August 26, 2025 • 47 mins
What do you do when your life falls apart? For Matthias Schmitt, the answer was transformation.
In this raw, unfiltered episode of Your Ultimate Life, Matthias reveals his powerful journey from rock bottom to rebuilding a life of meaning, faith, and service. He shares the inner battles, the spiritual breakthroughs, and the tools that anyone can use to turn pain into power.
You’ll discover:
- How to transform breakdowns into breakthroughs.
- Why surrender is the gateway to freedom.
- The role of faith, identity, and resilience in lasting success.
- How to live with purpose when everything seems lost.
📌 Next Steps
Connect with me directly, explore free nervous system training, and learn more about my coaching at matthiasschmitt.eu.
Don’t let pain define you. Let it refine you. Start by writing your story and turning it into impact and income with the Dream Build Write It Challenge, starts September 29th.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What I feel, what I say, whatI think, and what I do that they're
in alignment.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream.
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk, so you can
create the life you dream anddeserve your ultimate life.
(00:27):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Hello, and welcome to thisepisode of your ultimate life, the
podcast to help you create alife of purpose, prosperity, and
joy, and love the heck out ofevery second of your life.
Today I have a special guest,Matthias Schmidt.
Matthias, welcome to the show.
(00:48):
Thank you, Kellen, for having me.
It's such a pleasure to be here.
I love it and I love thelittle chat we had ahead of time,
and we'll do more of that.
I want to hear more about thethings that you've learned.
Now, I don't make it apractice to give a big intro and
read a bunch of stuff aboutguests ahead of time, so I don't
do that.
That'll all come out duringthe show.
How I want to start is just toask you, without being modest or
(01:12):
anything, I'd like you to tellme, the audience, how Matthias adds
good to the world.
I think there's a lot that Icould say around, you know, the projects
or whatever I do.
I think essentially what.
What's really true is that Ijust try to show up every moment
(01:36):
as my best version.
And that's the thing that alot of people say, best version stuff.
For me, that means reallyliving in integrity.
So what I feel, what I say,what I think and what I do, that
they're in alignment.
And I think that's thegreatest thing that I can do for
the world.
So I love that.
(01:56):
And I agree with you because,you know, we hear all these buzzwords,
personal development, and stepinto your power and authenticity,
and they get thrown around,like, so much noise.
And mostly they are noisebecause people don't take the time
or the effort to figure outwhat that means.
So I want you to walk methrough what it means to today.
(02:21):
For example, today's a Thursday.
As we record this, what doesit mean for Matthias to have his
thoughts, feelings, words, andbeing in integrity?
Integrity with what?
How do you check that?
Talk me through that.
Yeah, yeah, that's.
Wow, that's.
That's phenomenal.
(02:42):
So.
So what I do the night beforeis I.
Like, yesterday night Ichecked in and I was like, okay,
what do I want to get done today?
Right?
Like, what are the tasks thatare really important for me in terms
of My business, my health, andall of that.
And so I wrote them down.
And then, you know, thismorning I woke up and I felt there
(03:05):
was like, sort of like aheaviness inside of me.
So I'm very kind of like, I'mvery connected to the.
To my feelings and thesensations in my body, and I felt
that heaviness.
And I.
And my first thing, my firsttask would be, would have been write
content.
But what I did instead, I satlonger in my meditation, and I felt
(03:26):
through that in order so thatthen the content and whatever I do
after that could be reallyfrom a place of lightness and not
from a place of a little bitof shutdown or collapse or something
where my tendency of mynervous system is to go into that
direction.
And so really doing that froma place of lightness and of, hey,
(03:49):
okay, this is really somethingthat I want to do from joy and not
from pressuring through.
And maybe back in the days, Iwould just be like, shove that part
away and be like, no, no, no,I got to get that stuff done.
Build resentment internally,which would later show up as impulsivity
towards others, which wouldshow up as, you know, beating myself
(04:13):
up, negative self talk and allof that.
Whereas now I check in, Ifeel, I think, like, I check in with
my.
With my system, and I'm like,oh, okay.
Like, there's a heavy emotionhere that wants to be felt first.
So I try to take care of thatbecause I know that it will influence
everything and it will haveresidue that will impact my relationships,
(04:35):
how I show up, how I docontent, and all of that.
So that's fabulous.
And I want to talk just indetail about doing that, because
having an emotion show up ofheaviness, it doesn't matter what
the.
Cause some people take the.
And you're right, every single thing.
Like, people should listen tothis last two minutes of advice you
gave and.
(04:55):
And realize that those.
Those things have tails andresidue and all those feelings, and
pushing them aside doesn'tmake them go away.
It just takes them out of yourimmediate consciousness.
But anyway, so when you wakeup with this heavy feeling of anything,
one approach is, I can't doanything until I figure out what
it is and do something about it.
(05:15):
Another approach is like, I'mjust gonna be with it and love it
and let it be okay and seewhat happens.
Maybe it's some neurotransmitters.
Maybe it's a leftover thought.
Like, what do you do?
You woke up, you notice aheavy feeling, and I'm digging Into
this, because this is really important.
I notice the same thing.
I do things and I have a setof processes.
(05:37):
But what do you do?
So you did this morning, youwoke up with a heavy feeling.
Did you identify it?
Was that necessary?
Did you just sit with it untilyou connected with the joy of your
life in the day?
Like, what?
That's a very good question.
Yeah, I love that.
No, so what I do is.
And I think it's a learnableskill that everybody can learn, right?
(05:57):
Like, everybody has their own process.
And there's now a lot ofmodalities that are in the forefront,
which is like a combination,what I do, of Eastern meditation
and Western psychology, like,mixed together.
So it's kind of like.
Yeah, like ancient Easternmeditation and inner child healing
(06:17):
kind of mixed together.
And so what I do is I connectwith the.
With the sensation in my body.
I give it some kind of, youknow, like, I give it some kind of
picture in my mind.
I also feel into the feeling.
So I have the sensation, the somatics.
(06:38):
Then I have the feeling, thenI have the picture in my mind of
what that is.
And it doesn't matter where itcomes from.
So many people in thiscoaching, therapy, whatever, get
so stuck in this was when Iwas 3 years old and my mom didn't
look at me or something like that.
That's why therapy oftentimes,like years of therapy, don't have
a lot of influence in the reallife because we just get stuck in
(07:01):
our head again.
But what's so important inwhat I do is connecting through to
the somatics and then attaching.
Like, our mind has, like four different.
Many more, but four generalkind of registers.
And one is somatic, the otherone is the feeling.
The third one is the imageryand the.
And the fourth one isspeaking, so the vocalization.
(07:23):
So what I do is I connect on somatics.
I feel into the feeling.
I see the picture, I image it.
I image the picture, whatevercomes up, and then I speak to that,
right?
And then I.
And I stay with it, right?
And I.
And I am energetically justholding it as if I was my own best
(07:44):
father and mother.
At the same time, I'm like,I'm not what you said, right?
A few years ago, maybe three,four years ago, I would then really
get into the emotion and thenget into a loop where I would be.
Maybe after I had really builtsuccessful businesses six years,
I really needed that kind ofmore feminine approach where I was
(08:08):
like, then, but laying in bedhalf day because I was so sad.
Or something, but then at thesame time being there for this feeling
or whatever is coming up andat the same time like just observing
it and also not gettingdragged away by it, being the best
father as well.
So like having the heart and,and, and the backbone at the same
(08:30):
time.
I love that.
So I'm going to ask you to digin and I want to hear about your
successful businesses andstuff like that too.
But I want to set this as a backdrop.
Why did you learn to do that?
Like what was going on in your life?
Because you're describing aprocess that takes some learning
and you know, the somatics andthe feeling and the picture and the
(08:50):
visualization and theverbalization and that takes some
effort, like learning to playtennis or play the piano or learning
how to have a relationship or,you know, that kind of stuff.
So what was it that drove youto do, to learn that sort of skill
and practice it?
I would say ultimately that Iwasn't satisfied with the mess that
(09:15):
I was creating in myrelationships and in my own head.
Okay, so there was somethingabout your relationships with others
and with yourself essentially.
So your relationship with selfand others that was unhappy, unsatisfying.
This isn't working.
And so you went to find someother way to manage or approach or
(09:36):
create those relationshipsthat worked better and you went on
this journey.
So how did you.
I mean, nobody falls up this mountain.
So describe that journey alittle bit for me.
No, and I mean, and it's all, it's.
I mean as you said, it takesoff effort, right?
It takes commitment.
Like we got to be committed tothat and we got to want it because.
(09:59):
And I knew that there was moreout there for me that I had to, you
know, that I could feellighter, that I could have exactly
the life that was in full integrity.
And what drove me to that wasreally waking up in October 2019
with two successful businesses.
(10:20):
As I shared before, it waslike a suffer as a service company
and a event company.
So skiing events for students,like big festivals in the mountains
and, and the first one was VCfunded and waking up and feeling
like a big thing is missing inmy life.
And I remember that daybecause a woman that I had a one
(10:44):
night stand with just walkedout of my room.
And that was probably the, Ididn't count that year, but probably
like the 50th or something,one night stand that I had that year.
And I was just looking atmyself in the mirror and I thought
like, is this really the lifethat I want to lead?
You know, is this really lifelike it's keeps repeating, it keeps
(11:10):
repeating.
And I had a lot of fun, nodoubt about that in my, in my, in
my life before that.
Right.
It was, it was a lot of funand I was realizing I keep repeating
the cycles and I don't want tostay in those cycles anymore and
I don't want to run behind thevalidation of women, the validation
of other men as well, in orderto feel for a short amount of time
(11:36):
happy and then having to do itall over again and having to please
others ultimately anddepleting myself for that.
So that's really interesting.
And again, I like to emphasizepoints because they go by so quickly
and you describe them so well.
You are looking and findingvalidation from external sources.
(12:00):
The admiration of men or ofbusiness owners, men, women or men
who appreciated the successfulcompanies, software as a service
and event companies.
The admiration of women who,you know, threw themselves at you
or you, you, you know, hadshort term relationships with.
And those were short termvalidations that says, oh yeah, Matthias,
he's cool, but they only last,you know, about two seconds.
(12:24):
And, and, and since they comefrom outside and they don't last,
that leaves not only you, butanyone that seeks the truth of their
being from those places always wanting.
Because they never last.
Yeah, exactly.
They don't last.
They don't last.
And, and that was somethingwhere I felt like just a deep hole
(12:50):
and a deep, like I knew that Iwanted to be in integrity and I knew
that there was something outthere and I couldn't name that.
Right.
But I knew that it was waitingfor me and that's why I took the
decision.
Yeah, so you said, I'm goingto quit doing this.
I'm going to pursue a paththat makes it feel like.
(13:11):
So something about thatcircular pattern felt out of integrity.
It felt like I'm not living mybest self.
My thoughts, feelings, heart,mind, they're not in a straight line.
There's detours all over the place.
And so something about thatprocess was calling to you saying
however much short term funthis might be, this is out of integrity
(13:35):
with who I really am and youcan correct me if I'm wrong, but
who I somehow feel like Ireally am and what I'm about it isn't
this circular pattern ofexternal gratification.
And so I gotta go findsomething else.
And that led you on a, a pathto start, to start figuring out what
that was for you.
(13:55):
Yeah, exactly.
And I mean it wasn't likesuper clear, right, that this wasn't
who I Was because back then itwas more like a feeling that I'm
not in my lane.
It was a feeling that I'm off track.
Right.
It was a feeling that.
Yeah, I couldn't fully name it.
It was like I was alive, butmy soul was somehow in a coma.
(14:19):
Right.
Like this kind of thing, but Icouldn't fully name what it was like.
It couldn't have been like,oh, yeah, I'm, you know, I got to
do this, I got to do that.
No, I was more like unclarity,confusion, you know, and.
And yeah.
So I had the sense thatsomething was not right and I couldn't
(14:41):
name it.
Yeah, well, if you're in acoma, the first thing you gotta do
is wake up.
Yeah.
So I'm doing stuff, but mysoul's in a coma, so I gotta wake
up.
So tell me in the process of.
And include the businesses.
So you have businesses, youhave a pattern of life.
You built some successfulbusinesses as a successful entrepreneur.
(15:04):
And you're feeling this out ofalignment, soul asleep.
And then talk us through thesteps that you changed.
Because where we're going withthis is what you're doing now and
what you're going to turn thatjourney into.
But right now I want to wakeyou up.
So I'm not going to wake you up.
You woke up or you started to.
What happened?
(15:24):
What happened?
So what happened was that atfirst I was out of my businesses.
I had money, I had time.
It was the starting of COVIDand I've always been somebody who
didn't give a lot about rules,like, who didn't give a damn about
rules so much.
So I was like, awesome, I can travel.
(15:46):
So I actually got into a new relationship.
I was like, at first I was free.
I thought I was free, right.
Because I was out of the businesses.
I did one seminar thatconnected me deeply with my emotions.
So I hadn't cried for probablylike seven, eight years or something.
And like, I only felt really alive.
(16:09):
Whenever I went on adventure,you know, threw myself down the hill
on like powder days or when Ihad those really intense, you know,
love one night stands,whatever, you know, when I got really,
really drunk or something likethat, that's when I felt alive.
Like I needed this to feel alive.
(16:30):
And so I went to that seminarand a friend of mine actually told
me about it and he was like,you know, this would be really cool
for you.
And at first I resisted.
I was like, ah, I don't wantto have to do anything with that.
Woo.
Stuff like, don't Bullshit mewith that.
But something inside of me waslike, okay, let's give it a try,
right?
Because I don't have anythingto do anyway.
(16:51):
I don't know what I'm going todo, right?
So I'm going to do it.
And.
And there.
There was a moment where Iconnected deeply with my feelings.
It was intense.
Like, there was like.
Like as if there was lightcoming in.
I started.
I started crying for the firsttime, as I said, in eight years.
And all of a sudden, like, asif I would take my first breath,
(17:13):
I'm like, wow, like I'm alive.
And then I looked into my.
Into the mirror and I sawmyself and I looked into my eyes
and it was as if I would seemyself for the first time.
And after that, a few months,I was really on top of the world.
Like, I thought I was on topof the.
I thought I had won thelottery and Christmas and Easter
(17:35):
and everything at the same time.
And I thought, like, wow,like, am I enlightened?
Like, what's going on?
Right?
And my heart was so open and Ithought, wow, this is so amazing.
So I got into a newrelationship and.
And then I still didn't haveanything to do, right?
I was like, okay, we're justgonna travel the world and, and.
(17:57):
And do stuff and, andexperience things.
And I went to like, some.
Some burns and I went to some,you know, other festivals that were
amazing.
And slowly, this kind of.
This feeling, this heightenedfeeling, just slowly step by step
went down.
And I could feel it on a dailybase in my mind that my mood was
(18:20):
dropping.
And I had so much selfawareness already because I had started
meditation a year ago, a yearbefore that, so I could kind of like
already observe my mind alittle bit and my thoughts and my
emotions that I was like,going down, down.
And I was like, what is this?
What is this?
And so the interesting thingis that the relationship I was in,
(18:42):
like, at first it was like,she was adventurous.
She was like super, superbeautiful woman.
Adventurous, like, always driven.
And at first that matchedsuper well.
And then after a while Irealized, wow, like, I actually want
to talk about something deeper.
Like, I want to talk about myfeelings, because I feel meaningless.
(19:02):
I don't know what the hell I'mdoing here.
And everything that I heardwas just like, hey, you know what?
Like, enjoy your life.
You know, think positive andall of these things.
And I was like, wow, this.
Like, I don't know what to do.
And I kind of like lost myground completely.
(19:24):
And I lost my ground in A waythat I was laying in paradise beaches,
Guatemala.
We were hopping from island toisland and like into different kind
of like adventures.
And I was like laying inparadise beaches in Guatemala.
I still had these old patternsshowing up.
So we were in an openrelationship as well.
So I could pretty much dowhatever I wanted.
(19:46):
And I used this in order toavoid really facing the conversations
with her and also with myselfagain, to date women, to go out and
party and all of that, just asa way to escape this internal turmoil
that I was like, that Icouldn't really handle.
(20:08):
So the meter's going down, youfeel it going down.
And now the tendency, theyearning to numb that with previous
behaviors is coming up.
So, okay, I know what this is.
Let's go pull out the old bagof tricks and do that.
Exactly, exactly.
Pull out the old bag of tricksand do that.
Exactly.
(20:28):
Your phrase is exactly right.
And then I was in a spacewhere I was like, okay, I'm open
to anything pretty much.
So I just saw an Instagram adfor some coaching personal development
program and I didn't reallythink about that.
I was just like pretty muchtaking anything that was coming my
(20:49):
way.
I was just saying yes tobecause I didn't have any clear direction
anyway.
So I was like, okay, let's do that.
And what I didn't realize thatI signed up to like a 700 hour coaching
training that was more.
We also learned techniques touse with others and at the same time
it was like a deep, reflectiveinquiry about you, about our own
(21:12):
life.
So that was, that was so intense.
And I turned around every rockand all of a sudden I could see all
of my patterns and behaviors,all of the chasing, all of the, like,
trying to do it right for her.
Trying to get her love from myex partner.
Why I built the businessesbecause I didn't feel enough for
(21:36):
myself, right?
Because like I did thereflections and all of a sudden like
a situation when I was like11, 12 years old popped into my mind
where I came home from schoolon a summer day and I come home and
I'm like, wow, I want to go tothe lake.
(21:57):
And I had two best friends atthat time.
And I picked up the phone andI called them and I said like, hey,
you guys want to hang out bythe lake?
And both of them said, no, wehave to do homework.
We have to do something withour parents and stuff like that,
so we don't have time.
So I was a little bit sad.
So I had my lunch, I did likea little bit of my Homework.
(22:19):
And then I went down the lakeand I was standing there, grass and
feet in the grass.
And like, looking, sun was shining.
And I looked out the lake andthere was a boat on the lake.
And both of them were on there together.
And, like, my heart dropped completely.
And I felt so small andunworthy in that moment.
(22:40):
Like, there was this, like,huge hole in my stomach.
And I.
And I swore to myself, like,my mom was there.
She's like, are you okay?
And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay.
But inside I was like, wow.
Like, I'm gonna prove toeverybody that I'm worthy of love,
(23:00):
you know?
Yeah.
And in these reflectionslater, I realized that moment as
one of the, like a reallystrong moment for everything that
I did afterwards.
All chasing that approval.
My friends dissed me.
And now I got approved to notjust them, them vicariously, everybody
(23:20):
in the universe that I'm okay.
Money, positions, opportunity,attractiveness, and all the rest.
So you launched on a 700 hourtraining and came out the other end.
What, like, you know, what is.
What is the change?
What is the change?
Well, the change back thenfirst was that it was really cool
(23:44):
because they ended thattraining with a vision party.
So who do you want to be?
Kind of think, come as that person.
Like, if you imagine yourself10 years from now or 5 years or whatever,
who do you want to be?
So come as that person, whichwas amazing.
So I was like.
And I was still together withmy partner back then, I was like,
okay, let's go to that party.
(24:05):
Inside of me, everything waslike, no.
No, no, no, no.
But I hadn't yet had thecourage to, like, end this relationship.
I felt like completelydepleted and everything was, no,
no, no.
So we come to this, to thecity, we go to the hotel.
And back then, I already,like, reduced drinking.
(24:26):
I reduced taking substancesand all of that.
And she was like, hey, let'sgo out for drinks.
Like, I have a friend here.
And I just exploded.
I was like, no, like, I cannotdo that.
Like, I want to be.
Come as the person that I wantto be in that moment.
Right?
And right.
(24:46):
Like, and not as the old one.
Like, I want to come there aslike the five, the version of myself
in five years that's likesober, that's like, you know, that
has it lives from integrity,that has, you know, found what they
want to do.
Like, all of that.
Right?
And then I finally had thecourage to be like, okay, I don't
(25:10):
see you in my vision, youknow, I don't see you.
And that moment like, releasedso much for us.
And I just completely cried.
She was just standing there,stillness, nothing, no expression
in the face.
And I cried for half an hourwith her in the room together.
(25:32):
We were holding each other.
And then I took off and I wentto that vision party.
And the next morning when Icame back, she was gone.
And not the next morning, butat night when she was gone.
And that was one huge decisionthat I needed to take, that I knew
that I needed to take in orderto free myself.
(25:54):
You know, it was a big stand.
You took a stand for yourself,moving out of the people, pleasing
and needing the external validation.
You had created a visionthrough this process and had the
courage now to say no and freeup the space to move toward being
that thing, taking a stand for yourself.
(26:15):
So way cool.
Yeah, that was, that was like,that was the first of many decisions
that I took.
And then, yeah, like fastforward few years later, you know,
yeah, I started coaching after that.
You know, I started coachingsupporting others on their journey,
especially post exit founders,to find what's next for them.
(26:38):
Because that was like a reallyhard process for me.
You know, ultimately I knew,okay, I want to be of service, I
want to support others ontheir journey.
You know, that was so clearfor me.
And so I started to work withpost exit founders in that phase
of, hey, I don't know what todo with after I exit my company.
You know, there's a lot ofpeople that fall into that void or
(27:00):
that hole.
And.
And yeah, now I'm sitting hereand again, another evolution has
happened and I am more.
Yeah, I've realized in thelast months that the next step, the
next evolution is reallybecause in many of the conversations
(27:21):
and coachings that I had withthe founders, the ultimate main theme
was relationships.
So either personally in theirlove life or also with co founders.
So I've decided to open up anew program for relationship coaching
for founders.
Founder relationship coaching.
(27:42):
That's interesting becausefounders are often obsessed.
You know, they have an ideaand they do this thing and they do
it really well and they create success.
But often what that costs isrelationships with themselves and
their intimate partners orbusiness partners or others because
of that kind of obsession.
So post exit founders, you'resaying, gee, I'm going to help people
(28:06):
navigate what just took me twoor three or four years to navigate.
And you've now said, well,maybe it's not just exit.
Maybe it is pre exit orwhatever, the relationship piece
that is so neglected and soneeded for those people that are
(28:28):
the visionaries and the founders.
Did I get that right orcorrect it?
Absolutely, absolutely.
And.
And I want to tell you alittle bit about a conversation that
I had earlier today with afounder, actually.
Okay.
And.
And we were talking about that.
The same patterns are comingup in their business as well as in
(28:48):
their personal life.
Right.
So, for example, from.
From my personal story, I,like, my attachment is rather anxious.
So I like, I chase things, Igrasp things.
Like, I go after.
When I'm in a relationshipwith the woman.
I, like, I used to be very,like, I used to be kind of anxious,
(29:12):
especially with that partnership.
That was like, one of the,like, my ordeals, I would say, because
she was so.
And I don't want to talk abouther, but, like, I didn't feel seen
or heard at all.
Right.
So.
So I just try to make her loveme, you know, in the way that I wanted.
(29:33):
And I tried to figure thatout, and it was so hard for me.
And ultimately it didn'thappen, obviously, because she was
just operating in a verydifferent way than I.
Than I need.
Right, right.
And I realized that.
And like, a similar patternalso came up with the co founders
in my businesses, right.
Where they were like, in.
(29:53):
In the.
In the event business, forexample, I would be the.
I would be the guy who was,like, oftentimes, like, tried to
put the team together, youknow, was really caring about the
team.
And ultimately also, when wekind of split, there was a huge,
huge fight.
And I would try to fix it.
(30:14):
Like, I would try to make it happen.
And the more I tried to makeit happen, the more he would withdraw
and, like, go out of the connection.
Right.
And I would just go more.
And the more I tried, he went out.
So these kind of patterns thatwe have in our relationship show
up in business.
And the way we.
(30:34):
It's kind of like how we doone thing.
We do everything.
The way we do one thing is theway we do everything.
Absolutely.
And ultimately, it's soimportant to look at these patterns.
It was so important for mebecause they would go through all
of my life, through all of therelationships that I had, even my
(30:54):
friends, like, I would throwparties just to be around them, right.
Not because I genuinely hadthe energy, but the energy came because
I thought, I can be aroundthose people that then later I don't
have anything to do anymorebecause I just changed completely
and realized I'm not my bestversion with them.
(31:15):
So this is really good.
I want you to take us on a bitof a teaching journey.
So you've described what youwent through is the founder of success.
Post exit Looking at thistruth, the way we do one thing is
the way we do everything.
Noticing that similarity,going on a 700 hour journey because
you had the sense of beingasleep, waking up, realizing you
(31:37):
have a calling.
And the calling you're feelingnow is to help people who have similar
experiences post exit or inrelationships in general.
Tell me how you help somebodyso you're in a conversation with
that dude today or some othersituation, how do you help them either
start to wake up from theircoma or identify the truth of those
(32:01):
patterns that you're talkingabout that they may not be seeing?
How do you do that?
What do you do to help themget them started?
So there's kind of three mainpillars, right?
Like the first pillar isreally, is somatic work and it's,
it's really regulating one'snervous system.
And in inside of that kind ofpillar, I work with attachment styles.
(32:24):
So like avoidant and anxiousand secure, sometimes disorganized
attachment styles.
And we kind of, you know,there's like, as I said in the beginning,
there's these meditations thatreally combine Eastern, Eastern meditation
practices with Western psychology.
Kind of like.
So from an Easternperspective, meditation ultimately
(32:45):
is the practice of, if youlook at it from a perspective practice
lens, it's practicing focusingon one single thing as much as you
can, while at the same timecreating the biggest awareness around
everything that you're doing.
And that's a skill that's alsopretty good for, for founders and
(33:06):
entrepreneurs, right?
If you can focus on the taskat hand while still having a meta
view of your business, that'spretty great.
So this combined with a kindof like a therapeutic method that
combines what I said, likeintegrating the somatics and the
(33:28):
feelings into learnings, intowisdom actually.
So this is like the firstpillar, like regulating the nervous
system so that it doesn't show up.
And I obviously listen to thefounders, to the entrepreneurs, to
the mostly men that I work with.
I listen to them, I hear howthey relate towards their partner
(33:52):
or whatever, you know, askingquestions, of course, that's what
coaching is about.
But then ultimately they getto practice these or train their
nervous system so that whenthese situations show up, for example,
when the partner, when theycome home after work and the partner
is like maybe not the happiestbecause they're an hour late or something
(34:14):
for dinner.
Right, right.
Is a common kind of theme, right.
That they don't go into adefensive mode, you know, kind of
like.
Because what happens in adefensive mode is that then there's,
there's no connection that canhappen, so it cannot be resolved.
Ultimately we just spiral.
Right.
(34:34):
What I'd say when I say thatis as soon as someone feels either
disrespected, dissed orattacked or ignored or something,
they quit listening.
And as soon as listeningstops, the communication stops.
Exactly.
And my, my biggest belief isthat we as men, like at least that's
my not expectation, but mystandard for myself is that whatever
(34:58):
the other person does, I wantto be my best version.
As I said in the beginning,that's ultimately what I do to make
this world a better place iswhen I am always holding my center,
when I can fully hear everystorm that's coming towards me, no
matter it's by my partner, nomatter it's in my business, whatever.
(35:20):
But if I can hold my center,my ground, feel whatever's coming
up, while at the same timebeing super present and staying calm
and then speaking somethingthat creates connection again, then
every conflict just dies and Iget out of this stronger.
(35:43):
The relationship grows, thebusiness partnerships grow, everything
grows because I have held mycenter and my ground and I did not.
And that's what happens whenwe get defenses.
We actually regress into alittle boy that wants to be loved
by the mom that is then thepartner, you know, or by the co founder
(36:06):
that for me I projected my dad into.
Like he should know, like heshould see what I'm doing.
Right, right, right.
So we regress to a little boyand, and that's like.
And it's so important for usmen to be able to hold that little
boy inside of us, care for himourselves and thus in the now, in
(36:30):
the grown up version ofourselves, be able to fully stay
present with every emotionthat comes up while at the same time
taking the best possibleaction for the connection and then
for the resolution of the conflict.
So I love it and I agree withyou 100%.
I'm going to ask a differentquestion that pushes on that a little
bit because I want you to talk about.
(36:51):
There's lots of people thatsay just what you said, I'm not doing
this woo woo crap.
And it all sounds too touchyfeely for me.
I just got to bust my ass anddo some stuff and everybody get out
of the way.
What happens when a persontakes that approach as opposed to
learning and the stuff you'vedescribed, getting in touch with
feelings and body andlocalizing feelings and doing all
(37:13):
that work that's not trivialwork, you got to do it, you got to
learn it.
You got to practice it.
Etc.
So what happens when a personignores that and just takes the old
way of blasting through anddismisses all that as a bunch of
crap?
What happens to them?
What happens?
To be honest.
Yeah, to be honest, I don't know.
(37:34):
To be really honest, every.
My, My honest belief of thislife is that everybody has to figure
that out on their own.
I know that.
I've heard people say, orlet's say that way.
I know that sometimes when I'mgoing out and I see older elder men,
you know, that.
(37:55):
That are kind of like superhard, you know, that are like hard,
and I feel that hardness andthat like, boom.
Like, right.
I can literally feel that.
I don't know if they're unhappy.
I just know that's not thelife that I want to live.
Don't you?
I'm going to push on thatbecause I agree with you.
(38:17):
But I get the profound senseof loneliness and the emotion that
comes up for me when Iexperience what you just said is
my heart aches.
I see them and I know, I know.
I don't guess they are missingthe richness and texture and beauty
that life has to offer becausethey've chosen to dismiss it, ignore
(38:38):
it, trivialize it, or think itsomehow for later.
So for sure.
Not that I think for sure.
When, when we get hard and not.
And when we don't integrateemotional somatics and all of it,
like, it opens up a whole.
Like, I've had experiences Icould have never had with alcohol,
substances, whatever, justbeing sober and sitting there meditating.
(39:01):
I've had experiences that arelike, way beyond what is graspable
for the version of myselfseven, eight years ago.
And at the same time, I'm justsaying that everybody has to choose
their own life.
That part's true, right?
Of course not.
But there's consequence.
Yeah, there's a consequencethat, yeah, ultimately what has been
(39:25):
so profound for me in theselast years is that I just feel so,
like life just get richer andricher and richer and I just feel
more connected, connected,connected to everybody.
And, and nowadays we, we hearthis word of like spirituality so
often, right?
Like, ah, this is so spiritual.
Or that's so spiritual for me,you know, like, it doesn't matter
(39:48):
what the people say if it'slike church or spirituality or whatever.
For me, what spiritualitymeans ultimately.
And a lot of people that arefollowing the church might have a
very different view and that'stotally detrimental to that.
But for me, ultimately,spirituality just means that I feel
more as part of somethingbigger than myself.
(40:13):
Every day, connected, more andmore connected to everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And that's just beautiful for me.
So I'm going to ask you acouple more questions.
The first one is, so ifsomeone wants to learn more about
Matthias, like, you've givensome good examples, you've walked
us through a beautiful journey.
You've shown and demonstratedthat transformation and how it worked
(40:35):
in your life and how itmatters to you now.
The consequences of moreconnection, more openness, and you're
just having more fun in life.
If they want to learn moreabout you and, you know, see some
videos or content you have orwhatever it is, where do they go
do that?
First of all, they can.
They can go to LinkedIn.
(40:56):
Matthias Schmidt, just my name.
I have a YouTube channel.
I can drop my WhatsApp even ifpeople have questions.
Hey, I'm going to drop myWhatsApp in the show notes.
And I also have like.
So, yeah, I do videos, I Writecontent on LinkedIn and I kind of
paused on Instagram, to be honest.
(41:18):
There was like too much stuffgoing on.
But I might, I might go backto that.
Let's see.
And.
And then what I would love toalso share is a free, like, nervous
system training where peoplecan get like a little bit of a.
Just a little experience.
Great.
How do they get it?
(41:38):
How did it get it?
Yeah, well, probably in a linkthat we can drop there.
But also my website isMatthias Schmidt.
Eu All right, so Matthias M at T H I a s Schmidt S C H M I double
T T T S C H M I T T There'stwo T's in the front and two in the
(42:00):
back.
M a t T H I a s s C H m I T TWell, I have a Schmidt back in my.
The German side of the Flukerthing somewhere, but it's with a
dt.
Anyway, so WW Schmidt eu.
Please look that up now andget this free stuff.
Because you heard the journeyand practice that he has done to
(42:22):
have the chops, the creds tosay what he has said and how it serves
you.
Matthias, what else didn't Iask you that I should have that you
want to share with me?
You want to teach me or theaudience as a.
As a nugget, as a partingthought, as a whatever.
(42:48):
What didn't you ask?
I think you asked a lot ofbeautiful things.
Well, that's okay.
I just like to give you a secat the end.
Sometimes people have a.
A burning thought that theyjust didn't get to say yet.
(43:09):
And I just wanted to let that happen.
If it was.
If it was floating aroundright now.
There's nothing.
No burning thought, nothing.
All right, great.
It's just a pleasure to be here.
I love what you're doing, andI mean it.
I love you.
I love your work.
I love your openness, thechoices that you've made to share.
It seems to me universallythat whenever we go through these
(43:33):
difficulties in our lives andthen we make the choices to allow
them to refine us instead ofruin us, there arises at the same
time the yearning to help others.
You know, it just seems thatthose happen as we grow.
It's not enough to just, okay,I'm fixed.
Screw the rest of you guys.
It's like there arises at thesame time the yearning to be of service.
(43:57):
And I can see that in you andin your offerings and in.
In the descriptions and lovethat you bring forward and offer
to the world.
So I want to honor you andthank you for that.
Yeah.
Thank you, Kellen.
I think.
I think that, you know, yousaid, once we're fixed.
I wouldn't say that I'm fixed.
(44:18):
You know, like, it's really.
Well, it's a mountain withouta top.
Nobody's fixed, but you knowwhat I mean?
Nobody's fixed.
And also, nobody's broken.
You know, great.
Like, we're all perfect as weare, and that's so important for
me.
For me, it's really importantjust to see the world more and more
and every person through a mild.
(44:41):
A soft eye, you know, becausethere was so much.
There was so much turmoil andresentment and judgment in my head
about others, and I just wantto soften into that and be like,
okay, like, we're all part ofthe same game somehow here.
And that's what really.
(45:02):
Well, it's all the samefeelings we're made of, and I love
that, because we don't have tobe broken in order to go want to
grow.
We can start from a place ofbeing okay, and then looking at our
lives and saying, you know what?
I don't think this is as goodas it gets.
I'm going to go do something else.
And we can do that without thejudgment and the condemning and the
(45:24):
negativity.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's.
That's the beauty of it.
And I think that's justnatural evolution.
You know, the growth is.
Is.
Is what we're actually herefor, ultimately.
And sometimes the life thatwe're in just gets too small, or
there's pressure, challenges,whatever, and then this is just like
(45:45):
the next step, knocking on thedoor and saying, hey, when do you
let me in?
Love it.
So, Matthias, thank you forbeing with us today and sharing your
heart and all that you've been through.
I appreciate that.
Thank you so much for havingme, Kellen.
And yeah, it was great to be here.
I had so much fun and I'm justreally grateful.
You guys listening.
(46:06):
I want you to take the showand go back through it a couple of
times.
You know, he talked aboutmeditation, emotional regulation,
and different ways to get intouch with because you're an integrated
organism.
And the idea that you can pushstuff away forever and have no consequence
is not true.
If you do that and you go backthrough what he generously taught
us, you will have more toolsand ability to create your ultimate
(46:31):
life this time around.
Right here, right now, youropportunity for massive growth is
right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
(46:53):
If you want to know more, goto Kellen Fluker media.com if you
want more free tools, go here.
Your Ultimate Life casubscribe your feet on the ground
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What I feel, what I say, whatI think, and what I do that they're
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(00:27):
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You have infinite power.
Hello, and welcome to thisepisode of your ultimate life, the
podcast to help you create alife of purpose, prosperity, and
joy, and love the heck out ofevery second of your life.
Today I have a special guest,Matthias Schmidt.
Matthias, welcome to the show.
(00:48):
Thank you, Kellen, for having me.
It's such a pleasure to be here.
I love it and I love thelittle chat we had ahead of time,
and we'll do more of that.
I want to hear more about thethings that you've learned.
Now, I don't make it apractice to give a big intro and
read a bunch of stuff aboutguests ahead of time, so I don't
do that.
That'll all come out duringthe show.
How I want to start is just toask you, without being modest or
(01:12):
anything, I'd like you to tellme, the audience, how Matthias adds
good to the world.
I think there's a lot that Icould say around, you know, the projects
or whatever I do.
I think essentially what.
What's really true is that Ijust try to show up every moment
(01:36):
as my best version.
And that's the thing that alot of people say, best version stuff.
For me, that means reallyliving in integrity.
So what I feel, what I say,what I think and what I do, that
they're in alignment.
And I think that's thegreatest thing that I can do for
the world.
So I love that.
(01:56):
And I agree with you because,you know, we hear all these buzzwords,
personal development, and stepinto your power and authenticity,
and they get thrown around,like, so much noise.
And mostly they are noisebecause people don't take the time
or the effort to figure outwhat that means.
So I want you to walk methrough what it means to today.
(02:21):
For example, today's a Thursday.
As we record this, what doesit mean for Matthias to have his
thoughts, feelings, words, andbeing in integrity?
Integrity with what?
How do you check that?
Talk me through that.
Yeah, yeah, that's.
Wow, that's.
That's phenomenal.
(02:42):
So.
So what I do the night beforeis I.
Like, yesterday night Ichecked in and I was like, okay,
what do I want to get done today?
Right?
Like, what are the tasks thatare really important for me in terms
of My business, my health, andall of that.
And so I wrote them down.
And then, you know, thismorning I woke up and I felt there
(03:05):
was like, sort of like aheaviness inside of me.
So I'm very kind of like, I'mvery connected to the.
To my feelings and thesensations in my body, and I felt
that heaviness.
And I.
And my first thing, my firsttask would be, would have been write
content.
But what I did instead, I satlonger in my meditation, and I felt
(03:26):
through that in order so thatthen the content and whatever I do
after that could be reallyfrom a place of lightness and not
from a place of a little bitof shutdown or collapse or something
where my tendency of mynervous system is to go into that
direction.
And so really doing that froma place of lightness and of, hey,
(03:49):
okay, this is really somethingthat I want to do from joy and not
from pressuring through.
And maybe back in the days, Iwould just be like, shove that part
away and be like, no, no, no,I got to get that stuff done.
Build resentment internally,which would later show up as impulsivity
towards others, which wouldshow up as, you know, beating myself
(04:13):
up, negative self talk and allof that.
Whereas now I check in, Ifeel, I think, like, I check in with
my.
With my system, and I'm like,oh, okay.
Like, there's a heavy emotionhere that wants to be felt first.
So I try to take care of thatbecause I know that it will influence
everything and it will haveresidue that will impact my relationships,
(04:35):
how I show up, how I docontent, and all of that.
So that's fabulous.
And I want to talk just indetail about doing that, because
having an emotion show up ofheaviness, it doesn't matter what
the.
Cause some people take the.
And you're right, every single thing.
Like, people should listen tothis last two minutes of advice you
gave and.
(04:55):
And realize that those.
Those things have tails andresidue and all those feelings, and
pushing them aside doesn'tmake them go away.
It just takes them out of yourimmediate consciousness.
But anyway, so when you wakeup with this heavy feeling of anything,
one approach is, I can't doanything until I figure out what
it is and do something about it.
(05:15):
Another approach is like, I'mjust gonna be with it and love it
and let it be okay and seewhat happens.
Maybe it's some neurotransmitters.
Maybe it's a leftover thought.
Like, what do you do?
You woke up, you notice aheavy feeling, and I'm digging Into
this, because this is really important.
I notice the same thing.
I do things and I have a setof processes.
(05:37):
But what do you do?
So you did this morning, youwoke up with a heavy feeling.
Did you identify it?
Was that necessary?
Did you just sit with it untilyou connected with the joy of your
life in the day?
Like, what?
That's a very good question.
Yeah, I love that.
No, so what I do is.
And I think it's a learnableskill that everybody can learn, right?
(05:57):
Like, everybody has their own process.
And there's now a lot ofmodalities that are in the forefront,
which is like a combination,what I do, of Eastern meditation
and Western psychology, like,mixed together.
So it's kind of like.
Yeah, like ancient Easternmeditation and inner child healing
(06:17):
kind of mixed together.
And so what I do is I connectwith the.
With the sensation in my body.
I give it some kind of, youknow, like, I give it some kind of
picture in my mind.
I also feel into the feeling.
So I have the sensation, the somatics.
(06:38):
Then I have the feeling, thenI have the picture in my mind of
what that is.
And it doesn't matter where itcomes from.
So many people in thiscoaching, therapy, whatever, get
so stuck in this was when Iwas 3 years old and my mom didn't
look at me or something like that.
That's why therapy oftentimes,like years of therapy, don't have
a lot of influence in the reallife because we just get stuck in
(07:01):
our head again.
But what's so important inwhat I do is connecting through to
the somatics and then attaching.
Like, our mind has, like four different.
Many more, but four generalkind of registers.
And one is somatic, the otherone is the feeling.
The third one is the imageryand the.
And the fourth one isspeaking, so the vocalization.
(07:23):
So what I do is I connect on somatics.
I feel into the feeling.
I see the picture, I image it.
I image the picture, whatevercomes up, and then I speak to that,
right?
And then I.
And I stay with it, right?
And I.
And I am energetically justholding it as if I was my own best
(07:44):
father and mother.
At the same time, I'm like,I'm not what you said, right?
A few years ago, maybe three,four years ago, I would then really
get into the emotion and thenget into a loop where I would be.
Maybe after I had really builtsuccessful businesses six years,
I really needed that kind ofmore feminine approach where I was
(08:08):
like, then, but laying in bedhalf day because I was so sad.
Or something, but then at thesame time being there for this feeling
or whatever is coming up andat the same time like just observing
it and also not gettingdragged away by it, being the best
father as well.
So like having the heart and,and, and the backbone at the same
(08:30):
time.
I love that.
So I'm going to ask you to digin and I want to hear about your
successful businesses andstuff like that too.
But I want to set this as a backdrop.
Why did you learn to do that?
Like what was going on in your life?
Because you're describing aprocess that takes some learning
and you know, the somatics andthe feeling and the picture and the
(08:50):
visualization and theverbalization and that takes some
effort, like learning to playtennis or play the piano or learning
how to have a relationship or,you know, that kind of stuff.
So what was it that drove youto do, to learn that sort of skill
and practice it?
I would say ultimately that Iwasn't satisfied with the mess that
(09:15):
I was creating in myrelationships and in my own head.
Okay, so there was somethingabout your relationships with others
and with yourself essentially.
So your relationship with selfand others that was unhappy, unsatisfying.
This isn't working.
And so you went to find someother way to manage or approach or
(09:36):
create those relationshipsthat worked better and you went on
this journey.
So how did you.
I mean, nobody falls up this mountain.
So describe that journey alittle bit for me.
No, and I mean, and it's all, it's.
I mean as you said, it takesoff effort, right?
It takes commitment.
Like we got to be committed tothat and we got to want it because.
(09:59):
And I knew that there was moreout there for me that I had to, you
know, that I could feellighter, that I could have exactly
the life that was in full integrity.
And what drove me to that wasreally waking up in October 2019
with two successful businesses.
(10:20):
As I shared before, it waslike a suffer as a service company
and a event company.
So skiing events for students,like big festivals in the mountains
and, and the first one was VCfunded and waking up and feeling
like a big thing is missing inmy life.
And I remember that daybecause a woman that I had a one
(10:44):
night stand with just walkedout of my room.
And that was probably the, Ididn't count that year, but probably
like the 50th or something,one night stand that I had that year.
And I was just looking atmyself in the mirror and I thought
like, is this really the lifethat I want to lead?
You know, is this really lifelike it's keeps repeating, it keeps
(11:10):
repeating.
And I had a lot of fun, nodoubt about that in my, in my, in
my life before that.
Right.
It was, it was a lot of funand I was realizing I keep repeating
the cycles and I don't want tostay in those cycles anymore and
I don't want to run behind thevalidation of women, the validation
of other men as well, in orderto feel for a short amount of time
(11:36):
happy and then having to do itall over again and having to please
others ultimately anddepleting myself for that.
So that's really interesting.
And again, I like to emphasizepoints because they go by so quickly
and you describe them so well.
You are looking and findingvalidation from external sources.
(12:00):
The admiration of men or ofbusiness owners, men, women or men
who appreciated the successfulcompanies, software as a service
and event companies.
The admiration of women who,you know, threw themselves at you
or you, you, you know, hadshort term relationships with.
And those were short termvalidations that says, oh yeah, Matthias,
he's cool, but they only last,you know, about two seconds.
(12:24):
And, and, and since they comefrom outside and they don't last,
that leaves not only you, butanyone that seeks the truth of their
being from those places always wanting.
Because they never last.
Yeah, exactly.
They don't last.
They don't last.
And, and that was somethingwhere I felt like just a deep hole
(12:50):
and a deep, like I knew that Iwanted to be in integrity and I knew
that there was something outthere and I couldn't name that.
Right.
But I knew that it was waitingfor me and that's why I took the
decision.
Yeah, so you said, I'm goingto quit doing this.
I'm going to pursue a paththat makes it feel like.
(13:11):
So something about thatcircular pattern felt out of integrity.
It felt like I'm not living mybest self.
My thoughts, feelings, heart,mind, they're not in a straight line.
There's detours all over the place.
And so something about thatprocess was calling to you saying
however much short term funthis might be, this is out of integrity
(13:35):
with who I really am and youcan correct me if I'm wrong, but
who I somehow feel like Ireally am and what I'm about it isn't
this circular pattern ofexternal gratification.
And so I gotta go findsomething else.
And that led you on a, a pathto start, to start figuring out what
that was for you.
(13:55):
Yeah, exactly.
And I mean it wasn't likesuper clear, right, that this wasn't
who I Was because back then itwas more like a feeling that I'm
not in my lane.
It was a feeling that I'm off track.
Right.
It was a feeling that.
Yeah, I couldn't fully name it.
It was like I was alive, butmy soul was somehow in a coma.
(14:19):
Right.
Like this kind of thing, but Icouldn't fully name what it was like.
It couldn't have been like,oh, yeah, I'm, you know, I got to
do this, I got to do that.
No, I was more like unclarity,confusion, you know, and.
And yeah.
So I had the sense thatsomething was not right and I couldn't
(14:41):
name it.
Yeah, well, if you're in acoma, the first thing you gotta do
is wake up.
Yeah.
So I'm doing stuff, but mysoul's in a coma, so I gotta wake
up.
So tell me in the process of.
And include the businesses.
So you have businesses, youhave a pattern of life.
You built some successfulbusinesses as a successful entrepreneur.
(15:04):
And you're feeling this out ofalignment, soul asleep.
And then talk us through thesteps that you changed.
Because where we're going withthis is what you're doing now and
what you're going to turn thatjourney into.
But right now I want to wakeyou up.
So I'm not going to wake you up.
You woke up or you started to.
What happened?
(15:24):
What happened?
So what happened was that atfirst I was out of my businesses.
I had money, I had time.
It was the starting of COVIDand I've always been somebody who
didn't give a lot about rules,like, who didn't give a damn about
rules so much.
So I was like, awesome, I can travel.
(15:46):
So I actually got into a new relationship.
I was like, at first I was free.
I thought I was free, right.
Because I was out of the businesses.
I did one seminar thatconnected me deeply with my emotions.
So I hadn't cried for probablylike seven, eight years or something.
And like, I only felt really alive.
(16:09):
Whenever I went on adventure,you know, threw myself down the hill
on like powder days or when Ihad those really intense, you know,
love one night stands,whatever, you know, when I got really,
really drunk or something likethat, that's when I felt alive.
Like I needed this to feel alive.
(16:30):
And so I went to that seminarand a friend of mine actually told
me about it and he was like,you know, this would be really cool
for you.
And at first I resisted.
I was like, ah, I don't wantto have to do anything with that.
Woo.
Stuff like, don't Bullshit mewith that.
But something inside of me waslike, okay, let's give it a try,
right?
Because I don't have anythingto do anyway.
(16:51):
I don't know what I'm going todo, right?
So I'm going to do it.
And.
And there.
There was a moment where Iconnected deeply with my feelings.
It was intense.
Like, there was like.
Like as if there was lightcoming in.
I started.
I started crying for the firsttime, as I said, in eight years.
And all of a sudden, like, asif I would take my first breath,
(17:13):
I'm like, wow, like I'm alive.
And then I looked into my.
Into the mirror and I sawmyself and I looked into my eyes
and it was as if I would seemyself for the first time.
And after that, a few months,I was really on top of the world.
Like, I thought I was on topof the.
I thought I had won thelottery and Christmas and Easter
(17:35):
and everything at the same time.
And I thought, like, wow,like, am I enlightened?
Like, what's going on?
Right?
And my heart was so open and Ithought, wow, this is so amazing.
So I got into a newrelationship and.
And then I still didn't haveanything to do, right?
I was like, okay, we're justgonna travel the world and, and.
(17:57):
And do stuff and, andexperience things.
And I went to like, some.
Some burns and I went to some,you know, other festivals that were
amazing.
And slowly, this kind of.
This feeling, this heightenedfeeling, just slowly step by step
went down.
And I could feel it on a dailybase in my mind that my mood was
(18:20):
dropping.
And I had so much selfawareness already because I had started
meditation a year ago, a yearbefore that, so I could kind of like
already observe my mind alittle bit and my thoughts and my
emotions that I was like,going down, down.
And I was like, what is this?
What is this?
And so the interesting thingis that the relationship I was in,
(18:42):
like, at first it was like,she was adventurous.
She was like super, superbeautiful woman.
Adventurous, like, always driven.
And at first that matchedsuper well.
And then after a while Irealized, wow, like, I actually want
to talk about something deeper.
Like, I want to talk about myfeelings, because I feel meaningless.
(19:02):
I don't know what the hell I'mdoing here.
And everything that I heardwas just like, hey, you know what?
Like, enjoy your life.
You know, think positive andall of these things.
And I was like, wow, this.
Like, I don't know what to do.
And I kind of like lost myground completely.
(19:24):
And I lost my ground in A waythat I was laying in paradise beaches,
Guatemala.
We were hopping from island toisland and like into different kind
of like adventures.
And I was like laying inparadise beaches in Guatemala.
I still had these old patternsshowing up.
So we were in an openrelationship as well.
So I could pretty much dowhatever I wanted.
(19:46):
And I used this in order toavoid really facing the conversations
with her and also with myselfagain, to date women, to go out and
party and all of that, just asa way to escape this internal turmoil
that I was like, that Icouldn't really handle.
(20:08):
So the meter's going down, youfeel it going down.
And now the tendency, theyearning to numb that with previous
behaviors is coming up.
So, okay, I know what this is.
Let's go pull out the old bagof tricks and do that.
Exactly, exactly.
Pull out the old bag of tricksand do that.
Exactly.
(20:28):
Your phrase is exactly right.
And then I was in a spacewhere I was like, okay, I'm open
to anything pretty much.
So I just saw an Instagram adfor some coaching personal development
program and I didn't reallythink about that.
I was just like pretty muchtaking anything that was coming my
(20:49):
way.
I was just saying yes tobecause I didn't have any clear direction
anyway.
So I was like, okay, let's do that.
And what I didn't realize thatI signed up to like a 700 hour coaching
training that was more.
We also learned techniques touse with others and at the same time
it was like a deep, reflectiveinquiry about you, about our own
(21:12):
life.
So that was, that was so intense.
And I turned around every rockand all of a sudden I could see all
of my patterns and behaviors,all of the chasing, all of the, like,
trying to do it right for her.
Trying to get her love from myex partner.
Why I built the businessesbecause I didn't feel enough for
(21:36):
myself, right?
Because like I did thereflections and all of a sudden like
a situation when I was like11, 12 years old popped into my mind
where I came home from schoolon a summer day and I come home and
I'm like, wow, I want to go tothe lake.
(21:57):
And I had two best friends atthat time.
And I picked up the phone andI called them and I said like, hey,
you guys want to hang out bythe lake?
And both of them said, no, wehave to do homework.
We have to do something withour parents and stuff like that,
so we don't have time.
So I was a little bit sad.
So I had my lunch, I did likea little bit of my Homework.
(22:19):
And then I went down the lakeand I was standing there, grass and
feet in the grass.
And like, looking, sun was shining.
And I looked out the lake andthere was a boat on the lake.
And both of them were on there together.
And, like, my heart dropped completely.
And I felt so small andunworthy in that moment.
(22:40):
Like, there was this, like,huge hole in my stomach.
And I.
And I swore to myself, like,my mom was there.
She's like, are you okay?
And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay.
But inside I was like, wow.
Like, I'm gonna prove toeverybody that I'm worthy of love,
(23:00):
you know?
Yeah.
And in these reflectionslater, I realized that moment as
one of the, like a reallystrong moment for everything that
I did afterwards.
All chasing that approval.
My friends dissed me.
And now I got approved to notjust them, them vicariously, everybody
(23:20):
in the universe that I'm okay.
Money, positions, opportunity,attractiveness, and all the rest.
So you launched on a 700 hourtraining and came out the other end.
What, like, you know, what is.
What is the change?
What is the change?
Well, the change back thenfirst was that it was really cool
(23:44):
because they ended thattraining with a vision party.
So who do you want to be?
Kind of think, come as that person.
Like, if you imagine yourself10 years from now or 5 years or whatever,
who do you want to be?
So come as that person, whichwas amazing.
So I was like.
And I was still together withmy partner back then, I was like,
okay, let's go to that party.
(24:05):
Inside of me, everything waslike, no.
No, no, no, no.
But I hadn't yet had thecourage to, like, end this relationship.
I felt like completelydepleted and everything was, no,
no, no.
So we come to this, to thecity, we go to the hotel.
And back then, I already,like, reduced drinking.
(24:26):
I reduced taking substancesand all of that.
And she was like, hey, let'sgo out for drinks.
Like, I have a friend here.
And I just exploded.
I was like, no, like, I cannotdo that.
Like, I want to be.
Come as the person that I wantto be in that moment.
Right?
And right.
(24:46):
Like, and not as the old one.
Like, I want to come there aslike the five, the version of myself
in five years that's likesober, that's like, you know, that
has it lives from integrity,that has, you know, found what they
want to do.
Like, all of that.
Right?
And then I finally had thecourage to be like, okay, I don't
(25:10):
see you in my vision, youknow, I don't see you.
And that moment like, releasedso much for us.
And I just completely cried.
She was just standing there,stillness, nothing, no expression
in the face.
And I cried for half an hourwith her in the room together.
(25:32):
We were holding each other.
And then I took off and I wentto that vision party.
And the next morning when Icame back, she was gone.
And not the next morning, butat night when she was gone.
And that was one huge decisionthat I needed to take, that I knew
that I needed to take in orderto free myself.
(25:54):
You know, it was a big stand.
You took a stand for yourself,moving out of the people, pleasing
and needing the external validation.
You had created a visionthrough this process and had the
courage now to say no and freeup the space to move toward being
that thing, taking a stand for yourself.
(26:15):
So way cool.
Yeah, that was, that was like,that was the first of many decisions
that I took.
And then, yeah, like fastforward few years later, you know,
yeah, I started coaching after that.
You know, I started coachingsupporting others on their journey,
especially post exit founders,to find what's next for them.
(26:38):
Because that was like a reallyhard process for me.
You know, ultimately I knew,okay, I want to be of service, I
want to support others ontheir journey.
You know, that was so clearfor me.
And so I started to work withpost exit founders in that phase
of, hey, I don't know what todo with after I exit my company.
You know, there's a lot ofpeople that fall into that void or
(27:00):
that hole.
And.
And yeah, now I'm sitting hereand again, another evolution has
happened and I am more.
Yeah, I've realized in thelast months that the next step, the
next evolution is reallybecause in many of the conversations
(27:21):
and coachings that I had withthe founders, the ultimate main theme
was relationships.
So either personally in theirlove life or also with co founders.
So I've decided to open up anew program for relationship coaching
for founders.
Founder relationship coaching.
(27:42):
That's interesting becausefounders are often obsessed.
You know, they have an ideaand they do this thing and they do
it really well and they create success.
But often what that costs isrelationships with themselves and
their intimate partners orbusiness partners or others because
of that kind of obsession.
So post exit founders, you'resaying, gee, I'm going to help people
(28:06):
navigate what just took me twoor three or four years to navigate.
And you've now said, well,maybe it's not just exit.
Maybe it is pre exit orwhatever, the relationship piece
that is so neglected and soneeded for those people that are
(28:28):
the visionaries and the founders.
Did I get that right orcorrect it?
Absolutely, absolutely.
And.
And I want to tell you alittle bit about a conversation that
I had earlier today with afounder, actually.
Okay.
And.
And we were talking about that.
The same patterns are comingup in their business as well as in
(28:48):
their personal life.
Right.
So, for example, from.
From my personal story, I,like, my attachment is rather anxious.
So I like, I chase things, Igrasp things.
Like, I go after.
When I'm in a relationshipwith the woman.
I, like, I used to be very,like, I used to be kind of anxious,
(29:12):
especially with that partnership.
That was like, one of the,like, my ordeals, I would say, because
she was so.
And I don't want to talk abouther, but, like, I didn't feel seen
or heard at all.
Right.
So.
So I just try to make her loveme, you know, in the way that I wanted.
(29:33):
And I tried to figure thatout, and it was so hard for me.
And ultimately it didn'thappen, obviously, because she was
just operating in a verydifferent way than I.
Than I need.
Right, right.
And I realized that.
And like, a similar patternalso came up with the co founders
in my businesses, right.
Where they were like, in.
(29:53):
In the.
In the event business, forexample, I would be the.
I would be the guy who was,like, oftentimes, like, tried to
put the team together, youknow, was really caring about the
team.
And ultimately also, when wekind of split, there was a huge,
huge fight.
And I would try to fix it.
(30:14):
Like, I would try to make it happen.
And the more I tried to makeit happen, the more he would withdraw
and, like, go out of the connection.
Right.
And I would just go more.
And the more I tried, he went out.
So these kind of patterns thatwe have in our relationship show
up in business.
And the way we.
(30:34):
It's kind of like how we doone thing.
We do everything.
The way we do one thing is theway we do everything.
Absolutely.
And ultimately, it's soimportant to look at these patterns.
It was so important for mebecause they would go through all
of my life, through all of therelationships that I had, even my
(30:54):
friends, like, I would throwparties just to be around them, right.
Not because I genuinely hadthe energy, but the energy came because
I thought, I can be aroundthose people that then later I don't
have anything to do anymorebecause I just changed completely
and realized I'm not my bestversion with them.
(31:15):
So this is really good.
I want you to take us on a bitof a teaching journey.
So you've described what youwent through is the founder of success.
Post exit Looking at thistruth, the way we do one thing is
the way we do everything.
Noticing that similarity,going on a 700 hour journey because
you had the sense of beingasleep, waking up, realizing you
(31:37):
have a calling.
And the calling you're feelingnow is to help people who have similar
experiences post exit or inrelationships in general.
Tell me how you help somebodyso you're in a conversation with
that dude today or some othersituation, how do you help them either
start to wake up from theircoma or identify the truth of those
(32:01):
patterns that you're talkingabout that they may not be seeing?
How do you do that?
What do you do to help themget them started?
So there's kind of three mainpillars, right?
Like the first pillar isreally, is somatic work and it's,
it's really regulating one'snervous system.
And in inside of that kind ofpillar, I work with attachment styles.
(32:24):
So like avoidant and anxiousand secure, sometimes disorganized
attachment styles.
And we kind of, you know,there's like, as I said in the beginning,
there's these meditations thatreally combine Eastern, Eastern meditation
practices with Western psychology.
Kind of like.
So from an Easternperspective, meditation ultimately
(32:45):
is the practice of, if youlook at it from a perspective practice
lens, it's practicing focusingon one single thing as much as you
can, while at the same timecreating the biggest awareness around
everything that you're doing.
And that's a skill that's alsopretty good for, for founders and
(33:06):
entrepreneurs, right?
If you can focus on the taskat hand while still having a meta
view of your business, that'spretty great.
So this combined with a kindof like a therapeutic method that
combines what I said, likeintegrating the somatics and the
(33:28):
feelings into learnings, intowisdom actually.
So this is like the firstpillar, like regulating the nervous
system so that it doesn't show up.
And I obviously listen to thefounders, to the entrepreneurs, to
the mostly men that I work with.
I listen to them, I hear howthey relate towards their partner
(33:52):
or whatever, you know, askingquestions, of course, that's what
coaching is about.
But then ultimately they getto practice these or train their
nervous system so that whenthese situations show up, for example,
when the partner, when theycome home after work and the partner
is like maybe not the happiestbecause they're an hour late or something
(34:14):
for dinner.
Right, right.
Is a common kind of theme, right.
That they don't go into adefensive mode, you know, kind of
like.
Because what happens in adefensive mode is that then there's,
there's no connection that canhappen, so it cannot be resolved.
Ultimately we just spiral.
Right.
(34:34):
What I'd say when I say thatis as soon as someone feels either
disrespected, dissed orattacked or ignored or something,
they quit listening.
And as soon as listeningstops, the communication stops.
Exactly.
And my, my biggest belief isthat we as men, like at least that's
my not expectation, but mystandard for myself is that whatever
(34:58):
the other person does, I wantto be my best version.
As I said in the beginning,that's ultimately what I do to make
this world a better place iswhen I am always holding my center,
when I can fully hear everystorm that's coming towards me, no
matter it's by my partner, nomatter it's in my business, whatever.
(35:20):
But if I can hold my center,my ground, feel whatever's coming
up, while at the same timebeing super present and staying calm
and then speaking somethingthat creates connection again, then
every conflict just dies and Iget out of this stronger.
(35:43):
The relationship grows, thebusiness partnerships grow, everything
grows because I have held mycenter and my ground and I did not.
And that's what happens whenwe get defenses.
We actually regress into alittle boy that wants to be loved
by the mom that is then thepartner, you know, or by the co founder
(36:06):
that for me I projected my dad into.
Like he should know, like heshould see what I'm doing.
Right, right, right.
So we regress to a little boyand, and that's like.
And it's so important for usmen to be able to hold that little
boy inside of us, care for himourselves and thus in the now, in
(36:30):
the grown up version ofourselves, be able to fully stay
present with every emotionthat comes up while at the same time
taking the best possibleaction for the connection and then
for the resolution of the conflict.
So I love it and I agree withyou 100%.
I'm going to ask a differentquestion that pushes on that a little
bit because I want you to talk about.
(36:51):
There's lots of people thatsay just what you said, I'm not doing
this woo woo crap.
And it all sounds too touchyfeely for me.
I just got to bust my ass anddo some stuff and everybody get out
of the way.
What happens when a persontakes that approach as opposed to
learning and the stuff you'vedescribed, getting in touch with
feelings and body andlocalizing feelings and doing all
(37:13):
that work that's not trivialwork, you got to do it, you got to
learn it.
You got to practice it.
Etc.
So what happens when a personignores that and just takes the old
way of blasting through anddismisses all that as a bunch of
crap?
What happens to them?
What happens?
To be honest.
Yeah, to be honest, I don't know.
(37:34):
To be really honest, every.
My, My honest belief of thislife is that everybody has to figure
that out on their own.
I know that.
I've heard people say, orlet's say that way.
I know that sometimes when I'mgoing out and I see older elder men,
you know, that.
(37:55):
That are kind of like superhard, you know, that are like hard,
and I feel that hardness andthat like, boom.
Like, right.
I can literally feel that.
I don't know if they're unhappy.
I just know that's not thelife that I want to live.
Don't you?
I'm going to push on thatbecause I agree with you.
(38:17):
But I get the profound senseof loneliness and the emotion that
comes up for me when Iexperience what you just said is
my heart aches.
I see them and I know, I know.
I don't guess they are missingthe richness and texture and beauty
that life has to offer becausethey've chosen to dismiss it, ignore
(38:38):
it, trivialize it, or think itsomehow for later.
So for sure.
Not that I think for sure.
When, when we get hard and not.
And when we don't integrateemotional somatics and all of it,
like, it opens up a whole.
Like, I've had experiences Icould have never had with alcohol,
substances, whatever, justbeing sober and sitting there meditating.
(39:01):
I've had experiences that arelike, way beyond what is graspable
for the version of myselfseven, eight years ago.
And at the same time, I'm justsaying that everybody has to choose
their own life.
That part's true, right?
Of course not.
But there's consequence.
Yeah, there's a consequencethat, yeah, ultimately what has been
(39:25):
so profound for me in theselast years is that I just feel so,
like life just get richer andricher and richer and I just feel
more connected, connected,connected to everybody.
And, and nowadays we, we hearthis word of like spirituality so
often, right?
Like, ah, this is so spiritual.
Or that's so spiritual for me,you know, like, it doesn't matter
(39:48):
what the people say if it'slike church or spirituality or whatever.
For me, what spiritualitymeans ultimately.
And a lot of people that arefollowing the church might have a
very different view and that'stotally detrimental to that.
But for me, ultimately,spirituality just means that I feel
more as part of somethingbigger than myself.
(40:13):
Every day, connected, more andmore connected to everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And that's just beautiful for me.
So I'm going to ask you acouple more questions.
The first one is, so ifsomeone wants to learn more about
Matthias, like, you've givensome good examples, you've walked
us through a beautiful journey.
You've shown and demonstratedthat transformation and how it worked
(40:35):
in your life and how itmatters to you now.
The consequences of moreconnection, more openness, and you're
just having more fun in life.
If they want to learn moreabout you and, you know, see some
videos or content you have orwhatever it is, where do they go
do that?
First of all, they can.
They can go to LinkedIn.
(40:56):
Matthias Schmidt, just my name.
I have a YouTube channel.
I can drop my WhatsApp even ifpeople have questions.
Hey, I'm going to drop myWhatsApp in the show notes.
And I also have like.
So, yeah, I do videos, I Writecontent on LinkedIn and I kind of
paused on Instagram, to be honest.
(41:18):
There was like too much stuffgoing on.
But I might, I might go backto that.
Let's see.
And.
And then what I would love toalso share is a free, like, nervous
system training where peoplecan get like a little bit of a.
Just a little experience.
Great.
How do they get it?
(41:38):
How did it get it?
Yeah, well, probably in a linkthat we can drop there.
But also my website isMatthias Schmidt.
Eu All right, so Matthias M at T H I a s Schmidt S C H M I double
T T T S C H M I T T There'stwo T's in the front and two in the
(42:00):
back.
M a t T H I a s s C H m I T TWell, I have a Schmidt back in my.
The German side of the Flukerthing somewhere, but it's with a
dt.
Anyway, so WW Schmidt eu.
Please look that up now andget this free stuff.
Because you heard the journeyand practice that he has done to
(42:22):
have the chops, the creds tosay what he has said and how it serves
you.
Matthias, what else didn't Iask you that I should have that you
want to share with me?
You want to teach me or theaudience as a.
As a nugget, as a partingthought, as a whatever.
(42:48):
What didn't you ask?
I think you asked a lot ofbeautiful things.
Well, that's okay.
I just like to give you a secat the end.
Sometimes people have a.
A burning thought that theyjust didn't get to say yet.
(43:09):
And I just wanted to let that happen.
If it was.
If it was floating aroundright now.
There's nothing.
No burning thought, nothing.
All right, great.
It's just a pleasure to be here.
I love what you're doing, andI mean it.
I love you.
I love your work.
I love your openness, thechoices that you've made to share.
It seems to me universallythat whenever we go through these
(43:33):
difficulties in our lives andthen we make the choices to allow
them to refine us instead ofruin us, there arises at the same
time the yearning to help others.
You know, it just seems thatthose happen as we grow.
It's not enough to just, okay,I'm fixed.
Screw the rest of you guys.
It's like there arises at thesame time the yearning to be of service.
(43:57):
And I can see that in you andin your offerings and in.
In the descriptions and lovethat you bring forward and offer
to the world.
So I want to honor you andthank you for that.
Yeah.
Thank you, Kellen.
I think.
I think that, you know, yousaid, once we're fixed.
I wouldn't say that I'm fixed.
(44:18):
You know, like, it's really.
Well, it's a mountain withouta top.
Nobody's fixed, but you knowwhat I mean?
Nobody's fixed.
And also, nobody's broken.
You know, great.
Like, we're all perfect as weare, and that's so important for
me.
For me, it's really importantjust to see the world more and more
and every person through a mild.
(44:41):
A soft eye, you know, becausethere was so much.
There was so much turmoil andresentment and judgment in my head
about others, and I just wantto soften into that and be like,
okay, like, we're all part ofthe same game somehow here.
And that's what really.
(45:02):
Well, it's all the samefeelings we're made of, and I love
that, because we don't have tobe broken in order to go want to
grow.
We can start from a place ofbeing okay, and then looking at our
lives and saying, you know what?
I don't think this is as goodas it gets.
I'm going to go do something else.
And we can do that without thejudgment and the condemning and the
(45:24):
negativity.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's.
That's the beauty of it.
And I think that's justnatural evolution.
You know, the growth is.
Is.
Is what we're actually herefor, ultimately.
And sometimes the life thatwe're in just gets too small, or
there's pressure, challenges,whatever, and then this is just like
(45:45):
the next step, knocking on thedoor and saying, hey, when do you
let me in?
Love it.
So, Matthias, thank you forbeing with us today and sharing your
heart and all that you've been through.
I appreciate that.
Thank you so much for havingme, Kellen.
And yeah, it was great to be here.
I had so much fun and I'm justreally grateful.
You guys listening.
(46:06):
I want you to take the showand go back through it a couple of
times.
You know, he talked aboutmeditation, emotional regulation,
and different ways to get intouch with because you're an integrated
organism.
And the idea that you can pushstuff away forever and have no consequence
is not true.
If you do that and you go backthrough what he generously taught
us, you will have more toolsand ability to create your ultimate
(46:31):
life this time around.
Right here, right now, youropportunity for massive growth is
right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
(46:53):
If you want to know more, goto Kellen Fluker media.com if you
want more free tools, go here.
Your Ultimate Life casubscribe your feet on the ground
Stand with your heart in thesky and your feet on the ground.
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