August 4, 2025 • 53 mins
Today's conversation is for every parent who’s ever felt a little “different,” a little chaotic, and maybe a little misunderstood. If you or your kids have ADHD, autism, or any kind of neurodivergence, this episode is going to be packed with insights, laughs, and practical wisdom on how to navigate life, work, and parenting with confidence.
We’re joined by Dr. Kristen Williamson, a licensed professional counselor with a PhD in Behavioral Health Management and a champion for neurodivergent adults. Diagnosed with autism and ADHD in adulthood, Kristen has embraced her “neurospicy” brain as a superpower—and she’s here to help others do the same. She’s passionate about mental health, leadership, and creating more inclusive spaces for neurodivergent individuals in parenting, work, and life.
For those who want to connect with you and learn more about neurodivergence, mental health, and leadership, where can they find you?
👉 Check out Kristen’s work at: DrKristenWilliamson.com 👉 Follow her on social media: Instagram | TikTok | LinkedIn
Listeners, if you found this episode helpful, please share it with another dad who might need this encouragement today. And as always, subscribe, leave a review, and stay tuned for more great guests.
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Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Neurodivergence in Parenting
01:31 Dr. Kristin's Journey to Diagnosis
04:13 Understanding Neurodivergence in Children
09:47 The Impact of Diagnosis on Life
12:31 Shifting Perspectives on Childhood and Parenting
19:22 Blending Families and Communication
25:34 Navigating Relationships and Personal Needs
31:46 The Dynamics of Morning Routines and Brain Function
34:15 The Impact of COVID on Social Norms and Development
37:10 Navigating Mental Health in a Post-Pandemic World
40:07 The Power of Storytelling and Connection
42:57 Remote Work and Productivity Post-COVID
45:12 Tools for Managing ADHD and Autism in the Workplace
47:12 Misconceptions About ADHD and Autism
49:10 Neurodivergent Parenting Hacks
52:12 Advice for Young Neurodivergent Parents
54:15 Closing Thoughts and Resources
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
And welcome into the Young Dad podcast, whether you're outside
grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers, or
maybe, just maybe you got a moment to sit back, relax and
listen to your fare podcast. Whatever you're doing, wherever
you're at, thank you for listening, thanks for being
here, and thanks for tuning in. Of course, today's conversation
is for every parent who's ever felt a little, well, quote UN
quote different, a little chaotic and maybe a little
(00:32):
misunderstood. If you or your kids have ADHD,
autism, or any kind of neurodivergence, this episode is
going to be packed with insight,laugh, and practical wisdom on
how to navigate life, work, and parenting with confidence.
Today I'm joined by doctor Kristin.
Kristin Williamson, a licensed Professional Counselor with a
PhD in Behavioral Health Management and a champion for
(00:54):
neurodivergent adult diagnosed with autism and ADHD in
adulthood. It's always so fun to get an
adult diagnosis. Kristen has embraced her neuro
spicy brain as a superpower, andshe's here to help others do the
same. She's passionate about mental
health, leadership and creating more inclusive spaces for
neurodivergent individuals in parenting, work, and life.
So make sure you grab a juice box, grab a snack, and let's
(01:17):
jump into the conversation today.
Kristen, welcome to the podcast.Hi, thank you so so so much for
having me. I'm excited to have you.
So there's a lot of parents, especially dads, speaking for
the dads here that don't realizethat they might be
neurodivergent until they see those traits in their kids.
So can you kind of take us through your story and what was
(01:38):
your aha moment when you realizethat maybe I should get tested?
Oh my gosh, absolutely. And that's such a fun story.
Fun. Now it wasn't so fun at the
time. I have two tiny humans.
I guess they're not so tiny anymore.
They're 15 and 12. My 15 year old got diagnosed
with autism and ADHD when he was8.
(02:00):
But that was after years of struggling to find doctors who
would do testing with going through school struggles and
behavioral issues and saying, well, there's nothing wrong with
him, quote UN quote, but like his brain is responding
differently. And so when he got that
diagnosis, I was in grad school getting both my master's
(02:24):
degrees. And I then kind of switched my
hyper fixation of what I was learning on to autism because I
wanted to learn everything that I could about it so I could be
the best parent for my kid, for my kiddos, because my daughter
actually ended up getting diagnosed with 80 as well later
on. And in the therapy world, we do
(02:49):
typically make friends with other therapists.
We consult with one another, We get to know just one another,
especially wherever we're working.
And I had a therapist look at meone day and say, I think you're
autistic. And I said, I said, no, I'm not
I'm not. I don't hit the criteria.
No, because I was going just on the textbook.
(03:11):
I don't do this, I don't do this, I don't do this.
And he said, well, you know, forgirls it's different, right?
I was like, what? Clearly I hadn't done enough
studying to get to that point tounderstand it.
And so then I just went down a rabbit hole and learn.
Holy moly. Girls definitely present
(03:32):
differently. And just there's there's no
testing. Testing was made for young white
boys from middle class families.So females and people of colour
just get effed when you. Say no, it's you're, you're spot
on with the LED key, but I must want to take a quick chance to
(03:53):
respond. It's it's interesting when you
learn about that stuff, right? Especially working in mental and
behavioral health, like I work in behavioral health during my
95. So it's super fun and it, it's
really interesting to see, you know, where these young apples
are falling from and you work with some of these parents and
(04:16):
it's like, have you ever, did you ever consider that maybe
it's not the other parent that you're claiming has this issue,
that the issue is coming from what I'm looking at right here.
From within the house. From, you know, the other person
here in this room. Did you ever consider that?
And they're like, huh, Me. No.
(04:38):
But then yeah. Do you think back like a lot of
these parents that I'm working with are in the 30s, in their
40s, you know, much like you andE, much like you and I were,
were incredibly young for, for our age.
According to what we're telling everyone, yes.
And we look back to when we're growing up and other parents and
whatnot that are thirties, 40s. And there was nothing, right?
(05:00):
There was nothing to diagnose. ADHD was diagnosed, but it was
diagnosed. And like you mentioned, boys,
everything that we learned aboutin school is.
Well, and with the boys, they had to be bouncing off the
walls, they had to be talking somuch that they're getting in
trouble or they're not sitting still.
(05:21):
They're they're doing all these things.
So even boys who with ADHD, because ADHD comes in multiple
forms. And so the inattentive kind,
when they're just kind of the daydreamers, they're just the
quieter ones. They got missed, yeah.
And so. Or the ones that or the ones
that did still have the chattiness, the ones that did
(05:43):
still have the hyperactivity, but if they performed well in
school. Then you get put in a gifted and
talented. Then you're missed, yeah, kind
of thing, yeah. Then you get moved up and moving
around and. You get yes.
Oh well, he's just really smart.We're just not challenging him
enough. That's exactly which I mean,
truthfully, I have learned neuros biceps friends, we are
(06:03):
really smart. We are really, really smart.
We are not card counting savants, not all of us.
But growing up in the 80s, in the 90s that that image of
autism was Rain Man, it was OK. Well, you need to live in a
group home. You can't do these things.
But you are so intelligent when it comes to this and so that you
(06:27):
are spot on. Like, there was not necessarily
as many parents who were understanding what autism look
like, who even challenged it to say, hey, you know, my kid might
be struggling with something. They're just like, oh, my kids,
the troublemaker. You're just weird.
Why can't you stop doing this? Why are you so lazy?
Yeah, there's always the Why can't you stop?
(06:48):
Why can't you not? Why?
Can't you be normal? Yeah, yeah, no 100%.
So anyways, back to your story. So you're learning about all
this therapist looks. You said you're I think you're
autistic. I love how my this just made me
think of my my friend, doctor Nas.
He hosts a different spectrum podcast and the way he says it,
(07:09):
he's he's just one of my favorite human beings ever.
So Doctor Nas, if you're listening, shout out to you, but
and shout out to the different spectrums podcast.
I was actually on an episode that aired late last year.
We don't. We talked about daddy daycare,
the movies, and it was just so fun to go through those.
But anyways, I'm digressing here.
(07:31):
What was I saying? He just goes, he loves to go
like, oh, the Chism is strong with that one.
Chism is strong. You know, nice way to say it.
That's amazing. But anyway, so therapist told
you you think you're. Yeah, he just kind of put it in
my head. And so I did what most people do
(07:55):
when they hear, hey, I think you're on the spectrum.
I completely denied it. And then I, I sat with it and
did some research and found someonline assessments because
that's what we do. We find the online assessments
and took those and I hit all thecriteria and I'm like, oh, crap.
And so then talking with friendsand family and my friends
(08:16):
immediately were like, yes, didn't you know that?
No, I wish you would have told me.
My family, they're so, so funny.They were.
No, you're not. Maybe you're not.
No, you're not. And so it, it, it took years to
get in to have the funds to go get diagnosed because insurance
(08:38):
doesn't cover it for adults, at least for the most part.
You have to be showing incredibly high support needs in
order for insurance to go look and say, oh, you know, we'll
cover this as an adult because, you know, that's, it's the idea.
I still have group homes of getting that support and
assistance. And so it's coming and paying
out of pocket and then getting that diagnosis.
And then it almost feels like it's that that breath that you
(09:01):
were holding, you finally get torelax and breathe and say, ha, I
am validated. This is this is everything that
I have been learning about myself for years.
And it's like the goodwill hunting part where he's like, do
you like apples? I got her number and like puts
the piece of paper up. I'm like, this is my diagnosis,
ha ha ha ha. So once you got your diagnosis,
(09:22):
so you got tested, got diagnosed, what what kind of
things changed for you? Did anything change for you as
you after that or what was? Obviously not a whole lot.
I'm a, I'm a huge proponent of those who come in and work on
that, even the self diagnosis, because going in and for adults,
again, the official diagnosis like it did, it can help with
(09:44):
accommodations, it can help witha lot of things if you need them
for work. But with my practice, I'm able
to work for myself. So I didn't need the
accommodations. It was the just that validation
of I'm, I'm seeing, I'm heard. This is everything that I've
been fighting to learn about myself.
(10:06):
And it's kind of that imposter syndrome to say, OK, well, it's
not just what other people are telling me that I'm just making
it up in my head that I'm just doing this.
I'm just putting on a front. And so it gives me that voice to
come in and be louder for the people who come see me and say,
Hey, I, I think this about myself.
I'm like, oh, you're probably spot on.
Yeah, no, it's, it's interestingbecause it a lot of people will,
(10:30):
will go with, you know, this is going to change everything.
This is going to, this is going to have a biggest impact to life
and everything. It's like, well, if you're
getting diagnosed later in life,haven't you just lived your
whole life with the same thing? You have, yeah.
Like how is how is it going to change it?
What does that change? Like how does it change
anything? Because like the ADHD.
(10:51):
Diagnosis changed my world because I was able to talk to my
doctor to get on medication thathelps my brain not feel like
there's 400 sticky notes in a room and they're all
interesting. I'm able to just focus on a
couple tasks at once or the taskinitiation or task completion
(11:13):
I'm able to do. And so that's where I talk to my
clients like autism diagnosis, it's great.
It's validating the ADHD one will be something that you will
be able to do more with because there are things that can help
just your brain chemicals can beskewed.
But also with the diagnosis evencoming in and, and just I'm
(11:33):
still, I'm going to advocate allfor those who are learning about
themselves and say, you know, I think I have this, but I haven't
officially been diagnosed like that unofficial diagnosis that
still is so incredibly powerful because you were able to rewrite
the narrative from your life. Definitely.
Are. You, when you got your diagnosis
in those things, did it, How didthat shift your perspective on
(11:53):
your childhood career and then parenting after that?
Oh, it changed everything. It changed everything.
And I'd already been working on rewriting what life was growing
up. It wasn't because
neurodivergence, it's a dominanttrait in our genetics.
And so just as you said that like parents have it,
(12:14):
grandparents have it, like it, it rides that family tree train.
And so it's coming in with, OK, you know what, what my parents
did, there might be some neuro spiciness within their actions.
It wasn't how my brain saw it atthe time.
Let's add this different storyline to it.
And it actually makes it more understandable.
(12:34):
It makes it not more accepting, but more of the aha, that's why
or This is why I struggled whereI could do my homework, but I
would never turn it in. Why would I not turn it in like
it was done? And it helped to rewrite that.
I wasn't lazy. My brain was different.
(12:56):
I I was struggling. Yeah.
Did you ever go back and think, now that I know that this
genetic and it's coming from somewhere, have you been able to
kind of stem back who it comes from?
You know what, it's so funny. I reached out to people on my
father's side of the family. I'm like, can I interview you?
Can I ask you some questions? And then people on my mom's side
(13:19):
of the family and just start, I started asking everybody and
both sides of the family have the spiciness to it and that
makes it just so much better. But most of them don't have a
diagnosis because they they're over here just like, no, it's
just this is how I live life or this is just my quirks and it's
(13:41):
just as you said, like they don't need a diagnosis to still
be living life. True, yeah.
And I think that's a lot of whatit was too.
Like it's seen as quirks, you know, that's what you're just
quirky in this way or you're just, you know, it's a very I
mean, yes, there there's a lot of good things that comes with
that too, right? Takes the pressure on, oh, I'm
just a little different in this way.
(14:02):
I'm just a little quirky here or, you know, I just really
like, you know, this to this or that kind of thing.
Like, OK, those things are fine.I don't think there's anything
wrong with that. But since you've been able to
have that acknowledgement and embrace the these different
parts of you specifically, like what has changed over the last?
(14:23):
He said he was 8, 15 over the last seven years or so.
I've been able to build in accommodations with the
parenting and it's, it's it's funny, I had parented him
through the lens of autism before I realized that I was
autistic. I like structure.
(14:44):
I like rules. I like having things like
bedtime is at this time, this iswhen we're going to shower.
This is like having things set up.
Having that structure makes it easy for my brain to not get
derailed. And because I was parenting
through that lens, he was already understanding that
structure. But then coming in with OK,
(15:07):
autistic brains, ADHD brains, there's something called PDA.
Pathological demand avoid in. That's exactly.
Thank you. I'm like, oh, I'm going to mess
that up. And so, and it's a lot of people
used to see this as defiant, ODD, opposite defiant disorder.
(15:28):
And it's not, it's not, it's the, they want some ability for
autonomy. And so do you want to shower now
or in 5 minutes, 5 minutes, you've picked it.
Either way, you're still showering.
Do you want to have broccoli or asparagus?
(15:48):
Neither. That's not an option.
Here's your two options. And it was able, I was able to
learn that I needed to give fewer options and keep my face
at almost a flat effect because they see how your facial
expressions are. And then they're like, oh, I've
done something wrong. No, you haven't or haha, I'm
(16:12):
getting to you. I'm annoying you let me keep
doing this and then you're goingto just blow your lid and leave
and walk off and then like Mama,leave me alone.
And so it's I learned keep my face pretty non reactive and my
voice within an even tone. It's like, Nope, this is what
(16:33):
we're doing. We've learned that when when he
was in school, I was almost on afirst name basis with every one
of his teachers because I wantedthem to know from the very
beginning, I'm here to support you and your classroom and your
needs. When he was younger, we had two
key phrases that the teachers could use and we talked about it
(16:53):
all the time that that's inappropriate, that's not OK.
And he knew if he was loud or like facial expressions are
being whatever it is, if if he was reacting to something
internally and the teacher said that's not appropriate, that
that's, that was a key phrase that he was like, OK, I need to
(17:14):
work on regulating. And then the teachers and I came
up with ways to help. Like if he needed to step away,
he could step away and come back.
And if it was like taking 5 minutes to read, if it was to
put on noise cancelling headphones because the kid
sitting in the desk next to him is really aggressive at coloring
and it sets off his central nervous system, which then leads
(17:34):
to outbursts and behaviors. We worked on accommodations.
Long story short. Love it, I love it and so does
your I see, I see your ringing finger.
So your husband, does he also have any no spiciness, any neuro
(17:55):
divergencies as well? Or how has that kind of been to
to mix that into? I guess not mix it into the
marriage because I mean there's always, it was already already
there in the relationship and raising the kids before it was
diagnosed and is still there after.
And so how have you guys kind ofbalanced that while raising the
kids and structuring like the home and whatnot?
(18:16):
Oh, it gets even better. So he is actually my second
husband, so he's their bonus dad.
OK. He did not come into the picture
until my now 15 year old was 12/13.
So it's just been a couple years.
(18:39):
He didn't know. He was no neurodivergent.
He was a nuclear technician on submarines for 20 years.
And on that, in that point in time, you're not allowed to be
autistic. You're not you're.
Going to be neurodivergent if you're a nuclear technician.
You're almost all spicy. They're almost all you.
Got to be you got to be. They are, but that Navy at the
time would not allow that to be a diagnosis or you would lose
(19:00):
your security clearance. You would lose.
No, that makes sense. Everything so you know, they're
just raw dog in life. So, so when he joined our life,
he learned he is ADHD, he has tism tendencies.
But so he came in and saw this kid who almost seemed defiant
(19:22):
with well, you're questioning things or you're doing this or
you're pushing back. He had to learn what autism look
like. He had to learn that if his face
is scrunched up, he is figuring something out.
He's not being angry. He's not angry at you.
He is learning about the new world around him, this new
(19:45):
routine and life that's been going on.
And so we have been learning about one another for years now.
And it's it's still like and forall your listeners coming in as
a bonus parent for kids who are.Neuro spicy like it's, it's
(20:07):
beautiful and horrible and wonderful and confusing.
And there's, I don't think there's any feeling that I won't
tell you that you're experiencing is not valid
because like, then we go througha gauntlet like the parents
coming in, they've not had the lifetime of getting used to it
and learning what that looks like.
(20:29):
And so they're just stepping into a more structured home
hypothetically or just neurodivergence looks different
and it acts different, presents different.
Definitely. So.
So how has balancing that structure and raising the kiddos
come like come together Essentially adding him in the
(20:52):
last few years, what kind of things have you guys done to
balance and mix everything together and blend everything
and make it work? Communication, communicate,
communicate, communicate, communicate.
I don't know if that is because I'm a therapist and I can say
that, or I've always been one who's wanted to communicate
(21:12):
because the autism brain's like,we want to be understood.
We spent our whole life not being understood.
We want to give you more information than ever needed to
make sure that you're understanding what's going on
and talk all the time. He and I talk all the time and
like, OK, that was this scenario.
(21:35):
We are going into school. We know going into school
functions will not only stress out my 15 year old because it's
a lot of noise and action and moving around and different
things, but it stresses me out because there's that over
stimulation. It's that overwhelm.
(21:58):
I typically like a lot of quiet auditory really stresses me out.
And so I carry earplugs with andhe has earplugs and it's things
just to dull the sensory. And we know within the home we
have to be very commutative. We have to be like, did you
shower? Very straightforward questions.
(22:23):
Did you do this? Have you put on deodorant?
Did you eat? What did you eat?
Because it's the how was your day.
We get stuck in that like what? What do you mean fine?
What does fine look like? I don't know.
And since his brain is more husband's brain is more of an
(22:43):
ADHD brain and my brain steps forward with the autism, I like
structure. He is chaos.
And so it is learning and blending what structured chaos
looks like. And then with kiddos coming in,
what does that look like? What are they learning from us?
How are we being able to come inand model and be these role
(23:08):
models of what it looks like in a healthy relationship?
What it looks like being autistic, what it looks like
being ADHD, what it looks like coming in and being accepting of
all of those and just trying to be as inclusive a household as
possible while still being able to come in and say, oh, I did
not understand that. I I totally missed what you were
(23:29):
saying. And knowing that, that's not a
shameful thing. I'm not wrong for missing what
you said. You're not wrong for missing
what I said. But let me know so that way I
can find a way to reframe it to where you might understand it.
Definitely no. That's really important just to
be able to have that communication with one another
(23:50):
and to be able to understand each other and come to those
different understanding throughout the day and
throughout life on all the different things and to
understand the other person likegoing into different social
situations or going different places and doing different
things is that you know, there may be areas to where it's fine
and other areas where it's not fine or some days it's going to
be better than others. Just being able to understand
(24:13):
that for each other is really, really important there.
I guess kind of dig, I just wantto dig into a little bit more
here. When you guys first got
together, we're there's some worries on your end like OK.
Absolutely. I guess let me ask, how long
were you single for before meeting your now husband?
(24:34):
Like what was that kind of gap in time?
10 years. OK, so 10 year boys and that
were two, sorry not two boys, boy and girl raising the two
because you mentioned the two daughter and everything.
So 10 years, did you meet this man?
What was going through your headat first when it's like, OK,
(24:55):
it's getting serious. You know, there's a future here,
I guess. How did you, like tell him like,
hey, just so you know, you know I'm autistic?
Or how did you like bring those things up in the conversation?
Because I think those things arereally hard to bring up
organically. You're not.
Just a happy Tuesday. I'm autistic.
(25:17):
Yeah, exactly. You, you're so correct.
I am really lucky that I have known him for over a decade.
I hadn't seen him for a long, long time.
And so we yeah, I was single andthe single mom and figuring out
what life looks like then with the spicy kids and getting into
(25:38):
like we were a trio that that's our life.
It was harder in the beginning to integrate someone else into
our life because we had built this, this trio like built our
little family unit. Yeah.
And you had your habits, your routine, things like that, that
are well established and things like that.
But I mean, I guess go ahead. Yeah, when when he came into our
(26:05):
life, I made sure from the very beginning to because for me,
it's always kids first. It's always kids first.
Like I need you to know this is my life.
You can be a bonus to it, but you will not be something that
supersedes this coming in together.
And like, I thank goodness, he from the very beginning, he, he
(26:30):
jumped right in and he was like,let me learn, Let me learn about
autism, Let me learn about ADHD.Let me learn how to be a parent
like this. And while we were still in the
talking phases, I was like, I autistic ADHD.
And it wasn't just like a, hi, how are you, by the way?
(26:53):
This is how I am. It somehow naturally came up
because with me working in the world of therapy, and over time,
I've just naturally come into this beautiful niche of I work
with adults who are finding out later on in life that they are
autistic or ADHD. And so I think it was easier for
me to implement that. Yeah, that's how my brain is
(27:16):
too. And just being able to put that
in there. So that way, he knew from the
beginning and I was able becauseI had learned about my brain so
much. And I love talking about my
brain as though it's a separate entity because sometimes it
feels like it is just like rightnext to me riding in the
passenger seat. Sometimes it makes decisions
that I don't agree with. And it's just making those
(27:39):
decisions. And I'm like, well, my brain did
this. I don't like it, but this is
where we're at. And so from the very beginning,
he learned because I was able totell him, I have a really hard
time with eye contact. I can look at you in the eyes,
but I'm going to be thinking, OK, look at him in the eyes.
(27:59):
Have you looked in his eyes longenough?
You need to look away. Is it socially appropriate?
Do I need to look back? And so it's not that it
physically hurts me, I'm just focused more on the social
normative behaviors of, OK, thisis we need to make eye contact.
So I'm not listening to anythingthat he says because I'm making
eye contact. And so I was able to tell him
(28:20):
these things ahead of time. So he then learns and it's still
even today, we have conversations where I have
scripts that I use with I'm touched out and scripts are like
he phrases that he knows if I say it's not something that's
going on with him, it's something that my brain is
struggling with. And so like I'm touched out,
(28:41):
that means physically I am not able to receive any kind of
comfort right now. You can sit next to me, I can
talk with you. We can do all these wonderful
things. Please don't touch me because
I've hit that sensory overload and he's able to come in on his
side and say, this is where I'm at.
And it's sometimes it feels likewe take a very clinical approach
(29:03):
and that's how it is. Sometimes it's they, well, we
don't have to have emotions because I don't know if you have
ever experienced this in your life, but shame, shame is
something that kicks everybody'sbutt.
And so if you have a partner who's like, oh, well, you don't,
you don't want to touch me. It's like, what did I do wrong?
It's like, no, no, no, no, it's not ever anything that you've
(29:26):
done. It's my brain's working in a way
that's misfiring to where this doesn't feel great.
Yeah, I don't think there's one person that hasn't had some kind
of shame in some way, shape or form.
It's a very common feeling. Very, very common.
And it there's, there's nothing wrong with that.
(29:46):
It's OK to to need a break or tonot, you know, want to be
touched or to be talked out or kind of thing or just need, you
know, you know, some time to go and do your own thing as well.
I think doing your own thing is really important.
I think having your own thing todo, to do your own thing.
I mean, that's why I wake up at the ass crack of dawn to record
(30:07):
my podcast, because it's my thing, right?
I live on the West Coast ass crack of dawn up over here.
I mean, I legit woke up 540 do this this morning.
That's what just what time I wake up because I'm usually able
to get up and get going. It's one of my, you know, it's
for my talents. I get it from my dad.
My dad's the same way where it'slike we'll just get up.
(30:29):
We'll go like, get up and go. That's amazing.
Yeah. I I love brains.
I can just get up and go like anidiot.
Brains are so interesting in learning that some people
mornings are not their thing, but they soar and thrive in the
evenings. They're still not my thing.
Like morning, there's no time ofday.
That's my time of day. It's just, you know, I can just
(30:52):
force myself to do it. I can just push myself to do it
because it, I mean, it's just how I was essentially how I was
raised, how my dad made me do it.
Like, OK, well, you got to get up.
You got, if you got something todo, you got something to do, get
up and do it. Trust me, on days I don't have a
morning recording, I'm sleeping 7:30.
I have to be at work at 9. Hell, I'm waking up at 8815 and
(31:12):
then I'm getting up and going kind of thing like yesterday,
just yesterday I recorded and shower and then I laid back down
and then my daughter comes in like 815.
Are we are we getting going soon?
She says it touches like it's 815.
Are we leaving soon? I was like, Oh yeah, literally.
I have my youngest daughter at preschool like 10 minutes later.
(31:35):
That's so impressive. Yeah.
So it's like I, it's just one ofthose, one of those towers of my
neuro neuro spiciness that just comes in handy a lot where it's
like I can tune out that tune back in a lot during
conversation. My mind, my mind will just
wander off and then I can kind of bring it back.
It's like, OK, catch the last catch the last couple things
(31:56):
someone said and respond kind ofthing.
And you know, because I'll like I'll zone out super hard.
I'll get staring into my screen and I'll get staring into a
little Pooh bear with a little Jelly beans eyes before me
behind me. Or I'll get really into my piggy
toys or something like that and just get completely lost in the
sauce. It's, you know, it's fine, you
(32:19):
know, because we're all, I don'tthink there's any, there's a lot
of social norms, but I don't think ever since COVID, we don't
have a social normative society anymore.
We don't, there are no social norms anymore.
And I think the biggest thing that I heard recently actually
is when talking about the, the impact of COVID on our kids.
Who was I talking to? Oh, I was talking to a speech
(32:40):
language pathologist. Her name is Lenora Edwards.
And we were talking recently. Actually, that episode's going
to air just a couple, a few weeks before this one thinking
about it, but we talked about how during COVID that we lost a
lot of our social normatives because we're all only seeing
like half of people face it, We're only seeing each other's
(33:01):
eyes. So imagine if this, I only can
talk with my eyes, right? I only can talk with my eyes.
You're only seeing my eyes. You're only seeing them move
like this. You're only seeing them move
like this, get big, get down, scowl, things like that.
That's all you're seeing. You're missing the rest of my
facial depression, which can be,which was probably really,
really difficult for someone like yourself who has.
(33:24):
A harder time reading facial expressions in general.
Relies on those facial expressions to kind of know what
your next move is. And then it's super.
It's probably even more difficult for your kid having a
underdeveloped brain. Not underdeveloped in like a bad
way, but like a kid brain. Yeah, that's only, you know, so
many years old. But not having that, like, input
(33:44):
to be like, what are you feeling?
And now you take the mask off a few years later, like, OK, be
social and socialize with peopleand interact and know what
people are saying with their faces.
You know, all of our kids, I don't know how I got here, but
all of our kids lost so much time of development, right?
We lost so much time. And like, we're only seeing it
(34:05):
especially, I think this school year more than ever is like I,
because I worked in behavioral health the last two and a half,
2:00-ish year. I don't even know how long I've
been working here, working in myjob, but you know, I'm noticing
it more this year than ever withthese kids.
Is that all these things are we're, we're paying the, the,
the bank, the collectors come calling.
(34:27):
The collector has come calling for the social things and it's
time to pay up for make some retributions for what happened.
And these kids, they can't, theyjust don't have, they just can't
do it. They don't have the social
skills. They're in 5th, 6th, 7th grade
and they have social skills of 1/3 grader. 3rd graders have
(34:49):
social skills of third graders, right?
Well, my, my young adults were in college who they had to
finish out their school year online.
They had to do. They lost so many things and now
they're stepping into college and they don't necessarily know
what that looks like because they had years ago.
From nothing to they go from suddenly being on the college
(35:09):
campus of other people, other adults, but their brain didn't
get that those last couple yearsof social emotional development
to be able to transition becausethey, they didn't work, they
didn't go to school, they didn'tsocialize.
They socialized to a screen, butnow they're forced to be there.
And I'm sure you've read anxiousgeneration.
(35:30):
Fantastic book. I think everyone who works in
mental health has read that bookor is at least familiar with the
cost of that book. You know, now they're, you know,
we have this whole anxious generation.
We very much too. Because you know it, it's them.
I think we're really lucky that we didn't have a global pandemic
(35:51):
growing up as millennials. We had plenty other shit to
happen being millennials, but luckily nothing was ever shut
down and we got to still socialize and do a lot of things
that we just don't do anymore insociety, especially since COVID.
It's like kids barely go outsideand touch grass.
Like they make fun of each other.
It's a meme now. Like go touch grass.
Oh yeah. Kind of thing.
(36:12):
And it's like this is this is wild because it's like, what is
wrong with touching grass? And there's so many things that
are just wrong with just. Well, and what's, oh, I'm gonna
you wonder kind of what you said.
And this is so incredibly interesting.
So I learned that neuro spicy brains, traditional brains
develop and finish developing around 25 neuro spicy brains, we
(36:33):
add on a solid 7 to 10 years more.
Yeah. And so the idea of losing those,
those years, these formative years of development, and then
he's got another decade on top of that.
And it's like, Oh my gosh, the struggle in.
So we're millennials that not going through a global pandemic,
(36:55):
but we are raising humans who are going through a global
pandemic. And for us, like we didn't
handle COVID very well. At least I didn't handle COVID
as well as I would love to. And I know a lot of people are.
I don't. Think our society handled it
well as a period because I mean I think it was overblown.
(37:17):
We put 2 harsher restrictions onand knowing that now, knowing
now in 2025 it came from a lab and it was a genetically
modified thing and then it was released and all these things
like so it really wasn't that bad because it was already a man
made thing. So it was a man made thing.
And it just shut the world down.Yeah, it's like we didn't need
(37:37):
to do all that. We really didn't.
We did way too much just for, you know, essentially for
control. The government did.
They did for control. Looking back and you look at all
the things, it's like, yes, there's unprecedented and all
these buzzwords and fear mongering at an all time high
and whatnot. People are scared.
Like people are still wearing masks, like that's going to
(37:58):
protect them. Those are so you don't transmit,
so you don't spread something that you already have versus
give it to you because guess what?
Germs still get on that mask andyou still breathe them in.
And even I'm, I work in mental health and I understand this,
right. And so it's just funny that
people just, we, we got stuck inso many of these things.
(38:20):
It's like that doesn't, it's nota thing.
And the aftermath of it, like wedidn't think of that in the
moment because it's like, Oh, we're all worried about buying
fucking toilet paper. Oh.
My gosh, great toilet paper shortage.
Great toilet paper shortage of 2020.
You know what though, one thing I will say, COVID did
beautifully and not that I want to, you know, ever say COVID did
(38:42):
great things, but because the world shut down, what did we do?
We got online, we got on social media and we shared our stories.
And because we shared our stories, that's where so many of
my adults are coming in saying Ihave these symptoms, I have
(39:04):
these struggles. This person with ADHD, like they
have all these things. They're sharing their stories.
That resonates with me. Let me go talk to someone about
it. And so because we shared our
stories in the collective human way that we've done for the
entirety, I believe, of the human creation, these stories
(39:28):
help us to connect with others. Absolutely no, absolutely.
I think that that was one of theonly things is people connected
more in different ways. People started speaking up more,
which is really great because weneeded that.
And I think that, you know, paiddividends into today more or
(39:50):
less where people are more active in their communities,
they're more active in their government, they're more active
in just everything a since then because for multitude of reasons
too, right? Either because they felt
silenced and whatnot during thattime, so now they're going extra
hard, or they found something that, you know, works for them
so they can speak up about that.They simply found their voice in
(40:12):
some way, shape or form. Whether it was because they
finally had the opportunity to do so or they found people that
resonated with them, or they were just pissed off enough.
And they're, you know, I'm goingto do something.
I'm going to say something. I'm going to go be active now
more than ever because I actually can see, you know, for
the first time ever, I'm not distracted with all the things
and the news cycle because wait,why is, why is the news cycle
(40:36):
always I, I flip between all these channels and they all say
the same thing. What, what, what is that?
And then you listen to, you know, you listen to a podcast.
It's like, oh, that's a, that's a project mockingbird.
And then you go and research it and you're like, Oh my God,
that's actually a real thing. And you start to learn all these
things and it's, whoa, what the heck, Like, And then I think
that was the biggest backfire, Ithink of COVID is that people
(41:01):
woke up. Oh my gosh, yeah.
And we realize, holy crap, the government overreach, the
government control, all this thing like on my life and, you
know, being forced to wear a mask and take it, take a jab and
all these things like that wasn't that wasn't right, that
that's not OK. Never again kind of thing.
(41:21):
And a lot of people realize these these different things.
Not everyone. Some people have different
opinions than I do on this. And these are of course, in my
opinion, you may agree or disagree, that's completely
fine. That's and the listener is
totally up to you. More than likely if you're
listening to my podcast and you are in the same boat, but you,
you just realize like these are everyone wakes up.
(41:41):
I don't know how we got here, but we're here.
With honestly with the idea of waking up, I'll take that even
further. We woke up to the idea that we
don't need to go into an office to be productive.
Yeah. Remote work is is still work.
It's still and there's working in behavioral health.
You like you. There are some things we got to
do in person. Yeah.
(42:02):
I, I personally, I would much rather work in person.
I think since you do more like counseling and those kind of
meetings and whatnot, yours is some of yours is probably better
set in that, I mean it's in an office setting.
As long as you can create a therapeutic environment, that's
what's most important. It's it's, it's totally for the
preference of the client who comes in.
(42:23):
Some clients prefer to come in and have that direct person to
person connection. Because I work with autism, we
all struggle with eye contact. So virtually is phenomenal.
I like virtual because people can be sitting in their car and
their lunch break. They don't have to drive to an
office. The convenience is unmatched.
(42:44):
It makes like we're in differenttime zones and we can connect,
go no, it makes it really powerful and more.
With therapy, I like both. I in my dream scenario, I would
be in a counseling office that worked with the ASPCA and we
would just have cats that come in to get socialized.
So any client who comes in can pick up a cat and just go sit
(43:05):
with them. And then they become therapy
animals later on in life becauseI think pets are incredibly
healing. And I'm a cat human, because
cats are the epitome of consent.Yeah, so I guess kind of talking
about the workplace as well. What are some like tools and
(43:27):
work and whatnot that you personally swear by for managing
life with ADHD, autism that could be helpful for the average
person? Knowing where your strengths
are, knowing where you struggle.If your boss comes in and asks
you, hey, can you go look at this project, can you do the
same? And you know that you've heard
(43:48):
them, but as soon as they walk away, you're not going to
remember what they said. Carry a pen of paper with you
and write it down. I had one of those moments
yesterday at work to where it's like, oh, can you go help this,
the new person with this, this and this and do this and this
and this. And I'm like, yeah, sure.
Then I got got to go do the thing and I'm like, I have no
clue what I'm supposed to be doing with you today.
(44:09):
I'm not supposed to meet with you right now, but I have no
clue what we're supposed to be doing.
So I'm just going to wing it andpretend like I know what I'm
doing. You know what?
That's again raw dog in life. Like we're doing it.
Yeah. So it's if your Co worker asks
you to do something be like, canyou send that to me an e-mail?
Can you message me that? Can you write it down?
(44:30):
I'm not going to remember as soon as you leave here.
And so coming in and knowing where your strengths are, if you
are one who always asks questions and meetings, talk to
your boss and be like, can I askquestions after this meeting is
done? I don't want to hold everybody
else here because, you know, being in some of those meetings
where it's like that one person just continues asking because
(44:51):
they want to know and understand, but everyone else is
being held there and rolling their eyes because they just.
Want to go? Because some brains pick it up
instantaneously. Some brains need to ask more
questions. And so as a manager coming in
and like, OK, who are my employees?
Are these ones who need more? Are these ones who just like I
(45:12):
can give and go? Do I need to, I don't want to
say micromanage, but come in with here's your deadline that
other people don't need deadlines, but you need a
deadline to get it done because some people need that positive
stress of like, here's what somethings do.
Yeah, 100%. Just a couple more questions and
(45:33):
then we're going to jump into the dad zone here.
What, in your opinion, is the biggest misconception about ADHD
and autism that you wish people understood?
A few of them one that we aren'tsavant not not every one of us
is going to play piano beautifully from the start, but
that's OK because we're probablyreally good at other things.
(45:56):
We just might not be phenomenally good at everything.
And also that we're not something that needs to be
fixed. We have value and worth just as
we are. That's humans in general.
Everybody has value and worth, and you don't have to fix
yourself. You don't have to dim your light
to make sure that others shine bright.
(46:17):
You're allowed space to be in and and be at that table with
everyone else. I love that.
What is your favorite neuro Spicy A parenting hat?
Give two choices. Do you want to do this now or in
5 minutes? Do you want to do this?
(46:38):
Do you want to clean your room now or in 15 minutes?
Either way. And then you set an alarm
because their brain says OK. And then the other component, if
I tell my kids, go clean your room, my daughter can clean her
entire room and she gets it. My son's going to look at his
room and say I don't see anything wrong.
(46:59):
I with him, it's a list. I need trash picked up, bed
made. Look at the laundry.
Where's this desk? Is it picked up?
Does this look organized? He needs more of that list.
And so it's coming in and understanding that parenting can
look different for every kid, even for every kid in the
household. Some kids do better with the
(47:20):
structure. Some kids just pick it up and
go. And neither one of them are
doing wrong. And you are not doing wrong
yourself if you are having to come in and reconfigure what
your parenting style looks like,because that evolves almost
daily it seems. Yeah, absolutely.
And then last question before wejump into the Dad zone here, If
(47:41):
you could go talk to your younger self, what would you say
to her? That everything you've
experienced is valid, that the feeling lost and feeling the
struggle, like, yeah, you reallywent through it, but you will
survive. You will survive and you will
come out on the other side and you are going to help change.
Lives absolutely. All right.
(48:02):
Well, with that, is there anything else that you want to
add to the conversation that we've had today that you can
think of? Just continuing to to bump it
out there that parents, I know parenting is hard, but you've
got this. If you ever feel like you're the
perfect parent, I'm going to sayyou're missing something.
(48:22):
So in days when we feel like we're failing, as long as we are
still trying, that's OK. It's OK because we're still
trying. Welcome to the Dad Zone.
This is our my favorite part of the podcast other than the
conversation. Second favorite part is to be
able to kind of bring the the podcast down a little bit and
like wrap it up and have a little bit of fun here at the
end. And so first question of the Dad
(48:43):
zone does pineapple go on pizza?Pineapple does not go on pizza.
Pineapple is delicious when it'sdehydrated and tastes amazingly
sweet. That is, that's a good point.
Pineapple does taste good. Dehydrated isn't very good.
Mangoes are also very, very delicious.
Dehydrated. Dehydrated mangoes or dried
(49:05):
mangoes are so good. Get them at Costco.
Get a big old bag. Oh, they're so good, so good.
Delicious. Who are three people, dead or
alive, that you would like to invite to a one night dinner
party? Lucille Ball Temple Grandin who
is the pioneer of autism in my mind and loose.
I love it. That's going to be a fun dinner
(49:26):
party. What is your guilty pleasure
food? I love chocolate chip cookies.
I will eat them day and night. Yes, good chocolate chip cookie.
I like the ones from like Albertsons or Safeway.
Those ones are just always delicious.
The ones that are a little bit chewy, a little bit under baked.
I always look I'll always look through the packs and I'm like,
(49:47):
oh, which one of these look a little bit under underdone here
and I think which one do I want the most?
So like 5 bucks for all those cookies.
This is a terrible terrible, butit's.
Also, Oh no, it's that guilty pleasure.
It's that guilty component for sure because it's like this is
so good. Mine is always Pickles or
uncrustables. So, but anyways, what last
(50:09):
question here in the dad zone. What is one piece of advice that
you would offer to a young parent?
Let's say they're 18 to 22 yearsold, that's just starting out
their parenting journey. And let's add A twist on this
one. Especially if they're
neurodivergent. You were going to feel like
you're failing a lot. You were going to say why is
this kid crying? I'm over stimulated, but I don't
(50:29):
know that I'm over stimulated orI'm touched out.
And now we have this Velcro child who just wants to be held
all the time and I can't put them down because they're going
to scream. But internally I'm shivering
inside because I'm being touchedand I don't like it and I don't
understand it. And it's, it's OK to take
breaks. It's okay for your kid to cry.
(50:50):
It's like a certain to save space.
Like they've been fed, they've been changed, they might be
overtired. They just want to be held.
Like, OK, hold them if you can, but if you can't put them in
their crib or in a playpen or just in a spot where they're
safe and you're allowed to, to walk away and take a break.
Maybe not for hours at a time, that's probably not fantastic.
(51:10):
But if you need that 5 minutes, that 10 minutes if you need to
go get a cup of coffee. If you need to go give yourself
a snack, keep your blood sugar going.
Holy cow that we we don't need to be skipping meals, skipping
things for ourselves because then if we're not good for us,
then we're not going to be good for them.
So being sure to take care of ourselves as well.
(51:32):
That's. So important.
Well, Kristen, this has been such an insightful and just
super fun conversation. I don't know how we went down
the COVID rabbit hole, but like I told you at the very beginning
before we started that there's nothing off the table here and
we'll go wherever we go and. Rabbit holes every time.
I love it. When you put two neurodivergent
mental health providers togetheron a podcast to switch.
(51:53):
So this is the exact outcome that you guys were all hoping
for. When you tune in, I know a lot
of listeners are going to walk away feeling hopefully more
seen, more empowered, and more capable.
For those who want to connect with you and learn more about
neurodivergence, mental health, and leadership, where can they
find you? You can find me across pretty
much all social medias if going to my website, it has links to
(52:15):
all social medias where I put upvideos just about daily.
They're real short, just a couple minutes long, just kind
of in like let's talk about inclusivity and wonderfulness
and compassion. And my website have to, I've had
to practice this because it's long.
It's www.m in Power Mine solutions.
Dot com love it. Well, like she said, you will be
(52:36):
tagged on all the things that come out on Instagram as well
when this does air. So of course it'll be easy for
for people to connect with you there.
Listeners, if you found this episode helpful, please share it
with another dad who might need this encouragement today.
And as always, subscribe, but leave a review and stay tuned
for more great guests. Until next time, embrace the
chaos, laugh through the struggles, and keep showing up
for your kids.
And welcome into the Young Dad podcast, whether you're outside
grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers, or
maybe, just maybe you got a moment to sit back, relax and
listen to your fare podcast. Whatever you're doing, wherever
you're at, thank you for listening, thanks for being
here, and thanks for tuning in. Of course, today's conversation
is for every parent who's ever felt a little, well, quote UN
quote different, a little chaotic and maybe a little
(00:32):
misunderstood. If you or your kids have ADHD,
autism, or any kind of neurodivergence, this episode is
going to be packed with insight,laugh, and practical wisdom on
how to navigate life, work, and parenting with confidence.
Today I'm joined by doctor Kristin.
Kristin Williamson, a licensed Professional Counselor with a
PhD in Behavioral Health Management and a champion for
(00:54):
neurodivergent adult diagnosed with autism and ADHD in
adulthood. It's always so fun to get an
adult diagnosis. Kristen has embraced her neuro
spicy brain as a superpower, andshe's here to help others do the
same. She's passionate about mental
health, leadership and creating more inclusive spaces for
neurodivergent individuals in parenting, work, and life.
So make sure you grab a juice box, grab a snack, and let's
(01:17):
jump into the conversation today.
Kristen, welcome to the podcast.Hi, thank you so so so much for
having me. I'm excited to have you.
So there's a lot of parents, especially dads, speaking for
the dads here that don't realizethat they might be
neurodivergent until they see those traits in their kids.
So can you kind of take us through your story and what was
(01:38):
your aha moment when you realizethat maybe I should get tested?
Oh my gosh, absolutely. And that's such a fun story.
Fun. Now it wasn't so fun at the
time. I have two tiny humans.
I guess they're not so tiny anymore.
They're 15 and 12. My 15 year old got diagnosed
with autism and ADHD when he was8.
(02:00):
But that was after years of struggling to find doctors who
would do testing with going through school struggles and
behavioral issues and saying, well, there's nothing wrong with
him, quote UN quote, but like his brain is responding
differently. And so when he got that
diagnosis, I was in grad school getting both my master's
(02:24):
degrees. And I then kind of switched my
hyper fixation of what I was learning on to autism because I
wanted to learn everything that I could about it so I could be
the best parent for my kid, for my kiddos, because my daughter
actually ended up getting diagnosed with 80 as well later
on. And in the therapy world, we do
(02:49):
typically make friends with other therapists.
We consult with one another, We get to know just one another,
especially wherever we're working.
And I had a therapist look at meone day and say, I think you're
autistic. And I said, I said, no, I'm not
I'm not. I don't hit the criteria.
No, because I was going just on the textbook.
(03:11):
I don't do this, I don't do this, I don't do this.
And he said, well, you know, forgirls it's different, right?
I was like, what? Clearly I hadn't done enough
studying to get to that point tounderstand it.
And so then I just went down a rabbit hole and learn.
Holy moly. Girls definitely present
(03:32):
differently. And just there's there's no
testing. Testing was made for young white
boys from middle class families.So females and people of colour
just get effed when you. Say no, it's you're, you're spot
on with the LED key, but I must want to take a quick chance to
(03:53):
respond. It's it's interesting when you
learn about that stuff, right? Especially working in mental and
behavioral health, like I work in behavioral health during my
95. So it's super fun and it, it's
really interesting to see, you know, where these young apples
are falling from and you work with some of these parents and
(04:16):
it's like, have you ever, did you ever consider that maybe
it's not the other parent that you're claiming has this issue,
that the issue is coming from what I'm looking at right here.
From within the house. From, you know, the other person
here in this room. Did you ever consider that?
And they're like, huh, Me. No.
(04:38):
But then yeah. Do you think back like a lot of
these parents that I'm working with are in the 30s, in their
40s, you know, much like you andE, much like you and I were,
were incredibly young for, for our age.
According to what we're telling everyone, yes.
And we look back to when we're growing up and other parents and
whatnot that are thirties, 40s. And there was nothing, right?
(05:00):
There was nothing to diagnose. ADHD was diagnosed, but it was
diagnosed. And like you mentioned, boys,
everything that we learned aboutin school is.
Well, and with the boys, they had to be bouncing off the
walls, they had to be talking somuch that they're getting in
trouble or they're not sitting still.
(05:21):
They're they're doing all these things.
So even boys who with ADHD, because ADHD comes in multiple
forms. And so the inattentive kind,
when they're just kind of the daydreamers, they're just the
quieter ones. They got missed, yeah.
And so. Or the ones that or the ones
that did still have the chattiness, the ones that did
(05:43):
still have the hyperactivity, but if they performed well in
school. Then you get put in a gifted and
talented. Then you're missed, yeah, kind
of thing, yeah. Then you get moved up and moving
around and. You get yes.
Oh well, he's just really smart.We're just not challenging him
enough. That's exactly which I mean,
truthfully, I have learned neuros biceps friends, we are
(06:03):
really smart. We are really, really smart.
We are not card counting savants, not all of us.
But growing up in the 80s, in the 90s that that image of
autism was Rain Man, it was OK. Well, you need to live in a
group home. You can't do these things.
But you are so intelligent when it comes to this and so that you
(06:27):
are spot on. Like, there was not necessarily
as many parents who were understanding what autism look
like, who even challenged it to say, hey, you know, my kid might
be struggling with something. They're just like, oh, my kids,
the troublemaker. You're just weird.
Why can't you stop doing this? Why are you so lazy?
Yeah, there's always the Why can't you stop?
(06:48):
Why can't you not? Why?
Can't you be normal? Yeah, yeah, no 100%.
So anyways, back to your story. So you're learning about all
this therapist looks. You said you're I think you're
autistic. I love how my this just made me
think of my my friend, doctor Nas.
He hosts a different spectrum podcast and the way he says it,
(07:09):
he's he's just one of my favorite human beings ever.
So Doctor Nas, if you're listening, shout out to you, but
and shout out to the different spectrums podcast.
I was actually on an episode that aired late last year.
We don't. We talked about daddy daycare,
the movies, and it was just so fun to go through those.
But anyways, I'm digressing here.
(07:31):
What was I saying? He just goes, he loves to go
like, oh, the Chism is strong with that one.
Chism is strong. You know, nice way to say it.
That's amazing. But anyway, so therapist told
you you think you're. Yeah, he just kind of put it in
my head. And so I did what most people do
(07:55):
when they hear, hey, I think you're on the spectrum.
I completely denied it. And then I, I sat with it and
did some research and found someonline assessments because
that's what we do. We find the online assessments
and took those and I hit all thecriteria and I'm like, oh, crap.
And so then talking with friendsand family and my friends
(08:16):
immediately were like, yes, didn't you know that?
No, I wish you would have told me.
My family, they're so, so funny.They were.
No, you're not. Maybe you're not.
No, you're not. And so it, it, it took years to
get in to have the funds to go get diagnosed because insurance
(08:38):
doesn't cover it for adults, at least for the most part.
You have to be showing incredibly high support needs in
order for insurance to go look and say, oh, you know, we'll
cover this as an adult because, you know, that's, it's the idea.
I still have group homes of getting that support and
assistance. And so it's coming and paying
out of pocket and then getting that diagnosis.
And then it almost feels like it's that that breath that you
(09:01):
were holding, you finally get torelax and breathe and say, ha, I
am validated. This is this is everything that
I have been learning about myself for years.
And it's like the goodwill hunting part where he's like, do
you like apples? I got her number and like puts
the piece of paper up. I'm like, this is my diagnosis,
ha ha ha ha. So once you got your diagnosis,
(09:22):
so you got tested, got diagnosed, what what kind of
things changed for you? Did anything change for you as
you after that or what was? Obviously not a whole lot.
I'm a, I'm a huge proponent of those who come in and work on
that, even the self diagnosis, because going in and for adults,
again, the official diagnosis like it did, it can help with
(09:44):
accommodations, it can help witha lot of things if you need them
for work. But with my practice, I'm able
to work for myself. So I didn't need the
accommodations. It was the just that validation
of I'm, I'm seeing, I'm heard. This is everything that I've
been fighting to learn about myself.
(10:06):
And it's kind of that imposter syndrome to say, OK, well, it's
not just what other people are telling me that I'm just making
it up in my head that I'm just doing this.
I'm just putting on a front. And so it gives me that voice to
come in and be louder for the people who come see me and say,
Hey, I, I think this about myself.
I'm like, oh, you're probably spot on.
Yeah, no, it's, it's interestingbecause it a lot of people will,
(10:30):
will go with, you know, this is going to change everything.
This is going to, this is going to have a biggest impact to life
and everything. It's like, well, if you're
getting diagnosed later in life,haven't you just lived your
whole life with the same thing? You have, yeah.
Like how is how is it going to change it?
What does that change? Like how does it change
anything? Because like the ADHD.
(10:51):
Diagnosis changed my world because I was able to talk to my
doctor to get on medication thathelps my brain not feel like
there's 400 sticky notes in a room and they're all
interesting. I'm able to just focus on a
couple tasks at once or the taskinitiation or task completion
(11:13):
I'm able to do. And so that's where I talk to my
clients like autism diagnosis, it's great.
It's validating the ADHD one will be something that you will
be able to do more with because there are things that can help
just your brain chemicals can beskewed.
But also with the diagnosis evencoming in and, and just I'm
(11:33):
still, I'm going to advocate allfor those who are learning about
themselves and say, you know, I think I have this, but I haven't
officially been diagnosed like that unofficial diagnosis that
still is so incredibly powerful because you were able to rewrite
the narrative from your life. Definitely.
Are. You, when you got your diagnosis
in those things, did it, How didthat shift your perspective on
(11:53):
your childhood career and then parenting after that?
Oh, it changed everything. It changed everything.
And I'd already been working on rewriting what life was growing
up. It wasn't because
neurodivergence, it's a dominanttrait in our genetics.
And so just as you said that like parents have it,
(12:14):
grandparents have it, like it, it rides that family tree train.
And so it's coming in with, OK, you know what, what my parents
did, there might be some neuro spiciness within their actions.
It wasn't how my brain saw it atthe time.
Let's add this different storyline to it.
And it actually makes it more understandable.
(12:34):
It makes it not more accepting, but more of the aha, that's why
or This is why I struggled whereI could do my homework, but I
would never turn it in. Why would I not turn it in like
it was done? And it helped to rewrite that.
I wasn't lazy. My brain was different.
(12:56):
I I was struggling. Yeah.
Did you ever go back and think, now that I know that this
genetic and it's coming from somewhere, have you been able to
kind of stem back who it comes from?
You know what, it's so funny. I reached out to people on my
father's side of the family. I'm like, can I interview you?
Can I ask you some questions? And then people on my mom's side
(13:19):
of the family and just start, I started asking everybody and
both sides of the family have the spiciness to it and that
makes it just so much better. But most of them don't have a
diagnosis because they they're over here just like, no, it's
just this is how I live life or this is just my quirks and it's
(13:41):
just as you said, like they don't need a diagnosis to still
be living life. True, yeah.
And I think that's a lot of whatit was too.
Like it's seen as quirks, you know, that's what you're just
quirky in this way or you're just, you know, it's a very I
mean, yes, there there's a lot of good things that comes with
that too, right? Takes the pressure on, oh, I'm
just a little different in this way.
(14:02):
I'm just a little quirky here or, you know, I just really
like, you know, this to this or that kind of thing.
Like, OK, those things are fine.I don't think there's anything
wrong with that. But since you've been able to
have that acknowledgement and embrace the these different
parts of you specifically, like what has changed over the last?
(14:23):
He said he was 8, 15 over the last seven years or so.
I've been able to build in accommodations with the
parenting and it's, it's it's funny, I had parented him
through the lens of autism before I realized that I was
autistic. I like structure.
(14:44):
I like rules. I like having things like
bedtime is at this time, this iswhen we're going to shower.
This is like having things set up.
Having that structure makes it easy for my brain to not get
derailed. And because I was parenting
through that lens, he was already understanding that
structure. But then coming in with OK,
(15:07):
autistic brains, ADHD brains, there's something called PDA.
Pathological demand avoid in. That's exactly.
Thank you. I'm like, oh, I'm going to mess
that up. And so, and it's a lot of people
used to see this as defiant, ODD, opposite defiant disorder.
(15:28):
And it's not, it's not, it's the, they want some ability for
autonomy. And so do you want to shower now
or in 5 minutes, 5 minutes, you've picked it.
Either way, you're still showering.
Do you want to have broccoli or asparagus?
(15:48):
Neither. That's not an option.
Here's your two options. And it was able, I was able to
learn that I needed to give fewer options and keep my face
at almost a flat effect because they see how your facial
expressions are. And then they're like, oh, I've
done something wrong. No, you haven't or haha, I'm
(16:12):
getting to you. I'm annoying you let me keep
doing this and then you're goingto just blow your lid and leave
and walk off and then like Mama,leave me alone.
And so it's I learned keep my face pretty non reactive and my
voice within an even tone. It's like, Nope, this is what
(16:33):
we're doing. We've learned that when when he
was in school, I was almost on afirst name basis with every one
of his teachers because I wantedthem to know from the very
beginning, I'm here to support you and your classroom and your
needs. When he was younger, we had two
key phrases that the teachers could use and we talked about it
(16:53):
all the time that that's inappropriate, that's not OK.
And he knew if he was loud or like facial expressions are
being whatever it is, if if he was reacting to something
internally and the teacher said that's not appropriate, that
that's, that was a key phrase that he was like, OK, I need to
(17:14):
work on regulating. And then the teachers and I came
up with ways to help. Like if he needed to step away,
he could step away and come back.
And if it was like taking 5 minutes to read, if it was to
put on noise cancelling headphones because the kid
sitting in the desk next to him is really aggressive at coloring
and it sets off his central nervous system, which then leads
(17:34):
to outbursts and behaviors. We worked on accommodations.
Long story short. Love it, I love it and so does
your I see, I see your ringing finger.
So your husband, does he also have any no spiciness, any neuro
(17:55):
divergencies as well? Or how has that kind of been to
to mix that into? I guess not mix it into the
marriage because I mean there's always, it was already already
there in the relationship and raising the kids before it was
diagnosed and is still there after.
And so how have you guys kind ofbalanced that while raising the
kids and structuring like the home and whatnot?
(18:16):
Oh, it gets even better. So he is actually my second
husband, so he's their bonus dad.
OK. He did not come into the picture
until my now 15 year old was 12/13.
So it's just been a couple years.
(18:39):
He didn't know. He was no neurodivergent.
He was a nuclear technician on submarines for 20 years.
And on that, in that point in time, you're not allowed to be
autistic. You're not you're.
Going to be neurodivergent if you're a nuclear technician.
You're almost all spicy. They're almost all you.
Got to be you got to be. They are, but that Navy at the
time would not allow that to be a diagnosis or you would lose
(19:00):
your security clearance. You would lose.
No, that makes sense. Everything so you know, they're
just raw dog in life. So, so when he joined our life,
he learned he is ADHD, he has tism tendencies.
But so he came in and saw this kid who almost seemed defiant
(19:22):
with well, you're questioning things or you're doing this or
you're pushing back. He had to learn what autism look
like. He had to learn that if his face
is scrunched up, he is figuring something out.
He's not being angry. He's not angry at you.
He is learning about the new world around him, this new
(19:45):
routine and life that's been going on.
And so we have been learning about one another for years now.
And it's it's still like and forall your listeners coming in as
a bonus parent for kids who are.Neuro spicy like it's, it's
(20:07):
beautiful and horrible and wonderful and confusing.
And there's, I don't think there's any feeling that I won't
tell you that you're experiencing is not valid
because like, then we go througha gauntlet like the parents
coming in, they've not had the lifetime of getting used to it
and learning what that looks like.
(20:29):
And so they're just stepping into a more structured home
hypothetically or just neurodivergence looks different
and it acts different, presents different.
Definitely. So.
So how has balancing that structure and raising the kiddos
come like come together Essentially adding him in the
(20:52):
last few years, what kind of things have you guys done to
balance and mix everything together and blend everything
and make it work? Communication, communicate,
communicate, communicate, communicate.
I don't know if that is because I'm a therapist and I can say
that, or I've always been one who's wanted to communicate
(21:12):
because the autism brain's like,we want to be understood.
We spent our whole life not being understood.
We want to give you more information than ever needed to
make sure that you're understanding what's going on
and talk all the time. He and I talk all the time and
like, OK, that was this scenario.
(21:35):
We are going into school. We know going into school
functions will not only stress out my 15 year old because it's
a lot of noise and action and moving around and different
things, but it stresses me out because there's that over
stimulation. It's that overwhelm.
(21:58):
I typically like a lot of quiet auditory really stresses me out.
And so I carry earplugs with andhe has earplugs and it's things
just to dull the sensory. And we know within the home we
have to be very commutative. We have to be like, did you
shower? Very straightforward questions.
(22:23):
Did you do this? Have you put on deodorant?
Did you eat? What did you eat?
Because it's the how was your day.
We get stuck in that like what? What do you mean fine?
What does fine look like? I don't know.
And since his brain is more husband's brain is more of an
(22:43):
ADHD brain and my brain steps forward with the autism, I like
structure. He is chaos.
And so it is learning and blending what structured chaos
looks like. And then with kiddos coming in,
what does that look like? What are they learning from us?
How are we being able to come inand model and be these role
(23:08):
models of what it looks like in a healthy relationship?
What it looks like being autistic, what it looks like
being ADHD, what it looks like coming in and being accepting of
all of those and just trying to be as inclusive a household as
possible while still being able to come in and say, oh, I did
not understand that. I I totally missed what you were
(23:29):
saying. And knowing that, that's not a
shameful thing. I'm not wrong for missing what
you said. You're not wrong for missing
what I said. But let me know so that way I
can find a way to reframe it to where you might understand it.
Definitely no. That's really important just to
be able to have that communication with one another
(23:50):
and to be able to understand each other and come to those
different understanding throughout the day and
throughout life on all the different things and to
understand the other person likegoing into different social
situations or going different places and doing different
things is that you know, there may be areas to where it's fine
and other areas where it's not fine or some days it's going to
be better than others. Just being able to understand
(24:13):
that for each other is really, really important there.
I guess kind of dig, I just wantto dig into a little bit more
here. When you guys first got
together, we're there's some worries on your end like OK.
Absolutely. I guess let me ask, how long
were you single for before meeting your now husband?
(24:34):
Like what was that kind of gap in time?
10 years. OK, so 10 year boys and that
were two, sorry not two boys, boy and girl raising the two
because you mentioned the two daughter and everything.
So 10 years, did you meet this man?
What was going through your headat first when it's like, OK,
(24:55):
it's getting serious. You know, there's a future here,
I guess. How did you, like tell him like,
hey, just so you know, you know I'm autistic?
Or how did you like bring those things up in the conversation?
Because I think those things arereally hard to bring up
organically. You're not.
Just a happy Tuesday. I'm autistic.
(25:17):
Yeah, exactly. You, you're so correct.
I am really lucky that I have known him for over a decade.
I hadn't seen him for a long, long time.
And so we yeah, I was single andthe single mom and figuring out
what life looks like then with the spicy kids and getting into
(25:38):
like we were a trio that that's our life.
It was harder in the beginning to integrate someone else into
our life because we had built this, this trio like built our
little family unit. Yeah.
And you had your habits, your routine, things like that, that
are well established and things like that.
But I mean, I guess go ahead. Yeah, when when he came into our
(26:05):
life, I made sure from the very beginning to because for me,
it's always kids first. It's always kids first.
Like I need you to know this is my life.
You can be a bonus to it, but you will not be something that
supersedes this coming in together.
And like, I thank goodness, he from the very beginning, he, he
(26:30):
jumped right in and he was like,let me learn, Let me learn about
autism, Let me learn about ADHD.Let me learn how to be a parent
like this. And while we were still in the
talking phases, I was like, I autistic ADHD.
And it wasn't just like a, hi, how are you, by the way?
(26:53):
This is how I am. It somehow naturally came up
because with me working in the world of therapy, and over time,
I've just naturally come into this beautiful niche of I work
with adults who are finding out later on in life that they are
autistic or ADHD. And so I think it was easier for
me to implement that. Yeah, that's how my brain is
(27:16):
too. And just being able to put that
in there. So that way, he knew from the
beginning and I was able becauseI had learned about my brain so
much. And I love talking about my
brain as though it's a separate entity because sometimes it
feels like it is just like rightnext to me riding in the
passenger seat. Sometimes it makes decisions
that I don't agree with. And it's just making those
(27:39):
decisions. And I'm like, well, my brain did
this. I don't like it, but this is
where we're at. And so from the very beginning,
he learned because I was able totell him, I have a really hard
time with eye contact. I can look at you in the eyes,
but I'm going to be thinking, OK, look at him in the eyes.
(27:59):
Have you looked in his eyes longenough?
You need to look away. Is it socially appropriate?
Do I need to look back? And so it's not that it
physically hurts me, I'm just focused more on the social
normative behaviors of, OK, thisis we need to make eye contact.
So I'm not listening to anythingthat he says because I'm making
eye contact. And so I was able to tell him
(28:20):
these things ahead of time. So he then learns and it's still
even today, we have conversations where I have
scripts that I use with I'm touched out and scripts are like
he phrases that he knows if I say it's not something that's
going on with him, it's something that my brain is
struggling with. And so like I'm touched out,
(28:41):
that means physically I am not able to receive any kind of
comfort right now. You can sit next to me, I can
talk with you. We can do all these wonderful
things. Please don't touch me because
I've hit that sensory overload and he's able to come in on his
side and say, this is where I'm at.
And it's sometimes it feels likewe take a very clinical approach
(29:03):
and that's how it is. Sometimes it's they, well, we
don't have to have emotions because I don't know if you have
ever experienced this in your life, but shame, shame is
something that kicks everybody'sbutt.
And so if you have a partner who's like, oh, well, you don't,
you don't want to touch me. It's like, what did I do wrong?
It's like, no, no, no, no, it's not ever anything that you've
(29:26):
done. It's my brain's working in a way
that's misfiring to where this doesn't feel great.
Yeah, I don't think there's one person that hasn't had some kind
of shame in some way, shape or form.
It's a very common feeling. Very, very common.
And it there's, there's nothing wrong with that.
(29:46):
It's OK to to need a break or tonot, you know, want to be
touched or to be talked out or kind of thing or just need, you
know, you know, some time to go and do your own thing as well.
I think doing your own thing is really important.
I think having your own thing todo, to do your own thing.
I mean, that's why I wake up at the ass crack of dawn to record
(30:07):
my podcast, because it's my thing, right?
I live on the West Coast ass crack of dawn up over here.
I mean, I legit woke up 540 do this this morning.
That's what just what time I wake up because I'm usually able
to get up and get going. It's one of my, you know, it's
for my talents. I get it from my dad.
My dad's the same way where it'slike we'll just get up.
(30:29):
We'll go like, get up and go. That's amazing.
Yeah. I I love brains.
I can just get up and go like anidiot.
Brains are so interesting in learning that some people
mornings are not their thing, but they soar and thrive in the
evenings. They're still not my thing.
Like morning, there's no time ofday.
That's my time of day. It's just, you know, I can just
(30:52):
force myself to do it. I can just push myself to do it
because it, I mean, it's just how I was essentially how I was
raised, how my dad made me do it.
Like, OK, well, you got to get up.
You got, if you got something todo, you got something to do, get
up and do it. Trust me, on days I don't have a
morning recording, I'm sleeping 7:30.
I have to be at work at 9. Hell, I'm waking up at 8815 and
(31:12):
then I'm getting up and going kind of thing like yesterday,
just yesterday I recorded and shower and then I laid back down
and then my daughter comes in like 815.
Are we are we getting going soon?
She says it touches like it's 815.
Are we leaving soon? I was like, Oh yeah, literally.
I have my youngest daughter at preschool like 10 minutes later.
(31:35):
That's so impressive. Yeah.
So it's like I, it's just one ofthose, one of those towers of my
neuro neuro spiciness that just comes in handy a lot where it's
like I can tune out that tune back in a lot during
conversation. My mind, my mind will just
wander off and then I can kind of bring it back.
It's like, OK, catch the last catch the last couple things
(31:56):
someone said and respond kind ofthing.
And you know, because I'll like I'll zone out super hard.
I'll get staring into my screen and I'll get staring into a
little Pooh bear with a little Jelly beans eyes before me
behind me. Or I'll get really into my piggy
toys or something like that and just get completely lost in the
sauce. It's, you know, it's fine, you
(32:19):
know, because we're all, I don'tthink there's any, there's a lot
of social norms, but I don't think ever since COVID, we don't
have a social normative society anymore.
We don't, there are no social norms anymore.
And I think the biggest thing that I heard recently actually
is when talking about the, the impact of COVID on our kids.
Who was I talking to? Oh, I was talking to a speech
(32:40):
language pathologist. Her name is Lenora Edwards.
And we were talking recently. Actually, that episode's going
to air just a couple, a few weeks before this one thinking
about it, but we talked about how during COVID that we lost a
lot of our social normatives because we're all only seeing
like half of people face it, We're only seeing each other's
(33:01):
eyes. So imagine if this, I only can
talk with my eyes, right? I only can talk with my eyes.
You're only seeing my eyes. You're only seeing them move
like this. You're only seeing them move
like this, get big, get down, scowl, things like that.
That's all you're seeing. You're missing the rest of my
facial depression, which can be,which was probably really,
really difficult for someone like yourself who has.
(33:24):
A harder time reading facial expressions in general.
Relies on those facial expressions to kind of know what
your next move is. And then it's super.
It's probably even more difficult for your kid having a
underdeveloped brain. Not underdeveloped in like a bad
way, but like a kid brain. Yeah, that's only, you know, so
many years old. But not having that, like, input
(33:44):
to be like, what are you feeling?
And now you take the mask off a few years later, like, OK, be
social and socialize with peopleand interact and know what
people are saying with their faces.
You know, all of our kids, I don't know how I got here, but
all of our kids lost so much time of development, right?
We lost so much time. And like, we're only seeing it
(34:05):
especially, I think this school year more than ever is like I,
because I worked in behavioral health the last two and a half,
2:00-ish year. I don't even know how long I've
been working here, working in myjob, but you know, I'm noticing
it more this year than ever withthese kids.
Is that all these things are we're, we're paying the, the,
the bank, the collectors come calling.
(34:27):
The collector has come calling for the social things and it's
time to pay up for make some retributions for what happened.
And these kids, they can't, theyjust don't have, they just can't
do it. They don't have the social
skills. They're in 5th, 6th, 7th grade
and they have social skills of 1/3 grader. 3rd graders have
(34:49):
social skills of third graders, right?
Well, my, my young adults were in college who they had to
finish out their school year online.
They had to do. They lost so many things and now
they're stepping into college and they don't necessarily know
what that looks like because they had years ago.
From nothing to they go from suddenly being on the college
(35:09):
campus of other people, other adults, but their brain didn't
get that those last couple yearsof social emotional development
to be able to transition becausethey, they didn't work, they
didn't go to school, they didn'tsocialize.
They socialized to a screen, butnow they're forced to be there.
And I'm sure you've read anxiousgeneration.
(35:30):
Fantastic book. I think everyone who works in
mental health has read that bookor is at least familiar with the
cost of that book. You know, now they're, you know,
we have this whole anxious generation.
We very much too. Because you know it, it's them.
I think we're really lucky that we didn't have a global pandemic
(35:51):
growing up as millennials. We had plenty other shit to
happen being millennials, but luckily nothing was ever shut
down and we got to still socialize and do a lot of things
that we just don't do anymore insociety, especially since COVID.
It's like kids barely go outsideand touch grass.
Like they make fun of each other.
It's a meme now. Like go touch grass.
Oh yeah. Kind of thing.
(36:12):
And it's like this is this is wild because it's like, what is
wrong with touching grass? And there's so many things that
are just wrong with just. Well, and what's, oh, I'm gonna
you wonder kind of what you said.
And this is so incredibly interesting.
So I learned that neuro spicy brains, traditional brains
develop and finish developing around 25 neuro spicy brains, we
(36:33):
add on a solid 7 to 10 years more.
Yeah. And so the idea of losing those,
those years, these formative years of development, and then
he's got another decade on top of that.
And it's like, Oh my gosh, the struggle in.
So we're millennials that not going through a global pandemic,
(36:55):
but we are raising humans who are going through a global
pandemic. And for us, like we didn't
handle COVID very well. At least I didn't handle COVID
as well as I would love to. And I know a lot of people are.
I don't. Think our society handled it
well as a period because I mean I think it was overblown.
(37:17):
We put 2 harsher restrictions onand knowing that now, knowing
now in 2025 it came from a lab and it was a genetically
modified thing and then it was released and all these things
like so it really wasn't that bad because it was already a man
made thing. So it was a man made thing.
And it just shut the world down.Yeah, it's like we didn't need
(37:37):
to do all that. We really didn't.
We did way too much just for, you know, essentially for
control. The government did.
They did for control. Looking back and you look at all
the things, it's like, yes, there's unprecedented and all
these buzzwords and fear mongering at an all time high
and whatnot. People are scared.
Like people are still wearing masks, like that's going to
(37:58):
protect them. Those are so you don't transmit,
so you don't spread something that you already have versus
give it to you because guess what?
Germs still get on that mask andyou still breathe them in.
And even I'm, I work in mental health and I understand this,
right. And so it's just funny that
people just, we, we got stuck inso many of these things.
(38:20):
It's like that doesn't, it's nota thing.
And the aftermath of it, like wedidn't think of that in the
moment because it's like, Oh, we're all worried about buying
fucking toilet paper. Oh.
My gosh, great toilet paper shortage.
Great toilet paper shortage of 2020.
You know what though, one thing I will say, COVID did
beautifully and not that I want to, you know, ever say COVID did
(38:42):
great things, but because the world shut down, what did we do?
We got online, we got on social media and we shared our stories.
And because we shared our stories, that's where so many of
my adults are coming in saying Ihave these symptoms, I have
(39:04):
these struggles. This person with ADHD, like they
have all these things. They're sharing their stories.
That resonates with me. Let me go talk to someone about
it. And so because we shared our
stories in the collective human way that we've done for the
entirety, I believe, of the human creation, these stories
(39:28):
help us to connect with others. Absolutely no, absolutely.
I think that that was one of theonly things is people connected
more in different ways. People started speaking up more,
which is really great because weneeded that.
And I think that, you know, paiddividends into today more or
(39:50):
less where people are more active in their communities,
they're more active in their government, they're more active
in just everything a since then because for multitude of reasons
too, right? Either because they felt
silenced and whatnot during thattime, so now they're going extra
hard, or they found something that, you know, works for them
so they can speak up about that.They simply found their voice in
(40:12):
some way, shape or form. Whether it was because they
finally had the opportunity to do so or they found people that
resonated with them, or they were just pissed off enough.
And they're, you know, I'm goingto do something.
I'm going to say something. I'm going to go be active now
more than ever because I actually can see, you know, for
the first time ever, I'm not distracted with all the things
and the news cycle because wait,why is, why is the news cycle
(40:36):
always I, I flip between all these channels and they all say
the same thing. What, what, what is that?
And then you listen to, you know, you listen to a podcast.
It's like, oh, that's a, that's a project mockingbird.
And then you go and research it and you're like, Oh my God,
that's actually a real thing. And you start to learn all these
things and it's, whoa, what the heck, Like, And then I think
that was the biggest backfire, Ithink of COVID is that people
(41:01):
woke up. Oh my gosh, yeah.
And we realize, holy crap, the government overreach, the
government control, all this thing like on my life and, you
know, being forced to wear a mask and take it, take a jab and
all these things like that wasn't that wasn't right, that
that's not OK. Never again kind of thing.
(41:21):
And a lot of people realize these these different things.
Not everyone. Some people have different
opinions than I do on this. And these are of course, in my
opinion, you may agree or disagree, that's completely
fine. That's and the listener is
totally up to you. More than likely if you're
listening to my podcast and you are in the same boat, but you,
you just realize like these are everyone wakes up.
(41:41):
I don't know how we got here, but we're here.
With honestly with the idea of waking up, I'll take that even
further. We woke up to the idea that we
don't need to go into an office to be productive.
Yeah. Remote work is is still work.
It's still and there's working in behavioral health.
You like you. There are some things we got to
do in person. Yeah.
(42:02):
I, I personally, I would much rather work in person.
I think since you do more like counseling and those kind of
meetings and whatnot, yours is some of yours is probably better
set in that, I mean it's in an office setting.
As long as you can create a therapeutic environment, that's
what's most important. It's it's, it's totally for the
preference of the client who comes in.
(42:23):
Some clients prefer to come in and have that direct person to
person connection. Because I work with autism, we
all struggle with eye contact. So virtually is phenomenal.
I like virtual because people can be sitting in their car and
their lunch break. They don't have to drive to an
office. The convenience is unmatched.
(42:44):
It makes like we're in differenttime zones and we can connect,
go no, it makes it really powerful and more.
With therapy, I like both. I in my dream scenario, I would
be in a counseling office that worked with the ASPCA and we
would just have cats that come in to get socialized.
So any client who comes in can pick up a cat and just go sit
(43:05):
with them. And then they become therapy
animals later on in life becauseI think pets are incredibly
healing. And I'm a cat human, because
cats are the epitome of consent.Yeah, so I guess kind of talking
about the workplace as well. What are some like tools and
(43:27):
work and whatnot that you personally swear by for managing
life with ADHD, autism that could be helpful for the average
person? Knowing where your strengths
are, knowing where you struggle.If your boss comes in and asks
you, hey, can you go look at this project, can you do the
same? And you know that you've heard
(43:48):
them, but as soon as they walk away, you're not going to
remember what they said. Carry a pen of paper with you
and write it down. I had one of those moments
yesterday at work to where it's like, oh, can you go help this,
the new person with this, this and this and do this and this
and this. And I'm like, yeah, sure.
Then I got got to go do the thing and I'm like, I have no
clue what I'm supposed to be doing with you today.
(44:09):
I'm not supposed to meet with you right now, but I have no
clue what we're supposed to be doing.
So I'm just going to wing it andpretend like I know what I'm
doing. You know what?
That's again raw dog in life. Like we're doing it.
Yeah. So it's if your Co worker asks
you to do something be like, canyou send that to me an e-mail?
Can you message me that? Can you write it down?
(44:30):
I'm not going to remember as soon as you leave here.
And so coming in and knowing where your strengths are, if you
are one who always asks questions and meetings, talk to
your boss and be like, can I askquestions after this meeting is
done? I don't want to hold everybody
else here because, you know, being in some of those meetings
where it's like that one person just continues asking because
(44:51):
they want to know and understand, but everyone else is
being held there and rolling their eyes because they just.
Want to go? Because some brains pick it up
instantaneously. Some brains need to ask more
questions. And so as a manager coming in
and like, OK, who are my employees?
Are these ones who need more? Are these ones who just like I
(45:12):
can give and go? Do I need to, I don't want to
say micromanage, but come in with here's your deadline that
other people don't need deadlines, but you need a
deadline to get it done because some people need that positive
stress of like, here's what somethings do.
Yeah, 100%. Just a couple more questions and
(45:33):
then we're going to jump into the dad zone here.
What, in your opinion, is the biggest misconception about ADHD
and autism that you wish people understood?
A few of them one that we aren'tsavant not not every one of us
is going to play piano beautifully from the start, but
that's OK because we're probablyreally good at other things.
(45:56):
We just might not be phenomenally good at everything.
And also that we're not something that needs to be
fixed. We have value and worth just as
we are. That's humans in general.
Everybody has value and worth, and you don't have to fix
yourself. You don't have to dim your light
to make sure that others shine bright.
(46:17):
You're allowed space to be in and and be at that table with
everyone else. I love that.
What is your favorite neuro Spicy A parenting hat?
Give two choices. Do you want to do this now or in
5 minutes? Do you want to do this?
(46:38):
Do you want to clean your room now or in 15 minutes?
Either way. And then you set an alarm
because their brain says OK. And then the other component, if
I tell my kids, go clean your room, my daughter can clean her
entire room and she gets it. My son's going to look at his
room and say I don't see anything wrong.
(46:59):
I with him, it's a list. I need trash picked up, bed
made. Look at the laundry.
Where's this desk? Is it picked up?
Does this look organized? He needs more of that list.
And so it's coming in and understanding that parenting can
look different for every kid, even for every kid in the
household. Some kids do better with the
(47:20):
structure. Some kids just pick it up and
go. And neither one of them are
doing wrong. And you are not doing wrong
yourself if you are having to come in and reconfigure what
your parenting style looks like,because that evolves almost
daily it seems. Yeah, absolutely.
And then last question before wejump into the Dad zone here, If
(47:41):
you could go talk to your younger self, what would you say
to her? That everything you've
experienced is valid, that the feeling lost and feeling the
struggle, like, yeah, you reallywent through it, but you will
survive. You will survive and you will
come out on the other side and you are going to help change.
Lives absolutely. All right.
(48:02):
Well, with that, is there anything else that you want to
add to the conversation that we've had today that you can
think of? Just continuing to to bump it
out there that parents, I know parenting is hard, but you've
got this. If you ever feel like you're the
perfect parent, I'm going to sayyou're missing something.
(48:22):
So in days when we feel like we're failing, as long as we are
still trying, that's OK. It's OK because we're still
trying. Welcome to the Dad Zone.
This is our my favorite part of the podcast other than the
conversation. Second favorite part is to be
able to kind of bring the the podcast down a little bit and
like wrap it up and have a little bit of fun here at the
end. And so first question of the Dad
(48:43):
zone does pineapple go on pizza?Pineapple does not go on pizza.
Pineapple is delicious when it'sdehydrated and tastes amazingly
sweet. That is, that's a good point.
Pineapple does taste good. Dehydrated isn't very good.
Mangoes are also very, very delicious.
Dehydrated. Dehydrated mangoes or dried
(49:05):
mangoes are so good. Get them at Costco.
Get a big old bag. Oh, they're so good, so good.
Delicious. Who are three people, dead or
alive, that you would like to invite to a one night dinner
party? Lucille Ball Temple Grandin who
is the pioneer of autism in my mind and loose.
I love it. That's going to be a fun dinner
(49:26):
party. What is your guilty pleasure
food? I love chocolate chip cookies.
I will eat them day and night. Yes, good chocolate chip cookie.
I like the ones from like Albertsons or Safeway.
Those ones are just always delicious.
The ones that are a little bit chewy, a little bit under baked.
I always look I'll always look through the packs and I'm like,
(49:47):
oh, which one of these look a little bit under underdone here
and I think which one do I want the most?
So like 5 bucks for all those cookies.
This is a terrible terrible, butit's.
Also, Oh no, it's that guilty pleasure.
It's that guilty component for sure because it's like this is
so good. Mine is always Pickles or
uncrustables. So, but anyways, what last
(50:09):
question here in the dad zone. What is one piece of advice that
you would offer to a young parent?
Let's say they're 18 to 22 yearsold, that's just starting out
their parenting journey. And let's add A twist on this
one. Especially if they're
neurodivergent. You were going to feel like
you're failing a lot. You were going to say why is
this kid crying? I'm over stimulated, but I don't
(50:29):
know that I'm over stimulated orI'm touched out.
And now we have this Velcro child who just wants to be held
all the time and I can't put them down because they're going
to scream. But internally I'm shivering
inside because I'm being touchedand I don't like it and I don't
understand it. And it's, it's OK to take
breaks. It's okay for your kid to cry.
(50:50):
It's like a certain to save space.
Like they've been fed, they've been changed, they might be
overtired. They just want to be held.
Like, OK, hold them if you can, but if you can't put them in
their crib or in a playpen or just in a spot where they're
safe and you're allowed to, to walk away and take a break.
Maybe not for hours at a time, that's probably not fantastic.
(51:10):
But if you need that 5 minutes, that 10 minutes if you need to
go get a cup of coffee. If you need to go give yourself
a snack, keep your blood sugar going.
Holy cow that we we don't need to be skipping meals, skipping
things for ourselves because then if we're not good for us,
then we're not going to be good for them.
So being sure to take care of ourselves as well.
(51:32):
That's. So important.
Well, Kristen, this has been such an insightful and just
super fun conversation. I don't know how we went down
the COVID rabbit hole, but like I told you at the very beginning
before we started that there's nothing off the table here and
we'll go wherever we go and. Rabbit holes every time.
I love it. When you put two neurodivergent
mental health providers togetheron a podcast to switch.
(51:53):
So this is the exact outcome that you guys were all hoping
for. When you tune in, I know a lot
of listeners are going to walk away feeling hopefully more
seen, more empowered, and more capable.
For those who want to connect with you and learn more about
neurodivergence, mental health, and leadership, where can they
find you? You can find me across pretty
much all social medias if going to my website, it has links to
(52:15):
all social medias where I put upvideos just about daily.
They're real short, just a couple minutes long, just kind
of in like let's talk about inclusivity and wonderfulness
and compassion. And my website have to, I've had
to practice this because it's long.
It's www.m in Power Mine solutions.
Dot com love it. Well, like she said, you will be
(52:36):
tagged on all the things that come out on Instagram as well
when this does air. So of course it'll be easy for
for people to connect with you there.
Listeners, if you found this episode helpful, please share it
with another dad who might need this encouragement today.
And as always, subscribe, but leave a review and stay tuned
for more great guests. Until next time, embrace the
chaos, laugh through the struggles, and keep showing up
for your kids.
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