September 19, 2025 • 43 mins
What if everything you've been told about waiting for the right moment, the right opportunity, or the right person to save you is completely wrong?
In this powerful solo episode, Kellan Fluckiger delivers a life-altering truth: No cavalry is coming. No savior is coming. And that's actually the best news you'll ever hear.
Kellan shares his own vulnerable transformation story—from addiction, suicide ideation, and complete life dissatisfaction in 2007 to radical personal sovereignty and ultimate life fulfillment. This isn't just motivation; it's a complete blueprint for taking ownership of your existence.
You'll discover:
• Why "radical self leadership" is the only path to true freedom.
• The WIPOS framework: Worth, Identity, Possibility, Ownership, Sovereignty.
• How to stop giving away your power through resentful "yes" responses.
• The three-step process: Decide, Design, Daily Implementation.
• Kellan's SPEM daily creation system for overflowing personal energy.
• Why waiting for rescue is the most damaging thing you do to yourself.
• The difference between being a victim and choosing victimhood.
This episode will challenge everything you believe about personal responsibility and show you exactly how to claim your infinite power.
CONNECT WITH KELLAN:
Get personalized coaching and transformation support at https://KellanFluckigerMedia.com
JOIN THE DREAM BUILD WRITE IT CHALLENGE:
Your story is gold—learn how to create and write the story that will transform your life at www.dreambuildwriteit.com
If this episode sparked your personal revolution, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—help us spread this message of radical self-ownership.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
No cavalry is coming.
No savior is coming.
And that's good news.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
(00:27):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Waiting for rescue is one ofthe most damaging and damning things
that you do to yourself.
Rescue ideation comes in allkinds of forms.
Somebody's going to rescue mefinancially, somebody's going to
(00:49):
rescue me emotionally.
Somebody's going to show upjust when I need it.
Now, I'm not speakingcontradictorily here.
There are divine nudges, thereare divine help, or there is divine
help there.
Things and people show up.
And you know what?
We create that also.
So that's the important pointto get started with.
So the idea here is therereally isn't any cavalry coming.
(01:11):
Now, I don't know about you,but I grew up, I've watched some
old westerns and, you know,the cavalry showed up and did this,
that and the other, andrescued the town in distress and
the dusty west and whatever itwas from a horde of bad guys or whoever.
But the idea that it createsis that there's somebody over the
hill that's going to rescue uswhen the divine steps in or a friend
(01:33):
or some good fortune comes.
That's something you also create.
And that's going to be thefocus of today, that you own the
reins here, you're guiding the horse.
And I don't know if you'veridden horses, but I'm going to pretend
for a minute you had or have.
I started when I was young, myuncle, my wife's brother, owned a
dairy farm in Wyoming, and welived in California.
(01:55):
And in the summer, sometimesright on the last day of school,
or even the next day or theday right after school, we'd jump
on the train or we'd get inthe car and we'd take a trip and
we'd go all the way toWyoming, it's about a thousand miles.
And we'd spend the summer onmy uncle's dairy farm.
And there I learned to milkcows and men, fences, and we hauled
(02:16):
alfalfa hay and, you know, didthe farm stuff, right?
And one of the things that waspart of the daily practice was milking.
It was a dairy farm, obviously.
And so he had about 30 to 40head of cows and milked them.
And cows have to be milkedtwice a day so early in the morning.
And I was no more than 10 or11 maybe.
(02:38):
And I had to get up early andgo up and go get a horse, saddle
up the horse and go by myselfup into the pasture, go get the cows,
bring them down into the, youknow, the barn area where they could
be milked.
And then after the milking wasover, I'd left the horse tied to
a post with a little feed, andthen I jumped.
It was about an hour and ahalf or two hours to do the milking.
(03:00):
And then I would take thehorse and take the cattle up to the
upper pasture where they spentthe day.
And then in the afternoon,when it was time for the evening
milking, at 5 o', clock, I'dhave to go get the horse, saddle
it up again and go up and gethim and bring him down.
So I rode the horse, you know,three times every day.
And you know what the most funpart was?
The most fun part was afteryou take the cows up to the upper
(03:20):
pasture and you close the gatethere, you got a run, you got a long,
not really long, but, youknow, a ways of a ride home.
And then that was fun.
I got to learn to ride a horsefast and lay down and be with the
animal and do good.
And the horse, of course,wanted to get back to the barn and
get the saddle off and do allthat stuff.
So a little personal story toget this started.
(03:42):
Horses have been a love ofmine because of that forever.
And consequently, you know,the idea of cavalry and, you know,
someone coming to the rescue,which you saw also in movies made
in that time and before, issomething I saw a lot of.
So let's talk about how thatapplies to life.
There's no one coming, no oneowes you anything.
(04:03):
You don't deserve anything.
And that's maybe a harshtruth, but it is truth.
You create your life.
Now, you can either bitchabout that or you can take the reins.
If you're riding a horse andyou don't use the reins to control
the horse, you get yourself in trouble.
(04:23):
Now, one of those times,running back, I let the horse have
a little bit too much lead,and it came into the barnyard and
went around a corner sharply,but it knows the width and space
of its own body.
And There was an 8 by 8, asolid wood beam set deep in concrete,
(04:44):
and it turned a corner andcrushed my leg between the horse's
side, the saddle, and justsmashed it because it had enough
room to get around the beam.
But it didn't think about me,of course.
Boy, that hurt for a week, right?
And that was Because I didn'tmanage the reins.
(05:04):
You have the reins of your life.
Like it or not, you have thereins of your life.
Now, a couple of episodes ago,we talked about 1% compounding, and
we talked another couple ofepisodes ago about the best damn
thing that ever happened.
Both of those are premised onthis idea that you have the reins.
You are in control.
So let's talk about what we'regoing to do today.
(05:27):
We're going to talk aboutsomething called radical self leadership.
Radical self leadership is theidea that you really are the owner
and sovereign.
You know, WIPOs or WIPOs.
Worth, identity, possibility,ownership, sovereignty.
You are the owner of your life.
Nobody else owns it.
They may try to take over.
(05:47):
They may ask you to do things.
They may horn in on your timeor your serenity, but you own it.
And you're the sovereign.
And over and over again, youknow what I see?
I see people who give thatsovereignty resentfully to others
or they give the sovereigntythinking, well, I'm supposed to do
stuff for others, so I'll do it.
(06:08):
But inside, they're notcomfortable with that.
One of the things to claimyour sovereignty and own your reins
is to say no.
You should have 10 no's inyour life forever.
Yes.
Because when someone comes tome or you and says, will you do this
for me?
Can you help me with this?
You know the math that they did?
(06:29):
The math they did is, I have a problem.
I think you or me or somebodycan solve this for me.
So I'm going to go ask like,it's a costless option.
You know about trading options.
It's costless option.
You can say no, but often wefeel this sort of obligation to say
yes.
And then you end up with aschedule stacked full of obligations
(06:51):
you didn't really want to sayyes to.
Your body is rebelling.
Resentment's building in yourstomach, tightness in your throat.
You have somatic responsesthat are telling you, hey, this is
crowded.
This is not expansive.
This is not fun.
And you did it.
You gave the reins away.
You made up an excuse.
Well, you're free to do that.
(07:12):
Like, I'm not here to takeaway your freedom.
You're free to do that.
But when you notice that yourdecisions cause these kind of resentments.
Spiritual, energetic, youknow, your body's tired, your mind's
saying, why did you do that?
If you're feeling that way,then that's a clear sign.
You gave the reins away.
You gave control away.
(07:33):
Right?
And guess what?
No one's coming to Save you.
No one's coming to change that.
So this is an invitation foryou to look at your calendar right
now.
Next week, the next seven days after.
Whenever you hear this show,sit down in your calendar and identify
how many of the things in thenext 168 hours, seven days are things
(07:56):
that you're really into.
That might be a scary question.
How many things are you really into?
Like, you look at those andlike, yeah, I'm gonna do that right
now.
Can't wait.
Stoked.
If the answer isn't everysingle one of the things on your
calendar, you're giving awayyour power.
(08:18):
Maybe sleep or whatever.
I mean, you have time for that.
I don't have anything on my calendar.
I don't feel that way about now.
It wasn't always that way.
Radical self leadership iswhat it took.
Now that radical selfleadership comes in two forms.
One comes in eliminatingthings I don't want to do or should
have said no to.
(08:38):
Another form comes in changingmy attitude about the ones I said
yes to.
A perfect example that will beobvious will illustrate this.
People get married to others,and they're excited, they're stoked.
They say yes, they're looking forward.
We've only just begun that oldCarpenter song, and they're, you
know, excited about it.
And then a year, 2, 5, 10later, they have allowed through
(09:01):
choices, apathy, and whateverfor that relationship to deteriorate
into one of obligation.
Yeah, I gotta go do this.
No, I can't go with youbecause I gotta go.
You know, the spouse says, andthat energy has now poisoned your
relationship.
Well, what's changed your attitude?
(09:21):
Like, you can't change whatanybody else says, does, or thinks,
but you have power right thisminute, for every second, for everything
in your life, to change your attitude.
Either dump it and face theconsequences of dumping it.
You know, the reward isfreedom and sovereignty, or decide
you're going to lean rightback in.
So when people have marriageproblems and they go to a counselor,
(09:43):
almost always.
I mean, they could end up splitting.
Conscious uncoupling orunconscious uncoupling or raging
divorce, whatever.
But when things get repaired,you know what they say?
They say, wow, I found a newness.
We've renewed our commitments.
Well, you can do that anytimeyou want.
Mm.
It's a choice of being.
It's a choice of radical self leadership.
(10:04):
It's a choice of recognizingnobody's gonna come.
What's it worth to you?
Is always the question.
I put this background up onpurpose because the.
What's your freedom worth toyou, well, if you got a bunch of
stuff in your life, in yourcalendar and your obligations that
you don't want, what's yourfreedom worth to you?
You need to go renegotiateyour agreements, cancel them, substitute,
(10:27):
fill them with honor, and thendon't say yes again.
There's lots of ways throughthat and some have more integrity
than others.
But this isn't a podcast aboutintegrity, an episode about that.
It's about owning the truththat nobody's flipping coming.
Nobody's going to fix thegovernment, nobody's going to fix
the economy for you.
Whoever's in charge is doing that.
Lots of people upheaval goingon in the US Right now.
(10:50):
You know, Joy and I are inCanada, but we're both also US citizens,
so we watch that carefully.
Lots of noise on every sideand all kinds of craziness.
And this is not a politicalrant, so I'm not going to do that
either.
But the truth is, if you wantthe ultimate life, you got to build
it because nobody's coming tobuild it for you.
What is the ultimate life purpose?
(11:11):
Prosperity.
And Joy, I'm going to give youthree moves, three moves that are,
that are key to radical self leadership.
But before I do, I'm going totell you a story in 2007, and I just
had the opportunity to retellthis story on someone else's podcast
(11:32):
yesterday.
And it never ceases to amazehosts and me when I tell it.
I had given up all my sovereignty.
I was stuck in a job I hated.
I was making a lot of money,but I had personal habits that were
disastrous.
I was a terrible father, I wasa drug addict and I had heavy suicide
(11:54):
ideation and even attempted acouple times.
I had given up my sovereignty completely.
Now reclaiming sovereigntyfrom that place is a process, a long
and difficult process.
Took me a couple of years, butI chose it and I claimed it.
And you know what?
The calendar goes by either way.
(12:14):
The days, weeks, months, years.
So you can shy away fromchange, change or growth because
it's too hard and it's goingto take too long, or you can just
choose to enjoy the process.
I'm going to love thisprocess, even though it's painful.
That was the attitude I took.
And when I decided tocompletely and radically change my
life, I actually had no ideawhat was going to be involved.
(12:36):
I didn't know how to do that.
I didn't know where to go,where to start, who to talk to or
anything.
But I did it.
And after that process, now Ihave Radical sovereignty, radical
ownership, and not a singlething in my calendar don't absolutely
flipping love to do so.
That's a personal story.
Maybe you have one.
(12:56):
If you do, I'm inviting you toget a hold of me because I'd like
to share it.
I just recorded a couple ofpodcast episodes that will be airing
later in, well, some maybefore and after this one, actually,
about people's lives and whenthey made radical responsibility
choices and how it changedeverything for them and how much
happier they are.
So purpose, prosperity andjoy, that ultimate life is within
(13:19):
your grasp.
You can have it, nobody cankeep you from it.
But you have to do the work.
So let's talk about radicalself leadership right now.
Number one, you have to decide.
When I made the radicalchanges In August of 2007, I decided,
here's what I said.
I have no idea who to talk to,where to go, how to start, who to
(13:43):
get help from, or even if I'mgoing to die trying.
I don't know.
But I am done.
I am going to the new mountaintop.
I'm going if I have to crawlover broken glass, if I have to do
it alone, which of course you can't.
But I said that no matterwhat, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
And that decision wasirrevocable and it was permanent.
(14:06):
You can't dabble if you wantto take sovereign ownership of your
life and quit depending onsome energetic or spiritual or financial
cavalry coming over the hill.
So that's number one.
You must decide now.
One of the things I love mostabout the coaching work that I do
(14:27):
with you is that decision process.
It's powerful, it's irrevocable.
And if you're having troubledeciding what your goals are and
how to commit, please get ahold of me.
Okay, there's a URL here onthe screen that says kellenfluecigermedia.com
now that's a site that talksabout books and this show and all
(14:50):
the stuff that I'm doing.
But there's also a contact form.
So this is your invitation toreach out and get a hold of me if
you're having trouble decidingon your own personal goals.
Crystal clear.
And you're having troubleginning up the commitment to make
them happen.
I'm the alchemist.
I'm the master at that.
(15:11):
I can help you if you want help.
I can't do it for you, can'tdo push ups.
But I can help you getcommitted and get real.
So step one in radical selfLeadership is decide.
Decide you're done giving awayyour power.
Decide you're done saying yeswhen you mean no.
Decide you're valuable.
Decide you love yourself andyou're going to do all the things
(15:31):
that show that you love yourself.
I'm not talking selfindulgence, but you know that.
Care for your body, care foryour spirit, care for your heart,
care for your emotions.
If you're not doing that, youdon't love yourself.
You're lying if you say you are.
If you're downplaying your ownhealth and safety in favor of doing
(15:52):
stuff, you're.
You're a fraud.
You're masquerading.
Radical self love is thefoundation of radical self leadership.
Okay?
And you need to love yourselfas your God, your Creator, loves
you, which is with infinite love.
(16:13):
Okay?
That's the first thing.
Now I need you to write asentence down.
Write down right now what youare willing to do for 90 days.
And the way I want you towrite it is in the form of I am.
I am that I love myself.
(16:34):
I am that I will demonstratelove my.
That I love myself.
I am that I will say no 10times more than I say yes, I am that
People will immediately noticethe change in how I treat myself,
talk to myself, and show up ina room.
Like, write down a sentence or two.
(16:54):
Just that you're willing tolive for 90 days.
And if 90 days seems like aneternity, do it for a week.
You must start.
See, because here's the truth.
I don't care how broken youare or much struggling you're doing,
whether it's your business oranything else, you got where you
are by choice.
You got where you are by beingthe person saying the things that
(17:17):
you're doing now.
That's how you got here.
And you can get out of thereby being a different person.
The question, who do I have tobe to have more ease and flow in
my life?
Who do I have to be to get ina state of creative flow every day?
Who do I have to be to becompletely at peace with who I am?
(17:39):
Those are important questionsand they have answers.
They're not just rhetorical bullshit.
They're real questions thathave real answers.
If you're willing to do thework, and again, that's hard for
you.
Let me help.
If you want help withouttalking to me, then get this book,
Living with Purpose and power.
(17:59):
This is 18 years worth ofintense, focused, singular work about
how to create your own life,about how to take your sovereignty,
about how to get rid of theIdea that someone's coming to save
you.
Because they're not.
And you know that by now.
But sometimes that's hard to admit.
Living with purpose and power.
All right, that's step one.
Declare, decide, make it irrevocable.
(18:21):
Step two in radical selfleadership is to design.
Design.
So when you make powerful statements.
Okay, I'll give you one out ofmy ptac.
PTAC you've heard me talk about.
It's in here also.
Personal truth and commitment document.
It's not for show.
(18:41):
It's not for anybody else.
It's my deal with God.
It's my agreement.
This is who I am.
This is who I'm going to bewith everything.
So that's what it is.
One of them is I am forgiveness.
I have compassion, grace andpatience for everyone, for everything,
(19:02):
including myself.
So that is a bold statementthat doing will transmute everything.
It means I never get mad.
It means I'm never frustratedat people.
It means I don't blame.
I might work to change what is.
If something happens that'sdifficult or a struggle or something
(19:22):
I think is unjust, I mightwork to what can I do about that?
What can I do with that?
How can I help?
But I carry that forgiveness.
So step two is to design.
So convert that sentence,whatever yours is, mine was.
I am forgiveness.
I have compassion, grace andpatience for everyone, for everything,
(19:45):
including myself.
Turn that into three nonnegotiable things and I'll do a concrete
one in a minute.
But three non negotiables forthat kind of thing would be every
time a negative feelingarises, I confront it with love or
I absorb it with love.
Every time somethingunexpected and undesirable, whatever
(20:09):
that means undesirable,happens, I will say, what is the
gift here?
Every time someone doessomething that could disappoint,
I will say I forgive you.
And I will repeat it deeplyand viscerally until the truth lands.
Those are three things that I do.
(20:29):
I didn't you know, they're notjust made up.
Why?
So that I am forgiveness.
I have grace, patience and,excuse me, compassion.
Grace and patience foreveryone, for everything, including
myself.
And that includes when I do orsay something, if I even think something,
I say I'm not that I forgive that.
(20:51):
Now that might sound woo woo,but we'll do a concrete within a
minute.
But I can tell you it changeseverything about my life.
It changes how I enter andcomplete every conversation with
prospects, with clients, withpeople, with my beloved holy angel
wife Joy.
Every conversation.
And because it does, I live changed.
(21:12):
I Live in that change.
Now, concrete one would belet's say you're building your business
and you're having troublefinding clients or you're having
trouble getting people to beinterested in your products or services,
whatever it is that you do.
Or let's say you're at workand you're having trouble getting
recognition.
Here are things you could say,you could decide I this was the declaration
(21:38):
I am that I do the very best Ican in every moment at work or in
my business.
That's who I am.
Okay, then translate that intothree non negotiables.
That means I turn everyproject in on time.
That means I workcollaboratively with everyone, including
the jerk I used to hate.
That means I use, I use andleverage my boss, manager, supervisor,
(22:03):
executive, unless you're theCEO, effectively by harboring no
resentment, by assuming thebest I choose to give the benefit
of the doubt.
All of those are things youcould say.
And how you do that is younotice when you're not.
The key architecture ofchanging behavior is notice and choose.
(22:28):
Notice and choose.
Well, that's not a habit wemostly have.
We react, we get angry, wejust do stuff right.
Notice and choose isdeveloping the skill to stop for
just a second, say what am I feeling?
What does it make me want to do?
What do I choose to do instead?
What do I choose to do that'slove oriented, growth oriented, and
(22:50):
it's constructive.
And you notice all of thosethings are right in line with no
one's coming.
If I want a betterrelationship with a co worker, it's
mine to build.
Now they may refuse.
They may refuse and they mayhave want nothing to do with it and
diss you and do all kinds ofgossip about you or whatever.
That all may happen.
But here's what I can tell you.
You will not feel anythinganymore because you behaving, speaking,
(23:14):
thinking with complete integrity.
Your heart is love, yourchoice is peace, and your movements
are to productivity and collaboration.
You can't control what theydo, but you can control what you
do.
And when you do, you feel at peace.
You are at peace because youare in integrity, consistency with
(23:36):
who you say you are.
And there's nothing morepowerful than someone who's absolutely
congruent and consistent.
So there's a concrete exampleyou could use others about making
sales calls or you know, doingthe activities that mean whatever
it is you say.
The declaration I'm growing my cash.
(23:56):
I am that I grow my income.
Okay, maybe better with a goal.
I am that I grow my income by30% in 90 days or 30 days or whatever.
And then the non negotiablesare the design.
What are you going to dospecifically and clearly today and
each day so that yourdeclaration is true?
(24:17):
Radical self leadership.
The third thing is back to the1% thing.
When you embark on the road ofself development.
Me, you, all of us.
And I'm on that roadconstantly by choice.
There's a temptation that Ialways had to get the hacks, the
shortcuts.
Ah, frick, this is going totake forever.
(24:38):
Can I do it quick?
Isn't there a way to like, doit now, please?
And the answer is no.
There are certainly ways to bemore efficient.
There are certainly ways to,you know, call them hacks or whatever.
They're certainly productivityhacks and 80, 20 rules and timers
and, you know, other thingsthat, that will facilitate.
(25:00):
But there's no shortcut.
There's no royal road to geometry.
Look that up.
No royal road to geometry.
Geometry.
There's no, there's no way toshortcut growth.
You can't stand by an orangetree and command it to have an orange.
It takes as long as it takes.
Now you can nurture the tree,make sure it's watered and it might
grow faster, but it takes whatit takes.
(25:23):
So that 1% compounding that wetalked about a few episodes ago is
key here.
Just fall in love with the process.
Fall in love with the processand get your head out of your butt
if you really want to make progress.
Okay, so those are three moves.
Make a declaration, make it,design it, and then make it daily.
(25:47):
Do something.
Now I want to go back and talka little bit more about something
I call my North Star.
It's one of the many documentsI have, and if you want to read it
and I talk about documents andyou might say, yeah, so what?
What the frick, I don't careabout whatever he says.
Let me give you a reason to care.
(26:08):
The documents have made me amillion dollars.
The documents have made me healthy.
The documents have made me happy.
The documents have changed,strengthened and nurtured the relationship
with the only heavenly beingon earth, which is joy, my angel
wife.
Not because of the words inthe documents and not because they're
(26:31):
fancy stuff, but because Ichose to do them.
And so if a million dollarsand more health and more happiness
isn't important to you andthen the process of creating powerful
tools won't matter.
But if you've tried a hundredtimes and you're not winning, then
(26:52):
there is a way.
So let's talk about the NorthStar, my North Star says I am the
ultimate catalyst for personal transformation.
That's a declaration I makeboldly, clearly, and it's absolutely
100% true.
(27:12):
But that's not anything by itself.
What it says then is inpractical expression, I provide frameworks,
tools, examples,encouragement, energy and permission
to those ending addiction tomediocrity, especially those with
(27:32):
massive hardballs from lifethrown in the mix who will not be
defined by those things.
Now, it goes on, but I'm justgoing to talk about that first little
part.
So I provide something.
I provide frameworks, tools,examples, energy, encouragement and
permission.
How do I do that?
Well, in conversation, I haveprograms, I have courses, but I have
(27:54):
lots of conversation.
And it isn't about the weatherand it isn't about about the World
cup in 2026.
It's about what's up for thatperson now.
Where are they screaming happy?
And where are they screamingnot happy?
What's in the way?
Can we do something now about it?
Frameworks, tools, examples,encouragement, permission, energy.
(28:18):
Because I have an abundance of that.
I have an overflow of that.
I saw a post on Facebooktoday, someone talking about filling
your cup.
So you can serve from theoverflow, of course.
And you can't do that unlessyou fill your cup every day until
it's flipping overflowing allover the saucer, all over the floor,
and you have to spare becauseotherwise you gut yourself.
(28:40):
So how do you do that?
Well, the fundamentalquestion, who are you going to be
today?
Because nobody's coming.
You get to choose.
And you do choose every day,sometimes without, you know, thinking
about it.
And one of the powerfulanswers is, what's it worth to you?
(29:01):
I hear people say all thetime, I'm going to be the best version
of myself.
I don't even know what thatmeans unless you couple it with what
that looks like.
For me, that is a series ofactivities, a series of activities
to do the things that make me better.
So if I'm trying to getphysically in shape, it's a few more
(29:21):
push ups.
I'm trying to get spirituallyin shape.
It is a deeper and morepowerful meditation and connection.
I don't leave my morningmeditation until I've heard the voice
of the divine.
Any day, every single day.
And I'm not magic.
It's a cultivated possibilitybecause you are divine.
You came from divinity.
You have divine DNA.
(29:41):
So you have the antenna.
And they may be dusty or youmay not be using them, but you have
the right to use them all the time.
But you have to learn how toone funny story.
I had.
I bought a television.
And not just a tv, stereo TVand all kinds of cool stuff.
And I had the people at theshop come and install it.
(30:01):
This is some years ago and Ididn't watch tv, so it turns out
I didn't know how to turn it on.
So no instructions, right?
So in order for me to havethat be true, my North Star providing
frameworks, tools, examples,energy, encouragement, permission
to you.
(30:22):
Ending addiction to mediocrity.
I have to be prepared.
I have to have a full andoverflowing cup, which I do and I
do every single day.
You notice there's two partsto that statement.
I say to those endingaddiction to mediocrity.
I don't run out and try torope somebody into changing.
And I hope you don't either.
But I'm inviting you to quote,step into your best self if you want
(30:45):
to.
If this message resonates, ifyou're tired of settling for 50%
of the money or 50% of the joyor 50% of the impact you want to
make in the world, what areyou doing about it?
You're either settling andsaying, that's all I get, or you're
taking steps.
I invite you with all my heartto take the steps if I can help you
(31:07):
get a hold of me.
If you want to startsomewhere, read the book Living with
Purpose and Power and then dosomething with it.
Reading it won't do jack, butyou know that.
Okay, so my daily creationprocess is how I fill that cup.
Overflowing.
It's how I take the reins.
It's how I just completelyblow off the idea that somebody's
coming to rescue me.
(31:28):
Because nobody flipping isnobody, nobody, nobody know how.
So I use the acronym spem.
Spiritual, Physical,Emotional, Mental.
And I break a two hour blockinto four parts.
Spiritual is meditation,sacred literature and focused work
that I know connects me to thevoice of God.
Physical changes all the timebecause my body's undergoing change.
(31:53):
I've got a bad disc and soI've got a limp and I've got some
other things going on.
I just had a biopsy here on atemporal artery a couple of weeks
ago to look for something.
So the kind of physicalhonoring I can do is different, but
I still do it.
This morning I did a set ofstretches and exercises that were
within the capacity of what I have.
(32:13):
Why?
To honor the body.
Because I want my cup full.
I don't want to be tired andnegative and squeaky.
You know, I don't want that.
So Spiritually, I'm tuned up physically.
I'm tuned up emotionally.
I put all my relationships inthat bucket.
So I spend some time lookingat people's names and feeling for
their hearts and doing woo woostuff and then sending messages of
(32:36):
love and encouragement andlife and breath and lifting and just
that stuff.
Sometimes to people I haven'ttalked to for a while, sometimes
to people that won't besurprised, sometimes there's repair
attempts in there.
M is mental.
So then I read stuff.
I got a stack of 25, maybe 30,maybe 35, I don't know, books over
there.
(32:56):
I'm in the middle of all of them.
And sometimes I won't get backto one of them for a month.
And sometimes I'll read oneevery day for a while.
But the point is to keep mymind active, focused.
You know what I notice when Ido that?
My cup is overflowing.
It's exploding.
It's a fountain of joy, ofkindness, of giving, of encouragement,
of love, of straight talk.
(33:17):
And I love that word.
I'm editing a book by one ofmy clients, and she is the compassionate
queen of straight talk.
And I love her.
And I was working on that thismorning, early, early, early.
And so this phrase, straighttalk came to mind just now.
So you can create a process.
And if you can't talk to me,let's build one or look at the book.
(33:40):
But a big but.
Behold the underlying truth.
If you have a process and itdoesn't leave your cup overflowing
and you just jumping up anddown with excitement, then it's crap.
So face it, it's crap.
The purpose of the processisn't to check out, check off the
boxes.
It is to create an outcome.
(34:01):
An overflowing cup whereyou're on fire and you're ready to
meet the day, whatever on firelooks like for you.
Now, I'm noisy and I make alot of noise, wave my hands and talk
loud and fast.
Sometimes that's on fire for me.
Except when quiet and peaceand piercing, love is on fire.
So you need to know what's onfire for you.
(34:22):
If you don't know what itfeels like to be truly at peace and
on fire.
There's our first area of work.
So get a hold of me.
Okay, so here are some thingsyou can do that are very practical
to get rid of the idea thatthe cavalry is coming.
Keep a log.
Journaling, people call it,but a short, single sentence log
(34:43):
of friction points.
Where am I hitting?
Where am I pulling back?
Oh, I want to do that.
But I'll make excuse and I'llgo piddle, scroll, social, or dork
around instead of, like, writethose down.
Those are things you need tobe working on with your coach.
Because if you're seriousabout growth, you need help.
(35:04):
When I described my massivetransformation, or the start of it
in 2007, oh, I had helprunning out my ears, rehab places
and counselors.
And the biggest and best, ofcourse, was God and joy.
But all but they helped mefind others.
Getting that help is wisdom.
It's essential.
(35:24):
People sometimes have the ideathey're supposed to do it alone.
And the answer is only ifyou're stupid.
And it may sound harsh, andyou are free to do it alone.
But it takes forever and youusually fail almost always.
So why would you do that?
Because our purpose is to loveand serve each other.
And I want to be in shape todo that as quick as possible.
(35:47):
I was looking for all thehacks I could get, and I call them
hacks because I'm looking for efficiencies.
The best tools, the bestshrinks, the best practices.
What can I do, Right?
So get up, get up.
Value yourself.
Take control of your reins.
(36:08):
Okay?
So decide what you're going to do.
My acronym, I told you, spam.
But here's what you can do.
Also, is your environmentsabotaging you?
So I said write down frictionpoints, right?
Write down friction points.
I had a list here and I'velost it.
So just a sec.
Write down friction points sothat you have knowledge of where
(36:31):
they are.
Work those through with yourcoach or your other processes.
Okay?
Another thing that I do that'ssuper powerful to take control because
we all have a to do listthat's at least 100 times longer
than the time that's available.
You might have 300 things onyour to do list.
You might look at half a dozenthat you might want to try today,
and nine get added, right?
(36:52):
So we, we know that's true.
Three non negotiables.
Get three non negotiables.
Three things you're gonna dotoday no matter what.
And they don't have to besized to fill the day.
They're the things that youthink in your judgment are the most
important today.
Three non negotiables.
Get those done and thendeclare I win.
If you want to go sit andcount ceiling tiles, fine.
(37:14):
Probably what you'll do ispick one of the others and then it
becomes extra credit becauseyou already won the day.
Okay.
One of the ways to do those ismicro promises.
I won't have lunch until I won't.
Eat breakfast until.
I won't quit until I do this.
Write this letter, send thisemail, you know, talk to this person.
(37:37):
Have this difficultconversation in your environment.
I started on that a second ago.
Maybe you have your phone too close.
Maybe you've respond to everybuzz and whiz.
Put it away, turn it off.
Nothing's going to end theworld in 50 minutes.
Do a 50, 10, 50 minutes ofwork, 10 minutes of rest or walking
(37:58):
around, reset.
All these are.
They are hacks.
They're the hacks and toolsthat you can use.
But nothing substitutes forthe foundational truth.
You're not a victim.
You own your life.
You're only a victim if youdecide to be.
You're only.
You're only.
You give away your reins likewe talked about.
Only if you decide to.
So I'm going to give you achallenge, okay?
(38:20):
I want you to write a 90 daysentence for the next 90 days.
I am the most diligentprospector in the world.
If you sell stuff, I am thebest mom that ever breathed air.
Why?
Because I said so.
And then when you fall orfail, because you will, because everybody
does carry a big blanket of forgiveness.
I am forgiveness withcompassion, grace and patience for
(38:42):
everyone, for everything.
Adopt that if you need to.
Because carrying baggage justslows you down, darkens your light,
drains your energy and makesyour cup not full to overflowing
blanket of forgiveness.
Okay?
So write down your 90 cent,your 90 day.
I am this.
And if it's 30 days, whatever,then each day pick three non negotiables.
(39:07):
The manifestation of thatsentence is this many phone calls,
this much attention to eachkid, this change of behavior toward
my spouse without.
And that doesn't matter whatthey do.
Like if you come be nice toyour spouse and they pee on your
parade, that's not on you.
You don't change.
You are in integrity.
(39:27):
You did what you said withlove, kindness and with no passive
aggressive.
Why?
Because you can.
That's taking your reins.
Okay?
Every morning, set three non negotiables.
This is what I'm about today.
But once in a while, you know,disasters happen and you get derailed.
(39:48):
I understand that, but most ofthe time.
And that's why you don't sizethem to fill up your whole day.
Because then, you know, alittle crack and you're finished.
I used to do that.
I had to get up at this timeand my schedule was rigid to the
minute.
And inevitably every singleday I got off track.
And so I spent the whole dayTrying to make up lost time.
Well that energy sucks.
(40:10):
And at the end of the dayyou're like, where's the cavalry?
I'm never going to get this done.
I'm never going to get my shit together.
Well that's just not true.
But if you pack and stack thedeck against you, it can feel like
it.
All right, so in 24 hours, dothose things.
Write your the change you'retrying to create over the next 30,
60, 90 days.
(40:31):
Start the idea of pickingthree non negotiables that you're
going to do every single day.
Right?
Put all this in a calendar.
Some people say, oh I don'tlike calendars.
Stifles my creativity.
Bullshit.
It's your excuse for non productivity.
It's your excuse for wasting time.
And I love you to challenge meon that.
(40:51):
If I can help you with any ofthese things.
Kellenflukermedia.com rightthere, right there on the screen.
Okay, There's a contact form.
Look, you are the owner ofyour life.
So here is your mantra.
Say this, no cavalry is coming.
I am the standard.
(41:12):
I am the owner.
I am it.
Because you are.
Nobody's going to come and doit for you.
Okay then as a final thing,you can share your 90 day change.
The thing you are going tochange about yourself in getting
(41:33):
out of victim mindset, gettingout of the idea someone's coming
to save you.
Taking sovereign control ofyour life, Declaring what's it worth
to you.
Share it with somebody.
Not in a wishy washy halfbaked way.
Share it hardcore.
I am this.
Why?
Because I said so.
Let me end this with my love.
I love you.
I know who you are.
(41:53):
You're a divine being.
You can have anything you want.
But you do have to walk the path.
If you do, you like me canenjoy purpose, prosperity and joy
every day.
You breathe air and live yourultimate life.
(42:20):
Right now.
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right for front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools go here.
Your ultimate life CaSubscribe Share Stand with your heart
(42:47):
in the sky and your feet onthe ground.
Ground.
No cavalry is coming.
No savior is coming.
And that's good news.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power and real talk so you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life.
(00:27):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Waiting for rescue is one ofthe most damaging and damning things
that you do to yourself.
Rescue ideation comes in allkinds of forms.
Somebody's going to rescue mefinancially, somebody's going to
(00:49):
rescue me emotionally.
Somebody's going to show upjust when I need it.
Now, I'm not speakingcontradictorily here.
There are divine nudges, thereare divine help, or there is divine
help there.
Things and people show up.
And you know what?
We create that also.
So that's the important pointto get started with.
So the idea here is therereally isn't any cavalry coming.
(01:11):
Now, I don't know about you,but I grew up, I've watched some
old westerns and, you know,the cavalry showed up and did this,
that and the other, andrescued the town in distress and
the dusty west and whatever itwas from a horde of bad guys or whoever.
But the idea that it createsis that there's somebody over the
hill that's going to rescue uswhen the divine steps in or a friend
(01:33):
or some good fortune comes.
That's something you also create.
And that's going to be thefocus of today, that you own the
reins here, you're guiding the horse.
And I don't know if you'veridden horses, but I'm going to pretend
for a minute you had or have.
I started when I was young, myuncle, my wife's brother, owned a
dairy farm in Wyoming, and welived in California.
(01:55):
And in the summer, sometimesright on the last day of school,
or even the next day or theday right after school, we'd jump
on the train or we'd get inthe car and we'd take a trip and
we'd go all the way toWyoming, it's about a thousand miles.
And we'd spend the summer onmy uncle's dairy farm.
And there I learned to milkcows and men, fences, and we hauled
(02:16):
alfalfa hay and, you know, didthe farm stuff, right?
And one of the things that waspart of the daily practice was milking.
It was a dairy farm, obviously.
And so he had about 30 to 40head of cows and milked them.
And cows have to be milkedtwice a day so early in the morning.
And I was no more than 10 or11 maybe.
(02:38):
And I had to get up early andgo up and go get a horse, saddle
up the horse and go by myselfup into the pasture, go get the cows,
bring them down into the, youknow, the barn area where they could
be milked.
And then after the milking wasover, I'd left the horse tied to
a post with a little feed, andthen I jumped.
It was about an hour and ahalf or two hours to do the milking.
(03:00):
And then I would take thehorse and take the cattle up to the
upper pasture where they spentthe day.
And then in the afternoon,when it was time for the evening
milking, at 5 o', clock, I'dhave to go get the horse, saddle
it up again and go up and gethim and bring him down.
So I rode the horse, you know,three times every day.
And you know what the most funpart was?
The most fun part was afteryou take the cows up to the upper
(03:20):
pasture and you close the gatethere, you got a run, you got a long,
not really long, but, youknow, a ways of a ride home.
And then that was fun.
I got to learn to ride a horsefast and lay down and be with the
animal and do good.
And the horse, of course,wanted to get back to the barn and
get the saddle off and do allthat stuff.
So a little personal story toget this started.
(03:42):
Horses have been a love ofmine because of that forever.
And consequently, you know,the idea of cavalry and, you know,
someone coming to the rescue,which you saw also in movies made
in that time and before, issomething I saw a lot of.
So let's talk about how thatapplies to life.
There's no one coming, no oneowes you anything.
(04:03):
You don't deserve anything.
And that's maybe a harshtruth, but it is truth.
You create your life.
Now, you can either bitchabout that or you can take the reins.
If you're riding a horse andyou don't use the reins to control
the horse, you get yourself in trouble.
(04:23):
Now, one of those times,running back, I let the horse have
a little bit too much lead,and it came into the barnyard and
went around a corner sharply,but it knows the width and space
of its own body.
And There was an 8 by 8, asolid wood beam set deep in concrete,
(04:44):
and it turned a corner andcrushed my leg between the horse's
side, the saddle, and justsmashed it because it had enough
room to get around the beam.
But it didn't think about me,of course.
Boy, that hurt for a week, right?
And that was Because I didn'tmanage the reins.
(05:04):
You have the reins of your life.
Like it or not, you have thereins of your life.
Now, a couple of episodes ago,we talked about 1% compounding, and
we talked another couple ofepisodes ago about the best damn
thing that ever happened.
Both of those are premised onthis idea that you have the reins.
You are in control.
So let's talk about what we'regoing to do today.
(05:27):
We're going to talk aboutsomething called radical self leadership.
Radical self leadership is theidea that you really are the owner
and sovereign.
You know, WIPOs or WIPOs.
Worth, identity, possibility,ownership, sovereignty.
You are the owner of your life.
Nobody else owns it.
They may try to take over.
(05:47):
They may ask you to do things.
They may horn in on your timeor your serenity, but you own it.
And you're the sovereign.
And over and over again, youknow what I see?
I see people who give thatsovereignty resentfully to others
or they give the sovereigntythinking, well, I'm supposed to do
stuff for others, so I'll do it.
(06:08):
But inside, they're notcomfortable with that.
One of the things to claimyour sovereignty and own your reins
is to say no.
You should have 10 no's inyour life forever.
Yes.
Because when someone comes tome or you and says, will you do this
for me?
Can you help me with this?
You know the math that they did?
(06:29):
The math they did is, I have a problem.
I think you or me or somebodycan solve this for me.
So I'm going to go ask like,it's a costless option.
You know about trading options.
It's costless option.
You can say no, but often wefeel this sort of obligation to say
yes.
And then you end up with aschedule stacked full of obligations
(06:51):
you didn't really want to sayyes to.
Your body is rebelling.
Resentment's building in yourstomach, tightness in your throat.
You have somatic responsesthat are telling you, hey, this is
crowded.
This is not expansive.
This is not fun.
And you did it.
You gave the reins away.
You made up an excuse.
Well, you're free to do that.
(07:12):
Like, I'm not here to takeaway your freedom.
You're free to do that.
But when you notice that yourdecisions cause these kind of resentments.
Spiritual, energetic, youknow, your body's tired, your mind's
saying, why did you do that?
If you're feeling that way,then that's a clear sign.
You gave the reins away.
You gave control away.
(07:33):
Right?
And guess what?
No one's coming to Save you.
No one's coming to change that.
So this is an invitation foryou to look at your calendar right
now.
Next week, the next seven days after.
Whenever you hear this show,sit down in your calendar and identify
how many of the things in thenext 168 hours, seven days are things
(07:56):
that you're really into.
That might be a scary question.
How many things are you really into?
Like, you look at those andlike, yeah, I'm gonna do that right
now.
Can't wait.
Stoked.
If the answer isn't everysingle one of the things on your
calendar, you're giving awayyour power.
(08:18):
Maybe sleep or whatever.
I mean, you have time for that.
I don't have anything on my calendar.
I don't feel that way about now.
It wasn't always that way.
Radical self leadership iswhat it took.
Now that radical selfleadership comes in two forms.
One comes in eliminatingthings I don't want to do or should
have said no to.
(08:38):
Another form comes in changingmy attitude about the ones I said
yes to.
A perfect example that will beobvious will illustrate this.
People get married to others,and they're excited, they're stoked.
They say yes, they're looking forward.
We've only just begun that oldCarpenter song, and they're, you
know, excited about it.
And then a year, 2, 5, 10later, they have allowed through
(09:01):
choices, apathy, and whateverfor that relationship to deteriorate
into one of obligation.
Yeah, I gotta go do this.
No, I can't go with youbecause I gotta go.
You know, the spouse says, andthat energy has now poisoned your
relationship.
Well, what's changed your attitude?
(09:21):
Like, you can't change whatanybody else says, does, or thinks,
but you have power right thisminute, for every second, for everything
in your life, to change your attitude.
Either dump it and face theconsequences of dumping it.
You know, the reward isfreedom and sovereignty, or decide
you're going to lean rightback in.
So when people have marriageproblems and they go to a counselor,
(09:43):
almost always.
I mean, they could end up splitting.
Conscious uncoupling orunconscious uncoupling or raging
divorce, whatever.
But when things get repaired,you know what they say?
They say, wow, I found a newness.
We've renewed our commitments.
Well, you can do that anytimeyou want.
Mm.
It's a choice of being.
It's a choice of radical self leadership.
(10:04):
It's a choice of recognizingnobody's gonna come.
What's it worth to you?
Is always the question.
I put this background up onpurpose because the.
What's your freedom worth toyou, well, if you got a bunch of
stuff in your life, in yourcalendar and your obligations that
you don't want, what's yourfreedom worth to you?
You need to go renegotiateyour agreements, cancel them, substitute,
(10:27):
fill them with honor, and thendon't say yes again.
There's lots of ways throughthat and some have more integrity
than others.
But this isn't a podcast aboutintegrity, an episode about that.
It's about owning the truththat nobody's flipping coming.
Nobody's going to fix thegovernment, nobody's going to fix
the economy for you.
Whoever's in charge is doing that.
Lots of people upheaval goingon in the US Right now.
(10:50):
You know, Joy and I are inCanada, but we're both also US citizens,
so we watch that carefully.
Lots of noise on every sideand all kinds of craziness.
And this is not a politicalrant, so I'm not going to do that
either.
But the truth is, if you wantthe ultimate life, you got to build
it because nobody's coming tobuild it for you.
What is the ultimate life purpose?
(11:11):
Prosperity.
And Joy, I'm going to give youthree moves, three moves that are,
that are key to radical self leadership.
But before I do, I'm going totell you a story in 2007, and I just
had the opportunity to retellthis story on someone else's podcast
(11:32):
yesterday.
And it never ceases to amazehosts and me when I tell it.
I had given up all my sovereignty.
I was stuck in a job I hated.
I was making a lot of money,but I had personal habits that were
disastrous.
I was a terrible father, I wasa drug addict and I had heavy suicide
(11:54):
ideation and even attempted acouple times.
I had given up my sovereignty completely.
Now reclaiming sovereigntyfrom that place is a process, a long
and difficult process.
Took me a couple of years, butI chose it and I claimed it.
And you know what?
The calendar goes by either way.
(12:14):
The days, weeks, months, years.
So you can shy away fromchange, change or growth because
it's too hard and it's goingto take too long, or you can just
choose to enjoy the process.
I'm going to love thisprocess, even though it's painful.
That was the attitude I took.
And when I decided tocompletely and radically change my
life, I actually had no ideawhat was going to be involved.
(12:36):
I didn't know how to do that.
I didn't know where to go,where to start, who to talk to or
anything.
But I did it.
And after that process, now Ihave Radical sovereignty, radical
ownership, and not a singlething in my calendar don't absolutely
flipping love to do so.
That's a personal story.
Maybe you have one.
(12:56):
If you do, I'm inviting you toget a hold of me because I'd like
to share it.
I just recorded a couple ofpodcast episodes that will be airing
later in, well, some maybefore and after this one, actually,
about people's lives and whenthey made radical responsibility
choices and how it changedeverything for them and how much
happier they are.
So purpose, prosperity andjoy, that ultimate life is within
(13:19):
your grasp.
You can have it, nobody cankeep you from it.
But you have to do the work.
So let's talk about radicalself leadership right now.
Number one, you have to decide.
When I made the radicalchanges In August of 2007, I decided,
here's what I said.
I have no idea who to talk to,where to go, how to start, who to
(13:43):
get help from, or even if I'mgoing to die trying.
I don't know.
But I am done.
I am going to the new mountaintop.
I'm going if I have to crawlover broken glass, if I have to do
it alone, which of course you can't.
But I said that no matterwhat, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
And that decision wasirrevocable and it was permanent.
(14:06):
You can't dabble if you wantto take sovereign ownership of your
life and quit depending onsome energetic or spiritual or financial
cavalry coming over the hill.
So that's number one.
You must decide now.
One of the things I love mostabout the coaching work that I do
(14:27):
with you is that decision process.
It's powerful, it's irrevocable.
And if you're having troubledeciding what your goals are and
how to commit, please get ahold of me.
Okay, there's a URL here onthe screen that says kellenfluecigermedia.com
now that's a site that talksabout books and this show and all
(14:50):
the stuff that I'm doing.
But there's also a contact form.
So this is your invitation toreach out and get a hold of me if
you're having trouble decidingon your own personal goals.
Crystal clear.
And you're having troubleginning up the commitment to make
them happen.
I'm the alchemist.
I'm the master at that.
(15:11):
I can help you if you want help.
I can't do it for you, can'tdo push ups.
But I can help you getcommitted and get real.
So step one in radical selfLeadership is decide.
Decide you're done giving awayyour power.
Decide you're done saying yeswhen you mean no.
Decide you're valuable.
Decide you love yourself andyou're going to do all the things
(15:31):
that show that you love yourself.
I'm not talking selfindulgence, but you know that.
Care for your body, care foryour spirit, care for your heart,
care for your emotions.
If you're not doing that, youdon't love yourself.
You're lying if you say you are.
If you're downplaying your ownhealth and safety in favor of doing
(15:52):
stuff, you're.
You're a fraud.
You're masquerading.
Radical self love is thefoundation of radical self leadership.
Okay?
And you need to love yourselfas your God, your Creator, loves
you, which is with infinite love.
(16:13):
Okay?
That's the first thing.
Now I need you to write asentence down.
Write down right now what youare willing to do for 90 days.
And the way I want you towrite it is in the form of I am.
I am that I love myself.
(16:34):
I am that I will demonstratelove my.
That I love myself.
I am that I will say no 10times more than I say yes, I am that
People will immediately noticethe change in how I treat myself,
talk to myself, and show up ina room.
Like, write down a sentence or two.
(16:54):
Just that you're willing tolive for 90 days.
And if 90 days seems like aneternity, do it for a week.
You must start.
See, because here's the truth.
I don't care how broken youare or much struggling you're doing,
whether it's your business oranything else, you got where you
are by choice.
You got where you are by beingthe person saying the things that
(17:17):
you're doing now.
That's how you got here.
And you can get out of thereby being a different person.
The question, who do I have tobe to have more ease and flow in
my life?
Who do I have to be to get ina state of creative flow every day?
Who do I have to be to becompletely at peace with who I am?
(17:39):
Those are important questionsand they have answers.
They're not just rhetorical bullshit.
They're real questions thathave real answers.
If you're willing to do thework, and again, that's hard for
you.
Let me help.
If you want help withouttalking to me, then get this book,
Living with Purpose and power.
(17:59):
This is 18 years worth ofintense, focused, singular work about
how to create your own life,about how to take your sovereignty,
about how to get rid of theIdea that someone's coming to save
you.
Because they're not.
And you know that by now.
But sometimes that's hard to admit.
Living with purpose and power.
All right, that's step one.
Declare, decide, make it irrevocable.
(18:21):
Step two in radical selfleadership is to design.
Design.
So when you make powerful statements.
Okay, I'll give you one out ofmy ptac.
PTAC you've heard me talk about.
It's in here also.
Personal truth and commitment document.
It's not for show.
(18:41):
It's not for anybody else.
It's my deal with God.
It's my agreement.
This is who I am.
This is who I'm going to bewith everything.
So that's what it is.
One of them is I am forgiveness.
I have compassion, grace andpatience for everyone, for everything,
(19:02):
including myself.
So that is a bold statementthat doing will transmute everything.
It means I never get mad.
It means I'm never frustratedat people.
It means I don't blame.
I might work to change what is.
If something happens that'sdifficult or a struggle or something
(19:22):
I think is unjust, I mightwork to what can I do about that?
What can I do with that?
How can I help?
But I carry that forgiveness.
So step two is to design.
So convert that sentence,whatever yours is, mine was.
I am forgiveness.
I have compassion, grace andpatience for everyone, for everything,
(19:45):
including myself.
Turn that into three nonnegotiable things and I'll do a concrete
one in a minute.
But three non negotiables forthat kind of thing would be every
time a negative feelingarises, I confront it with love or
I absorb it with love.
Every time somethingunexpected and undesirable, whatever
(20:09):
that means undesirable,happens, I will say, what is the
gift here?
Every time someone doessomething that could disappoint,
I will say I forgive you.
And I will repeat it deeplyand viscerally until the truth lands.
Those are three things that I do.
(20:29):
I didn't you know, they're notjust made up.
Why?
So that I am forgiveness.
I have grace, patience and,excuse me, compassion.
Grace and patience foreveryone, for everything, including
myself.
And that includes when I do orsay something, if I even think something,
I say I'm not that I forgive that.
(20:51):
Now that might sound woo woo,but we'll do a concrete within a
minute.
But I can tell you it changeseverything about my life.
It changes how I enter andcomplete every conversation with
prospects, with clients, withpeople, with my beloved holy angel
wife Joy.
Every conversation.
And because it does, I live changed.
(21:12):
I Live in that change.
Now, concrete one would belet's say you're building your business
and you're having troublefinding clients or you're having
trouble getting people to beinterested in your products or services,
whatever it is that you do.
Or let's say you're at workand you're having trouble getting
recognition.
Here are things you could say,you could decide I this was the declaration
(21:38):
I am that I do the very best Ican in every moment at work or in
my business.
That's who I am.
Okay, then translate that intothree non negotiables.
That means I turn everyproject in on time.
That means I workcollaboratively with everyone, including
the jerk I used to hate.
That means I use, I use andleverage my boss, manager, supervisor,
(22:03):
executive, unless you're theCEO, effectively by harboring no
resentment, by assuming thebest I choose to give the benefit
of the doubt.
All of those are things youcould say.
And how you do that is younotice when you're not.
The key architecture ofchanging behavior is notice and choose.
(22:28):
Notice and choose.
Well, that's not a habit wemostly have.
We react, we get angry, wejust do stuff right.
Notice and choose isdeveloping the skill to stop for
just a second, say what am I feeling?
What does it make me want to do?
What do I choose to do instead?
What do I choose to do that'slove oriented, growth oriented, and
(22:50):
it's constructive.
And you notice all of thosethings are right in line with no
one's coming.
If I want a betterrelationship with a co worker, it's
mine to build.
Now they may refuse.
They may refuse and they mayhave want nothing to do with it and
diss you and do all kinds ofgossip about you or whatever.
That all may happen.
But here's what I can tell you.
You will not feel anythinganymore because you behaving, speaking,
(23:14):
thinking with complete integrity.
Your heart is love, yourchoice is peace, and your movements
are to productivity and collaboration.
You can't control what theydo, but you can control what you
do.
And when you do, you feel at peace.
You are at peace because youare in integrity, consistency with
(23:36):
who you say you are.
And there's nothing morepowerful than someone who's absolutely
congruent and consistent.
So there's a concrete exampleyou could use others about making
sales calls or you know, doingthe activities that mean whatever
it is you say.
The declaration I'm growing my cash.
(23:56):
I am that I grow my income.
Okay, maybe better with a goal.
I am that I grow my income by30% in 90 days or 30 days or whatever.
And then the non negotiablesare the design.
What are you going to dospecifically and clearly today and
each day so that yourdeclaration is true?
(24:17):
Radical self leadership.
The third thing is back to the1% thing.
When you embark on the road ofself development.
Me, you, all of us.
And I'm on that roadconstantly by choice.
There's a temptation that Ialways had to get the hacks, the
shortcuts.
Ah, frick, this is going totake forever.
(24:38):
Can I do it quick?
Isn't there a way to like, doit now, please?
And the answer is no.
There are certainly ways to bemore efficient.
There are certainly ways to,you know, call them hacks or whatever.
They're certainly productivityhacks and 80, 20 rules and timers
and, you know, other thingsthat, that will facilitate.
(25:00):
But there's no shortcut.
There's no royal road to geometry.
Look that up.
No royal road to geometry.
Geometry.
There's no, there's no way toshortcut growth.
You can't stand by an orangetree and command it to have an orange.
It takes as long as it takes.
Now you can nurture the tree,make sure it's watered and it might
grow faster, but it takes whatit takes.
(25:23):
So that 1% compounding that wetalked about a few episodes ago is
key here.
Just fall in love with the process.
Fall in love with the processand get your head out of your butt
if you really want to make progress.
Okay, so those are three moves.
Make a declaration, make it,design it, and then make it daily.
(25:47):
Do something.
Now I want to go back and talka little bit more about something
I call my North Star.
It's one of the many documentsI have, and if you want to read it
and I talk about documents andyou might say, yeah, so what?
What the frick, I don't careabout whatever he says.
Let me give you a reason to care.
(26:08):
The documents have made me amillion dollars.
The documents have made me healthy.
The documents have made me happy.
The documents have changed,strengthened and nurtured the relationship
with the only heavenly beingon earth, which is joy, my angel
wife.
Not because of the words inthe documents and not because they're
(26:31):
fancy stuff, but because Ichose to do them.
And so if a million dollarsand more health and more happiness
isn't important to you andthen the process of creating powerful
tools won't matter.
But if you've tried a hundredtimes and you're not winning, then
(26:52):
there is a way.
So let's talk about the NorthStar, my North Star says I am the
ultimate catalyst for personal transformation.
That's a declaration I makeboldly, clearly, and it's absolutely
100% true.
(27:12):
But that's not anything by itself.
What it says then is inpractical expression, I provide frameworks,
tools, examples,encouragement, energy and permission
to those ending addiction tomediocrity, especially those with
(27:32):
massive hardballs from lifethrown in the mix who will not be
defined by those things.
Now, it goes on, but I'm justgoing to talk about that first little
part.
So I provide something.
I provide frameworks, tools,examples, energy, encouragement and
permission.
How do I do that?
Well, in conversation, I haveprograms, I have courses, but I have
(27:54):
lots of conversation.
And it isn't about the weatherand it isn't about about the World
cup in 2026.
It's about what's up for thatperson now.
Where are they screaming happy?
And where are they screamingnot happy?
What's in the way?
Can we do something now about it?
Frameworks, tools, examples,encouragement, permission, energy.
(28:18):
Because I have an abundance of that.
I have an overflow of that.
I saw a post on Facebooktoday, someone talking about filling
your cup.
So you can serve from theoverflow, of course.
And you can't do that unlessyou fill your cup every day until
it's flipping overflowing allover the saucer, all over the floor,
and you have to spare becauseotherwise you gut yourself.
(28:40):
So how do you do that?
Well, the fundamentalquestion, who are you going to be
today?
Because nobody's coming.
You get to choose.
And you do choose every day,sometimes without, you know, thinking
about it.
And one of the powerfulanswers is, what's it worth to you?
(29:01):
I hear people say all thetime, I'm going to be the best version
of myself.
I don't even know what thatmeans unless you couple it with what
that looks like.
For me, that is a series ofactivities, a series of activities
to do the things that make me better.
So if I'm trying to getphysically in shape, it's a few more
(29:21):
push ups.
I'm trying to get spirituallyin shape.
It is a deeper and morepowerful meditation and connection.
I don't leave my morningmeditation until I've heard the voice
of the divine.
Any day, every single day.
And I'm not magic.
It's a cultivated possibilitybecause you are divine.
You came from divinity.
You have divine DNA.
(29:41):
So you have the antenna.
And they may be dusty or youmay not be using them, but you have
the right to use them all the time.
But you have to learn how toone funny story.
I had.
I bought a television.
And not just a tv, stereo TVand all kinds of cool stuff.
And I had the people at theshop come and install it.
(30:01):
This is some years ago and Ididn't watch tv, so it turns out
I didn't know how to turn it on.
So no instructions, right?
So in order for me to havethat be true, my North Star providing
frameworks, tools, examples,energy, encouragement, permission
to you.
(30:22):
Ending addiction to mediocrity.
I have to be prepared.
I have to have a full andoverflowing cup, which I do and I
do every single day.
You notice there's two partsto that statement.
I say to those endingaddiction to mediocrity.
I don't run out and try torope somebody into changing.
And I hope you don't either.
But I'm inviting you to quote,step into your best self if you want
(30:45):
to.
If this message resonates, ifyou're tired of settling for 50%
of the money or 50% of the joyor 50% of the impact you want to
make in the world, what areyou doing about it?
You're either settling andsaying, that's all I get, or you're
taking steps.
I invite you with all my heartto take the steps if I can help you
(31:07):
get a hold of me.
If you want to startsomewhere, read the book Living with
Purpose and Power and then dosomething with it.
Reading it won't do jack, butyou know that.
Okay, so my daily creationprocess is how I fill that cup.
Overflowing.
It's how I take the reins.
It's how I just completelyblow off the idea that somebody's
coming to rescue me.
(31:28):
Because nobody flipping isnobody, nobody, nobody know how.
So I use the acronym spem.
Spiritual, Physical,Emotional, Mental.
And I break a two hour blockinto four parts.
Spiritual is meditation,sacred literature and focused work
that I know connects me to thevoice of God.
Physical changes all the timebecause my body's undergoing change.
(31:53):
I've got a bad disc and soI've got a limp and I've got some
other things going on.
I just had a biopsy here on atemporal artery a couple of weeks
ago to look for something.
So the kind of physicalhonoring I can do is different, but
I still do it.
This morning I did a set ofstretches and exercises that were
within the capacity of what I have.
(32:13):
Why?
To honor the body.
Because I want my cup full.
I don't want to be tired andnegative and squeaky.
You know, I don't want that.
So Spiritually, I'm tuned up physically.
I'm tuned up emotionally.
I put all my relationships inthat bucket.
So I spend some time lookingat people's names and feeling for
their hearts and doing woo woostuff and then sending messages of
(32:36):
love and encouragement andlife and breath and lifting and just
that stuff.
Sometimes to people I haven'ttalked to for a while, sometimes
to people that won't besurprised, sometimes there's repair
attempts in there.
M is mental.
So then I read stuff.
I got a stack of 25, maybe 30,maybe 35, I don't know, books over
there.
(32:56):
I'm in the middle of all of them.
And sometimes I won't get backto one of them for a month.
And sometimes I'll read oneevery day for a while.
But the point is to keep mymind active, focused.
You know what I notice when Ido that?
My cup is overflowing.
It's exploding.
It's a fountain of joy, ofkindness, of giving, of encouragement,
of love, of straight talk.
(33:17):
And I love that word.
I'm editing a book by one ofmy clients, and she is the compassionate
queen of straight talk.
And I love her.
And I was working on that thismorning, early, early, early.
And so this phrase, straighttalk came to mind just now.
So you can create a process.
And if you can't talk to me,let's build one or look at the book.
(33:40):
But a big but.
Behold the underlying truth.
If you have a process and itdoesn't leave your cup overflowing
and you just jumping up anddown with excitement, then it's crap.
So face it, it's crap.
The purpose of the processisn't to check out, check off the
boxes.
It is to create an outcome.
(34:01):
An overflowing cup whereyou're on fire and you're ready to
meet the day, whatever on firelooks like for you.
Now, I'm noisy and I make alot of noise, wave my hands and talk
loud and fast.
Sometimes that's on fire for me.
Except when quiet and peaceand piercing, love is on fire.
So you need to know what's onfire for you.
(34:22):
If you don't know what itfeels like to be truly at peace and
on fire.
There's our first area of work.
So get a hold of me.
Okay, so here are some thingsyou can do that are very practical
to get rid of the idea thatthe cavalry is coming.
Keep a log.
Journaling, people call it,but a short, single sentence log
(34:43):
of friction points.
Where am I hitting?
Where am I pulling back?
Oh, I want to do that.
But I'll make excuse and I'llgo piddle, scroll, social, or dork
around instead of, like, writethose down.
Those are things you need tobe working on with your coach.
Because if you're seriousabout growth, you need help.
(35:04):
When I described my massivetransformation, or the start of it
in 2007, oh, I had helprunning out my ears, rehab places
and counselors.
And the biggest and best, ofcourse, was God and joy.
But all but they helped mefind others.
Getting that help is wisdom.
It's essential.
(35:24):
People sometimes have the ideathey're supposed to do it alone.
And the answer is only ifyou're stupid.
And it may sound harsh, andyou are free to do it alone.
But it takes forever and youusually fail almost always.
So why would you do that?
Because our purpose is to loveand serve each other.
And I want to be in shape todo that as quick as possible.
(35:47):
I was looking for all thehacks I could get, and I call them
hacks because I'm looking for efficiencies.
The best tools, the bestshrinks, the best practices.
What can I do, Right?
So get up, get up.
Value yourself.
Take control of your reins.
(36:08):
Okay?
So decide what you're going to do.
My acronym, I told you, spam.
But here's what you can do.
Also, is your environmentsabotaging you?
So I said write down frictionpoints, right?
Write down friction points.
I had a list here and I'velost it.
So just a sec.
Write down friction points sothat you have knowledge of where
(36:31):
they are.
Work those through with yourcoach or your other processes.
Okay?
Another thing that I do that'ssuper powerful to take control because
we all have a to do listthat's at least 100 times longer
than the time that's available.
You might have 300 things onyour to do list.
You might look at half a dozenthat you might want to try today,
and nine get added, right?
(36:52):
So we, we know that's true.
Three non negotiables.
Get three non negotiables.
Three things you're gonna dotoday no matter what.
And they don't have to besized to fill the day.
They're the things that youthink in your judgment are the most
important today.
Three non negotiables.
Get those done and thendeclare I win.
If you want to go sit andcount ceiling tiles, fine.
(37:14):
Probably what you'll do ispick one of the others and then it
becomes extra credit becauseyou already won the day.
Okay.
One of the ways to do those ismicro promises.
I won't have lunch until I won't.
Eat breakfast until.
I won't quit until I do this.
Write this letter, send thisemail, you know, talk to this person.
(37:37):
Have this difficultconversation in your environment.
I started on that a second ago.
Maybe you have your phone too close.
Maybe you've respond to everybuzz and whiz.
Put it away, turn it off.
Nothing's going to end theworld in 50 minutes.
Do a 50, 10, 50 minutes ofwork, 10 minutes of rest or walking
(37:58):
around, reset.
All these are.
They are hacks.
They're the hacks and toolsthat you can use.
But nothing substitutes forthe foundational truth.
You're not a victim.
You own your life.
You're only a victim if youdecide to be.
You're only.
You're only.
You give away your reins likewe talked about.
Only if you decide to.
So I'm going to give you achallenge, okay?
(38:20):
I want you to write a 90 daysentence for the next 90 days.
I am the most diligentprospector in the world.
If you sell stuff, I am thebest mom that ever breathed air.
Why?
Because I said so.
And then when you fall orfail, because you will, because everybody
does carry a big blanket of forgiveness.
I am forgiveness withcompassion, grace and patience for
(38:42):
everyone, for everything.
Adopt that if you need to.
Because carrying baggage justslows you down, darkens your light,
drains your energy and makesyour cup not full to overflowing
blanket of forgiveness.
Okay?
So write down your 90 cent,your 90 day.
I am this.
And if it's 30 days, whatever,then each day pick three non negotiables.
(39:07):
The manifestation of thatsentence is this many phone calls,
this much attention to eachkid, this change of behavior toward
my spouse without.
And that doesn't matter whatthey do.
Like if you come be nice toyour spouse and they pee on your
parade, that's not on you.
You don't change.
You are in integrity.
(39:27):
You did what you said withlove, kindness and with no passive
aggressive.
Why?
Because you can.
That's taking your reins.
Okay?
Every morning, set three non negotiables.
This is what I'm about today.
But once in a while, you know,disasters happen and you get derailed.
(39:48):
I understand that, but most ofthe time.
And that's why you don't sizethem to fill up your whole day.
Because then, you know, alittle crack and you're finished.
I used to do that.
I had to get up at this timeand my schedule was rigid to the
minute.
And inevitably every singleday I got off track.
And so I spent the whole dayTrying to make up lost time.
Well that energy sucks.
(40:10):
And at the end of the dayyou're like, where's the cavalry?
I'm never going to get this done.
I'm never going to get my shit together.
Well that's just not true.
But if you pack and stack thedeck against you, it can feel like
it.
All right, so in 24 hours, dothose things.
Write your the change you'retrying to create over the next 30,
60, 90 days.
(40:31):
Start the idea of pickingthree non negotiables that you're
going to do every single day.
Right?
Put all this in a calendar.
Some people say, oh I don'tlike calendars.
Stifles my creativity.
Bullshit.
It's your excuse for non productivity.
It's your excuse for wasting time.
And I love you to challenge meon that.
(40:51):
If I can help you with any ofthese things.
Kellenflukermedia.com rightthere, right there on the screen.
Okay, There's a contact form.
Look, you are the owner ofyour life.
So here is your mantra.
Say this, no cavalry is coming.
I am the standard.
(41:12):
I am the owner.
I am it.
Because you are.
Nobody's going to come and doit for you.
Okay then as a final thing,you can share your 90 day change.
The thing you are going tochange about yourself in getting
(41:33):
out of victim mindset, gettingout of the idea someone's coming
to save you.
Taking sovereign control ofyour life, Declaring what's it worth
to you.
Share it with somebody.
Not in a wishy washy halfbaked way.
Share it hardcore.
I am this.
Why?
Because I said so.
Let me end this with my love.
I love you.
I know who you are.
(41:53):
You're a divine being.
You can have anything you want.
But you do have to walk the path.
If you do, you like me canenjoy purpose, prosperity and joy
every day.
You breathe air and live yourultimate life.
(42:20):
Right now.
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right for front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools go here.
Your ultimate life CaSubscribe Share Stand with your heart
(42:47):
in the sky and your feet onthe ground.
Ground.
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The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
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