June 19, 2025 • 40 mins
When resistance shows up in your life, are you quick to push through it, or do you pause to consider what it might be trying to tell you? This powerful conversation with retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Tina Parker challenges everything we think we know about resistance and authentic leadership.
Tina, founder of Lead Outside the Lines and a certified neuro encoding specialist, draws from her 23 years of military service to unpack how resistance often signals growth rather than warning. She reveals the critical distinction between resistance that stems from fear of the unknown versus resistance that signals genuine misalignment with our values and purpose.
What makes this episode transformative is Tina's explanation of how our bodies physically respond to resistance – shutting down creativity and higher thinking precisely when we need these resources most. You'll discover practical tools for replacing self-judgment with curiosity and learn how to regulate your nervous system to access your natural wisdom.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when Tina shares research on gender differences in confidence: women typically need to feel 85% confident before pursuing opportunities, while men need only 15%. This "expectation gap" creates unique challenges for women in leadership positions – challenges Tina herself navigated when requesting part-time work in the federal government during a personal crisis.
Whether you're facing internal doubts or external naysayers, this episode offers a revolutionary framework for discernment. Tina's three simple yet profound questions – "Am I in alignment? Am I in integrity? Am I on my path?" – provide a compass for navigating resistance authentically. When the answer to all three is yes, resistance becomes not an obstacle but a signpost of growth on your journey toward truly authentic leadership.
Connect with Tina at leadoutsidethelines.com and discover her upcoming Conscious Leadership Accelerator for visionary women. Your relationship with resistance will never be the same after listening to this episode.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuro encoding
science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Society Forging a New PathForward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
We are honored to welcome backa bold and truly a visionary
leader, my dear friend TinaParker.
Here's why she's the perfectvoice for today's conversation.
Truly, she's a retired AirForce Lieutenant Colonel with
over two decades of militaryleadership experience.
She's a former C-levelexecutive who understands both
(01:08):
missionary-driven strategy and,most importantly, human
connection.
She's a founder of Lead Outsidethe Lines, which is a movement
dedicated to helping leadersbreak the mold and lead with
heart, which I cannot tell you.
This lady that's where she isHolds a master's in leadership
and is certified in both neuroncoding and brain health coaching
, blending science with soulfulleadership.
(01:30):
And, of course, she's passionateabout guiding individuals to
lead without masks, empoweringothers not through force, but
through authentic influence.
So today we're going to betalking about leading with
authentic power, especially withresistance.
We're going to be talking aboutleading with authentic power,
especially with resistance.
So I think most people don'treally realize how important it
(01:52):
is to understand resistance andreally use that in your life.
So, Tina, before we get started, will you tell us just a little
bit more about yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, sure, thank you , michael, for having me on
again.
I'm always looking forward tocoming on and being with you and
serving your audience.
So, for those that haven'ttuned in before, I am retired
lieutenant colonel after 23years serving in the Air Force.
Part of that time was activeduty, part of that time was as a
reservist and for me the waythis work came to be in my life
(02:22):
is I've kind of been aleadership junkie my whole life,
like my first.
My first leadership conferencewas eighth grade and I drank the
Kool-Aid and I'm like I'm allin but so.
But I will say I will sharethat.
Part of what I recognizedthroughout my military career is
that we have so much leadershiptraining that we get, and
(02:43):
something that I kept connectingto was yes, but how do I lead
myself?
How do I help myself regulate sothat I can lead others?
Well, because if I'm frazzled,if I'm overwhelmed, if I'm
feeling like I'm at the edge ofmy capacity, I'm not showing up
in my full essence.
(03:04):
Part of my story, which I'veshared before, is I was the
person doing, doing, doing allthe things right, feeling like I
had to be everything toeveryone and show up in every
capacity and never say no andalways be the go-to person, and
I wasn't able to fully regulatemyself and be in my own
(03:25):
authentic power.
It was always about everybodyelse, and I had breakdowns in my
life that caused me to not beable to fully show up Health
issues, losing a child, divorce,you know all of those things
that are very disruptive insomebody's life, and so what I
found is that this kind of workthat we're going to talk about
(03:47):
today is what allowed me, andhas allowed my clients and other
people that have been doingthis work, to really show up in
our full capacity, in ourauthentic leadership, our
authentic power, and serve atour greatest because we
ourselves are regulated,grounded and present serve at
our greatest because weourselves are regulated,
grounded and present.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah, absolutely fantastic, and I am super
excited about this conversationand there's so much to Tina's
story.
So anybody that listens to herand loves her today because you
will go back and listen to otherpodcast episodes I'm pretty
sure she's been on the show morethan anybody else and there's a
reason why.
Ladies and gentlemen, so beforewe really dive in, I just want
(04:27):
to remind everybody in the topright-hand corner of the screen
there's a blue QR code.
It takes you toempowerperformancestrategiescom,
for people listening on thepodcast forums.
Later Again,empowerperformancestrategiescom
there are free e-books forveterans and their families.
There are Facebook groups andall kinds of good stuff.
Be part of our community andhelp join the mission to help
(04:51):
veterans and their families,please.
With that said, my dear friend,so let's kind of just dive in,
if you will.
What's the main thing you wantto talk about today?
Let's just dive in with that.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
There's so many things that we can talk about,
so I'll come on again and we'lltalk about something else, but
today, I think, where it comesinto us being in our authentic
power, I really want to talkabout the role of resistance.
Yes, and when we feelresistance in our lives, it
(05:27):
doesn't actually mean what wethink it means.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So talk about that and that's why I wanted to kind
of lead into it.
So resistance, so I meanthere's personal resistance,
there's outside forcesresistance.
So you know, with leading, withauthentic power, what do you
think are some of the mostimportant aspects of dealing
with and winning againstresistance?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah, absolutely so.
First, it's what is authenticpower?
Right, the term power cansometimes have a connotation to
people in a very hierarchical,masculine kind of way, but
masculine power is not bad.
It's just when we're thinkingabout, well, it's this power
(06:10):
that I have over someone else,it's this thumb that I can put
on something?
No, it's not about that at all.
It's about us being able toreally tap into what do we need?
What are our genius gifts?
How do I myself show up in myfull power so that I could have
the greatest conditions, I cancreate the greatest conditions
(06:31):
for positive outcomes in my lifeand the lives of others?
All right, so that's reallywhat authentic power means.
And so a lot of times, when weare up against something really
big, like if we're leaders,which means we push the envelope
, which means we step intosituations that don't feel
familiar, they don't feel safebecause it's new, it's big,
(06:52):
right.
And when that's the case, wecan feel this resistance and it
can feel like shut down, like oh, I can't handle this.
It can feel like overwhelmed,like whoa, there's way too much
here for me.
You know.
It can feel like a lot ofdifferent things, but what's
really important to rememberabout it is it's only a clue
(07:14):
we're onto something that isbeyond our familiar zone, right,
our comfort zone, okay, and sowe might feel resistance in
something that's not good for us.
So there is a key here.
There's discernment, like ourown discernment of is this
resistance because I'm afraid ofthe unknown, which that's not a
(07:37):
bad thing, that's justrecognizing I'm expanding my
capacity.
Or am I feeling resistancebecause this is really not
aligned for me and I am notsupposed to be here?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, and I'm glad you bring that up, Tina.
I really am, because there'ssuch a difference, and
especially with leaders, and Iwant you to jump back in where
you were.
But I think it's superimportant everybody to really
listen to what she just said,because it's so easy, especially
as leaders, as movers, as youknow the people that just get
(08:09):
things done to to just say oh no, I'm just pushing past it and
it gets you in trouble, you know, because if you're not leading
with your authentic power andintegrity, everything's going to
go out of whack, right.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
That's exactly right, yeah, and.
I'm really glad you brought thatup about the whole suck it up,
buttercup, push through.
You know you can do this Like,yeah, there's a time and a place
for that.
When you have discerned, yes,I'm on the authentic path for me
, yes, I am in integrity withwhat I'm about to step into,
(08:44):
like that's fine.
When that has happened, thenit's the okay, this is something
new.
I get to expand my capacity andgrow, and in order for me to do
that, I get to reframe.
What does this resistance meanfor me?
Right?
And so it isn't just as easy assaying, well, I'm feeling
(09:05):
resistance, guess I should leanin.
Okay, you know, you might befalling off the side of a cliff
and your brain is going, hey,let's not do this, right.
So so you really have todiscern is this in alignment?
This, whatever this is that I'mleaning into?
Is this in alignment for me?
And so, yeah, and so that thatis the first thing, first and
(09:27):
foremost.
But the thing to recognize,though, is that when we have
decided, okay, yes, I am safehere to do this, yes, I am in
alignment and in integrity, thisoverwhelm or this fear that I'm
feeling, it's really, if Iallow that, to keep me from
(09:48):
leaning in, then I am actuallydisconnecting myself from my own
presence, my own wisdom, my owncreativity, right, and so it
really is just being it's.
It's self-awareness is firstand foremost, because something
I just want to speak into aswell is you know, we have a lot
of talk about develop yourintuition and be able to discern
(10:10):
, you know, what's right for you.
We are born with intuition.
It's part of the human anatomy,right?
We have all of these receptorsin our body that is accepting
and bringing in energy thatwe're not even logically paying
attention to, right, and so ourbody understands what's
happening, even when our braindoesn't, because our brain just
wants to keep us safe.
(10:30):
That's its job.
Its job is to keep us safe,keep us comfortable and expend
the least amount of energy to doit.
Right, that's its job.
But so when our, when ourintuition is going woo, this is
really big.
This is good.
You know.
It's trusting the intuition'sthere.
What happens is we stoptrusting ourselves to listen to
(10:51):
it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, yeah.
I think that's a great,fantastic point, because how
often do we do that?
Yeah, how often does it stop usfrom amazing things?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Absolutely, it does.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
So it's really tuning into it.
I'm really glad you broughtthat up because it's really
tuning into it.
Because if we don't learn totune into it and we want to talk
about some of the best quickways, if we will, to do that, so
how do we tune into it?
How do we know the difference,you know, just because we don't
(11:28):
want to stop and say, oh, it'stoo much, or it's with good
things, too Right.
How often do we get, you know,fear of success in our lives
that people don't even realizeis a thing.
So how do we lean into it andknow it's a great thing and keep
pushing forward?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah, so we all have an inner critic, we all have
inner dialogue.
Right, we make fun of people.
Oh, they're talking tothemselves again, they must be
crazy.
We are always talking toourselves.
I mean, every single one of ushas this dialogue that is
running in our minds all thetime, and so, paying attention
to what that dialogue is saying,right?
So let's say, if you'restarting to think to yourself,
(12:12):
man, I should be further alongby now, well, that is actually
an indication like you'refeeling impatient, you're
feeling frustrated, anger, youwant to control the outcome more
than it.
You know more than you can,maybe, but that is something for
you to then pause, right, we'vetalked about this before.
The pause notice, choose right,pause and go hold on.
(12:35):
That's making me feel like, oh,and I'm shutting down and I'm
like, gosh, I should be furtheralong.
That's not helpful.
That is a form of resistance,because you can feel the wall
come up when that happens theemotional wall, the
physiological wall.
And really it's judgment it is.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's exactly what it is, yeah, and that judgment.
What good is that doing?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Nothing.
It's not helping you getfurther along.
So what is the point of?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
this conversation you're having.
It literally zaps your energyand hijacks your mind to
absolutely the opposite placeyou want to go.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Absolutely yes, and so when we hear those things
happening in our head, I'm gladyou brought judgment up, because
then we judge the fact thatwe're thinking it right, and so
we've placed that with somecuriosity right.
There's no judgment.
Your brain is always going togo there, right, if we can just
recognize hey, because of theway my brain is wired, it's just
(13:33):
naturally going to go to.
You should be further along.
There's too much for you to do.
Why did you take on all thisstuff?
You can't handle this becauseit's trying to keep you
contained, so you don't go dosomething that's going to get
you killed.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Right, even though, oh, just cause I stand on stage
and speak, that's not going toget me killed, but it can feel
like massive fear in my bodysometimes, right.
So our brain doesn't discern,doesn't know the difference.
It's like I feel the fear Idon't do this Right, and so we
get to replace the judgment withcuriosity and go OK, how might
(14:08):
I, what might I do that can helpme to get further along?
Who do I know who can help mein an area I might feel stuck in
?
Right?
There's all these questionsthat we can ask, and the who
before the how is reallyimportant.
I want to just put a pin in thatfor a second, because we get
stuck in our own minds of Idon't know how to do this, I
(14:31):
don't, I can't take a step, andthen we get.
We get even more frustrated, weget even more judgmental.
But why can't I figure this out?
I'm a very capable, smartperson.
I help everybody else.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Right, these things like, don'tsay these things to yourselves.
If you wouldn't say that to afriend, you would not sit there
and talk to a friend and go.
What the heck is wrong with you?
(14:52):
You're a smart person, you canfigure this out, get your stuff
together, right?
We, we don't do that.
We go hey, how can I help you?
How can I support you?
What do you need?
So turn a little bit of thatinto ourselves, the curiosity
and the compassion, and it willopen up doors.
Because what is happening whenwe get in that rumination in our
(15:12):
minds is our body goes intofight mode.
Right, we've talked about thisbefore, with your sympathetic
nervous system, which gets youall revved up into fight, flight
freeze, and then yourparasympathetic nervous system,
which is more about the calm,clarity, centeredness.
And so how do you function whenyou're like versus?
(15:35):
ah, I love how you just showedthat, by the way, If you're
listening to this instead ofwatching it, you can probably
hear what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
it you can probably hear it.
You can listen and hear it.
Oh, you're awesome.
So, yeah, you know what?
Seriously, be curious, notcritical, and do that not only
with yourself but with peoplearound you, because the judgment
doesn't do any good.
How much more can you learnagain with your being curious
and asking questions like youwere just saying, instead of
(16:08):
being yeah, that'll be fun.
That'll be fun on the podcastfor us.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Instead of being all frazzled and overwhelmed and
maxed out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That's the sound I made.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
That's the sound.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
So how much difference do you?
I mean just think about it foryourselves, just for.
A second difference Do you?
I mean just think about it foryourselves, just for?
A second here.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
this is live, let me turn my phone off.
Awesome, totally right.
See, this is not pre-recorded.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It was a brilliant thought.
But how often just go back andthink, how often do I make smart
decisions that work in mybenefit against resistance, if
you will, or anything else inlife for that matter when I am
stressed out, overwhelmed, haveanxiety, dealing with all of
those things, compared to when Iam confident, nonjudgmental and
(17:01):
just moving forward withchoices and looking at it calmly
, looking at the choices infront of me and I'm going to say
, being excited about thechoices, because you have
choices, people, if you slowdown and look, you have choices.
And that's what people so oftenand I'm getting a little
(17:22):
sidetracked here, we'll comeback to it but so often forget,
cut down.
I have choices.
It's not I have to or I wasforced to.
There's always a choice, evenlife and death.
There's a choice.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
I get to choose.
Amen, amen and the reality is,when we get into this mode of
resistance that can either shutus down right, we feel the
procrastination, the shutdown,or rev us up Like, ah, I'm not
far along, I don't know how I'mgoing to do this, and we get all
(17:58):
crazy about it, like eitherspectrum is resistance and
either spectrum closes us offfrom seeing those choices, from
seeing that there arepossibilities, because the
reality is your mind, yourphysiological state, your
nervous system goes into thesurvival mode.
It's like something's wrong,right, something is not right.
(18:21):
I am going to shut down mycreativity because all I can do
is survive right now.
And when we do that over andover and over which is so easy
to do in a world changing sofast that most of us feel like
we can't even keep up, right,and there's always something new
coming down the pike it's like,well, that is an unknown.
(18:43):
And when we are faced withunknown, if we don't know how to
regulate our own nervous system, we don't know how to recognize
when these things are poppingup and we make meaning about
them.
That is not true, right.
Then we go into hyperactivatedor hypoactivated state and we
are not in our range ofregulation.
(19:05):
We're outside of our own rangeof regulation and the things
that we need access to withinour own body and our own mind,
they start to shut downAbsolutely.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Absolutely.
I really love when you bringthat up, because that's how
energy drains and howresourceful are you when you
feel like all I want to do is golay down, all I want to do is
shut off, all I want to do iszoom scroll or watch game of
thrones for the third time onnetflix or bed rot and just look
(19:40):
at tiktok all day.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I'm a 13 year old, so that's my whole like get out of
bed.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I got news for you.
It's not just them, it's not.
It is the number one way peopleshut off nowadays, next to
drugs and alcohol.
And let's combine them, shallwe?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Right, it's disconnecting is what it is.
We are really connecting fromthe stress, the overwhelm, the
self-doubt, right?
If all I do is lay here andscroll through TikTok, nothing
can hurt me.
I can't make a, I can't makeanything bad happen, I can't
like.
No, you need to go out, liveyour life Like this.
This is how we make change inthe world.
(20:22):
This is how we bring our geniusgifts into the world, and every
single person has them right.
We don't tap into them enoughand we get stuck in the cycles
of fear and self-doubt andprocrastination.
Now, granted, procrastinationis a whole nother topic we could
have a conversation on, becausethere are times when it's
(20:45):
simply like that wasn't meantfor you to do and you were over
functioning, right.
So there's also discernment inthere is.
Is it really procrastinationbecause I'm resisting something,
or is it procrastinationbecause I have taken on too much
, because I am over functioning,over giving, over compensating,
(21:07):
and I need to come back tomyself and presence myself?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Thank you so much for bringing that up, tina and
again, as overachievers, asexecutives, people in general,
but how often do you go?
Oh, I should be doing more.
I should be doing more.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
What if you said I'm doing?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
enough, but I could do a little more and I'm going
to take it what?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
would that look like in a way that makes me excited?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Absolutely, absolutely, because when you're
excited and grateful, yourenergy is off the charts.
Right, that is so true.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And I love that you bring that up, because that was
something I had to learn thehard way, part of what happened
for me in those four years whenI had all of those disruptors
happen in my life and I reallyjust had to take a step back.
I literally had to go part-timeat work for a little while,
which you don't do in thefederal government.
(22:03):
I mean, I had to do the researchand bring it into my boss and
go, hey, I don't want to quit,but I cannot keep doing this
this way.
My body is shutting down, myrelationships are falling apart,
I am feeling on the brink oftapping out.
And I talked to him about itand I said I feel like a way
(22:24):
forward could be going part-timefor a short amount of time.
And he was like, uh, we don'tdo that.
I said, well, it actually is.
I did the research and Ibrought it to him and I said
here's the thing I'm thinking,here's the plan, here's the
research that says how we can doit.
What do you think Right?
(22:45):
And instead of just I'm justgoing to barrel through because
I'm afraid that I'm not going tobe seen as valuable anymore,
that I'm like all of thesethings that we tell ourselves.
I had to take a break and I justhad to.
And so that went on for about ayear.
I did go part time and when Icame back I was so much more
(23:06):
refreshed.
I never tapped out fully, right, I just said, look, this is a
time that I'm gonna need to takefor myself.
And I did it, and had I not, Iwould have continued to spiral
down right.
We've talked about this beforehow we get ourselves in the
downward spiral.
It's like swirling around inthe toilet bowl and we know
where that's going well, thatwas gross that's what we feel
(23:31):
like.
We're like don't flash.
Please don't anybody touch theflush, because I'm gonna lose it
.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
You know I want to.
I want to talk about some ofthat.
First of all, thecourageousness it took for you
to ask for help right that's not, but I want to also point
something out.
Look how it worked out Exactly.
Look how it worked out people,because as veterans, as humans,
as veterans, family members,everybody we struggle with
(23:59):
asking for help.
We're conditioned, for the mostpart, not to.
We are, but when you do, it's alife changer, because then you
realize people around you thatactually care, yeah, and how
much they care and the resourcesthat are there for you,
compared to just spinning inyour head I'm going to say
panicking.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Because you feel overwhelmed and there's no help
and there's no possibilities,and that's when people get in
trouble.
So, by you doing that and thankyou for talking about it,
because by you doing that andthe leader that you went to,
because that's a leader thatsays, yeah, let's figure this
out, because Tina's an asset andI know the asset she is and
(24:43):
it's way better to figure thisout, struggle for a minute, be
resourceful, deal with it, andthen she's going to come back
the rock star or even betterthan she was before.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And thank goodness that man or woman was, that man
or woman that they were.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, he was my boss was a really wonderful person
who always did look forpossibilities, all right, was a
really wonderful person whoalways did look for
possibilities, all right.
That that is a key point aboutthis too is I felt massive
resistance about having thisconversation.
I was like this can go one wayor another and I had no idea.
I mean, I trusted therelationship that I had with him
(25:22):
, I trusted what I knew abouthis leadership and his vision
and I trusted myself to knowokay, however this goes, I'm
going to be okay, as long as Iknow that I am tuning into what
I need, what I need to ask for,advocating for myself in a
(25:43):
gracious way, right, and thenmoving forward, and I do want to
.
I do want to talk a little bitabout some of the differences
between men and women in caseslike this, because, yeah,
because, so you know, I'm awoman centered coach as well,
certified with the Institute ofWomen-Centered Coaching.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I know keep trying to get in there, but you won't let
me.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You're like can I put a wig on and just come to your
thing?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I'll do what I gotta do, Tina I know the value you
bring.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I love it, but I say that because, like Dr Claire
Zammett, who is the founder ofthe Institute of Women-Centered
Coaching, she not only hascoached 70,000 women around the
world, but she did her entiredecade of doctoral research in
what are those underlying hiddenpatterns, hidden blocks,
(26:36):
cultural patterns that canimpact how women show up and for
themselves and in the workplace.
And the reason that I bringthis up is because there are.
There are cultural things thathappen Like there's an
expectation gap that women have,where we are taught maybe not
(26:56):
directly to our face, butthrough life it's imprinted on
us that historically, we areonly supposed to expect about
50% of what we see men get,which sounds crazy.
It sounds crazy to say it outloud, but it is this underlying
way of well, don't expect toomuch, Don't be too big, don't
(27:19):
take up too much space.
Well, god, don't ask for toomuch.
Gosh, you already asked for somuch.
You better just hold that inRight.
And so that was a block for methat I had to get beyond,
because I was an over giver,probably still am in some
capacities, but over giving froma sense of fear, like if I
(27:39):
don't show up, they're not goingto see me as valuable.
I have to give 10 times more sothat I'm seen as valuable.
Right, that is an underlyingpattern that plays out.
That is a form ofhyper-activated resistance.
I'm resisting the fact that Ido have value, I don't have to
(27:59):
overdo, I get to take care ofmyself.
And it was out of fear of notbeing seen as valuable, not
being seen as enough, not beingseen as worthy of the position I
was given.
And so that happens.
It happens across the board,but it is.
There's a disparate amount forwomen, case in point, a woman
(28:22):
historically and generally,needs to feel 85 percent
confident in her ability to dosomething in order to put her
hat in the ring right, to put infor promotion to go start a
business, whatever it is, a manonly needs to feel 15%.
They're like, I'll figure outthe rest.
I got it, no problem, you know.
(28:44):
So if we think about that, that, like even my husband, my
husband and I we.
We worked on our house andthey're saying I'm like, I'm not
going to redo a staircase withwrought iron balusters, like I
don't know how to do that.
He literally said oh, I'llwatch a YouTube video, we'll
figure it out.
I was like what?
And we did.
I mean I would not have donethat on my own Right.
(29:06):
I mean I would not have donethat on my own right.
He did, and we did it togetherand it looks beautiful and it's
amazing, right?
But but when we think about that, if, if there is so much
resistance for women that wedon't put our, our name in the
hat like a fifth of the timethat men do, men will stick
their name in the hat five tosix times more often than women.
(29:27):
And it is through usrecognizing what are these
patterns that are causing someresistance in me.
Is it actually true?
No, it's not Right.
And how do I regulate myself tofeel grounded and presence,
grounded in my own presence, sothat I can move forward and
expand my capacity and grow inways that are authentically
(29:50):
aligned with me?
This is the work of ourgeneration.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
And the beautiful thing, tina, is I'm seeing a
shift.
It's been happening for a whileand I've talked to many, many
strong women leaders, if youwill.
The shift is happening and it's.
It's a beautiful thing to see,it truly is.
And we're, we're over time andI don't care, but but I really
(30:23):
it's, it's a, it is the shiftthat's happening and because of
people like you standing up andsaying you know what?
Yeah, we matter.
You know it's a, it is theshift that's happening and
because of people like youstanding up and saying you know
what?
Yeah, we matter.
You know we, we, we have gifts,we have skills, we have and
bring value more than more thanthe world knows.
And look out because, becausewe're about to be set ablaze by
(30:43):
the amazingness, I'm just sayingyeah.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
And the important thing, though, too, is like it's
not an either or this is not aconversation of the masculine
achievement linear pathway waswrong.
No, not at all.
It works for a lot of things.
But there and there is anotherside, which is the more feminine
side.
It doesn't mean, I mean, it'sjust women that have this.
(31:06):
Men have these capacities too,right.
But we haven't been culturallyconditioned to cultivate both
sides, and when we do, thepossibilities are endless.
So much gets to be created andcome forth that we wouldn't have
seen otherwise.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Absolutely, and men don't be resistant.
It's a beautiful thing.
Can I just?
Can we end it on that TotallyWith that said, tina, do you
have just a couple more minutes?
I do want to bring up one morething for you to talk about.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Yeah, yeah, if you're good, going over, I am.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
We own the place, it's fine and everybody.
You know I should have saidthis earlier.
You know, of course, my amazingwife has been putting comments
in and things like that.
If you have things you want tosay or comments or you know,
feel free to put things in thecomments, of course.
So you know, resistance wetalked about personal resistance
.
Can we talk about just for aminute outside resistance?
(32:05):
And because that's what mostpeople are, well, I'm not going
to say that it's just as big ofthe equation as interior
resistance.
So you know, exteriorresistance of people around you,
and the funny thing is peopleare more conscientious of the
(32:25):
fear of people close to them andthe resistance, the fear of
rejection.
You know, oh, that's stupid.
All this.
That, because those peopledon't know any better generally
is what it's set in and it killsdreams and it kills passions
and it kills a lot of thingsthat the world needs.
(32:46):
Yeah, a lot of things that theworld needs.
Yeah, you know, I mean, I wasblessed to have grown up with a
mother that never said you can'tdo something Ever.
I had this realization long agothat I was never told no, you
can't do that Ever.
Yeah, I went through somestupid times in my life.
It is, it really is.
(33:07):
I mean, how often does a parentsay, no, you can't be a rock
star, or you can't do this, oryou can't do that?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
You know that won't make you money.
Go have fun doing that.
Find something else that'llmake you money.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Well, you better have a plan B.
So it's when you find andsurround yourself with the right
people talking about theresistance, it opens up the
doors of your mind to dream.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Just connect yourself and surround yourself with
people that uplift you and notbring you down to their levels.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
I just want to say that, yeah, that is so key
because community is where wethrive right Now.
Of course, if you aresurrounded by naysayers and
people who can't dream andpeople who shoot down your
vision, yes, that's moredifficult and that is an outside
resistance, but consider thatthe only real resistance is the
(34:08):
meaning that you've made aboutthat because we don't want to
let them down there.
They might be our parents, theymight be our closest loved ones,
but they may not have thecapacity to see the vision that
you have, so they just can'tconnect to it.
They mean well, they don't wantyou to get hurt Most of the
time.
Most of the time, they're nottrying to be jerks.
(34:28):
They're trying to keep you safetoo, because they're like oh, I
don't want you to get hurt.
You know what?
This is one life.
You got your one life.
Surround yourself with acommunity of people who raise
you up, who, instead of saying,well, how do you think you're
going to do that?
They say how can I support you?
It is a completely differentenvironment and you get to
(34:50):
choose the environment thatyou're going to be in.
It doesn't mean you have towalk away from your loved ones.
Just recognize they may not bethe partners to walk alongside
you in this expansion thatyou're on.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Absolutely love that.
Absolutely love that, and it'sso.
Absolutely love that, and it'sso.
How do I say this?
Uplifting and fantastic whenyou are around those people that
celebrate with you, that patyou on the back, that just say,
hey, honestly, great job.
(35:24):
Those are the people thatchange people's lives.
So surround yourself with thosepeople, because they're not
going to be the people thatcause resistance.
It's okay if they bring upthoughts and throw things to
think about.
That's fantastic, but thatresistance shouldn't define your
life.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Absolutely so well said.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Thank you, thank you very much, hey, I should have
done Elvis.
Thank you, thank you very much,hey, I should have done, elvis,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
All right With that said, isthere anything else you want to
talk about with outsideresistance before we wrap up?
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Just that there's always going to be outside
resistance.
There just is.
This is called life and noteveryone's going to see it the
way that you see it, and noteveryone is going to have the
capacity that you have, andthey're all going to have their
own perspectives and, as melrobbins would say, let them.
Let them have whateverperspective they have.
(36:20):
You hold your truth and justrecognize that the real
resistance is the meaning thatyou make about their resistance.
It's this reframe of okay.
Resistance is an opportunityfor me to look and go.
Am I aligned?
Am I in integrity?
Am I on the path for what Iwant to create in my life, and
(36:43):
when that is?
The answers are yes.
You just keep going.
Resource yourself withcommunity, with your own ability
to reframe and to be in agrounded space so that you can
create whatever that vision isthat you have for your life.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
There's a reason, everybody,that you look at two people, two
brothers, two sisters, siblings, whatever the case may be, and
horrible living conditions,horrible parents, call it
whatever you want to call it andyou have one that goes down the
bad road and you have one thatgoes and thrives and everybody's
(37:26):
going huh.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, wait, all of the outside circumstances seem
to be equal.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely Love that.
So, with that said, my amazingfriend Tina Parker, can you give
us three tips to get veteransand their families further
faster?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
Okay, three tips.
Ask yourself am I in alignment,am I in integrity, am I on my
path?
Those are my three tips, thosequestions, those three questions
.
When you get yeses, go fullsteam ahead.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Amen.
Oh, I just I got God bumps.
I got good.
Yes, Absolutely fantastic.
Tina Parker, how do peoplereach out to you?
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Yes, I'm on LinkedIn.
You can find me under my nameor TP sunshine Lead.
Outside the linescom is mywebsite.
We actually have a consciousleadership accelerator, curated
specifically for visionary women, coming up in July and, if I
know, yeah, you can put the wigon we should stop saying that.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Or one day, I'm just going to do it, we're going to
post a picture just for fun.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Oh, man, so love to connect with all of you and,
michael, just thank you.
I just want to say thank youagain for this platform, for
this community that you havecreated to bring people together
that are on a similar path, tohelp out there.
So I'm out there doing it too.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Amen, thank you my friend With that said, time is
the most precious resource wehave as human beings.
My friend Tina Parker, thankyou for spending so much of your
time with us.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Truly honored.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
I appreciate it All right, everybody.
We're almost at 40 minutes.
Whoops, we're out.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Thank you for joining us on another insightful
journey of your Thoughts yourReality podcast with your host,
michael Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(39:48):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuro encoding
science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Society Forging a New PathForward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
We are honored to welcome backa bold and truly a visionary
leader, my dear friend TinaParker.
Here's why she's the perfectvoice for today's conversation.
Truly, she's a retired AirForce Lieutenant Colonel with
over two decades of militaryleadership experience.
She's a former C-levelexecutive who understands both
(01:08):
missionary-driven strategy and,most importantly, human
connection.
She's a founder of Lead Outsidethe Lines, which is a movement
dedicated to helping leadersbreak the mold and lead with
heart, which I cannot tell you.
This lady that's where she isHolds a master's in leadership
and is certified in both neuroncoding and brain health coaching
, blending science with soulfulleadership.
(01:30):
And, of course, she's passionateabout guiding individuals to
lead without masks, empoweringothers not through force, but
through authentic influence.
So today we're going to betalking about leading with
authentic power, especially withresistance.
We're going to be talking aboutleading with authentic power,
especially with resistance.
So I think most people don'treally realize how important it
(01:52):
is to understand resistance andreally use that in your life.
So, Tina, before we get started, will you tell us just a little
bit more about yourself?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, sure, thank you , michael, for having me on
again.
I'm always looking forward tocoming on and being with you and
serving your audience.
So, for those that haven'ttuned in before, I am retired
lieutenant colonel after 23years serving in the Air Force.
Part of that time was activeduty, part of that time was as a
reservist and for me the waythis work came to be in my life
(02:22):
is I've kind of been aleadership junkie my whole life,
like my first.
My first leadership conferencewas eighth grade and I drank the
Kool-Aid and I'm like I'm allin but so.
But I will say I will sharethat.
Part of what I recognizedthroughout my military career is
that we have so much leadershiptraining that we get, and
(02:43):
something that I kept connectingto was yes, but how do I lead
myself?
How do I help myself regulate sothat I can lead others?
Well, because if I'm frazzled,if I'm overwhelmed, if I'm
feeling like I'm at the edge ofmy capacity, I'm not showing up
in my full essence.
(03:04):
Part of my story, which I'veshared before, is I was the
person doing, doing, doing allthe things right, feeling like I
had to be everything toeveryone and show up in every
capacity and never say no andalways be the go-to person, and
I wasn't able to fully regulatemyself and be in my own
(03:25):
authentic power.
It was always about everybodyelse, and I had breakdowns in my
life that caused me to not beable to fully show up Health
issues, losing a child, divorce,you know all of those things
that are very disruptive insomebody's life, and so what I
found is that this kind of workthat we're going to talk about
(03:47):
today is what allowed me, andhas allowed my clients and other
people that have been doingthis work, to really show up in
our full capacity, in ourauthentic leadership, our
authentic power, and serve atour greatest because we
ourselves are regulated,grounded and present serve at
our greatest because weourselves are regulated,
grounded and present.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah, absolutely fantastic, and I am super
excited about this conversationand there's so much to Tina's
story.
So anybody that listens to herand loves her today because you
will go back and listen to otherpodcast episodes I'm pretty
sure she's been on the show morethan anybody else and there's a
reason why.
Ladies and gentlemen, so beforewe really dive in, I just want
(04:27):
to remind everybody in the topright-hand corner of the screen
there's a blue QR code.
It takes you toempowerperformancestrategiescom,
for people listening on thepodcast forums.
Later Again,empowerperformancestrategiescom
there are free e-books forveterans and their families.
There are Facebook groups andall kinds of good stuff.
Be part of our community andhelp join the mission to help
(04:51):
veterans and their families,please.
With that said, my dear friend,so let's kind of just dive in,
if you will.
What's the main thing you wantto talk about today?
Let's just dive in with that.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
There's so many things that we can talk about,
so I'll come on again and we'lltalk about something else, but
today, I think, where it comesinto us being in our authentic
power, I really want to talkabout the role of resistance.
Yes, and when we feelresistance in our lives, it
(05:27):
doesn't actually mean what wethink it means.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So talk about that and that's why I wanted to kind
of lead into it.
So resistance, so I meanthere's personal resistance,
there's outside forcesresistance.
So you know, with leading, withauthentic power, what do you
think are some of the mostimportant aspects of dealing
with and winning againstresistance?
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah, absolutely so.
First, it's what is authenticpower?
Right, the term power cansometimes have a connotation to
people in a very hierarchical,masculine kind of way, but
masculine power is not bad.
It's just when we're thinkingabout, well, it's this power
(06:10):
that I have over someone else,it's this thumb that I can put
on something?
No, it's not about that at all.
It's about us being able toreally tap into what do we need?
What are our genius gifts?
How do I myself show up in myfull power so that I could have
the greatest conditions, I cancreate the greatest conditions
(06:31):
for positive outcomes in my lifeand the lives of others?
All right, so that's reallywhat authentic power means.
And so a lot of times, when weare up against something really
big, like if we're leaders,which means we push the envelope
, which means we step intosituations that don't feel
familiar, they don't feel safebecause it's new, it's big,
(06:52):
right.
And when that's the case, wecan feel this resistance and it
can feel like shut down, like oh, I can't handle this.
It can feel like overwhelmed,like whoa, there's way too much
here for me.
You know.
It can feel like a lot ofdifferent things, but what's
really important to rememberabout it is it's only a clue
(07:14):
we're onto something that isbeyond our familiar zone, right,
our comfort zone, okay, and sowe might feel resistance in
something that's not good for us.
So there is a key here.
There's discernment, like ourown discernment of is this
resistance because I'm afraid ofthe unknown, which that's not a
(07:37):
bad thing, that's justrecognizing I'm expanding my
capacity.
Or am I feeling resistancebecause this is really not
aligned for me and I am notsupposed to be here?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, and I'm glad you bring that up, Tina.
I really am, because there'ssuch a difference, and
especially with leaders, and Iwant you to jump back in where
you were.
But I think it's superimportant everybody to really
listen to what she just said,because it's so easy, especially
as leaders, as movers, as youknow the people that just get
(08:09):
things done to to just say oh no, I'm just pushing past it and
it gets you in trouble, you know, because if you're not leading
with your authentic power andintegrity, everything's going to
go out of whack, right.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
That's exactly right, yeah, and.
I'm really glad you brought thatup about the whole suck it up,
buttercup, push through.
You know you can do this Like,yeah, there's a time and a place
for that.
When you have discerned, yes,I'm on the authentic path for me
, yes, I am in integrity withwhat I'm about to step into,
(08:44):
like that's fine.
When that has happened, thenit's the okay, this is something
new.
I get to expand my capacity andgrow, and in order for me to do
that, I get to reframe.
What does this resistance meanfor me?
Right?
And so it isn't just as easy assaying, well, I'm feeling
(09:05):
resistance, guess I should leanin.
Okay, you know, you might befalling off the side of a cliff
and your brain is going, hey,let's not do this, right.
So so you really have todiscern is this in alignment?
This, whatever this is that I'mleaning into?
Is this in alignment for me?
And so, yeah, and so that thatis the first thing, first and
(09:27):
foremost.
But the thing to recognize,though, is that when we have
decided, okay, yes, I am safehere to do this, yes, I am in
alignment and in integrity, thisoverwhelm or this fear that I'm
feeling, it's really, if Iallow that, to keep me from
(09:48):
leaning in, then I am actuallydisconnecting myself from my own
presence, my own wisdom, my owncreativity, right, and so it
really is just being it's.
It's self-awareness is firstand foremost, because something
I just want to speak into aswell is you know, we have a lot
of talk about develop yourintuition and be able to discern
(10:10):
, you know, what's right for you.
We are born with intuition.
It's part of the human anatomy,right?
We have all of these receptorsin our body that is accepting
and bringing in energy thatwe're not even logically paying
attention to, right, and so ourbody understands what's
happening, even when our braindoesn't, because our brain just
wants to keep us safe.
(10:30):
That's its job.
Its job is to keep us safe,keep us comfortable and expend
the least amount of energy to doit.
Right, that's its job.
But so when our, when ourintuition is going woo, this is
really big.
This is good.
You know.
It's trusting the intuition'sthere.
What happens is we stoptrusting ourselves to listen to
(10:51):
it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, yeah.
I think that's a great,fantastic point, because how
often do we do that?
Yeah, how often does it stop usfrom amazing things?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Absolutely, it does.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
So it's really tuning into it.
I'm really glad you broughtthat up because it's really
tuning into it.
Because if we don't learn totune into it and we want to talk
about some of the best quickways, if we will, to do that, so
how do we tune into it?
How do we know the difference,you know, just because we don't
(11:28):
want to stop and say, oh, it'stoo much, or it's with good
things, too Right.
How often do we get, you know,fear of success in our lives
that people don't even realizeis a thing.
So how do we lean into it andknow it's a great thing and keep
pushing forward?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah, so we all have an inner critic, we all have
inner dialogue.
Right, we make fun of people.
Oh, they're talking tothemselves again, they must be
crazy.
We are always talking toourselves.
I mean, every single one of ushas this dialogue that is
running in our minds all thetime, and so, paying attention
to what that dialogue is saying,right?
So let's say, if you'restarting to think to yourself,
(12:12):
man, I should be further alongby now, well, that is actually
an indication like you'refeeling impatient, you're
feeling frustrated, anger, youwant to control the outcome more
than it.
You know more than you can,maybe, but that is something for
you to then pause, right, we'vetalked about this before.
The pause notice, choose right,pause and go hold on.
(12:35):
That's making me feel like, oh,and I'm shutting down and I'm
like, gosh, I should be furtheralong.
That's not helpful.
That is a form of resistance,because you can feel the wall
come up when that happens theemotional wall, the
physiological wall.
And really it's judgment it is.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's exactly what it is, yeah, and that judgment.
What good is that doing?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Nothing.
It's not helping you getfurther along.
So what is the point of?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
this conversation you're having.
It literally zaps your energyand hijacks your mind to
absolutely the opposite placeyou want to go.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Absolutely yes, and so when we hear those things
happening in our head, I'm gladyou brought judgment up, because
then we judge the fact thatwe're thinking it right, and so
we've placed that with somecuriosity right.
There's no judgment.
Your brain is always going togo there, right, if we can just
recognize hey, because of theway my brain is wired, it's just
(13:33):
naturally going to go to.
You should be further along.
There's too much for you to do.
Why did you take on all thisstuff?
You can't handle this becauseit's trying to keep you
contained, so you don't go dosomething that's going to get
you killed.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Right, even though, oh, just cause I stand on stage
and speak, that's not going toget me killed, but it can feel
like massive fear in my bodysometimes, right.
So our brain doesn't discern,doesn't know the difference.
It's like I feel the fear Idon't do this Right, and so we
get to replace the judgment withcuriosity and go OK, how might
(14:08):
I, what might I do that can helpme to get further along?
Who do I know who can help mein an area I might feel stuck in
?
Right?
There's all these questionsthat we can ask, and the who
before the how is reallyimportant.
I want to just put a pin in thatfor a second, because we get
stuck in our own minds of Idon't know how to do this, I
(14:31):
don't, I can't take a step, andthen we get.
We get even more frustrated, weget even more judgmental.
But why can't I figure this out?
I'm a very capable, smartperson.
I help everybody else.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Right, these things like, don'tsay these things to yourselves.
If you wouldn't say that to afriend, you would not sit there
and talk to a friend and go.
What the heck is wrong with you?
(14:52):
You're a smart person, you canfigure this out, get your stuff
together, right?
We, we don't do that.
We go hey, how can I help you?
How can I support you?
What do you need?
So turn a little bit of thatinto ourselves, the curiosity
and the compassion, and it willopen up doors.
Because what is happening whenwe get in that rumination in our
(15:12):
minds is our body goes intofight mode.
Right, we've talked about thisbefore, with your sympathetic
nervous system, which gets youall revved up into fight, flight
freeze, and then yourparasympathetic nervous system,
which is more about the calm,clarity, centeredness.
And so how do you function whenyou're like versus?
(15:35):
ah, I love how you just showedthat, by the way, If you're
listening to this instead ofwatching it, you can probably
hear what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
it you can probably hear it.
You can listen and hear it.
Oh, you're awesome.
So, yeah, you know what?
Seriously, be curious, notcritical, and do that not only
with yourself but with peoplearound you, because the judgment
doesn't do any good.
How much more can you learnagain with your being curious
and asking questions like youwere just saying, instead of
(16:08):
being yeah, that'll be fun.
That'll be fun on the podcastfor us.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Instead of being all frazzled and overwhelmed and
maxed out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
That's the sound I made.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
That's the sound.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
So how much difference do you?
I mean just think about it foryourselves, just for.
A second difference Do you?
I mean just think about it foryourselves, just for?
A second here.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
this is live, let me turn my phone off.
Awesome, totally right.
See, this is not pre-recorded.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
It was a brilliant thought.
But how often just go back andthink, how often do I make smart
decisions that work in mybenefit against resistance, if
you will, or anything else inlife for that matter when I am
stressed out, overwhelmed, haveanxiety, dealing with all of
those things, compared to when Iam confident, nonjudgmental and
(17:01):
just moving forward withchoices and looking at it calmly
, looking at the choices infront of me and I'm going to say
, being excited about thechoices, because you have
choices, people, if you slowdown and look, you have choices.
And that's what people so oftenand I'm getting a little
(17:22):
sidetracked here, we'll comeback to it but so often forget,
cut down.
I have choices.
It's not I have to or I wasforced to.
There's always a choice, evenlife and death.
There's a choice.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
I get to choose.
Amen, amen and the reality is,when we get into this mode of
resistance that can either shutus down right, we feel the
procrastination, the shutdown,or rev us up Like, ah, I'm not
far along, I don't know how I'mgoing to do this, and we get all
(17:58):
crazy about it, like eitherspectrum is resistance and
either spectrum closes us offfrom seeing those choices, from
seeing that there arepossibilities, because the
reality is your mind, yourphysiological state, your
nervous system goes into thesurvival mode.
It's like something's wrong,right, something is not right.
(18:21):
I am going to shut down mycreativity because all I can do
is survive right now.
And when we do that over andover and over which is so easy
to do in a world changing sofast that most of us feel like
we can't even keep up, right,and there's always something new
coming down the pike it's like,well, that is an unknown.
(18:43):
And when we are faced withunknown, if we don't know how to
regulate our own nervous system, we don't know how to recognize
when these things are poppingup and we make meaning about
them.
That is not true, right.
Then we go into hyperactivatedor hypoactivated state and we
are not in our range ofregulation.
(19:05):
We're outside of our own rangeof regulation and the things
that we need access to withinour own body and our own mind,
they start to shut downAbsolutely.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Absolutely.
I really love when you bringthat up, because that's how
energy drains and howresourceful are you when you
feel like all I want to do is golay down, all I want to do is
shut off, all I want to do iszoom scroll or watch game of
thrones for the third time onnetflix or bed rot and just look
(19:40):
at tiktok all day.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
I'm a 13 year old, so that's my whole like get out of
bed.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I got news for you.
It's not just them, it's not.
It is the number one way peopleshut off nowadays, next to
drugs and alcohol.
And let's combine them, shallwe?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
Right, it's disconnecting is what it is.
We are really connecting fromthe stress, the overwhelm, the
self-doubt, right?
If all I do is lay here andscroll through TikTok, nothing
can hurt me.
I can't make a, I can't makeanything bad happen, I can't
like.
No, you need to go out, liveyour life Like this.
This is how we make change inthe world.
(20:22):
This is how we bring our geniusgifts into the world, and every
single person has them right.
We don't tap into them enoughand we get stuck in the cycles
of fear and self-doubt andprocrastination.
Now, granted, procrastinationis a whole nother topic we could
have a conversation on, becausethere are times when it's
(20:45):
simply like that wasn't meantfor you to do and you were over
functioning, right.
So there's also discernment inthere is.
Is it really procrastinationbecause I'm resisting something,
or is it procrastinationbecause I have taken on too much
, because I am over functioning,over giving, over compensating,
(21:07):
and I need to come back tomyself and presence myself?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Thank you so much for bringing that up, tina and
again, as overachievers, asexecutives, people in general,
but how often do you go?
Oh, I should be doing more.
I should be doing more.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
What if you said I'm doing?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
enough, but I could do a little more and I'm going
to take it what?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
would that look like in a way that makes me excited?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Absolutely, absolutely, because when you're
excited and grateful, yourenergy is off the charts.
Right, that is so true.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And I love that you bring that up, because that was
something I had to learn thehard way, part of what happened
for me in those four years whenI had all of those disruptors
happen in my life and I reallyjust had to take a step back.
I literally had to go part-timeat work for a little while,
which you don't do in thefederal government.
(22:03):
I mean, I had to do the researchand bring it into my boss and
go, hey, I don't want to quit,but I cannot keep doing this
this way.
My body is shutting down, myrelationships are falling apart,
I am feeling on the brink oftapping out.
And I talked to him about itand I said I feel like a way
(22:24):
forward could be going part-timefor a short amount of time.
And he was like, uh, we don'tdo that.
I said, well, it actually is.
I did the research and Ibrought it to him and I said
here's the thing I'm thinking,here's the plan, here's the
research that says how we can doit.
What do you think Right?
(22:45):
And instead of just I'm justgoing to barrel through because
I'm afraid that I'm not going tobe seen as valuable anymore,
that I'm like all of thesethings that we tell ourselves.
I had to take a break and I justhad to.
And so that went on for about ayear.
I did go part time and when Icame back I was so much more
(23:06):
refreshed.
I never tapped out fully, right, I just said, look, this is a
time that I'm gonna need to takefor myself.
And I did it, and had I not, Iwould have continued to spiral
down right.
We've talked about this beforehow we get ourselves in the
downward spiral.
It's like swirling around inthe toilet bowl and we know
where that's going well, thatwas gross that's what we feel
(23:31):
like.
We're like don't flash.
Please don't anybody touch theflush, because I'm gonna lose it
.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
You know I want to.
I want to talk about some ofthat.
First of all, thecourageousness it took for you
to ask for help right that's not, but I want to also point
something out.
Look how it worked out Exactly.
Look how it worked out people,because as veterans, as humans,
as veterans, family members,everybody we struggle with
(23:59):
asking for help.
We're conditioned, for the mostpart, not to.
We are, but when you do, it's alife changer, because then you
realize people around you thatactually care, yeah, and how
much they care and the resourcesthat are there for you,
compared to just spinning inyour head I'm going to say
panicking.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Because you feel overwhelmed and there's no help
and there's no possibilities,and that's when people get in
trouble.
So, by you doing that and thankyou for talking about it,
because by you doing that andthe leader that you went to,
because that's a leader thatsays, yeah, let's figure this
out, because Tina's an asset andI know the asset she is and
(24:43):
it's way better to figure thisout, struggle for a minute, be
resourceful, deal with it, andthen she's going to come back
the rock star or even betterthan she was before.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And thank goodness that man or woman was, that man
or woman that they were.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, he was my boss was a really wonderful person
who always did look forpossibilities, all right, was a
really wonderful person whoalways did look for
possibilities, all right.
That that is a key point aboutthis too is I felt massive
resistance about having thisconversation.
I was like this can go one wayor another and I had no idea.
I mean, I trusted therelationship that I had with him
(25:22):
, I trusted what I knew abouthis leadership and his vision
and I trusted myself to knowokay, however this goes, I'm
going to be okay, as long as Iknow that I am tuning into what
I need, what I need to ask for,advocating for myself in a
(25:43):
gracious way, right, and thenmoving forward, and I do want to
.
I do want to talk a little bitabout some of the differences
between men and women in caseslike this, because, yeah,
because, so you know, I'm awoman centered coach as well,
certified with the Institute ofWomen-Centered Coaching.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I know keep trying to get in there, but you won't let
me.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You're like can I put a wig on and just come to your
thing?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I'll do what I gotta do, Tina I know the value you
bring.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I love it, but I say that because, like Dr Claire
Zammett, who is the founder ofthe Institute of Women-Centered
Coaching, she not only hascoached 70,000 women around the
world, but she did her entiredecade of doctoral research in
what are those underlying hiddenpatterns, hidden blocks,
(26:36):
cultural patterns that canimpact how women show up and for
themselves and in the workplace.
And the reason that I bringthis up is because there are.
There are cultural things thathappen Like there's an
expectation gap that women have,where we are taught maybe not
(26:56):
directly to our face, butthrough life it's imprinted on
us that historically, we areonly supposed to expect about
50% of what we see men get,which sounds crazy.
It sounds crazy to say it outloud, but it is this underlying
way of well, don't expect toomuch, Don't be too big, don't
(27:19):
take up too much space.
Well, god, don't ask for toomuch.
Gosh, you already asked for somuch.
You better just hold that inRight.
And so that was a block for methat I had to get beyond,
because I was an over giver,probably still am in some
capacities, but over giving froma sense of fear, like if I
(27:39):
don't show up, they're not goingto see me as valuable.
I have to give 10 times more sothat I'm seen as valuable.
Right, that is an underlyingpattern that plays out.
That is a form ofhyper-activated resistance.
I'm resisting the fact that Ido have value, I don't have to
(27:59):
overdo, I get to take care ofmyself.
And it was out of fear of notbeing seen as valuable, not
being seen as enough, not beingseen as worthy of the position I
was given.
And so that happens.
It happens across the board,but it is.
There's a disparate amount forwomen, case in point, a woman
(28:22):
historically and generally,needs to feel 85 percent
confident in her ability to dosomething in order to put her
hat in the ring right, to put infor promotion to go start a
business, whatever it is, a manonly needs to feel 15%.
They're like, I'll figure outthe rest.
I got it, no problem, you know.
(28:44):
So if we think about that, that, like even my husband, my
husband and I we.
We worked on our house andthey're saying I'm like, I'm not
going to redo a staircase withwrought iron balusters, like I
don't know how to do that.
He literally said oh, I'llwatch a YouTube video, we'll
figure it out.
I was like what?
And we did.
I mean I would not have donethat on my own Right.
(29:06):
I mean I would not have donethat on my own right.
He did, and we did it togetherand it looks beautiful and it's
amazing, right?
But but when we think about that, if, if there is so much
resistance for women that wedon't put our, our name in the
hat like a fifth of the timethat men do, men will stick
their name in the hat five tosix times more often than women.
(29:27):
And it is through usrecognizing what are these
patterns that are causing someresistance in me.
Is it actually true?
No, it's not Right.
And how do I regulate myself tofeel grounded and presence,
grounded in my own presence, sothat I can move forward and
expand my capacity and grow inways that are authentically
(29:50):
aligned with me?
This is the work of ourgeneration.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
And the beautiful thing, tina, is I'm seeing a
shift.
It's been happening for a whileand I've talked to many, many
strong women leaders, if youwill.
The shift is happening and it's.
It's a beautiful thing to see,it truly is.
And we're, we're over time andI don't care, but but I really
(30:23):
it's, it's a, it is the shiftthat's happening and because of
people like you standing up andsaying you know what?
Yeah, we matter.
You know it's a, it is theshift that's happening and
because of people like youstanding up and saying you know
what?
Yeah, we matter.
You know we, we, we have gifts,we have skills, we have and
bring value more than more thanthe world knows.
And look out because, becausewe're about to be set ablaze by
(30:43):
the amazingness, I'm just sayingyeah.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
And the important thing, though, too, is like it's
not an either or this is not aconversation of the masculine
achievement linear pathway waswrong.
No, not at all.
It works for a lot of things.
But there and there is anotherside, which is the more feminine
side.
It doesn't mean, I mean, it'sjust women that have this.
(31:06):
Men have these capacities too,right.
But we haven't been culturallyconditioned to cultivate both
sides, and when we do, thepossibilities are endless.
So much gets to be created andcome forth that we wouldn't have
seen otherwise.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
Absolutely, and men don't be resistant.
It's a beautiful thing.
Can I just?
Can we end it on that TotallyWith that said, tina, do you
have just a couple more minutes?
I do want to bring up one morething for you to talk about.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Yeah, yeah, if you're good, going over, I am.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
We own the place, it's fine and everybody.
You know I should have saidthis earlier.
You know, of course, my amazingwife has been putting comments
in and things like that.
If you have things you want tosay or comments or you know,
feel free to put things in thecomments, of course.
So you know, resistance wetalked about personal resistance
.
Can we talk about just for aminute outside resistance?
(32:05):
And because that's what mostpeople are, well, I'm not going
to say that it's just as big ofthe equation as interior
resistance.
So you know, exteriorresistance of people around you,
and the funny thing is peopleare more conscientious of the
(32:25):
fear of people close to them andthe resistance, the fear of
rejection.
You know, oh, that's stupid.
All this.
That, because those peopledon't know any better generally
is what it's set in and it killsdreams and it kills passions
and it kills a lot of thingsthat the world needs.
(32:46):
Yeah, a lot of things that theworld needs.
Yeah, you know, I mean, I wasblessed to have grown up with a
mother that never said you can'tdo something Ever.
I had this realization long agothat I was never told no, you
can't do that Ever.
Yeah, I went through somestupid times in my life.
It is, it really is.
(33:07):
I mean, how often does a parentsay, no, you can't be a rock
star, or you can't do this, oryou can't do that?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
You know that won't make you money.
Go have fun doing that.
Find something else that'llmake you money.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Well, you better have a plan B.
So it's when you find andsurround yourself with the right
people talking about theresistance, it opens up the
doors of your mind to dream.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Just connect yourself and surround yourself with
people that uplift you and notbring you down to their levels.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
I just want to say that, yeah, that is so key
because community is where wethrive right Now.
Of course, if you aresurrounded by naysayers and
people who can't dream andpeople who shoot down your
vision, yes, that's moredifficult and that is an outside
resistance, but consider thatthe only real resistance is the
(34:08):
meaning that you've made aboutthat because we don't want to
let them down there.
They might be our parents, theymight be our closest loved ones,
but they may not have thecapacity to see the vision that
you have, so they just can'tconnect to it.
They mean well, they don't wantyou to get hurt Most of the
time.
Most of the time, they're nottrying to be jerks.
(34:28):
They're trying to keep you safetoo, because they're like oh, I
don't want you to get hurt.
You know what?
This is one life.
You got your one life.
Surround yourself with acommunity of people who raise
you up, who, instead of saying,well, how do you think you're
going to do that?
They say how can I support you?
It is a completely differentenvironment and you get to
(34:50):
choose the environment thatyou're going to be in.
It doesn't mean you have towalk away from your loved ones.
Just recognize they may not bethe partners to walk alongside
you in this expansion thatyou're on.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Absolutely love that.
Absolutely love that, and it'sso.
Absolutely love that, and it'sso.
How do I say this?
Uplifting and fantastic whenyou are around those people that
celebrate with you, that patyou on the back, that just say,
hey, honestly, great job.
(35:24):
Those are the people thatchange people's lives.
So surround yourself with thosepeople, because they're not
going to be the people thatcause resistance.
It's okay if they bring upthoughts and throw things to
think about.
That's fantastic, but thatresistance shouldn't define your
life.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Absolutely so well said.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Thank you, thank you very much, hey, I should have
done Elvis.
Thank you, thank you very much,hey, I should have done, elvis,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
All right With that said, isthere anything else you want to
talk about with outsideresistance before we wrap up?
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Just that there's always going to be outside
resistance.
There just is.
This is called life and noteveryone's going to see it the
way that you see it, and noteveryone is going to have the
capacity that you have, andthey're all going to have their
own perspectives and, as melrobbins would say, let them.
Let them have whateverperspective they have.
(36:20):
You hold your truth and justrecognize that the real
resistance is the meaning thatyou make about their resistance.
It's this reframe of okay.
Resistance is an opportunityfor me to look and go.
Am I aligned?
Am I in integrity?
Am I on the path for what Iwant to create in my life, and
(36:43):
when that is?
The answers are yes.
You just keep going.
Resource yourself withcommunity, with your own ability
to reframe and to be in agrounded space so that you can
create whatever that vision isthat you have for your life.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah, I absolutely love that.
There's a reason, everybody,that you look at two people, two
brothers, two sisters, siblings, whatever the case may be, and
horrible living conditions,horrible parents, call it
whatever you want to call it andyou have one that goes down the
bad road and you have one thatgoes and thrives and everybody's
(37:26):
going huh.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, wait, all of the outside circumstances seem
to be equal.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely Love that.
So, with that said, my amazingfriend Tina Parker, can you give
us three tips to get veteransand their families further
faster?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
Okay, three tips.
Ask yourself am I in alignment,am I in integrity, am I on my
path?
Those are my three tips, thosequestions, those three questions
.
When you get yeses, go fullsteam ahead.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Amen.
Oh, I just I got God bumps.
I got good.
Yes, Absolutely fantastic.
Tina Parker, how do peoplereach out to you?
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Yes, I'm on LinkedIn.
You can find me under my nameor TP sunshine Lead.
Outside the linescom is mywebsite.
We actually have a consciousleadership accelerator, curated
specifically for visionary women, coming up in July and, if I
know, yeah, you can put the wigon we should stop saying that.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Or one day, I'm just going to do it, we're going to
post a picture just for fun.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Oh, man, so love to connect with all of you and,
michael, just thank you.
I just want to say thank youagain for this platform, for
this community that you havecreated to bring people together
that are on a similar path, tohelp out there.
So I'm out there doing it too.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Amen, thank you my friend With that said, time is
the most precious resource wehave as human beings.
My friend Tina Parker, thankyou for spending so much of your
time with us.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Truly honored.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
I appreciate it All right, everybody.
We're almost at 40 minutes.
Whoops, we're out.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Thank you for joining us on another insightful
journey of your Thoughts yourReality podcast with your host,
michael Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(39:48):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.