December 26, 2025 • 43 mins
We live in a world of madness, anger, and frustration. The news feeds fear. Institutions disappoint. People hurt each other. And yet, in the middle of all of it, one truth remains unshaken: love is still the answer. In this episode, Kellan explains why forgiveness isn’t weakness, compassion isn’t permissiveness, and love is not just a feeling — it’s the most powerful force available to you.
📌 Key Takeaways
- Why constant exposure to negativity creates hopelessness
- Choosing compassion instead of judgment in daily life
- Love as a verb, not a feeling
- Forgiveness as freedom and peace
- Self-love as a daily practice
- Gratitude as the foundation of happiness
- Spiritual peace versus worldly peace
- Leadership fueled by love versus fear
- The physical, emotional, and financial cost of anger
- Christmas as a symbol of compassion, forgiveness, and miracles
🔥 Ready to turn your truth into impact? Join the Dream • Build • Write It Webinar — where bold creators transform ideas into movements.
👉 Reserve your free seat now at dreambuildwriteit.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We seem to live in a world ofmadness, anger and frustration. What
in the world happened? Let'sfix it. Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream? It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, powerand real talk so you can create the
(00:20):
life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
create you have infinite power hour.
Welcome to your ultimate life.This episode's going to go out the
day after Christmas and I wantto talk about that. I picked this
(00:44):
stained glass backgroundbecause it has reminds me of the
cosmos. It reminds me ofchurches, it reminds me of worship.
It also reminds me of the tripthrough the universe that I took
when I died and had theconversations with God at the door
between life and eternity. Butwhat I want to talk about today isn't
(01:06):
dying or coming back to life.I want to talk about love is still
the answer. We live in a timeright now when if you look around
the world, there's hunger,there's cruelty, there's greed, there's
all kinds of negative thingsgoing on. And you know, it's. It
(01:28):
is really hard to tell howmuch and where because the places
we get information reallyfocus on the negative. All the floods
and all the wars and all thecivil wars and all the injustice
and all the lawsuits and allthis and that and who's convicted
(01:52):
of that and the riots and theprotests and in countries all over
the place. We live in Canadaand we're both dual national US and
Canada, so we pay attention toboth. And the news outlets are fascinated
and because they sell anxietyand because perpetual anxiety is
(02:16):
their dopamine, they focus onthat. And there's a smattering of
good things here and there.But even in the context of that,
it is only juxtaposed againstthe mountain of struggle. So let's
not talk about that todaybecause when you look at that, it
can easily feel like, well,what the heck can I do? Like, what
(02:40):
is there for me to do becauseI feel defenseless against this onslaught
of negativity. Well, there's alot of things you can do first, don't
watch the news or do it veryselectively and sparingly, I guess
is the word I would use. Alittle find out real news like is
(03:01):
there an earthquake somewhereand should I do something? You know,
are there changes in one ofthe wars that are going on that matter
to me example for us is thewar with Russia and Ukraine, which
is now going to be four yearsin February, was really front and
(03:21):
center for us because joy isUkrainian. Her dad was born in Odessa.
And so from the beginning,that's been front and center for
us. Whereas for someone else,it might be a sad thing that's going
on, but it's not, you know,pressing for us. It was pressing.
And as you know, we had aUkrainian mother and daughter who
(03:41):
moved in with us as refugeesin June of 22. And after three and
not quite a half years, justlast month, they moved out to their
own place and have started toestablish themselves here in Canada,
which is good. So that wasanother reason, because those two,
especially the mom, was reallyfocused on her husband, who was still
(04:05):
back there and couldn't leavethe country and the. The things and
things that were going on. Andwe just found out a couple of days
ago that the factory where herhusband worked was actually bombed
finally. Meaning all this timelater, nothing happened. Nothing
happened. And then it wasbombed and he wasn't hurt. But that
(04:26):
brings it front, center forus. And there are other things that
will be front and center foryou. Maybe you have a relative who's
got some illness and you can'tfind the right treatment, or maybe
you've got an insurancecompany denying treatment. No, you
can't have treatment for that.And you're throwing your arms up
(04:48):
in the air wondering what todo and wondering how life, institutions,
the economy, the government,et cetera, could be so cruel. All
of those things are real andhappen. I've got a situation right
now with, as you know, withthis back problem that has been in
the making for 20 years. Butabout two and a half years ago now,
(05:10):
July of 23, it exploded on me,and I've been limping ever since.
And on some pain meds andphysiotherapy. And finally I'm to
see a specialist. I did seeone. And they've got a nerve conduction
test, some kind of a fancything to see if they can tell exactly
which nerves are doing what.And I've been getting shots periodically
(05:30):
for pain. And it's been takingmonths to get, you know, get the
right. Get to the right placeand get the right MRIs and all that
sort of stuff. And that couldbe real frustrating. So all of those
things happen to all of us.And my little dip into the ones that
are happening for me is justinfo. And love is still the answer.
(05:55):
I can't change the warsanywhere. I pray for them. We do
what we can. We had the familyhere with us. You probably are doing
that too. Yet it's easy tofeel hopeless. It's easy to feel
(06:15):
what can we do? If easy to getangry at governments or at gods for
saying, why do you let thesethings happen? Well, in the world
we know why they happen.People are greedy, power hungry,
crazy, proud, arrogant peoplethink they're right, want to have
(06:37):
power over others. The onlyanswer I have for God is that in
my experience, everything thathas happened in my life has been
an opportunity for me to grow,even the really hard and difficult
things. So I choose to look atit that way. And that brings me back
to love is still the answer.Let me tell you more specifically
(07:01):
what I mean by that. WhenChrist was born, whether you worship
Christianity, Christian as theson of God or Christianity or not,
that the figure of Christbrought love into the world. His
doctrine was love. His gospelis peace. It is kindness, it is tolerance,
(07:24):
it is love your brother andsister, it is serve each other, love
and serve, love and serve.That is the doctrine that that figure.
And whether you call itChrist, excuse me, or compassion,
it's the same miracle. Andhere's why. What if we choose just
(07:50):
because we can, in everyinteraction, to be compassionate,
to be kind? That doesn't meanwe have to agree. It doesn't mean
we have to allow people tobreak the law or to endanger or jeopardize
others. But it does keep usfrom being bitter, from being revengeful,
(08:15):
from being vicious, from beingunkind. In the discourse in the public
square, we see boatloads ofthat and we see the fruit of that
unkindness and vitriolicspewing of language. You know, whether
it's, you know, swearing andviolent words or whether it's couched
(08:37):
in beautiful explanation andrhetoric, it's the same vitriol.
You see both, right? If youlisten to the news or watch social
media, you see some peoplebeing critical of others with violent
and vitriolic language and yousee others doing, saying exactly
the same thing, but allreasoned out and explaining why this,
(08:58):
that and the other. And thepurpose is the same, to create negative
feeling one side to the other.What if we tried really hard to create
love? What if that were reallythe focus? Like what if you choose
to get up every morning andask what can I do to bring love into
(09:21):
the world? Well, the firstthing is love yourself. Do you have
a self love ritual, a selflove practice every day? I didn't
used to and I lived in a lotof self loathing instead of self
love. I do now and it'swonderful. It makes me feel warm
(09:44):
and good every day. It makesme feel wrapped in the arms of the
Universe every day. And evenon the days when things aren't like
I want them, which is mostdays, everything doesn't go like
I want it either. All kinds ofroadblocks and barriers and potholes,
(10:05):
little and big, occur. Butwhat I notice is when I am wrapped
in loving myself and my ownworth, when those potholes come,
it's no big deal. I do what Ican and I keep doing what I can and
I move forward. So that's thefirst thing to love. Love yourself.
(10:26):
Love yourself, Love yourselfat the same time, or maybe even first,
maybe that second is to lovethe Creator. Love God. You know,
at least in the, in the Bible,if you use that text, the first great
commandment in both the Oldand the New Testament is for us to
(10:48):
love God with all our heart,might, mind and strength, or some
version of those words. And Iused to ask, why in the world is
that the most importantcommandment? I gotta love God. He's
got everything. All the money,power, possession, peace, everything.
He's got everything. Why do Ineed to love him? And the answer
(11:12):
is really interesting. Goddoesn't need my love. I need to learn
to love righteousness,goodness and compassion. And immediately
the sound can be, well, if allthis bad stuff's going on in the
world, that's notrighteousness, good and compassion.
And I don't pretend to have acomplete answer about why so much
(11:34):
suffering is allowed in theplan. What I do know is this. Every
piece of suffering will bemade right. Every cry that has been
cried, every pain that hasbeen inflicted unjustly, every child
(11:55):
that has been wounded ormistreated, that will all be made
right. And that is a greatcomfort, not just to pretend that,
but to know it. And I knowthat and I share that knowledge with
you now. I'm grateful thatit's not my responsibility to extract
(12:16):
justice or to try to makethings balance. I'm not smart enough
to do that. Some people say,you know, if you had gone through
the circum, somebody doessomething you don't like, or even
bad. Some people say, well, ifyou'd gone through exactly the life
(12:37):
they had, you would have donethe same thing. I don't know if that's
true or not, but it gives me aperspective that creates tolerance
and compassion. I have a thingthat I've learned that I didn't used
to know. Like many, I used tothink I knew a lot of stuff and that
my judgment about things wasright. And I don't think that anymore.
(13:01):
And what that's done is it'sgiven me a ton of patience, a ton
of compassion, and it has mademe declare that judgment stays at
0% and kindness lives at 100%.And there is no conflict between
that point of view andretaining ownership, boundaries,
(13:27):
sovereignty, protectingyourself or anything. None of that
means being a doormat orignoring injustice. So let's go back
to the center of the story.When God became man and was born
(13:50):
in the world, creation becamean embraced creation. The Creator
came to the earth, and if so,you know, God created galaxies in
the space. And I. If you wantto read about my own experience in
the book Meeting God at theDoor, I describe what happened in
(14:13):
the three conversations I hadat the door between life and eternity.
And one of them included a. Atrip through the universe since I
saw and heard unspeakablethings. But what it made me know,
you know, that's okay, thathappened. But what it made me know,
what it left me with, is acertainty that you and I are loved.
(14:36):
We were intentionally createdand loved. And even when life is
hard, we're loved. And thatcertainty makes me able to love myself
and you no matter what. Itmakes me able to be patient no matter
what. It makes me able toforgive no matter what, and to be
(14:58):
super grateful that theresponsibility for retribution, justice,
or setting things right is notin my hands. So here's what I want
you to understand. Love is notjust a feeling. It's not just a sense
(15:19):
of compassion or a sense offamiliarity. Love is a verb, and
it is an actual power. It isthe power by which galaxies are created
and held together. The Spiritof God is in everything, through
everything, and holdseverything together. What a magnificent
(15:45):
truth. The other thing I knowis that this Christmas celebration
for those that choose to useit, and there are other celebrations
in other traditions thatcelebrate exactly the same principles,
and that is love is the centerof everything. Love created everything.
(16:06):
Love is all the answer. Andlove will continue. Love is the greatest
no matter what. Sometimes Imisunderstand that and think that
that means permissiveness andletting everything, you know, getting
everything I want and all thatstuff. And when we think about it
for a minute, we realize thatcan't be the truth. Love is literal
(16:26):
power. And it's easy to seemanifestations of that. People that
make great sacrifices forfriends, mothers who run in, you
know, lift up cars to savetheir children. People that do incredible
things in the name of love.And in the Christian tradition, Christ
(16:51):
suffered the pains and sinsand pains and sicknesses and everything
of everybody in as he prayedin the garden. And then again on
the cross and took upon himthat burden. And that was an act
of unspeakable,incomprehensible love. Love is the
(17:13):
answer every time. And we. Wesort of take Christmas and we have
turned it into kind of acommercial thing. And it's fun to
give gifts. There's noquestion. I have way more fun giving
them than getting them. When Iwas a kid, that wasn't true. I mean,
it was fun going Christmasshopping. My brother and I would
(17:35):
save our pennies and dollarsand we would, you know, go Christmas
shopping for the family, allthe members of the family. And usually
my brother and I would gotogether to the mall. And there was
a mall within walking distanceof our house when we lived there.
To start with, that mall wasan onion field, I understand. And
(17:56):
I remember when constructionstarted, it was one of the early
malls, and it was built in the60s and it was called Sun Valley
Mall. And at the time, it wasquite large compared to other shopping
centers in the world. I don'tknow if it ever held the distinction,
even at the time, of being thelargest, but it was quite big, two
(18:17):
levels and quite long. Andthree major anchor stores. JCPenney
on one end and Sears on theother, and Macy's in the middle.
And we all know the fate ofdifferent stores over the decades,
but we used to have our money,and we'd go to the mall because that
was the place where they had120 stores or 120 something, and
there was something foreverybody. And so we would talk together
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about what we were gettingeverybody. And we didn't have very
much money, so it was neververy extravagant. And then we'd have
to kick each other away. Go,you go over there. And we'd buy stuff
for each other and hide it inour shopping bags, you know. And
we usually went the day or twobefore Christmas on the 22nd or 23rd,
(19:04):
and then we'd spend the nightwrapping gifts. And it was a fun
time. We did other things as afamily. Sometimes we would deliver
bread or my mom baked bread.And so we would do secret deliveries
for people. And we had somefamily traditions that did feel like
(19:25):
love and that did feel likekindness. Now, if you've read some
of the books that I'vewritten, you know, there were parts
of my upbringing that were notfun and not loving, but we did have
really some really nicetraditions around Christmas that
were beautiful and reminded meof love. And whether you celebrate
(19:49):
Christmas per se as aChristian or not, why don't we talk
about the practice ofcompassion and love as the real success.
Because, you know, it doesn'treally matter how much money I make
or you make. It doesn't reallymatter if my book is in lights on
Times Square. I thought aboutthat because I just saw an ad on
(20:10):
Facebook, a couple of them,where the service is being offered
to have your book in lights,one of those great big billboards
on Times Square. And I have afriend who knows how to get that
done. I've never pursued that,but I found out how to do it so I
could do that if I wanted to.And it isn't all that expensive.
(20:32):
A few hundred dollars to haveit up there for so many times, 7
seconds every 2 o' clock hourfor a week or something. You know,
whatever it is, there's acadence and you can buy that billboard
space and have your thing upthere. But more important than those
is the precious moments withfriends or with family or even with
(20:52):
yourself or with your God. Ifyou don't have a practice of prayer
or meditation of some kind,this is a chance, it's an opportunity
to think about that, because Ihave found, and I did a conversation
on this the other day.Gratitude is one of the big keys
to happiness. So this podcastis about creating your ultimate life
(21:15):
purpose, prosperity and joy.And that isn't created by having
everything you want. It isn'tcreated by having power over others.
It isn't even created byhaving no health challenges or no
financial challenges. It'screated by choosing to be grateful
for what you have. It'schoosing to be the embodiment of
(21:39):
love all the time. And it'schoosing to be of service and add
good to the world. Gratitude,love, and adding good to the world.
Service that makes for happy.None of those things can be bought.
Gratitude can't be purchased.Love cannot be purchased. Service
(22:04):
cannot be purchased. And weall know happiness truly is an inside
job. If I get something fromoutside, I get a new pair of skis
or I used to love to buy newskis every year. That was fabulous.
Ooh, new skis every year. Thatwas wonderful. I researched what
kind and what kind of cut didI want and what kind of terrain were
(22:29):
they good on and everythingelse. And they were happy for a little
bit. And each time I worethem, it was cool to have this or
that. The truth, that isn'thappiness, that isn't joy. That all
comes from inside. So let'stalk about what the practice of compassion
and forgiveness look like. Whydon't you think of someone right
(22:51):
now that you could forgive.Maybe they'll never know you forgave
them. It might involve sendingsomething and say, you know, this
or that happened, and I justwant you to know, in case it matters,
I forgive you. I hold no illwill. They might not care, but it's
a powerful expression fromyou, especially if you've held a
(23:14):
grudge for a day or a decade.Compassion is another way to do that.
Every day we meet peopleonline, in stores, in traffic, or
in our own home that arehaving a difficult time or with something
(23:38):
being rude because they're ina hurry, being unkind or maybe not
noticing, right, unaware. Andwe can react with negativity or we
can choose to react withcompassion. I notice that when I
(23:58):
choose compassion, I feelbetter and the situation is better.
Now if I'm driving down aroad, somebody does a lane change
or does something that, youknow, cuts me off or causes some
distress, I choose always 100%compassion. I don't know what's going
(24:19):
on. It is possible that theywere being rude intentionally, and
it is also possible they'rebeing inattentive. It's possible
that they have something ontheir mind. It's possible that there's
a struggle going on. It'spossible they didn't see me. It's
possible they're on the way tosome, you know, crisis. And I choose
(24:40):
to think of that rather thanassume that they were rude. I love
doing that when I'm in lineand things are going slowly. I do
the same thing When I get anotice from the Canada Revenue Agency,
even before I open open it, Ido the same thing. What I notice
(25:01):
about that is I live in peace.I am become complete inner peace.
And that's a fabulous thing tosay. And it's even more fabulous
thing to have be true. And I'mnot magic. That's a created state.
And Christmas is a time toremember that more fully. You know,
(25:28):
one of the things Christ said,and it's also true in other traditions,
is he said, peace be unto you.My peace I give unto you. Then he
went on to explain, soughtworldly peace. It's spiritual peace.
And I used to think, well,that doesn't pay my bills. And no,
(25:49):
it doesn't. But it changeseverything about doing it. I no longer
feel stressed or upset, evenwhen things outside aren't going
my way. So I'm asking you tojoin me. Think of someone right this
minute that you can forgivejust because you can, just because
(26:10):
it's in your capacity toforgive. They don't need to deserve
it. They don't need to ask forfrees us compassion. Another way
to think about that isrecognizing our common humanity.
There was a poet in England, Ibelieve, and he was on a street and
(26:34):
I've forgotten who said thisnow, but there were a group of policemen
and they were marching aprisoner by and I think the prisoner
was condemned to the gallows.It was I think in the 1800s, so maybe
150 or 200 years ago. And thepoor miserable person, you know,
(26:55):
was on his way to die. And Idon't think that the poet knew anything
about what the circumstanceswere, but he remarked on looking
at the poor guy looking, youknow, scared and miserable, going
to die. He pointed at him andsaid, there but for the grace of
God go I. And I've thoughtabout that a lot of times because
(27:19):
you know, through addictionsand failures and failed relationships
and self sabotage andeverything else, mistakes and things,
you know, that's all true ahundred times over in my life. There
but for the grace of God go I.Some tiny circumstance of compassion
(27:40):
from another person or fromthe divine has changed the course
of my life dozens of times.Now there's some benefits to doing
this because you could think,wow, it's a lot of work to forgive
everybody and have compassion.But wiifm what's in it for me? Well,
(28:00):
I'll tell you what's in it foryou. When you get curious instead
of judgmental, all kinds ofthings open up. Ask yourself the
question, I wonder what thestory is here. In any situation,
(28:22):
instead of deciding, you know,and being judgmental, what the benefit
for you. What that does is itreplaces pissed off feelings, anger,
negative neurotransmitterswith peace. You have peace inside.
Forgiveness brings you peace.No longer carrying anger or bitterness
(28:42):
towards someone who hurts you.I don't care if they deserve it or
not. My choices to do that, todrop all that, to forgive everyone
everything, all the time,including myself, means that I'm
always at peace. I'm notafraid, I'm not angry, I'm not frustrated,
I'm not judgmental of myself.That was a big one for me. What I
(29:06):
can also tell you is thatforgiveness frees up bandwidth in
your head for creativitywriting, enrolling clients, if you
have a coaching practice,finding clients, if you have any
other business where you areprospecting in any way. Because when
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you're carrying anger orfrustration, it eats up bandwidth
in your head. When you'recarrying self doubt or negativity,
it eats up bandwidth in yourhead. Christmas for me is a time
to remember a Very importanttruth. You're a child of God, so
am I. That means that Godknows your name. He knows exactly
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the situation you're in, andhe knows exactly how you got there.
How much of it you did toyourself. I did a lot of mine to
myself. Or how much of it camebecause of the either insensitive
or cruel actions of others.And how much of it came just because
life happens. And in knowingthat, what I've noticed is that help
(30:18):
is always available. And I'vegiven up now. I used to demand help
in a certain way. Well, ifyou're going to help me, then do
this. You know, help me createa bunch of money right now so I can
dig out of this situation.That's rarely the help that comes.
The help that comes is ideasabout what to do. The help that comes
(30:41):
sometimes is courage to go doit. The help that comes sometimes
is people to talk to and meetthat have some possible answer or
opportunity or path to movedown. But help is always available.
And if I'm not too arrogant orself absorbed, then I can hear it
(31:05):
and find it. And that's abeautiful truth. The Creator, whose
birth we celebrate. Isavailable and loves you and me. I
know that I didn't used toknow that. I know that now. Not just
(31:25):
me, but both of us. There'snothing special about me. I've had
a lot of extraordinaryexperiences and a lot of them were
problems I brought on myself.Let me give you another example.
Leadership is more powerful.It heals instead of drives or divides
(31:50):
when it's fueled by love. Now,I don't care if you're leading yourself,
you're leading your family, oryou're leading 10,000 people in a
company, or 100 or 10.Leadership built on compassion and
love heals and does not drive.It doesn't create that negative feeling.
(32:14):
And you know that. You'veworked for somebody that was a compassionate
boss and you've worked forpeople that were jerkwads. You may
have done your work under thejerk wad, but it wasn't with joy
and it wasn't in any positivecontext when you work for a boss,
and I know this because I'vedone it, who is compassionate and
(32:37):
also expects you to do yourwork? You feel like you'll bust your
butt for them. Do extra, staylate, work harder. Why? Because the
relationship is one ofcompassion and forgiveness and direction
and correction. So it has thechoice to live in compassion and
love. And forgiveness hasbenefits. Financial benefits, relationship
(33:02):
benefits, spiritual benefits,health benefits. I read a book called
Anger kills by a Dr. JohnSarno, written a number of years
ago. But he did a very largestudy about life expectancy and illness.
And he studied people thatwere at peace and people that were
(33:24):
perpetually angry. And nosurprise, the angry people died several
years sooner. In a verysignificant number of them, big percentage
lost 5 to 8 to 10 years oflife because of the corrosive nature
of negative neurotransmitters.So there's physical impacts, digestion
(33:46):
impacts, relationship impacts,financial impacts, career impacts,
and all kinds of things thatcome to us if we choose a life of
love, if we choose a life ofservice. So I'm going to ask you,
let me give you a couple ofchallenge challenges here. A miracle
(34:07):
is not necessarily a one timeevent. We define a miracle as scientifically
it's a highly improbableevent. Right? Because anything is
possible. So a super highlyimprobable event happens for which
we have no explanation, andthat's a miracle. Sometimes there's
relationship miracles wheresomeone who's been estranged makes
(34:30):
it just a different decisionand then a new opportunity in relationship
begins. Sometimes financialmiracles occur when you've been trying
something and all of a suddenit works. I was interviewing someone
the other day and they weretalking about sales miracles and
the way they teach theirsalespeople. And this is a very high
(34:52):
profile and long standingsales trainer. Been in the business,
30 years of training sales andhe trains people on creating and
expecting miracles. Creatingmiracles. Can you imagine that? Do
you live in a state ofmiracles? Christmas is the sign of
(35:15):
miracles. It is the sign offorgiveness, it is the sign of love.
It is a symbol of compassiontogether. And we talk about it. Sermons
in churches and people youknow, open their hearts. Even in
that movie Scrooge, whenScrooge is having the conversation
with his nephew Bob Cratchit,Cratchit says, you know, it is that
(35:39):
one time of year when peopleseem to open their shut up hearts
and exercise compassion totheir fellow beings. I encourage
you, whether you are of theChristian tradition or not. Love
yourself. Think of someone youcan forgive and then do it. Create
(36:03):
more space in your heart byeliminating old grudges. Create a
smile on your face and onsomeone else's face by going out
of your way to serve. Maybeyou want to do something very specific
and concrete. Volunteer at alocal food bank or a local Salvation
(36:26):
army or thrift store. Gothrough your closet and your garage
and give away everything youcan. There are people who need it.
One of the things I dearlylove about joy, my wife My angel,
I'm married to an angel, isthat we regularly go through stuff
that we're not using.Sometimes it's good, really, really
(36:48):
good stuff, and we just giveit away. We're not using it. And
my wife's a longtime ebaymerchant, and so once in a while
she'll sell this or that, butwe give away so much stuff completely
and explicit with the ideathat explicitly with the idea that
somebody can use this andwe're not. So go through your mental
(37:09):
closet and clean out grudgeswith forgiveness. Go through your
physical closet, kitchen,garage, and clean out things you're
not using and give them away.Participate in some community service,
like turn your focus outward.Maybe the person that most needs
(37:30):
your compassion andforgiveness today is you. The hardest
thing for me to do is selfforgiveness. I'd made so many mistakes
and done so many things, Ijust felt like I could never be forgiven.
And that's not true.Forgiveness is always possible and
it's always the right thing todo. And I'll give you a simple definition
(37:52):
to make it easy to hold. Andthat is forgiveness is simply no
longer allowing events in thepast to have power in the present.
I don't care if someone hurtyou or abused you or did something
in some terrible way, forgivethem. It doesn't mean you endanger
yourself or you don't protectyourself, none of that. But it does
mean to quit holding grudges.Now. Sometimes stuff people do to
(38:20):
us or stuff we might do tosomeone else leaves permanent scars.
Okay. My brother, when we wereyounger, threw a tennis ball can
at me. And in those days, youknow, maybe they still have them,
those tennis ball cans thathold three balls. And the way that
this one was built is it thetop edge of the can wasn't protected
(38:43):
like they are now, but it wassharp. We got in an argument and
he threw a tennis ball can atme and it hit me on the shin, the
bare shin, and cut right tothe bone. That bled, of course, profusely.
And, you know, it was aboutthat wide and the. The gapingness
was that. And you could seethe shin bone right in there, the
white bone. We were bothscared to tell our parents. I thought
(39:05):
I'd get in trouble justbecause. And if you know the story,
I got in trouble a lot at homeand etc. But anyway, we didn't. And
so I tried to tape it shut andet cetera, et cetera. And of course
it never healed properly. Itshould have had probably three or
four stitches to hold it shut.And I didn't get them. And so gradually
over the years, it healed andfilled up with scar tissue. So that
(39:28):
doesn't cause me a limp, but Ihave a permanent wedge shaped scar
on my left leg between theknee and the ankle that might is
equivalent to any kind of amark that you might have from something
that happened. Forgive anyway.Forgive everyone, everything. Choose
(39:50):
to love yourself and others.Life is so much more fun. And let
this Christmas time justremind you to do that. I love you
without hesitation. I have noidea what you've been through in
your life, but I know for surethat some of it, if not much of it,
(40:10):
has been difficult and somevery difficult. And maybe there are
things that you think, well,if so and so knew such and such,
they wouldn't like me. I loveyou. Period. You're a child of God.
You wouldn't be watching thisif you weren't trying to add good
to the world. Forgiveness isthree steps. Fix what you can. And
(40:36):
often the hardest things orthe things that we've done that hurt
the most can't really be fixedno matter how many times we apologize.
Nevertheless, we fix what wecan. We change who we are so that
we won't do that again. Andthen we spend our time and effort
adding good to the world.Making a difference. Forgiving others
(41:01):
is the same. Fix what you canof the damage that was done to you.
Don't expect anything fromanyone. Change who you are in terms
of your anger toward them.Maybe they'll get consequences and
maybe they won't, but that'snot ours to worry about. So fix what
you can. Change who you areeven though they made the mistake.
(41:27):
And that doesn't mean pretendit wasn't there. But it does mean
you are no longer the personthat holds anger and bitterness.
You are no longer the personthat is, you know, vicious or wishing
they would, you know, get someconsequence and then add good to
the world. I can make you apromise. If you choose love and fierce
(41:49):
ownership, your life will bebetter. Way better. If you clean
out the closet withforgiveness, you'll be way happier.
And you know what else I know?Getting rid of anger, frustration,
negativity, blame and all thatstuff. It opens up our creative possibilities
exponentially and gives us aview of how we can make money, make
(42:14):
a living, and make adifference at the same time. Love
and forgiveness are thecentral themes of Christmas. I love
the feeling, the doctrine andthe value and the teachings of this
time of year. And I love you.Don't let anything get in your way
(42:36):
or keep you. Come living inyour own heart, in love, as you create
your ultimate life.
Right here, right now. Youropportunity for massive growth is
(42:58):
right.
In front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
Everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go here.Your UltimateLife CA Subscribe Share.
We seem to live in a world ofmadness, anger and frustration. What
in the world happened? Let'sfix it. Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream? It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, powerand real talk so you can create the
(00:20):
life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
create you have infinite power hour.
Welcome to your ultimate life.This episode's going to go out the
day after Christmas and I wantto talk about that. I picked this
(00:44):
stained glass backgroundbecause it has reminds me of the
cosmos. It reminds me ofchurches, it reminds me of worship.
It also reminds me of the tripthrough the universe that I took
when I died and had theconversations with God at the door
between life and eternity. Butwhat I want to talk about today isn't
(01:06):
dying or coming back to life.I want to talk about love is still
the answer. We live in a timeright now when if you look around
the world, there's hunger,there's cruelty, there's greed, there's
all kinds of negative thingsgoing on. And you know, it's. It
(01:28):
is really hard to tell howmuch and where because the places
we get information reallyfocus on the negative. All the floods
and all the wars and all thecivil wars and all the injustice
and all the lawsuits and allthis and that and who's convicted
(01:52):
of that and the riots and theprotests and in countries all over
the place. We live in Canadaand we're both dual national US and
Canada, so we pay attention toboth. And the news outlets are fascinated
and because they sell anxietyand because perpetual anxiety is
(02:16):
their dopamine, they focus onthat. And there's a smattering of
good things here and there.But even in the context of that,
it is only juxtaposed againstthe mountain of struggle. So let's
not talk about that todaybecause when you look at that, it
can easily feel like, well,what the heck can I do? Like, what
(02:40):
is there for me to do becauseI feel defenseless against this onslaught
of negativity. Well, there's alot of things you can do first, don't
watch the news or do it veryselectively and sparingly, I guess
is the word I would use. Alittle find out real news like is
(03:01):
there an earthquake somewhereand should I do something? You know,
are there changes in one ofthe wars that are going on that matter
to me example for us is thewar with Russia and Ukraine, which
is now going to be four yearsin February, was really front and
(03:21):
center for us because joy isUkrainian. Her dad was born in Odessa.
And so from the beginning,that's been front and center for
us. Whereas for someone else,it might be a sad thing that's going
on, but it's not, you know,pressing for us. It was pressing.
And as you know, we had aUkrainian mother and daughter who
(03:41):
moved in with us as refugeesin June of 22. And after three and
not quite a half years, justlast month, they moved out to their
own place and have started toestablish themselves here in Canada,
which is good. So that wasanother reason, because those two,
especially the mom, was reallyfocused on her husband, who was still
(04:05):
back there and couldn't leavethe country and the. The things and
things that were going on. Andwe just found out a couple of days
ago that the factory where herhusband worked was actually bombed
finally. Meaning all this timelater, nothing happened. Nothing
happened. And then it wasbombed and he wasn't hurt. But that
(04:26):
brings it front, center forus. And there are other things that
will be front and center foryou. Maybe you have a relative who's
got some illness and you can'tfind the right treatment, or maybe
you've got an insurancecompany denying treatment. No, you
can't have treatment for that.And you're throwing your arms up
(04:48):
in the air wondering what todo and wondering how life, institutions,
the economy, the government,et cetera, could be so cruel. All
of those things are real andhappen. I've got a situation right
now with, as you know, withthis back problem that has been in
the making for 20 years. Butabout two and a half years ago now,
(05:10):
July of 23, it exploded on me,and I've been limping ever since.
And on some pain meds andphysiotherapy. And finally I'm to
see a specialist. I did seeone. And they've got a nerve conduction
test, some kind of a fancything to see if they can tell exactly
which nerves are doing what.And I've been getting shots periodically
(05:30):
for pain. And it's been takingmonths to get, you know, get the
right. Get to the right placeand get the right MRIs and all that
sort of stuff. And that couldbe real frustrating. So all of those
things happen to all of us.And my little dip into the ones that
are happening for me is justinfo. And love is still the answer.
(05:55):
I can't change the warsanywhere. I pray for them. We do
what we can. We had the familyhere with us. You probably are doing
that too. Yet it's easy tofeel hopeless. It's easy to feel
(06:15):
what can we do? If easy to getangry at governments or at gods for
saying, why do you let thesethings happen? Well, in the world
we know why they happen.People are greedy, power hungry,
crazy, proud, arrogant peoplethink they're right, want to have
(06:37):
power over others. The onlyanswer I have for God is that in
my experience, everything thathas happened in my life has been
an opportunity for me to grow,even the really hard and difficult
things. So I choose to look atit that way. And that brings me back
to love is still the answer.Let me tell you more specifically
(07:01):
what I mean by that. WhenChrist was born, whether you worship
Christianity, Christian as theson of God or Christianity or not,
that the figure of Christbrought love into the world. His
doctrine was love. His gospelis peace. It is kindness, it is tolerance,
(07:24):
it is love your brother andsister, it is serve each other, love
and serve, love and serve.That is the doctrine that that figure.
And whether you call itChrist, excuse me, or compassion,
it's the same miracle. Andhere's why. What if we choose just
(07:50):
because we can, in everyinteraction, to be compassionate,
to be kind? That doesn't meanwe have to agree. It doesn't mean
we have to allow people tobreak the law or to endanger or jeopardize
others. But it does keep usfrom being bitter, from being revengeful,
(08:15):
from being vicious, from beingunkind. In the discourse in the public
square, we see boatloads ofthat and we see the fruit of that
unkindness and vitriolicspewing of language. You know, whether
it's, you know, swearing andviolent words or whether it's couched
(08:37):
in beautiful explanation andrhetoric, it's the same vitriol.
You see both, right? If youlisten to the news or watch social
media, you see some peoplebeing critical of others with violent
and vitriolic language and yousee others doing, saying exactly
the same thing, but allreasoned out and explaining why this,
(08:58):
that and the other. And thepurpose is the same, to create negative
feeling one side to the other.What if we tried really hard to create
love? What if that were reallythe focus? Like what if you choose
to get up every morning andask what can I do to bring love into
(09:21):
the world? Well, the firstthing is love yourself. Do you have
a self love ritual, a selflove practice every day? I didn't
used to and I lived in a lotof self loathing instead of self
love. I do now and it'swonderful. It makes me feel warm
(09:44):
and good every day. It makesme feel wrapped in the arms of the
Universe every day. And evenon the days when things aren't like
I want them, which is mostdays, everything doesn't go like
I want it either. All kinds ofroadblocks and barriers and potholes,
(10:05):
little and big, occur. Butwhat I notice is when I am wrapped
in loving myself and my ownworth, when those potholes come,
it's no big deal. I do what Ican and I keep doing what I can and
I move forward. So that's thefirst thing to love. Love yourself.
(10:26):
Love yourself, Love yourselfat the same time, or maybe even first,
maybe that second is to lovethe Creator. Love God. You know,
at least in the, in the Bible,if you use that text, the first great
commandment in both the Oldand the New Testament is for us to
(10:48):
love God with all our heart,might, mind and strength, or some
version of those words. And Iused to ask, why in the world is
that the most importantcommandment? I gotta love God. He's
got everything. All the money,power, possession, peace, everything.
He's got everything. Why do Ineed to love him? And the answer
(11:12):
is really interesting. Goddoesn't need my love. I need to learn
to love righteousness,goodness and compassion. And immediately
the sound can be, well, if allthis bad stuff's going on in the
world, that's notrighteousness, good and compassion.
And I don't pretend to have acomplete answer about why so much
(11:34):
suffering is allowed in theplan. What I do know is this. Every
piece of suffering will bemade right. Every cry that has been
cried, every pain that hasbeen inflicted unjustly, every child
(11:55):
that has been wounded ormistreated, that will all be made
right. And that is a greatcomfort, not just to pretend that,
but to know it. And I knowthat and I share that knowledge with
you now. I'm grateful thatit's not my responsibility to extract
(12:16):
justice or to try to makethings balance. I'm not smart enough
to do that. Some people say,you know, if you had gone through
the circum, somebody doessomething you don't like, or even
bad. Some people say, well, ifyou'd gone through exactly the life
(12:37):
they had, you would have donethe same thing. I don't know if that's
true or not, but it gives me aperspective that creates tolerance
and compassion. I have a thingthat I've learned that I didn't used
to know. Like many, I used tothink I knew a lot of stuff and that
my judgment about things wasright. And I don't think that anymore.
(13:01):
And what that's done is it'sgiven me a ton of patience, a ton
of compassion, and it has mademe declare that judgment stays at
0% and kindness lives at 100%.And there is no conflict between
that point of view andretaining ownership, boundaries,
(13:27):
sovereignty, protectingyourself or anything. None of that
means being a doormat orignoring injustice. So let's go back
to the center of the story.When God became man and was born
(13:50):
in the world, creation becamean embraced creation. The Creator
came to the earth, and if so,you know, God created galaxies in
the space. And I. If you wantto read about my own experience in
the book Meeting God at theDoor, I describe what happened in
(14:13):
the three conversations I hadat the door between life and eternity.
And one of them included a. Atrip through the universe since I
saw and heard unspeakablethings. But what it made me know,
you know, that's okay, thathappened. But what it made me know,
what it left me with, is acertainty that you and I are loved.
(14:36):
We were intentionally createdand loved. And even when life is
hard, we're loved. And thatcertainty makes me able to love myself
and you no matter what. Itmakes me able to be patient no matter
what. It makes me able toforgive no matter what, and to be
(14:58):
super grateful that theresponsibility for retribution, justice,
or setting things right is notin my hands. So here's what I want
you to understand. Love is notjust a feeling. It's not just a sense
(15:19):
of compassion or a sense offamiliarity. Love is a verb, and
it is an actual power. It isthe power by which galaxies are created
and held together. The Spiritof God is in everything, through
everything, and holdseverything together. What a magnificent
(15:45):
truth. The other thing I knowis that this Christmas celebration
for those that choose to useit, and there are other celebrations
in other traditions thatcelebrate exactly the same principles,
and that is love is the centerof everything. Love created everything.
(16:06):
Love is all the answer. Andlove will continue. Love is the greatest
no matter what. Sometimes Imisunderstand that and think that
that means permissiveness andletting everything, you know, getting
everything I want and all thatstuff. And when we think about it
for a minute, we realize thatcan't be the truth. Love is literal
(16:26):
power. And it's easy to seemanifestations of that. People that
make great sacrifices forfriends, mothers who run in, you
know, lift up cars to savetheir children. People that do incredible
things in the name of love.And in the Christian tradition, Christ
(16:51):
suffered the pains and sinsand pains and sicknesses and everything
of everybody in as he prayedin the garden. And then again on
the cross and took upon himthat burden. And that was an act
of unspeakable,incomprehensible love. Love is the
(17:13):
answer every time. And we. Wesort of take Christmas and we have
turned it into kind of acommercial thing. And it's fun to
give gifts. There's noquestion. I have way more fun giving
them than getting them. When Iwas a kid, that wasn't true. I mean,
it was fun going Christmasshopping. My brother and I would
(17:35):
save our pennies and dollarsand we would, you know, go Christmas
shopping for the family, allthe members of the family. And usually
my brother and I would gotogether to the mall. And there was
a mall within walking distanceof our house when we lived there.
To start with, that mall wasan onion field, I understand. And
(17:56):
I remember when constructionstarted, it was one of the early
malls, and it was built in the60s and it was called Sun Valley
Mall. And at the time, it wasquite large compared to other shopping
centers in the world. I don'tknow if it ever held the distinction,
even at the time, of being thelargest, but it was quite big, two
(18:17):
levels and quite long. Andthree major anchor stores. JCPenney
on one end and Sears on theother, and Macy's in the middle.
And we all know the fate ofdifferent stores over the decades,
but we used to have our money,and we'd go to the mall because that
was the place where they had120 stores or 120 something, and
there was something foreverybody. And so we would talk together
(18:42):
about what we were gettingeverybody. And we didn't have very
much money, so it was neververy extravagant. And then we'd have
to kick each other away. Go,you go over there. And we'd buy stuff
for each other and hide it inour shopping bags, you know. And
we usually went the day or twobefore Christmas on the 22nd or 23rd,
(19:04):
and then we'd spend the nightwrapping gifts. And it was a fun
time. We did other things as afamily. Sometimes we would deliver
bread or my mom baked bread.And so we would do secret deliveries
for people. And we had somefamily traditions that did feel like
(19:25):
love and that did feel likekindness. Now, if you've read some
of the books that I'vewritten, you know, there were parts
of my upbringing that were notfun and not loving, but we did have
really some really nicetraditions around Christmas that
were beautiful and reminded meof love. And whether you celebrate
(19:49):
Christmas per se as aChristian or not, why don't we talk
about the practice ofcompassion and love as the real success.
Because, you know, it doesn'treally matter how much money I make
or you make. It doesn't reallymatter if my book is in lights on
Times Square. I thought aboutthat because I just saw an ad on
(20:10):
Facebook, a couple of them,where the service is being offered
to have your book in lights,one of those great big billboards
on Times Square. And I have afriend who knows how to get that
done. I've never pursued that,but I found out how to do it so I
could do that if I wanted to.And it isn't all that expensive.
(20:32):
A few hundred dollars to haveit up there for so many times, 7
seconds every 2 o' clock hourfor a week or something. You know,
whatever it is, there's acadence and you can buy that billboard
space and have your thing upthere. But more important than those
is the precious moments withfriends or with family or even with
(20:52):
yourself or with your God. Ifyou don't have a practice of prayer
or meditation of some kind,this is a chance, it's an opportunity
to think about that, because Ihave found, and I did a conversation
on this the other day.Gratitude is one of the big keys
to happiness. So this podcastis about creating your ultimate life
(21:15):
purpose, prosperity and joy.And that isn't created by having
everything you want. It isn'tcreated by having power over others.
It isn't even created byhaving no health challenges or no
financial challenges. It'screated by choosing to be grateful
for what you have. It'schoosing to be the embodiment of
(21:39):
love all the time. And it'schoosing to be of service and add
good to the world. Gratitude,love, and adding good to the world.
Service that makes for happy.None of those things can be bought.
Gratitude can't be purchased.Love cannot be purchased. Service
(22:04):
cannot be purchased. And weall know happiness truly is an inside
job. If I get something fromoutside, I get a new pair of skis
or I used to love to buy newskis every year. That was fabulous.
Ooh, new skis every year. Thatwas wonderful. I researched what
kind and what kind of cut didI want and what kind of terrain were
(22:29):
they good on and everythingelse. And they were happy for a little
bit. And each time I worethem, it was cool to have this or
that. The truth, that isn'thappiness, that isn't joy. That all
comes from inside. So let'stalk about what the practice of compassion
and forgiveness look like. Whydon't you think of someone right
(22:51):
now that you could forgive.Maybe they'll never know you forgave
them. It might involve sendingsomething and say, you know, this
or that happened, and I justwant you to know, in case it matters,
I forgive you. I hold no illwill. They might not care, but it's
a powerful expression fromyou, especially if you've held a
(23:14):
grudge for a day or a decade.Compassion is another way to do that.
Every day we meet peopleonline, in stores, in traffic, or
in our own home that arehaving a difficult time or with something
(23:38):
being rude because they're ina hurry, being unkind or maybe not
noticing, right, unaware. Andwe can react with negativity or we
can choose to react withcompassion. I notice that when I
(23:58):
choose compassion, I feelbetter and the situation is better.
Now if I'm driving down aroad, somebody does a lane change
or does something that, youknow, cuts me off or causes some
distress, I choose always 100%compassion. I don't know what's going
(24:19):
on. It is possible that theywere being rude intentionally, and
it is also possible they'rebeing inattentive. It's possible
that they have something ontheir mind. It's possible that there's
a struggle going on. It'spossible they didn't see me. It's
possible they're on the way tosome, you know, crisis. And I choose
(24:40):
to think of that rather thanassume that they were rude. I love
doing that when I'm in lineand things are going slowly. I do
the same thing When I get anotice from the Canada Revenue Agency,
even before I open open it, Ido the same thing. What I notice
(25:01):
about that is I live in peace.I am become complete inner peace.
And that's a fabulous thing tosay. And it's even more fabulous
thing to have be true. And I'mnot magic. That's a created state.
And Christmas is a time toremember that more fully. You know,
(25:28):
one of the things Christ said,and it's also true in other traditions,
is he said, peace be unto you.My peace I give unto you. Then he
went on to explain, soughtworldly peace. It's spiritual peace.
And I used to think, well,that doesn't pay my bills. And no,
(25:49):
it doesn't. But it changeseverything about doing it. I no longer
feel stressed or upset, evenwhen things outside aren't going
my way. So I'm asking you tojoin me. Think of someone right this
minute that you can forgivejust because you can, just because
(26:10):
it's in your capacity toforgive. They don't need to deserve
it. They don't need to ask forfrees us compassion. Another way
to think about that isrecognizing our common humanity.
There was a poet in England, Ibelieve, and he was on a street and
(26:34):
I've forgotten who said thisnow, but there were a group of policemen
and they were marching aprisoner by and I think the prisoner
was condemned to the gallows.It was I think in the 1800s, so maybe
150 or 200 years ago. And thepoor miserable person, you know,
(26:55):
was on his way to die. And Idon't think that the poet knew anything
about what the circumstanceswere, but he remarked on looking
at the poor guy looking, youknow, scared and miserable, going
to die. He pointed at him andsaid, there but for the grace of
God go I. And I've thoughtabout that a lot of times because
(27:19):
you know, through addictionsand failures and failed relationships
and self sabotage andeverything else, mistakes and things,
you know, that's all true ahundred times over in my life. There
but for the grace of God go I.Some tiny circumstance of compassion
(27:40):
from another person or fromthe divine has changed the course
of my life dozens of times.Now there's some benefits to doing
this because you could think,wow, it's a lot of work to forgive
everybody and have compassion.But wiifm what's in it for me? Well,
(28:00):
I'll tell you what's in it foryou. When you get curious instead
of judgmental, all kinds ofthings open up. Ask yourself the
question, I wonder what thestory is here. In any situation,
(28:22):
instead of deciding, you know,and being judgmental, what the benefit
for you. What that does is itreplaces pissed off feelings, anger,
negative neurotransmitterswith peace. You have peace inside.
Forgiveness brings you peace.No longer carrying anger or bitterness
(28:42):
towards someone who hurts you.I don't care if they deserve it or
not. My choices to do that, todrop all that, to forgive everyone
everything, all the time,including myself, means that I'm
always at peace. I'm notafraid, I'm not angry, I'm not frustrated,
I'm not judgmental of myself.That was a big one for me. What I
(29:06):
can also tell you is thatforgiveness frees up bandwidth in
your head for creativitywriting, enrolling clients, if you
have a coaching practice,finding clients, if you have any
other business where you areprospecting in any way. Because when
(29:26):
you're carrying anger orfrustration, it eats up bandwidth
in your head. When you'recarrying self doubt or negativity,
it eats up bandwidth in yourhead. Christmas for me is a time
to remember a Very importanttruth. You're a child of God, so
am I. That means that Godknows your name. He knows exactly
(29:52):
the situation you're in, andhe knows exactly how you got there.
How much of it you did toyourself. I did a lot of mine to
myself. Or how much of it camebecause of the either insensitive
or cruel actions of others.And how much of it came just because
life happens. And in knowingthat, what I've noticed is that help
(30:18):
is always available. And I'vegiven up now. I used to demand help
in a certain way. Well, ifyou're going to help me, then do
this. You know, help me createa bunch of money right now so I can
dig out of this situation.That's rarely the help that comes.
The help that comes is ideasabout what to do. The help that comes
(30:41):
sometimes is courage to go doit. The help that comes sometimes
is people to talk to and meetthat have some possible answer or
opportunity or path to movedown. But help is always available.
And if I'm not too arrogant orself absorbed, then I can hear it
(31:05):
and find it. And that's abeautiful truth. The Creator, whose
birth we celebrate. Isavailable and loves you and me. I
know that I didn't used toknow that. I know that now. Not just
(31:25):
me, but both of us. There'snothing special about me. I've had
a lot of extraordinaryexperiences and a lot of them were
problems I brought on myself.Let me give you another example.
Leadership is more powerful.It heals instead of drives or divides
(31:50):
when it's fueled by love. Now,I don't care if you're leading yourself,
you're leading your family, oryou're leading 10,000 people in a
company, or 100 or 10.Leadership built on compassion and
love heals and does not drive.It doesn't create that negative feeling.
(32:14):
And you know that. You'veworked for somebody that was a compassionate
boss and you've worked forpeople that were jerkwads. You may
have done your work under thejerk wad, but it wasn't with joy
and it wasn't in any positivecontext when you work for a boss,
and I know this because I'vedone it, who is compassionate and
(32:37):
also expects you to do yourwork? You feel like you'll bust your
butt for them. Do extra, staylate, work harder. Why? Because the
relationship is one ofcompassion and forgiveness and direction
and correction. So it has thechoice to live in compassion and
love. And forgiveness hasbenefits. Financial benefits, relationship
(33:02):
benefits, spiritual benefits,health benefits. I read a book called
Anger kills by a Dr. JohnSarno, written a number of years
ago. But he did a very largestudy about life expectancy and illness.
And he studied people thatwere at peace and people that were
(33:24):
perpetually angry. And nosurprise, the angry people died several
years sooner. In a verysignificant number of them, big percentage
lost 5 to 8 to 10 years oflife because of the corrosive nature
of negative neurotransmitters.So there's physical impacts, digestion
(33:46):
impacts, relationship impacts,financial impacts, career impacts,
and all kinds of things thatcome to us if we choose a life of
love, if we choose a life ofservice. So I'm going to ask you,
let me give you a couple ofchallenge challenges here. A miracle
(34:07):
is not necessarily a one timeevent. We define a miracle as scientifically
it's a highly improbableevent. Right? Because anything is
possible. So a super highlyimprobable event happens for which
we have no explanation, andthat's a miracle. Sometimes there's
relationship miracles wheresomeone who's been estranged makes
(34:30):
it just a different decisionand then a new opportunity in relationship
begins. Sometimes financialmiracles occur when you've been trying
something and all of a suddenit works. I was interviewing someone
the other day and they weretalking about sales miracles and
the way they teach theirsalespeople. And this is a very high
(34:52):
profile and long standingsales trainer. Been in the business,
30 years of training sales andhe trains people on creating and
expecting miracles. Creatingmiracles. Can you imagine that? Do
you live in a state ofmiracles? Christmas is the sign of
(35:15):
miracles. It is the sign offorgiveness, it is the sign of love.
It is a symbol of compassiontogether. And we talk about it. Sermons
in churches and people youknow, open their hearts. Even in
that movie Scrooge, whenScrooge is having the conversation
with his nephew Bob Cratchit,Cratchit says, you know, it is that
(35:39):
one time of year when peopleseem to open their shut up hearts
and exercise compassion totheir fellow beings. I encourage
you, whether you are of theChristian tradition or not. Love
yourself. Think of someone youcan forgive and then do it. Create
(36:03):
more space in your heart byeliminating old grudges. Create a
smile on your face and onsomeone else's face by going out
of your way to serve. Maybeyou want to do something very specific
and concrete. Volunteer at alocal food bank or a local Salvation
(36:26):
army or thrift store. Gothrough your closet and your garage
and give away everything youcan. There are people who need it.
One of the things I dearlylove about joy, my wife My angel,
I'm married to an angel, isthat we regularly go through stuff
that we're not using.Sometimes it's good, really, really
(36:48):
good stuff, and we just giveit away. We're not using it. And
my wife's a longtime ebaymerchant, and so once in a while
she'll sell this or that, butwe give away so much stuff completely
and explicit with the ideathat explicitly with the idea that
somebody can use this andwe're not. So go through your mental
(37:09):
closet and clean out grudgeswith forgiveness. Go through your
physical closet, kitchen,garage, and clean out things you're
not using and give them away.Participate in some community service,
like turn your focus outward.Maybe the person that most needs
(37:30):
your compassion andforgiveness today is you. The hardest
thing for me to do is selfforgiveness. I'd made so many mistakes
and done so many things, Ijust felt like I could never be forgiven.
And that's not true.Forgiveness is always possible and
it's always the right thing todo. And I'll give you a simple definition
(37:52):
to make it easy to hold. Andthat is forgiveness is simply no
longer allowing events in thepast to have power in the present.
I don't care if someone hurtyou or abused you or did something
in some terrible way, forgivethem. It doesn't mean you endanger
yourself or you don't protectyourself, none of that. But it does
mean to quit holding grudges.Now. Sometimes stuff people do to
(38:20):
us or stuff we might do tosomeone else leaves permanent scars.
Okay. My brother, when we wereyounger, threw a tennis ball can
at me. And in those days, youknow, maybe they still have them,
those tennis ball cans thathold three balls. And the way that
this one was built is it thetop edge of the can wasn't protected
(38:43):
like they are now, but it wassharp. We got in an argument and
he threw a tennis ball can atme and it hit me on the shin, the
bare shin, and cut right tothe bone. That bled, of course, profusely.
And, you know, it was aboutthat wide and the. The gapingness
was that. And you could seethe shin bone right in there, the
white bone. We were bothscared to tell our parents. I thought
(39:05):
I'd get in trouble justbecause. And if you know the story,
I got in trouble a lot at homeand etc. But anyway, we didn't. And
so I tried to tape it shut andet cetera, et cetera. And of course
it never healed properly. Itshould have had probably three or
four stitches to hold it shut.And I didn't get them. And so gradually
over the years, it healed andfilled up with scar tissue. So that
(39:28):
doesn't cause me a limp, but Ihave a permanent wedge shaped scar
on my left leg between theknee and the ankle that might is
equivalent to any kind of amark that you might have from something
that happened. Forgive anyway.Forgive everyone, everything. Choose
(39:50):
to love yourself and others.Life is so much more fun. And let
this Christmas time justremind you to do that. I love you
without hesitation. I have noidea what you've been through in
your life, but I know for surethat some of it, if not much of it,
(40:10):
has been difficult and somevery difficult. And maybe there are
things that you think, well,if so and so knew such and such,
they wouldn't like me. I loveyou. Period. You're a child of God.
You wouldn't be watching thisif you weren't trying to add good
to the world. Forgiveness isthree steps. Fix what you can. And
(40:36):
often the hardest things orthe things that we've done that hurt
the most can't really be fixedno matter how many times we apologize.
Nevertheless, we fix what wecan. We change who we are so that
we won't do that again. Andthen we spend our time and effort
adding good to the world.Making a difference. Forgiving others
(41:01):
is the same. Fix what you canof the damage that was done to you.
Don't expect anything fromanyone. Change who you are in terms
of your anger toward them.Maybe they'll get consequences and
maybe they won't, but that'snot ours to worry about. So fix what
you can. Change who you areeven though they made the mistake.
(41:27):
And that doesn't mean pretendit wasn't there. But it does mean
you are no longer the personthat holds anger and bitterness.
You are no longer the personthat is, you know, vicious or wishing
they would, you know, get someconsequence and then add good to
the world. I can make you apromise. If you choose love and fierce
(41:49):
ownership, your life will bebetter. Way better. If you clean
out the closet withforgiveness, you'll be way happier.
And you know what else I know?Getting rid of anger, frustration,
negativity, blame and all thatstuff. It opens up our creative possibilities
exponentially and gives us aview of how we can make money, make
(42:14):
a living, and make adifference at the same time. Love
and forgiveness are thecentral themes of Christmas. I love
the feeling, the doctrine andthe value and the teachings of this
time of year. And I love you.Don't let anything get in your way
(42:36):
or keep you. Come living inyour own heart, in love, as you create
your ultimate life.
Right here, right now. Youropportunity for massive growth is
(42:58):
right.
In front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
Everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go here.Your UltimateLife CA Subscribe Share.
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