110 | How to Stop Letting Money Control You and Start Creating Real Financial Confidence

Got a question? Send me a text.

Does it ever feel like your mood, decisions, or sense of safety are completely wrapped up with your money?

In this episode, we're diving into why money feels so emotionally charged—and how to shift out of fear and into real financial confidence. Money only feels like it’s controlling you because you’ve (unknowingly) handed your power over to it.

Most of us were conditioned to believe that money equals security, success, or even love. So, when we don’t have “enough,” it can trigger shame, fear, or paralysis. That’s not a financial literacy problem—it’s a nervous system and identity conversation.

Here’s what we explore in this episode:

• Why traditional financial strategies ignore the emotional root of money stress
• How conditional thinking like “I can’t spend until I feel safe” keeps you stuck
• What it means to ask: Who am I being with money?
• The difference between “green light” (aligned) and “red light” (fear-based) financial decisions
• How to build bridge beliefs that support an empowered money identity
• Why nervous system regulation is key to financial freedom and long-term wealth

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Having: The Secret Art of Feeling and Growing Rich by Suh Yoon Lee and Jooyun Hong

Want to learn more or connect with me?

Step 1: Join my FREE Facebook Community.

Connect, share, and learn how to master your money with other women just like you.

➡️ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/941450038160915

Step 2: Grab your FREE Human Design chart

Curious what your Human Design chart reveals about how you're uniquely designed to make aligned financial decisions?

➡️ Get your chart here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/receive-your-human-design-chart

Step 3: Ready to transform your relationship with money and build true financial confidence?

Let’s create a plan that feels aligned, intentional, and empowering—just for you.

➡️ Schedule your free clarity call here (https://tidycal.com/eringray/30-min-call-with-erin)

Money doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Let's create a plan that feels nurturing and custom to you.

From my soul to yours,

Erin

Episode Transcript

Erin Gray (00:00):
Have you ever felt like your entire mood depends on
your bank account balance, likemoney is somehow calling the
shots in your life, dictatingwhat you can and cannot do, how
you feel and even how you seeyourself?
If so, I want you to know thatyou are not alone.
This has been my journey.
It is, more often than not, alot of my clients when they

(00:22):
first come to see me, and sotoday I'm going to offer you a
different way of looking at this, because the truth is, money
only feels like it's in controlbecause we have handed over our
power to it, and this is how Ilive for years, attaching so
much meaning to money, my safety, my worth, my sense of security

(00:45):
, my enoughness, and it reallyran my emotional world for a
very long time.
And the shift that happens whenyou change your identity to
someone who is confident andleads their money.
That is when you truly takeyour power back.
Do you want to create a systemto stop avoiding your money?

(01:06):
Maybe you're feeling guilt andshame when it comes to your
finances.
Welcome to your Money, yourRules.
I'm Erin, a former certifiedfinancial planner and CFO, and
yet I used to avoid my money andhad fear, no matter how much we
had.
I can't wait to teach you how Iovercame my money avoidance and
started consistently managingmy finances in a really simple

(01:29):
way.
It's time to get comfortablewith money.
If you're tired of doing thiswork alone, I want to invite you
to schedule a one-on-one masteryour money coaching session.
Together, we will look at yourunique financial situation.
Together, we will look at yourunique financial situation,
clarify your goals, what youwant, your values, and then

(01:50):
create a customized plan thatblends practical strategies with
human design insights.
You will walk away with toolsto simplify your money
management.
If you are ready for moreclarity, more peace of mind,
schedule your one-on-one sessionby going to my website,
generatealifewelllivedcom, andlet's work together to create a

(02:14):
financial plan that truly worksfor you.
So let's talk about why.
I think money feels like it'sdriving the bus and like it's in
control, and I believe thatthat comes back to attachment.
You know most of us were taughtgrowing up, directly or
indirectly, that money equalssecurity, power, status and

(02:36):
sometimes even love, and so whathappens is we become attached,
not just practically right, butactual, emotionally.
So when we check our bankaccount, we hope that that's
going to make us feel secure.
We might feel fear and panic ifit dips.

(02:57):
We avoid spending even when wehave enough, because we have
equated money in a certaindollar amount to security.
And it's not the numbers that'screating the issue, it's the
meaning that we are giving tothese numbers.
So how does attachment actuallyshow up or what does it look

(03:17):
like?
I think it is very conditionalthinking and feeling.
It might look like you feelunsafe spending even on things
that you need, because you weretaught that a certain amount of
money should stay in your bankaccount or a certain amount of
money equals security.
You might say things like well,once I hit X number in my

(03:43):
business or once I have X amountsaved like this has been the
story of my life up untilseveral years ago then I'm going
to feel better.
Right, you might feel shamebecause you aren't earning
enough or generating enoughmoney, or you might even be
delaying decisions because youare waiting for permission from

(04:04):
your finances, and all of thesetypes of behaviors really puts
money in the driver's seat andyou more in that reactive state.
Okay, so you might be askingokay, great, aaron, so now I
know how I am being conditionaland I'm being attached with
money.
How do I get out of this?
How do I break the cycle?
And my answer is we have toshift our identity.

(04:26):
You know, most people try tochange their finances through
doing some type of external workwithout doing that internal
work, because that is easier,right, and it is a short-term
fix.
So we try to use willpower Imean, I think about this from
just like, you know, with food.

(04:49):
You know how many times have wetried to go on a diet but it
doesn't work.
Because we try to use willpower, we try to restrict, we do all
of those things, but we haven'tchanged who we are.
Right, I am a non-drinker.
So when someone asks me and Idon't care if you drink, I'm
just using this as an example Idon't, I don't drink.
And so when someone asks me, doyou want to have?

(05:10):
You know they pass me the menufor out in a restaurant.
Or you know, hey, let's gettogether.
You know, let's have some wine.
I don't drink.
So it's not even who I am, it'snot my identity.
My identity is someone whodrinks water, who drinks seltzer
water, who drinks iced tea andkombucha and lattes.
I don't drink alcohol.

(05:30):
And so when we are trying touse willpower, right, we think
we're going to budget harder, orwe're going to restrict more,
or we're going to work more, orwe're going to wait until we
feel ready.
But that is all external thingswe have to decide right.
Real change starts with thequestion of who am I being with

(05:52):
money?
Am I being an anxious personwith money?
Am I being an avoidant personwith money?
Am I being an over-controllingor hyper-vigilant person with
money?
You can decide today to beconfident, like I am a confident
person.
I am highly resourceful, likethings that I tell myself and I

(06:14):
believe about myself.
I am highly resourceful, I'mhighly successful, I am
empowered.
I love myself.
I am highly resourceful, I'mhighly successful, I am
empowered, I love myself, I amconfident, I am powerful.
And so you can decide to one.
Tell yourself these things andstart forming new beliefs around
this and also be confident withyour money.

(06:36):
So someone who is confident withtheir money, so someone who is
confident with their money,someone who feels at peace with
their money, someone who is calm, who is trusting with their
money, how are they acting?
What are they thinking andfeeling, versus someone who is
feeling anxious or avoidant ortrying to control?
So you have to ask yourself whoam I being?

(06:59):
And I think that confidence isa decision we can decide.
I mean, I think that there areseveral ways to look at this.
You know you can if, if, if yousay to yourself, I am a
confident person or I amconfident with my money and that
doesn't feel true in your body,then do some more bridge
thoughts.
Or like a ladder belief, meaninglike I'm in the process of

(07:19):
becoming more confident with mymoney, I'm in the process of
trusting myself with my money,I'm in the process of learning
how to be confident with mymoney, like what feels true in
your body.
Cause if you're tellingyourself I'm confident with your
money and your body isrejecting that, then you don't
truly believe it.
So it is a skillset, it is apractice, right, we live in a

(07:42):
cause and effect world.
So when we show up confidently,things shift because we're
creating that shift.
You know, if I were to show upand I were to be like well, I
think I can help you.
I kind of know money, I kind ofhave helped some people, right,
that's not confident.
Confident is I am 100% capableof helping you, because I have

(08:05):
done this my own self and I havehelped hundreds of other people
and I can help you too, and Ihave seen patterns and paradigm
shifts with myself and otherpeople and I know that I can
help you transform yourrelationship with money, and I
know I can help you.
You see the difference in theenergetic space of like me,
showing up confident, versuslike I think I can, right, and

(08:28):
so this is how, when we areshowing up with ourselves and
with our money, right.
So when you feel confident,think about how you show up
differently.
Think about yourself with theend game in mind.
Right, someone who is confidentin themselves with their money.
They show up weekly for theircheck-ins, right, they aren't

(08:49):
avoiding their money.
When we are choosing prioritiesthat are aligned with our values
, when we are spending inalignment, not from fear.
You know, I recently read thisamazing book called the Having
by Su Yun Lee, and she talksabout she calls it the red light
, green light, which is so Ilove it.

(09:10):
So I always say is the decisioncoming from love or fear?
But she uses the term red lightor green light.
You know, when we are spendingor we are investing our money or
whatever we're doing, is itcoming from a green light of our
soul and alignment that feelsgood to us, or which I say is
love, or is it coming from a redlight, where it's fear-based?
Where it's coming from shouldor have to or very lack

(09:34):
mentality.
And the only way that we areable to know that is if we slow
down and we ask ourselves.
So, letting your presentactions reflect who you want to
become right, acting from thatend place.
Right, someone who is confident.
They make different decisionsbecause they are confident.

(09:56):
So, like I said, trying ondifferent affirmations, like I
trust myself, to figure this out, I am highly resourceful.
I can handle any emotion and ifI say those affirmations and
they don't feel true to you,then you have to take the time
to sit down to figure out whatare the things that I want to

(10:17):
start telling myself that Ibelieve right now.
So, like I said before, if you,if I can handle any emotion
doesn't feel true in your body,maybe it's I'm learning how to
handle any emotion.
It you have to run it throughyour filter to make sure that it
feels true in your body.
And I want to make thisdistinction that detachment does

(10:40):
not mean you don't care.
Like detachment and surrenderin my body feel very similar.
It doesn't mean I don't care.
It doesn't mean that I've givenup.
It means that I am not allowingmy emotions to be dependent on
something outside of me and thatI am letting go of like I'm

(11:02):
doing the work and I trust thatit's going to show up and happen
whatever way it's supposed tohappen.
Because when we are trying tocontrol the, the end game we are
.
That is not our job, right?
Our job is to be in the beliefand showing up and doing our

(11:22):
part.
God, if you believe in God, orcreator source universe, that's
that.
That's their job.
To bring it to us however it'ssupposed to, right.
And so I think that this reallycomes back to trusting
ourselves, trusting in God,spirit source universe to
deliver it however it is bestfor us.

(11:44):
You know, when we are attached,we think we know the best way
to receive what it is we arewanting, right, and we don't.
That's not our job.
So, really starting to askyourself am I coming from a
place?
Am I showing up from a place ofattachment or detachment?
Am I trusting?
Am I doing my part and thenallowing God, spirit source

(12:08):
universe to deliver it to mehowever way I want to?
So, to recap, first andforemost, when we feel like
money is in the driver's seat,it is coming from, more often
than not, a place of attachment,of not trusting, and attachment

(12:30):
looks like very conditionalthinking and feeling.
And so how do we get out of it?
We have to shift our identity.
We have to be constantly askingourselves who is the woman that
, who is the woman that, andreally practicing being in that
energy.
If you're tired of feelingoverwhelmed or unsure or

(12:51):
carrying this weight of moneystress alone by yourself, I want
you to know that I see you.
You deserve to have supportthat honors both your goals and
how you feel in your body.
So in our Master your Moneycoaching session, together we're
going to create a financialplan that feels grounding and it

(13:15):
feels clear and aligned withyou and who you are.
So often my clients after thefirst session it's almost like
this exhale.
They say you know like I feelso much better because you have
clarity, you aren't secondguessing, you're not having
these numbers just be in theethers versus being really clear

(13:38):
on where you are and whereyou're going to go.
And you don't have to do thisalone.
You totally are capable ofdoing alone and I want to
encourage you that it's a lotmore fun and a lot of times it's
a lot faster.
The transformations are fasterwhen you get to do it with
someone else, so we can do thistogether.
You just head over to mywebsite,

(13:58):
generatealifewelllivedcom andschedule your one hour session
today.
You don't have to figure thisout on your own anymore.
I would love to help andsupport you.
Okay, that's all I have for youtoday.
I'll see you in the nextepisode.
I would love it if you wouldleave a review for this podcast.
It helps the show grow and Ilove hearing from you.
And if this episode resonatedwith you and you have a business

(14:20):
bestie who is also avoiding hermoney, will you share this
episode with her?
My mission is to help morefemale entrepreneurs feel safe
and empowered with their money.
Okay, I'll see you in the nextepisode.