September 20, 2024 • 56 mins
Looking back at our Labor Day celebrations, Lamont, Sterling and Sherryann share personal reflections that contrast sharply—the calm of age versus the thrill of non-stop party-hopping. Sterling finds himself reminiscing about the energetic parties of his youth, while Sherry recounts her vibrant weekend filled with soca performances and endless celebrations. Together, we explore the changing landscape of these festivities, marred by increased police presence and restrictive parade changes, and emphasize the need to preserve cultural events despite challenges like recent safety concerns.
Blending families brings its own set of complexities, and this episode dives deep into the dynamics of relationships where children from previous partnerships are involved. We discuss the initial territorial feelings, the vital role of patience in building bonds with stepchildren, and the balancing act between discipline and respecting the biological parent’s role. Personal stories shed light on the struggles and successes, highlighting the importance of communication, understanding, and boundary-setting to create a harmonious family unit.
Navigating relationships and parenting challenges also means addressing societal expectations and personal independence. We take a candid look at the difficulties faced by independent women in the dating world, cultural differences in work ethics, and the controversial choice of staying in an unhappy relationship for the children's sake. Our conversation underscores the significance of continuous effort, mutual understanding, and maintaining attraction and loyalty in relationships. As we wrap up, we express heartfelt gratitude to our listeners, promising exciting future interactions and more enriching discussions to come.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome.
Welcome to the your OpinionDoesn't Matter podcast.
We are here.
I am one of the hosts, mrLamont, and my co-host on my
left, sherry.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm doing well, Sherry Berry.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Sherry Berry.
Damn, I'm always messing up andwe have none other.
You changed his name.
Did you change your name forthis episode?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It always been like an AKA Okay okay.
It's always been there, but I'mjust incorporating it into the
podcast you get me.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Okay, what is it?
Black.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Jesus Black, Jesus baby.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Right right, right right.
So, okay now, the last time werecorded we were still in the
mix of summertime, right, asthings just started to enter
towards school time.
You know, one big thing that'sbeen going on was Labor Day.
How was Labor Day for y'all?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
As for me, it was a pretty nice basic Labor Day for
me.
I didn't do too much as opposedto when I was younger.
You know I'm a little older nowso I try to portion out the
festivities because I don'treally have the energy, like I
used to back in the days, to doit for like three, four nights.
I remember back in the days youwould start from like the week
(01:14):
before and as it got closer itwould be a snowball effect.
But now it's kind of like theopposite.
I might start out hard but bythe time Labor Day get there I'm
pretty much pooped out.
Now you know what I'm saying,jeez.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Wow, how about you?
How was your Labor Day?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It was great.
Aj had nothing to do with me.
I was outside you was outside.
I was outside.
I partied from Thursday tillMonday and I had a good time and
it was nice.
I just went to different.
I was actually party hoppingfrom one event to the next, a
lot of big shows and stuff.
So I enjoyed that portion,going to see all the you know
(01:53):
soca singers and just enjoyingthat scenery.
It was good.
It was good.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh, okay, Well.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I had to take vacation that same week because,
you know, the hip had to sitdown.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Okay, had to put the hip on ice, yes, a little bit,
but I had a good time.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
I had a good time.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Well, me, I was living vicariously through y'all
through texts and it's like, ohman, not right now, not right
now, I'm a little later on,tomorrow I'm recovering.
Right now I said, damn man,y'all having fun man, but listen
, I partied enough man.
I partied enough, man Alifetime right.
I partied enough.
So you know I'm just.
(02:32):
You know I'm happy we stillhave it, the carnival man.
Before they was trying to closeit down for a little bit.
Right, it's like confined now.
Right, you can, I'm here tohell.
How was it now in the parkway?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Well, I went to Juve and I had a good time in Juve.
However, I felt like this yearwasn't as good as the other
years that I went.
I felt like Juve was a lot moreof the younger crowd and I don't
think that they really graspedthe concept of Juve.
That's just, you know, myopinion.
(03:05):
It was just out there, like youknow, catch a wine, catch a
wine, catch a wine and it waslike a little bit more to it
than that and I felt like thepolice was just too much.
You know, and I know I ran upon an officer and we was talking
and she was like you know, I'mnot trying to make it difficult,
but I was trying to explain toher that it is kind of difficult
(03:28):
and it makes the crowd get alittle aroused because it's like
you can't walk here, you can'twalk there, the trucks cannot
play the music at this point.
To that point, and I think atthis point that the community
know what this, this wholefestival, is about and what it
is.
So it's like it's once a yearthat you get music at all hours.
(03:49):
It's not something that happensall through the year.
So I feel like at that pointthey should know what it is at
this point and give us a pass.
Yeah, give us a pass, becauseany other you know any other
events that come up you guysjust do what you gotta do and I
felt like, don't walk here.
You got to get scanned as soonas you enter bedford avenue.
(04:09):
You had to get scanned you hadto check your bag, if you walked
out, you had to walk back inand it just made it like more of
an uncomfortable situation andI felt like it showed because
usually when you get by Empireit's like a whole bunch of
people outside I didn't see thatmany people older heads outside
(04:30):
, you know watching it and youknow enjoying it as much as the
years has been.
So I felt like it kind of liketook away a lot from what it was
, I think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Nice, nice, nice.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
And I feel the same about the parade.
I mean, I gave up the parademaybe one or eight to ten years
now and the main reason was therestrictions.
Yes, Because I remember it was.
It's a big deal.
Yeah, in the 80s and the 90s itwas pretty loose and
unrestricted and you was able tovibe out and have fun.
But now there's so muchrestrictions where you can't
even participate.
(05:04):
When the band is going by youcan't really participate, you're
restricted from.
You know, going behind walkwith the band yeah.
Busting a wine, things of thatsort.
You can't even do that anymore.
You pretty much have to be aspectator.
Sure, you know, and that takesaway from what I remember.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
It takes away from the culture.
Unfortunately, there was ashooting and the shooting
happened, I think, at FranklinAvenue or something.
And then there was controversyonline that people were saying
like you know what, cancel theparade, cancel the parade.
And my thought on that is wellthen you have to cancel
everything else.
You have to cancel schools, youhave to cancel, you know, mass
(05:43):
on a Sunday.
You got a supermarket.
You got a supermarket, you gotto cancel debates.
You got to cancel everythingbecause the problem is not the
parade, the issue is gun control.
Right right, right right, youknow and the fact that you know
people get, you know, chargedwith minimal for everything,
like a year in jail, you got agun, that's it, that's nothing.
(06:05):
That's nothing, that's a slapon the wrist.
So you can't say cancel theparade, it's unfortunate, and no
one comes outside.
You know to have these thingshappen and it's unfortunate that
it does happen.
But I think we have to find adifferent way.
Or don't analyze us or say youknow what's standing in the
parade, oh there's, you knowthere's violence.
(06:25):
Or paint us as a picture of aviolent, you know, a violent
people.
And this is what we do and thisis and that's how the news,
unfortunately in the media, doesportray us.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, and actual reality.
The violence on Labor DayEastern Parkway has nothing to
do with a parade.
It's usually I'm going to keepit 100, it's usually gang
violence and it's usually anopportunity for certain gang
members to spot their enemies ortheir ops because, everybody's
outside, because there's so manypeople outside and they take
the opportunity, because we'regoing like that for?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
years.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
So it actually has nothing to do.
It's just an opportunity tocatch up to your ops or your or
your enemies or things that are,whatever your situation, and
it's insulting to incorporatethat with us.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I feel like you know all the western india parade and
this is in the western and it'slike, if anyone knows west
indian people, what do we loveto do?
We love to drink rum and partylike to party.
That's what it is.
We love to party with norestrictions and we love to
drink rum and party like toparty.
Yeah, that's what it is.
We love to party with norestrictions and we love to
drink rum, and that's what westindians you know and really any
violence.
Yes, yeah we're not in, we'renot about that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
It's far from any violence that's actually come
from west indians.
That's exactly west indians.
Don't really be sparking it off, no they'll finish it, but they
ain't gonna spark at all.
Yeah, but you know.
But yeah, man.
So I'm glad everybody you know,because y'all had a a great
time.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Great time, um, or, and we just was talking about
the history, our history, withthe parkway so, you know, after
having a great weekend and we'reback, and we're back to work
full time on the train and doingall those things, I just wanted
to touch on.
Some other things that kind oflike touch me in different ways
(08:08):
and you know, I don't know howyou gentlemen feel about you
know, being in a relationship ormarried and your partner has
children that was not with youper se how do you guys deal with
that?
How do you?
What is your take on that?
Do you accept the child as is?
(08:29):
You know, do you come in with?
You know restrictions and youknow, if your own didn't have
and she doesn't want any, how doyou feel about that too, as
well?
And she already has.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I'm actually in a situation my wife's situation.
We was actually like a BradyBunch for one child each, where
she has a daughter and I had ason and we intertwined and
became one family.
But at the first coming in, youknow, when you meet somebody
and they have a child, you're alittle apprehensive at first,
you know, because, knowing thatthis isn't your child, you don't
know how they was raised, youdon't know.
(09:06):
You got to take time to kind oflike, feel them out.
So when I definitely first gotinto a relationship with my wife
, I took time to feel out, adorethem out.
Christina, you know, and itwasn't matrimonious at the
beginning.
You know, I think she was alittle territorial when I first
came in.
You know, this is a new guy.
She's seen, you know, comingaround her mom in the house, so
(09:27):
she was a little standoffish.
I was a little standoffish too,you know.
But then, as we took time, Irealized if I wanted to be with
her mother, this is definitelygoing to have to be a package
deal.
I don't want her mother withouther, you understand what I'm
saying.
Or vice versa, want her motherwithout her?
You understand what I'm saying,or vice versa.
So I knew in order for it towork and to be prosperous, I had
(09:49):
to work things out and form arelationship with my daughter
and to this day, right now,she's here, right now, while
we're taping and we have awonderful relationship.
But it took time.
There was a lot of bumps,there's a lot of bruises.
We had to get to know eachother, um, and it was a growing
process and the key, the key tous growing and becoming one
happy family is her mother gaveme the keys.
She said OK, you know, I wantyou to do all you can to help
(10:13):
Christina grow as a child andgrow as your child, meaning
there was no restrictions, evenas far as discipline.
You understand what I'm sayingand that's key because in a lot
of situations where it doesn'twork, sometimes the woman that
comes in with the kid, she saysyou know, listen, do not touch
my kid or do not speak to my kid.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It could cause a conflict.
But you also got to look onthis, on the aspect of if the
child has, you know, the father,that's very involved and then
now the mother is dating andshe's now with someone else, you
have the father giving you knowfeedback on that and, like I
don't want you to do, this.
(10:52):
You know to do this and to dothis and do this, and that can
also affect and trigger yourrelationship as well, because
you know it's like how do youmaneuver that in certain ways?
Because now you have to like you, the woman, now have to be like
two people you know, becauseyou want your relationship to
work with your current personthat you're with, but you're
(11:13):
also trying to respect the factthat the father also wants to be
.
You know the father and be ableto discipline his child and say
certain things to the child andit's hard on a man, I think
it's.
It then becomes a difficulttask, like I love this girl and
I want to be with this girl, butthen how do I be?
(11:34):
You know, this is still my home, this is still my sanctuary,
this is where I be and I cannothave her child just doing
whatever he or she wants to do.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yes, and you know how you know.
Yes, I believe so.
If you don't make thatconnection with the child, I
don't believe the relationshipcould ever grow.
It's always going to besomething Right.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And it's kind of reversed for me.
As far as you know, my fiance,she has a son Right now.
He's turning, actually he'sturning 18 this week.
My hands was tied, I couldn't,the reins wasn't giving to me
nothing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
The reins wasn't giving to you.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It wasn't giving to me, it was more or less like you
got to build a relationshipwith him.
They're starting a third, butit's like I can't.
If I don't feel like I could, Ican't stop him from doing wrong
.
How can I be?
How can this be a relationship?
I'm just gonna be, I'm gonna bein the stand watching you, I'm
gonna be in the, you know, likea cheerleader or something so he
(12:35):
wasn't allowed to disciplinehim.
Basically, what you couldn't donothing and he was doing some
wild stuff.
He done some wild stuff, but hewas doing it.
He was more or less rebelling.
Outreach to to it was it wasmore of a rebelling because he
was raised around his mom andnothing but women and seeing me
come.
But everything was kind of coolin the beginning until his
(12:56):
mother was about to have thebaby and then, once the baby was
born, that was it.
It was like he stopped talkingto me.
He didn't.
Till today he don't talk to me.
But it's different though.
It's different because we havean understanding now.
You know what I'm saying.
But my thing growing up is thator even for me in my 20s, I
(13:18):
never used to deal with womenwho had kids.
I never did.
I used to always.
I would always promote thatwoman with the child's father,
not thinking about how bad thesituation would be, but I would
always think that the child'sbetter with his father and
mother.
You know so that I was alwayslike maneuver around that.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I mean, that's, that's naturally how it should
go in life.
You know, the woman is supposedto be with the father and the
child.
But you know we're not livingin a perfect world and there
doesn't always be a child likethat, so we have to make
adjustments.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And that could have been just me being naive, just
thinking like all right, thishas to happen this way.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
But then you know thinking as you get older, the
chances of that happening isless likely.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I think also it's conversations have children.
I personally feel like the guy,because I can only speak on
that aspect.
You have to be able to be like.
That's where I want to be One.
You have to want to be in there, right, because she has
children.
There's nothing you could do.
She has children.
Now, how are we going to dealwith this?
You got to sit down and havethese conversations.
You can't come in and justtrying to just control the
(14:22):
household and the kid never, youknow, had that before.
That's also a shakeup for thekid, like my mom never told me
this or I never had to do thisand now you're coming in and
giving all these rules.
I feel like you should haveconversations.
You can't just come in and justbe like I am the man, I am here
with your mother now and that'sit.
There's no kid.
(14:43):
That's just going to take itbecause you weren't there,
unless you was with her when thebaby was like a little baby.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
It's an easier transition.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You know it's an easier transition, but when you
have a kid that can talk, youknow, and can verbalize, and can
speak their mind and be ableand it was just them and their
mom you have to be able to haveconversations.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah, that's true.
I believe that's true becauseon the other side, my wife had
to get adjusted to my son man.
He's somebody that she nevermet before and all of a sudden
I'm coming there and my son iscoming there every weekend and
you know, first she was a littleapprehensive on how she spoke
to him and things as such.
When anything went on and I wasout the house, he used to call
me, you know, and be like youknow so-and-so, and I would call
him.
And then after a while I'd dothe same, I'd say listen, man,
(15:27):
if anything's going wrong, yougot to speak to him.
Now, you know, you just can'tcall me every time, unless it's
something major.
But you know, my son man, youknow you need to.
You know, slow down or take astep back, so and so, without me
(15:49):
having to call me all the time.
And eventually we got to thatpoint, you know what I'm saying
and luckily, I have good kids,you know.
It made it a lot easier, youknow, that's good, you're
blessed in that aspect.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
How?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
about you.
Are you more protective, likesay you have children, and say a
man come into your life, areyou more like, oh, your guard's
up To.
Like, okay, you know how do youexpect him to handle your kids?
Like, say he walks in and hesees one of your kids cursing at
you?
I mean, obviously at that pointhe's not going to really do
(16:21):
nothing.
But I'm saying like theconversation afterwards suppose
he comes into a hypothetical yoI should have said this, that
and the third, what, what iswhat are you going to say?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I mean I had situations, but I feel like one
is a lot of adjustment.
I had to do one becausebringing somebody around my kid,
that means I really like you.
That's one, because now you'relike, you're know, you're around
my kids.
And two, I also had to let myguard down because, being a
(16:50):
single female, I have my rulesset and I have things the way
that I do it, and I'm not sayingthat the way I do it is the
right way, but it's just the waythat worked for us.
So now, bringing someone around,I would expect you to tell me
what you think and what youdon't think.
Like no, I wouldn't go withthis.
(17:11):
I wouldn't expect you to justjump in, because now I'm going
to look at you sideways, likereally you just jump in and yell
at my kid or curse my kid outor something like that, but I
expect you to say, listen, Idon't like this, we got to talk
about that.
Like I don't like this.
I understand that you did thisthis way, but this is not going
(17:32):
to work for me.
This is the way I view this.
So I don't like the way yourkid do this or this or this or
that.
Let's have a conversation aboutit and let's come to a mutual
ground, because you have tobuild a relationship with my
child knowing that you're goingto be around, that your word
stands ground.
You can't just come in rightoff the bat and do that.
(17:53):
One is going to cause conflictbetween me and you and it's
going to cause conflict betweenthe child.
But I'm open to you talking tome and telling me listen, I
don't like the way your son didthis, so I don't like the way
this is not going to work here.
This is not going to happen.
I'm not comfortable with thator this.
And then we can build arelationship so you can go to
(18:16):
him yourself and you can saylisten, this is not going to
work.
You can't have your friends inhere.
You can't have certain thingsthat you know that's going to
happen.
You can't have your friends inhere you can't have certain
things, that's you know that'sgoing to happen, yeah, and I
think the kid can reciprocatethat a little better.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah, I think what happens when?
When a man comes into arelationship and the woman has a
boy, he feels automatically hewill be able to relate to the
boy better than the mother.
Therefore, he's going to bequicker to put his two cents in,
because he's probably figureout well.
She probably doesn't have theunderstanding of what it takes
to raise a boy, if youunderstand.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
But it's how you go about it, where the conflict
comes in.
And then keep in mind I feellike men when you come into a
female's life and you havechildren too, and you have the
kid in their life too as well.
If things doesn't work out,most men exit the kid's life,
and it was just for a moment ora thought, and that's also then.
(19:10):
I'm just saying as the motherdates or she go on.
It makes it harder for maybe MrRight to then come in, because
you know you was dating me.
You wasn't just dating me, youwas dating my kid too, you know.
And vice versa.
Because if I'm dating somebodywith children or whatever, he
(19:32):
can have 10 kids Once I putmyself with him, I put myself
with those 10 kids.
So if they need shoes, we'regoing to figure it out.
If they need a hat, we're goingto figure it out, because
that's what you do when you lovesomebody.
You don't just love them parttime, so you love them full.
So I love every part of you.
That means all those 10 kidsare my 10 kids too as well.
(19:55):
So I would want you to do thesame.
And if things don't work outwith us and you just go on
living your next life with thenext kid or whatever the case
may be, don't forget the waythat you touched that kid when
you first came in, because Iwould not forget about your kid.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
That could be awkward .
Speaker 2 (20:13):
It's not awkward.
From a man's point of view, itcould be awkward, Okay my baby
father has how many children andI was with those kids when they
were little.
They're big people now and theystill call me Ms Sherry Ann.
Hi, ms Sherry Ann, how youdoing?
I love you as I love them too.
I'm not in their life, as youknow, going, you know to
(20:35):
everything, but I still Iimpacted their life somehow.
So I still, if I see them onthe road or if I see them on
social media, I'm saying hi.
If they come to see theirsister, I'm giving them a hug
because they meant something tome.
There's a difference in keepingin contact and there's a
(20:55):
difference in completelydisappearing.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
I feel that would be awkward.
I think after a whileespecially after the man moves
on and he gets in anotherrelationship, it's going to be
pretty hard for the woman he'sdating now, when married, to
explain why he's still inconstant contact.
Naturally, I think eventuallythe relationship will probably
never end, but it is going todecimate as the time goes by.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It will, but you can still say hello.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I'm not saying anything is wrong.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Of course I could always say hello because I don't
go by their house and I don't,I don't, we're not talking on
the phone and we're not.
But it just so happened that Ishare a brother.
Well, in my situation she is achild, you know.
So that's their brother.
That, so that's their brother.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
That's their sister For life.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
So that's for life.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
So wherever I see them, I'm always going to say hi
, or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
But any ex or anybody , that's okay if they had
children.
If I see them, I'm going to hugthem and say hi.
I'm just saying that some menor some women just forget about
the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
You mean completely, completely.
We'll see the kid and not doanything?
Yeah, exactly, completely.
Would see the kid and not doanything.
Yeah, exactly, well, that'sextreme, just like you know.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
hey, well, you know, I'm not with your mother, no
more.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
So that's what it is.
Oh no, I didn't understand.
That's extreme.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
At some point you was close to that child.
I'm not saying go by, Let mejust clarify.
I'm not saying keep in contact,calling on the phone, going by
buying, food buying clothes.
I'm not saying that becausethat's no longer your job.
That part just went away andany woman could respect that, I
(22:29):
think.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
A real woman could respect that.
But sometimes you got to do ahealthy retreat.
Healthy retreat Be like okay,listen, I'm not dealing with you
.
You, you and you.
I'm out of here.
You got to for the comfort ofyour own Clean breakaway.
I'm out of here, deuces.
I mean listen.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Hey, that could be helpful sometimes.
Yeah, because if you're stillin contact it still could
confuse a child.
Yeah, and as you fade awayslowly and slowly, the child
could feel.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Let him or her miss you.
But I don't think keep incontact.
I don't think like text or call, I'm just saying once you see
the kid.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Always cordial.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
You can always be cordial because at some point
that kid you like the kid atsome point.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, but you like the woman at one point too, even
more than the kid and y'allsometimes.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
So you can walk down the street and not say hello.
No, you can see a kid that youused to be with a woman and not
say hi.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
The child is innocent .
Speaker 1 (23:29):
True, true, the child is innocent.
But I mean to go out your wayto say hello and stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
No, I didn't say go out my way.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
But if you pass him, yeah, if you pass him, hey,
what's up?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
If I go to something and I see the child, I'm going
to hug you, I'm going to say hi,nothing wrong with that, I'm
going to say how are you?
I'm not going to say hello, wedid not understandable.
(24:00):
Understandable we broke up, butme and the child didn't break,
we wasn't in anything.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You see, now, that's the thing about you not only
invested in the woman, youinvested in the children too,
and it's like that's too, andit's like that's a difficult
thing, man, and that's why it'salways smart to understand the
role when you go in in asituation and the magnitude of
what can happen.
This kid's going to look foryou for guidance or so forth and
so on, and then, god forbid,things don't work.
You're going to have to severties.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
But that's the thing about relationships when you go
into a relationship is what'syour end game.
I said that to someone.
When you first meet somebody,automatically you know whether
or not you want to smash theperson, whether you want to take
them out for a second dinner orlunch or whether you want to go
in.
You can't do a pretense becausethe pretense can hurt the long
(24:49):
run.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
I don't think all men go into relationships like that
.
I didn't go into it thinkingyou know.
Sometimes you just think itmight be a smash and then it
grows to something else.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, it's like never no potential thing.
I mean usually with men it'snever no potential thing yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Actually with my wife .
I didn't know it was going tobe anything at all at first.
And it going to be anything atall at first and it was actually
mute for like a month or twoand then and it actually ended
up growing and I had no dreamsthat it would grow to anything
it was.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
It was a total surprise to me and it's actually
sometimes it's like that, likein your mind, like say, like say
you run up on like a, like abad right chick yeah, sometimes
it's the opposite.
You'd be like you know you'llbe.
You could be like I know thisain't gonna go nowhere because
you'd be like inside yourinsecurity.
Be like I ain't gonna be ableto hold all of this down.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
You know what I'm saying until you get to know the
person.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I mean, but you could know her.
But like, off the visualswithout even speaking yeah, it's
like alright, you know a lot ofpeople gonna be hollering, you
know.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
We do think about things like that.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yeah, like why, Like you know why, put yourself
through it.
You know what I mean.
She's going to be highmaintenance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Not even financially buying her just attention wise.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
But you know, women, we get shot down, Like I get
shot down all the time becausethey feel like I'm
unapproachable and I'm really anice girl if you get to know me,
but if Wait wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You actually trying to tell me that you get shot
down by a guy, Sherri-Ann?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
There's no way I'm going to believe that Shot down
in what to what capacity?
What are you talking about?
The minute you're talking tothem and then they shooting you
down?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, I've gotten shot down by a gentleman who turned
around and said that he likes me.
He thought I was a pretty girl.
However, I'm just too much tohandle.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
He's just like no, you just took one shot.
I took numerous shots of what Isaid.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
So I'm sitting there like what's too much, because I
stand and I don't really speakand I just stay in my corner.
But if you get to know me, youmight have Not saying you know
it's anything, but you might, itcould have, you don't know, but
just to look at me and be like,oh well, I look like I'm too
much.
I've had people say well, youknow, you live on your own, you
(26:58):
have your own place, you work,you got a good job or whatever.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
They don't want to talk to me.
They don't want to talk to me.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But then, if you're not independent, how do I live?
How do independent, how we?
How do I live?
How do I live?
Would?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
you want me living in a room with a, with a little
bed on the side, watching tea?
Not me, I'm just going fromtheir perspective.
That's how guys?
Yeah man, not me.
I would want that.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah man some yeah, some men would be looking at
stuff.
It's like hold on, that's toomuch for me.
Yeah, like, you have your own,then what can I do for you?
What could I bring to the table?
Yeah, so it's like and thenit's gonna be put pressure on
them if you have this and theydon't have that, they're gonna
be like whoa, okay, she's gonna.
Eventually she's gonna hold itagainst me, some form of fashion
, she's gonna look down on me.
They're gonna start feeling mewhat's that?
Speaker 2 (27:40):
insecurities, but then I get it, but it's at the
same time for women that do havetheir own and do are able to
hold their own.
It makes makes it harder in aday to life to find the one,
because you get shot down justbecause you were able to
accomplish certain things.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but at the same time it's about how much men
get shot down by their women.
Who's like say she's successful, she has her own this and own
that.
It's like y'all.
A lot of times I'm not going tosay y'all women, they don't go
down.
They don't go down like inclass.
Men always go down.
We always find a girl who canwork in like Pathmark or
(28:17):
something like that.
Even if we got a good job,women's going to maintain at
that height or go highermajority of the time.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I would want to just talk to somebody who has a job.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
You're going to say just a job.
If he's working in a stoppingshop, it's cool.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
That's fine, that's his job.
He has an income, right?
Okay, the important thing isthat you have what A J-O-B.
That's my thing.
You can do something.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But you see, I think the difference with you is that
you're West Indian.
I think it's like that's adifferent type of, it's a
different type of feeling, likeyou know what I mean.
West Indians came from a placeof like grinding, so like work
is work.
But the stubborn Americansstubborn Americans you see them
on the YouTube.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I just feel like if a man has a job, I feel like we
can go someplace and we could docertain things.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
And if you have the ambition to keep going.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
We can make anything happen.
You know, I got 50 cents, yougot 50 cents.
Okay, we got a dollar and wecan maneuver and we can go where
we got to go.
But if you're not doing nothing, no, I don't want to talk to
you.
I don't want to talk to Laos.
I'm sorry, don't talk to me.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't want to sit around anddon't want to do anything and,
waiting for me to work, to thenask me well, you want this or
(29:33):
you want that?
I didn't get up every morningand go, bust my skin and doing
the job that I do to take careof no one.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I'm sorry, no, understandable, understandable.
Now we was talking aboutinvesting into our kids, such.
Now, what about the people thatover-invest into the happiness
of the kids?
I'm talking about couples thatactually stay together, knowing
that the relationship is donejust for the sake of the kids,
Like try to wait it out until,like, the kids go off to college
(30:00):
and move out.
Is that something you wouldinvest into?
Staying together just for thesake of your kids, keeping them
happy, not giving them anytrauma?
Speaker 2 (30:09):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm telling you, me like right now, if I'm in a
horrible situation, me and myfiance, knock on wood, it's not
happening, but my daughter's atthis age now she's six.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
I mean say, if a situation is going on, I would
not take it further, I would nottry to make it a bad, bad
situation, I would stay for mydaughter.
So you would stay into therelationship even though you're
not happy.
I would normal circumstanceswithout no children.
No, I'm out of there ASAP, I'mgone.
But as far as you got kids, yougot to start, you got to make
(30:46):
some sacrifices.
But are you really and?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
truly happy.
Is your kid really seeing ahappy home?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, I mean true, what values?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
are you showing her or him at that point?
Because you're not happy?
And happiness, you know, whenyou're not happy it shows in
different ways it can show youknow I come in.
You could just be angry justbecause you're in a home that
just doesn't have the happiness.
So is your child really seeingmom and dad happy?
We got to think about whattrauma does that affect the kids
(31:15):
too?
Okay, they come in and they seetheir mom and dad in one
household, but the household isfilled with nothing but noise or
argument.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Negativity.
If it's that bad, then yeah,you're right.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
I don't want to stay with you if it's just not
happening.
Because at the same time, we'renot cuddling, we're not talking
, we're not laughing, we're notjoking.
Your kid is not seeing youjoking around, they're seeing
you arguing over the slightestthing.
When you don't like somebody,you walk in, and you could have
put your shoes the same placefor 10 years and it never
(31:49):
bothered you but the one timethat you guys are not on that
level.
Now that same shoes isbothering you.
And then it becomes a thing Idon't want to be in.
I don't want to be in norelationship that nobody don't
want to be in a relationshipwith me.
That's one I don't want to bein a relationship with like that
.
I'd rather go and cry in acorner or cry to my girlfriend
(32:10):
or whoever and move on and movepast.
At least my kid would see mewalking in and just being me.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That's according to the circumstance.
You're right.
It's not.
You know me saying that that Iwould stay for my daughter.
But now if I'm staying andthere's a bunch of yelling and
I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm goingto do a disservice.
It's still unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
It's very unhealthy, you know what I mean.
Give me high blood pressure andmake my daughter get all
emotional and that's what she'sgoing to grow up seeing,
thinking that that is the waythat a household should be and
that is not the way a householdshould be.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Right, but you know a lot of times to me is this I
don't know, man, I don't want tosound like I'm bashing the baby
.
Speak your peace boy.
The baby mamas, the baby mamadramas they always want to put a
monkey wrench and they changethe game in the fourth inning or
something.
You know what I mean.
(32:59):
Matter of fact, as soon as you,as soon as you, as soon as you
are like, actually think you'relying shit, go left.
They want to do this, they wantto do that and and God forbid,
god forbid, y'all get into aserious argument they're going
to use that child as like abattle ram against you kid.
They're going to smash youaround left and right.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I think baby mothers who do that they still love
their man.
There's a part of them thatthere's a lot of anger issues
built up inside of them.
The fact that you moved on, thefact that you are living a
different life, the fact thatthat's where that's coming from.
Because if you don't havenothing, if you guys just don't
get along, or whatever thesituation that tore y'all apart
(33:43):
and y'all have a child, youshould just be able to do what
you gotta do for your kid andthat's it.
And the minute that you yougiving him a hard time, you
still have feelings for him.
There's a part of you thatstill have feelings for him and
the fact that you seeing himthat's angering you and then
you're taking it out on the kidno shit, that's done now, as far
as, uh, I wouldn't stay in arelationship for the kid's sake
(34:08):
to sacrifice my happiness.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
I believe, believe you know, the kids are going to
grow and they're going to havetheir own lives one day and,
like you said, this is one ofthe situations where I think
it's better to make a cleanescape, clean cut, and maybe
they'll get it.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
I'm serious, exactly Retreat.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Retreat, yeah, retreat, but I will give the
child explanation and I'll saylisten, you know me, and mom
tried.
But.
And I said, listen, you know me, and mom tried, but it's not
working out so and so.
But I'm always going to bethere.
I'm just going to be staying ata separate location and we're
going to be living our lives anddaddy's always going to be
there for you.
And therefore, move on with mylife and put my happiness first.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
You know, because I don't think you're ever supposed
to put anybody's happinessbefore yours?
And if you're not happy.
You can't make anybody elsehappy.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Only your happiness comes first.
Your children maybe From ageone to 16.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Then you're on your own.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
After that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Then it's ta-ta, I think you have to be happy.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
You have to be happy first.
In order to show your kidshappiness.
If you are a parent, you haveto.
If you are a parent, you'recoming in and you're unhappy
every day, or you're sad everyday, or whatever your situation
may be, it's hard to love yourchild and to give that child
that nurture that they need.
So you need to make yourselfhappy first, so that you can be
(35:28):
the best parent that you can be.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Say somebody like you in a relationship and they say
you don't make me happy, what doyou say to them?
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I chop it up.
It is what it is, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I would say.
I mean, I say I say listen,that's not my job.
To make you happy, you'resupposed to find happiness in
yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
If you?
First of all, if a guy tells meI'm not making them happy, all
right, I'm not sitting herelosing sleep over anything.
Because if I can't figure outwhat makes you happy, or you're
not willing to sit on a tablewith me to figure out what makes
you happy, then there's nothingI can do.
You're talking air.
(36:03):
There's nothing you could do.
I don't know how you guys feel.
You guys are both in.
You know you're married, youhave a fiance.
But I feel like if I'm with aguy and he turns around and says
, chef Barry, you don't make mehappy, I can ask you babe, well,
what happened?
Or how could I?
And if you're not willing tosit on the table and tell me or
(36:26):
try to work it out, that meansmentally you're already checked
out and there's nothing I coulddo about it.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, I feel the same way.
Now, if you come to me and sayyou're unhappy, first thing I'm
going to say elaborate, you knowlet's get deep in there, why,
and if it's, if it's somethingthat could be easily fine tuned,
and you know, sometimes, you,you, you do things that you
don't even realize.
Sometimes it needs to bebrought to your attention.
You understand, cause you don'tsee yourself how other people
(36:52):
see you.
Sometimes Right.
Sometimes somebody needs to tellyou listen, you know when you
do this, so, and so you mightlook at it and you say you know
what?
You're right.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You're right.
And you also have to be open totalking about that too.
And I think you know, in arelationship we don't always
have a conversation and we getinto a habit.
It's like, okay, you live withthe person or you guys or
whatever, and you get up in themorning.
It's like the same routine,it's like a routine behavior,
but certain things that I domight have annoyed you or turned
(37:21):
you off.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
If you don't speak to me about it.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
I'm going to continue to do it because I never knew
that that was a problem in thefirst place?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
True Communication Me personally.
Somebody say, somebody say,like my fiance, we had a rough
patch and she said she wasn'thappy.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
look at myself, you have to look at yourself.
No, no.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
This is what I say.
I say so what you going to do?
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That's your responsibility.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I'm not looking at.
I'm looking at like what?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
are you going to do?
But you got to ask what's thequestion, what's the reason why
she wasn't happy that you neededto have that?
Speaker 1 (37:56):
conversation Meaning what's your next step?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Okay, let's just say hypothetically something you got
over At the time.
She says well, you're drinkingtoo much.
Then what do you do when shesays you drink too much?
You're drinking every day, day.
It's becoming a problem in ourhouse.
So then what's the next step doyou take?
Speaker 1 (38:12):
listen I'll.
The next step is like listen,okay, I understand a little bit,
but I'm saying you gotta reallyfind happiness within yourself.
I I'm not.
I'm not gonna really tellsomebody you, you don't make me
happy, I'm gonna make myselfhappy.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
No, by any means necessary I'm gonna make myself
happy if my, but now but it's noif she's.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
If she's like like, say she's like out of bounds
doing some wild shit, I ain'tgonna say she's not making me,
I'm gonna say yo, you betterchange that, you better change
it, change what elaborate alittle more if she say she's out
of pocket doing this or doingthat, some shit that I don't
agree with, it's not gonna makeme unhappy, it's gonna make me
react.
I'm not gonna sit there andjust there and just Then.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
you're not a good communicator.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
No, no, no Communication is.
Don't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
You can't tell me oh babe, I'm not happy, what is it
that I'm doing that's not makingyou happy?
You have to have thatconversation with me and then,
depending on the answer that shegives, you could then move
forward to say what's your nextstep.
You got to have thatconversation.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I just don't like those words.
I don't want her coming to meand talking about I'm not happy,
Fix yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
I think she needs a woman, somebody.
If they're not happy, I thinkthey need to come and tell you
that I'm open to it.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
You know you always have to sit down and say what
makes my girl happy.
You have to say down and figureout what it is that makes her.
You may think you doingeverything right and she could
be like he's not even hitting it?
He's not even doing the that'smaking me happy.
I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I remember a time I listen to you.
See how difficult you women are.
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you how difficulty'all women are.
Um, my fiance was not sayingshe's not happy, right?
She's saying, no, we don't dothis, we don't do that, right?
A day that we are out about togo get something to eat, she
(40:00):
gets into one of these moodsabout what we don't do, we don't
go out.
She says that I said where arewe now?
What are we doing?
What are we talking about?
So it becomes a routine.
Y'all women say stuff and it'sjust a routine.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Oh, this is going to be no and you forget where
you're at.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
No, absolutely not, we are about to walk into a
restaurant, but we don't go out.
Oh, I'm not talking about rightnow.
So then, what are you talkingabout?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
She's talking about on a basis of the fact that
maybe when y'all met, y'all usedto go out and do a lot more
more things and then you got toa point in your relationship
where you didn't feel like youneeded to say get dressed, babe,
or get dressed up, let's go getsomething to eat and she
probably missed that.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
It's the opposite.
I mean, sterling did things.
Did you have to rev things upright after you met your woman,
like certain things that youwasn't doing?
Then next thing you know, nowy'all together, boom, things
rocket up 100%.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
I think you have to maintain that level that you're
getting.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
No, no, thank you, okay, no, I'm saying did things
go up, or is this leveled off,or is it the same?
Speaker 3 (40:56):
It's always going to level off after a while, but I
think it's your responsibilityto have up peaks.
Give it a few peaks and makesure it never goes past the
level off point.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
You have to keep the same way I wasn't dating.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
We wasn't dating the certain things that we was doing
in the beginning.
It's not happening no more.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Like me and my wife.
We go out all the time.
We try to have date night atleast once a month.
I know sometimes we go througha stretch too, but when it's a
good stretch we might go out twoor three weeks in a row.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
That's what my mother-in-law be telling melaw.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
You would always want to be attracted to your partner
.
You always want to be able toto keep something going, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
so I don't want to be coming home every day and we're
not doing nothing.
But did you cook, did you?
Did you do this like?
I want to be able to be likeokay, babe, get dressed, go out.
So that you know the nightcould be even better because you
took me out.
We went out, we had a good time, we had our one-on-one time, we
did things.
Nobody wants to just be regular.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It becomes a routine Vacationing, yeah like let's do
something.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Sherri, let me ask you a question, oh boy, would
you say right?
Would you ever say to agentleman that you're dealing
with you're unhappy if you arenot stepping up 100% for him?
Speaker 2 (42:14):
I can say I can have a conversation with him.
I can sit around and say to youyou know, babe, I don't like
this or I'm unhappy in this area.
He can then voice to me certainthings that I may be doing that
he's unhappy about, and then,if I want to be with him, I'm
going to step my game up 100%because, he didn't put it on a
(42:34):
table to say that he doesn'tlike this or he doesn't like
this and give or take.
But I can tell you one thing,Monty I can give and take, I can
do as you ask, but you got tokeep your end of the bargain
because you're not going toexpect me to change 100% and
you're sitting back like someking and just accepting
everything that I'm doing andyou're not doing nothing because
(42:58):
I say what Another man's trash?
Speaker 1 (43:02):
is another man's treasure.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
So you have to be able to pick your battles too.
When you come on the table.
It's a conversation, becauseI'm willing to please my partner
at any means necessary, becausethat's who I want to be with.
He has to also have thatmentality too.
I always tell any females, anyone of my girlfriends you got to
keep up your looks yes, you gotto make sure that you look good
(43:28):
.
You, you got to make sure.
Don't feel like, okay, you knowwhat?
I gained 10 pounds.
He didn't meet you 10 poundsheavier.
And I'm not saying you're doingthings for him, don't get me
wrong, females.
I'm saying that we getsometimes we get so complacent,
we get so comfortable that wejust you know, okay, it's all
right.
So now I met him with onelittle stomach.
(43:49):
Now I got 10 stomachs.
And you're like you know well,he's still coming home and he's
still loving, yeah, because he'swith you and he fell in love
with the personality andeverything.
But maybe he's not attracted tothe physical part of you
anymore because you just gave upon all the things.
So you have to get right too.
You have to make sure.
I always tell my girlfriendsmake sure if you like to dress,
(44:10):
continue that pattern ofdressing and smelling good and
keeping your hair and keepingyour makeup and keeping him
wanting.
He knows when you walk outside.
Somebody was looking at my girl.
I got to keep that inside.
I always say that you walkoutside, you always want to look
good.
You always want to look good.
You always want him to comehome and not always have the
(44:31):
hair bonnet like in fourdifferent directions, you know,
and in an old robe and all ofthis stuff.
You can look nice in your hometoo and make him want to be like
damn.
I said I'm home, forget it, thephone's just locked off, I'm
not even talking to my boys ornothing, because I just want to
be right there.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Facts, that's always nothing, because I just want to
be right there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, facts.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
So I can do that, because I know that's what makes
him, you know, happy.
I can always be that womanthat's going to turn the shower
on for you too, and I can bethat woman that's going to make
sure and cook a meal and makesure it's good.
But what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get points forthe women now, while I'm doing
all of that.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
I'm going to get points, men.
I think we also need to keepour hygiene up.
You know, stay up in the gym,keep that stomach down.
You know things as such likethat, to keep your woman
interested in you too, offer totake her out every once in a
while.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I met you with no stomach.
Now you got 10.
Excuse.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
It goes in both ways.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
I feel like on a woman point, we go, and on a man
point, it goes, and that's whatmakes a relationship, because
relationship is hard.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
It's not something easy.
It's a hard thing and you gotto be in it, to really be in it.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
It's really a hard thing, it's a fact.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
You know, it's not easy, it's difficult, it's not
easy Compromise.
I tell my nephew right now it'sa lot.
It's a lot.
I know I'm 13 years old, youknow.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
I sit here and you know people be like you.
Know you a pretty girl, why younot?
Why you not wifed up?
Well, damn it, it's freakinghard because I'm stubborn in a
lot of ways, I'm hard headed ina lot of ways, know what I mean
and it's like as I got older Ihave to realize that it's a
losing battle because, just likeyou guys say, you got to meet
people halfway.
It's not about being pretty,it's not about being smart, it's
(46:24):
not about it's being able toknow what it is to be in a
relationship, what it is thatyou can't just say I'm in a
relationship.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
You really got to work on your relationship be in
it, you got to be in it to it,and that's a constant work in
progress.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, man, every day, ups and downs and loopholes,
and all of this being able to bewith him, no matter what.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
Loyalty what about loyalty, oh loyalty, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Loyalty is a big thing.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Big thing, especially nowadays, that word has become
extant in today's society,there's no such thing as loyalty
right now, loyalty man, andthat's key.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
There are men who say I want a woman that's loyal to
me and to me, that's being in arelationship.
Every man should expect thatand should want that and every
woman should expect that.
But some men don't do that.
They talk a good game in thehouse and in your face and
outside they're doing them, yeah, and that's that that.
(47:21):
And when the woman finds out,it's like, oh well, this, you
can't expect me to do everythingthe way you want me to do it.
And then you turn around andyou're doing the complete
opposite in hopes that you don'tget caught, in hopes that I
don't find out, in hopes thatyou don't get caught, in hopes
that I don't find out.
Then that loyalty for me islike well damn, that's going to
(47:42):
go out the window because youwant me to do everything the way
you want me to do it and you'renot giving me that same respect
.
So I'm sitting around thinkinglike, oh, this is my man and I'm
devoting myself to him.
And oh no, I don't talk tonobody.
And da, da, da, da, and you outthere doing the total opposite
of what you just had a wholeconversation about, coming in
this relationship and whatyou're looking for and what you
(48:04):
want you know it's rough, man.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
It's like what they say you can't reinvent the wheel
, man.
That's how, that's the sign ofthe time, that's how men are.
They're going to do what theydo and women going to just do
what they do to make them Well.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Women just do what they do.
That's new now.
That's something new that'sbecome popular over the last few
years.
Before men do what they do andthe woman would stay loyal to
the man.
But now it seems like women sayyou know what You're going to
do, what you do, and I'm goingto do me too.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
But it's about heartbreak, though.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Two wrongs don't make a right, and it looks worse on
a woman's part after you try toget even and then you go out
there and you start sleeping out, with numerous men, the scarlet
letter.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Well, you don't have to sleep with you, don't have to
sleep.
Women go out and sleep.
You don't have to sleep withanyone.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
Or even entertain.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Just talking to people or whatever the case may
be.
So she's out there doingwhatever she's doing.
That's all in relationship.
The whole point is, if you wantto be in a relationship, you
have to be able to be like I'mnot going to be, I'm not doing
that, like that person is theonly person that I want to do
(49:11):
these things with.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Yeah, you got to come .
You find that comfort inyourself, man, to easily hang up
them shiny shoes you know whatI'm saying and put on house
slippers.
People got to be at that timein their life.
They're ready to just quit.
It's not easy, man.
It's definitely not easy, andwe're getting older.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
So at a point in time your knee going to hurt a
little bit yeah.
Your shoulder going to hurt alittle bit and you're going to
need somebody to be there foryou and to be that person.
So it's all good when you gooutside and girls is checking
for you and all of that.
But then what happens when lifegives you that will?
Speaker 1 (49:48):
and it change.
That's what Sterling wastalking about.
Speaker 3 (49:51):
When you're talking about your friend in the
hospital, you don't want to bethe old nigga in the hospital
with a stroke.
Don't got nobody to wipe yourass.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, you don't want that.
You don't want that yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
And I don't think.
Sometimes people think that faralong and that's where the sad
part comes in.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
You know, because I don't think that people think
along the line like this isgoing to happen Right now.
I'm up and I'm healthy and I'mmoving about and this and this
and that.
But you know, sometimes Godjust gives you a shake up.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
And when he gives you that shake up, it's like, okay,
I need that significant personthat's going to be there for me,
that has that loyalty for me,that's going to wipe me, clean
me, feed me, be there and buildme back up, yeah.
That's.
You know, that's the type ofperson, but I haven't found that
.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
So, yes, yes, y'all you know, tune into the your
Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast.
We've touched on some realtopics.
I would also like to talk aboutthe game your Opinion Doesn't
Matter game.
Speaker 3 (50:50):
Awesome game, man.
That's the best game.
Family gatherings.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Right, and the thing about the game is that 2% of
people in the United States areAfrican-Americans under 2% that
make games, and I'm proud to beone of them.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
Wow that's a big accomplishment.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
It's like it's a, but we need the people out there.
Come check this game out.
Money back guarantee.
No, I'm joking, but I'm sayingyou're going to love this game
and it's a constant,thought-provoking,
debate-formatted game.
You can get this at wwwyodmcomand we're going to have a game
(51:26):
night.
We're going to have a gamenight.
We're going to film it.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
See how everybody feel about it, looking forward
to it this game here is forSherry Ann.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Oh wow, Definitely going to check it out.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Yes, yes, yes, I know my friends would love it.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Yes.
And this will be a good debate.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yes, yeah, and you have a lot of fun.
Man, it's like the differenttopics social matters, sex and
lies, politics, sports,entertainment and the isms but
there's one thing that's reallike to make you really think
and it's a for it or against it,right, and that's a topic and
it comes with a dice and what itis say it's a question that
(52:05):
you're usually for it.
Now you roll a dice and if yousay against it, you got to argue
from a different perspective in30 seconds.
See, this is not a right orwrong game, it's an opinionated
game.
Speaker 3 (52:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
And this is going to force you to hear other people's
perspectives and accept it.
Accept it, but it doesn't meanthat they're going to win the
argument.
Other people will vote on whowins, but it's a very nice game
and I would like you know forthe people to bring it to their
house and, you know, tell meabout it.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
Okay, and where would would we be able to find this
game, monty, in case we'reinterested in purchasing it?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yes, you could go to wwwyodmcom, yeah, or you could
contact anybody here.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
Yes, we have it.
We have it Fully endorsed byBlack Jesus.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
And we love your opinion too, on it Like once you
you know, let us know how youfeel about the game and spread
the word.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
Yes, spread the word Under 2% of African-American
people in the United States.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
That's a great accomplishment, man.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
You know.
So Kudos to you, thank you, Imean kudos.
When it goes out the roof, itwill.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
We're speaking it into existence.
You're speaking it in the airman, Because you know what Every
household needs.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
This game, man, trust me, if you like our
conversation, this right here isa true sermon.
If you want to get to knowsomebody and you want to hear
their perspective on certainthings, trust me, this is going
to bring everything to light.
Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Everything to light.
Well, I'm going to say it'sbeen a pleasure being with these
two gentlemen, very smartgentlemen, and I love the fact
that they two very handsomegentlemen.
It's a pleasure being able to beasked to be on a podcast and
being able to be on very greattopics.
(53:50):
It's also a learningopportunity for me and just
getting to know you know howthought process are differently.
I hope that everyone thatlistens to the podcast gets an
insight on it and enjoy thetopics that we're talking about.
They're two great guys, so whenthey talk, they're talking
about everything in their life,in our lives, in our life period
(54:14):
.
So it's just a great opportunityto be here and be able to be a
part of this Monty's on greatthings.
Sterling is one of my bestcousins, so you know, I do enjoy
you guys and hopefully we canjust keep going with this and
get insights on this likewise.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
Likewise, I'd like to thank all the people that took
time to listen to our previouspodcast and subscribe and give
us all the input.
People that left comments.
Yeah, we thank y'all and wewouldn't be anything without
y'all, and we pray y'all keepsupporting us and we're going to
give y'all the best of us.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Thank you, and it's the community, man, you can't
look at it.
It's just, it's just us, it'severybody, it's the community.
Because mean we thinking, wesaying things that y'all
probably thinking and you know,and then y'all, y'all are
gravitating towards it, and Iappreciate Sherry Berry and I
appreciate Sterling, Iappreciate y'all, for you know
taking a step and then we gonnabe making a movement.
(55:10):
You know, we're making amovement and again, like
Sterling said, without y'all,there's not gonna be no us.
And y'all, really, y'all reallyshowed up for our last show.
Speaker 3 (55:18):
It was really stay tuned.
We got a lot more coming.
Speaker 1 (55:20):
We have a lot more, and then pretty soon we're gonna
open it up and have people callin or or actually submit some
questions, and if you want us togo a direction of the podcast
to talk about certain things,let's let us let us know.
But also sherry, sherry, berry.
They was also saying that wedidn't we could elaborate on
certain things, but it's kind ofit's like we're crunched for
time, so we just hit certainthings and then we got to keep
(55:43):
it moving, I think.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
I think the audience was so intrigued.
At least everyone that listenedwas intrigued by our last
conversation and wanted us toelaborate more on it, and I
think we will give you guys thatwe may not be able to give it
in one podcast but we candefinitely elaborate and we love
(56:05):
your feedback.
I can't wait for the day that wecan get a podcast going where
you can actually call in andgive your views as we're
speaking, you know, to know whatyou guys are thinking, because
a lot of you know my people wasasking about that too as well,
so we can work on things.
As long as you guys keepsupporting, then you'll be able
to get a little bit morein-depth into it.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
Yeah, you can be at our front door knocking in and
say, hey, I have a question fory'all, for Dr Lamont.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Self-proclaimed Dr Lamont.
Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah, I look forward to us having some very
intriguing guests in the futuretoo.
Yes, yes I think we're going totake a turn to that soon.
Speaker 1 (56:44):
We're going to have them in the hot seat or the cold
seat, whichever seat, whichever, whatever the topic is, you
know, trust me.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
Trust us All right.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
Trust us.
Speaker 3 (56:52):
All right, trust the process?
Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yes, so this is the your Op.
Welcome.
Welcome to the your OpinionDoesn't Matter podcast.
We are here.
I am one of the hosts, mrLamont, and my co-host on my
left, sherry.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm doing well, Sherry Berry.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Sherry Berry.
Damn, I'm always messing up andwe have none other.
You changed his name.
Did you change your name forthis episode?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It always been like an AKA Okay okay.
It's always been there, but I'mjust incorporating it into the
podcast you get me.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Okay, what is it?
Black.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Jesus Black, Jesus baby.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Right right, right right.
So, okay now, the last time werecorded we were still in the
mix of summertime, right, asthings just started to enter
towards school time.
You know, one big thing that'sbeen going on was Labor Day.
How was Labor Day for y'all?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
As for me, it was a pretty nice basic Labor Day for
me.
I didn't do too much as opposedto when I was younger.
You know I'm a little older nowso I try to portion out the
festivities because I don'treally have the energy, like I
used to back in the days, to doit for like three, four nights.
I remember back in the days youwould start from like the week
(01:14):
before and as it got closer itwould be a snowball effect.
But now it's kind of like theopposite.
I might start out hard but bythe time Labor Day get there I'm
pretty much pooped out.
Now you know what I'm saying,jeez.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Wow, how about you?
How was your Labor Day?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It was great.
Aj had nothing to do with me.
I was outside you was outside.
I was outside.
I partied from Thursday tillMonday and I had a good time and
it was nice.
I just went to different.
I was actually party hoppingfrom one event to the next, a
lot of big shows and stuff.
So I enjoyed that portion,going to see all the you know
(01:53):
soca singers and just enjoyingthat scenery.
It was good.
It was good.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh, okay, Well.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I had to take vacation that same week because,
you know, the hip had to sitdown.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Okay, had to put the hip on ice, yes, a little bit,
but I had a good time.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
I had a good time.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Well, me, I was living vicariously through y'all
through texts and it's like, ohman, not right now, not right
now, I'm a little later on,tomorrow I'm recovering.
Right now I said, damn man,y'all having fun man, but listen
, I partied enough man.
I partied enough, man Alifetime right.
I partied enough.
So you know I'm just.
(02:32):
You know I'm happy we stillhave it, the carnival man.
Before they was trying to closeit down for a little bit.
Right, it's like confined now.
Right, you can, I'm here tohell.
How was it now in the parkway?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Well, I went to Juve and I had a good time in Juve.
However, I felt like this yearwasn't as good as the other
years that I went.
I felt like Juve was a lot moreof the younger crowd and I don't
think that they really graspedthe concept of Juve.
That's just, you know, myopinion.
(03:05):
It was just out there, like youknow, catch a wine, catch a
wine, catch a wine and it waslike a little bit more to it
than that and I felt like thepolice was just too much.
You know, and I know I ran upon an officer and we was talking
and she was like you know, I'mnot trying to make it difficult,
but I was trying to explain toher that it is kind of difficult
(03:28):
and it makes the crowd get alittle aroused because it's like
you can't walk here, you can'twalk there, the trucks cannot
play the music at this point.
To that point, and I think atthis point that the community
know what this, this wholefestival, is about and what it
is.
So it's like it's once a yearthat you get music at all hours.
(03:49):
It's not something that happensall through the year.
So I feel like at that pointthey should know what it is at
this point and give us a pass.
Yeah, give us a pass, becauseany other you know any other
events that come up you guysjust do what you gotta do and I
felt like, don't walk here.
You got to get scanned as soonas you enter bedford avenue.
(04:09):
You had to get scanned you hadto check your bag, if you walked
out, you had to walk back inand it just made it like more of
an uncomfortable situation andI felt like it showed because
usually when you get by Empireit's like a whole bunch of
people outside I didn't see thatmany people older heads outside
(04:30):
, you know watching it and youknow enjoying it as much as the
years has been.
So I felt like it kind of liketook away a lot from what it was
, I think.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Nice, nice, nice.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
And I feel the same about the parade.
I mean, I gave up the parademaybe one or eight to ten years
now and the main reason was therestrictions.
Yes, Because I remember it was.
It's a big deal.
Yeah, in the 80s and the 90s itwas pretty loose and
unrestricted and you was able tovibe out and have fun.
But now there's so muchrestrictions where you can't
even participate.
(05:04):
When the band is going by youcan't really participate, you're
restricted from.
You know, going behind walkwith the band yeah.
Busting a wine, things of thatsort.
You can't even do that anymore.
You pretty much have to be aspectator.
Sure, you know, and that takesaway from what I remember.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
It takes away from the culture.
Unfortunately, there was ashooting and the shooting
happened, I think, at FranklinAvenue or something.
And then there was controversyonline that people were saying
like you know what, cancel theparade, cancel the parade.
And my thought on that is wellthen you have to cancel
everything else.
You have to cancel schools, youhave to cancel, you know, mass
(05:43):
on a Sunday.
You got a supermarket.
You got a supermarket, you gotto cancel debates.
You got to cancel everythingbecause the problem is not the
parade, the issue is gun control.
Right right, right right, youknow and the fact that you know
people get, you know, chargedwith minimal for everything,
like a year in jail, you got agun, that's it, that's nothing.
(06:05):
That's nothing, that's a slapon the wrist.
So you can't say cancel theparade, it's unfortunate, and no
one comes outside.
You know to have these thingshappen and it's unfortunate that
it does happen.
But I think we have to find adifferent way.
Or don't analyze us or say youknow what's standing in the
parade, oh there's, you knowthere's violence.
(06:25):
Or paint us as a picture of aviolent, you know, a violent
people.
And this is what we do and thisis and that's how the news,
unfortunately in the media, doesportray us.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Yeah, and actual reality.
The violence on Labor DayEastern Parkway has nothing to
do with a parade.
It's usually I'm going to keepit 100, it's usually gang
violence and it's usually anopportunity for certain gang
members to spot their enemies ortheir ops because, everybody's
outside, because there's so manypeople outside and they take
the opportunity, because we'regoing like that for?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
years.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
So it actually has nothing to do.
It's just an opportunity tocatch up to your ops or your or
your enemies or things that are,whatever your situation, and
it's insulting to incorporatethat with us.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I feel like you know all the western india parade and
this is in the western and it'slike, if anyone knows west
indian people, what do we loveto do?
We love to drink rum and partylike to party.
That's what it is.
We love to party with norestrictions and we love to
drink rum and party like toparty.
Yeah, that's what it is.
We love to party with norestrictions and we love to
drink rum, and that's what westindians you know and really any
violence.
Yes, yeah we're not in, we'renot about that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
It's far from any violence that's actually come
from west indians.
That's exactly west indians.
Don't really be sparking it off, no they'll finish it, but they
ain't gonna spark at all.
Yeah, but you know.
But yeah, man.
So I'm glad everybody you know,because y'all had a a great
time.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Great time, um, or, and we just was talking about
the history, our history, withthe parkway so, you know, after
having a great weekend and we'reback, and we're back to work
full time on the train and doingall those things, I just wanted
to touch on.
Some other things that kind oflike touch me in different ways
(08:08):
and you know, I don't know howyou gentlemen feel about you
know, being in a relationship ormarried and your partner has
children that was not with youper se how do you guys deal with
that?
How do you?
What is your take on that?
Do you accept the child as is?
(08:29):
You know, do you come in with?
You know restrictions and youknow, if your own didn't have
and she doesn't want any, how doyou feel about that too, as
well?
And she already has.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I'm actually in a situation my wife's situation.
We was actually like a BradyBunch for one child each, where
she has a daughter and I had ason and we intertwined and
became one family.
But at the first coming in, youknow, when you meet somebody
and they have a child, you're alittle apprehensive at first,
you know, because, knowing thatthis isn't your child, you don't
know how they was raised, youdon't know.
(09:06):
You got to take time to kind oflike, feel them out.
So when I definitely first gotinto a relationship with my wife
, I took time to feel out, adorethem out.
Christina, you know, and itwasn't matrimonious at the
beginning.
You know, I think she was alittle territorial when I first
came in.
You know, this is a new guy.
She's seen, you know, comingaround her mom in the house, so
(09:27):
she was a little standoffish.
I was a little standoffish too,you know.
But then, as we took time, Irealized if I wanted to be with
her mother, this is definitelygoing to have to be a package
deal.
I don't want her mother withouther, you understand what I'm
saying.
Or vice versa, want her motherwithout her?
You understand what I'm saying,or vice versa.
So I knew in order for it towork and to be prosperous, I had
(09:49):
to work things out and form arelationship with my daughter
and to this day, right now,she's here, right now, while
we're taping and we have awonderful relationship.
But it took time.
There was a lot of bumps,there's a lot of bruises.
We had to get to know eachother, um, and it was a growing
process and the key, the key tous growing and becoming one
happy family is her mother gaveme the keys.
She said OK, you know, I wantyou to do all you can to help
(10:13):
Christina grow as a child andgrow as your child, meaning
there was no restrictions, evenas far as discipline.
You understand what I'm sayingand that's key because in a lot
of situations where it doesn'twork, sometimes the woman that
comes in with the kid, she saysyou know, listen, do not touch
my kid or do not speak to my kid.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It could cause a conflict.
But you also got to look onthis, on the aspect of if the
child has, you know, the father,that's very involved and then
now the mother is dating andshe's now with someone else, you
have the father giving you knowfeedback on that and, like I
don't want you to do, this.
(10:52):
You know to do this and to dothis and do this, and that can
also affect and trigger yourrelationship as well, because
you know it's like how do youmaneuver that in certain ways?
Because now you have to like you, the woman, now have to be like
two people you know, becauseyou want your relationship to
work with your current personthat you're with, but you're
(11:13):
also trying to respect the factthat the father also wants to be
.
You know the father and be ableto discipline his child and say
certain things to the child andit's hard on a man, I think
it's.
It then becomes a difficulttask, like I love this girl and
I want to be with this girl, butthen how do I be?
(11:34):
You know, this is still my home, this is still my sanctuary,
this is where I be and I cannothave her child just doing
whatever he or she wants to do.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yes, and you know how you know.
Yes, I believe so.
If you don't make thatconnection with the child, I
don't believe the relationshipcould ever grow.
It's always going to besomething Right.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And it's kind of reversed for me.
As far as you know, my fiance,she has a son Right now.
He's turning, actually he'sturning 18 this week.
My hands was tied, I couldn't,the reins wasn't giving to me
nothing.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
The reins wasn't giving to you.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It wasn't giving to me, it was more or less like you
got to build a relationshipwith him.
They're starting a third, butit's like I can't.
If I don't feel like I could, Ican't stop him from doing wrong
.
How can I be?
How can this be a relationship?
I'm just gonna be, I'm gonna bein the stand watching you, I'm
gonna be in the, you know, likea cheerleader or something so he
(12:35):
wasn't allowed to disciplinehim.
Basically, what you couldn't donothing and he was doing some
wild stuff.
He done some wild stuff, but hewas doing it.
He was more or less rebelling.
Outreach to to it was it wasmore of a rebelling because he
was raised around his mom andnothing but women and seeing me
come.
But everything was kind of coolin the beginning until his
(12:56):
mother was about to have thebaby and then, once the baby was
born, that was it.
It was like he stopped talkingto me.
He didn't.
Till today he don't talk to me.
But it's different though.
It's different because we havean understanding now.
You know what I'm saying.
But my thing growing up is thator even for me in my 20s, I
(13:18):
never used to deal with womenwho had kids.
I never did.
I used to always.
I would always promote thatwoman with the child's father,
not thinking about how bad thesituation would be, but I would
always think that the child'sbetter with his father and
mother.
You know so that I was alwayslike maneuver around that.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I mean, that's, that's naturally how it should
go in life.
You know, the woman is supposedto be with the father and the
child.
But you know we're not livingin a perfect world and there
doesn't always be a child likethat, so we have to make
adjustments.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And that could have been just me being naive, just
thinking like all right, thishas to happen this way.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
But then you know thinking as you get older, the
chances of that happening isless likely.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I think also it's conversations have children.
I personally feel like the guy,because I can only speak on
that aspect.
You have to be able to be like.
That's where I want to be One.
You have to want to be in there, right, because she has
children.
There's nothing you could do.
She has children.
Now, how are we going to dealwith this?
You got to sit down and havethese conversations.
You can't come in and justtrying to just control the
(14:22):
household and the kid never, youknow, had that before.
That's also a shakeup for thekid, like my mom never told me
this or I never had to do thisand now you're coming in and
giving all these rules.
I feel like you should haveconversations.
You can't just come in and justbe like I am the man, I am here
with your mother now and that'sit.
There's no kid.
(14:43):
That's just going to take itbecause you weren't there,
unless you was with her when thebaby was like a little baby.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
It's an easier transition.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You know it's an easier transition, but when you
have a kid that can talk, youknow, and can verbalize, and can
speak their mind and be ableand it was just them and their
mom you have to be able to haveconversations.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah, that's true.
I believe that's true becauseon the other side, my wife had
to get adjusted to my son man.
He's somebody that she nevermet before and all of a sudden
I'm coming there and my son iscoming there every weekend and
you know, first she was a littleapprehensive on how she spoke
to him and things as such.
When anything went on and I wasout the house, he used to call
me, you know, and be like youknow so-and-so, and I would call
him.
And then after a while I'd dothe same, I'd say listen, man,
(15:27):
if anything's going wrong, yougot to speak to him.
Now, you know, you just can'tcall me every time, unless it's
something major.
But you know, my son man, youknow you need to.
You know, slow down or take astep back, so and so, without me
(15:49):
having to call me all the time.
And eventually we got to thatpoint, you know what I'm saying
and luckily, I have good kids,you know.
It made it a lot easier, youknow, that's good, you're
blessed in that aspect.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
How?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
about you.
Are you more protective, likesay you have children, and say a
man come into your life, areyou more like, oh, your guard's
up To.
Like, okay, you know how do youexpect him to handle your kids?
Like, say he walks in and hesees one of your kids cursing at
you?
I mean, obviously at that pointhe's not going to really do
(16:21):
nothing.
But I'm saying like theconversation afterwards suppose
he comes into a hypothetical yoI should have said this, that
and the third, what, what iswhat are you going to say?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I mean I had situations, but I feel like one
is a lot of adjustment.
I had to do one becausebringing somebody around my kid,
that means I really like you.
That's one, because now you'relike, you're know, you're around
my kids.
And two, I also had to let myguard down because, being a
(16:50):
single female, I have my rulesset and I have things the way
that I do it, and I'm not sayingthat the way I do it is the
right way, but it's just the waythat worked for us.
So now, bringing someone around,I would expect you to tell me
what you think and what youdon't think.
Like no, I wouldn't go withthis.
(17:11):
I wouldn't expect you to justjump in, because now I'm going
to look at you sideways, likereally you just jump in and yell
at my kid or curse my kid outor something like that, but I
expect you to say, listen, Idon't like this, we got to talk
about that.
Like I don't like this.
I understand that you did thisthis way, but this is not going
(17:32):
to work for me.
This is the way I view this.
So I don't like the way yourkid do this or this or this or
that.
Let's have a conversation aboutit and let's come to a mutual
ground, because you have tobuild a relationship with my
child knowing that you're goingto be around, that your word
stands ground.
You can't just come in rightoff the bat and do that.
(17:53):
One is going to cause conflictbetween me and you and it's
going to cause conflict betweenthe child.
But I'm open to you talking tome and telling me listen, I
don't like the way your son didthis, so I don't like the way
this is not going to work here.
This is not going to happen.
I'm not comfortable with thator this.
And then we can build arelationship so you can go to
(18:16):
him yourself and you can saylisten, this is not going to
work.
You can't have your friends inhere.
You can't have certain thingsthat you know that's going to
happen.
You can't have your friends inhere you can't have certain
things, that's you know that'sgoing to happen, yeah, and I
think the kid can reciprocatethat a little better.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Yeah, I think what happens when?
When a man comes into arelationship and the woman has a
boy, he feels automatically hewill be able to relate to the
boy better than the mother.
Therefore, he's going to bequicker to put his two cents in,
because he's probably figureout well.
She probably doesn't have theunderstanding of what it takes
to raise a boy, if youunderstand.
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
But it's how you go about it, where the conflict
comes in.
And then keep in mind I feellike men when you come into a
female's life and you havechildren too, and you have the
kid in their life too as well.
If things doesn't work out,most men exit the kid's life,
and it was just for a moment ora thought, and that's also then.
(19:10):
I'm just saying as the motherdates or she go on.
It makes it harder for maybe MrRight to then come in, because
you know you was dating me.
You wasn't just dating me, youwas dating my kid too, you know.
And vice versa.
Because if I'm dating somebodywith children or whatever, he
(19:32):
can have 10 kids Once I putmyself with him, I put myself
with those 10 kids.
So if they need shoes, we'regoing to figure it out.
If they need a hat, we're goingto figure it out, because
that's what you do when you lovesomebody.
You don't just love them parttime, so you love them full.
So I love every part of you.
That means all those 10 kidsare my 10 kids too as well.
(19:55):
So I would want you to do thesame.
And if things don't work outwith us and you just go on
living your next life with thenext kid or whatever the case
may be, don't forget the waythat you touched that kid when
you first came in, because Iwould not forget about your kid.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
That could be awkward .
Speaker 2 (20:13):
It's not awkward.
From a man's point of view, itcould be awkward, Okay my baby
father has how many children andI was with those kids when they
were little.
They're big people now and theystill call me Ms Sherry Ann.
Hi, ms Sherry Ann, how youdoing?
I love you as I love them too.
I'm not in their life, as youknow, going, you know to
(20:35):
everything, but I still Iimpacted their life somehow.
So I still, if I see them onthe road or if I see them on
social media, I'm saying hi.
If they come to see theirsister, I'm giving them a hug
because they meant something tome.
There's a difference in keepingin contact and there's a
(20:55):
difference in completelydisappearing.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
I feel that would be awkward.
I think after a whileespecially after the man moves
on and he gets in anotherrelationship, it's going to be
pretty hard for the woman he'sdating now, when married, to
explain why he's still inconstant contact.
Naturally, I think eventuallythe relationship will probably
never end, but it is going todecimate as the time goes by.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
It will, but you can still say hello.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I'm not saying anything is wrong.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Of course I could always say hello because I don't
go by their house and I don't,I don't, we're not talking on
the phone and we're not.
But it just so happened that Ishare a brother.
Well, in my situation she is achild, you know.
So that's their brother.
That, so that's their brother.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
That's their sister For life.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
So that's for life.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
So wherever I see them, I'm always going to say hi
, or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
But any ex or anybody , that's okay if they had
children.
If I see them, I'm going to hugthem and say hi.
I'm just saying that some menor some women just forget about
the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
You mean completely, completely.
We'll see the kid and not doanything?
Yeah, exactly, completely.
Would see the kid and not doanything.
Yeah, exactly, well, that'sextreme, just like you know.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
hey, well, you know, I'm not with your mother, no
more.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
So that's what it is.
Oh no, I didn't understand.
That's extreme.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
At some point you was close to that child.
I'm not saying go by, Let mejust clarify.
I'm not saying keep in contact,calling on the phone, going by
buying, food buying clothes.
I'm not saying that becausethat's no longer your job.
That part just went away andany woman could respect that, I
(22:29):
think.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
A real woman could respect that.
But sometimes you got to do ahealthy retreat.
Healthy retreat Be like okay,listen, I'm not dealing with you
.
You, you and you.
I'm out of here.
You got to for the comfort ofyour own Clean breakaway.
I'm out of here, deuces.
I mean listen.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Hey, that could be helpful sometimes.
Yeah, because if you're stillin contact it still could
confuse a child.
Yeah, and as you fade awayslowly and slowly, the child
could feel.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Let him or her miss you.
But I don't think keep incontact.
I don't think like text or call, I'm just saying once you see
the kid.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Always cordial.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
You can always be cordial because at some point
that kid you like the kid atsome point.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, but you like the woman at one point too, even
more than the kid and y'allsometimes.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
So you can walk down the street and not say hello.
No, you can see a kid that youused to be with a woman and not
say hi.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
The child is innocent .
Speaker 1 (23:29):
True, true, the child is innocent.
But I mean to go out your wayto say hello and stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
No, I didn't say go out my way.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
But if you pass him, yeah, if you pass him, hey,
what's up?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
If I go to something and I see the child, I'm going
to hug you, I'm going to say hi,nothing wrong with that, I'm
going to say how are you?
I'm not going to say hello, wedid not understandable.
(24:00):
Understandable we broke up, butme and the child didn't break,
we wasn't in anything.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You see, now, that's the thing about you not only
invested in the woman, youinvested in the children too,
and it's like that's too, andit's like that's a difficult
thing, man, and that's why it'salways smart to understand the
role when you go in in asituation and the magnitude of
what can happen.
This kid's going to look foryou for guidance or so forth and
so on, and then, god forbid,things don't work.
You're going to have to severties.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
But that's the thing about relationships when you go
into a relationship is what'syour end game.
I said that to someone.
When you first meet somebody,automatically you know whether
or not you want to smash theperson, whether you want to take
them out for a second dinner orlunch or whether you want to go
in.
You can't do a pretense becausethe pretense can hurt the long
(24:49):
run.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
I don't think all men go into relationships like that
.
I didn't go into it thinkingyou know.
Sometimes you just think itmight be a smash and then it
grows to something else.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, it's like never no potential thing.
I mean usually with men it'snever no potential thing yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Actually with my wife .
I didn't know it was going tobe anything at all at first.
And it going to be anything atall at first and it was actually
mute for like a month or twoand then and it actually ended
up growing and I had no dreamsthat it would grow to anything
it was.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
It was a total surprise to me and it's actually
sometimes it's like that, likein your mind, like say, like say
you run up on like a, like abad right chick yeah, sometimes
it's the opposite.
You'd be like you know you'llbe.
You could be like I know thisain't gonna go nowhere because
you'd be like inside yourinsecurity.
Be like I ain't gonna be ableto hold all of this down.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
You know what I'm saying until you get to know the
person.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I mean, but you could know her.
But like, off the visualswithout even speaking yeah, it's
like alright, you know a lot ofpeople gonna be hollering, you
know.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
We do think about things like that.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Yeah, like why, Like you know why, put yourself
through it.
You know what I mean.
She's going to be highmaintenance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Not even financially buying her just attention wise.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
But you know, women, we get shot down, Like I get
shot down all the time becausethey feel like I'm
unapproachable and I'm really anice girl if you get to know me,
but if Wait wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You actually trying to tell me that you get shot
down by a guy, Sherri-Ann?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
There's no way I'm going to believe that Shot down
in what to what capacity?
What are you talking about?
The minute you're talking tothem and then they shooting you
down?
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, I've gotten shot down by a gentleman who turned
around and said that he likes me.
He thought I was a pretty girl.
However, I'm just too much tohandle.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
He's just like no, you just took one shot.
I took numerous shots of what Isaid.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
So I'm sitting there like what's too much, because I
stand and I don't really speakand I just stay in my corner.
But if you get to know me, youmight have Not saying you know
it's anything, but you might, itcould have, you don't know, but
just to look at me and be like,oh well, I look like I'm too
much.
I've had people say well, youknow, you live on your own, you
(26:58):
have your own place, you work,you got a good job or whatever.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
They don't want to talk to me.
They don't want to talk to me.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But then, if you're not independent, how do I live?
How do independent, how we?
How do I live?
How do I live?
Would?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
you want me living in a room with a, with a little
bed on the side, watching tea?
Not me, I'm just going fromtheir perspective.
That's how guys?
Yeah man, not me.
I would want that.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah man some yeah, some men would be looking at
stuff.
It's like hold on, that's toomuch for me.
Yeah, like, you have your own,then what can I do for you?
What could I bring to the table?
Yeah, so it's like and thenit's gonna be put pressure on
them if you have this and theydon't have that, they're gonna
be like whoa, okay, she's gonna.
Eventually she's gonna hold itagainst me, some form of fashion
, she's gonna look down on me.
They're gonna start feeling mewhat's that?
Speaker 2 (27:40):
insecurities, but then I get it, but it's at the
same time for women that do havetheir own and do are able to
hold their own.
It makes makes it harder in aday to life to find the one,
because you get shot down justbecause you were able to
accomplish certain things.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, but at the same time it's about how much men
get shot down by their women.
Who's like say she's successful, she has her own this and own
that.
It's like y'all.
A lot of times I'm not going tosay y'all women, they don't go
down.
They don't go down like inclass.
Men always go down.
We always find a girl who canwork in like Pathmark or
(28:17):
something like that.
Even if we got a good job,women's going to maintain at
that height or go highermajority of the time.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I would want to just talk to somebody who has a job.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
You're going to say just a job.
If he's working in a stoppingshop, it's cool.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
That's fine, that's his job.
He has an income, right?
Okay, the important thing isthat you have what A J-O-B.
That's my thing.
You can do something.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But you see, I think the difference with you is that
you're West Indian.
I think it's like that's adifferent type of, it's a
different type of feeling, likeyou know what I mean.
West Indians came from a placeof like grinding, so like work
is work.
But the stubborn Americansstubborn Americans you see them
on the YouTube.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I just feel like if a man has a job, I feel like we
can go someplace and we could docertain things.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
And if you have the ambition to keep going.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
We can make anything happen.
You know, I got 50 cents, yougot 50 cents.
Okay, we got a dollar and wecan maneuver and we can go where
we got to go.
But if you're not doing nothing, no, I don't want to talk to
you.
I don't want to talk to Laos.
I'm sorry, don't talk to me.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't want to sit around anddon't want to do anything and,
waiting for me to work, to thenask me well, you want this or
(29:33):
you want that?
I didn't get up every morningand go, bust my skin and doing
the job that I do to take careof no one.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I'm sorry, no, understandable, understandable.
Now we was talking aboutinvesting into our kids, such.
Now, what about the people thatover-invest into the happiness
of the kids?
I'm talking about couples thatactually stay together, knowing
that the relationship is donejust for the sake of the kids,
Like try to wait it out until,like, the kids go off to college
(30:00):
and move out.
Is that something you wouldinvest into?
Staying together just for thesake of your kids, keeping them
happy, not giving them anytrauma?
Speaker 2 (30:09):
I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm telling you, me like right now, if I'm in a
horrible situation, me and myfiance, knock on wood, it's not
happening, but my daughter's atthis age now she's six.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
I mean say, if a situation is going on, I would
not take it further, I would nottry to make it a bad, bad
situation, I would stay for mydaughter.
So you would stay into therelationship even though you're
not happy.
I would normal circumstanceswithout no children.
No, I'm out of there ASAP, I'mgone.
But as far as you got kids, yougot to start, you got to make
(30:46):
some sacrifices.
But are you really and?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
truly happy.
Is your kid really seeing ahappy home?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, I mean true, what values?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
are you showing her or him at that point?
Because you're not happy?
And happiness, you know, whenyou're not happy it shows in
different ways it can show youknow I come in.
You could just be angry justbecause you're in a home that
just doesn't have the happiness.
So is your child really seeingmom and dad happy?
We got to think about whattrauma does that affect the kids
(31:15):
too?
Okay, they come in and they seetheir mom and dad in one
household, but the household isfilled with nothing but noise or
argument.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Negativity.
If it's that bad, then yeah,you're right.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
I don't want to stay with you if it's just not
happening.
Because at the same time, we'renot cuddling, we're not talking
, we're not laughing, we're notjoking.
Your kid is not seeing youjoking around, they're seeing
you arguing over the slightestthing.
When you don't like somebody,you walk in, and you could have
put your shoes the same placefor 10 years and it never
(31:49):
bothered you but the one timethat you guys are not on that
level.
Now that same shoes isbothering you.
And then it becomes a thing Idon't want to be in.
I don't want to be in norelationship that nobody don't
want to be in a relationshipwith me.
That's one I don't want to bein a relationship with like that
.
I'd rather go and cry in acorner or cry to my girlfriend
(32:10):
or whoever and move on and movepast.
At least my kid would see mewalking in and just being me.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That's according to the circumstance.
You're right.
It's not.
You know me saying that that Iwould stay for my daughter.
But now if I'm staying andthere's a bunch of yelling and
I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm goingto do a disservice.
It's still unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
It's very unhealthy, you know what I mean.
Give me high blood pressure andmake my daughter get all
emotional and that's what she'sgoing to grow up seeing,
thinking that that is the waythat a household should be and
that is not the way a householdshould be.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Right, but you know a lot of times to me is this I
don't know, man, I don't want tosound like I'm bashing the baby
.
Speak your peace boy.
The baby mamas, the baby mamadramas they always want to put a
monkey wrench and they changethe game in the fourth inning or
something.
You know what I mean.
(32:59):
Matter of fact, as soon as you,as soon as you, as soon as you
are like, actually think you'relying shit, go left.
They want to do this, they wantto do that and and God forbid,
god forbid, y'all get into aserious argument they're going
to use that child as like abattle ram against you kid.
They're going to smash youaround left and right.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I think baby mothers who do that they still love
their man.
There's a part of them thatthere's a lot of anger issues
built up inside of them.
The fact that you moved on, thefact that you are living a
different life, the fact thatthat's where that's coming from.
Because if you don't havenothing, if you guys just don't
get along, or whatever thesituation that tore y'all apart
(33:43):
and y'all have a child, youshould just be able to do what
you gotta do for your kid andthat's it.
And the minute that you yougiving him a hard time, you
still have feelings for him.
There's a part of you thatstill have feelings for him and
the fact that you seeing himthat's angering you and then
you're taking it out on the kidno shit, that's done now, as far
as, uh, I wouldn't stay in arelationship for the kid's sake
(34:08):
to sacrifice my happiness.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
I believe, believe you know, the kids are going to
grow and they're going to havetheir own lives one day and,
like you said, this is one ofthe situations where I think
it's better to make a cleanescape, clean cut, and maybe
they'll get it.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
I'm serious, exactly Retreat.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Retreat, yeah, retreat, but I will give the
child explanation and I'll saylisten, you know me, and mom
tried.
But.
And I said, listen, you know me, and mom tried, but it's not
working out so and so.
But I'm always going to bethere.
I'm just going to be staying ata separate location and we're
going to be living our lives anddaddy's always going to be
there for you.
And therefore, move on with mylife and put my happiness first.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
You know, because I don't think you're ever supposed
to put anybody's happinessbefore yours?
And if you're not happy.
You can't make anybody elsehappy.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Only your happiness comes first.
Your children maybe From ageone to 16.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Then you're on your own.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
After that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Then it's ta-ta, I think you have to be happy.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
You have to be happy first.
In order to show your kidshappiness.
If you are a parent, you haveto.
If you are a parent, you'recoming in and you're unhappy
every day, or you're sad everyday, or whatever your situation
may be, it's hard to love yourchild and to give that child
that nurture that they need.
So you need to make yourselfhappy first, so that you can be
(35:28):
the best parent that you can be.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Say somebody like you in a relationship and they say
you don't make me happy, what doyou say to them?
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I chop it up.
It is what it is, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I would say.
I mean, I say I say listen,that's not my job.
To make you happy, you'resupposed to find happiness in
yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
If you?
First of all, if a guy tells meI'm not making them happy, all
right, I'm not sitting herelosing sleep over anything.
Because if I can't figure outwhat makes you happy, or you're
not willing to sit on a tablewith me to figure out what makes
you happy, then there's nothingI can do.
You're talking air.
(36:03):
There's nothing you could do.
I don't know how you guys feel.
You guys are both in.
You know you're married, youhave a fiance.
But I feel like if I'm with aguy and he turns around and says
, chef Barry, you don't make mehappy, I can ask you babe, well,
what happened?
Or how could I?
And if you're not willing tosit on the table and tell me or
(36:26):
try to work it out, that meansmentally you're already checked
out and there's nothing I coulddo about it.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, I feel the same way.
Now, if you come to me and sayyou're unhappy, first thing I'm
going to say elaborate, you knowlet's get deep in there, why,
and if it's, if it's somethingthat could be easily fine tuned,
and you know, sometimes, you,you, you do things that you
don't even realize.
Sometimes it needs to bebrought to your attention.
You understand, cause you don'tsee yourself how other people
(36:52):
see you.
Sometimes Right.
Sometimes somebody needs to tellyou listen, you know when you
do this, so, and so you mightlook at it and you say you know
what?
You're right.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You're right.
And you also have to be open totalking about that too.
And I think you know, in arelationship we don't always
have a conversation and we getinto a habit.
It's like, okay, you live withthe person or you guys or
whatever, and you get up in themorning.
It's like the same routine,it's like a routine behavior,
but certain things that I domight have annoyed you or turned
(37:21):
you off.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
If you don't speak to me about it.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
I'm going to continue to do it because I never knew
that that was a problem in thefirst place?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
True Communication Me personally.
Somebody say, somebody say,like my fiance, we had a rough
patch and she said she wasn'thappy.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
look at myself, you have to look at yourself.
No, no.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
This is what I say.
I say so what you going to do?
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
That's your responsibility.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I'm not looking at.
I'm looking at like what?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
are you going to do?
But you got to ask what's thequestion, what's the reason why
she wasn't happy that you neededto have that?
Speaker 1 (37:56):
conversation Meaning what's your next step?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Okay, let's just say hypothetically something you got
over At the time.
She says well, you're drinkingtoo much.
Then what do you do when shesays you drink too much?
You're drinking every day, day.
It's becoming a problem in ourhouse.
So then what's the next step doyou take?
Speaker 1 (38:12):
listen I'll.
The next step is like listen,okay, I understand a little bit,
but I'm saying you gotta reallyfind happiness within yourself.
I I'm not.
I'm not gonna really tellsomebody you, you don't make me
happy, I'm gonna make myselfhappy.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
No, by any means necessary I'm gonna make myself
happy if my, but now but it's noif she's.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
If she's like like, say she's like out of bounds
doing some wild shit, I ain'tgonna say she's not making me,
I'm gonna say yo, you betterchange that, you better change
it, change what elaborate alittle more if she say she's out
of pocket doing this or doingthat, some shit that I don't
agree with, it's not gonna makeme unhappy, it's gonna make me
react.
I'm not gonna sit there andjust there and just Then.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
you're not a good communicator.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
No, no, no Communication is.
Don't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
You can't tell me oh babe, I'm not happy, what is it
that I'm doing that's not makingyou happy?
You have to have thatconversation with me and then,
depending on the answer that shegives, you could then move
forward to say what's your nextstep.
You got to have thatconversation.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I just don't like those words.
I don't want her coming to meand talking about I'm not happy,
Fix yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
I think she needs a woman, somebody.
If they're not happy, I thinkthey need to come and tell you
that I'm open to it.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
You know you always have to sit down and say what
makes my girl happy.
You have to say down and figureout what it is that makes her.
You may think you doingeverything right and she could
be like he's not even hitting it?
He's not even doing the that'smaking me happy.
I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I remember a time I listen to you.
See how difficult you women are.
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you how difficulty'all women are.
Um, my fiance was not sayingshe's not happy, right?
She's saying, no, we don't dothis, we don't do that, right?
A day that we are out about togo get something to eat, she
(40:00):
gets into one of these moodsabout what we don't do, we don't
go out.
She says that I said where arewe now?
What are we doing?
What are we talking about?
So it becomes a routine.
Y'all women say stuff and it'sjust a routine.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Oh, this is going to be no and you forget where
you're at.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
No, absolutely not, we are about to walk into a
restaurant, but we don't go out.
Oh, I'm not talking about rightnow.
So then, what are you talkingabout?
Speaker 2 (40:24):
She's talking about on a basis of the fact that
maybe when y'all met, y'all usedto go out and do a lot more
more things and then you got toa point in your relationship
where you didn't feel like youneeded to say get dressed, babe,
or get dressed up, let's go getsomething to eat and she
probably missed that.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
It's the opposite.
I mean, sterling did things.
Did you have to rev things upright after you met your woman,
like certain things that youwasn't doing?
Then next thing you know, nowy'all together, boom, things
rocket up 100%.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
I think you have to maintain that level that you're
getting.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
No, no, thank you, okay, no, I'm saying did things
go up, or is this leveled off,or is it the same?
Speaker 3 (40:56):
It's always going to level off after a while, but I
think it's your responsibilityto have up peaks.
Give it a few peaks and makesure it never goes past the
level off point.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
You have to keep the same way I wasn't dating.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
We wasn't dating the certain things that we was doing
in the beginning.
It's not happening no more.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Like me and my wife.
We go out all the time.
We try to have date night atleast once a month.
I know sometimes we go througha stretch too, but when it's a
good stretch we might go out twoor three weeks in a row.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
That's what my mother-in-law be telling melaw.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
You would always want to be attracted to your partner
.
You always want to be able toto keep something going, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
so I don't want to be coming home every day and we're
not doing nothing.
But did you cook, did you?
Did you do this like?
I want to be able to be likeokay, babe, get dressed, go out.
So that you know the nightcould be even better because you
took me out.
We went out, we had a good time, we had our one-on-one time, we
did things.
Nobody wants to just be regular.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
It becomes a routine Vacationing, yeah like let's do
something.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Sherri, let me ask you a question, oh boy, would
you say right?
Would you ever say to agentleman that you're dealing
with you're unhappy if you arenot stepping up 100% for him?
Speaker 2 (42:14):
I can say I can have a conversation with him.
I can sit around and say to youyou know, babe, I don't like
this or I'm unhappy in this area.
He can then voice to me certainthings that I may be doing that
he's unhappy about, and then,if I want to be with him, I'm
going to step my game up 100%because, he didn't put it on a
(42:34):
table to say that he doesn'tlike this or he doesn't like
this and give or take.
But I can tell you one thing,Monty I can give and take, I can
do as you ask, but you got tokeep your end of the bargain
because you're not going toexpect me to change 100% and
you're sitting back like someking and just accepting
everything that I'm doing andyou're not doing nothing because
(42:58):
I say what Another man's trash?
Speaker 1 (43:02):
is another man's treasure.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
So you have to be able to pick your battles too.
When you come on the table.
It's a conversation, becauseI'm willing to please my partner
at any means necessary, becausethat's who I want to be with.
He has to also have thatmentality too.
I always tell any females, anyone of my girlfriends you got to
keep up your looks yes, you gotto make sure that you look good
(43:28):
.
You, you got to make sure.
Don't feel like, okay, you knowwhat?
I gained 10 pounds.
He didn't meet you 10 poundsheavier.
And I'm not saying you're doingthings for him, don't get me
wrong, females.
I'm saying that we getsometimes we get so complacent,
we get so comfortable that wejust you know, okay, it's all
right.
So now I met him with onelittle stomach.
(43:49):
Now I got 10 stomachs.
And you're like you know well,he's still coming home and he's
still loving, yeah, because he'swith you and he fell in love
with the personality andeverything.
But maybe he's not attracted tothe physical part of you
anymore because you just gave upon all the things.
So you have to get right too.
You have to make sure.
I always tell my girlfriendsmake sure if you like to dress,
(44:10):
continue that pattern ofdressing and smelling good and
keeping your hair and keepingyour makeup and keeping him
wanting.
He knows when you walk outside.
Somebody was looking at my girl.
I got to keep that inside.
I always say that you walkoutside, you always want to look
good.
You always want to look good.
You always want him to comehome and not always have the
(44:31):
hair bonnet like in fourdifferent directions, you know,
and in an old robe and all ofthis stuff.
You can look nice in your hometoo and make him want to be like
damn.
I said I'm home, forget it, thephone's just locked off, I'm
not even talking to my boys ornothing, because I just want to
be right there.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Facts, that's always nothing, because I just want to
be right there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, facts.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
So I can do that, because I know that's what makes
him, you know, happy.
I can always be that womanthat's going to turn the shower
on for you too, and I can bethat woman that's going to make
sure and cook a meal and makesure it's good.
But what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get points forthe women now, while I'm doing
all of that.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
I'm going to get points, men.
I think we also need to keepour hygiene up.
You know, stay up in the gym,keep that stomach down.
You know things as such likethat, to keep your woman
interested in you too, offer totake her out every once in a
while.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
I met you with no stomach.
Now you got 10.
Excuse.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
It goes in both ways.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
I feel like on a woman point, we go, and on a man
point, it goes, and that's whatmakes a relationship, because
relationship is hard.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
It's not something easy.
It's a hard thing and you gotto be in it, to really be in it.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
It's really a hard thing, it's a fact.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
You know, it's not easy, it's difficult, it's not
easy Compromise.
I tell my nephew right now it'sa lot.
It's a lot.
I know I'm 13 years old, youknow.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
I sit here and you know people be like you.
Know you a pretty girl, why younot?
Why you not wifed up?
Well, damn it, it's freakinghard because I'm stubborn in a
lot of ways, I'm hard headed ina lot of ways, know what I mean
and it's like as I got older Ihave to realize that it's a
losing battle because, just likeyou guys say, you got to meet
people halfway.
It's not about being pretty,it's not about being smart, it's
(46:24):
not about it's being able toknow what it is to be in a
relationship, what it is thatyou can't just say I'm in a
relationship.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
You really got to work on your relationship be in
it, you got to be in it to it,and that's a constant work in
progress.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, man, every day, ups and downs and loopholes,
and all of this being able to bewith him, no matter what.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
Loyalty what about loyalty, oh loyalty, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Loyalty is a big thing.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Big thing, especially nowadays, that word has become
extant in today's society,there's no such thing as loyalty
right now, loyalty man, andthat's key.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
There are men who say I want a woman that's loyal to
me and to me, that's being in arelationship.
Every man should expect thatand should want that and every
woman should expect that.
But some men don't do that.
They talk a good game in thehouse and in your face and
outside they're doing them, yeah, and that's that that.
(47:21):
And when the woman finds out,it's like, oh well, this, you
can't expect me to do everythingthe way you want me to do it.
And then you turn around andyou're doing the complete
opposite in hopes that you don'tget caught, in hopes that I
don't find out, in hopes thatyou don't get caught, in hopes
that I don't find out.
Then that loyalty for me islike well damn, that's going to
(47:42):
go out the window because youwant me to do everything the way
you want me to do it and you'renot giving me that same respect
.
So I'm sitting around thinkinglike, oh, this is my man and I'm
devoting myself to him.
And oh no, I don't talk tonobody.
And da, da, da, da, and you outthere doing the total opposite
of what you just had a wholeconversation about, coming in
this relationship and whatyou're looking for and what you
(48:04):
want you know it's rough, man.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
It's like what they say you can't reinvent the wheel
, man.
That's how, that's the sign ofthe time, that's how men are.
They're going to do what theydo and women going to just do
what they do to make them Well.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Women just do what they do.
That's new now.
That's something new that'sbecome popular over the last few
years.
Before men do what they do andthe woman would stay loyal to
the man.
But now it seems like women sayyou know what You're going to
do, what you do, and I'm goingto do me too.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
But it's about heartbreak, though.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Two wrongs don't make a right, and it looks worse on
a woman's part after you try toget even and then you go out
there and you start sleeping out, with numerous men, the scarlet
letter.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Well, you don't have to sleep with you, don't have to
sleep.
Women go out and sleep.
You don't have to sleep withanyone.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
Or even entertain.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Just talking to people or whatever the case may
be.
So she's out there doingwhatever she's doing.
That's all in relationship.
The whole point is, if you wantto be in a relationship, you
have to be able to be like I'mnot going to be, I'm not doing
that, like that person is theonly person that I want to do
(49:11):
these things with.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Yeah, you got to come .
You find that comfort inyourself, man, to easily hang up
them shiny shoes you know whatI'm saying and put on house
slippers.
People got to be at that timein their life.
They're ready to just quit.
It's not easy, man.
It's definitely not easy, andwe're getting older.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
So at a point in time your knee going to hurt a
little bit yeah.
Your shoulder going to hurt alittle bit and you're going to
need somebody to be there foryou and to be that person.
So it's all good when you gooutside and girls is checking
for you and all of that.
But then what happens when lifegives you that will?
Speaker 1 (49:48):
and it change.
That's what Sterling wastalking about.
Speaker 3 (49:51):
When you're talking about your friend in the
hospital, you don't want to bethe old nigga in the hospital
with a stroke.
Don't got nobody to wipe yourass.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah, you don't want that.
You don't want that yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
And I don't think.
Sometimes people think that faralong and that's where the sad
part comes in.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
You know, because I don't think that people think
along the line like this isgoing to happen Right now.
I'm up and I'm healthy and I'mmoving about and this and this
and that.
But you know, sometimes Godjust gives you a shake up.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
And when he gives you that shake up, it's like, okay,
I need that significant personthat's going to be there for me,
that has that loyalty for me,that's going to wipe me, clean
me, feed me, be there and buildme back up, yeah.
That's.
You know, that's the type ofperson, but I haven't found that
.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
So, yes, yes, y'all you know, tune into the your
Opinion Doesn't Matter podcast.
We've touched on some realtopics.
I would also like to talk aboutthe game your Opinion Doesn't
Matter game.
Speaker 3 (50:50):
Awesome game, man.
That's the best game.
Family gatherings.
Speaker 1 (50:53):
Right, and the thing about the game is that 2% of
people in the United States areAfrican-Americans under 2% that
make games, and I'm proud to beone of them.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
Wow that's a big accomplishment.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
It's like it's a, but we need the people out there.
Come check this game out.
Money back guarantee.
No, I'm joking, but I'm sayingyou're going to love this game
and it's a constant,thought-provoking,
debate-formatted game.
You can get this at wwwyodmcomand we're going to have a game
(51:26):
night.
We're going to have a gamenight.
We're going to film it.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
See how everybody feel about it, looking forward
to it this game here is forSherry Ann.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Oh wow, Definitely going to check it out.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Yes, yes, yes, I know my friends would love it.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Yes.
And this will be a good debate.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yes, yeah, and you have a lot of fun.
Man, it's like the differenttopics social matters, sex and
lies, politics, sports,entertainment and the isms but
there's one thing that's reallike to make you really think
and it's a for it or against it,right, and that's a topic and
it comes with a dice and what itis say it's a question that
(52:05):
you're usually for it.
Now you roll a dice and if yousay against it, you got to argue
from a different perspective in30 seconds.
See, this is not a right orwrong game, it's an opinionated
game.
Speaker 3 (52:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
And this is going to force you to hear other people's
perspectives and accept it.
Accept it, but it doesn't meanthat they're going to win the
argument.
Other people will vote on whowins, but it's a very nice game
and I would like you know forthe people to bring it to their
house and, you know, tell meabout it.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
Okay, and where would would we be able to find this
game, monty, in case we'reinterested in purchasing it?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yes, you could go to wwwyodmcom, yeah, or you could
contact anybody here.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
Yes, we have it.
We have it Fully endorsed byBlack Jesus.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
And we love your opinion too, on it Like once you
you know, let us know how youfeel about the game and spread
the word.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
Yes, spread the word Under 2% of African-American
people in the United States.
Speaker 3 (53:05):
That's a great accomplishment, man.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
You know.
So Kudos to you, thank you, Imean kudos.
When it goes out the roof, itwill.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
We're speaking it into existence.
You're speaking it in the airman, Because you know what Every
household needs.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
This game, man, trust me, if you like our
conversation, this right here isa true sermon.
If you want to get to knowsomebody and you want to hear
their perspective on certainthings, trust me, this is going
to bring everything to light.
Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Everything to light.
Well, I'm going to say it'sbeen a pleasure being with these
two gentlemen, very smartgentlemen, and I love the fact
that they two very handsomegentlemen.
It's a pleasure being able to beasked to be on a podcast and
being able to be on very greattopics.
(53:50):
It's also a learningopportunity for me and just
getting to know you know howthought process are differently.
I hope that everyone thatlistens to the podcast gets an
insight on it and enjoy thetopics that we're talking about.
They're two great guys, so whenthey talk, they're talking
about everything in their life,in our lives, in our life period
(54:14):
.
So it's just a great opportunityto be here and be able to be a
part of this Monty's on greatthings.
Sterling is one of my bestcousins, so you know, I do enjoy
you guys and hopefully we canjust keep going with this and
get insights on this likewise.
Speaker 3 (54:33):
Likewise, I'd like to thank all the people that took
time to listen to our previouspodcast and subscribe and give
us all the input.
People that left comments.
Yeah, we thank y'all and wewouldn't be anything without
y'all, and we pray y'all keepsupporting us and we're going to
give y'all the best of us.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Thank you, and it's the community, man, you can't
look at it.
It's just, it's just us, it'severybody, it's the community.
Because mean we thinking, wesaying things that y'all
probably thinking and you know,and then y'all, y'all are
gravitating towards it, and Iappreciate Sherry Berry and I
appreciate Sterling, Iappreciate y'all, for you know
taking a step and then we gonnabe making a movement.
(55:10):
You know, we're making amovement and again, like
Sterling said, without y'all,there's not gonna be no us.
And y'all, really, y'all reallyshowed up for our last show.
Speaker 3 (55:18):
It was really stay tuned.
We got a lot more coming.
Speaker 1 (55:20):
We have a lot more, and then pretty soon we're gonna
open it up and have people callin or or actually submit some
questions, and if you want us togo a direction of the podcast
to talk about certain things,let's let us let us know.
But also sherry, sherry, berry.
They was also saying that wedidn't we could elaborate on
certain things, but it's kind ofit's like we're crunched for
time, so we just hit certainthings and then we got to keep
(55:43):
it moving, I think.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
I think the audience was so intrigued.
At least everyone that listenedwas intrigued by our last
conversation and wanted us toelaborate more on it, and I
think we will give you guys thatwe may not be able to give it
in one podcast but we candefinitely elaborate and we love
(56:05):
your feedback.
I can't wait for the day that wecan get a podcast going where
you can actually call in andgive your views as we're
speaking, you know, to know whatyou guys are thinking, because
a lot of you know my people wasasking about that too as well,
so we can work on things.
As long as you guys keepsupporting, then you'll be able
to get a little bit morein-depth into it.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
Yeah, you can be at our front door knocking in and
say, hey, I have a question fory'all, for Dr Lamont.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Self-proclaimed Dr Lamont.
Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah, I look forward to us having some very
intriguing guests in the futuretoo.
Yes, yes I think we're going totake a turn to that soon.
Speaker 1 (56:44):
We're going to have them in the hot seat or the cold
seat, whichever seat, whichever, whatever the topic is, you
know, trust me.
Speaker 2 (56:50):
Trust us All right.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
Trust us.
Speaker 3 (56:52):
All right, trust the process?
Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yes, so this is the your Op.
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