Overdeveloped Sense of Duty: When Helping Becomes a Habit |Sanity Check

Episode Overview

In this Sanity Check episode, we explore a term that resonates deeply with many women: an overdeveloped sense of duty. Julie shares how she first heard this phrase in her early twenties, and it stuck with her. Over the years, she began to recognise how it played out in her life—compulsively taking on responsibility, stepping in to fix things, and helping others without question. Aileen and Julie discuss where this drive comes from, how it plays out in their own lives, and the emotional toll it can take.

This conversation is a must-listen for anyone who finds themselves constantly stepping in, carrying the load, and struggling to say no.

Key Discussion Points

• The emotional and physical toll of feeling responsible for everything and everyone.
• Why so many women are conditioned to believe their worth is tied to their usefulness.
• The connection between apologising too much, hyper-responsibility, and burnout.
• Aileen’s perspective on playing the mediator in her family and how that shaped her sense of responsibility.
• The impact of societal conditioning—why women are often praised for selflessness but rarely encouraged to set boundaries.
• Practical strategies for letting go of the need to always help and prioritising self-care.
• How to check in with yourself: Are you helping out of choice or obligation?

Listener Takeaways

• If you have a habit of always taking on responsibility, pause and ask:
  "Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel I have to?"
• Selflessness isn’t the same as self-sacrifice—you can care for others without draining yourself.
• You are enough, even when you’re not doing everything for everyone.
• Saying no isn’t selfish. Other people can carry the load too.
• Boundaries matter. If your energy is constantly depleted, it’s time to reassess.

Join the Conversation

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Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

Editor: Allia Lenit Galos

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Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.