231: Unlocking Masculine Confidence & Building Stronger Relationships with Paul Bauer

In this episode of the Young Dad podcast, host Jey Young engages with Paul Bauer, a certified master life coach and bestselling author, to explore the intricacies of masculinity, relationships, and personal growth. Paul shares his journey from struggling in relationships to understanding the psychology of attraction and the importance of self-accountability. The conversation delves into modern dating dynamics, the impact of dating apps, and the need for men to reclaim their masculine presence in relationships. They discuss the societal crisis of masculinity, the importance of leadership in relationships, and offer valuable advice for young dads navigating fatherhood.

Takeaways

Men need to embrace their masculinity as a positive trait.

Self-reflection is crucial in understanding relationship dynamics.

Dating apps can be beneficial if approached correctly.

Women are attracted to confidence and decisiveness in men.

Accountability for one's actions is essential in personal growth.

Transactional relationships can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment.

Men should seek support from peers rather than overburdening their partners.

Understanding the psychology of attraction can improve relationships.

Leadership in relationships fosters respect and intimacy.

The crisis of masculinity in society needs to be addressed for healthier relationships.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Masculinity and Relationships

02:36 Paul's Journey: From Navy to Life Coach

09:09 The Downfall of Marriage and Self-Reflection

13:48 Navigating the Dating Scene: Lessons Learned

20:17 Understanding Relationship Dynamics

26:38 Reclaiming Masculinity in Relationships

29:03 The Need for Fearless Masculinity

30:05 Understanding the Masculinity Crisis

30:51 Reprogramming Masculine Presence

34:06 The Impact of Family Dynamics on Masculinity

39:27 The Role of Education in Shaping Masculinity

40:33 Encouraging Responsible Masculinity

41:34 Leadership in Relationships

48:26 Navigating Emotional Vulnerability

52:31 The Dad Zone: Lighthearted Reflections

Check out the Website for Interactive Activity Guides, Resources, Full Transcripts, all things YDP- ⁠⁠www.youngdadpod.com Clink the Link for YDP Deals (Joon, Forefathers &more)- ⁠https://linktr.ee/youngdadpod Want to be a guest on Young Dad Podcast? Send Jey Young a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.joinpodmatch.com/youngdad
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Episode Transcript

(00:10):
And welcome into the Young Dad podcast, whether you're outside
grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers, or
maybe, just maybe, you got a moment to sit back and relax and
listen to your favorite podcast.Whatever you're doing, wherever
you're at, thanks for being hereand thanks for tuning in.
I'm your host, Jay. And today we're diving into
relationship attraction and whatit really takes to build a

(00:30):
fulfilling partnership as a man and as a father.
Our guest today, Paul Bauer, a certified Master Life Coat and
NLP practitioner, best selling author and host of the Come On
Man podcast. Paul's journey from struggling
in relationships to understanding the psychology of
attraction is inspiring. After serving in the US Navy,
navigating marriage, divorce, and deep self reflection, he
realized that he was the common denominator in his struggle.

(00:54):
That realization led him on a mission to help men reclaim
their masculine confidence, improve their relationship and
develop a presence that commandsrespect and desire.
Paul's latest book, The Essential Skills of a Masculine
Present Psychology. The paradigm.
Yeah, Dash, it would be the two paradigm, I believe, right?
I think so. Psychology.
Dash. Paradigm.
Yeah. Psychology.

(01:15):
OK, I thought the dash meant 2 paradigm but no.
No, no, no, I I can explain the the titling too.
It's kind of an interesting story.
Definitely, we'll get into that just in a second here.
So that book breaks down the psychological and behavioral
patterns that help men become the leaders their partners
crave. So make sure you grab your juice
box, grab a snack, and let's jump into the conversation.
Paul, welcome first and foremost.

(01:37):
Jay, thank you so much for having me, man.
I really appreciate you having me on your podcast of.
Course, man, it's going to be a good conversation.
I think a lot of men today more than ever, need to to hear this,
need to have these conversationslike this about becoming the
partners that they're becoming the man that their partners
deserve. That's what I was trying to say
there. It wouldn't come out.
Get it has. Come on, man.

(01:59):
Yeah. I see what you did there, yeah.
But no, it it's so important like here in 2025, like it's
the, the attack on masculinity and the attack on the masculine
man is like more fierce than it ever has been before.
And so having these conversations, reminding men and
validating men like, hey, be masculine.
Like it's a good thing, it's nota bad thing.
Keep being masculine. You can do it, It's fine.

(02:19):
I think these conversations are super important to have.
So go ahead and start kind of where wherever you want to start
in all this journey, whether it's from the Navy to the book
today or kind of wherever along the way, kind of take us through
your journey to what led you to doing all the work that you're
doing now. Yeah, yeah.
I like to call it my Batman origin story.
Yeah. So I was back at back in high

(02:41):
school. I grew up in a small town called
Conifer Co I went to Evergreen High School.
If you guys have ever seen the show South Park, one of the
creators of the show, Trey Parker went to this, went to my
high school and my junior high and stuff like that.
So South Park is very much like the way I grew up, the cartoon
and. OK, that's a cool.

(03:02):
It's an interesting one. Yeah.
Yeah. Some of the the characters of
the show are real people. No.
What's that? They were like real real and
like real life, they're not. Yeah, like, yeah, a good example
of that is Mr. Mackie on on South Park.
The real guy's name was Mr. Lackey, and he was our guidance
counselor in junior high. And he sounded just like they

(03:25):
have him on the show. He looks just like the guy in
the show. It's it's it's hilarious.
He's a real guy. Yeah.
I think no, I. Think he passed away several
years ago, but yeah. Did he know?
I don't know if he knew or not. I don't know.
But I've, I've also heard Trey on interviews mentioned
specifically Mr. Lackey. And I was like that, that was

(03:46):
crazy. But yeah, so I grew up in that
area. I was always pretty good with
girls. I always had, you know,
girlfriends growing up. I lost my virginity when I was
like 16 in high school. But I was always that guy that
had the sniper dating mentality where if you're not familiar
with that, it's where one girl'snice to you and you can just go

(04:06):
all in on that one girl, all right?
You just get your blinders on and you're like, this one's for
me. She's my soul mate or whatever.
I had lots of soul mates when I was a teenager and I had, you
know, I had girlfriends in high school.
When I got out of high school. I ended up joining the US Navy
when I was 18 and dated, dated gals when I was in the Navy.

(04:28):
And then about two years into myenlistment, I met my now
ex-wife. And so that's sort of where the,
the real journey began because Iwas that guy that was always
running for that white pit, white picket fence.
I always wanted the nuclear family, you know, like the 2.5
kids. And, and so I, when I met my, my
now ex-wife, we met on when I was on home on leave.

(04:51):
So I took some time off. I came back out to Colorado,
stationed in San Diego at the time.
I met her through some mutual friends and immediately was
smitten by her. Ended up spending the whole time
like week that I was on leave hanging out with her and
spending time with her. And then we developed this long
distance relationship for almosta year and I eventually

(05:14):
convinced her to move out to SanDiego with me and we got an
apartment together and three months after she moved there, we
eloped. So I only knew her for about 3
months in person worth before, you know, pulling that trigger
to get married, which I highly, don't highly recommend you don't
do that. But.

(05:35):
If I didn't if I didn't know that you were in the Navy and so
First off, you were definitely breaking some Navy stereotypes
there. If I if I can joke a little bit
that Navy and shacked up with women like that.
So I'm just, I'm just. Maybe making shack up with all
sorts of women. I remember I'm just making a
joke there because I had a buddy, his name's Daniel.
He was in the Navy and we used to make those Navy seamen joke

(05:58):
at the same time. Those, those like, you know,
quote, UN quote, gay jokes. You look at it in quotes now
because it's 2025 and it keeps you from getting cancelled.
That's right. Yeah.
I get a lot of the The Village People jokes.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, OK.
But you know, if I didn't think that you were a servicemen
because I, I've heard these stereotypes before in the, in

(06:18):
the service of other servicemen that, you know, the
relationships could happen pretty quick and whatnot in
marriages, I would have thought you were Mormon at the same
time. So.
Yeah, well then I would need multiple wives.
But no. Shout out to the Mormons.
There's I live on the western slope of Colorado, so I'm pretty
close to Utah. There's times of Mormons around
here and they're great people. They're really nice.

(06:39):
They used to be you. Oh, you did OK?
Yeah, the best, my favorite thing about Mormons is that when
the missionaries come up to yourhouse, a lot of people don't
realize this, but you don't haveto.
You don't have to talk about theBible with them.
If you have a lot of work that needs to be done around the
house, they have to give you community service or whatever.
So if you're like, hey, I need some help painting the shed,

(07:01):
They'll they'll come back with with paint buckets and dirty
clothes and they'll help you paint your shed.
Like they are really helpful people, you know, but but yeah,
so I, so I ended up married and it, it actually wasn't bad in
the beginning. And most marriages are pretty
good in the beginning. We ended up, we ended up having

(07:22):
our daughter a couple years later and we, we had a son
couple years after that. And so I have two wonderful kids
with, with her and we stayed married for 14 years.
But but Jay my the marriage really took a downturn after the
kids were on the scene about seven years into that marriage.

(07:43):
The last half of it was just miserable for me.
I would I I would work like 17 hour days just to avoid going
home because I knew as soon as Ipulled my car in the driveway
and I walked in that house, I was going to get earful and you
know, she was going to nag me todeath about whatever she needs
help with this and that I don't do enough around the house.

(08:03):
You know, just the standard, youknow, nagging type stuff that
wives tend to do. I would, I would, there was
times where I didn't like sleeping with her.
So, you know, in the same room. So I was like, I'm, I would go
out in the garage, grab a cot, go sleep in my office because I
just didn't want to be around her, right.
But I was also the guy that like, I never would have quit.
I never would have filed for divorce, that I was just

(08:27):
resolved to be miserable. I was like, this is how life is
supposed to be. I was, I was the typical guy
that's just living a life of quiet desperation, which a lot
of young dads out there probablyare, are in the same boat right
now because we took our vows seriously, you know, and like
my, my parents, they're still together.

(08:48):
My grandparents, they're they were always together before they
all passed away, you know, but they they never divorced.
And so I was never going to quit.
I was like, this is just how life is.
You, you have, you know, you getmarried, you have a couple of
kids, it starts going downhill and then that's life, right?
And you're, you're basically Al Bundy for the, for the rest of
your life. That's how it's supposed to be.

(09:09):
Lucky for me, in 20, in 2014, she filed for divorce and we
ended up separating. And at this point in my life, I
was 50 lbs overweight. I hadn't been out on the dating
circuit in 15 years. I had no idea what I was doing.
It's a totally different scene now.
Back when I met her, there were no dating apps you.

(09:31):
You actually had to get in the car with your boys and and go
down by the mall and go cruisingfor chicks.
And all the chicks also had carsfull of girls, and they were all
out there cruising for guys. And you're just hollering at
girls in the car, you know, or trying to talk, walk up to them
and talk to them in the mall. And nowadays everything's on
apps, you know, no one goes out anymore.
And it's really hard to meet people organically.

(09:54):
And so I found myself not. Though like overall with like
dating apps, like four kind of like men today, like since you
brought it up, I just want to ask you like what, what are your
thoughts on it? Because I I have thoughts.
Yeah, well, well, my, my take now after I've started studying
this stuff and started, you know, understanding the

(10:16):
psychology of women, I love it. I, I think dating apps are the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Hey, a lot of guys are like, what?
You know, all the women are going for the top 5% of guys on
dating apps. It's like, yeah, but there's a
method to the madness, though. It's really not that hard to get
in that top 5%. But most guys use statistics
like that to disqualify themselves.
Like, well, I might as well justgive up and be lonely because
there's no way I could ever compete.

(10:37):
It's like it's really not that hard.
I mean, if you look in the the western slope of Colorado, if
you look at guys my age, most ofthe guys out here are overweight
country bumpkins that are missing teeth and stuff like
that. So just not being overweight.
I was already in the top 25% of guys.
You know, it's not that hard. But yeah, there's a method to
the to the dating madness. But I didn't know that when we

(11:00):
first, when we first separated. And so I floundered, man, I
floundered on the dating circuitfor 11 months.
You know, I had some dates, theynever went anywhere.
And finally, you know, 11 monthslater, I met this gal that I
call red pill chick. And she's the one that really
was the catalyst for, you know, me wanting to study this stuff

(11:22):
because I ended up in a relationship with her.
She was a little bit of a chubbychaser, I, I would say, and same
MO as as when I was in high school, like the first girl
that's nice to me. I go all in on this girl, you
know, don't overlook all of her red flags and just, you know, I
can fix her kind of thing. And I ended up in this
relationship with her for 4 1/2 years.

(11:43):
During that relationship, I lostall the weight because I was
just unhappy being where I was at.
So I, I got really big into running and, and weight
training. I lost all the weight and I
immediately though went into what I call husband mode, right
where I thought I I reached thismythical finish line.
I didn't have to try anymore. I already got her and I

(12:05):
immediately went into complacency, which is really
what caused the end of my marriage.
I just immediately went in there.
So two years into that relationship, she was mentally
checked out and she was startingto line up her her male orbiters
and all women have orbiters whether you guys realize it or
not. You know, that her, her work
husband or you know, the guys are always hitting her up at

(12:26):
work to go take her out to lunchand stuff like that might sound
innocent, she might make it sound innocent, but these guys
have they're just waiting for you to screw up.
You know, there's always a guy waiting out there in the wings.
And so she started lining these guys up and at the 4 1/2 year
mark, she started acting so bad and pushing me away that I was
finally like, I can't deal with this anymore.
And I ended up breaking up with her.

(12:48):
Come to find out maybe a year orso later that she ended up she
was cheating on me like right atthe end.
And the guy she ended up in a relationship with, like she was
having like a little bit of an affair there at the end.
And I had no idea. But when we broke up, all of a
sudden I'm back on the dating circuit again.
This time I'm 50 lbs lighter. I'm, I'm in pretty good shape

(13:11):
now. It's easy to get dates and I'm
like, what? You know, it's like night and
day. The difference.
The problem was that I couldn't keep women around more than like
two or three dates. I would go out on these dates.
I would even maybe hook up with them on the first or second
date. Couldn't keep him around.
And I was like, what, what am I doing wrong here?
And one of the blessings of being in that relationship with

(13:31):
red pill chick was she was really big into audiobooks.
And so I was like, you know, I bet you there's some audiobooks
I could, I could study and Startlearning like what's going on?
Because I'm clearly the problem.Like the two biggest
relationships in my life failed.My adult life failed.
And now I'm on the dating circuit.
I can't keep women around more than three dates.

(13:52):
I'm literally repelling women. What am I doing wrong?
And so I took a deep dive. I read, I think the first book I
read was No More Mr. Nice Guy byDoctor Robert Glover.
It's phenomenal book. A lot of guys don't even realize
that they're the quintessential nice guy with Nice Guy syndrome.
And it doesn't, it sounds like agood thing.
Like what's wrong with being a nice guy?
Well, often times you're anything but nice.

(14:16):
You, you do these things to people.
Please. You are doing what's called
covert contracts where you, you do nice things expecting
something in return. And when you don't get it, now
you're resentful and you get madat the other person for not
doing it. You know you'll help, you'll
help a girl's sister move because you have a truck and
you're trying to be nice. But really reality, you're

(14:37):
trying to get in her pants. Like there's, there's all these
types of sort of things that nice guys do that aren't exactly
nice. And I found out, man, I was that
guy. I was like, I was totally Mr.
Nice Guy, you know, I was very passive aggressive.
You know, I would never just saywhat I meant.
I never, I wasn't always trying to get my needs met, but when my
needs weren't met, I would get mad about it.

(14:59):
Like that kind of stuff. I read a book called How to Be a
3% Man by Corey Wayne and I've read that book like 24 times.
It's life changing book. And from that book, I ended up
in a men's group on Facebook called the 3% Man Group.
And that group doesn't exist anymore.
But I was in that group and I was studying this stuff and I
was out dating and posting date updates.

(15:20):
So I'd go out, I'd post updates like what worked, what didn't?
And I was swapping notes with the guys.
And I was so active in the groupthat they eventually just made
me an admin in the group. And then out of being an admin
in the group and, and having this, you know, there was like
1400 guys in that group. I just started the podcast and
the original, you know, name, come on, man was a nod to Corey

(15:44):
Wayne and the 3% man. And I was interviewing other
guys in the group. I just want to know like what
their journey was like why they ended up there or why they were
studying the stuff and, and whatthey were getting from the
material. And, and then the podcast blew
up from there. And I ended up talking to other
authors in the space. And one of the one of the big
authors in the red pill space isa guy named Rolo Tomasi wrote a

(16:08):
book called The Rational Male. He actually has, there's five
books in the Rational Male series.
And I ended up becoming acquaintances with him and
several other guys that he's associated with.
And he and he ended up inviting me on a panel show called Rule 0
several years ago, which we do on Saturdays.
And we all talk about, you know,dating, intersexual dynamics,
the psychology of women, all that kind of stuff on the show.

(16:30):
And out of that whole experience, I started working on
getting in my life coach certification and my NLP
certification and I started coaching men.
So that whole journey sort of brought me, made me help me help
me find my mission in life. Jay And I think most guys need a
mission. And most guys don't have a
mission. They don't even, they, they just

(16:51):
tiptoe through life hoping that they make it safely to death.
And that's no way to live. And so my mission now is to help
men level up and get better withwomen.
And The funny thing about leveling up and getting better
with women is it tends to make us better men in all areas of
our lives because all the thingsthat women find attractive makes
you better in business, makes you better in your social life.

(17:13):
It just makes you better in general.
Yeah, no, 100%. Wow, what a journey, what a
journey. But I, I think you, you, you
were on to something there, right?
You while, while doing all this research, right, learning that,
OK, I'm the common denominator here, right?
I think that's an important partof self reflection that a lot of
men maybe don't do enough, right?

(17:35):
Be like, OK, well, this, this relationship ended because she
cheated or this relationship ended because of this other
factor, right? There's a lot of pointing
outward, right? Even just in general about
things, we do that as human beings, like just as just as
humans, we do that all the time.It's like, oh, well, that person
did this to make me do that or this person did that or this
person did that. So that caused this and this

(17:56):
caused that and that that was the reaction there, right?
It's always that that kind of passing the blame around all the
time. I see it all the time in my I
work in mental health during my 9:00 to 5:00.
So I see a lot of that, right? I see a lot of that afterwards,
like, oh, well, this, this person did this to me to make me
feel different. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold
on you. Those are whose feelings are

(18:17):
those whose thoughts are those who opinions are those whose are
those mine? OK, then who's responsible for
the well, But no, no, no, your response.
And I even teach kids this, right?
I, I really work. That's one of the very first
things I worked on with most of the kids I work with is what's
in your control and what's not in your control.
A very simple concept, right? But it's so, so important to

(18:38):
remember my thoughts, my emotions, my opinions in the
media I consume, the choices I make, my responsibilities, my
boundaries, Those are all mine. I own those.
And I really try to drive this home with like little boys,
especially, like really try to drive this home with young men
because it's so important, right?
Because these are the things that are in their control that

(18:59):
they have to know now at their ages.
But that's the same for everybody, right?
We all have things that are in our control and our thoughts,
our feelings, our emotions, our,our choices, our actions.
Those are all we have to own that we can't blame somebody
else. I remember after my divorce, I
found this. This Will is it Will Smith?
Maybe I think it's Will Smith. This Will this motivational Will

(19:21):
Smith video. I think I played on the podcast
a long, long time ago. I won't record, but basically it
was talking about like self, self love.
But that's also part of owning up to your feelings.
Like self love is also self accountability.
Self love is also take your responsibility for your
thoughts, your actions, your emotions, like no one else can

(19:43):
fix those except for you. Only you can fix those things,
Paul, you can't fix my emotions.If I'm sad right now, you can,
you can be supportive, but I have to choose.
I have to make those choices to get through that that sadness,
right? I have to own that sadness.
I have to own why I'm sad. Yes, there may be external
factors. I can't blame that, right?
Or if I get cheated on right? I can't expect my ex to.

(20:08):
Come back and apologize cuz theynever will.
They don't feel sorry at all, right?
So I have to work through that cuz that's on me.
I have to work through those things.
Yeah, a lot of guys, they don't understand when you say stuff
like that, you're not necessarily excusing the other
person's bad behavior. But you can't change other
people. You can only change yourself.

(20:30):
Yeah, 99% of the guys who come to me cuz what I, what I have
specialized in now is I help guys in dead bedroom situations
right there. Their wife no longer wants to be
intimate with them. They give them, they have a
headache every night. You know, if if she throws them
a bone and and, you know, decides to be nice and and and

(20:53):
give up some sex, it's. Like it's very lettuce later for
a minute. Yeah, What'd you say?
They just lay there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So. Take your pants off and lay
there for. Him right yeah ends up being
like they lay there it's very lackluster it's very starfish
you know she's not into it she'sjust doing it cuz like OK yeah I
asked him to clean the gutters and so he cleaned the gutters
and so yeah I guess I guess I'llmake good on my promise.

(21:16):
That's a big issue too that we shouldn't skip over here, right?
That's a big issue in marriages,right?
So if there's women listening tothis, I, I might get cancelled
by some of you women, but women,marriages need to stop equating
sex to responsibility. Sex should not equal cleaning
the gutters or cleaning the kitchen or taking care of the
kids or doing this, that or the other right?
Like sex is not. This is one of my big problems

(21:38):
personally. And you can disagree if you
want, but when it's tied to whatyou do for me, for me to give to
you, that takes all the intimacyaway from it, right?
Then it becomes another chore. Well, it's transactional.
You're it's basically, it's basically prostitution at that
point. That's the word.
That's the word I was looking for transactional.
When it becomes transactional, that's a big point when

(22:00):
marriages have to go downhill. I, I feel right, I look back in,
in my marriage, my first marriage, right?
And when it became strictly transactional, I felt like I was
always having to work and work and work for it and do more and
more and more and more and more for it.
That's when our marriage just got worse and worse and worse
and worse and worse and worse. Well, that's so that's so this,
this whole process is called thebetatization process.

(22:22):
And I have a free ebook. If guys go to list dot come on
manpod.com, they can get the free ebook.
It's called She's made you weak.It's like 11 pages, right?
But it explains why women do that.
And women do that. They start it very
subconsciously and men don't realize that it's happening to
them. They'll allow themselves to get
into that type of transactional relationship.

(22:42):
And it starts off with women testing you and all women test
men, either consciously or subconsciously.
You can't avoid it. I get a lot of guys that give me
Flack on social media when I mentioned women testing and how
to pass their, their, their tests.
They'll say, well, if a woman tests me, I'm just, I'm just,
I'm just going to dump her. I'm going to, you know, I'm
going to divorce her. I'm going to do whatever.

(23:03):
And it's like, OK, but if you don't learn how to deal with
this, it's going to, you're, it's going to happen in your
next relationship too. So you might as well learn how
to deal with it. But the Bates ization process,
it's a five step process. It starts with them testing you,
right? They test your frame.
They, they, they poke, they, they poke at you.
They, they, they, they do playful little jabs.
They might question your manhooda little bit.

(23:25):
They might do any kind of littlething to see if they can knock
you off center, to see if they can get you in your feelings, to
see if you'll blow up right. They'll see if they can
manipulate you. They'll see if you make plans,
they'll try to change the plans last minute to see if you'll go
along with whatever they want todo.
What they're trying to do, and alot of this is again, is
self-conscious or subconscious. They don't even know they're

(23:46):
doing it. It's a it's a survival mechanism
and it's women have been sort ofprogrammed through their
evolutionary wiring to do this to men because they need to see
that this guy can handle himselfin an adverse situations, right?
Like if you go back to the, to the caveman days, if, if you
couldn't handle her poking fun at you for the clothes you're

(24:08):
wearing, how are you going to fight a Saber toothed tiger,
right? If you can't even emotionally
deal with her razzing you, how are you going to fight off a,
you know, a horde of, of invaders, right?
And so women do that sort of thing to test your mettle, to
see if you have your, you know, we call them shit tests, but to
see if you have your shit together, they're not doing it
to be shitty. But the more you fail, the more

(24:30):
you get up in your emotions, themore she's able to manipulate
you, the more respect she loses for you.
And that attraction dies like slowly over time, the more she
starts losing respect for you, then she wants you to get open
up, be more emotional, more, hey, be more vulnerable with me,
right? And so guys, take that at face
value because we're very literalbeings and we start opening up

(24:53):
and we start being more vulnerable.
And then then they take that, use it against us.
And so then over time they do that, then they end up putting
us to work, right? So that's where the
transactional sex starts coming in.
OK, If you do the gutters more, if you help me around the house
with the dishes, if you do this,I'll put out more.
She ends up putting you to work doing her.
You end up being her dutiful plow horse at this point.

(25:15):
By this point she's lost all respect for you.
There's no attraction there at all.
And now she's looking at you like, why am I with this guy?
And women are hypergamous by nature, which means they're
always looking for their best possible option.
It's more complex than that, butthat's an easy explanation.
They're looking for their best possible option.
She starts seeing you as not herbest possible option anymore.

(25:35):
That's when her evolutionary selfishness kicks in and she
starts lining up her male orbiters and she either cheats
on you or she files for divorce and just dumps you out, right?
Right. But it's a five step process.
It's like clockwork. And if guys don't realize it's
happening, they will find themselves in this situation.
In a dead bedroom is a massive symptom of what's happening

(25:57):
here. And a lot of guys don't even
realize they're on borrowed time.
They're on borrowed time when they're at this point.
And the way to turn things around is you mentioned it at
the beginning, embracing your masculinity.
You have to be the leader. You have to be the guy that sets
the tone and manages and leads that relationship.

(26:18):
Right now, if you're in the deadbedroom situation, if you're
doing chores for sex, she's running the relationship.
She's in the driver's seat and she doesn't trust you to drive
anymore. And so that's where my latest
books come in. They help guys realize what's
happening and start turning thatthat dynamic around and, and you

(26:38):
can't turn it around. You can't fix that.
How can you turn it around right?
How can you get back some of that masculine control and start
to get back some of that masculine energy?
If you've been beta ties, how can you start to get back some
of that, that masculine energy, start to get back as the alpha
of your household, alpha of yourrelationship and start to get
some of that back because that'swe need more alpha, right?
We have too much beta just across everything, right?

(27:02):
And I don't know if you listen to the recent interview, this is
we're recording this in March. So about a week, not even a week
ago, about a week ago, Andrew Tate was on PBDI.
Don't know if you listen to thatthat podcast.
I did not, but I'm familiar withboth those guys.
OK, it was very, it's super interesting.
I'm a big fan of PPD. Never been the biggest fan of
Andrew Tate, but he made a good point.

(27:22):
He's like, why do you think so many young men are attracted to
what I bring, right, because I bring, I force the issue on
masculinity. I encourage them to be
masculine. Like I have no problem with with
that, like using my platform to talk about masculinity.
And that's why so many people hate me because there's so many,
you know, betas and stuff. And he pushes the issue on
positive, good masculine energy.Like there's there's really

(27:43):
nothing wrong with being masculine, But in today's world,
if you're masculine, you're too masculine, it's a problem.
If you're not masculine enough, it's a problem.
If you're too middle masculine, it's a problem.
So it's like masculinity is justbad all around.
Yeah, so obviously. Back and start to change that
narrative, I guess. Yeah, well, it's interesting.
A lot of, you know, not to get political, but a lot of sort of

(28:06):
left wingers really hate the thepositive masculinity message.
They really like pushing the toxic masculinity stuff, which
is nonsense. There's no such thing as toxic,
toxic masculinity. There's toxic people, but
masculinity by itself is not, isnot toxic.
It's actually good. You know, it's like when you're
when a building's on fire and you're stuck in a building, you

(28:27):
want the most toxic masculine dude you can find to help pull
you out of that. You know what I mean?
Yeah, no, I don't have some DEI firefighter in LA to be like,
well, your color is going to depend on if I save you or not,
right? And you're in their identity.
It's going to identify if you, if I if I identify to save you
or not kind of thing. I'm going to go rescue the the

(28:49):
DEI person, not you first white dude, sorry kind of thing.
It's like, no, I want if I'm on fire or if there's a fire, if
I'm getting robbed or something right, or some shit's going
down, if there's a school shooter, I want the biggest,
baddest motherfuckers to come upin that school that can.
And I want them to be unafraid. I want them to have No Fear.
All the masculinity. I want them to be dripping

(29:11):
testosterone so that that shooter as soon as those people
walk into the school to to help this.
And it sucks that this is the scenario that we can all relate
to. And you know that picture, it
sucks, but I want them to go into that school to swat and be
so unafraid that they're going to get this dude.
No, if ands or buts and they're they go in no issues.
I don't want the person that's going to go into that situation

(29:32):
be like, well, let's make sure you're safe and make sure
everyone's safe. Kind of things like no, go get
the fucking shooter. Go get them.
Exactly. Terminate.
Terminate. Exactly.
But yeah, so for for people thatare sort of, you know, left of
center of their politics, there's a really good book that
breaks down the masculinity crisis that's happening in the

(29:53):
West. It's called The Boy Crisis by
Warren Farrell. Now, the problem with the boy
crisis is, like I said, it does a great job of breaking down
why, you know, boys are struggling, men are struggling.
We're basically raised as defective women now because
being a man, having masculine traits, having masculine
emotions, right, Like women, when women are having a bad day,

(30:15):
they tend to default to sadness.They tend to cry when they're
having a bad day. That's that's an acceptable
emotion. In fact, boys should cry is what
they'll tell you. But when guys get upset when
we're having a bad day, we tend to get angry.
Like we sort of default to anger.
And that is toxic. You being angry is a toxic
thing, right? That's what we're told.
And so you're not allowed to to be what do what's natural to

(30:39):
you. And so that book breaks it down
really well. The problem with it is the
prescriptions in that book are awful.
Like they're like, in order to deal with this, we have to
double down on the things that got us here.
Like boys need to be more vulnerable, Boys need to be more
weak. You've got to let them be, you
know, have more feminine type jobs and stuff.
Like whatever it is, it's terrible advice.

(31:00):
And so a good friend of mine, his name is RP Thor.
He's a, he's an author in the red pill space as well.
He wrote a book called A Dominant Masculine Presence,
which is his answer to the masculinity crisis, which is to
teach men to be more masculine again, right?
How to have a dominant masculinepresence.
And that comes with, like you talked earlier, about having

(31:21):
control of your own emotions, right?
We call that frame in the space.Having good mental frame,
recognizing that other people don't dictate how you think and
feel. That's, that's all part of your
mental frame. Having more dominant masculine
body language, because a lot of guys don't even realize how
closed off their body languages,how their body language signals

(31:41):
insecurity, all this kind of stuff.
Women, they've done studies on this.
Something like 95% of what you're saying to women comes
from your tone and your body language.
They're not even listening to the words coming out of your
mouth half the time. That's why when guys are trying
to communicate with their wife and, and they think that
communication is the key to a healthy relationship, they're

(32:03):
not even speaking the same language because what men say is
what we mean. What women say is how they feel.
It's totally different, and whenyour tone in your body language
is off, she's not even listeningto the words coming out your
mouth. That's why she's able to pull
out the tone card and win every argument.
I don't like your tone, right? Even if you're making really

(32:23):
good points, she's not even listening to those, right?
She's got the tone card. So a dominant masculine presence
teaches you all the seven skills.
He came up with seven skills of of a dominant masculine
presence. They all start with the letter
P. One of those skills is
psychology, having good psychology and understanding
psychology. That's why my book is Psychology

(32:44):
Dash Paradigm because it's a part of his book series.
So he created the book The Dominant Dominant Masculine
Presence. And then he asked a bunch of us
in the space to write our own books based on his original
book. And it's called The Essential
Skills of a Masculine Presence series.
And my book was the first one tocome out.
There's two other ones after mine.
There is. And then there's one that's

(33:05):
coming out that he wrote called A Superhero Inside that should
be coming out in the next coupleweeks.
But psychology paradigm, it's all about reprogramming your
subconscious mind to have more of a dominant masculine
presence. And a lot of guys don't realize
this, but but a vast majority ofyour results in life come from
your thoughts. Your thoughts create your

(33:26):
actions. Your actions cause reactions.
Those reactions cause your results in life.
And if you don't change what's going on up here, you're going
to keep getting the same thing right, Especially in our
relationships. If you don't have that dominant
masculine presence, if you don'tknow how to set the tone and
lead, you're going to end up in a dead bedroom situation and
then you're going to be miserable.
And you know, go grab your cot out of the garage and go sleep

(33:47):
in your office, right? So if you want to avoid that,
that's a great place to start isworking on your own, your own
thoughts, your own emotions, having control over that.
And then you'll find that once your your subconscious is
programmed, everything else willfall in the line in line with
that. Yeah, I can agree with that.
Right. And I think it.

(34:08):
Have you ever read the book Point Man?
I have not. OK, I would highly recommend you
read it if you, I don't know it,there's a lot of religious tones
to it. I don't know if you're religious
at all, but I think it's a good read regardless of the religion
part of it. Basically what the book does is
it breaks down kind of how the nuclear family has been
denuclearized over time and overthe last like 3 generations,

(34:29):
let's say from boomers to now more or less.
And basically what had happened or let's say Great Depression to
now more, more or less. Actually, let's take the last
100 years and it breaks down howback, you know, 20s, thirties,
40s up to 50s ish or so, right? Where boys, so boys and girls
were raised in the home, right by the mom until they were, I

(34:53):
don't know, 6-7 years old, right?
8-9 ish, somewhere around there,right?
They didn't really, maybe they went to school, maybe they're
more than likely taught by theirmothers, whatever they knew kind
of thing, right? For a few years, depending on
what the family structure look like.
So then let's say dad's a blacksmith, right?
That boy's 8-9 years old. And then he goes to work with
his dad every single day, Sun upsundown, whenever the dad goes

(35:15):
to work, sun's right there by his side.
The sons are with their dad. They're basically 24/7,
basically all day. And the daughters doing the same
thing with their moms doing whatever, the moms doing
housemaking, whatever needs to be done at home, around the
around the property, in the commute, whatever their job is
right, whatever their role is inthe family.
Maybe it was working the convenient shop, maybe it was
sewing, whatever. It was right, Because women had

(35:36):
their jobs at the same time. But then what had happened was
the industrial age and post World War 2, and then more
schools opened up and then affordability and everything
kind of snowballed after that, right to where now boys are
going from the home to school with female teachers.
More feminine influence, more and more feminine influence

(35:57):
because men weren't teaching at schools wasn't a thing.
But before this, I I missed a part, key part here.
Boy turns 18, boy becomes an adult boy then tells father,
hey, I want to, I don't actuallywant to be a blacksmith.
Father's like, OK, what do you want to do then?
Well, I want to go and be AI want to go learn how to run,
learn how to run a shop. Or I want to open up a business.

(36:19):
Kind of. I want to open up a convenience
store. That would be OK, No issues.
Let's go talk to Paul. Sorry, Paul.
Let's go talk to Paul down the street.
Paul owns a convenience shop. He's one of my good friends.
I trust him. Be great.
I then and let's say your son wanted to come to me, the
blacksmith, and we would arrangea deal.
We would talk and we arrange a deal where it's like, OK, I'm
going to oversee his apprenticeship here.

(36:40):
You're going to oversee your son's apprenticeship with me.
So we're all kind of like all four of us are now we're all
commingling in both of our trades, but watching our boys
make, we're overseeing that process for them to make sure
that hey, don't influence my boythat way or hey influence him
this way or hey, this is our or hey, this is my or hey, this is
my take here kind of thing. And it was that ongoing, right?
So then both sets were like, OK,I gotcha.

(37:03):
And they would work out a deal to where it would work out for
everybody to be convenient and things like that.
So it was always that trade off of services, right?
But the boys were then learning exactly what they wanted to.
So then when the time came, oh, hey, you know, I'm gonna open up
my own shop. And then your son, your you
would be like, OK, well, then here's a place you can do it.
This is what you would need. All the things.
And he would already know that because he learned under you and

(37:24):
his father the exact way how to do that.
So he learned the right way. That was his trade school,
essentially. And then your son, who wanted to
be a blacksmith now fully confident, fully trained, now he
can work for me and he can do blacksmith work with me and I
pay him and all that fun stuff now that his apprenticeship's
over. So it was a really, really cool.
But we lost that when we got into public schools.
And then, you know, everyone wants to say, oh, yeah, public

(37:45):
schools are great and all this stuff like, no, they were, they
were meant to create factory workers and they still are.
That same system. Our kids barely learn math,
reading, writing, arithmetic here in Washington state is
terrible. We spend a top five per student
in the nation. And since 2019, we've had 110%
increase per student like funding.

(38:08):
But our test scores have. So funding went up like this,
right. So with education, Paul, you see
all that money going in. Do you think education scores
are going to get better or worsewith more funding naturally?
What's your first thought? Well, you would think that it
would get better, but. You think, right?
You want to think that you want to.
But no, test scores have declined.
There's a massive gap. Like, absolutely massive.

(38:30):
I don't know how it is. I don't know how it is where
you're at, but where I'm at, like I call them teacher goof
off days. We have all these teacher in
service days now where the the teachers like they close down
the school. The kids don't have school and
the the teachers have meetings and then.
Days. Right.
Which is, which is fascinating because when I was a kid, there

(38:53):
was none of that. It was, you had your, you had
your like, you know, winter break and summer break and maybe
a spring break or something. But parent teacher conferences,
they didn't take days off for that.
They would do it in the evening,you know, But now it's like,
well, we can't pay these teachers overtime.
We can't do all this. It's like, well, where's all
that funding going? Future unions funding is going

(39:13):
to unions. But yeah, So, no, our scores
have gone down dramatically. So our schools aren't really
helping our kids. And that's the whole point of
what I was saying there is like,the school system kind of ruined
the masculine, started to ruin the masculinity of our boys.
Take that take because you took the boys away from their father.
Yeah, boy. And then Boy Crisis talks about
that. So does no more Mr. Nice Guy.
But Doctor Robert Glover, he wassaying how like, you know, boys

(39:35):
had that male masculine mentorship, you know, on the
farm, like you said, blacksmith,like all that kind of stuff.
They had that male masculine influence in their life.
And now mom, mom works at the factory too, You know, now, now
we have both men and women working.
So you get babysitters who are 99% women.
You have teachers who are still to this day like night.

(39:57):
It's like 95% women so boys are only getting that feminine
influence and God bless them. I know.
Like women try their best, but women can't teach men how to be
men. No, no.
And so that's there's a lot of problems.
It's even worse because you lookat what Lyndon B Johnson did
with creating the nanny state, taking fathers out of the home
completely, completely incentivizing to get fathers out

(40:19):
of the home and taking the boys away, like completely taking the
boys away from the father, putting the fathers out of the
picture. Then that's kind of bringing the
small circuit here. That's why we got to encourage
masculinity again, right? We have to encourage men to step
up and be the fathers that they are meant to be, to be the
fathers, to be the leaders in the home that God created you to
be, that God intended for you tobe.

(40:41):
He didn't want you to be out of the home.
That was never God's intention. Read the Bible.
That's never his intention. I don't think it once says, Oh
yeah, fathers be out of the home, be half time, part time,
weekends, every other weekend, once one week in a month kind of
thing. God never created intended for
society to be like this, where fathers out of the home, that
was all made by man. That was all made to get
children away from the fathers and away from that masculine

(41:02):
influence. Because if you can beta them and
you can influence them to be more feminine, then you
essentially get more control. Kind of like you're mentioning
there, right? That control comes in.
You know, a lot of guys will hear this, too.
And they hear, yeah, we got to encourage masculinity.
And they might even say, I, I'm a masculine man.
What are you talking about? I, I watch football, I drink
beer, you know, I like, I like action flicks.

(41:25):
Like that's, that's masculinity,right?
And it's like, well, it's more than that, you know, it's, it's
leadership. Winnie the Pooh, obviously, as
you can see in my background here.
It's, it's more than that, right?
It's, it's leadership. It's being decisive.
How many, how many guys have youheard out there complain?
Man, I hate it when my wife can't pick what's for dinner,
right? Have you ever had the the dinner

(41:45):
debate, Jay, where you're like, hey, honey, what do you want to
eat tonight? And she's like, I don't know,
what do you want? And then it's the the most
annoying thing ever. Well, if you if you were to set
the tone and lead your relationship and you were more
decisive, you wouldn't even ask her.
You would just pick a place. You would say, hey, honey, look,
we're getting steak tonight. Yeah.
You know, And you know what's funny?
When you do that, you get 99.9% of the time your wife will go,

(42:09):
yeah, that sounds good. I'll go grab my shoes.
She doesn't want to make decisions.
She wants to relax in her feminine.
She doesn't she, especially if she's, you know, she works, you
know, nine to five. She she probably makes decisions
all day long. The last thing she wants to do
when she comes home is to make another decision.
So if you set the tone and lead and you're a decisive guy and

(42:30):
you're like, hey, we're going toChili's tonight.
Like she'll love that, but most guys won't do that.
They're like, well, I just want to make her happy.
Like, and if I, if I, if I pick a place, she's gonna not gonna
like it and I'm gonna have to hear about it.
And I don't want to deal with that.
That's you're being a woman right now.
You're acting like a woman if that's your mentality, you know,
cuz there's ways of handling that too, right?
If you say, hey honey, we're going to Chili's tonight, grab

(42:51):
your shoes. She's like, oh, I don't like
Chili's. Well, OK, Would you have a
better suggestion? Well, no.
OK, cool. Well, I'm going to Chili's.
You're welcome to join me. Right.
That's how you that's how you sort of set that tone.
And The thing is that I've nevereven gotten to that second
place. When I started practicing that,
it blew my mind. I was like, holy crap.
I I always get to eat where I want to eat.

(43:12):
This is amazing. Yeah, a lot of guys are afraid
to do that. They're walk on egg shells.
They're afraid of making their their wife or their girlfriend
unhappy. They're afraid they're going to
lose access to sex. Right.
Because she's got the she's got the sex card.
So they're they will do whateverit takes to try to keep her
happy. The happy wife, happy life
paradigm, right? You mentioned at the beginning,

(43:34):
you said the word partner, like we need to be better for our
partners. That's one thing in my book that
is not a very popular sort of talking point.
But I encourage guys not to lookat your wife as your equal
partner. And the reason why is because
what what happens is if you lookat her like an equal partner,
naturally as a man, you want herbuy in on stuff like I can't

(43:55):
make a purchase decision withoutconsulting my partner.
I need to make sure she's on board with it.
Well, The thing is now that now she's the decider.
And so now you end up deferring to her to make these decisions
for you, which puts her in her masculine, which she doesn't
want to be. It's unnatural for her and so
she starts losing respect for you.
So I, I invite guys to stop looking at your wife as an equal

(44:16):
partner. Look at her like she's like,
look at it like a, a captain, executive officer type dynamic
where if, if I'm a Navy guy, that's where I get that.
But when you're the captain, you're overall in charge of the
mission of the ship and the executive officer, it's still a
leadership role, but she's not over on overall in charge.
She's there to help you and be there to support the mission.

(44:39):
And so there's no reason not to take what she says under
advisement because she's smart, right?
She's she's your executive officer.
You wouldn't have married her ifshe wasn't smart.
But you're still going to do what you're going to do.
You know, So it's, it's not equal partnership.
It's more of a, you know, she's she's right below you.
She's your, she's your second incommand.
And if you lead your relationship that way, and

(45:00):
you've mentioned the Bible, it'smore along the lines of how
we've generationally been programmed, and you'll find that
your relationship would be much smoother.
She'll relax into her feminine more and follow your lead.
But most guys have deferred to their wife so long because she's
her, their partner now. They're now she's running the
show and she has no respect for you.

(45:21):
And now you're in a dead bedroomsituation.
So yeah, part of the Essential Skills Psychology Paradigm book,
I talked to guys about letting go of that mental model.
Yeah, no, I I agree there. So I was just trying to look up
a a passage here it remember. Is it in the biblical passage?

(45:44):
It is, yeah. I have a note on it.
I'm just trying to figure out where the hell I have that note.
I'm not going to find it, am I? I'm pretty sure it comes.
It's in the book of First Peter,more or less, because First
Peter talks a lot first and second Peter talk a lot about
our relationships. They talk a lot about the roles
of relationships. And so I would just encourage, I

(46:05):
would encourage listeners to to study those sections.
I have like 5 notes on those sections because I remember
there was a multiple week study in church that we went over.
And so just something to, to think about there.
So, yeah, first Peter, really good about explaining those
roles. But the best part of it to to
think about too, right? You mentioned like she's also,
she's on the leadership team, but she's not the leader of the

(46:26):
team. She's not going to make the
final call. I think that's a great way to
put, I think it's also great, you know, biblically to think
of, think of it like, remember your wife, she's like you're,
you're the rock of the relationship, right?
Like rocks are they're tough, they're hard, they're
unbreakable, They're they're hard to damage, right?
Your wife's not that. Your wife's a very delicate
piece of China, like a very, very delicate piece of China

(46:47):
that is very easy to break, veryeasy to crack, that you have to
treat so delicately and with so much love and so much care and
whatnot. Those two things aren't equal if
you think about it like that. Like women aren't meant to be in
this role. And I'm not trying to be sexist
or anything, right? And I also don't love the word
partner. Like, that's your wife.
That's your wife. Right.
It's become, it's, it's become such a part of our lexicon that

(47:10):
a lot of people default to that.Yeah, people every like term
that's politically correct and it's dumb.
A lot of it's really stupid. It's like, just call them what
they are, call them what they are.
We don't have to be politically all the damn time.
Why can't you say wife or girlfriend like you know, it's
like it's still one word, you know, So does that make?
Yeah, I guess your partner. No, it's like fucking wife.

(47:32):
Yeah. Well, it's, you know, they
everyone wants to be inclusive nowadays, right.
So they're like, well, I don't want to have to say, well, you
know, assume that this guy's married when he, you know,
married to a woman and say wife when he might be a gay man.
And, you know, and so you can't say that you have to say
partner. OK, well for fine for for for
heterosexual relationships. You can still say wife or

(47:52):
girlfriend though. But and for.
Wants to correct you, let them correct you.
It's fine to be like Oh my bad. Yeah, right.
And I don't think most people take offense to that, you know,
and people that do like, why do you want them in your life
anyway? You know, my bad.
Yeah, right. You know, you know, it's
interesting you you talked aboutbeing like biblically, it says
like be, you know, you have to be her rock and she's delicate

(48:14):
and stuff like that. A lot of day, a lot of what the
messaging out there, the social programming is, you know, guys
need to be more vulnerable and be more emotionally available
and stuff. And what guys will hear those
words and they'll think, oh, I need to be more open with my
wife and be more, you know, put my heart on my sleeve and tell
her how I feel all the time. A lot of guys don't realize that

(48:36):
women inherently don't care about your problems.
They don't care about any of that stuff.
And it sounds really harsh and alot of women will argue with me
about it. And what I, So what I say to
that is I'm sure there's a lot of women that want to care.
They may even think that they care.
They just aren't wired to care, right?
They like the, they like the outcome.

(48:57):
So if you're struggling in your career right now, but it's, you
know, but you're, you're, you'reslaying Dragons.
You're, you're going through allsorts of crap at work, but at
the end of the day, you're getting promoted and you're
getting paid. That's all she cares about.
She cares about your success. Men are success objects to
women. She doesn't care about the
struggle to get there right? And so a lot of guys don't

(49:19):
realize that. And so they end up over sharing
with her wife. And and that's not what it
means. It doesn't mean, you know, she
wants you to be more vulnerable.Basically what it means is she
wants you to be able to understand her feelings and be
able to navigate her feelings without getting up in your
emotions about it. Like that's what it means.
So if a woman comes to you and she's like, honey, what's like
she thinks that you're bothered by something because of your

(49:39):
body language or whatever. And she's like, honey, what's
bothering you? Like you're having a bad day?
Like tell me about it. What she's essentially saying is
I'm noticing something about you.
It's making me feel bad. Can you acknowledge my feelings
on this? That's really what women are
saying. And so if you go, what am I
doing that makes you feel that way?
And she goes, oh, well, you're sitting there and you're moping

(50:00):
and, and you know, and you're lost in your thoughts.
And I just, I feel this way. Oh, OK, so So what you're saying
is, you know, me, me being sort of the stoic right now is making
you feel this way. Is that right?
Right. If you just replay back her
emotions to her, she will feel like you're being emotionally
available and vulnerable with her.
But you've not said anything. You're not laying your problems

(50:22):
on her. What I recommend for guys is
like, we're not, we're not robots either.
We do have emotions. They do need to be expressed
somehow, but there's like a timeand a place for it.
Your wife's not that. So get yourself a good circle of
guys, right? Get it.
Get a good group of guy friends that you can go to.
Get a therapist, get a coach, but get someone that you can
talk to about your problems and don't like really

(50:43):
compartmentalize that. And don't lay that on your wife
because if you do, she's gonna, she might listen to you at
first, but the more you do it, the more she's going to be like,
God, this guy can't handle his crap.
He's not, he's not the right guyfor me, right.
Then her hypergamy starts kicking in.
She's like this other guy over here.
He never, you know, whines and complaints about all the
struggles he's going through. I, I think I'm starting to like

(51:04):
him a little bit better, right? Like that's sort of how women
operate. So it's like, just avoid all
that together. Get a good circle of guys.
Save your struggles for your guyfriends or your therapist or
your coach. And don't, don't bring down your
wife and you'll find you'll havea much happier marriage.
She'll think, man, this guy's a rock.
He's so stoic, he can handle anything he can.
It's like you have a way, you have ways of coping with that

(51:26):
stuff. You know, that's a little bit
healthier and you don't bring itinto your marriage and she'll
respect you more for it. Yeah.
Now I hear you on that. I think there's a time and place
for it, like you said, right? There is a time and place for it
within the marriage to talk about those things, right?
But it can't be all the time, can't be every single day, every
single little problem, right? Some of those things you have to
be able to deal with. You do have to be able to
compartmentalize. You do have to be able to work

(51:47):
through your stuff. You do also need your own
outside support as well, but I think there's a lot of support
that can come from within the marriage as well.
One thing I'll say about that, right, is if you find yourself
talking to your wife about your problems, it's not the end of
the marriage right there. A lot of guys like, sort, sort
of start thinking black and white, right?

(52:08):
You can tell her that stuff. It's just that you need to tack
a positive on to the end of it, right?
Like, yeah, I'm struggling with all this.
This guy was a jerk at work and da, da, da, da, da.
But this is how I'm handling it,right?
You gotta let her know I'm handling the problem, and then
she'll be like, OK, cool, yeah, he's gotta handle that and then
it's fine. But yeah.
All right, well, for the last few minutes here, do you wanna

(52:29):
jump into the dad zone with me? Sure.
So the dad zone is 4 questions here, but I don't let you know
ahead of time. So you get to just kind of work
on the fly here. It's a fun, light hearted way to
just end the podcast here and bring it to bring a full circle
and to kind of bring it down a little bit.
I love the conversation today. I think this was a very
important conversation for us tobe having.
So jumping into the dad zone here.

(52:50):
Does pineapple go on pizza? It can.
I mean, I wouldn't be my first choice, but I've eaten it and
it's not bad. Yeah.
Yeah, very wide eyed view there.A lot of people approach that
one very delicately. I noticed they're like, Oh well,
it can. Very rarely do I get a
definitive yes or no. Who are three people, dead or

(53:11):
alive, that you would invite to a dinner party?
Wow, to a dinner party I would love to to have.
Let's see, I would like to have Doctor Robert Glover over to my
dinner party. I would probably like Elon Musk.
That would be an interesting conversation.

(53:32):
And let's see here, let's say, let's say George Washington.
Let's say George Washington. That'd be cool.
What is your guilty pleasure, food or song?
Food. Yeah, I'm definitely a a
recovering food addict. What's your guilty pleasure food
then? Oh, I love pizza.
Like pizzas. Probably my my go to pizza and

(53:54):
fried chicken, Yeah. Fried chicken, Yeah, that's a
weakness of mine. A weakness of mine.
Last one here, last one here. So to wrap all these things up,
all the things, what is one piece of advice that you would
offer to a young dad? Let's say he's 18 to 22 years
old, just had his first kid and he's just starting out on his
fatherhood journey. But is one piece of advice that
you would offer to him. Oh, wow, I would say that.

(54:18):
Don't worry about it. Like things will come out in the
wash, you know, because you'll, you'll find that man.
I remember when I had my daughter, I was 25 at the time,
but when I had my daughter, I was almost a nervous wreck at
first. I'd never really taken care of
any kids, never changed any diapers before her.
And I was like, Oh my God, I gotto keep this, this small being

(54:39):
alive at least for the next 18 years, you know, and then it's,
and then it's on her. And, and I just realized, man,
like life tends to work itself out, you know, like things end
up being OK. There's things that you're going
to, you're going to freak out about.
Your kids are going to get hurt.They're going to deal with crap
at school. You're not going to like it,
they're not. They're going to get bad grades,

(54:59):
but it all comes out in the wash.
Love it. I love that thing.
It all comes out in the wash very great.
Well, Paul, this has been a super, super amazing, fun,
insightful conversation. I've really enjoyed it.
Our listeners will surely enjoy this one.
I'm sure the last one here. Where can people connect with
you and follow your work? Learn more about you.
Well, if they go to fix dead bedrooms.com, that's my blog,

(55:21):
they can, I have daily articles on there that'll help them in
the relationship situations. And from there you can find me
on, follow me on social media. I'm on all the good platforms.
I'm on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Twitter or XI guess now
you could find my podcast if yougo to that website.
It's available on all major podcast platforms, including
YouTube. In fact, right after this, I got

(55:43):
to go do a live stream. So and then you can also find my
books there. I've got three books out.
The one that we talked about today was psychology paradigm.
My latest book just came out in January.
It's called get her to fuck you again.
It's a red pill guide to fixing a dead bedroom.
But you can find all my books atFix Dead bedrooms.com.
I love it. Well, Paul, again, thanks again

(56:04):
for tuning in to our conversation.
And Paul, thank you again for your time and being here with me
today. If you enjoy this conversation,
make sure to rate, review and share the episode with a fellow
dad or parent who needs to hear it.
Go listen to come on man, on wherever you get your podcasters
go and listen to it right now. Listen to the latest episode.
And until next time, stay present, stay engaged, and keep
striving to be the best parent you can be.