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June 2, 2025 16 mins

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When was the last time you thought, “When I hit my financial goal, then I'll feel .....? In this episode, we explore how to break the deep-rooted connection between your self-worth and your net worth—and why disconnecting them is the key to true financial freedom.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why your worth is inherent and never tied to a dollar amount
  • How nervous system dysregulation feeds money guilt and avoidance
  • 3 practical ways to separate your identity from your finances
  • The importance of celebrating progress before reaching big goals
  • How to shift from “not enough” to sufficiency—and beyond

Want to learn more or connect with me?


Step 1: Join my FREE Facebook Community.

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➡️ Get your chart here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/receive-your-human-design-chart

Step 3: Ready to transform your relationship with money and build true financial confidence?

Let’s create a plan that feels aligned, intentional, and empowering—just for you.

➡️ Schedule your free clarity call here (https://tidycal.com/eringray/30-min-call-with-erin)

Money doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Let's create a plan that feels nurturing and custom to you.

From my soul to yours,

Erin

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Erin Gray (00:00):
You ever catch yourself measuring your value by
how much money you have ordon't have, or maybe the revenue
of your business.
This can be especially trickyfor us female entrepreneurs,
because I believe that a lot ofus were taught that our value
and our self-worth is to bemeasured by something external,
outside of us, and today'sepisode is all about breaking

(00:21):
free from that belief that yourmoney defines your worth.
I'm going to share how toseparate your financial
situation from your self-esteemand your worth so that you can
build a thriving business withconfidence, not from a place of
financial validation.
Do you want to create a systemto stop avoiding your money?
Maybe you're feeling guilt andshame when it comes to your

(00:44):
finances.
Welcome to your Money, yourRules.
I'm Erin, a former certifiedfinancial planner and CFO, and
yet I used to avoid my money andhad fear, no matter how much we
had.
I can't wait to teach you how Iovercame my money avoidance and
started consistently managingmy finances in a really simple
way.
It's time to get comfortablewith money.

(01:07):
If you're ready to untangleyour relationship with money,
not just on paper the deep inyour body and your spirit.
I want you to know that youdon't have to do this alone.
You know, so many of us carrystories about our worth, our
worthiness, that get wrapped upin our bank accounts, in our
income or how good we are oraren't with our money, and I

(01:30):
want you to know that your valuehas never been defined by a
number, nor will it ever be.
It is inherent.
Your worthiness, yourlovability and your deservedness
is just who you are.
In our one-on-one moneysessions, we will gently
separate your financial storyfrom your personal worth.

(01:52):
You know, together we're goingto create a clear, grounded plan
that helps you feel safe, thatyou feel empowered and you feel
aligned with your money andyourself.
And if that feels likesomething that you have been
craving, I would love for you tobook a session.
You can head over to my website, generatealifewelllivedcom, and
I would be honored to walk thispath with you.

(02:15):
So if you are like manyentrepreneurs, especially women,
those are primarily the peoplethat I help.
I have helped some men, butobviously I market to women.
You may have learned peoplethat I help.
I have helped some men, butobviously I market to women.
You know you may have learned totie your self-worth directly to
how much money you make or whatyou do or the value that you

(02:35):
provide.
And I want you to know thatyour money is simply a tool to
build your life and yourbusiness.
It is not a reflection of yourinherent value, of your
lovability, of your deservedness.
Those things are completelyseparate.
You know, if you're like many ofthe women that I help, you may

(02:58):
have learned to tie yourself-worth, your lovability,
your deservedness to somethingoutside of you, right To an
external thing like conditionaland, in this specific example,
right To how much money you makeor maybe the amount of money
that you have.
And I want you to know thatyour money is simply a tool to

(03:19):
build your life and yourbusiness.
It is not a reflection of yourinherent value.
And the reason why that this isproblematic when we put our
worth, our deservedness, ourlovability in something outside
of us.
Because when it is tied to someexternal thing, like your bank
balance or how much money youhave in an account, you are

(03:42):
going you could I don't want tosay you're going to but right
what happens is we fall intothese cycles of self-criticism
because when we put our worth onsomething external of us, it a
lot of times we feel afraid tocharge what our perceived value
is because, deep down, we feellike our worth isn't enough

(04:05):
unless we hit some type offinancial milestone.
And if you're like me and mostof my clients, you're going to
constantly be moving this, thisgoalpost, right Versus knowing
right that who you are, knowingyour self-worth, knowing your
lovability and deservedness, iswho you are.

(04:25):
And this can create thisunhealthy relationship with
money.
And I always like to ask, like,does it actually serve you?
When you put your worth outsideof yourself and those numbers
change, do you make them meansomething about you?
You know, and if you are, isthat actually serving you?
Does that actually feelempowered?

(04:46):
You know, the first step isalways awareness.
We don't have to go down therabbit hole and sometimes you
can easily identify, like I knowthat mine came from my
upbringing, right, and I'm sureit also came from society.
I mean, think about how much,like report cards, if you were a
straight A student, you gottreated differently.
If you never missed a day ofschool, you got treated

(05:09):
differently.
Like all of this praise comesfrom this external like.
How often are we taught topraise ourselves and celebrate
ourselves just because of who weare?
Most of the time, we're taughtit comes from some external
thing, right.
So really identifying, you know, if it feels good to you, like
where did this belief come from?
And we, once we know, like wecan let it go, and if you don't

(05:32):
want to, you know, search orfigure it out.
And I don't even want to saysearch, like if you don't want
to ponder this, that's okay too,like we can just release this,
you know.
Two is really like, on a soullevel, really starting to
separate your value as a humanfrom your finances.
And the reason why we know thatthis is not factual is because

(05:55):
there are people that have waymore money than you that feel
really good about themselves,and there are people that have
way more money than you thatfeel really bad about themselves
, right, right.
And so we know that it cannotbe because of money.
Money does not make us feel anycertain way.
That has to come from within.
So you are worthy because youexist, because you are a once in

(06:21):
a lifetime beautiful event, notbecause of what you can offer
the world, not because of thezeros in your bank account, not
because of you know bank account, not because of you know how
much money you've made this thismonth.
You are worthy because you arehere.
And the third step that I wouldrecommend is start to use money

(06:42):
as a tool to reflect your values, not to define who you are.
Because I will say this if youare attached or you believe that
your money is who you aredetermines your worth, you know
this because you can think backon when you didn't have as much

(07:03):
money as you have now.
You're going to just amplifythose feelings the more money
that you have.
So it's really important tostart breaking down and breaking
apart.
Your identity has nothing to dowith your money.
You are whole and worthy andlovable and loving and deserving
because you are here.
So when you start to breakapart, you know who you are as a

(07:30):
person versus you know themoney that you generate.
Making money becomes less aboutthat validation and more about
creating impact.
You get to see that the moremoney that you make is because
you've served more people, notbecause you're more valuable,

(07:50):
right?
Not because you finally get tosay, okay, now I can appreciate
myself.
You know, I was having thisconversation with a client the
other day and I said how oftenare you celebrating yourself?
And she was like not very.
I mean, I only will celebrate,you know, once I hit my goal,
I'm like why?
Why would you ever withhold thefun, the love, the nourishment,

(08:14):
the celebration from yourselfuntil you hit that goal?
Like, you get to have fun andyou get to enjoy and you get to
celebrate yourself because ofwho you are, not because of some
goal that you're reaching.
But I also understand that thisis the world that we live in.
This is how most of us werebrought up right.
Most of our parents weren'tlike.
I am so proud of you becauseyou exist on this planet.

(08:35):
You know, most of us don't havethose parents that were
conscious enough and aware.
And I love you, mom, if you'relistening and you know what.
You know how they learned that?
Because their parents did thesame thing to them and their
parents did the same thing tothem.
Right, but we get to do itdifferently.
We get to do it differently forourselves and we get to do it
differently for our children.
So, you know, you get to sayyou know what I'm so proud of

(08:57):
you?
Just because you, you were heretoday.
I love you.
I love you just as you are andeverything else that you do is
just.
You know, an add on it is.
It is not who you are.
So, celebrating your progressyou know learning how to shift
or or you know change youridentity is start becoming the

(09:19):
person or just decide, be theperson that celebrates your
progress, instead of looking athow far you need to go Like so
often we think about how far wehave yet to go versus how far
we've come like celebrateeverything.
And in the beginning this mightbe really hard for you.
I know when I was starting thisjourney I literally would take

(09:42):
my journal and it would.
I would just sit there forminutes and be like what do I
actually want to celebrate?
Because I was so hard on myself, and so this is a skill set and
this is a practice that you getbetter at the more you do.
So you know celebrating everywin along the way, no matter how
small, and this is what I wantto say.

(10:02):
There is no right or wrong here,but it feels so good in the
body, it feels so good to say Iam so proud of you.
I am like I'll cry right nowsaying it.
I am so proud of how far youhave come.
Like that feels good, like thatis the love that we are wanting
, that our soul and our body.
This vessel is wanting, likewhy are we withholding that from

(10:25):
ourselves?
Give that to ourselves.
You know, looking at yourself-worth separately, so
cultivating practices that helpyou connect with your inherent
worth, right?
This can be throughaffirmations that feel good and
true to your body.
This can be through mindfulness.
This can be through workingwith a coach.

(10:48):
You know, if you resonate withme, come schedule a one-on-one
session and like let's startworking on this together.
Like this is some of the bestwork that we will ever do.
You know, I say that we do moneywork and we do, you know, in
the 3D we do do money work, butwhat we really do is soul work.
We do the loving ourselves work.
We do that deep soul connection, appreciation work that we have

(11:15):
withheld from ourselves.
You know, really, starting to,one question I love to ask is at
what point, what age was there?
And sometimes the answer islike I never felt this way.
But like when did you start tofeel like you had to earn your
worth?
Like, for me, it was probablyin this.
This doesn't necessarily meanthat this is what our parents

(11:36):
told us, right?
This is just what we perceivedto be what we had to earn.
You know, a lot of times aroundthe age of 10, 12, 14, like our
parents want to teach us, youknow, to start generating money,
to to learn the value of adollar, to learn how to manage
our money.
But sometimes it gets kind ofmurky or cloudy because it kind

(12:02):
of was like, well, you need toearn your keep right, almost as
if like just living and being,you know, living underneath the
house wasn't enough.
It's like you have to earn itversus no.
Like what I tell our daughternow is like you know you are
whole and worthy just for who.

(12:24):
You are Right, and it'simportant that you learn that
how money is created.
Money is created based on thevalue that we provide to someone
.
So it's important that youlearn that how money is created.
Money is created based on thevalue that we provide to someone
.
So it's important that youstart to understand and learn
how money works.
I'm not saying she needs toearn her keep and you know she's
not worth it if she's notmaking money.

(12:44):
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm trying to teach her thatyou know generating money is an
empowering thing, and why wouldwe want to generate money?
But from that place of we arewhole and we are worthy and we
are lovable just as we are rightnow.
And I think that in a worldwhere we're talking about

(13:05):
abundance, sometimes that mightbe too far of a jump for our
nervous system.
But I really think, getting tothe place of sufficiency.
Because when we can get to theplace of sufficiency, of having
enough, of being enough right,then we can start to be like
okay, you know more, we wantmore.

(13:26):
Or, and we want to have more,but not from the place of not
enough, we want more becausewhat are we capable of?
And so when we can reallyembrace sufficiency, embracing
where we are right now, likethere's the identity of, like
who we are loving, who we are,and also externally, like what

(13:51):
are the things that we are sograteful for right now?
And then, from there, wantingmore, but not from a place of
lack, from a place ofsufficiency.
So, if you take anything awayfrom today's episode, what I
want you to really start toponder is an understand and like
there's one thing to know itintellectually, there is another

(14:15):
for you to embody it to you,for you to feel it in your soul.
Right, you are worthy right nowbecause you are here, because
God's spirit source decided thatyou needed to be on this planet
.
You know your money, yourrevenue, the amount in your
accounts.
They do not define you how youwant to use your money as a tool

(14:38):
that's going to reflect yourvalues, the life that you're
building.
You know your purpose, how youwant to circulate your money.
That is something we'recelebrating.
But who you are as a person hashas nothing to do with any
external factor or any externalthing, because as long as we put

(15:00):
our worth in something external, it's always going to change
Right and and we aredisempowering ourselves by
putting our worth and ourlovability and something,
anything, outside of us.
So if you are tired ofconstantly measuring your worth
to your bank balance and feelingyou know not enough or

(15:23):
inadequate and you're reallyready to connect your you know
with your true value, I am hereto help you and to support you
and to guide you along yourjourney.
Like this is some of the my mostfavorite work to do with
clients, because even though weare working through your money,
we are really starting to workthrough and get to the heart of

(15:47):
like really empowering you tocome back home to yourself, to
remember who you are, toremember that you are an amazing
individual just because youexist, that you deserve to be
celebrated, and that when wefeel whole, when we remember
right I always liked it's likewe're not going out and finding

(16:09):
or creating right, like we areremembering who we are, when we
remember that we are whole, thatwe are worthy, that we are
deserving of having everythingthat we want in this one
precious life, that we arecomplete just as we are and that
we can have things because wewant them, not because we need
them to feel any way aboutourselves Like everything shifts

(16:31):
to schedule a session.
You can head over to my websitegenerate a life well, livecom
and click on the link work withme and schedule a session.
You deserve to feel whole andworthy and deserving just
because you exist.
I'm looking forward to workingwith you and until next time, I

(16:52):
would love it If you would leavea review for this podcast.
It helps the show grow and Ilove hearing from you.
And if this episode resonatedwith you and you have a business
bestie who is also avoiding hermoney, will you share this
episode with her?
My mission is to help morefemale entrepreneurs feel safe
and empowered with their money.

(17:12):
Okay, I'll see you in the nextepisode.
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