In this heartfelt conversation, Jey Young reflects on the significance of Father's Day, sharing personal stories about father figures in his life and the impact they had on him. He discusses the journey of becoming a father himself, the challenges and joys that come with it, and emphasizes the importance of being present and building connections with children. Jey offers advice for new dads, highlighting that perfection is unattainable, but meaningful relationships are essential. He encourages fathers to embrace their roles and the fleeting moments of parenthood.
Takeaways
Father's Day is often overshadowed by negativity and cultural issues.
The relationship with a father is crucial for personal development.
Personal experiences shape our understanding of fatherhood.
Being a father involves both challenges and joys.
Presence and connection are more important than perfection in parenting.
Every father has a unique story and impact on their children.
It's essential to cherish the moments spent with children.
Men's mental health should be taken seriously and openly discussed.
Fatherhood is a journey filled with learning and growth.
Building a loving relationship with children is key to successful parenting.
Chapters
00:00 Reflections on Father's Day and Its Significance
02:32 The Impact of Father Figures
06:14 Lessons from My Father
08:20 Becoming a Father: Responsibilities and Challenges
11:16 The Importance of Presence in Parenting
15:04 Advice for New Dads: Connection Over Perfection
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Episode Transcript
OK, well welcome ever everybody,happy Father's Day.
Just want to jump on and do a fitness update slash a Father's
Day message for all the dads outthere.
And so today's Father's Day, June 15th.
Well, not quite. In some parts of the world, it
already is. If you're on the West Coast like
me, you should have got about 11minutes.
So we're bringing it together. Also tonight, thinking, I was
(00:33):
thinking about Father's Day. I was thinking about what it
means. I was thinking about what it
means to me. And I'm thinking about what it
means to a lot of men, a lot of men around the world.
It's become an incredibly overlooked and incredibly
overshadowed and almost a joke to a lot of people.
And I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan that Father's Day
(00:58):
is overshadowed with social agendas, with culture wars.
This week, this weekend in particular, 2025, that is
overshadowed by protests, is overshadowed by war, that is
overshadowed by so much just negativity.
It's overshadowed by hate, overshadowed by overshadowed by
(01:23):
everything a father isn't really.
And it goes to show as well. At the same time, these protests
with the laughing matter that it's become in a a it's become a
place in a day where it's OK to laugh about men's mental health.
It's OK to not take it serious. It's OK to pretend like it
(01:46):
doesn't matter, not even pretendit's OK to act like it doesn't
matter. It's OK to disrespect father.
It's OK to, you know, over shadow them with something else.
Because believe it or not, everysingle person at all the protest
everywhere has a father. Some of the fathers are there
with their kids, some are far away from it.
(02:09):
Some of those children, some of those people in the crowd are
estranged from their fathers, don't have a relationship with
their father. And it goes to show just how
important the relationship is. It goes to show just how needed
it is. It goes to show how impactful a
father is and can be on his children and in his children's
(02:31):
life. Think back for myself when
growing up, my father figure wasmy grandfather.
I was raised by my grandma. I was raised by my grandfather,
step grandfather actually, because my grandfather and my
grandmother had divorced many, many years ago.
My biological ones from on my mom's side at least, and my
(02:52):
maternal grandmother and my stepgrandfather had been the ones
raising me. And I think back to when I was 8
and I think back to the day thatmy grandfather passed.
I think back to the impact that had on me.
I think back to how sad I was, how broken I was.
(03:17):
Oh it haunted me for years. Being in the hospital room,
hearing the beeping, being rushed out of the room, lips
turning blue, not understanding what any of it means.
My best friend Zed's family coming to pick, picking me up,
going to sleep over at their house, not really understanding.
Next thing I remember was attending the funeral and
(03:37):
everyone crying and being reallysad and still not understanding
the full magnitude of everythingthat was happening.
And now today being able to carry the flag from his memorial
in my home and the Bible that mygrandmother was given that she's
since passed to me because him and I were very close.
And I think of the impact that had on me then after, especially
(04:00):
in school, she's really angry ata lot of things and greet
everyone and everything for anything really.
And I didn't care a lot. Well, no, I never did drugs or I
never did anything, you know, that would put myself in danger,
per SE. I still was just really bad.
I got into a lot of fights. I made more enemies and friends.
(04:24):
I still did really well in school.
I still got into a lot of trouble because of all this.
You know, my uncles tried to step up.
My Uncle Tam, my uncle's actually tried to step up, but
it wasn't the same. It's like it always felt like it
was. It was forced.
It was a natural connection. It had some trouble, LED me down
down the broken road and and landed me with my maternal
(04:46):
grandfather and step grandmotherfor a couple years.
And my my grandfather, my Tutu, as I called him, was such a
strong, powerful influence on mylife because he he made me feel
loved. He made me feel wanted.
He made me, it didn't feel like it was forced.
(05:07):
It felt like he was truly there to, to, to lead me and guide me
and to, to do all the things that a father figure should do.
Because he was still raising my,my teen, my teenage, you know,
aunt and uncle at that time as well, still very close in age.
They're, they're a few years older than me, but not nothing
crazy. Maybe 8 to 10 years.
So there was some age gap there and whatnot.
(05:28):
But he's still a father figure, right?
He was still the the the patriarch of the home and he led
us as such incredible leader of a man.
Then Fast forward to being a teenager, a little bit older, a
14 or so. I finally ended up living with
my biological dad. He shut up pops and my dad just
(05:53):
he taught me how to be a man as dads are supposed to for their
sons. He taught me how to be a man.
He taught me how to you sign up,you show up.
If you commit you, you stay committed.
You know, he, he sacrificed for me.
He drove me really early to a lot of things, a lot of events
he didn't want to, but he did it.
He made sure I got up. He made sure I did it.
(06:13):
He taught me how to follow through.
He taught me how to commit and he taught me how to, to work
hard and to be diligent and to sacrifice for your family and to
show up even when you don't wantto, when you're tired, when
you're beating down, when you'redepressed, when you're not
feeling it. And yeah, he's just, he's taught
me so much over the years. The the, you know, second-half
(06:34):
of my life, I'm 30. So he's been in my life for more
than half of it now, consistently before it was a
whole thing. And that's neither a story for
here nor there. If you go back and listen to
some of the, the early some episodes with him, I think
episode 100 he was on and we talked about our story and what
he can go back and listen to that.
I'm the young dad podcast here and I'm just, I'm doing all this
(06:54):
just the kind of process, you know, father figures in my life
and what not and what they've all meant to me.
And you know it, it's been my dad over the years who was, who
was there for me, who's kind of been my, my rock and you know,
my foundation for a lot of things as father should be, as
they are for, for their kids andfor their families.
And then I think about me becoming a dad at 22.
(07:19):
I was like 22 and like 3 months old.
I still barely 20 in my 20s and my my oldest daughter was born
2017. I've just, I still have the
bracelet on my wrist here from when we went.
So when I found out that I was having a girl and still wear
this today. And you know just how how life
changing that event is as a man to to have their own children,
(07:43):
to now be responsible for this whole life and to raise someone
to teach them literally everything they need to know
about life and to struggle and to fail and to to let them down
and to let yourself down and to let you know people down.
There's a lot of let down being a father.
There's a lot of good. I say there's more good than
bad. But you know, we messed up as
(08:04):
dads. Our kids messed up.
They disappoint us, we disappoint them.
It's a never ending cycle. And then I think about becoming
a father to two and now raising two different humans, 2
completely different personalities and try to
navigate everything. And then not even just being a
father, but also being a husband, being a leader of home
is a whole nother battle in itself.
And it comes with a lot of feelings of not feeling enough,
(08:28):
not feeling like you're you're good enough, not feeling like
you're doing enough, Not feelinglike you're giving everyone
enough time, energy, attention, and meeting all their needs and
satisfying all the things that they need satisfied all the
time. And feeling just like you're
failing and letting people down constantly.
And I think that sums up being adad.
There's a lot of good, there's alot of golden moment.
(08:50):
There's a lot of beautiful moment.
There's a lot of joyful moment and there's more of those in
there are bad shock and awe and wonder and just feeling so happy
that you get to raise this child.
For those on the West Coast, it is Father's Day officially happy
Father's Day to all the dads to the to the step dads to to to
the estranged dads to all the just every dad out there that
(09:12):
loves his kids. 99% of fathers love their kids.
They want what's best for them. Like I was saying just about
kind of the summation of what itis to be a dad.
You know, I've been hosting Young Dad podcast for 200 and
some episodes now, 229 episodes to be exact.
And I've talked everything from the chiropractors to to
(09:35):
psychologists to talking to different coaches or different
things and just, you know, everytopic in between.
We get into the dad zone at the end of the podcast.
And the very last question I've asked hundreds of people, over
100 people at least, is what is one piece of advice that you
would give to a new dad? And so often it's a very common
(09:55):
theme. It would be to be present, show
up and just give your time to your kids.
Just enjoy every moment. And that's the the most common
answer, which I think is is great because up to the shows,
you know how how close we all are aligned.
And there's a lot of shoulda woulda couldas, but didn't.
There's a lot of regrets. There's a lot of I wish I would
(10:17):
have, but I didn't know I missedout and missed this.
They missed this. And now, you know, years later,
my kids and I don't have a relationship because I, you
know, because I didn't show up for them.
And we, we hang our heads off inthat shame and we remember what
it is and we remember just just how hard that is for, for
ourselves. And we think back to, to our own
childhood. I think in the in these moments
(10:39):
and we think about just how hardit was for us in if we did have
our dad show up and we did have someone we wanted to be at
something show up for us and howjust devastating that felt.
And when we wanted our our dad time or his attention or
something like that. And you remember just how how
devastating I feel. And then we, we think back and
(11:00):
we think back and we just remember all the all those
should have would have cut us but didn't.
And we remember all the moments we took for granted and every
cuddle and every snuggle and every late night, every crying,
every cry and everything that we, we just took for granted or
that we got angry through or that we, you know, moments that
we didn't validate or the moments that we, we missed out
(11:21):
on in some way, shape or form, whether emotionally or
physically or spiritually to connect with our kids.
And we, we think back to all those, I think very often and
we, those run through our brain at night.
And, you know, we feel like those are going to come back to
haunt us. And we, we try really hard and,
but then we fail again. But that's because we're human,
just because we're human. And there's, I'm trying to think
of what I, what I want to, whereI want to go with that, but
(11:42):
there's life's too short. The time we, we have with our
kids is just too short. There's a quote that I once
heard is that we spend 75% of the time we're going to spend
with our kids between the ages of like 0 and like 11 or 12.
And then we spend the next like 15% between 12 and 18.
(12:08):
And then the rest of that 10% isbetween 18 until they we pass or
or till they pass into adulthood.
And so and enjoy the 75%. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the hard
moments, enjoy the good moments,enjoy the difficult moments.
(12:28):
Enjoy the moment you want to pull your hair around.
Enjoy the moments that they're they're not listening.
Enjoy all the moment even thoughthey're not enjoyable all the
time. And I'll admit them, I'm a doubt
I get it 100% get it. Enjoy, enjoy the moment, enjoy
the enjoy the grind, enjoy the the rockiness, enjoy the enjoy
(12:49):
it all because someday it'll be less, it'll be gone and you'll
be looking back and thinking, wow, where'd the time go?
Or a friend of you yours will send you a baby picture of them
holding their newborn baby and doing a night feeding at this
time of night. And you just start to think back
just where did those days go? Went by so fast.
Oh, by then you're looking at a closet, cabinet or storage bin
(13:13):
of baby bottles and baby clothes.
Remember when they wore that? I remember when they were so
into that. And all the memories come funny
back and get choked up. I think it's normal.
I'm pretty sure it's normal. And so with that, what would I
wanted to answer this question that I've never answered, I
think on the podcast before. What would my advice be to a
young dad who's just starting out his fatherhood journey?
(13:34):
I think it goes back to this connection over perfection.
You're never going to be perfectno matter how hard you try, but
focus on the connection you havewith your child.
Focus on building that relationship.
Focus on creating a lasting, loving relationship with your
(13:55):
child. Focus on that connection day in,
day out. Build that connection.
That would be my advice to a newdad.
Then just a quick little plug here at the end, they really
give us an update. I I've been dealing with
something in my shoulder, so I'mhoping to get back into it this
week. Been trying to do some rehab
starting to feel better a littlebit and get back into it.
(14:17):
Wait, still going down, but not as much.
So we're we're working through that again.
If you want to train with Max because you like hearing me talk
about it or if you like, you know, you want to try for
yourself and get on a program, you're a busy dad and you want
to, you know, improve your life some way, shape or form and
invest in yourself, then go ahead and hit up Mad Max 80 Mad
Max fitness 84 over on Instagram.
Let him know that the young dad POD sent you and he'll get you
(14:37):
connected. And if you sign up for our
program, you will earn a free month of training with him as
well. So great, great little
collaboration we have there withMax.
With that, I want to wish all the dads, each and every single
one of you, whether you're with your kids or not, with your
kids, no matter what the senses are, kids love you.
You matter to them, you matter to me, you matter in this world.
(14:59):
Happy men's mental health awareness month.
Happy Veterans Awareness Month. Men, just remember, it's OK to
reach out. It's OK to speak up.
It's OK to Share your story. It's OK to to talk, to get
emotional and even do it on a podcast as well.
So it's OK. There's nothing wrong with it.
It's better to get it out than hold it in.
I'm so proud of you for how you show up for your kids, however
(15:21):
often you're allowed to, howevermuch you do keep showing up,
keep being present, keep giving them your time, and of course,
keep building that connection because it's never going to be
perfect no matter how hard you try.
And again, hit up Mad Max Fitness 84 over on Instagram.
I'll let them know. Young dot pod sent you.
And if you want to support this podcast, you can do so by going
over to buy me a coffee.com linklink to that's going to be in
the show notes. But until next time right here
(15:42):
on the Young dot podcast. Happy Father's Day to all you
dads and you guys. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.
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