July 25, 2025 • 43 mins
What do you do when everything you've built collapses—and the voices say you’ll never rise again?
This episode is for the obliterated. Not the mildly discouraged. The ones flat on the floor, soul-shaken, and barely breathing. Kellan Fluckiger doesn’t sugarcoat it—he gives you the tools to stand back up, reclaim your power, and start again from zero.
You’re not broken. You’re being refined.
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💡 What You'll Learn:
- How to move when resistance crushes your soul.
- Why micro-wins matter more than big leaps.
- The spiritual truth about your worth after failure.
- Tools to reset, rebuild, and rise again.
💥 Subscribe. Share. And send this to someone who’s in the rubble right now.
Because they need to hear: This is not the end. It’s your crucible.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What you hoped for is laughingin your face.
And your very soul staggersunder the weight of futility.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream.
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
(00:23):
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Have you ever felt completely obliterated?
Not just disappointed, butobliterated where what you built
(00:46):
crumbles.
This isn't garden variety frustration.
It's like the deep night ofthe soul where resistance grows fangs.
You know what I'm talking about.
The voices say, who do youthink you were anyway?
Well, today we're not going tosugar, sugar coat it.
We're not going to do that.
(01:06):
Instead, we're going to gostand right in the middle of it and
stare it down.
And then we're going to figureout how to find a spark to reset
it all to zero so you can rise again.
Welcome to your ultimate life.
We spend a lot of time on thisshow with myself and with guests
(01:27):
talking about creating theultimate life.
And you know, from manyepisodes, my commitment is to reach
300 million people with a message.
And the message is summarizedW, I P O S worth, identity, possibility,
(01:48):
ownership, sovereignty.
If you were convinced of yourinfinite power, if you believed you
were a child of God and thatyou mattered and that you could change
the world, and if you own thattruth, you'd act differently.
Now, when you own WIPOsWHIPOs, you then can create purpose,
prosperity and joy.
But today we're going to startwhere we sometimes are.
(02:13):
And that is smackdown.
Blown down, flat on your backor flat on your face on the street
when something or some things,terrible, unexplainable, unexpected
have blown you out.
Maybe your dreams are burnedto ashes.
Maybe your business hascompletely failed.
(02:35):
Maybe your partners left you.
Maybe there was terrible betrayal.
Maybe the Revenue Service, IRSor CRA in Canada or wherever you
live has taken all your money.
Like maybe that's happened.
So that's where we're going to start.
We're not going to pretendthat you're starting on an even keel.
We're going to start at the bottom.
(02:56):
Because at least once, andmaybe more than once, maybe several
times, you're going to be there.
You're going to live there.
You're going to find yourselffeeling abandoned, alone, flat out,
no way forward, busted ass onthe street.
Maybe you've tried somethingover and over again and finally you
(03:17):
buckled down, can't do it.
So what about that well, it'smore than a failure.
I'm calling it obliteration.
You can call it anything youwant, but the echoes of what you
are trying to build ringhollow in your ears, like they're
(03:38):
mocking you and saying it wasall for nothing.
Sometimes we talk about thatsoftly, and we say, well, I'm trying
really hard, and just doesn'tseem to work, when truly what's happening
in your head is, I suck.
It can't work.
I'm finished.
What am I doing?
That kind of language.
Well, let's talk about how that.
Not how it happens, it just happens.
(04:01):
Maybe it was because you didsomething stupid, or maybe somebody
else did something stupid.
It might be the result of yourbest efforts, and things just didn't
work.
I want to talk to you abouthow resistance comes into this, because
we all know how it is to get failed.
How to get to fail and fail spectacularly.
(04:23):
You launch something, pouredyour heart and soul in, and nobody
cared.
Or worse, people laughed.
Well, when you think aboutwhat to do next, like, what am I
going to do now?
It's.
It's.
It's difficult when you're inthe middle of that.
It's like, who cares?
(04:44):
What is there left to do?
And when you even think aboutgetting up, starting again, trying
to collect yourself in therubble, all that stuff, the first
thing you do is run into amassive brick wall.
Usually it's metaphorical.
And there's a series of booksthat I really like by an author,
(05:08):
Steven Pressfield, who youmight know.
He's written some spectacularnonfiction fiction.
He wrote the Legend of Beggar Vance.
He wrote the Glories of War orsomething like that.
Some books about Alexander theGreat, fabulous historical novels
and some fiction.
They're really good, but the series.
(05:29):
So recommend him as an author.
But the series I'm talkingabout is the War of Art series.
It starts with the War of Artand then goes on with Turning Pro.
And I think there's five inthe series.
Nobody wants to read your shit.
And there's another one in there.
(05:50):
And the final one, I think, iscalled the Artist's Journey, which
is like the hero's journey,except the Artist's journey starts.
Where the hero's hero'sjourney ends is his supposition or
his starting point.
But anyway, he personifies, heanthropomorphizes, basically a thing
(06:17):
called the Resistance.
And the Resistance is that thecollection of things in your heart,
in your soul, in your mindthat say you suck.
It is the thing that detoursyou a little off you know, pulls
you 2% off target, 5%, 10% ortears the whole day down.
And often it shows up innocently.
(06:38):
Well, I know I need to dothis, but, you know, this is almost
as important and it's easier,so I'm going to go do that.
If you're in business, youknow, you sidetracked on building
websites or logo design andyou know, fiddling with stuff instead
of doing what needs to happenin the business, making contact,
finding prospects, you know,serving your clients, whatever it
(07:01):
is, right?
Or it can, you can getsidetracked with personal issues.
I don't feel like it today.
I don't really feel that good.
And on and on.
Do you know how many starathletes or performers perform anyway
and just like go after it dayafter day, show after show, no matter
(07:22):
what they feel like?
Well, all of them or theywouldn't be where they are.
So I'm not trying to turn youinto that, except you can if you
want, but where we're startingis flat on your ass.
And the first thing that showsup when you even lift your head up
to look around and survey thedamage is the resistance.
And the resistance is thatsame voice.
(07:42):
Why were you trying to.
You can't do this now.
What in the world are youthinking about?
How can you possibly recoverfrom this?
They're all going to laughtheir asses off and you're finished.
You can't show your face.
You had such promise.
And the truth, you suck anyway.
All of that stuffcharacterizes the resistance.
(08:04):
And the net effect is a 50 tonweight on your chest that prevents
you from getting up and doing anything.
You know what it's like.
You want to stay in bed allday, you don't return calls, you
don't get up.
And I'm not talking aboutclinical depression, although it
can be that, it can lead thereand it can border on that.
(08:25):
Even if that's not a regularoccurrence in your life.
Obliteration does that to you.
Believe me, I know.
Side story.
I remember the day I went inthe bank, was trying to withdraw
four or five hundred dollarsso I'd have some cash to go do a
couple things.
And the bank manager came out.
(08:48):
You know, I filled up mylittle slip and turned it in a few
years ago because you don't dothat anymore.
But a bank manager came outand said, I'm sorry, we can't give
you any money.
And I said, what are youtalking about?
All of your bank accounts,plural, are zero.
And he brought me a letterfrom the Internal Revenue Service.
The United States, where theyhad impounded every cent I had.
I was flat broke.
Every account empty, zero,gone, none.
(09:13):
I sat down and thought, whatam I going to do?
I am flat ass broke.
And as I looked around, youknow, stuff, I didn't even begin
to pay the debt that they saidI owed.
So anything else that I did ormade or created and put in that account
would be gone in an instant.
It was not a one time grab.
It was a continuous order.
(09:34):
So believe me, I felt obliterated.
I understand that particular feeling.
But all of that creates thisfeeling of resistance.
Like you can't start over, youcan't do it again.
The universe is stackedagainst you.
You'll never make it.
You were stupid to try.
All the people that weresaying, whatever they were saying,
(09:54):
they're all right, you knowthe drill.
Okay, so then what?
You can listen to the voicethat says, you're done.
Stay small.
You were stupid to try.
Why do you think you couldwrite a book or create a business
or make a lot of money or makea difference or whatever it is?
(10:16):
You know how I know how that feels?
Because it's universal.
You have felt it.
I have felt it.
Maybe you're feeling it right now.
Which is why I wanted to dothis episode on obliteration and
then figure out what to do andwhere to go from there.
So the first thing I want youto feel and understand to the depths
(10:38):
of your heart is you're not alone.
You're not alone.
Obliteration is often the verylast gate, the very last threshold
to real mastery.
Like it seems to be a rite ofpassage that you have to go through.
(10:58):
You, me, all of us have to gothrough some form of obliteration
before you get into therarefied air.
You can call it the dark nightof the soul, where you question everything.
Shadow work, you know, wherethe shadow takes over everything.
Your shadow soul and all thatstuff, all of that are different
(11:20):
names for the samecircumstance, but you felt it and
maybe you're feeling it now.
So then here's a couple ofthings I want you to think about.
You know, what that feels like.
So here's a question.
Is this your end, or is ityour crucible?
Like this picture behind me.
(11:41):
Fire.
And you know, is it your endor is it your crucible?
Because gold is refined infire and it has to be hot enough
to burn off the dross.
So you need to decide.
What if this obliteration is asacred rite of passage?
(12:02):
What if this obliteration isactually your invitation?
What if the Obliteration is toblow off everything that you don't
need to be doing and give youthe space and the heart and the thinking
to start again withinspiration and do something.
Something different, better,more powerful, more meaningful, more
(12:25):
impactful.
What about that?
Those are questions to ask atthis moment.
Now, here's a couple of other words.
Others.
Who is it that decides yourworth when your work lies in ruins?
Who is that?
So others may be dissing youor dismissing you.
(12:49):
Do they really own your worth?
Are we handing them to thekeys to our worth?
Who decides that?
So your work's in ruins andwho decides your worth?
Are you going to give it upand drink the poison that says you're
only as good as the opinionsof others?
(13:11):
Are you going to claim it for yourself?
What if losing everything isthe door to becoming everything?
Now you notice I didn't sayhaving everything.
Having is no big deal.
(13:32):
It's, it's not that importantbecause the having can disappear
in an instant.
Who you are are is who you are.
You know, like the old saying,wherever you go, there you are who
you are is who you are.
If you or I, we have adifferent face, we show to this person,
our spouse and work people.
(13:53):
And when we're alone, we don'tknow who we are.
That's sad and dangerous.
I, I remember that.
I remember in one of theheydays where I had a big high ranking
job and made a lot of moneyand I was also addicted to different
substances and had a horriblelife internally.
(14:13):
I remember coming home for onebig victory lap of doing my stuff
on the world stage, going inmy office at home and closing the
door and saying, I don't knowwho I am, I don't feel anything.
(14:33):
You know, dress me up threepiece Armani, I can go downtown and
do whatever.
And when I come home and thelights are out, I actually don't
know who I am.
So who you are being is theonly thing that matters.
So those are some questions toask yourself in those moments.
Now when you're on the floorand you're obliterated and you feel
(14:56):
like that and the resistanceis sitting on your chest like a thousand
ton monster.
Here are the next steps.
The first thing you have to dois get up out of the rubble.
And I'm using the sort ofmetaphor of destruction maybe because
(15:17):
there's so much of it on the news.
I mean we have earthquakes andwe have wars in several places.
You know, we had a short onein Iran, we have the Israel, Gaza
thing, we have the Unspeakabletragedy in Ukraine where some idiot,
(15:38):
for greedy, stupid reasons isjust bombing the crap out of the
civilian population.
But anyway, it doesn't matter.
There is a perpetual scene ofblood and violence and death and
ruined before our faces if wewatch any television at all.
And I watch very little, but Ido watch a little, not every day,
(15:58):
but most days just to seewhat's going on.
So let's use that metaphor,the rubble.
You find yourself on your assin the middle of a pile of rubble.
What are you going to do?
What is the path out of zero?
Well, the first thing is let'scall this reset to zero.
(16:20):
Because when you're flat onyour back and you're blown out, you're
below zero, right?
No hope, everything's gone.
Your, you know, your will,your hope is destroyed.
I know a. I have a couple offriends who lost everything in the
California fires that happeneda few months ago.
(16:40):
Lost everything.
And so they were reset belowzero, everything obliterated.
It's hard to imagine how thatwould feel.
But there are people that haveit all the time, tens of thousands
in those situations and giantearthquakes and wars and everything.
(17:01):
So let's, let's get to how dowe reset to zero?
So the first thing we have todo is drop the drama.
That doesn't mean you don'tfeel sad.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
But the part of the drama thatyou could immediately drop is the
(17:24):
anger and blame.
You can drop the how come thishappens to me?
You know what I mean?
You can drop that victim game,you can drop the anger.
All of that grief and sadnessat loss is normal.
But the blame, the anger, theviciousness, the self recrimination,
(17:46):
the guilt, the shame, whateverversion of that, that doesn't serve.
It doesn't serve anything.
And it's a poison chemical cocktail.
Shame, guilt, or rage andanger, revenge, bitterness, hopelessness,
helplessness, all of those areneurochemical cocktails that are
(18:07):
really poisonous.
They eat you from the inside out.
You know, someone that's beenbitter over and over again for years,
maybe decades, they're ruinedand they stay ruined until, you know,
they embark on a specific pathof healing.
So the first thing to do islet go of the drama, okay?
(18:32):
Let it go.
If somebody did somethingwrong, it's not ours to punish.
Somebody else will figure that out.
If you did something wrong andit resulted in this catastrophe,
forgiveness is the answer.
We all have to do what we canto repair it.
But if you're obliterated,there isn't much to do is there.
(18:52):
You might owe some people some apologies.
They may or may not accept them.
People might owe you someapologies they may or may or may
not even think so, or give them.
None of that matters.
What matters in you or me isthat we let go of the energy of revenge.
Hatred, bitterness, shame,guilt, forgiveness, just drop it.
(19:14):
All that other feeling justadds weight and difficulty to our
forward progress, I promise.
And when we wake up every daywith half our strength gone because
we're still angry orfrustrated and our hearts are filled
with shame or frustration orrevenge or any of that, it saps half
our energy.
So we're half assed every dayor, or less.
(19:38):
You know what that's like.
All right, so the number,that's number one, drop the drama.
And drama is sort of theeuphemism for all that extraneous
feeling that doesn't do anything.
And I'm not counting grief.
That grief is real.
And you might need, howevermuch to process that.
The second thing is let'sshrink the scale.
(20:02):
The size of this, I don't meanthe size of the catastrophe.
We've already, you know,stipulated that it was obliteration.
And you are powerfullydestroyed in some way, right?
Some terrible thing hashappened to you and you are in a
bad way.
What I mean by reduce the sizeis let's talk about micro wins.
(20:24):
So if you're 10 floorsunderground, you've been obliterated.
You're not to ground zero,you're ground negative 10.
Every step toward the surfaceis a win.
Every day you get up and doanything that's positive and forward
moving is a win.
So adopt the idea that microwinds matter.
(20:46):
One of the things that we tendto do, maybe because of the culture
we live in now, we have thisidea that everything needs to be
handled quickly.
Everything is download anddouble clicks solved.
And if it's not that way,something's awfully wrong.
Because we live in a downloadand double click world and we had
AI that can do everything forus right now in like a minute and
(21:08):
a half or, you know, at worst.
All the problems have got tobe able to be solved in the length
of a TV sitcom when you see itall the time, right?
So none of that's true.
What is true is that everystep in a positive direction is one
step closer to victory.
Period.
(21:29):
Now you may chafe and say it'snot fast enough.
It's not fast enough.
That again is a story and a game.
What I notice is that if wejust, if I, I'll just use me if I
just focus on the next little step.
Little wins before very long,many hours, many days, many weeks
have gone by and I have ahundred or 200 or 300 wins.
(21:54):
And so they stack up quickly.
I invite you to think about that.
Let them.
Let them stack up quickly.
Let other people say and dowhatever they're going to say and
do.
You couldn't care less.
Stack up your wins littlethough they are, quickly.
So that's another step.
Do one tiny thing.
(22:15):
Excellent today.
Okay?
Sometimes we have a great bigproject or thing we want to move
and we heave with all of ourmight, and we can't.
If we broke it up in little pieces.
We can take a little overhere, here, here, and pretty soon
we've moved the whole blob.
And sometimes, in fact, oftenwhen we go at things with the idea
(22:38):
that we've got to do it all atonce, we're working against ourselves.
All right?
So micro wins.
Celebrate every little win anddon't get stuck on the big stuff.
Another thing is, I talkedabout it a minute ago about forgiveness.
You can also call it sacred forgetting.
(23:02):
Now, that doesn't mean youforget you put your hand on a hot
stove and it burned.
It doesn't mean you forgetthat that person betrayed you.
So you jump right back inbusiness or in bed with them.
Sacred forgetting is allowingyourself to forget your failed efforts.
You were trying.
(23:23):
And so rather than cherish thememory of the failure.
Yeah, there's some lessons,but we go beyond lessons and we tie
our worth.
Every failure becomes anindictment, an indictment of our
intellect, of our intention,of our love, of our commitment, and
(23:44):
that is, excuse me, that is destructive.
So we can drop that.
Okay?
Sacred forgetting.
Allow yourself to just forgetthe failure that's in the past.
Nothing before this verysecond you can change.
You can do something in thefuture to correct the problem, but
(24:07):
whatever has happened is finished.
So we can either allow theweight of that past thing, it was
unpleasant or obliterating, tosit in your face, or you can just
say, what can I do now?
What is.
What can I create from thismoment, however small?
(24:28):
Now, one of the things thatyou can do that I've done when you're
trying to release something,okay, I was doing some very, very
deep emotional work about somevery painful things in my past.
Write it all down.
Write it down.
1, 2, 3, 4 pages in the mostunrestrained, visceral language that
(24:52):
reflects the pain, thedisappointment, the bitterness, the
rage, the fury, the betrayal.
Just write it down and writeand Write and write 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
10 pages.
I don't care.
You can get that done in acouple of hours at most.
Then take it and have aceremonial burning.
(25:15):
And as it burns and the ashesfloat away, release the ghost, release
the pain.
I found that to be incredibly effective.
Another way to handle thatresistance that we were talking about
is personify it.
In the Pressfield books.
He talks about it like it's athing, right?
(25:38):
And I like that representationbecause then it's like I can talk
to it.
I can say, screw you.
You don't run me.
You're not in charge here.
I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you said before.
You're not in charge now.
You may need to say that.
Say that 2 times, 5 times, 100times, it doesn't matter.
(26:03):
Keep saying it.
Because the truth is, you are sovereign.
W, I P O S worth, identity,possibility, ownership, sovereignty.
So if you need to saysomething 57 times, do it.
You're still the sovereign.
To quit before it has itseffect is to abdicate your sovereignty.
(26:27):
It's to give up on the truththat you own your life.
It's to give up on the realitythat you create your experience.
And so do I.
So never give up on yourself.
You're too important.
You're too valuable.
You're too beautiful.
You're too capable.
Talk to it.
The resistance.
I see you beat it.
(26:48):
You don't run me.
Not now, not ever.
We're finished.
And you can do that, even iffive minutes from now you got to
do it again.
Even if right away there'sanother weight on your chest and
somebody reminds you or youremind yourself of all of that baggage.
You don't have to keep it.
(27:08):
And the more you choose not tokeep it, the more powerful that ritual
becomes.
So we've got, so far, microwinds and sacred forgetting tied
to forgiveness and then comeon to personal terms with resistance.
I'm going to tell you a littlestory about something that happened
to me several years ago.
(27:30):
I.
You know, I suffered withdecades of depression and self sabotage,
believing I was not goodenough and creating big career success
and then burning it down,literally getting fired again and
again and ruining not onlyjobs, but relationships because I
had this conviction that Ididn't deserve anything good.
It was unwritten and unspoken,but it was underneath all my.
(27:53):
No matter what I built, thiswas this rumbling underneath that
I sucked.
So one day I went on a walkand when I left, I wasn't really
intending to do what I did.
But as I Walked.
I decided to go for a long walk.
And it turned into two, three,four, five, six, maybe 10 miles and
took three or four hours.
(28:14):
And I sat on a bench,different benches at different times.
But what it turned into is Istarted asking myself, what are these
voices in my head?
Like, why are there all these things?
Like, I want to do somethingand then there's another voice says,
oh, don't do that.
You can't put it off.
Oh, it'd be more fun to do this.
You know what I'm talkingabout, the procrastination, or you're
(28:36):
not good enough voices, allthat kind of stuff.
So here's what I did.
I said, well, let's just havea conversation.
Because sometimes when thosedifferent voices would happen, some
of them would feel sneaky,like they had to hide, and others
would feel, you know, pushy.
So it felt like there were allthese, you know, different voices
belonging to different people.
(28:57):
Now, I don't know if thatborders on nutcase, you know, schizophrenic,
multiple personalities orwhatever, but just roll with me here.
So I started having aconversation with what I felt like
were different characters.
And I wanted to make it fun.
So I imagined a one act, Imean, a one person play that turned
into a multi person play.
(29:19):
I'm in front of a big audiencein a big theater, and I'm kind of
the narrator.
And each of those voices Iinvited on stage, and I treated it
not like a theater, but likean Oscar performance where every
person which was one voice inme, I invited on stage, they came
(29:39):
on stage to get an award.
And so the whole story wouldtake quite a bit of time to tell.
And it went on for several hours.
But as I had theseconversations about why I accomplished
things, why I didn't, what theprocrastination was, what the meaning
was behind it, you know, whowas helping me forward, who was holding
(30:00):
me back.
And I gave them each different names.
And so I ended up with fourpeople on stage.
Maybe you have 47, I don't know.
I had four.
One was me, the narrator.
One was called the creative,one was called the obsessive.
And the one that we're talkingabout here was called the Protector.
(30:21):
And so the dialogue went onfor a long time.
And I realized that each ofthese characters had a staff.
And the protector hadhundreds, maybe thousands of people
on staff.
And it felt like a stagebecause all the protector staff was
like stagehands.
They were all dressed in blackso they wouldn't be seen.
And to make a long story, Short.
(30:44):
It was a unbelievablypowerful, meaningful and life changing
conversation.
So I was able to ask eachcharacter, what do you want?
Well, the creative, of course,wanted to just bring forth ideas
and turn them into reality,change the world, have fun, do the
music that I love to do, andon and on and on, right?
(31:06):
The obsessive was the one thatwas worried about bills and paying
bills on time and making sureall the stuff was as it should be
and everything else.
And you can figure out the rest.
And the protector, as it turnsout, was only concerned with one
thing.
I'm just protecting you.
Protecting, protecting, protecting.
(31:28):
And finally I ask, what areyou protecting me from?
And one of the keys to thisconvo is it was all light and easy.
Nobody was wrong.
Everybody was being celebrated.
Everybody got an Oscar rightas they came out on stage.
And it was funny because theanswer shocked me.
(31:48):
Me, the narrator, I know allthe characters are me, right?
But the answer shocked me.
And the protector said, I'mprotecting you from being nothing
by doing nothing.
And I had to think about thatfor a while.
And the being nothingessentially is dying, vanishing be
being not important, havingall the not good enoughs that I'd
(32:09):
heard in my life be actually true.
And so the idea that theprotector had was the ultimate rejection
of everything you do sucks.
It was protecting me from thatby procrastinating, doing nothing,
putting off things,distractions and etc.
(32:30):
That revelation and thatpersonification of all those really
helped me.
Now, if you'd like to knowmore about that, I can tell you details
and how I accomplished thatand why it mattered.
It was very long, it tookseveral hours.
I created new agreementsbetween all the parties and it's
changed my life forever.
Now, the reason I told youthat is I was talking about making
(32:52):
new friends or terms with thatresistance, that feeling of, you
know you're going to fail.
This is how I did it.
So everybody got celebrated,we were all together and I made a
new deal.
And what I asked the protectorto do is protect me from dying with
my music inside, from notsinging the song I came to sing.
(33:18):
So those are some ways to get to.
From the defeated place ofminus 10 floors up to zero micro
winds, sacred forgetting andjust come to terms with the resistance.
Everybody feels it.
When catastrophe strikes, it'sworse than others.
But you control the narrative.
(33:39):
You get to decide.
And here's the truth.
The worth of your soul is notdependent on your outcome.
It's not dependent on your production.
You are infinitely valuable asyou stand right here Right now, because
you're a child of God, youhave infinite worth.
Your divine soul is frominfinity to infinity and nothing
(34:02):
can change that.
It doesn't matter ifeverything you try to create right
now fails.
Your worth is infinite andnothing will change that.
So your baseline you need to own.
Well, you don't need to do anything.
But a possibility is to ownthat baseline of your worth.
So now those and others, butthose are tools that I use to get
(34:25):
back to zero.
So I'm at least not in selfloathing and I'm at least not in
overwhelm and I'm at least notblown away.
Then we have to start the ideathat there is a place to go from
here.
You may not see itimmediately, but the truth is you
are still standing here.
(34:47):
Your heart is beating, yourmind is working.
And if you do the work we justtalked about, it will no longer be
full of I hate myself, I suck.
Who's going to know?
Everybody's going to thinkI'm, you know, fill in the blank.
That will have quieted downand if it hasn't yet, go back and
do that again.
Micro wins.
What can I do now to moveforward even a little?
(35:10):
Choose to forget, choose toforgive, choose to love, especially
yourself, and then take control.
That resistance doesn't haveto run your life.
It really doesn't.
All right, so here's the nextset of steps to go forward.
And I want you to take somenotes and think about this wherever
(35:32):
you are in relation to anobliteration event, okay?
Even though you're back tozero, you're not out of the forest
yet.
You're not back to creatinglike you were.
You've established the factthat you're breathing.
You're not destroyed, right?
All right, so you are standing.
(35:52):
Your heart's beating, you'restill breathing.
The first thing to do there isto just breathe.
Breathe in that truth.
You're alive.
You have more opportunity.
Life isn't over.
You're a child of God.
You matter.
And all that happened is thatparticular thing you were doing,
(36:14):
however big it was, didn't work.
That doesn't indict your worth.
It doesn't indict your intelligence.
It is very simple.
That thing didn't work.
Now, that might mean you losea project.
That might mean you lose a job.
And even if all that's true,you are not valueless.
(36:34):
Because something you tried todo failed, even when it failed spectacularly.
Your intrinsic value is infinite.
And that's true even if youlose a job or a contract or whatever.
The trouble is, we inflate.
We conflate our personal valuewith our material and project success.
And that's a mistake.
(36:57):
All right?
So even though you'rebreathing, let's get moving now in
a positive direction.
Because from this place here,we have to then start to rebuild.
I mean, you're free to sit atground zero after you've gotten out
of the basement for a day, aweek, a month, a year, a decade,
wondering what to do.
(37:17):
It's dangerous because themore you sit at zero, the easier
it is to slide back down the hole.
So here's some truths I wantyou to remember.
There is life after obliteration.
Not despite it, but because of it.
Every obliteration event,however severe, is a crucible of
(37:40):
growth.
Hear me.
That's a true thing.
You're infinitely valuable.
Every obliteration event thatI have or you have, where our hopes
and dreams are completelysmashed to the floor, it is a chance
to grow.
It is a growing lifting event.
If we allow it to be, itreally is.
(38:03):
The choice that we have is arewe going to choose to look at it
that way?
Are we going to choose to beangry and frustrated and blame others?
God, the universe, whatever.
Okay, so there is life afterobliteration, but we have to go find
it.
And what I know from personalexperience about obliteration, some
(38:24):
disastrous thing like that, isit can either ruin us or refine us
if we let it ruin us for a while.
That's not weird.
That's normal.
Growth starts when you allowit to refine.
You.
Who did it?
Make me.
How can I find a pony in thispile of horse crap?
What is possible here?
It isn't.
It is.
Not until we start askingthose questions from a neutral place.
(38:48):
Not what the freak am I goingto do.
That doesn't count.
But from a neutral place, whatis possible here?
Even a little step forward.
So that is a key element.
Now, the next thing after yousay, I'm.
I'm not going to stay.
I'm no longer in the basement.
(39:09):
I'm not going to stay at zero.
I'm going to choose to allowthis situation to refine me.
I'm not holding grudges.
I'm not forgetting.
If you know it's a dangeroussituation, don't go there again.
But there's a completedifference between the learning and
hating or being angry with orseeking revenge on.
(39:33):
Those are poison.
Avoiding something dangerousis not poison.
It's intelligence.
So micro steps get you back upto zero.
Realizing that there is afuture there is a possibility.
There is growth available foryou right here, right now.
That's an eternal truth.
(39:53):
That's just not something Ipulled out of my balding, empty head
here.
Ding.
It's an eternal truth.
You can stand again and youcan move forward again.
Now here's how I want you tothink about this.
Or I'm offering you theinvitation to think about this.
(40:13):
Number one.
Here you stand in the ashes, battered.
Maybe you're even ashamed.
But if you've done the thingswe talked about, you've climbed back
up to the ground.
At least you're at zero or alittle above.
And the truth is, listen up.
You're still breathing.
Your story isn't over.
(40:35):
Burn the failed blueprint.
Burn the relationships if theywere betrayals.
Don't sit around with baggageof resentment, hate, anger.
I'm going to get even becausethis is your proving ground.
Your decision right now is notjust to survive it, but seize it,
(40:56):
learn from it, build on it,and then ultimately you're going
to reign over it.
Comes from the sovereign.
You're the sovereign of your life.
Unless you get it away, giveit away.
So get back.
Get back up to zero and thenstart the path forward with a commitment
to win, a commitment to reign.
(41:19):
Now I've given you the stepsfrom obliteration to zero and to
the very beginnings offorgiving, gathering your strength,
remembering your sovereignty,choosing to love yourself fiercely,
and then beginning to move forward.
You are not finished.
(41:39):
Failure is not final.
And what we're going to donext in the other episode.
So this is, I think thisepisode 996 and 998, not next time,
but two episodes.
We're going to do the next part.
So I want you to go listen to that.
(42:00):
I had a guest in between.
So998, this is where we'regoing to start right now, where we
are and go all the way to infinity.
We did the episode here onthis obliteration because we all
have been there.
It is a necessary learning andproving ground, testing and refinement
(42:22):
opportunity for all of us aswe move forward and you take sovereign
control and create yourultimate life right here, right now.
(42:43):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go hereYourUltimateLife CA Subscribe Share
(43:08):
your heart in the sky and yourfeet on the ground.
What you hoped for is laughingin your face.
And your very soul staggersunder the weight of futility.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream.
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
(00:23):
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Have you ever felt completely obliterated?
Not just disappointed, butobliterated where what you built
(00:46):
crumbles.
This isn't garden variety frustration.
It's like the deep night ofthe soul where resistance grows fangs.
You know what I'm talking about.
The voices say, who do youthink you were anyway?
Well, today we're not going tosugar, sugar coat it.
We're not going to do that.
(01:06):
Instead, we're going to gostand right in the middle of it and
stare it down.
And then we're going to figureout how to find a spark to reset
it all to zero so you can rise again.
Welcome to your ultimate life.
We spend a lot of time on thisshow with myself and with guests
(01:27):
talking about creating theultimate life.
And you know, from manyepisodes, my commitment is to reach
300 million people with a message.
And the message is summarizedW, I P O S worth, identity, possibility,
(01:48):
ownership, sovereignty.
If you were convinced of yourinfinite power, if you believed you
were a child of God and thatyou mattered and that you could change
the world, and if you own thattruth, you'd act differently.
Now, when you own WIPOsWHIPOs, you then can create purpose,
prosperity and joy.
But today we're going to startwhere we sometimes are.
(02:13):
And that is smackdown.
Blown down, flat on your backor flat on your face on the street
when something or some things,terrible, unexplainable, unexpected
have blown you out.
Maybe your dreams are burnedto ashes.
Maybe your business hascompletely failed.
(02:35):
Maybe your partners left you.
Maybe there was terrible betrayal.
Maybe the Revenue Service, IRSor CRA in Canada or wherever you
live has taken all your money.
Like maybe that's happened.
So that's where we're going to start.
We're not going to pretendthat you're starting on an even keel.
We're going to start at the bottom.
(02:56):
Because at least once, andmaybe more than once, maybe several
times, you're going to be there.
You're going to live there.
You're going to find yourselffeeling abandoned, alone, flat out,
no way forward, busted ass onthe street.
Maybe you've tried somethingover and over again and finally you
(03:17):
buckled down, can't do it.
So what about that well, it'smore than a failure.
I'm calling it obliteration.
You can call it anything youwant, but the echoes of what you
are trying to build ringhollow in your ears, like they're
(03:38):
mocking you and saying it wasall for nothing.
Sometimes we talk about thatsoftly, and we say, well, I'm trying
really hard, and just doesn'tseem to work, when truly what's happening
in your head is, I suck.
It can't work.
I'm finished.
What am I doing?
That kind of language.
Well, let's talk about how that.
Not how it happens, it just happens.
(04:01):
Maybe it was because you didsomething stupid, or maybe somebody
else did something stupid.
It might be the result of yourbest efforts, and things just didn't
work.
I want to talk to you abouthow resistance comes into this, because
we all know how it is to get failed.
How to get to fail and fail spectacularly.
(04:23):
You launch something, pouredyour heart and soul in, and nobody
cared.
Or worse, people laughed.
Well, when you think aboutwhat to do next, like, what am I
going to do now?
It's.
It's.
It's difficult when you're inthe middle of that.
It's like, who cares?
(04:44):
What is there left to do?
And when you even think aboutgetting up, starting again, trying
to collect yourself in therubble, all that stuff, the first
thing you do is run into amassive brick wall.
Usually it's metaphorical.
And there's a series of booksthat I really like by an author,
(05:08):
Steven Pressfield, who youmight know.
He's written some spectacularnonfiction fiction.
He wrote the Legend of Beggar Vance.
He wrote the Glories of War orsomething like that.
Some books about Alexander theGreat, fabulous historical novels
and some fiction.
They're really good, but the series.
(05:29):
So recommend him as an author.
But the series I'm talkingabout is the War of Art series.
It starts with the War of Artand then goes on with Turning Pro.
And I think there's five inthe series.
Nobody wants to read your shit.
And there's another one in there.
(05:50):
And the final one, I think, iscalled the Artist's Journey, which
is like the hero's journey,except the Artist's journey starts.
Where the hero's hero'sjourney ends is his supposition or
his starting point.
But anyway, he personifies, heanthropomorphizes, basically a thing
(06:17):
called the Resistance.
And the Resistance is that thecollection of things in your heart,
in your soul, in your mindthat say you suck.
It is the thing that detoursyou a little off you know, pulls
you 2% off target, 5%, 10% ortears the whole day down.
And often it shows up innocently.
(06:38):
Well, I know I need to dothis, but, you know, this is almost
as important and it's easier,so I'm going to go do that.
If you're in business, youknow, you sidetracked on building
websites or logo design andyou know, fiddling with stuff instead
of doing what needs to happenin the business, making contact,
finding prospects, you know,serving your clients, whatever it
(07:01):
is, right?
Or it can, you can getsidetracked with personal issues.
I don't feel like it today.
I don't really feel that good.
And on and on.
Do you know how many starathletes or performers perform anyway
and just like go after it dayafter day, show after show, no matter
(07:22):
what they feel like?
Well, all of them or theywouldn't be where they are.
So I'm not trying to turn youinto that, except you can if you
want, but where we're startingis flat on your ass.
And the first thing that showsup when you even lift your head up
to look around and survey thedamage is the resistance.
And the resistance is thatsame voice.
(07:42):
Why were you trying to.
You can't do this now.
What in the world are youthinking about?
How can you possibly recoverfrom this?
They're all going to laughtheir asses off and you're finished.
You can't show your face.
You had such promise.
And the truth, you suck anyway.
All of that stuffcharacterizes the resistance.
(08:04):
And the net effect is a 50 tonweight on your chest that prevents
you from getting up and doing anything.
You know what it's like.
You want to stay in bed allday, you don't return calls, you
don't get up.
And I'm not talking aboutclinical depression, although it
can be that, it can lead thereand it can border on that.
(08:25):
Even if that's not a regularoccurrence in your life.
Obliteration does that to you.
Believe me, I know.
Side story.
I remember the day I went inthe bank, was trying to withdraw
four or five hundred dollarsso I'd have some cash to go do a
couple things.
And the bank manager came out.
(08:48):
You know, I filled up mylittle slip and turned it in a few
years ago because you don't dothat anymore.
But a bank manager came outand said, I'm sorry, we can't give
you any money.
And I said, what are youtalking about?
All of your bank accounts,plural, are zero.
And he brought me a letterfrom the Internal Revenue Service.
The United States, where theyhad impounded every cent I had.
I was flat broke.
Every account empty, zero,gone, none.
(09:13):
I sat down and thought, whatam I going to do?
I am flat ass broke.
And as I looked around, youknow, stuff, I didn't even begin
to pay the debt that they saidI owed.
So anything else that I did ormade or created and put in that account
would be gone in an instant.
It was not a one time grab.
It was a continuous order.
(09:34):
So believe me, I felt obliterated.
I understand that particular feeling.
But all of that creates thisfeeling of resistance.
Like you can't start over, youcan't do it again.
The universe is stackedagainst you.
You'll never make it.
You were stupid to try.
All the people that weresaying, whatever they were saying,
(09:54):
they're all right, you knowthe drill.
Okay, so then what?
You can listen to the voicethat says, you're done.
Stay small.
You were stupid to try.
Why do you think you couldwrite a book or create a business
or make a lot of money or makea difference or whatever it is?
(10:16):
You know how I know how that feels?
Because it's universal.
You have felt it.
I have felt it.
Maybe you're feeling it right now.
Which is why I wanted to dothis episode on obliteration and
then figure out what to do andwhere to go from there.
So the first thing I want youto feel and understand to the depths
(10:38):
of your heart is you're not alone.
You're not alone.
Obliteration is often the verylast gate, the very last threshold
to real mastery.
Like it seems to be a rite ofpassage that you have to go through.
(10:58):
You, me, all of us have to gothrough some form of obliteration
before you get into therarefied air.
You can call it the dark nightof the soul, where you question everything.
Shadow work, you know, wherethe shadow takes over everything.
Your shadow soul and all thatstuff, all of that are different
(11:20):
names for the samecircumstance, but you felt it and
maybe you're feeling it now.
So then here's a couple ofthings I want you to think about.
You know, what that feels like.
So here's a question.
Is this your end, or is ityour crucible?
Like this picture behind me.
(11:41):
Fire.
And you know, is it your endor is it your crucible?
Because gold is refined infire and it has to be hot enough
to burn off the dross.
So you need to decide.
What if this obliteration is asacred rite of passage?
(12:02):
What if this obliteration isactually your invitation?
What if the Obliteration is toblow off everything that you don't
need to be doing and give youthe space and the heart and the thinking
to start again withinspiration and do something.
Something different, better,more powerful, more meaningful, more
(12:25):
impactful.
What about that?
Those are questions to ask atthis moment.
Now, here's a couple of other words.
Others.
Who is it that decides yourworth when your work lies in ruins?
Who is that?
So others may be dissing youor dismissing you.
(12:49):
Do they really own your worth?
Are we handing them to thekeys to our worth?
Who decides that?
So your work's in ruins andwho decides your worth?
Are you going to give it upand drink the poison that says you're
only as good as the opinionsof others?
(13:11):
Are you going to claim it for yourself?
What if losing everything isthe door to becoming everything?
Now you notice I didn't sayhaving everything.
Having is no big deal.
(13:32):
It's, it's not that importantbecause the having can disappear
in an instant.
Who you are are is who you are.
You know, like the old saying,wherever you go, there you are who
you are is who you are.
If you or I, we have adifferent face, we show to this person,
our spouse and work people.
(13:53):
And when we're alone, we don'tknow who we are.
That's sad and dangerous.
I, I remember that.
I remember in one of theheydays where I had a big high ranking
job and made a lot of moneyand I was also addicted to different
substances and had a horriblelife internally.
(14:13):
I remember coming home for onebig victory lap of doing my stuff
on the world stage, going inmy office at home and closing the
door and saying, I don't knowwho I am, I don't feel anything.
(14:33):
You know, dress me up threepiece Armani, I can go downtown and
do whatever.
And when I come home and thelights are out, I actually don't
know who I am.
So who you are being is theonly thing that matters.
So those are some questions toask yourself in those moments.
Now when you're on the floorand you're obliterated and you feel
(14:56):
like that and the resistanceis sitting on your chest like a thousand
ton monster.
Here are the next steps.
The first thing you have to dois get up out of the rubble.
And I'm using the sort ofmetaphor of destruction maybe because
(15:17):
there's so much of it on the news.
I mean we have earthquakes andwe have wars in several places.
You know, we had a short onein Iran, we have the Israel, Gaza
thing, we have the Unspeakabletragedy in Ukraine where some idiot,
(15:38):
for greedy, stupid reasons isjust bombing the crap out of the
civilian population.
But anyway, it doesn't matter.
There is a perpetual scene ofblood and violence and death and
ruined before our faces if wewatch any television at all.
And I watch very little, but Ido watch a little, not every day,
(15:58):
but most days just to seewhat's going on.
So let's use that metaphor,the rubble.
You find yourself on your assin the middle of a pile of rubble.
What are you going to do?
What is the path out of zero?
Well, the first thing is let'scall this reset to zero.
(16:20):
Because when you're flat onyour back and you're blown out, you're
below zero, right?
No hope, everything's gone.
Your, you know, your will,your hope is destroyed.
I know a. I have a couple offriends who lost everything in the
California fires that happeneda few months ago.
(16:40):
Lost everything.
And so they were reset belowzero, everything obliterated.
It's hard to imagine how thatwould feel.
But there are people that haveit all the time, tens of thousands
in those situations and giantearthquakes and wars and everything.
(17:01):
So let's, let's get to how dowe reset to zero?
So the first thing we have todo is drop the drama.
That doesn't mean you don'tfeel sad.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
But the part of the drama thatyou could immediately drop is the
(17:24):
anger and blame.
You can drop the how come thishappens to me?
You know what I mean?
You can drop that victim game,you can drop the anger.
All of that grief and sadnessat loss is normal.
But the blame, the anger, theviciousness, the self recrimination,
(17:46):
the guilt, the shame, whateverversion of that, that doesn't serve.
It doesn't serve anything.
And it's a poison chemical cocktail.
Shame, guilt, or rage andanger, revenge, bitterness, hopelessness,
helplessness, all of those areneurochemical cocktails that are
(18:07):
really poisonous.
They eat you from the inside out.
You know, someone that's beenbitter over and over again for years,
maybe decades, they're ruinedand they stay ruined until, you know,
they embark on a specific pathof healing.
So the first thing to do islet go of the drama, okay?
(18:32):
Let it go.
If somebody did somethingwrong, it's not ours to punish.
Somebody else will figure that out.
If you did something wrong andit resulted in this catastrophe,
forgiveness is the answer.
We all have to do what we canto repair it.
But if you're obliterated,there isn't much to do is there.
(18:52):
You might owe some people some apologies.
They may or may not accept them.
People might owe you someapologies they may or may or may
not even think so, or give them.
None of that matters.
What matters in you or me isthat we let go of the energy of revenge.
Hatred, bitterness, shame,guilt, forgiveness, just drop it.
(19:14):
All that other feeling justadds weight and difficulty to our
forward progress, I promise.
And when we wake up every daywith half our strength gone because
we're still angry orfrustrated and our hearts are filled
with shame or frustration orrevenge or any of that, it saps half
our energy.
So we're half assed every dayor, or less.
(19:38):
You know what that's like.
All right, so the number,that's number one, drop the drama.
And drama is sort of theeuphemism for all that extraneous
feeling that doesn't do anything.
And I'm not counting grief.
That grief is real.
And you might need, howevermuch to process that.
The second thing is let'sshrink the scale.
(20:02):
The size of this, I don't meanthe size of the catastrophe.
We've already, you know,stipulated that it was obliteration.
And you are powerfullydestroyed in some way, right?
Some terrible thing hashappened to you and you are in a
bad way.
What I mean by reduce the sizeis let's talk about micro wins.
(20:24):
So if you're 10 floorsunderground, you've been obliterated.
You're not to ground zero,you're ground negative 10.
Every step toward the surfaceis a win.
Every day you get up and doanything that's positive and forward
moving is a win.
So adopt the idea that microwinds matter.
(20:46):
One of the things that we tendto do, maybe because of the culture
we live in now, we have thisidea that everything needs to be
handled quickly.
Everything is download anddouble clicks solved.
And if it's not that way,something's awfully wrong.
Because we live in a downloadand double click world and we had
AI that can do everything forus right now in like a minute and
(21:08):
a half or, you know, at worst.
All the problems have got tobe able to be solved in the length
of a TV sitcom when you see itall the time, right?
So none of that's true.
What is true is that everystep in a positive direction is one
step closer to victory.
Period.
(21:29):
Now you may chafe and say it'snot fast enough.
It's not fast enough.
That again is a story and a game.
What I notice is that if wejust, if I, I'll just use me if I
just focus on the next little step.
Little wins before very long,many hours, many days, many weeks
have gone by and I have ahundred or 200 or 300 wins.
(21:54):
And so they stack up quickly.
I invite you to think about that.
Let them.
Let them stack up quickly.
Let other people say and dowhatever they're going to say and
do.
You couldn't care less.
Stack up your wins littlethough they are, quickly.
So that's another step.
Do one tiny thing.
(22:15):
Excellent today.
Okay?
Sometimes we have a great bigproject or thing we want to move
and we heave with all of ourmight, and we can't.
If we broke it up in little pieces.
We can take a little overhere, here, here, and pretty soon
we've moved the whole blob.
And sometimes, in fact, oftenwhen we go at things with the idea
(22:38):
that we've got to do it all atonce, we're working against ourselves.
All right?
So micro wins.
Celebrate every little win anddon't get stuck on the big stuff.
Another thing is, I talkedabout it a minute ago about forgiveness.
You can also call it sacred forgetting.
(23:02):
Now, that doesn't mean youforget you put your hand on a hot
stove and it burned.
It doesn't mean you forgetthat that person betrayed you.
So you jump right back inbusiness or in bed with them.
Sacred forgetting is allowingyourself to forget your failed efforts.
You were trying.
(23:23):
And so rather than cherish thememory of the failure.
Yeah, there's some lessons,but we go beyond lessons and we tie
our worth.
Every failure becomes anindictment, an indictment of our
intellect, of our intention,of our love, of our commitment, and
(23:44):
that is, excuse me, that is destructive.
So we can drop that.
Okay?
Sacred forgetting.
Allow yourself to just forgetthe failure that's in the past.
Nothing before this verysecond you can change.
You can do something in thefuture to correct the problem, but
(24:07):
whatever has happened is finished.
So we can either allow theweight of that past thing, it was
unpleasant or obliterating, tosit in your face, or you can just
say, what can I do now?
What is.
What can I create from thismoment, however small?
(24:28):
Now, one of the things thatyou can do that I've done when you're
trying to release something,okay, I was doing some very, very
deep emotional work about somevery painful things in my past.
Write it all down.
Write it down.
1, 2, 3, 4 pages in the mostunrestrained, visceral language that
(24:52):
reflects the pain, thedisappointment, the bitterness, the
rage, the fury, the betrayal.
Just write it down and writeand Write and write 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
10 pages.
I don't care.
You can get that done in acouple of hours at most.
Then take it and have aceremonial burning.
(25:15):
And as it burns and the ashesfloat away, release the ghost, release
the pain.
I found that to be incredibly effective.
Another way to handle thatresistance that we were talking about
is personify it.
In the Pressfield books.
He talks about it like it's athing, right?
(25:38):
And I like that representationbecause then it's like I can talk
to it.
I can say, screw you.
You don't run me.
You're not in charge here.
I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you said before.
You're not in charge now.
You may need to say that.
Say that 2 times, 5 times, 100times, it doesn't matter.
(26:03):
Keep saying it.
Because the truth is, you are sovereign.
W, I P O S worth, identity,possibility, ownership, sovereignty.
So if you need to saysomething 57 times, do it.
You're still the sovereign.
To quit before it has itseffect is to abdicate your sovereignty.
(26:27):
It's to give up on the truththat you own your life.
It's to give up on the realitythat you create your experience.
And so do I.
So never give up on yourself.
You're too important.
You're too valuable.
You're too beautiful.
You're too capable.
Talk to it.
The resistance.
I see you beat it.
(26:48):
You don't run me.
Not now, not ever.
We're finished.
And you can do that, even iffive minutes from now you got to
do it again.
Even if right away there'sanother weight on your chest and
somebody reminds you or youremind yourself of all of that baggage.
You don't have to keep it.
(27:08):
And the more you choose not tokeep it, the more powerful that ritual
becomes.
So we've got, so far, microwinds and sacred forgetting tied
to forgiveness and then comeon to personal terms with resistance.
I'm going to tell you a littlestory about something that happened
to me several years ago.
(27:30):
I.
You know, I suffered withdecades of depression and self sabotage,
believing I was not goodenough and creating big career success
and then burning it down,literally getting fired again and
again and ruining not onlyjobs, but relationships because I
had this conviction that Ididn't deserve anything good.
It was unwritten and unspoken,but it was underneath all my.
(27:53):
No matter what I built, thiswas this rumbling underneath that
I sucked.
So one day I went on a walkand when I left, I wasn't really
intending to do what I did.
But as I Walked.
I decided to go for a long walk.
And it turned into two, three,four, five, six, maybe 10 miles and
took three or four hours.
(28:14):
And I sat on a bench,different benches at different times.
But what it turned into is Istarted asking myself, what are these
voices in my head?
Like, why are there all these things?
Like, I want to do somethingand then there's another voice says,
oh, don't do that.
You can't put it off.
Oh, it'd be more fun to do this.
You know what I'm talkingabout, the procrastination, or you're
(28:36):
not good enough voices, allthat kind of stuff.
So here's what I did.
I said, well, let's just havea conversation.
Because sometimes when thosedifferent voices would happen, some
of them would feel sneaky,like they had to hide, and others
would feel, you know, pushy.
So it felt like there were allthese, you know, different voices
belonging to different people.
(28:57):
Now, I don't know if thatborders on nutcase, you know, schizophrenic,
multiple personalities orwhatever, but just roll with me here.
So I started having aconversation with what I felt like
were different characters.
And I wanted to make it fun.
So I imagined a one act, Imean, a one person play that turned
into a multi person play.
(29:19):
I'm in front of a big audiencein a big theater, and I'm kind of
the narrator.
And each of those voices Iinvited on stage, and I treated it
not like a theater, but likean Oscar performance where every
person which was one voice inme, I invited on stage, they came
(29:39):
on stage to get an award.
And so the whole story wouldtake quite a bit of time to tell.
And it went on for several hours.
But as I had theseconversations about why I accomplished
things, why I didn't, what theprocrastination was, what the meaning
was behind it, you know, whowas helping me forward, who was holding
(30:00):
me back.
And I gave them each different names.
And so I ended up with fourpeople on stage.
Maybe you have 47, I don't know.
I had four.
One was me, the narrator.
One was called the creative,one was called the obsessive.
And the one that we're talkingabout here was called the Protector.
(30:21):
And so the dialogue went onfor a long time.
And I realized that each ofthese characters had a staff.
And the protector hadhundreds, maybe thousands of people
on staff.
And it felt like a stagebecause all the protector staff was
like stagehands.
They were all dressed in blackso they wouldn't be seen.
And to make a long story, Short.
(30:44):
It was a unbelievablypowerful, meaningful and life changing
conversation.
So I was able to ask eachcharacter, what do you want?
Well, the creative, of course,wanted to just bring forth ideas
and turn them into reality,change the world, have fun, do the
music that I love to do, andon and on and on, right?
(31:06):
The obsessive was the one thatwas worried about bills and paying
bills on time and making sureall the stuff was as it should be
and everything else.
And you can figure out the rest.
And the protector, as it turnsout, was only concerned with one
thing.
I'm just protecting you.
Protecting, protecting, protecting.
(31:28):
And finally I ask, what areyou protecting me from?
And one of the keys to thisconvo is it was all light and easy.
Nobody was wrong.
Everybody was being celebrated.
Everybody got an Oscar rightas they came out on stage.
And it was funny because theanswer shocked me.
(31:48):
Me, the narrator, I know allthe characters are me, right?
But the answer shocked me.
And the protector said, I'mprotecting you from being nothing
by doing nothing.
And I had to think about thatfor a while.
And the being nothingessentially is dying, vanishing be
being not important, havingall the not good enoughs that I'd
(32:09):
heard in my life be actually true.
And so the idea that theprotector had was the ultimate rejection
of everything you do sucks.
It was protecting me from thatby procrastinating, doing nothing,
putting off things,distractions and etc.
(32:30):
That revelation and thatpersonification of all those really
helped me.
Now, if you'd like to knowmore about that, I can tell you details
and how I accomplished thatand why it mattered.
It was very long, it tookseveral hours.
I created new agreementsbetween all the parties and it's
changed my life forever.
Now, the reason I told youthat is I was talking about making
(32:52):
new friends or terms with thatresistance, that feeling of, you
know you're going to fail.
This is how I did it.
So everybody got celebrated,we were all together and I made a
new deal.
And what I asked the protectorto do is protect me from dying with
my music inside, from notsinging the song I came to sing.
(33:18):
So those are some ways to get to.
From the defeated place ofminus 10 floors up to zero micro
winds, sacred forgetting andjust come to terms with the resistance.
Everybody feels it.
When catastrophe strikes, it'sworse than others.
But you control the narrative.
(33:39):
You get to decide.
And here's the truth.
The worth of your soul is notdependent on your outcome.
It's not dependent on your production.
You are infinitely valuable asyou stand right here Right now, because
you're a child of God, youhave infinite worth.
Your divine soul is frominfinity to infinity and nothing
(34:02):
can change that.
It doesn't matter ifeverything you try to create right
now fails.
Your worth is infinite andnothing will change that.
So your baseline you need to own.
Well, you don't need to do anything.
But a possibility is to ownthat baseline of your worth.
So now those and others, butthose are tools that I use to get
(34:25):
back to zero.
So I'm at least not in selfloathing and I'm at least not in
overwhelm and I'm at least notblown away.
Then we have to start the ideathat there is a place to go from
here.
You may not see itimmediately, but the truth is you
are still standing here.
(34:47):
Your heart is beating, yourmind is working.
And if you do the work we justtalked about, it will no longer be
full of I hate myself, I suck.
Who's going to know?
Everybody's going to thinkI'm, you know, fill in the blank.
That will have quieted downand if it hasn't yet, go back and
do that again.
Micro wins.
What can I do now to moveforward even a little?
(35:10):
Choose to forget, choose toforgive, choose to love, especially
yourself, and then take control.
That resistance doesn't haveto run your life.
It really doesn't.
All right, so here's the nextset of steps to go forward.
And I want you to take somenotes and think about this wherever
(35:32):
you are in relation to anobliteration event, okay?
Even though you're back tozero, you're not out of the forest
yet.
You're not back to creatinglike you were.
You've established the factthat you're breathing.
You're not destroyed, right?
All right, so you are standing.
(35:52):
Your heart's beating, you'restill breathing.
The first thing to do there isto just breathe.
Breathe in that truth.
You're alive.
You have more opportunity.
Life isn't over.
You're a child of God.
You matter.
And all that happened is thatparticular thing you were doing,
(36:14):
however big it was, didn't work.
That doesn't indict your worth.
It doesn't indict your intelligence.
It is very simple.
That thing didn't work.
Now, that might mean you losea project.
That might mean you lose a job.
And even if all that's true,you are not valueless.
(36:34):
Because something you tried todo failed, even when it failed spectacularly.
Your intrinsic value is infinite.
And that's true even if youlose a job or a contract or whatever.
The trouble is, we inflate.
We conflate our personal valuewith our material and project success.
And that's a mistake.
(36:57):
All right?
So even though you'rebreathing, let's get moving now in
a positive direction.
Because from this place here,we have to then start to rebuild.
I mean, you're free to sit atground zero after you've gotten out
of the basement for a day, aweek, a month, a year, a decade,
wondering what to do.
(37:17):
It's dangerous because themore you sit at zero, the easier
it is to slide back down the hole.
So here's some truths I wantyou to remember.
There is life after obliteration.
Not despite it, but because of it.
Every obliteration event,however severe, is a crucible of
(37:40):
growth.
Hear me.
That's a true thing.
You're infinitely valuable.
Every obliteration event thatI have or you have, where our hopes
and dreams are completelysmashed to the floor, it is a chance
to grow.
It is a growing lifting event.
If we allow it to be, itreally is.
(38:03):
The choice that we have is arewe going to choose to look at it
that way?
Are we going to choose to beangry and frustrated and blame others?
God, the universe, whatever.
Okay, so there is life afterobliteration, but we have to go find
it.
And what I know from personalexperience about obliteration, some
(38:24):
disastrous thing like that, isit can either ruin us or refine us
if we let it ruin us for a while.
That's not weird.
That's normal.
Growth starts when you allowit to refine.
You.
Who did it?
Make me.
How can I find a pony in thispile of horse crap?
What is possible here?
It isn't.
It is.
Not until we start askingthose questions from a neutral place.
(38:48):
Not what the freak am I goingto do.
That doesn't count.
But from a neutral place, whatis possible here?
Even a little step forward.
So that is a key element.
Now, the next thing after yousay, I'm.
I'm not going to stay.
I'm no longer in the basement.
(39:09):
I'm not going to stay at zero.
I'm going to choose to allowthis situation to refine me.
I'm not holding grudges.
I'm not forgetting.
If you know it's a dangeroussituation, don't go there again.
But there's a completedifference between the learning and
hating or being angry with orseeking revenge on.
(39:33):
Those are poison.
Avoiding something dangerousis not poison.
It's intelligence.
So micro steps get you back upto zero.
Realizing that there is afuture there is a possibility.
There is growth available foryou right here, right now.
That's an eternal truth.
(39:53):
That's just not something Ipulled out of my balding, empty head
here.
Ding.
It's an eternal truth.
You can stand again and youcan move forward again.
Now here's how I want you tothink about this.
Or I'm offering you theinvitation to think about this.
(40:13):
Number one.
Here you stand in the ashes, battered.
Maybe you're even ashamed.
But if you've done the thingswe talked about, you've climbed back
up to the ground.
At least you're at zero or alittle above.
And the truth is, listen up.
You're still breathing.
Your story isn't over.
(40:35):
Burn the failed blueprint.
Burn the relationships if theywere betrayals.
Don't sit around with baggageof resentment, hate, anger.
I'm going to get even becausethis is your proving ground.
Your decision right now is notjust to survive it, but seize it,
(40:56):
learn from it, build on it,and then ultimately you're going
to reign over it.
Comes from the sovereign.
You're the sovereign of your life.
Unless you get it away, giveit away.
So get back.
Get back up to zero and thenstart the path forward with a commitment
to win, a commitment to reign.
(41:19):
Now I've given you the stepsfrom obliteration to zero and to
the very beginnings offorgiving, gathering your strength,
remembering your sovereignty,choosing to love yourself fiercely,
and then beginning to move forward.
You are not finished.
(41:39):
Failure is not final.
And what we're going to donext in the other episode.
So this is, I think thisepisode 996 and 998, not next time,
but two episodes.
We're going to do the next part.
So I want you to go listen to that.
(42:00):
I had a guest in between.
So998, this is where we'regoing to start right now, where we
are and go all the way to infinity.
We did the episode here onthis obliteration because we all
have been there.
It is a necessary learning andproving ground, testing and refinement
(42:22):
opportunity for all of us aswe move forward and you take sovereign
control and create yourultimate life right here, right now.
(42:43):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go hereYourUltimateLife CA Subscribe Share
(43:08):
your heart in the sky and yourfeet on the ground.
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