July 9, 2025 • 36 mins
Ever notice how easy it is to flip your lid when life gets overwhelming? In this powerful conversation, Mike Cole welcomes back retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Tina Parker to explore the transformative shift from reactivity to creativity.
Tina vulnerably shares her journey through unimaginable challenges—losing her first child to stillbirth, facing cancer after her daughter's birth, and navigating divorce—and how these experiences taught her to choose creativity even in life's darkest moments. Rather than asking "why me?" she demonstrates how shifting the questions we ask ourselves can completely transform our experience.
The discussion reveals a simple yet profound framework anyone can use: Pause, Notice, Choose. Your breath becomes the bridge between reactivity and creativity, creating space for intentional responses rather than automatic reactions. This isn't about never experiencing difficult emotions—it's about recognizing we always have a choice in how we respond to them.
Perhaps most compelling is the understanding that our reactions send ripple effects—or as Mike puts it, "tidal waves"—affecting not just ourselves but everyone around us. When we react negatively to our children, partners, or colleagues, that energy spreads; when we respond consciously, that positive energy spreads instead.
For women in leadership particularly, this shift offers a powerful alternative to pushing against existing structures. Instead of exhausting ourselves fighting systems not designed with us in mind, we can create something new through a pull towards possibility rather than a push against resistance.
Ready to break free from reactivity and become the conscious creator of your life experience? This conversation offers practical wisdom for anyone seeking more balance, fulfillment, and authentic power in their daily life. Visit empowerperformancestrategies.com to continue your journey!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
So today we have my dear friendTina Parker from Lead Outside
the Lines on again.
Tina is a retired Air ForceLieutenant Colonel with over 20
years of military leadershipexperience.
She's the founder of LeadOutside the Lines, a leadership
development company focused onauthentic impact leadership.
She's, of course, a dualcertified neuroencoding and
(01:10):
brain health coach.
You know this is you got a lot.
She is passionate about helpinghigh performers shift from
burnout to balance throughsimple, science-backed
strategies and, of course, isknown for her practical wisdom,
big heart and ability to bringhumor and hope to even the
toughest conversations.
And we have some great ones, mydear friend.
(01:31):
So, with that said, for peoplethat don't know you yet and they
should if they watch thepodcast or listen, god knows so
tell us a little bit more aboutyourself for people that don't
know about you.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sure.
Thanks, mike, for theintroduction and, as always,
everything that you are doingfor veterans, their families and
anybody who just tunes in tolisten, because all of the
nuggets that you drop are superimportant and impactful for
anybody who's listening.
And thanks for having me onagain.
I know we're on.
It's like a rotating door nowat this point, having me on
(02:05):
again.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I know we're on.
It's like a, it's like arotating door.
Now at this point, Tina will beon in three hours again.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I know we're just going to do it every day, but
for those that don't know me,yes, I did spend 23 years in the
military, seven years activeduty.
The rest of my time was as areservist and at that time I
also served as a director ofcommunications, chief of staff a
couple of different positionswithin Department of Homeland
Security, so very well versed inmilitary environment, law
(02:34):
enforcement, environment.
And part of my story that kindof leads into what we're talking
about today shifting fromreactivity into creativity is,
you know, as leaders we take onso much, and as women leaders
especially, we just have theseexpectations to be everything
for everyone all the time, nomatter what the cost is right.
(02:57):
That causes a lot of reactivity, reacting to things outside of
us.
And there was a time in my lifewhere I it was about 12 years
ago, 12, 12 to 15 years agowhere I did feel like I was
doing everything for everybodybut not myself, and that just
felt like that's what you'resupposed to do.
You know you do everything foreveryone.
(03:19):
And what I found for myself is,while I was holding down a
full-time job, also in the AirForce Reserve, helping my
husband build a business,raising a child, getting my
master's degree.
I mean crazy times, right, butit's like no, these are all the
boxes I'm supposed to check.
I was doing all the stuff.
I had breakdown, like literalbreakdown, where I lost my first
(03:42):
child to stillbirth after beingsick and pushing through
because I had to be at work.
Now, of course you know I don'tblame myself, things happen.
But when you look back you go.
Could have made some differentchoices then if I had been, you
know, approaching things from adifferent perspective.
But then just had my daughterlike pregnant.
Right after that had mydaughter six months after she
(04:02):
was born diagnosed with cancerand then a divorce like right on
the heels of that.
So times were a little nuts,right.
Life was kind of God was kindof like, hey, you, you need a
different way of doing this,like I get what you're talking
about.
Pay attention, like yeah thisisn't working right, and so
that's really what led me on myjourney to what we're talking
(04:25):
about today, because I was notwilling to say, well, ok, I
guess I can be successfulprofessionally or personally,
I'm a little stubborn.
I was like no, I want it all.
And so I committed to reallyfinding a different pathway, and
that's what led us here todayfinding a different pathway, and
that's what led us here today.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Fantastic and, and you know, your, your story of
resilience so many people in theworld would have said, oh no,
I'm done enough.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Or here's.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
here's the beauty of it.
You know, played victim?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, you didn't, that's the beauty of it, I
should say so amen because Iwouldn't know you Exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
If I had made a different choice in that moment,
you would not know me.
That is true.
How?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
crazy is that and I'm not going to take us down this
rabbit hole right now because wecould just spend, you know, the
whole time going whoa but thoselittle moments when you look
back, and it's when you realizeit was that moment when you
realize there was that littlechoice, it was that little two
millimeter shift right thatchanged everything.
(05:35):
It was and.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I love that you just said a two millimeter shift,
because it wasn't like I justthrew the baby out with the
bathwater and upheavaled mywhole life.
I mean it was already anupheaval.
So I just like went with theflow and went okay, every little
micro moment where I can shiftand make a different choice and
really be intentional aboutthose choices, instead of just
(05:57):
running on autopilot on theseloops of old beliefs, like I
have to be the one to do it all.
I have to do it perfect.
I can't let anybody down.
I, my needs are on the backburner as long as I'm serving
everybody else, like all thesethings that run in our minds.
And I will say I am so glad thatI made those little micro
shifts, little by littlethroughout my life, because now
(06:21):
I mean my life is completelydifferent than that.
I mean I, it led me to the mostprosperous and fulfilling
career that I have ever felt andever had right, serving high
impact, heart-centered women tobe in their authentic power.
Like what's better than thatright?
And my daughter I mean mydaughter's a teenager now, so we
(06:41):
all kind of know how that goes,but we have a strong
relationship with each other.
I know you're like, sending youprayers and though, a healthy
not always fun, but a healthyco-parenting relationship with
her dad my ex which is alwayseasy.
I'm remarried now to an amazingman and I'm healthy, and so you
(07:04):
know, life doesn't stay in thosemoments of sorrow and you're
like in the depth of you know,when we talk about the hero's
journey, there's that dip whereyou're like sitting in the pool
of all the crap, you're likewhere would I go from here?
There are options.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
There is.
There's always the choices.
It's what we want to.
I'm going to say, battlethrough and or look for to
uplift us, instead of living inthat victim mode.
So I think we just jump rightinto reactivity.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah.
So before we do, I just want toremind everybody, on the top
right-hand corner of your screenthere's a blue QR code.
It takes you toempowerperformancestrategiescom
Again, for people listening onthe podcast forums later on,
it'sempowerperformancestrategiescom.
There's all kinds of resources,books I've written for veterans
and their families, as well asFacebook groups for both
(08:01):
families and veterans, of course.
So come join us.
Groups for both families andveterans, of course.
So come join us.
I'll be part of our mission tohelp.
So, with that said, reactivity,tina Parker, all of the things
that are so easy, to be reactive, to Tell us your thoughts first
on what reactivity generallymeans, so that just people are
(08:22):
on the same page as us, and thenwe'll dive into how, to the
skills and different aspects, tochange reactivity into
creativity, so you can have thatlife of fulfillment and not
just say, oh shit, here we goagain when something comes up.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Yep, yeah.
So when we think of reactivity,I mean everyone knows, like when
we're like, oh, I flipped mylid and I just reacted to
something out of like I wasn'treally thinking about, it just
happened.
But when we think of consistentand chronic reactivity, I mean
really all we have to thinkabout is the world we live in
right now, like how dynamic andhow much change.
(09:00):
Right, there's this changecurve happening right now where
humans actually feel like wedon't have the skills to adapt
to the amount of change that ishappening right In our lives and
that can cause, along witheverything else, limiting
beliefs and conditioning thatwe've had in our lives about how
we have to show up.
Right, All of these thingscreate a feeling of demand and
(09:24):
obligation and pressure on usand when that demand outpaces
the resourcefulness that we feelinside of ourselves to respond,
to take a pause, to beintentional about how do I want
this experience to go about.
(09:47):
How do I want this experienceto go when those demands feel
bigger and more pressured thanour ability to respond to them?
Well, that's when we'reconstantly like flipping our lid
and losing our Snickers and youknow we get into.
Snickers.
I was trying to be nicer.
I say that with my daughter andyou know what's what's
(10:12):
hilarious, and I want to bringthis forward.
So you know, my daughter's ateenager.
So, as we talk about reactivityversus creativity and it does
take intention to choose to becreative but here's how that
plays out.
Like I used to.
Just I would lose my Snickersin the morning when we're
getting ready for school.
Right, she's late, can't findher shoes, I can't find my purse
(10:35):
.
Where are the keys to get inthe car?
We're 10 minutes late.
Get your butt in the car, right.
This is how the morning used togo and there was not enough
coffee oh, never, never enoughcoffee.
Um.
So in the past, though, and wewould, I would like literally
roll into school and I'm likeget out of the car, you're late,
and and then we're bothfrazzled, right, and so we start
(10:56):
our day that way, and the wholething just goes downhill from
there.
Well, I made an intentionalchoice because I could.
I started to notice I don'tfeel good when that's the way we
started morning.
She's not doing well becauseshe's having trouble focusing
and calming herself.
I said, ok, I'm going to try adifferent way.
Instead of running down thestairs yelling at her to come, I
(11:20):
am going to go by her room andlook her in the eye and go honey
, it's time to go, let's go andthe first day, of course, you
don't see an instant shift, butover time she's like okay, she
gets her stuff and she comesdown instead of running around
like where's your shoes?
the night before, I'm like, babe, put your shoes by the door
please, so you have them whenwe're ready to go.
(11:41):
She's like, okay, she does itright.
Over time she shared with me.
She's like mom, you know, Ihave a much better day when you
don't lose your Snickers in themorning.
That's where that came from.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I love it.
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
And so, but we have influence, no matter who we are
around, right, and that issomething that we have to
recognize when we talk aboutlike conscious leadership, which
is something that I bring forthin the coaching that I do.
Conscious means being aware.
Leadership, it doesn't mean atitle or a role.
(12:19):
It means the influence that youhave at all times on yourself
and everyone around you.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I want to add to that , please, because that is so
impactful, so freaking.
Listen up here, people,seriously.
If you realize, just for asecond, how you react to
something, how it affects you,your energy let's call it your
(12:47):
vibe, even, and the person thatyou're talking to, even after,
even if it could be yourself,the words you're telling
yourself, it could be the wordsyou're talking and being
reactive to somebody else,someone you love, because I
think most people will agree,until you work on it, you're the
(13:09):
the hardest on people that youlove the most, and my theory is
is because you think there's asafety net there till there
isn't.
So still remember that at somepoint.
There isn't.
But the person that you talk to, or the person, that energy
that you're putting into theworld, the kindness or vice
versa, impacts, just like Tinawas just saying impacts that
(13:33):
person.
And guess what?
That impacts everybody elsethey talk to, impacts everybody
else they talk to.
So you talk about creating aripple effect bullshit, it's
literally a tidal wave whenyou're reactive and, even better
, when you're creative and kind.
I just wanted to add that.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I really love that you added that because it
is, it is a tidal wave andthat's a great way to say it,
because even when you thinkabout my daughter going to
school if she's like because Iwas that way in the morning,
everyone else around her isaffected by that energy too.
And, and you're right, we arethe hardest on the ones we love,
(14:17):
because there is this sense ofI can just be me, I can let down
my guard.
Letting down your guard doesn'tmean that we react to all the
things going around us.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Right, that is a choice and a lot of times we're
like wait, I didn't have achoice, that was a trigger,
something triggered me and Ijust went full throttle.
Yeah, it happens sometimes, butwe have talked about this
before on the show Pause noticechoose.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I was just going to bring it up.
I'm like so what's a skill canyou?
I know we talked about itbefore, but can you go through
it again because I think it'ssuch an important skill that you
know we we get this freakingspin cycle right, and because
we're human beings, as neuroncoders, we've conditioned
ourself to snap out faster andwe have the skill set and we
(15:09):
teach it to everybody ourclients and trainings and things
we do but we teach people howto default back to their best
selves faster, exactly, butwe're still human beings.
We all still have a bad day Forsure you know so and be kind to
yourself.
When you, when you, when you'rerealizing that, oh damn, put a
(15:30):
smile on your face.
Let the good hormones so yourbrain is looking for it again
next time so you can snap out ofit faster.
So talk about the skill there,if you will.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, and you prefaced it perfectly right, we
have hormones and differentchemicals that get released in
our body based on the feelingsthat we have, right, the
thoughts that we have.
Right, we're on your thoughts,your reality podcast, but it's
based on the thoughts you have.
But those thoughts it's kind ofa cyclical.
(16:01):
Some people think, oh, mythoughts create my feelings.
Some people think my feelingscreate my thoughts.
It's both, it's both.
We get feelings that are justreactions, physiological
reactions to things that ourbody remembers that happened
before, right, or things thatfeel like fear, like there's a
whole lot of things we getreactions to.
(16:21):
But when we can pause, right,your thoughts are not you,
they're just remnants of thingsthat your brain is filtering
things out.
It's filtering things in.
If something feels familiar,it's like, oh, I know what that
is, even if it's the devil thatyou know, you know it right.
And so don't trust yourthoughts.
(16:42):
Take a pause and take a breath.
Right, pause, take a breath.
I'm telling you your breath isthe bridge between reactivity
and creativity, and so many ofus are like I mean, breath is an
autonomic system, function,right, you just do it
automatically.
But when you intentionally useyour breath to calm yourself, to
(17:04):
take a deep breath.
You can take a deep breath forlike four counts and breathe out
for a little bit longer, six oreight.
That will sort of reset yournervous system Instead of being
in fight flight trigger all thetime, this big cycle.
We put ourselves intoparasympathetic, which is calm,
which brings your brain moreonline, the prefrontal cortex,
(17:27):
your executive functioning, thathelps you make good decisions,
not just life or death decisions, right, that part of your brain
comes on line even better whenyou are in your parasympathetic.
So breath is the bridge.
Breathe and then notice.
So pause, notice, notice what'scoming up Like oh, oh, that
(17:49):
happened again.
Like not dang it, I did it againand I'm beating myself up, not
that.
Like let's just set that asideforever, please, forever.
So that shift is going intocreative or going into curiosity
, like huh, why did that happenagain?
Not judgment, like we've said,not critical.
(18:10):
Be curious, right, and so be.
Oh, that happened again, okay.
And then choose.
Is that what I want to continuedoing?
No, all right.
What?
How do I want to experiencethis, right, it doesn't matter.
I'm going to tell you thisright now and I want you to hear
me.
It does not matter what thesituation is.
The situation is not what'smaking you react the way you are
(18:34):
, your response to it, yourmeaning about it.
That is what is making youreact the way you react, and
that is always within your owncontrol.
That's the cool part, right.
We are not victims to whathappens around us.
Shit's going to happen, people,life happens.
I mean life be life right.
(18:55):
We don't control that, but wecontrol how we respond or react.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
And, like you said, tinaina,life doesn't stop.
But when you put the rightintention or thought process, if
you will, on what has happened,the right, dare I say,
definition of what happened.
How can I learn from this?
What can, how can I grow fromthis?
Those things turn into littlegifts, yeah, that you don't even
(19:29):
know are there, because youdon't hear.
Let's just call it what itfricking is.
You don't learn from success,you learn from all the bullshit.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah.
You learn from the struggle.
You learn from the parts whereyou've had to stop yourself to
go hold on, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So when you stop and do that and you say, oh, you
know what, what, what, what,what did I learn from this?
And you may, it may take acouple of hours to figure it out
, it may take a couple of weeks,who knows.
But when you put it in thatcurious aspect instead of
critical, like you said, itchanges the whole emotion, the
whole feeling and, moreimportantly, the meaning you
give it.
And that's how life changesAbsolutely.
(20:15):
And no, go ahead, I was goingto say, dare I say, into
creativity.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
So it does change into a more creative state.
And when we talk aboutcreativity, we're not talking
about painting and dancing,which are lovely and they're
they're beautiful.
We're talking about yourability to create the
experiences that you want inyour life or don't want, right?
We're creators, no matter likewhat side of the coin we're on.
(20:41):
But when you can shift intocreativity, you become the
captain of your ship.
You become the person who candecide.
How do I want to experiencethis.
And I do want to bring thishome because I think for a lot
of people they might be likeyeah, but you don't know what's
going on in my life and thingsare really terrible and it's
(21:03):
really hard.
And I get it.
I really, really do.
But I will share.
Even when I lost my son tostillbirth, when we realized in
the morning that there was noheartbeat, and it kind of dawned
on me like, okay, what happensnext?
(21:23):
Like he's there, what happens?
And then it was this revelationof, oh, I have to give birth to
my son and I know what theoutcome is going to be Like how
do you, even like mentally, Icouldn't wrap my head around
that, right.
So I mean that was like thelowest point in my whole life
(21:48):
and somewhere inside me.
I still don't know where itcame from maybe God, I asked
myself.
I said, okay, what matters mostnow?
Because I can't have someonecome in here and do this for me.
This is not something I candelegate to someone Like the
only way to is through.
And what mattered most for mewas to feel gratitude, to feel
(22:14):
and honor his life coming intothe world, even though it was
going straight to God.
And I chose in that moment thatis not an easy moment to choose
anything other than anger andsadness and sorrow, anything
other than anger and sadness andsorrow.
But I chose to look at thenurses and be thankful for them
(22:34):
being there, right by my side.
They were amazing.
Thankful that my mom was ableto get there and hear his
heartbeat the night before andbe there with me throughout the
entire experience.
Right, thankful that my bestfriend at the time, who lived on
the other side of the country,happened to come into town that
day and she slept on thehospital floor with me.
(22:56):
I mean, when we are in thesemoments where it doesn't feel
like it can get any worse,choosing to be in a creative
state doesn't change the outcome.
Okay, this is something reallyimportant.
The outcome didn't change, butthe way I experienced the whole
thing has stayed with me.
(23:18):
For gosh, I guess that was 15years ago now.
So that experience has stayedwith me and that feels resonant
in my body.
So when I think about that dayyes, of course I'll still get
sad right I probably have tearsin my eyes right now because the
feeling is there.
It is infused with a feeling ofgratitude for the strength of
(23:41):
that day, for the support thatwas there, for the ability to go
through something like that ina graceful way, to go through
something like that in agraceful way, and so that
feeling is resonant in ourbodies.
It's not a mental thing, it isresonant in our bodies.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
We always have the opportunity no matter the
situation to choose.
Thank you for the vulnerability.
I just want to like drop offthe mic and just be done.
I'm joking.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I know, I know it's hard, I know that's a heavy
thing.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
No, it's important, Tina.
We've not really talked aboutthat and we're dear friends, but
we've not really gotten intosome of those details and it's
important for people to hear itbecause in your darkest moments
you can find the gratefulness.
You can change again and lookwhere she is now.
(24:36):
Maybe that part of her life andcancer and all the different
things were brought to her tosay, hey, can you handle it?
Okay, now let me give yousomething else that you're going
to thrive and give youfulfillment and change your life
to the life you have now.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Yeah, they're all lessons for us and we have to
decide what do I want to do withthat?
How do I want that to impact mylife?
Right, those are our choices.
Things are going to happen andwe don't control everything
outside of us, but we alwayscontrol the way that we want to
(25:16):
show up in any situation.
Way that we want to show up inany situation.
Right.
And I think and that is reallythe key is in in that moment and
so many other moments I justsaid, I want to be the creator
of my experience here.
I don't want to be the wavescrashing against the rock and
I'm at the whim of whatever windcomes Like.
(25:38):
I don't want to be that.
I want to be the rock that getsto look at the waves and go I
see you and here I am and I'msteady and I'm strong and I'm
good.
So go, do what you're doing,but I'm good.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And I'll be here when you're done.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Exactly when you calm down.
I'll still be here.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I'll still be standing.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutelybeautiful.
So we're almost done with theshow, unfortunately.
So I want to talk more aboutthe creativity part.
Right, we talked about thereactivity.
We talked about how you canbring creativity out of the
darkness, if you will, into thelight, because we want to be in
(26:19):
the light, right?
I mean, yeah, you can be thevictim and you can live in the
dark place for the rest of yourlife and get a secondary gain
from it, and it can become youridentity, who you are.
So can we talk a little bitabout that and a little bit more
just about the creativity andother aspects that people might
(26:40):
be seeing or can change it into,I should say.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yes, and you brought up something really important
identity.
It's what do I see and believeabout who I am and what's
possible for me in my life.
That shapes our identity.
And let's understand that isnot shaped by us alone, like at
all.
That is shaped by things thathappened to us when we were
(27:06):
younger conditioning from familyand society and culture, and
all these expectations andthings that you were told you're
supposed to do and not do, andall of that, right.
So understand that just becauseyou might have a reactive way
of being right now, that doesn'tmean that you're stuck like
that.
All of that is based in someold meanings and definitions
(27:29):
that are probably not even yours, right?
So it does take work to reallysit and go.
Is that really me?
No, is that who I want to be?
Is that who I choose to be?
Because we are always choosing.
Even when you think you're inlike this frazzled, reactive
state, it's still a choice.
(27:49):
It's still a choice.
And so, in order to shift,there's a couple of things.
So we talked about the breath,taking the pause, right.
Pause, notice and choose, butthen it's also the way that we
talk to ourselves, right?
Case in point in the momentwhen I lost my son.
I could have been like why'dthis happen to me?
This is unfair, this isterrible.
(28:10):
I'm a good person, like all thethings that we would say, but
you get to stop yourself and gowhoa, whoa, whoa I'm pushing
pause on that tape, and it'swhat you said earlier what do I
get to?
How do I get to grow from this?
Right, maybe in the momentyou're not going to want to ask
yourself that, but over time yougo.
Okay, how do I get to grow fromthis?
(28:32):
What do I get to take from this?
That's going to help me downthe road somewhere or help
someone else, right, and so it'sbeing in that growth mindset
and it's also changing thequestions that we ask ourselves,
right Again.
Case in point why did thishappen to me?
Versus how do I get to grow orwhat might become possible for
(28:55):
me if I am able to resourcemyself internally enough that I
can shift into creativitywhenever I choose, like that's
light, that's expansion, right,and that is creative choice.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
And I love what you just said.
I want people to think back tothe choices they made, like we
talked about a little bit beforethe choices they made, like we
talked about a little bit beforethe choices they made in a
moment that I thought wasn't abig choice or it was a big
choice.
Go back 10 years.
Go back 10 years before thatand think about how the choices
(29:33):
hard, good, bad, positive,negative, whatever it is they're
all choices that we make everysingle day.
Only we can make them.
You can only make them foryourself.
No one else can make them foryou.
But think about how theychanged your life and go back.
I can go back three years andgo holy shit, right?
I mean, I could go back anotherfive, go back another 10.
(29:57):
I'm working on a speech and a aspeech and you know you're
looking for those moments inyour life.
Now I'm 53 years old, right,and you go back in your life and
you're looking for the moments,because when you're doing a
speech or presentation, you wantto show the darkness and the
light.
I do when I'm doing mypresentations and you go back
and you're like which?
(30:17):
Which do I go to?
Right?
I mean, can you not do that?
It's like which one was the,which one was the lowest.
What's going to make the mostimpact?
I'm like I need three daysspeech here exactly, I can't get
this in 30 minutes.
Yeah, I mean, and we do, weobviously we know how to do this
(30:37):
.
But, um, I was just going backand I was like, yeah, which one?
Yeah, but you go back.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Those are the stepping stones, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
And you go back and the choices that we made from
those events brought us to thelight right and brought us to
that amazing place and life belife.
And Les Brown, thank you forgiving us that but and you will
go down.
You know, life's not this.
Life's, yes, you know, but aslong as you keep moving forward
(31:05):
and keep making the choices tonot be a victim and be creative,
like Tina's saying, you'regoing to move, you're going to
keep moving up, yeah, yeah and,my friend, that's all we can
focus on doing.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Exactly and moving up exactly like you just said,
doesn't mean that you never havea dip, that you never have a
drop.
We are human beings, okay, weare always going to shift into a
reactive state at some point,right?
So the goal is not to avoidreactivity.
I mean, if I'm about to falloff a cliff, I really hope my
(31:38):
body reacts to go hey, you needto step back right.
So this is not like reactivityis bad.
It's not, it is.
Are we being intentional aboutit?
Is it helping us?
Is it causing more harm thanhealing?
That's really the question.
If your reactivity is causingmore harm than good or healing,
(32:00):
then you have a choice to make,right?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
No, and I just and I just want to preface to like
again, it is not about externalsituation.
Right, for especially for womenand for everybody, right, but
there's, there's a whole notionfor women now is like the world
needs strong female leaders now.
And the current structure ofthe way that we operate in
business and the world really itwas not made with us in mind.
(32:29):
Because we're at this precipiceof women are coming into a
different place in society thanwe have been in history, and so
we get to chart new territory.
That can feel very reactive, itcan feel like I am pushing
against so much.
No, we don't have to push.
We don't have to push, wecreate.
So we shift ourselves into acreative state where something
(32:51):
new gets to come forward, andthat can happen in any scenario,
in any situation, and that canhappen in any scenario, in any
situation.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, I love what you said and please focus on not
the pushing.
Focus on being excited aboutthe future and being pulled
there.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Exactly.
Yeah, creativity is a pull, nota push against.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Yeah, yeah.
With that said, we're so overtime.
I know, thank you.
I know Thank you.
I know Thank you, as always,thank God, we own the place.
With that said, tina, can youtell people how to reach you?
And I think you have somethingnew coming up or another project
coming up that people can beinvolved in, so if you can tell
(33:35):
people about that, yes,absolutely so.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
LinkedIn and Facebook .
If you're on social, tinaParker or TP sunshine, you can
find me there.
Um lead outside the linescom isour website for the company,
and we do have.
We're running a cohort rightnow of the conscious leadership
accelerator, and it is aboutresourcing ourselves, just as
(33:58):
we've been talking about today,so that you can consistently
shift into creativity, becausewe all have these dreams and
these big goals and things thatwe want to create and change in
the world and in our own lives,but we can't do it from a
depleted state.
Being resourced within is whatallows us to more easily shift
(34:18):
from reactivity to creativity.
So our next cohort kicks offSeptember 1st.
You can find it on the website,too, if you're interested.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Absolutely fantastic and I want to thank people that
have been on and putting incomments and that kind of stuff.
Thank you for being involved inthe podcast and so on.
We didn't have a lot of time tomention you but because we were
playing with such an amazingsubject and obviously an amazing
guest, so just wanted to thankeverybody for joining us.
So, with that said, you knowthe drill, our three things,
(34:50):
three tips to get veterans andtheir families further, faster,
please.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Absolutely.
You know where I'm going.
Pause, notice what's going onand choose.
Do I want to react or do I wantto create?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
Do you want to add anything, oris that the three?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's it.
Those are your three.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Here's what I'm going to say.
Seriously, focus on those.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
It's seriously important.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Yeah, dial into each of those, because they are three
different tips that just giveyou a beautiful outcome.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
So, yes, absolutely, and thank you, mike, for
everything that you're doingagain for this community and for
this podcast, bringing forthall these amazing guests and
super appreciate everything thatyou're bringing to the world.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much, Tina.
As always, time is the mostprecious resource we have as
human beings.
Thank you so much for spendingsome more of your time with us.
Thank you very much.
You give us so much amazinginformation and just your light
shines, my friend.
Thank you and, on that note,everybody we are out of here.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
And, on that note, everybody we are out of here,
visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with
Michael Cole, the podcast thatshines a compassionate light on
the journey of veterans battlingthrough life's challenges.
Michael is a dual elitecertified neuro encoding
specialist in coaching andkeynote training presentations
dedicated to guiding militaryveterans as they navigate the
intricate pathways ofpost-deployment life.
(00:23):
Join him as we delve into theprofound realm of neuroencoding
science, empowering these braveindividuals to conquer universal
battles procrastination,self-doubt, fear and more.
Together, let's uncover thestrength within you to re-engage
with families and society,forging a new path forward.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hello, hello, hello everybody.
So today we have my dear friendTina Parker from Lead Outside
the Lines on again.
Tina is a retired Air ForceLieutenant Colonel with over 20
years of military leadershipexperience.
She's the founder of LeadOutside the Lines, a leadership
development company focused onauthentic impact leadership.
She's, of course, a dualcertified neuroencoding and
(01:10):
brain health coach.
You know this is you got a lot.
She is passionate about helpinghigh performers shift from
burnout to balance throughsimple, science-backed
strategies and, of course, isknown for her practical wisdom,
big heart and ability to bringhumor and hope to even the
toughest conversations.
And we have some great ones, mydear friend.
(01:31):
So, with that said, for peoplethat don't know you yet and they
should if they watch thepodcast or listen, god knows so
tell us a little bit more aboutyourself for people that don't
know about you.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Sure.
Thanks, mike, for theintroduction and, as always,
everything that you are doingfor veterans, their families and
anybody who just tunes in tolisten, because all of the
nuggets that you drop are superimportant and impactful for
anybody who's listening.
And thanks for having me onagain.
I know we're on.
It's like a rotating door nowat this point, having me on
(02:05):
again.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I know we're on.
It's like a, it's like arotating door.
Now at this point, Tina will beon in three hours again.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I know we're just going to do it every day, but
for those that don't know me,yes, I did spend 23 years in the
military, seven years activeduty.
The rest of my time was as areservist and at that time I
also served as a director ofcommunications, chief of staff a
couple of different positionswithin Department of Homeland
Security, so very well versed inmilitary environment, law
(02:34):
enforcement, environment.
And part of my story that kindof leads into what we're talking
about today shifting fromreactivity into creativity is,
you know, as leaders we take onso much, and as women leaders
especially, we just have theseexpectations to be everything
for everyone all the time, nomatter what the cost is right.
(02:57):
That causes a lot of reactivity, reacting to things outside of
us.
And there was a time in my lifewhere I it was about 12 years
ago, 12, 12 to 15 years agowhere I did feel like I was
doing everything for everybodybut not myself, and that just
felt like that's what you'resupposed to do.
You know you do everything foreveryone.
(03:19):
And what I found for myself is,while I was holding down a
full-time job, also in the AirForce Reserve, helping my
husband build a business,raising a child, getting my
master's degree.
I mean crazy times, right, butit's like no, these are all the
boxes I'm supposed to check.
I was doing all the stuff.
I had breakdown, like literalbreakdown, where I lost my first
(03:42):
child to stillbirth after beingsick and pushing through
because I had to be at work.
Now, of course you know I don'tblame myself, things happen.
But when you look back you go.
Could have made some differentchoices then if I had been, you
know, approaching things from adifferent perspective.
But then just had my daughterlike pregnant.
Right after that had mydaughter six months after she
(04:02):
was born diagnosed with cancerand then a divorce like right on
the heels of that.
So times were a little nuts,right.
Life was kind of God was kindof like, hey, you, you need a
different way of doing this,like I get what you're talking
about.
Pay attention, like yeah thisisn't working right, and so
that's really what led me on myjourney to what we're talking
(04:25):
about today, because I was notwilling to say, well, ok, I
guess I can be successfulprofessionally or personally,
I'm a little stubborn.
I was like no, I want it all.
And so I committed to reallyfinding a different pathway, and
that's what led us here todayfinding a different pathway, and
that's what led us here today.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Fantastic and, and you know, your, your story of
resilience so many people in theworld would have said, oh no,
I'm done enough.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Or here's.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
here's the beauty of it.
You know, played victim?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, you didn't, that's the beauty of it, I
should say so amen because Iwouldn't know you Exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
If I had made a different choice in that moment,
you would not know me.
That is true.
How?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
crazy is that and I'm not going to take us down this
rabbit hole right now because wecould just spend, you know, the
whole time going whoa but thoselittle moments when you look
back, and it's when you realizeit was that moment when you
realize there was that littlechoice, it was that little two
millimeter shift right thatchanged everything.
(05:35):
It was and.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I love that you just said a two millimeter shift,
because it wasn't like I justthrew the baby out with the
bathwater and upheavaled mywhole life.
I mean it was already anupheaval.
So I just like went with theflow and went okay, every little
micro moment where I can shiftand make a different choice and
really be intentional aboutthose choices, instead of just
(05:57):
running on autopilot on theseloops of old beliefs, like I
have to be the one to do it all.
I have to do it perfect.
I can't let anybody down.
I, my needs are on the backburner as long as I'm serving
everybody else, like all thesethings that run in our minds.
And I will say I am so glad thatI made those little micro
shifts, little by littlethroughout my life, because now
(06:21):
I mean my life is completelydifferent than that.
I mean I, it led me to the mostprosperous and fulfilling
career that I have ever felt andever had right, serving high
impact, heart-centered women tobe in their authentic power.
Like what's better than thatright?
And my daughter I mean mydaughter's a teenager now, so we
(06:41):
all kind of know how that goes,but we have a strong
relationship with each other.
I know you're like, sending youprayers and though, a healthy
not always fun, but a healthyco-parenting relationship with
her dad my ex which is alwayseasy.
I'm remarried now to an amazingman and I'm healthy, and so you
(07:04):
know, life doesn't stay in thosemoments of sorrow and you're
like in the depth of you know,when we talk about the hero's
journey, there's that dip whereyou're like sitting in the pool
of all the crap, you're likewhere would I go from here?
There are options.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
There is.
There's always the choices.
It's what we want to.
I'm going to say, battlethrough and or look for to
uplift us, instead of living inthat victim mode.
So I think we just jump rightinto reactivity.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah.
So before we do, I just want toremind everybody, on the top
right-hand corner of your screenthere's a blue QR code.
It takes you toempowerperformancestrategiescom
Again, for people listening onthe podcast forums later on,
it'sempowerperformancestrategiescom.
There's all kinds of resources,books I've written for veterans
and their families, as well asFacebook groups for both
(08:01):
families and veterans, of course.
So come join us.
Groups for both families andveterans, of course.
So come join us.
I'll be part of our mission tohelp.
So, with that said, reactivity,tina Parker, all of the things
that are so easy, to be reactive, to Tell us your thoughts first
on what reactivity generallymeans, so that just people are
(08:22):
on the same page as us, and thenwe'll dive into how, to the
skills and different aspects, tochange reactivity into
creativity, so you can have thatlife of fulfillment and not
just say, oh shit, here we goagain when something comes up.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Yep, yeah.
So when we think of reactivity,I mean everyone knows, like when
we're like, oh, I flipped mylid and I just reacted to
something out of like I wasn'treally thinking about, it just
happened.
But when we think of consistentand chronic reactivity, I mean
really all we have to thinkabout is the world we live in
right now, like how dynamic andhow much change.
(09:00):
Right, there's this changecurve happening right now where
humans actually feel like wedon't have the skills to adapt
to the amount of change that ishappening right In our lives and
that can cause, along witheverything else, limiting
beliefs and conditioning thatwe've had in our lives about how
we have to show up.
Right, All of these thingscreate a feeling of demand and
(09:24):
obligation and pressure on usand when that demand outpaces
the resourcefulness that we feelinside of ourselves to respond,
to take a pause, to beintentional about how do I want
this experience to go about.
(09:47):
How do I want this experienceto go when those demands feel
bigger and more pressured thanour ability to respond to them?
Well, that's when we'reconstantly like flipping our lid
and losing our Snickers and youknow we get into.
Snickers.
I was trying to be nicer.
I say that with my daughter andyou know what's what's
(10:12):
hilarious, and I want to bringthis forward.
So you know, my daughter's ateenager.
So, as we talk about reactivityversus creativity and it does
take intention to choose to becreative but here's how that
plays out.
Like I used to.
Just I would lose my Snickersin the morning when we're
getting ready for school.
Right, she's late, can't findher shoes, I can't find my purse
(10:35):
.
Where are the keys to get inthe car?
We're 10 minutes late.
Get your butt in the car, right.
This is how the morning used togo and there was not enough
coffee oh, never, never enoughcoffee.
Um.
So in the past, though, and wewould, I would like literally
roll into school and I'm likeget out of the car, you're late,
and and then we're bothfrazzled, right, and so we start
(10:56):
our day that way, and the wholething just goes downhill from
there.
Well, I made an intentionalchoice because I could.
I started to notice I don'tfeel good when that's the way we
started morning.
She's not doing well becauseshe's having trouble focusing
and calming herself.
I said, ok, I'm going to try adifferent way.
Instead of running down thestairs yelling at her to come, I
(11:20):
am going to go by her room andlook her in the eye and go honey
, it's time to go, let's go andthe first day, of course, you
don't see an instant shift, butover time she's like okay, she
gets her stuff and she comesdown instead of running around
like where's your shoes?
the night before, I'm like, babe, put your shoes by the door
please, so you have them whenwe're ready to go.
(11:41):
She's like, okay, she does itright.
Over time she shared with me.
She's like mom, you know, Ihave a much better day when you
don't lose your Snickers in themorning.
That's where that came from.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I love it.
I absolutely love that.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
And so, but we have influence, no matter who we are
around, right, and that issomething that we have to
recognize when we talk aboutlike conscious leadership, which
is something that I bring forthin the coaching that I do.
Conscious means being aware.
Leadership, it doesn't mean atitle or a role.
(12:19):
It means the influence that youhave at all times on yourself
and everyone around you.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I want to add to that , please, because that is so
impactful, so freaking.
Listen up here, people,seriously.
If you realize, just for asecond, how you react to
something, how it affects you,your energy let's call it your
(12:47):
vibe, even, and the person thatyou're talking to, even after,
even if it could be yourself,the words you're telling
yourself, it could be the wordsyou're talking and being
reactive to somebody else,someone you love, because I
think most people will agree,until you work on it, you're the
(13:09):
the hardest on people that youlove the most, and my theory is
is because you think there's asafety net there till there
isn't.
So still remember that at somepoint.
There isn't.
But the person that you talk to, or the person, that energy
that you're putting into theworld, the kindness or vice
versa, impacts, just like Tinawas just saying impacts that
(13:33):
person.
And guess what?
That impacts everybody elsethey talk to, impacts everybody
else they talk to.
So you talk about creating aripple effect bullshit, it's
literally a tidal wave whenyou're reactive and, even better
, when you're creative and kind.
I just wanted to add that.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I really love that you added that because it
is, it is a tidal wave andthat's a great way to say it,
because even when you thinkabout my daughter going to
school if she's like because Iwas that way in the morning,
everyone else around her isaffected by that energy too.
And, and you're right, we arethe hardest on the ones we love,
(14:17):
because there is this sense ofI can just be me, I can let down
my guard.
Letting down your guard doesn'tmean that we react to all the
things going around us.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Right, that is a choice and a lot of times we're
like wait, I didn't have achoice, that was a trigger,
something triggered me and Ijust went full throttle.
Yeah, it happens sometimes, butwe have talked about this
before on the show Pause noticechoose.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I was just going to bring it up.
I'm like so what's a skill canyou?
I know we talked about itbefore, but can you go through
it again because I think it'ssuch an important skill that you
know we we get this freakingspin cycle right, and because
we're human beings, as neuroncoders, we've conditioned
ourself to snap out faster andwe have the skill set and we
(15:09):
teach it to everybody ourclients and trainings and things
we do but we teach people howto default back to their best
selves faster, exactly, butwe're still human beings.
We all still have a bad day Forsure you know so and be kind to
yourself.
When you, when you, when you'rerealizing that, oh damn, put a
(15:30):
smile on your face.
Let the good hormones so yourbrain is looking for it again
next time so you can snap out ofit faster.
So talk about the skill there,if you will.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, and you prefaced it perfectly right, we
have hormones and differentchemicals that get released in
our body based on the feelingsthat we have, right, the
thoughts that we have.
Right, we're on your thoughts,your reality podcast, but it's
based on the thoughts you have.
But those thoughts it's kind ofa cyclical.
(16:01):
Some people think, oh, mythoughts create my feelings.
Some people think my feelingscreate my thoughts.
It's both, it's both.
We get feelings that are justreactions, physiological
reactions to things that ourbody remembers that happened
before, right, or things thatfeel like fear, like there's a
whole lot of things we getreactions to.
(16:21):
But when we can pause, right,your thoughts are not you,
they're just remnants of thingsthat your brain is filtering
things out.
It's filtering things in.
If something feels familiar,it's like, oh, I know what that
is, even if it's the devil thatyou know, you know it right.
And so don't trust yourthoughts.
(16:42):
Take a pause and take a breath.
Right, pause, take a breath.
I'm telling you your breath isthe bridge between reactivity
and creativity, and so many ofus are like I mean, breath is an
autonomic system, function,right, you just do it
automatically.
But when you intentionally useyour breath to calm yourself, to
(17:04):
take a deep breath.
You can take a deep breath forlike four counts and breathe out
for a little bit longer, six oreight.
That will sort of reset yournervous system Instead of being
in fight flight trigger all thetime, this big cycle.
We put ourselves intoparasympathetic, which is calm,
which brings your brain moreonline, the prefrontal cortex,
(17:27):
your executive functioning, thathelps you make good decisions,
not just life or death decisions, right, that part of your brain
comes on line even better whenyou are in your parasympathetic.
So breath is the bridge.
Breathe and then notice.
So pause, notice, notice what'scoming up Like oh, oh, that
(17:49):
happened again.
Like not dang it, I did it againand I'm beating myself up, not
that.
Like let's just set that asideforever, please, forever.
So that shift is going intocreative or going into curiosity
, like huh, why did that happenagain?
Not judgment, like we've said,not critical.
(18:10):
Be curious, right, and so be.
Oh, that happened again, okay.
And then choose.
Is that what I want to continuedoing?
No, all right.
What?
How do I want to experiencethis, right, it doesn't matter.
I'm going to tell you thisright now and I want you to hear
me.
It does not matter what thesituation is.
The situation is not what'smaking you react the way you are
(18:34):
, your response to it, yourmeaning about it.
That is what is making youreact the way you react, and
that is always within your owncontrol.
That's the cool part, right.
We are not victims to whathappens around us.
Shit's going to happen, people,life happens.
I mean life be life right.
(18:55):
We don't control that, but wecontrol how we respond or react.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
And, like you said, tinaina,life doesn't stop.
But when you put the rightintention or thought process, if
you will, on what has happened,the right, dare I say,
definition of what happened.
How can I learn from this?
What can, how can I grow fromthis?
Those things turn into littlegifts, yeah, that you don't even
(19:29):
know are there, because youdon't hear.
Let's just call it what itfricking is.
You don't learn from success,you learn from all the bullshit.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah.
You learn from the struggle.
You learn from the parts whereyou've had to stop yourself to
go hold on, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
So when you stop and do that and you say, oh, you
know what, what, what, what,what did I learn from this?
And you may, it may take acouple of hours to figure it out
, it may take a couple of weeks,who knows.
But when you put it in thatcurious aspect instead of
critical, like you said, itchanges the whole emotion, the
whole feeling and, moreimportantly, the meaning you
give it.
And that's how life changesAbsolutely.
(20:15):
And no, go ahead, I was goingto say, dare I say, into
creativity.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
So it does change into a more creative state.
And when we talk aboutcreativity, we're not talking
about painting and dancing,which are lovely and they're
they're beautiful.
We're talking about yourability to create the
experiences that you want inyour life or don't want, right?
We're creators, no matter likewhat side of the coin we're on.
(20:41):
But when you can shift intocreativity, you become the
captain of your ship.
You become the person who candecide.
How do I want to experiencethis.
And I do want to bring thishome because I think for a lot
of people they might be likeyeah, but you don't know what's
going on in my life and thingsare really terrible and it's
(21:03):
really hard.
And I get it.
I really, really do.
But I will share.
Even when I lost my son tostillbirth, when we realized in
the morning that there was noheartbeat, and it kind of dawned
on me like, okay, what happensnext?
(21:23):
Like he's there, what happens?
And then it was this revelationof, oh, I have to give birth to
my son and I know what theoutcome is going to be Like how
do you, even like mentally, Icouldn't wrap my head around
that, right.
So I mean that was like thelowest point in my whole life
(21:48):
and somewhere inside me.
I still don't know where itcame from maybe God, I asked
myself.
I said, okay, what matters mostnow?
Because I can't have someonecome in here and do this for me.
This is not something I candelegate to someone Like the
only way to is through.
And what mattered most for mewas to feel gratitude, to feel
(22:14):
and honor his life coming intothe world, even though it was
going straight to God.
And I chose in that moment thatis not an easy moment to choose
anything other than anger andsadness and sorrow, anything
other than anger and sadness andsorrow.
But I chose to look at thenurses and be thankful for them
(22:34):
being there, right by my side.
They were amazing.
Thankful that my mom was ableto get there and hear his
heartbeat the night before andbe there with me throughout the
entire experience.
Right, thankful that my bestfriend at the time, who lived on
the other side of the country,happened to come into town that
day and she slept on thehospital floor with me.
(22:56):
I mean, when we are in thesemoments where it doesn't feel
like it can get any worse,choosing to be in a creative
state doesn't change the outcome.
Okay, this is something reallyimportant.
The outcome didn't change, butthe way I experienced the whole
thing has stayed with me.
(23:18):
For gosh, I guess that was 15years ago now.
So that experience has stayedwith me and that feels resonant
in my body.
So when I think about that dayyes, of course I'll still get
sad right I probably have tearsin my eyes right now because the
feeling is there.
It is infused with a feeling ofgratitude for the strength of
(23:41):
that day, for the support thatwas there, for the ability to go
through something like that ina graceful way, to go through
something like that in agraceful way, and so that
feeling is resonant in ourbodies.
It's not a mental thing, it isresonant in our bodies.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
We always have the opportunity no matter the
situation to choose.
Thank you for the vulnerability.
I just want to like drop offthe mic and just be done.
I'm joking.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I know, I know it's hard, I know that's a heavy
thing.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
No, it's important, Tina.
We've not really talked aboutthat and we're dear friends, but
we've not really gotten intosome of those details and it's
important for people to hear itbecause in your darkest moments
you can find the gratefulness.
You can change again and lookwhere she is now.
(24:36):
Maybe that part of her life andcancer and all the different
things were brought to her tosay, hey, can you handle it?
Okay, now let me give yousomething else that you're going
to thrive and give youfulfillment and change your life
to the life you have now.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Yeah, they're all lessons for us and we have to
decide what do I want to do withthat?
How do I want that to impact mylife?
Right, those are our choices.
Things are going to happen andwe don't control everything
outside of us, but we alwayscontrol the way that we want to
(25:16):
show up in any situation.
Way that we want to show up inany situation.
Right.
And I think and that is reallythe key is in in that moment and
so many other moments I justsaid, I want to be the creator
of my experience here.
I don't want to be the wavescrashing against the rock and
I'm at the whim of whatever windcomes Like.
(25:38):
I don't want to be that.
I want to be the rock that getsto look at the waves and go I
see you and here I am and I'msteady and I'm strong and I'm
good.
So go, do what you're doing,but I'm good.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And I'll be here when you're done.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Exactly when you calm down.
I'll still be here.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
I'll still be standing.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutelybeautiful.
So we're almost done with theshow, unfortunately.
So I want to talk more aboutthe creativity part.
Right, we talked about thereactivity.
We talked about how you canbring creativity out of the
darkness, if you will, into thelight, because we want to be in
(26:19):
the light, right?
I mean, yeah, you can be thevictim and you can live in the
dark place for the rest of yourlife and get a secondary gain
from it, and it can become youridentity, who you are.
So can we talk a little bitabout that and a little bit more
just about the creativity andother aspects that people might
(26:40):
be seeing or can change it into,I should say.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yes, and you brought up something really important
identity.
It's what do I see and believeabout who I am and what's
possible for me in my life.
That shapes our identity.
And let's understand that isnot shaped by us alone, like at
all.
That is shaped by things thathappened to us when we were
(27:06):
younger conditioning from familyand society and culture, and
all these expectations andthings that you were told you're
supposed to do and not do, andall of that, right.
So understand that just becauseyou might have a reactive way
of being right now, that doesn'tmean that you're stuck like
that.
All of that is based in someold meanings and definitions
(27:29):
that are probably not even yours, right?
So it does take work to reallysit and go.
Is that really me?
No, is that who I want to be?
Is that who I choose to be?
Because we are always choosing.
Even when you think you're inlike this frazzled, reactive
state, it's still a choice.
(27:49):
It's still a choice.
And so, in order to shift,there's a couple of things.
So we talked about the breath,taking the pause, right.
Pause, notice and choose, butthen it's also the way that we
talk to ourselves, right?
Case in point in the momentwhen I lost my son.
I could have been like why'dthis happen to me?
This is unfair, this isterrible.
(28:10):
I'm a good person, like all thethings that we would say, but
you get to stop yourself and gowhoa, whoa, whoa I'm pushing
pause on that tape, and it'swhat you said earlier what do I
get to?
How do I get to grow from this?
Right, maybe in the momentyou're not going to want to ask
yourself that, but over time yougo.
Okay, how do I get to grow fromthis?
(28:32):
What do I get to take from this?
That's going to help me downthe road somewhere or help
someone else, right, and so it'sbeing in that growth mindset
and it's also changing thequestions that we ask ourselves,
right Again.
Case in point why did thishappen to me?
Versus how do I get to grow orwhat might become possible for
(28:55):
me if I am able to resourcemyself internally enough that I
can shift into creativitywhenever I choose, like that's
light, that's expansion, right,and that is creative choice.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
And I love what you just said.
I want people to think back tothe choices they made, like we
talked about a little bit beforethe choices they made, like we
talked about a little bit beforethe choices they made in a
moment that I thought wasn't abig choice or it was a big
choice.
Go back 10 years.
Go back 10 years before thatand think about how the choices
(29:33):
hard, good, bad, positive,negative, whatever it is they're
all choices that we make everysingle day.
Only we can make them.
You can only make them foryourself.
No one else can make them foryou.
But think about how theychanged your life and go back.
I can go back three years andgo holy shit, right?
I mean, I could go back anotherfive, go back another 10.
(29:57):
I'm working on a speech and a aspeech and you know you're
looking for those moments inyour life.
Now I'm 53 years old, right,and you go back in your life and
you're looking for the moments,because when you're doing a
speech or presentation, you wantto show the darkness and the
light.
I do when I'm doing mypresentations and you go back
and you're like which?
(30:17):
Which do I go to?
Right?
I mean, can you not do that?
It's like which one was the,which one was the lowest.
What's going to make the mostimpact?
I'm like I need three daysspeech here exactly, I can't get
this in 30 minutes.
Yeah, I mean, and we do, weobviously we know how to do this
(30:37):
.
But, um, I was just going backand I was like, yeah, which one?
Yeah, but you go back.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Those are the stepping stones, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
And you go back and the choices that we made from
those events brought us to thelight right and brought us to
that amazing place and life belife.
And Les Brown, thank you forgiving us that but and you will
go down.
You know, life's not this.
Life's, yes, you know, but aslong as you keep moving forward
(31:05):
and keep making the choices tonot be a victim and be creative,
like Tina's saying, you'regoing to move, you're going to
keep moving up, yeah, yeah and,my friend, that's all we can
focus on doing.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Exactly and moving up exactly like you just said,
doesn't mean that you never havea dip, that you never have a
drop.
We are human beings, okay, weare always going to shift into a
reactive state at some point,right?
So the goal is not to avoidreactivity.
I mean, if I'm about to falloff a cliff, I really hope my
(31:38):
body reacts to go hey, you needto step back right.
So this is not like reactivityis bad.
It's not, it is.
Are we being intentional aboutit?
Is it helping us?
Is it causing more harm thanhealing?
That's really the question.
If your reactivity is causingmore harm than good or healing,
(32:00):
then you have a choice to make,right?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
No, and I just and I just want to preface to like
again, it is not about externalsituation.
Right, for especially for womenand for everybody, right, but
there's, there's a whole notionfor women now is like the world
needs strong female leaders now.
And the current structure ofthe way that we operate in
business and the world really itwas not made with us in mind.
(32:29):
Because we're at this precipiceof women are coming into a
different place in society thanwe have been in history, and so
we get to chart new territory.
That can feel very reactive, itcan feel like I am pushing
against so much.
No, we don't have to push.
We don't have to push, wecreate.
So we shift ourselves into acreative state where something
(32:51):
new gets to come forward, andthat can happen in any scenario,
in any situation, and that canhappen in any scenario, in any
situation.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, I love what you said and please focus on not
the pushing.
Focus on being excited aboutthe future and being pulled
there.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Exactly.
Yeah, creativity is a pull, nota push against.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Yeah, yeah.
With that said, we're so overtime.
I know, thank you.
I know Thank you.
I know Thank you, as always,thank God, we own the place.
With that said, tina, can youtell people how to reach you?
And I think you have somethingnew coming up or another project
coming up that people can beinvolved in, so if you can tell
(33:35):
people about that, yes,absolutely so.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
LinkedIn and Facebook .
If you're on social, tinaParker or TP sunshine, you can
find me there.
Um lead outside the linescom isour website for the company,
and we do have.
We're running a cohort rightnow of the conscious leadership
accelerator, and it is aboutresourcing ourselves, just as
(33:58):
we've been talking about today,so that you can consistently
shift into creativity, becausewe all have these dreams and
these big goals and things thatwe want to create and change in
the world and in our own lives,but we can't do it from a
depleted state.
Being resourced within is whatallows us to more easily shift
(34:18):
from reactivity to creativity.
So our next cohort kicks offSeptember 1st.
You can find it on the website,too, if you're interested.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Absolutely fantastic and I want to thank people that
have been on and putting incomments and that kind of stuff.
Thank you for being involved inthe podcast and so on.
We didn't have a lot of time tomention you but because we were
playing with such an amazingsubject and obviously an amazing
guest, so just wanted to thankeverybody for joining us.
So, with that said, you knowthe drill, our three things,
(34:50):
three tips to get veterans andtheir families further, faster,
please.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Absolutely.
You know where I'm going.
Pause, notice what's going onand choose.
Do I want to react or do I wantto create?
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Yeah, absolutely love that.
Do you want to add anything, oris that the three?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's it.
Those are your three.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Here's what I'm going to say.
Seriously, focus on those.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
It's seriously important.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Yeah, dial into each of those, because they are three
different tips that just giveyou a beautiful outcome.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
So, yes, absolutely, and thank you, mike, for
everything that you're doingagain for this community and for
this podcast, bringing forthall these amazing guests and
super appreciate everything thatyou're bringing to the world.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much, Tina.
As always, time is the mostprecious resource we have as
human beings.
Thank you so much for spendingsome more of your time with us.
Thank you very much.
You give us so much amazinginformation and just your light
shines, my friend.
Thank you and, on that note,everybody we are out of here.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
And, on that note, everybody we are out of here,
visitempowerperformancestrategiescom.
Remember your thoughts shapeyour reality, so make them count
.
Until next time, stay inspiredand keep creating the reality
you desire.
Catch you on the next episode.
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