March 11, 2025 • 45 mins
Are you truly creating the life you want—or just surviving?
In this powerful episode of Your Ultimate Life, Steve Krivda joins me to talk about the REAL path to success, transformation, and taking full responsibility for your life. If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or like you’re not reaching your potential, this conversation will change the way you see yourself.
🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ Why motivation is a lie—and what actually drives success.
✔️ How to remove blame and take FULL ownership of your life.
✔️ The secret to building real integrity and trust in yourself.
✔️ How to identify and remove the "masks" holding you back.
✔️ Why true transformation starts with radical self-honesty.
🎯 Want to Create Real Change? Here’s How You Can Take Action:
📢 Get Steve’s FREE Book, "Road Trip: From Survival to Legacy" 🚀
👉 Download it now at: www.stevekrivda.com/motivated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk, so you can
create the life you dream anddeserve your ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create.
(00:24):
You have infinite power.
Hey there.
Welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life life, the podcast
that I created and dedicatedjust to help you, each of you, create
a life of purpose, prosperity,and joy by serving with your divine
gifts and your life experience.
(00:44):
And I call that your ultimate life.
Today I'd like to welcomespecial guest Steve Krivda.
Welcome to the show, Steve.
Thank you, sir.
Definitely an honor to be herewith you.
I appreciate your time here.
It's gonna be fun.
Oh, hey, you know what?
I have watched you and seen,you know, the stuff you put up and
the videos and theencouragement that you offer people
(01:09):
and the wisdom and the truththat comes from your own experience.
And that is so important.
I mean, we live in a worldthat is difficult unless you're connected
to a real purpose.
And I know you're a devotedChristian disciple of Christ, and
I appreciate that about you.
(01:30):
Anyway, today we're not goingto do religion, although it'll come
in a few places somewhere.
But I want to ask you first.
What.
What does Steve do?
And I don't want you to bemodest, even though you might be
inclined to do that, but whatdoes Steve do to add good to the
world?
(01:50):
Man, how much do I love that question.
I want you to just answer it.
What do you do to add good tothe world?
You know, it's.
It's.
I.
I was thinking about thisearlier when I was on a call with
somebody, and I take a standfor the person, you know, and I think
that, you know, there'sdifferent definitions of what does
(02:11):
taking a stand look like.
And one of the interestingthings, Kellen and I, and I appreciate
your background, as well ascoaching and.
And being able to see beyondwhat people see in themselves is
sitting in that place ofunderstanding people's blind spots.
You know, I don't.
I don't know what their blindspots are.
And so we start talking andthey start becoming more visible
(02:31):
for the person.
You know, I ask enoughquestions, I help them dive deeper
into themselves.
And.
And once we see it, once wesee what they want to create in their
life, what they want to startbuilding their life out, they start
inventing, you know, themselves.
Meaning.
Meaning, you know, pullingtheir most powerful and best qualities
out and what they look likeand taking a look at their limitations
that they've created and whattheir powerful beliefs are and what
(02:53):
their skills and, and, and noweverything about them, you know,
doesn't, I don't, I don'tdifferentiate between good and bad.
I'm like, everything's about you.
Is, is there.
So let's see what it looks like.
And then we create somethingfrom there.
So when I say I take a stand,I'm not gonna, I, I refuse to allow
people to.
Of course, everybody'sindividually, so the conversation
(03:14):
is different for each person.
But I refuse to allow someoneto create a dream that they want,
something that, a life thatthey're looking to create for themselves.
I refuse to allow that to goto the side and allow that dream
to die with them at the end oftheir life.
What.
So, so the question was, howdo you add good to the world?
(03:34):
And by taking a stand forpeople that you talk to, helping
them identify, clarify andarticulate a dream that they have
and then encouraging them,refusing to allow that to just sort
of go to the back burner andthen go into the bin of yesterday's
(03:54):
news.
You have, you have changed.
Or you at least offer theopportunity for them to change their
life and to create that dreamthat they had so that I understand
that and I love that and thankyou for being that person.
Tell me what else you do.
Not that that isn't powerfuland good, but I'm curious.
(04:16):
Everybody's got multifaceted things.
And you know, when we breathe,we add carbon dioxide to the world
and we can also choose whatelse we add.
So I use the phrase add goodto the world because, you know, tell
me what else you do that addsgood to the world.
Well, I think.
And thank you for expanding.
You know, it's, that's.
(04:37):
I realized after I said it outloud, it's like a very, it's very
book written response I gave you.
And you know, when I take alook at.
As you were talking, how doyou add good?
It's living the character thatI talk about, you know, being, being
that, you know, being a man ofintegrity, being an authentic person
and just showing up, you know,I'm, you know, one of the things
(05:00):
we talk about often in myhouse, you know, Danielle and I have,
Danielle's my wife.
We have some pretty deep conversations.
It's really interesting.
And we talk about, you know,what is it that when we're dead and
gone, what's the legacy thatwe leave?
And I don't believe in money legacies.
I mean, they're cool.
Having your name on a hospitalis nice or on a Park bench is kind
(05:20):
of cool, but that hospitalcould burn down and then people forget
about you.
But what's, what are youleaving behind as far as qualities,
characteristics, habits and,and, and, and, and so forth.
Right.
You know, so what, in addingthe good into the world, it's, you
know, how am I going to impactsomebody that's going to impact somebody
else?
You know, am I living that?
Am I being a hypocrite?
(05:41):
Am I being open, honest and,and vulnerable with people and just
allowing them to see, youknow, this person on the outside
that does cold plunges andgoes to the gym every day?
Or am I allowing the person tosee my ups and downs in life?
You know, I, I struggle too.
I, I run into roadblocks allthe time.
You know, so it's allowingpeople to be normal.
Like, yeah, you're, you're, ifyou're up to something in life, you're
(06:03):
gonna butt up against something.
So congratulations for that.
That's a breakdown.
It's awesome.
I love breakdowns.
I celebrate them almost asmuch as I do celebrate breakthroughs.
So when I talk, when you talkabout, you know, where do we go beyond
that?
How do we, how do we, how dowe expand out?
Well, it's, it's the, it's inthe giving and the serving of it.
You know, One of the, one ofthe coolest questions you asked me
(06:25):
on our very firstconversation, I think we were about
three minutes into the talk,you said, how can I love on you today?
And I was like, oh, I lovethat question, dude.
I was like, I don't even knowhow to answer that.
I'm like, let's just start talking.
And you know, I think that's,it's a really powerful place to be
because, And I'm going off ona side tangent here, so I'll pause
after this note, is that, youknow, I think that we have, as a
(06:47):
society, we have a hard timeloving on each other for, for multiple
different spaces of reasonsand all that kind of validations.
And so when you ask thatquestion, it's very, it can some,
it can cause a lot ofresistance, but it opens up a whole
plethora of man, that's, man,this, this call's really going to
be about me, you know, how canyou love on me?
(07:09):
What, what's missing from my life?
That Kellen's love respectconversation, you know, who he is?
How is he going to pour intome today?
It's like, man, I really haveto take a self reflection on this.
And it's just A really neatplace to be.
So when, when you said that, Itook that to heart and no pun intended,
and, and I actually use thatin my conversations.
(07:30):
I think I love it.
I, I, you know, some of thethings I ask people, how can I love
you today?
And I mean it with all my heart.
And the other thing I ask is,what do we need to do to create a
miracle for you today?
And that's even if I've got a30 minute call that I've never talked
to him before, I'll just openwith that and say, you know, I know,
I know this much about you,but what would be a miracle that
(07:52):
we could create today?
And often people are sort ofconfused by that and occasionally
someone will just stop andthey'll think about it and they'll
hear it like it was intendedand they'll say some stuff.
And then in 30 minutes, it'samazing what you can, what you can
create.
So I'm going to ask you alittle bit more.
You said you refuse to letpeople's dreams fall off to the side,
(08:16):
go to the back burner and disappear.
Do you hold that space for yourself?
Do you hold that intention andpower for you that you refuse to
let your dreams go off to theback burner and into yesterday's
news?
I have in the past, noquestion at all and, you know, one
(08:37):
of one.
And so to answer the question,there could be things that I don't
know.
I'm sure there's things all ofus don't know.
So that's, that's not news.
I'm talking about the stuffthat's swirling around.
Right.
Yeah.
The don't know.
The don't know is the big partof it.
But you know, I, I do believethat I'm walking into that space
(08:58):
now where I'm, I'm loving onSteve, which is pretty cool.
I'm so excited about thatbecause, you know, before we were
talking about the best giftyou can give yourself or to give
the world, like to make themost difference, make the most money,
have the most fun, is to sharethe story of how you got where you
(09:19):
are.
Because that's the story ofyour own power, your own ascension
into understanding and growth.
And the best thing you cangive yourself is to just flat out
love yourself.
Yeah.
Like full on.
Like God would love his creation.
And if we do less than that,we're certainly not developing ourselves
(09:39):
as much as we could and wecertainly are not doing what God
intended.
I think, I don't know, what doyou think about that?
No question at all.
In fact, there's a statementthat I heard back in probably 2013.
It's loving for all that youare and all that you're not.
It's that full love.
Right.
You know, because it's easy tosay, well, I love all these great
(10:01):
things about me, and I hatethis part about me.
It's like, well, you're all you.
Everything about you is whoyou are.
I see you laughing.
Well, it's the same.
We are who we are.
And that includes all theshitstorm that has happened before,
during, and after.
And nobody falls up this mountain.
(10:21):
You didn't get there withoutsloshing through the swamp and maybe
crawling over broken glass.
When people tell me about, youknow, my story and they hear stuff
that I've been through, andit's like, oh, I don't have anything
like that.
That doesn't have anything todo with anything.
You have created yourself on purpose.
And the things that you havedone to do that, the choices you
(10:43):
have made are what makes you.
So I'm going to ask you about that.
You are a person that's dedicated.
You just told me you've got anew situation where you're going
to go help a company grow byinstilling encouragement, love, values,
coaching.
All that good Stu.
Pouring it on him.
Tell me what happened inSteve's life that makes this.
(11:07):
The desire of his heart tohold this space for people to begin
more, to hold it for yourself.
Like, you didn't fall up that mountain.
What happened to bring you there?
To where I am right now?
Yeah.
You know, I.
I would like to pinpoint oneactual space, but it's where I.
(11:29):
It's where I found myself, behonest with you.
And, you know, it was really interesting.
I.
I've been in pro.
I really have got more intopersonal development, probably around
06 time, but I kind of dabbledin it.
I was like, oh, this is goodstuff and all that, you know.
You know, when you first pickup a book, I'm like, oh, this is
great for somebody, right?
Yeah, for somebody.
Yes.
(11:49):
For somebody else, this is awesome.
And I remember in 2013, Ithought I was happy.
And in the sense of society'sparameter of happiness, you could
probably say I was.
I had a house, you know, I hadDanielle and were married.
We had two boys.
We had a dog and a cat.
I mean, we are the.
The epitome of what the houselooks like.
(12:10):
Sure.
And then I really opened up mylife and I'm like, well, I don't
even know who I am like, sohow can I be happy?
And so I started questioningthat because I felt like there was
something missing in my heartand I couldn't pinpoint it.
And I started looking at,well, I've been living this life
of, I say inauthenticity.
(12:33):
So what I mean by that is allthe different masks I was wearing
in front of all thesedifferent people that I was around,
you know, as a husband, mask,dad, mask, worker mask, I could go
on for ages and talk aboutthem all.
And I'm like, so, you know,what am I, what am I hiding?
I'm hiding from something.
Who am I hiding from?
And I was hiding from myself.
(12:53):
You know, I didn't.
I was so afraid of what peoplesaw, what people would see up here,
the thoughts that I was havingabout myself, that on the outside
I'm in this in shape guy andmarried to a beautiful woman and
have great kids.
And on the inside I was fullof insecurities and fear and doubt
and worries and just did not,not great thoughts.
(13:14):
Right.
And I started looking at it,I'm like, well, what has me so dishonest
with myself that I wasbasically lying to everybody around
me?
And when I looked in the wake,you know, I talk about the wake of
the boat, when I looked at thewake of people that I left behind
me, I'm like, look at all thepeople that I've hurt by not being
(13:37):
the person that I am.
And look at the disservice toyour question earlier.
Look at the disservice I'mdoing to the world by being that
person.
So I went on a.
I went on a very strong selfreflection of like, well, who am
I?
You know, who's Steve?
And what I realized wasthere's not a whole lot to it.
I'm just an open, honest,vulnerable guy that just wants to
(13:58):
serve people and, and createsomething awesome with somebody else,
you know.
And I feel like that that'swhat God created me to do.
So when I saw that, I'm like,man, so how many people are just
like me?
A zillion.
Yeah, it was all of us, right?
Yeah.
At some level, you know, alittle, a lot.
We're all on this never endingjourney to experience this spiritual
(14:24):
life in a skin bag with lackof memory from what happened before.
To learn and to make choicesabout who we're going to be in this
world, how we're going to showup and what we're going to do.
Yeah.
So what did you do?
I wanted to know what made mehappy and Sad.
What made me laugh and angry.
(14:45):
What was these.
We call them triggers, whichis one of my least favorite words
in the world.
Right.
So what was I blaming?
Who was I blaming for theperson that I was?
And I started looking at,well, how am I responsible for me?
Not that I was anirresponsible person, but I wasn't
(15:05):
responsible for the personthat I was being in the moment.
It was constantly blamingeverything and everyone else for
who I was.
And I was looking for allthese outside things, for happiness
and love.
And I was looking for my wifeto love me instead of just loving
her and allowing the love tobe the what it is.
And when I started looking atthis stuff, I looked at all the systems
(15:27):
that I created in my life tovalidate, excuse, and reason myself
to pieces, to just act howeverI felt like acting, no matter what
who it impacted in a negative way.
It didn't really matter if Ineeded to lie, cheat, steal to get
what I wanted.
It was one of those thingsthat was constantly running through
my mind.
I'm like, how did I get here?
Goodness gracious.
(15:48):
And thank you for saying that,because that question, how did I
get here?
Is the beginning of the thingwe were talking about before.
Because when you've addressedthat, and I want you to keep going
and tell me how you did,because then you're not here anymore.
You're here.
Right?
And so going through that isthe important crux of how did I get
(16:09):
here?
And make some choices about, Idon't want to stay here and get here,
so keep going.
You said, how did I get here?
Yeah.
So how I got there was.
It was a big, giant hidinggame for me.
It was constantly hiding.
I was just hiding myself.
And so the first thing I hadto get checked was.
(16:30):
And I remember the day that it happened.
I was in a summit somewhere,and they were talking about integrity,
and I'm like, yeah, doing theright thing when, you know, when
nobody's looking.
Right?
Yeah, I got that right.
And when I really dove intointegrity and what it looked like
in my life, I had zero of it.
Bless you.
And when I take it, when I.
When I look at that, that wasprobably the.
(16:52):
The epicenter of the challengethat I was dealing with is that,
you know, I.
I grew up in a small town inNew Jersey, and it was, don't trust
anybody, because if you do,they're going to take advantage of
you.
And if they're nice, they'reprobably there to get something from
you.
So, like, imagine this.
This person that you see rightnow that just loves everybody.
(17:15):
How.
How convoluted of a thoughtprocess that is and how it worked.
I was trying to live my lifethat way when it goes against everything
that I am.
So then what you said.
I have no integrity, meaningauthenticity, meaning I have no either
courage or willingness just tobe who I am.
(17:36):
So I always got to have thisoverlay that is situationally appropriate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's big.
You just nailed it right there.
Right.
And so what I thought was,when I sat there, I think I.
I probably broke down thetears on and off for about three
or four days for a multitudeof reasons.
(17:57):
One of how I treated thepeople in my life that I love the
most, and I'll get into thatin a moment.
And then also how I wastreating myself.
I had no chance for anythinggreat in my life because of.
Of the way I was being.
And I think what wasinteresting about it, Kellen, is
that no matter what I wasdoing, how I was acting towards other
(18:18):
or myself, I could provemyself right so well, that it didn't
matter if I was right or wrong.
I would just outlast theperson until they just gave up.
And I'd be like, yeah, ofcourse, because I'm right.
It was terrible how I treated people.
And so that's the beginning of it.
(18:39):
Once I started going down thatpath, I had a lot of conversations
to have, and it wasn't I actedthis way because you said or did
or acted back.
It was.
I acted this way, and I.
And I'm.
From our conversation here, Irealized that there was some damage
done.
And I just want to say I'msorry and just owning it.
(19:00):
Just owning it, no matter whatthey said.
Yeah, that's just what happened.
So when you started doingthat, that took.
I mean, that change is arealization, the execution and habitizing,
creating a habit and creatinga being around that takes some time.
How long?
(19:20):
I know we're never done withthat journey, but how long did it
take you before that sort ofnew being was institutionalized in
your way of being instead ofbeing something you had to go find
quick?
Oh, man.
I.
Yeah.
Find it quickly, Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm supposed to do.
Yeah, no, wait a minute.
You know, before that kind of went.
Away, I'm my old self again.
(19:41):
Damn it.
Right.
You know, it was a.
When I realized somethingreally powerful.
And I know you know this, butwhoever's listening to this, I have
this pen here, and this is oneof one.
This is built.
This was constructed.
A client bought this for me,the guy he knew built this from the
redwoods of California.
(20:02):
Oh, cool.
And I was like, wow, this is amazing.
So, like, you can imagine howmuch meaning I have in this pen.
Yeah.
But if I were to hand it toyou and didn't tell you the story,
be like, hey, here.
You'd be like, oh, hey, thiswrites really nice.
And you probably put in yourdesk or maybe use it from the time
to time.
And I use that because the meaning.
When I realized the meaning Iwas putting into things and when
(20:25):
I realized.
And this is a challengingstatement for people to receive because
it took me quite a while tounderstand it, was that how meaningless,
meaningless our life really is.
Because if you strip away themeaning we put on it, you know what's
really left?
It's like not.
Not a whole lot of anythingbut everything that we have, you
know, you look behind me,there's a.
There's so much meaning onthese shelves.
(20:46):
Like, we could spend the restof the time talking about the meaning
from individual things, but ifyou come into my house, you wouldn't
know.
Be like, oh, cool.
He must like Rocky, whatever.
Sure.
But they don't know that.
I got that two years ago fromour youngest son, because he knows
what a kind of a fan I am ofRocky and what.
What that.
That.
That Persona has done in mylife of always get back up.
(21:07):
Right.
So you see all the meaning init, right?
Well, when I realized themeaning that I was putting into things,
I had to take a look and like,where did I.
That's an interesting.
I love this statement.
I say this to my questions, myclients and myself is.
That's an interesting belief.
I'm curious, you know, wheredid that come from?
So I had to analyze, you know,who am I?
What built me, the beliefsthat I have that are not bringing
(21:29):
me closer to happiness and joyand greatness in my life.
It's like, well, where did Icome up with that belief?
And who did I adopt it from?
And what opinion created thatfor me?
So I started looking down,going down all this journey.
And then, you know, it wasreally funny because when I looked
at my beliefs, this is wheremy righteousness came in.
I didn't really care what you believe.
This is my belief.
(21:49):
You have to believe what Ibelieve, or we're going to argue
about it until you either giveup or get on board with me.
Right.
It's terrible.
I look back and I'm glad I canlaugh now, but it was horrible.
So how long did it take?
Completeness is what I Talkabout, okay.
(22:10):
And when I say completeness,it's not as important as understanding
where we're incomplete.
And the incompleteness I hadwith all the people that I love the
most in my life.
I had a conversation withseveral of them, and there were multiples
of them to let you understandwhere I was that said, this is great,
Steve.
Love it.
We're going to see how longthis lasts.
(22:32):
Right?
Right.
And so.
And I can't blame them becauseI created that life for them to see
me as.
And you know what wasinteresting, Kellen?
It took me several months tocreate these new thought habits because
I constantly felt myself beingpulled back into the person that
I was.
And I could feel it coming.
(22:53):
Like, I could feel this angstcoming from me in the conversation,
like, oof.
And I would have to stop.
Can you give me, like, a moment?
I said, I need to gather my thoughts.
And it wasn't that.
I'm getting ready to freakinglaunch a diatribe that's going to
blow your.
Your mind and you're going tohate me for the rest of your life.
It was like, I need to gathermy thoughts for a moment here.
Or I would blurt something out.
(23:13):
I was very good at beingpassive aggressive, so I would just.
I blurt something out and I'dbe like, ah.
And I would say, man, that wasprobably hurtful, and I'm so sorry
that came out.
That's.
That's something I'm.
I'm looking to.
To get a hold of.
What I really meant was whatyou said hurt my feelings.
Sorry about that.
And just being really honestand brutally honest and just no matter
(23:36):
what they say back has nothingto do with me being clear with them.
Right.
Yeah, that was a.
That was a rough.
That was.
That was a rough several.
Several months.
And then probably about a yearand a half is when.
When people really startedsaying, okay, you know, it's been
long enough.
I can let Steve back in my life.
(23:57):
I.
I can see that he's makingthis effort to change.
Well, that's fabulous.
And I know, because I knowthis process and you that.
That just keeps going from there.
In other words, the continuedexamination, looking at more things.
One of the things I found whenI made some radical changes in my
life started in 2007.
(24:18):
I didn't start till I was 52,so I understand how that goes.
Yeah.
And I noticed how difficult itwas to do alone, you know, and to.
The needing support and coaching.
I mean, we're both coaches, sothat kind of thing.
(24:38):
What were the important Thingsto help you stop pretending.
So we're talking here aboutcreating your ultimate life.
Life you love.
You love to get up to everyday and you love everything about
it.
What were the important thingsthat you needed to get in your life
and around you to support that growth?
Because people are going to beasking, okay, wow, that's a lot of
(25:01):
work.
And how did you do that?
So what were the important pieces?
Okay, beautiful.
So there's several things.
Let me, let me just take a note.
So I don't, I don't leaveanything out.
So the first one was coaching.
I got a coach immediately.
My first, my first coach wasin 2013.
I had him for a little whileand then I ended up.
(25:21):
I just, I don't remember thelast time, except for recently.
I remember last time I didn'thave a coach in my life.
And even now I have two.
Okay.
So it's, you know, that wasone of the thing one in structure.
So.
And the structure is not asimportant as how much the structure
(25:44):
lines up with where you'regoing, you know, so me waking up
in the morning at, you know,20 to 5 to get up and get the boys
ready for school and work outand pray together and all that kind
of stuff is not as importantas what we're looking to create with
ourselves.
You know, do I want to be ingreat shape?
Yeah.
Love it.
When my wife looks at me, it'skind of awesome.
But it's, it's more about, youknow, what am I doing for the, for
(26:06):
the, for the boys.
So, like, understanding whathas me get up changes the whole thing.
And I think that's awesome.
However, one of the thingsthat, and you probably have come
across this before at leastonce and said sarcastically is, you
know, if I had more motivationand I was inspired more, I would
X.
(26:27):
And I'm like, well, or if theywere more committed, you know, just
choose your word, plug it in.
That's missing from their life.
Otherwise they would have thelife of their dreams.
And I'm like, well, if you'rewaiting for somebody to motivate
you, good luck.
That doesn't last long.
If you're waiting to beinspired, that's awesome too.
That's not going to last long either.
(26:47):
No.
If you have a commitment,you're probably, you know, oh, geez,
here's something else I haveto do in my life or this is going
to be hard or whatever,Whatever negative connotation we
put on the word commitment.
I had to actually become theperson, you know, I'm not Somebody
that, that has to get up inthe morning.
I'm just the guy that wakes up.
I just.
It's part of the person Idecided to become.
(27:10):
So instead of having thecommitments, it's about becoming
what that commitment is.
And that comes down to, youknow, motivation.
Inspiration is beautiful.
However, it comes back to the same.
How we first started this partof the conversation was integrity.
You know, am I keeping my wordto myself?
And if I'm not, something gotin the way, I can beat myself up
(27:31):
over it, which I'm an expert at.
Or I can take a look at, youknow, what got in the way with that.
And what can I.
I need to acknowledge it andclean it up.
And then I can get torestructure my word.
And then.
Okay, so is this one going to work?
Is this structure going to work?
You know, my alarm used to sitnext to my bed, like, nope, that's
within fingers distance.
I can snooze that one all day long.
(27:52):
So I know with me, a structureis taking my phone and putting it
in my bathroom.
So when it beeps at 20 to 5, Iget up out of bed and instantaneously
I turn it off, grab mytoothbrush and I start brushing my
teeth.
That's my very first thingwhen I first wake up in the morning.
And that starts the ball rolling.
(28:12):
I don't know how we got here,but I'll stop.
No, that's okay.
Because the important thingyou said that I want to reiterate
is I'm going to say it alittle differently.
When we have a goal, we'rehere and we want to get here.
It doesn't matter if it'smoney or physical shape or relationship
or whatever.
And we try to do things differently.
(28:35):
And that motivation, thatwillpower, all that stuff, it ends
up being a white knuckle ride.
And we hope that if we forceourselves to, quote, do something
long enough, we'll get used toit and it won't be so bad.
And the truth is, from theplace of being, the doing becomes
trivial.
And by don't mean totrivialize, but I mean simple, from
(28:58):
the place.
And that phrase came to me ina very intense way that's not part
of this story, but from theplace of being.
So if that's who I am, likeGod doesn't have to remind himself
to be kind because he is.
He doesn't have to remindhimself to love us, because he is.
And so, and we're not divineyet, but we're working in that direction.
(29:21):
And if so, if we Stop tryingto say, I'm going to do this and
say, who do I have to be?
So that.
That's the natural way.
Forgiveness, kindness,encouragement, taking a stand for
somebody out of love, notbecause I'm going to cram this down
your throat.
And so you said those words,and I'm just agreeing with you in
(29:45):
waxing a little poetic.
But anyway, so tell me about that.
That is true.
And adjusting the structure,putting an arm over there, or et
cetera, et cetera is, youknow, just interesting data point.
I do this to make it morenatural and more fluid while I'm
still training my being,because ultimately, if I'm that person,
(30:08):
then I don't even care if thealarm's one inch from my face.
That's who I am.
Alarm goes off, I this.
I am this.
But while we're stilllearning, we do these other things,
and that's fine.
We have a gym partner.
We have a accountability buddy.
We have whatever.
And so those are just tools tohelp us with that thing.
(30:28):
So tell me, tell us that.
That's a fascinating set of things.
And the outcome that we'relooking for is, you know, purpose,
prosperity, and joy.
So how would you describe.
You said in 2013 when youstarted to wake up and figure out
this wasn't fun, and you had27 masks on and none of them were
(30:50):
colored the same, and youdidn't know who you were.
Tell me about you today.
Where are you today?
I would say I'm free, youknow, and I.
I don't use that word lightly,you know, and there are moments when
I see calm, the chains, right?
(31:12):
We have those chains that we carry.
We're pulling the boat behindus, or however you want to describe
it.
There's moments when I seethat come back.
And, you know, as humanbeings, I believe that we're very
automatic.
We're incredibly predictable.
And so we start payingattention to what's going on.
And when I say predictable islike those words that those are.
There were certain words in mylife that you said them to me, and
(31:33):
I am.
I.
I don't remember what happened afterwards.
Like, really just unfortunatethings and, you know, or if.
If somebody is.
This is one of my favorites,Kellen, is that if I felt as though
somebody was challenging myintelligence, I would automatically
show up as incrediblyaggressive and wouldn't even know
(31:56):
it was happening.
Had no idea this was going on.
I didn't know how these cyclesand these patterns are showing up
in my life.
So when I look at myself now,I am.
And this is you Might, ifsomebody's listening like that sounds
like a lot of stuff to do.
It really isn't, you know, I'mconstantly checking in with myself.
You know, if, you know, Icheck in with myself around 10 o'clock
(32:19):
in the morning, I do 10, noon,2 and 4.
It's when my, my stuff goesoff of my phone just as a reminder
to keep myself, you know, hey,what time is it?
And, you know, I do a check inbefore Danielle and the boys get
home at 4:00.
And when I do that, I'm justsaying, you know, how are you feeling?
And I just ask myself the question.
I'm like, well, it's a reallygood question.
I feel pretty darn good right now.
(32:39):
Or is there anything I need?
No, I'm all right.
However, where I look atmyself is that because I'm a human
being, I like to say I'mperfect and everything's always so
awesome and pretty and rosesare floating around my mind.
But that's not the case, man.
I'm a human being.
We deal with life.
And so, like, when frustrationshows up and I look at it, I'm able
(33:00):
to create a distinction of,all right, so what do I think should
or shouldn't be right now?
Or what am I, what am Ilooking to prove right or wrong or,
or how am I, how am I creatinga distinction that's creating this
frustration for me instead oflooking at it for exactly what it
is without my meaning on it?
And I think that's, you know,when I look at myself now, it's just
addressing those thingsbecause I don't really remember the
(33:23):
last time I was angry orfurious or, you know, and if I am
angry, this is an interestingthought, is I see it and then instead
of it just being an automaticreaction, I'm like, yeah, you know
what?
I think I am kind of mad about that.
And I choose mad instead ofjust being this maniac, so to speak.
(33:45):
Well, you know the phrase, abuzzword in the personal development
industry is we create our lives.
We literally call art of itinto our all part of our experience
into existence.
And you've said that by themeaning we establish, things are
just things.
Right?
Shakespeare said somethinglike, nothing's ever good or bad
unless we think it's so.
And I'm terribly paraphrasing,but whatever.
(34:07):
And we do literally create that.
So tell, tell us.
So you are, you're happy?
Yeah.
Are you happy?
Like a little.
40%, 70%, 92.7%.
How much do you feel like youreally Are living the life you want.
Yeah.
I would say there are, I mean,other things missing.
(34:29):
That would be cool.
Yeah.
But it doesn't affect me inthe way of my happiness.
I could say I'm happy a veryvast majority of the time.
That's so important.
People, they have this I'll behappy when sort of disease.
And I have names for things.
Right.
I'll be happy when disease.
And when you were talkingearlier about all the masks, I named
(34:52):
that too.
I call it wittot.
W I T O T.
The Wittot Disease.
And I created that acronym atthe beginning of the pandemic because
Covid, you know, everybody wasworrying about, I don't know, is
this Armageddon or whatever.
And I created this WITOTdisease and said it kills more people
than Covid ever will.
And people always say, well,what's that?
And it's what I think, others think.
(35:13):
Oh, right.
And the WITOT fungus.
Right.
Writing it down.
Yeah.
You know, we have thesediseases and we are, you know, I
say to people, you're infectedwith witot.
What's that?
What I think others think.
And, you know, at the end ofthe day, we create our life.
We came into this world with nothing.
We're going to leave with nothing.
(35:34):
And the only thing we're goingto present back to our creator is
what we've made of ourselves.
That's it, you know, andthere's going to be nothing else
that we take what we've madeof ourselves anyway.
So tell us how you offer things.
Like, I know you're a coach.
I know you said you've justnow gotten a larger kind of gig that
(35:55):
you're doing with somebody,but what do you offer?
How do you help people?
Those people that you hold,and you won't let their dreams slip
off the table.
What do you do?
I do a multitude of differentthings depending on where the person
is, you know, obvious.
I don't, I do my best not tolet the financial part of it burden
it.
So I always create somethingfor somebody.
So, So I have a multitude ofdifferent tools, but one of the things
(36:17):
I just, you know, veryincredibly similar to what you do.
I, I, I said, you know, whatdo you want?
Like, I just asked them.
They're just a question, andwe have a conversation.
And I, One of the things thatI, I, I, I'm, I'm very glad that
I came across this wasactually at a Maxwell conference
back in 2015, and it was thepower of question.
(36:40):
And we can, you know, you canpick up a book, and you can get all
kinds of really great advice.
However, now, how great are weat receiving advice?
I mean, we, we look for theadvice that's going to go along with
our own beliefs most of the time.
And so I don't give advice.
I don't really want to giveadvice because I don't have to know
everything because.
And I don't.
And I obviously do not.
(37:01):
However, in those, in thoseconversations, it's not me talking
all the time.
It's me asking questions like,well, what do you want?
All right, cool.
So, you know, one of thethings you asked me, and I remember
this stuff because I, Iimplement right away, and it's like,
well, why didn't you have it?
Not, you know, what do youneed to get there?
It's like, well, why don't youalready have it?
What's missing?
(37:21):
Like, well, this is missing.
All right, cool.
Well, what's going on there?
Well, I don't really know.
Well, if you had to guess,what do you think?
Like, so, like, you're justkind of like moving through the questions
and kind of allowing thatperson to really address themselves
and go, I've been feedingmyself a whole bunch of excuses.
That's why I've been doing.
I'm like, oh, awesome, man.
Congratulations.
That's massive.
(37:42):
So now what?
Like, having that conversationthere, man, it's one of my most.
It's one of my most favorite.
You can call it exploration,discovery, label, it really doesn't
matter what it is, is a reallypowerful conversation to help somebody
create something that theywant, not create something different,
(38:02):
but create something.
I'm going to give you athought about how to think of that.
When you, when you're holdingthem with an eye to their possibility,
you do it through the lens,the same lens that I do, and that
is that they're a divine being.
They were created with apurpose, and any negativity in their
life is something they've invented.
(38:24):
And so the thought is, whatcan we do in this conversation to
change the frame, to eliminatethe dirt on the lens or whatever
metaphor you want to, youknow, eliminate the stuff that's
quote in the way or sabotageand all the regular words.
But the truth of what you'redoing, Steve, is you're just loving
(38:45):
them the way that the Creatorwould love us, allows us line upon
line, idea upon idea, togradually create in our own minds
the possibility of who we are.
And so I would just say thisis how you're expressing love and
adding good to their lives andpossibility to their Palette.
(39:08):
Yeah.
Very well said.
Thank you.
Whatever.
It's just you just loving them.
So how do people find outabout you?
If they're like, ooh, I wantto know more about this Steve guy,
where do they find you?
Where do they go?
What's the best way?
Well, I.
There's a couple differentthings they can do and it's all in
one spot, so there's not awhole bunch of stuff.
(39:30):
I have written this tinylittle book with Tom Ziglar, Zig
Ziglar's son.
It's so little, super tiny.
It's called Road Trip.
And what it's designed to dois it's.
It's called From Survival to Legacy.
You know, I believe a lot ofus are surviving, just barely making
it.
And of course we talk aboutthe circumstances.
(39:52):
However, what that does isthat 36 page book will completely
open up your life.
Dissect it into sevendifferent little pieces, dissect
those seven pieces into tenareas, and then it brings the whole
thing back so you can look atyour life objectively instead of
putting all of our stuff onit, how we think we should, whatever
context we created on it.
And so you get the book and I,I put the.
(40:16):
I, I also, I narrate it.
If you just want to listen toit, you can listen to it.
So I put all that stuff together.
I did some goal setting.
I put a whole bunch of stuffin one email.
And then in that email theyget seven days in a row of an extra
gift.
There was seven.
Seven days of how to staymotivated by.
(40:37):
By Zig Ziglar himself, whichis kind of fun.
Cool.
So where do they get that?
They can go right tostevecrivda.com motivated.
All right, so that's what Iwas looking for.
Steve Krivda.
K R I v d a stevekrivda.com soif you're interested, and I recommend
that you do.
He posts cool stuff on social too.
And there aren't a millionKryvdas Steve Kryvda.
(40:59):
So it's not hard to find.
No.
I know what people ask me, howdo I find you?
And I say, come on.
With a name like KellenFluker, I can't hide.
So anyway, go follow him.
Do this, because I've knownSteve now for some years and his
effort and energy and love are real.
Steve, what did I not ask youthat you would like to add before
(41:22):
we finish up here?
Powerful question.
I think that if there wassomething I could tell your audience
is that if, if you're notHappy or things aren't going in your
(41:46):
way, going your way.
If you're in a corporate joband you want to move up and you're
stuck or whatever word youwant to use on it, I'd like for you
to remove the words fault andblame from it and allow it to be
that you made decisions, youdid what you did, you said what you
said, so forth, and that's it.
And take a look at it from aplace of responsibility because it's
(42:09):
easy to blame.
Blame and fault carry a lot ofemotions from it.
But when you sit in a place ofresponsibility, I'm simply responsible
for the choices that I madeand that's it.
So if I want, if, if I'mresponsible for them, then I can
also be responsible fordifferent choices.
And when we pull our emotionsout of it and how the world tells
(42:29):
us how we should think aboutourselves because we did this and
we should be punish andcondemned and all this kind of stuff
is like, man, not really.
I, I, you know, other consequences.
Yes, that's not what I mean.
But what I'm talking about isthe emotions that come with it.
And when we remove theemotions for a minute, look at it
objectively as a list or anaction, and it created a result,
(42:52):
then we could do somethingwith it because people aren't.
I don't believe people are broken.
I don't believe, I don'tbelieve people need to be fixed.
I do believe that we can, wecan come together as people.
Whether it's one on one, likewe're talking here or there's an
audience listening, or we'restanding in front of people, or we're
(43:12):
just simply taking a stand forour family.
When we slow down for a momentand allow ourselves to be human beings
with thoughts and beliefs andmeeting that person, not that they're
right or wrong, good or bad orindifferent, or they should or shouldn't
be something and we meet themas a human being, that we screw things
up all the time and we dogreat things all the time and just
allow them to be that waywith, with love and grace and mercy
(43:35):
and forgiveness.
When we can do that as asociety, brother, it's a, it's a
complete game changer.
And I believe that we can do it.
But the challenge that we needto remove is when we're making it
all about ourselves.
And I'm doing things toreceive, I'm doing things to get.
Not simply because, by theway, and Kellen probably will back
me up on this, when you serveyour ass off, it's amazing, the things
(44:00):
that come back.
It's amazing.
So when we, when we go thatway, there's nothing wrong with you.
You're not broken, you're not stuck.
You're simply in a place whereyou might not know what the next
question is.
So seek the next question.
Allow the question to not findthe answer, but find a bigger, more
powerful question to justallow that journey to manifest in
itself until you start findingsome things where you're like, that's
(44:22):
interesting.
I think I want to explore that more.
Steve, I want to thank you forbeing with me today.
No, I appreciate you, brother.
Thank you for having me here.
I want to encourage listenersto take some time and listen.
Steve's very clearly andarticulately, you know, talked about
struggles we all have more orless of and choices that we can all
(44:45):
make to change ourcircumstances, to taking responsibility
and then making better choices.
And those are the fundamentalfirst steps to creating your ultimate
life right here, right now.
(45:08):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gets gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukeigermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go hereYourUltimate Life CA subscribe Share.
(45:39):
It.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livinga dream?
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk, so you can
create the life you dream anddeserve your ultimate life.
Subscribe, share, create.
(00:24):
You have infinite power.
Hey there.
Welcome to this episode ofyour ultimate life life, the podcast
that I created and dedicatedjust to help you, each of you, create
a life of purpose, prosperity,and joy by serving with your divine
gifts and your life experience.
(00:44):
And I call that your ultimate life.
Today I'd like to welcomespecial guest Steve Krivda.
Welcome to the show, Steve.
Thank you, sir.
Definitely an honor to be herewith you.
I appreciate your time here.
It's gonna be fun.
Oh, hey, you know what?
I have watched you and seen,you know, the stuff you put up and
the videos and theencouragement that you offer people
(01:09):
and the wisdom and the truththat comes from your own experience.
And that is so important.
I mean, we live in a worldthat is difficult unless you're connected
to a real purpose.
And I know you're a devotedChristian disciple of Christ, and
I appreciate that about you.
(01:30):
Anyway, today we're not goingto do religion, although it'll come
in a few places somewhere.
But I want to ask you first.
What.
What does Steve do?
And I don't want you to bemodest, even though you might be
inclined to do that, but whatdoes Steve do to add good to the
world?
(01:50):
Man, how much do I love that question.
I want you to just answer it.
What do you do to add good tothe world?
You know, it's.
It's.
I.
I was thinking about thisearlier when I was on a call with
somebody, and I take a standfor the person, you know, and I think
that, you know, there'sdifferent definitions of what does
(02:11):
taking a stand look like.
And one of the interestingthings, Kellen and I, and I appreciate
your background, as well ascoaching and.
And being able to see beyondwhat people see in themselves is
sitting in that place ofunderstanding people's blind spots.
You know, I don't.
I don't know what their blindspots are.
And so we start talking andthey start becoming more visible
(02:31):
for the person.
You know, I ask enoughquestions, I help them dive deeper
into themselves.
And.
And once we see it, once wesee what they want to create in their
life, what they want to startbuilding their life out, they start
inventing, you know, themselves.
Meaning.
Meaning, you know, pullingtheir most powerful and best qualities
out and what they look likeand taking a look at their limitations
that they've created and whattheir powerful beliefs are and what
(02:53):
their skills and, and, and noweverything about them, you know,
doesn't, I don't, I don'tdifferentiate between good and bad.
I'm like, everything's about you.
Is, is there.
So let's see what it looks like.
And then we create somethingfrom there.
So when I say I take a stand,I'm not gonna, I, I refuse to allow
people to.
Of course, everybody'sindividually, so the conversation
(03:14):
is different for each person.
But I refuse to allow someoneto create a dream that they want,
something that, a life thatthey're looking to create for themselves.
I refuse to allow that to goto the side and allow that dream
to die with them at the end oftheir life.
What.
So, so the question was, howdo you add good to the world?
(03:34):
And by taking a stand forpeople that you talk to, helping
them identify, clarify andarticulate a dream that they have
and then encouraging them,refusing to allow that to just sort
of go to the back burner andthen go into the bin of yesterday's
(03:54):
news.
You have, you have changed.
Or you at least offer theopportunity for them to change their
life and to create that dreamthat they had so that I understand
that and I love that and thankyou for being that person.
Tell me what else you do.
Not that that isn't powerfuland good, but I'm curious.
(04:16):
Everybody's got multifaceted things.
And you know, when we breathe,we add carbon dioxide to the world
and we can also choose whatelse we add.
So I use the phrase add goodto the world because, you know, tell
me what else you do that addsgood to the world.
Well, I think.
And thank you for expanding.
You know, it's, that's.
(04:37):
I realized after I said it outloud, it's like a very, it's very
book written response I gave you.
And you know, when I take alook at.
As you were talking, how doyou add good?
It's living the character thatI talk about, you know, being, being
that, you know, being a man ofintegrity, being an authentic person
and just showing up, you know,I'm, you know, one of the things
(05:00):
we talk about often in myhouse, you know, Danielle and I have,
Danielle's my wife.
We have some pretty deep conversations.
It's really interesting.
And we talk about, you know,what is it that when we're dead and
gone, what's the legacy thatwe leave?
And I don't believe in money legacies.
I mean, they're cool.
Having your name on a hospitalis nice or on a Park bench is kind
(05:20):
of cool, but that hospitalcould burn down and then people forget
about you.
But what's, what are youleaving behind as far as qualities,
characteristics, habits and,and, and, and, and so forth.
Right.
You know, so what, in addingthe good into the world, it's, you
know, how am I going to impactsomebody that's going to impact somebody
else?
You know, am I living that?
Am I being a hypocrite?
(05:41):
Am I being open, honest and,and vulnerable with people and just
allowing them to see, youknow, this person on the outside
that does cold plunges andgoes to the gym every day?
Or am I allowing the person tosee my ups and downs in life?
You know, I, I struggle too.
I, I run into roadblocks allthe time.
You know, so it's allowingpeople to be normal.
Like, yeah, you're, you're, ifyou're up to something in life, you're
(06:03):
gonna butt up against something.
So congratulations for that.
That's a breakdown.
It's awesome.
I love breakdowns.
I celebrate them almost asmuch as I do celebrate breakthroughs.
So when I talk, when you talkabout, you know, where do we go beyond
that?
How do we, how do we, how dowe expand out?
Well, it's, it's the, it's inthe giving and the serving of it.
You know, One of the, one ofthe coolest questions you asked me
(06:25):
on our very firstconversation, I think we were about
three minutes into the talk,you said, how can I love on you today?
And I was like, oh, I lovethat question, dude.
I was like, I don't even knowhow to answer that.
I'm like, let's just start talking.
And you know, I think that's,it's a really powerful place to be
because, And I'm going off ona side tangent here, so I'll pause
after this note, is that, youknow, I think that we have, as a
(06:47):
society, we have a hard timeloving on each other for, for multiple
different spaces of reasonsand all that kind of validations.
And so when you ask thatquestion, it's very, it can some,
it can cause a lot ofresistance, but it opens up a whole
plethora of man, that's, man,this, this call's really going to
be about me, you know, how canyou love on me?
(07:09):
What, what's missing from my life?
That Kellen's love respectconversation, you know, who he is?
How is he going to pour intome today?
It's like, man, I really haveto take a self reflection on this.
And it's just A really neatplace to be.
So when, when you said that, Itook that to heart and no pun intended,
and, and I actually use thatin my conversations.
(07:30):
I think I love it.
I, I, you know, some of thethings I ask people, how can I love
you today?
And I mean it with all my heart.
And the other thing I ask is,what do we need to do to create a
miracle for you today?
And that's even if I've got a30 minute call that I've never talked
to him before, I'll just openwith that and say, you know, I know,
I know this much about you,but what would be a miracle that
(07:52):
we could create today?
And often people are sort ofconfused by that and occasionally
someone will just stop andthey'll think about it and they'll
hear it like it was intendedand they'll say some stuff.
And then in 30 minutes, it'samazing what you can, what you can
create.
So I'm going to ask you alittle bit more.
You said you refuse to letpeople's dreams fall off to the side,
(08:16):
go to the back burner and disappear.
Do you hold that space for yourself?
Do you hold that intention andpower for you that you refuse to
let your dreams go off to theback burner and into yesterday's
news?
I have in the past, noquestion at all and, you know, one
(08:37):
of one.
And so to answer the question,there could be things that I don't
know.
I'm sure there's things all ofus don't know.
So that's, that's not news.
I'm talking about the stuffthat's swirling around.
Right.
Yeah.
The don't know.
The don't know is the big partof it.
But you know, I, I do believethat I'm walking into that space
(08:58):
now where I'm, I'm loving onSteve, which is pretty cool.
I'm so excited about thatbecause, you know, before we were
talking about the best giftyou can give yourself or to give
the world, like to make themost difference, make the most money,
have the most fun, is to sharethe story of how you got where you
(09:19):
are.
Because that's the story ofyour own power, your own ascension
into understanding and growth.
And the best thing you cangive yourself is to just flat out
love yourself.
Yeah.
Like full on.
Like God would love his creation.
And if we do less than that,we're certainly not developing ourselves
(09:39):
as much as we could and wecertainly are not doing what God
intended.
I think, I don't know, what doyou think about that?
No question at all.
In fact, there's a statementthat I heard back in probably 2013.
It's loving for all that youare and all that you're not.
It's that full love.
Right.
You know, because it's easy tosay, well, I love all these great
(10:01):
things about me, and I hatethis part about me.
It's like, well, you're all you.
Everything about you is whoyou are.
I see you laughing.
Well, it's the same.
We are who we are.
And that includes all theshitstorm that has happened before,
during, and after.
And nobody falls up this mountain.
(10:21):
You didn't get there withoutsloshing through the swamp and maybe
crawling over broken glass.
When people tell me about, youknow, my story and they hear stuff
that I've been through, andit's like, oh, I don't have anything
like that.
That doesn't have anything todo with anything.
You have created yourself on purpose.
And the things that you havedone to do that, the choices you
(10:43):
have made are what makes you.
So I'm going to ask you about that.
You are a person that's dedicated.
You just told me you've got anew situation where you're going
to go help a company grow byinstilling encouragement, love, values,
coaching.
All that good Stu.
Pouring it on him.
Tell me what happened inSteve's life that makes this.
(11:07):
The desire of his heart tohold this space for people to begin
more, to hold it for yourself.
Like, you didn't fall up that mountain.
What happened to bring you there?
To where I am right now?
Yeah.
You know, I.
I would like to pinpoint oneactual space, but it's where I.
(11:29):
It's where I found myself, behonest with you.
And, you know, it was really interesting.
I.
I've been in pro.
I really have got more intopersonal development, probably around
06 time, but I kind of dabbledin it.
I was like, oh, this is goodstuff and all that, you know.
You know, when you first pickup a book, I'm like, oh, this is
great for somebody, right?
Yeah, for somebody.
Yes.
(11:49):
For somebody else, this is awesome.
And I remember in 2013, Ithought I was happy.
And in the sense of society'sparameter of happiness, you could
probably say I was.
I had a house, you know, I hadDanielle and were married.
We had two boys.
We had a dog and a cat.
I mean, we are the.
The epitome of what the houselooks like.
(12:10):
Sure.
And then I really opened up mylife and I'm like, well, I don't
even know who I am like, sohow can I be happy?
And so I started questioningthat because I felt like there was
something missing in my heartand I couldn't pinpoint it.
And I started looking at,well, I've been living this life
of, I say inauthenticity.
(12:33):
So what I mean by that is allthe different masks I was wearing
in front of all thesedifferent people that I was around,
you know, as a husband, mask,dad, mask, worker mask, I could go
on for ages and talk aboutthem all.
And I'm like, so, you know,what am I, what am I hiding?
I'm hiding from something.
Who am I hiding from?
And I was hiding from myself.
(12:53):
You know, I didn't.
I was so afraid of what peoplesaw, what people would see up here,
the thoughts that I was havingabout myself, that on the outside
I'm in this in shape guy andmarried to a beautiful woman and
have great kids.
And on the inside I was fullof insecurities and fear and doubt
and worries and just did not,not great thoughts.
(13:14):
Right.
And I started looking at it,I'm like, well, what has me so dishonest
with myself that I wasbasically lying to everybody around
me?
And when I looked in the wake,you know, I talk about the wake of
the boat, when I looked at thewake of people that I left behind
me, I'm like, look at all thepeople that I've hurt by not being
(13:37):
the person that I am.
And look at the disservice toyour question earlier.
Look at the disservice I'mdoing to the world by being that
person.
So I went on a.
I went on a very strong selfreflection of like, well, who am
I?
You know, who's Steve?
And what I realized wasthere's not a whole lot to it.
I'm just an open, honest,vulnerable guy that just wants to
(13:58):
serve people and, and createsomething awesome with somebody else,
you know.
And I feel like that that'swhat God created me to do.
So when I saw that, I'm like,man, so how many people are just
like me?
A zillion.
Yeah, it was all of us, right?
Yeah.
At some level, you know, alittle, a lot.
We're all on this never endingjourney to experience this spiritual
(14:24):
life in a skin bag with lackof memory from what happened before.
To learn and to make choicesabout who we're going to be in this
world, how we're going to showup and what we're going to do.
Yeah.
So what did you do?
I wanted to know what made mehappy and Sad.
What made me laugh and angry.
(14:45):
What was these.
We call them triggers, whichis one of my least favorite words
in the world.
Right.
So what was I blaming?
Who was I blaming for theperson that I was?
And I started looking at,well, how am I responsible for me?
Not that I was anirresponsible person, but I wasn't
(15:05):
responsible for the personthat I was being in the moment.
It was constantly blamingeverything and everyone else for
who I was.
And I was looking for allthese outside things, for happiness
and love.
And I was looking for my wifeto love me instead of just loving
her and allowing the love tobe the what it is.
And when I started looking atthis stuff, I looked at all the systems
(15:27):
that I created in my life tovalidate, excuse, and reason myself
to pieces, to just act howeverI felt like acting, no matter what
who it impacted in a negative way.
It didn't really matter if Ineeded to lie, cheat, steal to get
what I wanted.
It was one of those thingsthat was constantly running through
my mind.
I'm like, how did I get here?
Goodness gracious.
(15:48):
And thank you for saying that,because that question, how did I
get here?
Is the beginning of the thingwe were talking about before.
Because when you've addressedthat, and I want you to keep going
and tell me how you did,because then you're not here anymore.
You're here.
Right?
And so going through that isthe important crux of how did I get
(16:09):
here?
And make some choices about, Idon't want to stay here and get here,
so keep going.
You said, how did I get here?
Yeah.
So how I got there was.
It was a big, giant hidinggame for me.
It was constantly hiding.
I was just hiding myself.
And so the first thing I hadto get checked was.
(16:30):
And I remember the day that it happened.
I was in a summit somewhere,and they were talking about integrity,
and I'm like, yeah, doing theright thing when, you know, when
nobody's looking.
Right?
Yeah, I got that right.
And when I really dove intointegrity and what it looked like
in my life, I had zero of it.
Bless you.
And when I take it, when I.
When I look at that, that wasprobably the.
(16:52):
The epicenter of the challengethat I was dealing with is that,
you know, I.
I grew up in a small town inNew Jersey, and it was, don't trust
anybody, because if you do,they're going to take advantage of
you.
And if they're nice, they'reprobably there to get something from
you.
So, like, imagine this.
This person that you see rightnow that just loves everybody.
(17:15):
How.
How convoluted of a thoughtprocess that is and how it worked.
I was trying to live my lifethat way when it goes against everything
that I am.
So then what you said.
I have no integrity, meaningauthenticity, meaning I have no either
courage or willingness just tobe who I am.
(17:36):
So I always got to have thisoverlay that is situationally appropriate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's big.
You just nailed it right there.
Right.
And so what I thought was,when I sat there, I think I.
I probably broke down thetears on and off for about three
or four days for a multitudeof reasons.
(17:57):
One of how I treated thepeople in my life that I love the
most, and I'll get into thatin a moment.
And then also how I wastreating myself.
I had no chance for anythinggreat in my life because of.
Of the way I was being.
And I think what wasinteresting about it, Kellen, is
that no matter what I wasdoing, how I was acting towards other
(18:18):
or myself, I could provemyself right so well, that it didn't
matter if I was right or wrong.
I would just outlast theperson until they just gave up.
And I'd be like, yeah, ofcourse, because I'm right.
It was terrible how I treated people.
And so that's the beginning of it.
(18:39):
Once I started going down thatpath, I had a lot of conversations
to have, and it wasn't I actedthis way because you said or did
or acted back.
It was.
I acted this way, and I.
And I'm.
From our conversation here, Irealized that there was some damage
done.
And I just want to say I'msorry and just owning it.
(19:00):
Just owning it, no matter whatthey said.
Yeah, that's just what happened.
So when you started doingthat, that took.
I mean, that change is arealization, the execution and habitizing,
creating a habit and creatinga being around that takes some time.
How long?
(19:20):
I know we're never done withthat journey, but how long did it
take you before that sort ofnew being was institutionalized in
your way of being instead ofbeing something you had to go find
quick?
Oh, man.
I.
Yeah.
Find it quickly, Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm supposed to do.
Yeah, no, wait a minute.
You know, before that kind of went.
Away, I'm my old self again.
(19:41):
Damn it.
Right.
You know, it was a.
When I realized somethingreally powerful.
And I know you know this, butwhoever's listening to this, I have
this pen here, and this is oneof one.
This is built.
This was constructed.
A client bought this for me,the guy he knew built this from the
redwoods of California.
(20:02):
Oh, cool.
And I was like, wow, this is amazing.
So, like, you can imagine howmuch meaning I have in this pen.
Yeah.
But if I were to hand it toyou and didn't tell you the story,
be like, hey, here.
You'd be like, oh, hey, thiswrites really nice.
And you probably put in yourdesk or maybe use it from the time
to time.
And I use that because the meaning.
When I realized the meaning Iwas putting into things and when
(20:25):
I realized.
And this is a challengingstatement for people to receive because
it took me quite a while tounderstand it, was that how meaningless,
meaningless our life really is.
Because if you strip away themeaning we put on it, you know what's
really left?
It's like not.
Not a whole lot of anythingbut everything that we have, you
know, you look behind me,there's a.
There's so much meaning onthese shelves.
(20:46):
Like, we could spend the restof the time talking about the meaning
from individual things, but ifyou come into my house, you wouldn't
know.
Be like, oh, cool.
He must like Rocky, whatever.
Sure.
But they don't know that.
I got that two years ago fromour youngest son, because he knows
what a kind of a fan I am ofRocky and what.
What that.
That.
That Persona has done in mylife of always get back up.
(21:07):
Right.
So you see all the meaning init, right?
Well, when I realized themeaning that I was putting into things,
I had to take a look and like,where did I.
That's an interesting.
I love this statement.
I say this to my questions, myclients and myself is.
That's an interesting belief.
I'm curious, you know, wheredid that come from?
So I had to analyze, you know,who am I?
What built me, the beliefsthat I have that are not bringing
(21:29):
me closer to happiness and joyand greatness in my life.
It's like, well, where did Icome up with that belief?
And who did I adopt it from?
And what opinion created thatfor me?
So I started looking down,going down all this journey.
And then, you know, it wasreally funny because when I looked
at my beliefs, this is wheremy righteousness came in.
I didn't really care what you believe.
This is my belief.
(21:49):
You have to believe what Ibelieve, or we're going to argue
about it until you either giveup or get on board with me.
Right.
It's terrible.
I look back and I'm glad I canlaugh now, but it was horrible.
So how long did it take?
Completeness is what I Talkabout, okay.
(22:10):
And when I say completeness,it's not as important as understanding
where we're incomplete.
And the incompleteness I hadwith all the people that I love the
most in my life.
I had a conversation withseveral of them, and there were multiples
of them to let you understandwhere I was that said, this is great,
Steve.
Love it.
We're going to see how longthis lasts.
(22:32):
Right?
Right.
And so.
And I can't blame them becauseI created that life for them to see
me as.
And you know what wasinteresting, Kellen?
It took me several months tocreate these new thought habits because
I constantly felt myself beingpulled back into the person that
I was.
And I could feel it coming.
(22:53):
Like, I could feel this angstcoming from me in the conversation,
like, oof.
And I would have to stop.
Can you give me, like, a moment?
I said, I need to gather my thoughts.
And it wasn't that.
I'm getting ready to freakinglaunch a diatribe that's going to
blow your.
Your mind and you're going tohate me for the rest of your life.
It was like, I need to gathermy thoughts for a moment here.
Or I would blurt something out.
(23:13):
I was very good at beingpassive aggressive, so I would just.
I blurt something out and I'dbe like, ah.
And I would say, man, that wasprobably hurtful, and I'm so sorry
that came out.
That's.
That's something I'm.
I'm looking to.
To get a hold of.
What I really meant was whatyou said hurt my feelings.
Sorry about that.
And just being really honestand brutally honest and just no matter
(23:36):
what they say back has nothingto do with me being clear with them.
Right.
Yeah, that was a.
That was a rough.
That was.
That was a rough several.
Several months.
And then probably about a yearand a half is when.
When people really startedsaying, okay, you know, it's been
long enough.
I can let Steve back in my life.
(23:57):
I.
I can see that he's makingthis effort to change.
Well, that's fabulous.
And I know, because I knowthis process and you that.
That just keeps going from there.
In other words, the continuedexamination, looking at more things.
One of the things I found whenI made some radical changes in my
life started in 2007.
(24:18):
I didn't start till I was 52,so I understand how that goes.
Yeah.
And I noticed how difficult itwas to do alone, you know, and to.
The needing support and coaching.
I mean, we're both coaches, sothat kind of thing.
(24:38):
What were the important Thingsto help you stop pretending.
So we're talking here aboutcreating your ultimate life.
Life you love.
You love to get up to everyday and you love everything about
it.
What were the important thingsthat you needed to get in your life
and around you to support that growth?
Because people are going to beasking, okay, wow, that's a lot of
(25:01):
work.
And how did you do that?
So what were the important pieces?
Okay, beautiful.
So there's several things.
Let me, let me just take a note.
So I don't, I don't leaveanything out.
So the first one was coaching.
I got a coach immediately.
My first, my first coach wasin 2013.
I had him for a little whileand then I ended up.
(25:21):
I just, I don't remember thelast time, except for recently.
I remember last time I didn'thave a coach in my life.
And even now I have two.
Okay.
So it's, you know, that wasone of the thing one in structure.
So.
And the structure is not asimportant as how much the structure
(25:44):
lines up with where you'regoing, you know, so me waking up
in the morning at, you know,20 to 5 to get up and get the boys
ready for school and work outand pray together and all that kind
of stuff is not as importantas what we're looking to create with
ourselves.
You know, do I want to be ingreat shape?
Yeah.
Love it.
When my wife looks at me, it'skind of awesome.
But it's, it's more about, youknow, what am I doing for the, for
(26:06):
the, for the boys.
So, like, understanding whathas me get up changes the whole thing.
And I think that's awesome.
However, one of the thingsthat, and you probably have come
across this before at leastonce and said sarcastically is, you
know, if I had more motivationand I was inspired more, I would
X.
(26:27):
And I'm like, well, or if theywere more committed, you know, just
choose your word, plug it in.
That's missing from their life.
Otherwise they would have thelife of their dreams.
And I'm like, well, if you'rewaiting for somebody to motivate
you, good luck.
That doesn't last long.
If you're waiting to beinspired, that's awesome too.
That's not going to last long either.
(26:47):
No.
If you have a commitment,you're probably, you know, oh, geez,
here's something else I haveto do in my life or this is going
to be hard or whatever,Whatever negative connotation we
put on the word commitment.
I had to actually become theperson, you know, I'm not Somebody
that, that has to get up inthe morning.
I'm just the guy that wakes up.
I just.
It's part of the person Idecided to become.
(27:10):
So instead of having thecommitments, it's about becoming
what that commitment is.
And that comes down to, youknow, motivation.
Inspiration is beautiful.
However, it comes back to the same.
How we first started this partof the conversation was integrity.
You know, am I keeping my wordto myself?
And if I'm not, something gotin the way, I can beat myself up
(27:31):
over it, which I'm an expert at.
Or I can take a look at, youknow, what got in the way with that.
And what can I.
I need to acknowledge it andclean it up.
And then I can get torestructure my word.
And then.
Okay, so is this one going to work?
Is this structure going to work?
You know, my alarm used to sitnext to my bed, like, nope, that's
within fingers distance.
I can snooze that one all day long.
(27:52):
So I know with me, a structureis taking my phone and putting it
in my bathroom.
So when it beeps at 20 to 5, Iget up out of bed and instantaneously
I turn it off, grab mytoothbrush and I start brushing my
teeth.
That's my very first thingwhen I first wake up in the morning.
And that starts the ball rolling.
(28:12):
I don't know how we got here,but I'll stop.
No, that's okay.
Because the important thingyou said that I want to reiterate
is I'm going to say it alittle differently.
When we have a goal, we'rehere and we want to get here.
It doesn't matter if it'smoney or physical shape or relationship
or whatever.
And we try to do things differently.
(28:35):
And that motivation, thatwillpower, all that stuff, it ends
up being a white knuckle ride.
And we hope that if we forceourselves to, quote, do something
long enough, we'll get used toit and it won't be so bad.
And the truth is, from theplace of being, the doing becomes
trivial.
And by don't mean totrivialize, but I mean simple, from
(28:58):
the place.
And that phrase came to me ina very intense way that's not part
of this story, but from theplace of being.
So if that's who I am, likeGod doesn't have to remind himself
to be kind because he is.
He doesn't have to remindhimself to love us, because he is.
And so, and we're not divineyet, but we're working in that direction.
(29:21):
And if so, if we Stop tryingto say, I'm going to do this and
say, who do I have to be?
So that.
That's the natural way.
Forgiveness, kindness,encouragement, taking a stand for
somebody out of love, notbecause I'm going to cram this down
your throat.
And so you said those words,and I'm just agreeing with you in
(29:45):
waxing a little poetic.
But anyway, so tell me about that.
That is true.
And adjusting the structure,putting an arm over there, or et
cetera, et cetera is, youknow, just interesting data point.
I do this to make it morenatural and more fluid while I'm
still training my being,because ultimately, if I'm that person,
(30:08):
then I don't even care if thealarm's one inch from my face.
That's who I am.
Alarm goes off, I this.
I am this.
But while we're stilllearning, we do these other things,
and that's fine.
We have a gym partner.
We have a accountability buddy.
We have whatever.
And so those are just tools tohelp us with that thing.
(30:28):
So tell me, tell us that.
That's a fascinating set of things.
And the outcome that we'relooking for is, you know, purpose,
prosperity, and joy.
So how would you describe.
You said in 2013 when youstarted to wake up and figure out
this wasn't fun, and you had27 masks on and none of them were
(30:50):
colored the same, and youdidn't know who you were.
Tell me about you today.
Where are you today?
I would say I'm free, youknow, and I.
I don't use that word lightly,you know, and there are moments when
I see calm, the chains, right?
(31:12):
We have those chains that we carry.
We're pulling the boat behindus, or however you want to describe
it.
There's moments when I seethat come back.
And, you know, as humanbeings, I believe that we're very
automatic.
We're incredibly predictable.
And so we start payingattention to what's going on.
And when I say predictable islike those words that those are.
There were certain words in mylife that you said them to me, and
(31:33):
I am.
I.
I don't remember what happened afterwards.
Like, really just unfortunatethings and, you know, or if.
If somebody is.
This is one of my favorites,Kellen, is that if I felt as though
somebody was challenging myintelligence, I would automatically
show up as incrediblyaggressive and wouldn't even know
(31:56):
it was happening.
Had no idea this was going on.
I didn't know how these cyclesand these patterns are showing up
in my life.
So when I look at myself now,I am.
And this is you Might, ifsomebody's listening like that sounds
like a lot of stuff to do.
It really isn't, you know, I'mconstantly checking in with myself.
You know, if, you know, Icheck in with myself around 10 o'clock
(32:19):
in the morning, I do 10, noon,2 and 4.
It's when my, my stuff goesoff of my phone just as a reminder
to keep myself, you know, hey,what time is it?
And, you know, I do a check inbefore Danielle and the boys get
home at 4:00.
And when I do that, I'm justsaying, you know, how are you feeling?
And I just ask myself the question.
I'm like, well, it's a reallygood question.
I feel pretty darn good right now.
(32:39):
Or is there anything I need?
No, I'm all right.
However, where I look atmyself is that because I'm a human
being, I like to say I'mperfect and everything's always so
awesome and pretty and rosesare floating around my mind.
But that's not the case, man.
I'm a human being.
We deal with life.
And so, like, when frustrationshows up and I look at it, I'm able
(33:00):
to create a distinction of,all right, so what do I think should
or shouldn't be right now?
Or what am I, what am Ilooking to prove right or wrong or,
or how am I, how am I creatinga distinction that's creating this
frustration for me instead oflooking at it for exactly what it
is without my meaning on it?
And I think that's, you know,when I look at myself now, it's just
addressing those thingsbecause I don't really remember the
(33:23):
last time I was angry orfurious or, you know, and if I am
angry, this is an interestingthought, is I see it and then instead
of it just being an automaticreaction, I'm like, yeah, you know
what?
I think I am kind of mad about that.
And I choose mad instead ofjust being this maniac, so to speak.
(33:45):
Well, you know the phrase, abuzzword in the personal development
industry is we create our lives.
We literally call art of itinto our all part of our experience
into existence.
And you've said that by themeaning we establish, things are
just things.
Right?
Shakespeare said somethinglike, nothing's ever good or bad
unless we think it's so.
And I'm terribly paraphrasing,but whatever.
(34:07):
And we do literally create that.
So tell, tell us.
So you are, you're happy?
Yeah.
Are you happy?
Like a little.
40%, 70%, 92.7%.
How much do you feel like youreally Are living the life you want.
Yeah.
I would say there are, I mean,other things missing.
(34:29):
That would be cool.
Yeah.
But it doesn't affect me inthe way of my happiness.
I could say I'm happy a veryvast majority of the time.
That's so important.
People, they have this I'll behappy when sort of disease.
And I have names for things.
Right.
I'll be happy when disease.
And when you were talkingearlier about all the masks, I named
(34:52):
that too.
I call it wittot.
W I T O T.
The Wittot Disease.
And I created that acronym atthe beginning of the pandemic because
Covid, you know, everybody wasworrying about, I don't know, is
this Armageddon or whatever.
And I created this WITOTdisease and said it kills more people
than Covid ever will.
And people always say, well,what's that?
And it's what I think, others think.
(35:13):
Oh, right.
And the WITOT fungus.
Right.
Writing it down.
Yeah.
You know, we have thesediseases and we are, you know, I
say to people, you're infectedwith witot.
What's that?
What I think others think.
And, you know, at the end ofthe day, we create our life.
We came into this world with nothing.
We're going to leave with nothing.
(35:34):
And the only thing we're goingto present back to our creator is
what we've made of ourselves.
That's it, you know, andthere's going to be nothing else
that we take what we've madeof ourselves anyway.
So tell us how you offer things.
Like, I know you're a coach.
I know you said you've justnow gotten a larger kind of gig that
(35:55):
you're doing with somebody,but what do you offer?
How do you help people?
Those people that you hold,and you won't let their dreams slip
off the table.
What do you do?
I do a multitude of differentthings depending on where the person
is, you know, obvious.
I don't, I do my best not tolet the financial part of it burden
it.
So I always create somethingfor somebody.
So, So I have a multitude ofdifferent tools, but one of the things
(36:17):
I just, you know, veryincredibly similar to what you do.
I, I, I said, you know, whatdo you want?
Like, I just asked them.
They're just a question, andwe have a conversation.
And I, One of the things thatI, I, I, I'm, I'm very glad that
I came across this wasactually at a Maxwell conference
back in 2015, and it was thepower of question.
(36:40):
And we can, you know, you canpick up a book, and you can get all
kinds of really great advice.
However, now, how great are weat receiving advice?
I mean, we, we look for theadvice that's going to go along with
our own beliefs most of the time.
And so I don't give advice.
I don't really want to giveadvice because I don't have to know
everything because.
And I don't.
And I obviously do not.
(37:01):
However, in those, in thoseconversations, it's not me talking
all the time.
It's me asking questions like,well, what do you want?
All right, cool.
So, you know, one of thethings you asked me, and I remember
this stuff because I, Iimplement right away, and it's like,
well, why didn't you have it?
Not, you know, what do youneed to get there?
It's like, well, why don't youalready have it?
What's missing?
(37:21):
Like, well, this is missing.
All right, cool.
Well, what's going on there?
Well, I don't really know.
Well, if you had to guess,what do you think?
Like, so, like, you're justkind of like moving through the questions
and kind of allowing thatperson to really address themselves
and go, I've been feedingmyself a whole bunch of excuses.
That's why I've been doing.
I'm like, oh, awesome, man.
Congratulations.
That's massive.
(37:42):
So now what?
Like, having that conversationthere, man, it's one of my most.
It's one of my most favorite.
You can call it exploration,discovery, label, it really doesn't
matter what it is, is a reallypowerful conversation to help somebody
create something that theywant, not create something different,
(38:02):
but create something.
I'm going to give you athought about how to think of that.
When you, when you're holdingthem with an eye to their possibility,
you do it through the lens,the same lens that I do, and that
is that they're a divine being.
They were created with apurpose, and any negativity in their
life is something they've invented.
(38:24):
And so the thought is, whatcan we do in this conversation to
change the frame, to eliminatethe dirt on the lens or whatever
metaphor you want to, youknow, eliminate the stuff that's
quote in the way or sabotageand all the regular words.
But the truth of what you'redoing, Steve, is you're just loving
(38:45):
them the way that the Creatorwould love us, allows us line upon
line, idea upon idea, togradually create in our own minds
the possibility of who we are.
And so I would just say thisis how you're expressing love and
adding good to their lives andpossibility to their Palette.
(39:08):
Yeah.
Very well said.
Thank you.
Whatever.
It's just you just loving them.
So how do people find outabout you?
If they're like, ooh, I wantto know more about this Steve guy,
where do they find you?
Where do they go?
What's the best way?
Well, I.
There's a couple differentthings they can do and it's all in
one spot, so there's not awhole bunch of stuff.
(39:30):
I have written this tinylittle book with Tom Ziglar, Zig
Ziglar's son.
It's so little, super tiny.
It's called Road Trip.
And what it's designed to dois it's.
It's called From Survival to Legacy.
You know, I believe a lot ofus are surviving, just barely making
it.
And of course we talk aboutthe circumstances.
(39:52):
However, what that does isthat 36 page book will completely
open up your life.
Dissect it into sevendifferent little pieces, dissect
those seven pieces into tenareas, and then it brings the whole
thing back so you can look atyour life objectively instead of
putting all of our stuff onit, how we think we should, whatever
context we created on it.
And so you get the book and I,I put the.
(40:16):
I, I also, I narrate it.
If you just want to listen toit, you can listen to it.
So I put all that stuff together.
I did some goal setting.
I put a whole bunch of stuffin one email.
And then in that email theyget seven days in a row of an extra
gift.
There was seven.
Seven days of how to staymotivated by.
(40:37):
By Zig Ziglar himself, whichis kind of fun.
Cool.
So where do they get that?
They can go right tostevecrivda.com motivated.
All right, so that's what Iwas looking for.
Steve Krivda.
K R I v d a stevekrivda.com soif you're interested, and I recommend
that you do.
He posts cool stuff on social too.
And there aren't a millionKryvdas Steve Kryvda.
(40:59):
So it's not hard to find.
No.
I know what people ask me, howdo I find you?
And I say, come on.
With a name like KellenFluker, I can't hide.
So anyway, go follow him.
Do this, because I've knownSteve now for some years and his
effort and energy and love are real.
Steve, what did I not ask youthat you would like to add before
(41:22):
we finish up here?
Powerful question.
I think that if there wassomething I could tell your audience
is that if, if you're notHappy or things aren't going in your
(41:46):
way, going your way.
If you're in a corporate joband you want to move up and you're
stuck or whatever word youwant to use on it, I'd like for you
to remove the words fault andblame from it and allow it to be
that you made decisions, youdid what you did, you said what you
said, so forth, and that's it.
And take a look at it from aplace of responsibility because it's
(42:09):
easy to blame.
Blame and fault carry a lot ofemotions from it.
But when you sit in a place ofresponsibility, I'm simply responsible
for the choices that I madeand that's it.
So if I want, if, if I'mresponsible for them, then I can
also be responsible fordifferent choices.
And when we pull our emotionsout of it and how the world tells
(42:29):
us how we should think aboutourselves because we did this and
we should be punish andcondemned and all this kind of stuff
is like, man, not really.
I, I, you know, other consequences.
Yes, that's not what I mean.
But what I'm talking about isthe emotions that come with it.
And when we remove theemotions for a minute, look at it
objectively as a list or anaction, and it created a result,
(42:52):
then we could do somethingwith it because people aren't.
I don't believe people are broken.
I don't believe, I don'tbelieve people need to be fixed.
I do believe that we can, wecan come together as people.
Whether it's one on one, likewe're talking here or there's an
audience listening, or we'restanding in front of people, or we're
(43:12):
just simply taking a stand forour family.
When we slow down for a momentand allow ourselves to be human beings
with thoughts and beliefs andmeeting that person, not that they're
right or wrong, good or bad orindifferent, or they should or shouldn't
be something and we meet themas a human being, that we screw things
up all the time and we dogreat things all the time and just
allow them to be that waywith, with love and grace and mercy
(43:35):
and forgiveness.
When we can do that as asociety, brother, it's a, it's a
complete game changer.
And I believe that we can do it.
But the challenge that we needto remove is when we're making it
all about ourselves.
And I'm doing things toreceive, I'm doing things to get.
Not simply because, by theway, and Kellen probably will back
me up on this, when you serveyour ass off, it's amazing, the things
(44:00):
that come back.
It's amazing.
So when we, when we go thatway, there's nothing wrong with you.
You're not broken, you're not stuck.
You're simply in a place whereyou might not know what the next
question is.
So seek the next question.
Allow the question to not findthe answer, but find a bigger, more
powerful question to justallow that journey to manifest in
itself until you start findingsome things where you're like, that's
(44:22):
interesting.
I think I want to explore that more.
Steve, I want to thank you forbeing with me today.
No, I appreciate you, brother.
Thank you for having me here.
I want to encourage listenersto take some time and listen.
Steve's very clearly andarticulately, you know, talked about
struggles we all have more orless of and choices that we can all
(44:45):
make to change ourcircumstances, to taking responsibility
and then making better choices.
And those are the fundamentalfirst steps to creating your ultimate
life right here, right now.
(45:08):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gets gives youpractical tips and practices that
will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukeigermedia.com if you
want more free tools, go hereYourUltimate Life CA subscribe Share.
(45:39):
It.
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