September 12, 2025 • 36 mins
Most people spend their lives complaining—about circumstances, setbacks, and challenges they can't control. But what if I told you there's a simple method that transforms any obstacle into opportunity?
In this episode, I reveal the "Notice and Choose" technique—a 2-second mental shift that's worth more than money can measure. This isn't just positive thinking; it's a scientifically-grounded approach that rewires your brain's response to adversity.
You'll discover:
• Why complaining literally weakens your creativity and resilience
• The exact moment this principle saved my life (and how it can save yours)
• How to "mine" any situation for hidden opportunities instead of arguing with reality
• The neuroscience behind why negative thinking destroys performance
• A simple breathing technique that instantly shifts your mental state
• The mantra that turns hardship into flow: "That was great. What can I create?"
This episode contains the blueprint for transforming victim mentality into creator consciousness. Every challenge becomes raw material for building your ultimate life.
Ready to stop complaining and start creating? Join the Dream Build Write It Challenge at www.dreambuildwriteit.com and design the life you've always envisioned.
Connect with me at KellanFluckigerMedia.com
If this episode shifted your perspective, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—it helps spread this message to others who need to hear it.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Most people spend their livescomplaining. Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream. It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, power,and real talk. So you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
(00:26):
create. You have infinitepower. Bitching about the weather,
the government, the economy,their job, taxes, prices, something.
Complaining, complaining,complaining. And I always wonder,
what good does that do? I havedone my fair share, believe me, not
immune to that. And I'm notpointing fingers, but what I've noticed
(00:49):
consistently is it doesn't doa damn thing. Let's learn why not
and what to do instead. Sohere's the thing. Let's make a funny
assumption. Let's assume thatwhatever happened was the very best
damn thing that ever couldhave happened. I know that might
be a stretch. You got in a carwreck and you say that's the best
(01:12):
thing that could havehappened? Well, I don't know, but
what if we just play that gamefor a minute? Okay, I want you to
remember a funny story thatI'm sure you've heard. A little boy
goes into room and it's fullof horse poop. And instead of being
disappointed or frustrated, hedives into the horse poop, starts
digging, and someone says,like, what are you doing? And he
(01:37):
says, well, with all thishorse poop, there's got to be a pony
in here somewhere, right? Andthe idea is that no matter what is
going on in your life, you canturn it into something else. Now,
you might have a story about,it's not fair. I shouldn't have to
do that. Why did this happento me? And I want you to ask yourself,
(01:57):
how much did that kind ofenergy ever change anything? How
much did that kind ofcomplaining ever fix anything? How
much did that kind of energyever fix the world or the weather,
or the economy, or your job oryour boss or your. Whatever, someone
that betrayed you. It doesn't.I have an author that I love and
(02:21):
I think I'm attributingsomething to. Her name is Byron Katie,
and she wrote a book calledLoving what Is. And she regularly
says something like this whensomeone's complaining about something
that happened, she says,that's exactly what should have happened.
And they look at her insurprise and she says, then you know
how I know how? Because itdid. And that view is, you know,
(02:48):
it's like saying, well, whatis, is, and what I can promise you,
spending now nearly 20 yearsas a coach, a mentor, a high performance
activator, the ultimatealchemist and all the names that
have been used to describe mecomplaining about what is does nothing.
So stop it. Stop it now. It'slow grade thinking. It gets in the
(03:09):
way of your creativity. Itblocks your power, it diminishes
your worth, and it lowers yourability to respond to the sit. Every
one of those things is true,demonstrably, in the lab, in your
neurotransmitters andeverything else. Okay? So let's think
about what to do instead.Let's start from the place that whatever
(03:30):
it is that happened, that'sthe best damn thing that could have
happened to you today, now,here. Okay? What does that bring
to bear? If I say this is theworst day of my life, what it does
in my body, I get weakerphysically. Neurotransmitters kick
in that make me sad,depressed, cortisol, you know, other
(03:54):
things that are stresshormones, stress, neurotransmitters.
And I get negative. The actualmeasurable consequences of that is
I get stupider. In otherwords, measurable creativity goes
down, motivation goes down. Soif my creativity and my motivation
(04:15):
go down, what do you thinkhappens to my ability to respond?
Well, pretty obvious. Myability to respond is lower by at
least two or three or fourfactors. I can't see things, opportunities,
possibilities I otherwisewould have seen. Whatever I do see
seems more overwhelming, moredifficult. Yeah, I could fix it if
(04:39):
this, you know, something. Andmy ability to conceive how to do
that disappears. So justthinking this is impossible, I'll
never get there. I can't doit. Makes that true. And you've heard
that before. Henry Ford'scredited with saying that or something
like it. And so are others. Ifyou think you can or think you can't,
(05:01):
you're right. Okay? Andmedical science proves over and over
again the single biggestdeterminant in a patient's healing
is their will to get better.Even and especially actually in the
most serious illnesses. So Iwant you to think about that. That
means that those chemicalsthat we create in our mind activate
(05:25):
potential. They activatecapability to do stuff or they deactivate
it. So if I get frustrated andnegative, creativity and motivation
and resilience and stuff goesin the toilet, I've become weaker.
And that's unconditionallyproven. And the opposite also. When
I believe that I can, when Ibelieve that I will, when I think
(05:49):
there's gotta be a way, mycreativity goes up. In other words,
my ability to see a solutionor create an avenue forward. Motivation
goes up, strength goes up,resilience goes up, endurance goes
up. All of those things go upjust by thinking. So since we have
a choice about our thoughts,why wouldn't we then immediately
(06:13):
say, okay, I choose to think.Yes, I choose to think up. I choose
to think positively. I chooseto think. There's got to be a way
through this, out of this,under this, around it, over it, whatever
it is, right? And there alwaysis. There's always a way forward.
The sun's always going to comeup tomorrow. And we've all heard,
(06:36):
you know, the night is darkestjust before the dawn and that sort
of thing. That's all the samekind of thinking. So I want you to
sit there now and think aboutsomewhere in your life right now
where you, you know, we callthat stinking thinking or whatever,
where you're using negativethoughts to rule the day. Pick a
situation right now and let'swalk through it, okay? Pick a situation
(06:57):
that is a struggle for you orthat seems hard or impossible. And
let's, let's do some specificthings to get, get through that.
Because my goal, as you know,is 300 million people. Million. 300
million people with a messagefor you. The message is your worth,
your identity is the divinebeing, your possibility, which is
infinite. The ownership youhave of your life. And this is a
(07:20):
lot focused on the O ofownership. You own your life. S is
sovereignty. And you're theonly one that owns it. And that means
what you declare shall be.Now, we need to think about that.
We've all seen one or more orall of the Harry Potter movies 15
times. They wave a wand andstuff happens. You have that ability.
(07:42):
It doesn't manifestenergetically in a green or red or
orange or purple or whateverblue stream of light and then beep,
pops into existence. You know,sometimes we think that would be
fun, but the truth is muchmore interesting. You have a beam.
It comes out of the energeticpart of your soul. Your thinking.
We don't know exactly how thatworks, but you know darn good and
(08:04):
well, you've walked into aroom and you've been. Someone comes
in and you know right away ifthey're hat, sappy, had or sappy.
Right? Happy or sad,frustrated, negative, angry. You
know that. Not just because ofthe expressions on their face. In
fact, often you can see itwhen you're not even looking. How
do you know? Well, we don'tknow. But there's energy transmitted
(08:27):
from our emotions. There'senergy transmitted from our spirits.
When you're with someone in aparticular setting, you can feel
the communication andconnection. You know that. Well,
why not Take advantage ofthat. Do you have a Harry Potter
beam? It's called the energyof your thoughts. I read a book,
(08:48):
several books. This particularone's written by a Harvard PhD who
worked with the FBI and CIAand counterterrorism and everything
else. And he demonstratedrepeatedly and the experiments been
done over and over again thatjust thinking statistically affects
the outcomes of coin tosses.The alpha particle decay of plutonium
(09:10):
420. I mean, if there was everanything scientific that was exactly.
Alpha particle decay is one ofthose things. Yet just by thinking,
they measurably influencedalpha particle decay. And they happened
to use plutonium 420 over andover and over and over again. Statistically
significant in a way itcouldn't be ignored. So. And they
(09:32):
even did one experiment fromspace, right? So I'm not going to
get into the nitty gritty ofall that because it's going to take
too long. But the. The factis, your belief about something does
influence the outcome. And wetalked about how it influences the
body and the mind, theneurotransmitters and the strength
(09:53):
and the attention and thefocus. But there are other energetic
things that happen. Also, thatwhole idea of that Thoreau said,
you know, move boldly in thedirection of the life you imagined
and you pass an unseenthreshold and cool stuff starts happening.
He didn't say that, but hesaid something like, you know, the
forces of universe align withyou, et cetera. So let's talk about
(10:14):
one aspect of this right nowfor a minute, and that is the trap
of complaining. Okay, When Istart complaining, or you do, where
does our focus go? Our focusgoes on lack. What's missing? Why
didn't my team win? Why didn'tI get that promotion? Why didn't
(10:35):
that client buy? Why didn't myshoe fit? Why did this happen to
me? Why me? Well, I have neverfound that to be a useful question.
The only time it's slightlyuseful is if there's some change
I want to make. I didsomething and I realized if I prepared
differently, a differentoutcome would happen. But that's
(10:56):
not what I'm talking about.I'm talking about that whiny type
of complaining. It's why me?You know, that sort of feeling that
gets you nowhere. When was thelast time that sort of language produced
a genie that brought theAmazon box with the gold bar? Like
that would be never, right?All right, so let's just own that
(11:17):
truth. Here's what happenswhen you say, why me? Or when I used
to do so much is, well, whatif I'd done this? What if, what if,
what if? And you know whathappens? You actually don't have
a flipping clue what wouldhave happened if you made a different
decision. You think you do,and you paint this scenario. And
number one, you don't know.And number two, you're wasting time
(11:41):
and resources, energy,emotion, effort, intensity for an
outcome you don't even knowabout. Now, I want to use that example
to create a juxtaposition. IfI spend energy complaining that energy
is no longer available tocreate, that's just a fact. The energy
(12:03):
is used up, the time is usedup, and I got nothing except a rash
of neurotransmitters in mybody that are uncomfortable and not
fun. That's all I got for mytrouble, much rather to get progress
on the thing that I'm tryingto create, because then the energy
is spent creating. Okay, so Igot an example for you, and it's
(12:30):
out of my own life. One of thethings I get to do is make this podcast.
I edit books, I write otherstuff for articles and for social
media content and. Right. Youknow, I write books and so forth.
When I look at any of thoseprojects with the idea that, oh,
this is going to be difficult,oh, I'm stuck, or, oh, it's going
(12:52):
to be hard, not only does mymotivation to do it go in the toilet,
my creativity while I'm doingit goes in the toilet. And that's
kind of a spiral. So if Ithink about, oh, I said I was going
to do this today, and then Ithink, oh, I don't know, you know,
where that spiral goes. Idon't want to, don't want to, gets
worse and worse. Then you go,binge watch Netflix. I don't do that.
(13:14):
But other things. Right. Onthe other hand, if I say, ooh, I
can't wait till I get thatdone. Ooh, that's going to be fun.
Oh, it builds a spiral in adifferent direction. Now, you know
that. That's obvious. That'snot news. What you may not be remembering
is it's your choice whichspiral you get on. Now, I've said
(13:34):
this before in other episodes,and I'm going to say it again. And
this is the magic of noticeand choose. Write that frame down
or that phrase, notice andchoose. It's a simple tool and it's
invincible. It never fails,and it's worth a billion dollars.
And you can argue with me. Andthe only basis for your argument
(13:54):
would be it doesn't produce astream of blue light and a Stack
of cash. It doesn't. But itgives you the ability to use your
beam of light, love andcreativity to create a stack of cash.
Notice and choose simply meansstep one. Get in the habit of noticing
what you're thinking andfeeling. What is it? What's going
on in my body? Am I uptight?Am I upset? Am I frustrated? Am I
(14:16):
distracted? Notice and thenchoose how you want to respond to
that. Most of us don't notice.We abdicate. We. We just react. I
was just having a conversationwith one of my authors about life
and they're further on in lifeand they talked about an unplanned
(14:37):
life where they were justreactively going through things and
they detailed how that workedand then contrasted that with proactively
planning. Now, I'm not naiveenough, and neither are you, to think
that anything or everything,and maybe not anything, we plan goes
exactly according to plan, butthe planning gives us resilience
(14:58):
and options and possibility.Okay? Simply reacting to everything
makes us, puts us by choice,at the mercy of everything else.
All right, so let's talkabout. Remember, we're, we're. We're
using the premise here thatwhatever happened is the best damn
thing it could be. The bestthing that could have happened. Okay?
(15:22):
Now the point is this. What ifyou take the view that whatever happened
was supposed to happen. Now,sometimes people say it this way.
Well, there's a reason foreverything. There's a purpose in
everything. And I hate thatit's a wimp ass way to think about
this principle. The power,power move is this is good for me.
(15:51):
How can I make it so that wassupposed to happen is a wimp ass,
weak move that is victim inits origins. And then we sit around
and say, I guess I'll just seewhatever. And that is useless. That
was great. What can I create?You can even use that as a rhyme.
(16:14):
That was great. What can Icreate? Now I dare you to do that.
I dare you to do it. And thentell me what happens. In fact, I'd
love for you to tell me whathappens. Let me give you this thing
here, right here,kellenflukermedia.com that's a place
where you can get a hold of mecontact form. You can Also comment
on YouTube and wherever youfind in the podcast. But if you want
(16:35):
to talk kellenflukermedia.combecause my goal is to help you, you
listening right now. Reachyour purpose, prosperity and joy.
I have a. I have a commitment,a mission of reaching 300 million
people this year. And I'mgoing to. We're on track. We're on
target. It's going to happento help you reach the goals you want.
(16:57):
You have lofty goals and youdeserve every one of them. It's your
birthright. But there isn't aHarry Potter wand. There is a growth
process that works foreverything. And we just have to go
get on that and then say, thatwas great. What can I create? Now,
here's another way to thinkabout that. Stop arguing with reality
(17:20):
and start mining it. What doesit mean to mine? Well, you've seen
pictures of old gold rusheswhere people dig up dirt and, you
know, they're panning for goldor they're looking in the ground
in mines for veins of gold andthat kind of thing. Well, what does
it mean to mine reality? Well,I'll tell you what it doesn't mean
complaining or arguing aboutreality is that shouldn't have happened.
(17:44):
They shouldn't have done that.I'm so mad. I'll never trust them
again. Never talk to them. I'mgoing to call the cops. I'm going
to call the spiritual cops.I'm going to bash them. I'm going
to diss them on socialwhatever it is that's arguing with
reality and it doesn't changeanything and it doesn't make you
feel good. Mining reality isasking the question, what can I create
with this? What is possible tobuild with this? I'll give you an
(18:08):
example, kind of a simple oneI had a few years ago before the
pandemic. I joined a BNI groupfor a few years back in 2016. And
B and I is structured so thatthere's only one person in any chapter
that does a particular thing.One auto. Auto insurance agent. In
my case, a business coach. Onebusiness coach. Now, this chapter
(18:29):
had a business coach and theywere leaving. They had just left
to go to some gig they weregoing to do across the country. And
so I didn't know this person,but I thought it'd be great to just
chat with them and see what.What they thought of the group and
how they were doing and justget acquainted. Right. And so we
set up an appointment. Andlike a few hours before the appointment,
(18:49):
the they texted me and said,nah, I don't have time. And I said,
okay, cool. Should wereschedule? Nah, I don't really want
to worry about it. Okay. Nowthat was what happened. That was
reality. One way to thinkabout that was he's a douchebag.
He's dissing me, and what ajerk. What I did Instead was, I know,
(19:09):
did notice and choose. I said,what would I like to create from
this? Well, I don't know thisperson. What I don't want to create
is negative feelings becausethat serves no one. What I don't
want to do is close down theopportunity to ever talk to him again.
So what I said instead is Ijust reached back out and said, okay,
that's great. Look forward tochatting another time. That was it.
(19:34):
And I chose because I said,what can I create from this? And
that became, not only was it abreakthrough, then I did eventually
get to talk to him. It changedthe nature of relationships and all
that kind of stuff. So it wasreally, really simple. Notice and
choose. Really simple. Noticeand choose. All right, now let's
go at this from a differentangle, which is let's figure out
how to turn some hardship intoflow. One of the most obvious hardships.
(20:01):
I mean, there's all kinds of.Someone close to you dies, okay,
you have a business partnerwho betrays you, maybe your life
partner betrays you, maybesomeone, maybe you get a fatal illness
or a near fatal illness andyou're in the hospital for some weeks
or months. Those are big ones.And what I'm going to talk about
(20:22):
applies to that. But let'stalk about a smaller one because
smaller ones happen moreoften. Okay? Now, I'm a business
owner and I write books and Ilaunch books and I have programs
and I help a lot of people dothat too. In fact, if you're listening
to this, I'm inviting you toDream buildwrite it dot com. See
this Dream buildwrite it dotcom. It's a challenge that I'm holding
(20:47):
at the end of September. Be acouple of weeks after you get this,
as the release of this is midSeptember and it starts the 29th.
And the reason I'm invitingyou there is because I know if you're
listening to this ultimatelife stuff, you have a yearning to
serve. You have a heart toserve. You have a passion. Maybe
you're a coach of some kind,maybe not. Maybe you have a different
business. But I know if you'relistening to this kind of material,
(21:12):
your goal is to add good tothe world. Your goal is one of love
and service. So I know thatabout you helping people mine. And
this we're talking mining minetheir life story for the gold that
they have is one of the mostfun things that I do and I make.
I promise you it'll make youthe most money. If you have not fully
and intentionally mined yourlife for the gold. Of your becoming
(21:36):
the journey of getting towhere you are today. You're leaving
a boatload of money, joy andfun and purpose on the table. So
dreambuildrite it.com let's gothere now. Let's say you're doing
some kind of business and youlaunch a new product or service or
you're going to have aconversation with a person that might
(21:57):
be a potential client. Let'ssay that's true and they blow you
off or they say no or they,you know, that just happens. What
are your choices? Choice one.Like I could have done with that
fellow. You can get angry, youcan get frustrated at the waste of
time. You can go further downthat rabbit hole and say I'll never
(22:17):
make enough money to do this.I'll never be able to support my
life. This is not for me. I'mnot cut out for this. And you know,
depending on how long you spinon that spiral, you can go all the
way down to some crazy stuff,right? That is one way to do that.
That is turning hardship intobigger hardship. Turning hardship
into flow. Question numberone. What is the gift with this extra
(22:40):
time? What is the gift? I'mnot going to spend it bitching, I'm
going to do somethingproductive. Ask and answer the question,
what is the gift with thisextra time? Second way to turn hardship
into flow. Get curious, send anote back. If someone blows off an
appointment and says hey, Iunderstand, really like to get back
(23:01):
together with you for thesereasons, thinking about you, etc,
would you be open torescheduling the conversation? And
maybe they'll say yes andmaybe they'll say no. But the energy
with which you ask thatquestion has a lot to do with the
outcome. If you feel hassled,angry, frustrated and you communicate
(23:22):
that, nobody wants to talk tosomebody who's pissed off at them,
so don't do that. You can justby choosing how you react, turn some
kind of hardship into the rawmaterial for growth. Here's another
way. Let's say you'rescheduling appointments and they
keep canceling a lot. What'sthe opportunity there? The opportunity
(23:44):
is for you to get with amentor and say what am I doing now?
Why is this happening to me?But what am I doing that's causing
me to have such a high fallthrough rate on my appointments?
Can you see something herethat I can do differently that will
help me have a greater followthrough? And there's an opportunity
for learning and growth. Butyour opportunity from learning, for
(24:06):
learning and growth will notbe there if you're mad, if you're
angry, if you're frustrated,if you're blaming because of those
neurotransmitters, it shutsdown our learning. Okay? Bitterness
drains energy. Curiositycreates energy. Anger kills, love
heals. I read a book calledAnger Kills, written by a guy, a
(24:30):
doctor in New York City. Andhe did a decades long study about
people who were angry, a lotfrustrated, negative, angry, seeing
the dark side, that sort ofthing. He found they lived many years
shorter, I think it wasbetween five and seven years shorter
on average, statistically thanpeople who chose to be positive and
to create instead of react.All right, so let's talk about some
(24:54):
practical things to do in themoment when something happens that's
disappointing or knocks youoff your, you know, knocks you off
your beam, you're flat on yourback, boom. Why did this happen?
The first thing isintentionally take a pause. Just
pause. Now, how do you dothat? I will tell you. Go do some.
(25:16):
What's called box breathing,Box breathing or rectangle breathing.
But I'll teach you how to doit. Here it is. You breathe in four
counts. One, two, three, four.You hold it. Four counts, one, two,
three, four. Breathe out. 1,2, 3, 4. Hold it with empty lungs.
(25:38):
2, 3, 4. Now, here's what Ican promise you. After you've done
two or three boxes, your mindis on breathing because you have
your counting. And especiallywhen you're either holding your breath
or holding your lungs empty,there's some concentration that it
takes to do that. Okay?Breathing is natural, in and out.
(25:59):
But if you breathe and you cando rectangle like 6 in, 4 hold, 6
out, 4 hold. It doesn't matterthe size of the box. It's got to
be at least four, and it's gotto be slow breathing. But if you
do that, it regulates yournervous system. So remember, we're
talking about thoseneurotransmitters of frustration,
negativity, narrow vision, youknow, cortisol, et cetera, et cetera,
(26:20):
that come in when we get mador frustrated or victimy. You know,
we get in the victim place.Those neurotransmitters, they just
come, but they come because ofwhat we're thinking. If you move
to breathing, and I'm givingyou this, because breathing you,
you can do anywhere, right?Your breath is always there. It's
always with you. And so box orrectangle breathing is something
(26:41):
you have available to you atevery instant. And the blessing about
it is it occupies your mind.If I'm going, you know, it's hard
to think about Other stuffwhen you're thinking about your breathing,
right? So that's a thing todo. You can do it anywhere. Then
(27:03):
after you've done five or sixbox breaths, then you can say, what
can I create from this? Notwith anger. Because if you're saying
it with anger, you're alreadypouring, you know, adrenaline, cortisol,
and those action and stresshormones into your bloodstream. Say
(27:23):
it with a smile. I don't know.What can I create from this? Oh,
I could create a monument tostupidity. Yeah, I could do that.
What else can I create withthis? It's just as easy to lean in
with love as with resentment.Hear that? It is just as easy to
(27:47):
lean in with love asresentment. Now, you may have a habit.
Ooh, those habits make greatservants, but terrible masters. You
may have a habit of reactingangrily. It was a guy I went golfing
with once. He was an engineerthat worked in one of my groups and
his boss and the engineer andhis boss and me, we went golfing
(28:08):
one time. And golfing with himwas the strangest experience. Every
stroke he was in a tirade ofscreaming and swearing and throwing
his golf clubs and, you know,cussing at the stroke. It didn't
go where he wanted orwhatever. And I'm not a particularly
good golfer, so I was just outhaving fun, right? I can tell you
(28:30):
that that choice buildspatterns, that negativity builds.
And it certainly didn't helphis flipping golf game because it
got worse as it went along,right? So your opportunity, it's.
It is just as easy to lean inwith love is with resentment. He
could have laughed at that. Ilaughed at my shots. And, you know,
(28:51):
I was never better than 10 or12 over par. If I. If I. If I scored
under full on bogey, right? 90and a 72. That was a good day. That
was a great day, right? And Inever treated it like anything other
than a place to go have fun.But that was a choice. And it's just
as easy to lean in with loveas it is to go from resentment. So
(29:14):
let's talk about building alife of resilient joy. Because you
and I both know stuff's goingto happen, happens all the time.
Stuff you didn't want to,stuff that you didn't plan, stuff
that you're frustrated about.That's going to happen. You can create
a habit of reactingpositively. You can create a habit
(29:37):
of saying, what can I buildhere? If your habit right now is,
what the frick, how come thatperson cut me off? You know, that
sort of Reaction. Okay, thatis a habit. You weren't born that
way. That is a habit you havecreated. It comes from the idea that
you or I are entitled.Everybody needs to know what I'm
doing, get out of my way, andjust let me do what I want. Well,
nobody owes me or youanything. So you can get rid of that
(29:59):
notion right now. And thereason to is because it's killing
you. It's killing yourcreativity, your productivity, your
cash, your bank account, yourrelationships, killing your ability
to love yourself, et cetera,et cetera. So this habit is worth
developing. Here's a coupleways to start the day. Start the
day. Walk in and look in themirror in your own eyes deeply and
say, I love you. I love you. Ilove you for showing up, for being
(30:23):
here. No matter what happens,I respect you. I love you, and I'll
be here for you tonight. Andyou can create your own set of sayings,
but the point is, startleaning in with love. Start doing
things that allow you topractice. A different way of talking,
a different way of viewingthings. When something. Even the
(30:45):
first thing, this is noticeand choose at its finest. When the
first thing happens today,that isn't what you want. Just choose.
This was great. Even if youget mad first. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait. This isgreat. What can I create? This is
just right. What can I buildhere? Okay, now, this is a notice
(31:09):
and choose exercise, and ittakes some mental discipline. But
I can promise you the rewardsare off the charts. They're amazing.
They're beautiful. And I alsomake you another promise. And that
is, it will become a habit.You will get habituated to having
that little tiny interventionand creating space for yourself to
say, what could I build here?And you might actually do at, you
(31:33):
know, the virtuoso level here,is to actually look for the reason
why this unexpected andinitially undesired thing is better
for you. Right? I can remembera time when I was driving home from
Costco shopping and I wasgoing to get on the freeway. I had
(31:53):
to go about 10 minutes up thefreeway to the. To the house. And
something was blocking theroad. Big traffic jam or something,
Construction. That's what itwas. And so I decided, sort of getting
frustrated, I said, I justtake the other way. I knew it was
going to take five or tenminutes longer, right? And I just
take the other way. And so Idid. And driving that other way was
(32:16):
on a different frontage roadthat had a thing overlooking the
freeway. And as I got to theright vantage point, I saw a terrible,
terrible Accident. Now, Idon't know this for sure, but there
weren't emergency vehiclesyet. And the timing and location
of the accident compared withthe timing of, you know, my entrance
(32:39):
into the freeway made me knowto the core of my soul that would
have been me. And so it was a.It was a blast of both gratitude
and joy in the face of thetruth. This is the best damn thing
that ever could have happened,saved my life, and that's the story
I have about it. I don't knowthat, but the timing and location
(33:01):
made it feel like that. Andthere was this otherworldly energy
that felt like that, savedyour life. So that's a stark and
sort of extreme example, butit's true. It really happened. And
it reinforced this idea that,one, we get to choose. We get to
(33:23):
choose our attitude about it,and that that choice of attitude
creates energy, momentum, joy,love, cash, and everything else.
The other thing also ties intothe last episode when we talked about
1%. This learning iscumulative. When you get a habit
(33:44):
of saying, that's great. Whatcan I create? Best damn thing that
could have happened to me.Your life is more joyful. You have
no time spent in stress andfrustration and negativity. You don't
have to have stress,frustration, and negativity. You
don't. There's no requiredallotment of that that you got to
(34:04):
carry. Empty your backpack,smile. It's the best thing that could
happen to you. All right, sowhatever happens, it is the best
damn thing. It is your rawmaterial. It is the place from which
you create your life. And it'sexactly what should have happened.
Why? Because it did. So I'minviting you to practice this mantra
(34:26):
today. This is great. What canI create? No matter what happens,
and even if you've got to sitdown to the side for a minute, take
a few breaths, collectyourself, and say, yeah, even if
that. Do it. Notice andchoose. Notice and choose is $1 billion
worth of success. I promise.If you want to talk to me, go here,
(34:49):
helenfluecigermedia.com anduse the contact form if you'd like
to mine your life story, whichis exactly what I'm talking about.
Learning how all the negativethings that happened in your life
have made you the powerhousethat you are and then be able to
serve with it and createincome impact and have more fun.
(35:13):
The greatest gift you have isyour life story. If you're not using
it, you're leaving money onthe table and joy on the side of
the road. Unused,undiscovered, and unenjoyed. I promise
you without hesitation orquestion if you will apply these
things. If you will just takea moment to learn some new habits,
(35:35):
practice some new skills, youcan have anything you want and be
living your ultimate liferight here, right now. Your opportunity
for massive growth is right infront of you. Every episode gives
(35:59):
you practical tips andpractices that will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go here.YourUltimateLife ca subscribe share.
Most people spend their livescomplaining. Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream. It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, power,and real talk. So you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
(00:26):
create. You have infinitepower. Bitching about the weather,
the government, the economy,their job, taxes, prices, something.
Complaining, complaining,complaining. And I always wonder,
what good does that do? I havedone my fair share, believe me, not
immune to that. And I'm notpointing fingers, but what I've noticed
(00:49):
consistently is it doesn't doa damn thing. Let's learn why not
and what to do instead. Sohere's the thing. Let's make a funny
assumption. Let's assume thatwhatever happened was the very best
damn thing that ever couldhave happened. I know that might
be a stretch. You got in a carwreck and you say that's the best
(01:12):
thing that could havehappened? Well, I don't know, but
what if we just play that gamefor a minute? Okay, I want you to
remember a funny story thatI'm sure you've heard. A little boy
goes into room and it's fullof horse poop. And instead of being
disappointed or frustrated, hedives into the horse poop, starts
digging, and someone says,like, what are you doing? And he
(01:37):
says, well, with all thishorse poop, there's got to be a pony
in here somewhere, right? Andthe idea is that no matter what is
going on in your life, you canturn it into something else. Now,
you might have a story about,it's not fair. I shouldn't have to
do that. Why did this happento me? And I want you to ask yourself,
(01:57):
how much did that kind ofenergy ever change anything? How
much did that kind ofcomplaining ever fix anything? How
much did that kind of energyever fix the world or the weather,
or the economy, or your job oryour boss or your. Whatever, someone
that betrayed you. It doesn't.I have an author that I love and
(02:21):
I think I'm attributingsomething to. Her name is Byron Katie,
and she wrote a book calledLoving what Is. And she regularly
says something like this whensomeone's complaining about something
that happened, she says,that's exactly what should have happened.
And they look at her insurprise and she says, then you know
how I know how? Because itdid. And that view is, you know,
(02:48):
it's like saying, well, whatis, is, and what I can promise you,
spending now nearly 20 yearsas a coach, a mentor, a high performance
activator, the ultimatealchemist and all the names that
have been used to describe mecomplaining about what is does nothing.
So stop it. Stop it now. It'slow grade thinking. It gets in the
(03:09):
way of your creativity. Itblocks your power, it diminishes
your worth, and it lowers yourability to respond to the sit. Every
one of those things is true,demonstrably, in the lab, in your
neurotransmitters andeverything else. Okay? So let's think
about what to do instead.Let's start from the place that whatever
(03:30):
it is that happened, that'sthe best damn thing that could have
happened to you today, now,here. Okay? What does that bring
to bear? If I say this is theworst day of my life, what it does
in my body, I get weakerphysically. Neurotransmitters kick
in that make me sad,depressed, cortisol, you know, other
(03:54):
things that are stresshormones, stress, neurotransmitters.
And I get negative. The actualmeasurable consequences of that is
I get stupider. In otherwords, measurable creativity goes
down, motivation goes down. Soif my creativity and my motivation
(04:15):
go down, what do you thinkhappens to my ability to respond?
Well, pretty obvious. Myability to respond is lower by at
least two or three or fourfactors. I can't see things, opportunities,
possibilities I otherwisewould have seen. Whatever I do see
seems more overwhelming, moredifficult. Yeah, I could fix it if
(04:39):
this, you know, something. Andmy ability to conceive how to do
that disappears. So justthinking this is impossible, I'll
never get there. I can't doit. Makes that true. And you've heard
that before. Henry Ford'scredited with saying that or something
like it. And so are others. Ifyou think you can or think you can't,
(05:01):
you're right. Okay? Andmedical science proves over and over
again the single biggestdeterminant in a patient's healing
is their will to get better.Even and especially actually in the
most serious illnesses. So Iwant you to think about that. That
means that those chemicalsthat we create in our mind activate
(05:25):
potential. They activatecapability to do stuff or they deactivate
it. So if I get frustrated andnegative, creativity and motivation
and resilience and stuff goesin the toilet, I've become weaker.
And that's unconditionallyproven. And the opposite also. When
I believe that I can, when Ibelieve that I will, when I think
(05:49):
there's gotta be a way, mycreativity goes up. In other words,
my ability to see a solutionor create an avenue forward. Motivation
goes up, strength goes up,resilience goes up, endurance goes
up. All of those things go upjust by thinking. So since we have
a choice about our thoughts,why wouldn't we then immediately
(06:13):
say, okay, I choose to think.Yes, I choose to think up. I choose
to think positively. I chooseto think. There's got to be a way
through this, out of this,under this, around it, over it, whatever
it is, right? And there alwaysis. There's always a way forward.
The sun's always going to comeup tomorrow. And we've all heard,
(06:36):
you know, the night is darkestjust before the dawn and that sort
of thing. That's all the samekind of thinking. So I want you to
sit there now and think aboutsomewhere in your life right now
where you, you know, we callthat stinking thinking or whatever,
where you're using negativethoughts to rule the day. Pick a
situation right now and let'swalk through it, okay? Pick a situation
(06:57):
that is a struggle for you orthat seems hard or impossible. And
let's, let's do some specificthings to get, get through that.
Because my goal, as you know,is 300 million people. Million. 300
million people with a messagefor you. The message is your worth,
your identity is the divinebeing, your possibility, which is
infinite. The ownership youhave of your life. And this is a
(07:20):
lot focused on the O ofownership. You own your life. S is
sovereignty. And you're theonly one that owns it. And that means
what you declare shall be.Now, we need to think about that.
We've all seen one or more orall of the Harry Potter movies 15
times. They wave a wand andstuff happens. You have that ability.
(07:42):
It doesn't manifestenergetically in a green or red or
orange or purple or whateverblue stream of light and then beep,
pops into existence. You know,sometimes we think that would be
fun, but the truth is muchmore interesting. You have a beam.
It comes out of the energeticpart of your soul. Your thinking.
We don't know exactly how thatworks, but you know darn good and
(08:04):
well, you've walked into aroom and you've been. Someone comes
in and you know right away ifthey're hat, sappy, had or sappy.
Right? Happy or sad,frustrated, negative, angry. You
know that. Not just because ofthe expressions on their face. In
fact, often you can see itwhen you're not even looking. How
do you know? Well, we don'tknow. But there's energy transmitted
(08:27):
from our emotions. There'senergy transmitted from our spirits.
When you're with someone in aparticular setting, you can feel
the communication andconnection. You know that. Well,
why not Take advantage ofthat. Do you have a Harry Potter
beam? It's called the energyof your thoughts. I read a book,
(08:48):
several books. This particularone's written by a Harvard PhD who
worked with the FBI and CIAand counterterrorism and everything
else. And he demonstratedrepeatedly and the experiments been
done over and over again thatjust thinking statistically affects
the outcomes of coin tosses.The alpha particle decay of plutonium
(09:10):
420. I mean, if there was everanything scientific that was exactly.
Alpha particle decay is one ofthose things. Yet just by thinking,
they measurably influencedalpha particle decay. And they happened
to use plutonium 420 over andover and over and over again. Statistically
significant in a way itcouldn't be ignored. So. And they
(09:32):
even did one experiment fromspace, right? So I'm not going to
get into the nitty gritty ofall that because it's going to take
too long. But the. The factis, your belief about something does
influence the outcome. And wetalked about how it influences the
body and the mind, theneurotransmitters and the strength
(09:53):
and the attention and thefocus. But there are other energetic
things that happen. Also, thatwhole idea of that Thoreau said,
you know, move boldly in thedirection of the life you imagined
and you pass an unseenthreshold and cool stuff starts happening.
He didn't say that, but hesaid something like, you know, the
forces of universe align withyou, et cetera. So let's talk about
(10:14):
one aspect of this right nowfor a minute, and that is the trap
of complaining. Okay, When Istart complaining, or you do, where
does our focus go? Our focusgoes on lack. What's missing? Why
didn't my team win? Why didn'tI get that promotion? Why didn't
(10:35):
that client buy? Why didn't myshoe fit? Why did this happen to
me? Why me? Well, I have neverfound that to be a useful question.
The only time it's slightlyuseful is if there's some change
I want to make. I didsomething and I realized if I prepared
differently, a differentoutcome would happen. But that's
(10:56):
not what I'm talking about.I'm talking about that whiny type
of complaining. It's why me?You know, that sort of feeling that
gets you nowhere. When was thelast time that sort of language produced
a genie that brought theAmazon box with the gold bar? Like
that would be never, right?All right, so let's just own that
(11:17):
truth. Here's what happenswhen you say, why me? Or when I used
to do so much is, well, whatif I'd done this? What if, what if,
what if? And you know whathappens? You actually don't have
a flipping clue what wouldhave happened if you made a different
decision. You think you do,and you paint this scenario. And
number one, you don't know.And number two, you're wasting time
(11:41):
and resources, energy,emotion, effort, intensity for an
outcome you don't even knowabout. Now, I want to use that example
to create a juxtaposition. IfI spend energy complaining that energy
is no longer available tocreate, that's just a fact. The energy
(12:03):
is used up, the time is usedup, and I got nothing except a rash
of neurotransmitters in mybody that are uncomfortable and not
fun. That's all I got for mytrouble, much rather to get progress
on the thing that I'm tryingto create, because then the energy
is spent creating. Okay, so Igot an example for you, and it's
(12:30):
out of my own life. One of thethings I get to do is make this podcast.
I edit books, I write otherstuff for articles and for social
media content and. Right. Youknow, I write books and so forth.
When I look at any of thoseprojects with the idea that, oh,
this is going to be difficult,oh, I'm stuck, or, oh, it's going
(12:52):
to be hard, not only does mymotivation to do it go in the toilet,
my creativity while I'm doingit goes in the toilet. And that's
kind of a spiral. So if Ithink about, oh, I said I was going
to do this today, and then Ithink, oh, I don't know, you know,
where that spiral goes. Idon't want to, don't want to, gets
worse and worse. Then you go,binge watch Netflix. I don't do that.
(13:14):
But other things. Right. Onthe other hand, if I say, ooh, I
can't wait till I get thatdone. Ooh, that's going to be fun.
Oh, it builds a spiral in adifferent direction. Now, you know
that. That's obvious. That'snot news. What you may not be remembering
is it's your choice whichspiral you get on. Now, I've said
(13:34):
this before in other episodes,and I'm going to say it again. And
this is the magic of noticeand choose. Write that frame down
or that phrase, notice andchoose. It's a simple tool and it's
invincible. It never fails,and it's worth a billion dollars.
And you can argue with me. Andthe only basis for your argument
(13:54):
would be it doesn't produce astream of blue light and a Stack
of cash. It doesn't. But itgives you the ability to use your
beam of light, love andcreativity to create a stack of cash.
Notice and choose simply meansstep one. Get in the habit of noticing
what you're thinking andfeeling. What is it? What's going
on in my body? Am I uptight?Am I upset? Am I frustrated? Am I
(14:16):
distracted? Notice and thenchoose how you want to respond to
that. Most of us don't notice.We abdicate. We. We just react. I
was just having a conversationwith one of my authors about life
and they're further on in lifeand they talked about an unplanned
(14:37):
life where they were justreactively going through things and
they detailed how that workedand then contrasted that with proactively
planning. Now, I'm not naiveenough, and neither are you, to think
that anything or everything,and maybe not anything, we plan goes
exactly according to plan, butthe planning gives us resilience
(14:58):
and options and possibility.Okay? Simply reacting to everything
makes us, puts us by choice,at the mercy of everything else.
All right, so let's talkabout. Remember, we're, we're. We're
using the premise here thatwhatever happened is the best damn
thing it could be. The bestthing that could have happened. Okay?
(15:22):
Now the point is this. What ifyou take the view that whatever happened
was supposed to happen. Now,sometimes people say it this way.
Well, there's a reason foreverything. There's a purpose in
everything. And I hate thatit's a wimp ass way to think about
this principle. The power,power move is this is good for me.
(15:51):
How can I make it so that wassupposed to happen is a wimp ass,
weak move that is victim inits origins. And then we sit around
and say, I guess I'll just seewhatever. And that is useless. That
was great. What can I create?You can even use that as a rhyme.
(16:14):
That was great. What can Icreate? Now I dare you to do that.
I dare you to do it. And thentell me what happens. In fact, I'd
love for you to tell me whathappens. Let me give you this thing
here, right here,kellenflukermedia.com that's a place
where you can get a hold of mecontact form. You can Also comment
on YouTube and wherever youfind in the podcast. But if you want
(16:35):
to talk kellenflukermedia.combecause my goal is to help you, you
listening right now. Reachyour purpose, prosperity and joy.
I have a. I have a commitment,a mission of reaching 300 million
people this year. And I'mgoing to. We're on track. We're on
target. It's going to happento help you reach the goals you want.
(16:57):
You have lofty goals and youdeserve every one of them. It's your
birthright. But there isn't aHarry Potter wand. There is a growth
process that works foreverything. And we just have to go
get on that and then say, thatwas great. What can I create? Now,
here's another way to thinkabout that. Stop arguing with reality
(17:20):
and start mining it. What doesit mean to mine? Well, you've seen
pictures of old gold rusheswhere people dig up dirt and, you
know, they're panning for goldor they're looking in the ground
in mines for veins of gold andthat kind of thing. Well, what does
it mean to mine reality? Well,I'll tell you what it doesn't mean
complaining or arguing aboutreality is that shouldn't have happened.
(17:44):
They shouldn't have done that.I'm so mad. I'll never trust them
again. Never talk to them. I'mgoing to call the cops. I'm going
to call the spiritual cops.I'm going to bash them. I'm going
to diss them on socialwhatever it is that's arguing with
reality and it doesn't changeanything and it doesn't make you
feel good. Mining reality isasking the question, what can I create
with this? What is possible tobuild with this? I'll give you an
(18:08):
example, kind of a simple oneI had a few years ago before the
pandemic. I joined a BNI groupfor a few years back in 2016. And
B and I is structured so thatthere's only one person in any chapter
that does a particular thing.One auto. Auto insurance agent. In
my case, a business coach. Onebusiness coach. Now, this chapter
(18:29):
had a business coach and theywere leaving. They had just left
to go to some gig they weregoing to do across the country. And
so I didn't know this person,but I thought it'd be great to just
chat with them and see what.What they thought of the group and
how they were doing and justget acquainted. Right. And so we
set up an appointment. Andlike a few hours before the appointment,
(18:49):
the they texted me and said,nah, I don't have time. And I said,
okay, cool. Should wereschedule? Nah, I don't really want
to worry about it. Okay. Nowthat was what happened. That was
reality. One way to thinkabout that was he's a douchebag.
He's dissing me, and what ajerk. What I did Instead was, I know,
(19:09):
did notice and choose. I said,what would I like to create from
this? Well, I don't know thisperson. What I don't want to create
is negative feelings becausethat serves no one. What I don't
want to do is close down theopportunity to ever talk to him again.
So what I said instead is Ijust reached back out and said, okay,
that's great. Look forward tochatting another time. That was it.
(19:34):
And I chose because I said,what can I create from this? And
that became, not only was it abreakthrough, then I did eventually
get to talk to him. It changedthe nature of relationships and all
that kind of stuff. So it wasreally, really simple. Notice and
choose. Really simple. Noticeand choose. All right, now let's
go at this from a differentangle, which is let's figure out
how to turn some hardship intoflow. One of the most obvious hardships.
(20:01):
I mean, there's all kinds of.Someone close to you dies, okay,
you have a business partnerwho betrays you, maybe your life
partner betrays you, maybesomeone, maybe you get a fatal illness
or a near fatal illness andyou're in the hospital for some weeks
or months. Those are big ones.And what I'm going to talk about
(20:22):
applies to that. But let'stalk about a smaller one because
smaller ones happen moreoften. Okay? Now, I'm a business
owner and I write books and Ilaunch books and I have programs
and I help a lot of people dothat too. In fact, if you're listening
to this, I'm inviting you toDream buildwrite it dot com. See
this Dream buildwrite it dotcom. It's a challenge that I'm holding
(20:47):
at the end of September. Be acouple of weeks after you get this,
as the release of this is midSeptember and it starts the 29th.
And the reason I'm invitingyou there is because I know if you're
listening to this ultimatelife stuff, you have a yearning to
serve. You have a heart toserve. You have a passion. Maybe
you're a coach of some kind,maybe not. Maybe you have a different
business. But I know if you'relistening to this kind of material,
(21:12):
your goal is to add good tothe world. Your goal is one of love
and service. So I know thatabout you helping people mine. And
this we're talking mining minetheir life story for the gold that
they have is one of the mostfun things that I do and I make.
I promise you it'll make youthe most money. If you have not fully
and intentionally mined yourlife for the gold. Of your becoming
(21:36):
the journey of getting towhere you are today. You're leaving
a boatload of money, joy andfun and purpose on the table. So
dreambuildrite it.com let's gothere now. Let's say you're doing
some kind of business and youlaunch a new product or service or
you're going to have aconversation with a person that might
(21:57):
be a potential client. Let'ssay that's true and they blow you
off or they say no or they,you know, that just happens. What
are your choices? Choice one.Like I could have done with that
fellow. You can get angry, youcan get frustrated at the waste of
time. You can go further downthat rabbit hole and say I'll never
(22:17):
make enough money to do this.I'll never be able to support my
life. This is not for me. I'mnot cut out for this. And you know,
depending on how long you spinon that spiral, you can go all the
way down to some crazy stuff,right? That is one way to do that.
That is turning hardship intobigger hardship. Turning hardship
into flow. Question numberone. What is the gift with this extra
(22:40):
time? What is the gift? I'mnot going to spend it bitching, I'm
going to do somethingproductive. Ask and answer the question,
what is the gift with thisextra time? Second way to turn hardship
into flow. Get curious, send anote back. If someone blows off an
appointment and says hey, Iunderstand, really like to get back
(23:01):
together with you for thesereasons, thinking about you, etc,
would you be open torescheduling the conversation? And
maybe they'll say yes andmaybe they'll say no. But the energy
with which you ask thatquestion has a lot to do with the
outcome. If you feel hassled,angry, frustrated and you communicate
(23:22):
that, nobody wants to talk tosomebody who's pissed off at them,
so don't do that. You can justby choosing how you react, turn some
kind of hardship into the rawmaterial for growth. Here's another
way. Let's say you'rescheduling appointments and they
keep canceling a lot. What'sthe opportunity there? The opportunity
(23:44):
is for you to get with amentor and say what am I doing now?
Why is this happening to me?But what am I doing that's causing
me to have such a high fallthrough rate on my appointments?
Can you see something herethat I can do differently that will
help me have a greater followthrough? And there's an opportunity
for learning and growth. Butyour opportunity from learning, for
(24:06):
learning and growth will notbe there if you're mad, if you're
angry, if you're frustrated,if you're blaming because of those
neurotransmitters, it shutsdown our learning. Okay? Bitterness
drains energy. Curiositycreates energy. Anger kills, love
heals. I read a book calledAnger Kills, written by a guy, a
(24:30):
doctor in New York City. Andhe did a decades long study about
people who were angry, a lotfrustrated, negative, angry, seeing
the dark side, that sort ofthing. He found they lived many years
shorter, I think it wasbetween five and seven years shorter
on average, statistically thanpeople who chose to be positive and
to create instead of react.All right, so let's talk about some
(24:54):
practical things to do in themoment when something happens that's
disappointing or knocks youoff your, you know, knocks you off
your beam, you're flat on yourback, boom. Why did this happen?
The first thing isintentionally take a pause. Just
pause. Now, how do you dothat? I will tell you. Go do some.
(25:16):
What's called box breathing,Box breathing or rectangle breathing.
But I'll teach you how to doit. Here it is. You breathe in four
counts. One, two, three, four.You hold it. Four counts, one, two,
three, four. Breathe out. 1,2, 3, 4. Hold it with empty lungs.
(25:38):
2, 3, 4. Now, here's what Ican promise you. After you've done
two or three boxes, your mindis on breathing because you have
your counting. And especiallywhen you're either holding your breath
or holding your lungs empty,there's some concentration that it
takes to do that. Okay?Breathing is natural, in and out.
(25:59):
But if you breathe and you cando rectangle like 6 in, 4 hold, 6
out, 4 hold. It doesn't matterthe size of the box. It's got to
be at least four, and it's gotto be slow breathing. But if you
do that, it regulates yournervous system. So remember, we're
talking about thoseneurotransmitters of frustration,
negativity, narrow vision, youknow, cortisol, et cetera, et cetera,
(26:20):
that come in when we get mador frustrated or victimy. You know,
we get in the victim place.Those neurotransmitters, they just
come, but they come because ofwhat we're thinking. If you move
to breathing, and I'm givingyou this, because breathing you,
you can do anywhere, right?Your breath is always there. It's
always with you. And so box orrectangle breathing is something
(26:41):
you have available to you atevery instant. And the blessing about
it is it occupies your mind.If I'm going, you know, it's hard
to think about Other stuffwhen you're thinking about your breathing,
right? So that's a thing todo. You can do it anywhere. Then
(27:03):
after you've done five or sixbox breaths, then you can say, what
can I create from this? Notwith anger. Because if you're saying
it with anger, you're alreadypouring, you know, adrenaline, cortisol,
and those action and stresshormones into your bloodstream. Say
(27:23):
it with a smile. I don't know.What can I create from this? Oh,
I could create a monument tostupidity. Yeah, I could do that.
What else can I create withthis? It's just as easy to lean in
with love as with resentment.Hear that? It is just as easy to
(27:47):
lean in with love asresentment. Now, you may have a habit.
Ooh, those habits make greatservants, but terrible masters. You
may have a habit of reactingangrily. It was a guy I went golfing
with once. He was an engineerthat worked in one of my groups and
his boss and the engineer andhis boss and me, we went golfing
(28:08):
one time. And golfing with himwas the strangest experience. Every
stroke he was in a tirade ofscreaming and swearing and throwing
his golf clubs and, you know,cussing at the stroke. It didn't
go where he wanted orwhatever. And I'm not a particularly
good golfer, so I was just outhaving fun, right? I can tell you
(28:30):
that that choice buildspatterns, that negativity builds.
And it certainly didn't helphis flipping golf game because it
got worse as it went along,right? So your opportunity, it's.
It is just as easy to lean inwith love is with resentment. He
could have laughed at that. Ilaughed at my shots. And, you know,
(28:51):
I was never better than 10 or12 over par. If I. If I. If I scored
under full on bogey, right? 90and a 72. That was a good day. That
was a great day, right? And Inever treated it like anything other
than a place to go have fun.But that was a choice. And it's just
as easy to lean in with loveas it is to go from resentment. So
(29:14):
let's talk about building alife of resilient joy. Because you
and I both know stuff's goingto happen, happens all the time.
Stuff you didn't want to,stuff that you didn't plan, stuff
that you're frustrated about.That's going to happen. You can create
a habit of reactingpositively. You can create a habit
(29:37):
of saying, what can I buildhere? If your habit right now is,
what the frick, how come thatperson cut me off? You know, that
sort of Reaction. Okay, thatis a habit. You weren't born that
way. That is a habit you havecreated. It comes from the idea that
you or I are entitled.Everybody needs to know what I'm
doing, get out of my way, andjust let me do what I want. Well,
nobody owes me or youanything. So you can get rid of that
(29:59):
notion right now. And thereason to is because it's killing
you. It's killing yourcreativity, your productivity, your
cash, your bank account, yourrelationships, killing your ability
to love yourself, et cetera,et cetera. So this habit is worth
developing. Here's a coupleways to start the day. Start the
day. Walk in and look in themirror in your own eyes deeply and
say, I love you. I love you. Ilove you for showing up, for being
(30:23):
here. No matter what happens,I respect you. I love you, and I'll
be here for you tonight. Andyou can create your own set of sayings,
but the point is, startleaning in with love. Start doing
things that allow you topractice. A different way of talking,
a different way of viewingthings. When something. Even the
(30:45):
first thing, this is noticeand choose at its finest. When the
first thing happens today,that isn't what you want. Just choose.
This was great. Even if youget mad first. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait. This isgreat. What can I create? This is
just right. What can I buildhere? Okay, now, this is a notice
(31:09):
and choose exercise, and ittakes some mental discipline. But
I can promise you the rewardsare off the charts. They're amazing.
They're beautiful. And I alsomake you another promise. And that
is, it will become a habit.You will get habituated to having
that little tiny interventionand creating space for yourself to
say, what could I build here?And you might actually do at, you
(31:33):
know, the virtuoso level here,is to actually look for the reason
why this unexpected andinitially undesired thing is better
for you. Right? I can remembera time when I was driving home from
Costco shopping and I wasgoing to get on the freeway. I had
(31:53):
to go about 10 minutes up thefreeway to the. To the house. And
something was blocking theroad. Big traffic jam or something,
Construction. That's what itwas. And so I decided, sort of getting
frustrated, I said, I justtake the other way. I knew it was
going to take five or tenminutes longer, right? And I just
take the other way. And so Idid. And driving that other way was
(32:16):
on a different frontage roadthat had a thing overlooking the
freeway. And as I got to theright vantage point, I saw a terrible,
terrible Accident. Now, Idon't know this for sure, but there
weren't emergency vehiclesyet. And the timing and location
of the accident compared withthe timing of, you know, my entrance
(32:39):
into the freeway made me knowto the core of my soul that would
have been me. And so it was a.It was a blast of both gratitude
and joy in the face of thetruth. This is the best damn thing
that ever could have happened,saved my life, and that's the story
I have about it. I don't knowthat, but the timing and location
(33:01):
made it feel like that. Andthere was this otherworldly energy
that felt like that, savedyour life. So that's a stark and
sort of extreme example, butit's true. It really happened. And
it reinforced this idea that,one, we get to choose. We get to
(33:23):
choose our attitude about it,and that that choice of attitude
creates energy, momentum, joy,love, cash, and everything else.
The other thing also ties intothe last episode when we talked about
1%. This learning iscumulative. When you get a habit
(33:44):
of saying, that's great. Whatcan I create? Best damn thing that
could have happened to me.Your life is more joyful. You have
no time spent in stress andfrustration and negativity. You don't
have to have stress,frustration, and negativity. You
don't. There's no requiredallotment of that that you got to
(34:04):
carry. Empty your backpack,smile. It's the best thing that could
happen to you. All right, sowhatever happens, it is the best
damn thing. It is your rawmaterial. It is the place from which
you create your life. And it'sexactly what should have happened.
Why? Because it did. So I'minviting you to practice this mantra
(34:26):
today. This is great. What canI create? No matter what happens,
and even if you've got to sitdown to the side for a minute, take
a few breaths, collectyourself, and say, yeah, even if
that. Do it. Notice andchoose. Notice and choose is $1 billion
worth of success. I promise.If you want to talk to me, go here,
(34:49):
helenfluecigermedia.com anduse the contact form if you'd like
to mine your life story, whichis exactly what I'm talking about.
Learning how all the negativethings that happened in your life
have made you the powerhousethat you are and then be able to
serve with it and createincome impact and have more fun.
(35:13):
The greatest gift you have isyour life story. If you're not using
it, you're leaving money onthe table and joy on the side of
the road. Unused,undiscovered, and unenjoyed. I promise
you without hesitation orquestion if you will apply these
things. If you will just takea moment to learn some new habits,
(35:35):
practice some new skills, youcan have anything you want and be
living your ultimate liferight here, right now. Your opportunity
for massive growth is right infront of you. Every episode gives
(35:59):
you practical tips andpractices that will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenfluekegermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go here.YourUltimateLife ca subscribe share.
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