March 25, 2025 • 41 mins
📢 Are you wasting your life?
Tired of all that dreamy fluff about living your best life? Well, hold onto your headphones because we're diving into some real talk!
Today, I'm joined by the fabulous Sandra Valks, who’s here to sprinkle some truth on the glittering misconceptions we often see about pursuing our passions. We're talking about how to harness your infinite power and create the life you truly deserve through service and sharing your unique gifts. Sandra brings her vibrant energy and incredible stories—from uplifting refugees in Uganda to inspiring folks in prisons—showcasing how connection and compassion can spark real change. Get ready for a fun ride filled with laughter, insights, and a whole lot of heart!
Sandra believes that life isn’t about how you start or how you end—it’s what you do with “the dash” in between. In this powerful episode, she shares hard-hitting truths about purpose, service, and making every moment count.
🚨 What you’ll learn in this episode:
✅ Why most people waste their lives—and how to stop NOW!
âś… The mindset shift that turns struggle into opportunity.
âś… What Sandra learned from working with prisoners, refugees, and leaders.
âś… Why judging others is just judging yourself.
✅ The simple question that will change how you live your life If you’ve ever felt stuck, lost, or afraid to take action, this conversation will light a fire inside you.
#TheDash #LiveWithPurpose #NoExcuses #YourUltimateLifePodcast
🌎 Website: www.sandravalks.ca
đź“Ś Facebook & LinkedIn: Sandra Valks (The Compassionate Queen of Straight Talk)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk so you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create.
(00:24):
You have infinite power.
Hi there.
Welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life, the only podcast
dedicated to helping youcreate the ultimate life of purpose,
prosperity, and joy that youcan create by serving with your gifts,
talents, and life experience.
Today I have a special guest,Sandra Volks.
(00:45):
Did I say that right, Sandra?
You did.
You did.
Very well done.
All right.
Excellent.
Well, I'd like to welcome youto the show.
Thank you.
It's great to be here.
I'm really excited because yourun a wonderful conversation every
time I listen to it.
Well, thank you.
And thank you for listening.
So, a question that if you'velistened to some, you know, I start
(01:06):
with often, not always, but.
And I don't want you to be shyor modest.
I want to know, and I wantlisteners to know, how does Sandra
go about intentionally addinggood to the world?
I hear you ask that questiondifferent times.
And I won't be shy because Iam such a compassionate straight
(01:27):
talker that.
That cuts through and getsinto really quick conversation.
I connect very easily with people.
And so when I was going to, Iconnected with a young lady in Uganda
over Facebook in 2019, and shewouldn't let me go.
I don't know why, but anyhow, you.
(01:49):
Were showing compassion and love.
Anyway, keep going.
And she.
She had to have some books andso on, so I thought, I'll just send
her some books.
I checked it out, and asuitcase of 60 pounds was going to
be 1600 dollars.
And I thought, I think I couldgo there faster.
(02:10):
So I did.
I booked a flight and tookfour suitcases with me and lived
in their home with them.
And they're refugees.
I really go anywhere I go andjust shift mindsets.
You know, they kind of shaketheir head at this old gal and.
And say, you've got somethingthat I would like to have, that freedom,
that authenticity, that loveof humanity.
(02:30):
So I think that's probably mybiggest just, I love life, I love
people, and I just have apassion and I let it flow.
I.
I just absolutely adore that.
So love life, love passion,let it flow.
And I didn't know that.
So you jumped on a plane, tookfour suitcases of books.
How long were you there?
(02:52):
Well, the pandemic gotdeclared while I was there, So I
was five weeks instead of the28 days I was planning.
So you stayed five weeks.
I did.
Brought all the books over there.
And I imagine you probablyended up talking to the whole town
or good portions of it interms of helping them take control
(03:12):
of their thoughts and mindsetand life and love and that sort of
thing.
I did.
They.
They just love it, you know,it's such a breath of fresh air when
you're over there.
And I was with the masses, ifyou will.
They just kind of look at youand think, oh, there's another part
of the world out there somewhere.
They didn't have a lot, but ifthey were willing to listen, they
(03:33):
could figure out how to dosomething with the little that they
had and how to come together.
So in some cases, Liz wouldinvite the women to come to learn.
And she said, oh, we'll haveto feed them.
I said, well, if we have tofeed them, they don't want to come
and learn.
So we did have bottles ofwater for them.
I wasn't going to just feed people.
So they would flock over andsee what they could eat and not learn.
(03:56):
And so the number thatactually wanted to learn was very
limited.
But that one young woman thatI stayed with, she has become such
a leader.
She said, sandra, I was so angry.
I was so ugly all the time.
Because she was a refugeeherself from Burundi, living in Uganda
as a refugee, and just lifewasn't fair.
She was angry.
(04:17):
And.
And then this one will do thisand this one will do that.
And I said, you know what?
Just love them, bless them,and then let them go.
You don't have to have them inyour life.
You don't have to fight with them.
And she started to adjust herthoughts, and then she was into laughing.
And she's still laughing evento today with all of the challenges
she gets.
But they've started their ownlittle catering business.
(04:38):
They cook the food.
Now her kids are making donutsand going around and selling donuts.
She teaches French.
So it's amazing.
And I've got a few storieslike that.
That's just one of the stories.
But it's amazing to watchpeople explode, you know, when they
open their mind and they cansee something else happening.
I just absolutely adore that story.
(05:00):
And I'm going to give you theopportunity to tell some more.
And you know, it's so true.
Like, whatever's around us iswhat's around us, but how we experience
it is our own choice.
And when we choose not tofight with reality, but to see what
miracle can I create from whatI got, we're able to do that and
(05:22):
I say that and others say itand you're saying that over and over
and over and over again andthe truth is it's true.
Absolutely.
I mean, can you remember whenyou were free from what all this
crap was that was in your head?
I know what I feel like todayand I can remember very clearly.
(05:43):
I mean I had a dramatic divineintervention in 2007 that shifted
my world.
But before that I was 52 atthe time.
I had a disaster of a life.
Struggled with depression andself sabotage and addictions and
all kinds of things.
And today I have absolutely nothing.
I do only what I want to do.
(06:05):
My business plan is love,create, serve.
That's it.
Three words.
I love it and it's just magic.
And so I get to meetdelightful and glorious people like
you that are just going allover the world to do cool stuff.
And so yeah, I know exactlywhat it's like to be completely free.
(06:29):
It is.
It's a mental state.
It's a mental state.
You know, so many people saywell Sandra, how can you do that?
Or Sandra, why would you go there?
Oh Sandra, you're not going tobe safe.
Somebody's looking after me.
I was in Haiti in the middleof the city with the gangs.
That was pretty remarkable.
One young lad there, he met meand I mean they're the gang so they
(06:53):
know it's dangerous for us tobe there.
But he came over and he saysmom Ron, mom Ron.
So he never left my side whenwe were going across the ditches
of sh.
I couldn't quite step across.
I had a cane with me and Icouldn't quite.
He just scooped me up andcarried me over and set me down on
my feet again.
(07:14):
Another time I couldn't makeit up and down some oh really high
stone steps where we'd beenand I'm just a haul in my sorry hand
over hand up the handrail.
He looks around.
He ran his shoulder into mywaist and took me like a sack of
potatoes up the wind.
Oh bless you.
(07:34):
And I had such a blast.
I mean it was I.
When I travel I don't go for vacation.
I can do five star hotels fora couple days and then let me with
the people and that is wherethe blasting happens.
You know, we got on the backof the truck and all they could laugh
was the oh we got the whitiesin the putt putt and they were having
(07:56):
such a hoot.
And to me those are mymemories that I can have a laugh
at any country I've been to.
And I've been to a lot, and Iwouldn't trade anything for the travels
I've had.
You know, one of the thingsthat I say a lot to clients and on
shows and everything else is if.
(08:17):
If we.
If we slow down and think andfeel inside, we.
We understand and see thatwe're built to love and serve each
other, and we get lost in the,you know, in the externalities and
the assigned values and allthe rest, the religion of money and
all the rest of the stuff.
(08:37):
And the truth is, we arehappiest when we are in love and
service.
And your examples and storiesare just telling, you know, emphasizing
that.
So one of the things you toldme earlier was about going to prison.
So I want you to tell me alittle bit more about how you are
going to prison.
When she first told me thatahead of the show, of course, I thought
(08:59):
for just a second she meantgoing to prison.
And I thought, okay, this mustbe a Martha Stewart story or whatever,
right?
But anyway, so talk aboutgoing to prison.
It's more of the same.
But I want people to hear thejoy and the diversity of experiences
that you've had in thisservice context.
(09:19):
Oh, well, when I was going to my.
I joined ToastMasters justover 30 years ago in my first club,
one of the ladies there had aToastmaster club going in at Warkworth
Prison.
So she said, sandra, come with me.
And she was going every week.
I maybe went once a month.
And they were doing ademonstration toastmaster meeting
(09:40):
for other groups within the prison.
So we were going to thelifers, the ones who would.
Most of the time, if you're alifer, you kill somebody.
You can have a lifer for otherreasons, but mostly you're in there
for some murder.
So we were speaking into thelifers, and I spoke and I had trees,
you know, and with that, whenyou're going to speak about trees,
(10:03):
are you going to do thescientific, the environmental, or
the emotional?
You know, you have to makeyour introduction work.
So I started out with rape andpillage, rape and pillage.
And their mouths were falling open.
And I was talking about theraping and the pillaging of our forest
and our trees and.
And how beautiful the trees were.
(10:23):
And I finished off singing, Ithink that I shall never see a poem
lovely as a tree.
So that kind of song.
And their mouths fell open andthey said, oh, please sing it again.
I said, what?
Yeah, that was beautiful.
Please sing it again.
We don't.
We don't hear that often enough.
(10:43):
So I sang it Again.
And over coffee afterwards, Iguess, before we went to coffee,
they said, you do realize, doyou, that you've got five accomplished
musicians sitting in your audience?
They're in prison.
My mouth probably hit the floor.
(11:03):
Accomplished musicians, youknow, it's not all druggists, druggies
and low lives.
There's executives, realtors.
I mean, you get everythingthere, everything.
Five professional musicians inthat one audience blew my mind.
(11:24):
I'm not allowed to ask themanything personally, but I do.
And then I say, I know I can'task you, but if you know, just saying,
can't tell you, that's fine.
So I said to the one after,when we were having coffee, I said,
like, five accomplished musicians.
Like, what are you doing in here?
Why?
Well, suffice to say, we payfor our passions.
So who knows what they camehome to at some point?
(11:47):
I don't know.
And I've had another young ladwho was doing his icebreaker.
Beautiful.
And you just think of your ownson, beautiful eyes and this hair,
and just a beautiful youngman, like, what are you doing here?
And he told his story ofgetting some drugs and alcohol and
(12:08):
going into the convenience store.
And they took the gun.
They weren't going to use thegun, and they were just going to
use it to scare the guy.
Well, the guy didn't scare too well.
Out came the gun.
And he ended up.
The two of them that went into Robert, he shot his own best friend
dead.
So here's this young man, Iguess the storekeeper.
(12:28):
He survived it all.
But here's this young man inprison for shooting his best friend
because they got drunk,hanging out, and it's just sad.
And when they're in there longenough, they certainly get dried
out.
And Toastmasters is one of those.
And so it's alternatives to violence.
The other program I've goneinto for years in prison, and the
(12:51):
recidivism is cut down a whole lot.
So when people say, sandra,why would you go?
I said, well, you know,they're going to come out.
They're going to pay theirtime, they're going to come out,
and I think they'll be saferand they'll have a.
A life that they can getintegrated back into.
So I think it'll be safer.
So I.
(13:13):
It's just amazing.
And I say amazing because I,you know, the listeners.
As you listen to this, I wantyou to ask yourself a question.
Maybe you don't have a prison nearby.
Maybe you don't have adramatic situation, but where in
your life can you choose toMake a difference.
Because we're hearing a storyhere about people, about Sandra who's
(13:33):
cutting recidivism and givingpeople hope and an opportunity to
develop a skill and somethingthat they can use.
And more than that, it's selfconfidence, because.
Because often, you know,there's this whole worthless thing.
And when you have a skill andyou have some hope, you know, that's.
That's a big piece ofreturning, no matter what the difficulty's
been, whether you ended up inthe clink or not to.
(13:55):
To have a life and to get different.
Get something different thanwhat you've been having.
So I just love that story and your.
Both your passion and yourwillingness to do that.
I have a question now.
So I want you to tell me howyou got where you are.
Because nobody falls up thatmountain to a place where you make
(14:15):
a choice, consciously, anintentional choice.
How can I add good to the world?
And that's the phrase I use.
And people can use whateverthey want.
But tell me how you got there.
It's a mixed bag, isn't it?
I was a little country girl,and I could sing.
All our family could sing.
(14:35):
So five years old, I'm goinginto the hospital and singing to
Aunt Mabel.
And she kind of scared mebecause at that time, with cancer,
you had all this purple cobaltburning, I think it was.
And so I'd stand way back bythe door and sing my little song.
So I've been in service all mylife through the singing.
(14:56):
And yet when I would go up andsing in the festival, in a competition,
I love the stage.
But you're shaking inside.
You're so excited and scaredall at the same time, and it's a
beautiful thing.
So I've always been on stage,and here I am.
You ask me why would you come on?
Because I love being on stage.
I love bringing a message, andI love it.
(15:18):
To do it through singing orspeaking, however I do it.
I believe I was always alittle Pollyanna.
I don't know for thelisteners, if they know Pollyanna,
she was the little girl thatcould always find something good
about it.
Oh, well, the food isn't here.
Oh, well, that means we havetime to play.
You know, it didn't matterwhat happened.
(15:39):
You had time for something else.
That was good.
So I think that's part of my genes.
And my mother was always,always ingenious.
We didn't have a lot of money,but, boy, could she make balloons
go around a party room, andcould she make popcorn, and we could
string that onto the tree.
When we'd get around the bigold kitchen table, she'd maybe get
(16:01):
a package of little cars andyou could wind them rubbing them
back and forth on the tableand then across they'd go so we could
have a lot of fun.
And then when we werefinished, give them away to somebody
else.
So I think a lot of it wasborn into me.
Although I also can't rememberwhen my mom and dad didn't fight.
So I always grew up.
I don't mean fisticuffs, butthere was always argument on the
(16:24):
table.
I was the baby.
And I always felt this conflicted.
Somebody said, well, you can'thave that.
That's not a real word.
Well, that's how I feel, youknow, God loves.
God's going to get you.
Jesus loves you.
God's going to get you, you know.
And what's going to happen ifmom and dad are fighting?
What if they had a divorce?
What would happen to me?
Oh, that was a terrible thingto think, you know, being so, you
(16:46):
know, we can go around in somany circles.
And I remember even at age 12, I.
I would kind of walk with myhead down, being a little shy.
And somebody said, you getyour head up there.
So I read a chatelainemagazine or something.
So I practiced for a monthholding my head up and walking.
(17:08):
So I think I just always tookon one little thing at a time to
change.
And another time it was,should, you know, oh, you should
do this, you should do that.
The teacher should know.
I was a teacher.
You should know all the answers.
You should, should, should.
And you know, it's so frustrating.
You just feel like smaller andsmaller and smaller because you don't
have all the answers until itpushes you to the brink.
(17:31):
You kind of blow up there, exceed.
And then the light comes on,you say, oh, I don't need to know
all the answers as a teacher.
I need to help them find theirown answers.
So you can see, even all thosedecades ago, it was my natural.
I've always been curious andwanting to play and wanting to be
part of that was a needinessthat I also had to learn to overcome.
(17:57):
But I just love all theseconflicting emotions that occurred
throughout my life andthroughout yours.
Obviously, we all did it as wewere figuring ourselves out, right
as we start getting them in order.
It's a beautiful game.
Where else could we have therules of a game like life?
(18:18):
Well, you get to, you know,the fun thing we were talking earlier,
you make your own.
You make of life what you want to.
And we say that stuff in thepersonal development world and those
that are not think we're crazy.
But the truth is, you really do.
And it is such a blessingbecause we're going to have the experience
(18:39):
in life that we want.
Now, I want to ask a follow upto that.
So you learned through thoseconflicting things, you know, and
you said, gee, I heardsomething in a magazine.
Keep your head up.
And so you intentionally, andthis is, to me important, you intentionally
picked something to do to workon, to, quote, make yourself better.
(19:01):
It didn't happen by accident.
It didn't do itself.
You said, oh, I'm going to dothat, because that's better.
And that was just you decidingit was better.
So you managed for yourself,okay, to handle the vicissitudes
and the ups and downs that you had.
And so you got yourself organized.
I want to know what's in yourheart that makes you so passionate
(19:25):
about sharing thosediscoveries and helping others do
that for themselves.
I mean, it's easy.
You got to figure it out.
So you're done.
Except that's not you.
So tell me more about that.
That is the biggest challenge.
You know, when, when I wasbeing raised, we had the old loyalist
empire loyalist, the oldBritish work ethic.
(19:47):
You have to work hard to makea living, and you give freely of
the talents that have beengiven to you.
Now, that's all BS as we know today.
That's all BS because I shouldbe able to go out there as my should.
Should be able to go out inthe world and have an abundant living
doing what comes naturally for me.
(20:08):
So for 40 years in thefinancial world, going into commission
sales is not my natural happy spot.
I did it anyhow, but it wasagainst who I am.
So I was working hard becausethen I had to give away all my.
My love and my coaching and mysinging and all the things that make
(20:31):
me happy.
I had to give those away, butI had to go and work hard.
So that was the story.
The story was you had to givethem away.
And you worked hard doingsomething that you found difficult.
And that plays into the wholedrama of everybody hates their job,
but they gotta go do somethingthat's, quote, productive that they're
supposed to do, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And the things that are fun,well, that's playing.
(20:53):
So you can't get paid for that.
And so.
And you did that and gave itall away.
And then what?
Do you know what happened then?
No, I'm waiting for you totell me what happened then.
I became a workaholic becauseI was not Happy at home.
My relationship with myhusband was not the happy one.
(21:14):
So I became workaholic.
And when you become workaholicand a super mom, I mean, everybody
else got everything and I wasthe one that I left to the end.
So I, of course went intoburnout and into depression until
I reached down to clinicaldepression before I got finished
with it.
So I crashed and burned and myhands were empty.
(21:36):
But out of that took threeyears of a nasty divorce.
But once, once it wasfinished, I was afraid to start crying
because I thought, I'll never quit.
And it was true.
Once, once I was able torelease, I think I cried for about
three years, you know, not.
I went ahead and did my workand I did what I had to do.
(21:57):
But when I was by myself, Ithink it took about three years to
cry it out.
It took three years to get thedivorce and another three years to
let it go.
But that's okay.
Here I am.
I've had a lot of years whereI'm not crying.
You know, one of the thingsthat's so important about that, and
I love just reiterating alittle, is, gee, it took you.
(22:19):
I worked my butt off.
I got a workaholicrelationship was whatever, burned
out, burned out, burned down.
And then, you know, lifecrashed and burned around me.
And so you had your threeyears of divorce and three years
of grieving sadness and loss.
And then like the 12 year oldwho read something in a magazine,
(22:41):
I'm going to pick myself upand I'm going to go see what else
is possible.
So tell me about that, whatelse is possible.
Part.
The 12 step program wasabsolutely amazing.
I was seven years in the AlAnon program, which is for families
and friends of people whodrink and whose drinking affects
you.
(23:01):
Those 12 steps and the toolboxthat goes with it is absolutely phenomenal.
It's with me today, you know,I face something.
Oh, let go and let God.
You know, it doesn't matterhow important is it, Whose stuff
is it?
Halt.
Are you hungry, angry, lonelyor tired?
I mean, I could just keepspewing all of these and that's been
many, many years ago.
It's been decades ago.
(23:22):
But it is so important to meto really walk in other people's
shoes or if I'm not walking inthem, at least recognizing mine were
just as, just as dirty.
I mean, going to prison wouldbe an example.
Like people say, how can youdo that?
When I knew I would kill?
I'm no different than they are.
And I know I would kill.
(23:43):
I know you would kill.
If anybody gets honest withthemselves, we would kill.
So who are we to judge?
And how easily could we havebeen in prison, you know, with the
drinking and driving or whatever?
Well, you know that guy, thatpoet, I can't remember what his name
is, but he saw someone beingcarried off to the stocks, I think
(24:06):
it was in England or something.
And he said, there but for thegrace of.
Of God go I absolutely meaningI could just easily be me as that
poor sucker, whatever it was.
And I don't even think he knewwho it was or what was going on,
but he was just reflecting onthe fragility of our circumstance.
And what you're teaching ushere is to end the judgment and just
(24:31):
let things be as they are andcreate with what you have.
I'm paraphrasing, but that'swhat I'm hearing.
That's pretty much it.
When I go to prison and we getthe new guys coming in, they used
to have hoodies.
They're not allowed to havehoodies anymore, but they'd have
their hoodie up over top ortheir ball cap on, and there they'd
be hiding.
(24:52):
And we were just not.
We're not going to talk.
So we'd go around, introduceeverybody, and then they'd say, well,
just pass.
Okay, we'll come back to you.
In other words, you're notgetting off the hook.
All you would have to say isyour name.
And about three weeks later,the hoodies are back, the hats are
off, and pick me, pick me.
So just the glory of beingable to know that they can stand
(25:13):
and speak.
Everybody's going to be quietand listen.
They can claim their space andthey get into telling stories.
This newest club I have is ina minimum prison, so they're preparing
for integration back out tothe community.
But they are having a blastand just doing so much.
And I know I kind of hang onto the prison stories because that's
(25:34):
where I see the transformationso vividly.
Along with my families inUganda, I was in the women's prison
only one weekend, and it wasrather uncomfortable because I thought
if they have a lockdown, theydon't know I don't belong here because
they might keep me.
Were you wearing the sameclothes or could that have saved
you?
(25:54):
I don't know.
In prison, you're not just inthe orange suits, you're in your
own clothes, sort of.
And they have the.
The regular uniform garb, andmen get blue T shirts and gray track
pants or something.
That's kind of the what'shanded out.
They can have their own clothes.
But when I was in the woman'sprison, there was a young woman,
(26:15):
we were doing alternatives to violence.
So she and I were partnered upas leaders.
And so I, I was asking her,like, how long have you been here?
You know, or she said, well, Iwas out and I came back, I said,
why would you do that?
And she said, well, I thoughtfreedom meant freedom.
So I got out and thought Icould do anything I wanted to.
(26:36):
Didn't understand that freedomhas a price, freedom has a responsibility.
So she came back, she says,I've learned that lesson.
I won't be doing that when Iget out again, you know, because
quite often recidivism is a,is a shorter term, but maybe six
months or a year.
But can you imagine being outin freedom and then you're picked
up very quickly and right backin here?
Finish your lessons, right?
(26:59):
So I want, I want to know, soit's clear to me, and should be clear
to everybody listening, thatyou spend your effort, your energy,
your love intentionallylifting and blessing those around
you.
You've talked aboutToastmasters, you've talked about
Uganda.
Tell me a little, I want youto tell me a little bit more about
(27:19):
that in a minute, but talkabout Toastmasters and spending a
lot of time in, in, in prisonsdoing a lot of different things and
intentionally finding ways tolift and bless, let people see possibilities.
And so tell me a little bitabout Uganda.
And then I want you to tell mewhat you do, what else you do for
(27:40):
people that aren't in jail,like, what do you do for work and
that sort of thing.
Tell me a Uganda story.
Ah, Uganda.
I love Uganda.
I'm hoping I've got one moretrip in me to get back there.
But there's a young fellowcalled Ronald and he had, when I
met him on Facebook as well,and he also didn't let me go, but
that was after I had been in Uganda.
(28:02):
So I, I never did meet himperson to person, but he said, There's
240 children here that are, ororphans, are hungry and they deserve
an education.
They deserve to be fed.
So he had had a mentor earlierand they had a foundation called
the Ron Lilly Foundation.
Ron is the young man in Ugandaand, and Charles Lilly, I think,
was the American who hadpartnered with them.
(28:23):
And they'd made this littlefoundation, always going on a shoestring
and usually with nothing, youknow, but that was his thing.
And I said, well, if you'reasking for money, just go away.
Forget it.
Don't ask for money if youwant to learn something, I'm the
one.
So he picked up on that veryquickly, and we've had a lot of very
(28:44):
deep conversations going into life.
And.
Yeah, so he still has allthose children.
Now he wants to come to Canadafor a visit, work for a couple years
if he can get more moneyraised up for his foundation and
go home.
He helped another young ladywho came to my Mind Shift Mondays
(29:06):
group, and we were having conversations.
So this is you.
Love Lean.
She is Ugandan woman, and shehad left Uganda, it being a British
colony, is able to go toBritain and take her schooling there.
And when she came to the MindShift group, I was going around asking
what they wanted to do, andshe was being very quiet, very private.
(29:30):
And I said, but what is itthat you want?
She kind of tested it andthought, I'm safe enough to open
up here.
So she said, I want to have afoundation and help the young women,
young girls that get pregnantand they're thrown off to the side,
they're cast out.
You get pregnant, you and yourchild, off you go.
Like that's also backwards.
(29:50):
She said, I want to help them.
So she said, but I've beensaving, and I think I have to have
an awful lot of money to startup a foundation.
And I said, stop that.
Stop that.
You don't need a whole bunchof money.
You can start with a couplehundred dollars and you've got it.
And I said, I've got the youngman in Uganda.
Ronald, who already has afoundation, can help you go through
(30:12):
the paperwork.
We talked about that in November.
And by March that following,five months later, she and Ronald
had gotten all the paperstogether for her to have her foundation.
And by August, they had agrand opening with 700 people attending.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
(30:33):
Unbelievable.
So there's no money for her tohand out, but she will teach them
and train them so she's gotpeople there.
So now they've been comingtogether and learning how to make
Vaseline, how to make drysoap, how to make liquid soap, how
to make.
How to do braiding.
They've rented some sewingmachines so they can learn their
tailoring.
It just keeps multiplying.
(30:55):
And all on a shoestring.
What a.
What a bright beacon of light.
I have to tell you, I'm justhonored to be.
To.
To be the recipient of thislight and to hear the things you're
doing.
What do you do?
And maybe you don't.
Maybe you're independently wealthy.
I don't know.
But what do you do for.
What do you do for?
To cover your dimes.
(31:16):
Cover my dimes?
Well, if you see those filesback there, that's 40 years of financial
planning.
Although in the last, probablythe last 10, 15 years I've just been
looking after my existingclients so that doesn't make a lot,
but it gives me a flow.
And I own my own house here.
I didn't ever think I would.
And when my common law and Iwere splitting up, he said no, no,
(31:39):
no, you belong here.
So I bought him out.
But not before he fixed upthis room.
Where this is, is the garagechanged over into an office and two
one bedroom apartments.
So I live in 500 square feet.
I call it my nest.
You live in 500 square feet,you rent out two apartments and you've
got a hub from which to spreadyour light around the world.
(32:02):
Yeah.
So it's quite amazing.
So I've got the rentals whichhelps with the house.
And I've just started withanother project here because I'm
a financial advisor andlicensed and still up to snuff.
I'm now doing a financialhotline which means people call in.
It's almost like a little bitof a reverse call center.
(32:25):
So the companies have theemployee assistance benefit program
and these are 1-800 number sothey have anything that's bothering
them.
And these are big companiesacross Canada, huge.
So if anything's botheringyou, we don't want it bother you.
Well, we want you working.
So if anything's bothering,call this 1-800number and get some
help.
So that goes into some centralplace and if it's anything to do
(32:48):
with money and financial itcomes off to this company that I've
just started up with.
And I got that started earlyin January and I'm doing a lot of
calls.
So sometimes it's 10, 15minutes, sometimes it's 40, 45 minutes.
The other day a young girltalked, sent me a notice back, an
(33:10):
email back and said I justwant to thank you.
It was such a blessing.
I think we were like an hourand 10 minutes which was a very long.
She said just to be able tolisten to you and talk to you and
share in the grief.
Her mother had passed a yearand a half earlier and she was just
scared about getting out andliving on her own.
And yeah, so that was.
How many call centers do youcall and get into intimate conversation
(33:34):
only Yours me a beautifultestimonial back.
And so we've connected.
I said well, I'm easy to find,you know, because I do have My name
on.
I send everyone an email whenI'm finished, so I'm easy to find.
So there's a few of them thatI've invited.
You know, go ahead and connect.
But she said the wisdom and just.
(33:55):
I had told her her mom wasthere with her.
Her mom had passed a year anda half earlier.
And I said, you know what?
Your mom is walking.
You've got your feet on the ground.
I can hear it.
And your mother's right besideyou with her arm around your waist,
and her feet are right thereon the ground with you.
Your mother's not gone.
And.
And then I shared, you know,my own son passing eight years ago.
(34:17):
So she knew that I knew.
And I know in the coachingworld, if you've been certified as
a coach, you've got all theserules about how do you keep all these
things separate.
Mine's just an open book.
I totally agree with you.
I couldn't agree more.
And I don't follow any ofthose rules.
I would flunk every one ofthose tests that they administer
(34:40):
with the ICC Anyway.
Well, I want to know.
This is just delightful tohear about the work that you're doing
and the light that you're being.
Like, your light is shining,and I can feel it and see, see it.
If people want to connect withyou or find out more about you or.
And you know, not to call your1-800- hotline because they got to
work for whatever company'spaying you to do that.
(35:02):
But where do they find out more?
Have you written some books?
Or what have you got thatpeople can go consume and gobble
up of your goodness?
I haven't written books likeyou have.
If you go to my Facebook page,you'll see that I have been published,
which was much of the talkthat I gave when you and I met.
What's holding you back?
But I have a webpage.
(35:24):
SandraVaulks ca.
That's how simple that one is.
And I'm very easy to find onFacebook and LinkedIn.
I'm the compassionate queen ofstraight talk.
And not too many at my age,with all this lovely pink that's
having so much fun shining out.
I love the pink hair.
Sandra Vaux, V O L K S.
V A L K S V A.
(35:45):
You know, I said Volks when westarted because I can't read that
tiny print that far.
Sandra valks, v a l k s.complease go there and take advantage
of this rich tapestry of andfireball of straight talk and compassion
combined together.
(36:06):
Sandra, my dear woman, whatDidn't I ask you that you would love
to tell people by way of love,encouragement, anything that you
want to give us.
I love the poem called the Dash.
The Dash.
(36:26):
And when you look at theheadstone at the graveside and you've
got the day you were born, andthen there's a dash, and then there's
the day you die, the coming inand the going out, you're on your
own, ain't nobody there, soyou might better take responsibility
for yourself while we're here.
(36:48):
But it's not about thebirthing and it's not about the dying.
It's what you do with thatdash in the middle.
How do you live your life?
Another thing that I like tothink is I grew up when we went to
the funeral home, if somebodydied in the community, you went to
the funeral home, Whole family went.
We stayed two, three hours atthe wake telling stories, laughing,
(37:11):
telling jokes and crying.
And it didn't matter what it was.
We were there two, three hourswith the family, and it was a community
affair.
And so you have the eulogy.
When you get to the funeral,you have the eulogy and you hear
about all the wonderful thingspeople did, whether they lived it
or not, Right?
(37:31):
Right.
Everyone, some kind of a rule, right?
The eulogy always got to benice stuff, right?
So here's the.
Here's the homework.
Write your own eulogy, right?
Today, if you died last nightand they were doing a service tomorrow,
what would people be saying?
You'd have your family, yourworkers, your church, community,
(37:52):
community, your whoever.
They'd all take a turn.
What would they be saying now?
What would you like them to be saying?
What do you want them to knowabout who you are in that final memorial
service?
I love that.
(38:13):
Live into it.
Live into it and live into it.
That's the thing.
It's one thing to wish andhope that they would say this, that,
and the other.
But the question is, afteryou've thought about that, and I
love your invitation, what iswhat you're saying and doing in your
own head, in your own life andin the service of others?
(38:35):
Does it match that?
Does it.
Does it bring people to wantto say, feel those things?
I love that invitation.
So that's.
That's really the work I do,besides the financial, the communication,
going down inside, becausethat's where our life is.
I like to do the seven levelsof why, what's below that, what's
(38:56):
below that, what's below that,what's below that.
So we get to that basic fearquite often.
It's a fear buried down in there.
We can pull that out by theroots and become free.
Become free.
I love that.
Sandra, delightful to chatwith you today.
Thank you for being a guesthere and sharing your heart, your
(39:19):
soul, your light, your loveand your wisdom with me and with
our guests.
It's been wonderful.
Thank you so much.
You betcha.
I want to encourage all of youto just take some time and listen
here, because this is a womanwho has walked the walk, who's still
walking the walk, prisons andforeign countries and giving books
(39:43):
and serving and lifting andblessing others emotionally, spiritually,
and helping them with financesby trade, but who has made it her
passion and her heart to liftand bless those around her.
And that's what we're allcalled to do.
And my own experience and hersis that that's what will help you
truly live your ultimate life.
(40:15):
You right now.
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here.
Your ultimate life ca subscribe.
(40:41):
Your heart in the sky and yourfeet on the ground.
Welcome to the show.
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This is the place for tools,power, and real talk so you can create
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(00:24):
You have infinite power.
Hi there.
Welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life, the only podcast
dedicated to helping youcreate the ultimate life of purpose,
prosperity, and joy that youcan create by serving with your gifts,
talents, and life experience.
Today I have a special guest,Sandra Volks.
(00:45):
Did I say that right, Sandra?
You did.
You did.
Very well done.
All right.
Excellent.
Well, I'd like to welcome youto the show.
Thank you.
It's great to be here.
I'm really excited because yourun a wonderful conversation every
time I listen to it.
Well, thank you.
And thank you for listening.
So, a question that if you'velistened to some, you know, I start
(01:06):
with often, not always, but.
And I don't want you to be shyor modest.
I want to know, and I wantlisteners to know, how does Sandra
go about intentionally addinggood to the world?
I hear you ask that questiondifferent times.
And I won't be shy because Iam such a compassionate straight
(01:27):
talker that.
That cuts through and getsinto really quick conversation.
I connect very easily with people.
And so when I was going to, Iconnected with a young lady in Uganda
over Facebook in 2019, and shewouldn't let me go.
I don't know why, but anyhow, you.
(01:49):
Were showing compassion and love.
Anyway, keep going.
And she.
She had to have some books andso on, so I thought, I'll just send
her some books.
I checked it out, and asuitcase of 60 pounds was going to
be 1600 dollars.
And I thought, I think I couldgo there faster.
(02:10):
So I did.
I booked a flight and tookfour suitcases with me and lived
in their home with them.
And they're refugees.
I really go anywhere I go andjust shift mindsets.
You know, they kind of shaketheir head at this old gal and.
And say, you've got somethingthat I would like to have, that freedom,
that authenticity, that loveof humanity.
(02:30):
So I think that's probably mybiggest just, I love life, I love
people, and I just have apassion and I let it flow.
I.
I just absolutely adore that.
So love life, love passion,let it flow.
And I didn't know that.
So you jumped on a plane, tookfour suitcases of books.
How long were you there?
(02:52):
Well, the pandemic gotdeclared while I was there, So I
was five weeks instead of the28 days I was planning.
So you stayed five weeks.
I did.
Brought all the books over there.
And I imagine you probablyended up talking to the whole town
or good portions of it interms of helping them take control
(03:12):
of their thoughts and mindsetand life and love and that sort of
thing.
I did.
They.
They just love it, you know,it's such a breath of fresh air when
you're over there.
And I was with the masses, ifyou will.
They just kind of look at youand think, oh, there's another part
of the world out there somewhere.
They didn't have a lot, but ifthey were willing to listen, they
(03:33):
could figure out how to dosomething with the little that they
had and how to come together.
So in some cases, Liz wouldinvite the women to come to learn.
And she said, oh, we'll haveto feed them.
I said, well, if we have tofeed them, they don't want to come
and learn.
So we did have bottles ofwater for them.
I wasn't going to just feed people.
So they would flock over andsee what they could eat and not learn.
(03:56):
And so the number thatactually wanted to learn was very
limited.
But that one young woman thatI stayed with, she has become such
a leader.
She said, sandra, I was so angry.
I was so ugly all the time.
Because she was a refugeeherself from Burundi, living in Uganda
as a refugee, and just lifewasn't fair.
She was angry.
(04:17):
And.
And then this one will do thisand this one will do that.
And I said, you know what?
Just love them, bless them,and then let them go.
You don't have to have them inyour life.
You don't have to fight with them.
And she started to adjust herthoughts, and then she was into laughing.
And she's still laughing evento today with all of the challenges
she gets.
But they've started their ownlittle catering business.
(04:38):
They cook the food.
Now her kids are making donutsand going around and selling donuts.
She teaches French.
So it's amazing.
And I've got a few storieslike that.
That's just one of the stories.
But it's amazing to watchpeople explode, you know, when they
open their mind and they cansee something else happening.
I just absolutely adore that story.
(05:00):
And I'm going to give you theopportunity to tell some more.
And you know, it's so true.
Like, whatever's around us iswhat's around us, but how we experience
it is our own choice.
And when we choose not tofight with reality, but to see what
miracle can I create from whatI got, we're able to do that and
(05:22):
I say that and others say itand you're saying that over and over
and over and over again andthe truth is it's true.
Absolutely.
I mean, can you remember whenyou were free from what all this
crap was that was in your head?
I know what I feel like todayand I can remember very clearly.
(05:43):
I mean I had a dramatic divineintervention in 2007 that shifted
my world.
But before that I was 52 atthe time.
I had a disaster of a life.
Struggled with depression andself sabotage and addictions and
all kinds of things.
And today I have absolutely nothing.
I do only what I want to do.
(06:05):
My business plan is love,create, serve.
That's it.
Three words.
I love it and it's just magic.
And so I get to meetdelightful and glorious people like
you that are just going allover the world to do cool stuff.
And so yeah, I know exactlywhat it's like to be completely free.
(06:29):
It is.
It's a mental state.
It's a mental state.
You know, so many people saywell Sandra, how can you do that?
Or Sandra, why would you go there?
Oh Sandra, you're not going tobe safe.
Somebody's looking after me.
I was in Haiti in the middleof the city with the gangs.
That was pretty remarkable.
One young lad there, he met meand I mean they're the gang so they
(06:53):
know it's dangerous for us tobe there.
But he came over and he saysmom Ron, mom Ron.
So he never left my side whenwe were going across the ditches
of sh.
I couldn't quite step across.
I had a cane with me and Icouldn't quite.
He just scooped me up andcarried me over and set me down on
my feet again.
(07:14):
Another time I couldn't makeit up and down some oh really high
stone steps where we'd beenand I'm just a haul in my sorry hand
over hand up the handrail.
He looks around.
He ran his shoulder into mywaist and took me like a sack of
potatoes up the wind.
Oh bless you.
(07:34):
And I had such a blast.
I mean it was I.
When I travel I don't go for vacation.
I can do five star hotels fora couple days and then let me with
the people and that is wherethe blasting happens.
You know, we got on the backof the truck and all they could laugh
was the oh we got the whitiesin the putt putt and they were having
(07:56):
such a hoot.
And to me those are mymemories that I can have a laugh
at any country I've been to.
And I've been to a lot, and Iwouldn't trade anything for the travels
I've had.
You know, one of the thingsthat I say a lot to clients and on
shows and everything else is if.
(08:17):
If we.
If we slow down and think andfeel inside, we.
We understand and see thatwe're built to love and serve each
other, and we get lost in the,you know, in the externalities and
the assigned values and allthe rest, the religion of money and
all the rest of the stuff.
(08:37):
And the truth is, we arehappiest when we are in love and
service.
And your examples and storiesare just telling, you know, emphasizing
that.
So one of the things you toldme earlier was about going to prison.
So I want you to tell me alittle bit more about how you are
going to prison.
When she first told me thatahead of the show, of course, I thought
(08:59):
for just a second she meantgoing to prison.
And I thought, okay, this mustbe a Martha Stewart story or whatever,
right?
But anyway, so talk aboutgoing to prison.
It's more of the same.
But I want people to hear thejoy and the diversity of experiences
that you've had in thisservice context.
(09:19):
Oh, well, when I was going to my.
I joined ToastMasters justover 30 years ago in my first club,
one of the ladies there had aToastmaster club going in at Warkworth
Prison.
So she said, sandra, come with me.
And she was going every week.
I maybe went once a month.
And they were doing ademonstration toastmaster meeting
(09:40):
for other groups within the prison.
So we were going to thelifers, the ones who would.
Most of the time, if you're alifer, you kill somebody.
You can have a lifer for otherreasons, but mostly you're in there
for some murder.
So we were speaking into thelifers, and I spoke and I had trees,
you know, and with that, whenyou're going to speak about trees,
(10:03):
are you going to do thescientific, the environmental, or
the emotional?
You know, you have to makeyour introduction work.
So I started out with rape andpillage, rape and pillage.
And their mouths were falling open.
And I was talking about theraping and the pillaging of our forest
and our trees and.
And how beautiful the trees were.
(10:23):
And I finished off singing, Ithink that I shall never see a poem
lovely as a tree.
So that kind of song.
And their mouths fell open andthey said, oh, please sing it again.
I said, what?
Yeah, that was beautiful.
Please sing it again.
We don't.
We don't hear that often enough.
(10:43):
So I sang it Again.
And over coffee afterwards, Iguess, before we went to coffee,
they said, you do realize, doyou, that you've got five accomplished
musicians sitting in your audience?
They're in prison.
My mouth probably hit the floor.
(11:03):
Accomplished musicians, youknow, it's not all druggists, druggies
and low lives.
There's executives, realtors.
I mean, you get everythingthere, everything.
Five professional musicians inthat one audience blew my mind.
(11:24):
I'm not allowed to ask themanything personally, but I do.
And then I say, I know I can'task you, but if you know, just saying,
can't tell you, that's fine.
So I said to the one after,when we were having coffee, I said,
like, five accomplished musicians.
Like, what are you doing in here?
Why?
Well, suffice to say, we payfor our passions.
So who knows what they camehome to at some point?
(11:47):
I don't know.
And I've had another young ladwho was doing his icebreaker.
Beautiful.
And you just think of your ownson, beautiful eyes and this hair,
and just a beautiful youngman, like, what are you doing here?
And he told his story ofgetting some drugs and alcohol and
(12:08):
going into the convenience store.
And they took the gun.
They weren't going to use thegun, and they were just going to
use it to scare the guy.
Well, the guy didn't scare too well.
Out came the gun.
And he ended up.
The two of them that went into Robert, he shot his own best friend
dead.
So here's this young man, Iguess the storekeeper.
(12:28):
He survived it all.
But here's this young man inprison for shooting his best friend
because they got drunk,hanging out, and it's just sad.
And when they're in there longenough, they certainly get dried
out.
And Toastmasters is one of those.
And so it's alternatives to violence.
The other program I've goneinto for years in prison, and the
(12:51):
recidivism is cut down a whole lot.
So when people say, sandra,why would you go?
I said, well, you know,they're going to come out.
They're going to pay theirtime, they're going to come out,
and I think they'll be saferand they'll have a.
A life that they can getintegrated back into.
So I think it'll be safer.
So I.
(13:13):
It's just amazing.
And I say amazing because I,you know, the listeners.
As you listen to this, I wantyou to ask yourself a question.
Maybe you don't have a prison nearby.
Maybe you don't have adramatic situation, but where in
your life can you choose toMake a difference.
Because we're hearing a storyhere about people, about Sandra who's
(13:33):
cutting recidivism and givingpeople hope and an opportunity to
develop a skill and somethingthat they can use.
And more than that, it's selfconfidence, because.
Because often, you know,there's this whole worthless thing.
And when you have a skill andyou have some hope, you know, that's.
That's a big piece ofreturning, no matter what the difficulty's
been, whether you ended up inthe clink or not to.
(13:55):
To have a life and to get different.
Get something different thanwhat you've been having.
So I just love that story and your.
Both your passion and yourwillingness to do that.
I have a question now.
So I want you to tell me howyou got where you are.
Because nobody falls up thatmountain to a place where you make
(14:15):
a choice, consciously, anintentional choice.
How can I add good to the world?
And that's the phrase I use.
And people can use whateverthey want.
But tell me how you got there.
It's a mixed bag, isn't it?
I was a little country girl,and I could sing.
All our family could sing.
(14:35):
So five years old, I'm goinginto the hospital and singing to
Aunt Mabel.
And she kind of scared mebecause at that time, with cancer,
you had all this purple cobaltburning, I think it was.
And so I'd stand way back bythe door and sing my little song.
So I've been in service all mylife through the singing.
(14:56):
And yet when I would go up andsing in the festival, in a competition,
I love the stage.
But you're shaking inside.
You're so excited and scaredall at the same time, and it's a
beautiful thing.
So I've always been on stage,and here I am.
You ask me why would you come on?
Because I love being on stage.
I love bringing a message, andI love it.
(15:18):
To do it through singing orspeaking, however I do it.
I believe I was always alittle Pollyanna.
I don't know for thelisteners, if they know Pollyanna,
she was the little girl thatcould always find something good
about it.
Oh, well, the food isn't here.
Oh, well, that means we havetime to play.
You know, it didn't matterwhat happened.
(15:39):
You had time for something else.
That was good.
So I think that's part of my genes.
And my mother was always,always ingenious.
We didn't have a lot of money,but, boy, could she make balloons
go around a party room, andcould she make popcorn, and we could
string that onto the tree.
When we'd get around the bigold kitchen table, she'd maybe get
(16:01):
a package of little cars andyou could wind them rubbing them
back and forth on the tableand then across they'd go so we could
have a lot of fun.
And then when we werefinished, give them away to somebody
else.
So I think a lot of it wasborn into me.
Although I also can't rememberwhen my mom and dad didn't fight.
So I always grew up.
I don't mean fisticuffs, butthere was always argument on the
(16:24):
table.
I was the baby.
And I always felt this conflicted.
Somebody said, well, you can'thave that.
That's not a real word.
Well, that's how I feel, youknow, God loves.
God's going to get you.
Jesus loves you.
God's going to get you, you know.
And what's going to happen ifmom and dad are fighting?
What if they had a divorce?
What would happen to me?
Oh, that was a terrible thingto think, you know, being so, you
(16:46):
know, we can go around in somany circles.
And I remember even at age 12, I.
I would kind of walk with myhead down, being a little shy.
And somebody said, you getyour head up there.
So I read a chatelainemagazine or something.
So I practiced for a monthholding my head up and walking.
(17:08):
So I think I just always tookon one little thing at a time to
change.
And another time it was,should, you know, oh, you should
do this, you should do that.
The teacher should know.
I was a teacher.
You should know all the answers.
You should, should, should.
And you know, it's so frustrating.
You just feel like smaller andsmaller and smaller because you don't
have all the answers until itpushes you to the brink.
(17:31):
You kind of blow up there, exceed.
And then the light comes on,you say, oh, I don't need to know
all the answers as a teacher.
I need to help them find theirown answers.
So you can see, even all thosedecades ago, it was my natural.
I've always been curious andwanting to play and wanting to be
part of that was a needinessthat I also had to learn to overcome.
(17:57):
But I just love all theseconflicting emotions that occurred
throughout my life andthroughout yours.
Obviously, we all did it as wewere figuring ourselves out, right
as we start getting them in order.
It's a beautiful game.
Where else could we have therules of a game like life?
(18:18):
Well, you get to, you know,the fun thing we were talking earlier,
you make your own.
You make of life what you want to.
And we say that stuff in thepersonal development world and those
that are not think we're crazy.
But the truth is, you really do.
And it is such a blessingbecause we're going to have the experience
(18:39):
in life that we want.
Now, I want to ask a follow upto that.
So you learned through thoseconflicting things, you know, and
you said, gee, I heardsomething in a magazine.
Keep your head up.
And so you intentionally, andthis is, to me important, you intentionally
picked something to do to workon, to, quote, make yourself better.
(19:01):
It didn't happen by accident.
It didn't do itself.
You said, oh, I'm going to dothat, because that's better.
And that was just you decidingit was better.
So you managed for yourself,okay, to handle the vicissitudes
and the ups and downs that you had.
And so you got yourself organized.
I want to know what's in yourheart that makes you so passionate
(19:25):
about sharing thosediscoveries and helping others do
that for themselves.
I mean, it's easy.
You got to figure it out.
So you're done.
Except that's not you.
So tell me more about that.
That is the biggest challenge.
You know, when, when I wasbeing raised, we had the old loyalist
empire loyalist, the oldBritish work ethic.
(19:47):
You have to work hard to makea living, and you give freely of
the talents that have beengiven to you.
Now, that's all BS as we know today.
That's all BS because I shouldbe able to go out there as my should.
Should be able to go out inthe world and have an abundant living
doing what comes naturally for me.
(20:08):
So for 40 years in thefinancial world, going into commission
sales is not my natural happy spot.
I did it anyhow, but it wasagainst who I am.
So I was working hard becausethen I had to give away all my.
My love and my coaching and mysinging and all the things that make
(20:31):
me happy.
I had to give those away, butI had to go and work hard.
So that was the story.
The story was you had to givethem away.
And you worked hard doingsomething that you found difficult.
And that plays into the wholedrama of everybody hates their job,
but they gotta go do somethingthat's, quote, productive that they're
supposed to do, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And the things that are fun,well, that's playing.
(20:53):
So you can't get paid for that.
And so.
And you did that and gave itall away.
And then what?
Do you know what happened then?
No, I'm waiting for you totell me what happened then.
I became a workaholic becauseI was not Happy at home.
My relationship with myhusband was not the happy one.
(21:14):
So I became workaholic.
And when you become workaholicand a super mom, I mean, everybody
else got everything and I wasthe one that I left to the end.
So I, of course went intoburnout and into depression until
I reached down to clinicaldepression before I got finished
with it.
So I crashed and burned and myhands were empty.
(21:36):
But out of that took threeyears of a nasty divorce.
But once, once it wasfinished, I was afraid to start crying
because I thought, I'll never quit.
And it was true.
Once, once I was able torelease, I think I cried for about
three years, you know, not.
I went ahead and did my workand I did what I had to do.
(21:57):
But when I was by myself, Ithink it took about three years to
cry it out.
It took three years to get thedivorce and another three years to
let it go.
But that's okay.
Here I am.
I've had a lot of years whereI'm not crying.
You know, one of the thingsthat's so important about that, and
I love just reiterating alittle, is, gee, it took you.
(22:19):
I worked my butt off.
I got a workaholicrelationship was whatever, burned
out, burned out, burned down.
And then, you know, lifecrashed and burned around me.
And so you had your threeyears of divorce and three years
of grieving sadness and loss.
And then like the 12 year oldwho read something in a magazine,
(22:41):
I'm going to pick myself upand I'm going to go see what else
is possible.
So tell me about that, whatelse is possible.
Part.
The 12 step program wasabsolutely amazing.
I was seven years in the AlAnon program, which is for families
and friends of people whodrink and whose drinking affects
you.
(23:01):
Those 12 steps and the toolboxthat goes with it is absolutely phenomenal.
It's with me today, you know,I face something.
Oh, let go and let God.
You know, it doesn't matterhow important is it, Whose stuff
is it?
Halt.
Are you hungry, angry, lonelyor tired?
I mean, I could just keepspewing all of these and that's been
many, many years ago.
It's been decades ago.
(23:22):
But it is so important to meto really walk in other people's
shoes or if I'm not walking inthem, at least recognizing mine were
just as, just as dirty.
I mean, going to prison wouldbe an example.
Like people say, how can youdo that?
When I knew I would kill?
I'm no different than they are.
And I know I would kill.
(23:43):
I know you would kill.
If anybody gets honest withthemselves, we would kill.
So who are we to judge?
And how easily could we havebeen in prison, you know, with the
drinking and driving or whatever?
Well, you know that guy, thatpoet, I can't remember what his name
is, but he saw someone beingcarried off to the stocks, I think
(24:06):
it was in England or something.
And he said, there but for thegrace of.
Of God go I absolutely meaningI could just easily be me as that
poor sucker, whatever it was.
And I don't even think he knewwho it was or what was going on,
but he was just reflecting onthe fragility of our circumstance.
And what you're teaching ushere is to end the judgment and just
(24:31):
let things be as they are andcreate with what you have.
I'm paraphrasing, but that'swhat I'm hearing.
That's pretty much it.
When I go to prison and we getthe new guys coming in, they used
to have hoodies.
They're not allowed to havehoodies anymore, but they'd have
their hoodie up over top ortheir ball cap on, and there they'd
be hiding.
(24:52):
And we were just not.
We're not going to talk.
So we'd go around, introduceeverybody, and then they'd say, well,
just pass.
Okay, we'll come back to you.
In other words, you're notgetting off the hook.
All you would have to say isyour name.
And about three weeks later,the hoodies are back, the hats are
off, and pick me, pick me.
So just the glory of beingable to know that they can stand
(25:13):
and speak.
Everybody's going to be quietand listen.
They can claim their space andthey get into telling stories.
This newest club I have is ina minimum prison, so they're preparing
for integration back out tothe community.
But they are having a blastand just doing so much.
And I know I kind of hang onto the prison stories because that's
(25:34):
where I see the transformationso vividly.
Along with my families inUganda, I was in the women's prison
only one weekend, and it wasrather uncomfortable because I thought
if they have a lockdown, theydon't know I don't belong here because
they might keep me.
Were you wearing the sameclothes or could that have saved
you?
(25:54):
I don't know.
In prison, you're not just inthe orange suits, you're in your
own clothes, sort of.
And they have the.
The regular uniform garb, andmen get blue T shirts and gray track
pants or something.
That's kind of the what'shanded out.
They can have their own clothes.
But when I was in the woman'sprison, there was a young woman,
(26:15):
we were doing alternatives to violence.
So she and I were partnered upas leaders.
And so I, I was asking her,like, how long have you been here?
You know, or she said, well, Iwas out and I came back, I said,
why would you do that?
And she said, well, I thoughtfreedom meant freedom.
So I got out and thought Icould do anything I wanted to.
(26:36):
Didn't understand that freedomhas a price, freedom has a responsibility.
So she came back, she says,I've learned that lesson.
I won't be doing that when Iget out again, you know, because
quite often recidivism is a,is a shorter term, but maybe six
months or a year.
But can you imagine being outin freedom and then you're picked
up very quickly and right backin here?
Finish your lessons, right?
(26:59):
So I want, I want to know, soit's clear to me, and should be clear
to everybody listening, thatyou spend your effort, your energy,
your love intentionallylifting and blessing those around
you.
You've talked aboutToastmasters, you've talked about
Uganda.
Tell me a little, I want youto tell me a little bit more about
(27:19):
that in a minute, but talkabout Toastmasters and spending a
lot of time in, in, in prisonsdoing a lot of different things and
intentionally finding ways tolift and bless, let people see possibilities.
And so tell me a little bitabout Uganda.
And then I want you to tell mewhat you do, what else you do for
(27:40):
people that aren't in jail,like, what do you do for work and
that sort of thing.
Tell me a Uganda story.
Ah, Uganda.
I love Uganda.
I'm hoping I've got one moretrip in me to get back there.
But there's a young fellowcalled Ronald and he had, when I
met him on Facebook as well,and he also didn't let me go, but
that was after I had been in Uganda.
(28:02):
So I, I never did meet himperson to person, but he said, There's
240 children here that are, ororphans, are hungry and they deserve
an education.
They deserve to be fed.
So he had had a mentor earlierand they had a foundation called
the Ron Lilly Foundation.
Ron is the young man in Ugandaand, and Charles Lilly, I think,
was the American who hadpartnered with them.
(28:23):
And they'd made this littlefoundation, always going on a shoestring
and usually with nothing, youknow, but that was his thing.
And I said, well, if you'reasking for money, just go away.
Forget it.
Don't ask for money if youwant to learn something, I'm the
one.
So he picked up on that veryquickly, and we've had a lot of very
(28:44):
deep conversations going into life.
And.
Yeah, so he still has allthose children.
Now he wants to come to Canadafor a visit, work for a couple years
if he can get more moneyraised up for his foundation and
go home.
He helped another young ladywho came to my Mind Shift Mondays
(29:06):
group, and we were having conversations.
So this is you.
Love Lean.
She is Ugandan woman, and shehad left Uganda, it being a British
colony, is able to go toBritain and take her schooling there.
And when she came to the MindShift group, I was going around asking
what they wanted to do, andshe was being very quiet, very private.
(29:30):
And I said, but what is itthat you want?
She kind of tested it andthought, I'm safe enough to open
up here.
So she said, I want to have afoundation and help the young women,
young girls that get pregnantand they're thrown off to the side,
they're cast out.
You get pregnant, you and yourchild, off you go.
Like that's also backwards.
(29:50):
She said, I want to help them.
So she said, but I've beensaving, and I think I have to have
an awful lot of money to startup a foundation.
And I said, stop that.
Stop that.
You don't need a whole bunchof money.
You can start with a couplehundred dollars and you've got it.
And I said, I've got the youngman in Uganda.
Ronald, who already has afoundation, can help you go through
(30:12):
the paperwork.
We talked about that in November.
And by March that following,five months later, she and Ronald
had gotten all the paperstogether for her to have her foundation.
And by August, they had agrand opening with 700 people attending.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
(30:33):
Unbelievable.
So there's no money for her tohand out, but she will teach them
and train them so she's gotpeople there.
So now they've been comingtogether and learning how to make
Vaseline, how to make drysoap, how to make liquid soap, how
to make.
How to do braiding.
They've rented some sewingmachines so they can learn their
tailoring.
It just keeps multiplying.
(30:55):
And all on a shoestring.
What a.
What a bright beacon of light.
I have to tell you, I'm justhonored to be.
To.
To be the recipient of thislight and to hear the things you're
doing.
What do you do?
And maybe you don't.
Maybe you're independently wealthy.
I don't know.
But what do you do for.
What do you do for?
To cover your dimes.
(31:16):
Cover my dimes?
Well, if you see those filesback there, that's 40 years of financial
planning.
Although in the last, probablythe last 10, 15 years I've just been
looking after my existingclients so that doesn't make a lot,
but it gives me a flow.
And I own my own house here.
I didn't ever think I would.
And when my common law and Iwere splitting up, he said no, no,
(31:39):
no, you belong here.
So I bought him out.
But not before he fixed upthis room.
Where this is, is the garagechanged over into an office and two
one bedroom apartments.
So I live in 500 square feet.
I call it my nest.
You live in 500 square feet,you rent out two apartments and you've
got a hub from which to spreadyour light around the world.
(32:02):
Yeah.
So it's quite amazing.
So I've got the rentals whichhelps with the house.
And I've just started withanother project here because I'm
a financial advisor andlicensed and still up to snuff.
I'm now doing a financialhotline which means people call in.
It's almost like a little bitof a reverse call center.
(32:25):
So the companies have theemployee assistance benefit program
and these are 1-800 number sothey have anything that's bothering
them.
And these are big companiesacross Canada, huge.
So if anything's botheringyou, we don't want it bother you.
Well, we want you working.
So if anything's bothering,call this 1-800number and get some
help.
So that goes into some centralplace and if it's anything to do
(32:48):
with money and financial itcomes off to this company that I've
just started up with.
And I got that started earlyin January and I'm doing a lot of
calls.
So sometimes it's 10, 15minutes, sometimes it's 40, 45 minutes.
The other day a young girltalked, sent me a notice back, an
(33:10):
email back and said I justwant to thank you.
It was such a blessing.
I think we were like an hourand 10 minutes which was a very long.
She said just to be able tolisten to you and talk to you and
share in the grief.
Her mother had passed a yearand a half earlier and she was just
scared about getting out andliving on her own.
And yeah, so that was.
How many call centers do youcall and get into intimate conversation
(33:34):
only Yours me a beautifultestimonial back.
And so we've connected.
I said well, I'm easy to find,you know, because I do have My name
on.
I send everyone an email whenI'm finished, so I'm easy to find.
So there's a few of them thatI've invited.
You know, go ahead and connect.
But she said the wisdom and just.
(33:55):
I had told her her mom wasthere with her.
Her mom had passed a year anda half earlier.
And I said, you know what?
Your mom is walking.
You've got your feet on the ground.
I can hear it.
And your mother's right besideyou with her arm around your waist,
and her feet are right thereon the ground with you.
Your mother's not gone.
And.
And then I shared, you know,my own son passing eight years ago.
(34:17):
So she knew that I knew.
And I know in the coachingworld, if you've been certified as
a coach, you've got all theserules about how do you keep all these
things separate.
Mine's just an open book.
I totally agree with you.
I couldn't agree more.
And I don't follow any ofthose rules.
I would flunk every one ofthose tests that they administer
(34:40):
with the ICC Anyway.
Well, I want to know.
This is just delightful tohear about the work that you're doing
and the light that you're being.
Like, your light is shining,and I can feel it and see, see it.
If people want to connect withyou or find out more about you or.
And you know, not to call your1-800- hotline because they got to
work for whatever company'spaying you to do that.
(35:02):
But where do they find out more?
Have you written some books?
Or what have you got thatpeople can go consume and gobble
up of your goodness?
I haven't written books likeyou have.
If you go to my Facebook page,you'll see that I have been published,
which was much of the talkthat I gave when you and I met.
What's holding you back?
But I have a webpage.
(35:24):
SandraVaulks ca.
That's how simple that one is.
And I'm very easy to find onFacebook and LinkedIn.
I'm the compassionate queen ofstraight talk.
And not too many at my age,with all this lovely pink that's
having so much fun shining out.
I love the pink hair.
Sandra Vaux, V O L K S.
V A L K S V A.
(35:45):
You know, I said Volks when westarted because I can't read that
tiny print that far.
Sandra valks, v a l k s.complease go there and take advantage
of this rich tapestry of andfireball of straight talk and compassion
combined together.
(36:06):
Sandra, my dear woman, whatDidn't I ask you that you would love
to tell people by way of love,encouragement, anything that you
want to give us.
I love the poem called the Dash.
The Dash.
(36:26):
And when you look at theheadstone at the graveside and you've
got the day you were born, andthen there's a dash, and then there's
the day you die, the coming inand the going out, you're on your
own, ain't nobody there, soyou might better take responsibility
for yourself while we're here.
(36:48):
But it's not about thebirthing and it's not about the dying.
It's what you do with thatdash in the middle.
How do you live your life?
Another thing that I like tothink is I grew up when we went to
the funeral home, if somebodydied in the community, you went to
the funeral home, Whole family went.
We stayed two, three hours atthe wake telling stories, laughing,
(37:11):
telling jokes and crying.
And it didn't matter what it was.
We were there two, three hourswith the family, and it was a community
affair.
And so you have the eulogy.
When you get to the funeral,you have the eulogy and you hear
about all the wonderful thingspeople did, whether they lived it
or not, Right?
(37:31):
Right.
Everyone, some kind of a rule, right?
The eulogy always got to benice stuff, right?
So here's the.
Here's the homework.
Write your own eulogy, right?
Today, if you died last nightand they were doing a service tomorrow,
what would people be saying?
You'd have your family, yourworkers, your church, community,
(37:52):
community, your whoever.
They'd all take a turn.
What would they be saying now?
What would you like them to be saying?
What do you want them to knowabout who you are in that final memorial
service?
I love that.
(38:13):
Live into it.
Live into it and live into it.
That's the thing.
It's one thing to wish andhope that they would say this, that,
and the other.
But the question is, afteryou've thought about that, and I
love your invitation, what iswhat you're saying and doing in your
own head, in your own life andin the service of others?
(38:35):
Does it match that?
Does it.
Does it bring people to wantto say, feel those things?
I love that invitation.
So that's.
That's really the work I do,besides the financial, the communication,
going down inside, becausethat's where our life is.
I like to do the seven levelsof why, what's below that, what's
(38:56):
below that, what's below that,what's below that.
So we get to that basic fearquite often.
It's a fear buried down in there.
We can pull that out by theroots and become free.
Become free.
I love that.
Sandra, delightful to chatwith you today.
Thank you for being a guesthere and sharing your heart, your
(39:19):
soul, your light, your loveand your wisdom with me and with
our guests.
It's been wonderful.
Thank you so much.
You betcha.
I want to encourage all of youto just take some time and listen
here, because this is a womanwho has walked the walk, who's still
walking the walk, prisons andforeign countries and giving books
(39:43):
and serving and lifting andblessing others emotionally, spiritually,
and helping them with financesby trade, but who has made it her
passion and her heart to liftand bless those around her.
And that's what we're allcalled to do.
And my own experience and hersis that that's what will help you
truly live your ultimate life.
(40:15):
You right now.
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here.
Your ultimate life ca subscribe.
(40:41):
Your heart in the sky and yourfeet on the ground.
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