98 | The Church of Latter Day Podcasts

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Episode Transcript

Eric (00:00):
Matt, can I share with you one of my guiltiest pleasures?
I wish you would One of myguiltiest pleasures.
And I say that there's noactual guilt involved, it's just
fun for me.
So I was raised Catholic.
Sure, same In a predominantlyChristian area Sure.

(00:21):
In a predominantly Christiancountry?
Sure, same.
You know I am not that I'm notchristian.
Um, nothing but sin, love,empathy and respect to all
people of faith, just to putthat out there.
Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure,um, but my guiltiest pleasure,

(00:41):
something I love and, havinggrown up in, like and you felt
that was all necessary preambleto whatever you're about to say.

Matt (00:48):
Yes, okay, yes, just make it true, it is true.

Eric (00:50):
It is because of that background I have been exposed,
and I feel like this issomething you enjoy too.
Uh-huh, I have been exposed toone of my all my life, one of my
favorite facets of like culturein the place I grew up clever
church signs.
Oh yeah, those are delightful.

(01:11):
We love a clever church sign.

Matt (01:13):
You don't need to be a person of faith to appreciate a
clever church sign.

Eric (01:20):
One of my favorites from church in my hometown give Satan
an inch and he will become aruler Classic.
That's really good, like,that's really good.
There there was the one churchin town that like was on top of
their fucking game.
But I, I, I say all of that soI can say I, I, the other day I

(01:40):
saw hands down the best one,okay it day.
I saw hands down the best one,okay it in instant, instant
winner, it wins the game.
Okay, I'm ready, we're.
And it caught me, totallyunawares, like I was.
We were driving and we turned acorner.
I just glanced over at thischurch sign and the church sign
said, and I quote, too hot tokeep changing sign Jesus good

(02:04):
sin, bad Details within.
Inquire within that's good, itbroke me.
It broke me when I saw Jesus.
Good sin is bad.

(02:25):
Details within.
Details within and the layersthere because the details within
the church, within yourself,within Christ, you know what.
It's open to interpretation.
It's open into interpretation,which is what a good church sign
should do, which brings me to akind of sort of follow-up.
Alyssa, just a few minutes ago,before I was coming up to

(02:45):
record the podcast, she was likeOoh, you should ask Matt this.
Okay, if you had the church ofMatt, church of?
Matt and I had the church ofEric Uh-huh.
What would our signs say?

Matt (02:55):
So, first of all, we wouldn't have one unified church
, we'd be two different churches.

Eric (03:00):
Oh, we can have a unified church because we can take turns
on sign duty.

Matt (03:03):
The Church of Udaft.
The Church of Udaft.
Yes, no, we can do better thanthat.

Eric (03:11):
In the name of the Matthew , the Poach and the Holy Centaur
.

Matt (03:14):
Our Immaculate Podcast.

Eric (03:16):
Our Immaculate Podcast.

Matt (03:20):
Immaculate Heart of Udaft.

Eric (03:22):
The Latter Day Podcasts.
The Latter Day Podcasts yes,yeah, immaculate heart of your
deft.
The latter day podcasts.
The latter day podcasts yes,yeah, so what gut buster signs
would we come up with?

Matt (03:36):
Or clever.

Eric (03:37):
They don't have to be funny, they just have to be
clever.
I feel like a good one would be.
Like you know, you didn't ask,but services 3 am Every Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.

Matt (03:48):
You didn't ask, but but um , I don't know, I think we'd
have to be very cash with it,Like have to be very cash Cause
I feel like we like the key to agood sign.

Eric (03:57):
You want to hook them right.
You want to get them into thechurch which are, are, are non.
You know sectarian church,which are our non.
You know sectarian church.
You know what I mean.
We're not like, we're not,we're not, we're not championing
a specific religion here, otherthan you know our podcast,
false idols and all that yeah,we could say something like we
don't have commandments, but wedo have a fellowship hall

(04:20):
cappuccino inside, you know oh,sell them on the perks.
Sell them like ac cleanbathrooms, cushioned chairs,
down to chill down down to chillthat's just that's it down to
chill?

Matt (04:37):
I don't know if I've told this on this, the podcast before
, but a number of years ago atthis point I was back in
Lancaster for Christmas and itwas one of, if not the last,
year that my mom not my dad, hegave up on that a long time ago.
But my mom went to church withme and Lindsay for Christmas Eve

(04:58):
and there's a new priest Ithink I've talked about this
before so I apologize, but he'sI don't know his name, he's not
Monsignor Yutz.
Still got that new priest smell.
He's got that new priest smell,but he has a very different
aura about him.
Like all my life going to, youknow, christmas Eve mass.

(05:22):
We always go to like the likefour o'clock, you know, yeah,
but you got to get there at likethree to get to get seats.

Eric (05:32):
There's no hell like Christmas mass standing room.

Matt (05:36):
No, I've never once stood for a mass.

Eric (05:39):
Nor I, frannie Mae, frannie Mae Poach would never,
no, no, no, no, no.

Matt (05:44):
And so we would be back there.
Right, we got in there, we satdown, but in the previous
incarnation, when Monsignor Yutz, who I famously have talked
about, Monsignor.
Yutz.
I saw him in a Hawaiian shirtand everything.
He had this like whatever therobes are, he had this like this
robe with all these likecartoon, like smiling kids.

(06:04):
And he had this like um, thisrobe with all these like cartoon
, like smiling kids, and he onlywore it for christmas eve mass.
Because he did like he.
He had a big picture book, he'dcall up all the kids and he'd
tell the story of christmas orwhatever at the front of the
altar.
And it was genuine, genuinelylike nice.
And it was also nice for me ina way, because, like I did that
when I was very little, like Iwent up to monsignor yotes's

(06:26):
like story time thing and thenwas witnessing kids, like as in
my 20s, like, yeah, being like,oh, I used to do that like this
is a weird full circle moment,yeah, so, like christmas eve
mass, like you know, allreligious aspects aside, it was
like, uh, I didn't want to go in, you know, once I was going
back to lancaster, but once Iwas there, I was like, oh, this

(06:47):
is a weird, like an interestingmoment of introspection of like
oh, I look that's memories fromyour childhood being full circle
well, it's like literally, likethat's where I was and this is
where I am, like it's aninteresting moment.
Monsignor yutz retired a numberof years ago and who took his
place?
I don't know, I don't thinkhe's dead.

(07:09):
You just kiss the sky.
I don't think he's dead.
I think he's just living withchrist somewhere.

Eric (07:14):
He's just lounging on.
What do you retired priests do?

Matt (07:18):
I don't know, I don't know , uh, but anyway he, um, I don't
know, but anyway he, I don'tknow, I'll call.

Eric (07:23):
We'll get him as a guest.
Oh my God, if we could pullMonsignor Yutz, monsignor Yutz.

Matt (07:29):
Anyway, if he's alive, if he's alive.
I'm sure he listens to thepodcast.
Big ups to you, Monsignor YutzBig ups.
So, anyway, this guy comes in.
It is like I'm serious, it'slike 3.40 for the four o'clock
mass and he says we got a fullhouse, let's go Love him.

(07:55):
He comes in and Eric, I shityou not.
He was like we've got three ofthese masses today.
I'm not fucking around.
He probably it was probably 35minutes max, like he was zooming
those peace by with yous cameup so quick.

(08:15):
Everyone was taken aback.
Everyone was like whoa, I'm notprepared to shake anyone's hand
.
Aren't we going to have thekids up?
No, fuck them kids, he said.

Eric (08:26):
But not like that.

Matt (08:28):
Notably not like that, not like that, not like that, not
like that.
I am not outing anyone here, Iam not reporting any news as far
as I know, my church back homeis scandal free as far as I know
.
I confessed to priests and hadno issue.
Okay, okay.
By the way this cold open hastaken a weird turn.

(08:50):
Yeah, let's open this up.
You said you were raisedCatholic.
Yeah, have you been confirmed?

Eric (08:57):
Yeah, Did you make it to?

Matt (08:59):
confirmation.

Eric (09:00):
I had communion.
Did you get to confession?
Did you ever confess?
I did confession for communion,really yeah.

Matt (09:08):
Okay, so did you ever, ever have any actual things to
confess, though if you onlyconfessed, I was like 12.
That's what I mean.

Eric (09:15):
Yeah, I confessed stealing a plastic emerald gem from
Disney World when I was a kid.
I think I told that story onthis podcast.

Matt (09:25):
Let's cut right to it.
You ever confess aboutmasturbating.

Eric (09:28):
No, goodness no.
I did.
That's my special sin, I did.

Matt (09:33):
And when you do, when you do, okay, so I did.
It was, you know, teens, youknow 14, whatever.
And so, like I can't believe, Isummoned this up, but like it's
like you got to build up to it,Like you're like, yeah, you

(09:54):
know, I stole some bread fromschool, whatever, Like I'm Jean
Valjean and so you're doing allthese little ones, and then
you're like you know, Imasturbate from time to time,
Time to time.

Eric (10:09):
You try to sneak it in.
Father, I have known myself inthe biblical sense.

Matt (10:14):
As if the priest is going to be like.

Eric (10:16):
What was that that brings me to?
Here's what I got for a sign.
You pull around the corner.
There's the Daft Church ofLatter-day Podcasts.
There it is.
Sign yes, just says shouldn'tyou be in church right now?

Matt (10:34):
That's it.
That's your play out that youbuilt to yeah.
Yeah, we should have stuck withthe tangent.
Well, hello everybody andwelcome to our Christianity

(11:04):
podcast.
Just kidding, it's, you Didn'tAsk For this the podcast
answering life's least pressingquestions.
My name is Matt Shea, my name'sEric Poach, and also with you
and also with your spirit, yeah,I can adapt.
Okay, okay, okay, okay Can'tteach an old church new tricks
In this church of Latter dayAdaphs, what would we?

Eric (11:26):
what would our be, and also with you what would be our
handshake moment?

Matt (11:29):
First of all, I don't want a handshake moment.
I don't want to touch anybody.
I don't want to make anybodyelse touch you.
Weird, too, weird Ooh.
Instead of a collection bin,right, when it comes time for
collection, to beg for moneywhen we pass around the basket,
instead of putting things intothe basket.
What if the basket just full oflike candy little treats just?

Eric (11:48):
candy, oh, and then, and then, like everyone takes out a
piece of candy but then they canlike, he's like, yeah, I gotta
grab it quick, and then like thepiece be with you, can just be
everyone like doing like littlecandy trades.

Matt (11:59):
They're like, oh, yeah, oh yo, you want to reseal candy
trick?
Yeah, eric.

Eric (12:02):
Yeah.

Matt (12:02):
Eric, let's invent a religion.

Eric (12:05):
Let's invent a religion, let's get that done.

Matt (12:06):
Not this episode.
We had a plan.

Eric (12:08):
No, let's get that tax exemption.

Matt (12:10):
We've already fucked that plan.
But you know, yeah, somebodyask us to make a religion and
we'll do it.

Eric (12:17):
Yeah.

Matt (12:18):
But you have to ask, you have to ask, and, and so we like
for free doesn't count.
If we do it, we have to get, wehave to be called, we have to
be called.
You know, and that's what theysay.
You know, sometimes people geta calling and we need you to
provide our calling so you cancall the thought line, call the
thought line at 410-929-5329 andwe'll we'll be called.

(12:42):
Listen, we got a lot of stuff toget to in this episode.
I mean, we got content in thisepisode that we threw together
roughly 20 minutes ago, but webut we have to begin with
multiple circle back follow-upsbecause, also, eric, I am
realizing in this moment, wehave to address a bingo square
as well, which we didn't talkabout pre pre-show.

(13:03):
Oh, we do.
What bingo square we do?
We'll talk about it in a minute, okay, so first of all, we did
first circle back follow-up.
We got a email that I think weneed to address, eric, would you
like to read it to the people?

Eric (13:18):
This is this is an email from good friend of the pod, uh
juniper.
Thanks for writing in juniperuh, if you recall a little while
back, uh, we bestowed aknighthood onto juniper first,
first night of this podcast.
First night of the podcast,juniper and juniper wrote to us
and said my lords, matthew anderic, I was pleased to be

(13:41):
bestowed with an honorableknighthood of the sun and of
mathematics.
Apparently in June, episode 92,gritty Ask Gallagher, and then,
in true knightly fashion, theylinked to the pot Like this is
such a well-crafted email.

Matt (13:55):
I was just going to say I have to pause.
Juniper provided a link to ourown podcast episode, as if we
would have to be like hold on.
We said what.

Eric (14:09):
Let's go.
Anyway, continue.
It's the podcast nightequivalent of God Save the King.
I have been woefully delayed inextending my sincere gratitude,
due, unfortunately, to life andshit, and also with your spirit
Trust that I have carried it inmy heart all this time and I am

(14:31):
prepared to protect the honorof the podcast at any moment.

Matt (14:35):
Yes, juniper, yes, thank you, juniper.
And you know what?
That would have been enoughright there, that would have
been enough, but yet the messagecontinues.

Eric (14:44):
Howe'er, I must point out that in episode 88, it's Raining
Libertarians also linked thepodcast.

Matt (14:52):
Which is the episode where the neat cast joined us.
In case you need the, reference.

Eric (14:57):
I must point out that in episode 88, it's Raining
Libertarians.
The first person to solve thetrain riddle was promised free
swag, possibly a customharmonica.
In fact, poach gave a pinkyswear which I believe is legally
binding in the podcast realm.
My lords, I must entreat you tofulfill your promises to your

(15:18):
people and in particular me.
You may remit swag to and gaveus a dress, signs off with a bow
and a flourish Juniper PS.
I must also compliment Eric'slovely falsetto in his heartfelt
rendition of Angel.
Rest in peace, jer.

Matt (15:37):
Yes, which Juniper Bringing back multiple bits,
bringing back multiple bits From10 episodes ago, and Matt.

Eric (15:47):
I appreciate this email for so many.
For one, sir Juniper came socorrect, like all proper forms
of address.
But also Matt reminded us ofour.
We can make knights.
We are we can.

Matt (16:09):
We've only made one, but we can make more.
But do we?

Eric (16:13):
not have a responsibility.
To our bannerman, yeah, to ourour men of foot and horse, I'd
say so.
Juniper, sir, juniper, rightlyso, has not so much thrown a
gauntlet but like, gently, like,put, like put a post-it note
picture of a gauntlet right likeat our feet, says oh hey, I'm a

(16:33):
knight, remember there's agauntlet, I remember there is a
gauntlet.
And you, you have a duty toyour, to your knights and it'd
be a shame if someone had tothrow it it'd be a real shame
terrible terrible shame ifsomeone had to throw this down
right, shame, my lord, raw shame.
Um so, juniper, a thank you forreminding us of our, of our duty

(16:57):
.
Not that we forgot.
Not that we forgot.
No, not that we forgotsomething we said on this
podcast.
No, not not that we forgot.
We were merely.
This was a test and you passed.

Matt (17:07):
It is a test and you passed.
And listen, here's what I'llsay.
We did say some shit, then wepromptly forgot it, but you,
Juniper, the first night ofYadaft, were right to remind us
and I will say this this is atrue story.
We have been having activeconversations about getting
merch going.

(17:28):
Yes, In fact, I'll peel backthe curtain.

Eric (17:32):
The whole way.
Oh shit, expose them, exposethem, matthew.

Matt (17:36):
We were talking about launching merch for episode 100.
Yeah, some things have happened.
We will be launching somethingfor episode 100, but not merch,
so there's a little bit of ateaser for you, but we will be
getting merch before long.

Eric (17:53):
And Juniper, you have not been forgotten, your service has
not been in vain.

Matt (18:00):
It has not been in vain, it has not been for aught.
It has not been in vain, it hasnot been for aught.
When we get merch going, wewill make sure to get you a code
that gets you a free, whateverthe fuck you want.
But beyond that, eric, becauseJuniper did send us an address
here, I think maybe we will lookinto that harmonica.

Eric (18:22):
Maybe, I think, juniper, first among knights, first among
knights, has more than earned acustom harmonica Blast among
sinners.
We will look into getting you aone-of-a-kind merch item, and
we thank thee for reminding usof our duty.

Matt (18:42):
We thank thee.
Now, I said that was not ouronly Circleback follow-up.
Oh, yeah.
We have more.
And before we get to thescheduled one, eric, I'm
realizing that, as we'rerecording this episode, in about
half an hour, the Olympicclosing ceremonies will be
taking place.
It's already over, yes, it'salready over, fuck.
And so, as many of you know, wehad two Olympic-related bingo

(19:06):
squares for this year's bingo.
The first will knock out rightaway.
It was Rwanda will win theirfirst ever medal.

Eric (19:15):
They didn't, they super did not, I'm pulling for them,
I'm pulling for them next timeDidn't even come close, so
they're out of it.

Matt (19:23):
The other one, so that's a big red square for everybody.
However, we do, I think, have agreen square.
We had another square, for theUS will lead all medals and gold
medals and, my friends, theUnited States absolutely wiped
the goddamn floor in terms ofall medals 126 is our total

(19:51):
count.
The closest was China with 91.
Not even close, realistically,honestly, not even close.
But then, eric, we do have aproblem because it was would
lead in all medals and goldmedals.
That was the square.
It's gotta be.
Both did we lead in gold medals.
The us and china are tied atthe end of the olympics with 40

(20:16):
gold medals a piece.
40 gold medals a piece.
I think it's only fair, with atie, to consider silver as the
tiebreaker.
What do you think, eric?

Eric (20:29):
I would take silver as the tiebreaker because, man, yeah,
because we got, oh, I wouldaccept.

Matt (20:34):
In that case it's 44 to 27 .
Usa baby USA.

Eric (20:40):
USA, usa USA.

Matt (20:41):
USA.

Eric (20:44):
It wouldn't be an Olympics without technicalities coming
into play, absolutely so withthat folks, everybody, light up
that green green bingo square.

Matt (20:54):
So we've got.
We lost one, we won one.

Eric (20:57):
That's your bingo update do you know what I didn't have
on my bingo card for theOlympics?
Tell me France taking all threemedals for BMX.
Eric, did you watch some of theOlympics?
I watched two events.

Matt (21:12):
I'm shocked at that, because you got into soccer
after all.
I thought you would havewatched some of the Olympics
soccer it sounds like you didn't.

Eric (21:19):
I did not.
I watched BMX because Alyssawas like they're doing BMX in
the Olympics for the first time.
We're watching it and I'm likecool.
And then I watched second time.
I watched women's three by threebasketball, which was really
fucking cool.
I watched US versus Canada,which was like neck and neck,

(21:40):
and that was really intense.

Matt (21:41):
What I love about the Olympics is watching sports you
would never watch in any othercontext.
No, but you feel so vehementlyproud of it.
Yes.

Eric (21:53):
God yes.

Matt (21:55):
Neither of us obviously ever had the mentality to be an
Olympic athlete.
No, Forget about the physicalskill and talent I mean because
you have to sacrifice your wholegoddamn childhood.

Eric (22:05):
It has to become your entire identity in your life.

Matt (22:07):
It has to be everything you have to eat, breathe, drink
it, yes, every day, day in, dayout, and so I don't know I have
such a.
I love watching the Olympicsbecause everybody is like this
is, and even when there's anembarrassing moment or whatever.
I don't know if you saw thepole vaulter who was
disqualified because of hisgiant cock.

(22:28):
Wait, really.

Eric (22:29):
I'm sorry.

Matt (22:30):
Excuse me.
Yeah, there was an unfortunatepole vaulter who got his old
junk stuck on the pole there,and you know you hate?

Eric (22:40):
to see it.

Matt (22:40):
You hate to see it used as a handicap.

Eric (22:43):
What a good problem to have.

Matt (22:45):
I mean surely put that on your hinge profile.
But like you know Olympic dream, you know you do these reps
over and over again.
And then Olympic dreams crushedby one bad thing.

Eric (22:59):
The curse of this massive hog.

Matt (23:02):
Yeah, and I'm just sitting on my couch like, oh, what a
shame.
I feel so bad.
But at the same time, whenthere's other olympians who are
not us based and they do like alittle teeter-totter on the
balance beam, I'm like patheticyeah, you got.

Eric (23:19):
Yeah, you got to, you got it.
When it comes the olympics isthe Olympics is like the safest
place.
I feel just going so fuckinghard for my country.
Yeah, it's the entire point ofthe Olympics.

Matt (23:32):
I am full body, like shouting, cheering when Simone
Biles is out there doing herthing and then she finishes and
I'm like you look happy, so Ithink you killed it, like you
know, I got no idea.

Eric (23:48):
I have no context for what any of this is.
Also, I'll tell you what I'mimpressed.

Matt (23:53):
I'm impressed you impress this judge Simone.

Eric (23:57):
I'm sitting there with, like fucking shoveling another
McDouble into my face Justtrying to get my colors Like, oh
, watching, oh watching,watching.

Matt (24:04):
Like the new zealand athletes like, oh, that was
sloppy I well, this year was sodifferent because of the
swimming competitions in the senand people were worried about e
coli.

Eric (24:14):
Oh, I know it's so goddamn funny to me, but um also quick
shout out to aman khalif fortaking gold in boxing yeah.
After all of that fuckingbullshit, nonsense, non-issue,
non-controversial, like anything.

Matt (24:31):
So dumb Katie Ledecky also you killed it.
So many people that don'tlisten to the podcast will
congratulate separately.

Eric (24:39):
Also another thing I realized I didn't have on my
bingo card for the OlympicsMm-hmm.
Also another thing I realized Ididn't have on my bingo card
for the Olympics.
Didn't anticipate Australiadoing so badly at breakdancing
that it is no longer going to bean Olympic event.

Matt (24:52):
Well, I was going to say, did like people were all.

Eric (24:55):
I've been reading up on the backstory.

Matt (24:57):
Oh no, you've got to watch the clip.
Oh, I've seen.

Eric (25:00):
Oh, I've seen, I saw it.
That's why I say technically Isaw three, because I watched it
on TikTok.

Matt (25:05):
So many people were like why is breakdancing an Olympic
sport?
And I'm not trying to get intothe debate of whether or not
it's a sport, I'm just sayingthis Australian breakdancer
might have killed the event.

Eric (25:19):
Yeah.

Matt (25:21):
It was so bad might have killed it in one go.

Eric (25:25):
I, I, I do think they've, they've actually confirmed that.
Uh, I, I'm, I forget wherethey're hosting it in this.

Matt (25:31):
This was about los angeles .

Eric (25:33):
Los angeles coming home yeah, coming home, home, baby,
uh.
But yeah, they're like breakdancing won't be there, I don't
think so I don't know it andwhich is a shame hey how about
we get an Olympic event forpodcasting, sean?

Matt (25:46):
Olympic podcasting, olympic podcasting, think about
it, think about it, think aboutit.
Okay, we got to move on.
We're burning time here, so wehave yet another Circleback
follow-up and that is related toour request for your requests

(26:06):
for what you want to hear us doin a pilot voice, and we got
them from you daft giants.
We got two of them one fromSarah Feldman and one from our
attorney, carissa Hatfield,representation of you daft,
legally both former guests ofthe show, and they both.
They both provided thefollowing.

Eric (26:29):
Now I was actually gonna say should we say what was
requested or should we juststart doing it in the pilot
voice and let people figure outwhat the fuck we're doing?
I think that one.

Matt (26:39):
Okay, you do the first one , I'll do.

Eric (26:42):
I'll do the first one I'll do the second one I I was
hoping that would be the case.
This is going to take so muchtime.
Oh, this is going to take somuch time, but, babies, it's
worth it.
Yes, I'm ready to go.
Go for it.
Good afternoon, ladies andgentlemen.
It's 2.42 on a beautiful Sundayafternoon in Maryland Today.

(27:05):
You're going to go ahead andgrab one cup salted butter
softened, one cup granulatedsugar, one cup light brown sugar
packed, two teaspoons purevanilla extract, two large eggs,
three cups all-purpose flourDon't forget that one teaspoon
baking soda, half a teaspoonbaking powder, one teaspoon
diesel, two cups chocolate chip-so, if you look under your

(27:26):
seats, you'll start preheatingyour oven to 375 Fahrenheit.
In a medium bowl found in theoverhead compartment, you'll
grab some baking soda, bakingpowder and salt.
Set aside Cream together,butter and sugar until combined.
Beat in eggs and vanilla untillight about one minute.
Now you're going to mix yourdry ingredients until combined.
Add eggs and vanilla untillight about one minute.
Now you're gonna mix your dryingredients till combined.

(27:47):
Add chocolate chips and mixwell.
Now, around this time today,you're gonna start rolling two
to three tablespoons, dependingon how large, like cookies of
dough at a time into balls andplace them evenly spaced in your
prepared cookie sheets.
Bake and preheat the oven forapproximately eight to ten
minutes.
Take them out when they're justbarely start.
Let them sit in the baking panbefore moving to a cooling rack
all right, y'all take it easy,we'll have a good cookie thank

(28:11):
you, captain, thank you verygood very good.

Matt (28:15):
Um, it should be clear, I think, what that is.
But, um, you know mine, you mayor may not get right away.
But again, the actual request Ijust want to say was to say the
entirety of this.
For the sake of time.

(28:36):
I'm going to say I'm going to doa selection of it, but the rest
of it I'll do it all now, butwe'll put the rest of it maybe
after the credits, if you're soinclined.
How does that sound to you,pudge?
That sounds perfect, babe.
All right, let's get it.
Shall we get into it?
Let's get into it.
Good evening, ladies andgentlemen.

(29:00):
Thank you so much for flying.
You're daft, eh yeah, we'reapproaching BWI and I, just as
we start our ground, descent.
I just thought this would be agood time to mention that I am
not throwing away my shot Again,just in case I didn't come
through.
I am not throwing away my shot.
You know, I'm just like mycountry.

(29:20):
You know I'm young.
I'm scrappy Hungry.
I'm not throwing away my shot.
You see, travelers, I got ascholarship there to King's
College.
I probably shouldn't brag, butdang, I am amazed and astonished
.
You see, the problem is I got alot of brains but also no
polish, and so I got to hollerjust to.

(29:44):
I don't know.
I'm going to go ahead and saybe heard with every word and I
drop knowledge.
I am a diamond in the rough.
That's a fact.
What's also a fact is that ashiny piece of coal trying to
reach my goal, my power speech,it's going to go ahead and be
unimpeachable.
Only 19, but mind my mind'solder.
Yes, these New York City streetsagain we are in maryland, but

(30:08):
um, these new york city streets,they get colder, and I shoulder
every burden, everydisadvantage.
I have learned to manage.
I don't have a gun to brandish.
I walk these streets again,we're in the air, famished.
The plan is to fan this sparkright on into a big old flame

(30:29):
there.
Uh, none of the engines, though, don't worry.
I don't want to cause any kindof concern or distress, but,
damn, it's getting dark.
So let me spell out my nameit's a-l-e-x-a-n-d-e-r.
We are meant to be a colonythat runs independently.
Meanwhile, britain keepsshitting on us endlessly.

(30:53):
Essentially they, they tax usrelentlessly.
And then King George turnsaround, runs the big old
spending spree there.
He ain't never gonna set hisdescendants free.
I think that's should be clearto everybody, including rochelle
, who will be coming around withyour trash once again to to

(31:16):
collect.
So, uh, there will be arevolution in this century.
Um, enter me, which it shouldbe clear.

Eric (31:23):
I said in parentheses okay , I think that should be the cut
that that is the part one thatyou people have been given, and
if you want to earn that parttwo uh, you want the second half
of this privilege.
You're just gonna have to keeplistening now.
That being said, that all said.

Matt (31:43):
I think it's time that we move on to a question.

Eric (31:45):
And our question comes from our good friend at Caitlin
Asaurus on Instagram.
Her question is what's theproper etiquette for walking in
on someone in the bathroom?
Ignore it forever.
Bring it up.

Matt (31:58):
Make a joke.
Now.
I think when you say, walk inon someone, this has to be
specifically like you've seenthings you're not supposed to
see.
It's not just doors locked no,and you were like oh, occupied.
It's not that.

Eric (32:13):
No, you have walked into the room with purpose, full
stride the door and there theyare sitting pants around ankles,
kibbles and bits out.
They are sitting pants aroundankles, kibbles and bits out.
Kibbles and bit Malcolm andDonald Bain just out on them out
on the moors of Scotland.
Yeah, and you both have made,have now made you both like you

(32:36):
both look and make eye contact.
What do you do?
Yeah, I know so, so we're goingto talk about what you should
do.
What do you do?
Yeah, I know so, so we're goingto talk about what you should
do.
I'm going to talk to you what,what I do, just like how my body
reflects If I'm the person likewalking in.
Here's what I do, I.
The first thing to occur isthat a sound escapes my body and

(32:59):
it is my brain trying todistill feelings of shame, guilt
, deepest apologies and empathyand understanding, because I've
been where they have been, sure,and it comes out a little
something like this I think myusual response is something to
the effect of oh, oh, oh.

Matt (33:21):
Usually oh oh, oh, like it's the beginning of an oops.

Eric (33:26):
Yeah, I can't.
I've.
Every time this has happened,I've been utterly incapable of
completing the word it's.
I just let it just die.
I'm like oh.

Matt (33:35):
I would say that some a tactic I normally employ, and I
don't know if this is to saythat this is the proper
etiquette, but if you're, ifit's a situation where you got
to wait outside the door, right,I'm not doing that.
No I leave the premises, Goback to your seat and at minimum
you got to let one other persongo.

(33:57):
So no one can point the fingerat you, except for everyone else
in the restaurant.

Eric (34:03):
You got to buffer that shit.
And if I in my periphery I pickup anyone coming from the
bathroom area, I do not look up,I do not.
The last thing I want to do isfor us to make eye contact again
after that has happened.

Matt (34:17):
Yeah, now, if you know the person, then perhaps the make a
joke suggestion can come intoplay.

Eric (34:24):
Oh, that's rife yeah, but that.

Matt (34:29):
But well, it depends.
I think, eric, it depends onhow well you know this person.
If they are your friend, okay.
What if it's your co-worker?
What if this happened at work?

Eric (34:38):
oh god, if it's my, if it's my co-worker, I'll be
carrying that with me for likeweeks.

Matt (34:45):
Well, the first thing, first things first.
I think at work you need tofind what is your preferred
bathroom.
Yep, because you do have one,you do have one, and once you
have one, I reckon you also havea preferred time where you
think you can go in and kind ofbe undisturbed.

Eric (35:04):
Yep, to kill a good 40 minutes in there which means you
are at your most vulnerablewhen this absolutely yeah yeah,
yeah, that's true if you're thevictim you're, you're your most
vulnerable, for sure, if it's aco-worker and, uh, I'm trying to
think if it's ever happenedwith a coworker, blessedly no,

(35:27):
it's a coworker.
Like what you?
You can't.
You have to acknowledge it insome way.
The next like, like and I thinkit's a laugh at all, it's it.
For me personally, it will.
It will steep in despair in myheart until I have just poked
that little hole in the balloonand let some of the air out of
it.

(35:47):
So what's your joke?
Oh my, oh see, now this won'tbe in the moment.
In the moment it'll just belike oh, but later, when we see
each other even though I havedone nothing wrong, because I'm
not the one who fucking failedto lock the door um, right, but
I will apologize.
I was like.
I was like hey, sorry aboutthat man.
You know, we've all been therelike that.

(36:07):
I hit him with that hit him withone of those like hey, you know
, well, you should knock I think, first of all, first and
foremost, you should not.

Matt (36:13):
But sometimes you're in your own head, you don't think
about it, and they should lockthe door.
It's a, it's a two-way streethere.

Eric (36:20):
Yeah, I put I put work.
I've never knocked on a workbathroom because I put it in the
same.
It's like a public bathroom tome like and these aren't doors
that like stay like I have toopen the door to go in.
Yeah I.
I hit him with a like hey man,yeah, that was everybody.
Don't worry about hit him.
Maybe if, depending on how goodof a co-worker or how good you

(36:43):
feel about making the joke,maybe hit him with a.
I got caught with your pantsdown, eh, hey.

Matt (36:49):
But that's coworker.
What if it's the boss, the CEO,if it's your?

Eric (36:54):
boss.
If it's your boss, honestly,you have just been given so much
.
You've just been given such apowerful boost.
Do you think like you've justbeen given such a powerful boost
.
You've you've seen.
It's kind of it's.
I mean when I say powerfulboost, maybe not in terms of
like you're, not nothingtangibles is benefiting you out
of this, but internally in yourmind.

(37:15):
You and them both know now,I've seen you, dog.
I've seen you.
Yeah, homie, I have seen youwith your pants around your
ankles, butt to the wind,reaching for that teepee.
So maybe we do need to talkabout my merit increase.

Matt (37:31):
Maybe we do need to revisit my latest evaluation.
Maybe I'm not coming in onSaturday.
Yeah, maybe I'm not.
Yeah, because we wouldn't wantpeople to know about that tattoo
you got down there.

Eric (37:44):
huh, now this I think this is malicious etiquette, yeah we
don't want to get maliciouswith it, but like mostly, it's
just like dog.
I've seen the emperor withouthis clothes.

Matt (37:56):
Yeah, I think the etiquette can be as simple as
that right Like for a boss, forsomebody above you, and and that
beyond work.
Right like, if it's I don'tknow, you're meeting your
in-laws for the first time, orsomething you know, you're
meeting your, your, your dates,parents for the first time oh
man you walk in on the, the, thematriarch or patriarch of that

(38:22):
family, accidentally.
I think you have a certainsomething to hold on to.

Eric (38:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a little leveling of the playing
field.
It's like, okay, you are mortal.

Matt (38:32):
Yeah, you are mortal.
You don't scare me anymore.
I don't have to imagine you inyour underwear, because I've
seen you without.

Eric (38:38):
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take your
progeny out on a date, veryrespectfully, and I'm going to
treat them like the royalty thatthey are and you can just deal
with it and you can just dealwith that.

Matt (38:54):
How's that sound?
I'm going to be so fucking goodto them.
So I think it depends on who itis, if power, if they're above
you in some sort of socialhierarchy you've humbled them
revel.
You've humbled them.
I think we both know whathappened here.
And ignore it forever, I thinkis a good policy, I think that's
a good etiquette for thatsituation.
An equal, or I would say afriend like a good friend.

(39:17):
You should joke about it,because that'll diffuse the
situation, don't you know, with?

Eric (39:21):
oh, absolutely they gotta know.
It's okay because, yeah, whenit's your friend it makes it
worse.
If you're like acting allembarrassed and that feels like
there's something to beembarrassed about, there's
nothing to be embarrassed about,so you, so you dunk on him a
little bit just like, let me.

Matt (39:35):
Let me ask you this.
You walk in on me, what do yousay?

Eric (39:38):
poop that shit.
Son quoting that's my boy.
Go get it.
Get that shit.
He's shitting.
I open the door, I lean outside.

Matt (39:47):
He's shit I think in real life, what you would do is you
would hit me with the oh sorryyep sorry, oh, hey, sorry you'd
hit me with that and I'd hit youback.
The unseen voice from insidethe bathroom goes thank god,
where have you been?
That actually is great.
That's a great line to say inthis situation.

(40:08):
If you're the one on theshitter you know like, if you're
like finally, or hit him with a.

Eric (40:17):
So you're probably wondering why I asked you here.

Matt (40:20):
You're probably asking yourself how did I get here?
Folks, this is a good time.

Eric (40:23):
I remember the hardest, I think me or Matt.
You're probably asking yourselfhow did I get here?
Folks, this is a good time.
I, I, I remember the thehardest, I think me or Matt has
ever laughed in a bathroomtogether.
Wasn't college, oh boy.
I don't know where you're goingwith this.
I'm just trying to remember,because it's been, you know, 15
years.
Oh, um, I was sitting in thebathroom stall in the cafeteria

(40:45):
of our college, the dining hall,in the bathroom there, and I
had done my business and,woefully, to my dismay, the
worst thing that can possiblyhappen to you in a public
restroom after you have justgotten your direct deposit is I
was out of toilet paper and mattjust so happened to be in the

(41:08):
bathroom at the time.
Uh, like you'd walked intosomething like oh, matt, matt,
oh, thank, thank fucking god.
Like, can you please?
Can you please?
Like I need, can you hand me,like some toilet paper?
I'm out in this.
Well, I didn't want to have todo that most shameful walk of
shame, like you know, I mean thestand a little scuttle the the
little scuttle, because it'll bea cold day in hell before I
pull my underwear back up, mypants back on before I have.

(41:30):
you know, not with that.
Not with that toxic waistBefore I have secured the scene.
Yes, so there is a brief pause.
Yeah, match.
So from under the bathroom doorhe took an entire roll of paper

(41:54):
towels out of the dispenser andhanded that to me on the road.
So it just looks like he gaveme toilet paper, for fucking
hill giants just handed mecomically large roll of toilet
paper.
It was, it was, it wasbeautiful.
That's, that's what you do withyour good friends.
You gotta, you gotta, you justgotta.

Matt (42:15):
You gotta laugh uh, yes, I remember this also.
A good friend motion was um,they had a different name at the
time.
They're now named Brenna, butthey uh, at the time we were in
the same restroom there and theysaid to me um uh, have you, uh,
have you ever tried to eat andshit at the same time, Like

(42:37):
we're in side by side?
So I was like, uh, no, I don'tthink so.
And I was like no, I don'tthink so.
And I was halfway through thatand just a hand with a single
Lay's potato chip appearsunderneath.

Eric (42:53):
Yeah, that I do live for.
Oh man.
Truly it's indescribable theconversations you can have with
a good friend when you're bothpooping at the same time side by
side and stalls it's a veryintimate moment like the
philosopher, kings of oldabsolutely, that should be our
new poster uh just the two of ussitting there.

Matt (43:16):
So, eric, what do you think?
I know we got google gripes onthe docket.
Do you think we've answered theetiquette question?

Eric (43:24):
first.
We've, we've, we've answered,we've answered, we have answered
.
Is it definitive?
We'll let the people decide.

Matt (43:32):
Oh, we'll definitely let them decide I I think in the
interest of time, because youknow we've had we had multiple
circle back follow-ups, I thinkI think this has to be another
one and done and move on to one.

Eric (43:44):
And what say you?
Let's do it, let's gripe, baby,let's gripe, so this is to
close.

Matt (43:49):
Today we have the beginning of the final round of
season four of our segmentcalled google gripes.
That's where we read each otherone star google reviews that
really exist of well-knownplaces that's what it was in the
past and the other person triesto guess.
This season it was well-knownmovies, movies, movies.

(44:15):
And so we are at a dead heat.
We are all tied entering thefinal round of the season.

Eric (44:27):
And so, eric, I understand you have some gripes for me, I
have some gripes and in true, uh, google gripes fashion,
following the, the format thatwe've done before, it is a tie,
it is a third round and we haveagreed third round, hard mode,
baby hard mode, baby hard mode.
Uh.
So I'm gonna start, but eventhen it's degrees of hard.
I'm gonna start with what Ibelieve is the easiest of the
hearts and then we're going togo from there.

Matt (44:47):
I'm sit, I'm going to put myself.
I know you're going to try tocome for me, so I'm going to sit
back, yeah.
Sit back, just adjust my michere so I can let these reviews
wash over me and I can let thejuices flow up there in the old
noodle.

Eric (45:05):
Okay, movie 1.
One star review, number 1.
Blank is what you are blind tosee, that you are living in, so
of course this movie looksawesome.
I'm sure if you would wake upyou might see how government is
playing God and putting commonpictures in front of your face
to see if you react from it.
Wake up, okay.

Matt (45:21):
That's interesting.
There's some interesting thingsthere.

Eric (45:24):
Review number two.
I have been ignoring this flickfor a long time, but today I
made up my mind and decided togive it a shot, as it has such
high rating.
Man, was I right?
Personally, I find it a typicalsci-fi action movie for kids
who want to live their gamingfantasy as the protagonist.
It's painfully boring Plot likea brain in a vat May excite you

(45:48):
to watch this, but don't fallfor it.

Matt (45:51):
Okay, I think I know what it is.
Continue Review number three.

Eric (45:55):
This movie is overrated.
The characters are poorlywritten and the story is boring.
The only good thing I can sayabout this movie is the action
scenes are badass, but thatdoesn't mean anything when you
have a story that's not engaging.
I know I'm going to anger a lotof people with this, but it's
my opinion and I don't care whateveryone else thinks.
They didn't write that, but Iassume they made that sound.

Matt (46:16):
I have written down two guesses.

Eric (46:18):
Okay.

Matt (46:19):
The first guess I wrote down with the first review.
The second guess I brought upduring the second review and I
think is wrong.
That guess that I'm not goingto submit is ready.
Player one.
I'm going to cross that off thelist.
This is the matrix final answerit is the matrix.
God, yes, baby, I came in hot,I came in Randy and ready to go.

Eric (46:40):
Okay, Okay Uh.

Matt (46:44):
I've taken the lead.

Eric (46:46):
Brings us to review uh movie number two.

Matt (46:49):
Yeah, and they're going to get harder, so I'm glad I
knocked that one out.
Review one If nothing else, Iget at least a point, that's
that least a point.

Eric (47:02):
That's.
That's the important part here.
Okay, review number one allright, I don't have a lot to say
about this film.
That's a lie except that youwill not enjoy.
I have a friend who's a filmcritic and he loves it.
If you deeply analyze films andenjoy them for the deeply
complex way that they use anglesand the strange characters,
this might be the film for you.
However, if you are like me andenjoy films for at least a
semi-engaging plot that has anyups and downs, do not watch.

(47:26):
This is one of the most highlyrated movies you will ever see,
but the only audience thatenjoys this is critics.
After reading this, I encourageyou to write another negative
review, just so that the peoplewho only look at the base score
will see the truth.
All that being said, if youknow someone who fancies
themselves a film critic, pleaserecommend this to them.
I would love for at leastsomeone to enjoy a film that

(47:46):
clearly stood the test of time.

Matt (47:48):
Huh.

Eric (47:49):
Review number two Okay, this is the worst movie I've
watched.
The acting was good and all butthe scenes are so vague.
One star I'd rather watch Shrekover this.
For the people who look forgreat films, this is definitely
not one of them.
I have freedom of speech to saythis Interesting, okay.
Review number three I hated it.

(48:11):
I was forced to watch it, whichadded to that hatred, but it
was pretty much impossible forme to follow.
Characters were being thrownabout and half the time I had no
idea if it was a flashback orsomething.
Admittedly, it's been a whileand I may rewatch in the future,
but just that experience alonemade me hate older movies.
Okay, alright.

Matt (48:30):
I feel like you know what this is.
I had an much like the firstone.
I wrote down two things withinthe first two sentences of your
initial review.
I think it's the first one Fora while I was fucking with.
It could be Requiem for a Dream.
Then I crossed that out and I'mgoing with my final answer of

(48:53):
Citizen Kane Rosebud.
Yeah baby, yeah, you got it.
Oh, my God.

Eric (48:59):
Which I do have a bonus review here.
This is this gives noinformation.
It just made me giggle, I mustsay, as a film buff of 32 years,
this archaic directing stylesimply can't hold up to today's
groundbreaking cinema gems suchas airbud.

Matt (49:12):
Seventh inning fetch, fuck off I know you're making a joke
, but fuck off, good, good shit,man.
Two, two for two and honestlyknew them immediately.
I know I thought I think you'regonna bring the heat with the
last one, though I can feel itokay, I, I think I did, I think
I, I think I thread this.

Eric (49:31):
Let's do it okay movie three yeah, review number one uh
, everything about it just fails, from the singing to the acting
.
The script is a disjointed messof subplots mixed with songs.
It's boring as hell, with aplot that makes no sense and is
always just trying to get to thenext dance sequence, basically
making the whole thing glorifiedmusic video with terrible

(49:54):
cinematography and thechoreography is atrociously
amateur and zero jokes land.
I have no idea why so manypeople like it, besides the
beautiful setting.

Matt (50:06):
Interesting.
That's very interesting.
So if not a musical, a moviewith music.
We're talking about beautifulsetting.
All right, keep it going there.

Eric (50:16):
Review number two the associated songs were cheerful
and nice but very low in moralvalues, especially regarding
sexual lust, although greatactors and actresses such as
Blank, blank and Blank were inthis movie.
But unfortunately ethical andmoral bars was so much lower to
the point it made me worryingabout my kids and other kids
from such lustful movie.

Matt (50:38):
Lustful movie.
I think my initial guess iswrong.
I'm confused, okay.

Eric (50:45):
Review number three this is career killing.
Awful music, awful acting andawful film.
Even if you like band, it'sjust appalling.

Matt (50:59):
Even if you like band yeah , got it, I got it, oh fuck.
Even if you like band impliesthis is not only it's not a
movie with music.
It replies it's not only amusical movie.
It implies it is a jukeboxmovie.
And if that is the case, myprevious guesses, which so far I

(51:21):
wrote down, the what I myleading guess originally was la
la land, but I don't thinkthat's the case.
I think we're talking aboutmama mia.
Final answer here we go again.
God, yeah, was it.
Here we go again.

Eric (51:36):
No, no, sorry, I was quote mama mia.

Matt (51:39):
Here we go again, because you do must realize, the sequel
is here.
We Go Again.
Damn three for three dog Eric,I laid down, you tried to come
for me.
Okay, you tried.
Yeah, now I want to know, eric,this is Pokemon Gold.

Eric (51:55):
I have arrived to the mountain, I've climbed it.
You are trainer red with yourpikachu, just waiting to
obliterate.

Matt (52:02):
You have put me in such a difficult position because
you've laid down all these rulesthat I am supposed to follow,
that I am supposed to make surethat I'm kind to you.
But I thought we were goinghard mode with this last one and
I just I thought I was too andyou okay.
Well then, fine, I'm just smart, so you've delivered to me what

(52:23):
you've done.

Eric (52:24):
If you put yourself in the position of needing a perfect
final round, matt, just a tie,eric, matt, I say this to you as
my friend, uh-huh and my cohost.

Matt (52:38):
Okay, send it Send it, send it Send it.

Eric (52:45):
Do not insult me with pity , do not disparage me with
underhand tosses.
I think if that you send it.

Matt (52:54):
We're going to have to see what happens if you end up
tying this, but I can't evenimagine what this tiebreaker
would look like.

Eric (52:57):
I actually think I do have a good imagine what this
tiebreaker would look like I.

Matt (53:00):
I actually think I do have a good idea for a tiebreaker.
I think what we could do is asudden death where we like we
each have a movie and a review,like maybe we get a couple just
in case, and I read you a reviewand you have to guess, and I,
you read me a review oh, are wejust doing like a?
shootout.
Yeah, I think that can be atiebreaker if it comes to that.

(53:22):
Okay, because you, my co-hostand friend, just told me to send
it, send it and send it.
I will, and you can send usNice, man, your questions, nice
to answer on this podcast.
You didn't ask for thisgmailcom, that's all spelled out
.
You can also find us on thesocial media and instagram,

(53:43):
tiktok, facebook, twitter, etc.
Etc.
At.
You didn't ask pod.
That's the letter.
You didn't ask pod on all ofthem, their networks, um and uh,
you can call the thought lawand you can call the thought
line and leave us a voicemailwhich we were about to play.

(54:03):
We do actually have a number ofvoicemails in the queue right
now.
We were going to knock one ofthem out.
We have seen you and we'regoing to answer.
We've seen you, we've heard you.
You were cut for time, but wewill come back to you and that
number is 410-929-5329.
So if you're one of the fewnumber of people that's left us

(54:24):
a voicemail over the last coupleof weeks, we got them, we're
getting to them and so, eric, isthat, is that the business?
I think that's the business.

Eric (54:33):
I think we done, did it.

Matt (54:34):
Well then, if we done did it, then I have to say that'll
about do it for all of us here.
You didn't ask for this.
My name is Matthew Shea.

Eric (54:42):
My name is Eric Poach.

Matt (54:44):
And listen.
You didn't ask.

Eric (54:46):
But here's part two.

Matt (54:47):
Here's part two.
Enjoy it, I guess.
Have a great flight, have agreat flight.
We'll play the music first, incase you don't care, you're
going to want to buckle up.

Eric (55:04):
No really the plane's landing.
Make sure you're doing best.
It's going to hold a break.

Matt (55:18):
Don't be shocked when your history book mentions me.
You see, I uh and this againjust for the record as your
captain speaking, I will laydown my life.
If it says it's free, okay,eventually you'll see my
ascendancy.
And right to about 40 000 feet,okay, and that's where we're
going to reach cruisingascendancy, and I am not

(55:45):
throwing away my shot.
I'm going to go ahead and saymy shot again.
I'm not throwing away my shot.
Once more, I'm talking about myshot.
It's also in parentheses there.
You see, I'm just like mycountry.
I think I've mentioned thisonce before.
I'm young, I'm scrappy, I'mhungry.
I'm not like my country.
I think I've mentioned thisonce before.
I'm young, I'm scrappy, I'mhungry.
I'm not throwing away my shot,I'm not throwing away my shot.

(56:05):
We're going to repeat that acouple of times here and then
I'm going to say that samecatchphrase again.
But I'm going to come in nowand turn things over to my
co-pilot, if that's all right.
For this next part, co-pilot,you have anything you want to
add while I got the cabin on the?

Eric (56:26):
mic here.
Hey howdy folks.
You know, as my good co-pilotsaid, beautiful day as we
approach BWI.
Just wanted to add that I dreamof a life without a monarchy.
The unrest in France will leadto anarchy.
Anarchy how you say, how you,oh anarchy.

(56:47):
When I fight.
I make the other side panickywith my shot.
Yo, I'm a tailor's apprenticeand I've got y'all knuckleheads
and loco parentis, loco parentis.
I'm joining the rebellionbecause I know it's my chance to
socially advance.
Instead of selling some pants,woo, I'm gonna take a shot hey,
ladies and gentlemen, it's uhthe first officer here.

Matt (57:07):
I just want to come in and real quick give you the uh
announcement that we will neverbe truly free until those in
bondage have the same rights asyou and me you and I do or die.
I should say you and I.
That's grammatically correct.
Uh, do or die, wait till Isally in on a stallion with the

(57:29):
very first black battalion.

Eric (57:30):
Have another shot.
Uh, 747.
This is bwi air control.
Geniuses, lower your voices,you keep out of trouble and you
double your choices.
I'm with you, but the situationis fraught.
You've got to be carefullytaught.
If you talk, you're going toget shot.

Matt (57:44):
Thank you so much.
Air Traffic Control Burr, checkwhat we got Mr Lafayette.
He's hard rock, like Lance alot, and I just got to say I
think your pants look hot.
Thank you, lawrence, I like youa lot.
Thank you, and let's hatch aplot.
Blacker than the kettle callingthe pot.

Eric (58:07):
I don't think we're allowed to say that one.

Matt (58:09):
Honestly, I think that's a little bit honestly.
It's tough wordplay really whenyou think about it.
But what are the odds?
The gods would put us all inone spot, popping the squad on
conventional wisdom, like it ornot?
A bunch of revolutionarymanumission.

(58:31):
Abolitionists.
Give me a position and show youwhere the ammunition is.
You know what?
I'm sorry, am I talking?

Eric (58:37):
too, loud.

Matt (58:38):
You see, sometimes I get overexcited, I shoot off at the
mouth there.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, Ijust want to say I've never had
a group of friends like thisbefore, and I promise to make
you all proud.

Eric (58:51):
Let's get this guy in front of a crowd.
Oh, thank you so much.

Matt (58:54):
Shall we repeat the same phrase over and over again a few
times now?

Eric (58:57):
Oh, yes, I am not throwing away my shot.
I'm not throwing my shot awayeither.
I'm not throwing away my shot.
Hey, I'm just like my country.
Oh, you're young, scrappy andhungry.
I got to be, and I'm notthrowing away my shot.

Matt (59:09):
Now everybody sing.
I can't hear you up in thecabin.
I got the security door, butwhat I'd like you to say is whoa
?

Eric (59:17):
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa oh.

Matt (59:23):
Yeah, so go ahead, let them hear you over in Tuscaloosa
, if you don't mind.
Say whoa, whoa, whoa A whoa.
God, this is going on so long.
This bit now.
Yeah, this is a good bit.
I hope this was worth it.
I sure hope this was worth therequest, but this is the request
we got, because you gotta riseup, you see, when you're living

(59:44):
on your knees, go ahead and riseup there and tell your brother
also that he's gonna rise up,and tell your sister that she's
gonna rise up as well.

Eric (59:55):
When are these colonies gonna rise up?
I don't know.

Matt (59:57):
Let's ask that question Go ahead and do it four times.

Eric (01:00:00):
When are these colonies going to rise up?
I didn't mean literally, Ithought we'd skip that.

Matt (01:00:04):
Just let them do it.
Just let them do it and thensay rise up.

Eric (01:00:08):
For those of you experiencing any anxiety right
now, just remember that I'm withyou.
I imagine death so much itfeels more like a memory.
When's it going to get me In mysleep, 7,000 feet ahead of me?
If I see it coming, do I run ordo I let it be?
Is it like a beat without amelody?
See, I never thought I'd livepast 20.

(01:00:29):
Where I come from, some gethalf as many.
Ask anybody why.
We living fast and we laugh.
Reach for a flask.
We have to make this momentlast.
That's plenty.

Matt (01:00:38):
Scratch that.
This is not a moment.
It's a movement, actually, andwe're all the hungriest brothers
with something to prove one.
I think it should go withoutsaying that foes oppose us.
We take an honest stand.
We roll just like Moses.
That's right.
It's Moses Clamming ourpromised land there, and if we

(01:01:03):
win our independence, I shouldgo out saying that is that a
guarantee of freedom for ourdescendants?
Or will the blood we shed belike an endless cycle of
vengeance and death with nodefendants?
Only time will tell.
But when we roll into town, Ido just want you to know that
your seat backs are going tohave to be in the upright

(01:01:23):
position, and I also know theaction in the street is exciting
.
But, jesus, between all thebleeding and fright and I've
been reading and writing and weneed to get a handle on our
financial situation, or yournation, the states, or the state
of our nation I'm past,patiently waiting, passionately,
mashing every expectation,every action every act of
creation.

Eric (01:01:40):
I'm flowing.
He is flowing folks.

Matt (01:01:41):
I'm laughing in the face of the casualties and sorrow.
For the first time, I'mthinking past tomorrow and I'm
not throwing away my shot.

Eric (01:01:48):
He's not throwing away his shot.
I'm not throwing away my shot,I'm just like my country.

Matt (01:01:51):
I'm yelling, I'm scrapping , I'm hungry.
I'm not throwing Rise upsituation again.

Eric (01:01:56):
Yeah, we're going to have to go ahead and do a loop around
BWI.
No reason to panic.
We're just going to rise up, noreason to panic once.

Matt (01:02:04):
However, we're going to rise up, rise up.
It is time to take a shot atlanding this plane.
I'm going to say we're right atthe last paragraph there where
we say it's time to take a shot.

Eric (01:02:16):
It's time to take a shot and rise up.
Make sure those tray tables arefolded up and locked.

Matt (01:02:23):
We are rising up the nose of the plane as we come down.

Eric (01:02:24):
It's time to take a shot.
Land in this plane safely atBWI's beautiful tarmac.
Rise up, it's time to take ashot.
Rise up Time to take a shot.
Secure your belongings, if youhave them it's time to take a
shot.

Matt (01:02:39):
Time to take a shot, and I just want to say once more
thank you for flying withSouthwest Airlines today.
We hope you enjoyed thebeautiful city of Baltimore and
I am not throwing away my shot,not throwing away my shot Once
again, rochelle, coming aroundwith the uh trash cans there.

(01:03:00):
Please dispose of anything thatyou might have gathered on the
plane.
Uh, before you leave, and havea great time in charm city.

Eric (01:03:09):
You've been amazing thank you, thank you, holy shit.

Matt (01:03:15):
Oh my god, yep hope it was worth it hope it was worth it
because I'm not editing that.

Eric (01:03:20):
No, no, no.
Yeah, they just get that.
Who requested that it was?

Matt (01:03:25):
Carissa yeah.

Eric (01:03:25):
I hope that was worth it.
Carissa, you beautiful goblin.