August 25, 2025 • 51 mins
Today’s guest is Rob Finlay who put into writing what so many dads wish they had time to say—or knew how to say. He’s the author of a brand-new book called Hey Dad, a practical, hilarious, and heartfelt guide for young adults learning how to, well, not crash into adulthood. From basic life skills to lessons that only come from “oops” moments (like accidentally putting diesel into a gas engine—true story), this book is a gift to anyone standing at the edge of grown-up life.
But behind the pages is a man with his own story, his own journey, and a passion for helping others figure out what it means to grow up without losing themselves in the process.
hank you so much for hanging out with us today, and for writing the kind of book that bridges the gap between “go figure it out” and “let me walk with you.”
👉 Go grab your copy of Hey Dad at heydadbook.com 👉 Support the launch and share it with the young adults in your life 👉 And keep showing up—because adulting’s hard, but it’s easier when we do it together
"Until next time, grab your juice box, hug your kids, and let’s keep learning how to lead with love, presence, and a whole lot of laughter."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
And welcome into the Young Dad podcast with your outside
grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers.
Or maybe, just maybe, you finally got a moment to sit back
and relax. Wherever you're at, whatever
you're doing, thanks for being here.
And of course, thanks for tuningin.
I'm your host, Jay. Today's guest is Rob Finlay, who
put in to writing what so many guys wish they had time to say
or knew how to say. He's the author of a brand new
(00:32):
book called Hey Dad, a practical, hilarious and
heartfelt guide for young adultslearning how to, well, not crash
into adulthood from life. From basic life skills to
lessons that only come from oopsmoment, like accidentally
putting diesel into a gas engine.
True story. If that's been you, then I'm
sorry that no one ever taught you that.
The green handle is for diesel, not for super clean gas or
(00:55):
whatever you thought it was. This book is a gift to anyone
standing at the edge of grown uplife.
But behind the pages is a man who has his own story, his own
journey, and a passion for helping others figure out what
it means to grow up without losing themselves in the
process. So let's welcome the voice
behind Hey Dad to the show. Rob, Welcome.
Hey Jay, thanks so much for having me of.
Course excited to have you, Whatinspired this whole book, the
(01:17):
book process and the journey that led you wanting to write
this book. Well, I think you know the, the,
the subject matter where I have,I have 4 young adult children.
So for the last 28 years I've been a father.
So I should say I wish you were around 28 years ago when I was a
new father because I'll tell youback then, yeah, you go to the
(01:37):
hospital, you come back with a kid.
I was 26 years old. I had no idea what I was doing.
So good for you for doing this. But this is for I wrote this
book because for the last handful of years, as my kids
have gotten older and have gone into this adulting stage, the
questions have become more profound and more important
because these are these are big,big questions.
(01:58):
And so I thought it'd be really nice to write a book that gave
these young adults this foundation of things that they
should know as they go from this, this time from either
graduating from high school or graduating from college.
And you know, The funny thing you, you mentioned that, that
green handle story. That's really what was sort of
the trigger moment for writing abook.
(02:20):
Found asleep middle of the night.
And I get a phone call from my, my daughter who was in college
and she was traveling middle of the night.
Phone calls scare the crap out of me, right?
Because it's, you know, nobody should be calling me past 10 O
clock at night. And I get this phone call.
It's like, hey, Dad, can I put the green gas in my Jeep?
And of course, I'm groggy. I'm like, trying to figure it
(02:41):
out. Green gas, green grass had
finally realized, yeah, it's diesel.
She's asking if she could put diesel in her gas tank.
Of course, no, you can't do that.
But it made me really think, HadI spent so many times or so much
time on other things? Did I not focus on the things
that were important, like raising good young adults?
(03:02):
And if I didn't teach her this, what else did I teach her?
And so I set out to write this book and and that's sort of what
started it all. Interesting, interesting enough.
I think that's, I think that's the goal, right?
While we're, while we're raisingkids.
And of course, thank you. First off, thank you for your,
for your kind words about the podcast.
You know, I wish more of these podcasts existed when I became a
(03:22):
dad about 8 years ago. They they really only started to
come out the last last few yearson when I started, that's when I
started to find them. But even then, a lot of them
were still really young and still getting going.
And even now, they're still hardto fine.
There's still far few between. I guess they're dads that are
hosting the podcast, but they'renot like focused on the
(03:44):
practical approaches to fatherhood itself.
And I'll tell you, fatherhood, Imean, it changes as as you start
off, right? I mean, my kids were very
different when they were children as they are young
adults, right? Their their needs, their wants,
their fears are all different, right.
So, you know, when you're younger.
Yeah. Believe me.
Yeah. I think you had one.
Like, you know, changing diapersand stuff like that.
(04:05):
I had no idea. Right.
Yeah. It's like and and but then by
the time my fourth came around as an expert out of time myself.
But as they get older, yeah, I Ithink that's sort of the
challenge. And and I know it's sort of a
cliche and people will, will useit, but the time does go by
quickly. I know it doesn't seem like it
goes by quickly now, but hey, I'm sitting here as my my
(04:27):
youngest is getting ready to graduate from from college and
she's out and my other three aregone.
They're out of the house, they're out on their own, having
their own adulting and and yeah,maybe soon to be parenting
moment. So it is, it is a challenge, but
as as a good father and as a good parent, we're here along
the stage and it's, it's a fine balance between pushing and
(04:47):
letting them grow and letting them develop into the the young
people that they're going to be.And it, it does go, it does go
really fast. I celebrated my birthday a few
days ago at the time of this recording.
And I guess I, I look back at, you know, the last, you know,
decade and I'm like, wow, I justspent most of the last decade
(05:08):
raising kids. That's a weird thing to wrap my
head around and to put into the put into my mind.
And it's like, I just a few years ago I was, and yesterday I
just turned, you know, 22 and had my first daughter and now
I'm 30 and gosh, now my kids are, they're big and doing all
these things. And it's just that it does fly,
(05:30):
you know, can definitely get away from you very quickly.
Yeah. But the goal is, you know, like
I said here, like we want our goal is to raise happy, healthy,
you know, good productive members of society.
At the end of the day, that's what our goal is to put good,
productive members of society out versus versus, you know, the
(05:51):
opposite. Because we don't want to be, we
don't want to be the parents that are responsible for the
kids that are, you know, taken away from society and not adding
to it. You couldn't have I, I couldn't
have said it better myself. It's funny.
It's almost like I've, you know,I've been doing this because I'm
obviously promoting this book. I've been doing a lot of these,
these podcasts now and I've go back and forth and, and I tell
(06:12):
people they're like so worried and stressed about raising kids.
Hey, you know, what are they in the right sports?
They get the right class. Like I've been asked things like
ocean, what, what classes shouldmy kids take in order to get
into the best college? Like stop, stop.
You're putting way too much pressure on yourself and, and on
your kid. The bar is set fairly low.
(06:32):
Just make a decent human being. That's it.
Just put something who, who's a kid who is, you know, has
empathy, who has a little bit ofdesire to go out and work and
provide. That's it.
Don't you know what? Hey, if you get that star
quarterback, good for you. If you get that musician, good
for you. But don't go crazy.
(06:54):
Don't beat yourself up, you knowyour your kid will be OK as long
as you can create a decent human.
Yeah. The problem with that is that
we, it's very easy as a parent to get caught up in what your
kids producing, right? What their product is, what
their, what their final outcome is going to be, right.
(07:15):
And we want to push, push, push,push, push, push, push for this
great, big, beautiful product atthe end that they produce.
But then we forget about the process along the way, right?
We forget to encourage it. We forget about how the hard
work, we forget about the difficulties, we forget about
the growth. We forget about the struggles,
the challenges of perseverance, the resilience and all those
(07:38):
things that are learned along the way of the process.
And we teach our kids to focus on the product.
So they hate the process. They hate the process.
So because they're only focused on the product, because you were
only ever focused on the product, but we have to
essentially untrain them, untrain ourselves because we're
also product driven at the same time.
What are we producing? What's the final outcome?
(08:00):
And go back to the process and realize, oh, you know, the work
part of this is fun. The work is the fun part of
this, the building, the struggle, the the challenges,
the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the day in and day out.
You know, the struggles to get to that, that hard work because
you know the final product isn'talways going to guarantee a
(08:22):
promotion or more money or raiseor something like that.
It's more than likely going to be, you know, the hard work you
put in along the way. Are you putting in the work to
grow, to develop, to challenge yourself, to become something
better than you were, to earn that next position not to be
given, but are you doing things to earn that next thing?
(08:43):
Right, and that's where, you know, trying to raise a good
adult and, and a lot of what I try to focus on in the book are,
is that journey, right? Because it really is life is
like a journey. One of the analogies I use is
you've been to the airport and you know, you, you go in these
airports and they have these motorized walkways.
My kids and I, we call them the magic carpet rides.
They're basically motorized walkways.
(09:04):
And I feel like for a lot of young adults and, and for for
kids, their life is basically onthat motorized walkway that,
that magic carpet ride because they get on when they're young
and then all of a sudden they get off and they're like, what
the heck did I do? Right?
I just graduated from college orhigh school.
I don't know. I mean, everything's been pre
programmed for me. And if you haven't trained your
(09:26):
kid or taught your kid how to think, how to network, how to do
a bunch of things to to problem solve, you're going to have a
child that's going to get off that magic carpet ride and be
stuck. And that's where they stay at
home. That's where they fail to
launch. That's where they are unhappy in
their life. And where they are compounded by
(09:47):
the fact that they all they haveto do is look at their phone and
look at social media to see at least what is presented as the
rest of the world being happy and successful.
So really important for fathers and parents of young children
now is to start to develop theseskills that are not, I think
people think, well, oh geez, well should I teach my kid how
(10:08):
to repair a car? No, but you should.
If you don't want to, don't, butyou should teach them how to be
self-sufficient with a car, knowhow that the car is their
responsibility. So things like that, how to
network, how to speak to adults.Those are important life
learning skills that they need to have when they get past this
this sort of adulting stage. Yeah.
(10:29):
No, it's, it's really important because that's, you know, those,
those just life and the system'sdesigned to, to kind of push, to
always keep pushing you through until about the end of college,
right? And then it's kind of it's on
you after that. But they don't, there's no
practical, practical skills taught anywhere along the way.
(10:50):
It's just, you know, go go to class, go to class, go to class,
show up, show up here, show up here, show up here, do this, do
this, do this, pretty much just show up and you you get pushed
along. You don't really learn too much
and that you actually need and that's when.
I mean, this is, you're absolutely right.
You don't even in in college, you're not learning about taxes
unless you're a finance or you know, an accounting major.
(11:10):
But then again, they're not really teaching you about how to
do your own taxes and why you need to do your taxes and what
happens if you don't do your taxes.
Or by the way, one of the biggest scams out there is, is
people trying to claim your, your, your tax return.
So those are things like they don't teach you that they don't
teach you about bank. They don't teach you like, hey,
that Venmo and Zelle are not proper bank accounts.
(11:32):
They're great for transferring money with your buddies, but you
still need a bank account. You still need a checking
account, investments, saving early, making investments,
having a financial plan or a budget.
These are critical to just your your basic survival.
And you're absolutely right thatalong with get a job, move out
of the house, get a car, all this other stuff comes at our
(11:54):
young adults all of a sudden right when they graduate.
And that's what overwhelming without a foundational approach
to going out into the world. And there's no foundational
approach. And I think, you know, these, I
think a story that highlights this truly, especially for our
young people now is if you had to guess, and maybe you've seen
this article, what percentage ofGen.
(12:15):
Zers have brought bring their bring their parents to job
interviews with them. I have.
I haven't seen that number. I don't even want.
I want you to guess. I want you to guess of 100% what
percentage of Gen. Z ers brought a parent to a job
interview with them? Like physically into the
interview? 1% I'm sorry to say.
I'm sorry to say 26%, according to a June 10th, 2024 article by
(12:40):
Fox Business and the New York State Society of Cpas as well a
6%. But then on top of that, all
this survey, the same survey of Gen.
Z or 60% said that they asked their parents to find jobs for
them to apply to wait. That I can that's not just Gen.
ZI mean that that I can absolutely believe.
(13:03):
You know, it's it's interesting.My day job is actually, I've run
businesses and I can tell you over the past 25 years, the
difference between the young applicant coming into my office
for a first year analyst position versus 25 years later.
The analyst that's coming in today is very different.
(13:23):
It's very different. And I think it comes down to a
lot of there. There's a lot of things and you
can go back and I'm not a scientist.
I'm like, I'm just a dad and a businessman who wanted to write
a heartfelt book to my kids. But I think you can look back
and there's some things there's look, when, when I was growing
up, there weren't cell phones, right?
There wasn't really the Internet.
The Internet was brand new for me, right?
(13:43):
And so understanding that the level of communication, which is
why as a parent today, you need to get your kids to be able to
communicate. When we talk about jobs, one of
the biggest things that and partof my book was not me just
telling my advice. I went out and interviewed 30
experts in all fields. I interviewed a Navy SEAL on
(14:06):
what to do in an emergency. I interviewed a a NASCAR Daytona
500 winning NASCAR driver and crew chief about what to do, how
to maintain your car properly, right.
I figured if anybody knows how to maintain a car and somebody
who beats up a car would be a NASCAR driver and a crew chief,
tax specialist, insurance specialist, everything in
between because it is important.But one of the things that I
(14:30):
really focused on was getting a job, because young adults, the
one thing that they need to knowin order to get a job is that
you actually have to network. These networking skills that you
develop early on are critical. So those of you who are
listening, if your kid is sort of sort of pulls back from
(14:53):
people, doesn't want to engage with people, you need to work on
that because, and I know it's challenging.
I know kids would rather go playwith their buddies and not hang
out with adults. And I'm not saying have your kid
with you and it with adults all the time, but your kids need to
be comfortable talking to adultsand to other people because when
they start to grow and they start to develop socially and
(15:14):
when they need to get a job, your job isn't on your phone.
You're not going to go on Snapchat to get a job.
You're going to have to go talk to somebody.
And if you want a better job, you're going to have to go talk
to somebody. And I think a lot of that those
are just basic skills talking topeople, right?
And I'm sure you, well, maybe have you ever read or are you
familiar with the concept of anxious generation?
(15:34):
The book? OK, so there's a book called
anxious Generation. And basically it, it kind of
aligns with what you're saying here to where our kids now are
just they're, they're so anxiousbecause the parents are anxious
that because of the parents and because of that, that the these
kids don't talk to anyone, right?
They're so anxious they can't even go up to a check out person
(15:55):
at the grocery store. They'd rather just go through
self checkout so they can avoid talking to someone.
They won't go up to the counter at McDonald's.
They'll just use a self startingkiosk kind of thing.
And so we've created a generation of just socially
anxious people more or less is one of the key concepts of that
book. There's it's a really good book.
I really want to reread it because I feel like I just find
myself talking about it more andmore lately.
(16:16):
So I really want to jump on and reread that.
But that's besides the point here completely.
But. No, no, It's a great point that
I really it's it's a great pointbecause it really is.
If if we're basically something's got to change,
right? Either the employers are going
to change and now you just get ajob through a self-service
checkout, right? But you, you can't, that's not
possible though. I mean, for some jobs, yes.
For some jobs, yes. But at the same time, like life
(16:39):
still is life. Like you still have to interact
with people. You still have to at least you
have to work with your kids whenthey're really young to be able
to go to a restaurant and order food with a person and look at
someone in the face and say, hi,my evening is going well, thank
you. I would like such and such like
I make my daughters. My daughters are 7 and five or
(17:01):
seven and four. They're going to be 8 and five
this year. We went to to Texas Roadhouse
the other night for my birthday.Guess who ordered their own
food? Everybody every all four of us
at the table, me and my wife andmy both kids order their own
food. And what they do is that we've
taught them at their age is while we're deciding, we have
them circle what they want on the menu and then they're able
(17:22):
to point to the things that theywant.
My 4 year old is a little bit more different, but my 7 year
old, so that she doesn't have tolike go back and try to remember
it's already kind of predetermined.
She'll circle it, she'll point it out to say I want thee.
And then she'll use her finger, she'll read it and I want it
with this side kind of thing. And then she makes her whole
order no problem. And I tell her, I told him, you
know, if you want a drink, when we go to the, to the restaurant,
(17:45):
you have to order your own drink.
I'm not going to order it for you.
You have to decide kind of thing.
And when we go to the grocery store, they, they love going to
target because the target targetalways has stickers.
And so to say, most, most of them day Walmart doesn't do
stickers anymore. But like Safeway and the stores
we usually go to always have stickers and they're always like
that. Can you ask me asking for a
sticker? I'm like, no, you can, if you
(18:05):
want the sticker, you can ask them for a sticker kind of
thing. And so it's, it's always been
that ongoing thing. It's like this is a basic skill,
but this skill will serve them so much because if they need
help with something, they're like where is something, or I'm
trying to find this one thing that we came here for.
I'm like, I don't know where it is.
They're like, can you look it upon your phone?
I'm like no, you can look for someone that works here and go
(18:27):
ask them. It's actually bigger than that.
You, I think you're, you're you're that's communication.
But I think what you're doing isyou're actually teaching them
independence. And I think that's the bigger
thing, right? Because it starts with ordering
your food for you, Then it starts with, well, here I'm
going to pick out your sports for you Here.
I'm going to, I'm going to tell the coach that you need to play
more because you're not playing enough.
(18:48):
Then I'm going to pick out your,your, your school for your,
your, your college for you, right?
It's, so this is about independence and, and which is
critical, right? Because if you don't and, and I
think parents look, I've been through.
So it's like I, you know, I'm, I'm, I, I don't want to, you
know, it's like the, what is it the pot calling the kettle black
or whatever it is, right? Like, yes, I can tell you my
(19:10):
daughters when, when they were around at home.
And so if the light went on in their car, who's the first one
they would go to daddy, My car has a light on it.
What would super dad do? Super Dad would run downstairs.
Because there is a point where as they start getting more
independent, you start feeling less important, right?
(19:30):
And, and where you're needed more on those later adult life,
that later adult time of their life where where it's one thing
when they're younger, you wait, you wait until you get into
those those preteen years, that's a whole different.
Rob. But Rob, I will have to admit
there when it comes, my wife still calls her dad for her car
stuff because I am. I have no skills whatsoever when
(19:52):
it comes to cars or anything like that.
I will, I will doctor Google it or actually ChatGPT give some
decent, decent ideas of what it could be actually.
So I'll I'll technology it and then pretend like I know what
I'm doing and talking about, butI have no clue how to fix it.
I have no clue what to do. I'm like, yeah, we probably need
to call your dad and ask him to come over and take a look too,
take a second opinion kind of thing and I'll try to get off.
(20:15):
And this day and a you don't need to, right?
My dad did his old his own oil changes.
But I can tell you I've never done an oil change.
I go to Jiffy Lube, right? It's like, you know, or AAA
maintenance. I go to AAA maintenance moment.
It's not in like when I pay 20 bucks and whatever and my kids
probably didn't even see me do that.
I'm not expecting it. And that's the part we're not
expecting you to fix your car. But you need to look and say,
hey, as a practical adult, I know right now at my age that if
(20:39):
I walk around and there's fluid dripping out of my car, I know
that I should probably think about this, right?
I know that I need to investigate and think further.
That's what being an adult is. I'm not going to go in there,
RIP in there and, and start changing out things and, and
swapping out radiators and some of their cooling systems.
That's almost impossible in today's cars anyways.
But I need to know it's knowing that hey, that flat tire is
(21:01):
actually hey, tires are actuallythe most important thing on your
car. Make sure, and this is something
that anybody can do is put air in your tires, know how to check
the air pressure on your car. So it's not about that, but it's
also, but it's just about these foundational things is knowing,
not knowing how to fix your car,but it's knowing that your car
should be fixed in order to be safe.
(21:22):
And that's, that's sort of the, the foundational knowledge, you
know, and it's back to, you know, this, this anxious stuff.
It's like, it is anxious, right?We're, we're not talking, but
yet the anxious, it's the parents.
We just went through college application time here, right?
And it's like, my gosh, I mean, the, the pressure on these
parents and the pressure on the kids.
(21:42):
And it's like, folks, you're just, you're just missing the
point of, of the enjoyment of life by putting so much pressure
on each other. You see all these kids on, on
they're, they're crying and stuff because they didn't get in
the right school. Who cares?
20 years from later, nobody's going to care.
No one's going to care. It doesn't even care.
In four years, it won't matter. Five years, nobody cares.
So, so stop so much, you know, so much pressure and you have no
(22:05):
idea because you've never been there.
It's not like you, you know, it's not like you.
You've been there and then you didn't go there and you know, so
it's just just relax, people. Yeah, No one's really going to
care. Like in hindsight, right?
None of these things like truly matter that we're like sitting
and crying over. And, you know, it's, it's, you
know, to kind of go back to the kind of what we're talking about
here, you know, anxious parents,anxious kids, you know, it's,
(22:27):
it's like there's a, there's a difference to when it's well,
how, how do I say this in a, in a productive way?
When you see a, you see a personon social media crying because
they're proud versus crying because it's like, I can't do
that, but I'm making my kid do that and look at them go and do
this basic life skill kind of thing.
(22:47):
It's like, yeah, that's a great thing.
But like, I don't think it's worth all that emotion.
Like it's just a basic life skill that everyone should have
kind of thing like we, we over. I think it's good to celebrate
it, right? It's so good to, you know, to
give us some praise and things like that.
That's great, that's great, that's good, That's all good.
But I think it's where we get caught up and it's like, let's
(23:08):
we we over praise, you know, very simple things.
And then our kids think everything that they do is great
when it's like that's just a basic, basic thing that, you
know, everybody does in hindsight.
Like that doesn't really set youapart versus, you know, the
things that will set you apart in the end.
And you know, it's a lot of it matters in the very end of it
(23:30):
kind of to get to that point. There's like at the very end of
it when you're all sitting down with college and things like
that, Like it's not going to matter where you went, what you
did, as long as you finished andgot your degree and now you're
now you're joining the workforcekind of thing.
It's not going to matter how much money you spent.
It's not going to matter what kind of car you buy.
Like your degree literally doesn't impact anything else
except for your where you say you went to school kind of thing
(23:53):
and what stories you have to tell after that.
Outside of that, it's not going to affect the car you get, it's
not going to affect the home youcan buy.
It's not going to affect really your social status at all
because people just really don'tcare.
It's like, oh cool, you got a college degree.
Cool, cool. And honestly now it's it's not
even needed for for many jobs. You know, there's a lot of well
(24:13):
paying jobs that you don't have to have a college degree for.
There's so many options. I think that's a a key piece of
this here too is like, we have to also teach our kids.
Like I had this conversation with with my daughters sometimes
because my, my oldest daughter, she'll bring up college.
It's like, well, you know, you're seven, you don't got to
worry about that right now, But also you have more option.
You don't have to just go to college.
(24:35):
You don't have to just, you know, plan to go to.
She really wants to go to NAU because we, she lived in
Flagstaff when she was younger and she spent a lot of time
there when she was younger and things like that.
So she, she loved Flagstaff. She wants to go to NAU but it's
like you have other options you can go to.
She's 7. Right.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, OK, I'll tell you what,
(24:56):
let's call me back in in 10 years.
Let's connect in 10 years and see where she wants to go.
Yeah, these are fun when you're when you're doing this.
And this is just comes from my experience.
You encourage your kids to dream.
It's really good Dream, Encourage them, keep them folk.
Hey, it's good. But then get to the practical
side, which is OK. Well, what?
Let's let's think about things outside of just those dreams and
(25:19):
let's build up the, the productivity and the foundation
for you to be successful, right?And, and that becomes that going
back to that independence, goingback to networking, going back
to the concept of compounding, which I talked in my book quite
a bit. And people always assume when
you think about compounding, you're talking about finance.
I'm like, yeah, it does apply tofinancing, right?
(25:41):
And, and investments you, you invest a little bit and you save
and, and it compounds and it creates more, but it also
compounds on, on good habits andgood skills.
So for example, if you do a little bit of something every
day, you will, it will compound and you will get better.
If you're learning something, right, you spend a few minutes
every day learning the piano, for example, over time it
(26:04):
compounds and you will become a better piano player or learning
to ride a bike or whatever it isthat you want.
And compounding also comes back to being a good person.
The more that you give to your friends, the better
relationships. And that compounds is compounds
to create better relationships. So these are the skill sets that
you can start in these these foundational skills that you can
(26:25):
start teaching your kids becausethey're having dreams is
wonderful. They should always dream.
But having these these skill sets will allow them to adapt
and build to be functioning adults.
Absolutely. And it's also about learning,
right? There's a lot of it that you got
to learn just to learn and it's OK to learn things that nobody
(26:48):
else is learning and to be a little bit different and to not
be going with the status quo. It's like, well, none of my
other friends know how to changea tire.
Like that's OK, you do. None of my other friends are
looking into they're all just looking at caught these routes
for here, right. But you're also having me look
into the military and look into trade schools since that was
like, OK, and the more you know,right, because that's that's the
(27:10):
duty of a father. That's our duties as father, and
that goes way back when. I don't know if you've ever read
mentioning a lot of books today.Have you ever read or heard of
the book Point Man? Yes.
OK, very cool. OK, so we found a book.
We got one. But the concept of that book is
really cool, right? To where the fathers would take
their children and they would oversee their apprenticeship to
(27:35):
whatever they wanted to do, wherever they wanted to go,
right. If let's say the dad was a an
farmer, but the kid really wanted to be a blacksmith.
So the father would talk to his blacksmith buddy because
everyone had a blacksmith buddy back then, right?
40s fifties, you know, Great Depression of World War 2 era,
little bit after had it had thatfriend because it was a
community, right? And they would go and talk to
(27:56):
him. Let's say you're the blacksmith.
I'm the farmer. I would say, Hey, Rob, you know,
little Timmy, he wants to be a blacksmith.
Can he come and work for you kind of thing.
And then Rob, you would come to me like, Hey, Jay, you know what
my my son, you know, little little Timmy, he actually wants
to learn about farming things like that.
Can we do a trade of can we do atrade here kind of thing?
You oversee his son. You oversee my son.
(28:17):
I'll oversee your son. We'll teach him the skills they
need to know. I'll come for you for these
hours of the day so you can still get your stuff done.
And then I'll come to you kind of thing.
We would exchange the times thing like that.
We would work. Out.
A handshake kind of deal, but then our sons would be able to
oversee, be overseen by both of us in those apprenticeships and
throughout that process to make sure that you are keeping me
(28:37):
accountable. Because if I make sure I'm not
teaching your son that somethingdoesn't align with you and vice
versa, if you have something that I don't agree with, I can
say, hey, Rob, come on, don't teach my son that.
Don't teach him the blacksmith thing.
And you know, I love that you'retrying to bring that up, but you
know, that's not something we really talk about in our home
or, you know, agree with in our family kind of thing.
(28:58):
And it would be like, OK, cool, hands off, no, no big deal,
let's move on kind of thing. So it's really cool, but we
don't do that anymore and it's. It's one of the things I talked
about quite a bit is and, and you're doing this sort of
digitally through your podcast, which is another reason why it's
so fantastic. But you talk about the sense of
community and I think fathers onthis and and parents who are
(29:19):
listening to this podcast realize and must realize that
the the way that we've worked inthe past is through this, that
appointment through right through the apprenticeship, but
it's also as a community helpingto raise your children, right.
I can tell you if my buddies andthis is this is really
important. This is where it also comes back
(29:40):
to making sure that your kids have interactions with adults.
And that is if my son is being ajerk and, and I'm not around, I
would want you as another fatherto say, Hey, you're being a
jerk. Don't act like that, right?
And so it's helping the community help raise your
children. That works, obviously, when
(30:01):
everybody's sort of aligned, butbut it, it's helped.
I've had guys who have, who havesaid stuff about now look, when
your daughter's go to dating age, right?
There will be a point where a young man will come to your
door, knock on your door and he has one chance to make an
impression on you. And it's going to be in that
handshake. And it's the way he's going to
(30:23):
give you that handshake and he'sgoing to look at you and say,
Mr. Young is very nice to meet you, give you a firm handshake.
If he doesn't give you that firmhandshake, he doesn't look at
you. That will be an impact.
And and that comes from people in the community saying, Hey,
you've got to, you've got to shake my hand.
When you when I come see you, you're going to shake my hand.
You're going to look at me in the eye.
That's what I do with my kids, as well as to introduce them and
(30:47):
bring them into business dinnersand business meetings.
No, absolutely. And I, I work with a lot of, a
lot of young men in, in my line of work, I work in mental and
behavioral health. And so I work with a lot of, a
lot of boys and a lot of common themes that I, I really try to
nail into them is, you know, becoming a high character man,
becoming a high character young man, a high value young man kind
(31:08):
of thing, because they all want to be high character men, right?
None of them know how, but they all want to be that.
So they have this idea that we start to put these ideas in
their head of becoming high character man and like, OK, well
then if you're going to be a high character man, you want to
work towards that. What you got to stop doing.
That's what you got to start doing stop and start trying to
start doing kind of thing. We tie it back into the
(31:29):
behaviors and things like that, that they're doing that they
need to stop and change, fix things like that.
What not, but it's a really coolconcept because they, they
really, they resonate with thosethings, right?
And, you know, it's very simple thing.
It's like, hey, you know, are you, when I meet with them at
home or something like that, like, hey, are you going to walk
me out? You just go let me leave kind of
thing. And they're like, oh, yeah.
And then they, you know, get up and come to the door.
(31:51):
I'm like, hey, remember, shake my hand, you know, open the
door, you know, see me out, close the door, lock behind me
kind of thing. And, you know, all those fun
things. And, you know, it's, it's really
good to teach those really little things because I mean,
it's just stuff that's it's really easy to forget to be
taught kind of thing and we overlook it so quickly kind of
thing. Yeah, how do you describe what a
(32:12):
high character man is? You know, it's, it's, it's
really simple because I think a high character man is, is really
simple in that process. It's honesty, it's loyalty, it's
respectful, it's being outspokenon the right thing, you know,
being patient, slow to anger andyou know, respectful towards
adults. You're not hurting.
(32:33):
You're not. You know, you're adding more
positively to things and you arenegatively to things and you're
not acting a fool for no reason.You mind your business.
You run with the right crowds. You're not getting in trouble.
You're not. You're not doing the things that
you know would essentially breakyour mom's heart at the end of
the day. Good kid.
Very much. Good kid.
(32:53):
Yeah, basically that's what it is.
But it's like it, it comes back to like I relate it back to like
manhood, right? It's like, OK, well, as a man,
you know, you have these expectations, you have these
things that you're supposed to be, you know, not a lot of
people like a man that gets angry really quickly, it's going
to stay away from that person. But like someone that's patient,
calm that they can talk to, thatwill listen, that's empathetic.
(33:16):
You know, a high correct man knows how to do things for
himself. He doesn't ask his mommy to do
everything for him kind of thing.
You know, he he doesn't get in trouble at school for blurting
out and interrupting and being adistraction, right?
He doesn't take away from otherslearning.
You make sure that others can learn as well.
Sets an example, lead by example.
He's not a troublemaker. He's a good reputation.
(33:36):
All these things, all those things are all related.
And then we, we, I, I like to tie a lot of things from that
into other areas to where the kid may be struggling or what
they want to get better at or what they want to learn or kind
of where they're at. That next thing that they're
really trying to do is say, OK, well, remember you're doing this
because you want to become this.And then it's a very easy thing.
(33:56):
Well, is that thing you're doing, is that a value of a high
character? Man, they're like, no, I'm like,
OK, So what should you be doing instead?
What's, what's your, what's the correction here?
What can we do that's looking differently?
And it's a really easy tie back kind of thing because they, they
all talk about manhood, But I don't think, I don't think
there's a good definition of that out there.
And a lot of good examples of that in media, mainstream media.
(34:19):
Right. It's interesting.
I wonder if they're, you know, it's, it's sort of interesting
when you talk about that. Is it harder to talk to them
later in life or early in life? Because I, I would think it's
sort of a challenge either way, right?
Because as my kids get older, right, if, if they're lacking
these, these core skills, right?They're this not even skills.
(34:40):
It's sort of it's, it's, but they've already developed a huge
sense of input, right? They, they know, they know what
a good person is, but they've already said in their way,
right? It's like harder to, it's harder
to change, right? It's harder to change after.
It's harder to change a 55 year old man than it is a 7 year old
man, right? It's, it's, so it'll just be
interesting. Is it harder when they get older
(35:02):
or is it something that's easierwhen they get older?
I think there's a, there's a prime time kind of age here age
gap for this. This is about fifth grade
through 8th grade is kind of like your your key area.
That's where I mostly talk aboutit with the youth, the younger
ones. It's just, you know, being a, a
good person, being a good, a good young man, kind of things
(35:24):
like just being, being good things like that.
And, you know, trying to correctthe behaviors in a more age
appropriate way. But fifth grade and what
normally happens around this part is that these boys start
liking girls and they want girlsto look at them in a better
light kind of thing. And so that's a big motivator
for a lot of them. It's like, OK, a high character
(35:45):
man is going to take care of hishygiene because he wants to be
clean. He wants to smell good.
He wants to look good. He wants to, you know, make look
at he wants people to look at them, look at him, be like, OK,
look, it looks good, smells good.
He's clean. He's showered, his teeth are
brushed, his hair's hair's not amess.
His outfits are clean. He doesn't have stains on his
shirt, not wearing three day oldjeans that smell like booty.
(36:06):
You put deodorant on all those things, right?
So that was all relate. So I think 5th grade through
about the end of middle school is it's kind of your window to
try that. I had a older, I have a couple
older teenagers that are about 16/15/16 that I worked with on
this. And it's a little bit harder
than too because they're a little bit more stuck in their
ways more or less. And you have to really get
(36:28):
creative with that. But that 5th through 8th grade
age, I think that's the the key window here.
Yeah. Especially when they start to
like girls. That's a big motivator.
That's a big, big, big motivator.
Yeah, Interesting. That's your fascinating stuff.
Yeah. It's just, look, I mean, it's
one of these challenges, right? I mean, there's so much thrown
at these kids. You know, we, we sort of forget
(36:49):
because we've already been through it, right?
I've already been through those those ages and glad I'm, I'm
already done with that. But you know, it really is as as
as parents, we really need to focus on what's important and
what's prioritize what, what is really important in life and
what's and sort of forget about the other stuff.
And you're right, that high character man is a good is a
good point, because that same thing with a daughter.
(37:10):
You want to want to play respectful daughter, just like
you want a high character man, right?
And they change girls. My daughter, I've been
fortunate. I had boy and girls and knowing
that they changed through the through their life, right.
The girls are very at least for me.
My girls were pretty easy when they were younger.
Teen years got a little bit morechallenging, came back, yeah, a
little fur way and you know, so it just comes and goes.
(37:33):
But it's all part about, it's all part about growing and part
of that journey, as you talked about earlier, which is what
this is all about. It's just your journey.
Yeah, no, 100%. So just to, to talk about some,
some diet specific things here, you know, along the journey
here, what are some of those things as you were writing this
book that you were more or less surprised that young adults
don't know? I could go on forever on that.
(37:54):
I mean, if it. But in fairness, it wasn't just
young adults. I learned right going out.
The whole reason I did all theseexperts was because I didn't
know. I think some of the things that
were were a little more profoundto me that I didn't give enough
credit to actually on the 1st chapter of this book was
actually the hardest to write because it wasn't about a skill.
(38:17):
It wasn't like here are the things you need to do to go look
for an apartment. It was what to do with your life
now that you've gotten off this magic carpet.
And it was very profound becauseit becomes now it's more now
it's more soft, right? It's more think about what you
want to do, think about the things you want to do.
It thinks about where you want to be.
And that became, but it what I realized going through this,
(38:39):
there's a lot of young adults struggle with this concept of
launching of going out on their own because either they're
afraid to fail or their parents want to keep them in the shelter
and bubble. They don't want them to go and
get hurt or fail. And what I mean, hurt struggle
(38:59):
financially, being a, being an apartment.
That's not the nicest apartment,right?
It's, it's all of this stuff. It's they, they just don't want
their young adult to struggle inlife.
And I understand that, but that was, that was probably the
biggest thing. The other thing was there were a
lot of things and, and interviewing people, taxes,
things like, you know, one of the actually the biggest expense
(39:21):
you will have in your life is actually taxes.
I didn't realize, I didn't realize I was like, oh, you know
the guy, the guy from Jackie Hewitt, the big, big tax
accounting firm. He asked, he said, well, what do
you think? I'm like, oh, it's your house.
He said no, instead it's taxes. So you'll spend more on taxes
than anything else. And so it was just surprising
(39:42):
when you start hearing things like that.
So I think it's just what when it's stuff like that that I
didn't know, but I don't think our kids know or the forms.
A lot of kids have side hustles,side jobs.
Are they filing taxes for that? They should because the IRS is
going to come after them if they're not bank accounts
finding their problems. Even clean.
You mentioned a high character man is clean.
(40:06):
Well, guess what, there was a study that that average adult
male, single adult male washes their bed sheets like once every
three or four months. Like that is disgusting.
Like when I was saying I'm talking to this expert on
cleaning and stuff, I'm like, well, I thought pretty much
cleaning subjective, right? Like my wife is, is a lot
(40:26):
cleaner than I am, right. And but I figured, you know, for
the most part, I'm still like, no, she's like, this is gross.
Like if you don't clean like this, it's gross.
And so, you know, coming back tothat, those are those are all
things to say. I really tried to make this the
book as humorous as possible because life is funny, right?
It is. We need to relax a little bit
(40:46):
because everybody's wound up tootight.
And that's where we get anxious.That's where we get stressed.
That's why have some enjoyment is fun, but it is there were so
many things that I didn't know and I felt like kids didn't know
that I that I put in there. But it's all really
foundational. Once you build the foundation,
manners, etiquette, things like that, it just starts to go.
(41:09):
Absolutely. And I think all those things are
they all kind of, they all, theyall tie into each other, they're
all there. They're all always going to be
there. And it's very easy to miss a lot
of those smaller things, right? It's very easy to miss, you
know. Oh, hey, you know, I'm supposed
to do this. How often I'm supposed to do
this, when I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to do this,
that and the other because we'reso used to our, our parents, you
(41:32):
know, doing things for us until a certain hill, we're like out
of the house pretty much. Well, you know, back to that
point, too. Yeah, I told you I interviewed
this Navy SEAL and I, I interviewed a Navy SEAL and an
emergency paramedic because those are things like when
emergencies happen and mom and dad aren't around, you've got to
handle it, right? And, and emergencies don't give
you the time to go on your phoneand Google it, right?
(41:54):
You need to know what to do. And some of the things that I
learned, like the emergency sideis the biggest thing.
And this was a Navy SEAL and he's been through a lot.
And he said, listen, the thing that that people need to learn
is to relax in a stressful situation.
You just got into a car accident, relax, right?
You've got to be able because you can't when your mind is
(42:14):
elevated like that and you're stressed, you do not make good
decisions. You put more people at risk.
The other thing that was was probably even more shocking to
me and probably more disturbing.I asked the emergency room, the
emergency paramedic. I said what are the three must
have life saving skills for a young adult today thinking I
(42:34):
already know this answer right. It's going to be Heimlich.
It's going to be CPR is all thisstuff.
Number one, know how to administer, have and administer
Narcan, which is for the meth and and these drugs has overdose
for overdose. He said that is the number one
thing that that emergency medical thing that that you need
(42:57):
to learn how to do. The second, which was even more
shocking to me, was calling 911.I said that's not emerging like
yes, that's calling 9/1. He said one of the things that
that he's witnessed is that young adults, this sort of
fundamental knowledge of what todo in these emergencies, panic
and don't do anything at all. They're afraid that they're
(43:19):
going to get in trouble. They're afraid that they're
going to get in trouble because their buddy just got drunk and
they're they're at their house for the first time and they're
passed out and they're throwing up and they're afraid to call or
they've done drugs and they're afraid to call because they're
afraid to get in trouble. He's like, you must call.
And so those were the two things.
So that was the most like alarming thing for me.
So those are things that are just sort of interesting that
(43:42):
that our young adults need to learn as they get older.
Those are all very. Practical life skills, right?
And it, I think the most important part here is to
remember for a lot of, a lot of parents is that you, you as a
parent are in charge of all, a lot of these skills we're
talking about, you as a parent are the one that's responsible
Schools not going to teach your kids all these things.
Maybe they'll get really lucky and they have like a good mentor
(44:02):
or something at school, but that's like 1 or 2% of all the
kids, right? We'll get that lucky that we'll
have a teacher that overlooks them that closely throughout
their school years and that they'll be able to look back on
me like this teacher really taught me, you know, this, that
and the other really encouraged me here or there that like stuck
with them for life kind of thing.
Like I don't remember hardly anyof my teachers, you know, 10
plus years or move and you know it, it's on, it's on you
(44:26):
parents, it's on you. You are the ones that that teach
and guide because our your kids,they're not going to learn these
things anywhere else except fromyou.
And you have to have the knowledge in your knowledge bank
from listening to this podcast, reading books like Hey dad and
being able to apply those kind of thing.
And it's never too late. You may think it's too late to
(44:47):
go well, my kids already a teenager, my kids already, you
know, a young adult. OK, so get, get to get to work.
You've lost some time. It's time to time to get to work
then and make sure that you're, you're implementing these things
and guiding them. You know, because as parents
were also we're guides for our children.
We guide them how to do things. We teach and guide and help them
learn 'cause they don't learn these things anywhere else.
They don't learn them every single day.
(45:08):
Also from scrolling Instagram and TikTok for hours.
They, they've learned them from you as a parent.
Actually, you have to. Learn what they've learned on
TikTok. I think that was one of the
things too. It's like every, all the
financial people, I have people from Fidelity Investments and JP
Morgan Chase. When you're talking, they're
like, their biggest fear is you go on social media and they're,
they're picking up their investment ideas from somebody
(45:29):
who you have no idea has 2 pennies to rub together, right?
And, and so there you have to beable to be the influence of your
child, knowing that they're going to get this influence from
an outside source. And you have to be the the
common and the the common reasonbesides that so that they can
make their own decisions. Absolutely.
Yeah. You have to help them.
(45:50):
Have a little thing called common sense.
Yes, and. Help them develop.
That common sense and common sense is difficult to learn.
A lot of it comes. Naturally, but you also.
Have to, to push kind of thing. And you have to be willing to
call your kids out. You can't just let them you
know, everything they say isn't right, right.
If they say something wrong, they do something wrong.
(46:12):
It's like, OK, well, why don't you think about what you should
do? Why don't you think about that a
little bit? And that's what I, I found
myself telling my kids that a lot.
I'm like, why don't you think? Why don't you just think, just
think about it for 2 seconds. Stop and think for two seconds
before you do your next thing. Right, Right.
That's. Easier with girls and boys too.
So, yeah, very true. All right, well.
(46:34):
Rob, at the end of my podcast, Ilike to jump into something
called the Dad Zone. Are you ready to jump into the
Dad Zone? Sure.
So the dad zone. Is 4 questions.
Designed to kind of bring us to the end of the conversation.
It closes with a little bit of fun.
I've heard people say we're partof the podcast, the people, the
people live for it, they say, just to kind of see what people
are going to say. So first question in the dad
zone, does pineapple belong on pizza?
(46:57):
Yes. It's the wrong answer here.
There's only. One right answer there, but
that's OK To each their own. To each their own.
Pineapple is fantastic. With the saltiness of the ham.
Oh my gosh, people say that's what people say, but I.
Just, I just say that I, I've had many of Italians on here,
right? I've had an Italian woman who
owns a pizza shop and on their menu they do not have pineapple
(47:18):
anywhere on their menu. Yep.
And I can understand. That I'm not saying, look, if I
have a chance and if people are watching the video, they can see
I like food. So I can tell you I love pizza
no matter what, but I will eat apine.
I will eat a pizza. It's not my first cheese.
It's always cheese. It's always my number one.
But if I have to it's pineapple,I can get a good meat.
(47:39):
Lovers Pizza. I'm in.
I'm in heaven. Cheese.
Taste delicious cheeses. All right, the next question.
Here, who are three people you'dinvite to a dinner party, either
dead or alive. So three people, dead or alive,
that you would invite to a dinner party with yourself?
Oh, that's a tough one. OK, So I would probably do Tom
Brady. She's one of the greatest John
(48:01):
Elway and then maybe Roger Staubman.
So 3 great quarterbacks just want to I would love to hear the
interactions of the way they talk or maybe Tony Romo.
I'd probably swap 1, you know, maybe one of those guys out with
with a Tony Romo just because, you know, just because of the
entertainment. But I I think, you know, I love
football. I'm a big New England Patriots
(48:21):
fan, which is probably wrong on on your podcast too, but that's
OK. I'm, you know, I I'm now dealing
with what I'm dealing with. But yeah, no, I think it'd be
fun to just listen to them. I think there's, you know,
that's a tough question because there's so many people that I,
I, I would love to listen to, right?
I'd love to have a dinner party and, and talk to people, but to
be able to talk to about football at that high level, I
(48:42):
think would be fun for me. That would be fun.
That would be fun I. Would do the same thing, but for
baseball. I would bring you some really
good baseball minds. I would probably do Jackie
Robinson, Ken Griffey, junior and or maybe not.
No, Jackie Robinson for sure. Maybe Griffey, but then either
Curt Schilling or Barry Bonds. Yeah, jump in that.
Maybe Pete Rose? To Pete Rose, I think would be
(49:02):
phenomenal. So I would if I was doing like a
a sports, a sports scene, one those would be like my I would
have to have Pete, Jackie Griffey, Bonds and Schilling,
because then I you only say you got three right you.
Only get three. I think I would also put a.
Rod on the guest list like thoseOh man, that would just be so
fun to talk about the steroid era that the hit king and Jackie
(49:22):
Robinson. All those stories like a bad
like get Griffey and Jackie in the same room.
Oh man, that would be a good time.
That would be a good time. 3rd 2nd to last question here in the
dad zone. What is your guilty pleasure?
Food. Ice cream.
Specific kind of ice cream. Or just ice cream.
Once again, if you looked at me,you.
Could tell it's ice cream. I love ice cream.
(49:42):
I actually I'm going to carvel ice cream cake if I had one.
If I could only pick one. It's a Carvel ice cream cake if
with the extra crunchies in it. That's that's my absolute guilty
pleasure. I buy him, even if it's not my
birthday. I'll I'll buy him.
We'll find in a cake. We'll find.
A reason to celebrate the house with cake?
(50:03):
Absolutely. I love it.
All right. Last question here.
What is one piece of advice thatyou would give to a new dad?
A new young dad, specifically 18to 22 years old, who's just
starting out his fatherhood journey.
Breathe deep. Relax, you'll get this.
You're not the first one to be ayoung dad.
You're not going to be the last.You've got this.
(50:26):
I love that. It's true.
You do got this. You'll figure it out.
Yeah, you'll figure it out. How you look here?
If you figure out how to get it,how to become one, and you can
figure out how to how to manage it.
Once you've got it and it all works out it.
All works out. Yep, not.
Easy. Not easy all the time.
It goes a little bumps up and down, but Yep, you'll get it.
There's a lot of those bumps. A lot.
(50:49):
But anyways, to our listeners, thanks for hanging out with us
today. And Rob, of course, thank you
for hanging out with me today and for writing the kind of
books that bridges the gap between Go Figure it Out and Let
Me Walk with You. So listeners can go grab their
copy of Hey Dad at heydadbook.com, right?
And this launches April 26th. This will be coming out then
after. So you can go to Hey Dad book
(51:09):
doc. You can support this and share
it with other people in your life.
And of course, you know, keep showing up because adult things
hard. Take it from us, we're too
adult, adult things hard. We're still thinking, some of us
still figuring out. And I speak for myself there,
but it is easier when we do it together and we learn these
practical skills there. And until next time, enjoy your
juice box, hug your kids and let's keep learning how to lead
with love, present and a whole lot of laughter.
(51:31):
We'll see you next time right here on the Young Dad Podcast.
And welcome into the Young Dad podcast with your outside
grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers.
Or maybe, just maybe, you finally got a moment to sit back
and relax. Wherever you're at, whatever
you're doing, thanks for being here.
And of course, thanks for tuningin.
I'm your host, Jay. Today's guest is Rob Finlay, who
put in to writing what so many guys wish they had time to say
or knew how to say. He's the author of a brand new
(00:32):
book called Hey Dad, a practical, hilarious and
heartfelt guide for young adultslearning how to, well, not crash
into adulthood from life. From basic life skills to
lessons that only come from oopsmoment, like accidentally
putting diesel into a gas engine.
True story. If that's been you, then I'm
sorry that no one ever taught you that.
The green handle is for diesel, not for super clean gas or
(00:55):
whatever you thought it was. This book is a gift to anyone
standing at the edge of grown uplife.
But behind the pages is a man who has his own story, his own
journey, and a passion for helping others figure out what
it means to grow up without losing themselves in the
process. So let's welcome the voice
behind Hey Dad to the show. Rob, Welcome.
Hey Jay, thanks so much for having me of.
Course excited to have you, Whatinspired this whole book, the
(01:17):
book process and the journey that led you wanting to write
this book. Well, I think you know the, the,
the subject matter where I have,I have 4 young adult children.
So for the last 28 years I've been a father.
So I should say I wish you were around 28 years ago when I was a
new father because I'll tell youback then, yeah, you go to the
(01:37):
hospital, you come back with a kid.
I was 26 years old. I had no idea what I was doing.
So good for you for doing this. But this is for I wrote this
book because for the last handful of years, as my kids
have gotten older and have gone into this adulting stage, the
questions have become more profound and more important
because these are these are big,big questions.
(01:58):
And so I thought it'd be really nice to write a book that gave
these young adults this foundation of things that they
should know as they go from this, this time from either
graduating from high school or graduating from college.
And you know, The funny thing you, you mentioned that, that
green handle story. That's really what was sort of
the trigger moment for writing abook.
(02:20):
Found asleep middle of the night.
And I get a phone call from my, my daughter who was in college
and she was traveling middle of the night.
Phone calls scare the crap out of me, right?
Because it's, you know, nobody should be calling me past 10 O
clock at night. And I get this phone call.
It's like, hey, Dad, can I put the green gas in my Jeep?
And of course, I'm groggy. I'm like, trying to figure it
(02:41):
out. Green gas, green grass had
finally realized, yeah, it's diesel.
She's asking if she could put diesel in her gas tank.
Of course, no, you can't do that.
But it made me really think, HadI spent so many times or so much
time on other things? Did I not focus on the things
that were important, like raising good young adults?
(03:02):
And if I didn't teach her this, what else did I teach her?
And so I set out to write this book and and that's sort of what
started it all. Interesting, interesting enough.
I think that's, I think that's the goal, right?
While we're, while we're raisingkids.
And of course, thank you. First off, thank you for your,
for your kind words about the podcast.
You know, I wish more of these podcasts existed when I became a
(03:22):
dad about 8 years ago. They they really only started to
come out the last last few yearson when I started, that's when I
started to find them. But even then, a lot of them
were still really young and still getting going.
And even now, they're still hardto fine.
There's still far few between. I guess they're dads that are
hosting the podcast, but they'renot like focused on the
(03:44):
practical approaches to fatherhood itself.
And I'll tell you, fatherhood, Imean, it changes as as you start
off, right? I mean, my kids were very
different when they were children as they are young
adults, right? Their their needs, their wants,
their fears are all different, right.
So, you know, when you're younger.
Yeah. Believe me.
Yeah. I think you had one.
Like, you know, changing diapersand stuff like that.
(04:05):
I had no idea. Right.
Yeah. It's like and and but then by
the time my fourth came around as an expert out of time myself.
But as they get older, yeah, I Ithink that's sort of the
challenge. And and I know it's sort of a
cliche and people will, will useit, but the time does go by
quickly. I know it doesn't seem like it
goes by quickly now, but hey, I'm sitting here as my my
(04:27):
youngest is getting ready to graduate from from college and
she's out and my other three aregone.
They're out of the house, they're out on their own, having
their own adulting and and yeah,maybe soon to be parenting
moment. So it is, it is a challenge, but
as as a good father and as a good parent, we're here along
the stage and it's, it's a fine balance between pushing and
(04:47):
letting them grow and letting them develop into the the young
people that they're going to be.And it, it does go, it does go
really fast. I celebrated my birthday a few
days ago at the time of this recording.
And I guess I, I look back at, you know, the last, you know,
decade and I'm like, wow, I justspent most of the last decade
(05:08):
raising kids. That's a weird thing to wrap my
head around and to put into the put into my mind.
And it's like, I just a few years ago I was, and yesterday I
just turned, you know, 22 and had my first daughter and now
I'm 30 and gosh, now my kids are, they're big and doing all
these things. And it's just that it does fly,
(05:30):
you know, can definitely get away from you very quickly.
Yeah. But the goal is, you know, like
I said here, like we want our goal is to raise happy, healthy,
you know, good productive members of society.
At the end of the day, that's what our goal is to put good,
productive members of society out versus versus, you know, the
(05:51):
opposite. Because we don't want to be, we
don't want to be the parents that are responsible for the
kids that are, you know, taken away from society and not adding
to it. You couldn't have I, I couldn't
have said it better myself. It's funny.
It's almost like I've, you know,I've been doing this because I'm
obviously promoting this book. I've been doing a lot of these,
these podcasts now and I've go back and forth and, and I tell
(06:12):
people they're like so worried and stressed about raising kids.
Hey, you know, what are they in the right sports?
They get the right class. Like I've been asked things like
ocean, what, what classes shouldmy kids take in order to get
into the best college? Like stop, stop.
You're putting way too much pressure on yourself and, and on
your kid. The bar is set fairly low.
(06:32):
Just make a decent human being. That's it.
Just put something who, who's a kid who is, you know, has
empathy, who has a little bit ofdesire to go out and work and
provide. That's it.
Don't you know what? Hey, if you get that star
quarterback, good for you. If you get that musician, good
for you. But don't go crazy.
(06:54):
Don't beat yourself up, you knowyour your kid will be OK as long
as you can create a decent human.
Yeah. The problem with that is that
we, it's very easy as a parent to get caught up in what your
kids producing, right? What their product is, what
their, what their final outcome is going to be, right.
(07:15):
And we want to push, push, push,push, push, push, push for this
great, big, beautiful product atthe end that they produce.
But then we forget about the process along the way, right?
We forget to encourage it. We forget about how the hard
work, we forget about the difficulties, we forget about
the growth. We forget about the struggles,
the challenges of perseverance, the resilience and all those
(07:38):
things that are learned along the way of the process.
And we teach our kids to focus on the product.
So they hate the process. They hate the process.
So because they're only focused on the product, because you were
only ever focused on the product, but we have to
essentially untrain them, untrain ourselves because we're
also product driven at the same time.
What are we producing? What's the final outcome?
(08:00):
And go back to the process and realize, oh, you know, the work
part of this is fun. The work is the fun part of
this, the building, the struggle, the the challenges,
the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the day in and day out.
You know, the struggles to get to that, that hard work because
you know the final product isn'talways going to guarantee a
(08:22):
promotion or more money or raiseor something like that.
It's more than likely going to be, you know, the hard work you
put in along the way. Are you putting in the work to
grow, to develop, to challenge yourself, to become something
better than you were, to earn that next position not to be
given, but are you doing things to earn that next thing?
(08:43):
Right, and that's where, you know, trying to raise a good
adult and, and a lot of what I try to focus on in the book are,
is that journey, right? Because it really is life is
like a journey. One of the analogies I use is
you've been to the airport and you know, you, you go in these
airports and they have these motorized walkways.
My kids and I, we call them the magic carpet rides.
They're basically motorized walkways.
(09:04):
And I feel like for a lot of young adults and, and for for
kids, their life is basically onthat motorized walkway that,
that magic carpet ride because they get on when they're young
and then all of a sudden they get off and they're like, what
the heck did I do? Right?
I just graduated from college orhigh school.
I don't know. I mean, everything's been pre
programmed for me. And if you haven't trained your
(09:26):
kid or taught your kid how to think, how to network, how to do
a bunch of things to to problem solve, you're going to have a
child that's going to get off that magic carpet ride and be
stuck. And that's where they stay at
home. That's where they fail to
launch. That's where they are unhappy in
their life. And where they are compounded by
(09:47):
the fact that they all they haveto do is look at their phone and
look at social media to see at least what is presented as the
rest of the world being happy and successful.
So really important for fathers and parents of young children
now is to start to develop theseskills that are not, I think
people think, well, oh geez, well should I teach my kid how
(10:08):
to repair a car? No, but you should.
If you don't want to, don't, butyou should teach them how to be
self-sufficient with a car, knowhow that the car is their
responsibility. So things like that, how to
network, how to speak to adults.Those are important life
learning skills that they need to have when they get past this
this sort of adulting stage. Yeah.
(10:29):
No, it's, it's really important because that's, you know, those,
those just life and the system'sdesigned to, to kind of push, to
always keep pushing you through until about the end of college,
right? And then it's kind of it's on
you after that. But they don't, there's no
practical, practical skills taught anywhere along the way.
(10:50):
It's just, you know, go go to class, go to class, go to class,
show up, show up here, show up here, show up here, do this, do
this, do this, pretty much just show up and you you get pushed
along. You don't really learn too much
and that you actually need and that's when.
I mean, this is, you're absolutely right.
You don't even in in college, you're not learning about taxes
unless you're a finance or you know, an accounting major.
(11:10):
But then again, they're not really teaching you about how to
do your own taxes and why you need to do your taxes and what
happens if you don't do your taxes.
Or by the way, one of the biggest scams out there is, is
people trying to claim your, your, your tax return.
So those are things like they don't teach you that they don't
teach you about bank. They don't teach you like, hey,
that Venmo and Zelle are not proper bank accounts.
(11:32):
They're great for transferring money with your buddies, but you
still need a bank account. You still need a checking
account, investments, saving early, making investments,
having a financial plan or a budget.
These are critical to just your your basic survival.
And you're absolutely right thatalong with get a job, move out
of the house, get a car, all this other stuff comes at our
(11:54):
young adults all of a sudden right when they graduate.
And that's what overwhelming without a foundational approach
to going out into the world. And there's no foundational
approach. And I think, you know, these, I
think a story that highlights this truly, especially for our
young people now is if you had to guess, and maybe you've seen
this article, what percentage ofGen.
(12:15):
Zers have brought bring their bring their parents to job
interviews with them. I have.
I haven't seen that number. I don't even want.
I want you to guess. I want you to guess of 100% what
percentage of Gen. Z ers brought a parent to a job
interview with them? Like physically into the
interview? 1% I'm sorry to say.
I'm sorry to say 26%, according to a June 10th, 2024 article by
(12:40):
Fox Business and the New York State Society of Cpas as well a
6%. But then on top of that, all
this survey, the same survey of Gen.
Z or 60% said that they asked their parents to find jobs for
them to apply to wait. That I can that's not just Gen.
ZI mean that that I can absolutely believe.
(13:03):
You know, it's it's interesting.My day job is actually, I've run
businesses and I can tell you over the past 25 years, the
difference between the young applicant coming into my office
for a first year analyst position versus 25 years later.
The analyst that's coming in today is very different.
(13:23):
It's very different. And I think it comes down to a
lot of there. There's a lot of things and you
can go back and I'm not a scientist.
I'm like, I'm just a dad and a businessman who wanted to write
a heartfelt book to my kids. But I think you can look back
and there's some things there's look, when, when I was growing
up, there weren't cell phones, right?
There wasn't really the Internet.
The Internet was brand new for me, right?
(13:43):
And so understanding that the level of communication, which is
why as a parent today, you need to get your kids to be able to
communicate. When we talk about jobs, one of
the biggest things that and partof my book was not me just
telling my advice. I went out and interviewed 30
experts in all fields. I interviewed a Navy SEAL on
(14:06):
what to do in an emergency. I interviewed a a NASCAR Daytona
500 winning NASCAR driver and crew chief about what to do, how
to maintain your car properly, right.
I figured if anybody knows how to maintain a car and somebody
who beats up a car would be a NASCAR driver and a crew chief,
tax specialist, insurance specialist, everything in
between because it is important.But one of the things that I
(14:30):
really focused on was getting a job, because young adults, the
one thing that they need to knowin order to get a job is that
you actually have to network. These networking skills that you
develop early on are critical. So those of you who are
listening, if your kid is sort of sort of pulls back from
(14:53):
people, doesn't want to engage with people, you need to work on
that because, and I know it's challenging.
I know kids would rather go playwith their buddies and not hang
out with adults. And I'm not saying have your kid
with you and it with adults all the time, but your kids need to
be comfortable talking to adultsand to other people because when
they start to grow and they start to develop socially and
(15:14):
when they need to get a job, your job isn't on your phone.
You're not going to go on Snapchat to get a job.
You're going to have to go talk to somebody.
And if you want a better job, you're going to have to go talk
to somebody. And I think a lot of that those
are just basic skills talking topeople, right?
And I'm sure you, well, maybe have you ever read or are you
familiar with the concept of anxious generation?
(15:34):
The book? OK, so there's a book called
anxious Generation. And basically it, it kind of
aligns with what you're saying here to where our kids now are
just they're, they're so anxiousbecause the parents are anxious
that because of the parents and because of that, that the these
kids don't talk to anyone, right?
They're so anxious they can't even go up to a check out person
(15:55):
at the grocery store. They'd rather just go through
self checkout so they can avoid talking to someone.
They won't go up to the counter at McDonald's.
They'll just use a self startingkiosk kind of thing.
And so we've created a generation of just socially
anxious people more or less is one of the key concepts of that
book. There's it's a really good book.
I really want to reread it because I feel like I just find
myself talking about it more andmore lately.
(16:16):
So I really want to jump on and reread that.
But that's besides the point here completely.
But. No, no, It's a great point that
I really it's it's a great pointbecause it really is.
If if we're basically something's got to change,
right? Either the employers are going
to change and now you just get ajob through a self-service
checkout, right? But you, you can't, that's not
possible though. I mean, for some jobs, yes.
For some jobs, yes. But at the same time, like life
(16:39):
still is life. Like you still have to interact
with people. You still have to at least you
have to work with your kids whenthey're really young to be able
to go to a restaurant and order food with a person and look at
someone in the face and say, hi,my evening is going well, thank
you. I would like such and such like
I make my daughters. My daughters are 7 and five or
(17:01):
seven and four. They're going to be 8 and five
this year. We went to to Texas Roadhouse
the other night for my birthday.Guess who ordered their own
food? Everybody every all four of us
at the table, me and my wife andmy both kids order their own
food. And what they do is that we've
taught them at their age is while we're deciding, we have
them circle what they want on the menu and then they're able
(17:22):
to point to the things that theywant.
My 4 year old is a little bit more different, but my 7 year
old, so that she doesn't have tolike go back and try to remember
it's already kind of predetermined.
She'll circle it, she'll point it out to say I want thee.
And then she'll use her finger, she'll read it and I want it
with this side kind of thing. And then she makes her whole
order no problem. And I tell her, I told him, you
know, if you want a drink, when we go to the, to the restaurant,
(17:45):
you have to order your own drink.
I'm not going to order it for you.
You have to decide kind of thing.
And when we go to the grocery store, they, they love going to
target because the target targetalways has stickers.
And so to say, most, most of them day Walmart doesn't do
stickers anymore. But like Safeway and the stores
we usually go to always have stickers and they're always like
that. Can you ask me asking for a
sticker? I'm like, no, you can, if you
(18:05):
want the sticker, you can ask them for a sticker kind of
thing. And so it's, it's always been
that ongoing thing. It's like this is a basic skill,
but this skill will serve them so much because if they need
help with something, they're like where is something, or I'm
trying to find this one thing that we came here for.
I'm like, I don't know where it is.
They're like, can you look it upon your phone?
I'm like no, you can look for someone that works here and go
(18:27):
ask them. It's actually bigger than that.
You, I think you're, you're you're that's communication.
But I think what you're doing isyou're actually teaching them
independence. And I think that's the bigger
thing, right? Because it starts with ordering
your food for you, Then it starts with, well, here I'm
going to pick out your sports for you Here.
I'm going to, I'm going to tell the coach that you need to play
more because you're not playing enough.
(18:48):
Then I'm going to pick out your,your, your school for your,
your, your college for you, right?
It's, so this is about independence and, and which is
critical, right? Because if you don't and, and I
think parents look, I've been through.
So it's like I, you know, I'm, I'm, I, I don't want to, you
know, it's like the, what is it the pot calling the kettle black
or whatever it is, right? Like, yes, I can tell you my
(19:10):
daughters when, when they were around at home.
And so if the light went on in their car, who's the first one
they would go to daddy, My car has a light on it.
What would super dad do? Super Dad would run downstairs.
Because there is a point where as they start getting more
independent, you start feeling less important, right?
(19:30):
And, and where you're needed more on those later adult life,
that later adult time of their life where where it's one thing
when they're younger, you wait, you wait until you get into
those those preteen years, that's a whole different.
Rob. But Rob, I will have to admit
there when it comes, my wife still calls her dad for her car
stuff because I am. I have no skills whatsoever when
(19:52):
it comes to cars or anything like that.
I will, I will doctor Google it or actually ChatGPT give some
decent, decent ideas of what it could be actually.
So I'll I'll technology it and then pretend like I know what
I'm doing and talking about, butI have no clue how to fix it.
I have no clue what to do. I'm like, yeah, we probably need
to call your dad and ask him to come over and take a look too,
take a second opinion kind of thing and I'll try to get off.
(20:15):
And this day and a you don't need to, right?
My dad did his old his own oil changes.
But I can tell you I've never done an oil change.
I go to Jiffy Lube, right? It's like, you know, or AAA
maintenance. I go to AAA maintenance moment.
It's not in like when I pay 20 bucks and whatever and my kids
probably didn't even see me do that.
I'm not expecting it. And that's the part we're not
expecting you to fix your car. But you need to look and say,
hey, as a practical adult, I know right now at my age that if
(20:39):
I walk around and there's fluid dripping out of my car, I know
that I should probably think about this, right?
I know that I need to investigate and think further.
That's what being an adult is. I'm not going to go in there,
RIP in there and, and start changing out things and, and
swapping out radiators and some of their cooling systems.
That's almost impossible in today's cars anyways.
But I need to know it's knowing that hey, that flat tire is
(21:01):
actually hey, tires are actuallythe most important thing on your
car. Make sure, and this is something
that anybody can do is put air in your tires, know how to check
the air pressure on your car. So it's not about that, but it's
also, but it's just about these foundational things is knowing,
not knowing how to fix your car,but it's knowing that your car
should be fixed in order to be safe.
(21:22):
And that's, that's sort of the, the foundational knowledge, you
know, and it's back to, you know, this, this anxious stuff.
It's like, it is anxious, right?We're, we're not talking, but
yet the anxious, it's the parents.
We just went through college application time here, right?
And it's like, my gosh, I mean, the, the pressure on these
parents and the pressure on the kids.
(21:42):
And it's like, folks, you're just, you're just missing the
point of, of the enjoyment of life by putting so much pressure
on each other. You see all these kids on, on
they're, they're crying and stuff because they didn't get in
the right school. Who cares?
20 years from later, nobody's going to care.
No one's going to care. It doesn't even care.
In four years, it won't matter. Five years, nobody cares.
So, so stop so much, you know, so much pressure and you have no
(22:05):
idea because you've never been there.
It's not like you, you know, it's not like you.
You've been there and then you didn't go there and you know, so
it's just just relax, people. Yeah, No one's really going to
care. Like in hindsight, right?
None of these things like truly matter that we're like sitting
and crying over. And, you know, it's, it's, you
know, to kind of go back to the kind of what we're talking about
here, you know, anxious parents,anxious kids, you know, it's,
(22:27):
it's like there's a, there's a difference to when it's well,
how, how do I say this in a, in a productive way?
When you see a, you see a personon social media crying because
they're proud versus crying because it's like, I can't do
that, but I'm making my kid do that and look at them go and do
this basic life skill kind of thing.
(22:47):
It's like, yeah, that's a great thing.
But like, I don't think it's worth all that emotion.
Like it's just a basic life skill that everyone should have
kind of thing like we, we over. I think it's good to celebrate
it, right? It's so good to, you know, to
give us some praise and things like that.
That's great, that's great, that's good, That's all good.
But I think it's where we get caught up and it's like, let's
(23:08):
we we over praise, you know, very simple things.
And then our kids think everything that they do is great
when it's like that's just a basic, basic thing that, you
know, everybody does in hindsight.
Like that doesn't really set youapart versus, you know, the
things that will set you apart in the end.
And you know, it's a lot of it matters in the very end of it
(23:30):
kind of to get to that point. There's like at the very end of
it when you're all sitting down with college and things like
that, Like it's not going to matter where you went, what you
did, as long as you finished andgot your degree and now you're
now you're joining the workforcekind of thing.
It's not going to matter how much money you spent.
It's not going to matter what kind of car you buy.
Like your degree literally doesn't impact anything else
except for your where you say you went to school kind of thing
(23:53):
and what stories you have to tell after that.
Outside of that, it's not going to affect the car you get, it's
not going to affect the home youcan buy.
It's not going to affect really your social status at all
because people just really don'tcare.
It's like, oh cool, you got a college degree.
Cool, cool. And honestly now it's it's not
even needed for for many jobs. You know, there's a lot of well
(24:13):
paying jobs that you don't have to have a college degree for.
There's so many options. I think that's a a key piece of
this here too is like, we have to also teach our kids.
Like I had this conversation with with my daughters sometimes
because my, my oldest daughter, she'll bring up college.
It's like, well, you know, you're seven, you don't got to
worry about that right now, But also you have more option.
You don't have to just go to college.
(24:35):
You don't have to just, you know, plan to go to.
She really wants to go to NAU because we, she lived in
Flagstaff when she was younger and she spent a lot of time
there when she was younger and things like that.
So she, she loved Flagstaff. She wants to go to NAU but it's
like you have other options you can go to.
She's 7. Right.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, OK, I'll tell you what,
(24:56):
let's call me back in in 10 years.
Let's connect in 10 years and see where she wants to go.
Yeah, these are fun when you're when you're doing this.
And this is just comes from my experience.
You encourage your kids to dream.
It's really good Dream, Encourage them, keep them folk.
Hey, it's good. But then get to the practical
side, which is OK. Well, what?
Let's let's think about things outside of just those dreams and
(25:19):
let's build up the, the productivity and the foundation
for you to be successful, right?And, and that becomes that going
back to that independence, goingback to networking, going back
to the concept of compounding, which I talked in my book quite
a bit. And people always assume when
you think about compounding, you're talking about finance.
I'm like, yeah, it does apply tofinancing, right?
(25:41):
And, and investments you, you invest a little bit and you save
and, and it compounds and it creates more, but it also
compounds on, on good habits andgood skills.
So for example, if you do a little bit of something every
day, you will, it will compound and you will get better.
If you're learning something, right, you spend a few minutes
every day learning the piano, for example, over time it
(26:04):
compounds and you will become a better piano player or learning
to ride a bike or whatever it isthat you want.
And compounding also comes back to being a good person.
The more that you give to your friends, the better
relationships. And that compounds is compounds
to create better relationships. So these are the skill sets that
you can start in these these foundational skills that you can
(26:25):
start teaching your kids becausethey're having dreams is
wonderful. They should always dream.
But having these these skill sets will allow them to adapt
and build to be functioning adults.
Absolutely. And it's also about learning,
right? There's a lot of it that you got
to learn just to learn and it's OK to learn things that nobody
(26:48):
else is learning and to be a little bit different and to not
be going with the status quo. It's like, well, none of my
other friends know how to changea tire.
Like that's OK, you do. None of my other friends are
looking into they're all just looking at caught these routes
for here, right. But you're also having me look
into the military and look into trade schools since that was
like, OK, and the more you know,right, because that's that's the
(27:10):
duty of a father. That's our duties as father, and
that goes way back when. I don't know if you've ever read
mentioning a lot of books today.Have you ever read or heard of
the book Point Man? Yes.
OK, very cool. OK, so we found a book.
We got one. But the concept of that book is
really cool, right? To where the fathers would take
their children and they would oversee their apprenticeship to
(27:35):
whatever they wanted to do, wherever they wanted to go,
right. If let's say the dad was a an
farmer, but the kid really wanted to be a blacksmith.
So the father would talk to his blacksmith buddy because
everyone had a blacksmith buddy back then, right?
40s fifties, you know, Great Depression of World War 2 era,
little bit after had it had thatfriend because it was a
community, right? And they would go and talk to
(27:56):
him. Let's say you're the blacksmith.
I'm the farmer. I would say, Hey, Rob, you know,
little Timmy, he wants to be a blacksmith.
Can he come and work for you kind of thing.
And then Rob, you would come to me like, Hey, Jay, you know what
my my son, you know, little little Timmy, he actually wants
to learn about farming things like that.
Can we do a trade of can we do atrade here kind of thing?
You oversee his son. You oversee my son.
(28:17):
I'll oversee your son. We'll teach him the skills they
need to know. I'll come for you for these
hours of the day so you can still get your stuff done.
And then I'll come to you kind of thing.
We would exchange the times thing like that.
We would work. Out.
A handshake kind of deal, but then our sons would be able to
oversee, be overseen by both of us in those apprenticeships and
throughout that process to make sure that you are keeping me
(28:37):
accountable. Because if I make sure I'm not
teaching your son that somethingdoesn't align with you and vice
versa, if you have something that I don't agree with, I can
say, hey, Rob, come on, don't teach my son that.
Don't teach him the blacksmith thing.
And you know, I love that you'retrying to bring that up, but you
know, that's not something we really talk about in our home
or, you know, agree with in our family kind of thing.
(28:58):
And it would be like, OK, cool, hands off, no, no big deal,
let's move on kind of thing. So it's really cool, but we
don't do that anymore and it's. It's one of the things I talked
about quite a bit is and, and you're doing this sort of
digitally through your podcast, which is another reason why it's
so fantastic. But you talk about the sense of
community and I think fathers onthis and and parents who are
(29:19):
listening to this podcast realize and must realize that
the the way that we've worked inthe past is through this, that
appointment through right through the apprenticeship, but
it's also as a community helpingto raise your children, right.
I can tell you if my buddies andthis is this is really
important. This is where it also comes back
(29:40):
to making sure that your kids have interactions with adults.
And that is if my son is being ajerk and, and I'm not around, I
would want you as another fatherto say, Hey, you're being a
jerk. Don't act like that, right?
And so it's helping the community help raise your
children. That works, obviously, when
(30:01):
everybody's sort of aligned, butbut it, it's helped.
I've had guys who have, who havesaid stuff about now look, when
your daughter's go to dating age, right?
There will be a point where a young man will come to your
door, knock on your door and he has one chance to make an
impression on you. And it's going to be in that
handshake. And it's the way he's going to
(30:23):
give you that handshake and he'sgoing to look at you and say,
Mr. Young is very nice to meet you, give you a firm handshake.
If he doesn't give you that firmhandshake, he doesn't look at
you. That will be an impact.
And and that comes from people in the community saying, Hey,
you've got to, you've got to shake my hand.
When you when I come see you, you're going to shake my hand.
You're going to look at me in the eye.
That's what I do with my kids, as well as to introduce them and
(30:47):
bring them into business dinnersand business meetings.
No, absolutely. And I, I work with a lot of, a
lot of young men in, in my line of work, I work in mental and
behavioral health. And so I work with a lot of, a
lot of boys and a lot of common themes that I, I really try to
nail into them is, you know, becoming a high character man,
becoming a high character young man, a high value young man kind
(31:08):
of thing, because they all want to be high character men, right?
None of them know how, but they all want to be that.
So they have this idea that we start to put these ideas in
their head of becoming high character man and like, OK, well
then if you're going to be a high character man, you want to
work towards that. What you got to stop doing.
That's what you got to start doing stop and start trying to
start doing kind of thing. We tie it back into the
(31:29):
behaviors and things like that, that they're doing that they
need to stop and change, fix things like that.
What not, but it's a really coolconcept because they, they
really, they resonate with thosethings, right?
And, you know, it's very simple thing.
It's like, hey, you know, are you, when I meet with them at
home or something like that, like, hey, are you going to walk
me out? You just go let me leave kind of
thing. And they're like, oh, yeah.
And then they, you know, get up and come to the door.
(31:51):
I'm like, hey, remember, shake my hand, you know, open the
door, you know, see me out, close the door, lock behind me
kind of thing. And, you know, all those fun
things. And, you know, it's, it's really
good to teach those really little things because I mean,
it's just stuff that's it's really easy to forget to be
taught kind of thing and we overlook it so quickly kind of
thing. Yeah, how do you describe what a
(32:12):
high character man is? You know, it's, it's, it's
really simple because I think a high character man is, is really
simple in that process. It's honesty, it's loyalty, it's
respectful, it's being outspokenon the right thing, you know,
being patient, slow to anger andyou know, respectful towards
adults. You're not hurting.
(32:33):
You're not. You know, you're adding more
positively to things and you arenegatively to things and you're
not acting a fool for no reason.You mind your business.
You run with the right crowds. You're not getting in trouble.
You're not. You're not doing the things that
you know would essentially breakyour mom's heart at the end of
the day. Good kid.
Very much. Good kid.
(32:53):
Yeah, basically that's what it is.
But it's like it, it comes back to like I relate it back to like
manhood, right? It's like, OK, well, as a man,
you know, you have these expectations, you have these
things that you're supposed to be, you know, not a lot of
people like a man that gets angry really quickly, it's going
to stay away from that person. But like someone that's patient,
calm that they can talk to, thatwill listen, that's empathetic.
(33:16):
You know, a high correct man knows how to do things for
himself. He doesn't ask his mommy to do
everything for him kind of thing.
You know, he he doesn't get in trouble at school for blurting
out and interrupting and being adistraction, right?
He doesn't take away from otherslearning.
You make sure that others can learn as well.
Sets an example, lead by example.
He's not a troublemaker. He's a good reputation.
(33:36):
All these things, all those things are all related.
And then we, we, I, I like to tie a lot of things from that
into other areas to where the kid may be struggling or what
they want to get better at or what they want to learn or kind
of where they're at. That next thing that they're
really trying to do is say, OK, well, remember you're doing this
because you want to become this.And then it's a very easy thing.
(33:56):
Well, is that thing you're doing, is that a value of a high
character? Man, they're like, no, I'm like,
OK, So what should you be doing instead?
What's, what's your, what's the correction here?
What can we do that's looking differently?
And it's a really easy tie back kind of thing because they, they
all talk about manhood, But I don't think, I don't think
there's a good definition of that out there.
And a lot of good examples of that in media, mainstream media.
(34:19):
Right. It's interesting.
I wonder if they're, you know, it's, it's sort of interesting
when you talk about that. Is it harder to talk to them
later in life or early in life? Because I, I would think it's
sort of a challenge either way, right?
Because as my kids get older, right, if, if they're lacking
these, these core skills, right?They're this not even skills.
(34:40):
It's sort of it's, it's, but they've already developed a huge
sense of input, right? They, they know, they know what
a good person is, but they've already said in their way,
right? It's like harder to, it's harder
to change, right? It's harder to change after.
It's harder to change a 55 year old man than it is a 7 year old
man, right? It's, it's, so it'll just be
interesting. Is it harder when they get older
(35:02):
or is it something that's easierwhen they get older?
I think there's a, there's a prime time kind of age here age
gap for this. This is about fifth grade
through 8th grade is kind of like your your key area.
That's where I mostly talk aboutit with the youth, the younger
ones. It's just, you know, being a, a
good person, being a good, a good young man, kind of things
(35:24):
like just being, being good things like that.
And, you know, trying to correctthe behaviors in a more age
appropriate way. But fifth grade and what
normally happens around this part is that these boys start
liking girls and they want girlsto look at them in a better
light kind of thing. And so that's a big motivator
for a lot of them. It's like, OK, a high character
(35:45):
man is going to take care of hishygiene because he wants to be
clean. He wants to smell good.
He wants to look good. He wants to, you know, make look
at he wants people to look at them, look at him, be like, OK,
look, it looks good, smells good.
He's clean. He's showered, his teeth are
brushed, his hair's hair's not amess.
His outfits are clean. He doesn't have stains on his
shirt, not wearing three day oldjeans that smell like booty.
(36:06):
You put deodorant on all those things, right?
So that was all relate. So I think 5th grade through
about the end of middle school is it's kind of your window to
try that. I had a older, I have a couple
older teenagers that are about 16/15/16 that I worked with on
this. And it's a little bit harder
than too because they're a little bit more stuck in their
ways more or less. And you have to really get
(36:28):
creative with that. But that 5th through 8th grade
age, I think that's the the key window here.
Yeah. Especially when they start to
like girls. That's a big motivator.
That's a big, big, big motivator.
Yeah, Interesting. That's your fascinating stuff.
Yeah. It's just, look, I mean, it's
one of these challenges, right? I mean, there's so much thrown
at these kids. You know, we, we sort of forget
(36:49):
because we've already been through it, right?
I've already been through those those ages and glad I'm, I'm
already done with that. But you know, it really is as as
as parents, we really need to focus on what's important and
what's prioritize what, what is really important in life and
what's and sort of forget about the other stuff.
And you're right, that high character man is a good is a
good point, because that same thing with a daughter.
(37:10):
You want to want to play respectful daughter, just like
you want a high character man, right?
And they change girls. My daughter, I've been
fortunate. I had boy and girls and knowing
that they changed through the through their life, right.
The girls are very at least for me.
My girls were pretty easy when they were younger.
Teen years got a little bit morechallenging, came back, yeah, a
little fur way and you know, so it just comes and goes.
(37:33):
But it's all part about, it's all part about growing and part
of that journey, as you talked about earlier, which is what
this is all about. It's just your journey.
Yeah, no, 100%. So just to, to talk about some,
some diet specific things here, you know, along the journey
here, what are some of those things as you were writing this
book that you were more or less surprised that young adults
don't know? I could go on forever on that.
(37:54):
I mean, if it. But in fairness, it wasn't just
young adults. I learned right going out.
The whole reason I did all theseexperts was because I didn't
know. I think some of the things that
were were a little more profoundto me that I didn't give enough
credit to actually on the 1st chapter of this book was
actually the hardest to write because it wasn't about a skill.
(38:17):
It wasn't like here are the things you need to do to go look
for an apartment. It was what to do with your life
now that you've gotten off this magic carpet.
And it was very profound becauseit becomes now it's more now
it's more soft, right? It's more think about what you
want to do, think about the things you want to do.
It thinks about where you want to be.
And that became, but it what I realized going through this,
(38:39):
there's a lot of young adults struggle with this concept of
launching of going out on their own because either they're
afraid to fail or their parents want to keep them in the shelter
and bubble. They don't want them to go and
get hurt or fail. And what I mean, hurt struggle
(38:59):
financially, being a, being an apartment.
That's not the nicest apartment,right?
It's, it's all of this stuff. It's they, they just don't want
their young adult to struggle inlife.
And I understand that, but that was, that was probably the
biggest thing. The other thing was there were a
lot of things and, and interviewing people, taxes,
things like, you know, one of the actually the biggest expense
(39:21):
you will have in your life is actually taxes.
I didn't realize, I didn't realize I was like, oh, you know
the guy, the guy from Jackie Hewitt, the big, big tax
accounting firm. He asked, he said, well, what do
you think? I'm like, oh, it's your house.
He said no, instead it's taxes. So you'll spend more on taxes
than anything else. And so it was just surprising
(39:42):
when you start hearing things like that.
So I think it's just what when it's stuff like that that I
didn't know, but I don't think our kids know or the forms.
A lot of kids have side hustles,side jobs.
Are they filing taxes for that? They should because the IRS is
going to come after them if they're not bank accounts
finding their problems. Even clean.
You mentioned a high character man is clean.
(40:06):
Well, guess what, there was a study that that average adult
male, single adult male washes their bed sheets like once every
three or four months. Like that is disgusting.
Like when I was saying I'm talking to this expert on
cleaning and stuff, I'm like, well, I thought pretty much
cleaning subjective, right? Like my wife is, is a lot
(40:26):
cleaner than I am, right. And but I figured, you know, for
the most part, I'm still like, no, she's like, this is gross.
Like if you don't clean like this, it's gross.
And so, you know, coming back tothat, those are those are all
things to say. I really tried to make this the
book as humorous as possible because life is funny, right?
It is. We need to relax a little bit
(40:46):
because everybody's wound up tootight.
And that's where we get anxious.That's where we get stressed.
That's why have some enjoyment is fun, but it is there were so
many things that I didn't know and I felt like kids didn't know
that I that I put in there. But it's all really
foundational. Once you build the foundation,
manners, etiquette, things like that, it just starts to go.
(41:09):
Absolutely. And I think all those things are
they all kind of, they all, theyall tie into each other, they're
all there. They're all always going to be
there. And it's very easy to miss a lot
of those smaller things, right? It's very easy to miss, you
know. Oh, hey, you know, I'm supposed
to do this. How often I'm supposed to do
this, when I'm supposed to do this, I'm supposed to do this,
that and the other because we'reso used to our, our parents, you
(41:32):
know, doing things for us until a certain hill, we're like out
of the house pretty much. Well, you know, back to that
point, too. Yeah, I told you I interviewed
this Navy SEAL and I, I interviewed a Navy SEAL and an
emergency paramedic because those are things like when
emergencies happen and mom and dad aren't around, you've got to
handle it, right? And, and emergencies don't give
you the time to go on your phoneand Google it, right?
(41:54):
You need to know what to do. And some of the things that I
learned, like the emergency sideis the biggest thing.
And this was a Navy SEAL and he's been through a lot.
And he said, listen, the thing that that people need to learn
is to relax in a stressful situation.
You just got into a car accident, relax, right?
You've got to be able because you can't when your mind is
(42:14):
elevated like that and you're stressed, you do not make good
decisions. You put more people at risk.
The other thing that was was probably even more shocking to
me and probably more disturbing.I asked the emergency room, the
emergency paramedic. I said what are the three must
have life saving skills for a young adult today thinking I
(42:34):
already know this answer right. It's going to be Heimlich.
It's going to be CPR is all thisstuff.
Number one, know how to administer, have and administer
Narcan, which is for the meth and and these drugs has overdose
for overdose. He said that is the number one
thing that that emergency medical thing that that you need
(42:57):
to learn how to do. The second, which was even more
shocking to me, was calling 911.I said that's not emerging like
yes, that's calling 9/1. He said one of the things that
that he's witnessed is that young adults, this sort of
fundamental knowledge of what todo in these emergencies, panic
and don't do anything at all. They're afraid that they're
(43:19):
going to get in trouble. They're afraid that they're
going to get in trouble because their buddy just got drunk and
they're they're at their house for the first time and they're
passed out and they're throwing up and they're afraid to call or
they've done drugs and they're afraid to call because they're
afraid to get in trouble. He's like, you must call.
And so those were the two things.
So that was the most like alarming thing for me.
So those are things that are just sort of interesting that
(43:42):
that our young adults need to learn as they get older.
Those are all very. Practical life skills, right?
And it, I think the most important part here is to
remember for a lot of, a lot of parents is that you, you as a
parent are in charge of all, a lot of these skills we're
talking about, you as a parent are the one that's responsible
Schools not going to teach your kids all these things.
Maybe they'll get really lucky and they have like a good mentor
(44:02):
or something at school, but that's like 1 or 2% of all the
kids, right? We'll get that lucky that we'll
have a teacher that overlooks them that closely throughout
their school years and that they'll be able to look back on
me like this teacher really taught me, you know, this, that
and the other really encouraged me here or there that like stuck
with them for life kind of thing.
Like I don't remember hardly anyof my teachers, you know, 10
plus years or move and you know it, it's on, it's on you
(44:26):
parents, it's on you. You are the ones that that teach
and guide because our your kids,they're not going to learn these
things anywhere else except fromyou.
And you have to have the knowledge in your knowledge bank
from listening to this podcast, reading books like Hey dad and
being able to apply those kind of thing.
And it's never too late. You may think it's too late to
(44:47):
go well, my kids already a teenager, my kids already, you
know, a young adult. OK, so get, get to get to work.
You've lost some time. It's time to time to get to work
then and make sure that you're, you're implementing these things
and guiding them. You know, because as parents
were also we're guides for our children.
We guide them how to do things. We teach and guide and help them
learn 'cause they don't learn these things anywhere else.
They don't learn them every single day.
(45:08):
Also from scrolling Instagram and TikTok for hours.
They, they've learned them from you as a parent.
Actually, you have to. Learn what they've learned on
TikTok. I think that was one of the
things too. It's like every, all the
financial people, I have people from Fidelity Investments and JP
Morgan Chase. When you're talking, they're
like, their biggest fear is you go on social media and they're,
they're picking up their investment ideas from somebody
(45:29):
who you have no idea has 2 pennies to rub together, right?
And, and so there you have to beable to be the influence of your
child, knowing that they're going to get this influence from
an outside source. And you have to be the the
common and the the common reasonbesides that so that they can
make their own decisions. Absolutely.
Yeah. You have to help them.
(45:50):
Have a little thing called common sense.
Yes, and. Help them develop.
That common sense and common sense is difficult to learn.
A lot of it comes. Naturally, but you also.
Have to, to push kind of thing. And you have to be willing to
call your kids out. You can't just let them you
know, everything they say isn't right, right.
If they say something wrong, they do something wrong.
(46:12):
It's like, OK, well, why don't you think about what you should
do? Why don't you think about that a
little bit? And that's what I, I found
myself telling my kids that a lot.
I'm like, why don't you think? Why don't you just think, just
think about it for 2 seconds. Stop and think for two seconds
before you do your next thing. Right, Right.
That's. Easier with girls and boys too.
So, yeah, very true. All right, well.
(46:34):
Rob, at the end of my podcast, Ilike to jump into something
called the Dad Zone. Are you ready to jump into the
Dad Zone? Sure.
So the dad zone. Is 4 questions.
Designed to kind of bring us to the end of the conversation.
It closes with a little bit of fun.
I've heard people say we're partof the podcast, the people, the
people live for it, they say, just to kind of see what people
are going to say. So first question in the dad
zone, does pineapple belong on pizza?
(46:57):
Yes. It's the wrong answer here.
There's only. One right answer there, but
that's OK To each their own. To each their own.
Pineapple is fantastic. With the saltiness of the ham.
Oh my gosh, people say that's what people say, but I.
Just, I just say that I, I've had many of Italians on here,
right? I've had an Italian woman who
owns a pizza shop and on their menu they do not have pineapple
(47:18):
anywhere on their menu. Yep.
And I can understand. That I'm not saying, look, if I
have a chance and if people are watching the video, they can see
I like food. So I can tell you I love pizza
no matter what, but I will eat apine.
I will eat a pizza. It's not my first cheese.
It's always cheese. It's always my number one.
But if I have to it's pineapple,I can get a good meat.
(47:39):
Lovers Pizza. I'm in.
I'm in heaven. Cheese.
Taste delicious cheeses. All right, the next question.
Here, who are three people you'dinvite to a dinner party, either
dead or alive. So three people, dead or alive,
that you would invite to a dinner party with yourself?
Oh, that's a tough one. OK, So I would probably do Tom
Brady. She's one of the greatest John
(48:01):
Elway and then maybe Roger Staubman.
So 3 great quarterbacks just want to I would love to hear the
interactions of the way they talk or maybe Tony Romo.
I'd probably swap 1, you know, maybe one of those guys out with
with a Tony Romo just because, you know, just because of the
entertainment. But I I think, you know, I love
football. I'm a big New England Patriots
(48:21):
fan, which is probably wrong on on your podcast too, but that's
OK. I'm, you know, I I'm now dealing
with what I'm dealing with. But yeah, no, I think it'd be
fun to just listen to them. I think there's, you know,
that's a tough question because there's so many people that I,
I, I would love to listen to, right?
I'd love to have a dinner party and, and talk to people, but to
be able to talk to about football at that high level, I
(48:42):
think would be fun for me. That would be fun.
That would be fun I. Would do the same thing, but for
baseball. I would bring you some really
good baseball minds. I would probably do Jackie
Robinson, Ken Griffey, junior and or maybe not.
No, Jackie Robinson for sure. Maybe Griffey, but then either
Curt Schilling or Barry Bonds. Yeah, jump in that.
Maybe Pete Rose? To Pete Rose, I think would be
(49:02):
phenomenal. So I would if I was doing like a
a sports, a sports scene, one those would be like my I would
have to have Pete, Jackie Griffey, Bonds and Schilling,
because then I you only say you got three right you.
Only get three. I think I would also put a.
Rod on the guest list like thoseOh man, that would just be so
fun to talk about the steroid era that the hit king and Jackie
(49:22):
Robinson. All those stories like a bad
like get Griffey and Jackie in the same room.
Oh man, that would be a good time.
That would be a good time. 3rd 2nd to last question here in the
dad zone. What is your guilty pleasure?
Food. Ice cream.
Specific kind of ice cream. Or just ice cream.
Once again, if you looked at me,you.
Could tell it's ice cream. I love ice cream.
(49:42):
I actually I'm going to carvel ice cream cake if I had one.
If I could only pick one. It's a Carvel ice cream cake if
with the extra crunchies in it. That's that's my absolute guilty
pleasure. I buy him, even if it's not my
birthday. I'll I'll buy him.
We'll find in a cake. We'll find.
A reason to celebrate the house with cake?
(50:03):
Absolutely. I love it.
All right. Last question here.
What is one piece of advice thatyou would give to a new dad?
A new young dad, specifically 18to 22 years old, who's just
starting out his fatherhood journey.
Breathe deep. Relax, you'll get this.
You're not the first one to be ayoung dad.
You're not going to be the last.You've got this.
(50:26):
I love that. It's true.
You do got this. You'll figure it out.
Yeah, you'll figure it out. How you look here?
If you figure out how to get it,how to become one, and you can
figure out how to how to manage it.
Once you've got it and it all works out it.
All works out. Yep, not.
Easy. Not easy all the time.
It goes a little bumps up and down, but Yep, you'll get it.
There's a lot of those bumps. A lot.
(50:49):
But anyways, to our listeners, thanks for hanging out with us
today. And Rob, of course, thank you
for hanging out with me today and for writing the kind of
books that bridges the gap between Go Figure it Out and Let
Me Walk with You. So listeners can go grab their
copy of Hey Dad at heydadbook.com, right?
And this launches April 26th. This will be coming out then
after. So you can go to Hey Dad book
(51:09):
doc. You can support this and share
it with other people in your life.
And of course, you know, keep showing up because adult things
hard. Take it from us, we're too
adult, adult things hard. We're still thinking, some of us
still figuring out. And I speak for myself there,
but it is easier when we do it together and we learn these
practical skills there. And until next time, enjoy your
juice box, hug your kids and let's keep learning how to lead
with love, present and a whole lot of laughter.
(51:31):
We'll see you next time right here on the Young Dad Podcast.
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