September 16, 2025 • 42 mins
ego?
Meet Stuart Wade—a champion fighter who transformed his own trauma into a mission to heal others. In this powerful conversation, Stuart reveals how he went from being a "hurt person who hurt people" to becoming a mind coach who helps others break through their deepest psychological barriers.
You'll discover:
• Why "hurt people hurt people"—and how to break that cycle
• The neurological techniques that reprogram trauma responses
• How breathing can instantly calm your nervous system
• Why Stuart believes "everyone is good deep down" (and the science behind it)
• The mindset shift that turns obstacles into opportunities
• How to access your "success gear" without waiting for crisis
Stuart combines his championship discipline with clinical training in hypnotherapy, EMDR, and NLP to create breakthrough transformations. His unique approach bridges the gap between mental toughness and emotional intelligence.
This isn't just another success story—it's a blueprint for turning your deepest wounds into your greatest strengths.
👉 CONNECT WITH STUART WADE: Discover Stuart's "Black Belt Mindset" approach and transformational mind coaching at TheMindCoach.co.uk
👉 JOIN THE DREAM BUILD WRITE IT CHALLENGE: Your story is gold—learn how to create and write the story that will transform your life. Join the next Dream Build Write It Challenge at www.dreambuildwriteit.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Starting martial arts.
That's.
That's where it started for mewhen I was six years old.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream.
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk, so you can
create the life you dream anddeserve your ultimate life.
(00:26):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Hi, there.
Welcome to this episode ofyouf Ultimate Life, the podcast dedicated
to helping you create a lifeof purpose, prosperity, and joy that
you absolutely love to wake upto every day.
I've got a special guesttoday, Stuart Wade.
Stuart, welcome to the show.
(00:47):
Thank you for having me, Kellan.
I appreciate it.
Oh, you're delightfully welcome.
I'm glad to have you here andexcited to dive into the stuff you're
doing.
I don't do introductionsbecause that is unfolding all through
the show, and other than that,it's just a bunch of jabber.
So let's just dive in.
I asked you before we started,what is the most interesting, powerful
(01:08):
gift you have to offer the world?
And you said, empathy.
What a cool answer.
Tell me why.
Yeah, so my gut instinctinstantly told me empathy when you
asked me that question.
And I believe it is my story,it is my origin story that took me
(01:30):
from starting martial arts.
That's.
That's where it started forme, when I was six years old, and
through a lot of triumph, butalso a lot of heartache, a lot of
sadness, a lot ofdisappointment, a lot of difficulties,
arguably some traumas.
Going through those things,overcoming them, and then eventually
(01:52):
studying and learning fromgreat mentors who helped me to understand
what I'd been through,overcome it neurologically, subconsciously,
and then empowering me to helpothers who've been through the same
sort of thing.
And I have always resonatedwith that phrase, hurt people, hurt
(02:12):
people.
And I want to change thatbecause I've been one of those hurt
people.
But I don't want to hurt people.
I want to help people.
I want to empower people.
But I deeply feel for peoplewhen they've been through struggles
and difficulties, and I feellike it's my mission to help people
around the world with that.
And here we are today.
(02:35):
So that's a special giftbecause so many people have.
Everybody has, you know, theirown list of traumas and struggles.
Right.
Everybody feels like nobodyknows the trouble I've seen, but
Jesus, you know, everybodythinks their life is the worst of
whatever, and it's probablytrue for them.
(02:57):
And you.
You decided that after youovercame those things and got the
help, you Needed, you decidedyou were going to set about helping
others.
I mean, you could have justsaid, I'm cool, I got it.
But you said, no, no, I feelcalled to help in that way.
(03:18):
Tell me about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I've always been quite acaring person, naturally, and I definitely
attribute a lot of that to myupbringing from my parents, my family.
We have been a bit of atypical British family in some ways,
the stiff upper lip and thatkind of thing.
(03:40):
But there was always a lot ofcare and a lot of love there.
And it was visceral.
You felt it.
And so I think having thatinstilled in me from a young age
really laid the foundationsfor this.
And so when I've been throughdifficulties that I've been through,
seeing others going throughthat around the same time, even afterwards,
(04:04):
I've always felt for them.
I've always wanted to helpwhere I can.
And so, as by chance wouldhappen, meeting certain mentors and
getting the help that I neededwith at the time, it was clinical
hypnotherapy that I received anumber of years ago.
(04:25):
Now, getting that helpactually provided the vehicle for
me with which I could help people.
Because it's one thing being asupporting person, just being there
as a shoulder to cry on, orbeing just there to listen and be
a sounding board, but I feelcalled to do more.
And learning clinicalhypnotherapy and the various other
(04:48):
modalities that I've beentrained in over the years through
different mentors, that givesme the vehicle to really help people
at a deep level and help themto overcome whatever they are going
through.
And I love that.
I really love that.
(05:10):
It's a real joy for me.
You know, that's interestingbecause one of the ways I describe
that feeling is that weliterally, physiologically, we're
built to love and serve, andpeople ascribe it to survival and
a bunch of other things.
But when we're in the mode ofhelping and in community and, you
know, we have more oxytocin,serotonin, dopamine, we have these
(05:32):
good things, things that feelin us.
And you know what else I think?
I mean, we all know thatthere's two parts to us.
There's a physical part andthere's an energetic or spiritual
part.
And I think there's some kindof parallel neurotransmitters in
the spirit.
You know, we don't know theirnames, but because it just feels
juicy, it feels fun to seesomeone succeed and to love and serve.
(05:56):
And, you know, some peoplehave Lived with difficulties and
they beat that feeling out ofthemselves or allowed circumstance.
But the truth of our naturesis we are literally built to love
and serve.
So I love that you said withemphasis, I'm called to do that.
Tell me about that calling.
Like you're going to haveempathy for people's struggle.
(06:20):
Are you trying to help ten people?
A thousand?
A million?
Like, what is your.
If you picture the world afterStuart has spread the blanket of
empathy, what does it look like?
Totally different.
Tell me, tell me something.
Yeah, yeah.
So I genuinely believe thatwhen we can get over the competition
(06:46):
aspect and the kind of tribalprogramming that we often have as
human beings and we canactually see that collaboration and
teamwork will help us to gofurther together as a species and
solve some of the difficultiesthat we're experiencing in the world
(07:08):
right now and some of thethings that may be on the horizon.
I truly think that everysingle life on the planet could be
changed with that.
And it's not necessarily thatI'm going to be working with every
single person individually todo that, but it's helping the people
that can make the change,Working with those people who have
the power to change the courseof history and filter it from the
(07:35):
top down.
Because I truly believe thatmost people are good, everybody is
good deep down and we just gotto tap into that and remind each
other what it's all about.
Yeah, wonderful.
So there's some reallyinteresting and I would argue really
(07:56):
powerful things that you'vesaid there.
I believe deep down everybodyis good.
There would be people thatwould challenge that.
There would be people thatsay, no, we're basically animals.
Greedy.
I got mine.
Screw you and your dog.
That, that, you know, that,that people would argue that and
because their life experiencehas taught them that.
(08:18):
And you are saying, yeah, Iacknowledge all that.
But I still believe that if wecan tap into the right, we use some
woo woo words here, tap intothe right frequency or vibration
or whatever it is and, youknow, come to our true selves and
all that crap that we say, andit's not crap, but it sounds like
(08:39):
it sometimes that, that, thatwe can actually and really make some
fundamental changes.
Do you believe that?
I really do.
Yeah, I really do.
How does that manifest?
So I see before me awonderful, empathetic, powerful man
who's gone through his ownchanges and has made it his mission
(09:01):
to help.
How do you think we can.
How do you go about activatingthat belief that people are basically
good and you're looking forinfluencers and people with Positions
to do two things.
One, to accept and resonatewith the truth you just proclaimed,
(09:21):
because they have to believeit, too, and then to do something
with that.
How do you do that?
It's a really good question, Kellen.
And I think that spreadingpositive messages like you do on
this show with the guests thatyou have genuinely is what, one of
(09:42):
the best ways, because it, itcan reach everybody.
You know, as long as you haveaccess to the Internet and you can,
you can download a podcast,you have access to a wealth of information
and a wealth of brilliantpeople who can shift perspectives.
And so messaging like that onplatforms like this, and I'm not
(10:06):
trying to blow smoke, I'mgenuinely, I think, I think that
is, is the way to reachmillions and millions of people.
And I know that's your missionas well, so I think it's brilliant.
Well, I do.
I mean, you know, and mylisteners know my mission this year.
Not even a mission commitment.
And my year ends in twomonths, 14th of October.
(10:27):
And I don't think you've.
I've ever told you the storyabout why that is, but it doesn't
matter.
New Year's is October 14, butto reach 300 million people this
year, and you are part of that.
Not just you, but everybodythat you'll share this with, because
it isn't just my message.
It's your message of empathy,positivity, possibility.
The message that deep downeverybody's good.
(10:49):
The message that no matterwhat you've been through, there's
a way through it.
And you have developed masteryat certain tools, hypnotherapy, and
you didn't tell me the others,but it doesn't matter.
A slate of modalities that youapply in circumstances to give people
the vision and the opportunityto see what could be.
(11:10):
And together we're going to do that.
We are going to change the world.
So I can't help but notice thegreat slate of trophies on the shelf
behind your head.
And I don't think it's anaccident that you are positioned
there as we do this interview.
So tell me about those things.
What does that represent inyour life?
(11:32):
So those are a great reminderfor me of what one can do when one
puts your mind to it.
And they are, they are from mymartial arts career.
I am grateful to have had alot of success.
When I first started trainingat six years old, I. I loved the
(11:54):
training.
I really resonated withlearning the techniques, and I enjoyed
going through the belt systemand all of that kind of stuff.
But at the Time.
I hated the competition aspectof it.
And as a result, I didn't havea lot of success very early on.
But it was only when Iovercame some difficulties early
(12:15):
on.
I failed my black belt gradingat the first time of asking, which
was just before my ninth birthday.
And this is a slightdigression, but I was told by my
instructors that I would walk it.
And so of course I took thatto heart.
I thought, well, it's a, it'sa shoo in.
(12:37):
I'm going to get this.
At almost nine years old.
And it transpired that thegrading panel that day were particularly
harsh.
And it was comprised of 10Korean masters and grandmasters.
They'd flown in to the UK forthe grading from Korea.
(12:58):
And there was around 300 or sostudents testing from all over the
country.
And around 30 to 40 studentswere going from my hometown.
Of those 30 to 40 students,three passed.
Wow.
All the rest failed.
(13:19):
And I was, I was one of theones that failed.
And the way that they did thatI believe again was particularly
harsh because at the close ofthe grading, when they were announcing
the results, everybody was satcross legged on the hard flooring,
in straight rows, straightbacks, good posture, silence.
(13:42):
And the spokesperson for thepanel would read your name if you
passed, and they would skipyou if you failed.
And so they went along therows student by student.
And so the student to myright, his name was read.
And so I knew that mine wasgoing to be next.
(14:02):
And it wasn't.
It was the person to.
I left and so they skipped me.
And in that moment I washeartbroken, absolutely heartbroken,
because I traveled down almostto London on my own, without my parents,
without my family, just withthe other students.
And so that was the moment forme that really sparked some resilience
(14:24):
because once I'd gotten overthat initial heartache, I never wanted
to feel that again.
And I tested again a few weeks later.
Sorry, a few months later,about three months later.
And I passed at that point.
And I specifically rememberseeing a student who I was familiar
with that failed that day.
(14:46):
And I even remember to thisday consoling him at that time, because
I'd been there a few months prior.
And I knew that if I couldjust give some encouragement in that
moment, it would help him onhis next upgrading and hopefully
beyond.
And so getting back to thecompetition side, once that resilience
(15:06):
and motivation to succeed wassparked within me, I started having
more success competitively.
And from the age of 13, prettymuch every year until I stepped away
from Competition in mymid-20s, I represented Great Britain
or England in majorinternationals every single year.
And I'm very blessed to havewon four World Championships, three
(15:30):
European Championships, and 20British Championships throughout
my time competing.
And so this shelf behind me isa reminder to what I can do when
I put my mind to it, and thatresilience to overcome challenges.
Things aren't always going togo the way that we want them to,
but if we want it badlyenough, the how will figure itself
(15:55):
out.
We'll find a way.
So I love that last sentence.
The how will figure itself out.
I was in a mastermind manyyears ago for several years with
someone who's retired now, but some.
Many call him the godfather of coaching.
Steve Chandler, who's writtenlike 40 books and helped with the
University of Santa MonicaMasters in Spiritual Psychology program
(16:17):
and all this stuff.
But anyway, his way of sayingthat was when that want to gets big
enough, the how to just shows up.
You know, I like that.
And that's what you just said,and I love it.
And Steve is a great big, tall guy.
He's a big, big.
Well, I don't know, six, fouror five, whatever.
And he's big, and he's so deadpan.
He is so funny.
Accidentally funny, right?
(16:38):
But anyway, so I love that thehow to.
Now, that's a wonderful andinspiring story.
And as you work with peoplewith your empathy and your ability
to understand, like you'veconsoled that other fellow.
(17:00):
How.
Difficult is it to get peopleto see, to internalize and own the
truth that whatever theirstruggle is, that it is also true
that when the want to gets bigenough, the house shows up or that
you can create whatever youwant to, if you want to go work at
(17:21):
it, or if you won't give up,or if you get the right help or mentors
and you know, all the stuffthat we say as coaches, because it's
so easy for people to say,yeah, but.
Yeah, but it doesn't count.
Yeah, but that's different.
Yeah, but I'm special.
Yeah, but you don't understand.
Yeah, but Yebbit.
Yeah, but it reminds me ofBugs Bunny.
Webbit, Webbit, Webbit.
Right, so.
(17:42):
And anybody that's old enoughto remember Elmer Fudd, you know
that.
But so what?
How hard is it to get peopleto slow down enough and to bodily
internalize that truth?
It's a good question.
And oftentimes it's individual.
(18:05):
You know, one person will havea different switch than another.
But I found that letting themair out whatever their story is and
then meeting them where theyare and metaphorically taking them
by the hand to just challengesome of those limiting beliefs in
(18:29):
an empathetic way withconcern, with care, just get them
to challenge some of thosethings to see if that narrative is
actually true.
Then if there's willing there,then we can start to unravel these
things and, and figure outwhat the deep burning reason why
(18:49):
is that they want a different outcome.
Because if they've come to mein the first place, there's an inkling
at the very least that theywant something different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there is.
And I love that you said meetthem where they are and that's another
(19:10):
coachee type buzz phrase thatwe use.
What does that mean?
So if a client comes to me andtells me why everything in their
life is crap and nothing'sworking out, it won't work for them
for XYZ reason, I would say,yeah, I can see that.
(19:34):
I can really feel that for you.
And it's tough.
It's a real tough situation.
And if they are using colorfullanguage, I might meet them there
with that as well and throw afew more colorful terms in there
as well.
Because at least then I'macknowledging their pain, I'm acknowledging
what they're going through andthat makes them feel seen and heard.
(19:58):
And so then automatically thatbuilds that rapport with, with what
I'm saying and they are goingto hold my thoughts, my words, in
a little bit higher esteem.
That that brick wall thatthey've built up is just going to
start to come down.
They're going to take somebricks off there and start to just
(20:18):
let some of my words in atthat point.
But it does start withacknowledging that.
Because if I was to go in, sayno, don't be silly, it's not all
bad.
No, it's not going to jivewith them.
They're just going to becompletely ignorant to that because
it's so different to thenarrative that they've told themselves.
(20:38):
So that's what it means to me.
Meet them where they are.
Acknowledge that they're seen,they're heard.
Okay, now let's start to movethings along.
Let's start to change that alittle bit.
You said two really important points.
One is the willingness, youknow what medical professionals say,
and show all the time that thebiggest determining factor for someone
(21:00):
healing even from serious andlife threatening illnesses is their
desire to live.
I want it.
I want it.
And fanning the flame of wantto is such an important part of what
you do and your ability toreach people.
And the second Thing besidesthat want to is meeting them where
(21:26):
they are.
I think of that in terms oflistening, how we listen to them.
And listening is such anunderdeveloped skill because we spend
our time, it seems to me,listening with the idea of how we're
even if we're trying to help.
Excuse me.
Okay, I hear you and here'swhat I'm going to say.
(21:48):
And oh, I've got all this coolstuff lined up and I'm just going
to blow you away with all thisamazing stuff.
And instead what I found iswhat you've said.
If I listen with nothing inmind except just to be with you and
hear you, and then it mighttake some space after you're done
(22:11):
talking, before I even haveanything to say, because half my
mind hasn't been busyconcocting that.
The energy of that kind oflistening is what creates that connection.
Because somebody can feelright away when you're even 2/3 there.
(22:34):
And so you've capturedsomething that I want to restate
because I agree with it somuch that our willingness and that
has to do with vulnerabilitybecause we sometimes have the idea
we're supposed to, quote, knowsome kind of an answer, whatever.
If we dump that whole idea,we're just there to hear you and
(22:57):
then we think with you together.
Well, I don't know.
But what about this from thesame place that we were with them
in listening.
That's kind of a convoluted thought.
But did you.
Does how does that land withyou in terms of how you work and
what you believe?
Yeah, that makes total senseto me.
(23:19):
And it really resonatesbecause that is what I strive to
do with my clients.
Yeah.
So I'm going to take striveaway from you.
That is what you do.
It is who you are.
And I want you to talk for aminute about how you create yourself
(23:40):
so that you are that.
So that that becomes how youshow up.
Because in the world of somuch pressure and noise and news
and competition and all thestuff you talked about earlier, it
takes an intentional, focusedeffort to choose to be that.
So how do you do that amidstall the noisiness of life?
(24:07):
So I'll bring this back tomartial arts a little bit because
predominantly when I waseither in a grading or in a competition
side of the martial arts, Iwould be fully focused, I would be
(24:27):
fully zoned in and present inthe moment that there was no thoughts
going on about something thathappened back then or something that
may happen.
I'm not worried about whatother people are thinking.
I'M just fully present in themoment, in my mind and body, doing
what I need to do in the moment.
And when I'm working withsomeone, it's exactly the same.
(24:51):
I'm fully present in the moment.
I'm not concerned aboutanything outside of what's going
on between the two of us atthat time.
I like to ground myself, firstof all, and take some deep breaths,
just to give myself some spaceand some separation from the noise
(25:14):
and all of the demands that goon outside of delivering a session.
And once I've given myselfthat space, I allow myself to just
become fully present, and thenI can direct that present energy
towards my client.
And that's how, again, I canmeet them where they are without
(25:36):
any preconceived ideas,without any agendas going in, without
some protocol that I want themto try.
I'm just there.
And that enables me to listenand to empathize deeply with them.
And then we figure it out from there.
And then we figure it out from there.
I love that.
How important.
Like, people are going tolisten to this and they're going
(25:58):
to think whatever they think.
But I want you to give someinstruction, as it were, right now,
about how people can do someof that separation, because my experience
is that most people don't knowhow to do that.
When I talk to people aboutbeing still or stillness or being
present or meditation orhowever we want to describe that
(26:21):
thing, they're like, yeah, mymind's too busy.
I don't have time.
5 minutes, 20 minutes.
Are you out of your mind?
You know, they sort of areresponding from the place of overwhelm
and busyness.
And you've now told me thatthat's what you do.
So you have developed apractice of creating space to allow
(26:42):
you to be.
To give that unbelievable giftof presence and listening.
I want you to teach us herefor a minute, some things about how
to do that.
So Joe or Jane or Barbara orBill or whoever's listening right
now, and they may be wonderingabout that.
So even for forget beingcoaches or anything, just managing
(27:06):
life, talk to me about how tohelp someone do that right now.
One of, if not the simplesttechnique that I ever learned to
calm my mind, calm my body,and become more centered, grounded,
and present is a breathingtechnique called the physiological
(27:30):
sigh.
And I'm sure that some of yourlisteners may have heard of that.
It's.
It's a neuroscience practicethat I've heard some prominent neuroscientists
talk about.
And since I adopted that a fewyears ago when I first learned about
it.
It's been an absolute gamechanger for me personally and the
(27:52):
clients that I teach it to.
And so what I recommend thatthey do is just sit comfortably.
You could do it standing, butit's helpful to sit and just get
comfortable.
First of all, if you want toclose your eyes, you can.
You don't have to.
It doesn't matter really.
And the process is a doubleinhale through the nose and then
(28:18):
a slow exhale through the mouth.
Now, when I'll get a littlebit sciency here, but when we do
a full intake of breath, notevery alveoli in our lungs inflates,
because it doesn't need to.
Our bodies don't.
Or rather our bodies keep inreserve some space at times.
(28:41):
We don't use every singlemuscle fiber when we're doing a bicep
curl at the gym unless we'retrying to max out.
And even then we still havesome in reserve.
It's the same thing.
And so our body will inflateas many alveoli as it needs to when
we inhale.
But then when we force anotherinhale, we get some extra oxygen
(29:01):
in there, we force extraalveoli to inflate.
Now what that does is givesmore oxygen to attach to our red
blood cells, which will thenfilter out into our body and our
minds, our brains rather.
But then when we slowly exhalethrough the mouth, that is telling
(29:23):
our parasympathetic nervoussystem, which is also known as the
rest and digest nervoussystem, that we're safe, we can relax,
it's calm.
We don't need to be anywhere.
We're not getting chased by asaber toothed tiger right now.
We can just relax.
And it's an automaticsubconscious signal.
(29:45):
A slow exhale of breath likethat tells that part of our nervous
system that we're relaxed.
Now, I recommend that peopledo this for maybe five breaths.
Do it in a cyclical fashion.
If you do it just once, youwill feel noticeably calmer.
Do it five times, it'll takeyou 90 seconds maybe, depending on
(30:08):
how big your lung capacity is.
And you will feel instantlycalmer if you instantly more grounded,
more centered and more present.
And so it looks like this.
So I would go, that's one.
(30:30):
So I would do that five times.
And I would guarantee thatafter doing that, you feel calmer,
there's less intrusivethoughts, you feel more relaxed,
more present.
And I haven't come acrossanybody that I've shown that to that
it doesn't work with.
So that would be Number one.
Well, that's fabulous.
(30:51):
And so I absolutely recommendthat you do that because I spoke
with Stuart several weeks agoand I think he showed me that and
I did it and tried it.
And breathwork in general, thecategory of breathwork, you know,
Wim Hof and Joe Dorkstick andwhoever, all have different breathing
techniques.
And guess what?
They all work and they all dogood stuff.
(31:12):
And so the one Stuart has justgifted, you do that.
Don't say, oh, that's cool.
I'd try that sometime becausethat won't help you because you're
going to forget.
And so do that now, a deep inhale.
And then you saw him do thatforced pull, second breath in.
And I love the scientificdescription about blowing up a few
(31:34):
more blobs of someone who hada fatal lung infection who lost staggering
lung capacity a few years ago.
I have done a lot of work todo that.
And I can tell you howimportant what you've said and your
emphasis on breathing.
Breath is life.
Breath is life.
And so I love that.
Thank you for sharing thatwith us.
(31:55):
You're welcome.
All right, so I'm going to goin a different direction now.
Tell me about your coaching work.
Like, who do you work with?
What kinds of people come to you?
Where are they?
What kind of things do you address?
And you mentioned hypnosis.
Maybe you'll throw in a coupleof other modalities that you use
(32:17):
if it's appropriate.
But tell me about the work,and here's the context.
The way I usually ask thisquestion is tell me how Stuart adds
good to the world.
And I'm going to bound thatjust by saying there may be a million
ways, but right now, in thecontext of the offering that you
have to the world because ofyour training, because of your martial
(32:40):
arts work, because of thediscipline that you have applied
across the board.
How do you do that?
What do you do?
So I typically work withbusiness owners and athletes.
Generally speaking, those arethe people that I work with.
That said, I do have the oddclient now and again that doesn't
(33:02):
fit into those demographics.
But they're struggling andthey resonate with me, my messaging,
and they feel that I'm theright person to help them.
And so if that isreciprocated, then I take on those
people as well.
But generally speaking, it'sthe business owner who's stressed.
They're working every hourthat God sends and they're at a ceiling.
(33:26):
They just can't seem to figureout a way to continue on the path
that they're on.
Because they want to grow thebusiness, they want to excel.
They've probably got stuffpsychologically, emotionally, maybe
even physically holding themback as well.
And so they're the spinning abunch of plates while actually dealing
with stuff that maybe no oneelse knows about as well.
(33:49):
So I help them to overcomewhatever those things are, whether
it is a traumatic experienceor something that happened at a certain
point in their lives thatcreated some kind of limiting belief
that they're not good enough.
They'll never achieve theheights that someone else has.
(34:10):
It's not for them.
Whatever the internalnarrative may be.
And that subconscious wiringis holding them back from achieving
more.
It's holding them back fromovercoming whatever it is that's
been keeping them stuck.
And so I meet them where they are.
(34:31):
If they have a trauma, then Ido a particular technique with that,
which is a development ofemdr, which I'm sure some of your
listeners will have heard ofand I'm sure you know all about Kellen.
So I'm trained in emdr, butthe technique that I use is a combination
of EMDR with hypnotic suggestion.
(34:54):
Because with emdr, eyemovement desensitization and reprocessing
the act of eye fixation on afocal point.
As we move that focal point,that actually slows our brain waves
down into the area in whichhypnotic trance can become apparent.
(35:18):
And so by utilizing the eyemovements, not only are we processing
neurologically the trauma andmoving it from one side of the amygdala
through the corpus callosum tothe other side.
And the logical and thecreative hemispheres of the brain
are processing that actively,but we're also then tapping in subconsciously
by giving certain suggestions,certain ways of thinking, certain
(35:42):
ways of feeling, andsubsequently behaving.
So I would do that withsomeone who has some trauma that
is hampering them, is holdingthem back from where they want to
be.
Once we've resolved thetrauma, or whatever the limiting
belief or the negative storyis, once we've resolved that subconsciously,
(36:05):
then we start to focus onwhere they want to be in the future.
What's that big vision?
Because as you and I bothknow, that if we're stuck in that
fight or flight survivalmindset, we can't think about the
big vision.
We can't conceptualize whatthat is, because, like, I'm just
(36:29):
trying to survive here and now.
Who cares about that?
And so once we've cleared thatside of things, there's so much space
now.
The mind is open up.
We fired and wired new neuralpathways in the brain that actually
will enable them to think, oh,actually I could have a big vision
now, what's that going to look like?
(36:50):
Okay.
And so then we start toenhance that neurologically and subconsciously
and really embody what thatlooks like for them so that they
have a target then.
And subconscious mind is apowerful thing.
And once we've establishedwhere they want to go in their life,
(37:10):
we're off to the racessubconsciously because they're going
to think, feel and behavedifferently in their day to day lives.
So that's how I work with people.
I love that.
It's really interestingbecause I, I use a metaphor called
break the cage and I, Ipicture people in a cage and cage
has bars, right?
And you can see and you cansee that thing that you want, that
(37:32):
vision, but the bars are inthe way.
And what you're telling me iswith, you know, using that processing
with the MDR and then gettingthem in alpha state where they can
get auto suggestions and, orhypnotic suggestion and then reprogram
it like it separates the bars,it takes the bars away and then they
feel a freedom.
There actually isn't somethingin the way to start moving toward
(37:55):
that thing before they werepressing up against the bars and
reaching it.
They can't, you know, thatkind of feeling.
So that's what went through mymind as you described that.
So I want you to tell peoplehow to find out more about you.
If they've, if they've lovedwhat you have, they've loved hearing
your voice and your empathy.
And if they want to find outmore about Stuart, like I gotta have
(38:16):
me some more Stuart.
Where do they go to to do that?
Well, thank you for sayingthat, Kellen.
I appreciate it.
So my website is themindcoach.co.uk.
i'm based in the UK.
It's all one word, there's nohyphens or underscores.
Themindcoach.co.UK and socialwise, I'm mostly on LinkedIn these
(38:40):
days and my name on there isStuart Wade.
I'm sitting there in a suit inmy profile picture so it'll be easy
to spot.
I'm also on Instagram andFacebook too.
Again, Stuart Wade on Facebookand then the Mind Coach UK on Instagram.
Those are the best places tofind me.
And once, once we'vecommunicated on there, we can communicate
(39:02):
however's best.
Thank you.
What didn't I ask you that youneed to tell me and listeners.
You didn't ask me about thebook that I'm going to be writing.
I want to hear about the bookyou're writing.
(39:24):
So with your encouragement,which I really appreciate, I'm going
to be writing a book I've coauthored on another book previously
called the Black Belt Mindset,which combines the martial arts,
the mindset and the business.
And that.
That was great.
I loved that.
I'm actually going to be coauthoring another one with the same
(39:45):
author too in the coming months.
But I'm going to be writing myown book soon and so it's going to
be about about my story inmore depth.
More of the nitty grittydetails than that I could share in
a short podcast like this, butlots of that, lots of inspiration
with it and then practicaltools that I've learned through my
(40:07):
time in clinical hypnosis,emdr, nlp, all the stuff that I've
studied and learned as wellwith the story element, but the practical
guidance as well.
So that's going to be coming soon.
So watch this space.
I can't wait.
Stuart, I want to thank youfor sharing your heart, your empathy,
(40:29):
your love, your passion andyour desire to fix the world.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you, Kellen.
I appreciate that.
And thank you for having mehosting this podcast and facilitating
because your empathy and yourheart really shines through and I
really appreciate you and allyou do well.
Thanks.
So you guys, listen, take thisto heart like every guest, but this
(40:51):
one particularly has given yousome very practical and very specific
things to do and invited youto participate in your own growth
and your own championship andyour own winning.
And if you do that and don'tdelay, you'll be moving forward to
create your ultimate liferight here, right now.
(41:21):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practice practices
that will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here.
YourUltimateLife CA Subscribe SA.
Starting martial arts.
That's.
That's where it started for mewhen I was six years old.
Welcome to the show.
Tired of the hype about livingthe dream.
It's time for truth.
This is the place for tools,power, and real talk, so you can
create the life you dream anddeserve your ultimate life.
(00:26):
Subscribe, share, create.
You have infinite power.
Hi, there.
Welcome to this episode ofyouf Ultimate Life, the podcast dedicated
to helping you create a lifeof purpose, prosperity, and joy that
you absolutely love to wake upto every day.
I've got a special guesttoday, Stuart Wade.
Stuart, welcome to the show.
(00:47):
Thank you for having me, Kellan.
I appreciate it.
Oh, you're delightfully welcome.
I'm glad to have you here andexcited to dive into the stuff you're
doing.
I don't do introductionsbecause that is unfolding all through
the show, and other than that,it's just a bunch of jabber.
So let's just dive in.
I asked you before we started,what is the most interesting, powerful
(01:08):
gift you have to offer the world?
And you said, empathy.
What a cool answer.
Tell me why.
Yeah, so my gut instinctinstantly told me empathy when you
asked me that question.
And I believe it is my story,it is my origin story that took me
(01:30):
from starting martial arts.
That's.
That's where it started forme, when I was six years old, and
through a lot of triumph, butalso a lot of heartache, a lot of
sadness, a lot ofdisappointment, a lot of difficulties,
arguably some traumas.
Going through those things,overcoming them, and then eventually
(01:52):
studying and learning fromgreat mentors who helped me to understand
what I'd been through,overcome it neurologically, subconsciously,
and then empowering me to helpothers who've been through the same
sort of thing.
And I have always resonatedwith that phrase, hurt people, hurt
(02:12):
people.
And I want to change thatbecause I've been one of those hurt
people.
But I don't want to hurt people.
I want to help people.
I want to empower people.
But I deeply feel for peoplewhen they've been through struggles
and difficulties, and I feellike it's my mission to help people
around the world with that.
And here we are today.
(02:35):
So that's a special giftbecause so many people have.
Everybody has, you know, theirown list of traumas and struggles.
Right.
Everybody feels like nobodyknows the trouble I've seen, but
Jesus, you know, everybodythinks their life is the worst of
whatever, and it's probablytrue for them.
(02:57):
And you.
You decided that after youovercame those things and got the
help, you Needed, you decidedyou were going to set about helping
others.
I mean, you could have justsaid, I'm cool, I got it.
But you said, no, no, I feelcalled to help in that way.
(03:18):
Tell me about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I've always been quite acaring person, naturally, and I definitely
attribute a lot of that to myupbringing from my parents, my family.
We have been a bit of atypical British family in some ways,
the stiff upper lip and thatkind of thing.
(03:40):
But there was always a lot ofcare and a lot of love there.
And it was visceral.
You felt it.
And so I think having thatinstilled in me from a young age
really laid the foundationsfor this.
And so when I've been throughdifficulties that I've been through,
seeing others going throughthat around the same time, even afterwards,
(04:04):
I've always felt for them.
I've always wanted to helpwhere I can.
And so, as by chance wouldhappen, meeting certain mentors and
getting the help that I neededwith at the time, it was clinical
hypnotherapy that I received anumber of years ago.
(04:25):
Now, getting that helpactually provided the vehicle for
me with which I could help people.
Because it's one thing being asupporting person, just being there
as a shoulder to cry on, orbeing just there to listen and be
a sounding board, but I feelcalled to do more.
And learning clinicalhypnotherapy and the various other
(04:48):
modalities that I've beentrained in over the years through
different mentors, that givesme the vehicle to really help people
at a deep level and help themto overcome whatever they are going
through.
And I love that.
I really love that.
(05:10):
It's a real joy for me.
You know, that's interestingbecause one of the ways I describe
that feeling is that weliterally, physiologically, we're
built to love and serve, andpeople ascribe it to survival and
a bunch of other things.
But when we're in the mode ofhelping and in community and, you
know, we have more oxytocin,serotonin, dopamine, we have these
(05:32):
good things, things that feelin us.
And you know what else I think?
I mean, we all know thatthere's two parts to us.
There's a physical part andthere's an energetic or spiritual
part.
And I think there's some kindof parallel neurotransmitters in
the spirit.
You know, we don't know theirnames, but because it just feels
juicy, it feels fun to seesomeone succeed and to love and serve.
(05:56):
And, you know, some peoplehave Lived with difficulties and
they beat that feeling out ofthemselves or allowed circumstance.
But the truth of our naturesis we are literally built to love
and serve.
So I love that you said withemphasis, I'm called to do that.
Tell me about that calling.
Like you're going to haveempathy for people's struggle.
(06:20):
Are you trying to help ten people?
A thousand?
A million?
Like, what is your.
If you picture the world afterStuart has spread the blanket of
empathy, what does it look like?
Totally different.
Tell me, tell me something.
Yeah, yeah.
So I genuinely believe thatwhen we can get over the competition
(06:46):
aspect and the kind of tribalprogramming that we often have as
human beings and we canactually see that collaboration and
teamwork will help us to gofurther together as a species and
solve some of the difficultiesthat we're experiencing in the world
(07:08):
right now and some of thethings that may be on the horizon.
I truly think that everysingle life on the planet could be
changed with that.
And it's not necessarily thatI'm going to be working with every
single person individually todo that, but it's helping the people
that can make the change,Working with those people who have
the power to change the courseof history and filter it from the
(07:35):
top down.
Because I truly believe thatmost people are good, everybody is
good deep down and we just gotto tap into that and remind each
other what it's all about.
Yeah, wonderful.
So there's some reallyinteresting and I would argue really
(07:56):
powerful things that you'vesaid there.
I believe deep down everybodyis good.
There would be people thatwould challenge that.
There would be people thatsay, no, we're basically animals.
Greedy.
I got mine.
Screw you and your dog.
That, that, you know, that,that people would argue that and
because their life experiencehas taught them that.
(08:18):
And you are saying, yeah, Iacknowledge all that.
But I still believe that if wecan tap into the right, we use some
woo woo words here, tap intothe right frequency or vibration
or whatever it is and, youknow, come to our true selves and
all that crap that we say, andit's not crap, but it sounds like
(08:39):
it sometimes that, that, thatwe can actually and really make some
fundamental changes.
Do you believe that?
I really do.
Yeah, I really do.
How does that manifest?
So I see before me awonderful, empathetic, powerful man
who's gone through his ownchanges and has made it his mission
(09:01):
to help.
How do you think we can.
How do you go about activatingthat belief that people are basically
good and you're looking forinfluencers and people with Positions
to do two things.
One, to accept and resonatewith the truth you just proclaimed,
(09:21):
because they have to believeit, too, and then to do something
with that.
How do you do that?
It's a really good question, Kellen.
And I think that spreadingpositive messages like you do on
this show with the guests thatyou have genuinely is what, one of
(09:42):
the best ways, because it, itcan reach everybody.
You know, as long as you haveaccess to the Internet and you can,
you can download a podcast,you have access to a wealth of information
and a wealth of brilliantpeople who can shift perspectives.
And so messaging like that onplatforms like this, and I'm not
(10:06):
trying to blow smoke, I'mgenuinely, I think, I think that
is, is the way to reachmillions and millions of people.
And I know that's your missionas well, so I think it's brilliant.
Well, I do.
I mean, you know, and mylisteners know my mission this year.
Not even a mission commitment.
And my year ends in twomonths, 14th of October.
(10:27):
And I don't think you've.
I've ever told you the storyabout why that is, but it doesn't
matter.
New Year's is October 14, butto reach 300 million people this
year, and you are part of that.
Not just you, but everybodythat you'll share this with, because
it isn't just my message.
It's your message of empathy,positivity, possibility.
The message that deep downeverybody's good.
(10:49):
The message that no matterwhat you've been through, there's
a way through it.
And you have developed masteryat certain tools, hypnotherapy, and
you didn't tell me the others,but it doesn't matter.
A slate of modalities that youapply in circumstances to give people
the vision and the opportunityto see what could be.
(11:10):
And together we're going to do that.
We are going to change the world.
So I can't help but notice thegreat slate of trophies on the shelf
behind your head.
And I don't think it's anaccident that you are positioned
there as we do this interview.
So tell me about those things.
What does that represent inyour life?
(11:32):
So those are a great reminderfor me of what one can do when one
puts your mind to it.
And they are, they are from mymartial arts career.
I am grateful to have had alot of success.
When I first started trainingat six years old, I. I loved the
(11:54):
training.
I really resonated withlearning the techniques, and I enjoyed
going through the belt systemand all of that kind of stuff.
But at the Time.
I hated the competition aspectof it.
And as a result, I didn't havea lot of success very early on.
But it was only when Iovercame some difficulties early
(12:15):
on.
I failed my black belt gradingat the first time of asking, which
was just before my ninth birthday.
And this is a slightdigression, but I was told by my
instructors that I would walk it.
And so of course I took thatto heart.
I thought, well, it's a, it'sa shoo in.
(12:37):
I'm going to get this.
At almost nine years old.
And it transpired that thegrading panel that day were particularly
harsh.
And it was comprised of 10Korean masters and grandmasters.
They'd flown in to the UK forthe grading from Korea.
(12:58):
And there was around 300 or sostudents testing from all over the
country.
And around 30 to 40 studentswere going from my hometown.
Of those 30 to 40 students,three passed.
Wow.
All the rest failed.
(13:19):
And I was, I was one of theones that failed.
And the way that they did thatI believe again was particularly
harsh because at the close ofthe grading, when they were announcing
the results, everybody was satcross legged on the hard flooring,
in straight rows, straightbacks, good posture, silence.
(13:42):
And the spokesperson for thepanel would read your name if you
passed, and they would skipyou if you failed.
And so they went along therows student by student.
And so the student to myright, his name was read.
And so I knew that mine wasgoing to be next.
(14:02):
And it wasn't.
It was the person to.
I left and so they skipped me.
And in that moment I washeartbroken, absolutely heartbroken,
because I traveled down almostto London on my own, without my parents,
without my family, just withthe other students.
And so that was the moment forme that really sparked some resilience
(14:24):
because once I'd gotten overthat initial heartache, I never wanted
to feel that again.
And I tested again a few weeks later.
Sorry, a few months later,about three months later.
And I passed at that point.
And I specifically rememberseeing a student who I was familiar
with that failed that day.
(14:46):
And I even remember to thisday consoling him at that time, because
I'd been there a few months prior.
And I knew that if I couldjust give some encouragement in that
moment, it would help him onhis next upgrading and hopefully
beyond.
And so getting back to thecompetition side, once that resilience
(15:06):
and motivation to succeed wassparked within me, I started having
more success competitively.
And from the age of 13, prettymuch every year until I stepped away
from Competition in mymid-20s, I represented Great Britain
or England in majorinternationals every single year.
And I'm very blessed to havewon four World Championships, three
(15:30):
European Championships, and 20British Championships throughout
my time competing.
And so this shelf behind me isa reminder to what I can do when
I put my mind to it, and thatresilience to overcome challenges.
Things aren't always going togo the way that we want them to,
but if we want it badlyenough, the how will figure itself
(15:55):
out.
We'll find a way.
So I love that last sentence.
The how will figure itself out.
I was in a mastermind manyyears ago for several years with
someone who's retired now, but some.
Many call him the godfather of coaching.
Steve Chandler, who's writtenlike 40 books and helped with the
University of Santa MonicaMasters in Spiritual Psychology program
(16:17):
and all this stuff.
But anyway, his way of sayingthat was when that want to gets big
enough, the how to just shows up.
You know, I like that.
And that's what you just said,and I love it.
And Steve is a great big, tall guy.
He's a big, big.
Well, I don't know, six, fouror five, whatever.
And he's big, and he's so deadpan.
He is so funny.
Accidentally funny, right?
(16:38):
But anyway, so I love that thehow to.
Now, that's a wonderful andinspiring story.
And as you work with peoplewith your empathy and your ability
to understand, like you'veconsoled that other fellow.
(17:00):
How.
Difficult is it to get peopleto see, to internalize and own the
truth that whatever theirstruggle is, that it is also true
that when the want to gets bigenough, the house shows up or that
you can create whatever youwant to, if you want to go work at
(17:21):
it, or if you won't give up,or if you get the right help or mentors
and you know, all the stuffthat we say as coaches, because it's
so easy for people to say,yeah, but.
Yeah, but it doesn't count.
Yeah, but that's different.
Yeah, but I'm special.
Yeah, but you don't understand.
Yeah, but Yebbit.
Yeah, but it reminds me ofBugs Bunny.
Webbit, Webbit, Webbit.
Right, so.
(17:42):
And anybody that's old enoughto remember Elmer Fudd, you know
that.
But so what?
How hard is it to get peopleto slow down enough and to bodily
internalize that truth?
It's a good question.
And oftentimes it's individual.
(18:05):
You know, one person will havea different switch than another.
But I found that letting themair out whatever their story is and
then meeting them where theyare and metaphorically taking them
by the hand to just challengesome of those limiting beliefs in
(18:29):
an empathetic way withconcern, with care, just get them
to challenge some of thosethings to see if that narrative is
actually true.
Then if there's willing there,then we can start to unravel these
things and, and figure outwhat the deep burning reason why
(18:49):
is that they want a different outcome.
Because if they've come to mein the first place, there's an inkling
at the very least that theywant something different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there is.
And I love that you said meetthem where they are and that's another
(19:10):
coachee type buzz phrase thatwe use.
What does that mean?
So if a client comes to me andtells me why everything in their
life is crap and nothing'sworking out, it won't work for them
for XYZ reason, I would say,yeah, I can see that.
(19:34):
I can really feel that for you.
And it's tough.
It's a real tough situation.
And if they are using colorfullanguage, I might meet them there
with that as well and throw afew more colorful terms in there
as well.
Because at least then I'macknowledging their pain, I'm acknowledging
what they're going through andthat makes them feel seen and heard.
(19:58):
And so then automatically thatbuilds that rapport with, with what
I'm saying and they are goingto hold my thoughts, my words, in
a little bit higher esteem.
That that brick wall thatthey've built up is just going to
start to come down.
They're going to take somebricks off there and start to just
(20:18):
let some of my words in atthat point.
But it does start withacknowledging that.
Because if I was to go in, sayno, don't be silly, it's not all
bad.
No, it's not going to jivewith them.
They're just going to becompletely ignorant to that because
it's so different to thenarrative that they've told themselves.
(20:38):
So that's what it means to me.
Meet them where they are.
Acknowledge that they're seen,they're heard.
Okay, now let's start to movethings along.
Let's start to change that alittle bit.
You said two really important points.
One is the willingness, youknow what medical professionals say,
and show all the time that thebiggest determining factor for someone
(21:00):
healing even from serious andlife threatening illnesses is their
desire to live.
I want it.
I want it.
And fanning the flame of wantto is such an important part of what
you do and your ability toreach people.
And the second Thing besidesthat want to is meeting them where
(21:26):
they are.
I think of that in terms oflistening, how we listen to them.
And listening is such anunderdeveloped skill because we spend
our time, it seems to me,listening with the idea of how we're
even if we're trying to help.
Excuse me.
Okay, I hear you and here'swhat I'm going to say.
(21:48):
And oh, I've got all this coolstuff lined up and I'm just going
to blow you away with all thisamazing stuff.
And instead what I found iswhat you've said.
If I listen with nothing inmind except just to be with you and
hear you, and then it mighttake some space after you're done
(22:11):
talking, before I even haveanything to say, because half my
mind hasn't been busyconcocting that.
The energy of that kind oflistening is what creates that connection.
Because somebody can feelright away when you're even 2/3 there.
(22:34):
And so you've capturedsomething that I want to restate
because I agree with it somuch that our willingness and that
has to do with vulnerabilitybecause we sometimes have the idea
we're supposed to, quote, knowsome kind of an answer, whatever.
If we dump that whole idea,we're just there to hear you and
(22:57):
then we think with you together.
Well, I don't know.
But what about this from thesame place that we were with them
in listening.
That's kind of a convoluted thought.
But did you.
Does how does that land withyou in terms of how you work and
what you believe?
Yeah, that makes total senseto me.
(23:19):
And it really resonatesbecause that is what I strive to
do with my clients.
Yeah.
So I'm going to take striveaway from you.
That is what you do.
It is who you are.
And I want you to talk for aminute about how you create yourself
(23:40):
so that you are that.
So that that becomes how youshow up.
Because in the world of somuch pressure and noise and news
and competition and all thestuff you talked about earlier, it
takes an intentional, focusedeffort to choose to be that.
So how do you do that amidstall the noisiness of life?
(24:07):
So I'll bring this back tomartial arts a little bit because
predominantly when I waseither in a grading or in a competition
side of the martial arts, Iwould be fully focused, I would be
(24:27):
fully zoned in and present inthe moment that there was no thoughts
going on about something thathappened back then or something that
may happen.
I'm not worried about whatother people are thinking.
I'M just fully present in themoment, in my mind and body, doing
what I need to do in the moment.
And when I'm working withsomeone, it's exactly the same.
(24:51):
I'm fully present in the moment.
I'm not concerned aboutanything outside of what's going
on between the two of us atthat time.
I like to ground myself, firstof all, and take some deep breaths,
just to give myself some spaceand some separation from the noise
(25:14):
and all of the demands that goon outside of delivering a session.
And once I've given myselfthat space, I allow myself to just
become fully present, and thenI can direct that present energy
towards my client.
And that's how, again, I canmeet them where they are without
(25:36):
any preconceived ideas,without any agendas going in, without
some protocol that I want themto try.
I'm just there.
And that enables me to listenand to empathize deeply with them.
And then we figure it out from there.
And then we figure it out from there.
I love that.
How important.
Like, people are going tolisten to this and they're going
(25:58):
to think whatever they think.
But I want you to give someinstruction, as it were, right now,
about how people can do someof that separation, because my experience
is that most people don't knowhow to do that.
When I talk to people aboutbeing still or stillness or being
present or meditation orhowever we want to describe that
(26:21):
thing, they're like, yeah, mymind's too busy.
I don't have time.
5 minutes, 20 minutes.
Are you out of your mind?
You know, they sort of areresponding from the place of overwhelm
and busyness.
And you've now told me thatthat's what you do.
So you have developed apractice of creating space to allow
(26:42):
you to be.
To give that unbelievable giftof presence and listening.
I want you to teach us herefor a minute, some things about how
to do that.
So Joe or Jane or Barbara orBill or whoever's listening right
now, and they may be wonderingabout that.
So even for forget beingcoaches or anything, just managing
(27:06):
life, talk to me about how tohelp someone do that right now.
One of, if not the simplesttechnique that I ever learned to
calm my mind, calm my body,and become more centered, grounded,
and present is a breathingtechnique called the physiological
(27:30):
sigh.
And I'm sure that some of yourlisteners may have heard of that.
It's.
It's a neuroscience practicethat I've heard some prominent neuroscientists
talk about.
And since I adopted that a fewyears ago when I first learned about
it.
It's been an absolute gamechanger for me personally and the
(27:52):
clients that I teach it to.
And so what I recommend thatthey do is just sit comfortably.
You could do it standing, butit's helpful to sit and just get
comfortable.
First of all, if you want toclose your eyes, you can.
You don't have to.
It doesn't matter really.
And the process is a doubleinhale through the nose and then
(28:18):
a slow exhale through the mouth.
Now, when I'll get a littlebit sciency here, but when we do
a full intake of breath, notevery alveoli in our lungs inflates,
because it doesn't need to.
Our bodies don't.
Or rather our bodies keep inreserve some space at times.
(28:41):
We don't use every singlemuscle fiber when we're doing a bicep
curl at the gym unless we'retrying to max out.
And even then we still havesome in reserve.
It's the same thing.
And so our body will inflateas many alveoli as it needs to when
we inhale.
But then when we force anotherinhale, we get some extra oxygen
(29:01):
in there, we force extraalveoli to inflate.
Now what that does is givesmore oxygen to attach to our red
blood cells, which will thenfilter out into our body and our
minds, our brains rather.
But then when we slowly exhalethrough the mouth, that is telling
(29:23):
our parasympathetic nervoussystem, which is also known as the
rest and digest nervoussystem, that we're safe, we can relax,
it's calm.
We don't need to be anywhere.
We're not getting chased by asaber toothed tiger right now.
We can just relax.
And it's an automaticsubconscious signal.
(29:45):
A slow exhale of breath likethat tells that part of our nervous
system that we're relaxed.
Now, I recommend that peopledo this for maybe five breaths.
Do it in a cyclical fashion.
If you do it just once, youwill feel noticeably calmer.
Do it five times, it'll takeyou 90 seconds maybe, depending on
(30:08):
how big your lung capacity is.
And you will feel instantlycalmer if you instantly more grounded,
more centered and more present.
And so it looks like this.
So I would go, that's one.
(30:30):
So I would do that five times.
And I would guarantee thatafter doing that, you feel calmer,
there's less intrusivethoughts, you feel more relaxed,
more present.
And I haven't come acrossanybody that I've shown that to that
it doesn't work with.
So that would be Number one.
Well, that's fabulous.
(30:51):
And so I absolutely recommendthat you do that because I spoke
with Stuart several weeks agoand I think he showed me that and
I did it and tried it.
And breathwork in general, thecategory of breathwork, you know,
Wim Hof and Joe Dorkstick andwhoever, all have different breathing
techniques.
And guess what?
They all work and they all dogood stuff.
(31:12):
And so the one Stuart has justgifted, you do that.
Don't say, oh, that's cool.
I'd try that sometime becausethat won't help you because you're
going to forget.
And so do that now, a deep inhale.
And then you saw him do thatforced pull, second breath in.
And I love the scientificdescription about blowing up a few
(31:34):
more blobs of someone who hada fatal lung infection who lost staggering
lung capacity a few years ago.
I have done a lot of work todo that.
And I can tell you howimportant what you've said and your
emphasis on breathing.
Breath is life.
Breath is life.
And so I love that.
Thank you for sharing thatwith us.
(31:55):
You're welcome.
All right, so I'm going to goin a different direction now.
Tell me about your coaching work.
Like, who do you work with?
What kinds of people come to you?
Where are they?
What kind of things do you address?
And you mentioned hypnosis.
Maybe you'll throw in a coupleof other modalities that you use
(32:17):
if it's appropriate.
But tell me about the work,and here's the context.
The way I usually ask thisquestion is tell me how Stuart adds
good to the world.
And I'm going to bound thatjust by saying there may be a million
ways, but right now, in thecontext of the offering that you
have to the world because ofyour training, because of your martial
(32:40):
arts work, because of thediscipline that you have applied
across the board.
How do you do that?
What do you do?
So I typically work withbusiness owners and athletes.
Generally speaking, those arethe people that I work with.
That said, I do have the oddclient now and again that doesn't
(33:02):
fit into those demographics.
But they're struggling andthey resonate with me, my messaging,
and they feel that I'm theright person to help them.
And so if that isreciprocated, then I take on those
people as well.
But generally speaking, it'sthe business owner who's stressed.
They're working every hourthat God sends and they're at a ceiling.
(33:26):
They just can't seem to figureout a way to continue on the path
that they're on.
Because they want to grow thebusiness, they want to excel.
They've probably got stuffpsychologically, emotionally, maybe
even physically holding themback as well.
And so they're the spinning abunch of plates while actually dealing
with stuff that maybe no oneelse knows about as well.
(33:49):
So I help them to overcomewhatever those things are, whether
it is a traumatic experienceor something that happened at a certain
point in their lives thatcreated some kind of limiting belief
that they're not good enough.
They'll never achieve theheights that someone else has.
(34:10):
It's not for them.
Whatever the internalnarrative may be.
And that subconscious wiringis holding them back from achieving
more.
It's holding them back fromovercoming whatever it is that's
been keeping them stuck.
And so I meet them where they are.
(34:31):
If they have a trauma, then Ido a particular technique with that,
which is a development ofemdr, which I'm sure some of your
listeners will have heard ofand I'm sure you know all about Kellen.
So I'm trained in emdr, butthe technique that I use is a combination
of EMDR with hypnotic suggestion.
(34:54):
Because with emdr, eyemovement desensitization and reprocessing
the act of eye fixation on afocal point.
As we move that focal point,that actually slows our brain waves
down into the area in whichhypnotic trance can become apparent.
(35:18):
And so by utilizing the eyemovements, not only are we processing
neurologically the trauma andmoving it from one side of the amygdala
through the corpus callosum tothe other side.
And the logical and thecreative hemispheres of the brain
are processing that actively,but we're also then tapping in subconsciously
by giving certain suggestions,certain ways of thinking, certain
(35:42):
ways of feeling, andsubsequently behaving.
So I would do that withsomeone who has some trauma that
is hampering them, is holdingthem back from where they want to
be.
Once we've resolved thetrauma, or whatever the limiting
belief or the negative storyis, once we've resolved that subconsciously,
(36:05):
then we start to focus onwhere they want to be in the future.
What's that big vision?
Because as you and I bothknow, that if we're stuck in that
fight or flight survivalmindset, we can't think about the
big vision.
We can't conceptualize whatthat is, because, like, I'm just
(36:29):
trying to survive here and now.
Who cares about that?
And so once we've cleared thatside of things, there's so much space
now.
The mind is open up.
We fired and wired new neuralpathways in the brain that actually
will enable them to think, oh,actually I could have a big vision
now, what's that going to look like?
(36:50):
Okay.
And so then we start toenhance that neurologically and subconsciously
and really embody what thatlooks like for them so that they
have a target then.
And subconscious mind is apowerful thing.
And once we've establishedwhere they want to go in their life,
(37:10):
we're off to the racessubconsciously because they're going
to think, feel and behavedifferently in their day to day lives.
So that's how I work with people.
I love that.
It's really interestingbecause I, I use a metaphor called
break the cage and I, Ipicture people in a cage and cage
has bars, right?
And you can see and you cansee that thing that you want, that
(37:32):
vision, but the bars are inthe way.
And what you're telling me iswith, you know, using that processing
with the MDR and then gettingthem in alpha state where they can
get auto suggestions and, orhypnotic suggestion and then reprogram
it like it separates the bars,it takes the bars away and then they
feel a freedom.
There actually isn't somethingin the way to start moving toward
(37:55):
that thing before they werepressing up against the bars and
reaching it.
They can't, you know, thatkind of feeling.
So that's what went through mymind as you described that.
So I want you to tell peoplehow to find out more about you.
If they've, if they've lovedwhat you have, they've loved hearing
your voice and your empathy.
And if they want to find outmore about Stuart, like I gotta have
(38:16):
me some more Stuart.
Where do they go to to do that?
Well, thank you for sayingthat, Kellen.
I appreciate it.
So my website is themindcoach.co.uk.
i'm based in the UK.
It's all one word, there's nohyphens or underscores.
Themindcoach.co.UK and socialwise, I'm mostly on LinkedIn these
(38:40):
days and my name on there isStuart Wade.
I'm sitting there in a suit inmy profile picture so it'll be easy
to spot.
I'm also on Instagram andFacebook too.
Again, Stuart Wade on Facebookand then the Mind Coach UK on Instagram.
Those are the best places tofind me.
And once, once we'vecommunicated on there, we can communicate
(39:02):
however's best.
Thank you.
What didn't I ask you that youneed to tell me and listeners.
You didn't ask me about thebook that I'm going to be writing.
I want to hear about the bookyou're writing.
(39:24):
So with your encouragement,which I really appreciate, I'm going
to be writing a book I've coauthored on another book previously
called the Black Belt Mindset,which combines the martial arts,
the mindset and the business.
And that.
That was great.
I loved that.
I'm actually going to be coauthoring another one with the same
(39:45):
author too in the coming months.
But I'm going to be writing myown book soon and so it's going to
be about about my story inmore depth.
More of the nitty grittydetails than that I could share in
a short podcast like this, butlots of that, lots of inspiration
with it and then practicaltools that I've learned through my
(40:07):
time in clinical hypnosis,emdr, nlp, all the stuff that I've
studied and learned as wellwith the story element, but the practical
guidance as well.
So that's going to be coming soon.
So watch this space.
I can't wait.
Stuart, I want to thank youfor sharing your heart, your empathy,
(40:29):
your love, your passion andyour desire to fix the world.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you, Kellen.
I appreciate that.
And thank you for having mehosting this podcast and facilitating
because your empathy and yourheart really shines through and I
really appreciate you and allyou do well.
Thanks.
So you guys, listen, take thisto heart like every guest, but this
(40:51):
one particularly has given yousome very practical and very specific
things to do and invited youto participate in your own growth
and your own championship andyour own winning.
And if you do that and don'tdelay, you'll be moving forward to
create your ultimate liferight here, right now.
(41:21):
Your opportunity for massivegrowth is right in front of you.
Every episode gives youpractical tips and practice practices
that will change everything.
If you want to know more, goto kellenflukermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here.
YourUltimateLife CA Subscribe SA.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.