April 25, 2025 • 31 mins
What happens when you achieve everything you've ever wanted, yet find yourself driving past the same cliff everyday, contemplating suicide? Yolanda Ayala, a 25-year veteran nurse at UCLA, takes us on her raw, transformative journey from the depths of depression to discovering authentic purpose and joy.
Despite having the perfect life on paper—loving family, successful career, financial stability—Yolanda spent three years planning her suicide. The turning point came unexpectedly at a business conference where she encountered personal development concepts that planted seeds of hope. "That little glimpse of light in the darkest time," as she calls it, gradually expanded through intentional growth practices and a commitment to rediscovering her authentic self.
Yolanda's story illuminates a paradox many face: the emptiness that can follow achieving our goals when those goals don't align with our deeper purpose. After realizing nursing had become her identity rather than her passion, she courageously stepped into public speaking and coaching—discovering work that doesn't feel like work: "I come to life, no matter how hard it is."
This conversation delivers practical wisdom for anyone feeling unfulfilled or stuck. Yolanda shares her daily practices—morning routines, gratitude journaling, goal-setting—that create sustainable transformation. Most powerfully, she suggests asking yourself: "When you're on your last breath, are you proud of yourself?" This perspective helps separate genuine purpose from societal expectations.
For veterans navigating difficult transitions, Yolanda offers three transformative insights: meet people where they are, commit to personal growth, and never give up hope. As host Michael Cole emphasizes, "You cannot be depressed if you're grateful"—highlighting how mindset practices can literally rewire our neural pathways toward positivity and purpose.
Ready to transform your own darkness into purpose? Visit empowerperformancestrategies.com for resources to begin your journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuro-encoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer
universal battles,procrastination, self-doubt,
fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
So I am super excited I have afantastic guest on today.
My good friend, michael Pope,said, hey, this lady you want on
your podcast, so I reached outand we're making it happen.
So super excited, we haveYolanda Ayo on today.
She's a 25-year career nurse atUCLA.
(01:09):
She's known for her compassionand resilience.
She's a survivor of deeppersonal struggle, including
depression and suicidal thoughts, transformed her life through
personal development and healing, become a powerful example of
inner strength.
And she is a rock star.
I'll tell you what she now runsthree businesses and
integrating her experiences toserve others in holistic ways,
(01:31):
and emerging public speaker andcoach committed to helping
others turn their pain into themost amazing thing for all of us
is purpose and fulfillment.
Yolanda, thank you for being onthe show.
So tell us just a little bitmore about yourself, if you will
.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Thank you, michael.
Thank you so much for having meon your show.
Yes, I'm a nurse.
I'm a mom of two boys, 18 and25.
Time goes by so fast.
I have a husband and I docontinue to work at UCLA and
pursue my dream to become apublic speaker.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That's absolutely fantastic dream to become a
public speaker.
Well, that's absolutelyfantastic.
So just before we get started,I just want to remind everybody.
On the top right-hand corner ofyour screen, there's a blue QR
code that takes you to EmpowerPerformance Strategies Again
empowerperformancestrategiescom.
For people listening on thepodcast forums later on.
Please check it out.
There are free eBooks that I'vewritten, there are resources,
(02:25):
trainings and there are Facebookgroups for both veterans and
their families, separate, so youguys can join our mission, join
our community, you know be,part of people, be part of the
mission, if you will.
So, with that said, Yolanda, youready to get started.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I am ready.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I'm super excited.
So you've had, you know, reallyhonestly, you've had such a
remarkable journey.
You know and here's the thing Iwant to point out is amazing,
things come out of leverageenough and I can't deal with
(03:04):
things anymore.
That's when some of the mostbeautiful things are birthed in
our lives.
I totally, absolutely believethat, and so that's what's going
to be so great about Yolanda'sstory right now that we're going
to get into, so you know, fromsurviving personal darkness to
stepping into leadership and, ofcourse, entrepreneurship.
Now, right, what was the momentthat sparked your
transformation?
What?
What said?
Enough is enough.
(03:24):
You know what was that moment,and please share some of the
backstory as well, because Iknow that's a very important
part of your story.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh, yes, the darkest moments.
It just seems like it wasyesterday.
It was September of 2018.
At this point I had been in thedarkest time of my life.
The darkest times I justcouldn't get myself up.
For three years I had beenplanning to commit suicide.
So embarrassed to even sharethat and it was the darkest time
(03:56):
of my life is when I walkedinto my first business
conference in September of 2018.
I walked in and here I wasfeeling like I don't want to
live anymore at all.
I don't To walking into thisblue stadium and that little
(04:17):
light inside of me, that littlegut feeling of there's more In
darkness, that glimpse of lightthere's more.
I didn't know at the time whatthat meant, but I believed it
and I can feel it in the core ofmy heart.
There's more yeah I sell.
(04:39):
I saw mel robbins.
She was a first keynote speaker.
Everything she said, from thebeginning to the end, that was
my turnaround of you are alive,and everything she talked about
I was like what is this?
And that's when I learned aboutpersonal growth and personal
(05:02):
development.
So this is 2018.
2023, in Austin, after thepandemic, I went to my first
personal growth conferencebecause I was in that pursuit of
.
I want this desire, I want thisfeeling and I don't want it to
go away.
I don't Because I was at thebottom of the bottom and just
(05:25):
holding on to that glimpse oflight, to walking into this
conference, and I was just thereto have a good time.
This is post pandemic, threeyears to walking in the doors
open, and I just saw a stage inthat feeling.
What is this?
I saw Jamie Karlima and shegives us a keynote and, just out
(05:49):
of nowhere, this feeling in mygut of like was I born to do
more?
Was I just unfulfilled of whatI was doing?
Did I reach the highestmountain, but not my full
potential?
Fast forward to last yearNovember.
(06:09):
I went to my first speakinginstitute to learn about
pursuing to become a speaker.
I was nervous, I was scared,but that feeling I could not
turn it off.
I was scared, but that feelingI could not turn it off.
A three-day boot camp ofpushing myself.
Now I'm putting all thepersonal growth and development
(06:32):
that I've been working on intothe test.
I stood on stage, I was nervous, it was hard for three days.
When I finished, the magichappened.
I'm like what is this?
What is this?
And then just diving into whatis the best version of myself,
(06:55):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I absolutely love it, and so there's some really key
things in there that you talkedabout.
It's not just instant, I know.
It's different doors open alongthe way and, by the way, you
did go to some amazing people tosee, first of all, absolutely
fantastic, huge fans and mentorsof mine as well.
So, you know, I really want todive in a little bit to the past
(07:21):
and share as much as you'rewilling to share.
I know you're pretty open aboutit, but if there's something
that you in fact, my wife justpopped up big fans as well Um,
uh, so if we can go back, youknow, uh, what it'd be five
years or something like that,actually more when you were on
(07:42):
the verge.
You know, I, I, I know a littlebit about your story.
I believe you, you actually hada road that you were planning
to take your life and you had itplanned out and you drove it
all the time, and so you livedthat self-imposed I'll say
trauma, because of whateverreasons.
You know you were like I'm notfulfilled.
(08:03):
We've talked, so I know thestory, but talk to us about what
kept you going.
So tell us a little bit aboutthat you know about when you
were in your dark place and Idon't want to stay there too
long, because this is about heyshowing the darkness.
But hey, there's a light at theother side.
That's what the show's allabout and moving forward in life
.
So talk to me a little bit moreabout that, if you will.
(08:23):
Of hey man, I was on the brink.
This is what I was notnecessarily planning to do, but
whatever you want to sharevulnerable-wise, as far as that
goes, let's start there, if wecan, with your story.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, the darkest time is just driving, driving to
work.
At the time I worked in twohospitals one community hospital
and a teaching hospital.
But every time I would drive tothe community hospital, I would
just have all these emotionscome out of, just tears, out of
nowhere and the guilt, and Iwould think to myself why am I
(09:03):
feeling like this?
Why am I sad when I haveeverything?
At this point I had everythinga husband, a house, the perfect,
two jobs, the money, everythingthat I dreamt as a little girl.
I had and I was living it.
And I remember driving downTopanga Canyon to go on a hike,
(09:28):
to feel a little more alive andto feel the air and and just
feel the moment.
Driving back, these thoughtsout of nowhere would come, just
go over the cliff, and I'velearned that they're called ants
, automatic negative thoughts.
(09:49):
At the time I didn't know and Iwould be driving and I'm like,
well, if I just go over thecliff it's going to look like an
accident and if I turn this way, then nobody will know, it'll
be my secret, because living inthat depressed, not wanting to
live, that's all you think about.
(10:11):
And the only two things that Ican hold on to were my two kids.
Who is going to take care ofthem?
Nobody's going to love them asmuch as I love them.
And even though that was mylight of holding on to that
little glimpse of light it's notjust your two kids, but it's
(10:34):
that little glimpse of lightthat there's hope.
Because I go back to what if Ididn't have my two kids?
Will I literally pull thetrigger and be like just go over
the cliff?
What if I didn't have my twokids?
Will I literally pull thetrigger and be like just go over
the cliff?
What if I didn't have my twokids?
How can I work myself throughthis hope?
And what I realized is, withhope, we hope, we pray, we reach
(10:58):
out to our biggest power.
But hope is taking action oneday at a time.
Take action plan what is yourperspective?
And go forward to where do yousee yourself?
And other times were beyond the101 freeway.
(11:19):
There is this curve working atthe time in the ER, and I would
see myself, or I would see theaccidents, and I'm like, well,
if I go over this clip, it isgoing to look like an accident
and the only thing that I wouldhold on to is that little
glimpse of light in the darkesttime, and I know for a fact
(11:42):
during the time it's hard to seeBecause, no matter the external
that you have, what I havelearned is the internal inside
of me, is the internal inside ofme.
You know I had conditionedmyself to go 100 miles an hour
to reach that goal to become anurse and in that pursuit I was
(12:06):
laser focused that even in 2020,I just saw myself like I've
been pretty much dealing withmyself and putting myself in the
situation that I am ready totake or conquer anything.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Absolutely.
I love that.
So you know when you're goingback and you're you know, in
those moments.
So I want to even go back alittle further, just to paint
more of a picture.
And you know, you as a littlegirl, want to paint more of a
picture and you, as a littlegirl, wanted to be a nurse.
Right, married kids, all thesethings.
(12:46):
And what people don't realizesometimes is what they envision
by again outside sources of whatthe perfect life is, again
outside sources of what theperfect life is, isn't
necessarily going to fulfill youlong term.
And the cool thing about yourstory is it did until it didn't.
So talk to me just a minute andthen we're going to dive into
(13:09):
the good feel, good stuff.
When you, man, I accomplishedeverything, but I'm not, I'm not
fulfilled.
So talk to me a little bit.
The realization of this isn'tenough.
Everything that I worked sohard for and now I'm just here,
(13:31):
why do you think that wasn'tenough?
Now I'm just here.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Why do you think that wasn't enough?
And it all started when I waseight years old when I was hit
by a car and that experience iswhat drove me into I want to be
a nurse.
I saw the good and the bad inthe hospital and I'm like.
I want to be an advocate for mypatients.
I want to educate them.
I had gone through three monthsof brutal pain, three months of
(14:01):
proving myself that I wasn'tgoing to die to nursing school
and other labels that theenvironment, everybody would put
on me like you're not goodenough, you can't do this,
you're not good enough, youcan't do this to accomplishing
(14:22):
my childhood dream.
And I felt that I reached thehighest mountain of my life.
I arrived and I worked so hardand I'm like I literally felt
like this is it, is this whatlife is about?
Why I found it so hard.
The books and learning inside ofme, that little girl that I
(15:06):
have learned is what is myidentity at the time, even
though I knew my identity was tobecome a nurse and I had
accomplished it.
But it's through all the booksand all the learning and doing
the deep work of inside of me, Iforgot who that little girl was
(15:28):
because now into my threebusinesses, it's hard.
However, the difference is whenI became a nurse, I was very
proud to write Yolanda Ayala RN,but now, in the pursuit of
three businesses, it's something, it's a feeling inside of me
(15:50):
that sometimes it's hard toexplain.
I come to life, no matter howhard it is.
I keep getting up and I keepthinking of that one person that
I can help, just that oneperson that I can help, and it
doesn't even feel like work.
I truly, from the inside out,that even now, I keep my life so
(16:16):
simple, super simple.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And those.
It's really interesting andI've, I've done something very
similar, right, not not yourpath.
I mean the, the, the storiesare different, the patterns are
very similar generally.
And so what?
What happens a lot of times?
And it could be your, yourdream job, it could be your
dream wedding, it could be a car.
I mean we, we get so focused onthe end result that we don't
(16:45):
enjoy the journey, becausethat's where the beautiful
things happen.
And so what?
We get there and then whathappens?
Oh, okay, that's it.
I worked all this time and thisis it, and we lose, we lose the
whole idea of the fulfillmentand that purpose.
And so it's really cool thatthat's why I wanted you to talk
(17:05):
about it, because I knew thestory and it was, it was you led
into it perfectly.
It's so amazing that when wefind that fulfillment, how
everything else in life, we findthat fulfillment, how
everything else in life,everything else in life is
better, like the work I do, justlike you said, I can't call it
work, I can't call the podcastwork, coaching, people, training
(17:29):
, speaking, any of those things.
It's not work, it's play,because I love it not to
diminish, you know, the, the,the integrity of what I'm doing
or you're doing, but it is play.
Because it's not, I won't callit work, I can't, I refuse to.
So I love that you said that.
Absolutely fantastic, so let'smove into, if we can.
Well, I actually have aquestion, since you found your
(17:52):
play, if you will do you noticethat you're enjoying nursing
more?
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Yes, I do, I, when I go to work, my, I only work two
nights a week, I'm very lucky atthe hospital and then I do
everything else.
But when I go to work I'm likeI'm here for 12 hours.
Let me just, you know, use myskills and it's still very hard,
you know, physical, mentally.
But when I'm there I still havethat little butterfly, that
little gut feeling inside of melike I want to be doing more.
(18:27):
I want to be doing more and Itruly believe that's a chapter
that I'm okay with closing, eventhough it had been my identity.
But those skills that I learnedbrought me into who I am
becoming, because now that I seeand I recognize, and now I have
(18:51):
my little backpack of toolsthat I've learned throughout the
years, I can continue livinglife gracefully.
I can continue living life andfeeling that light brighter and
letting myself shine brighter,and just because I'm no longer
(19:15):
going to continue working atUCLA.
But that life UCLA brought meinto what's next and not get
stuck in that mountain or getstuck in the Valley.
But what is the next mountain?
What is the next feeling?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Absolutely.
I love you say that and I had afeeling you're going to say
that you know, because you'restill helping, right, because
your fulfillment from what I'mgathering, and I'd say, most
people in the world, when theyfind the fulfillment of helping
other people and it's not aboutyourself, that's where they find
that purpose and fulfillmentand that's where they find that
happiness in life.
(20:00):
And so when you're able to goback and still helping people
and helping UCLA do what they do, it's a beautiful thing.
It really is, and I love everytime you talk about your future,
how you just light up.
I don't know if anybody else isseeing that, but every time she
starts talking about it, shejust lights up, her eyes get a
(20:23):
little bigger and justeverything.
It's fantastic.
So let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yes, See, that's it.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That's exactly it.
So you know for veterans andyou know their families.
Of course, that's that's whatour main structures, but these
things help everybody, you know,to hear how you come from the
darkness, and as long as youkeep taking those steps and keep
taking action, one foot infront of the other, towards a
(20:51):
goal, it changes and you getcloser and closer, just
depending on how much action youtake and how, how fast you you
want to move towards it and howimportant it is to you and, most
importantly, how passionateabout it you are.
So, with that said, you knowwhat.
Where do I want to go with this?
So when you start thinking aboutyou know you went through what
(21:15):
you went through.
Now you're excited about thefuture of coaching and public
speaking and those kinds ofthings.
So what are some of the thingsthat really get you excited and
make you grateful for thattransition, if you will, and the
next transition in your life?
Because the nursing is achapter, an important chapter in
your life.
It always is part of you, butthe next chapter is, you know,
(21:38):
your your choosing as well.
So talk to me about what's gotyou most pumped up and excited
about moving forward.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Yes, is number one.
Key is growth.
I have goals, but I want togrow.
I want to grow and I always askmyself what is the best version
of me?
What is it that the little girlYolanda loved doing?
What did she enjoy doing?
(22:07):
That has become the core.
And to continue seeing all thebooks that I've been reading,
all the podcasts that I'mlistening to, the audio books
that I'm listening to, andpushing myself forward and
(22:29):
improving and competing withmyself.
Competing with myself, andwhere do I see myself in a month
from now, a year from now, andsetting those short-term goals
as well and those long-termgoals.
In that vision, where do youreally see yourself?
And even though it's hard forme right now, because I went
(22:52):
from nurse, wife, mom tobusiness Completely the opposite
, and it has been a challengewhat I have noticed is with
nursing school what skills did Ihave going into nursing school?
Because nursing school was verystructured.
You go to nursing school, it'svery structured, and you become
(23:14):
a nurse and I'm like what arethe skills Belief?
I believe in myself, yeah.
Where do I see myself from now?
My vision, yeah, and holding onto those skills to now, where
am I going?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
So so let's talk about that, because that is so.
What is she doing?
She's planning, she's chunkingit down into goals and then, and
then she's excited about thejourney.
That's, that's what I reallygot out of that, you know it's.
It's not about Ooh, I'm goingto go talk to 10 million people,
that kind of thing.
She's talking about the journeyitself, which is super cool,
(23:58):
because that's how you don't getburned out.
Fyi, everybody, that's what'shappening in corporate America
and the world is everybody getsburned out.
So it's about the journey, it'sabout that goal, it's about the
voyage if you will.
So what are?
Let's go, let's give someskills to the people listening.
So what are some of the thingsthat you do when you are
(24:21):
figuring out your plan?
You know, talk to us a littlebit about how you said okay,
well, this is where I'm at, thisis where I want to go.
Okay, well, this is where I'mat, this is where I want to go.
And then and then some of thelittle steps to give some skills
to, again, people listening andwatching of how Yolanda does it
.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yeah.
So I started with one book andfocusing on that one book and
diving in to what serves me.
What can I start doing?
So I started with a 5am club.
A lot of my friends they makefun of me, but I started with a
5am club waking up early in themorning, having my cup of coffee
(25:00):
, going on a walk and journaling.
That's something I never didbefore, and I always write down
what are three to five thingsthat I'm grateful for right now,
what are three to five thingsthat I'm grateful for right now?
And automatically, who do Iwant to become?
I'm constantly asking myself.
So wake up early, work on mygratitude, read a book, listen
(25:24):
to a book, write down my plans.
And what has helped me so muchis have my plan, have my board
of my goals.
Where do I see myself one month, six months, one year from now,
and not just like yearly?
Oh, this year, what am I goingto do?
(25:45):
But is your vision when you'reon your last breath?
Are you proud of yourself?
Are you proud of yourself?
(26:05):
And in this pursuit of personalgrowth and becoming a public
speaker, what I noticed onenight I was at work.
It was like two in the morning.
I was getting ready to go towork.
I was I mean, not getting readyto work, getting ready to go on
my break and I was talking to afriend, a colleague, and he
goes tell me all this personalgrowth you're doing, what are
you doing?
And I went from like I am sotired, I'm exhausted, I'm ready
(26:26):
to go on my break, like I justcame alive.
I felt like somebody just gaveme a shot and I'm like, oh, my
god, this is going on.
And that's the difference whenyou start having your routines,
and every day it's not perfect.
I'm a night nurse, so it's notalways a 5 am, it's not always
(26:49):
the perfect day.
However, I'm making small stepsforward In that moment.
I kind of take a picture ofthat moment, of that feeling.
How did I get there?
What am I doing?
And continue, because we allfall into this.
I mean, I'm guilty, we all fallinto those patterns that don't
(27:11):
serve us.
To me, the big one is drinking,like, oh, I needed to press my
feelings to recognizing and beaccountable, like recognizing
that doesn't serve me.
And the big one is what is myidentity?
Yeah, and where do I want to go?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
yeah, I, I love that we're getting close to being at
end of time already.
I can't believe it's alreadyalmost over, so, um, so I love
that you know.
You say that let's start offwith being grateful, right, um,
you, you, you can't be depressedif you're grateful people.
You cannot be depressed ifyou're grateful people.
You cannot be depressed ifyou're grateful.
So take a minute.
(27:53):
Do journaling, like Yolandasaid.
Phenomenal tips, by the way.
Take a minute, and I suggest italso at the end of your day,
because when you do that at theend of your day, it actually
goes into your subconscious andyou wake up in the same place.
So if you did it at thebeginning of the day and you can
do it for five minutes, 10minutes, whatever works for you,
(28:13):
but put a smile on your face.
Neuron coding sorry, I can'thelp myself.
Put a smile on your face.
There's 22 muscles in your face.
When you smile, theyautomatically.
Your brain doesn't know thedifference whether it's fake or
real.
Number one.
Number two is it releases allof the good hormones into your
body, releases all of the goodhormones into your body and your
brain's going what justhappened?
I want more of that.
And your brain starts lookingfor it and then creating new
(28:36):
neural pathways and orstrengthenings the existing ones
, so that it starts happeningautomatic and celebrated
Literally, yolanda, like we didbefore we get on here celebrated
, pat yourself on the back,literally get up and dance,
change your physiology, becauseit changes everything.
You literally will not be ableto be depressed if you're
(28:56):
grateful.
So if you see yourself spinningthat way and I call the spin
cycle, you see yourself spinninginto that right as soon as you
catch yourself, do these thingsbecause it changes the absolute
game.
Yolanda, you've been absolutelyamazing with your tips.
Your brightness just shines, myfriend, it really does so.
(29:17):
So happy you've been on here.
Can you give us a couple ofthings is how do people reach
you?
I know you're doing coachingand you're doing some speaking
and those kinds of things.
How do people reach out to you?
Speaker 3 (29:28):
things.
How do people reach out to you?
Yes, On Instagram I'm underYoli72runs and also on Facebook.
Facebook, my name, YolandaAyala, are my two ways of
reaching out to me.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Fantastic, thank you very much.
And then can we get three tipsto get veterans and their
families further faster.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yes, tip number one meet them where they're at,
listen to them.
Each individual learned as wellof becoming their best version,
learning about personal growth,personal development, and don't
(30:16):
lose hope.
Don't give up on yourself,don't give up on your loved ones
and go with them in thatjourney and be the light for
them.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Love it, absolutely love it, thank you.
Thank you so much for that,yolanda.
You know, time is the mostprecious resource we have as
human beings.
We don't get it back.
Thank you for spending sometime, some of your, some of your
life, with us, to to spread joy, to spread tips and thoughts,
because, again, you're amazingand I'm so excited.
I literally just got I callthem God bumps now, um,
(30:50):
goosebumps, um about your future.
It's going to be fantastic.
I am so excited to to be intouch and see you grow and what
you're going to do in this world.
So, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Thank you, Michael.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Absolutely All right, everybody.
That is the show.
I cannot believe.
It went that fast, but we areout of here, everybody.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I cannot believe it went that fast, but we are out
of here, everybody.
Thank you for joining us onanother insightful journey of
your Thoughts your Realitypodcast, with your host, michael
Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you To dive deeperinto empowering your thoughts
and enhancing your reality.
Visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
(31:31):
Remember your thoughts, shapeyour reality.
Visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts, shapeyour reality, so make them count
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuro-encoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer
universal battles,procrastination, self-doubt,
fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
So I am super excited I have afantastic guest on today.
My good friend, michael Pope,said, hey, this lady you want on
your podcast, so I reached outand we're making it happen.
So super excited, we haveYolanda Ayo on today.
She's a 25-year career nurse atUCLA.
(01:09):
She's known for her compassionand resilience.
She's a survivor of deeppersonal struggle, including
depression and suicidal thoughts, transformed her life through
personal development and healing, become a powerful example of
inner strength.
And she is a rock star.
I'll tell you what she now runsthree businesses and
integrating her experiences toserve others in holistic ways,
(01:31):
and emerging public speaker andcoach committed to helping
others turn their pain into themost amazing thing for all of us
is purpose and fulfillment.
Yolanda, thank you for being onthe show.
So tell us just a little bitmore about yourself, if you will
.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Thank you, michael.
Thank you so much for having meon your show.
Yes, I'm a nurse.
I'm a mom of two boys, 18 and25.
Time goes by so fast.
I have a husband and I docontinue to work at UCLA and
pursue my dream to become apublic speaker.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
That's absolutely fantastic dream to become a
public speaker.
Well, that's absolutelyfantastic.
So just before we get started,I just want to remind everybody.
On the top right-hand corner ofyour screen, there's a blue QR
code that takes you to EmpowerPerformance Strategies Again
empowerperformancestrategiescom.
For people listening on thepodcast forums later on.
Please check it out.
There are free eBooks that I'vewritten, there are resources,
(02:25):
trainings and there are Facebookgroups for both veterans and
their families, separate, so youguys can join our mission, join
our community, you know be,part of people, be part of the
mission, if you will.
So, with that said, Yolanda, youready to get started.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I am ready.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I'm super excited.
So you've had, you know, reallyhonestly, you've had such a
remarkable journey.
You know and here's the thing Iwant to point out is amazing,
things come out of leverageenough and I can't deal with
(03:04):
things anymore.
That's when some of the mostbeautiful things are birthed in
our lives.
I totally, absolutely believethat, and so that's what's going
to be so great about Yolanda'sstory right now that we're going
to get into, so you know, fromsurviving personal darkness to
stepping into leadership and, ofcourse, entrepreneurship.
Now, right, what was the momentthat sparked your
transformation?
What?
What said?
Enough is enough.
(03:24):
You know what was that moment,and please share some of the
backstory as well, because Iknow that's a very important
part of your story.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh, yes, the darkest moments.
It just seems like it wasyesterday.
It was September of 2018.
At this point I had been in thedarkest time of my life.
The darkest times I justcouldn't get myself up.
For three years I had beenplanning to commit suicide.
So embarrassed to even sharethat and it was the darkest time
(03:56):
of my life is when I walkedinto my first business
conference in September of 2018.
I walked in and here I wasfeeling like I don't want to
live anymore at all.
I don't To walking into thisblue stadium and that little
(04:17):
light inside of me, that littlegut feeling of there's more In
darkness, that glimpse of lightthere's more.
I didn't know at the time whatthat meant, but I believed it
and I can feel it in the core ofmy heart.
There's more yeah I sell.
(04:39):
I saw mel robbins.
She was a first keynote speaker.
Everything she said, from thebeginning to the end, that was
my turnaround of you are alive,and everything she talked about
I was like what is this?
And that's when I learned aboutpersonal growth and personal
(05:02):
development.
So this is 2018.
2023, in Austin, after thepandemic, I went to my first
personal growth conferencebecause I was in that pursuit of
.
I want this desire, I want thisfeeling and I don't want it to
go away.
I don't Because I was at thebottom of the bottom and just
(05:25):
holding on to that glimpse oflight, to walking into this
conference, and I was just thereto have a good time.
This is post pandemic, threeyears to walking in the doors
open, and I just saw a stage inthat feeling.
What is this?
I saw Jamie Karlima and shegives us a keynote and, just out
(05:49):
of nowhere, this feeling in mygut of like was I born to do
more?
Was I just unfulfilled of whatI was doing?
Did I reach the highestmountain, but not my full
potential?
Fast forward to last yearNovember.
(06:09):
I went to my first speakinginstitute to learn about
pursuing to become a speaker.
I was nervous, I was scared,but that feeling I could not
turn it off.
I was scared, but that feelingI could not turn it off.
A three-day boot camp ofpushing myself.
Now I'm putting all thepersonal growth and development
(06:32):
that I've been working on intothe test.
I stood on stage, I was nervous, it was hard for three days.
When I finished, the magichappened.
I'm like what is this?
What is this?
And then just diving into whatis the best version of myself,
(06:55):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I absolutely love it, and so there's some really key
things in there that you talkedabout.
It's not just instant, I know.
It's different doors open alongthe way and, by the way, you
did go to some amazing people tosee, first of all, absolutely
fantastic, huge fans and mentorsof mine as well.
So, you know, I really want todive in a little bit to the past
(07:21):
and share as much as you'rewilling to share.
I know you're pretty open aboutit, but if there's something
that you in fact, my wife justpopped up big fans as well Um,
uh, so if we can go back, youknow, uh, what it'd be five
years or something like that,actually more when you were on
(07:42):
the verge.
You know, I, I, I know a littlebit about your story.
I believe you, you actually hada road that you were planning
to take your life and you had itplanned out and you drove it
all the time, and so you livedthat self-imposed I'll say
trauma, because of whateverreasons.
You know you were like I'm notfulfilled.
(08:03):
We've talked, so I know thestory, but talk to us about what
kept you going.
So tell us a little bit aboutthat you know about when you
were in your dark place and Idon't want to stay there too
long, because this is about heyshowing the darkness.
But hey, there's a light at theother side.
That's what the show's allabout and moving forward in life
.
So talk to me a little bit moreabout that, if you will.
(08:23):
Of hey man, I was on the brink.
This is what I was notnecessarily planning to do, but
whatever you want to sharevulnerable-wise, as far as that
goes, let's start there, if wecan, with your story.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, the darkest time is just driving, driving to
work.
At the time I worked in twohospitals one community hospital
and a teaching hospital.
But every time I would drive tothe community hospital, I would
just have all these emotionscome out of, just tears, out of
nowhere and the guilt, and Iwould think to myself why am I
(09:03):
feeling like this?
Why am I sad when I haveeverything?
At this point I had everythinga husband, a house, the perfect,
two jobs, the money, everythingthat I dreamt as a little girl.
I had and I was living it.
And I remember driving downTopanga Canyon to go on a hike,
(09:28):
to feel a little more alive andto feel the air and and just
feel the moment.
Driving back, these thoughtsout of nowhere would come, just
go over the cliff, and I'velearned that they're called ants
, automatic negative thoughts.
(09:49):
At the time I didn't know and Iwould be driving and I'm like,
well, if I just go over thecliff it's going to look like an
accident and if I turn this way, then nobody will know, it'll
be my secret, because living inthat depressed, not wanting to
live, that's all you think about.
(10:11):
And the only two things that Ican hold on to were my two kids.
Who is going to take care ofthem?
Nobody's going to love them asmuch as I love them.
And even though that was mylight of holding on to that
little glimpse of light it's notjust your two kids, but it's
(10:34):
that little glimpse of lightthat there's hope.
Because I go back to what if Ididn't have my two kids?
Will I literally pull thetrigger and be like just go over
the cliff?
What if I didn't have my twokids?
Will I literally pull thetrigger and be like just go over
the cliff?
What if I didn't have my twokids?
How can I work myself throughthis hope?
And what I realized is, withhope, we hope, we pray, we reach
(10:58):
out to our biggest power.
But hope is taking action oneday at a time.
Take action plan what is yourperspective?
And go forward to where do yousee yourself?
And other times were beyond the101 freeway.
(11:19):
There is this curve working atthe time in the ER, and I would
see myself, or I would see theaccidents, and I'm like, well,
if I go over this clip, it isgoing to look like an accident
and the only thing that I wouldhold on to is that little
glimpse of light in the darkesttime, and I know for a fact
(11:42):
during the time it's hard to seeBecause, no matter the external
that you have, what I havelearned is the internal inside
of me, is the internal inside ofme.
You know I had conditionedmyself to go 100 miles an hour
to reach that goal to become anurse and in that pursuit I was
(12:06):
laser focused that even in 2020,I just saw myself like I've
been pretty much dealing withmyself and putting myself in the
situation that I am ready totake or conquer anything.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Absolutely.
I love that.
So you know when you're goingback and you're you know, in
those moments.
So I want to even go back alittle further, just to paint
more of a picture.
And you know, you as a littlegirl, want to paint more of a
picture and you, as a littlegirl, wanted to be a nurse.
Right, married kids, all thesethings.
(12:46):
And what people don't realizesometimes is what they envision
by again outside sources of whatthe perfect life is, again
outside sources of what theperfect life is, isn't
necessarily going to fulfill youlong term.
And the cool thing about yourstory is it did until it didn't.
So talk to me just a minute andthen we're going to dive into
(13:09):
the good feel, good stuff.
When you, man, I accomplishedeverything, but I'm not, I'm not
fulfilled.
So talk to me a little bit.
The realization of this isn'tenough.
Everything that I worked sohard for and now I'm just here,
(13:31):
why do you think that wasn'tenough?
Now I'm just here.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Why do you think that wasn't enough?
And it all started when I waseight years old when I was hit
by a car and that experience iswhat drove me into I want to be
a nurse.
I saw the good and the bad inthe hospital and I'm like.
I want to be an advocate for mypatients.
I want to educate them.
I had gone through three monthsof brutal pain, three months of
(14:01):
proving myself that I wasn'tgoing to die to nursing school
and other labels that theenvironment, everybody would put
on me like you're not goodenough, you can't do this,
you're not good enough, youcan't do this to accomplishing
(14:22):
my childhood dream.
And I felt that I reached thehighest mountain of my life.
I arrived and I worked so hardand I'm like I literally felt
like this is it, is this whatlife is about?
Why I found it so hard.
The books and learning inside ofme, that little girl that I
(15:06):
have learned is what is myidentity at the time, even
though I knew my identity was tobecome a nurse and I had
accomplished it.
But it's through all the booksand all the learning and doing
the deep work of inside of me, Iforgot who that little girl was
(15:28):
because now into my threebusinesses, it's hard.
However, the difference is whenI became a nurse, I was very
proud to write Yolanda Ayala RN,but now, in the pursuit of
three businesses, it's something, it's a feeling inside of me
(15:50):
that sometimes it's hard toexplain.
I come to life, no matter howhard it is.
I keep getting up and I keepthinking of that one person that
I can help, just that oneperson that I can help, and it
doesn't even feel like work.
I truly, from the inside out,that even now, I keep my life so
(16:16):
simple, super simple.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And those.
It's really interesting andI've, I've done something very
similar, right, not not yourpath.
I mean the, the, the storiesare different, the patterns are
very similar generally.
And so what?
What happens a lot of times?
And it could be your, yourdream job, it could be your
dream wedding, it could be a car.
I mean we, we get so focused onthe end result that we don't
(16:45):
enjoy the journey, becausethat's where the beautiful
things happen.
And so what?
We get there and then whathappens?
Oh, okay, that's it.
I worked all this time and thisis it, and we lose, we lose the
whole idea of the fulfillmentand that purpose.
And so it's really cool thatthat's why I wanted you to talk
(17:05):
about it, because I knew thestory and it was, it was you led
into it perfectly.
It's so amazing that when wefind that fulfillment, how
everything else in life, we findthat fulfillment, how
everything else in life,everything else in life is
better, like the work I do, justlike you said, I can't call it
work, I can't call the podcastwork, coaching, people, training
(17:29):
, speaking, any of those things.
It's not work, it's play,because I love it not to
diminish, you know, the, the,the integrity of what I'm doing
or you're doing, but it is play.
Because it's not, I won't callit work, I can't, I refuse to.
So I love that you said that.
Absolutely fantastic, so let'smove into, if we can.
Well, I actually have aquestion, since you found your
(17:52):
play, if you will do you noticethat you're enjoying nursing
more?
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Yes, I do, I, when I go to work, my, I only work two
nights a week, I'm very lucky atthe hospital and then I do
everything else.
But when I go to work I'm likeI'm here for 12 hours.
Let me just, you know, use myskills and it's still very hard,
you know, physical, mentally.
But when I'm there I still havethat little butterfly, that
little gut feeling inside of melike I want to be doing more.
(18:27):
I want to be doing more and Itruly believe that's a chapter
that I'm okay with closing, eventhough it had been my identity.
But those skills that I learnedbrought me into who I am
becoming, because now that I seeand I recognize, and now I have
(18:51):
my little backpack of toolsthat I've learned throughout the
years, I can continue livinglife gracefully.
I can continue living life andfeeling that light brighter and
letting myself shine brighter,and just because I'm no longer
(19:15):
going to continue working atUCLA.
But that life UCLA brought meinto what's next and not get
stuck in that mountain or getstuck in the Valley.
But what is the next mountain?
What is the next feeling?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Absolutely.
I love you say that and I had afeeling you're going to say
that you know, because you'restill helping, right, because
your fulfillment from what I'mgathering, and I'd say, most
people in the world, when theyfind the fulfillment of helping
other people and it's not aboutyourself, that's where they find
that purpose and fulfillmentand that's where they find that
happiness in life.
(20:00):
And so when you're able to goback and still helping people
and helping UCLA do what they do, it's a beautiful thing.
It really is, and I love everytime you talk about your future,
how you just light up.
I don't know if anybody else isseeing that, but every time she
starts talking about it, shejust lights up, her eyes get a
(20:23):
little bigger and justeverything.
It's fantastic.
So let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Yes, See, that's it.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That's exactly it.
So you know for veterans andyou know their families.
Of course, that's that's whatour main structures, but these
things help everybody, you know,to hear how you come from the
darkness, and as long as youkeep taking those steps and keep
taking action, one foot infront of the other, towards a
(20:51):
goal, it changes and you getcloser and closer, just
depending on how much action youtake and how, how fast you you
want to move towards it and howimportant it is to you and, most
importantly, how passionateabout it you are.
So, with that said, you knowwhat.
Where do I want to go with this?
So when you start thinking aboutyou know you went through what
(21:15):
you went through.
Now you're excited about thefuture of coaching and public
speaking and those kinds ofthings.
So what are some of the thingsthat really get you excited and
make you grateful for thattransition, if you will, and the
next transition in your life?
Because the nursing is achapter, an important chapter in
your life.
It always is part of you, butthe next chapter is, you know,
(21:38):
your your choosing as well.
So talk to me about what's gotyou most pumped up and excited
about moving forward.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
Yes, is number one.
Key is growth.
I have goals, but I want togrow.
I want to grow and I always askmyself what is the best version
of me?
What is it that the little girlYolanda loved doing?
What did she enjoy doing?
(22:07):
That has become the core.
And to continue seeing all thebooks that I've been reading,
all the podcasts that I'mlistening to, the audio books
that I'm listening to, andpushing myself forward and
(22:29):
improving and competing withmyself.
Competing with myself, andwhere do I see myself in a month
from now, a year from now, andsetting those short-term goals
as well and those long-termgoals.
In that vision, where do youreally see yourself?
And even though it's hard forme right now, because I went
(22:52):
from nurse, wife, mom tobusiness Completely the opposite
, and it has been a challengewhat I have noticed is with
nursing school what skills did Ihave going into nursing school?
Because nursing school was verystructured.
You go to nursing school, it'svery structured, and you become
(23:14):
a nurse and I'm like what arethe skills Belief?
I believe in myself, yeah.
Where do I see myself from now?
My vision, yeah, and holding onto those skills to now, where
am I going?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
So so let's talk about that, because that is so.
What is she doing?
She's planning, she's chunkingit down into goals and then, and
then she's excited about thejourney.
That's, that's what I reallygot out of that, you know it's.
It's not about Ooh, I'm goingto go talk to 10 million people,
that kind of thing.
She's talking about the journeyitself, which is super cool,
(23:58):
because that's how you don't getburned out.
Fyi, everybody, that's what'shappening in corporate America
and the world is everybody getsburned out.
So it's about the journey, it'sabout that goal, it's about the
voyage if you will.
So what are?
Let's go, let's give someskills to the people listening.
So what are some of the thingsthat you do when you are
(24:21):
figuring out your plan?
You know, talk to us a littlebit about how you said okay,
well, this is where I'm at, thisis where I want to go.
Okay, well, this is where I'mat, this is where I want to go.
And then and then some of thelittle steps to give some skills
to, again, people listening andwatching of how Yolanda does it
.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yeah.
So I started with one book andfocusing on that one book and
diving in to what serves me.
What can I start doing?
So I started with a 5am club.
A lot of my friends they makefun of me, but I started with a
5am club waking up early in themorning, having my cup of coffee
(25:00):
, going on a walk and journaling.
That's something I never didbefore, and I always write down
what are three to five thingsthat I'm grateful for right now,
what are three to five thingsthat I'm grateful for right now?
And automatically, who do Iwant to become?
I'm constantly asking myself.
So wake up early, work on mygratitude, read a book, listen
(25:24):
to a book, write down my plans.
And what has helped me so muchis have my plan, have my board
of my goals.
Where do I see myself one month, six months, one year from now,
and not just like yearly?
Oh, this year, what am I goingto do?
(25:45):
But is your vision when you'reon your last breath?
Are you proud of yourself?
Are you proud of yourself?
(26:05):
And in this pursuit of personalgrowth and becoming a public
speaker, what I noticed onenight I was at work.
It was like two in the morning.
I was getting ready to go towork.
I was I mean, not getting readyto work, getting ready to go on
my break and I was talking to afriend, a colleague, and he
goes tell me all this personalgrowth you're doing, what are
you doing?
And I went from like I am sotired, I'm exhausted, I'm ready
(26:26):
to go on my break, like I justcame alive.
I felt like somebody just gaveme a shot and I'm like, oh, my
god, this is going on.
And that's the difference whenyou start having your routines,
and every day it's not perfect.
I'm a night nurse, so it's notalways a 5 am, it's not always
(26:49):
the perfect day.
However, I'm making small stepsforward In that moment.
I kind of take a picture ofthat moment, of that feeling.
How did I get there?
What am I doing?
And continue, because we allfall into this.
I mean, I'm guilty, we all fallinto those patterns that don't
(27:11):
serve us.
To me, the big one is drinking,like, oh, I needed to press my
feelings to recognizing and beaccountable, like recognizing
that doesn't serve me.
And the big one is what is myidentity?
Yeah, and where do I want to go?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
yeah, I, I love that we're getting close to being at
end of time already.
I can't believe it's alreadyalmost over, so, um, so I love
that you know.
You say that let's start offwith being grateful, right, um,
you, you, you can't be depressedif you're grateful people.
You cannot be depressed ifyou're grateful people.
You cannot be depressed ifyou're grateful.
So take a minute.
(27:53):
Do journaling, like Yolandasaid.
Phenomenal tips, by the way.
Take a minute, and I suggest italso at the end of your day,
because when you do that at theend of your day, it actually
goes into your subconscious andyou wake up in the same place.
So if you did it at thebeginning of the day and you can
do it for five minutes, 10minutes, whatever works for you,
(28:13):
but put a smile on your face.
Neuron coding sorry, I can'thelp myself.
Put a smile on your face.
There's 22 muscles in your face.
When you smile, theyautomatically.
Your brain doesn't know thedifference whether it's fake or
real.
Number one.
Number two is it releases allof the good hormones into your
body, releases all of the goodhormones into your body and your
brain's going what justhappened?
I want more of that.
And your brain starts lookingfor it and then creating new
(28:36):
neural pathways and orstrengthenings the existing ones
, so that it starts happeningautomatic and celebrated
Literally, yolanda, like we didbefore we get on here celebrated
, pat yourself on the back,literally get up and dance,
change your physiology, becauseit changes everything.
You literally will not be ableto be depressed if you're
(28:56):
grateful.
So if you see yourself spinningthat way and I call the spin
cycle, you see yourself spinninginto that right as soon as you
catch yourself, do these thingsbecause it changes the absolute
game.
Yolanda, you've been absolutelyamazing with your tips.
Your brightness just shines, myfriend, it really does so.
(29:17):
So happy you've been on here.
Can you give us a couple ofthings is how do people reach
you?
I know you're doing coachingand you're doing some speaking
and those kinds of things.
How do people reach out to you?
Speaker 3 (29:28):
things.
How do people reach out to you?
Yes, On Instagram I'm underYoli72runs and also on Facebook.
Facebook, my name, YolandaAyala, are my two ways of
reaching out to me.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Fantastic, thank you very much.
And then can we get three tipsto get veterans and their
families further faster.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yes, tip number one meet them where they're at,
listen to them.
Each individual learned as wellof becoming their best version,
learning about personal growth,personal development, and don't
(30:16):
lose hope.
Don't give up on yourself,don't give up on your loved ones
and go with them in thatjourney and be the light for
them.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Love it, absolutely love it, thank you.
Thank you so much for that,yolanda.
You know, time is the mostprecious resource we have as
human beings.
We don't get it back.
Thank you for spending sometime, some of your, some of your
life, with us, to to spread joy, to spread tips and thoughts,
because, again, you're amazingand I'm so excited.
I literally just got I callthem God bumps now, um,
(30:50):
goosebumps, um about your future.
It's going to be fantastic.
I am so excited to to be intouch and see you grow and what
you're going to do in this world.
So, thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Thank you, Michael.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Absolutely All right, everybody.
That is the show.
I cannot believe.
It went that fast, but we areout of here, everybody.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I cannot believe it went that fast, but we are out
of here, everybody.
Thank you for joining us onanother insightful journey of
your Thoughts your Realitypodcast, with your host, michael
Cole.
We hope the conversationsparked some thoughts that
resonate with you To dive deeperinto empowering your thoughts
and enhancing your reality.
Visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
(31:31):
Remember your thoughts, shapeyour reality.
Visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts, shapeyour reality, so make them count
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
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