June 12, 2025 • 26 mins
What gifts can we find in life's impermanence? Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright tackles this profound question in a heartfelt exploration of finding peace with life's transient nature.
Through readings of her original works "Finding Home" and "Dancing Leaves," Dr. BethAnn reflects on the struggle and beauty of letting go – whether of places, relationships, or versions of ourselves that no longer fit. She shares her fascination with "the void" – that uncomfortable space between what was and what will be – and how it serves as fertile ground for our most significant transformations.
Drawing wisdom from Japanese concepts like wabi-sabi (finding beauty in imperfection) and mono no aware (the poignant awareness of transience), she offers a philosophical framework for embracing change rather than resisting it. "We are both broken and whole simultaneously," she explains, inviting listeners to find comfort in this paradox of human experience.
For anyone navigating loss, transition, or the bittersweet awareness that nothing lasts forever, this episode provides both validation and perspective. Dr. BethAnn's gentle insights remind us that finding beauty in impermanence isn't about achieving a perfect state of acceptance, but developing a practice of surrender – one that allows us to fully inhabit each precious, fleeting moment.
Join us next week for an all-new episode of Your Heart Magic and more psychology, spirituality, storytelling, and heart wisdom.
--
Your Heart Magic is a space where heart wisdom, spirituality, and psychology meet. Enjoy episodes centered on mental health, spirituality, personal growth, healing, and well-being. Featured as one of the best Heart Energy and Akashic Records Podcasts in 2024 by PlayerFM and Globally Ranked in the top 5% in Listen Notes.
Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright is a Licensed Psychologist, Spiritual Educator, and Akashic Records Reader. She is the author of Small Pearls Big Wisdom, the Award-Winning Lamentations of the Sea, its sequels, and several books of poetry. A psychologist with a mystic mind, she weaves perspectives from both worlds to offer holistic wisdom.
FIND DR. BETHANNE ONLINE:
BOOKS- www.bethannekw.com/books
FACEBOOK - www.facebook.com/drbethannekw
INSTAGRAM - www.instagram.com/dr.bethannekw
WEBSITE - www.bethannekw.com
CONTACT FORM - www.bethannekw.com/contact
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Episode Transcript
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Intro/Outro Music (00:13):
Aloha and welcome to your Heart Magic, an
illuminating space wherepsychology, spirituality and
heart wisdom meet.
Here's your host, dr BethannKapansky-Wright.
Author, psychologist andspiritual educator.
Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wri (00:32):
Aloha everybody.
This is Dr BethannKapansky-Wright and welcome to
today's your Heart Magic episode.
I am doing a Talk Story Timeepisode today and, if you're
familiar with Talk Storytime ornot, they are episodes where I
share a few passages from mywork that speak to some kind of
(00:53):
theme or something that tiesthem together and just share
some candid reflections on mythoughts and the inspirations
behind it and reflecting on thesymbiotic process of taking some
of the things I might beexperiencing or learning and
putting them into words thatoften end up going beyond just
(01:14):
me and creating meaning andspeaking to something that
touches on a similar theme forsomebody else.
Something I really love aboutbeing a writer and writing about
life and transformation andspirituality and wellness and
being human is that, even thoughwe are all so different and we
(01:36):
have our unique vantage points,there's these themes and
archetypes and similarities thatwe also all go through and
they're universal and I thinkit's really beautiful when we
can see each other in thosethemes and see facets of each
other reflected in that likeness.
So today's topic is thetransience of life and trying to
(02:00):
find beauty in the transience.
Something that's been relevantto me for a while is the gifts
of impermanence and trying tomake peace with the impermanence
and peace with life.
As it passes by and as Icontinue to age, I find this to
be an increasingly relevanttheme, and I really find myself
(02:22):
drawn to philosophies and drawnto ways of thinking and
developing a perspective thatallows me to try and find more
radical acceptance for theprocess of life, which can be so
beautiful and so wonderful andfull in its moments and the
richness of its moments, and theother side of that coin,
(02:45):
because life is both shadow andlight.
And so the shadow side of thatperhaps is also the grief or
this bittersweet tang that cancome from letting go of
something or releasing something, or finding acceptance for the
form of something that is fading, and letting it be what it was,
(03:06):
and not trying to necessarilyrecreate it or hold on to it or
cling to it, but just lettingsomething have a natural cycle
of life.
And so this is a deep topic,it's a rich topic, it is
probably one that I will foreverbe writing about from slightly
different angles, wherever I'mat on my timeline, and the first
(03:28):
passage that I want to sharetoday that speaks to this is
from Revelations of the Sky, andit's called Finding Home, and I
wrote this back in the summerof 2018.
I had been living in Kauai forabout one year at that point and
I felt myself a littlesplenched between my old life
(03:50):
and a new life, what once wasand no longer was, and what was
emerging but not quite groundedyet.
And I was also going throughloss at the time of knowing that
our sweet dog Samwise had braincancer and wouldn't be with us
much longer.
So this poem really touches onnotes of yearning and
(04:13):
wistfulness, and beauty andlooking to nature to offer a
language that spoke to some ofthe things I was feeling through
elements in the natural world.
Finding Home when did lastsummer become a fading memory
and when did this summer becomethe days whose breaths I beat
(04:35):
and breathe?
I traded the blush of thelavender trees and the pink
peonies and soft fireweed forthe jungle green and the scent
of the sea and the hints oftuberose which waft with
evening's warm breeze.
I traded the feel of summer'sendless peaks, autumn's golden
(04:57):
leaves, winter's silver freezefor ocean's blue eaves and
sunshine dreams and an island ofmagic and mystery.
I traded the grace of goose's,lake's geese and light's
solstice sweep and bird ridgessteep for the ooze of heat and a
softer me and a chance to bebigger, to be more, to be free.
(05:22):
Yet maybe there will always bea part of me beating in the
earth I've left behind and therosy tundra and shale gray
mountains and the evergreens ofarctic pines, even as I learn to
embrace these days, create newways and ride the waves of
change that ring with hearts.
(05:43):
Goodbye, finding my home in theseam of these times, I think
the idea in life that forsomething to be born, something
has to be cleared out in orderto make space for that.
And when I had made this shiftfrom Alaska to Kauai, I wrote
(06:04):
this line in here that says Itraded it for a chance to be
bigger, to be more, to be free,to be free.
And it's like I'd let go ofthis old container self that was
constraining me in some ways tocome, meet my unmatched self
and crystallize aspects ofmyself and experience me in
(06:24):
different ways than I was havingthe opportunity to do, and the
life I'd constructed.
And it was a beautiful choice.
It was a very soulful choice,one that really followed a
heart's calling.
I had to let go of so much inorder to honor that choice and
that particular summer, when Iwrote that poem, we'd been here
(06:44):
about a year and with theimminent passing of Samwise, who
had come with us from Alaskaand held so much of my heart,
still holds so much of my heart,I think that I was missing home
, but not in a way that I wantedto move back to Alaska or I
felt like I made a mistake oranything like that.
(07:07):
It wasn't about that.
It was more this wistfulyearning for a sense of
belonging and the belonging thatI'd created there and not quite
being in a place of belongingin that particular version of
Bethann.
And this is a strange place tobe identity-wise.
There's times that we belong toa time and a space and we
(07:29):
really know ourselves withinthat context, and then life
moves us along or change happensSometimes it is a chosen change
, sometimes it's forced changeand we feel like the rug's been
pulled out from under us and wehave to reinvent ourselves.
We have to find somethingwithin ourselves and reconstruct
(07:49):
and repiece our sense of selftogether, our identity together.
We have to learn to belong tothat version of ourself, and
that takes a while.
We don't learn to belong tosomething just because we decide
to make a major life change.
Belonging is something thathappens over many moon cycles
(08:09):
and seasons, and learning tosink into who we are and listen
to our hearts and have a senseof who am I, what's this version
of myself at this point in timeand what holds true for me.
And so going through thisimminent loss of Samwise was
about to thrust me back intothis grief journey and I was
pretty upset about it.
(08:30):
It had only been a little overtwo years since losing Brent and
then leaving Alaska behind andgoing through all those grief
and goodbyes, and now here isthis anchor and this beloved
animal companion who was a furrysoulmate, and I'm being asked
to let that go.
And I was just really like inthe feels.
(08:52):
So I feel like this poem reallyrepresents that longing for
something unnamed and so much ofit was represented in Alaska
and my relationship with theland in Alaska and yet fixing my
sights on be here now andappreciate the gifts now, and
that I'm learning to belong tothis time and space.
(09:14):
So this next passage that Iwant to read is called Dancing
Leaves.
It was originally published inLamentations of the Sea and I
reworked it and it enfolded itsway into Small Pearls, big
Wisdom.
It's in the grief section inthis book.
Dancing Leaves.
(09:35):
Any undoing, shedding or losingcreates a space where life has
room to pour new things into us.
Endings are a genesis forpotential.
Metamorphosis happens in thevoid, when we must find a way
through the darkness.
It is the metaphorical spacewhere the caterpillar reaches
the end of his world and becomesa butterfly.
(09:57):
Desperation provides theingredients for inspiration.
Chaos the material for creation, the space where the leaf
learns to free itself by fallingfrom the tree, returning to the
ground so it can become thesoil and seed for new life.
It can feel terrible when lifebrings us to the end of the
(10:19):
world as we know it, to the endof something inside ourselves,
when we can't see anything butblack space beyond our current
space.
We are left to trust that if wego forward, relinquish control
and have faith in the process,we will discover our chrysalis.
We all have our path to thisprecipice of change.
(10:41):
We arrive through the loss of arelationship, through hardship
and difficulty, through illnessand injury, through the end of a
chapter.
We sometimes realize we weredone writing long before we set
down the pen.
Sometimes we are deposited hereunceremoniously when we
suddenly lose something we neverbelieved we would lose and we
(11:02):
find ourselves at the mercy oflife's forces.
We are brought here so we canchoose whether to contract in
fear, trying to squeezeourselves back into an old shell
of self that no longer fits, orto expand in faith, venturing
into the black space of theunknown, believing we will find
(11:23):
new ground if we are braveenough to see the journey
through.
The journey requires a greatdeal of surrender, for it is
only in letting go of how wethink things should be that we
can develop into who we aremeant to be.
A never-ending cycle of dancingleaves who learn to grow when
it is time to grow and when todrop when life calls us to
(11:45):
release.
We are undone so that we canbecome.
I'm fascinated with the voidspace and I think in that piece
of writing I called it thisblackness, this hole that's left
when we let go of something andit leaves a void in us.
It leaves a void in our lifeand we think what is going to
(12:06):
possibly fill this?
And I think a lot of times thisis psychologically where it's
really easy for people to wanderinto things that fill it that
may or may not be healthy orconstructive for us.
It's uncomfortable to have thatvoid space in our life and to
be out of sorts and to feel sadand to feel grief and to weather
(12:28):
the chaos of that the notknowing and trust that if we can
stay with ourselves and staywith our journey and stay open
to life, that life will poursomething new into us, that our
soul will help us alchemize theingredients of whatever was and
nourish it into something thathelps create our present path
(12:50):
and fully supports the self thatwe are becoming.
It's so scary to trust that andI'm really fascinated with that
space because I think so muchof life happens here in that
void, on that precipice ofchange between what was and what
will be, and I think it's morecomfortable when we're in a
space of surety.
(13:11):
It's so much more comfortablewhen we feel I like my version
of self, I know who I am,everything in life is going
exactly how I want it to.
I don't know how often any ofus feels that, but we do have
these moments where it justfeels like a blue banner day and
being able to know that we canfind gratitude for the times
(13:31):
that we feel really in sync withourselves and also find peace
and acceptance when we don't andwe feel really in sync with
ourselves, and also find peaceand acceptance when we don't and
we feel like we're goingthrough personal transformation.
That is where so much of ourgrowth and our soul work is at,
and I think oftentimes, whenthings are going well, people
might feel like they're waitingfor the other shoe to drop, or
waiting for whatever it isthat's going to come along and
(13:53):
mess it all up and we don't haveto live with a negative sense
of expectation about the future.
I think that we can know thatlife likely will change, because
the constant here on our planetis change, and so we have to
find ways for our well-being,for inner peace, for our
psychological wholeness, toaccept and embrace the
(14:16):
impermanence of things andaccept and embrace change so
when it comes and whatever formit shows up in, we are able to
say, well, hello there, I havebeen waiting for you, I knew you
would emerge eventually, andhere you are, and let's figure
this out together, as opposed tofeeling like we're being
(14:37):
punished by life or that life issomehow doing something to us.
And so I'm really fascinatedwith this idea of how do we find
philosophy for this in betweenspace where we are just able to
surrender when change starts tocome our way, because things are
constantly changing anyways,whether or not we want to
(14:58):
acknowledge it.
They change on a day-to-daybasis, and so even when we feel
like it's all come together andwe're celebrating a moment of
completion, things are stillshifting behind the scenes, and
that's not a bad thing.
That's life, it is part of oursoul's journey, is to have an
experience, a really rich andnourishing experience of what it
(15:19):
is to evolve and to go throughcreativity and chaos and
construction and reinvention andall of those beautiful themes
that have to do with becoming.
There's a couple terms that areJapanese that really speak to
this philosophy of findingbeauty and impermanence and
embracing impermanence.
(15:39):
One of them is called wabi-sabi, and this was something that I
stumbled across maybe a coupleyears ago, and it was the beauty
of impermanence and acceptingthis very humble beauty and
simplicity, of just findingbeauty in the imperfection in
life and embracing thatimperfection, and embracing that
(16:00):
hole, that void, that somethingmight not ever feel complete,
or we get to a place ofcompletion and something falls
apart, and so we're back tofeeling incomplete, and when I
stumbled across this word, itjust spoke so beautifully to
what I've been circling aroundanyways, in my own writings and
my own thinking, without reallyhaving a term to ground it in.
(16:23):
I always thought of it as beingboth broken and whole at the
same time.
We are whole in the sense thatwe are whole as a soul.
We are already whole on ourpath, we are already enough, and
yet some part of us is alwaysseeking to grow.
It's a little bit broken.
We are whole as a soul.
We are already whole on ourpath, we are already enough, and
yet some part of us is alwaysseeking to grow.
It's a little bit broken.
It feels separate from perhapsknowing ourselves in a spiritual
(16:48):
form and perhaps feelingseparated from love as a human,
separated from that source andthat collective.
There's this part of us thatmight always feel a little bit
messy, a little bit chaotic,subject to the conditions of
being human, which isbeautifully imperfect and
mistake-driven.
We're here to make mistakes andto learn and to grow, and so
(17:08):
this idea of being broken andwhole, this idea of embracing
our perfections and findingbeauty in them this term of
wabi-sabi spoke to that sobeautifully in me.
And then I recently ran across aphrase.
It's new to me, some of thelisteners might have heard of it
before, but it's called mano noawari.
(17:29):
I'm probably pronouncing that alittle bit off, but it's about
this deep sensitivity andawareness of the fleeting beauty
of things, the transience ofthings.
It translates to thesensitivity of things and it
speaks to that gentle sadnessthat we might sometimes have
around recognizing as beautifulas the moment is, it's passing
(17:53):
and I think many people canrelate to that.
But in particular I thinkhighly sensitive people and
empaths and energy sensitivescan really perhaps relate to
those kinds of themes, becauseoftentimes we have a deep
sensitivity around what'shappening under the surface and
so we can experience thisprofoundness of beauty, but
(18:14):
sometimes this profoundbittersweet as well that speaks
to life's ever changing currentsand just being aware that
they're changing and how we makepeace with that and find peace
with that.
I believe it's not to resist it,it's not to give in to
melancholy or to always feel sadthat life is passing us by as
(18:37):
we speak.
It is to find a way to embracethat and to make friends with
that and to accept it as abeautiful, natural condition of
life.
To look to nature Natureteaches us so much about letting
go and having a brief burst ofseason that will sometimes pass.
Flowers are such greatmessengers of that because
(18:59):
sometimes they'll come out inthis beautiful bloom and their
season often doesn't lastforever, it's just for a season,
and when they wilt and fadethey let go so easily, knowing
that they will regrow again.
Something new will be reborn,and so finding a way to be
peaceful with that, I feel likefor me right now, that's a
(19:19):
really big soul theme.
It is a profound life lesson.
It's one I see myself workingon for a while that speaks to
where I'm at in middle age andsome of the bigger themes that I
see going on in my personallife and just going on as well
in the collective and in theworld.
So this is an active soullesson for me right now, and I
(19:43):
recently wrote a piece thismorning that was speaking to
these topics because they wereon my heart today and that was
some of the genesis andinspiration for this entire
podcast.
So I want to close with thispiece today.
It's unpublished.
I was just writing it just afew hours ago with my morning
coffee and I had my little iPadout and was typing on it and
(20:06):
this piece rolled off, and soit's not super polished, but I
think that's kind of beautifultoo, when we're talking about
wabi sabi and something notbeing complete and just finding
beauty in the imperfection andappreciating the roughness of
something and accepting it forwhat it is and seeing the simple
beauty there.
So this is untitled.
(20:28):
We'll call it Unpublished Worksfrom the Journal of Bethann.
It is a brave and bold thing toface our own becoming, to allow
ourselves to leave the nest andcontainers that have held us and
risk letting go, to continuallyrelease as often as we need in
order to become, to become athome and one version of
(20:52):
ourselves, only to find that itshifts and we no longer quite
fit our old understanding andare once more called to voyage
the seas of soul, venturing intouncharted waters.
We cannot exist in the momentsof our past.
We can remember, we can honor,we can learn from what was, but
(21:15):
we cannot live there, nor are wemeant to, for the vibrancy will
forever be here and now.
We can know, though, that eachpiece of who we were still
travels with us, each good thingand loved moment and aspect of
self that felt authentic andbeautiful and true.
It is all still there inside ofyou.
(21:37):
You cannot lose the love you'vepoured into your heart, even
after the goodness of a momentis past.
And to belong to oneself is tolove.
So any moment you feel you'vebelonged to, any love you feel
you belong to, is still withinyou, helping keep the fires of
your soul ignited andalchemizing the ever-unfolding
(22:00):
essence of you.
We cannot always see the formor appreciate the carefully
crafted beauty of our soul'sorchestrations reweaving our
past into our present to createa healed and wholer future self.
But we can find courage eachtime we're called to leave an
old container of self.
(22:21):
We can learn to contain andanchor into something real and
true inside of ourselves thatholds the essence of truth.
We can appreciate and celebratethe art of becoming and
remember that all of thistransience is a beautiful dance
of evolution and we take with usthe love we've collected along
(22:43):
the way and the experiences thatenrich our wisdom and being.
You cannot lose what's in yourheart.
Hold fast to that dear one andremember, no matter how
comfortable a nest might seem,the truth of your wings, bright
soul.
Remember the truth of yourwings, your wings.
(23:12):
Something that I have found sohelpful throughout the years is
this idea of knowing that Ican't take, I can't stay in a
moment, I can't take it with me,I can only experience it.
But I can think about pouringwhat's best into my heart Almost
.
If I could take this liquefiedor elements of the energy, of
whatever it was that I lovedabout a moment, whatever a
moment, or a love or arelationship or a version of
(23:34):
self, whatever energies andessences and beauty and wisdom
and growth, whatever itrepresented to me, I can pour
that energy into me and I canknow that it still travels with
me and I like to think of thisas just pouring it in, like this
ingredient that is going tokeep mixing with all these other
pieces of myself and brewingand bubbling and alchemizing and
(23:58):
my soul's helping create thispotion, this composition, this
masterpiece, and it will use itsomehow and I might not know
exactly what form, but I canknow that the love that I have,
that it goes with me, the wisdomI've earned that goes with me,
the gift of an experience thatgoes with me, so I don't have to
(24:18):
hold on to it in tangible form.
I can trust that it's in me andthe treasure box of my heart
and I will imagine sometimesjust pouring it into me like a
liquid energy and sealing itaway, not to try and grip it or
control it, but to honor it andsay, well, I don't have to lose
this.
You can't lose love, right?
(24:39):
All the love that we've hadjust becomes a bigger part of
our mosaic and our collection,and we grow as a soul that way
and add more love into us.
So I have found that beautifuland comforting.
I hope it offers someperspective to you, and I think
that note of incompletion todayis a beautiful way to end this
(25:00):
podcast.
These themes that I'm sharingthere's not a resolution,
there's not a punctuation pointfor what we should do with them.
It's a human theme that we'reall figuring out how do we find
ourselves and make peace withthe beauty of impermanence.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Every passage that I read,other than my unpublished one,
(25:23):
and the books that I mentionedare all available on Amazon and,
I believe, barnes and Noble aswell, and probably some other
major online retailers, and Ihope that you have a beautiful
week.
I will be back next week withan all new episode of your Heart
Magic.
As always.
Be well, be love.
Be you and be magic.
(25:45):
Love, be you and be magic.
Intro/Outro Music (25:52):
You've been listening to your Heart Magic
with Dr Bethann Kapansky-Wright.
Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wrig (26:04):
Tune in next week for a new episode
to support and empower yourlight.
Aloha and welcome to your Heart Magic, an
illuminating space wherepsychology, spirituality and
heart wisdom meet.
Here's your host, dr BethannKapansky-Wright.
Author, psychologist andspiritual educator.
Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wri (00:32):
Aloha everybody.
This is Dr BethannKapansky-Wright and welcome to
today's your Heart Magic episode.
I am doing a Talk Story Timeepisode today and, if you're
familiar with Talk Storytime ornot, they are episodes where I
share a few passages from mywork that speak to some kind of
(00:53):
theme or something that tiesthem together and just share
some candid reflections on mythoughts and the inspirations
behind it and reflecting on thesymbiotic process of taking some
of the things I might beexperiencing or learning and
putting them into words thatoften end up going beyond just
(01:14):
me and creating meaning andspeaking to something that
touches on a similar theme forsomebody else.
Something I really love aboutbeing a writer and writing about
life and transformation andspirituality and wellness and
being human is that, even thoughwe are all so different and we
(01:36):
have our unique vantage points,there's these themes and
archetypes and similarities thatwe also all go through and
they're universal and I thinkit's really beautiful when we
can see each other in thosethemes and see facets of each
other reflected in that likeness.
So today's topic is thetransience of life and trying to
(02:00):
find beauty in the transience.
Something that's been relevantto me for a while is the gifts
of impermanence and trying tomake peace with the impermanence
and peace with life.
As it passes by and as Icontinue to age, I find this to
be an increasingly relevanttheme, and I really find myself
(02:22):
drawn to philosophies and drawnto ways of thinking and
developing a perspective thatallows me to try and find more
radical acceptance for theprocess of life, which can be so
beautiful and so wonderful andfull in its moments and the
richness of its moments, and theother side of that coin,
(02:45):
because life is both shadow andlight.
And so the shadow side of thatperhaps is also the grief or
this bittersweet tang that cancome from letting go of
something or releasing something, or finding acceptance for the
form of something that is fading, and letting it be what it was,
(03:06):
and not trying to necessarilyrecreate it or hold on to it or
cling to it, but just lettingsomething have a natural cycle
of life.
And so this is a deep topic,it's a rich topic, it is
probably one that I will foreverbe writing about from slightly
different angles, wherever I'mat on my timeline, and the first
(03:28):
passage that I want to sharetoday that speaks to this is
from Revelations of the Sky, andit's called Finding Home, and I
wrote this back in the summerof 2018.
I had been living in Kauai forabout one year at that point and
I felt myself a littlesplenched between my old life
(03:50):
and a new life, what once wasand no longer was, and what was
emerging but not quite groundedyet.
And I was also going throughloss at the time of knowing that
our sweet dog Samwise had braincancer and wouldn't be with us
much longer.
So this poem really touches onnotes of yearning and
(04:13):
wistfulness, and beauty andlooking to nature to offer a
language that spoke to some ofthe things I was feeling through
elements in the natural world.
Finding Home when did lastsummer become a fading memory
and when did this summer becomethe days whose breaths I beat
(04:35):
and breathe?
I traded the blush of thelavender trees and the pink
peonies and soft fireweed forthe jungle green and the scent
of the sea and the hints oftuberose which waft with
evening's warm breeze.
I traded the feel of summer'sendless peaks, autumn's golden
(04:57):
leaves, winter's silver freezefor ocean's blue eaves and
sunshine dreams and an island ofmagic and mystery.
I traded the grace of goose's,lake's geese and light's
solstice sweep and bird ridgessteep for the ooze of heat and a
softer me and a chance to bebigger, to be more, to be free.
(05:22):
Yet maybe there will always bea part of me beating in the
earth I've left behind and therosy tundra and shale gray
mountains and the evergreens ofarctic pines, even as I learn to
embrace these days, create newways and ride the waves of
change that ring with hearts.
(05:43):
Goodbye, finding my home in theseam of these times, I think
the idea in life that forsomething to be born, something
has to be cleared out in orderto make space for that.
And when I had made this shiftfrom Alaska to Kauai, I wrote
(06:04):
this line in here that says Itraded it for a chance to be
bigger, to be more, to be free,to be free.
And it's like I'd let go ofthis old container self that was
constraining me in some ways tocome, meet my unmatched self
and crystallize aspects ofmyself and experience me in
(06:24):
different ways than I was havingthe opportunity to do, and the
life I'd constructed.
And it was a beautiful choice.
It was a very soulful choice,one that really followed a
heart's calling.
I had to let go of so much inorder to honor that choice and
that particular summer, when Iwrote that poem, we'd been here
(06:44):
about a year and with theimminent passing of Samwise, who
had come with us from Alaskaand held so much of my heart,
still holds so much of my heart,I think that I was missing home
, but not in a way that I wantedto move back to Alaska or I
felt like I made a mistake oranything like that.
(07:07):
It wasn't about that.
It was more this wistfulyearning for a sense of
belonging and the belonging thatI'd created there and not quite
being in a place of belongingin that particular version of
Bethann.
And this is a strange place tobe identity-wise.
There's times that we belong toa time and a space and we
(07:29):
really know ourselves withinthat context, and then life
moves us along or change happensSometimes it is a chosen change
, sometimes it's forced changeand we feel like the rug's been
pulled out from under us and wehave to reinvent ourselves.
We have to find somethingwithin ourselves and reconstruct
(07:49):
and repiece our sense of selftogether, our identity together.
We have to learn to belong tothat version of ourself, and
that takes a while.
We don't learn to belong tosomething just because we decide
to make a major life change.
Belonging is something thathappens over many moon cycles
(08:09):
and seasons, and learning tosink into who we are and listen
to our hearts and have a senseof who am I, what's this version
of myself at this point in timeand what holds true for me.
And so going through thisimminent loss of Samwise was
about to thrust me back intothis grief journey and I was
pretty upset about it.
(08:30):
It had only been a little overtwo years since losing Brent and
then leaving Alaska behind andgoing through all those grief
and goodbyes, and now here isthis anchor and this beloved
animal companion who was a furrysoulmate, and I'm being asked
to let that go.
And I was just really like inthe feels.
(08:52):
So I feel like this poem reallyrepresents that longing for
something unnamed and so much ofit was represented in Alaska
and my relationship with theland in Alaska and yet fixing my
sights on be here now andappreciate the gifts now, and
that I'm learning to belong tothis time and space.
(09:14):
So this next passage that Iwant to read is called Dancing
Leaves.
It was originally published inLamentations of the Sea and I
reworked it and it enfolded itsway into Small Pearls, big
Wisdom.
It's in the grief section inthis book.
Dancing Leaves.
(09:35):
Any undoing, shedding or losingcreates a space where life has
room to pour new things into us.
Endings are a genesis forpotential.
Metamorphosis happens in thevoid, when we must find a way
through the darkness.
It is the metaphorical spacewhere the caterpillar reaches
the end of his world and becomesa butterfly.
(09:57):
Desperation provides theingredients for inspiration.
Chaos the material for creation, the space where the leaf
learns to free itself by fallingfrom the tree, returning to the
ground so it can become thesoil and seed for new life.
It can feel terrible when lifebrings us to the end of the
(10:19):
world as we know it, to the endof something inside ourselves,
when we can't see anything butblack space beyond our current
space.
We are left to trust that if wego forward, relinquish control
and have faith in the process,we will discover our chrysalis.
We all have our path to thisprecipice of change.
(10:41):
We arrive through the loss of arelationship, through hardship
and difficulty, through illnessand injury, through the end of a
chapter.
We sometimes realize we weredone writing long before we set
down the pen.
Sometimes we are deposited hereunceremoniously when we
suddenly lose something we neverbelieved we would lose and we
(11:02):
find ourselves at the mercy oflife's forces.
We are brought here so we canchoose whether to contract in
fear, trying to squeezeourselves back into an old shell
of self that no longer fits, orto expand in faith, venturing
into the black space of theunknown, believing we will find
(11:23):
new ground if we are braveenough to see the journey
through.
The journey requires a greatdeal of surrender, for it is
only in letting go of how wethink things should be that we
can develop into who we aremeant to be.
A never-ending cycle of dancingleaves who learn to grow when
it is time to grow and when todrop when life calls us to
(11:45):
release.
We are undone so that we canbecome.
I'm fascinated with the voidspace and I think in that piece
of writing I called it thisblackness, this hole that's left
when we let go of something andit leaves a void in us.
It leaves a void in our lifeand we think what is going to
(12:06):
possibly fill this?
And I think a lot of times thisis psychologically where it's
really easy for people to wanderinto things that fill it that
may or may not be healthy orconstructive for us.
It's uncomfortable to have thatvoid space in our life and to
be out of sorts and to feel sadand to feel grief and to weather
(12:28):
the chaos of that the notknowing and trust that if we can
stay with ourselves and staywith our journey and stay open
to life, that life will poursomething new into us, that our
soul will help us alchemize theingredients of whatever was and
nourish it into something thathelps create our present path
(12:50):
and fully supports the self thatwe are becoming.
It's so scary to trust that andI'm really fascinated with that
space because I think so muchof life happens here in that
void, on that precipice ofchange between what was and what
will be, and I think it's morecomfortable when we're in a
space of surety.
(13:11):
It's so much more comfortablewhen we feel I like my version
of self, I know who I am,everything in life is going
exactly how I want it to.
I don't know how often any ofus feels that, but we do have
these moments where it justfeels like a blue banner day and
being able to know that we canfind gratitude for the times
(13:31):
that we feel really in sync withourselves and also find peace
and acceptance when we don't andwe feel really in sync with
ourselves, and also find peaceand acceptance when we don't and
we feel like we're goingthrough personal transformation.
That is where so much of ourgrowth and our soul work is at,
and I think oftentimes, whenthings are going well, people
might feel like they're waitingfor the other shoe to drop, or
waiting for whatever it isthat's going to come along and
(13:53):
mess it all up and we don't haveto live with a negative sense
of expectation about the future.
I think that we can know thatlife likely will change, because
the constant here on our planetis change, and so we have to
find ways for our well-being,for inner peace, for our
psychological wholeness, toaccept and embrace the
(14:16):
impermanence of things andaccept and embrace change so
when it comes and whatever formit shows up in, we are able to
say, well, hello there, I havebeen waiting for you, I knew you
would emerge eventually, andhere you are, and let's figure
this out together, as opposed tofeeling like we're being
(14:37):
punished by life or that life issomehow doing something to us.
And so I'm really fascinatedwith this idea of how do we find
philosophy for this in betweenspace where we are just able to
surrender when change starts tocome our way, because things are
constantly changing anyways,whether or not we want to
(14:58):
acknowledge it.
They change on a day-to-daybasis, and so even when we feel
like it's all come together andwe're celebrating a moment of
completion, things are stillshifting behind the scenes, and
that's not a bad thing.
That's life, it is part of oursoul's journey, is to have an
experience, a really rich andnourishing experience of what it
(15:19):
is to evolve and to go throughcreativity and chaos and
construction and reinvention andall of those beautiful themes
that have to do with becoming.
There's a couple terms that areJapanese that really speak to
this philosophy of findingbeauty and impermanence and
embracing impermanence.
(15:39):
One of them is called wabi-sabi, and this was something that I
stumbled across maybe a coupleyears ago, and it was the beauty
of impermanence and acceptingthis very humble beauty and
simplicity, of just findingbeauty in the imperfection in
life and embracing thatimperfection, and embracing that
(16:00):
hole, that void, that somethingmight not ever feel complete,
or we get to a place ofcompletion and something falls
apart, and so we're back tofeeling incomplete, and when I
stumbled across this word, itjust spoke so beautifully to
what I've been circling aroundanyways, in my own writings and
my own thinking, without reallyhaving a term to ground it in.
(16:23):
I always thought of it as beingboth broken and whole at the
same time.
We are whole in the sense thatwe are whole as a soul.
We are already whole on ourpath, we are already enough, and
yet some part of us is alwaysseeking to grow.
It's a little bit broken.
We are whole as a soul.
We are already whole on ourpath, we are already enough, and
yet some part of us is alwaysseeking to grow.
It's a little bit broken.
It feels separate from perhapsknowing ourselves in a spiritual
(16:48):
form and perhaps feelingseparated from love as a human,
separated from that source andthat collective.
There's this part of us thatmight always feel a little bit
messy, a little bit chaotic,subject to the conditions of
being human, which isbeautifully imperfect and
mistake-driven.
We're here to make mistakes andto learn and to grow, and so
(17:08):
this idea of being broken andwhole, this idea of embracing
our perfections and findingbeauty in them this term of
wabi-sabi spoke to that sobeautifully in me.
And then I recently ran across aphrase.
It's new to me, some of thelisteners might have heard of it
before, but it's called mano noawari.
(17:29):
I'm probably pronouncing that alittle bit off, but it's about
this deep sensitivity andawareness of the fleeting beauty
of things, the transience ofthings.
It translates to thesensitivity of things and it
speaks to that gentle sadnessthat we might sometimes have
around recognizing as beautifulas the moment is, it's passing
(17:53):
and I think many people canrelate to that.
But in particular I thinkhighly sensitive people and
empaths and energy sensitivescan really perhaps relate to
those kinds of themes, becauseoftentimes we have a deep
sensitivity around what'shappening under the surface and
so we can experience thisprofoundness of beauty, but
(18:14):
sometimes this profoundbittersweet as well that speaks
to life's ever changing currentsand just being aware that
they're changing and how we makepeace with that and find peace
with that.
I believe it's not to resist it,it's not to give in to
melancholy or to always feel sadthat life is passing us by as
(18:37):
we speak.
It is to find a way to embracethat and to make friends with
that and to accept it as abeautiful, natural condition of
life.
To look to nature Natureteaches us so much about letting
go and having a brief burst ofseason that will sometimes pass.
Flowers are such greatmessengers of that because
(18:59):
sometimes they'll come out inthis beautiful bloom and their
season often doesn't lastforever, it's just for a season,
and when they wilt and fadethey let go so easily, knowing
that they will regrow again.
Something new will be reborn,and so finding a way to be
peaceful with that, I feel likefor me right now, that's a
(19:19):
really big soul theme.
It is a profound life lesson.
It's one I see myself workingon for a while that speaks to
where I'm at in middle age andsome of the bigger themes that I
see going on in my personallife and just going on as well
in the collective and in theworld.
So this is an active soullesson for me right now, and I
(19:43):
recently wrote a piece thismorning that was speaking to
these topics because they wereon my heart today and that was
some of the genesis andinspiration for this entire
podcast.
So I want to close with thispiece today.
It's unpublished.
I was just writing it just afew hours ago with my morning
coffee and I had my little iPadout and was typing on it and
(20:06):
this piece rolled off, and soit's not super polished, but I
think that's kind of beautifultoo, when we're talking about
wabi sabi and something notbeing complete and just finding
beauty in the imperfection andappreciating the roughness of
something and accepting it forwhat it is and seeing the simple
beauty there.
So this is untitled.
(20:28):
We'll call it Unpublished Worksfrom the Journal of Bethann.
It is a brave and bold thing toface our own becoming, to allow
ourselves to leave the nest andcontainers that have held us and
risk letting go, to continuallyrelease as often as we need in
order to become, to become athome and one version of
(20:52):
ourselves, only to find that itshifts and we no longer quite
fit our old understanding andare once more called to voyage
the seas of soul, venturing intouncharted waters.
We cannot exist in the momentsof our past.
We can remember, we can honor,we can learn from what was, but
(21:15):
we cannot live there, nor are wemeant to, for the vibrancy will
forever be here and now.
We can know, though, that eachpiece of who we were still
travels with us, each good thingand loved moment and aspect of
self that felt authentic andbeautiful and true.
It is all still there inside ofyou.
(21:37):
You cannot lose the love you'vepoured into your heart, even
after the goodness of a momentis past.
And to belong to oneself is tolove.
So any moment you feel you'vebelonged to, any love you feel
you belong to, is still withinyou, helping keep the fires of
your soul ignited andalchemizing the ever-unfolding
(22:00):
essence of you.
We cannot always see the formor appreciate the carefully
crafted beauty of our soul'sorchestrations reweaving our
past into our present to createa healed and wholer future self.
But we can find courage eachtime we're called to leave an
old container of self.
(22:21):
We can learn to contain andanchor into something real and
true inside of ourselves thatholds the essence of truth.
We can appreciate and celebratethe art of becoming and
remember that all of thistransience is a beautiful dance
of evolution and we take with usthe love we've collected along
(22:43):
the way and the experiences thatenrich our wisdom and being.
You cannot lose what's in yourheart.
Hold fast to that dear one andremember, no matter how
comfortable a nest might seem,the truth of your wings, bright
soul.
Remember the truth of yourwings, your wings.
(23:12):
Something that I have found sohelpful throughout the years is
this idea of knowing that Ican't take, I can't stay in a
moment, I can't take it with me,I can only experience it.
But I can think about pouringwhat's best into my heart Almost
.
If I could take this liquefiedor elements of the energy, of
whatever it was that I lovedabout a moment, whatever a
moment, or a love or arelationship or a version of
(23:34):
self, whatever energies andessences and beauty and wisdom
and growth, whatever itrepresented to me, I can pour
that energy into me and I canknow that it still travels with
me and I like to think of thisas just pouring it in, like this
ingredient that is going tokeep mixing with all these other
pieces of myself and brewingand bubbling and alchemizing and
(23:58):
my soul's helping create thispotion, this composition, this
masterpiece, and it will use itsomehow and I might not know
exactly what form, but I canknow that the love that I have,
that it goes with me, the wisdomI've earned that goes with me,
the gift of an experience thatgoes with me, so I don't have to
(24:18):
hold on to it in tangible form.
I can trust that it's in me andthe treasure box of my heart
and I will imagine sometimesjust pouring it into me like a
liquid energy and sealing itaway, not to try and grip it or
control it, but to honor it andsay, well, I don't have to lose
this.
You can't lose love, right?
(24:39):
All the love that we've hadjust becomes a bigger part of
our mosaic and our collection,and we grow as a soul that way
and add more love into us.
So I have found that beautifuland comforting.
I hope it offers someperspective to you, and I think
that note of incompletion todayis a beautiful way to end this
(25:00):
podcast.
These themes that I'm sharingthere's not a resolution,
there's not a punctuation pointfor what we should do with them.
It's a human theme that we'reall figuring out how do we find
ourselves and make peace withthe beauty of impermanence.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Every passage that I read,other than my unpublished one,
(25:23):
and the books that I mentionedare all available on Amazon and,
I believe, barnes and Noble aswell, and probably some other
major online retailers, and Ihope that you have a beautiful
week.
I will be back next week withan all new episode of your Heart
Magic.
As always.
Be well, be love.
Be you and be magic.
(25:45):
Love, be you and be magic.
Intro/Outro Music (25:52):
You've been listening to your Heart Magic
with Dr Bethann Kapansky-Wright.
Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wrig (26:04):
Tune in next week for a new episode
to support and empower yourlight.
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