Got a question? Send me a text.
The emotional weight of being the “responsible one” in your financial relationship can feel overwhelming at times. If you're always the one initiating money conversations, paying bills, and planning for the future—while your partner avoids it all—you might be taking on the role of the financial parent.
In this episode, I share my personal story of navigating this exact dynamic in my own marriage—and how it left me feeling resentful, burned out, and alone. What started as responsible money management quickly became a lonely job that I didn't sign up for.
In this episode I discuss:
- Why financial parenting is so common—especially among women entrepreneurs and high-achieving women
- How money beliefs from childhood shape your financial roles in adult relationships
- The role of nervous system regulation in money dynamics and power struggles
- How to stop “over-functioning” and start creating a true financial partnership
- Why feminine energy, curiosity, and emotional safety are key to changing the pattern
Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a business partnership, or navigating both, this conversation will help you recognize your own patterns—and give you tools to shift from control to collaboration.
Want to learn more or connect with me?
Step 1: Join my FREE Facebook Community.
Connect, share, and learn how to master your money with other women just like you.
➡️ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/941450038160915
Step 2: Grab your FREE Human Design chart
Curious what your Human Design chart reveals about how you're uniquely designed to make aligned financial decisions?
➡️ Get your chart here: https://generatealifewelllived.com/receive-your-human-design-chart
Step 3: Ready to transform your relationship with money and build true financial confidence?
Let’s create a plan that feels aligned, intentional, and empowering—just for you.
➡️ Schedule your free clarity call here (https://tidycal.com/eringray/30-min-call-with-erin)
Money doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Let's create a plan that feels nurturing and custom to you.
From my soul to yours,
Erin
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Erin Gray (00:00):
Are you the one in the relationship who always
initiates the moneyconversations, the one making
sure that the bills are paid,the money is allocated and the
future is planned?
If you've ever felt like thefinancial parent in your
relationship, this episode isfor you, girlfriend.
Today I'm unpacking theemotional weight that some women
feel for being the financiallyresponsible one, because this
(00:22):
used to be my own dynamic, andI'm going to help you shift out
of feeling resentment and backinto a real partnership.
Do you want to create a systemto stop avoiding your money?
Maybe you're feeling guilt andshame when it comes to your
finances.
Welcome to your Money, yourRules.
I'm Erin, a former certifiedfinancial planner and CFO, and
yet I used to avoid my money andhad fear, no matter how much we
(00:46):
had.
I can't wait to teach you how Iovercame my money avoidance and
started consistently managingmy finances in a really simple
way.
It's time to get comfortablewith money, and if what I talk
about in this episode todaydeeply resonates with you and
you're ready to work withsomeone who understands your
situation, has been where youhave been walked in your shoes
(01:06):
and has come out on the otherside, I invite you to join me
for my one-on-one Master yourMoney coaching session.
In this hour, we're going todive into what it is that you're
working towards, what keepsstanding in your way, and then
we're going to create acustomized plan to help you to
get where you're going to createa customized plan to help you
to get where you're going.
This is going to be some partstrategy, mostly embodiment work
(01:30):
.
To schedule a session, you canuse the link in the show notes
or you can head over to mywebsite,
generatealifewelllivedcom, andschedule your session.
I would love to support you onyour journey.
Okay, so I'm going to do thisas a two-part episode.
This episode is going to be allabout if you feel like you're
the financial parent, and thenthe next episode that will be
(01:51):
released on Thursday is going tobe all about if you feel like
you're having and I don't wantto say the child, but if you're
feeling like you're having toask for permission from your
spouse and regardless, whateversituation or wherever you find
yourself in, I want you to knowit's not a problem, nothing has
gone wrong and it comes from ourbelief systems.
(02:14):
So let's talk today about what,financially, what I call like
financial parenting actuallylooks like.
So you might be the one whosets up the budget, or what I
like to call like allocation,like tracks the money.
You might be the one checkingthe account balances.
You might be the oneresearching big financial
decisions, doing a lot of theplanning, and when I say
(02:36):
financial planning, yes, youmight have your financial
planner, but you are doing theone like the CFO for your family
and meeting with the CPA, thefinancial advisors, the one like
the CFO for your family andmeeting with the CPA, the
financial advisors, theattorneys, things of that sort.
That might be who you are, andwhile all of the above, we can
be doing this and we can nothave any thoughts around it.
(02:56):
We might actually enjoy some ofthese parts, the part that I
think where it feels like theparenting is when we begin to
carry the emotional weight too.
So maybe that looks like youstart to feel worry, that things
feel maybe off track, or youfeel like you know where you're
not advancing quickly enough,which is all thoughts and belief
(03:17):
systems, and we'll talk aboutthat here in a bit.
Maybe you feel alone becauseyou feel like you're the one in
the relationship that cares, andso, from your point of view,
you view your partner, or itlooks like your partner appears
to feel avoidant or passive orjust not that into money, and so
(03:37):
you do what you know how to do,which is take over.
So maybe in the beginning itcame from this place of love and
empowerment and now maybe ithas morphed into like more
feeling, like a necessity or ahave to over time, and this
responsibility starts to feelheavy.
(03:59):
And so maybe some of theemotions you might be feeling is
resentment, because you startto wonder why am I the only one
who cares about our money?
And I know this because thiswas me for the majority of our
marriage, and I don't know ifthis is a term in the
self-development world.
But the financial parenting Iknow.
(04:22):
I have said numerous times tomy husband I feel like I'm the
mom here in the relationship.
I don't want to be the mom, Iwant to be your wife, I want to
be a partner.
So I call it, financialparenting, call it whatever you
want, but this is basically whenone person carries the
emotional and the logisticalweight of the household finances
, often without feelingsupported or like that.
(04:45):
There is shared responsibility.
And I want to always say whichI remember my first coach ever
said which really pissed me off.
She was like well, you createdthis, so how do you want to
uncreate it or recreatesomething different?
So when I say that you don'tneed to come from it from a
place of judgment or shame, youcould be like, okay, my beliefs
(05:08):
did create this.
Now what new beliefs do I wantto create, to have a different
experience?
So this dynamic more often istypically created because we
either have one belief, whichtypically not one.
It's probably several beliefsthat you hold around money that
you hold around responsibilityit's not just money, it's about
(05:28):
responsibility, it's aboutcontrol, it's about, um, trust,
so what you believe your partneris capable of like.
There's so many differentbeliefs here that you could
really dive into of why this ishappening in your relationship,
and I think a lot of this alsoreally comes back to nervous
system regulation, right,learning the roles that you know
(05:52):
our parents if you watched yourparents never talk about money.
You develop some belief systemsfrom that.
If you watched your parentsfight about money all the time,
you develop belief systems fromthat.
So we develop these beliefsfrom watching and learning and
hearing what our parents did andor didn't do.
(06:13):
So you may have learned as achild that money in your mind,
right, you were taught thatmoney equals safety.
If you have money you're safe.
If you don't have money, youdon't.
So you developed a belief orsomething along the lines, right
, that you don't trust that youwill be taken care of or that it
will be taken like that youhave to be involved in for it to
(06:35):
, for you to be taken care of.
And here we go back to.
You know there's several parts,I believe, as we are working
through our relationship withmoney.
There's the spirit side, theGod source, universe, whatever
you want to believe in.
There is the mind, right, themindset work, the intellectual
mind, and then there is the body.
And so when you don't believethat there is something that is
(06:57):
higher power than you, that youare co-creating with God or
spirit, whatever you want to say, then you form sometimes
beliefs around like it all fallson me.
And so then, what does thathave you doing that?
Has you going into control modeand trying to control things?
Or maybe you have a partner wholearned that money equaled
conflict, right, if?
(07:18):
If their parents fought a lotabout money, then they equated
and associated money withconflict.
So then they developed a beliefsystem that they don't want to
fight.
And so then what is theiraction?
They do the opposite.
They just avoid talking aboutmoney because, in their mind,
hey, I'm not going to fightbecause money equals conflict,
(07:38):
so if I don't talk about money,then we won't ever have fights.
Maybe they've learned fromtheir parents to not talk about
money at all, and so they'rejust, you know, patterning the
way that they are growing upwith.
So when we both of us right, youand your partner, when you come
from different belief systemsaround money, you have two
(08:01):
different nervous systems havingdifferent responses to money.
The person who is more vigilantmore often than not becomes the
one who manages the money, andthe one not because necessarily
that they that they want to,because they feel like that they
have to.
So this might be you.
(08:21):
You might feel like in thismoment you don't have a choice
because your partner's not doingit, but the reality is we live
in a cause and effect world andthe reason why you, your spouse,
might not be doing the money isbecause you have that very
belief, because I have to do it,because they won't do it, which
may or may not actually be true.
(08:41):
So, taking, you know, control,it might feel safer, it might
feel easier in the moment, and Iwant to say it probably will
lead to, or has already burnout,disconnection, controlling
based patterns that don'tactually serve either of you,
(09:03):
and so this creates that what Isaid earlier, that mom-like role
rather than a partner-partnerrole.
So, with everything, we alwayshave to ask ourselves what
belief is actually creating thisbehavior.
I mean, if you want to know thekeys to your life forever,
(09:24):
which is so simple and yetlife's work, right.
If you were to always lookwithin, which is so simple and
yet life's work, right.
If you were to always lookwithin, which is not so fun,
right, like this has beensomething that I've really had
to um work through because Ialways thought it was everybody
else's problem.
I'm not the problem, everyoneelse is the problem.
Well, no, we're creatingeverything in our life.
So if you can always come backto and you're always, you know
(09:46):
you're going to be in your humansometimes, where you know you
are going to want to blame, youare going to want to, you know,
have that victim mentality.
It's fine for the short livedmoment, let your ego have its
thing and then get back to okay.
You know someone who isempowered and takes control.
When I say takes control, Idon't mean like controls a
(10:08):
situation, but like takesownership of their thoughts and
their beliefs and their feelingsand their actions and their
life.
So what is the belief that'screating the behavior that is
creating, ultimately, theexperience that you are having
with you and your partner?
And I know I said this episodewas going to be all about.
You know how we, how we, youknow, are financially parenting
(10:32):
and we think that we want to.
You know what it's going to beis how to get our partner to
change.
But it's actually aboutnoticing what are our belief
patterns.
What is it within us and ournervous system that is creating
the relationship with money inour partner that we currently
have?
So does this mean that ourpartner is completely off the
hook and has no responsibility?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
(10:54):
It just means that we don'tneed our partner to change in
order for us to feel better andto respond to money differently.
And I think that is ultimatelywhere empowerment comes.
You know, like that is ultimateempowerment when you don't need
anyone else or anything else inyour life to change for you to
feel better, like, hmm, that isso good.
So let's talk about what'sactually happening here.
(11:15):
So what I would do, like I say,with everything, is awareness.
Right, start with creating sometime to journal about why you
feel like you have taken on thisrole of managing your money.
Just write it all down.
And I haven't had this belief,but I have had some people say
to me like, oh my gosh, well, ifyou journal, are some people
going to read your journal?
Well, I never even thought ofthat.
But if that is a fear for you,one, you could just change the
(11:38):
belief.
And or two, if it is, you know,if you don't want to change the
belief, okay, well then youcould just write it.
And then you know, burn it,shred it, whatever, but get it
down out of your head into paper.
You know what are the beliefsthat I've had that have have me
managing all the money?
What beliefs have created this?
(11:59):
So get really clear on this,because if you are not clear,
you are going to go talk to yourspouse before you have
understand your why in yourbelief systems and you're just
going to create more of the same.
So we've got to work on youfirst, and when I say work on
you, what I mean is evolve yourbelief systems.
(12:20):
So what are the beliefs thatyou have?
What are the feelings that youwere chasing that originally
created this dynamic?
And when I say chasing, what Imean is what are those beliefs
that we're chasing thatoriginally created this dynamic?
And when I say chasing, what Imean is what are those beliefs
that we're?
After that, we want to feel acertain way, and that's why
we're doing the thing.
So what are the feelings thatyou are feeling now?
What feelings do you want tofeel?
(12:43):
And the feelings always comefrom our thinking and our belief
systems.
So getting clear on what wecurrently are thinking, that is
going to be imperative.
So what do you actually wantyour relationship to look like?
And our relationship with ourspouse is not between us and our
spouse.
Our relationship with ourspouse is between us and our
(13:04):
mind and our feelings towardsour spouse.
So think about what kind ofrelationship do you want it to
look like when it pertains toyou and your partner with money.
Like, if you're currentlythinking that my partner never
helps me, you, that creates somefeeling and then that is the
(13:24):
feeling and the vibration thatyou show up in.
And so, because we live in acause and effect world, when you
show up to your partner thatthey don't help you, that is
what we create.
I mean, if you think about howyou probably meet them with,
even the conversations aroundmoney from that place, if you're
not helping me, it probablyisn't coming from the lens of
(13:46):
love and compassion.
So really start to get clear onwhat do I want my relationship
to look like?
You know, so often we thinklike I'm going to give you the
3d part, I'm going to give youthe tactical.
We think that we want 50, 50,like you want someone to help
you sit down and do all of themoney.
But sometimes, when I talk toclients and we really start
(14:07):
digging into this, they don'tactually want that.
They want to still be able todo some of the money, but they
want some of the biggerdecisions for their partner to
be involved with and and maybenot so much of the day-to-day
stuff.
So do you want them to sit downwith you weekly?
Do you want you know like?
You've got to be really clearon what you want and also, how
(14:29):
are you feeling towards yourpartner?
And, first and foremost, youhave to feel into a different
vibration with your partnerbefore you go and request this
stuff.
Because when you go and request, hey, I want you to help me
with these bigger you knowbigger vision items, but you
still think they don't help youor you're coming from that
vibration of he's not helpful,then he's going to pick up on
(14:53):
that energy.
So, changing your belief systemand your vibration around how
you are talking to them.
And then the third tip that Iwould give you is to invite, not
demand.
When we are in that place offrustration, resentment, we come
from a very you need to do thismentality, I think, versus what
(15:14):
do you want, what would youlove, what kind of relationship
would you love to have?
So this doesn't mean thateverything needs to change
overnight.
It just means having aconversation that includes
something like you know, onceyou have changed the way that
you want to be with them, youstart to maybe approach them and
(15:35):
say you know what I know in thepast that I've been the one
that handles money and I'vepondered this and I want to
create some changes.
I want our relationship to looklike X, y, z as it pertains to
money, and I've come up withsome ideas and you can just
throw them out there, you knowwhat are your thoughts on that
and leave it open.
You know, is that somethingthat feels good for you?
(15:56):
Is this something that youwould like to look at?
Um, you know you have to be inthe vibration of curiosity and
love when you ask thesequestions.
You know, if this was your bestfriend, how would you talk to
them?
What conversations would youhave with them, versus coming
from the energy that you mightwant to come from?
So sometimes, you know, whenwe've been in a relationship
(16:17):
with someone for a long time, wetake on these roles.
Have you ever heard like?
You know someone else mightnotice something else about your
partner that you justcompletely overlook because you
are just with them all the time?
If we want to create somethingdifferent, we have to be
different first.
I've helped so many clients dothis along with myself, and I
(16:38):
thought initially my husbandneeded to change.
If he just changed about themoney, I would feel X Y Z, but
what actually happened was Ichanged about the money and then
he followed, not because I toldhim to do all of these things,
but because my vibration changed.
And what typically happens withour partners and our spouses is
(16:58):
when we change our vibration,they elevate to the vibration
that we are in.
I want you to know.
I think it's so powerful.
I think, as women even though Ihave full body chills as I'm
saying this even though all ofus right, men and women both
have masculine and feminineenergy I think women in our
(17:19):
households have, can have suchbeautiful feminine energy from a
masculine place, and what Imean by that is more of a
leading.
When we are soft and we leadfrom power, from love and
compassion, we show our family,our spouse, our kids how to do
(17:40):
that and it's kind of like abackdoor way of masculine right.
It's.
It's not sitting over heresaying you need to do X Y Z.
It's saying I am who I am now,from an empowered, loving place
and from that place they seethat and then they do that as
well.
It's a very soft but empoweringenergy and I think as women, we
(18:03):
have such an opportunity tomirror this for our spouses and
for our children.
I do want to say, when you dohave the conversation with your
spouse, is detaching from theoutcome.
So if they don't want toparticipate in the beginning,
it's okay, it's fine.
I want you to notice howattached are you to them
(18:24):
changing or to modifying theirbehavior from a place of they
have to versus they see thedifference in you and they want
to.
So really starting to payattention to just inviting them
detaching and seeing whathappens and if this is hitting
(18:44):
home for you, if you're ready tomove out of this control and
into co-creation with money andwith your relationship with
money, I want you to know it ispossible for you.
I've helped so many women it'sbeen so fun move from this
feeling of resentment andargumentativeness and burnout
(19:06):
and to moving to grounded andempowered money leaders in their
families and in their lives.
And this is some of the workthat we do inside my one-on-one
coaching sessions regulatingyour nervous system, rewiring
your money mindset, releasingsome of these old patterns and
(19:29):
creating new ones so that youcan show up as your most vibrant
, authentic and freest self.
If you want to schedule a call,you can head over to my website
at generatealifewelllivecom, oryou can click on the link in
the show notes.
Either way, we'll get you there.
I would love to support youalong your journey.
(19:51):
You know, let's be honest, itis so much more fun to do this
work when you have someone elsecheering you on, when you have
someone else to reflect in youthe amazingness that you already
are.
Else to reflect in you theamazingness that you already are
when they see in you who youtruly are, not who the world has
(20:16):
told you that you should be.
So thank you for tuning in todayand for sharing your precious
time with me.
My intention for you is just totake one piece from this
episode and from every episodeand go implement it and embody
it so that you can create realchange in your life.
And if you have a friend orbusiness bestie that could
benefit from listening to thisepisode, would you mind sharing
(20:36):
it with them?
You know the world really.
I truly believe this.
The world needs more women whofeel safe, they feel empowered
and they feel like calm in theirbodies, with money, so that
they can go out into the worldand be their most authentic
selves.
Okay, I'll see you next time.
Are you the one in the relationship who always
initiates the moneyconversations, the one making
sure that the bills are paid,the money is allocated and the
future is planned?
If you've ever felt like thefinancial parent in your
relationship, this episode isfor you, girlfriend.
Today I'm unpacking theemotional weight that some women
feel for being the financiallyresponsible one, because this
(00:22):
used to be my own dynamic, andI'm going to help you shift out
of feeling resentment and backinto a real partnership.
Do you want to create a systemto stop avoiding your money?
Maybe you're feeling guilt andshame when it comes to your
finances.
Welcome to your Money, yourRules.
I'm Erin, a former certifiedfinancial planner and CFO, and
yet I used to avoid my money andhad fear, no matter how much we
(00:46):
had.
I can't wait to teach you how Iovercame my money avoidance and
started consistently managingmy finances in a really simple
way.
It's time to get comfortablewith money, and if what I talk
about in this episode todaydeeply resonates with you and
you're ready to work withsomeone who understands your
situation, has been where youhave been walked in your shoes
(01:06):
and has come out on the otherside, I invite you to join me
for my one-on-one Master yourMoney coaching session.
In this hour, we're going todive into what it is that you're
working towards, what keepsstanding in your way, and then
we're going to create acustomized plan to help you to
get where you're going to createa customized plan to help you
to get where you're going.
This is going to be some partstrategy, mostly embodiment work
(01:30):
.
To schedule a session, you canuse the link in the show notes
or you can head over to mywebsite,
generatealifewelllivedcom, andschedule your session.
I would love to support you onyour journey.
Okay, so I'm going to do thisas a two-part episode.
This episode is going to be allabout if you feel like you're
the financial parent, and thenthe next episode that will be
(01:51):
released on Thursday is going tobe all about if you feel like
you're having and I don't wantto say the child, but if you're
feeling like you're having toask for permission from your
spouse and regardless, whateversituation or wherever you find
yourself in, I want you to knowit's not a problem, nothing has
gone wrong and it comes from ourbelief systems.
(02:14):
So let's talk today about what,financially, what I call like
financial parenting actuallylooks like.
So you might be the one whosets up the budget, or what I
like to call like allocation,like tracks the money.
You might be the one checkingthe account balances.
You might be the oneresearching big financial
decisions, doing a lot of theplanning, and when I say
(02:36):
financial planning, yes, youmight have your financial
planner, but you are doing theone like the CFO for your family
and meeting with the CPA, thefinancial advisors, the one like
the CFO for your family andmeeting with the CPA, the
financial advisors, theattorneys, things of that sort.
That might be who you are, andwhile all of the above, we can
be doing this and we can nothave any thoughts around it.
(02:56):
We might actually enjoy some ofthese parts, the part that I
think where it feels like theparenting is when we begin to
carry the emotional weight too.
So maybe that looks like youstart to feel worry, that things
feel maybe off track, or youfeel like you know where you're
not advancing quickly enough,which is all thoughts and belief
(03:17):
systems, and we'll talk aboutthat here in a bit.
Maybe you feel alone becauseyou feel like you're the one in
the relationship that cares, andso, from your point of view,
you view your partner, or itlooks like your partner appears
to feel avoidant or passive orjust not that into money, and so
(03:37):
you do what you know how to do,which is take over.
So maybe in the beginning itcame from this place of love and
empowerment and now maybe ithas morphed into like more
feeling, like a necessity or ahave to over time, and this
responsibility starts to feelheavy.
(03:59):
And so maybe some of theemotions you might be feeling is
resentment, because you startto wonder why am I the only one
who cares about our money?
And I know this because thiswas me for the majority of our
marriage, and I don't know ifthis is a term in the
self-development world.
But the financial parenting Iknow.
(04:22):
I have said numerous times tomy husband I feel like I'm the
mom here in the relationship.
I don't want to be the mom, Iwant to be your wife, I want to
be a partner.
So I call it, financialparenting, call it whatever you
want, but this is basically whenone person carries the
emotional and the logisticalweight of the household finances
, often without feelingsupported or like that.
(04:45):
There is shared responsibility.
And I want to always say whichI remember my first coach ever
said which really pissed me off.
She was like well, you createdthis, so how do you want to
uncreate it or recreatesomething different?
So when I say that you don'tneed to come from it from a
place of judgment or shame, youcould be like, okay, my beliefs
(05:08):
did create this.
Now what new beliefs do I wantto create, to have a different
experience?
So this dynamic more often istypically created because we
either have one belief, whichtypically not one.
It's probably several beliefsthat you hold around money that
you hold around responsibilityit's not just money, it's about
(05:28):
responsibility, it's aboutcontrol, it's about, um, trust,
so what you believe your partneris capable of like.
There's so many differentbeliefs here that you could
really dive into of why this ishappening in your relationship,
and I think a lot of this alsoreally comes back to nervous
system regulation, right,learning the roles that you know
(05:52):
our parents if you watched yourparents never talk about money.
You develop some belief systemsfrom that.
If you watched your parentsfight about money all the time,
you develop belief systems fromthat.
So we develop these beliefsfrom watching and learning and
hearing what our parents did andor didn't do.
(06:13):
So you may have learned as achild that money in your mind,
right, you were taught thatmoney equals safety.
If you have money you're safe.
If you don't have money, youdon't.
So you developed a belief orsomething along the lines, right
, that you don't trust that youwill be taken care of or that it
will be taken like that youhave to be involved in for it to
(06:35):
, for you to be taken care of.
And here we go back to.
You know there's several parts,I believe, as we are working
through our relationship withmoney.
There's the spirit side, theGod source, universe, whatever
you want to believe in.
There is the mind, right, themindset work, the intellectual
mind, and then there is the body.
And so when you don't believethat there is something that is
(06:57):
higher power than you, that youare co-creating with God or
spirit, whatever you want to say, then you form sometimes
beliefs around like it all fallson me.
And so then, what does thathave you doing that?
Has you going into control modeand trying to control things?
Or maybe you have a partner wholearned that money equaled
conflict, right, if?
(07:18):
If their parents fought a lotabout money, then they equated
and associated money withconflict.
So then they developed a beliefsystem that they don't want to
fight.
And so then what is theiraction?
They do the opposite.
They just avoid talking aboutmoney because, in their mind,
hey, I'm not going to fightbecause money equals conflict,
(07:38):
so if I don't talk about money,then we won't ever have fights.
Maybe they've learned fromtheir parents to not talk about
money at all, and so they'rejust, you know, patterning the
way that they are growing upwith.
So when we both of us right, youand your partner, when you come
from different belief systemsaround money, you have two
(08:01):
different nervous systems havingdifferent responses to money.
The person who is more vigilantmore often than not becomes the
one who manages the money, andthe one not because necessarily
that they that they want to,because they feel like that they
have to.
So this might be you.
(08:21):
You might feel like in thismoment you don't have a choice
because your partner's not doingit, but the reality is we live
in a cause and effect world andthe reason why you, your spouse,
might not be doing the money isbecause you have that very
belief, because I have to do it,because they won't do it, which
may or may not actually be true.
(08:41):
So, taking, you know, control,it might feel safer, it might
feel easier in the moment, and Iwant to say it probably will
lead to, or has already burnout,disconnection, controlling
based patterns that don'tactually serve either of you,
(09:03):
and so this creates that what Isaid earlier, that mom-like role
rather than a partner-partnerrole.
So, with everything, we alwayshave to ask ourselves what
belief is actually creating thisbehavior.
I mean, if you want to know thekeys to your life forever,
(09:24):
which is so simple and yetlife's work, right.
If you were to always lookwithin, which is so simple and
yet life's work, right.
If you were to always lookwithin, which is not so fun,
right, like this has beensomething that I've really had
to um work through because Ialways thought it was everybody
else's problem.
I'm not the problem, everyoneelse is the problem.
Well, no, we're creatingeverything in our life.
So if you can always come backto and you're always, you know
(09:46):
you're going to be in your humansometimes, where you know you
are going to want to blame, youare going to want to, you know,
have that victim mentality.
It's fine for the short livedmoment, let your ego have its
thing and then get back to okay.
You know someone who isempowered and takes control.
When I say takes control, Idon't mean like controls a
(10:08):
situation, but like takesownership of their thoughts and
their beliefs and their feelingsand their actions and their
life.
So what is the belief that'screating the behavior that is
creating, ultimately, theexperience that you are having
with you and your partner?
And I know I said this episodewas going to be all about.
You know how we, how we, youknow, are financially parenting
(10:32):
and we think that we want to.
You know what it's going to beis how to get our partner to
change.
But it's actually aboutnoticing what are our belief
patterns.
What is it within us and ournervous system that is creating
the relationship with money inour partner that we currently
have?
So does this mean that ourpartner is completely off the
hook and has no responsibility?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
(10:54):
It just means that we don'tneed our partner to change in
order for us to feel better andto respond to money differently.
And I think that is ultimatelywhere empowerment comes.
You know, like that is ultimateempowerment when you don't need
anyone else or anything else inyour life to change for you to
feel better, like, hmm, that isso good.
So let's talk about what'sactually happening here.
(11:15):
So what I would do, like I say,with everything, is awareness.
Right, start with creating sometime to journal about why you
feel like you have taken on thisrole of managing your money.
Just write it all down.
And I haven't had this belief,but I have had some people say
to me like, oh my gosh, well, ifyou journal, are some people
going to read your journal?
Well, I never even thought ofthat.
But if that is a fear for you,one, you could just change the
(11:38):
belief.
And or two, if it is, you know,if you don't want to change the
belief, okay, well then youcould just write it.
And then you know, burn it,shred it, whatever, but get it
down out of your head into paper.
You know what are the beliefsthat I've had that have have me
managing all the money?
What beliefs have created this?
(11:59):
So get really clear on this,because if you are not clear,
you are going to go talk to yourspouse before you have
understand your why in yourbelief systems and you're just
going to create more of the same.
So we've got to work on youfirst, and when I say work on
you, what I mean is evolve yourbelief systems.
(12:20):
So what are the beliefs thatyou have?
What are the feelings that youwere chasing that originally
created this dynamic?
And when I say chasing, what Imean is what are those beliefs
that we're chasing thatoriginally created this dynamic?
And when I say chasing, what Imean is what are those beliefs
that we're?
After that, we want to feel acertain way, and that's why
we're doing the thing.
So what are the feelings thatyou are feeling now?
What feelings do you want tofeel?
(12:43):
And the feelings always comefrom our thinking and our belief
systems.
So getting clear on what wecurrently are thinking, that is
going to be imperative.
So what do you actually wantyour relationship to look like?
And our relationship with ourspouse is not between us and our
spouse.
Our relationship with ourspouse is between us and our
(13:04):
mind and our feelings towardsour spouse.
So think about what kind ofrelationship do you want it to
look like when it pertains toyou and your partner with money.
Like, if you're currentlythinking that my partner never
helps me, you, that creates somefeeling and then that is the
(13:24):
feeling and the vibration thatyou show up in.
And so, because we live in acause and effect world, when you
show up to your partner thatthey don't help you, that is
what we create.
I mean, if you think about howyou probably meet them with,
even the conversations aroundmoney from that place, if you're
not helping me, it probablyisn't coming from the lens of
(13:46):
love and compassion.
So really start to get clear onwhat do I want my relationship
to look like?
You know, so often we thinklike I'm going to give you the
3d part, I'm going to give youthe tactical.
We think that we want 50, 50,like you want someone to help
you sit down and do all of themoney.
But sometimes, when I talk toclients and we really start
(14:07):
digging into this, they don'tactually want that.
They want to still be able todo some of the money, but they
want some of the biggerdecisions for their partner to
be involved with and and maybenot so much of the day-to-day
stuff.
So do you want them to sit downwith you weekly?
Do you want you know like?
You've got to be really clearon what you want and also, how
(14:29):
are you feeling towards yourpartner?
And, first and foremost, youhave to feel into a different
vibration with your partnerbefore you go and request this
stuff.
Because when you go and request, hey, I want you to help me
with these bigger you knowbigger vision items, but you
still think they don't help youor you're coming from that
vibration of he's not helpful,then he's going to pick up on
(14:53):
that energy.
So, changing your belief systemand your vibration around how
you are talking to them.
And then the third tip that Iwould give you is to invite, not
demand.
When we are in that place offrustration, resentment, we come
from a very you need to do thismentality, I think, versus what
(15:14):
do you want, what would youlove, what kind of relationship
would you love to have?
So this doesn't mean thateverything needs to change
overnight.
It just means having aconversation that includes
something like you know, onceyou have changed the way that
you want to be with them, youstart to maybe approach them and
(15:35):
say you know what I know in thepast that I've been the one
that handles money and I'vepondered this and I want to
create some changes.
I want our relationship to looklike X, y, z as it pertains to
money, and I've come up withsome ideas and you can just
throw them out there, you knowwhat are your thoughts on that
and leave it open.
You know, is that somethingthat feels good for you?
(15:56):
Is this something that youwould like to look at?
Um, you know you have to be inthe vibration of curiosity and
love when you ask thesequestions.
You know, if this was your bestfriend, how would you talk to
them?
What conversations would youhave with them, versus coming
from the energy that you mightwant to come from?
So sometimes, you know, whenwe've been in a relationship
(16:17):
with someone for a long time, wetake on these roles.
Have you ever heard like?
You know someone else mightnotice something else about your
partner that you justcompletely overlook because you
are just with them all the time?
If we want to create somethingdifferent, we have to be
different first.
I've helped so many clients dothis along with myself, and I
(16:38):
thought initially my husbandneeded to change.
If he just changed about themoney, I would feel X Y Z, but
what actually happened was Ichanged about the money and then
he followed, not because I toldhim to do all of these things,
but because my vibration changed.
And what typically happens withour partners and our spouses is
(16:58):
when we change our vibration,they elevate to the vibration
that we are in.
I want you to know.
I think it's so powerful.
I think, as women even though Ihave full body chills as I'm
saying this even though all ofus right, men and women both
have masculine and feminineenergy I think women in our
(17:19):
households have, can have suchbeautiful feminine energy from a
masculine place, and what Imean by that is more of a
leading.
When we are soft and we leadfrom power, from love and
compassion, we show our family,our spouse, our kids how to do
(17:40):
that and it's kind of like abackdoor way of masculine right.
It's.
It's not sitting over heresaying you need to do X Y Z.
It's saying I am who I am now,from an empowered, loving place
and from that place they seethat and then they do that as
well.
It's a very soft but empoweringenergy and I think as women, we
(18:03):
have such an opportunity tomirror this for our spouses and
for our children.
I do want to say, when you dohave the conversation with your
spouse, is detaching from theoutcome.
So if they don't want toparticipate in the beginning,
it's okay, it's fine.
I want you to notice howattached are you to them
(18:24):
changing or to modifying theirbehavior from a place of they
have to versus they see thedifference in you and they want
to.
So really starting to payattention to just inviting them
detaching and seeing whathappens and if this is hitting
(18:44):
home for you, if you're ready tomove out of this control and
into co-creation with money andwith your relationship with
money, I want you to know it ispossible for you.
I've helped so many women it'sbeen so fun move from this
feeling of resentment andargumentativeness and burnout
(19:06):
and to moving to grounded andempowered money leaders in their
families and in their lives.
And this is some of the workthat we do inside my one-on-one
coaching sessions regulatingyour nervous system, rewiring
your money mindset, releasingsome of these old patterns and
(19:29):
creating new ones so that youcan show up as your most vibrant
, authentic and freest self.
If you want to schedule a call,you can head over to my website
at generatealifewelllivecom, oryou can click on the link in
the show notes.
Either way, we'll get you there.
I would love to support youalong your journey.
(19:51):
You know, let's be honest, itis so much more fun to do this
work when you have someone elsecheering you on, when you have
someone else to reflect in youthe amazingness that you already
are.
Else to reflect in you theamazingness that you already are
when they see in you who youtruly are, not who the world has
(20:16):
told you that you should be.
So thank you for tuning in todayand for sharing your precious
time with me.
My intention for you is just totake one piece from this
episode and from every episodeand go implement it and embody
it so that you can create realchange in your life.
And if you have a friend orbusiness bestie that could
benefit from listening to thisepisode, would you mind sharing
(20:36):
it with them?
You know the world really.
I truly believe this.
The world needs more women whofeel safe, they feel empowered
and they feel like calm in theirbodies, with money, so that
they can go out into the worldand be their most authentic
selves.
Okay, I'll see you next time.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.