“You’re Complicated” - Unpicking The Insult We So Often Hear | Sanity Check No.35

Episode Overview

Why is it that when a woman shows depth, honesty, and emotional range, she’s so often called “complicated”? And why does it rarely sound like a compliment?

In this Sanity Check, we unpack the difference between being complicated and being complex. One implies chaos that needs fixing; the other speaks to richness, nuance, and a life deeply lived. We share personal stories of times we’ve been given the label, explore why it’s often used as a deflection (especially in dating and relationships), and talk about the quiet power of refusing to water yourself down.

This is a conversation for anyone who’s ever felt “too much”.

Key Discussion Points

• Complicated vs. Complex – why the two words feel so different, and how switching them can shift your perspective.
• How the “complicated” label is often used to avoid emotional intimacy or vulnerability.
• The link between emotional depth, lived experience, and midlife complexity.
• Why some people retreat from deep connection and why that’s not about you.
• How to stop shrinking yourself to be more “digestible” in relationships.

Listener Takeaways

• Your emotional depth is not a flaw - it’s your richness.
• If someone calls you “complicated,” it often says more about their limitations than your worth.
• You cannot make the wrong move with the right person.
• Check in with yourself: am I being complicated, or am I being complex? There's a difference.
• The right people will meet you where you’re at; you don’t need to twist yourself to fit.

Join the Conversation

Have you ever been told you’re “complicated”? How did it make you feel? 

We’d love to hear your thoughts. Send us a DM or join the discussion in our community spaces. And don’t forget to share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!

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Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

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Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.