Always Us Picking Up Mess: Does No One Else Even See It? | Sanity Check 32.

Episode Overview:

In this week’s Sanity Check, Julie shares a hilarious (and maddeningly relatable) story about a coat hanger left in the hallway - for four days. No one else in the house noticed it. Or did they?

From coat hangers to mugs, to stairs stacked with “to-be-taken-up” items, we unpack the domestic phenomenon where women seem to carry the invisible job of noticing and picking things up. Is it biology? Conditioning? Or just... the dreaded mental load?

We reflect on how women often scan the home for what needs doing, while others just walk past it. If you’ve ever run your own coat hanger experiment or feel like the only one holding the household together - this one’s for you.

Key Discussion Points:

• Julie’s hallway “coat hanger test” and what it revealed
• Why so many women carry a hyper-awareness of household mess
• The role of mental load and who’s been conditioned to carry it
• Is it that they really can’t see it… or that they just don’t care?
• Why kids and partners might not be scanning like we do
• Aileen’s theory on how we’ve trained others not to notice

Listener Takeaways:

• You’re not imagining it - many women are the default “noticers” of domestic clutter.
• Mental load isn’t just about doing the tasks - it starts with seeing what needs doing.
• We often train the people around us (without meaning to) to expect us to clean up.
• If you feel like the only one seeing the mess, you’re not alone and it’s okay to change the pattern.

Join the Conversation:

Does this happen in your house too?
Do you think they genuinely don’t see it or just don’t care?
Drop us a message or DM - we want to know we’re not losing it (or at least, we’re all losing it together!).

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Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

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Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.