99 | A Thinkin' Man's Bit

In this episode: 

1. You are now superheroes. What is your superpower? What is your weakness and most importantly? What is your superhero name?
2. What is the nature of the minions' labor for Gru?

We tackle these two Thoughtline questions before moving on to the finale of Google Gripes Season Four...or do we?

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Episode Transcript

Matt (00:00):
Now, Eric, I don't know about you, but ever since really
before the pandemic Lindsay andI have been more order
groceries than go physicallyinto a store and waste our time
looking at things in person.
This resonates with me, but doyou do this?
We've talked about this beforeI know.

Eric (00:22):
I've done it a handful of times, but you're still going in
there and spending your humanlife.
And every time I'm in a grocerystore I'm reminded of how much
they stress me out.

Matt (00:33):
Now, when I need something specific or when I'm baking
something new and I want tocheck out stuff, I'll go and get
what I need or things like that.
But when we're just doing theweekly shop of the normal shit,
like, just bring that shit to me, you know what I?
mean yeah, instacart it yeah,well okay, or your app of choice
, whatever sure so well, thisparticular week we were we were

(00:55):
getting a harris teeter delivery, and what harris teeter will do
is they'll they'll throw insomething that you didn't order
to.
Like.
Like it's not like a mistake.
They're like oh, and here's afree this for the road yeah for
the well.

Eric (01:10):
No, well, we get them or for the for the living room yeah
, they like like a table.
Try one of these and, like youknow, some, sometimes it's, you
know, I don't know a pack ofgranola bars is this the same
har Harris Teeter app throughwhich Dr Lindsay Barr, phd,
accidentally ordered, like ametric, fuck ton of bananas?

Matt (01:30):
Well, it technically is.
They have renovated theordering system since then.
Okay, it's not coming from thesame store or anything.
But anyway, let's not get intothe logistics of Harris Teeter's
app to the logistics of HarrisTeeter's app.
All you need to know is thatHarris Teeter, in order to sell
you other shit in the future,will be like oh, and here's a
free one of these.
Just try it.

(01:51):
Maybe you'll like it.
First taste is free.
So one of these things, it justhappened to be a gallon of iced
tea.
Okay, a gallon of iced tea.

Eric (02:10):
See, okay, when you said they throw something in there,
I'm picturing like a, like a bagof m&ms or like, like, maybe
like an obscure, like a fruitleather that maybe you wouldn't
try though exactly, gave you aat a gallon of iced tea.

Matt (02:20):
they gave you a burden yeah, well, it's normally things
like that.
Right, like a pack of thesegranola bars maybe you'll like
them, a pack of fruit leather,whatever, but like this was
certainly the oddest item so far, because, exactly what you said
, it isn't even a half gallon,which would be like oh, half

(02:40):
gallon, I could make my piecewith like it had its own bag.
And here's the thing.
Eric lindsey and I not thebiggest iced tea fans okay, but
we didn't want to just likethrow this away or whatever,
like we didn't want to waste it.
So I said I got an idea.
Why don't I pop over to thestore next time I'm out and get

(03:05):
some lemonade Arnie Palmy andmake Arnold Palmer's?
Because I, who is now a humanin their mid-30s, that's all you
drink now.
Have never really had ArnoldPalmer's.
You never had Arnold Palmer's,arnold palmer's.
I was racking my brain and Iwas like I don't think I
actually, in my three plusdecades, have ever had an arnold

(03:30):
palmer.
I guess it's two plus decades,but yeah, I've never had one
okay where are you?
So, before I continue, whereare you with the arnie palmies?

Eric (03:39):
I'm in a okay, I'm in a sort of opposite energy where
I'm all about iced tea, butthat's because I grew up
drinking my mom's like homemadesweet tea.
Sure, frannie mae's sweet teajust can't be beat.

Matt (03:56):
I can't weigh in on this.

Eric (03:57):
I haven't had frannie mae's sweet tea which is why,
like I, I despise most likestore bought tea, so like it.
But in your position, because Idespise most store-bought teas,
so like.
But in your position, because Idespise most store-bought teas
because my palate have beenspoiled, of course, I would do
the exact same thing you did,which is I'd go get lemonade.
Make Arnold Palmer.
Honestly, I truly don't thinkI've ever had an alcoholic

(04:20):
Arnold Palmer.

Matt (04:21):
Well, I've definitely never had an alcoholic Arnold
Palmer.
What do you put in there, likevodka?

Eric (04:25):
alcoholic arnold palmer.
Well, I've definitely never hadan alcoholic arnold palmer.
What do you put in there likevodka?
Yeah, yeah, I think traditionallike og arnold palmer is a
cocktail named after the golfer.
No, I don't believe that's true.
I believe that's true?

Matt (04:34):
I don't think so.
I believe the og, arnold palmer, is.
Arnold palmer himself orderediced tea and lemonade combined
at you know the clubhouses andwhatnot but with like a fifth of
scotch?
Oh, I didn't.
I don't.
If that's true, I didn't knowabout that part.
I actually don't.
Should we confirm this?
I see you typing, so yeah yeah,for me.

Eric (04:55):
Normally I'm the one confirming arnold palmer origin.
Okay, it's just giving me thename of his parents.
Um, now let's see.
Oh yeah, yeah, no, it's.
Yeah, there's no.
I don't know why.
I thought these are I.

Matt (05:11):
Maybe it's because I grew up.
You're a dirt bag piece of shit.
Dirt bag, just this is just anice drink, yep and I'm just
gonna be like where's thealcohol dog?
Why can't I get a buzz off ofthis lemonade?

Eric (05:28):
I'm the kid.
I'm the kid.

Matt (05:30):
Your dare officer warned you about eric that is not
untrue hey man, yeah, got somelemons anyway, I have come here
to tell you, eric as I likearnold palmer's for the record.
That's great as someone who hasjust tried an arnold palmer for

(05:53):
the first time in my life here,we go for the first time in my
life, as a 30 something year oldperson, let me tell you this oh
, they're delightful oh see,matt, I Matt, I love an Arnold
Palmer.
I thought this friendship wasabout to be challenged.
Now, me and Lindsey, for liketwo weeks straight, was just
like oh, is it Arnold Palmer?

Eric (06:13):
o'clock right now.
Oh, look at the time.

Matt (06:16):
Yeah, gotta meet our tee time, gotta meet our tee time.
And on this subject, this isinteresting.
And on this subject, this isinteresting, my dad.
He's always golfed sort of offand on throughout the years, but
since retiring he golfs all thetime because Of course, he's
earned it.
What else do you do?
He's earned it, and so I verymuch want to play golf with him,

(06:39):
even though I don't play golfyeah, and I'm slightly afraid
because of my old, herniateddisc here, but like, I still
want to play golf with my dadsacrifice you're willing to make
for your fucking father I thinkso.
Well, I also want to like getyou know it's also sort of a
motivator of like, let's getmore core going.
So like, I don't fucking hurtmyself too bad.

(07:00):
But I went on the old facebookmarketplace got some clubs
brought the.
You know they were cheap.
I just there, you know somebodywas getting rid of them.
It was like 100 bucks for afull.

Eric (07:10):
They have little socks on them no socks but full set bag.

Matt (07:14):
You know the whole.
Nine yards for 100 bucks,pretty good deal.
My dad was here, I, my brotherand his wife and and my parents
were here this weekend, um, justbecause so my brother could see
the house and stuff and showedmy dad the clubs and he told me
they sucked.
But you know what?

Eric (07:32):
That was going to be my next question.
I was like did he talk mad shitabout your clubs?

Matt (07:36):
Well, he was like, yeah, these are just bad.
I was like, yeah, of coursethey're bad, but they're clubs.
I bought them from someone onFacebook Marketplace for a
hundred bucks, so we could bonddad Any putter in a storm dad.
Any putter in a storm, and nowI got two putters.
I got so many putters I don'tknow what to do with them, so I
think I got to head over to aTopgolf or something and like

(07:57):
get Bro.

Eric (07:57):
you want to go do Topgolf?

Matt (07:59):
I've never done it.
I've never topped golf.
I never topped golf.
I've never topped golf.

Eric (08:07):
I'll top golf with you, top golf.
I'll use you as my surrogatedad while I get ready.
Hell, son, I am so proud of you.
Thank you, I'm gonna be sayingit a lot.
I'm saying it a lot, oh my god,no I.

Matt (08:15):
It seems like a great.
It just seems like a drivingrange with a bar is all it
appeals to the one of the mostprimal.

Eric (08:22):
Have you been to a drive?
I've been to a driving range.
I've been to.
I went to a driving range aslike, like, as a, as a youngster
yeah, I think it was highschool but I didn't know what
the fuck I was doing and I wasbored after like I was an
unmedicated adhd kid.

Matt (08:36):
I was bored after like fucking 10 minutes and I'm just
like yeah, but now we can be onlevels with, with, with booze
and, and I can drink.
Yeah, I can drink, and that'swhat it's all about, baby.

Eric (08:48):
Hit golf ball drank.

Matt (08:50):
So what I'm saying is and I just want to make sure the
listeners are caught up thethesis of this cold open is to
say Arnold Palmer's who knew?
Who knew Pretty good.
Yeah, I apologize, let's startthis fucking episode.
Let's go, jesus Christ, let'sfucking go.

Eric (09:07):
I'll be the tea to your lemonade baby.

Matt (09:23):
Well, hello everybody and welcome to you.
Didn't Ask For this the podcastanswering life's least pressing
questions.
My name is Matthew Shea my nameis Eric Poach.

Eric (09:35):
Eric Poach, how are you Marvelous, Living the dream?

Matt (09:40):
as it were, living the dream.
I'm glad to hear it.
I am glad to hear it becauseyou are a dreamboat, my friend
Baby, and you deserve to live adream, oh my God.
Speaking of living a dream,eric, this is our fucking 99th
episode.
I know, I know we're just shyof the milestone and I know

(10:00):
we're gonna do.
We got some special shitplanned for the next one.
Folks, don't you worry, but canwe just take a moment to
appreciate the fact that you andI have sat down and recorded 99
?

Eric (10:13):
of these fucking episodes.
Can I what?
Very well, I mean, it's the endof an era.
May I say 99?
.

Matt (10:24):
Feeling fine.
Eric, I'm glad you brought itbackic.
I'm glad you brought it back.
I'm glad you brought it backgot to.
Oh man, I'm proud of you, I'mproud of us.

Eric (10:32):
I got 99 episodes and a stinker ain't one and a stinker
ain't one oops all bangers oopsall bangers, oops, all bangers.

Matt (10:41):
That might as well be the name of the show that yeah.

Eric (10:45):
If we ever need to rebrand , we agree.
Now, oops, all back.

Matt (10:48):
Oh yeah after a century of episodes, we're gonna rebrand
now rebrand now I mean a rebrand.
I'm open to like new logo, newart etc.
But I think we're locked intothe name, even though we
acknowledge it doesn'tnecessarily make sense.
Now that we have taken people'squestions for, let me just

(11:10):
check 98 of the last 99 episodeshey, there's a whole lot of
yous out there.
There's a whole lot of yous andlisten you specifically.
Oh, forget it, but listen ifyou want to comment on what I'm
saying, comment on our title orwhatever, and you listen on
Spotify.

(11:31):
Spotify now allows you tocomment on each individual
podcast episode, so go ahead.
If you're a Spotify podcastlistener, as I am, I'll full on
admit that that's-.

Eric (11:45):
I'll admit it.
I'll admit it, Listen.

Matt (11:48):
I know it's our center, big go square and all this stuff
, but I sort of think people aregiving up on good pods.

Eric (11:54):
I'm going to go ahead and say but it doesn't mean you
should.
It doesn't mean Give a listentoday.
Give it a listen today.
But if you're like If you'relistening on Spotify.

Matt (12:02):
Because, like I know, like , if you're listening on Spotify
as and this is true themajority of people who listen to
podcasts do, because it is thenumber one podcast app these
days If you listen to podcaststhere, you can comment right on
the episode.
So drop us some comments.
Yeah, go for it.

Eric (12:20):
I'm trying to get that like a third of a thousandth of
a dollar that my fellow Spotifyartists get, Like we're on the
same boat.

Matt (12:31):
We're out there.
I don't think there's anymonetary gain to us getting
commented on, but sure.

Eric (12:37):
Spoken like a true comrade in the fight against Spotify.

Matt (12:41):
No, I pay good money for my premium.
I don't know how you haveSpotify premium right?
Oh, of course, money for mypremium.
I don't know how you haveSpotify Premium right?
Oh, of course I have SpotifyPremium.
I don't know how anyone doesn'thave Spotify Premium.

Eric (12:51):
What are?

Matt (12:51):
these people doing Shamefully convenient.
They listen to albums on randomCannot fathom.
I can't fucking fathom it.
It sounds like an unhingedtorture that would be put upon
me in hell.
It's the worst.
It's the worst, it's the worst.
And then an ad plays.
Are you kidding me?
I was in a groove.

Eric (13:10):
Yeah, I was vibing Dog.
I was vibing and you came at meSpotify with your ads and
listen to any loyal listenersout there who don't have Spotify
premium.

Matt (13:21):
You know I love you.
You do what you do.

Eric (13:31):
But I just want to say this you're crazy, you're
absolutely crazy.

Matt (13:32):
Um plus, you don't get your fun spotify rap.

Eric (13:33):
Are we doing a free ad for spotify right now?

Matt (13:34):
is this because I'm not getting paid for this.
I absolutely think we are and Iapologize.
Should we get into thequestions?

Eric (13:38):
yeah, go go listen to kazaa or something we gotta even
it out, eric go go napster.
Were you a kazaa?
No, no no, I was I bet you were, you naughty, naughty boy I was
.
I fucked up my dad's computerreal good yeah, I bet that's why
I never kazaaed, because my dadwas like militantly paranoid.

(13:59):
That's why I never had videogames on a pc until I was like
26 years old and like I was likeliving on my own.
Because growing up like, oh, novideo game, you're going to put
a virus on the computer.

Matt (14:11):
All right, so you just call this episode.

Eric (14:16):
Daddy Issues Now Father Issues.
Matthew, I'm a man now, oh, andyou're a daddy.

Matt (14:24):
I get it, eric does not have children.
I just want to be sure.
No, no, you know what?
I'm not good at the culture.

Eric (14:31):
If you are my bastard child, call in today.

Matt (14:35):
Call in today.
I'd love to ignore you.

Eric (14:43):
I'll acknowledge your call , but not your birthright.

Matt (14:44):
Yeah, we would love to have you as a listener
exclusively, and call theThought Line.

Aaron (14:50):
Speaking of the Thought.

Matt (14:51):
Line.
We've been saying for a fewepisodes now that we've got a
backlog of Thought Linequestions, yes, so today we're
going to knock out two of themright here, right now.
Time for a reckoning.
Time for a reckoning, eric.
Are we ready for our firstcaller?

Eric (15:05):
Let's bring him on in.

Kevin in Columbus (15:08):
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
You are now superheroes.
What is your superpower, whatis your weakness and, most
importantly, what is yoursuperhero name?
This is Kevin in Columbus,patiently waiting.

Matt (15:25):
Okay, thank you, kevin and Columbus, you sound.

Eric (15:28):
Thank you, Kevin.

Matt (15:29):
You sound oddly like my brother-in-law, kevin and
Columbus, but you know, puttingthat aside for just a moment,
okay, so what we got is we arewe do not acknowledge bastards
or brothers-in-law in thispodcast.
We do not recognize theirsovereignty, or even friends who
don't pay for Spotify.
So we have these various things.

(15:52):
Okay, so we're superheroes.

Eric (15:56):
We're superheroes, we have powers, we have weaknesses, we
have names.

Matt (15:59):
And those are what we have to say what are our powers,
what are our weaknesses and whatare our names?
Matt say what are our powers,what are our weaknesses and what
are our names matt, what areyour?
Thoughts.
Do you think kevin and columbuswas is literally talking about?
Like we are superheroes, ericpoach, match a have like we're
in the news, or are we making upa fictionalized?

Eric (16:20):
superhero.

Matt (16:21):
So I am a mild-mannered podcaster by day, right same but
at night, honestly, most days,most mostly now we're
mild-mannered podcasters bynight so or so?

Eric (16:35):
are you asking if, like I, had to become a superhero with
what is available to?

Matt (16:40):
me yeah, like if I had bruce wayne dreams on like a, on
like a dollar tree budget no,what I'm saying is like do you
think we have to be like what ismatt shay's superpower, what is
eric poach's superpower, or wejust?
Do you think kevin wants us tojust make up some superheroes
here?
Oh, I think it's fun if it's usall right, let's go with that,

(17:01):
but I, but I think we can feelfree to grant ourselves
superpowers.

Eric (17:07):
Oh yeah, and we get artistic license with our badass
fantasy lives.

Matt (17:11):
All right, so off the old dome there, Eric.
What are you thinking would bea good superpower for you Right
off the dome?
Tell me.

Eric (17:20):
So there's what, and there's also two vectors here.
There's like what if I couldgive myself any superpower under
the sun, what would it be?
And then there's like my, if Iwas like a mutant, what would my
mutant like?
You know what I mean.
Like what would nature grant meversus what would I grant me
Exactly?

(17:40):
Yeah, I think my, my, mepersonally, my, my, my
superpower.
If I could choose, yeah, Iwould want the ability.
I would want to be abibliomancer, a bibliomancer,
and I would want the ability toopen, and I would like the
ability to summon any object,creature or thing temporarily,

(18:01):
mind you, that is, within a book, like I can read, like I open
up, I open up, fucking you know,knights of the round table, I
pull excalibur out and now I canfight with it.
Yeah.
Or like I can, you know, I, theclassic, I open 20 000 leagues
under the sea and just generate,like thousands of gallons of
seawater to like knock over myfoes you just unleash an ocean

(18:24):
out of your special ring yeah,oh, I would.
I would be carrying a stack ofbooks with me wherever, and each
day I'd just bring differentbooks a little.

Matt (18:34):
You got like a little library cart.
Yeah, trailing behind.
Yeah, hold on, hold the battle.
Let me find my jewels ver.

Eric (18:44):
And in true, like Stan Lee , marvel fashion, my name would
my, my, my hero, my, my heroname would be Dewey Decimal
Dewey, decimal Dewey, decimateDewey.

Matt (18:54):
Decimate.

Eric (18:56):
Yeah, dewey, decimate.

Matt (18:58):
I like a Dewey Decimate.
He do, he do.
What is Dewey Decimate's flaw?
His weakness?

Eric (19:10):
Oh weakness, yeah, he do what is dewey decimates flaw his
weakness?
Oh weakness, yeah.
Um, so I so let's, let's, let'sworkshop this.
So I am, I am bound.
I have to keep carrying booksupon me, so I'm away from my
books, I can't summon anything.

Matt (19:19):
Yeah, you need literature yeah, yeah in order to be of use
to anyone, uh.
So to that end, I have to bereal careful about getting my
books wet, like if they getsoggy or if they get like
fucking like, or if like firebad now, you know I'm generally
against e-readers in general,but like would you not consider
having an e-reader at yourdisposal for this exact purpose?

Eric (19:41):
so when we eventually, once I become like a hero icon.
Yeah, e, and like I'm, I'm likethe new superman.
Basically I or sorry, in thisexample, I'm the new batman.
Uh, because eventually I'mgonna get like, once I have my
animated series and it's hugeand it's popular and beloved.
Um, I will get a, a cyberpunksci-fi spinoff, like future

(20:06):
series, a la batman beyond.
And that's when I bust out thee-raider.
Oh, okay, that's when you'rebasically at that point you
become a god, because now you,you could, you essentially have
the power of the internet yeah,you can fight with some truly
horrifying things out of thatbox oh yeah, I mean, yeah,
that's pandora's box right there.

(20:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll be myprotege, that my protege will be
pandora and her box.
Yeah, and she just pulls likethe nightmare she'll.
She'll be like full-onanti-hero pulling nightmares out
of her fucking kindle I thinkthat sounds very appropriate for
you.

Matt (20:43):
If I'm being honest, thank you and what was the last thing
we needed?
We needed the or no?
Those are the three things.

Eric (20:48):
Oh, I have any.
Yeah, I got.

Matt (20:49):
I'm box is checked name weakness and and name powers
weakness yeah, yeah, very good,I think we hit the nail on the
head yeah, that's what I wouldchoose I think that's a good, I
think that's good for you.
Yeah, now, when I I'll say, thefirst thing that's jumping to
mind is I used to have this,this sort of daydream, as a
child, of a superhero, or atleast a person who had the

(21:13):
ability that when he reachedlike a crossroads, you know a D,
a decision needed to be made.
He could like sort of stop timeand see what the different
outcomes would look like like ifI chose this, this is what
happened.
And if I chose this, this iswhat happened.
And like then he could be like,okay, we gotta, we gotta cut

(21:38):
this wire, you know, likewhatever his alt.

Eric (21:41):
His his ultimate fucking challenge.
He's standing in front of acombination taco bell pizza hut
yes, absolutely, absolutely, ohno, oh, the timeline.

Matt (21:53):
They both end in diarrhea.
Yeah, what?
What do we do?
Because otherwise it's justlike oh, you can make the
quote-unquote right choice allthe time.
I think it can't be controlled,like you don't know when you
can't, you can't choose when ittriggers, because otherwise he's
just like perfect, right, likeyeah, but like it could be back

(22:17):
to the future too, right, whereyou're just gambling, knowing
the outcome of every sportingevent, right bro, and that that
is truly a weakness, but like inthe sense of the psychological
damage that will do to you,because now you will be
unwittingly like, against yourwill.

Eric (22:34):
Yeah, you will begin learning exactly how momentous
yes and fucking like, how thegravitas of even the most
mundane decisions you make everysingle day.
That's bad ass.

Matt (22:48):
And I think it's a twofold weakness, right?
Because one yes, you can'tactually control this power,
because otherwise you'd beomniscient, basically, but like
every now and then you get hit.
You like it, it chooses you,right, it chooses me.
I should say it's my power.
So, yeah, like all the sudden,I'm like okay, whoa, whoa, whoa,

(23:09):
I'm experiencing something, andthen, but for everybody else,
it's just like my eyes widen,and then I turn to you and I'm
like we need to go this way, youknow, like they don't know and
like it's almost like.

Eric (23:21):
It's almost like, yeah, it's like you become a Cassandra
.
You become like like no one,like like there's going to be
times you're like don't orderthat flat white and like they
just got to, like you have totry to convince the anxiety
about making any decisionknowing that you're flying blind
.
You know like oh yeah.

Matt (24:00):
God, the power hasn't kicked in.
So like oh shit.
Because when you get used, whenyou get that sweet, sweet taste
of knowing what the rightdecision is, everything else, I
think, gets heightened by thefact of like, oh shit, I didn't
get the clues, I don't know, Ididn't get the vision.

Eric (24:18):
There's an entire Doctor who episode, basically centered
kind of like around thisintellectual exercise.

Matt (24:27):
I didn't know that 'm?
This is my own idea.

Eric (24:29):
I can't help that somebody else thought oh, no, no, no, no
, it's not this, like this power, it's it.
But the.
The plot, the entire plot isthe of the episode is the.
The.
The main character, the doctor,walks out of theARDIS one day
and he turns left to go down thestreet instead of right.
And you see that timeline playout and it's horrific.

(24:51):
And the episode ends with himlike deciding to like it rewinds
back and then like he comes outand then he goes right and said
and like it's that whole ideaof like every decision.

Aaron (25:02):
Which doctor are we talking about?

Eric (25:04):
I believe this would have been David Tennant, because, yes
, this was when Donna Noble washis companion.
Who is the best companion ever?
Come at me, okay, yeah.

Matt (25:14):
Go at him, if you will.

Eric (25:17):
Unless you're my bastard child.

Matt (25:19):
Well, yeah, in which case, keep your distance.

Eric (25:21):
In which case, but call him Stay, stay in that mill in
which I left you the mill?

Matt (25:28):
Who are you impregnating in mills?
Why are you just going into theworking women of America?

Eric (25:35):
I'm out here grinding bones, making bread.
Baby, you're grinding something, so I need a name.
So you definitely need akick-ass name.
Like the Dest destination comesto mind.
What about Crossroads?
Crossroads is good, oh, what is?
Hold on, hold on, hold on, holdon, oh, oh, oh, what is the
name?
There's like that old folkloreabout the man meeting the devil

(25:59):
at the crossroads.

Matt (26:00):
I don't know what you mean , I don't know what you're, I
don't know this folklore.
Oh, I don't know what you mean,I don't know what you're, I
don't know this folklore, oh man.
But it has to be something thatsomebody can easily say damn it
, crossroads.
Because so often we're going torun into a situation where
they're like crossroads, whichway should we go?
And I'm like you know, I can'tsummon it.
God, yeah, damn it Crossroads.

Eric (26:27):
Damn.
Uh, yeah, crossroads, uh, uh,you're man.
If this was like, if, if thiswas a marvel comic, your like
day name would be like your,your.
If you weren't matt shea, yourname would be robert frost.
Yeah, okay, that's a thinkingman's bit.
Bobby frost, bobby, bobby frost, bobby chills bobby.
But yeah, crossroads is good.
Bobby Winter, it's gotta belegally distinct.

(26:51):
Bobby Winter, bobby, roberto,ice cold.
Bobby Coldfeets.
Crossroads is good.
It needs like a something.

Matt (27:05):
It needs just and crossroads doesn't give that to
you.
Ross roads, why?
Why would it be ross?

Eric (27:13):
that's my boy, ross road.

Matt (27:15):
No, I don't want to be ross roads fuck that like
scooby-doo saying it might aswell call me signpost.

Eric (27:22):
Oh man, here comes oh God Eight ball, Like the magic eight
ball.

Matt (27:32):
Here comes, paralyzed by indecision.

Eric (27:34):
Oh, what's the?
No doubt I was like what's thatstick people like would try to
find water with like a dowsingrod, but that that's not cool.

Matt (27:44):
That's not cool at all.
No, no, I couldn't even respondto it.
I was.
Yeah, I was struck deaf anddumb by how dumb it was.
Yeah, I think I'm.
I'm landing at crossroads I.

Eric (27:54):
I accept your crossroad is valid thank you, thank you so
yeah so, kevin and columbus,there you go.

Matt (28:01):
I think we nailed it, eric .

Eric (28:02):
We got I.

Matt (28:03):
I think that's pretty badass so it was dewey decimate
and crossroads the two mostanxious superheroes you'll ever
meet.
What don't hurt my books, theteam up, you never knew you
wanted yep, crossroads and dewey, decimate, decimate, dewey,
decimate and crossroads, dewey,decimate, oh man the fantastic

(28:25):
adventures of Decimating.

Eric (28:26):
Crossroads Dewey Decimate, oh man.

Matt (28:27):
The Fantastic Adventures of Decimating Crossroads.
Oh man, have you seen Deadpooland Wolverine?
No, I'm very excited to, though.
It's a great time.
It's a great time, it's fun.
It's like two and a half hoursof fan service, but it's fun,
it's a good time.

Eric (28:43):
How many Wrexham references are in that movie?
Uh, technically only, uh,really one, because I know about
the cameo, I won't spoil it.
Yeah, there's a cameo there isa cameo.

Matt (28:55):
And then there, this isn't spoiling anything, I don't
think, because ryan reynolds hasposted it.
Um, in welcome to rex fromseason three, you see that, um,
uh, rob mckelhenney filmed acameo as a tva agent.
Yes, and it has been confirmedby ryan reynolds that they did
cut said cameo.

(29:16):
It was a, it was a kill yourdarlings kind of moment.
I think it's going to be on thelike.
You know, deleted scenes on thedigital releases, got, it's got
to be, but yeah, so he postedthis heartfelt thing of how hard
it was to cut the scene, but hedid cut the scene Anywho.
Anyway, the welcome.
You're interested in Wrexham?

(29:36):
Go ahead and follow my WrexhamReader sub stack newsletter.
I am a loyal reader, he is,indeed, he is.
So anyway, eric, we got anothervoicemail here, and this one we
did research for yes, yes, wedid, so let's hit it hello, matt
and eric.

Aaron (29:53):
This is aaron stigler.
The newest despicable me moviecame out recently, so I come to
you with questions about theminions.
I feel like you've answeredquestions about the minions in
the past, so forgive me if oneof these questions has been
asked already.
But here we go.
What is the nature of theminions' labor for Gru?
Are they slaves like OompaLoompas?
Are they employees?
They seem to collectivelyfinance Gru's attempt to steal

(30:16):
the moon in the first DespicableMe movie.
So does that make Gru's villainenterprise a worker-owned
cooperative?
Do they get health insurance?
Do they get a 401k or pension?
Did they even age and retire?
I have many more thoughts onthe minions, but I'll stop there
.
Any assistance in answeringthese questions or any others
you have about the minions wouldbe greatly appreciated.
Thank you very much.

Eric (30:37):
Have a good one Now.
As Matt said, we had to do alittle research because until
yesterday I have never seenDespicable Me or any of the
Minions movie.
Same.

Matt (30:49):
Same.
Neither of us had any exposureother than the forced exposure
that society has given us.
To the Minions.
Yes, yes, so we both, aaron,just for you.
We both watched Despicable Me.
We did it for you, stiggs,yesterday.
And, yeah, thank you for alsosorry for all the times we've

(31:11):
called you Stiegler, I suppose,since it's Stiegler, but you
know.
Sorry about that, I suppose,oops Woof, give it a whoopsie-do
on on us, but we stillappreciate you calling it.
So we, we watched um despicableme and I won the extra mile,

(31:31):
and today, shortly before seeingthis recording this episode, I
watched minions as well.
All gave some, some gave all andI'm the one who gave all, and I
actually the minions gave all,but I actually think minions is
much more important to answeringthis question, eric well, yeah,

(31:52):
it's a movie exclusively aboutthem.

Eric (31:54):
I I'm a sort of okay, look , I'm not trying to come in here
and sound like arrogant, butlike I believe in the original
source material.
Yeah, I believe in the, in thesanctity of despicable me as the
original of the original canonwell, the minions movie, as I

(32:16):
discover, and the second one aswell, is a prequel.

Matt (32:19):
It's a prequel, it's a prequel, and in this movie, in
the very beginning, we discoverthat the minions have been
around since the dawn of timeera.

Eric (32:32):
That was my theory, because they do not appear to
have any sort of rep, like theydon't seem to have any
reproductive they well, theygoing on.

Matt (32:41):
Somehow they keep getting made.

Eric (32:43):
So they must be putting their pills shaped something
somewhere are they like thatspecies of jellyfish, like the
immortal jellyfish?

Matt (32:52):
they began life as a single-celled organism and they
evolved eric.
I'm telling you this is in theopening credits.
They begin as like little dotsin the sea and they follow the
meanest fish around and theneventually, just like animals,
they get up on the land thereand they start following around
a T-Rex, and basically they'redrawn to the most evil entity

(33:16):
that they can find and they wantto serve this evil entity.
And it starts as a T-Rex andthen they accidentally kill the
T-Rex and then it becomescavemen and they accidentally
kill the cavemen and then itbecomes like they keep going all
these places they go to.
They go to Dracula theyaccidentally kill him on his 300
something birthday, and thenNapoleon, they kill him too.

(33:37):
Whoopsie, do I have a theoryemerging?
Okay, and so basically, I'mgoing to tell you I'm going to
spoil all the minions for youreal quick, go on you ready.

Eric (33:45):
Ruined my life.
So they honestly it wasn't thatgood.

Matt (33:49):
Despicable Me.
It was a great time.
It was a fun time.
Yeah, it was a fun time,minions was not great.

Eric (33:54):
Here's what I'm going to say about minions.

Matt (33:58):
Okay, as minions is not for or about me, and that's okay
yeah, yeah, but I'm just sayinglike I was watching despicable
me and lindsey and I we watchedit together last night and there
are some legit laugh out loudmoments at uh, despicable me got
some gut busters, some kneeslappers and they all involve

(34:21):
the minions yes, the minions anddespicable me steal the show
the minion.
I can totally.
Lindsey said this.
I can totally see why they arewhat the culture hung on to as
like this is part of pop culture.
Now, yes, and like yeah grewtoo.
But basically the minions movieis them trying to find a new

(34:44):
boss to serve.
These three minions go out inthe world it's in the 1960s they
try to steal the crown jewels,they, they, they follow this,
this evil person, around for awhile, that person they end up
defeating and then, what do youknow, at the very end of the
movie it lasts like 60 seconds achild, gru, comes into the

(35:07):
picture and takes the crownjewels and runs away and they're
like no, this is the guy.
And they follow boy-aged Gruand boom, prequel done.
But the important thing isthey've been around forever.
But like, the important thingis they've been around forever.
The minions have always beenhere looking for delight in the

(35:29):
most evil entity they can find.

Eric (35:31):
And this is where my theory emerges, Matt, just from
hearing you describe this,because I didn't know any of
that, I only had I could only gooff the source material.
And now I say that because itwas a prequel, and now I feel
like we're caught up to thesource material.

Matt (35:41):
And now I say that because it was a prequel, and now I
feel like we're caught up to thesource material.
Okay.

Eric (35:46):
So what you're describing?
I have an emerging theory aboutthe minions.
All right, the minions yeah,let's hear it Are the planet's
response.
They're the planet's immunesystem responding to evil
appearing on its surface.
Because you keep describing tome how the minions appear.
They, they find the most evilthing, follow it and then end up

(36:07):
killing it.
Yes, they behave like whiteblood cells in an immune system.
They're, they're a balancing,but they don't mean it.
They don't mean to.
They don't mean oh no, nothingyou, I mean.

Matt (36:18):
I don't they're just?

Eric (36:19):
they're just silly little pills that are accident prone
exactly like I don't ascribeintent to an amoeba, any more
than I would ascribe intent to aminion, at least not at that
stage of their evolution.
They exist because they happento thrive in a world where evil
is just manifest.

(36:40):
With all this manifesting evil,without the minions, how bleak
would things have gotten.
Dracula would have ruled theworld, but he wouldn't even got
a chance.
T-rex would have murdered him.
T-rex has eaten all theDracula's Matt.
Can we have that?

Matt (36:53):
Eric, you are bringing up a very good point, but this this
does bring us to the sourcematerial of Despicable Me, and
Aaron pointed out that theyquote unquote financed his
project to steal the moon Withtheir labor, with their labor.
But no, there's that scenewhere they all are like, oh,
I'll chip in a dollar orwhatever, but it starts with

(37:17):
money.
But then they're just bringingin stuff like park benches and
shit that they build the racketout of.
I don't think that was likefinancing, like they're sitting
on gold bullion somewhere.
They're not secretly richthey're not secretly rich.

Eric (37:31):
No, they gave what they.
They gave all they could theygave and then they could all
gave some all gave some and itbuilt a rocket to get to the
moon and and I will say this wedo know they get paid um, at
least prior to this.
They have money.
Uh, they have money and whengrew is like when he's given up
on on ceiling moon, he's likeokay, you guys are gonna have to

(37:52):
like I like me, dust up yourresume, look for new.
Like he's giving them the wehave, we're out of money.

Matt (37:57):
We can't pay you any more speech well, and he also makes a
joke about no, no, no one'sgetting raises.

Eric (38:05):
Yeah, so they are getting paid.
I don't know if theyparticularly care about money.

Matt (38:12):
I think it's a perk for them.

Eric (38:14):
I think it's a perk and I think that works perfectly for
Gru, because he can lowball themyeah.

Matt (38:19):
Whatever there's, he's paying the minimum wage because
he's despicable oh yeah.
Ball them, yeah.
Whatever there's, he's payingthe minimum wage because he's
despicable oh yeah.
But like whatever that he'spaying them, he doesn't
ultimately need to because theminions would work for free.

Eric (38:33):
No, yeah, they clearly like him.

Matt (38:36):
Yeah, they clearly enjoy being around they all want good
night kisses at the end of themovie.
Oh, that was the funny.
That was the hardest, lindsey,and I laugh when the minions go
that was so good, that was verygood.
A plus writing despicable me soI.

Eric (38:52):
So I, at the start of the movie stakes, they are
definitely in a capitalist likesort of.
You know, they're in the eve,they're, they're.
It's an evil mode.
But then when grew turns a newleaf, you know when they're,
they co-build a rocket together.
Yeah, that's when they form,like you said, a cooperative.
It it truly becomes acollaboration and you'll notice

(39:16):
that grew thrives when hecollaborates with his labor
instead of dominating it.

Matt (39:23):
Yes, yes, he's a leader.
He knows he becomes a leader.
He knows how to get the minionsgoing.
He knows that.
You know they respond tofanfare.
They respond to flashyannouncements.
Yes, you know he's not justsending a memo.
He is positioning hisretractable roof so he can be

(39:47):
backlit by the moon.

Eric (39:49):
Much like the girls tried to teach Gru, the minions were
also trying to teach him thesame lesson is that when you're
having fun, it all comestogether.
Girls took him to amusementpark, the minions they were
telling him the whole timethey're just over when you.
They're silly little guys, matt, they're silly, they're silly

(40:10):
little guys and you gotta givethe silly little guys silly
little projects.
If you give them all these likedang like, of course things are
gonna go wrong.
Yeah, you gotta meet them wherethey're at, which is silly
little guys.

Matt (40:19):
That's where they thrive and succeed.
But also eric in to his pointabout like how they reproduce or
whatever.
Do they live forever?
They most certainly do not.
They are disposable.
If ever I've seen them thatthey get blown apart by an
errant rocket and they're justlike, oh, whoops, but but like

(40:40):
they seem to obey like loony,like Like I didn't.

Eric (40:43):
I don't recall seeing any of them.

Matt (40:46):
No, you don't see them perish, but come on.

Eric (40:49):
Destroyed or injured in any way.
I've seen them like get blownup.
I know that some part of theiranatomy they have some sort of
skeleton or something in there,because if you crack it they
turn into a glow stick.

Matt (41:02):
Yes, I was shocked by the cracking of a minion and he
became a glow stick.
What an obscure joke to make,but so good.
But I was saying this toLindsay.
What I appreciate about theminions is it is sort of a
throwback to.
I love the senseless violence,the comedic violence about the

(41:25):
minions, like they just pull outbazookas, they blow each other
apart and then are like whereare they getting these wigs and
disguises and costumes?
Where are they getting thesedisguises?
Like what the fuck?
It's very roadrunner and coyote, you know it's it's very anvil
Like.
It's a throwback to classiccartoons of like violence that

(41:46):
doesn't actually haveconsequences, and that's what I
feel like we should be teachingour children.

Eric (41:52):
That's what we need to go back to Drop pianos on your
friends.

Matt (41:56):
Drop pianos on your friends.
Violence doesn't haveconsequences.

Eric (42:00):
I will also add that in many ways in this goes back to
reproduction stuff like that.
I, I I'm just gonna assume thatlike, kind of like, like we saw
in the beginning, like they're,they are, as you say, like
single cell organisms.
They just kind of like split.
They kind of just grow like afunk.
They don't they're, they do notadhere to any, they do not have
any sort of gendered morphism.
They are, they seem, completelylike asexual by default.

(42:25):
But like they seem they have noproblem shifting into different
like roles.
Like you'll see like oh, thisone's now a dad and this one's a
mom, this one's they're alittle, but like they can like,
like they're kind of, they'reenlightened in many ways.
They're very gender fluid.
They're very uh, they're veryadapt.
They're supremely adaptable.
That is why they still exist.

(42:46):
That's why they make perfectminions like they can.
Whatever society throws at them, they just roll with it.

Matt (42:52):
They're able to roll with the changes.
Much like reo speed wagon theycan.
Much like reo speed, they cango with it.
Their coffee is on the table,yeah.

Aaron (43:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt (43:03):
And so I appreciate the Minions for this.
And I think that you know mydad has a thing about the
Minions.
He like ever since they came onTV and were in commercials, he
finds them so annoying, he hatesthem.
And I was sort of like, yeah,whatever about the Minions.
But after watching DespicableMe I'm sort of like, yeah, I get
it, I get it.
I get it.
I like the minions.

Eric (43:25):
It's not for or about me, but I get it.

Matt (43:27):
I like the minions and if I had a child here and they were
obsessed with minions, I'd belike fuck, yeah, you are.
Yeah, of course you are.
You're a child, of course youare.
Yes, who wouldn't want devoted,loving subordinates?

Eric (43:44):
who are?
Who are funny as heck, who arejust funny as silly little guys.

Matt (43:49):
They're just silly little guys, eric.
Some of them got one eye, someof them got two.

Eric (43:55):
We don't know what the differentiator is there and that
easily could have been astar-bellied sneetches kind of
situation, but it wasn't't.

Matt (44:02):
Some are tall, some are short.

Eric (44:03):
We don't know why they don't discriminate, they don't
exclude or sort each other byany sort of known hierarchy.

Matt (44:14):
And they're not afraid to take an ax and just whack
another person with it becausethey're standing in the way,
because they love evil, eric.

Eric (44:26):
They love evil.
Well love, they're attracted toit.
They're attracted to it.
They respect it.
They respect it, I think, like Ithey respect a diabolical
scheme I don't think they haveany sort of overarching, like
motivation, like I don't thinkthey're like oh, we're gonna
serve evil.
Or, to tie back to my theoryfrom earlier, like oh we, we're

(44:46):
like the planet's immune system.
I think that's just incidental.
They're an organism, they'rejust they're they.
Of course nature has selectedto make the ultimate organism
which, just like which just sohappens to be a yellow
pill-shaped minion.

Matt (45:02):
Who's?
A silly little guy, who's asilly little guy in overalls,
and you know what makes themdrawn to evil.
You know what I have to say tothat.
Why does anyone do anything?

Eric (45:14):
Why does anyone do anything?

Matt (45:15):
Why does?

Eric (45:16):
anyone do anything.
Are we not drawn to evil?
Do we not need jobs?

Matt (45:20):
We need jobs and we're drawn to evil.

Eric (45:26):
We're drawn to corporations, are we not?
Yeah, we're, they are.
I think that I think too.
That is also why people willreact quite viscerally to
minions, because they are in asense matt to quote, I think and
or the mirror hurts.
The minions are a mirror to usas a species.
They show us.
They show us that at the end ofthe day, there's no sense of

(45:49):
like and I'm sure this probablygets explored in the further
movies.
But they're like.
You look at them in despicableme, the source material, yes and
you don't see any sort of senseof self.
You see collective it is the, itis absolutely the collective.
It's like if you took us if,and you took like humanity and
just stripped away all of likethe illusion of self-identity,

(46:13):
you're just left with sillylittle guys and I think that
freaks people out.
They're like, at the end of theday, deep down, we're all just
silly little guys, we're alljust minions.

Matt (46:22):
We're all just minions at the end of the day, that fucks
people up, that fucks people upand people can't handle that.
Eric, no, but you and I can.

Eric (46:29):
Oh yeah, oh, we can oh.

Matt (46:31):
I can look at you and say you are my minion.

Eric (46:35):
And I can look at you, matt, and say you are my minion
one eye or two eye we got aone-eye stand out here.

Matt (46:43):
I think I'm a two-eye per a minion, but I think you are a
tall one-eye minion absolutelytall one-eye minion.

Eric (46:50):
That is my minion sona.
That's your minion sona that'syour minion pet?

Matt (46:55):
yeah, absolutely, I think, eric, we not only answered the
question, we answered questionswe didn't even know were asked.
God damn it, we're good, andisn't that just what the minions
do is?

Eric (47:08):
god damn eric.
Here's all say to that that wasthe worst impression of a
minion I've ever heard.

Matt (47:16):
Give me yours.
Give me yours right now don'teven think about it.
But but my god is a cake andbanana okay, that was really
good that was really good,because it's like an
amalgamation of different likelike they'll speak spanish for a
hot second.

Eric (47:31):
But then they'll be like man stewart, like yes, you gotta
just drop in one very clear,concise word, word uh I, I, when
I still did martial arts, oneof my instructors, master victor
he was uh, he, I say was likeyeah, matt, master, victor uh I

(47:54):
respect him, don't come after mehe was filipino and so he would
speak this blend of like.
He would pop when he would likecall family, he would be
speaking filipino and uh, yeah,uh, on the phone, yeah, he'd be
speaking filipino and spanishbecause, like, that is also like
a big like, like no, becausethe phil, the philippi was, you

(48:14):
know, colonized by the spanish.
Yeah, but he would be bouncingbetween filipino, spanish and
and, with occasional words inenglish, and it would just be
like that, that string of like,philippine and spanish and and,
with occasional words in english.
And it would just be like that,that string of like, philippine
and spanish.

Matt (48:27):
And then, all of a sudden, walmart yeah, well, that's just
a good touch point of what youknow you can while you're
eavesdropping on your master'sconversation walmart is the word
that doesn't exist in mostother languages.

Eric (48:42):
Yeah, Other other.
We, we get things like shit.
You know, we get to enjoyschadenfreude and the Germans
get to enjoy Walmart, Absolutely.
That is hold on, I gotta, Igotta know, gotta know what.
How do you say Walmart inGerman?
Oh, they don't exist in Germany.

Matt (49:00):
I was just going to say it's, it's, they don't.
It's a name brand.
I think it's just gonna bewalmart I was hoping for, like a
valmotsen I'm sorry, that wasthere.
That was anti-german, Iapologize, that was racist
against minions, bro I think itwas racist against minions and
the germans and I apologize, areyou doing minion face right now

(49:21):
?
I'm just looking at you.
Okay, that's just my fuckingface, eric.
Okay, you, goddamn minion.
Anyway, it's time for GoogleGripes.
Time for Google, oh, fuck me,it's time for Google Gripes.
Google Gripes, baby, I'm gonnathrow up.
Season four, finale is on hand.

(49:42):
Okay, for those new googlegripes.
One star google reviews.
They're all real.
I read them.
Eric, guesses, vice versa, etc,etc.
The live score for this roundis seven to four, me, me, okay.
Eric requires five, six, seven,all three of these reviews, all

(50:08):
three of these films.
He has to get right.
I've got three movies here,well-known movies, eric, with
three one-star Google reviewseach.
And, as you said, we should begoing hard mode on the last
thing.

Eric (50:25):
Yeah, I said a lot of things.

Matt (50:26):
So the pressure is on Eric Funny world A whole lot of
things being said, because I'mgiving these three to you and
even if you get the first onewrong, eric, it's all over.
I won, but you still have to gothrough these reviews.

Eric (50:42):
Matt, if this was dragon ball z, I'd be looking over at
you right now and like myscouter, just like exploded,
yeah on my face and like I canjust see the death aura of your,
of your, of your key raisingaround you and it's fucking me
up I'm sure that means somethingto somebody.

Matt (50:59):
All right, so here we go.
Are you ready, eric?
First movie, first review.
Are you ready?

Eric (51:05):
KO, can I?
Yes, that was a DBZ joke.
That's not for or about you,matthew.
Thank you, that's for someonewho just chuckled.

Matt (51:13):
Thank you.
I hope you fucking love thatchuckler.
They did Trust me, they did.
He threw a cute dog off a tallbuilding and it most probably
died.
I don't like because of thatHashtag.
Dog lives matter.
Other than that, this is thebest movie I've ever seen.
One star Hell.

(51:37):
Yeah, okay, all right.
Second review Worst blank filmever.
The 1960s film was better.
The acting sucks and characteris the worst.
All the fight scenes are soboring I fell asleep.
Other film in the franchise islike a hundred times better.

(51:59):
Okay, all right.
Last review Blank's voicekilled it for me.
Blank was my favorite comicbook character and by the end of
the movie I only think of thismovie as my favorite Blank movie
because actor pulled offcharacter so well, making me

(52:20):
like the villain more than thehero.
Best character alive or dead,says the internet.
I'm not quite sure, since I'venever met him personally.
Hard mode eric.

Eric (52:33):
Okay, let's go over the facts.
Let's go over the facts.
Fact number one you're a son ofa bitch.
No argument here.
No, your mother is a fuckingsaint.
I take it back, thank you.
Fact number one dog gets thrownoff building.
Dog gets thrown off building.
I picked up on worst blankmovie, so that that implies some
sort of superhero movie orworst comic book movie or worst

(52:58):
something yada yada movie.
There was a 60s movie, therewas a 60s movie.
So this is a re, this is a a.
This is a reboot.
Could be of sorts, could be, orperhaps a long-awaited sequel.
Who can say could be?
Who could say fight scenes,fight scenes or fight scenes.
You did say something about am Icrazy comic book character?

(53:21):
Or or, yes, comic bookcharacter.
And then they said, and theymentioned something about a the
internet believes best heroalive or dead, or real or not
real, or something best, aliveor dead, says the internet.
Okay.

Matt (53:36):
I gotta be honest, Eric.
I put this one first because Ithought you'd get it already.

Eric (53:44):
Hold on, I need to go into my mind palace Because this
feels like.
It's like there's a, it's likeI just need to turn the dial,
just right there, eric, I didn'twant you to lose this on the
first movie.

Matt (53:55):
You know that.

Eric (53:56):
Neither did I, matthew.
You know that I want you to getthis, and I know this movie.

Matt (54:01):
Eric, you know this movie.

Eric (54:05):
I know, you know that's what's like.
This is all sounding familiar.
What's throwing me off is thedog.

Matt (54:13):
Throwing a dog off the dog .

Eric (54:15):
Throwing a dog off the building.

Matt (54:16):
Throwing a dog off of a building Almost like it maybe
isn't a main plot point.

Eric (54:23):
Yeah, it feels like it's a throwaway thing at the
beginning.
Other movie in the franchiseit's clearly a superhero movie,
or?

Matt (54:35):
something.
It certainly gives those vibes,doesn't it?
I swear to God Matthew 1960s.

Eric (54:42):
So there is a superhero movie franchise.
Yeah, beloved.
Yeah, that had a movie in the60s.

Matt (54:49):
Had a movie in the 60s, and then.
Or a 60s representation at thevery least.
Right, that's what we know okay, are we talking about?

Eric (55:00):
oh god, I'm gonna be so fucking embarrassed if I don't
get that.

Aaron (55:04):
I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna fucking hate, I'm gonna eric.

Matt (55:07):
I can see.
I see the, the chaos you'regoing through.
I will never financiallyrecover from I can see the chaos
that you're going through, themental you know, the you're
you're struggling with, withwhich way to go.
If only crossroads was here tohelp.
If only crossroads here to tellyou the fate that you are

(55:30):
trying to weasel out foryourself.
Can.

Eric (55:33):
Can I ask a clarifying question?
If this is what I think it is,will a generic one word and I
say generic I mean no titleaddendum answer be acceptable?
I don't even know if you cananswer that question, because

(55:53):
that might give me too muchinformation.

Matt (55:56):
I know what you're asking and for this specific movie,
based on what I've given you sofar, I kind of feel like the
answer is no.

Eric (56:07):
So I have to give the full title of this movie.

Matt (56:10):
I will say this okay, yeah , this okay, yeah, what I think
you're trying to say the blank.
You know, because it says itworst blank movie, all that.
That blank is not in the titleof the movie.
Okay, it's not a movie thatit's like something colon

(56:31):
subtitle, it's not that okayit's not that that, okay, that's
what I was.

Eric (56:37):
Okay, fuck I'm fucked, eric, you know this movie uh,
okay, I'm just gonna go throughthe facts one more time.
Hit the facts eric had arepresentation in the 1960s.
Yes, fact, it's a franchise,got it?
Bam, there are fights Pow.

Matt (56:56):
Eric, I'm trying.
I gave this.
I wanted this to be fair.

Eric (57:01):
I'm going to go with my gut.

Matt (57:02):
I wanted it to be fair.

Eric (57:04):
Eric, I feel like my gut is wrong because I am drawing so
many fucking things.

Matt (57:10):
I'm telling you before you say anything.
I'm trying to tell you that Iwas trying to be fair to you.
I was trying to help you out,guide you to a good fate, flip
this coin correctly.
I was trying, Eric.

Eric (57:28):
Is this Batman Forever?

Matt (57:31):
Is that your final answer, eric?

Eric (57:35):
Yes, I'm afraid not, eric god damn, it was it bat.
Oh was it.
God damn, fucking batman begins.
It's the dark night, the darknight man I was.
I was like the entire time.
I was like it's a batman, it isa bat it is a batman, it has to
be about.
When did a dog get thrown off?

Matt (57:54):
a fucking roof right at the very end of the skyscraper.
They attack him and he kind ofkicks him and he goes flying off
the roof.
The review kind of made Holyshit.
Yeah, they made a little bitmore of it, but, Eric, I oh I
heard Wait, play it back, eric.
Play this whole conversationback.
I was trying Fate Fair Coinflip back.

Eric (58:18):
I was trying fate fair coin flip.
I was trying to give youeverything, eric.
You were obsessed with thismovie.

Matt (58:22):
When we were in college, I was obsessed with the dark.
You had so many dark night.
I had a dark night post.

Eric (58:25):
I had a dark night poster in my dorm room, so I you know
what I will accept, though I'mjust glad at least I knew it was
batman, you knew it was batmanand I'll say this killing me
because like which batman, theother film I was, like which
batman did the review say thedog gets thrown off at the
beginning, at the beginning?

Matt (58:43):
no, he said he threw a cute dog off the tall building
and it most probably died.
I don't like because of that.
Oh, but the I will say this theother film and franchise is
like 100 times better wasreferencing Batman and Robin.

Eric (58:58):
Okay, which I rewatched that recently.
It's a gem.
I do need to get back to that.
It's a gem.
Kick some ice, ashamed ofmyself.
That's why I was asking,because I thought it was like
this has got to be Batman.
I was like can I just sayBatman?
I know, but I think you were.
I know Eric, but I think youwere valid in not allowing that.

(59:19):
I think that is valid, but Eric.

Matt (59:26):
I think, because you were on the right track and we did
talk about this and I don't wantit to come down to just the
first review, I think I'm goingto give it to you.

Eric (59:35):
Now, matt, I need you to look and look me in the eye
right now and answer onequestion.
Yeah, are you doing this out ofpity?
Yeah, I accept that and youknow in your heart you've
already won so go on.

Matt (59:52):
Well, I know what my next two movies are.
Okay, so yeah.

Eric (59:56):
God, oh, you would, hit, you would in my week, you would.

Matt (01:00:01):
I tried, eric, I tried to give you a softball.

Eric (01:00:03):
No, it was.

Matt (01:00:05):
Oh God, yeah, yeah I tried to tow the line of like these
are tough reviews, but not forEric.
What fucked me up when you weregetting cute with?
When you were getting cute with?

Aaron (01:00:23):
clues.
You're like coin flow is likecoin flip, bad fights 60 oh
batman forever.

Eric (01:00:25):
God.
I was like I don't remember adog and I was like, bam pal, I
was really.
I blocked all of that, matthew.
I was trying so hard, buddy,and I only can't be mad about it
because I did that to youbefore.

Matt (01:00:36):
Movie two.
So, eric, revisionist history,but you are still good, you can
still tie this thing up.

Eric (01:00:46):
If this were poker.
Someone just bought me back in.

Matt (01:00:50):
I bought you back into my own game because I want to play
with you a little bit more.
My God, I want to dangle thismarionette a little bit longer,
my God.
Review number one.
Movie number two Are you ready?
Yes, blank has got to be one ofthe worst movies I've ever sat
through.
I've seen some poor films, butnone of them has ever put a bad

(01:01:16):
taste in my mouth quite likeBlank did.
There's an uncomfortablyperverted misogynistic aura in
the film.
The female characters seem toonly serve as points of sexual
interest, not to mention themoments of sexual harassment and
near-date rape that happen.
Okay.
Review number two All thecharacters, with the exception

(01:01:37):
of blank, are uninteresting,unlikable.
Quote unquote teenagers.
Blank isn't unlikable, but shecertainly isn't compelling
either.
Nothing about the film is evercute or romantic and the ending
provides really bad relationshipadvice.
The film doesn't even spendproper time developing the main

(01:02:00):
couple and instead wastes it bygiving unnecessary musical
numbers to the unimportant sidecharacters.
I didn't care about thesecharacters' plights and none of
them get any proper development.
The ounce of characterdevelopment Blank gets at the
end is quickly canceled out byBlank's decision.

Aaron (01:02:22):
Okay.

Matt (01:02:23):
Okay.
Review number three the onlything I liked about this movie
is the animated opening credits.
Blank reminds me of everythingI hated about high school, and
it isn't worth the hype, in myopinion.

Aaron (01:02:38):
Okay.

Eric (01:02:39):
What a journey.
What a journey, eric.
We have misogyny, sexualharassment, borderline assault,
mm-hmm, we have romance.

Matt (01:02:51):
We have it.

Eric (01:02:51):
We have a main couple.
We have too much time spent onthe other couples.

Matt (01:02:57):
We have an animated opening sequence eric, I
apologize to you, eric, I haveto eric, I have to apologize to
you.
I forgot how I set up my owngoogle doc.
That was all.
The first review.
Are you fucking?

Eric (01:03:16):
with me right now.

Matt (01:03:17):
Eric, I am not fucking with you.
Are you fucking?
I am not fucking with you.
That was all one review.
I, I, I.
I don't normally spaceparagraphs out like that.
That was all one review.
I have two more reviews for you, that that that was.

Eric (01:03:33):
that wasn't a review, that was ayahuasca that was one
review.
I I I have bonus material thatwas toad venom that I just
smoked through my ears and youlook and you looked ready to
guess.

Matt (01:03:47):
But I was scrolling through my google doc and I was
like wait a minute.
This isn't seemingly related tothe other two oh my god, all
right, okay, so that was allreview number one.
Okay, here comes review numbertwo.
Go on.
I have tried many times towatch this movie.
The summer love story is toldfrom the girl perspective, all

(01:04:09):
romantic and starry-eyed, andfrom the boy's perspective,
implying much more than whatreally happened.
All I see is a misogynisticstory Young women trying to
impress boys, boys acting macho,adults being ridiculous.
One star for Blank's voice.
Respect for those of you that,like the movie, agree to

(01:04:31):
disagree.

Aaron (01:04:32):
Okay.

Matt (01:04:33):
And review number three Just gross.
I don't miss the so-called goodold days one bit, when men were
total creeps, molesters,rapists and got away with it,
not impressed.
How disgusting it is that thiswas normal behavior back then.
Blank was the most beautifulperson there, yet she felt that

(01:04:55):
she had to change into a trampin order for the scuzzy ones to
like her.

Eric (01:05:01):
Here's the wild thing.
Tell me that first review yes,in and of itself.
Yes, experienced directly inthe vacuum of mind.
Yes, is an unhinged,meaningless nothing.

(01:05:22):
Yes, it is, is just.

Matt (01:05:23):
But then I heard the second review yes and all was
made clear.
Yes is grease.

Eric (01:05:26):
The word grease is the fucking word baby got it, got
that, that, first that eric, Iam so nervous that I have I am
upset at that first review, andI'm most upset because it made
sense by the end.

Matt (01:05:40):
It's my fault, eric.
It is my fault I.
I apologize to you again that Iled you astray.
Go on all right.
I have one more movie for youand, because of my grace to you,
we are still.
You are still looking at a tieoh, matt I'm.

Eric (01:06:00):
I am quite familiar that only by the grace of your
fucking mercy am I here.

Matt (01:06:05):
Thank you just as long as you know.
Final movie first review.
Are you ready?
Yes, utter garbage.
The coloring of the screen areall off and the camera quality
is utterly horrendous.
The costumes look like theycould have been purchased for
like $2 maximum and the actingis quite subpar, and I wish I
could have gone the rest of mylife without this bad movie.

(01:06:28):
Okay, review number two Okaymovie really needs more green.
Like, please, I need more greenin this movie.
Where's the green Green?
No green in the credits either.
Music also needed more green.
Okay, and final review my, my,my.

(01:06:51):
Where do I start?
Okay, first of all, I used tolove this.
I used to love watching thisshow 24-7.
I watched it like 80 times.
But this movie is cursed.
One of the actors, theprotagonist, had a drug overdose
due to the stupid director thatgave her pills so she can
become skinny when she lookedperfectly fine.

(01:07:12):
They actually burned thecharacter.
They were burned in real fireduring the show.
The character had real blankfur with his costume and had to
sweat the whole entire time.
The character had makeup thathad chemicals painted on his
face and it got him sick.
Character was harassed by theblanks and was touched by them.

(01:07:38):
One of the blanks hangedhimself from a long distance on
set.
When I heard about the rumor, Iwas seven, scrolling on YouTube.
I was terrified for my life.
I watched this video, jessie V,just like that other review
said since.
I don't watch her videos sincethey gave me nightmares and
ruining my childhood, eventhough she's telling the truth

(01:08:02):
as well as other people.
How the fuck do people realize?
How the fuck do people realizethat this is cursed?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Blank was crushed and replacedby another dog.
I was reading the reviewsyesterday and I had a nightmare.
That title of movie aka cursedmovie, that's totally not for
kids, even though they say it'sfor kids was going to haunt me,

(01:08:25):
giving me sweat.
I was wiping my tears whilelooking at the reviews.
People are blind as heck.
Damn it.
I've had enough.
Even my friends got scared.
I've been sending them printedscreenshots as well as pictures
of the movie and I hang them upin my school wall, and I also
started a small community at thepark.
So the so-called play on thetitle of the movie would hear

(01:08:48):
this I blame the director andonly them.
They were all forced to dothese things because of the
director.
We speak for justice for thesepeople who died.
Hashtag never trust.
Title of film.
Hashtag ban.
Title of film.

Eric (01:09:03):
Matt, I'm going to tell you a story.
Alright, go for it bud.
Some kids come home from school.
Mom makes them a peanut butterand jelly sandwich.

Matt (01:09:11):
Spoiler alert he knows it.
Either that or he's going to belooking real dumb some kids
come home from school.

Eric (01:09:17):
Some kids come home from school.
Some kids come home from schoolmom gives them a cookie.
Sure, I came home from schooland my mom would tell me
horrific stories.
Sure, about all the most fuckedup shit.
Yeah, that happened during thefilming of the Wizard of Oz.
Uh-huh, like the Tin Man'spaint almost killing him.

(01:09:39):
Yep, the suit being made ofreal lion.
Yep, poor fucking.
Oh God, what's her name?
Judy Garland.
Judy Garland, god rest her soul.
Yeah, the movie ruined herwhole life.
That's a fact.
It ruined her whole life andled to her very early death.
That's the fact.
It ruined her whole life andled to her very early death.
Yes, it's very early.

(01:09:59):
She had to smoke like fucking,like three packs a day.
They forced her to smoke.
Yeah, yeah, and the most fuckedup thing is my mom loves the
Wizard of Oz.

Matt (01:10:05):
Sure, who doesn't?
Who among us doesn't?
I am so furious that.
I was.
Let me be perfectly clear.
You haven't guessed yet.
By the way, no one is cancelingthe Wizard of Oz.
A bunch of horrific stuffhappened during the filming of
it, one of which is not amunchkin hanging themselves.

Eric (01:10:26):
No, that never happened.
That's an urban legend.

Matt (01:10:27):
That is complete urban legend, that did not happen.
That is not true.
The other stuff that Poach istalking about is true, but
nobody.

Eric (01:10:34):
The truth is so much more horrifying but I want you, you
could, if you could, if I couldtrade.

Matt (01:10:39):
Uh, yeah, yeah, but yeah, just to be clear to all my gen
zers out there nice fucking try,we're not canceling, wizard of
oz you can't.

Eric (01:10:47):
It's got.
It's got disney protection nowlike it's got disney levels of
like yeah some fucked up.

Matt (01:10:53):
Shit happened.
They shouldn't have made themovie the way they did.
But you know what?
It's still an American trend.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What's that?
What's that?
Hayden, Sit down.
Two, two things can be true.
No one's canceling.
Wizard of.

Eric (01:11:06):
Oz, objectively horrific things that never, ever should
have happened.

Matt (01:11:10):
It did ruin Judy Garland's whole life, though that's true.

Eric (01:11:12):
It ruined Judy Garland's life and they did kill Toto.
That's also true and they didkill Toto Objectively.
Horrific things went into themaking of this film and it never
should have happened.
And this film should not exist.
It shouldn't, it should.
It should have just been madebetter.
Its creation was a travesty.
But the other true thing is itis an American icon.

(01:11:33):
Other true thing is it is anAmerican icon and in that way
that almost feels par for thecourse.

Matt (01:11:38):
Also the first film in Technicolor, let's not forget.

Eric (01:11:40):
First film in Technicolor changed the history of film.

Matt (01:11:43):
It is a staple, it is a must watch for every human being
, and if you disagree with me,just know that you're wrong.

Eric (01:11:50):
That's why it is.
If someone were to ask me isthe ultimate like?
What is the what representsAmerican film?
My answer is Wizard of Oz,because I'm like it'll be one of
the greatest things you'll everexperience and it comes at such
a terrible, terrible,irredeemable price.

Matt (01:12:11):
And these reviews didn't even talk about the fact that it
was like legit green paint onthe wicked witch that like
stained her skin for weeks.
Yeah, yeah, anyway, are youguessing?
Wizard of oz?
I guess the wizard yeah, you'reright, eric you're right, and
because of, because of mygenerosity, we are now tied I am
so pissed that I was likegreece wizard of oz.

Eric (01:12:33):
I know I struggled on my favorite superhero franchise I
thought there was a good chance.

Matt (01:12:41):
You would know all this shit about wizard of oz, but I
thought there was an equallygood chance you didn't.

Eric (01:12:46):
I was miss.
I was missing the man for thebats a hundred percent.
I was missing the, the, thegotham for the for the building.

Matt (01:12:54):
You were missing the cave for the bats.

Eric (01:12:58):
That is like my as a human , my weakness, Not my superhero
weakness, my human weakness isjust like make it just so very
clearly obvious and I will justblow.

Matt (01:13:08):
The thing that I'm so shocked by is it was one of our
first bonding points.

Eric (01:13:13):
Oh, we bonded over the artifice of the dark.

Matt (01:13:15):
We bonded over the dark of over the artifice of the dark.
We we bonded over it.
You know it's one of there'sonly two movies that I can
recall that I saw three times intheaters, and one of them is
the dark knight yep.

Eric (01:13:28):
The other is the hangover, yeah I hang over one to be
clear.
I I, yeah, I think the darknight was three times specific.

Matt (01:13:37):
I was going to say I saw a tropic thunder twice.
I know I saw a tropic thundertwice in theaters.

Eric (01:13:41):
Dark night is one of a few movies I can count them on one
hand that I have ever gone to atheater multiple times willingly
to go see, yeah, uh, god damnit, and by your fucking grace
and mercy uh, god damn it.

Matt (01:13:58):
And by your fucking grace and mercy, we're and this is the
worst part this is this wasn'tsupposed to happen our next
episode's, episode 100, so wecan't continue this fight in 100
.
We got shit planned so yeah,we're gonna have to take this to
101 dalmatians, this will haveto come in at 101 to settle
season four of google gripes,and I believe we talked about in
the last episode it being sortof a movie for movie shootout.

(01:14:20):
Yes, are we still going withthat?

Eric (01:14:23):
a sudden death.
A, a golden, a golden.
What do they call golden ball?

Matt (01:14:27):
golden goal yes, a golden ball, a golden goal if you will.
Yes, yes, we're going foressentially a penalty shootout,
yes, and that that's what'shappening, so look you, you over
here radiating movie, power melimping along and I just and the
and you know I should if I, Ishould feel bad that I'm I'm

(01:14:50):
allowing this to happen, but Idon't, because I want.
I really thought I was givingyou a gimme with dark knight.
Yeah, I was like, well, hecan't get.
I I'll tell you what.
Eric the dark knight was thelast movie I collected reviews
for.
I started with wizard of oz.
That was the first idea I hadand I got those.

(01:15:11):
And then what?
But after I got grease, I wasno, I got to get something first
that I know he'll get.
So we're not eliminating thetrauma in the first round.
So I don't feel bad.
I don't feel bad, in fact.

Eric (01:15:28):
I feel good.
No, that is 100% on me, butEric, I got in my own way.

Matt (01:15:33):
You got in your own way.
And now, my good greasedlightning friend, we are heading
to a tiebreaker in 101.
But first we have to record our100th episode.
One hundo.
Eric, did you be honest with me?
Did you think we'd get here?
No, it's not and it's say it,eric, I want to hear you say it.

Eric (01:15:58):
And this wasn't.
This isn't any like oh no, Idon't think this is going to
last.
I I want to hear you say it,eric, 100 is just.
It's kind of like uh, uh, uh,uh, laney, like when I bought my
house and they told me the yearI would be finished paying it
off.
I'm like that's not real, yeah,like a hundred.
Doing anything for this amountof time is just unfathomable to

(01:16:22):
me and like I'll take it here,I'll, and not only.
Not only are we here, I got thisis like I it blew it feel like.
In many ways, it it feels likeit just blew by.
Yeah, it's been like four yearsFour years.

Matt (01:16:38):
In October will be four years that we've been doing this
.

Eric (01:16:41):
We started during the pandemic 2020,.

Matt (01:16:42):
Yeah, we started 2020.

Eric (01:16:43):
Holy shit man.

Matt (01:16:44):
October 10th, I think was the first episode.

Eric (01:16:51):
A hundred episodes.

Matt (01:16:53):
Matthew, yeah, yeah, and we got some special stuff
planned.
It's a special episode, sowe're doing a little bit of a
unique thing.
We've got a very big andspecial announcement for you
coming.
I'm hoping that gets everybodyyou know on the edge of your
seat for what's coming up.
But in the meantime, we arecrossing the threshold, we are

(01:17:16):
heading to 101 and we will needyour questions, yes, so send
them to us at youdidntaskforthisat gmailcom that's all spelled
out or on the various socialmedias at youdidntaskpod.
That's the letter,youdidntaskpod.
Or you could call the thoughtline.
We've still got a backlog thatwe're working our way through.
That number is 410-929-5329.

(01:17:39):
Give it a call, leave it, leavea voicemail, play it on the
show.

Eric (01:17:43):
Probably, eric did I miss anything with the business?
Not a goddamn thing.

Matt (01:17:48):
Consummate, professional, as always the next time you hear
our voices, folks, it will beduring episode 100.
But for right now, for all ofus here, you didn't ask for this
.
My name's Meche, my name's EricPoach, and listen, you didn't
ask.

Eric (01:18:07):
But earlier, while Matt was talking, I was looking up
how to say minion in differentlanguages, my favorite one.
So we've got German, so let'sjust go La Caille, la Caille.
And then we've got French Laque, laque, but my favorite.

(01:18:30):
Get ready, buckle up forIceland.

Aaron (01:18:33):
Teinikus the fuck.

Eric (01:18:38):
Teinikus, and then I just kept pressing it and wait, wait
for this.
Flip the phone, get it realclose.

Aaron (01:18:43):
Yeah.

Eric (01:19:04):
Hold on.
So, uh, I'm here to announce mynew DJ career.
Uh, goodbye, goodbye.