus.
Matthew at Maryland Live, 6:30p.m.
on December 29th.
Join us inside the hall as 98Rock presents Creed.
Creedmus.
With a holiday season justaround the corner,
multi-platform Grammy andAmerican Music Award-winning
(00:53):
rock band Creed is bringingCreedmas to Live Casino in Hotel
Maryland on December 29th.
The reason for the season,baby.
With arms wide open, we welcomeCreedmus.
Matt, can we go?
Can we can we go?
I'm looking at tickets rightnow.
Oh yeah.
(01:13):
Let's see.
I I have not opened this linkuntil today.
Okay, let's see.
Oh, thank God they still havetickets.
Oh, thank God.
Gotta verify.
Just a moment while we verifyyou're a real fan, it tells me.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Got to.
It's gonna, is it a lyric quiz?
Is it a sporkle lyric quiz?
Can you take me blank?
Let's see.
(01:33):
Important information.
I saw starting at $365.
Matt (01:39):
365.
Now that is a dollars.
Eric (01:43):
That is for the VIP event for Creed Miss.
Oh, it's a 21 plus event.
Let's see.
What's uh let's see, CreedCreed stay with us.
Show and slumber package?
Slumber package.
It says Creed, Creed Miss, staywith us.
Show and slumber package.
Stay with us.
Is it a lock-in?
Matt (02:03):
I let's find out.
I want to know.
Is there a is there gonna bebowling afterwards?
VIP details.
Eric (02:10):
I'm clicking VIP details and it's not giving me any
information.
Wow.
Oh, we get a suite levelexperience for Creedmus.
Matt (02:19):
What's in the what's involved with the sweet level
experience, Eric?
Eric (02:22):
Let's let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's
see, let's see.
Matt (02:25):
Remarkable preparation you've done for this cold open,
by the way.
Eric (02:28):
Yeah, man.
Oh, I wanted to be in it.
Oh, yeah.
Exclusive.
Okay, sweet level experienceincludes, and this is for
Creedmas.
Exclusive access to the sweetlevel bar and lounge area.
Two countem two drink coupons,complimentary snack station
while supplies last, housemadepotato chips, spinach and
(02:52):
artichoke dip, pita chips withranch dip and red pepper hummus,
domestic cheese platter withwater crackers, fresh vegetable
platter, sliced fresh fruitplatter.
So they're they're going to buysome Kirkland.
Matt (03:06):
Watercrackers sure sounds like communion wafers to me.
With arms wide open, the bodyof Christ.
Eric (03:16):
So uh I think I looks like normal tickets start at around
101.
Oh, okay.
I just I'm just out of I'm I'mjust out of morbid curiosity,
Matthew.
Yeah, sure.
Matt (03:29):
If only I was free that did you say what day it was?
December?
I've got plans, unfortunately.
Yeah, they're they're the bodyand blood of Creed.
I'm all booked up on whateverday it was.
Eric (03:40):
But what will the set list be?
Will it just be a creed show orwill they do holiday songs?
Matt (03:46):
They're gonna they'll mix it up.
They're gonna do creed songs,but then every third one's gotta
be like a Christmas carol, aChristmas creedle, if you will.
By the way, Eric, real quick,can you just tell me what the I
wouldn't expect you tonecessarily know, but can you
(04:07):
give me their top five onSpotify off the top of your
head?
Uh phones down, please.
Okay, phones down.
Eric (04:11):
I'm gonna say uh with arms wide open, higher, and then I'm
just gonna I that's the onlytwo song names I know, so I'm
gonna say things that I thinkthe Creed songs.
I I'm guessing one is In theRain.
Matt (04:27):
I don't know what that song is, but maybe.
Eric (04:30):
Um I'm gonna guess The Oath.
Matt (04:34):
No.
I'm gonna guess But again, II'm not pretending like I know
Creed's body of work well enoughto guess the titles.
I'm gonna save you.
I'm gonna save you.
Number five is my own prison.
Number four is without wisewhite with arms wide open.
Number three is my sacrifice.
Uh number two is hire, andnumber one is down one last
(04:58):
breath.
One last breath.
Eric (05:00):
Damn, I'm honestly shocked that hire didn't take it.
Matt (05:03):
Yeah, it couldn't get higher, if you will.
Yeah, there it is.
Creed miss.
Eric (05:10):
There it is, folks.
Reason for the season.
Matt (05:12):
We wish you Americans.
We wish you Americans.
We wish you Americans with aJesus in your me.
Eric (05:25):
Kissing clos.
Matt (05:48):
Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask
for This.
It is, yeah, the podcast thatanswers life's least pressing
questions.
You're in the right spot.
You didn't.
My name's Matthew Shea.
Eric (05:59):
My name's Eric Poach.
You're gonna be okay.
Who is?
That them?
No.
Them.
Capital T them.
Them.
You're gonna be okay.
Sometimes I feel like peoplehear that enough.
Matt (06:10):
We refer to as our listeners.
Yeah.
Eric (06:12):
Sometimes I feel like people don't hear that enough.
Matt (06:14):
You're gonna be okay.
Tell you what, I needed to hearthat from you.
Anytime, babe.
I needed to hear that lie.
I think I think we all need tohear it right now.
Eric (06:23):
I mean, uh truly.
But you don't look particularlyhanging by a thread.
Matt (06:28):
Eric, you have no idea.
You have no idea.
Um, but more on that later.
But of course, of course, wewere off last week because both
of us were sick as dogs.
I was sick and then Eric wassick, and then we we hadn't even
seen each other.
So you can't accuse me ofgiving Eric the illness.
No, we're just synced up.
No, and then for the worst partof it, it was just hanging on
(06:51):
because I felt okay, but Isounded like absolute dog shit
because it's all just drainingdown my throat like a sewage
system.
Yeah, so it was rough.
But uh enjoy that little tripback to uh over two years ago
for some of those clips, whichis insane.
So enjoy that.
(07:13):
Um, and yeah, good j good work,Eric, putting that one
together, as I said in the introfor that episode that I
actually have not recorded yetwhile we're recording this.
But that all being said, we areback.
The people want us to answersome questions, clamoring, some
fresh questions.
And then, Eric, I have a newclosing segment for you that is
(07:37):
I'm gonna I'm gonna say it's aspin-off of a pop quiz.
Okay, and that's all I've givenEric.
Okay.
That is all Eric knows.
I texted him and said I've gota spin-off of pop quiz, and
that's all he gets to know.
Is my interest me in highschool?
Because it's peaked.
Oh, Eric, you didn't peak inhigh school.
Nah, I'm still peaking,brother.
(07:58):
No, you peaked in college.
Oh, just like me.
All right, so so uh remains tobe seen if that's a joke or not.
Uh, Eric, shall we have somequestions?
Eric (08:13):
Matt, let's get right the fuck into it.
Our first question, which comesfrom the ether.
Yeah.
How does one become a regularsomewhere?
Matt (08:23):
Now, Eric, this this is one that I added to the list.
The reason being, I'm nottalking about just like somebody
at a coffee shop vaguelyrecognizes you because, oh, that
guy comes in every day.
I'm talking when somebody says,Oh, I'm a regular here, my
brain says norm in cheers.
Eric (08:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Matt (08:45):
Everyone knows your name.
Uh, that's what I want.
I want to be able to walk inafternoon, everybody.
That's what I want to hear.
Eric (08:53):
Yeah, this isn't a question of quantity.
It's a question, it's not howoften you any any asshole can go
sit in the corner of Starbuckswith a laptop open long enough
for them to know your order.
I want to know capital Rregular.
Matt (09:09):
It's a question of quality, is what I think you
were setting up, but neveractually said.
Eric (09:13):
I because I knew you, I I knew if I T.
I'm right there to pick up thepiece.
Knock it right out.
Oh, yeah, that.
Um, yeah, so for me, it'sbenchmarks of stuff you can get
away with in that establishment.
Speak more on that.
So one, will they let you gobehind the counter and it's not
weird?
Oh, hello.
(09:34):
Like they're like, they're ifsomeone if like they're doing
your order and they need to getlike they're like, oh, just can
you grab a core a lid frombehind the counter?
Oh, you're not even you're noteven you're helping now.
Or you know, in an example,like they feel comfortable
because there is a there is adivide, there is a sacred wall
between the front of the counterand the back of the counter.
(09:55):
It's very downabby.
You can't we can't really begoing upstairs and downstairs
there.
But when when they invoke, whenwhen if you if you can come
sit, or like your chat, a that'sanother thing, you're chatting
with your homies who work there,and you can come behind the
counter for a chat, or if theywant to show you something, yo,
come check this out, follow me,and go behind the counter.
That's one big thing they canlet you get away with.
Matt (10:16):
And that's that's a great example.
You can invoke norm on thattoo, because he'll uh you'll see
him from time to time in Sam'soffice.
He'll he'll go in there.
He's not an employee, he doesno reason to be in there, but
but sometimes he does.
I'm sure at some point he'sbehind the bar.
At one point he's gotta gottagotta be.
(10:37):
But the uh but that's at a bar.
And I think the bar because I Ithink there's different for a
Starbucks, a coffee shopsituation, or or a restaurant,
even it's different than a barbecause when you're at a bar,
I'd say the one of the keycomponents is really truly
(10:59):
befriending the bartender.
Yes, first name basis, not andand not even just that.
You have to know shit about thebartender.
You have to have an authenticinterest in their life, also.
Hey, how are your kids doing?
Not how are your kids doing?
No, how's Billy and Jamesdoing?
How's Billy and Jane doing?
Eric (11:18):
How'd the how'd the remodel go?
How'd the remodel go?
Matt (11:22):
Oh, yeah.
Did Jane get all state?
You know, the all the you gottabe locked in.
Yeah.
Eric (11:28):
Billy stand up to those bullies.
Matt (11:30):
Yeah, and you also, I think, gotta match their energy
a little bit.
Like the example that I'll useis when I I used to work uh at
Everyman Theater in Baltimore,and there used to be a
restaurant next door calledForno, and the we had a we had a
a pre-show dinner package thingset up with them, and I was
managing front of a house.
So I was friendly with the thestaff a little bit.
(11:53):
But one day I was there just uhjust we were hanging out after
work for drinks, you know,whatever.
And the bartender I might Ithink I've said this before on
the show a long time ago, bestof territory, but uh he was
giving me shit about somethinglike he was just breaking my
balls uh for no apparent reason.
I had and I had like one beer,and I was like, what is this
(12:15):
guy's fucking problem?
So I had like one beer, and sowhen I went to leave, I I paid
my tab and gave him a $25 tip.
Eric (12:25):
Okay.
Matt (12:26):
Uh on like a five dollar drink.
Eric (12:28):
Yeah.
Matt (12:28):
And guess what happened after that?
What?
This man would see me acrossthe room.
There'd be other people,there'd be a huge line or
something, and he'd be like, yo,Matt, what do you want?
Like he just skips to me.
Or, you know, oh goodness, youknow, like the usual kind of
thing, and slide it on over.
And he was super nice, and wegot along great, and he never
(12:50):
busted my balls again.
Eric (12:51):
And like there's that level that is usually the the
gateway to being a regular isn'tjust like leaving them a
massive hip.
That is one, it's but it's asymptom of a larger thing about
you as a person.
You are not a hassle to dealwith, right?
You are easy to serve, you'reeasy to be, or like you don't
(13:12):
you don't fucking annoy them.
Don't make their lifedifficult.
You don't make their lifedifficult.
That's how you be that's howyou enter the regular zone.
I'll I'll I'll even tell youanother one, another indicator
that you might be a regular.
This happened to me.
You might be a regular if youmight be a if if if the bar's a
close-in-and-like they're likelast call, you know, and
(13:33):
everyone knows their last call,and like and like and and they
start now.
If you're around like the barswe go to in Baltimore, punk bars
and shit, they'll just startyelling, like, all right,
everyone, get the fuck out.
Like, fuck, fuck, fuck, off,you shall fuck leave, and like
you start making it's like, ohyeah, let me get out of here.
And they're like, not you.
When they give you the not youand they're like, hang out.
I wasn't talking to you.
(13:54):
Yeah, yeah, just chill.
You're a regular.
Matt (13:56):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I I mean, there's then you'vemade it though.
Eric (14:01):
Yeah, I didn't even I don't even go to that bar often.
I don't I don't go to bars, butthey know me and they know I'm
not a problem, and I'm nice.
Matt (14:09):
Yeah, yeah.
You have to achieve a statuswhere you're not even just not a
problem.
That's ent that's entry-likethat's that's how you get your
foot in the door, that's how youenter regular territory.
But to go beyond that, you haveto make the establishment
authentically happy to see you.
Eric (14:28):
Yes.
When they're jazz are like, oh,sweet, they're here.
They're here, we're gonna havea good time.
Matt (14:34):
And when you're not there, they're wondering where you
are.
Eric (14:38):
Oh.
Matt (14:39):
I think that is a key component of things.
If we're using Norm as abenchmark, if Norm doesn't show
up for a while in an episode,you'll get a anybody seen norm?
Eric (14:48):
Anyone seen norm?
Matt (14:49):
That situation.
Uh the authentic concern forwhere the regular is during
their regularly scheduledappearance.
Eric (14:59):
Yep.
Now you can be a regular, youcould also be a Kramer.
Oh I would argue that Kramer isa regular at many places.
Yeah.
But I'm pretty sure they're notdelighted to see him.
Matt (15:13):
Well, he's a bit of an enigma, right?
Like he's one of these strangeeccentrics that show up.
Eric (15:19):
Yes, who who can be right?
Like, that's it's kind of likewhen you're when you're choosing
your alignment when you'remaking a character.
Yeah.
It's like if you're gonna be aregular, are you gonna be a are
you a good regular or a badregular?
Or an eccentric regulareccentric regular, I think, is
the more they're like, uh oh,well, here it comes.
Matt (15:37):
Yeah, and you know these guys.
Like, uh, I'll use another oldworkplace thing.
Yeah, I wouldn't call him aregular, but when I worked at
Barnes Noble, there was this guywho uh he was an old gentleman,
he had a nook, God bless him,one of the original nooks, and
he didn't want to upgrade to theones that actually work.
(15:58):
And so he would come in and hepissed off the Nook expert so
much because all and all hewanted us to do was literally
like download his his JamesPattersons, and which he could
easily do himself, but he simplycould not.
At one point, the Nook expert,I was working customer service,
(16:21):
she turns to me and she's like,you I need I need to walk away.
And I was like, Okay, I'mtalking to him.
My the the store manager isbehind me uh because it was
super busy, and this guy's yeah,giving me shit, yelling at me,
and so I finally like lockedeyes with this guy, and I was
like, Look, man, you have pissedoff everybody else in this
(16:43):
store, and I'm the only onewho's willing to help you.
So I suggest you stop yellingat me.
And and I the store manager, Isaw her do like a like a an eye
over over to me, and then overto the guy, and she was sort of
like, what's gonna happen here?
Um and and so the guy was likeeveryone liked that.
(17:05):
It was like fallout.
It was like fallout.
I felt a everyone like that,including the guy, because he
was like, Well, I'm just I feellike all I'm trying to do.
And like, like he's likechanged his tone.
Yeah.
By the end of the conversation,we've had some laughs.
He like shook my hand, and thenI got word that he would show
(17:28):
up, go right to the register,and say, Is Matt here today?
And if the answer was no, heleft.
And I and so we we had a goodand I didn't get in trouble or
anything.
The manager was like, actually,really well handled.
Eric (17:45):
Like, find me the associate who has the courage to
have a name.
Matt (17:50):
He stood up to me.
Uh, and I respect that.
Uh but yeah, he would come in,I'd be like, I don't know, is
remember his name by being like,Oh yeah, hey George, how's it
going?
Yeah, oh, what do we got?
Six today, huh?
Download, download, download,download.
There you go.
Have a have a good one.
Eric (18:06):
Uh some like some people are like that.
I I'm not even trying to put avalue judgment on it.
Like they just exist.
Like, where they're like Ithey're like, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna turn it uphigher and higher and higher
until someone says no and boopsme on the nose, and then you and
then they're chill.
Matt (18:26):
And he was like, Okay, I guess maybe I was out of line,
even though he never said that,of course.
But I wouldn't call him aregular.
No, I would call him a like ahe was a character of the store.
He's one of the oh, it's thisguy.
Eric (18:40):
Yeah, well, there's a there's a name for that, I feel
like.
Not the peanut gallery, buthe's he's on the cat.
He's he's in the he's in thehe's in the fucking chorus.
The the gallery, just thegallery.
He's in the gallery, the roguesgallery.
Matt (18:53):
Yeah, he was a bit of a villain of the store.
But in that circumstance, wehad true regulars, and uh, they
always were an enigma to me.
They would wait outside thestore to open at 8 a.m.
to walk into a Barnes Noble andgo to the cafe and sit there.
(19:14):
Some of them were working, someof them literally walked in,
grabbed a coffee, bought a NewYork Times, left.
Like, but they did it everyday.
Like clockwise.
And so the consistency is alsoa key component.
And it doesn't have to beyou're coming in every day, but
every Friday you're stopping byfor such and such.
Sure.
(19:34):
You know, whatever.
Uh or I don't know, like once amonth you come in to do.
Maybe you I feel like you couldbe a regular while also being
the UPS delivery guy, you know.
Yes, and if you show up once aweek.
Eric (19:49):
Yeah, especially if you're the the the UPS guy that we're
always happy to see.
Got to be.
Oh, yeah.
You don't want to be Donnie.
Matt (19:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (19:56):
It's always got some crazy story.
Matt (19:58):
Because then you're not the UPS guy, you're Donnie.
Yeah, you then you're Donnie.
And you're just you're just agood hearted soul.
Yep.
So are we saying that the keyis just to be a good person?
Eric (20:11):
Be a good person and be and this is and gang, this is
one of the we're gonna part thecurtain for this.
This is something we theatermajors we don't try to talk
about too much outside of thefamily.
No, Eric.
Uh well, yeah.
What are you gonna disclose?
Be a good person, but also beentertaining.
It's a skill that can be honed,and uh it will get you very
(20:35):
far.
Matt (20:35):
That's gotta be part of it.
And I think that's part of theendearing yourself to the staff.
And it's not so we talked a lotabout the bar, but going back
to a coffee shop, you gotta bemaking jokes.
You gotta be gotta have jokes.
You know, coffee shop.
You could do here's a here'shere's a bit for free.
If you've come in a bunch oftimes, start giving different
(20:56):
names every time you come.
Every time they come.
It'll make them laugh.
It'll make them laugh.
Eric (21:00):
Make them funny.
They all gotta be offbeat.
Gotta be funny and gotta notinhibit their ability to do
their job in any way, shape, orform.
Any way, shape, or make the jobharder.
Matt (21:09):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're not trying to be a pest.
We're just trying to get justbreak up the monotony of the day
a little bit.
It goes back, Matt, to thoushalt read the room.
It always does, doesn't it,Eric?
Eric (21:22):
Thou shalt read the room, my my guy.
Matt (21:24):
The it's like the it really is the platinum rule.
Eric (21:28):
Yes, yes.
Double platinum rule, thoushalt read the room.
Matt (21:32):
Thou shalt read the room.
Eric (21:35):
Speaking of reading, Matt, do you want to hit me with our
next question?
Matt (21:38):
Oh, sure.
Done with that one, are you?
Eric (21:40):
Yeah, I feel like we plowed that that fur, we
furrowed that field.
Matt (21:43):
Well, all right, yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
All right, Eric says we'redone.
We're done.
If you could replace allpigeons with one other animal
that serves the same city animalrole, what would it be and why?
And that is from our goodfriend Dairy King 11, Eric
Derico from the Discord.
He submitted that on theDiscord.
All hail the king, baby.
(22:05):
All hail the king, baby.
Eric pigeons.
Flying rats, some call them.
Eric (22:13):
First, it is always worth acknowledging in any discussion
surrounding the American carrierpigeon.
We did them dirty.
I don't think they're carrierpigeons anymore.
No, well, that's the that's thething.
Is we did pigeons dirty,because the modern pigeon is the
descendant of the carrierpigeons that were used to carry
our messages, and then with theadvent of like mass transit and
(22:36):
all that stuff, they got phasedout, and we just kind of
abandoned them.
Yeah.
We domesticated them to thepoint that they were that they
could not live without us andthat they wanted to do jobs for
us, and they didn't have ahabitat out in the wild anymore
because they were so different.
It's Amelia and her litter box.
What in God's name is thatsound?
That is my daughter makingpiss, sir, and I will thank you
(22:59):
to respect that.
Alright.
So the American carrier pigeon,we fucked them over hard.
Because now now, now they theythey live in the only place they
know how to live, which is ourcities, where they eat our trash
and our garbage and we complainabout them.
You know, the pigeons that areonly there because of us.
Well, not us, Eric.
(23:20):
Our ancestors.
Matt (23:22):
Ancestors who begat us.
Who begat us?
It's different.
It's different.
It's different.
But you but there are there arepeople out here, and I I don't
know if we've talked about thison the show or not, but I feel a
very romantic interest inpigeon fancying.
What's that?
Pigeon pigeon fancying, it's uhpigeon keeping, it's the people
(23:47):
like in New York or have therookeries on top of their on
their apartments.
Who provide these homes forthese pigeons?
And I it's a it's a fascinatinglife to me because some of them
are so involved that it istheir completely unpaying
(24:08):
full-time job.
Yeah.
And I'm like, how is your life?
How is your life?
Well, how did you how but ifyou go to pigeon keeping or
pigeon fancying on Wikipedia,donate today?
It is the art and science ofbreeding domestic pigeons.
People have practiced pigeonkeeping for at least five
thousand years.
Insane.
(24:28):
So what were you saying thatabout it being our problem,
Eric?
That it's our fault.
We've been keeping thesemotherfuckers alive for 5,000
years.
Eric (24:38):
Um, and we're replacing them.
And now, now we replace them.
And now truly, we will do themdirty.
And now we will do them dirtyby replacing them with I mean,
there's the obvious, there's thelol so random funny ones like
alligators.
No.
I I want I'm approaching thisfrom Well, there is a why
(24:59):
attached to this question.
Yeah, and that and that's andthat's that's where I'm coming
from with my why.
Okay.
I think, Matt, I want toapproach this from a what will
spur the general people, the thepopulation, Gen Pop, what will
spur them to be better people bysuddenly having a lot of them
(25:26):
in full view every day.
So my vote is for something,I'm thinking a really cute
little monkey.
Oh no, Eric.
Yeah.
I think I think because Matt,I'm not approaching no.
Oh no, no, oh no, no.
We're on the same wavelengthbecause Matt instinctually, you
know, you might be thinking, oh,you know, people will will will
(25:48):
throw less trash out and stuffbecause they they don't want to
hurt the monkey.
They want to take, they wantto, they want to be good to the
monkeys.
No, Matt, I want them to livein fear of the monkeys.
Okay.
I want the monkeys to be anabsolute fucking.
I want people like, don't throwthat fucking trash on the
ground because now we're goingto have a gang of little monkeys
having around, and then they'regonna start like I oh so you
(26:11):
want you want them to be a cityguard of sorts.
Matt (26:14):
Yes.
Eric (26:15):
I want I want them to be the the the the plague of
locusts that descends on an areawhen people are not treating
their city right.
Matt (26:24):
Right.
Uh okay.
I'm I'm I'm on board with thatnow.
I'm on board with that now.
There will always be anticsbecause so many antics.
Because you know, anyone who'sbeen to Thailand, almost
everybody says universally themonkeys are a pain in the
fucking ass.
And they just are littleterrorists that are out to get
(26:47):
you.
Anyone who's seen the mostrecent season of White Lotus
knows what I'm talking about.
Anybody.
Anybody.
But I do think there is gonnabe violence associated with them
because anything when you weresaying something that people
would be happy to see, I thoughtyou were gonna say dogs.
Eric (27:04):
Oh, puppy.
Oh yeah, puppy.
Oh man, I would I would oh man,that would that would get so
post-apocalyptic so fast.
Matt (27:11):
The thing about pigeons, if we're doing a one-for-one
replacement, is for the mostpart, they can operate.
Yes, they're all over the placeand they're annoying and they
shit on things, but that's kindof it.
Like in New York, you're notreally paying attention to the
pigeons.
Like they'll move around you.
They're just about.
They're just about, but likemonkeys will be causing issues.
(27:35):
Oh, they'll be getting into aruckus.
Part of my brain goes to likein India, we all know that cows
just go wherever the fuck theywant because they're holy and
they're, you know, worshipped.
And so nobody messes with a cowwhen it's blocking up street
like snorlax.
That's true.
But that is so it won't be thecase here.
(27:56):
It won't be the case herebecause but it could be.
If we're replacing it, we'realso replacing the mentality.
Eric (28:04):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah.
The vibe the vibe.
I guess.
Matt (28:06):
But it can't they can't be a one-for-one because imagine
as many cows in New York City asthere are pigeons.
Eric (28:13):
I imagine it would it would get a little crowded.
It could.
It would it would be a wee bit,it might feel things might feel
a little tight.
Matt (28:20):
In that respect, does it have to be another bird?
That almost feels like a copout, though.
Eric (28:26):
It feels like a cop out.
Let me hit you with this.
Iceland, Reykjavik, they'reknown, they have a huge cat
population across the city.
And cats just it's and it'sjust a socially understood
thing.
Like you'll see cats just gowherever they want.
I mean, I guess it would takecare of the rats.
Yeah, they'll take care of therats.
They're everybody loves a cat.
And if you don't love a cat, ifyou don't love a cat.
Matt (28:46):
I hate them.
Great deal of people do, Eric.
It's time you come to realizethat.
Eric (28:52):
Sometimes I think the that opposable thumbs is the only
thing that separates us from thefucking animals.
Matt (28:59):
I don't know what that has to do with anything.
I know.
I vote cats, but I understandwhy you might not have a share
that opinion.
Listen, I'm not saying that Idon't share the opinion.
I'm I don't share the opinionthat everybody loves cats.
That's objectively not true.
Eric (29:16):
But the cat, but I feel like nobody ever takes any
exception to seeing a cat out inthe wild.
Matt (29:24):
That's what I'm saying.
Like if it's out there in outand about, yeah, right, uh if
this is a a circumstance, andthey're actually providing a big
service because it would cutdown on the rats.
Eric (29:35):
Oh my god, yeah.
Matt (29:36):
Big so in that respect, I'd be on board with like, oh
yeah, don't mess with the cats,they're doing their work.
No, they're working, they'reworking cats, they're doing
their their holy holyobjectives.
Eric (29:46):
Oh my god.
And then you'd have regularsaround your neighborhood because
we have these out here where Ilive in the city.
We have we have some cats thatwe see.
Matt (29:55):
There was a period of time when we were at an apartment
complex and there's a bunch ofstray cats and That lived around
and I found them huddled in auh under the stairwell one day,
and for a while I was bringingthem cans of tuna.
Nice.
I still hate cats, but thesecats.
These cats I I made sure uhsurvived those long hard days.
(30:16):
Didn't bring them in my goddamnhouse, I'll tell you that much.
No, no, no.
God no come on.
Eric (30:23):
And then and then and then that's the that's the thing.
It was like, and then everyeverybody kind of wins because
if you're a cat lover, then youyou know you want to you want a
kitty.
You see if you bond with one ofthe ro the locals.
It's kind of what we did outhere.
We have Ozzy, the cat, whohangs around here.
He doesn't belong to anyone.
He just but he is the cat ofthis, the outside cat of this
house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I get that.
(30:43):
He is and we give him food andwe feed him and he has a little
cat shelter out back.
And and he he's a wor hebrought us a squirrel one day.
He he he he he's a big gamehunter.
Matt (30:54):
He's a big game hunter.
And in that respect, uh a new anew regular just entered the
chat from around around theseparts.
Oh, tell me more.
Fox.
Eric (31:06):
Fox, you got a fox.
Matt (31:08):
I also meant to ask, whatever happened with the
goose.
Oh, he's not here right now.
He'll be back.
Okay.
The the Canadian geese havestarted showing up again for
their their fall, you know,activities, and I'm sure that
asshole will be around.
But he eventually left.
He he did he eventually left,but he will come back.
(31:28):
I know he will.
Eric (31:29):
Oh, yeah, he he knows your name.
Matt (31:31):
I'll know his attitude.
And if he starts messing withmy deer again, I'll throw down
with this goose.
Eric (31:39):
Could you imagine replacing all the pigeons with
geese?
No, could you imagine?
Cities would crumble.
Cities would crumble everyone.
We would burn to the fuckingground.
Everything we've suggested sofar, and and this was the stated
purpose for a few of these,would radically change things.
But yeah, I want to go back toearlier what you said about the
pigeon.
Like, what is something elsethat's not a bird, if we want to
(32:02):
challenge ourselves?
Not a bird that would fill thatsame sort of there they are.
They're just they're part ofit.
In Florida, you get theiguanas.
Ooh, would not say no to alizard of some kind frogs.
Matt (32:16):
Oh well, ooh, that could be very exciting.
Very magnolia of you.
Yeah.
Toads.
Toads, yes, that's good.
Turtles, I'd I won't suggestbecause I'd be too worried about
they're not.
No, there's gonna be a tragic,a tragic uh outpouring of of
death, and I don't want that.
Eric (32:35):
No.
Matt (32:35):
Goats, goats, goats could be good.
Goats are great, actually.
Eric (32:40):
I feel like goats are a good option.
Goats are a good option.
They they eat everything.
It feels borderline unethical.
They climb on shit, so they'rethey're gonna be able to get it.
Oh my god, could you imagine ifwe had climbing goats all over
Baltimore?
The hijinks they would getinto.
Matt (32:58):
Yeah.
For yeah, they I mean, therewould be high jinx.
Oh yeah.
Now you mentioned big game aminute ago.
We could go big and bad.
We could have things likebears, wolves, hippopotamuses.
Oh, hippopotamai.
Hippopotami.
Eric (33:14):
Hippopotomy, maybe.
Matt (33:15):
Hippopotamai gorilla.
No, God, they can again.
Eric (33:20):
Now we're getting now Well, yeah, I mean, if you're
throwing hippopotamus out there,it is the most dangerous animal
in Africa.
Matt (33:25):
Truly, it's it'll it wreck a city.
Eric (33:27):
It will murder and it can outrun you on land.
Matt (33:29):
It'd wreck a city, but it would also, I think, change a
city in some ways for goodbecause it would keep some
attitudes in check.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Who's who's gonna pull off adrive-by shooting when there's a
fucking hippo on the sameblock?
Eric (33:48):
I mean, who who's like what what what piece of shit
federal agency is gonna try tolike conduct a raid when they
have to contend withhippopotami?
Matt (33:56):
When they have a exactly.
And if I'm a small businessowner, I'm keeping one outside.
Oh yeah.
Eric (34:01):
Oh my god.
Matt (34:02):
Each business would have to have one.
And I'm not saying keep like ona leash, I'm saying make a
hippo happy to be a regular atmy establishment.
Eric (34:12):
I I'm willing to bet that graffitiing the hippos would
become a thing.
A federal crime as well.
Start start tagging the hippos.
Oh yeah, you you shouldn't, youcan't, you can't, you can't
paint the animals.
You can't that if if look, lifelife hasn't taught me a whole
lot, but if it's taught meanything, can't paint the
animals.
They don't like that.
(34:33):
That's not good for them.
If we were to do a bird fortheir feathers.
If we were to do a bird.
Okay.
What about chickens?
Chickens, they alreadyoutnumber human beings on this
planet, like six to one.
They're all over the place.
They're all over the place.
They're they are useful.
Just bring them into an urbanenvironment.
Bring them to an urbanenvironment.
(34:53):
How good are they at notgetting run over by cars?
I feel like somebody somewhere,probably juniper is yelling,
they're very bad at that.
Matt (35:01):
Probably not good.
Probably not good.
Okay, well, then we could justchange it to uh let's uh let's
get real patriotic.
Eagles.
Okay, just eagles.
Eagles.
Suddenly there's eagleseverywhere.
Oh man.
Eric (35:14):
Oh, they are scavengers.
Matt (35:16):
They're they again, you gotta watch the fuck out when
there's an eagle.
Eric (35:20):
They're gonna steal your glizzy.
You're gonna get a cornerglizzy, and they're gonna
fucking yank that shit rightfrom the back.
Matt (35:25):
Here you are in Chi Town with your glizzy, and you look
up in the air, and there's a youhear that fucking eagle and
he's ready to go.
Just lay that hot dog down onthe ground for him.
Matt.
Eric.
Peacocks.
Peacocks.
That's fun.
I that's fun, but I have youever heard a peacocks cry?
(35:47):
I've heard that the uh peacocksare a giant pain in the ass.
Eric (35:50):
They are giant pain in the ass because they have the like
this this piercing fuckingwailing call that the ostriches.
Ostriches, god ostriches,ostriches.
Matt (36:04):
Imagine in New York with ostriches just fucking all over
the place.
Lime scooters out, ostriches.
Ostriches in.
Oh man, I'm just prancing to mynext appointment.
Horses.
Horses, I mean, horses alwaysmake me in a city, always make
me feel like I'm in the walkingdead.
Like they'd thrive in apost-apocalyptic city, but I
(36:28):
don't know about a regular one.
That's fair.
Eric (36:32):
What if we adjusted our parameters just a little bit?
Because right now we're makinga lot of some like the pigeons
of any city, we assume they'rejust gonna be out and about on
the streets or flying up in thesky.
Yeah.
But Matt, there's an entireworld below.
Oh what if what if all of oursewer systems had like what if
our new pigeon like occupied theunderdark of the city?
Octopi otters?
Matt (36:55):
We have otters, yeah.
You said no right away, butlike alligators, crocodiles.
Eric (37:00):
Oh, dude.
If they're if we had legit, ifwe had a croc problem.
Matt (37:03):
If you had to be careful around sewers, because there's
fucking crocodiles down there.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Or hippos.
They're just down there.
Sewer hippos.
That's just where they live.
They're like mini hippos.
Aww, pop.
They've they've adapted topygmy hippos.
Pygmy hippos that have adaptedto the sewer life.
Eric (37:24):
Bro, those hippos would go so hard, but they wouldn't be
able to get you.
And that's that's the goodthing.
Unless you fit.
Matt (37:31):
Unless you did something stupid and ended up down there.
Occasionally they end up in asubway tunnel and fuck shit up.
Yeah.
But that's the price of havinghippos in your sewer system.
Eric (37:41):
You see people walk around with halves of watermelon just
feeding it into the sewer grate.
Here you go, buddy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking I could see that.
Yeah.
I feel like there's there's onewhere we're I feel like there's
one we're leaving on.
Honestly, though, you know,we've left entirely out of this
conversation.
Tell me.
Insect.
Oh, sure.
Matt (38:01):
But I mean, we were depends on the insect.
They're already there, though.
There's you know, flies andmosquitoes in every city.
Eric (38:09):
But like if I could get a one-to-one replay like monarch
butterflies, of a tapestry ofcolor.
I see what you're doing now.
Yeah, I see what you're doing.
Matt (38:19):
Potatoes.
Well, I guess not in cities.
Just never-ending brood.
But oh god, brood omega.
Um brood infinity symbol.
That just go and go and go.
Yeah.
I could see it.
I could see it.
Penguins.
Penguins.
Penguins.
People would respect a penguin.
(38:40):
People would respect an emperorpenguin.
An emperor penguin suddenlyable to survive in like a normal
cli, a regular warm climate.
Chilling with you at the busstop.
Just sort of walking, waddlingaround.
That I think people would belike okay with that.
And they slide, they do theirlittle belly slide into the
(39:01):
sewer.
I think no one's getting toopissed when traffic is backed up
because there's EmperorPenguins waddling across a
crosswalk.
Eric (39:09):
Yeah, we would have we there'd be a whole like there'd
be a massive recruiting drivefor new like uh crossing guard
like officers because now theirtheir their other duty is
penguin conduction.
Penguin conduction.
Go this way.
Matt (39:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I fuck with that.
Any mythical things?
Do we want to introduce mythosinto this?
Eric (39:31):
I could fuck with some mythos.
I uh squonks.
Well, of course, we gotta getsome squonks.
Shout out squonk.
Uh squonks.
City would flood with theirtears.
A city would flood with theirtears.
I would love it.
Let me hit you with this.
All right.
If every city had a confirmed,and this is we're again quality
(39:51):
over quantity.
Yes.
If every city had a confirmedSasquatch.
Matt (39:57):
Confirmed Sasquatch, that's good.
Not where I thought you weregoing.
Confirmed Mothman.
Eric (40:02):
Ooh, oh man, people would get their shit together right
quick.
I have often there's a Mothmanon the table.
Matt (40:08):
I have often thought about this, isn't either of these
things, but it's tangentiallyrelated.
When I'm in New York, I'veoften thought, like, what if
Spider-Man was real?
Because when you really breakit down, there would be moments
where you're just sitting there,you're or you're walking across
a block and all of a suddenswings down the block, and you
(40:31):
you then get to go home ifyou're visiting the city or
whatever and be like, I was inNew York, saw Spider-Man.
Like, yeah, wow.
Like flip.
He's just a factor of life.
Like you will see him around.
Yeah.
And like I think it's got toalter you as a person.
Yes.
And I think a mothman fits thatbill a little bit.
If there was just the one, likeyou got to see him.
(40:54):
Oh man, walking while he wasflittering around from the
Verrazano to the BrooklynBridges, constantly worried that
they're gonna collapse.
Eric (41:03):
Yeah.
Matt (41:03):
He only wants to warn you.
He only wants to help.
He's only trying to help whilstbeing terrifying.
So yeah, I think that's it.
I think that's about it.
I think I think we did a goodoption.
I honestly think the becausethe cat option, I think, is
good.
Yeah.
I'm no fan of cats.
But but it is a little hardfor.
For utility, I think it goes tocats.
(41:24):
I utility goes to cats, butthey're already there.
Like there's already stray catsin every fucking city.
They're just not as one-to-onewith pigeons as we're talking
about.
Yeah.
But I do think some of the moreexotic ones are fun.
I like penguins the best.
Penguins, yes, yes.
Eric (41:39):
I a puffin.
Matt (41:41):
Something cuter.
Because if we're upgrading it,we're upgrading not only the
number that a pigeon has, butalso more respect than the
pigeon receives.
Agreed.
Eric (41:52):
But Matt, I just remembered what we left on the
table.
Oh, good.
Sloths, Eric.
Sloths, Matt.
Matt (42:00):
Eric, way to get it at the at the right at the 11 yard
line.
Eric (42:05):
Because I feel like that's a no-brainer.
Matt (42:07):
Oh my God.
Eric, I love a sloth.
Eric (42:11):
And it proves everyone's day.
Yeah.
Matt (42:12):
You are somebody.
Your persona is a sloth.
And if you see a sloth tryingto make its way across the
street, you who isn't helpingthat sloth out?
It would be good for everyone.
It'd be good for everyone.
Eric (42:24):
There would be feeding stations all along for you to
get feed to give to the sloth.
Matt (42:29):
You're stuck in traffic, and as you're stuck in traffic,
you look up, and on this fuckingred light is just a sloth just
hanging out.
Eric (42:38):
Awww.
Matt (42:39):
Pandas.
Pandas would cause pandemonipandemonium.
Pandemonium.
Pandemonium.
That would be the spinningheadline.
Eric (42:49):
Pandemonium!
Matt (42:50):
Pandemonium.
Pandemic.
We're entering pandemoniumseason where the pandas are just
rolling.
Eric (42:56):
The papers would be getting into brawls in the
street over who gets to use whatheadline.
Matt (43:00):
Oh, yeah.
Gangs of New York style.
Eric (43:03):
Very, very.
Matt (43:05):
Well, uh, there you go, Derry King Eleven.
You've got several options touh to choose from there.
Um, but Eric, yeah, I thinkit's time to assess your
knowledge.
Eric (43:16):
Oh, Bubby.
Matt (43:17):
Oh, yeah, baby.
I'm here for it.
Now, I t I teed this up as aspin-off of a pop quiz.
Eric (43:24):
Okay.
Matt (43:25):
And Eric, what would be related to a pop quiz, would you
say?
Pop culture?
Pop music?
No, Eric, we have quizzesalready.
We need a test.
A test.
A test.
And I'm calling this a littlespin-off of pop quiz the top 10
(43:46):
test.
Okay.
Eric, uh I'm here and I'mlistening.
I have in front of me a top 10list.
Actually, I have a top 20 list,but we're only interested in
the 10.
Okay.
I have the top 20, Eric,because I'm gonna ask you uh I'm
gonna I'm gonna task you withgiving me this top 10 list.
(44:07):
I love this.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You give me uh I I won't burythe lead.
I wanted to start withsomething a little bit more
universal.
I thought about going off thecuff and getting you a random
top 10 list.
I have the top 10 list of thehighest grossing films.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Uh I thought this was a goodmiddle of the road situation
(44:30):
before I hit you with somethingsuper specific.
Eric (44:33):
Yeah.
Matt (44:34):
I have a scoring system worked out for you, Eric.
Okay.
You're getting some realpoints.
I have, I dare I say, a formulain this spreadsheet.
A rubric?
Uh indeed.
If you give me a film that isbetween 11 and 20, okay, so not
in the top ten.
I'll give you a courtesy point.
Eric (44:53):
Oh.
Matt (44:54):
A courtesy point.
Okay.
If you give honorable mention.
If you give me a film that isin the top ten, but not in the
right spot, five points.
Eric (45:05):
Oh, we're going for spots.
Matt (45:07):
Okay.
And if you get me the spotexactly right, 100% correct, 10
points.
Okay.
Any questions about my scoringsystem?
Eric (45:18):
No.
So so I my goal is get it inthe right spot for the top 10.
But if I if it's in the top 10and it's not the right spot, I
still get points.
And if it's in the top 20, Iget a point.
Matt (45:31):
I I give you a point because you got pretty close.
Okay.
You were in the ballpark withthe film.
I think we start at 10, we goto one.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll see how this goes.
This is an experiment.
I didn't run this folks.
I didn't run this by Eric atall.
I'm just doing this.
Eric (45:47):
So we're going, so I am now going to say what I think is
the 10th highest grossing filmof all time.
The 10th highest grossing film.
Matt (45:55):
This is the hardest part.
Um and if if you would like, Iuh I hesitate to say I'll give
you the year.
I could, but I do feel likethat makes things pretty easy on
some.
Don't give me the year.
But I can give you how much Ialso have in front of me how
much uh it has made to date anduh also its peak number.
(46:22):
So like it is at 10 now, butwhere it peaked.
Eric (46:26):
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Matt (46:27):
Are any of those things helpful, or do you just want to
throw a movie?
Eric (46:30):
No, I because I don't know the numbers on any of the
highest grossing films.
I don't think so.
I'm gonna say number 10.
Matt (46:36):
Uh-huh.
Eric (46:37):
I I I have I'm gonna establish a baseline.
Matt (46:41):
Okay, yeah, I think that's a good strategy.
Eric (46:44):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see if
I'm gonna I gotta throwsomething out there and we're
gonna see see where it lands.
See where get dip your toe in,so to speak.
I'm gonna say number 10.
Matt (46:56):
Yes.
Jurassic Park.
Eric, that is incorrect, butyou are going to be, and it
Jurassic Park, I'm afraid, isnot on the top 20 list.
Wow.
But you amazingly got thefranchise.
Eric (47:15):
Okay.
Matt (47:15):
And for that, I'm adjusting my own rubric on the
fly because I'm so impressedwith you.
I think if because some ofthese, I'm not gonna lie to you,
are franchise films, obviously.
I'm gonna give you two pointsbecause the tenth
highest-grossing film of alltime is Jurassic World, Eric.
(47:37):
Damn, is Jurassic World from2015.
It peaked at number three onthis list.
Eric (47:44):
Okay.
Matt (47:45):
If you're wondering.
So that brings us up to theninth highest grossing film of
all time.
Eric (47:52):
So Jurassic World being our baseline.
Matt (47:55):
Jurassic World, the 10th highest-grossing film of all
time.
Jurassic Park, not on the list.
Eric (48:00):
Not on the list.
So that tells me somethingabout I feel like a lot of these
movies.
Here's a question.
Are the majority of thesemovies post the year 2000?
Matt (48:12):
Yes.
Eric (48:13):
Okay.
Matt (48:14):
Yes, they are.
I could change this on the flyto be highest grossing adjusted
for inflation.
Ah, that's very different.
Eric (48:26):
That's very different.
Let's keep it, let's keep itthe way we're gonna be.
Matt (48:28):
That's an extremely different list.
Eric (48:30):
Extremely different list.
Matt (48:31):
And almost none of them are after the year 2000.
Eric (48:36):
I was gonna say, because that because my brain was at,
I'm like, oh, I'm sure likeadjusted.
Matt (48:40):
Adjusted for inflation, not a single film in the top ten
are above the year 2000 in thetop 10.
Eric (48:48):
Yep, that's about what I figured.
But yeah, let's keep doing itthe way we're doing with the
heart with the made most money.
Made most money.
Yeah.
So okay, so number nine.
So number nine.
Matt (48:57):
I think also I can give you a hint per film.
Ooh, okay, I'll take a hint.
I'll take a hint.
I'm not proud.
This is an animated sequel.
Eric (49:08):
Okay.
I'm gonna say ninth highestgrossing film of all time.
It is an animated sequel.
I'm gonna say frozen two.
Matt (49:18):
Frozen two, Eric, gets you a point.
Frozen two is number 15 on thelist.
Number 15.
Okay, okay, okay.
So you you get a bonus pointfor that, but you don't get
anything for number nine, whichis Inside Out Two.
Ah, okay.
(49:38):
Okay.
Inside Out Two or Okay.
Let's see how you do withnumber eight, the eighth highest
grossing film of all time.
Eric (49:46):
Here's another question.
Okay.
Of these top tens, is there afranchise that appears multiple
times?
Matt (49:54):
Yes.
Eric (49:55):
Yeah, I figured.
Okay.
Matt (49:58):
Eric, I'll I'll do you one better.
There are multiple franchisesthat appear multiple times.
Eric (50:05):
Oh, god damn it, how many minions movies are in this?
Um, okay.
Number eight.
I'm going to say give me thehint.
Give me that hint, you slut.
Matt (50:18):
This film has been mentioned, not explicitly, but
has been mentioned on thisepisode.
Eric (50:27):
Oh, that's fun.
Oh, that's fun.
Matt (50:32):
Oh the first word of this film has already appeared.
The pre-colon has alreadyappeared in this conversation,
Eric.
Eric (50:43):
Oh, it's a minions movie.
Matt (50:46):
Okay, not this exact conversation.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Within the past 57 minutes.
Eric (50:53):
Oh, within this conversation.
Yes, yes, okay.
Okay.
Oh man.
I'm gonna say.
Harry and the Henderson.
No, um, I'm gonna say.
Would you like another hint?
Matt (51:04):
I'll give you another hint.
Give me another hint.
The year is 2021.
Oh, okay.
Eric (51:10):
Okay.
Matt (51:11):
And I won't apply this to this, but I think you get one
hint, and if you request theyear, if you get points, it's
halved.
Eric (51:19):
That's fair.
Matt (51:20):
That's fair.
But I won't do it this time.
I'm making this up as we go.
Thank you.
I I I'm gonna say puss inboots.
Puss in boots is wrong and doesnot appear in the top 20, so
I'm afraid you get no points.
Eric (51:35):
It's Spider-Man No Way Home.
Damn.
Okay, there's gonna be a lot ofMarvel up here, too.
Matt (51:41):
There could be.
There could very well be.
The seventh highest grossingfilm of all time, Eric.
And what's that hint?
Oh, what's that hint?
It's a Marvel film.
Yeah.
I'll cut right to the quicksince we're talking about it.
Eric (51:55):
I'm gonna say, then I'm gonna say Guardians of the
Galaxy.
Guardians of the Galaxy.
I'm gonna say Guardians of theGalaxy.
No, I'm gonna say Deadpool 2.
Matt (52:10):
Deadpool 2, Eric.
Yes.
Deadpool 2 does not appear onthis list, although I I think I
still have the actual tab up.
Deadpool and Wolverine.
You just miss a bonus pointbecause that's well, actually,
you said Deadpool 2.
Deadpool and Wolverine is the21st highest grossing film of
all time.
No, Eric, we're talking aboutAvengers Infinity War.
Eric (52:35):
No, Infinity War's got endgame somewhere on here.
Now it's just a question ofwhere.
Matt (52:40):
Just a question of where, you think, huh?
Uh okay.
This is number six, the highestgrossing film of all time.
I'm gonna say minions.
You're gonna say minions here.
Shoot your shot here.
It is a miss.
Minions does not appear on thetop 20 at all, I'm afraid.
(53:00):
Now, uh the movie in questionwas Star Wars, The Force
Awakens.
Force Awakens, sixth highestgrossing film of all time.
Now we're on number five, and Iwon't lie to you, Eric.
This is the only film on thelist I was unfamiliar with.
Ooh, okay, it's probablyBollywood.
(53:21):
It is not Bollywood, and I'lltell you this for free.
Okay.
Came out in 2025, this veryyear, and I had never heard of
it.
So I I what I'm saying is, ifyou get it, I'll be extremely
impressed with you.
Eric (53:40):
I'm just trying to think if there's any.
I'm going to say, is the titlein English?
Matt (53:48):
No.
Eric (53:49):
Fuck.
Ongbok 7.
2 Bach Five Furious.
Matt (53:57):
It is Nizha 2, a 2025 Chinese adult animated adventure
fantasy action film written anddirected by Giozi.
It is the direct sequel toNizha in 2019.
And it is based on the Chinesemythological character of uh Zhu
(54:18):
Zonglin.
Yeah.
Zonglin's oh, 16th centurynovel Investiture of the Gods.
Well, you know they put outthat song recently, like
Everyday I Be Zonglin.
Everyday Be Zonglin, but notyou, Eric.
Uh, so that's the fifthhighest-grossing film of all
time.
Okay.
I thought we should movequickly on it because I don't
know how it's there, let alonehow it has made.
(54:40):
Hold on, let me translate somecommas.
$2,215,690, damn.
Damn.
Number four, Eric, the fourthhighest grossing film of all
time.
Eric (54:54):
We're grossing billions out.
Give me that hint.
Matt (54:56):
It is the only film in the top 20 that came out before the
year 2000.
Yeah.
Pretty good.
Titanic.
Eric, you get 10 points.
Yes! Ten points, Eric.
It is Titanic.
Yep, it had to be.
Titanic.
Had to be.
Let's move on up to numberthree, Eric.
(55:19):
Number three.
Eric (55:21):
Avatar.
Final answer?
No, give me the hint first.
I keep forgetting those are onthe table.
Hmm.
Matt (55:31):
This the director of this film appears in the top ten
three times.
Eric (55:40):
That it has me leaning Cameron.
And I'm gonna s but I'm gonnasay what the fuck else did he
make?
He did, he did Titanic.
He did he did Day AfterTomorrow, didn't he?
Matt (55:54):
No, that's Roland Emmerich.
Oh, okay.
Eric (55:57):
James Cameron.
Matt (55:58):
Uh Terminator, uh Aliens.
Eric (56:01):
Uh yeah.
I'll I'm I'm gonna I'm gonnastick with my answer of Avatar.
Avatar.
That's what you're telling me.
Matt (56:10):
Final answer.
The blue, the Navi.
The Navi.
Yes.
The full title of the film isAvatar.
Avatar 2.
All right.
I gave it away to you a littlebit.
I gave it away to you.
But it is Avatar, the Way ofWater.
Which fucking I couldn't.
I'll give you, you got it.
I'll give you all 10 points.
I think I watched it.
Eric (56:31):
I made it like 20 minutes into that movie.
I haven't watched it.
Fuck it.
It's bad.
Matt (56:35):
I haven't watched it, and I have uh no interest in fire
and blood or whatever it'scalled.
Uh Fire and Ash, I think is thenew one.
Uh okay.
The second highest grossingfilm of all time, just for fun,
I will tell you it did peak atnumber one.
Eric (56:50):
Avatar.
Matt (56:51):
Eric, you answered very quickly, and that is incorrect,
I'm afraid.
No, you mentioned itpreviously.
Oh, I'm sorry, Eric.
You do get five bonus pointsfor putting Avatar out of order.
So, yes, that automaticallyreveals that Avatar is number
(57:11):
one, the highest grossing filmof all time.
I like it.
It was it was for a whiledisplaced by number two, which
is Avengers Endgame.
Game.
Eric (57:22):
Yeah, damn it.
I I it was like it was it oneof the got there, I was like,
okay, it's endgame and adventand avatar.
Just a question of which.
Matt (57:30):
So, Eric, you came out of this this this kind of created
as I go a little bit top 10 testwith 28 points.
I like it.
You received a bonus point foruh Frozen 2, which is the 14th
highest grossing film of 15thhighest grossing film of all
time, two for Jurassic World.
Uh, but yeah, just to gothrough it, number 10, Jurassic
(57:51):
World, nine, inside out, eight,Spider-Man No Way Home, Avengers
Infinity War, number seven,Force Awakens, number six, Z
Niza Two, number five, Titanic,Avatar Way of Water, Avengers
Endgame, and the highestgrossing film of all time is
Avatar.
Adjusted for inflation, thehighest grossing film of all
(58:11):
time remains Gone with the Wind.
God damn right.
Uh are you interested inknowing the 20, 20 through 11
just for fun?
Eric (58:19):
Let me know them.
Yeah, let me let's see, let'sget all these honorable
mentions.
Matt (58:23):
Number 20, which peaked at the third highest film of all
time, Harry Potter and theDeathly Hollows part, duh.
Oh, I bet there's a bunch ofHarry Potters in here.
Not anymore.
It's the only remaining HarryPotter on the top 20.
Eric (58:35):
Yeah.
Matt (58:36):
Uh Black Panther is number 19.
Nice.
The Super Mario Brothers movieis number 18.
Age of Avengers Age of Ultronis 17.
Yeah.
Barbie is fro is is 16.
We already know Frozen 2 is 15.
Top Gun Maverick is number 14.
Uh I I can't believe you didn'toffer a guess of this
(59:00):
franchise.
It's Furious Seven is the 13thgrossing film of all time.
Uh Avengers is um uh number 12,and number 11, peeking at 11,
is the Lion King, but not theone you want it to be.
It is the 2019 live action lionking king.
(59:23):
It is gross.
I agree with you.
So, Eric, what's your review ofthis game?
I love it.
Do we ever play it again?
Eric (59:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to play this with younow.
Matt (59:31):
Yeah, you gotta give me a top 10.
And again, I thought brieflyabout really uh doing something.
I thought about books or inpublication or like uh the AFI's
list of villains or heroes orsomething.
So, you know, the but I want Ithought this is a good baseline.
(59:52):
Yeah, this is a good baseline.
Uh so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The top 10 test, Eric.
You got 28 points.
Hell yeah.
Do with that what you do.
D's get degrees.
D's get degrees.
Eric (01:00:06):
That would be a 30%, which would be an F.
Matt (01:00:09):
Now, it might work better if uh there was somebody else
here playing against you,perhaps.
But you know, this is a test.
This is an assessment ofyourself and your skills and
your knowledge.
And you got 28 out of, I guess,a possible 100.
I guess a perfect score wouldbe 100.
Uh, but nevertheless, that willabout do it.
(01:00:31):
That'll about do it for thisrambling episode of You Didn't
Ask For This, as opposed to allthe others.
We do need your questions,folks.
Please submit them to us atudinaskforthis at gmail.com.
You can leave a comments uh ora DM on our Instagram handle at
you didn't ask pod.
That's the letter you didn'task pod.
You can call the thought lineand give us an audio message at
(01:00:55):
410-929-5329.
And of course, you can give itto us direct, direct to the
veins, like an IV.
Yes.
Fuck just drip it.
Via the Discord.
Eric (01:01:09):
How do they get to the Discord, Eric?
Remind me.
Matt, go to patreon.com slashyou didn't ask for this.
Uh, and for one dollar a month,you get access to the daft
discord.
The you daft's chord.
The you daft.
The vibes are immaculate.
So nice.
We have an orgy dome.
We have an orgy dome.
(01:01:30):
Uh tell us what you'rebringing.
And for four dollars a month,now less than a cup of coffee
from my local cafe down thestreet.
You get access to the Discord,you get monthly bonus content in
the form of oops, all tangents,and you get 20% off of all your
daft merchandise in the store.
Matt (01:01:53):
And not for nothing, just a little tease.
We very well could have newmerch coming soon.
Just putting it out there.
And there's one last new bonusuh option for for anyone in the
Discord.
If you would like, in advanceof our upcoming 2026 Bingo Sode,
(01:02:15):
to submit a listener submissionthat will be an official option
for you to choose on yourYadafed Bingo in 2026.
You can submit your bingooptions and ideas to us in the
bingo channel in the Discord.
That is the only valid way todo it.
God damn right.
Give us your dollar.
(01:02:35):
Give us your dollar?
Give us that book.
Can potentially put your ideaon our very lists.
Eric (01:02:43):
Imagine that I am aiming a gun at you and brandishing a
knife.
This is extortion.
What?
Matt (01:02:51):
Eric, very violent.
Yeah.
Someone like that.
Ooh.
Ooh, hello.
I know they're dirty.
A little dangerous listeners,huh?
Give me your buck.
But that'll about do it.
For all of us here, you didn'task for this.
My name is Matt Shea.
My name's Eric Poach.
And listen, you certainlydidn't ask.
Eric (01:03:12):
But uh literally 30 minutes before we were
recording, uh, my housemateswere doing some yard work
outside and they were in thecrawl space under the house, and
we found a briefcase, and theyran up that was that none of us
know anything about.
Uh, so they ran up here andsaid, You have to come down.
We found a briefs case.
We're gonna open it.
(01:03:33):
Yeah, baby.
And we opened it up and turnedout to be a carrying case for
eight tracks, of which therewere zero in it.
But it is a very handsome case.
It is like an odd, it's like a1970s like case.
Brown on the outside, orangevelvet on the inside.
Oh, very fancy.
Very fancy.
Matt (01:03:52):
I mean, you know, for the story, you could have made us
something up that's a little bitmore than a little bit.
Eric (01:03:58):
What I what I will say is this there's a lot of shit down
there, and we've only juststarted exploring.
Matt (01:04:03):
We've only just begun.
Okay, that'll about do that.
Yeah.
Matt, we're in that time.
Halloween is done.
Done.
So out of here.
And once you know what theysay, once the Halloween
decorations come down, theystart throwing up other
decorations for another thing.
Matt (00:15):
Sure do.
Eric (00:15):
The thing we all know and love, that time of the year, it
encroaches more and more intoour autumn.
Oh, yeah.
Every gosh damn year.
Holly and Jolly, baby.
I'm speaking, of course, ofCreedmus.
Matt (00:30):
Oh, yes, of course.
Eric (00:32):
Creedmus.
Matthew at Maryland Live, 6:30p.m.
on December 29th.
Join us inside the hall as 98Rock presents Creed.
Creedmus.
With a holiday season justaround the corner,
multi-platform Grammy andAmerican Music Award-winning
(00:53):
rock band Creed is bringingCreedmas to Live Casino in Hotel
Maryland on December 29th.
The reason for the season,baby.
With arms wide open, we welcomeCreedmus.
Matt, can we go?
Can we can we go?
I'm looking at tickets rightnow.
Oh yeah.
(01:13):
Let's see.
I I have not opened this linkuntil today.
Okay, let's see.
Oh, thank God they still havetickets.
Oh, thank God.
Gotta verify.
Just a moment while we verifyyou're a real fan, it tells me.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Got to.
It's gonna, is it a lyric quiz?
Is it a sporkle lyric quiz?
Can you take me blank?
Let's see.
(01:33):
Important information.
I saw starting at $365.
Matt (01:39):
365.
Now that is a dollars.
Eric (01:43):
That is for the VIP event for Creed Miss.
Oh, it's a 21 plus event.
Let's see.
What's uh let's see, CreedCreed stay with us.
Show and slumber package?
Slumber package.
It says Creed, Creed Miss, staywith us.
Show and slumber package.
Stay with us.
Is it a lock-in?
Matt (02:03):
I let's find out.
I want to know.
Is there a is there gonna bebowling afterwards?
VIP details.
Eric (02:10):
I'm clicking VIP details and it's not giving me any
information.
Wow.
Oh, we get a suite levelexperience for Creedmus.
Matt (02:19):
What's in the what's involved with the sweet level
experience, Eric?
Eric (02:22):
Let's let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's
see, let's see.
Matt (02:25):
Remarkable preparation you've done for this cold open,
by the way.
Eric (02:28):
Yeah, man.
Oh, I wanted to be in it.
Oh, yeah.
Exclusive.
Okay, sweet level experienceincludes, and this is for
Creedmas.
Exclusive access to the sweetlevel bar and lounge area.
Two countem two drink coupons,complimentary snack station
while supplies last, housemadepotato chips, spinach and
(02:52):
artichoke dip, pita chips withranch dip and red pepper hummus,
domestic cheese platter withwater crackers, fresh vegetable
platter, sliced fresh fruitplatter.
So they're they're going to buysome Kirkland.
Matt (03:06):
Watercrackers sure sounds like communion wafers to me.
With arms wide open, the bodyof Christ.
Eric (03:16):
So uh I think I looks like normal tickets start at around
101.
Oh, okay.
I just I'm just out of I'm I'mjust out of morbid curiosity,
Matthew.
Yeah, sure.
Matt (03:29):
If only I was free that did you say what day it was?
December?
I've got plans, unfortunately.
Yeah, they're they're the bodyand blood of Creed.
I'm all booked up on whateverday it was.
Eric (03:40):
But what will the set list be?
Will it just be a creed show orwill they do holiday songs?
Matt (03:46):
They're gonna they'll mix it up.
They're gonna do creed songs,but then every third one's gotta
be like a Christmas carol, aChristmas creedle, if you will.
By the way, Eric, real quick,can you just tell me what the I
wouldn't expect you tonecessarily know, but can you
(04:07):
give me their top five onSpotify off the top of your
head?
Uh phones down, please.
Okay, phones down.
Eric (04:11):
I'm gonna say uh with arms wide open, higher, and then I'm
just gonna I that's the onlytwo song names I know, so I'm
gonna say things that I thinkthe Creed songs.
I I'm guessing one is In theRain.
Matt (04:27):
I don't know what that song is, but maybe.
Eric (04:30):
Um I'm gonna guess The Oath.
Matt (04:34):
No.
I'm gonna guess But again, II'm not pretending like I know
Creed's body of work well enoughto guess the titles.
I'm gonna save you.
I'm gonna save you.
Number five is my own prison.
Number four is without wisewhite with arms wide open.
Number three is my sacrifice.
Uh number two is hire, andnumber one is down one last
(04:58):
breath.
One last breath.
Eric (05:00):
Damn, I'm honestly shocked that hire didn't take it.
Matt (05:03):
Yeah, it couldn't get higher, if you will.
Yeah, there it is.
Creed miss.
Eric (05:10):
There it is, folks.
Reason for the season.
Matt (05:12):
We wish you Americans.
We wish you Americans.
We wish you Americans with aJesus in your me.
Eric (05:25):
Kissing clos.
Matt (05:48):
Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask
for This.
It is, yeah, the podcast thatanswers life's least pressing
questions.
You're in the right spot.
You didn't.
My name's Matthew Shea.
Eric (05:59):
My name's Eric Poach.
You're gonna be okay.
Who is?
That them?
No.
Them.
Capital T them.
Them.
You're gonna be okay.
Sometimes I feel like peoplehear that enough.
Matt (06:10):
We refer to as our listeners.
Yeah.
Eric (06:12):
Sometimes I feel like people don't hear that enough.
Matt (06:14):
You're gonna be okay.
Tell you what, I needed to hearthat from you.
Anytime, babe.
I needed to hear that lie.
I think I think we all need tohear it right now.
Eric (06:23):
I mean, uh truly.
But you don't look particularlyhanging by a thread.
Matt (06:28):
Eric, you have no idea.
You have no idea.
Um, but more on that later.
But of course, of course, wewere off last week because both
of us were sick as dogs.
I was sick and then Eric wassick, and then we we hadn't even
seen each other.
So you can't accuse me ofgiving Eric the illness.
No, we're just synced up.
No, and then for the worst partof it, it was just hanging on
(06:51):
because I felt okay, but Isounded like absolute dog shit
because it's all just drainingdown my throat like a sewage
system.
Yeah, so it was rough.
But uh enjoy that little tripback to uh over two years ago
for some of those clips, whichis insane.
So enjoy that.
(07:13):
Um, and yeah, good j good work,Eric, putting that one
together, as I said in the introfor that episode that I
actually have not recorded yetwhile we're recording this.
But that all being said, we areback.
The people want us to answersome questions, clamoring, some
fresh questions.
And then, Eric, I have a newclosing segment for you that is
(07:37):
I'm gonna I'm gonna say it's aspin-off of a pop quiz.
Okay, and that's all I've givenEric.
Okay.
That is all Eric knows.
I texted him and said I've gota spin-off of pop quiz, and
that's all he gets to know.
Is my interest me in highschool?
Because it's peaked.
Oh, Eric, you didn't peak inhigh school.
Nah, I'm still peaking,brother.
(07:58):
No, you peaked in college.
Oh, just like me.
All right, so so uh remains tobe seen if that's a joke or not.
Uh, Eric, shall we have somequestions?
Eric (08:13):
Matt, let's get right the fuck into it.
Our first question, which comesfrom the ether.
Yeah.
How does one become a regularsomewhere?
Matt (08:23):
Now, Eric, this this is one that I added to the list.
The reason being, I'm nottalking about just like somebody
at a coffee shop vaguelyrecognizes you because, oh, that
guy comes in every day.
I'm talking when somebody says,Oh, I'm a regular here, my
brain says norm in cheers.
Eric (08:44):
Yeah, yeah.
Matt (08:45):
Everyone knows your name.
Uh, that's what I want.
I want to be able to walk inafternoon, everybody.
That's what I want to hear.
Eric (08:53):
Yeah, this isn't a question of quantity.
It's a question, it's not howoften you any any asshole can go
sit in the corner of Starbuckswith a laptop open long enough
for them to know your order.
I want to know capital Rregular.
Matt (09:09):
It's a question of quality, is what I think you
were setting up, but neveractually said.
Eric (09:13):
I because I knew you, I I knew if I T.
I'm right there to pick up thepiece.
Knock it right out.
Oh, yeah, that.
Um, yeah, so for me, it'sbenchmarks of stuff you can get
away with in that establishment.
Speak more on that.
So one, will they let you gobehind the counter and it's not
weird?
Oh, hello.
(09:34):
Like they're like, they're ifsomeone if like they're doing
your order and they need to getlike they're like, oh, just can
you grab a core a lid frombehind the counter?
Oh, you're not even you're noteven you're helping now.
Or you know, in an example,like they feel comfortable
because there is a there is adivide, there is a sacred wall
between the front of the counterand the back of the counter.
(09:55):
It's very downabby.
You can't we can't really begoing upstairs and downstairs
there.
But when when they invoke, whenwhen if you if you can come
sit, or like your chat, a that'sanother thing, you're chatting
with your homies who work there,and you can come behind the
counter for a chat, or if theywant to show you something, yo,
come check this out, follow me,and go behind the counter.
That's one big thing they canlet you get away with.
Matt (10:16):
And that's that's a great example.
You can invoke norm on thattoo, because he'll uh you'll see
him from time to time in Sam'soffice.
He'll he'll go in there.
He's not an employee, he doesno reason to be in there, but
but sometimes he does.
I'm sure at some point he'sbehind the bar.
At one point he's gotta gottagotta be.
(10:37):
But the uh but that's at a bar.
And I think the bar because I Ithink there's different for a
Starbucks, a coffee shopsituation, or or a restaurant,
even it's different than a barbecause when you're at a bar,
I'd say the one of the keycomponents is really truly
(10:59):
befriending the bartender.
Yes, first name basis, not andand not even just that.
You have to know shit about thebartender.
You have to have an authenticinterest in their life, also.
Hey, how are your kids doing?
Not how are your kids doing?
No, how's Billy and Jamesdoing?
How's Billy and Jane doing?
Eric (11:18):
How'd the how'd the remodel go?
How'd the remodel go?
Matt (11:22):
Oh, yeah.
Did Jane get all state?
You know, the all the you gottabe locked in.
Yeah.
Eric (11:28):
Billy stand up to those bullies.
Matt (11:30):
Yeah, and you also, I think, gotta match their energy
a little bit.
Like the example that I'll useis when I I used to work uh at
Everyman Theater in Baltimore,and there used to be a
restaurant next door calledForno, and the we had a we had a
a pre-show dinner package thingset up with them, and I was
managing front of a house.
So I was friendly with the thestaff a little bit.
(11:53):
But one day I was there just uhjust we were hanging out after
work for drinks, you know,whatever.
And the bartender I might Ithink I've said this before on
the show a long time ago, bestof territory, but uh he was
giving me shit about somethinglike he was just breaking my
balls uh for no apparent reason.
I had and I had like one beer,and I was like, what is this
(12:15):
guy's fucking problem?
So I had like one beer, and sowhen I went to leave, I I paid
my tab and gave him a $25 tip.
Eric (12:25):
Okay.
Matt (12:26):
Uh on like a five dollar drink.
Eric (12:28):
Yeah.
Matt (12:28):
And guess what happened after that?
What?
This man would see me acrossthe room.
There'd be other people,there'd be a huge line or
something, and he'd be like, yo,Matt, what do you want?
Like he just skips to me.
Or, you know, oh goodness, youknow, like the usual kind of
thing, and slide it on over.
And he was super nice, and wegot along great, and he never
(12:50):
busted my balls again.
Eric (12:51):
And like there's that level that is usually the the
gateway to being a regular isn'tjust like leaving them a
massive hip.
That is one, it's but it's asymptom of a larger thing about
you as a person.
You are not a hassle to dealwith, right?
You are easy to serve, you'reeasy to be, or like you don't
(13:12):
you don't fucking annoy them.
Don't make their lifedifficult.
You don't make their lifedifficult.
That's how you be that's howyou enter the regular zone.
I'll I'll I'll even tell youanother one, another indicator
that you might be a regular.
This happened to me.
You might be a regular if youmight be a if if if the bar's a
close-in-and-like they're likelast call, you know, and
(13:33):
everyone knows their last call,and like and like and and they
start now.
If you're around like the barswe go to in Baltimore, punk bars
and shit, they'll just startyelling, like, all right,
everyone, get the fuck out.
Like, fuck, fuck, fuck, off,you shall fuck leave, and like
you start making it's like, ohyeah, let me get out of here.
And they're like, not you.
When they give you the not youand they're like, hang out.
I wasn't talking to you.
(13:54):
Yeah, yeah, just chill.
You're a regular.
Matt (13:56):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I I mean, there's then you'vemade it though.
Eric (14:01):
Yeah, I didn't even I don't even go to that bar often.
I don't I don't go to bars, butthey know me and they know I'm
not a problem, and I'm nice.
Matt (14:09):
Yeah, yeah.
You have to achieve a statuswhere you're not even just not a
problem.
That's ent that's entry-likethat's that's how you get your
foot in the door, that's how youenter regular territory.
But to go beyond that, you haveto make the establishment
authentically happy to see you.
Eric (14:28):
Yes.
When they're jazz are like, oh,sweet, they're here.
They're here, we're gonna havea good time.
Matt (14:34):
And when you're not there, they're wondering where you
are.
Eric (14:38):
Oh.
Matt (14:39):
I think that is a key component of things.
If we're using Norm as abenchmark, if Norm doesn't show
up for a while in an episode,you'll get a anybody seen norm?
Eric (14:48):
Anyone seen norm?
Matt (14:49):
That situation.
Uh the authentic concern forwhere the regular is during
their regularly scheduledappearance.
Eric (14:59):
Yep.
Now you can be a regular, youcould also be a Kramer.
Oh I would argue that Kramer isa regular at many places.
Yeah.
But I'm pretty sure they're notdelighted to see him.
Matt (15:13):
Well, he's a bit of an enigma, right?
Like he's one of these strangeeccentrics that show up.
Eric (15:19):
Yes, who who can be right?
Like, that's it's kind of likewhen you're when you're choosing
your alignment when you'remaking a character.
Yeah.
It's like if you're gonna be aregular, are you gonna be a are
you a good regular or a badregular?
Or an eccentric regulareccentric regular, I think, is
the more they're like, uh oh,well, here it comes.
Matt (15:37):
Yeah, and you know these guys.
Like, uh, I'll use another oldworkplace thing.
Yeah, I wouldn't call him aregular, but when I worked at
Barnes Noble, there was this guywho uh he was an old gentleman,
he had a nook, God bless him,one of the original nooks, and
he didn't want to upgrade to theones that actually work.
(15:58):
And so he would come in and hepissed off the Nook expert so
much because all and all hewanted us to do was literally
like download his his JamesPattersons, and which he could
easily do himself, but he simplycould not.
At one point, the Nook expert,I was working customer service,
(16:21):
she turns to me and she's like,you I need I need to walk away.
And I was like, Okay, I'mtalking to him.
My the the store manager isbehind me uh because it was
super busy, and this guy's yeah,giving me shit, yelling at me,
and so I finally like lockedeyes with this guy, and I was
like, Look, man, you have pissedoff everybody else in this
(16:43):
store, and I'm the only onewho's willing to help you.
So I suggest you stop yellingat me.
And and I the store manager, Isaw her do like a like a an eye
over over to me, and then overto the guy, and she was sort of
like, what's gonna happen here?
Um and and so the guy was likeeveryone liked that.
(17:05):
It was like fallout.
It was like fallout.
I felt a everyone like that,including the guy, because he
was like, Well, I'm just I feellike all I'm trying to do.
And like, like he's likechanged his tone.
Yeah.
By the end of the conversation,we've had some laughs.
He like shook my hand, and thenI got word that he would show
(17:28):
up, go right to the register,and say, Is Matt here today?
And if the answer was no, heleft.
And I and so we we had a goodand I didn't get in trouble or
anything.
The manager was like, actually,really well handled.
Eric (17:45):
Like, find me the associate who has the courage to
have a name.
Matt (17:50):
He stood up to me.
Uh, and I respect that.
Uh but yeah, he would come in,I'd be like, I don't know, is
remember his name by being like,Oh yeah, hey George, how's it
going?
Yeah, oh, what do we got?
Six today, huh?
Download, download, download,download.
There you go.
Have a have a good one.
Eric (18:06):
Uh some like some people are like that.
I I'm not even trying to put avalue judgment on it.
Like they just exist.
Like, where they're like Ithey're like, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna turn it uphigher and higher and higher
until someone says no and boopsme on the nose, and then you and
then they're chill.
Matt (18:26):
And he was like, Okay, I guess maybe I was out of line,
even though he never said that,of course.
But I wouldn't call him aregular.
No, I would call him a like ahe was a character of the store.
He's one of the oh, it's thisguy.
Eric (18:40):
Yeah, well, there's a there's a name for that, I feel
like.
Not the peanut gallery, buthe's he's on the cat.
He's he's in the he's in thehe's in the fucking chorus.
The the gallery, just thegallery.
He's in the gallery, the roguesgallery.
Matt (18:53):
Yeah, he was a bit of a villain of the store.
But in that circumstance, wehad true regulars, and uh, they
always were an enigma to me.
They would wait outside thestore to open at 8 a.m.
to walk into a Barnes Noble andgo to the cafe and sit there.
(19:14):
Some of them were working, someof them literally walked in,
grabbed a coffee, bought a NewYork Times, left.
Like, but they did it everyday.
Like clockwise.
And so the consistency is alsoa key component.
And it doesn't have to beyou're coming in every day, but
every Friday you're stopping byfor such and such.
Sure.
(19:34):
You know, whatever.
Uh or I don't know, like once amonth you come in to do.
Maybe you I feel like you couldbe a regular while also being
the UPS delivery guy, you know.
Yes, and if you show up once aweek.
Eric (19:49):
Yeah, especially if you're the the the UPS guy that we're
always happy to see.
Got to be.
Oh, yeah.
You don't want to be Donnie.
Matt (19:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric (19:56):
It's always got some crazy story.
Matt (19:58):
Because then you're not the UPS guy, you're Donnie.
Yeah, you then you're Donnie.
And you're just you're just agood hearted soul.
Yep.
So are we saying that the keyis just to be a good person?
Eric (20:11):
Be a good person and be and this is and gang, this is
one of the we're gonna part thecurtain for this.
This is something we theatermajors we don't try to talk
about too much outside of thefamily.
No, Eric.
Uh well, yeah.
What are you gonna disclose?
Be a good person, but also beentertaining.
It's a skill that can be honed,and uh it will get you very
(20:35):
far.
Matt (20:35):
That's gotta be part of it.
And I think that's part of theendearing yourself to the staff.
And it's not so we talked a lotabout the bar, but going back
to a coffee shop, you gotta bemaking jokes.
You gotta be gotta have jokes.
You know, coffee shop.
You could do here's a here'shere's a bit for free.
If you've come in a bunch oftimes, start giving different
(20:56):
names every time you come.
Every time they come.
It'll make them laugh.
It'll make them laugh.
Eric (21:00):
Make them funny.
They all gotta be offbeat.
Gotta be funny and gotta notinhibit their ability to do
their job in any way, shape, orform.
Any way, shape, or make the jobharder.
Matt (21:09):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're not trying to be a pest.
We're just trying to get justbreak up the monotony of the day
a little bit.
It goes back, Matt, to thoushalt read the room.
It always does, doesn't it,Eric?
Eric (21:22):
Thou shalt read the room, my my guy.
Matt (21:24):
The it's like the it really is the platinum rule.
Eric (21:28):
Yes, yes.
Double platinum rule, thoushalt read the room.
Matt (21:32):
Thou shalt read the room.
Eric (21:35):
Speaking of reading, Matt, do you want to hit me with our
next question?
Matt (21:38):
Oh, sure.
Done with that one, are you?
Eric (21:40):
Yeah, I feel like we plowed that that fur, we
furrowed that field.
Matt (21:43):
Well, all right, yeah, sure.
Absolutely.
All right, Eric says we'redone.
We're done.
If you could replace allpigeons with one other animal
that serves the same city animalrole, what would it be and why?
And that is from our goodfriend Dairy King 11, Eric
Derico from the Discord.
He submitted that on theDiscord.
All hail the king, baby.
(22:05):
All hail the king, baby.
Eric pigeons.
Flying rats, some call them.
Eric (22:13):
First, it is always worth acknowledging in any discussion
surrounding the American carrierpigeon.
We did them dirty.
I don't think they're carrierpigeons anymore.
No, well, that's the that's thething.
Is we did pigeons dirty,because the modern pigeon is the
descendant of the carrierpigeons that were used to carry
our messages, and then with theadvent of like mass transit and
(22:36):
all that stuff, they got phasedout, and we just kind of
abandoned them.
Yeah.
We domesticated them to thepoint that they were that they
could not live without us andthat they wanted to do jobs for
us, and they didn't have ahabitat out in the wild anymore
because they were so different.
It's Amelia and her litter box.
What in God's name is thatsound?
That is my daughter makingpiss, sir, and I will thank you
(22:59):
to respect that.
Alright.
So the American carrier pigeon,we fucked them over hard.
Because now now, now they theythey live in the only place they
know how to live, which is ourcities, where they eat our trash
and our garbage and we complainabout them.
You know, the pigeons that areonly there because of us.
Well, not us, Eric.
(23:20):
Our ancestors.
Matt (23:22):
Ancestors who begat us.
Who begat us?
It's different.
It's different.
It's different.
But you but there are there arepeople out here, and I I don't
know if we've talked about thison the show or not, but I feel a
very romantic interest inpigeon fancying.
What's that?
Pigeon pigeon fancying, it's uhpigeon keeping, it's the people
(23:47):
like in New York or have therookeries on top of their on
their apartments.
Who provide these homes forthese pigeons?
And I it's a it's a fascinatinglife to me because some of them
are so involved that it istheir completely unpaying
(24:08):
full-time job.
Yeah.
And I'm like, how is your life?
How is your life?
Well, how did you how but ifyou go to pigeon keeping or
pigeon fancying on Wikipedia,donate today?
It is the art and science ofbreeding domestic pigeons.
People have practiced pigeonkeeping for at least five
thousand years.
Insane.
(24:28):
So what were you saying thatabout it being our problem,
Eric?
That it's our fault.
We've been keeping thesemotherfuckers alive for 5,000
years.
Eric (24:38):
Um, and we're replacing them.
And now, now we replace them.
And now truly, we will do themdirty.
And now we will do them dirtyby replacing them with I mean,
there's the obvious, there's thelol so random funny ones like
alligators.
No.
I I want I'm approaching thisfrom Well, there is a why
(24:59):
attached to this question.
Yeah, and that and that's andthat's that's where I'm coming
from with my why.
Okay.
I think, Matt, I want toapproach this from a what will
spur the general people, the thepopulation, Gen Pop, what will
spur them to be better people bysuddenly having a lot of them
(25:26):
in full view every day.
So my vote is for something,I'm thinking a really cute
little monkey.
Oh no, Eric.
Yeah.
I think I think because Matt,I'm not approaching no.
Oh no, no, oh no, no.
We're on the same wavelengthbecause Matt instinctually, you
know, you might be thinking, oh,you know, people will will will
(25:48):
throw less trash out and stuffbecause they they don't want to
hurt the monkey.
They want to take, they wantto, they want to be good to the
monkeys.
No, Matt, I want them to livein fear of the monkeys.
Okay.
I want the monkeys to be anabsolute fucking.
I want people like, don't throwthat fucking trash on the
ground because now we're goingto have a gang of little monkeys
having around, and then they'regonna start like I oh so you
(26:11):
want you want them to be a cityguard of sorts.
Matt (26:14):
Yes.
Eric (26:15):
I want I want them to be the the the the plague of
locusts that descends on an areawhen people are not treating
their city right.
Matt (26:24):
Right.
Uh okay.
I'm I'm I'm on board with thatnow.
I'm on board with that now.
There will always be anticsbecause so many antics.
Because you know, anyone who'sbeen to Thailand, almost
everybody says universally themonkeys are a pain in the
fucking ass.
And they just are littleterrorists that are out to get
(26:47):
you.
Anyone who's seen the mostrecent season of White Lotus
knows what I'm talking about.
Anybody.
Anybody.
But I do think there is gonnabe violence associated with them
because anything when you weresaying something that people
would be happy to see, I thoughtyou were gonna say dogs.
Eric (27:04):
Oh, puppy.
Oh yeah, puppy.
Oh man, I would I would oh man,that would that would get so
post-apocalyptic so fast.
Matt (27:11):
The thing about pigeons, if we're doing a one-for-one
replacement, is for the mostpart, they can operate.
Yes, they're all over the placeand they're annoying and they
shit on things, but that's kindof it.
Like in New York, you're notreally paying attention to the
pigeons.
Like they'll move around you.
They're just about.
They're just about, but likemonkeys will be causing issues.
(27:35):
Oh, they'll be getting into aruckus.
Part of my brain goes to likein India, we all know that cows
just go wherever the fuck theywant because they're holy and
they're, you know, worshipped.
And so nobody messes with a cowwhen it's blocking up street
like snorlax.
That's true.
But that is so it won't be thecase here.
(27:56):
It won't be the case herebecause but it could be.
If we're replacing it, we'realso replacing the mentality.
Eric (28:04):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah.
The vibe the vibe.
I guess.
Matt (28:06):
But it can't they can't be a one-for-one because imagine
as many cows in New York City asthere are pigeons.
Eric (28:13):
I imagine it would it would get a little crowded.
It could.
It would it would be a wee bit,it might feel things might feel
a little tight.
Matt (28:20):
In that respect, does it have to be another bird?
That almost feels like a copout, though.
Eric (28:26):
It feels like a cop out.
Let me hit you with this.
Iceland, Reykjavik, they'reknown, they have a huge cat
population across the city.
And cats just it's and it'sjust a socially understood
thing.
Like you'll see cats just gowherever they want.
I mean, I guess it would takecare of the rats.
Yeah, they'll take care of therats.
They're everybody loves a cat.
And if you don't love a cat, ifyou don't love a cat.
Matt (28:46):
I hate them.
Great deal of people do, Eric.
It's time you come to realizethat.
Eric (28:52):
Sometimes I think the that opposable thumbs is the only
thing that separates us from thefucking animals.
Matt (28:59):
I don't know what that has to do with anything.
I know.
I vote cats, but I understandwhy you might not have a share
that opinion.
Listen, I'm not saying that Idon't share the opinion.
I'm I don't share the opinionthat everybody loves cats.
That's objectively not true.
Eric (29:16):
But the cat, but I feel like nobody ever takes any
exception to seeing a cat out inthe wild.
Matt (29:24):
That's what I'm saying.
Like if it's out there in outand about, yeah, right, uh if
this is a a circumstance, andthey're actually providing a big
service because it would cutdown on the rats.
Eric (29:35):
Oh my god, yeah.
Matt (29:36):
Big so in that respect, I'd be on board with like, oh
yeah, don't mess with the cats,they're doing their work.
No, they're working, they'reworking cats, they're doing
their their holy holyobjectives.
Eric (29:46):
Oh my god.
And then you'd have regularsaround your neighborhood because
we have these out here where Ilive in the city.
We have we have some cats thatwe see.
Matt (29:55):
There was a period of time when we were at an apartment
complex and there's a bunch ofstray cats and That lived around
and I found them huddled in auh under the stairwell one day,
and for a while I was bringingthem cans of tuna.
Nice.
I still hate cats, but thesecats.
These cats I I made sure uhsurvived those long hard days.
(30:16):
Didn't bring them in my goddamnhouse, I'll tell you that much.
No, no, no.
God no come on.
Eric (30:23):
And then and then and then that's the that's the thing.
It was like, and then everyeverybody kind of wins because
if you're a cat lover, then youyou know you want to you want a
kitty.
You see if you bond with one ofthe ro the locals.
It's kind of what we did outhere.
We have Ozzy, the cat, whohangs around here.
He doesn't belong to anyone.
He just but he is the cat ofthis, the outside cat of this
house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I get that.
(30:43):
He is and we give him food andwe feed him and he has a little
cat shelter out back.
And and he he's a wor hebrought us a squirrel one day.
He he he he he's a big gamehunter.
Matt (30:54):
He's a big game hunter.
And in that respect, uh a new anew regular just entered the
chat from around around theseparts.
Oh, tell me more.
Fox.
Eric (31:06):
Fox, you got a fox.
Matt (31:08):
I also meant to ask, whatever happened with the
goose.
Oh, he's not here right now.
He'll be back.
Okay.
The the Canadian geese havestarted showing up again for
their their fall, you know,activities, and I'm sure that
asshole will be around.
But he eventually left.
He he did he eventually left,but he will come back.
(31:28):
I know he will.
Eric (31:29):
Oh, yeah, he he knows your name.
Matt (31:31):
I'll know his attitude.
And if he starts messing withmy deer again, I'll throw down
with this goose.
Eric (31:39):
Could you imagine replacing all the pigeons with
geese?
No, could you imagine?
Cities would crumble.
Cities would crumble everyone.
We would burn to the fuckingground.
Everything we've suggested sofar, and and this was the stated
purpose for a few of these,would radically change things.
But yeah, I want to go back toearlier what you said about the
pigeon.
Like, what is something elsethat's not a bird, if we want to
(32:02):
challenge ourselves?
Not a bird that would fill thatsame sort of there they are.
They're just they're part ofit.
In Florida, you get theiguanas.
Ooh, would not say no to alizard of some kind frogs.
Matt (32:16):
Oh well, ooh, that could be very exciting.
Very magnolia of you.
Yeah.
Toads.
Toads, yes, that's good.
Turtles, I'd I won't suggestbecause I'd be too worried about
they're not.
No, there's gonna be a tragic,a tragic uh outpouring of of
death, and I don't want that.
Eric (32:35):
No.
Matt (32:35):
Goats, goats, goats could be good.
Goats are great, actually.
Eric (32:40):
I feel like goats are a good option.
Goats are a good option.
They they eat everything.
It feels borderline unethical.
They climb on shit, so they'rethey're gonna be able to get it.
Oh my god, could you imagine ifwe had climbing goats all over
Baltimore?
The hijinks they would getinto.
Matt (32:58):
Yeah.
For yeah, they I mean, therewould be high jinx.
Oh yeah.
Now you mentioned big game aminute ago.
We could go big and bad.
We could have things likebears, wolves, hippopotamuses.
Oh, hippopotamai.
Hippopotami.
Eric (33:14):
Hippopotomy, maybe.
Matt (33:15):
Hippopotamai gorilla.
No, God, they can again.
Eric (33:20):
Now we're getting now Well, yeah, I mean, if you're
throwing hippopotamus out there,it is the most dangerous animal
in Africa.
Matt (33:25):
Truly, it's it'll it wreck a city.
Eric (33:27):
It will murder and it can outrun you on land.
Matt (33:29):
It'd wreck a city, but it would also, I think, change a
city in some ways for goodbecause it would keep some
attitudes in check.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Who's who's gonna pull off adrive-by shooting when there's a
fucking hippo on the sameblock?
Eric (33:48):
I mean, who who's like what what what piece of shit
federal agency is gonna try tolike conduct a raid when they
have to contend withhippopotami?
Matt (33:56):
When they have a exactly.
And if I'm a small businessowner, I'm keeping one outside.
Oh yeah.
Eric (34:01):
Oh my god.
Matt (34:02):
Each business would have to have one.
And I'm not saying keep like ona leash, I'm saying make a
hippo happy to be a regular atmy establishment.
Eric (34:12):
I I'm willing to bet that graffitiing the hippos would
become a thing.
A federal crime as well.
Start start tagging the hippos.
Oh yeah, you you shouldn't, youcan't, you can't, you can't
paint the animals.
You can't that if if look, lifelife hasn't taught me a whole
lot, but if it's taught meanything, can't paint the
animals.
They don't like that.
(34:33):
That's not good for them.
If we were to do a bird fortheir feathers.
If we were to do a bird.
Okay.
What about chickens?
Chickens, they alreadyoutnumber human beings on this
planet, like six to one.
They're all over the place.
They're all over the place.
They're they are useful.
Just bring them into an urbanenvironment.
Bring them to an urbanenvironment.
(34:53):
How good are they at notgetting run over by cars?
I feel like somebody somewhere,probably juniper is yelling,
they're very bad at that.
Matt (35:01):
Probably not good.
Probably not good.
Okay, well, then we could justchange it to uh let's uh let's
get real patriotic.
Eagles.
Okay, just eagles.
Eagles.
Suddenly there's eagleseverywhere.
Oh man.
Eric (35:14):
Oh, they are scavengers.
Matt (35:16):
They're they again, you gotta watch the fuck out when
there's an eagle.
Eric (35:20):
They're gonna steal your glizzy.
You're gonna get a cornerglizzy, and they're gonna
fucking yank that shit rightfrom the back.
Matt (35:25):
Here you are in Chi Town with your glizzy, and you look
up in the air, and there's a youhear that fucking eagle and
he's ready to go.
Just lay that hot dog down onthe ground for him.
Matt.
Eric.
Peacocks.
Peacocks.
That's fun.
I that's fun, but I have youever heard a peacocks cry?
(35:47):
I've heard that the uh peacocksare a giant pain in the ass.
Eric (35:50):
They are giant pain in the ass because they have the like
this this piercing fuckingwailing call that the ostriches.
Ostriches, god ostriches,ostriches.
Matt (36:04):
Imagine in New York with ostriches just fucking all over
the place.
Lime scooters out, ostriches.
Ostriches in.
Oh man, I'm just prancing to mynext appointment.
Horses.
Horses, I mean, horses alwaysmake me in a city, always make
me feel like I'm in the walkingdead.
Like they'd thrive in apost-apocalyptic city, but I
(36:28):
don't know about a regular one.
That's fair.
Eric (36:32):
What if we adjusted our parameters just a little bit?
Because right now we're makinga lot of some like the pigeons
of any city, we assume they'rejust gonna be out and about on
the streets or flying up in thesky.
Yeah.
But Matt, there's an entireworld below.
Oh what if what if all of oursewer systems had like what if
our new pigeon like occupied theunderdark of the city?
Octopi otters?
Matt (36:55):
We have otters, yeah.
You said no right away, butlike alligators, crocodiles.
Eric (37:00):
Oh, dude.
If they're if we had legit, ifwe had a croc problem.
Matt (37:03):
If you had to be careful around sewers, because there's
fucking crocodiles down there.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Or hippos.
They're just down there.
Sewer hippos.
That's just where they live.
They're like mini hippos.
Aww, pop.
They've they've adapted topygmy hippos.
Pygmy hippos that have adaptedto the sewer life.
Eric (37:24):
Bro, those hippos would go so hard, but they wouldn't be
able to get you.
And that's that's the goodthing.
Unless you fit.
Matt (37:31):
Unless you did something stupid and ended up down there.
Occasionally they end up in asubway tunnel and fuck shit up.
Yeah.
But that's the price of havinghippos in your sewer system.
Eric (37:41):
You see people walk around with halves of watermelon just
feeding it into the sewer grate.
Here you go, buddy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking I could see that.
Yeah.
I feel like there's there's onewhere we're I feel like there's
one we're leaving on.
Honestly, though, you know,we've left entirely out of this
conversation.
Tell me.
Insect.
Oh, sure.
Matt (38:01):
But I mean, we were depends on the insect.
They're already there, though.
There's you know, flies andmosquitoes in every city.
Eric (38:09):
But like if I could get a one-to-one replay like monarch
butterflies, of a tapestry ofcolor.
I see what you're doing now.
Yeah, I see what you're doing.
Matt (38:19):
Potatoes.
Well, I guess not in cities.
Just never-ending brood.
But oh god, brood omega.
Um brood infinity symbol.
That just go and go and go.
Yeah.
I could see it.
I could see it.
Penguins.
Penguins.
Penguins.
People would respect a penguin.
(38:40):
People would respect an emperorpenguin.
An emperor penguin suddenlyable to survive in like a normal
cli, a regular warm climate.
Chilling with you at the busstop.
Just sort of walking, waddlingaround.
That I think people would belike okay with that.
And they slide, they do theirlittle belly slide into the
(39:01):
sewer.
I think no one's getting toopissed when traffic is backed up
because there's EmperorPenguins waddling across a
crosswalk.
Eric (39:09):
Yeah, we would have we there'd be a whole like there'd
be a massive recruiting drivefor new like uh crossing guard
like officers because now theirtheir their other duty is
penguin conduction.
Penguin conduction.
Go this way.
Matt (39:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I fuck with that.
Any mythical things?
Do we want to introduce mythosinto this?
Eric (39:31):
I could fuck with some mythos.
I uh squonks.
Well, of course, we gotta getsome squonks.
Shout out squonk.
Uh squonks.
City would flood with theirtears.
A city would flood with theirtears.
I would love it.
Let me hit you with this.
All right.
If every city had a confirmed,and this is we're again quality
(39:51):
over quantity.
Yes.
If every city had a confirmedSasquatch.
Matt (39:57):
Confirmed Sasquatch, that's good.
Not where I thought you weregoing.
Confirmed Mothman.
Eric (40:02):
Ooh, oh man, people would get their shit together right
quick.
I have often there's a Mothmanon the table.
Matt (40:08):
I have often thought about this, isn't either of these
things, but it's tangentiallyrelated.
When I'm in New York, I'veoften thought, like, what if
Spider-Man was real?
Because when you really breakit down, there would be moments
where you're just sitting there,you're or you're walking across
a block and all of a suddenswings down the block, and you
(40:31):
you then get to go home ifyou're visiting the city or
whatever and be like, I was inNew York, saw Spider-Man.
Like, yeah, wow.
Like flip.
He's just a factor of life.
Like you will see him around.
Yeah.
And like I think it's got toalter you as a person.
Yes.
And I think a mothman fits thatbill a little bit.
If there was just the one, likeyou got to see him.
(40:54):
Oh man, walking while he wasflittering around from the
Verrazano to the BrooklynBridges, constantly worried that
they're gonna collapse.
Eric (41:03):
Yeah.
Matt (41:03):
He only wants to warn you.
He only wants to help.
He's only trying to help whilstbeing terrifying.
So yeah, I think that's it.
I think that's about it.
I think I think we did a goodoption.
I honestly think the becausethe cat option, I think, is
good.
Yeah.
I'm no fan of cats.
But but it is a little hardfor.
For utility, I think it goes tocats.
(41:24):
I utility goes to cats, butthey're already there.
Like there's already stray catsin every fucking city.
They're just not as one-to-onewith pigeons as we're talking
about.
Yeah.
But I do think some of the moreexotic ones are fun.
I like penguins the best.
Penguins, yes, yes.
Eric (41:39):
I a puffin.
Matt (41:41):
Something cuter.
Because if we're upgrading it,we're upgrading not only the
number that a pigeon has, butalso more respect than the
pigeon receives.
Agreed.
Eric (41:52):
But Matt, I just remembered what we left on the
table.
Oh, good.
Sloths, Eric.
Sloths, Matt.
Matt (42:00):
Eric, way to get it at the at the right at the 11 yard
line.
Eric (42:05):
Because I feel like that's a no-brainer.
Matt (42:07):
Oh my God.
Eric, I love a sloth.
Eric (42:11):
And it proves everyone's day.
Yeah.
Matt (42:12):
You are somebody.
Your persona is a sloth.
And if you see a sloth tryingto make its way across the
street, you who isn't helpingthat sloth out?
It would be good for everyone.
It'd be good for everyone.
Eric (42:24):
There would be feeding stations all along for you to
get feed to give to the sloth.
Matt (42:29):
You're stuck in traffic, and as you're stuck in traffic,
you look up, and on this fuckingred light is just a sloth just
hanging out.
Eric (42:38):
Awww.
Matt (42:39):
Pandas.
Pandas would cause pandemonipandemonium.
Pandemonium.
Pandemonium.
That would be the spinningheadline.
Eric (42:49):
Pandemonium!
Matt (42:50):
Pandemonium.
Pandemic.
We're entering pandemoniumseason where the pandas are just
rolling.
Eric (42:56):
The papers would be getting into brawls in the
street over who gets to use whatheadline.
Matt (43:00):
Oh, yeah.
Gangs of New York style.
Eric (43:03):
Very, very.
Matt (43:05):
Well, uh, there you go, Derry King Eleven.
You've got several options touh to choose from there.
Um, but Eric, yeah, I thinkit's time to assess your
knowledge.
Eric (43:16):
Oh, Bubby.
Matt (43:17):
Oh, yeah, baby.
I'm here for it.
Now, I t I teed this up as aspin-off of a pop quiz.
Eric (43:24):
Okay.
Matt (43:25):
And Eric, what would be related to a pop quiz, would you
say?
Pop culture?
Pop music?
No, Eric, we have quizzesalready.
We need a test.
A test.
A test.
And I'm calling this a littlespin-off of pop quiz the top 10
(43:46):
test.
Okay.
Eric, uh I'm here and I'mlistening.
I have in front of me a top 10list.
Actually, I have a top 20 list,but we're only interested in
the 10.
Okay.
I have the top 20, Eric,because I'm gonna ask you uh I'm
gonna I'm gonna task you withgiving me this top 10 list.
(44:07):
I love this.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You give me uh I I won't burythe lead.
I wanted to start withsomething a little bit more
universal.
I thought about going off thecuff and getting you a random
top 10 list.
I have the top 10 list of thehighest grossing films.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Uh I thought this was a goodmiddle of the road situation
(44:30):
before I hit you with somethingsuper specific.
Eric (44:33):
Yeah.
Matt (44:34):
I have a scoring system worked out for you, Eric.
Okay.
You're getting some realpoints.
I have, I dare I say, a formulain this spreadsheet.
A rubric?
Uh indeed.
If you give me a film that isbetween 11 and 20, okay, so not
in the top ten.
I'll give you a courtesy point.
Eric (44:53):
Oh.
Matt (44:54):
A courtesy point.
Okay.
If you give honorable mention.
If you give me a film that isin the top ten, but not in the
right spot, five points.
Eric (45:05):
Oh, we're going for spots.
Matt (45:07):
Okay.
And if you get me the spotexactly right, 100% correct, 10
points.
Okay.
Any questions about my scoringsystem?
Eric (45:18):
No.
So so I my goal is get it inthe right spot for the top 10.
But if I if it's in the top 10and it's not the right spot, I
still get points.
And if it's in the top 20, Iget a point.
Matt (45:31):
I I give you a point because you got pretty close.
Okay.
You were in the ballpark withthe film.
I think we start at 10, we goto one.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll see how this goes.
This is an experiment.
I didn't run this folks.
I didn't run this by Eric atall.
I'm just doing this.
Eric (45:47):
So we're going, so I am now going to say what I think is
the 10th highest grossing filmof all time.
The 10th highest grossing film.
Matt (45:55):
This is the hardest part.
Um and if if you would like, Iuh I hesitate to say I'll give
you the year.
I could, but I do feel likethat makes things pretty easy on
some.
Don't give me the year.
But I can give you how much Ialso have in front of me how
much uh it has made to date anduh also its peak number.
(46:22):
So like it is at 10 now, butwhere it peaked.
Eric (46:26):
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Matt (46:27):
Are any of those things helpful, or do you just want to
throw a movie?
Eric (46:30):
No, I because I don't know the numbers on any of the
highest grossing films.
I don't think so.
I'm gonna say number 10.
Matt (46:36):
Uh-huh.
Eric (46:37):
I I I have I'm gonna establish a baseline.
Matt (46:41):
Okay, yeah, I think that's a good strategy.
Eric (46:44):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see if
I'm gonna I gotta throwsomething out there and we're
gonna see see where it lands.
See where get dip your toe in,so to speak.
I'm gonna say number 10.
Matt (46:56):
Yes.
Jurassic Park.
Eric, that is incorrect, butyou are going to be, and it
Jurassic Park, I'm afraid, isnot on the top 20 list.
Wow.
But you amazingly got thefranchise.
Eric (47:15):
Okay.
Matt (47:15):
And for that, I'm adjusting my own rubric on the
fly because I'm so impressedwith you.
I think if because some ofthese, I'm not gonna lie to you,
are franchise films, obviously.
I'm gonna give you two pointsbecause the tenth
highest-grossing film of alltime is Jurassic World, Eric.
(47:37):
Damn, is Jurassic World from2015.
It peaked at number three onthis list.
Eric (47:44):
Okay.
Matt (47:45):
If you're wondering.
So that brings us up to theninth highest grossing film of
all time.
Eric (47:52):
So Jurassic World being our baseline.
Matt (47:55):
Jurassic World, the 10th highest-grossing film of all
time.
Jurassic Park, not on the list.
Eric (48:00):
Not on the list.
So that tells me somethingabout I feel like a lot of these
movies.
Here's a question.
Are the majority of thesemovies post the year 2000?
Matt (48:12):
Yes.
Eric (48:13):
Okay.
Matt (48:14):
Yes, they are.
I could change this on the flyto be highest grossing adjusted
for inflation.
Ah, that's very different.
Eric (48:26):
That's very different.
Let's keep it, let's keep itthe way we're gonna be.
Matt (48:28):
That's an extremely different list.
Eric (48:30):
Extremely different list.
Matt (48:31):
And almost none of them are after the year 2000.
Eric (48:36):
I was gonna say, because that because my brain was at,
I'm like, oh, I'm sure likeadjusted.
Matt (48:40):
Adjusted for inflation, not a single film in the top ten
are above the year 2000 in thetop 10.
Eric (48:48):
Yep, that's about what I figured.
But yeah, let's keep doing itthe way we're doing with the
heart with the made most money.
Made most money.
Yeah.
So okay, so number nine.
So number nine.
Matt (48:57):
I think also I can give you a hint per film.
Ooh, okay, I'll take a hint.
I'll take a hint.
I'm not proud.
This is an animated sequel.
Eric (49:08):
Okay.
I'm gonna say ninth highestgrossing film of all time.
It is an animated sequel.
I'm gonna say frozen two.
Matt (49:18):
Frozen two, Eric, gets you a point.
Frozen two is number 15 on thelist.
Number 15.
Okay, okay, okay.
So you you get a bonus pointfor that, but you don't get
anything for number nine, whichis Inside Out Two.
Ah, okay.
(49:38):
Okay.
Inside Out Two or Okay.
Let's see how you do withnumber eight, the eighth highest
grossing film of all time.
Eric (49:46):
Here's another question.
Okay.
Of these top tens, is there afranchise that appears multiple
times?
Matt (49:54):
Yes.
Eric (49:55):
Yeah, I figured.
Okay.
Matt (49:58):
Eric, I'll I'll do you one better.
There are multiple franchisesthat appear multiple times.
Eric (50:05):
Oh, god damn it, how many minions movies are in this?
Um, okay.
Number eight.
I'm going to say give me thehint.
Give me that hint, you slut.
Matt (50:18):
This film has been mentioned, not explicitly, but
has been mentioned on thisepisode.
Eric (50:27):
Oh, that's fun.
Oh, that's fun.
Matt (50:32):
Oh the first word of this film has already appeared.
The pre-colon has alreadyappeared in this conversation,
Eric.
Eric (50:43):
Oh, it's a minions movie.
Matt (50:46):
Okay, not this exact conversation.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Within the past 57 minutes.
Eric (50:53):
Oh, within this conversation.
Yes, yes, okay.
Okay.
Oh man.
I'm gonna say.
Harry and the Henderson.
No, um, I'm gonna say.
Would you like another hint?
Matt (51:04):
I'll give you another hint.
Give me another hint.
The year is 2021.
Oh, okay.
Eric (51:10):
Okay.
Matt (51:11):
And I won't apply this to this, but I think you get one
hint, and if you request theyear, if you get points, it's
halved.
Eric (51:19):
That's fair.
Matt (51:20):
That's fair.
But I won't do it this time.
I'm making this up as we go.
Thank you.
I I I'm gonna say puss inboots.
Puss in boots is wrong and doesnot appear in the top 20, so
I'm afraid you get no points.
Eric (51:35):
It's Spider-Man No Way Home.
Damn.
Okay, there's gonna be a lot ofMarvel up here, too.
Matt (51:41):
There could be.
There could very well be.
The seventh highest grossingfilm of all time, Eric.
And what's that hint?
Oh, what's that hint?
It's a Marvel film.
Yeah.
I'll cut right to the quicksince we're talking about it.
Eric (51:55):
I'm gonna say, then I'm gonna say Guardians of the
Galaxy.
Guardians of the Galaxy.
I'm gonna say Guardians of theGalaxy.
No, I'm gonna say Deadpool 2.
Matt (52:10):
Deadpool 2, Eric.
Yes.
Deadpool 2 does not appear onthis list, although I I think I
still have the actual tab up.
Deadpool and Wolverine.
You just miss a bonus pointbecause that's well, actually,
you said Deadpool 2.
Deadpool and Wolverine is the21st highest grossing film of
all time.
No, Eric, we're talking aboutAvengers Infinity War.
Eric (52:35):
No, Infinity War's got endgame somewhere on here.
Now it's just a question ofwhere.
Matt (52:40):
Just a question of where, you think, huh?
Uh okay.
This is number six, the highestgrossing film of all time.
I'm gonna say minions.
You're gonna say minions here.
Shoot your shot here.
It is a miss.
Minions does not appear on thetop 20 at all, I'm afraid.
(53:00):
Now, uh the movie in questionwas Star Wars, The Force
Awakens.
Force Awakens, sixth highestgrossing film of all time.
Now we're on number five, and Iwon't lie to you, Eric.
This is the only film on thelist I was unfamiliar with.
Ooh, okay, it's probablyBollywood.
(53:21):
It is not Bollywood, and I'lltell you this for free.
Okay.
Came out in 2025, this veryyear, and I had never heard of
it.
So I I what I'm saying is, ifyou get it, I'll be extremely
impressed with you.
Eric (53:40):
I'm just trying to think if there's any.
I'm going to say, is the titlein English?
Matt (53:48):
No.
Eric (53:49):
Fuck.
Ongbok 7.
2 Bach Five Furious.
Matt (53:57):
It is Nizha 2, a 2025 Chinese adult animated adventure
fantasy action film written anddirected by Giozi.
It is the direct sequel toNizha in 2019.
And it is based on the Chinesemythological character of uh Zhu
(54:18):
Zonglin.
Yeah.
Zonglin's oh, 16th centurynovel Investiture of the Gods.
Well, you know they put outthat song recently, like
Everyday I Be Zonglin.
Everyday Be Zonglin, but notyou, Eric.
Uh, so that's the fifthhighest-grossing film of all
time.
Okay.
I thought we should movequickly on it because I don't
know how it's there, let alonehow it has made.
(54:40):
Hold on, let me translate somecommas.
$2,215,690, damn.
Damn.
Number four, Eric, the fourthhighest grossing film of all
time.
Eric (54:54):
We're grossing billions out.
Give me that hint.
Matt (54:56):
It is the only film in the top 20 that came out before the
year 2000.
Yeah.
Pretty good.
Titanic.
Eric, you get 10 points.
Yes! Ten points, Eric.
It is Titanic.
Yep, it had to be.
Titanic.
Had to be.
Let's move on up to numberthree, Eric.
(55:19):
Number three.
Eric (55:21):
Avatar.
Final answer?
No, give me the hint first.
I keep forgetting those are onthe table.
Hmm.
Matt (55:31):
This the director of this film appears in the top ten
three times.
Eric (55:40):
That it has me leaning Cameron.
And I'm gonna s but I'm gonnasay what the fuck else did he
make?
He did, he did Titanic.
He did he did Day AfterTomorrow, didn't he?
Matt (55:54):
No, that's Roland Emmerich.
Oh, okay.
Eric (55:57):
James Cameron.
Matt (55:58):
Uh Terminator, uh Aliens.
Eric (56:01):
Uh yeah.
I'll I'm I'm gonna I'm gonnastick with my answer of Avatar.
Avatar.
That's what you're telling me.
Matt (56:10):
Final answer.
The blue, the Navi.
The Navi.
Yes.
The full title of the film isAvatar.
Avatar 2.
All right.
I gave it away to you a littlebit.
I gave it away to you.
But it is Avatar, the Way ofWater.
Which fucking I couldn't.
I'll give you, you got it.
I'll give you all 10 points.
I think I watched it.
Eric (56:31):
I made it like 20 minutes into that movie.
I haven't watched it.
Fuck it.
It's bad.
Matt (56:35):
I haven't watched it, and I have uh no interest in fire
and blood or whatever it'scalled.
Uh Fire and Ash, I think is thenew one.
Uh okay.
The second highest grossingfilm of all time, just for fun,
I will tell you it did peak atnumber one.
Eric (56:50):
Avatar.
Matt (56:51):
Eric, you answered very quickly, and that is incorrect,
I'm afraid.
No, you mentioned itpreviously.
Oh, I'm sorry, Eric.
You do get five bonus pointsfor putting Avatar out of order.
So, yes, that automaticallyreveals that Avatar is number
(57:11):
one, the highest grossing filmof all time.
I like it.
It was it was for a whiledisplaced by number two, which
is Avengers Endgame.
Game.
Eric (57:22):
Yeah, damn it.
I I it was like it was it oneof the got there, I was like,
okay, it's endgame and adventand avatar.
Just a question of which.
Matt (57:30):
So, Eric, you came out of this this this kind of created
as I go a little bit top 10 testwith 28 points.
I like it.
You received a bonus point foruh Frozen 2, which is the 14th
highest grossing film of 15thhighest grossing film of all
time, two for Jurassic World.
Uh, but yeah, just to gothrough it, number 10, Jurassic
(57:51):
World, nine, inside out, eight,Spider-Man No Way Home, Avengers
Infinity War, number seven,Force Awakens, number six, Z
Niza Two, number five, Titanic,Avatar Way of Water, Avengers
Endgame, and the highestgrossing film of all time is
Avatar.
Adjusted for inflation, thehighest grossing film of all
(58:11):
time remains Gone with the Wind.
God damn right.
Uh are you interested inknowing the 20, 20 through 11
just for fun?
Eric (58:19):
Let me know them.
Yeah, let me let's see, let'sget all these honorable
mentions.
Matt (58:23):
Number 20, which peaked at the third highest film of all
time, Harry Potter and theDeathly Hollows part, duh.
Oh, I bet there's a bunch ofHarry Potters in here.
Not anymore.
It's the only remaining HarryPotter on the top 20.
Eric (58:35):
Yeah.
Matt (58:36):
Uh Black Panther is number 19.
Nice.
The Super Mario Brothers movieis number 18.
Age of Avengers Age of Ultronis 17.
Yeah.
Barbie is fro is is 16.
We already know Frozen 2 is 15.
Top Gun Maverick is number 14.
Uh I I can't believe you didn'toffer a guess of this
(59:00):
franchise.
It's Furious Seven is the 13thgrossing film of all time.
Uh Avengers is um uh number 12,and number 11, peeking at 11,
is the Lion King, but not theone you want it to be.
It is the 2019 live action lionking king.
(59:23):
It is gross.
I agree with you.
So, Eric, what's your review ofthis game?
I love it.
Do we ever play it again?
Eric (59:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to play this with younow.
Matt (59:31):
Yeah, you gotta give me a top 10.
And again, I thought brieflyabout really uh doing something.
I thought about books or inpublication or like uh the AFI's
list of villains or heroes orsomething.
So, you know, the but I want Ithought this is a good baseline.
(59:52):
Yeah, this is a good baseline.
Uh so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The top 10 test, Eric.
You got 28 points.
Hell yeah.
Do with that what you do.
D's get degrees.
D's get degrees.
Eric (01:00:06):
That would be a 30%, which would be an F.
Matt (01:00:09):
Now, it might work better if uh there was somebody else
here playing against you,perhaps.
But you know, this is a test.
This is an assessment ofyourself and your skills and
your knowledge.
And you got 28 out of, I guess,a possible 100.
I guess a perfect score wouldbe 100.
Uh, but nevertheless, that willabout do it.
(01:00:31):
That'll about do it for thisrambling episode of You Didn't
Ask For This, as opposed to allthe others.
We do need your questions,folks.
Please submit them to us atudinaskforthis at gmail.com.
You can leave a comments uh ora DM on our Instagram handle at
you didn't ask pod.
That's the letter you didn'task pod.
You can call the thought lineand give us an audio message at
(01:00:55):
410-929-5329.
And of course, you can give itto us direct, direct to the
veins, like an IV.
Yes.
Fuck just drip it.
Via the Discord.
Eric (01:01:09):
How do they get to the Discord, Eric?
Remind me.
Matt, go to patreon.com slashyou didn't ask for this.
Uh, and for one dollar a month,you get access to the daft
discord.
The you daft's chord.
The you daft.
The vibes are immaculate.
So nice.
We have an orgy dome.
We have an orgy dome.
(01:01:30):
Uh tell us what you'rebringing.
And for four dollars a month,now less than a cup of coffee
from my local cafe down thestreet.
You get access to the Discord,you get monthly bonus content in
the form of oops, all tangents,and you get 20% off of all your
daft merchandise in the store.
Matt (01:01:53):
And not for nothing, just a little tease.
We very well could have newmerch coming soon.
Just putting it out there.
And there's one last new bonusuh option for for anyone in the
Discord.
If you would like, in advanceof our upcoming 2026 Bingo Sode,
(01:02:15):
to submit a listener submissionthat will be an official option
for you to choose on yourYadafed Bingo in 2026.
You can submit your bingooptions and ideas to us in the
bingo channel in the Discord.
That is the only valid way todo it.
God damn right.
Give us your dollar.
(01:02:35):
Give us your dollar?
Give us that book.
Can potentially put your ideaon our very lists.
Eric (01:02:43):
Imagine that I am aiming a gun at you and brandishing a
knife.
This is extortion.
What?
Matt (01:02:51):
Eric, very violent.
Yeah.
Someone like that.
Ooh.
Ooh, hello.
I know they're dirty.
A little dangerous listeners,huh?
Give me your buck.
But that'll about do it.
For all of us here, you didn'task for this.
My name is Matt Shea.
My name's Eric Poach.
And listen, you certainlydidn't ask.
Eric (01:03:12):
But uh literally 30 minutes before we were
recording, uh, my housemateswere doing some yard work
outside and they were in thecrawl space under the house, and
we found a briefcase, and theyran up that was that none of us
know anything about.
Uh, so they ran up here andsaid, You have to come down.
We found a briefs case.
We're gonna open it.
(01:03:33):
Yeah, baby.
And we opened it up and turnedout to be a carrying case for
eight tracks, of which therewere zero in it.
But it is a very handsome case.
It is like an odd, it's like a1970s like case.
Brown on the outside, orangevelvet on the inside.
Oh, very fancy.
Very fancy.
Matt (01:03:52):
I mean, you know, for the story, you could have made us
something up that's a little bitmore than a little bit.
Eric (01:03:58):
What I what I will say is this there's a lot of shit down
there, and we've only juststarted exploring.
Matt (01:04:03):
We've only just begun.
Okay, that'll about do that.
Yeah.
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