April 12, 2023 • 49 mins
Walking toward grief that we know is likely just around the corner adds a new layer of complexity to this already nuanced journey. Kimber talks with podcaster, writer, and speaker Jeanette Tapley about her family’s journey alongside her father-in-law through stage-four cancer.
They discuss the encouraging highs and lonely lows of preemptive grief, what her conversations with God have looked like through that, and how they’ve survived when the hits keep on coming in other areas of life too. Whether you’re walking this road yourself or alongside a friend, Jeanette’s honesty and heart for loving our friends well will encourage you on this road.
For more encouragement in friendship, faith, and parenting, follow Jeanette on Instagram or TikTok at @jeanettetapley or online at jeanettetapley.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
kimber (00:09):
Hey friends.
Welcome to the, your sisterKimber podcast.
My name is Kimberly Gilbert, andI'm so glad you're here.
Over the last few weeks in ourseries on loneliness, we've been
talking about the real stuff.
Grief is such a complex road andwe need friends to walk it with
us because the enemy iscertainly going to try to use
loneliness.
We experience on our griefjourneys to isolate and paralyze
(00:32):
us.
And for that reason, I'm reallyhonored to be talking with my
friend, Jeanette Tapley today.
She is a podcaster author andspeaker who also loves to speak
to the ways friendship and faithintersect in our lives.
And today we're talking aboutwalking toward and through
grief.
With your friends.
As Janette walks with her,father-in-law through cancer.
(00:54):
She's learning that needing herpeople is actually a really good
place to be.
I'm so thankful that Jeanette issharing her story and wisdom
with us today.
And I hope it helps you growauthentic, true community in
your life and friendships thathonor God and Dre, closer to
Jesus.
I wish we could get coffee withdinette today and talk this hard
(01:14):
conversation face to face butthis is the next best thing I'm
so glad you're here friend let'sget started Jeanette.
Hello.
Jeanette (01:28):
Hey, how are you?
kimber (01:30):
I'm pretty good.
I was telling you just a littlebit ago that we just have had
some sickness come through ourhouse, but we are on the mend
and doing pretty well.
I'm excited to talk to youtoday.
Thanks so much for being here.
Jeanette (01:41):
yeah.
I'm so excited to hang out withyou.
It's so fun to like meet evenonline and like going from
Instagram friends to like Zoomfriends.
I feel like that's a big dealfor us.
kimber (01:50):
It is, this is like our first face-to-face conversation.
Jeanette (01:53):
Yes.
kimber (01:54):
It's cool.
Yeah.
Well go ahead and introduceyourself for our friends
listening, and then we can, chata little bit more about the
weird way that we met and how weactually kind of have a lot of
connections,
Jeanette (02:06):
That's so funny.
Yeah.
Uh, well, I'm Jeanette Tapley.
I live in, uh, just south ofAustin, Texas.
I am born and raised Alaskan.
So that's kind of fun.
Jesse and I have been marriedfor like seven 18 years.
I think we're around 18 years.
And then we have three kids.
We have a 16 year old.
A 14 year old and a 12 year old.
Our 12 year old is Zoe and she'sadopted and she's deaf.
(02:29):
So we're kind of assigningfamily, not kind of, we are
kimber (02:31):
Yeah.
You are Yes.
Jeanette (02:34):
we use a s l to communicate with her.
And then, uh, for work, man, forwork, it's kind of like this
umbrella of things.
I'm a podcaster myself.
I have two shows, which is wild.
Uh, and then I get to edit andproduce other people's podcasts,
which is like the most funthing.
I write and I speak, and I justtry my best to encourage people
and women just like us that aregoing through anything and
(02:56):
everything, right?
Like easy.
But it's like if I'm goingthrough it, then I'm sure
somebody else's too.
So like, let's speak to.
kimber (03:02):
Yeah.
That's such like a realizationthat I feel like.
I don't think I, I really got tothis point realizing this until
like maybe my late twenties,early thirties, because it's
like before I would be goingthrough things and it just felt
like so isolating.
Like, oh, I'm probably the onlyone going through this.
And then I don't know.
At some point I just started torealize like, that's not true.
Like we're all going throughlike such similar things and
(03:25):
yeah, they manifest in differentways, but like, it is really
like universal, uh, a lot of thethings we experience in one way
or another.
And so I love that you, haverealized that too and that
you're like speaking to it.
I think that's really cool.
Jeanette (03:38):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
I enjoy it so much.
I enjoy it.
All of all of the differentthings I get to do is really,
really like a dream.
kimber (03:44):
Yeah, how long have you been doing the podcasting stuff?
Because that's, we got connectedon Instagram and that was how I,
got to know you a little bit.
Turned out we have a mutualfriend, I guess, from where you
grew up and like, just someweird random stuff.
But, that's where I first got tosee you working is in that
realm.
So how did you get into thatstuff?
Jeanette (04:04):
Yeah, I started podcasting.
It's time for coffee is almostfive years old.
and so it's wild to me that it'sbeen that long, but it's been
five years and so hundreds ofconversations and just, like the
beauty of that.
And then, mom's at Work is aboutone year old now, and that is a
conversation where we get totalk to working moms.
A network that I worked with,uh, Christian Parenting was
(04:24):
like, we need a podcast forworking moms.
I was like, that's a great idea.
I love that.
And they're like, no, can you dothat?
And I was like, oh, oh, I am aworking mom.
I can totally do that.
like, okay.
And so that's been a really funplace for me to, to teach and
encourage and, uh, kind of, theyboth stemmed out of just kind of
having idle hands After Zoe washome and started kindergarten, I
didn't know what to do anymorebecause so much of my time in
(04:46):
life had been adoption paperworkand then school paperwork.
And then it was like done.
And I'm like, well, what am Isupposed to do
kimber (04:52):
Now what?
Yeah.
Jeanette (04:53):
all right, God, what do you have from me?
And he was just like, let's,take this gift that I've created
you with, uh, the giftedconversation.
My parents didn't think it was agift when I was
kimber (05:02):
right?
That's how many, how?
So many of our gifts, I feellike work.
It's like when you're a kid,they're really annoying and then
they actually turn out to belike incredible
Jeanette (05:10):
Yes.
I actually, our middle kiddo,when he was little, I was like,
you are gonna be a great leaderone day, but you have got to
follow me right now.
And so, so as aconversationalist, I was like,
let's take this gift of converof, being a good friend and
being, conversationally basedand move it into this platform
and this media where we get tohave conversations with people
literally thousands of milesaway from us and encourage
(05:32):
people, whoever who, whereverthey are.
kimber (05:34):
Yeah, it's incredible.
I have really enjoyed it.
I realized on Instagram, I justhit my one year of doing this
stuff, which was just so fun andI don't know, to like realize
Wow.
Like I've been at it for a yearand enjoying it and, um, growing
a lot and so, yeah, it's beencool.
But you have been a, a realinspiration to me, so I,
(05:56):
appreciate you leading in, howyou do online.
Jeanette (05:59):
Well, statistically speaking in the podcast world,
lemme tell you this, if apodcaster can get past their
first six months, the first sixmonths are typically the hardest
and they're the hardest to stayconsistent in.
And so if you can get past thatfirst six months, you can kind
of make your way.
kimber (06:14):
Yeah.
that is encouraging to hear.
I feel like it's such like a bigworld and such, like a, I mean,
it was like the learning curvewas astonishing for me.
And, um, I never really thoughtthat I would do this.
I always saw myself as a writerand I still do, but felt like
the Lord was like, Hey, likelike you should do this.
And I was like, what?
(06:35):
so I feel like one way it's beenreally good for me is that it
stretches me.
You know, like, it's like, okay,this is not always a super easy
comfort zone thing, but it'sreally good and I've been loving
it, so
Jeanette (06:48):
that's awesome.
That's so good.
Well, congratulations.
A year's a big.
kimber (06:50):
Yeah, thanks.
Well, we are in a series rightnow, on the podcast about
loneliness and just reallytalking about how this is such a
universal experience.
Kinda like we were saying with,you know, what we go through.
It's like, I think, I used tothink that loneliness was
primarily based on circumstancesand if my circumstances would
change, then I wouldn't feellonely anymore.
(07:13):
I think that's maybe true to anextent.
Like our circumstances certainlycan impact it, but, I think it's
not, it's not always true by anymeans.
And so, what has been yourexperience with like loneliness
and broad sweeping terms in yourlife?
Like how have you seen God useloneliness in your life to, grow
your faith or your intimacy withhim?
Or how have you seen this comeinto your story at.
Jeanette (07:36):
Yeah, man.
I think part of being raised inthe pastor's family that I was
in, um, image was very importantto my family and so we needed to
make sure we were kind of pulledtogether or, that kind of thing.
so that was already a little bitisolating growing up.
And I kind of say in just now,like, I hate asking for prayer.
Like that's just a pride issue.
(07:56):
We're not gonna talk aboutpride.
I don't wanna talk aboutloneliness.
But it
kimber (07:59):
Well, we can go there if you want.
I mean,
Jeanette (08:01):
But there, there's this, there's this thing within
me that like I love championingmy friends.
I love being a good friend.
I love all these things.
And then when it's like, well,hey, how are you?
I'm like, oh, I'm fine.
kimber (08:12):
I'm great.
Jeanette (08:13):
about me like all of that.
And so, Sometimes my lonelinessand the loneliness that I've
experienced has beenself-induced because I have not
been willing to share what I'mgoing through or my heart or ask
for help or ask for prayer.
And so, To me, the way that Godhas really like shown up and
like nurtured me through thishas been really and truly, it
(08:34):
feels like dragging me throughthings that I can't do without
my friends.
And so I said last year, I, Iwas gifted a beautiful necklace
from my friend last year and shesaid, I just want you to know we
love you, like we love you somuch.
And it was in that moment that Irealized my friends have carried
me to Jesus so many times forhealing this last year.
And, They carried me to Jesus,but I wasn't a paralyzed man
laying on the mat.
(08:55):
I was a thrashing idiot.
Like, I don't wanna go to Jesus.
I don't
kimber (08:59):
I don't want it.
Jeanette (09:00):
just like, like, they're like dragging me out of
my loneliness and dragging meout of my own self so that I
could find healing and, and theycould be a part of it.
And, and it's not by my faiththat I'm healed.
It's by, it's by Jesus and, andmy friend's faith bringing me.
And so that's kind of where I'veexperienced loneliness in the
past year.
Like that self-induced, like,I'll deal with this.
(09:22):
I'll, I'll like, I'll be okay.
kimber (09:24):
Yeah.
Have and like what a blessing tohave friends who will do that,
would you say you've always hadthat kind of friend around you
to support you in that or not somuch?
Jeanette (09:35):
Yeah.
I am a very, I've always beenvery relational.
Um, And the funny thing is like,I still have, if I, if I called
two of my friends from fifthgrade, they'd pick up.
kimber (09:45):
hmm.
Jeanette (09:46):
it's a gift to have relationships like that.
Um, and it would be like, Hey,let me catch you up
kimber (09:52):
Yeah.
We have a lot to talk about, but
Jeanette (09:55):
yeah.
We don't talk often, but we do.
And so I have, um, fosteredreally deep friendships and
they've ebbed and changed andhave, um, really grown over the
years.
And then there's been somerelationships that have
completely lost and died in, youknow, the friendship breakup
scenarios.
Um, but for the most part, Ihave had, like in every season
of my life I have, I've had atleast one really, really solid,
(10:16):
stable person, aside from myhusband that has talked Very
frank to me and has been really,
kimber (10:23):
Told you what's up,
Jeanette (10:24):
me.
Hmm.
Yeah.
And I'm like, Hey, could we not?
And she's like,
kimber (10:28):
We're going there.
Jeanette (10:29):
Yes.
And so, yes, to answer yourquestion, I've always had.
Um, and in the seasons Ihaven't, I can tell you the
darkness that I walked through.
kimber (10:37):
Yeah.
I think it's such a blessing tohave those kind of people around
who will like call you.
on your
Jeanette (10:42):
Yeah.
Yeah.
kimber (10:44):
and like I have found myself needing to give friends
permission to do that sometimes.
Like, hey, if I'm like, Being amess here or like, I'm not doing
what I need to do or like, I'mmissing it.
you can tell me, you know?
And I think man, giving peoplein your life permission to do
that, or before you need them todo it, you know, can be, can be
(11:06):
really huge and.
I know you guys have beenwalking through a challenging
season, as a family right now.
And, that's one thing that we'regonna talk about today.
And I just wanted to say thankyou so much for being willing
to, open up a little bit of yourstory to us and, what loneliness
has looked like through thisharder time.
So, will you share with us alittle bit about this hard
(11:26):
season that your family is, iskind of going through right now
with your dad?
Yeah.
Jeanette (11:30):
Yeah, so it's my father-in-law actually.
And, um, yeah.
Yeah.
And so, about this time lastyear, my father-in-law was
diagnosed with, bladder cancer.
And the crazy thing is, is he'shad bladder cancer, or.
He was diagnosed with bladdercancer when Jesse and I first
got married or before we gotmarried.
So he's always had to do thesescans.
It's all, it's always been veryroutine.
(11:50):
Uh, there was five years, sothat puts you into remission
probably more than five years.
So in, well into remission that,um, we didn't have to worry
about it for a long time.
And, it was la this time lastyear we got a call that said it
is spread.
It's not only in his bladder,but it's like in his bladder, in
his, his spread.
And when you hear something likethat, it just immediately
(12:11):
humbles you.
And it not only humbles you, butI am I have walked through a lot
of grief in my life and I'vehad, I, my kid will quote me on
this, which I dunno if it's agood thing or a bad thing, but,
um, in every season of my life,I've experienced great loss and
great death.
and so I was just like, well,okay, this makes sense.
(12:32):
Like, here we go again.
kimber (12:33):
hmm.
Jeanette (12:34):
The loss of a father-in-law is gonna, is
gonna, is gonna happen.
And we, have just walked really,tenderly with my father-in-law,
my mother-in-law, and it hasbeen a year of God showing up in
the most miraculous ways.
Like I, So while we, while weare dealing as children and my,
I mean I've been in this familyfor 18 years, um, since I was 17
(12:55):
years old.
So really and truly, like theyare my parents.
They are, they, I love them andthey love me, and I know how
deeply loved I am in thisfamily.
And so we have just walked outthis like hard conversations to
like, okay, what the, what ifsand what do you want?
And what do we need to do andhow do we care for this?
And, uh, just really, reallyhard conversations.
(13:16):
And my, my husband is, um, theyoungest of two, and my
brother-in-law is one of my bestfriends.
And so just really kind of someawkward conversations between
the three of us of like, allright, what do we need to do?
How do we do this?
And so that was, it was a weirdseason because.
My father-in-law is still aliveand he is actually doing very,
very good right now.
Um, praise God.
He is, he told me, I was like,how you feeling?
(13:38):
He's like, I'm actually likeweirdly good right
kimber (13:41):
Aw, I love that
Jeanette (13:42):
God.
Like, it's so
kimber (13:43):
Enjoy it.
That's good.
Jeanette (13:45):
And so while, while his faith is being strengthened
because he's seeing God answerhis prayers, it's also really
funny because he's like, well,now I'm getting.
Nitpicky.
Well, I told, I, you know, Iprayed for this, I want this.
And he's like, I have toremember that God's not a genie
in a bottle,
kimber (13:59):
Right?
Jeanette (14:00):
see the praise and see the thanksgiving where it's at.
And that's been a beautifulthing to kind of watch him,
watch him do.
And so While we are walking thisreally scary journey, probably
last summer, um, my husbandstarted experiencing anxiety for
the first time, and wasexperiencing panic attacks.
And our daughter startedpuberty, so she went crazy.
kimber (14:21):
Lots of, yep.
That's a good way to describeit.
Yeah.
Jeanette (14:26):
bananas.
And so it was.
our home has always been full ofemotion because I'm a very, uh,
emotion driven person.
But we were just seeing emotionand, and honestly spiritual tech
in all, in all shapes and forms.
And so, we would catch ourbreath and be like, okay.
And then it would just feel likeanother hit in another hit.
And to be totally honest withyou, here we are in a year later
(14:47):
and we are still just likegetting, getting hit.
And it's, it is wildly humblingbecause it's like, It just
sucks.
And it, you know, you just wannabe like, okay, well, like, there
was, there was a service atchurch a few months ago where
we're singing like, about thegoodness of God.
And I was like, you know what?
kimber (15:08):
Not feeling
Jeanette (15:08):
I don't know.
I don't know.
Literally you could, you feelfree to cut this if you on
camera, but I was like, I'mgonna call BS here.
Like I'm gonna call bs.
Like, I do not see yourgoodness.
I do not feel your faithfulness.
And he just quietly whispered tome.
My faithfulness is heaven.
Like that is, that is the rewardof our relationship.
That that is what you, that is.
This world is not myfaithfulness, but my
(15:31):
faithfulness lies in, in mygoodness of heaven.
And I was like, because I wasmad at him, I was like, cool,
you want me to die?
kimber (15:39):
That answer is terrible.
Thank you,
Jeanette (15:42):
I was like, great.
So if I wanna be yourfaithfulness.
And so it was um, one of thosemoments where
kimber (15:47):
Hmm.
Jeanette (15:47):
I was like, it's just so, it was a word for me to hold
onto like, will I see hisfaithfulness here on earth?
Yes.
And we.
And sometimes it's throughmedication and sometimes it's
through miraculous healing.
And sometimes it's throughfriends, and sometimes it's just
through surrender.
But the, at the end of the day,this is not our home and, and I
can hold on to my will and myway.
(16:10):
I want to see it like this.
And he's just gonna look at meand say like, okay, well I
didn't make you God, so.
What are we gonna do about that?
And so it's just, um, it hasbeen a rollercoaster of, um,
trust.
kimber (16:24):
Yeah.
Jeanette (16:24):
I'm a big rollercoaster fan.
I love roller coasters, but thisis a ride.
I would like to exit
kimber (16:29):
you're like, I'm not into this one.
Thanks,
Jeanette (16:32):
I've got a lot of vertigo and I'm over it.
Uh, so it's been, it's been areally wild season and probably,
like I said, I, I have, Expertto, I've like tracked grief
practice off of my list, like Iknow how to grieve, but my
counselor and I had to have along talk about like that
preemptive grief.
Like how do you know somethingor how do you prepare?
(16:53):
Like, we don't know.
I, I, I don't know my, the daysof my father-in-law's life, but
how do I prepare myself and mychildren and my husband walk
alongside my mother-in-law?
How do I do all of these thingswith.
And well, like, I don't evenknow.
And so we had a long talk aboutthat, and it was just like
sitting in the good moments andpraying in the bad moments and
(17:15):
laying aside worry when,
kimber (17:17):
Hmm.
Jeanette (17:17):
uh, I just heard somebody say like, what is true
today?
and that's really helped merecently.
It was like, what is true today?
Like I can worry about X, Y, Z,but that's actually.
Maybe six months down the road.
What is true today?
Today my father-in-law feelsgood and he is able to exercise
like he once couldn't.
Um, his kidneys are fighting andthey're doing a great job.
(17:38):
Um, Zoe is on a great medicationthat is helping her control her
moods.
Um, my kids are, you know,walking in honesty and freedom
from some sin.
Um, my husband and I are likesolid.
So those are the truths that Ican stand in today and be like,
those are things that are truetoday, tomorrow.
It might not be true, but todaythis
kimber (17:57):
are.
Yeah.
Jeanette (17:58):
been, and that's been a really solid place for me to
stand.
kimber (18:01):
Hmm.
I love that cuz it, it almostreminds me of like, gratitude,
but I love the perspective ofwhat is true because it's not
just, Okay, let me find like,what am I grateful for in this
terrible situation?
But it's also like it'sgrounding almost like these are
the things that are true andit's okay that they're maybe
only true today.
Jeanette (18:21):
Yeah,
kimber (18:21):
know?
Jeanette (18:22):
like whatever, whatever's noble, whatever's
lovely, whatever's like, I, Ihave to go back to that verse
because, because sometimes mythoughts are not noble of noble
character.
Sometimes my thoughts are not,uh, lovely.
Sometimes I'm a doom and gloomperson and God reminds me just
every day like, That's not wherewe're supposed to think.
Like, that's not where we'resupposed to lie.
Like, we can think those thingsand we can take him to the foot
(18:43):
of the cross, because he's goodthere, like right.
He, he can, he can carry it all.
and so it's like, okay,whatever's true, whatever's
noble of good character, lovely.
Like think on these things.
And so that's, that's been kindof my like go-to
kimber (18:57):
Yeah.
I love that cuz it doesn't like,It doesn't deny that there are
things that aren't lovely, youknow, but it's like, but I can
choose to focus on, on what isin this moment just as a way to
bring me back to the goodness ofGod almost even when it doesn't
feel like it.
Yeah.
How, how have you seen justthis, like the drawn out nature?
(19:19):
Grief that you were talkingabout that is something that
feels like really hard for me.
Like the impending, like knowingsomething is perhaps around the
corner, like that feels sochallenging to me, I think.
And I think that's somethingthat.
Walking with a friend throughthat kind of a season can be
(19:40):
really challenging because it's,it's not only like after a
moment right, of grief andyou're trying to help them
grieve or be there for them.
Right.
But it's like this long, drawnout, um, season.
How have you guys been kind ofnavigating that with
friendships?
Like where do you find like theboundaries for that to help you
kind of, I guess like protectyourself from, you know, protect
(20:03):
your friendships from just likealways coming back to that or
talking about that.
Like how do you navigate thoseboundaries there of like walking
a road of grief that's longerand more drawn?
Jeanette (20:13):
Yeah, I think the biggest thing for me has been
to, to be really honest with ourfriends and like we are
experiencing a season that wedon't know it's gonna be like,
and my in-laws live here intown, so that's been a great
part.
And so, So when we started thisroad of like, oh my gosh, my
father-in-law's sick, we don'tknow what to do, our community
(20:35):
group was like, okay, let us,like, let's make dinner for him.
And so they went like two weekson a two week rotation where
somebody in our community groupwas bringing them dinner.
And um, some of our dear friendsdid it too.
And so it has been an exercisefor me in not asking for help.
But for receiving help forsomebody else.
(20:57):
So, um, it, it's beeninteresting cause my
mother-in-law and father-in-laware not like prideful people at
all, but they're, you know, ageneration above and that it's a
little bit different to like,look at these like young
strangers, like, here's dinner.
And they're like, we don't evenknow you.
And so it's been really, reallyexciting to see their faith grow
in that.
But it's also been reallyhumbling to walk, honestly.
(21:20):
Um, and so it's like, Hey, howare you guys?
And it's like, well, we got areally bad PET scan, or we, you
know, like all of these thingsor, um, with kids' stuff, like
there's, there's a certain groupof people in our life who know,
like the depths of our kids'stuff or our, um, Like the, pain
that we're carrying.
But then there's also a group ofpeople who know, the level above
(21:41):
and the level above.
And so it's been interesting tolike, protect our family, but
also to walk completely open andbe like, man, we are, we are
broken.
Which is part of, it's been achallenging thing.
Online because so much of ourcontent comes from our life, and
this has been a season where Ihave been really content stunted
(22:01):
because I don't feel like I canshare a lot of what's going on
within our home.
And so as a mom, and not that Iuse my kids as content anyways,
but like.
It's just like a lot of thestuff we're walking through is
like, well, like, you know, myfather-in-law doesn't need me
talking like what lessons I'mlearning through his cancer, you
know, that kind of thing.
Um, but it's been a really sweetthing for me to sit with my
(22:22):
community group and be honestand be, and be vulnerable and
them, and them curious, like Isaid before.
And so like learning just kindof even that lesson of.
This is a season of like acontentment of like a season of
quietness.
Um, and it's also been a seasonof being poured into more than
I've been poured out
kimber (22:40):
Hmm.
Jeanette (22:41):
and that, oh man, that is a humbling situation for me
because I, like I said, I, Idon't like asking for prayer for
myself.
I love praying for other peopleand serving other people, but
like once you turn it around,it's like,
kimber (22:53):
Hmm.
Jeanette (22:54):
no, thank you so
kimber (22:55):
That's one thing that you do online that I love, is
you ask, people how you can prayfor them each month, which I
think is really cool.
But it's harder to receive, huh?
Jeanette (23:04):
it is hard to receive and I think that it's just a
humility thing.
It's just a, a, it's somethinglike in humbling myself, but
also in like, I don't know.
It's a weird, it's a weirdthing.
I actually have a, a whole dayin my devotional that I wrote
about that like, It actually islike hindering me.
I'm, I am hindering my friendsfrom, like, loving me when I
don't allow them to pray for me.
(23:25):
And so there's always at leastprobably like five or six people
who are like, how can I pray foryou?
After they said my, their prayerrequest.
And I'm always like, how can youpray for me?
This is like, okay, how can younot pray for me?
kimber (23:38):
Just send them all over, honestly.
Jeanette (23:40):
everything.
Um, so, so yeah.
I.
it's been, it's been like, okay,who can we kind of like pour
everything out to kind of
kimber (23:49):
Yeah.
Jeanette (23:49):
like that inner circle?
Cause a lot of it is with ourkids and then like, my
father-in-law, he's a, you know,he's a big guy.
He can, he can handle peopleshowing up to hand him a, a free
dinner.
So that's a little bit better.
kimber (23:59):
It's like, it seems challenging to me though,
because probably, lots of peopleknow kind of what like your
family's walking through and soit's like, some people, like you
said, some people, you're goingto go to a certain level of.
deepness with, and some peopleyou're not.
And so how do, how have you likelearned that walk that line of
(24:20):
like, how do I be honest withpeople when they're asking like,
how are things like, how's hedoing?
Like, what's going on?
How can we help?
Things like that with the peoplethat you're not gonna go there
with.
Jeanette (24:32):
Yeah, that's been a really interesting thing.
And my, my oldest and I werejust talking about it cuz he
asked me how I was doing theother day and I was like, I'm
not doing great.
And he was like, oh.
And he's like, I'm still gettingused to people like answering
that question honestly.
And I'm like, I know.
Isn't it funny?
Like, cause we're just expect tohear like a good, oh, I'm good.
kimber (24:51):
I'm good.
Yeah,
Jeanette (24:52):
Yeah, totally fine.
And I said, and I was like, Ithink it does, it does our
community, like whether, youknow, they're close to us or
not, kind of does'em adisservice.
Um, now there is, like, I didask a security guard, a gated
community the other day, like,how are you?
And he's like, terrible and, andjust unloaded.
And I was like, oh, I, I got hisname.
(25:12):
And I was like, sir, I'm gonnabe praying for.
kimber (25:13):
Oh, that's
Jeanette (25:14):
And so, uh, so we did, but I was just like, so there's
a, there's a little bit of likethat boundary, right?
I like that you're saying.
And so I think that it's been,um, we had a neighbor stop me at
a festival a couple, a coupleweeks ago and she was like, Hey,
how's your father-in-law?
And I was like, you know, he'snot great, but he's not
terrible.
Like it's, it's been a reallybad season.
And, and so I think it's justkind of, um, I have been told I
(25:38):
have speed bumps around me, notwalls.
So like, I don't have greatwalls,
kimber (25:43):
speed bumps.
Jeanette (25:44):
so has to be bums, uh, So I think for the most part I'm
like, well, he's not great, youknow, and then it's like, but,
but there's also like, good heretoo.
And so I try to like, it's kindof like that, um, sandwich, like
a compliment sandwich.
Like he's doing a lot better.
This, this seems to be working.
He's got a lot of side effectsright now, but, but overall,
(26:04):
he's feeling much better than he
kimber (26:05):
hmm.
Yeah.
And that may be just differentfor everyone too, depending on
whether they have like fortifiedwalls or just speed bumps, you
know,
Jeanette (26:14):
yeah.
Yeah.
Those speed bumps, they get mein trouble a lot, but I also
feel like I'm serving mycommunity.
kimber (26:20):
Yeah.
They enable you to connect withpeople in a way that's is maybe
harder for some people.
Most likely, yeah.
How do you think that, like asyou've been walking just through
this season of like that, I meansome grief in it, but also the.
Preemptive um, as well.
how have your friends like,loved you?
(26:41):
Well, would you say, or, uh,ways that they have maybe not.
um, you know, as we're likethinking about, okay, like for
friends in my life, who arewalking through a hard season
like this where there is somekind of like drawn out grief,
uh, that's either coming orit's, just a long season of it.
(27:02):
Uh, how do you think that we canbe good friends to each other?
Jeanette (27:05):
I love, I love this question.
I just, I love encouraging us tobe good friends and friends that
show up, and friends that areaware.
kimber (27:12):
Yeah.
Jeanette (27:13):
I think the most hurtful thing is when you can
tell somebody what's going onand they either compare like
that, like compare, uh, what isit like hardship Olympics
almost, where they're like,yeah, but this and this and
this, and it's like, right.
Well thank you.
But then you also kind of learnlike how much you can share,
right?
Like, that's kind of my gauge.
It's like, oh man, this, this isgoing on.
And it's like, oh, you're not aperson.
(27:34):
I'll just dump
kimber (27:35):
I shouldn't, yeah, I shouldn't share this kind of
thing with you.
Jeanette (27:38):
Yeah, but that also is hurtful, right?
So if you have somebody, and Iknow, you know, as a military
spouse, like, you have to godeep fast.
And so it's like and so as youstart going deep and you're
like, Ooh, I gotta pull back.
Like that's a really hard, like,it's a grieving situation to be
put in.
And so I I think the hardestpart has been people who haven't
shown up like I had hoped theywould, you know?
Uh, and that feels a little bitneedy.
(28:00):
Uh, and I hate that part ofmyself, but it also is just like
the, um, The real side whereit's
kimber (28:05):
Yeah.
you need things right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jeanette (28:08):
Like, I thought this person would show up and they
didn't.
Or, um, or I didn't know what Ineeded at that moment and that
kind of thing.
And so, like I said, sometimesit's like you don't know what
you need until you need it.
kimber (28:18):
mm
Jeanette (28:19):
But then you also have those people who anticipate
those needs and who call youout, who call you out and say
like, Hey, you're hiding.
Like don't hide, don't pullback.
Like lean in.
Um, what can we do?
What can, and and we had friendswho while we were like in the
beginning of this all, they werebringing us dinner and I'm like,
I can cook dinner.
She's like, you were sad.
just let yourself be sad.
(28:39):
Here's a, here's a dinner.
And that was so, so kind.
And so I think it's just like,the best part is when people
show up And you don't expect it.
Um, we had a friend back home,uh, who lost their five year
old, and we still lived closeby, and it was, to me, it was
just the best thing that wecould do just to show up with
zero expectations, right?
So it's like, Hey, I'm gonnacome over and make dinner, and
(29:00):
we would make dinner and cleanup the house and just sit.
Um, it was just about beingthere for them.
Yeah, that presence matters somuch.
And I think that we overthinkthat.
I know I overthink that a lot.
I'm maybe they don't want me.
Maybe this isn't helpful.
Maybe this.
And it's like sometimes justhaving an extra body there is
really comforting.
And I know that that's kind ofwhat, speaks to me the most is
(29:22):
just having somebody who answersthe phone.
um, having somebody that youtell yourself, I will always
answer the phone when thisperson calls.
kimber (29:29):
Right,
Jeanette (29:30):
I have two people like that, um, that if they call me
except for like in the middle ofan interview or something like
that, but if they call me, likeI'll always call back or I'll
always answer the phone becausethose are the people who bring
life to me and bring me joy andbring me encouragement, but also
like call me out.
And so, I think the things thathave helped me helping people
like that, people who, who leanin and the things that have hurt
(29:51):
me, is then the people who youthought they were gonna lean in
and they didn't.
but then at the same time, it'slike kind of like taking that
thought and kind of twisting ita little bit, but like, but who
did show up?
Like who was there?
Who
kimber (30:02):
Focusing on that.
Yeah.
Because I think it's reallyeasy, at least what, what like
comes for me is I see lack.
Like way quicker than I seeabundance a lot of the time, and
it's like easy to focus on likewho didn't show up instead of
who did and well, like what agift that is.
Jeanette (30:24):
Yeah.
And it's hard, it's hard to seewho didn't show up or who did
show up, you know, becausethey're there and, and most of
the times they came in and outwithout making a sound right.
Um, because that's theirservant's heart.
Um, and so the people who arealways expected to be there,
kind of the loud presence.
And so you miss that, right?
Like, it, it's easier to.
kimber (30:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey friend, forgive me fortaking a quick moment in this
conversation to ask a favor ofyou.
I hope my conversation withJeanette is blessing you today.
And if so, it's you take amoment to rate and review the
show on apple podcasts.
Reviews are so helpful andencouraging new friends to find
(31:07):
the show.
And I do love reading.
What is blessing you from thepodcast?
You can find the link to leave areview and the description of
this episode.
So thank you so much for doingthat today.
You guys have the best.
Okay.
Now back to the show.
how have you seen lonelinesscome just for your heart in this
(31:29):
time?
Would you say,
Jeanette (31:32):
I think the loneliness in this season is probably
actually more in motherhood thanit is in, The preemptive grief
with my father-in-law.
Um, and like I said, there's,there's been like really great
days with him and really baddays with him.
Um, so I think that that's kindof ebbed and flowed, and I think
within motherhood has actuallybeen the hardest because like we
said, like we don't share a lotof what our kids go through
(31:53):
because sometimes it's theirstories or sometimes there's
shame on our own built into it.
And that was even justyesterday, I told my husband's
like, well, you know that thisis not a reflection on us.
And
kimber (32:02):
Hmm.
Jeanette (32:04):
I know we
kimber (32:04):
like it.
A bit
Jeanette (32:05):
but I'm still looking for where we missed the mark.
Um, what, you know, what didyou, all of those things like
all the questioning of myself.
And so I think, uh, in thisseason, loneliness has,
manifested in motherhood,thankfully.
I have a husband who speakstruth to me, and I have a
friend, I have multiple friendswho know this, these situations.
(32:26):
Um, and they love my kids nomatter what.
And that's been like the best,is like, I can handle my
loneliness.
I can handle my grief right now.
Like, like I feel a little bit,Emptied out and poured out for
the sake of my children.
Like for the sake of like this,like massive care.
Like it feels like the intensivecare unit at our house, right?
Like we're like dealing,dealing, dealing, putting out
(32:48):
fires, like all of this stuff.
And then I have friends kind ofcoming alongside my children
saying like, we are speakingtruth over you.
We love you.
We are doing this, we are doingthat.
Like really rallying around mykids.
And that gives me theopportunity to.
To rest myself in a sense, butit also makes for a very less
(33:08):
lonely season because if if, Imean, I'm my kids.
Are the best thing in the entireworld.
Like nobody could tell me anydifferent.
Um, however, they're they'rerocking my world this season.
And so it's like one of thosethings where I'm like, but
they're so cute and I just love'em so much.
And, and my friends are like,yes, that is absolutely true and
(33:30):
they are good.
And so I think it's having thosekind of voices around me that's
like the reminder of like, Hey,this is not who they are.
Like this is not the final saythis, all of that.
It's been so, so helpful.
Because I'm blind, because Ilove them so
kimber (33:44):
Yeah.
Jeanette (33:45):
but at the same time, I'm so mad, you know, I'm so
like exhausted and mad and allthose different
kimber (33:49):
Well, and it's like you're so close to it too, you
know, you can't get perspective.
Jeanette (33:54):
And so I think that like when I allow the voice of
the enemy to be like, yeah, thisis because of you.
Not, no, we live in a fallenworld and sin is gonna come for
our kids.
Um, no, but this is, you missedsome stuff.
You allowed too much.
You did this.
That is where the, theloneliness for me is like, you
know what?
My kids probably don't need tosee other people.
(34:15):
My kids probably don't need tobe around other people.
They're probably gonna, youknow, like all of these things
and, and then, you know, Imessed up.
I shouldn't honestly, like, I, Iam so thankful in my work.
I have somebody, like a mentorin my, in my business and I was
like, I don't know that I shouldbe talking about parenting right
now.
and she's like, oh my gosh.
She's like, absolutely not.
(34:36):
And I was like, okay, becausethat's, because that's what the
lie tells us, right?
Like, if you're struggling, youcan't talk about this.
Or if you're not an expert.
And I'm like, for the love ofgoodness, I've never claimed to
be an expert in parenting or inmarriage.
I never want that title.
Uh, but it's, it's those liesthat creep in that get really
loud, that tell you.
(34:56):
You should just sit back and youshould just be quiet and you
should just not call your peoplebecause you're embarrassed or
because you're this.
And that has probably been thehardest part in this season.
kimber (35:04):
Yeah, it's like the, the silencing.
It's like the enemy doesn't tryto silence us just by, telling
us to be quiet.
It's always in those subtle waysthat we like, don't realize
until it's like, oh, like I'vebeen sidelined here by believing
the lies.
And I love that you have someonein your life who can say like,
(35:24):
Nope, that's not it.
You know?
Jeanette (35:27):
Yeah, it's been a blessing.
It's been really good.
kimber (35:28):
Yeah.
What would you say that you knownow about God that you didn't
know before this crazy year hityou guys?
Jeanette (35:38):
I, I think I've always known how present he is.
and I think like the hardestpart in all of this has been
when I'm like, in like a shiptossed at sea.
And I'm just like, like, whereare you?
When is the, when is this stormgonna calm down?
And, and all of those things.
And it's kind of like that versewhere he says like, where's your
faith?
Like, don't you know where I am?
(36:00):
Don't you know who I am?
so there's so many verses thatcome to mind with that.
Like, be still and let the Lordfight for you.
Like, like, here I am.
And so that's kind of where I'vegrown the most and seen him the
most is in those moments whereI'm like, Thrashing around and
like, just like, what's goingon?
And he's like, just chill.
Like, I'm here.
like I'm faithful.
(36:20):
I am good.
I am present.
And I think that that's been thebiggest thing is like doubting
his presence has been really,really humbling because it's
like, who am I to think that Godwould leave me?
Like, like of all, you know,like it's one of those things.
It was like I would never tell afriend that he would like, yeah,
God's probably left your side.
Like you've
kimber (36:37):
right.
You would never say that and youwouldn't believe it about
someone
Jeanette (36:41):
no, absolutely not.
So then, but then it's like sucha, um, it's almost like a
pretentious or like, yeah, hewould leave me like, no, like
what a weird thing that youwould believe Janette.
Like, he would not leave you.
He has not left you.
he's right there.
Like all you have to do is bestill and the Lord will fight
for you.
And that's kind of like hispresence, his presence has
(37:02):
always been near.
but trusting in that presencehas been where I've lacked.
kimber (37:06):
Yeah, Cuz it doesn't always feel
Jeanette (37:08):
Yeah.
And like how selfish am I tothink that he would leave me?
Like, you know, like, thatsounds like very arrogant at the
same time, but it's like, Of allthe people in all the world, I'm
gonna be like,
kimber (37:17):
You're the one exception
Jeanette (37:18):
What?
kimber (37:19):
Oh man.
When you're in it, though, it,it's so hard not to think that,
Jeanette (37:24):
yeah, yeah.
Because you can't see anythingfrom it, right?
You can't like, And we're stillin the middle of some of this.
And so it's like, I don't knowwhat the outcomes are gonna be,
but I can, I can stand likeChad, me Bendigo and say like,
even if I believe the Lord isgood, even if I believe God has
a plan in this, I don't knowwhat it is.
(37:46):
I can't see where it could evenbe good all the time.
But I trust his goodness andhis, mercy and power and, And
there was a, I was justlistening to a podcast about, it
was like reading through thegospels
kimber (37:59):
Mm-hmm.
Jeanette (38:00):
Peter walked on water.
And believe, like trusted Godenough to, to take a step out of
a boat and walk on water.
But he was so distracted by thewinds and the waves that he
started sinking.
And I was like, okay, God.
I'm distracted by the winds andthe waves.
Like, I need to focus, I need torefocus and set my eyes on you
because I know you're here.
I know that you're in thisstorm.
but I've let the winds and waysdistract me.
(38:21):
I
kimber (38:21):
mm.
Yeah, I love that story toobecause it's like, the wind and
the waves, like it's a storm.
Like it makes sense that itwould be distracting.
Like it's a weighty thing.
And so it's not so much thatlike, oh, like I'm so silly for
being distracted by this stuff.
Like, you know, I just thinkthat's such like the grace of
God because it's like, yeah, itis hard.
(38:42):
Like it is really terrible.
but he's still there and hegives us a way.
Through it.
Jeanette (38:47):
Yeah.
It's so, so kind of him just to,just to be like, I'm here.
Just keep your, like, yeah.
It's terrifying.
But at the same time, like Imean, honestly, like this world
is pretty scary.
Like, Like, I can imagine beingdistracted.
I am easily distracted.
Like, so keeping our eyes andfocus on him is, is
kimber (39:04):
Hmm.
Jeanette (39:04):
I.
kimber (39:04):
Yeah.
I would love to kind of wrap upour conversation with just some
encouragement for our friendslistening.
Um, I feel like there's two kindof sides of this coin here.
the first person I'm thinking ofis a friend listening who she's
like walking with a friendthrough this kind of a, a
situation, and it's not her.
(39:25):
it's not her life, it's not herstory, but when you walk closely
with someone through something,you're in it with them and you
feel like some of that grief, Ithink.
And, um, yet you wanna love'em,well, you wanna, you know, be
there for them.
so what do you think for afriend listening who's just
trying to like, love her friend?
Well, through this friend'sjourney on grief, especially
(39:48):
like if it's a drawn out kind ofthing, um, or a hard season,
what do you you would tell herto keep in mind today?
Jeanette (39:56):
I think just the reminder of, It's longevity,
right?
Like we are, doing life togetheras friends.
And I think that that's such agift.
Um, when you get to, when youget to season like, do multiple
seasons with people, it's such agift.
And so, I think taking some timeto be like, like asking your
friend?
Like, what do you need in thisseason?
Like, what are some ways that Ican serve you and love you and,
(40:16):
and be with you in this season?
And we've gotten to do that withsome friends.
And some friends have gotten todo that with us.
It's such a.
like I said, it's, it is just agift to do that.
But I think, I love puttingreminders on my phone of like,
Hey, check in with this person.
Our friends are even friendswith our my in-laws.
And so they will check in,they'll, they will skip me and
go
kimber (40:35):
That's
Jeanette (40:35):
in-laws, which is so kind.
And we've done, we've done thesame thing.
Like it's just, it's just a giftto do life with people.
And so, I think I always talkabout my best friend Juliana.
and we had that, A A D T Rconversation.
Like we determined ourrelationship or defined our
relationship.
and I think having those kind ofconversations with your people
is really, it deepens it.
(40:57):
Cause it's like, I want thiskind of relationship are you in?
And then, and then you get tolike, kind of make it, make it,
make it look like what you wantit to look like.
And so it's such, it's reallyfun.
kimber (41:07):
Hmm,
Jeanette (41:08):
but then you get to do stuff like caring for each
other's parents or caring fortheir grandparents.
Um, carry their grief, uh, atthe loss of somebody.
And so I think setting remindersin their phone, I think, uh,
determining their relationshipor defining the relationship.
And I think, sometimesbypassing, like if you don't
know what they need, I'm sureyou can guess,
kimber (41:27):
yeah,
Jeanette (41:27):
like just guess about it.
kimber (41:28):
yeah.
Because your, your guess isprobably close.
And if it's like totally off,they'll probably tell you
Jeanette (41:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And really, Starbucks goes sofar, most days anyways, so
kimber (41:39):
it's true.
It's true.
absolutely.
I love too, just that, Like ifyou define the relationship,
like you say, that's maybe a wayalso to maybe avoid some of the
pitfall that comes from like thedisappointment of a friend not
showing up like you hoped theywould.
And I don't think it's, that'sthat.
You can avoid that always.
But that's maybe a way to saylike, Hey, like this is what I
(42:02):
really want from our friendship.
Do you want that from ourfriendship?
then I think you're on the samepage, which can be such a.
yeah.
Jeanette (42:09):
For.
kimber (42:10):
And what about the friend who is listening, who is
on a long hard road, who is init today?
What would you tell her if youcould, like, like look her in
the eyes, grab her shoulders.
What does she need to remembertoday?
Jeanette (42:25):
I think the thing I long to hear, and I'm so
thankful that I have peoplewhispering it to me.
I have people shouting it at me.
Um, we were sitting with ourbest friends and I said, I said,
I'm really sorry that we're hardto be friends
kimber (42:39):
Hmm.
Yeah.
Jeanette (42:41):
friend, very, she's a fiery red head, so this makes
kimber (42:44):
Hmm.
Jeanette (42:45):
She goes, I need you to shut up.
Right.
I was like,
kimber (42:49):
Yes,
Jeanette (42:50):
I was like, we're just, we're just really hard.
Like we, like we cannot catch abreak and we are really hard to
carry and we are really hardjust to love right now.
And her husband, at the sametime as she told me to shut up,
her husband said, it's a, it's ajoy to carry you guys.
And she was like, shut it.
And so I think that, to, to likehug a friend and say like, you
(43:10):
are worth caring.
You are, you are not alone.
You are so deeply loved, notonly by your father, but by your
people.
And if you are feeling lonely.
Make that move.
Like I know that you're alreadylike, well great, I'm drowning
and now you want me to find afriend.
But yeah, I do Like I want youto find someone that you can be
(43:30):
honest with.
I want you to not wait forsomebody to ask you how you're
really doing.
I want you to say, Hey, I'm notokay, or, Hey, we're really
struggling.
Um, cuz whether it's yourmarriage or your in-laws, or
your children or your job orwhatever it is like, You deserve
to be held and loved and carriedbecause you are create, you are
(43:52):
created by our creator to domagnificent things, and you are
worthy of being loved as a goodfriend and being a good friend
to others.
So I think if you have a friendthat you're like, I don't know
that I could say this too, um,I'm gonna challenge you to like
do some work and find someone.
kimber (44:09):
Yeah.
Jeanette (44:09):
Or text a friend that you're, that you're like, that
person's actually shown up forme a lot and I haven't, I
haven't reciprocated.
Um, because I bet you thatperson has been pursuing you and
you've been kind of ignoring itbecause Kimberly, you know,
friendships are a lot likedating relationships.
Like I wish, I wish that wetalked about it more like this
because, because, if we were tolook at it that way, our
(44:31):
friendships would be a lot morelike romantic relationships
kimber (44:36):
they would.
And I think it would seemclearer because we are very
familiar with like the dating
Jeanette (44:41):
Yeah, I'm gonna pursue you, you're gonna pursue me.
And all of a sudden we're inlove, right?
kimber (44:46):
right?
Jeanette (44:47):
And so, but, but that's how friendships need to
be.
I'm gonna pursue this friend,and if I'm getting shut down,
then I'm gonna move to the nextfriend.
Um, but if you find thatrelationship that you can kind
of gel with or you're like, ohshoot, that person's asked me to
coffee like five times and I'vebeen too busy.
It's like, You need to call thatperson.
And that's, that's what we'resaying, like find those people
who love you and who'll carryyou and who pursues you and
(45:08):
pursue them back because doingthis life alone is so
impossible.
And I know that you're a bigproponent of that too.
Like loneliness is a thief.
But that's, that's honestly likewhere I lay with it and it's
like,
kimber (45:20):
Hmm.
Jeanette (45:20):
um, Loneliness, fl to us, loneliness kind of sits in
that like, woe is me poor andnot, like, I'm not trying to say
like, Every time we're lonely,we're feeling like selfish.
But there is that level of likeselfishness when it comes to
loneliness, where it's like, I'malone.
No one likes me.
It's kind of me focused.
Mm-hmm.
Where if we kind of like takethat live captive and we're
(45:41):
like, this is actually not whatI'm called to be and where I'm
supposed to be at, then we cankind of like dispel that very
fast and be like, okay, I'm notcalled.
To be alone, like we are calledto carry one another.
We are called to hold up oneanother's arms.
We are like, where two or moreare gathered and a court of
three is not easily broken.
All of those things, tell us thetruth about loneliness, which is
(46:02):
that loneliness isn't God's planfor us.
Yeah,
kimber (46:05):
It's not what we're designed for.
not at all.
I love that.
Mm, so good.
Thank you so much for sharingwith us today, Jeanette.
I loved hearing just your wisdomon this from the context of your
story and just, what you, Imean, friendship is what you get
to share about all the timeonline, and so I know it's
really close to your heart.
Jeanette (46:23):
It is.
I do love it.
And I'm just so thankful foryou, for your ministry and
everything that you're doing toshare.
it is not always easy to shareyour life on internet, but
you're doing a great job andI'm, I'm
kimber (46:34):
encouraged by you.
Thank you.
Well, speaking of, will you tellour friends a little bit how
they can connect with youfurther if they, they're like, I
need to hear
Jeanette (46:43):
more from that girl.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Uh, I'm on TikTok.
No, I'm, I am.
Talk probably more than I shouldbe.
And that's a tapley.
I'm on Instagram way more than Ishould be.
And that's a tapley as well.
Yeah.
Um, and then if you wanna lookup my podcast, I have two.
Yeah.
It's time for coffee where wesit down with people and we make
sure that, you feel seen, heard,and never alone, no matter what
(47:05):
stage of life you're in.
And then work, uh, moms at workis for the working mom, which we
always like side eye, and.
All moms are working moms.
Sure.
Um, and we get to encourage,encourage one another in all of
our work and just kind of talkabout like helpful tips and and
are encouraged by some reallyincredible people over there as
well.
Yeah.
Uh, I get to teach over theremore, so it's a lot, uh, a lot
(47:26):
more of me like sitting behindthe microphone alone, which I
love.
That's cool.
And then, uh, yeah, my website,janet tapley.com.
If you need anything, like, if,if Instagram didn't, like, if
you didn't find what you neededon Instagram, janet tapley.com,
it's on, on the website.
We'll do it for you.
kimber (47:40):
Cool.
Oh, well I love it.
Well, friends listening,Jeanette is incredible.
If you don't follow her, youshould.
and definitely check out herpodcast cuz they're also really
have, I've really enjoyed themat least, so.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you so much for what youdo and for talking with us I
loved it.
Thanks friend.
Thank you.
Jeanette (47:56):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
kimber (48:03):
Friends.
I'm so glad you could joinJanette and I, this week on the,
your sister Kimber podcast.
If you're walking a griefjourney today, friend.
I want you to know that I am sohonored that you would join us.
I pray Jeanette story and wisdomhas blessed you as you pursue
the Lord on this road.
And if you're walking alongsidea friend through such a time, I
(48:24):
want to encourage you to lookfor ways to intentionally show
up for them before they ask.
My new digital resource might bejust the tool.
You need to get the details thatcan help you do this.
It's called 20 facts to knowabout your friends.
And these are the kinds ofthings that are just going to
give you the ideas to bless andlove on them in tangible ways.
It's a free PDF.
(48:45):
You can download and eitherprint it out or just text it to
a friend to fill out for you.
Then save those ideas in yourphone, under their contact card
for when you need it.
You can get this resource on mywebsite, which is linked in the
description of this episode.
And if you haven't yet joined,my newsletter crew will leave
is@yoursisterkimber.com tosubscribe.
When you join, you get my weeklynewsletter to your email inbox,
(49:07):
and it has a preview of whatwill be featured on the podcast
that week.
Plus a link to this month's blogpost, and some other resources
to help you grow friendshipsthat honor God and draw closer
to Jesus.
Friends thank you so much forbeing part of this community
until next time it's your sisterkimber
Hey friends.
Welcome to the, your sisterKimber podcast.
My name is Kimberly Gilbert, andI'm so glad you're here.
Over the last few weeks in ourseries on loneliness, we've been
talking about the real stuff.
Grief is such a complex road andwe need friends to walk it with
us because the enemy iscertainly going to try to use
loneliness.
We experience on our griefjourneys to isolate and paralyze
(00:32):
us.
And for that reason, I'm reallyhonored to be talking with my
friend, Jeanette Tapley today.
She is a podcaster author andspeaker who also loves to speak
to the ways friendship and faithintersect in our lives.
And today we're talking aboutwalking toward and through
grief.
With your friends.
As Janette walks with her,father-in-law through cancer.
(00:54):
She's learning that needing herpeople is actually a really good
place to be.
I'm so thankful that Jeanette issharing her story and wisdom
with us today.
And I hope it helps you growauthentic, true community in
your life and friendships thathonor God and Dre, closer to
Jesus.
I wish we could get coffee withdinette today and talk this hard
(01:14):
conversation face to face butthis is the next best thing I'm
so glad you're here friend let'sget started Jeanette.
Hello.
Jeanette (01:28):
Hey, how are you?
kimber (01:30):
I'm pretty good.
I was telling you just a littlebit ago that we just have had
some sickness come through ourhouse, but we are on the mend
and doing pretty well.
I'm excited to talk to youtoday.
Thanks so much for being here.
Jeanette (01:41):
yeah.
I'm so excited to hang out withyou.
It's so fun to like meet evenonline and like going from
Instagram friends to like Zoomfriends.
I feel like that's a big dealfor us.
kimber (01:50):
It is, this is like our first face-to-face conversation.
Jeanette (01:53):
Yes.
kimber (01:54):
It's cool.
Yeah.
Well go ahead and introduceyourself for our friends
listening, and then we can, chata little bit more about the
weird way that we met and how weactually kind of have a lot of
connections,
Jeanette (02:06):
That's so funny.
Yeah.
Uh, well, I'm Jeanette Tapley.
I live in, uh, just south ofAustin, Texas.
I am born and raised Alaskan.
So that's kind of fun.
Jesse and I have been marriedfor like seven 18 years.
I think we're around 18 years.
And then we have three kids.
We have a 16 year old.
A 14 year old and a 12 year old.
Our 12 year old is Zoe and she'sadopted and she's deaf.
(02:29):
So we're kind of assigningfamily, not kind of, we are
kimber (02:31):
Yeah.
You are Yes.
Jeanette (02:34):
we use a s l to communicate with her.
And then, uh, for work, man, forwork, it's kind of like this
umbrella of things.
I'm a podcaster myself.
I have two shows, which is wild.
Uh, and then I get to edit andproduce other people's podcasts,
which is like the most funthing.
I write and I speak, and I justtry my best to encourage people
and women just like us that aregoing through anything and
(02:56):
everything, right?
Like easy.
But it's like if I'm goingthrough it, then I'm sure
somebody else's too.
So like, let's speak to.
kimber (03:02):
Yeah.
That's such like a realizationthat I feel like.
I don't think I, I really got tothis point realizing this until
like maybe my late twenties,early thirties, because it's
like before I would be goingthrough things and it just felt
like so isolating.
Like, oh, I'm probably the onlyone going through this.
And then I don't know.
At some point I just started torealize like, that's not true.
Like we're all going throughlike such similar things and
(03:25):
yeah, they manifest in differentways, but like, it is really
like universal, uh, a lot of thethings we experience in one way
or another.
And so I love that you, haverealized that too and that
you're like speaking to it.
I think that's really cool.
Jeanette (03:38):
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
I enjoy it so much.
I enjoy it.
All of all of the differentthings I get to do is really,
really like a dream.
kimber (03:44):
Yeah, how long have you been doing the podcasting stuff?
Because that's, we got connectedon Instagram and that was how I,
got to know you a little bit.
Turned out we have a mutualfriend, I guess, from where you
grew up and like, just someweird random stuff.
But, that's where I first got tosee you working is in that
realm.
So how did you get into thatstuff?
Jeanette (04:04):
Yeah, I started podcasting.
It's time for coffee is almostfive years old.
and so it's wild to me that it'sbeen that long, but it's been
five years and so hundreds ofconversations and just, like the
beauty of that.
And then, mom's at Work is aboutone year old now, and that is a
conversation where we get totalk to working moms.
A network that I worked with,uh, Christian Parenting was
(04:24):
like, we need a podcast forworking moms.
I was like, that's a great idea.
I love that.
And they're like, no, can you dothat?
And I was like, oh, oh, I am aworking mom.
I can totally do that.
like, okay.
And so that's been a really funplace for me to, to teach and
encourage and, uh, kind of, theyboth stemmed out of just kind of
having idle hands After Zoe washome and started kindergarten, I
didn't know what to do anymorebecause so much of my time in
(04:46):
life had been adoption paperworkand then school paperwork.
And then it was like done.
And I'm like, well, what am Isupposed to do
kimber (04:52):
Now what?
Yeah.
Jeanette (04:53):
all right, God, what do you have from me?
And he was just like, let's,take this gift that I've created
you with, uh, the giftedconversation.
My parents didn't think it was agift when I was
kimber (05:02):
right?
That's how many, how?
So many of our gifts, I feellike work.
It's like when you're a kid,they're really annoying and then
they actually turn out to belike incredible
Jeanette (05:10):
Yes.
I actually, our middle kiddo,when he was little, I was like,
you are gonna be a great leaderone day, but you have got to
follow me right now.
And so, so as aconversationalist, I was like,
let's take this gift of converof, being a good friend and
being, conversationally basedand move it into this platform
and this media where we get tohave conversations with people
literally thousands of milesaway from us and encourage
(05:32):
people, whoever who, whereverthey are.
kimber (05:34):
Yeah, it's incredible.
I have really enjoyed it.
I realized on Instagram, I justhit my one year of doing this
stuff, which was just so fun andI don't know, to like realize
Wow.
Like I've been at it for a yearand enjoying it and, um, growing
a lot and so, yeah, it's beencool.
But you have been a, a realinspiration to me, so I,
(05:56):
appreciate you leading in, howyou do online.
Jeanette (05:59):
Well, statistically speaking in the podcast world,
lemme tell you this, if apodcaster can get past their
first six months, the first sixmonths are typically the hardest
and they're the hardest to stayconsistent in.
And so if you can get past thatfirst six months, you can kind
of make your way.
kimber (06:14):
Yeah.
that is encouraging to hear.
I feel like it's such like a bigworld and such, like a, I mean,
it was like the learning curvewas astonishing for me.
And, um, I never really thoughtthat I would do this.
I always saw myself as a writerand I still do, but felt like
the Lord was like, Hey, likelike you should do this.
And I was like, what?
(06:35):
so I feel like one way it's beenreally good for me is that it
stretches me.
You know, like, it's like, okay,this is not always a super easy
comfort zone thing, but it'sreally good and I've been loving
it, so
Jeanette (06:48):
that's awesome.
That's so good.
Well, congratulations.
A year's a big.
kimber (06:50):
Yeah, thanks.
Well, we are in a series rightnow, on the podcast about
loneliness and just reallytalking about how this is such a
universal experience.
Kinda like we were saying with,you know, what we go through.
It's like, I think, I used tothink that loneliness was
primarily based on circumstancesand if my circumstances would
change, then I wouldn't feellonely anymore.
(07:13):
I think that's maybe true to anextent.
Like our circumstances certainlycan impact it, but, I think it's
not, it's not always true by anymeans.
And so, what has been yourexperience with like loneliness
and broad sweeping terms in yourlife?
Like how have you seen God useloneliness in your life to, grow
your faith or your intimacy withhim?
Or how have you seen this comeinto your story at.
Jeanette (07:36):
Yeah, man.
I think part of being raised inthe pastor's family that I was
in, um, image was very importantto my family and so we needed to
make sure we were kind of pulledtogether or, that kind of thing.
so that was already a little bitisolating growing up.
And I kind of say in just now,like, I hate asking for prayer.
Like that's just a pride issue.
(07:56):
We're not gonna talk aboutpride.
I don't wanna talk aboutloneliness.
But it
kimber (07:59):
Well, we can go there if you want.
I mean,
Jeanette (08:01):
But there, there's this, there's this thing within
me that like I love championingmy friends.
I love being a good friend.
I love all these things.
And then when it's like, well,hey, how are you?
I'm like, oh, I'm fine.
kimber (08:12):
I'm great.
Jeanette (08:13):
about me like all of that.
And so, Sometimes my lonelinessand the loneliness that I've
experienced has beenself-induced because I have not
been willing to share what I'mgoing through or my heart or ask
for help or ask for prayer.
And so, To me, the way that Godhas really like shown up and
like nurtured me through thishas been really and truly, it
(08:34):
feels like dragging me throughthings that I can't do without
my friends.
And so I said last year, I, Iwas gifted a beautiful necklace
from my friend last year and shesaid, I just want you to know we
love you, like we love you somuch.
And it was in that moment that Irealized my friends have carried
me to Jesus so many times forhealing this last year.
And, They carried me to Jesus,but I wasn't a paralyzed man
laying on the mat.
(08:55):
I was a thrashing idiot.
Like, I don't wanna go to Jesus.
I don't
kimber (08:59):
I don't want it.
Jeanette (09:00):
just like, like, they're like dragging me out of
my loneliness and dragging meout of my own self so that I
could find healing and, and theycould be a part of it.
And, and it's not by my faiththat I'm healed.
It's by, it's by Jesus and, andmy friend's faith bringing me.
And so that's kind of where I'veexperienced loneliness in the
past year.
Like that self-induced, like,I'll deal with this.
(09:22):
I'll, I'll like, I'll be okay.
kimber (09:24):
Yeah.
Have and like what a blessing tohave friends who will do that,
would you say you've always hadthat kind of friend around you
to support you in that or not somuch?
Jeanette (09:35):
Yeah.
I am a very, I've always beenvery relational.
Um, And the funny thing is like,I still have, if I, if I called
two of my friends from fifthgrade, they'd pick up.
kimber (09:45):
hmm.
Jeanette (09:46):
it's a gift to have relationships like that.
Um, and it would be like, Hey,let me catch you up
kimber (09:52):
Yeah.
We have a lot to talk about, but
Jeanette (09:55):
yeah.
We don't talk often, but we do.
And so I have, um, fosteredreally deep friendships and
they've ebbed and changed andhave, um, really grown over the
years.
And then there's been somerelationships that have
completely lost and died in, youknow, the friendship breakup
scenarios.
Um, but for the most part, Ihave had, like in every season
of my life I have, I've had atleast one really, really solid,
(10:16):
stable person, aside from myhusband that has talked Very
frank to me and has been really,
kimber (10:23):
Told you what's up,
Jeanette (10:24):
me.
Hmm.
Yeah.
And I'm like, Hey, could we not?
And she's like,
kimber (10:28):
We're going there.
Jeanette (10:29):
Yes.
And so, yes, to answer yourquestion, I've always had.
Um, and in the seasons Ihaven't, I can tell you the
darkness that I walked through.
kimber (10:37):
Yeah.
I think it's such a blessing tohave those kind of people around
who will like call you.
on your
Jeanette (10:42):
Yeah.
Yeah.
kimber (10:44):
and like I have found myself needing to give friends
permission to do that sometimes.
Like, hey, if I'm like, Being amess here or like, I'm not doing
what I need to do or like, I'mmissing it.
you can tell me, you know?
And I think man, giving peoplein your life permission to do
that, or before you need them todo it, you know, can be, can be
(11:06):
really huge and.
I know you guys have beenwalking through a challenging
season, as a family right now.
And, that's one thing that we'regonna talk about today.
And I just wanted to say thankyou so much for being willing
to, open up a little bit of yourstory to us and, what loneliness
has looked like through thisharder time.
So, will you share with us alittle bit about this hard
(11:26):
season that your family is, iskind of going through right now
with your dad?
Yeah.
Jeanette (11:30):
Yeah, so it's my father-in-law actually.
And, um, yeah.
Yeah.
And so, about this time lastyear, my father-in-law was
diagnosed with, bladder cancer.
And the crazy thing is, is he'shad bladder cancer, or.
He was diagnosed with bladdercancer when Jesse and I first
got married or before we gotmarried.
So he's always had to do thesescans.
It's all, it's always been veryroutine.
(11:50):
Uh, there was five years, sothat puts you into remission
probably more than five years.
So in, well into remission that,um, we didn't have to worry
about it for a long time.
And, it was la this time lastyear we got a call that said it
is spread.
It's not only in his bladder,but it's like in his bladder, in
his, his spread.
And when you hear something likethat, it just immediately
(12:11):
humbles you.
And it not only humbles you, butI am I have walked through a lot
of grief in my life and I'vehad, I, my kid will quote me on
this, which I dunno if it's agood thing or a bad thing, but,
um, in every season of my life,I've experienced great loss and
great death.
and so I was just like, well,okay, this makes sense.
(12:32):
Like, here we go again.
kimber (12:33):
hmm.
Jeanette (12:34):
The loss of a father-in-law is gonna, is
gonna, is gonna happen.
And we, have just walked really,tenderly with my father-in-law,
my mother-in-law, and it hasbeen a year of God showing up in
the most miraculous ways.
Like I, So while we, while weare dealing as children and my,
I mean I've been in this familyfor 18 years, um, since I was 17
(12:55):
years old.
So really and truly, like theyare my parents.
They are, they, I love them andthey love me, and I know how
deeply loved I am in thisfamily.
And so we have just walked outthis like hard conversations to
like, okay, what the, what ifsand what do you want?
And what do we need to do andhow do we care for this?
And, uh, just really, reallyhard conversations.
(13:16):
And my, my husband is, um, theyoungest of two, and my
brother-in-law is one of my bestfriends.
And so just really kind of someawkward conversations between
the three of us of like, allright, what do we need to do?
How do we do this?
And so that was, it was a weirdseason because.
My father-in-law is still aliveand he is actually doing very,
very good right now.
Um, praise God.
He is, he told me, I was like,how you feeling?
(13:38):
He's like, I'm actually likeweirdly good right
kimber (13:41):
Aw, I love that
Jeanette (13:42):
God.
Like, it's so
kimber (13:43):
Enjoy it.
That's good.
Jeanette (13:45):
And so while, while his faith is being strengthened
because he's seeing God answerhis prayers, it's also really
funny because he's like, well,now I'm getting.
Nitpicky.
Well, I told, I, you know, Iprayed for this, I want this.
And he's like, I have toremember that God's not a genie
in a bottle,
kimber (13:59):
Right?
Jeanette (14:00):
see the praise and see the thanksgiving where it's at.
And that's been a beautifulthing to kind of watch him,
watch him do.
And so While we are walking thisreally scary journey, probably
last summer, um, my husbandstarted experiencing anxiety for
the first time, and wasexperiencing panic attacks.
And our daughter startedpuberty, so she went crazy.
kimber (14:21):
Lots of, yep.
That's a good way to describeit.
Yeah.
Jeanette (14:26):
bananas.
And so it was.
our home has always been full ofemotion because I'm a very, uh,
emotion driven person.
But we were just seeing emotionand, and honestly spiritual tech
in all, in all shapes and forms.
And so, we would catch ourbreath and be like, okay.
And then it would just feel likeanother hit in another hit.
And to be totally honest withyou, here we are in a year later
(14:47):
and we are still just likegetting, getting hit.
And it's, it is wildly humblingbecause it's like, It just
sucks.
And it, you know, you just wannabe like, okay, well, like, there
was, there was a service atchurch a few months ago where
we're singing like, about thegoodness of God.
And I was like, you know what?
kimber (15:08):
Not feeling
Jeanette (15:08):
I don't know.
I don't know.
Literally you could, you feelfree to cut this if you on
camera, but I was like, I'mgonna call BS here.
Like I'm gonna call bs.
Like, I do not see yourgoodness.
I do not feel your faithfulness.
And he just quietly whispered tome.
My faithfulness is heaven.
Like that is, that is the rewardof our relationship.
That that is what you, that is.
This world is not myfaithfulness, but my
(15:31):
faithfulness lies in, in mygoodness of heaven.
And I was like, because I wasmad at him, I was like, cool,
you want me to die?
kimber (15:39):
That answer is terrible.
Thank you,
Jeanette (15:42):
I was like, great.
So if I wanna be yourfaithfulness.
And so it was um, one of thosemoments where
kimber (15:47):
Hmm.
Jeanette (15:47):
I was like, it's just so, it was a word for me to hold
onto like, will I see hisfaithfulness here on earth?
Yes.
And we.
And sometimes it's throughmedication and sometimes it's
through miraculous healing.
And sometimes it's throughfriends, and sometimes it's just
through surrender.
But the, at the end of the day,this is not our home and, and I
can hold on to my will and myway.
(16:10):
I want to see it like this.
And he's just gonna look at meand say like, okay, well I
didn't make you God, so.
What are we gonna do about that?
And so it's just, um, it hasbeen a rollercoaster of, um,
trust.
kimber (16:24):
Yeah.
Jeanette (16:24):
I'm a big rollercoaster fan.
I love roller coasters, but thisis a ride.
I would like to exit
kimber (16:29):
you're like, I'm not into this one.
Thanks,
Jeanette (16:32):
I've got a lot of vertigo and I'm over it.
Uh, so it's been, it's been areally wild season and probably,
like I said, I, I have, Expertto, I've like tracked grief
practice off of my list, like Iknow how to grieve, but my
counselor and I had to have along talk about like that
preemptive grief.
Like how do you know somethingor how do you prepare?
(16:53):
Like, we don't know.
I, I, I don't know my, the daysof my father-in-law's life, but
how do I prepare myself and mychildren and my husband walk
alongside my mother-in-law?
How do I do all of these thingswith.
And well, like, I don't evenknow.
And so we had a long talk aboutthat, and it was just like
sitting in the good moments andpraying in the bad moments and
(17:15):
laying aside worry when,
kimber (17:17):
Hmm.
Jeanette (17:17):
uh, I just heard somebody say like, what is true
today?
and that's really helped merecently.
It was like, what is true today?
Like I can worry about X, Y, Z,but that's actually.
Maybe six months down the road.
What is true today?
Today my father-in-law feelsgood and he is able to exercise
like he once couldn't.
Um, his kidneys are fighting andthey're doing a great job.
(17:38):
Um, Zoe is on a great medicationthat is helping her control her
moods.
Um, my kids are, you know,walking in honesty and freedom
from some sin.
Um, my husband and I are likesolid.
So those are the truths that Ican stand in today and be like,
those are things that are truetoday, tomorrow.
It might not be true, but todaythis
kimber (17:57):
are.
Yeah.
Jeanette (17:58):
been, and that's been a really solid place for me to
stand.
kimber (18:01):
Hmm.
I love that cuz it, it almostreminds me of like, gratitude,
but I love the perspective ofwhat is true because it's not
just, Okay, let me find like,what am I grateful for in this
terrible situation?
But it's also like it'sgrounding almost like these are
the things that are true andit's okay that they're maybe
only true today.
Jeanette (18:21):
Yeah,
kimber (18:21):
know?
Jeanette (18:22):
like whatever, whatever's noble, whatever's
lovely, whatever's like, I, Ihave to go back to that verse
because, because sometimes mythoughts are not noble of noble
character.
Sometimes my thoughts are not,uh, lovely.
Sometimes I'm a doom and gloomperson and God reminds me just
every day like, That's not wherewe're supposed to think.
Like, that's not where we'resupposed to lie.
Like, we can think those thingsand we can take him to the foot
(18:43):
of the cross, because he's goodthere, like right.
He, he can, he can carry it all.
and so it's like, okay,whatever's true, whatever's
noble of good character, lovely.
Like think on these things.
And so that's, that's been kindof my like go-to
kimber (18:57):
Yeah.
I love that cuz it doesn't like,It doesn't deny that there are
things that aren't lovely, youknow, but it's like, but I can
choose to focus on, on what isin this moment just as a way to
bring me back to the goodness ofGod almost even when it doesn't
feel like it.
Yeah.
How, how have you seen justthis, like the drawn out nature?
(19:19):
Grief that you were talkingabout that is something that
feels like really hard for me.
Like the impending, like knowingsomething is perhaps around the
corner, like that feels sochallenging to me, I think.
And I think that's somethingthat.
Walking with a friend throughthat kind of a season can be
(19:40):
really challenging because it's,it's not only like after a
moment right, of grief andyou're trying to help them
grieve or be there for them.
Right.
But it's like this long, drawnout, um, season.
How have you guys been kind ofnavigating that with
friendships?
Like where do you find like theboundaries for that to help you
kind of, I guess like protectyourself from, you know, protect
(20:03):
your friendships from just likealways coming back to that or
talking about that.
Like how do you navigate thoseboundaries there of like walking
a road of grief that's longerand more drawn?
Jeanette (20:13):
Yeah, I think the biggest thing for me has been
to, to be really honest with ourfriends and like we are
experiencing a season that wedon't know it's gonna be like,
and my in-laws live here intown, so that's been a great
part.
And so, So when we started thisroad of like, oh my gosh, my
father-in-law's sick, we don'tknow what to do, our community
(20:35):
group was like, okay, let us,like, let's make dinner for him.
And so they went like two weekson a two week rotation where
somebody in our community groupwas bringing them dinner.
And um, some of our dear friendsdid it too.
And so it has been an exercisefor me in not asking for help.
But for receiving help forsomebody else.
(20:57):
So, um, it, it's beeninteresting cause my
mother-in-law and father-in-laware not like prideful people at
all, but they're, you know, ageneration above and that it's a
little bit different to like,look at these like young
strangers, like, here's dinner.
And they're like, we don't evenknow you.
And so it's been really, reallyexciting to see their faith grow
in that.
But it's also been reallyhumbling to walk, honestly.
(21:20):
Um, and so it's like, Hey, howare you guys?
And it's like, well, we got areally bad PET scan, or we, you
know, like all of these thingsor, um, with kids' stuff, like
there's, there's a certain groupof people in our life who know,
like the depths of our kids'stuff or our, um, Like the, pain
that we're carrying.
But then there's also a group ofpeople who know, the level above
(21:41):
and the level above.
And so it's been interesting tolike, protect our family, but
also to walk completely open andbe like, man, we are, we are
broken.
Which is part of, it's been achallenging thing.
Online because so much of ourcontent comes from our life, and
this has been a season where Ihave been really content stunted
(22:01):
because I don't feel like I canshare a lot of what's going on
within our home.
And so as a mom, and not that Iuse my kids as content anyways,
but like.
It's just like a lot of thestuff we're walking through is
like, well, like, you know, myfather-in-law doesn't need me
talking like what lessons I'mlearning through his cancer, you
know, that kind of thing.
Um, but it's been a really sweetthing for me to sit with my
(22:22):
community group and be honestand be, and be vulnerable and
them, and them curious, like Isaid before.
And so like learning just kindof even that lesson of.
This is a season of like acontentment of like a season of
quietness.
Um, and it's also been a seasonof being poured into more than
I've been poured out
kimber (22:40):
Hmm.
Jeanette (22:41):
and that, oh man, that is a humbling situation for me
because I, like I said, I, Idon't like asking for prayer for
myself.
I love praying for other peopleand serving other people, but
like once you turn it around,it's like,
kimber (22:53):
Hmm.
Jeanette (22:54):
no, thank you so
kimber (22:55):
That's one thing that you do online that I love, is
you ask, people how you can prayfor them each month, which I
think is really cool.
But it's harder to receive, huh?
Jeanette (23:04):
it is hard to receive and I think that it's just a
humility thing.
It's just a, a, it's somethinglike in humbling myself, but
also in like, I don't know.
It's a weird, it's a weirdthing.
I actually have a, a whole dayin my devotional that I wrote
about that like, It actually islike hindering me.
I'm, I am hindering my friendsfrom, like, loving me when I
don't allow them to pray for me.
(23:25):
And so there's always at leastprobably like five or six people
who are like, how can I pray foryou?
After they said my, their prayerrequest.
And I'm always like, how can youpray for me?
This is like, okay, how can younot pray for me?
kimber (23:38):
Just send them all over, honestly.
Jeanette (23:40):
everything.
Um, so, so yeah.
I.
it's been, it's been like, okay,who can we kind of like pour
everything out to kind of
kimber (23:49):
Yeah.
Jeanette (23:49):
like that inner circle?
Cause a lot of it is with ourkids and then like, my
father-in-law, he's a, you know,he's a big guy.
He can, he can handle peopleshowing up to hand him a, a free
dinner.
So that's a little bit better.
kimber (23:59):
It's like, it seems challenging to me though,
because probably, lots of peopleknow kind of what like your
family's walking through and soit's like, some people, like you
said, some people, you're goingto go to a certain level of.
deepness with, and some peopleyou're not.
And so how do, how have you likelearned that walk that line of
(24:20):
like, how do I be honest withpeople when they're asking like,
how are things like, how's hedoing?
Like, what's going on?
How can we help?
Things like that with the peoplethat you're not gonna go there
with.
Jeanette (24:32):
Yeah, that's been a really interesting thing.
And my, my oldest and I werejust talking about it cuz he
asked me how I was doing theother day and I was like, I'm
not doing great.
And he was like, oh.
And he's like, I'm still gettingused to people like answering
that question honestly.
And I'm like, I know.
Isn't it funny?
Like, cause we're just expect tohear like a good, oh, I'm good.
kimber (24:51):
I'm good.
Yeah,
Jeanette (24:52):
Yeah, totally fine.
And I said, and I was like, Ithink it does, it does our
community, like whether, youknow, they're close to us or
not, kind of does'em adisservice.
Um, now there is, like, I didask a security guard, a gated
community the other day, like,how are you?
And he's like, terrible and, andjust unloaded.
And I was like, oh, I, I got hisname.
(25:12):
And I was like, sir, I'm gonnabe praying for.
kimber (25:13):
Oh, that's
Jeanette (25:14):
And so, uh, so we did, but I was just like, so there's
a, there's a little bit of likethat boundary, right?
I like that you're saying.
And so I think that it's been,um, we had a neighbor stop me at
a festival a couple, a coupleweeks ago and she was like, Hey,
how's your father-in-law?
And I was like, you know, he'snot great, but he's not
terrible.
Like it's, it's been a reallybad season.
And, and so I think it's justkind of, um, I have been told I
(25:38):
have speed bumps around me, notwalls.
So like, I don't have greatwalls,
kimber (25:43):
speed bumps.
Jeanette (25:44):
so has to be bums, uh, So I think for the most part I'm
like, well, he's not great, youknow, and then it's like, but,
but there's also like, good heretoo.
And so I try to like, it's kindof like that, um, sandwich, like
a compliment sandwich.
Like he's doing a lot better.
This, this seems to be working.
He's got a lot of side effectsright now, but, but overall,
(26:04):
he's feeling much better than he
kimber (26:05):
hmm.
Yeah.
And that may be just differentfor everyone too, depending on
whether they have like fortifiedwalls or just speed bumps, you
know,
Jeanette (26:14):
yeah.
Yeah.
Those speed bumps, they get mein trouble a lot, but I also
feel like I'm serving mycommunity.
kimber (26:20):
Yeah.
They enable you to connect withpeople in a way that's is maybe
harder for some people.
Most likely, yeah.
How do you think that, like asyou've been walking just through
this season of like that, I meansome grief in it, but also the.
Preemptive um, as well.
how have your friends like,loved you?
(26:41):
Well, would you say, or, uh,ways that they have maybe not.
um, you know, as we're likethinking about, okay, like for
friends in my life, who arewalking through a hard season
like this where there is somekind of like drawn out grief,
uh, that's either coming orit's, just a long season of it.
(27:02):
Uh, how do you think that we canbe good friends to each other?
Jeanette (27:05):
I love, I love this question.
I just, I love encouraging us tobe good friends and friends that
show up, and friends that areaware.
kimber (27:12):
Yeah.
Jeanette (27:13):
I think the most hurtful thing is when you can
tell somebody what's going onand they either compare like
that, like compare, uh, what isit like hardship Olympics
almost, where they're like,yeah, but this and this and
this, and it's like, right.
Well thank you.
But then you also kind of learnlike how much you can share,
right?
Like, that's kind of my gauge.
It's like, oh man, this, this isgoing on.
And it's like, oh, you're not aperson.
(27:34):
I'll just dump
kimber (27:35):
I shouldn't, yeah, I shouldn't share this kind of
thing with you.
Jeanette (27:38):
Yeah, but that also is hurtful, right?
So if you have somebody, and Iknow, you know, as a military
spouse, like, you have to godeep fast.
And so it's like and so as youstart going deep and you're
like, Ooh, I gotta pull back.
Like that's a really hard, like,it's a grieving situation to be
put in.
And so I I think the hardestpart has been people who haven't
shown up like I had hoped theywould, you know?
Uh, and that feels a little bitneedy.
(28:00):
Uh, and I hate that part ofmyself, but it also is just like
the, um, The real side whereit's
kimber (28:05):
Yeah.
you need things right now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jeanette (28:08):
Like, I thought this person would show up and they
didn't.
Or, um, or I didn't know what Ineeded at that moment and that
kind of thing.
And so, like I said, sometimesit's like you don't know what
you need until you need it.
kimber (28:18):
mm
Jeanette (28:19):
But then you also have those people who anticipate
those needs and who call youout, who call you out and say
like, Hey, you're hiding.
Like don't hide, don't pullback.
Like lean in.
Um, what can we do?
What can, and and we had friendswho while we were like in the
beginning of this all, they werebringing us dinner and I'm like,
I can cook dinner.
She's like, you were sad.
just let yourself be sad.
(28:39):
Here's a, here's a dinner.
And that was so, so kind.
And so I think it's just like,the best part is when people
show up And you don't expect it.
Um, we had a friend back home,uh, who lost their five year
old, and we still lived closeby, and it was, to me, it was
just the best thing that wecould do just to show up with
zero expectations, right?
So it's like, Hey, I'm gonnacome over and make dinner, and
(29:00):
we would make dinner and cleanup the house and just sit.
Um, it was just about beingthere for them.
Yeah, that presence matters somuch.
And I think that we overthinkthat.
I know I overthink that a lot.
I'm maybe they don't want me.
Maybe this isn't helpful.
Maybe this.
And it's like sometimes justhaving an extra body there is
really comforting.
And I know that that's kind ofwhat, speaks to me the most is
(29:22):
just having somebody who answersthe phone.
um, having somebody that youtell yourself, I will always
answer the phone when thisperson calls.
kimber (29:29):
Right,
Jeanette (29:30):
I have two people like that, um, that if they call me
except for like in the middle ofan interview or something like
that, but if they call me, likeI'll always call back or I'll
always answer the phone becausethose are the people who bring
life to me and bring me joy andbring me encouragement, but also
like call me out.
And so, I think the things thathave helped me helping people
like that, people who, who leanin and the things that have hurt
(29:51):
me, is then the people who youthought they were gonna lean in
and they didn't.
but then at the same time, it'slike kind of like taking that
thought and kind of twisting ita little bit, but like, but who
did show up?
Like who was there?
Who
kimber (30:02):
Focusing on that.
Yeah.
Because I think it's reallyeasy, at least what, what like
comes for me is I see lack.
Like way quicker than I seeabundance a lot of the time, and
it's like easy to focus on likewho didn't show up instead of
who did and well, like what agift that is.
Jeanette (30:24):
Yeah.
And it's hard, it's hard to seewho didn't show up or who did
show up, you know, becausethey're there and, and most of
the times they came in and outwithout making a sound right.
Um, because that's theirservant's heart.
Um, and so the people who arealways expected to be there,
kind of the loud presence.
And so you miss that, right?
Like, it, it's easier to.
kimber (30:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey friend, forgive me fortaking a quick moment in this
conversation to ask a favor ofyou.
I hope my conversation withJeanette is blessing you today.
And if so, it's you take amoment to rate and review the
show on apple podcasts.
Reviews are so helpful andencouraging new friends to find
(31:07):
the show.
And I do love reading.
What is blessing you from thepodcast?
You can find the link to leave areview and the description of
this episode.
So thank you so much for doingthat today.
You guys have the best.
Okay.
Now back to the show.
how have you seen lonelinesscome just for your heart in this
(31:29):
time?
Would you say,
Jeanette (31:32):
I think the loneliness in this season is probably
actually more in motherhood thanit is in, The preemptive grief
with my father-in-law.
Um, and like I said, there's,there's been like really great
days with him and really baddays with him.
Um, so I think that that's kindof ebbed and flowed, and I think
within motherhood has actuallybeen the hardest because like we
said, like we don't share a lotof what our kids go through
(31:53):
because sometimes it's theirstories or sometimes there's
shame on our own built into it.
And that was even justyesterday, I told my husband's
like, well, you know that thisis not a reflection on us.
And
kimber (32:02):
Hmm.
Jeanette (32:04):
I know we
kimber (32:04):
like it.
A bit
Jeanette (32:05):
but I'm still looking for where we missed the mark.
Um, what, you know, what didyou, all of those things like
all the questioning of myself.
And so I think, uh, in thisseason, loneliness has,
manifested in motherhood,thankfully.
I have a husband who speakstruth to me, and I have a
friend, I have multiple friendswho know this, these situations.
(32:26):
Um, and they love my kids nomatter what.
And that's been like the best,is like, I can handle my
loneliness.
I can handle my grief right now.
Like, like I feel a little bit,Emptied out and poured out for
the sake of my children.
Like for the sake of like this,like massive care.
Like it feels like the intensivecare unit at our house, right?
Like we're like dealing,dealing, dealing, putting out
(32:48):
fires, like all of this stuff.
And then I have friends kind ofcoming alongside my children
saying like, we are speakingtruth over you.
We love you.
We are doing this, we are doingthat.
Like really rallying around mykids.
And that gives me theopportunity to.
To rest myself in a sense, butit also makes for a very less
(33:08):
lonely season because if if, Imean, I'm my kids.
Are the best thing in the entireworld.
Like nobody could tell me anydifferent.
Um, however, they're they'rerocking my world this season.
And so it's like one of thosethings where I'm like, but
they're so cute and I just love'em so much.
And, and my friends are like,yes, that is absolutely true and
(33:30):
they are good.
And so I think it's having thosekind of voices around me that's
like the reminder of like, Hey,this is not who they are.
Like this is not the final saythis, all of that.
It's been so, so helpful.
Because I'm blind, because Ilove them so
kimber (33:44):
Yeah.
Jeanette (33:45):
but at the same time, I'm so mad, you know, I'm so
like exhausted and mad and allthose different
kimber (33:49):
Well, and it's like you're so close to it too, you
know, you can't get perspective.
Jeanette (33:54):
And so I think that like when I allow the voice of
the enemy to be like, yeah, thisis because of you.
Not, no, we live in a fallenworld and sin is gonna come for
our kids.
Um, no, but this is, you missedsome stuff.
You allowed too much.
You did this.
That is where the, theloneliness for me is like, you
know what?
My kids probably don't need tosee other people.
(34:15):
My kids probably don't need tobe around other people.
They're probably gonna, youknow, like all of these things
and, and then, you know, Imessed up.
I shouldn't honestly, like, I, Iam so thankful in my work.
I have somebody, like a mentorin my, in my business and I was
like, I don't know that I shouldbe talking about parenting right
now.
and she's like, oh my gosh.
She's like, absolutely not.
(34:36):
And I was like, okay, becausethat's, because that's what the
lie tells us, right?
Like, if you're struggling, youcan't talk about this.
Or if you're not an expert.
And I'm like, for the love ofgoodness, I've never claimed to
be an expert in parenting or inmarriage.
I never want that title.
Uh, but it's, it's those liesthat creep in that get really
loud, that tell you.
(34:56):
You should just sit back and youshould just be quiet and you
should just not call your peoplebecause you're embarrassed or
because you're this.
And that has probably been thehardest part in this season.
kimber (35:04):
Yeah, it's like the, the silencing.
It's like the enemy doesn't tryto silence us just by, telling
us to be quiet.
It's always in those subtle waysthat we like, don't realize
until it's like, oh, like I'vebeen sidelined here by believing
the lies.
And I love that you have someonein your life who can say like,
(35:24):
Nope, that's not it.
You know?
Jeanette (35:27):
Yeah, it's been a blessing.
It's been really good.
kimber (35:28):
Yeah.
What would you say that you knownow about God that you didn't
know before this crazy year hityou guys?
Jeanette (35:38):
I, I think I've always known how present he is.
and I think like the hardestpart in all of this has been
when I'm like, in like a shiptossed at sea.
And I'm just like, like, whereare you?
When is the, when is this stormgonna calm down?
And, and all of those things.
And it's kind of like that versewhere he says like, where's your
faith?
Like, don't you know where I am?
(36:00):
Don't you know who I am?
so there's so many verses thatcome to mind with that.
Like, be still and let the Lordfight for you.
Like, like, here I am.
And so that's kind of where I'vegrown the most and seen him the
most is in those moments whereI'm like, Thrashing around and
like, just like, what's goingon?
And he's like, just chill.
Like, I'm here.
like I'm faithful.
(36:20):
I am good.
I am present.
And I think that that's been thebiggest thing is like doubting
his presence has been really,really humbling because it's
like, who am I to think that Godwould leave me?
Like, like of all, you know,like it's one of those things.
It was like I would never tell afriend that he would like, yeah,
God's probably left your side.
Like you've
kimber (36:37):
right.
You would never say that and youwouldn't believe it about
someone
Jeanette (36:41):
no, absolutely not.
So then, but then it's like sucha, um, it's almost like a
pretentious or like, yeah, hewould leave me like, no, like
what a weird thing that youwould believe Janette.
Like, he would not leave you.
He has not left you.
he's right there.
Like all you have to do is bestill and the Lord will fight
for you.
And that's kind of like hispresence, his presence has
(37:02):
always been near.
but trusting in that presencehas been where I've lacked.
kimber (37:06):
Yeah, Cuz it doesn't always feel
Jeanette (37:08):
Yeah.
And like how selfish am I tothink that he would leave me?
Like, you know, like, thatsounds like very arrogant at the
same time, but it's like, Of allthe people in all the world, I'm
gonna be like,
kimber (37:17):
You're the one exception
Jeanette (37:18):
What?
kimber (37:19):
Oh man.
When you're in it, though, it,it's so hard not to think that,
Jeanette (37:24):
yeah, yeah.
Because you can't see anythingfrom it, right?
You can't like, And we're stillin the middle of some of this.
And so it's like, I don't knowwhat the outcomes are gonna be,
but I can, I can stand likeChad, me Bendigo and say like,
even if I believe the Lord isgood, even if I believe God has
a plan in this, I don't knowwhat it is.
(37:46):
I can't see where it could evenbe good all the time.
But I trust his goodness andhis, mercy and power and, And
there was a, I was justlistening to a podcast about, it
was like reading through thegospels
kimber (37:59):
Mm-hmm.
Jeanette (38:00):
Peter walked on water.
And believe, like trusted Godenough to, to take a step out of
a boat and walk on water.
But he was so distracted by thewinds and the waves that he
started sinking.
And I was like, okay, God.
I'm distracted by the winds andthe waves.
Like, I need to focus, I need torefocus and set my eyes on you
because I know you're here.
I know that you're in thisstorm.
but I've let the winds and waysdistract me.
(38:21):
I
kimber (38:21):
mm.
Yeah, I love that story toobecause it's like, the wind and
the waves, like it's a storm.
Like it makes sense that itwould be distracting.
Like it's a weighty thing.
And so it's not so much thatlike, oh, like I'm so silly for
being distracted by this stuff.
Like, you know, I just thinkthat's such like the grace of
God because it's like, yeah, itis hard.
(38:42):
Like it is really terrible.
but he's still there and hegives us a way.
Through it.
Jeanette (38:47):
Yeah.
It's so, so kind of him just to,just to be like, I'm here.
Just keep your, like, yeah.
It's terrifying.
But at the same time, like Imean, honestly, like this world
is pretty scary.
Like, Like, I can imagine beingdistracted.
I am easily distracted.
Like, so keeping our eyes andfocus on him is, is
kimber (39:04):
Hmm.
Jeanette (39:04):
I.
kimber (39:04):
Yeah.
I would love to kind of wrap upour conversation with just some
encouragement for our friendslistening.
Um, I feel like there's two kindof sides of this coin here.
the first person I'm thinking ofis a friend listening who she's
like walking with a friendthrough this kind of a, a
situation, and it's not her.
(39:25):
it's not her life, it's not herstory, but when you walk closely
with someone through something,you're in it with them and you
feel like some of that grief, Ithink.
And, um, yet you wanna love'em,well, you wanna, you know, be
there for them.
so what do you think for afriend listening who's just
trying to like, love her friend?
Well, through this friend'sjourney on grief, especially
(39:48):
like if it's a drawn out kind ofthing, um, or a hard season,
what do you you would tell herto keep in mind today?
Jeanette (39:56):
I think just the reminder of, It's longevity,
right?
Like we are, doing life togetheras friends.
And I think that that's such agift.
Um, when you get to, when youget to season like, do multiple
seasons with people, it's such agift.
And so, I think taking some timeto be like, like asking your
friend?
Like, what do you need in thisseason?
Like, what are some ways that Ican serve you and love you and,
(40:16):
and be with you in this season?
And we've gotten to do that withsome friends.
And some friends have gotten todo that with us.
It's such a.
like I said, it's, it is just agift to do that.
But I think, I love puttingreminders on my phone of like,
Hey, check in with this person.
Our friends are even friendswith our my in-laws.
And so they will check in,they'll, they will skip me and
go
kimber (40:35):
That's
Jeanette (40:35):
in-laws, which is so kind.
And we've done, we've done thesame thing.
Like it's just, it's just a giftto do life with people.
And so, I think I always talkabout my best friend Juliana.
and we had that, A A D T Rconversation.
Like we determined ourrelationship or defined our
relationship.
and I think having those kind ofconversations with your people
is really, it deepens it.
(40:57):
Cause it's like, I want thiskind of relationship are you in?
And then, and then you get tolike, kind of make it, make it,
make it look like what you wantit to look like.
And so it's such, it's reallyfun.
kimber (41:07):
Hmm,
Jeanette (41:08):
but then you get to do stuff like caring for each
other's parents or caring fortheir grandparents.
Um, carry their grief, uh, atthe loss of somebody.
And so I think setting remindersin their phone, I think, uh,
determining their relationshipor defining the relationship.
And I think, sometimesbypassing, like if you don't
know what they need, I'm sureyou can guess,
kimber (41:27):
yeah,
Jeanette (41:27):
like just guess about it.
kimber (41:28):
yeah.
Because your, your guess isprobably close.
And if it's like totally off,they'll probably tell you
Jeanette (41:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And really, Starbucks goes sofar, most days anyways, so
kimber (41:39):
it's true.
It's true.
absolutely.
I love too, just that, Like ifyou define the relationship,
like you say, that's maybe a wayalso to maybe avoid some of the
pitfall that comes from like thedisappointment of a friend not
showing up like you hoped theywould.
And I don't think it's, that'sthat.
You can avoid that always.
But that's maybe a way to saylike, Hey, like this is what I
(42:02):
really want from our friendship.
Do you want that from ourfriendship?
then I think you're on the samepage, which can be such a.
yeah.
Jeanette (42:09):
For.
kimber (42:10):
And what about the friend who is listening, who is
on a long hard road, who is init today?
What would you tell her if youcould, like, like look her in
the eyes, grab her shoulders.
What does she need to remembertoday?
Jeanette (42:25):
I think the thing I long to hear, and I'm so
thankful that I have peoplewhispering it to me.
I have people shouting it at me.
Um, we were sitting with ourbest friends and I said, I said,
I'm really sorry that we're hardto be friends
kimber (42:39):
Hmm.
Yeah.
Jeanette (42:41):
friend, very, she's a fiery red head, so this makes
kimber (42:44):
Hmm.
Jeanette (42:45):
She goes, I need you to shut up.
Right.
I was like,
kimber (42:49):
Yes,
Jeanette (42:50):
I was like, we're just, we're just really hard.
Like we, like we cannot catch abreak and we are really hard to
carry and we are really hardjust to love right now.
And her husband, at the sametime as she told me to shut up,
her husband said, it's a, it's ajoy to carry you guys.
And she was like, shut it.
And so I think that, to, to likehug a friend and say like, you
(43:10):
are worth caring.
You are, you are not alone.
You are so deeply loved, notonly by your father, but by your
people.
And if you are feeling lonely.
Make that move.
Like I know that you're alreadylike, well great, I'm drowning
and now you want me to find afriend.
But yeah, I do Like I want youto find someone that you can be
(43:30):
honest with.
I want you to not wait forsomebody to ask you how you're
really doing.
I want you to say, Hey, I'm notokay, or, Hey, we're really
struggling.
Um, cuz whether it's yourmarriage or your in-laws, or
your children or your job orwhatever it is like, You deserve
to be held and loved and carriedbecause you are create, you are
(43:52):
created by our creator to domagnificent things, and you are
worthy of being loved as a goodfriend and being a good friend
to others.
So I think if you have a friendthat you're like, I don't know
that I could say this too, um,I'm gonna challenge you to like
do some work and find someone.
kimber (44:09):
Yeah.
Jeanette (44:09):
Or text a friend that you're, that you're like, that
person's actually shown up forme a lot and I haven't, I
haven't reciprocated.
Um, because I bet you thatperson has been pursuing you and
you've been kind of ignoring itbecause Kimberly, you know,
friendships are a lot likedating relationships.
Like I wish, I wish that wetalked about it more like this
because, because, if we were tolook at it that way, our
(44:31):
friendships would be a lot morelike romantic relationships
kimber (44:36):
they would.
And I think it would seemclearer because we are very
familiar with like the dating
Jeanette (44:41):
Yeah, I'm gonna pursue you, you're gonna pursue me.
And all of a sudden we're inlove, right?
kimber (44:46):
right?
Jeanette (44:47):
And so, but, but that's how friendships need to
be.
I'm gonna pursue this friend,and if I'm getting shut down,
then I'm gonna move to the nextfriend.
Um, but if you find thatrelationship that you can kind
of gel with or you're like, ohshoot, that person's asked me to
coffee like five times and I'vebeen too busy.
It's like, You need to call thatperson.
And that's, that's what we'resaying, like find those people
who love you and who'll carryyou and who pursues you and
(45:08):
pursue them back because doingthis life alone is so
impossible.
And I know that you're a bigproponent of that too.
Like loneliness is a thief.
But that's, that's honestly likewhere I lay with it and it's
like,
kimber (45:20):
Hmm.
Jeanette (45:20):
um, Loneliness, fl to us, loneliness kind of sits in
that like, woe is me poor andnot, like, I'm not trying to say
like, Every time we're lonely,we're feeling like selfish.
But there is that level of likeselfishness when it comes to
loneliness, where it's like, I'malone.
No one likes me.
It's kind of me focused.
Mm-hmm.
Where if we kind of like takethat live captive and we're
(45:41):
like, this is actually not whatI'm called to be and where I'm
supposed to be at, then we cankind of like dispel that very
fast and be like, okay, I'm notcalled.
To be alone, like we are calledto carry one another.
We are called to hold up oneanother's arms.
We are like, where two or moreare gathered and a court of
three is not easily broken.
All of those things, tell us thetruth about loneliness, which is
(46:02):
that loneliness isn't God's planfor us.
Yeah,
kimber (46:05):
It's not what we're designed for.
not at all.
I love that.
Mm, so good.
Thank you so much for sharingwith us today, Jeanette.
I loved hearing just your wisdomon this from the context of your
story and just, what you, Imean, friendship is what you get
to share about all the timeonline, and so I know it's
really close to your heart.
Jeanette (46:23):
It is.
I do love it.
And I'm just so thankful foryou, for your ministry and
everything that you're doing toshare.
it is not always easy to shareyour life on internet, but
you're doing a great job andI'm, I'm
kimber (46:34):
encouraged by you.
Thank you.
Well, speaking of, will you tellour friends a little bit how
they can connect with youfurther if they, they're like, I
need to hear
Jeanette (46:43):
more from that girl.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Uh, I'm on TikTok.
No, I'm, I am.
Talk probably more than I shouldbe.
And that's a tapley.
I'm on Instagram way more than Ishould be.
And that's a tapley as well.
Yeah.
Um, and then if you wanna lookup my podcast, I have two.
Yeah.
It's time for coffee where wesit down with people and we make
sure that, you feel seen, heard,and never alone, no matter what
(47:05):
stage of life you're in.
And then work, uh, moms at workis for the working mom, which we
always like side eye, and.
All moms are working moms.
Sure.
Um, and we get to encourage,encourage one another in all of
our work and just kind of talkabout like helpful tips and and
are encouraged by some reallyincredible people over there as
well.
Yeah.
Uh, I get to teach over theremore, so it's a lot, uh, a lot
(47:26):
more of me like sitting behindthe microphone alone, which I
love.
That's cool.
And then, uh, yeah, my website,janet tapley.com.
If you need anything, like, if,if Instagram didn't, like, if
you didn't find what you neededon Instagram, janet tapley.com,
it's on, on the website.
We'll do it for you.
kimber (47:40):
Cool.
Oh, well I love it.
Well, friends listening,Jeanette is incredible.
If you don't follow her, youshould.
and definitely check out herpodcast cuz they're also really
have, I've really enjoyed themat least, so.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you so much for what youdo and for talking with us I
loved it.
Thanks friend.
Thank you.
Jeanette (47:56):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
kimber (48:03):
Friends.
I'm so glad you could joinJanette and I, this week on the,
your sister Kimber podcast.
If you're walking a griefjourney today, friend.
I want you to know that I am sohonored that you would join us.
I pray Jeanette story and wisdomhas blessed you as you pursue
the Lord on this road.
And if you're walking alongsidea friend through such a time, I
(48:24):
want to encourage you to lookfor ways to intentionally show
up for them before they ask.
My new digital resource might bejust the tool.
You need to get the details thatcan help you do this.
It's called 20 facts to knowabout your friends.
And these are the kinds ofthings that are just going to
give you the ideas to bless andlove on them in tangible ways.
It's a free PDF.
(48:45):
You can download and eitherprint it out or just text it to
a friend to fill out for you.
Then save those ideas in yourphone, under their contact card
for when you need it.
You can get this resource on mywebsite, which is linked in the
description of this episode.
And if you haven't yet joined,my newsletter crew will leave
is@yoursisterkimber.com tosubscribe.
When you join, you get my weeklynewsletter to your email inbox,
(49:07):
and it has a preview of whatwill be featured on the podcast
that week.
Plus a link to this month's blogpost, and some other resources
to help you grow friendshipsthat honor God and draw closer
to Jesus.
Friends thank you so much forbeing part of this community
until next time it's your sisterkimber
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