June 24, 2025 • 34 mins
Technology has woven itself into the fabric of our daily existence—from how we work to how we parent, communicate, and even think. In this enlightening conversation with Laura Ollinger, a certified digital wellbeing coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching, we unpack the hidden costs of our hyperconnected lives and discover practical paths toward healthier digital balance.
Laura shares her personal journey from tech-rule skeptic to digital wellness advocate, revealing how her experience parenting four teenagers transformed her understanding of screen time's profound impact. Rather than viewing digital wellbeing through a lens of restriction, she offers a refreshing perspective focused on what we can add to our lives instead of what we must take away.
The conversation dives deep into "technoference"—how our devices disrupt genuine human connection—and the neurological hooks deliberately engineered by app designers to keep us scrolling, checking, and engaged. Laura explains how these digital experiences trigger dopamine pathways similar to slot machines, creating powerful habit loops that hijack our attention and erode our presence.
Most valuable are the actionable strategies shared throughout: incorporating nature exposure to reset attention spans, establishing healthy work-life boundaries in a culture that expects constant availability, and cultivating what neuroscientists call the "default mode network"—the mental state where creativity and innovation flourish. Laura's approach meets us where we are, acknowledging technology's benefits while empowering us to reclaim control over how we engage with it.
Whether you're a parent concerned about your child's screen time, a professional struggling with digital boundaries, or simply seeking more meaningful connections in a distracted world, this episode offers both the understanding and practical tools to transform your relationship with technology. Laura reminds us that true digital wellbeing isn't about perfection—it's about intentional choices that align with our deeper values and authentic human needs.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Hey, so we are on today with aspecial guest.
She's been on before, of course, and she's absolutely just
fantastic we have.
Laura Olinger is a seasonedteen and parent well-being coach
and founder of PositivelyHealthy Coaching.
Parent well-being coach andfounder of Positively Healthy
Coaching.
She specializes in helpingparents of teens and tweens
(01:08):
navigate the challenges of adigital age, which we're going
to talk about that today.
With a strong background inmental health and family
dynamics.
Laura provides tools forfostering healthier
relationships who doesn't wantthat?
She is passionate about raisingawareness of Zoom fatigue and
techno stress and the impacts ofdigital distractions on
well-being and, again, this is amajor thing we're talking about
(01:28):
today.
And, of course, she's committedto helping families create
healthier boundaries withtechnology for better emotional
connection and self-care.
So, with that said, laura, whydon't you tell us a little bit
more about yourself that wedidn't already talk about?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah, well, thank you for that wonderful introduction
, Michael.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, so I never really thoughtthis kind of digital wellbeing
topic would be something I wasinterested in because to me,
like when I hear it, it likesounds like oh, there's rules
and I don't like to follow rulesNobody likes to follow rules it
sounds like very structured andvery like rigid, and it became
(02:06):
apparent that that is part ofwhat I need to if I'm going to
be a teen and parent wellbeingcoach and I'm the mom of four
teenagers myself.
It became apparent a while agothat that's something I needed
to kind of learn more about andkind of immerse myself in.
How do I deal with this, how doI face this?
And so I ended up taking a yearlong course and became actually
(02:26):
certified as a consciouslydigital, certified wellbeing
coach, and so it's like the ideahere doesn't have to be like it
to me again like there'ssomething about like digital
habits that sounds like it'salmost like a diet, Like you
have to take something out, likeno cookies for you.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
No ice cream right.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
No pun intended.
No cookies for you.
I love it.
We're on a pun roll today, soyeah.
So that's kind of just like howI got started and like why the
interest is there is just likethat.
Whether we like it or not, it'spart of our reality today as
far as our life and it affectseveryone, like babies are on
(03:11):
devices, toddlers, children,teens, tweens, adults,
professionals, older people arenow, you know, using technology
really quite well, and so yeah,that's, I'm pretty passionate
about it.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, and that's fantastic, you know, because
here's the thing we were.
So how do I say that?
Well, I'm just going to say it.
We're caught up in our livesand we're so just go, go, go.
We don't take the time forourselves.
First of all, that's a wholenother podcast, but you know.
But we're so just in the phone,in the computer all day long,
right In the phone, in thecomputer all day long, right.
And you brought up somethingabsolutely that has befuddled me
(03:47):
for a very long time, if that'sa word, but I'm going to use it
anyway.
You see two-year-olds,four-year-olds, on phones doing
the same thing.
What's that going to do fortheir future?
Mind right, and mindset evenmore so.
So I mean, let's dive in ifyou're ready, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I'm ready, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
All right.
So just before we do that, onthe top right-hand corner of
your screen there's a blue QRcode.
So everybody on today andplease say things.
Let us know you're there.
We love seeing comments andthat kind of thing as we go.
But for future, for peoplelistening on the podcast, it
takes you to Empower PerformanceStrategies Again,
empowerperformancestrategiescom.
(04:34):
Join the mission.
We have free eBooks forfamilies and for veterans
themselves, and we have Facebookgroups for both and everything
else.
So, please, and we haveFacebook groups for both and
everything else.
So please, come join.
There's lots of resources andthings there.
So, with that said, so, Laura,where do you think the most
(04:55):
concern is?
Is it an age group?
Is it just everybody?
I mean, for me it feels likeit's everybody, but the younger
generations are the ones thatare gonna be in it the longest,
if you will.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Well, yes, and their brains are still developing.
So to me, if we had a sound andemergency alarm, it would be
around children.
However, you know, the wayadults are using it as well can
be just as dangerous, but in aslightly different way.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
We'll talk about that please.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah.
So when you think about it,right, most of us and most of us
have some type of a habit wherewe wake up, we check our phone,
or at night we're relaxing andwe're watching Netflix and we've
got our phone here and ourcomputer here and we're
switching between apps andchecking our fantasy football
scores and, you know, textingfriends and WhatsApp and YouTube
(05:51):
and this and that, right, and Idon't have to keep because we
kind of get the picture there,right, it's just multiple
devices, multiple platforms andapps and whatnot.
And so if you think about itjust like the description of
that, it's like what is thatdoing for your brain, right, and
like what is the ideal?
So when I think of you knowkind of like parts of our day,
(06:14):
like how we chunk it out, theidea is like the morning we get
up, we get kind of get organized, we get going.
At night we're trying to likewind down and relax, and then in
the middle of the day there'smaybe assuming you like have a
normal, like work schedule.
You know it could be, maybeyou're working later, I don't
know, everybody has their own.
You know rhythm, yeah, but ifyou think about, like, what is
(06:37):
the technology adding and also,what is it taking away?
And a lot of times we don'trealize, like, what it's taking
away, because so much of it is,you can't see it right.
Like it's like the things thatare happening in our brain.
It's like an operating systemfor a computer and your brain
only has a finite amount ofbandwidth.
So in the back right, if wehave multiple tabs open on our
(07:00):
computer and all these differentthings that we're doing at the
same time, how is that allowingyou, if that's the evening time,
to relax right, Like it's likeyour brain is still like
tracking all these differentthings.
You might not even be awarethat you're doing it.
So I do think that the danger isthat we are in a very stressed
(07:21):
out society, we're in a veryoverstimulated society, which is
what that techno stress termcomes from.
It's it's it's stress fromtechnology.
And when we're doing so much ofit so much of the time, how can
we relax?
And so our bodies, likecircadian rhythm, is to like
rest and digest, like at night,like wind down, so that it can
(07:44):
do all the healing processes,both physically and mentally and
emotionally, and getting goodquality sleep, getting good
quality REM and non-REM sleep,and so it's like, really,
technology is affecting allthese parts of our life, like
all the parts of our health andwellness, all the parts of our
body, and again, so we have arhythm.
So in the morning we rise, wewant to be focused, we want to
(08:08):
be present, we want to be ableto give the best version of
ourselves.
And when we're distracted andum, you know right, like oh hi,
honey, how are you, how's yourday?
Did it right?
Like that's.
Um, I learned a term is calledtechnoference, where
technoference is interferingwith our daily lives as far as
(08:29):
social interactions andrelationships.
How many times have you beenhaving a conversation with a
family or friend and they'rejust like, oh, one second right.
Or maybe they don't even sayone second, like, maybe they
just like start doing it andyou're like hello.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I'm owning it right now, I've done it it.
And you're like hello, I'm here, I'm owning it right now, I've
done it.
Yeah, what a conversation wasover in my mind.
I'm sorry, my beautiful wifeconversation's over.
I picked it up and she's likewhat the you know I was we're
still having and I, you know, Ifeel horrible and I apologize
once I realize because ithappens and we all do it, I
(09:06):
think yeah, I think it's a greatpoint you bring up.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Absolutely.
It's funny because I wasthinking your wife was probably
in between breaths, like shejust was pausing for a second
and she wasn't done.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
She was going to keep talking, but you're like, you
took one, she took one breathand all of a sudden you're, you
know, down on your oh, yes, Ilove it, yes, so so I'm going to
share you.
Here's a joke.
Honey, don't get mad.
When I say this, I always saybecause I'm, I'm very fast paced
, right, you, you know me.
I mean, I'm, I'm rolling right,Conversations, whatever, and I,
I will say, oh, but you took abreath.
She's like I took a breath andin all, it's ridiculous, it
(09:50):
really is Be present, slow down,you know.
That's because, like you say,there's so many other things
being going.
Sorry, I'm reading, readingmessages.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I know I'm loving reading these.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, so, and you know it's real talk, right, I
mean, it's, it's the reality ofhow it affects our relationships
alone.
That's the only part we'retalking about right this second.
It's, it's the reality of howit affects our relationships
alone.
That's the only part we'retalking about right this second.
So it's just, it's, it's a,it's a real eye opener and we
have to be present, we have totake that time.
So do you want to continuetalking about that?
Because I also want to talkabout you know, we have plenty
(10:26):
of time, but skill sets and andthose, those, let's not call
them rules, let's call themguidelines, whatever is a good
word for it, you think, but howto get, how to change it?
So do you want to keep on wherewe were, or kind of pivot a
little bit?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I think we can blend the two together.
So I know one of the things wewere going to talk about is like
Zoom fatigue.
So if you're the type of personthat has a job, that you're on
technology all day and you're inback-to-back Zoom meetings,
it's all about the small things,and so that's where I'm
blending these two topicstogether, because this could
apply to all the ages and allthe.
(11:02):
You know, wherever you are inlife, whatever you're doing, it
doesn't have to be this big,dramatic, okay.
Okay kids, no technology allsummer, no devices all summer.
Like it doesn't have to be big,it can be small.
So if you are in back-to-backmeetings, schedule five minutes
in between meetings schedule astanding up break schedule, a
(11:24):
even um effects like the musclesin our eyes.
So if you're staring at ascreen all day, you know you
might start to get headaches,you get that zoom fatigue.
You start to just feel likecranky and irritable.
I know I do when I'm sitting inmy desk and I'm on meetings all
day.
I just start to not feel good.
So getting up, taking it breaks, looking outside, like picking
something 30 feet away, kind ofallowing your eye muscles to
(11:44):
even like refocus on somethingmore more distant.
And and the other thing, theother piece about like, like,
what can be the new habits is, Ithink, if it is again not
taking something away, but whatcan we add?
Right?
So, instead of movie night onNetflix, maybe we add, oh,
(12:04):
family walk time.
Or maybe we add, you know,let's prepare a meal together,
time, like, what can we add?
And, when you realize it, ifthere's only 24 hours in a day,
if we start adding stuff, that'snaturally going to subtract the
other kind of like, lessdesirable behaviors.
And so, in this case it is thetechnology and you might find,
(12:26):
to some pushback and especially,you know, with kids and
teenagers, like taking thingsaway, because you know they,
they, they naturally feel, um,like their kids need to feel
autonomous, they need to feellike they have some control over
their own lives, and evenadults, like we found that, um,
mental health really depends onautonomy and, um, the feeling of
(12:50):
being able to make your owndecisions.
So maybe what it looks like is,if you really do want to set
those limits, all right, kiddos,you know you get one hour or
two hours, whatever it is foryou, of fun time or screen time
or whatever that might be, andyou get to choose about how
you're going to use that right,so you can blend these two
things.
You get to choose what andallow them to have some choice.
(13:12):
So that's, that's a couple,that's a couple things of it.
But again, instead of thinkingof it as this big thing, I would
think of it as small littlethings you could do.
And the next piece which I, I'msorry to kind of take over, the
the question here.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Don't worry about it Before we get to the next piece,
and don't?
You know we're just talking,you're not taking over anything.
Just be you, do not sweat it.
All right, really you don'twant a Stephen King movie in
your, in your household, of thesummer of no tech, you know.
So I think, what you bring upbecause here's the reality, man
(13:53):
it will be hell season in yourhouse if you take away all the
tech.
Right, and the things you justsaid, laura, were fantastic,
because it's not about taking itaway, it's about doing
something else, fun, and themore you celebrate it and have
fun with it, whether it be.
I love cooking with my wife,you know I do the chopping, of
prep and whatever the case maybe, or walks, whatever that is.
(14:14):
But when kids get out in natureand it's fun and it's
celebrated and it's goodconversations and not just kids,
everybody it's not a punishment, it's a magical thing when they
hear the birds chirping or yousee that cute squirrel run up
the tree and acting goofy, orwhatever the case may be.
(14:35):
So find those gifts.
Find those gifts and make it acelebration, not not a.
You can't stay off your phone.
Stay off your phone.
Stay off your phone kind ofthing.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yes, right, um, and of course I can always add on to
that nature part because, um,you know a lot of whether
there's a diagnosis of ADHD orthere's just kind of an
awareness that my child has ashort attention span or I have a
short attention span.
There's so much research aboutbeing out in nature actually
(15:06):
brings us back to our naturalrhythms as far as that circadian
rhythm but also our ability tofocus.
So there's like a study thatsaid, like kids out in nature
for two weeks, they justnaturally are able to focus
better.
Like if you're trying to likefind a cure for your child's
inability to sit still or havethat if they have a high like
hyperactive predisposition,nature is one of the biggest
(15:31):
keys, along with, obviously, theother things the food, the diet
, the exercise, the stressmanagement, all the things like
I call modifiable lifestylefactors.
So, yeah, I'm glad you, I'mglad you wanted to talk a little
bit more about just like beingout and being present and like
getting that seeing the squirrel, seeing the rock, seeing the
stream, like all the things.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Absolutely, and even adding onto that, just take your
shoes off and put your feet inthe grass for a minute yeah,
it's big, I love that yeah, Imean the grounding effect.
You know I know grounding isvery big online right now, all
that stuff, but it's been thereall along, guys.
It's been in there all along.
That's why it was so much funto go out and play in the grass.
(16:09):
You know, roll around, do allthose things when you're young
it's still fun.
I'm 53 years old.
I've laid out my grass and justsat there and looked up at the
trees and the birds in the skyand the clouds moving.
Yeah, you're never.
Don't let the kid die in you.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
That's great, I love that.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I love that.
Thank you.
So back to what you were goingto talk about.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well, the other part that's kind of like big in this
is not just the picking up thephone, but like there's part of
it is like what is the draw?
And there is all theneurochemicals, the
neurotransmitters that are goingon our brain.
And so there's you know, thesetech designers, the app
(16:57):
designers, intentionally create,they design it that way, so
it's called this habit loop andit's the equivalent of a Las
Vegas slot machine, where thedopamine starts pumping in our
brain, because the dopamine iswhat gets released when we're
searching for that reward.
And so the idea, the thing thatkeeps you coming back again for
(17:18):
again and again, even if you'reon a losing streak, you're like
I'm going to win, I'm going towin, I'm going to win Right Next
time.
Yeah, yeah, Right, and that isthe exact chemical that they
have designed these apps around,because they know that that's
what is getting released.
And so when you go back tocheck your Facebook or whatever
social media that you might beusing, they know that if they
(17:39):
that they are hooking you, theyknow even like the dating apps
are designed because if you geta like or a rose or whatever the
things that you I don't evenknow all the things, but you
know any type of I don't either.
Thankfully, I'm out of that, but, um, you know, anything that is
interactive.
That's why they design it thatway to keep us coming back.
And so, in a way, I don't wantpeople to feel um shame or um
(18:08):
kind of judge themselves in anegative way when they notice
that they're doing this, becausein a way I don't know how to
say it where I want to takeequal responsibility for my
behavior and the fact that it isdesigned this way.
So if you find yourself one ofthese people that's constantly
(18:28):
picking it up, in a way, it'snot your fault.
The app designers have developedit that way and you just happen
to be one of their customers.
They are trying to get your timeand attention and that is their
, that is their currency, thatis what they want.
And so once you kind of havethat awareness, it begins to
develop maybe some new thoughtswhere, oh, I don't want to be
(18:49):
that person that's gettingsucked into my phone every three
seconds.
I don't want it Right.
Like you start to like feellike a little angry, like I
don't want to be their customerwho's giving away all my time
and all that stuff, and so theidea is like I want to empower
people to know that you do havethe ability to set up new habits
for yourself.
And I was talking about thiswith somebody and she goes yes,
(19:14):
sometimes I just throw my phoneacross the room when I am tired
of looking at it, and I said sodo I?
So I literally like check itbecause I notice if I'm starting
to do it, and so sometimes it'slike you just need that
physical like like I don't wantthis to take over my life, and
so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I love that Because you're winning, yes, and it
feels good to be like, yeah, I'mnot going to cuss, I know I win
, we know what you're going tosay, you know what I wanted to
say, yeah, but how cool is that?
And then here's the thing.
Right, you talk about feelingguilty and bad about yourself,
all that stuff.
You talk about feeling guiltyand bad about yourself, all that
stuff.
What if we played the game,like Laura's talking about right
(19:56):
, and literally realize it's agame to win and just go, ah yeah
, smile, celebrate and toss yourphone to a safe location?
What if we just celebratedplaying the game and winning it?
Because all you got to do iswin a little bit here and a
(20:17):
little bit there and everythingelse is getting better.
Because, like Laura, said ifyou're cooking dinner or you're
doing this or doing that, you'reautomatically taking away the
screen time.
Yes, yes, I think that's sofantastic that you bring up the
guilt, because how many peopleare going to do that?
(20:38):
And it's just unnecessarythoughts.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Right and those are not helping us in any way, you
know like it's not helpful tofeel that guilt or shame.
So you know what is helpful.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I'm sorry my wife just put on there.
I think about that.
I have a feeling that's comingsoon to a theater near you.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Okay, make sure it lands on a soft surface.
That's always my goal.
It has to be like on a couch ora bed, I don't know what we're
is so funny.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I love it.
I love it.
I don't know what we're talkingabout now.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I mean, I lost track.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
So let's, if we can, and we'll come back, if you
think about it, please.
You know a lot of us work inthe digital world, right?
I mean probably more now thanever before.
So, like for me, I'm going toget personal, I'm going to be
vulnerable here.
I always and this isn't anexcuse, my dear wife but you
(21:40):
think about oh well, what if I'mmissing something?
What if someone's trying toreach me?
What if this, what if that?
And I know it's not reality,because, even though I work with
veterans and first respondersand their families and so on,
there sometimes are emergencies,but it's rare because I'm not a
(22:02):
hotline, you know, but it'srare.
So, where's that line?
Where's that line that we needto maneuver, set for ourselves
and celebrate it, obviouslybecause it's not a punishment?
Where do you think that line isand how do you navigate that?
I'm looking for real tips here.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Laura, come on, okay, okay.
I think that's such a goodquestion because the FOMO is
real, right.
We want to be connected in thatway in our digital worlds, to
the real people.
They are real people, assumingyou're not talking to bots or
whatever, because that's a wholeother thing.
(22:40):
People have, like AI, aiboyfriends and girlfriends that
are not real people, you know,that's a whole thing.
And now there's like AItherapists and AI, all this
stuff.
But anyway, where's the line?
The line, I assume, isdifferent for everyone.
But my first thought, my firstkind of like instinct, is it's a
(23:03):
simple like balance of who'shere with me right now and is
this person in my connectionmore important than kind of
being on call in a social way?
And I think yours is a littlenuanced, because maybe somebody
(23:23):
is having a crisis and I knowyou're not a hotline, but if
somebody really does need you,like that's a different category
or section of this, I wouldthink.
But if it's just social, like Iwant to see what everybody's
doing, right, and I have ahusband or a wife or a child,
right, like you need to kind ofdecide and maybe you need to set
(23:44):
up your own.
I mean, all this is reallyabout is boundaries, right.
This is like create your ownboundary and so finding that
balance and I don't know if Ican make a blanket rule for
everyone just they would have tojust think about it and think
about what's more important, andthat's what we're looking for.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's not.
I'm not in this podcast.
I'm never looking for rules foranybody.
I'm just looking for ideas,because something will connect
with someone and will work forsomeone, and that's what this is
all about.
It's just brainstorming, it'sjust talking.
So I get that.
What about people for work?
I mean, my initial thought is Imean you let it go and you have
(24:28):
certain hours and then you juststep away, and it's something I
struggle with.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
That's such a big topic because this is like an
American cultural thing, becausethe course that I'm telling you
about that I got certifiedconsciously digital is actually
based out of Europe, is actuallybased out of Europe, and so
when we were looking at allthese case studies and all the
research, it talks about a lotof countries, their value, much
more than shutting it down atwhatever time.
(24:54):
They're.
Shutting it down, no responserequired or respond at your
leisure is kind of the normthere.
And so in America somehow we'vedeveloped this 24-7 access
thing and it's gotten completelyout of control.
And so I think it's likeeverybody, whatever company
you're working for, that's partof the culture.
(25:17):
And if it's not, like inexistence, like to have any
downtime or rest and relaxationtime, they need to bring a
wellbeing expert in forconsultation, because all the
research shows that when youhave employees that are
connected 24 seven, they'reobviously not getting the rest.
And everybody under everybodyWell, not everybody.
(25:37):
People generally underestimatethe importance of rest and sleep
.
They they underestimate it bigtime.
And if your employees or yourgroup has that proper amount of
rest and relaxation, they willbe 10 times more productive,
they will be 10 times moreengaged.
Your company will probably be10 times more profitable if your
(25:59):
people get the downtime.
So, depending on if we'retalking about business owners or
employees, maybe you have tohave a conversation with your
boss or your manager and say,hey, I have a wife, I have a
baby.
Um, I need to be, you know,checked out between 8 PM and 8
AM and that's what works for me.
Is that okay?
Right, like I can't speak towhat people's jobs are, but like
knowing that there is thatdowntime makes people so much
(26:21):
more motivated to be engagedduring the on time.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Absolutely.
I love that you said that.
And here's the other thing Ifyou have a boss I got, I just
got God bumps or goosebumps Ifyou have a boss that won't
listen to that, that's not theright leader in that company in
the first place.
My opinion, there's a reasonwhy Google I think it was Google
used to have pods where you cango take naps when you're
(26:45):
feeling drained.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I think they still have those.
I'm sure they do.
In fact, they're probably justeven better now.
I mean, that was 15 years ago,probably that.
I remember hearing about thosewhen those first came out and
everybody's like how spoiled arethey?
No, they just know they'regoing to get more productivity
out of those people.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
And not just can I jump in for one second Not just
productivity, but creativity.
So most people's jobs is tosome way be creative, to find
solutions, to find problems.
I mean, even if you're at homeand you're a mom, you work
constantly.
Because I'm a mom of four kids,I'm constantly putting out
fires small fires, but sometimesbigger fires.
(27:27):
But I have to be creative and Ihave to be inventive and I have
to be have good communicationskills and I have to learn how
to.
How do I manage this personwhile I'm also doing this Right?
So, no matter what you're doing, the creativity required for
almost any position in life isgreat, and that only you only
get that through a rest and be.
(27:48):
There's such thing as in ourbrains, the default mode network
, which you know.
I know you're having Dominiqueon tomorrow, who you know she's
great at talking about all thesystems in the brain.
But my awareness of it is, youknow, when you're in the shower
and that's where your best ideascome from.
Or sometimes like you'redriving and you're like, oh my
gosh, I should write a bookabout this Right, like certain
(28:10):
times, our brain when it's justrelaxed and it's doing something
on autopilot, kind of like evena walk, something that you're
on autopilot, your brain finallygets that space and that
default mode network is startingto get active and that's the
creative part of our brain.
And so, yeah, just that, that,that shut off time is important
(28:30):
and with the Google thing, likeyou said, even a rest during the
day, like if you can carve outfive minutes, 10 minutes, 15
minutes, even you know, an hourlunch break.
Go for a walk, don't look atyour phone, take some, let's let
your brain, kind of like, doits thing.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love it.
You know it's funny, you talkabout that.
I just watched a special onWarren Buffett that was on TV
and he literally his favoritething to do and he does it every
day is he literally goes in hisoffice and he either just reads
for hours and hours and hours,like literally like six hours a
(29:09):
day, but his favorite thing todo is just be in his own
presence and think.
Here's the difference.
A lot of people when they'rethinking it's all the overwhelm,
it's all the negativity, it'sall of those things.
His is how to solve problemsand he says sometimes I am super
(29:32):
productive and a lot of timesI'm not.
But imagine that little skillset, that time he takes for
himself to do that.
His favorite thing is to thinkand solve problems.
How many problems has he solvedIn what?
95 years?
I think he's 95 now.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yeah, I know, that's what I said too I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
He said all that.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
What was that?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Oh yeah, I didn't realize he was 95.
Wow, that's a long, long life.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I didn't either, and anybody gets a chance to watch
it, check it out.
It's absolutely fantastic.
Not necessarily just aboutbusiness or any of that stuff,
but just a different perspective.
It's very, very cool.
With that said, I think we'realready over time.
Yeah, we are.
This just flew by Laura.
Thank you so much for being on,obviously.
So if we can start off with,how do people reach out to you?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Yeah, come visit my website,
positivelyhealthycoachingcom,and there you'll find a section
for teens, you'll find a sectionfor parents and then all my
other resources.
I have a blog, I have my ownpodcast, the Positively Healthy
Mom podcast, and all myresources are there.
So if you just go topositivelyhealthycoachingcom and
(30:43):
that'll take you to my socialmedia as well.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Absolutely fantastic.
Thank you, and people reach outto this lady.
She really is one of thefantastic people in this world,
not only as a coach and thatkind of thing, just a person.
She's fantastic.
Don't tell her I said that, sowhat was that?
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Oh yeah, thank you, I feel flattered.
Thank you for the compliment.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
You deserve it.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
So can you give us three tips to get veterans and
their families further faster?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Oh yeah, this is always the fun question.
Yeah, and does it have?
Speaker 3 (31:22):
to stay on topic, or is it just?
Speaker 2 (31:23):
general.
Give them some brilliance.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
No rules, no rules, ok, to get further, to get
further faster, yeah.
Number one um, it's just thatwhole topic that we're talking
about.
There's this slow down to speedup, and that's so
counterintuitive and people likeme, especially like the ADHD
brains who we, we went immediate, we went fast, right, but I
guarantee you you will get moredone in a big way and in a small
way if you can just slow downand be present in that moment
(31:52):
and you'll end up getting theresults that you want.
Number two this has been on myheart a lot lately is the idea
of empathy, and this issomething I teach to all parents
and teens, because we're in aworld and technology is part of
this that people are mean andpeople are doing a lot of.
(32:13):
You know, everybody's talkingabout cyber bullying and
teenagers.
Well, there is cyber bullyingwith adults and it is bad.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
It's bad, it's really bad.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yeah, it's uncontrollable.
In fact, I just watched aYouTube of Monica Lewinsky and
how she's just asking for youknow, she came out and give this
talk and she'd been silent forso long and this was actually a
while ago but I just watched itand she's just like, just be
nice.
Just be nice.
We're all humans, just havesome empathy.
We all do stupid things, we allmake mistakes and have
(32:45):
compassion and empathy.
So that is, I think, a further,faster number two and number
three would be the idea oftaking care of yourself in the
ways that you can.
So, like I mentioned earlier,the modifiable lifestyle factors
.
Do not underestimate the powerof sleep I'm extremely
(33:06):
passionate about.
There's a book I highlyrecommend called why we Sleep by
Dr Matthew Walker, and itchanged my life.
In fact, if you could get himon the podcast, that would be
awesome.
Dr Matthew Walker, why we Sleep.
It is so important to get thatrest and relaxation time, but
also to get the movement also toput the right things in our
(33:26):
bodies and to just take care ofyourself.
You know, we only get this onelife, we get this one body and
we want to take good care of it.
So those that would be it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Absolutely love it.
So anybody that knows MatthewWalker connect me.
Yeah, I want to meet him too.
Absolutely fantastic.
Laura.
Thank you so much for your time.
You know it's the most preciousresource we have as human
beings.
We do not get this time back.
Thank you for coming on again,sharing your beautiful wisdom,
your thoughts and just havingfun with us.
(33:58):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
You're very welcome.
Thank you, Mike.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Absolutely.
And on that note everybody,we're out of here.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And, on that note, everybody we're out of here.
Thank you for joining us onanother insightful journey of
your Thoughts, your Realitypodcast, with your host, Michael
Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(34:30):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
Hey, so we are on today with aspecial guest.
She's been on before, of course, and she's absolutely just
fantastic we have.
Laura Olinger is a seasonedteen and parent well-being coach
and founder of PositivelyHealthy Coaching.
Parent well-being coach andfounder of Positively Healthy
Coaching.
She specializes in helpingparents of teens and tweens
(01:08):
navigate the challenges of adigital age, which we're going
to talk about that today.
With a strong background inmental health and family
dynamics.
Laura provides tools forfostering healthier
relationships who doesn't wantthat?
She is passionate about raisingawareness of Zoom fatigue and
techno stress and the impacts ofdigital distractions on
well-being and, again, this is amajor thing we're talking about
(01:28):
today.
And, of course, she's committedto helping families create
healthier boundaries withtechnology for better emotional
connection and self-care.
So, with that said, laura, whydon't you tell us a little bit
more about yourself that wedidn't already talk about?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah, well, thank you for that wonderful introduction
, Michael.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, so I never really thoughtthis kind of digital wellbeing
topic would be something I wasinterested in because to me,
like when I hear it, it likesounds like oh, there's rules
and I don't like to follow rulesNobody likes to follow rules it
sounds like very structured andvery like rigid, and it became
(02:06):
apparent that that is part ofwhat I need to if I'm going to
be a teen and parent wellbeingcoach and I'm the mom of four
teenagers myself.
It became apparent a while agothat that's something I needed
to kind of learn more about andkind of immerse myself in.
How do I deal with this, how doI face this?
And so I ended up taking a yearlong course and became actually
(02:26):
certified as a consciouslydigital, certified wellbeing
coach, and so it's like the ideahere doesn't have to be like it
to me again like there'ssomething about like digital
habits that sounds like it'salmost like a diet, Like you
have to take something out, likeno cookies for you.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
No ice cream right.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
No pun intended.
No cookies for you.
I love it.
We're on a pun roll today, soyeah.
So that's kind of just like howI got started and like why the
interest is there is just likethat.
Whether we like it or not, it'spart of our reality today as
far as our life and it affectseveryone, like babies are on
(03:11):
devices, toddlers, children,teens, tweens, adults,
professionals, older people arenow, you know, using technology
really quite well, and so yeah,that's, I'm pretty passionate
about it.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, and that's fantastic, you know, because
here's the thing we were.
So how do I say that?
Well, I'm just going to say it.
We're caught up in our livesand we're so just go, go, go.
We don't take the time forourselves.
First of all, that's a wholenother podcast, but you know.
But we're so just in the phone,in the computer all day long,
right In the phone, in thecomputer all day long, right.
And you brought up somethingabsolutely that has befuddled me
(03:47):
for a very long time, if that'sa word, but I'm going to use it
anyway.
You see two-year-olds,four-year-olds, on phones doing
the same thing.
What's that going to do fortheir future?
Mind right, and mindset evenmore so.
So I mean, let's dive in ifyou're ready, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
I'm ready, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
All right.
So just before we do that, onthe top right-hand corner of
your screen there's a blue QRcode.
So everybody on today andplease say things.
Let us know you're there.
We love seeing comments andthat kind of thing as we go.
But for future, for peoplelistening on the podcast, it
takes you to Empower PerformanceStrategies Again,
empowerperformancestrategiescom.
(04:34):
Join the mission.
We have free eBooks forfamilies and for veterans
themselves, and we have Facebookgroups for both and everything
else.
So, please, and we haveFacebook groups for both and
everything else.
So please, come join.
There's lots of resources andthings there.
So, with that said, so, Laura,where do you think the most
(04:55):
concern is?
Is it an age group?
Is it just everybody?
I mean, for me it feels likeit's everybody, but the younger
generations are the ones thatare gonna be in it the longest,
if you will.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Well, yes, and their brains are still developing.
So to me, if we had a sound andemergency alarm, it would be
around children.
However, you know, the wayadults are using it as well can
be just as dangerous, but in aslightly different way.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
We'll talk about that please.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah.
So when you think about it,right, most of us and most of us
have some type of a habit wherewe wake up, we check our phone,
or at night we're relaxing andwe're watching Netflix and we've
got our phone here and ourcomputer here and we're
switching between apps andchecking our fantasy football
scores and, you know, textingfriends and WhatsApp and YouTube
(05:51):
and this and that, right, and Idon't have to keep because we
kind of get the picture there,right, it's just multiple
devices, multiple platforms andapps and whatnot.
And so if you think about itjust like the description of
that, it's like what is thatdoing for your brain, right, and
like what is the ideal?
So when I think of you knowkind of like parts of our day,
(06:14):
like how we chunk it out, theidea is like the morning we get
up, we get kind of get organized, we get going.
At night we're trying to likewind down and relax, and then in
the middle of the day there'smaybe assuming you like have a
normal, like work schedule.
You know it could be, maybeyou're working later, I don't
know, everybody has their own.
You know rhythm, yeah, but ifyou think about, like, what is
(06:37):
the technology adding and also,what is it taking away?
And a lot of times we don'trealize, like, what it's taking
away, because so much of it is,you can't see it right.
Like it's like the things thatare happening in our brain.
It's like an operating systemfor a computer and your brain
only has a finite amount ofbandwidth.
So in the back right, if wehave multiple tabs open on our
(07:00):
computer and all these differentthings that we're doing at the
same time, how is that allowingyou, if that's the evening time,
to relax right, Like it's likeyour brain is still like
tracking all these differentthings.
You might not even be awarethat you're doing it.
So I do think that the danger isthat we are in a very stressed
(07:21):
out society, we're in a veryoverstimulated society, which is
what that techno stress termcomes from.
It's it's it's stress fromtechnology.
And when we're doing so much ofit so much of the time, how can
we relax?
And so our bodies, likecircadian rhythm, is to like
rest and digest, like at night,like wind down, so that it can
(07:44):
do all the healing processes,both physically and mentally and
emotionally, and getting goodquality sleep, getting good
quality REM and non-REM sleep,and so it's like, really,
technology is affecting allthese parts of our life, like
all the parts of our health andwellness, all the parts of our
body, and again, so we have arhythm.
So in the morning we rise, wewant to be focused, we want to
(08:08):
be present, we want to be ableto give the best version of
ourselves.
And when we're distracted andum, you know right, like oh hi,
honey, how are you, how's yourday?
Did it right?
Like that's.
Um, I learned a term is calledtechnoference, where
technoference is interferingwith our daily lives as far as
(08:29):
social interactions andrelationships.
How many times have you beenhaving a conversation with a
family or friend and they'rejust like, oh, one second right.
Or maybe they don't even sayone second, like, maybe they
just like start doing it andyou're like hello.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I'm owning it right now, I've done it it.
And you're like hello, I'm here, I'm owning it right now, I've
done it.
Yeah, what a conversation wasover in my mind.
I'm sorry, my beautiful wifeconversation's over.
I picked it up and she's likewhat the you know I was we're
still having and I, you know, Ifeel horrible and I apologize
once I realize because ithappens and we all do it, I
(09:06):
think yeah, I think it's a greatpoint you bring up.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Absolutely.
It's funny because I wasthinking your wife was probably
in between breaths, like shejust was pausing for a second
and she wasn't done.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
She was going to keep talking, but you're like, you
took one, she took one breathand all of a sudden you're, you
know, down on your oh, yes, Ilove it, yes, so so I'm going to
share you.
Here's a joke.
Honey, don't get mad.
When I say this, I always saybecause I'm, I'm very fast paced
, right, you, you know me.
I mean, I'm, I'm rolling right,Conversations, whatever, and I,
I will say, oh, but you took abreath.
She's like I took a breath andin all, it's ridiculous, it
(09:50):
really is Be present, slow down,you know.
That's because, like you say,there's so many other things
being going.
Sorry, I'm reading, readingmessages.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I know I'm loving reading these.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, so, and you know it's real talk, right, I
mean, it's, it's the reality ofhow it affects our relationships
alone.
That's the only part we'retalking about right this second.
It's, it's the reality of howit affects our relationships
alone.
That's the only part we'retalking about right this second.
So it's just, it's, it's a,it's a real eye opener and we
have to be present, we have totake that time.
So do you want to continuetalking about that?
Because I also want to talkabout you know, we have plenty
(10:26):
of time, but skill sets and andthose, those, let's not call
them rules, let's call themguidelines, whatever is a good
word for it, you think, but howto get, how to change it?
So do you want to keep on wherewe were, or kind of pivot a
little bit?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I think we can blend the two together.
So I know one of the things wewere going to talk about is like
Zoom fatigue.
So if you're the type of personthat has a job, that you're on
technology all day and you're inback-to-back Zoom meetings,
it's all about the small things,and so that's where I'm
blending these two topicstogether, because this could
apply to all the ages and allthe.
(11:02):
You know, wherever you are inlife, whatever you're doing, it
doesn't have to be this big,dramatic, okay.
Okay kids, no technology allsummer, no devices all summer.
Like it doesn't have to be big,it can be small.
So if you are in back-to-backmeetings, schedule five minutes
in between meetings schedule astanding up break schedule, a
(11:24):
even um effects like the musclesin our eyes.
So if you're staring at ascreen all day, you know you
might start to get headaches,you get that zoom fatigue.
You start to just feel likecranky and irritable.
I know I do when I'm sitting inmy desk and I'm on meetings all
day.
I just start to not feel good.
So getting up, taking it breaks, looking outside, like picking
something 30 feet away, kind ofallowing your eye muscles to
(11:44):
even like refocus on somethingmore more distant.
And and the other thing, theother piece about like, like,
what can be the new habits is, Ithink, if it is again not
taking something away, but whatcan we add?
Right?
So, instead of movie night onNetflix, maybe we add, oh,
(12:04):
family walk time.
Or maybe we add, you know,let's prepare a meal together,
time, like, what can we add?
And, when you realize it, ifthere's only 24 hours in a day,
if we start adding stuff, that'snaturally going to subtract the
other kind of like, lessdesirable behaviors.
And so, in this case it is thetechnology and you might find,
(12:26):
to some pushback and especially,you know, with kids and
teenagers, like taking thingsaway, because you know they,
they, they naturally feel, um,like their kids need to feel
autonomous, they need to feellike they have some control over
their own lives, and evenadults, like we found that, um,
mental health really depends onautonomy and, um, the feeling of
(12:50):
being able to make your owndecisions.
So maybe what it looks like is,if you really do want to set
those limits, all right, kiddos,you know you get one hour or
two hours, whatever it is foryou, of fun time or screen time
or whatever that might be, andyou get to choose about how
you're going to use that right,so you can blend these two
things.
You get to choose what andallow them to have some choice.
(13:12):
So that's, that's a couple,that's a couple things of it.
But again, instead of thinkingof it as this big thing, I would
think of it as small littlethings you could do.
And the next piece which I, I'msorry to kind of take over, the
the question here.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Don't worry about it Before we get to the next piece,
and don't?
You know we're just talking,you're not taking over anything.
Just be you, do not sweat it.
All right, really you don'twant a Stephen King movie in
your, in your household, of thesummer of no tech, you know.
So I think, what you bring upbecause here's the reality, man
(13:53):
it will be hell season in yourhouse if you take away all the
tech.
Right, and the things you justsaid, laura, were fantastic,
because it's not about taking itaway, it's about doing
something else, fun, and themore you celebrate it and have
fun with it, whether it be.
I love cooking with my wife,you know I do the chopping, of
prep and whatever the case maybe, or walks, whatever that is.
(14:14):
But when kids get out in natureand it's fun and it's
celebrated and it's goodconversations and not just kids,
everybody it's not a punishment, it's a magical thing when they
hear the birds chirping or yousee that cute squirrel run up
the tree and acting goofy, orwhatever the case may be.
(14:35):
So find those gifts.
Find those gifts and make it acelebration, not not a.
You can't stay off your phone.
Stay off your phone.
Stay off your phone kind ofthing.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Yes, right, um, and of course I can always add on to
that nature part because, um,you know a lot of whether
there's a diagnosis of ADHD orthere's just kind of an
awareness that my child has ashort attention span or I have a
short attention span.
There's so much research aboutbeing out in nature actually
(15:06):
brings us back to our naturalrhythms as far as that circadian
rhythm but also our ability tofocus.
So there's like a study thatsaid, like kids out in nature
for two weeks, they justnaturally are able to focus
better.
Like if you're trying to likefind a cure for your child's
inability to sit still or havethat if they have a high like
hyperactive predisposition,nature is one of the biggest
(15:31):
keys, along with, obviously, theother things the food, the diet
, the exercise, the stressmanagement, all the things like
I call modifiable lifestylefactors.
So, yeah, I'm glad you, I'mglad you wanted to talk a little
bit more about just like beingout and being present and like
getting that seeing the squirrel, seeing the rock, seeing the
stream, like all the things.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Absolutely, and even adding onto that, just take your
shoes off and put your feet inthe grass for a minute yeah,
it's big, I love that yeah, Imean the grounding effect.
You know I know grounding isvery big online right now, all
that stuff, but it's been thereall along, guys.
It's been in there all along.
That's why it was so much funto go out and play in the grass.
(16:09):
You know, roll around, do allthose things when you're young
it's still fun.
I'm 53 years old.
I've laid out my grass and justsat there and looked up at the
trees and the birds in the skyand the clouds moving.
Yeah, you're never.
Don't let the kid die in you.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
That's great, I love that.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I love that.
Thank you.
So back to what you were goingto talk about.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well, the other part that's kind of like big in this
is not just the picking up thephone, but like there's part of
it is like what is the draw?
And there is all theneurochemicals, the
neurotransmitters that are goingon our brain.
And so there's you know, thesetech designers, the app
(16:57):
designers, intentionally create,they design it that way, so
it's called this habit loop andit's the equivalent of a Las
Vegas slot machine, where thedopamine starts pumping in our
brain, because the dopamine iswhat gets released when we're
searching for that reward.
And so the idea, the thing thatkeeps you coming back again for
(17:18):
again and again, even if you'reon a losing streak, you're like
I'm going to win, I'm going towin, I'm going to win Right Next
time.
Yeah, yeah, Right, and that isthe exact chemical that they
have designed these apps around,because they know that that's
what is getting released.
And so when you go back tocheck your Facebook or whatever
social media that you might beusing, they know that if they
(17:39):
that they are hooking you, theyknow even like the dating apps
are designed because if you geta like or a rose or whatever the
things that you I don't evenknow all the things, but you
know any type of I don't either.
Thankfully, I'm out of that, but, um, you know, anything that is
interactive.
That's why they design it thatway to keep us coming back.
And so, in a way, I don't wantpeople to feel um shame or um
(18:08):
kind of judge themselves in anegative way when they notice
that they're doing this, becausein a way I don't know how to
say it where I want to takeequal responsibility for my
behavior and the fact that it isdesigned this way.
So if you find yourself one ofthese people that's constantly
(18:28):
picking it up, in a way, it'snot your fault.
The app designers have developedit that way and you just happen
to be one of their customers.
They are trying to get your timeand attention and that is their
, that is their currency, thatis what they want.
And so once you kind of havethat awareness, it begins to
develop maybe some new thoughtswhere, oh, I don't want to be
(18:49):
that person that's gettingsucked into my phone every three
seconds.
I don't want it Right.
Like you start to like feellike a little angry, like I
don't want to be their customerwho's giving away all my time
and all that stuff, and so theidea is like I want to empower
people to know that you do havethe ability to set up new habits
for yourself.
And I was talking about thiswith somebody and she goes yes,
(19:14):
sometimes I just throw my phoneacross the room when I am tired
of looking at it, and I said sodo I?
So I literally like check itbecause I notice if I'm starting
to do it, and so sometimes it'slike you just need that
physical like like I don't wantthis to take over my life, and
so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I love that Because you're winning, yes, and it
feels good to be like, yeah, I'mnot going to cuss, I know I win
, we know what you're going tosay, you know what I wanted to
say, yeah, but how cool is that?
And then here's the thing.
Right, you talk about feelingguilty and bad about yourself,
all that stuff.
You talk about feeling guiltyand bad about yourself, all that
stuff.
What if we played the game,like Laura's talking about right
(19:56):
, and literally realize it's agame to win and just go, ah yeah
, smile, celebrate and toss yourphone to a safe location?
What if we just celebratedplaying the game and winning it?
Because all you got to do iswin a little bit here and a
(20:17):
little bit there and everythingelse is getting better.
Because, like Laura, said ifyou're cooking dinner or you're
doing this or doing that, you'reautomatically taking away the
screen time.
Yes, yes, I think that's sofantastic that you bring up the
guilt, because how many peopleare going to do that?
(20:38):
And it's just unnecessarythoughts.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Right and those are not helping us in any way, you
know like it's not helpful tofeel that guilt or shame.
So you know what is helpful.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I'm sorry my wife just put on there.
I think about that.
I have a feeling that's comingsoon to a theater near you.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Okay, make sure it lands on a soft surface.
That's always my goal.
It has to be like on a couch ora bed, I don't know what we're
is so funny.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I love it.
I love it.
I don't know what we're talkingabout now.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I mean, I lost track.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
So let's, if we can, and we'll come back, if you
think about it, please.
You know a lot of us work inthe digital world, right?
I mean probably more now thanever before.
So, like for me, I'm going toget personal, I'm going to be
vulnerable here.
I always and this isn't anexcuse, my dear wife but you
(21:40):
think about oh well, what if I'mmissing something?
What if someone's trying toreach me?
What if this, what if that?
And I know it's not reality,because, even though I work with
veterans and first respondersand their families and so on,
there sometimes are emergencies,but it's rare because I'm not a
(22:02):
hotline, you know, but it'srare.
So, where's that line?
Where's that line that we needto maneuver, set for ourselves
and celebrate it, obviouslybecause it's not a punishment?
Where do you think that line isand how do you navigate that?
I'm looking for real tips here.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Laura, come on, okay, okay.
I think that's such a goodquestion because the FOMO is
real, right.
We want to be connected in thatway in our digital worlds, to
the real people.
They are real people, assumingyou're not talking to bots or
whatever, because that's a wholeother thing.
(22:40):
People have, like AI, aiboyfriends and girlfriends that
are not real people, you know,that's a whole thing.
And now there's like AItherapists and AI, all this
stuff.
But anyway, where's the line?
The line, I assume, isdifferent for everyone.
But my first thought, my firstkind of like instinct, is it's a
(23:03):
simple like balance of who'shere with me right now and is
this person in my connectionmore important than kind of
being on call in a social way?
And I think yours is a littlenuanced, because maybe somebody
(23:23):
is having a crisis and I knowyou're not a hotline, but if
somebody really does need you,like that's a different category
or section of this, I wouldthink.
But if it's just social, like Iwant to see what everybody's
doing, right, and I have ahusband or a wife or a child,
right, like you need to kind ofdecide and maybe you need to set
(23:44):
up your own.
I mean, all this is reallyabout is boundaries, right.
This is like create your ownboundary and so finding that
balance and I don't know if Ican make a blanket rule for
everyone just they would have tojust think about it and think
about what's more important, andthat's what we're looking for.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
It's not.
I'm not in this podcast.
I'm never looking for rules foranybody.
I'm just looking for ideas,because something will connect
with someone and will work forsomeone, and that's what this is
all about.
It's just brainstorming, it'sjust talking.
So I get that.
What about people for work?
I mean, my initial thought is Imean you let it go and you have
(24:28):
certain hours and then you juststep away, and it's something I
struggle with.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
That's such a big topic because this is like an
American cultural thing, becausethe course that I'm telling you
about that I got certifiedconsciously digital is actually
based out of Europe, is actuallybased out of Europe, and so
when we were looking at allthese case studies and all the
research, it talks about a lotof countries, their value, much
more than shutting it down atwhatever time.
(24:54):
They're.
Shutting it down, no responserequired or respond at your
leisure is kind of the normthere.
And so in America somehow we'vedeveloped this 24-7 access
thing and it's gotten completelyout of control.
And so I think it's likeeverybody, whatever company
you're working for, that's partof the culture.
(25:17):
And if it's not, like inexistence, like to have any
downtime or rest and relaxationtime, they need to bring a
wellbeing expert in forconsultation, because all the
research shows that when youhave employees that are
connected 24 seven, they'reobviously not getting the rest.
And everybody under everybodyWell, not everybody.
(25:37):
People generally underestimatethe importance of rest and sleep
.
They they underestimate it bigtime.
And if your employees or yourgroup has that proper amount of
rest and relaxation, they willbe 10 times more productive,
they will be 10 times moreengaged.
Your company will probably be10 times more profitable if your
(25:59):
people get the downtime.
So, depending on if we'retalking about business owners or
employees, maybe you have tohave a conversation with your
boss or your manager and say,hey, I have a wife, I have a
baby.
Um, I need to be, you know,checked out between 8 PM and 8
AM and that's what works for me.
Is that okay?
Right, like I can't speak towhat people's jobs are, but like
knowing that there is thatdowntime makes people so much
(26:21):
more motivated to be engagedduring the on time.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Absolutely.
I love that you said that.
And here's the other thing Ifyou have a boss I got, I just
got God bumps or goosebumps Ifyou have a boss that won't
listen to that, that's not theright leader in that company in
the first place.
My opinion, there's a reasonwhy Google I think it was Google
used to have pods where you cango take naps when you're
(26:45):
feeling drained.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I think they still have those.
I'm sure they do.
In fact, they're probably justeven better now.
I mean, that was 15 years ago,probably that.
I remember hearing about thosewhen those first came out and
everybody's like how spoiled arethey?
No, they just know they'regoing to get more productivity
out of those people.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
And not just can I jump in for one second Not just
productivity, but creativity.
So most people's jobs is tosome way be creative, to find
solutions, to find problems.
I mean, even if you're at homeand you're a mom, you work
constantly.
Because I'm a mom of four kids,I'm constantly putting out
fires small fires, but sometimesbigger fires.
(27:27):
But I have to be creative and Ihave to be inventive and I have
to be have good communicationskills and I have to learn how
to.
How do I manage this personwhile I'm also doing this Right?
So, no matter what you're doing, the creativity required for
almost any position in life isgreat, and that only you only
get that through a rest and be.
(27:48):
There's such thing as in ourbrains, the default mode network
, which you know.
I know you're having Dominiqueon tomorrow, who you know she's
great at talking about all thesystems in the brain.
But my awareness of it is, youknow, when you're in the shower
and that's where your best ideascome from.
Or sometimes like you'redriving and you're like, oh my
gosh, I should write a bookabout this Right, like certain
(28:10):
times, our brain when it's justrelaxed and it's doing something
on autopilot, kind of like evena walk, something that you're
on autopilot, your brain finallygets that space and that
default mode network is startingto get active and that's the
creative part of our brain.
And so, yeah, just that, that,that shut off time is important
(28:30):
and with the Google thing, likeyou said, even a rest during the
day, like if you can carve outfive minutes, 10 minutes, 15
minutes, even you know, an hourlunch break.
Go for a walk, don't look atyour phone, take some, let's let
your brain, kind of like, doits thing.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love it.
You know it's funny, you talkabout that.
I just watched a special onWarren Buffett that was on TV
and he literally his favoritething to do and he does it every
day is he literally goes in hisoffice and he either just reads
for hours and hours and hours,like literally like six hours a
(29:09):
day, but his favorite thing todo is just be in his own
presence and think.
Here's the difference.
A lot of people when they'rethinking it's all the overwhelm,
it's all the negativity, it'sall of those things.
His is how to solve problemsand he says sometimes I am super
(29:32):
productive and a lot of timesI'm not.
But imagine that little skillset, that time he takes for
himself to do that.
His favorite thing is to thinkand solve problems.
How many problems has he solvedIn what?
95 years?
I think he's 95 now.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yeah, I know, that's what I said too I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
He said all that.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
What was that?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Oh yeah, I didn't realize he was 95.
Wow, that's a long, long life.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I didn't either, and anybody gets a chance to watch
it, check it out.
It's absolutely fantastic.
Not necessarily just aboutbusiness or any of that stuff,
but just a different perspective.
It's very, very cool.
With that said, I think we'realready over time.
Yeah, we are.
This just flew by Laura.
Thank you so much for being on,obviously.
So if we can start off with,how do people reach out to you?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Yeah, come visit my website,
positivelyhealthycoachingcom,and there you'll find a section
for teens, you'll find a sectionfor parents and then all my
other resources.
I have a blog, I have my ownpodcast, the Positively Healthy
Mom podcast, and all myresources are there.
So if you just go topositivelyhealthycoachingcom and
(30:43):
that'll take you to my socialmedia as well.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Absolutely fantastic.
Thank you, and people reach outto this lady.
She really is one of thefantastic people in this world,
not only as a coach and thatkind of thing, just a person.
She's fantastic.
Don't tell her I said that, sowhat was that?
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Oh yeah, thank you, I feel flattered.
Thank you for the compliment.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
You deserve it.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
So can you give us three tips to get veterans and
their families further faster?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Oh yeah, this is always the fun question.
Yeah, and does it have?
Speaker 3 (31:22):
to stay on topic, or is it just?
Speaker 2 (31:23):
general.
Give them some brilliance.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
No rules, no rules, ok, to get further, to get
further faster, yeah.
Number one um, it's just thatwhole topic that we're talking
about.
There's this slow down to speedup, and that's so
counterintuitive and people likeme, especially like the ADHD
brains who we, we went immediate, we went fast, right, but I
guarantee you you will get moredone in a big way and in a small
way if you can just slow downand be present in that moment
(31:52):
and you'll end up getting theresults that you want.
Number two this has been on myheart a lot lately is the idea
of empathy, and this issomething I teach to all parents
and teens, because we're in aworld and technology is part of
this that people are mean andpeople are doing a lot of.
(32:13):
You know, everybody's talkingabout cyber bullying and
teenagers.
Well, there is cyber bullyingwith adults and it is bad.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
It's bad, it's really bad.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yeah, it's uncontrollable.
In fact, I just watched aYouTube of Monica Lewinsky and
how she's just asking for youknow, she came out and give this
talk and she'd been silent forso long and this was actually a
while ago but I just watched itand she's just like, just be
nice.
Just be nice.
We're all humans, just havesome empathy.
We all do stupid things, we allmake mistakes and have
(32:45):
compassion and empathy.
So that is, I think, a further,faster number two and number
three would be the idea oftaking care of yourself in the
ways that you can.
So, like I mentioned earlier,the modifiable lifestyle factors
.
Do not underestimate the powerof sleep I'm extremely
(33:06):
passionate about.
There's a book I highlyrecommend called why we Sleep by
Dr Matthew Walker, and itchanged my life.
In fact, if you could get himon the podcast, that would be
awesome.
Dr Matthew Walker, why we Sleep.
It is so important to get thatrest and relaxation time, but
also to get the movement also toput the right things in our
(33:26):
bodies and to just take care ofyourself.
You know, we only get this onelife, we get this one body and
we want to take good care of it.
So those that would be it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Absolutely love it.
So anybody that knows MatthewWalker connect me.
Yeah, I want to meet him too.
Absolutely fantastic.
Laura.
Thank you so much for your time.
You know it's the most preciousresource we have as human
beings.
We do not get this time back.
Thank you for coming on again,sharing your beautiful wisdom,
your thoughts and just havingfun with us.
(33:58):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
You're very welcome.
Thank you, Mike.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Absolutely.
And on that note everybody,we're out of here.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And, on that note, everybody we're out of here.
Thank you for joining us onanother insightful journey of
your Thoughts, your Realitypodcast, with your host, Michael
Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you.
To dive deeper into empoweringyour thoughts and enhancing your
reality, visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
(34:30):
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
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