November 25, 2025 • 47 mins
You don’t become new by learning more — you become new by letting the old version of you finally die.
In this brutally honest episode, Kellan exposes the truth most people spend their entire lives avoiding:
You built the identity that’s suffocating you — and now you’re the one who has to bury it.
This conversation goes deep into surrender, truth, identity collapse, ego death, the fear of letting go, and the liberation that only comes when you stop fighting for the story that’s been hurting you.
If you’ve ever felt stuck between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is the mirror you’ve been avoiding.
This isn’t motivation.
This is personal resurrection.
- The difference between who you are vs who you learned to be
- Why awakening often feels like dying
- The emotional cost of clinging to outdated identity
- The pain of truth vs the pain of illusion
- How fear keeps you attached to your old story
- Why radical honesty is the first doorway to freedom
- What happens when you finally stop controlling the narrative
- The terrifying freedom of choosing who you become next
🔥 Ready to turn your transformation into something real?
Join the Dream • Build • Write It Webinar — where creators, leaders, and visionaries turn truth into movements.Save your free seat at dreambuildwriteit.com
👉 If you are done with feeling disconnected and are ready to be the person you want to be, Kali invites you to explore how to master "being" over "doing" at TheEarthyExecutive.com. It’s time to allow yourself the space for play and authentic creation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Foreign.
Of the hype about living adream. It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, powerand real talk. So you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
(00:23):
create. You have infinitepower. Hello. Hey there. Welcome
to today's episode of youfUltimate Life, the podcast that he
has created for you, thelistener. To create a life, a whole
life, a complete embodiedlife, whether it's your physical
stuff, your financial stuff,your family, whatever it is that's
(00:46):
rooted. And your experienceevery day is purpose, prosperity
and joy. And the way you dothat is by using your own life experience
and your gifts and your, yourskills and all those kinds of things.
And so today I have a specialguest, Kaylee. Kaylee, welcome to
the show.
Thank you very much. So gladto be here, Kelly.
(01:08):
You're welcome. And I knowjust recently we did a LA talk radio
show as we record this, butthis isn't going to be out till the
end of November somewhere. AndI gave you the date, doesn't matter,
but it's going to be a while.And so we were talking just before
the show about whether or notthis is going to be different than
(01:28):
the LA talk radio show. And Isaid yes, it was. And we started
talking about the teaching andthat the only way to teach is the
embodiment. And you wereexplaining something to me that I
stopped you and I want to gethere on the show and in the process
of this, like, I don't dointroductions and we'll get that
as we go. You're a powerfulcreator. You've written a book and
(01:52):
published a book through us, abook challenge that I have. And if
you're Interested,it's@dreambuildriteit.com I don't
have that URL up here. I dosometimes, but not today. And you
were saying something about awhole life thing and I stopped you
because that is the key. Lifeis not segments. It's not this piece
(02:16):
and that piece. And you know,we talk about it in different chunks.
People have 12 part wheels andall that crap, but we only have one
life and we're one person. Sowhen you think about your work and
right where I stopped you,tell me what it is that you have,
that's this whole body systemand integration. Talk about that.
(02:40):
Yeah, well, okay, so first Iwill say, I will get to that answer,
but it may, it may take awhile to get there. So. But you were
mentioning something about ourprofession, you know, our, you know
us as coaches and essentiallythe survival of that and what that
(03:05):
will mean, what we will needto do and which, you know, completely
on board. Really, what youwere saying is true authenticity
and showing up as who you'resaying you are needs to be a part
of that. And in order to, inorder for that to happen, you, you,
(03:28):
us as the coaches, us as theteachers need to be living in the
way that we're saying andthat, that we're, we're trying to
promote. And so, and basicallyyou're like, all right, so let's,
let's, let's talk about thaton the show today. And you know,
what came over me in thatmoment is that, okay, so what I've
created in the renewable youmethod, which I'll get to, is really
(03:52):
a full body, whole personpractice. You know, it is all about
the body, the mind, thespirit, leading, really looking at
oneself first and startingfrom a point of oneself. And so when
(04:13):
I think about me personallyembodying all of my teachings, you
know, initially what comesover me is, oh, my God, like, I'm
not, you know, like I'm, I'm,I'm definitely a human and a living,
walking, breathing example ofwhat a human is and that some things
I am doing well and somethings, you know, I need to work
(04:36):
on. So initially a littlepanic comes over me when I think
about, you know, needing toembody the things that I'm teaching,
you know, all of the time.But, you know, as, you know, you
know, also being a human, it'snot about perfection. And that's
certainly something that Iexplore in my book and some, and
(04:58):
something that I've, you know,actively work on and have overcome,
you know, to a large degreefrom how I was in the past. And it
is that sort of need to feellike I'm doing everything well. And
so, you know, what that oftenshows up as is performance. And so
(05:23):
essentially what I, you know,the performance piece comes from
a place of being verydisconnected from who, from who I
am and who I would, you know.
So it sounds like you'retelling me, yeah, tell. I know I'm
interrupting you, but itsounds like you're trying to make
(05:45):
the distinction between beingperfect and having it all together
and being real andauthentically in progress.
That's right. That'sabsolutely right. That's absolutely
right. And you know, being,not being real, you know, is a sort
(06:05):
of disconnection, which reallyis what this is all about, like helping
you or really showing howbeing more connected to you is the
starting point for all of usand for really all of Humanity.
So you have a book. It'scalled the Renewable You. It's a
(06:28):
beautiful book. I had thechance to both read it and participate
in helping you get it into theworld, and you're creating some products
and stuff behind it. As I readthe book, I was distinctly at one
point, your exact avatar interms of someone who had the obsessive
need to be right all the timeto have it figured out that everything
(06:52):
that was broken around me wassomehow my fault. I should have anticipated
and known that. And if Ihadn't, it mean I'd screwed up in
some meaningful way. And tothe. To the extent that if anybody
around me, family, kids, youknow, I've been married and divorced
three times, and a lot ofthis, you know, is my own creation.
(07:12):
But the. The anticipation thatif anything was not right, I should
have known it and anticipatedit and fixed it ahead of time. And
if I hadn't, it was not only,oh, too bad, but it was something
foundationally wrong with me.You know, it was that level of disease
that I owned that you addresscarefully. And the process that you've
(07:33):
just described, which is beingopen, vulnerable, authentically human,
and actually engaged in theprocess of humanity, which is the
process of growth, love,service in an authentic instead of
a pretend way, or we can callit a performative way when we're
(07:54):
performing a part, is adisease that I suffered with disastrously.
And you did, too, in your way.It's one of the things that gave
rise to this book. So I justwanted to say that as I read it,
I recognized myself veryclearly in a different incarnation
(08:15):
of Kellen. So what is it that.And what I told you is I want you
to teach me. So assuming I'dcome to you not even really knowing
what was wrong, but knowing Iwas busted as hell because for me,
it involved drugs and allkinds of other stuff. But it doesn't
matter what it involves. Like,what is the difference and how do
(08:37):
you identify and work with it,between being authentically engaged
in improving myself and beingbetter, and the idea to have to prove
it to everybody outside insome artificial way that gives rise
to this inauthenticity and performance.
Yeah. So, you know, we. We.We, you and I would talk about, you
(09:02):
know, I'd want to hear alittle more about your story if we
were. If we were actuallygoing to be working together. So
I tend to approach this workin story, you know, more so than
in specific goals that. That.That one. That one has. Like, I like
to get kind of a fullerpicture of what you see and, and
(09:28):
you know, and reflect thatback to you essentially. But, you
know, generally speaking, I'm.I'd be really curious about how you,
you know, where you turn yourenergy to like what you spend your
attention on, you know, duringthe day, like how you spend your
thoughts, when. What are youthinking of? What are you tuning
(09:52):
into essentially?
And I like to get for me.Yeah, just do something for me. I
hated myself. I hated the lifethat I had. I hated everybody that
I felt like had their hooks inme. I felt guilty at the same time
because I shouldn't hate them.I should love them and be caring
for them and I have to go dowhatever the hell it is that I do.
(10:12):
In my case, I was a big shotexecutive and made a lot of money
and had to keep doing thatbecause that's what I was supposed
to be doing. And so I was tornbetween the feeling that nobody knew
me at all, nobody gave a crapas long as I did the thing I was
supposed to do. And I hatedthat conflict.
(10:33):
And I'm curious, the nobodyknew me part, what is that me part
that you're lamenting thatnobody knows? Well.
I didn't have the sense ofthat anybody ask ever about who I
was, what I was feeling ordoing. I had just adopted these roles
(10:55):
and therefore I should dothem. And I had to do them really
well, regardless of anythingelse, regardless of, you know, where
you get to a place where youare in a job and you hate it and
you don't want to do it andyou want, you know, maybe you want
to do something else orwhatever because it's like eating
your life. It feels like Ihave to keep doing this, sort of
(11:18):
that and then sort of in aresigned way feeling like, well,
I have no choice. This is justwhere I am and I have to keep doing
this.
I'm doing this thing I don'treally care about, you know, and
I'm just going to keep doingit because either I have a responsibility
to do it because of the workor responsibility to other people
(11:39):
to do it because, you know,know, whatever, I'm responsible for
them. But, you know, there'sthis piece of me that nobody really
gives a about, like nobody'spaying attention to. You know, maybe
you didn't say this part, butmaybe there's some questioning in
my head about that person too.Like, who is that person worth anything?
You know, are they, do they,do they have a purpose? So that might
(12:03):
be a question that, thatyou're holding on to too. So I, you
know, I'd be very curiousagain to. To understand who that
per. Who that person is thatyou're holding and to know a little
bit more about.
Yeah, the other thing that wasfunny, I wanted to be. I was really,
really gifted with musicaltalent. Okay. From my youth. I played
(12:26):
four or five or six differentinstruments. I did really well at
stuff. I have perfect pitch.I'm really good at arranging and
leading people and motivatingchoirs, and I did all that kind of
stuff. But that was deemed notokay except in the context of either
community service or church.So I was pushed away from doing that.
(12:47):
I wanted to do that, you know,I wanted to make records and make
music and I wanted to be that.And that was considered evil. So
that person was, well, thatgreat, fabulous talent, which is
like extraordinary. It's okayas long as you're only doing this
with it. But if you tried tobe professional or turn it to have
it be your life, it's not okayin the context of my upbringing,
(13:08):
because musicians are all bad.
When did you. When did youenjoy that work? Like. Like when
was this? In high school or.Yeah, you know, when.
When all the way through. Iwas about 21. I really wanted to
do that, but theindoctrination from my upbringing
and everything else was thatthat was a good talent to use for
(13:29):
service and church andcommunity and stuff. But you got
to have a regular thingbecause musicians travel, they're
all drunk, they cheat on theirspouses. There's too much bad stuff
in that world. And Iprincipally, my mom. I don't want
that for you or for your lifebecause, and you'll thank me later,
that kind of thing, right? Andso the ultimate choice that I made
(13:51):
at first, at about, you know,I had the conflict. I opened a recording
studio for many years inPhoenix, and finally I closed that
down because it got big enoughthat I had to really make a choice.
I was working two full timegigs and I had to either put the
life into the music or pursuethe corporate. And because both my
wife at the time and my momhated that idea and I had no one
(14:14):
to, you know, turn to, I choseto shut that down and eventually
it destroyed me. So theconflict that you're describing was
a very real visceral thing forme in those years. And I don't want
to hijack this to be all aboutKellen, but I want to use that as
a context for. I mean, you cando whatever you want, but I wanted
(14:35):
you to teach us the principlesthat you learned from your experience
and so I'm happy to answerquestions and use whatever will be
valuable for the listeners. Oryou can talk as much about your own
experience as you need to. Mygoal is to have the listeners understand
that what you teach isgrounded in truth. It's grounded
(14:58):
in real world experience, andit produces real results that give
a person peace, control overtheir own lives and their ability
to pursue a balanced andfulfilling life.
Yeah, I. I will. I will try.The challenge that I'm experiencing
is now I'm super interestedin. In. In working with. Not working
(15:25):
with you, like as a client oranything like that, but like having
a. A genuine session in a waymore so than. I mean, it's. Yeah,
I guess I'm separate. Tryingto separate how to walk through my
(15:47):
pillars, in theory, with aperson that's not actually getting.
Well, then walk through themin real life. Go ahead. I'm okay
to do that. I just want you tobe able to express the most powerful
and beautiful way, becausewhat I want the listeners to learn
is the truth. And your ownjourney through your own breakdown
(16:09):
and your own burnout and yourown experience taught you these things.
And what I was thinking is,you can use me if you want to, because
it's here and I have it. And Irecognize myself in those years past
as one who was a victim of allthat supposed to stuff. So we can
do that if you like.
(16:32):
Okay. Oh, my gosh. I'm so newto podcasting, hopefully. Are you
going to cut all this?
No, I'm not going to cut anyof it out. This is a conversation
about the reality of the truthof what you teach. If you were in
a session with somebody, youwouldn't worry about. Well, can we
cut that last conversation?
Oh, no, not at all. I'm justtrying to.
(16:54):
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, I actually love thatconversation that we were having.
I'm just.
All right, well, then let'shave it go. And so that. Yeah, I
shut down the studio in 1995.92. I mean, 1992. For the next eight
years, until 2000, it feltlike I built a whole life on top
(17:15):
of a rotten cellar and firstfloor. And I just sort of paved over
it all with concrete and builtanother life that was very, very
successful until in 2000, Ifell apart and just completely got
lost in drugs and alcohol andrehab and addictions and destruction
(17:37):
because of the. What was thennow decades long. It was conflict
on the surface until I buriedone of them completely and left it
buried for eight years. Andthat destroyed everything.
I'm curious, you mentioned themusic part. Was that. Would you say
that was the having to sort ofpush that part of you down? Was that
(18:03):
the challenge, the main issuethat was causing all of this other
disruption and disconnection?
It felt like it to me, but itwas in the context of you have family,
you're married, you have kids,your first obligation is to them.
So, so whatever the hell it isyou want and want to be and want
to think and want to dodoesn't matter. It's all second.
(18:24):
Da, da, da. And I wasn'ttrying to deny any responsibility.
It was just, how do I want toshow up in the world doing these
other things? No, those thingssuck. You need to do it this way.
And I happen to have been ableto create a really successful executive
and consulting career, youknow, in two countries and big shot
this and that and the otherthat I didn't really give a crap
about, I just happened to bereally good at.
(18:49):
And that, that, that what,that is what happens. Right?
That's, that's exactly what happened.
As I'm listening to you, youknow, of course, you know, I'm thinking
of my own experience, butwhich is, which is a very different
story. You know, I, I guess Iwould say I had success too in the
parenting realm. You know,not, you know, it was different,
(19:12):
different area of life, youknow, than, than the corporate, you
know, high executive routeand, but it's, it's similar, you
know, where there's a sort oflosing of yourself by doing that
which you think you should doand that you feel obligated to do.
(19:34):
Well, like in my case, Idefinitely had a loving family, but
you know, I had a single, my,a mother and you know, who is, you
know, very scrappy in, in her,you know, trying to get us raised
well and, but I found myselfin, you know, married with, you know,
several, with four kids in, ina privileged, you know, position.
(19:59):
So I felt that I needed to beand do. And show up much younger,
you know, all, all in. In theparenting and, and, and do it, you
know, a million times betterand oh. And so over perform. And
so what that meant was, yes,there was a sort of disconnection
(20:21):
from those things that I lovedwhich, you know, were really exploring,
exploring the world, talkingto, you know, traveling in and speaking
with people, just connectingwith people sort of more fully. Art,
(20:41):
I certainly put that to theside. I put my career to the side
up until recently and which,you know, kind of brings the two
together, both art andconnecting with folks. And so yeah,
I Think a large part of thatsort of pushing down is what creates
(21:05):
this sort of dissonance andunhappiness and can lead to.
So this is fabulous. Yeah. Soyou look at the circumstance I had,
which was real. You look atthe circumstance you had, which was
real. And if you change thenames and things, it didn't mean
that you weren't going to be agood parent, and it didn't mean that
(21:26):
I wasn't going to take care ofmy obligations either. But you were
sacrificing your ability orwillingness or thought that you could
nest, whatever it is to be agood parent while you had the opportunity
to explore the gifts, talentsand expressions that you wanted to
do. And you felt like you notonly had to do it a certain other
way, but you had to overperform and do it a million times
(21:48):
better and be like, all in,all over the place. Which certainly
mirrors my own. I had to haveeverything else tuned up. So the
cause of the crash, meaningthe lack of your or my ability to
continue in a role that feelsill fit. Like I'm wearing this suit
(22:09):
that chafes and it justdoesn't fit anymore. And pretty soon
the blisters get too big andthe discomfort gets so gross and
painful that somethingexplodes. And mine exploded a certain
way and so did yours. And nowwe get to the core of what you want
(22:32):
to teach us all, which is a.You don't have to do that. It's not
either or. And there is arenewable and sustainable way to
live.
Absolutely. And it's. Well, Iwas going to say it starts with,
you know, what I was speakingof earlier and is that that's paying
(22:52):
attention to where yourattention flows. Right. But really
it's. There's. There's a.There's a start before that, there's
a catalyst before that. Insome instances, it's, you know, you
know, like in my case, losinga. Losing a job where you're kind
of thrust into. Okay, let me.I need to figure this out. You know,
(23:14):
I really want to figure thisout. Or, you know, it's a spark that
you're just tired. You know,that's why I do speak with, especially
lately, you know, women whoare just tired of existing and not
really considering what theywant and they know. And that's the
(23:36):
other piece. It's not, youknow, it's. It's not a sort of reinvention
in a way of rediscovering thisperson who suddenly appears out of
nowhere and. And is going tochange your life, but really it's
a. It becomes an uncovering oran unmasking of that which, you know,
(24:00):
really gave me life before.And it starts with paying attention
to the things that you, youknow, pay attention that you've been,
you know, putting yourattention to. Sometimes, you know,
what. What comes out of thatis, yeah, I spent a lot of time solving
problems for, you know, mypartner, solving problems for, you
(24:20):
know, the. The company thatI'm working with. And then I come
home and I, you know, I knowthat I'm supposed to not just sit
down and watch TV or, youknow, and veg out. I know I'm supposed
to be doing other things, butI just don't have the energy to do
that. I don't have that. Well,usually the what said is I don't
have the time to do it. And sothen that, you know, takes us into,
(24:45):
you know, a differentexploration, which is, okay, let's
talk about time, and let'stalk about, you know, how that's
being. How you're. How you'reusing that, how you're spending.
Spending it really.
It seems like what you'vedescribed is two instances of not
like you had a job where youwere doing really well and you were
(25:06):
doing what you were supposedto do there. You didn't say, but
I didn't get the sense thatthe job that you had was hitting
all the cylinders of who youreally wanted to be, but you were
doing it because you weresupposed to, which means make money
and do something. And then youcame home and had more things you
were supposed to do, and youfound yourself tired, exhausted,
(25:28):
or out of energy, out ofideas, out of creativity. And so
I don't know. Correct me ifthis is wrong, but there were two
baskets of supposed to, andneither one of them seemed like they
were landing in the sweet spot.
Yeah, I mean, in that. Thatexample, I was referring to, not
to myself, but, yeah, Idefinitely had that experience. I
(25:50):
think for me, when I camehome, it was less def. Less about
sitting in front of Netflixbecause I don't even know when people
have the time to watch it. ButI also have four children. So when
I come home, it's not thatit's job number two, which is managing
the house, but, yeah, thatcertainly comes into play. Having
(26:14):
to put. Put yourself on theback burner. Yeah.
So tell me what you do first.You said the first thing you do is
become aware of, be willing totake an inventory of where your time,
attention, and love is focusedtoday. So if I look at the last week
(26:35):
or two, like where are all myhours going? How many of them are
hours of real dedication orhours of obligation? Like, where
am I giving my life to?
That's right. And so what Iwould. What I call it is an energy
audit. So we would sit. Wewould work through that to kind of,
(26:57):
you know, have a betterpicture of your time and energy,
which are different things.Right. So sometimes we may say, I
have. I'm going to do justthese two things today, and that
should be fine. Like, it'sjust two things. Right. But those
two things can require suchlarge energy. There are large energy
(27:24):
pools that we don't evenrealize how much they are. Or it
could be even small. Like, forexample, a lot of parents could.
Can attest to being sort ofthe Uber driver of their family,
you know. And so when you'rejust needing to drive up the street,
you know, five, 10 minutesaway to pick up your kid, to take
(27:44):
them somewhere, you know,that's not just minutes used. I mean,
that's also energy expended,taken away from the work that you
were doing or, you know,whatever it was you were doing or
you want to do that we don'treally account for when we're thinking
of, you know, how our energyis flowing through the day. So how
(28:05):
much. So, yes, so that'sabsolutely something. So reclaiming
that time and energy, that's.And by the way, you know, these steps
that I'm walking, they're not,you know, they're not iterative in
the sense that you need to doone and then the next and then the
next. You know, quite often,you know, once, you know, I. I talk
(28:26):
to someone, it could be thatwe start from, you know, not from
the top, not from reclaim.
But is there a place, Is therea place in here for, like. This is
a perfect example becausewe've had here in our home a refugee
family for three and a halfyears, a Ukrainian mother and daughter,
(28:46):
and they've just moved outabout a month ago. And that was always
the plan eventually for her toget her place, everything else. But
one of the things that, youknow, ended up happening was lots
of chauffeuring because momwas at work, and so we were sort
of the daycare after schooland all that kind of stuff. And the
time that it takes is onething, but if the energy you have
(29:10):
in doing a thing, running anerrand, chauffeuring or something
isn't like all in, but is fullof. I got this thing, it's going
to take a half an hour full ofthat kind of energy. Then it feels
to me like it's drainingtwice. Once because you got to take
the time, and two because youhave this idea. This isn't what I
(29:30):
wanted to be doing anyway.
Yeah, I love that, Kellen. Soyou're getting more into integration
and how different aspects ofdoing or being human, how they interplay.
All right, well, give me theframework. Give our audience the
framework. You have four orfive steps that are the pillars,
(29:52):
and you said you don't have tostart at the top, but you do have
them in a certain order, sothat's okay. So tell me what they
are.
Yes, certain order. Because welove a good acronym. Right. So this
is. First of all, it's therenewable you method. And the acronym
for it is real. Er, so realwith R. And the first step is what
we. What we went through, whatwe discussed already, which is, you
(30:14):
know, reclaim. And so that'spaying attention to your attention
and your energy, where yourenergy is flowing. We also. There's
also ease, which really helpsus to create the condition for energy
flow. So it's getting quietthroughout the day, throughout the
(30:36):
week, so that we can open upspace for. To accept the chaos. I
shouldn't say the chaos. Ijust. But so we can better adjust
to life and what life sort ofthrows at us. Right.
(30:57):
What does the E stand for?
The E stands for ease. Right,so ease. For ease. Right. So it's
reclaiming, then ease. So, youknow, using stillness as a strategy.
So let me ask you a questionabout that. So ease. Somebody could
say ease. So all of a sudden,something's easy. What it feels like
(31:19):
you're saying to me, and Ithink it's way more powerful, is
I take an energy audit, Ireclaim. I figure out where all my
energy and attention, my timeand attention are going. And the
ease would seem to me, the wayyou've described it to be. I give
myself permission to explorewithout drama or judgment in that
(31:44):
space of stillness, whether Ilike where it all is going, whether
I want this to be mydistribution. In other words, here's
my 168 hours in the week andmy 168 hours of time, 168 hours of
attention, energy and love.And I'm going to be still and be
(32:05):
quiet, but also okay with atruthful conversation, an easy conversation
about whether or not, when Ilook at it, this is really what I
meant.
Is that true?
Or am I way off the. Way offthe mark?
No, I think. I think it's truein the big picture, sort of, you
(32:29):
know, eagle eye view, of, ofwhat you're trying to do. Yeah, absolutely.
You know, and it's sort of,you know, more, I guess. What is
it? I always confuse mymetaphors, but is it like the bird's
eye, the close eyed view of,of things? It's throughout your day.
Like are you giving your time,your, your body, you know, and, and
(32:53):
mine enough space to be, torest, to not be active, to even allow
for new thoughts, to allowfor. Yeah. New ideas to even come
into.
So is the ease you saidthere's that are so stillness so
(33:17):
that I can have space for ease?
Yes, it's stillness. It'sstillness. Getting still, getting
still. So in using stillnessas a strategy, not as a point of,
oh, I'm being lazy or weak oryou know, not powerful in this moment
because I'm not showing up anddoing things. I'm, you know, I'm
sitting, I'm, you know,resting. Which for a lot of us is
(33:43):
taboo. I mean, not to behyperbolic, but is revolutionary.
Yes, taboo. You're notsupposed to do that. Right?
Not supposed to do that. Soit's, this is, you know, this is
acknowledging the necessity ofdoing that and how, how, you know,
doing that interplays into thebigger picture of creating this person
(34:04):
in this life that we want tocreate. So ease is, is important
to that for that attune, whichis the a is honoring the idea that
we go beyond our sort ofcognitive brain intelligence. Right.
This is another something elsethat in our culture is kind of heralded
(34:26):
as, you know, the, the. Theking of, of. Of. Of everything like
our, our thinking and ourability to think and, and be smart
and you know, remember andprocess. Right. But that often comes
at a, at a cost of nothonoring our other intelligences
(34:46):
that we. Which is or are ourintuitive intelligence and our somatic
or our body intelligence.Right. So if we allow ourselves to
learn how to one accept that,and this isn't me telling you that
(35:07):
these exist. This is likescientifically these other, you know,
types of intelligence exist.But if we allow ourselves to, to
accept and embrace that andthen to begin to sort of tap into
those intelligences, you know,ourselves, then we can, you know,
better process, you know,problems if you want to process problems
(35:30):
all the time. But we can also,you know, just better understand
what we're feeling so that wecan use that as a legitimate guide
to.
Well, that makes sense that itwould come after E. Because I can't
tune in or attune myself tosomatic or spiritual or other intelligence
(35:53):
which we all know exists like,you don't. I mean, anybody here that
is going to go look for abunch of scientific evidence for
that is. You're welcome to dothat, but you know, intuitively that
there are things outside ofyour own ability and that the body
keeps the score, which is thename of a good book, by the way.
So you have a reclaim. Youhave allow yourself to create a space
(36:14):
or ease, stillness and quiet.And the outcome of that is you now
have space to attune to theseother pieces of input and wisdom
that might serve you.
That's right. And that takesus to leading from a place of alignment.
You know, we have then moreinformation about where we're coming
(36:39):
from, like who we are andwhere we're coming from and to really
lead. And it, you know,doesn't mean to, like, lead all of,
you know, lead teams, althoughsuper helpful there, but lead in
really just showing up, youknow, as who I authentically feel
myself to be. So what leadtaps into is also getting clear about
(37:05):
what's important to you. Youknow, what. What. What you value.
Right. So this is the valuespiece where, you know, where, you
know, by. By this point, youwould have understood the things
that you pay attention tobecause. Right. We could say that
we value a thing, and then ourattention, where our attention goes,
(37:27):
tells us quite something else.
Yeah. When people saysomething's important, I say, well,
show me your calendar and showme your bank account, and I'll tell
you what's important to you.
Exactly, Exactly. Exactly.
Assuming, of course, theKellenish, you know.
Right. And I want to say thatKellen, too, is, you know, this.
That. That doesn't come from aplace of criticism. And I know that
(37:49):
that can also. That can be.Often be a source of shame for people,
you know, to feel like, oh,God, you know, I really want to say
that I value this, but, youknow, I'm not really showing up that
way. Well, you know, it's not.You don't need to come. Come at it
from a point of shame, youknow, but. Or I should say, and,
(38:11):
you know, there's a way tosort of realign the two so that.
So that, you know, you areshowing up. This is what this is
all about.
Yeah. Any. Any. Any growthprogram can either be used as an
indictment, in which case allwe do is hate ourselves and fail,
or. Or it can be used as anopportunity for growth and improvement
(38:33):
when we treat all the stuff asinteresting data points from which
to move, instead of anindictment on our worth or character
or something.
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.Which perfectly Takes us to reframe,
which is the final pillar. Andthis is, I like to call it the Mama
(38:54):
Daddy pillar. This is, youknow, where we really talk about
mindset, right and, and beingaware and responsible for. For those
thoughts that come into ourmind and how we act on those thoughts
or not act on those thoughts.This is really, this is really where
(39:19):
we begin to shift activelyfrom understanding ourselves as extract
extracted vessels from a pointof extraction to the possibility
of, you know, renewal and regeneration.
(39:39):
We didn't really talk aboutthat. We did on the other show, but
here we didn't talk about. Ilove your title the renewable you
which is like thinking aboutrenewable energy and versus extractive
where we dig holes in theworld and make messes and as opposed
to having a renewable sourceand you know, where you recapture
or reclaim, you create a spaceease and then are allowed to attune
(40:02):
into the greater wisdom andthen a lot start with yourself leadership
and from those places you'reallowed to reframe. Not allowed.
You have the power to reframein a positive, growth oriented way.
As you've walked through thatand I think back to my own situation.
If I had had someone, if I'dhad this information and someone
(40:24):
that would have helped mebecause I was a mess for those years,
if I had had this, any ofthese practices or this stream of
practices, it's not difficultfor me to see that I would have been
able to create a differentpath instead of, you know, where
I went. And I say that by wayof endorsement. It's easy for me
(40:48):
to see, as you've explained,those. What I did do, what I didn't
do, where I could have goneand where I went instead. And how
do you help your clients,people that look to you as someone
who's walked this road to helpthem avoid more serious problems
or breakdowns by applyingthis. How do you work with people
(41:11):
to do that?
Yeah, well, you know, I thinkthat, well, the first thing is just
to become, you know, awarethat it can stop here and we get
(41:34):
clear on the vision that theydo have if they have know usually,
you know, as you were talkingabout your experience and having
to give away or give up thesort of the music musicianship of,
of your experience. I mean youhave an idea of who you. Who would
(41:56):
have been your best self, whatyou would have loved like who you
wanted to be, what you wantedto do. And so sometimes just giving
folks permission oftentimes toreally think that through and to
expound on that piece, thatvision of who they see Themselves
(42:18):
is a. Is a. Is a greatstarting point. That's where we start.
Whether it's an individual orwhether I'm working with a leader
and they're talking abouttheir teams. It's like, okay, let's.
Let's think about, you know,if you had. If your. Your, you know,
magic wand moment and, youknow, you. You could envision, you
(42:41):
know, from sight, from, youknow, smell, from, you know, even
textures. Like, what would bedifferent in this moment? Let's.
Let's begin to paint thatpicture. And quite often there's
a blank slate, there's a whitepiece of paper of. I don't know,
(43:05):
I haven't even had.
Time to worry about it. Idon't know, that kind of thing.
Right, exactly. And again,that's also a place of. For some
folks, some shame of I shouldknow and why don't I know?
That would have been me. Yeah.
(43:26):
Right, right. And, you know, Imean, maybe some of that is good
for therapy, but I don't, youknow, I don't spend too much time
in that. We need to, you know,figure out. Figure it out and create
it. If you don't know. I'm allabout, you know, if you want to do
something, if you want to besomething, then be it. And let's.
Let's create it. And so that'swhere the sort of. I mentioned before,
(43:48):
the artistic piece comes in toplay, which we don't really think
of our lives as being likethis thing that we get to create.
We think of it as somethingthat sort of happens. But giving
permission to allow thisspace, you know, this to. To also
(44:09):
be a space of. Of. Of play andcreation is. Is often how I like
to start to.
I love that. And I wanteverybody that's listening to hear
that. Allow yourself tocreate. You do create your life.
Most of us create it fromobligation and from simply allowing
the crap that's going onaround us to define everything from
how we feel to what we'resupposed to do next. And you've painted
(44:32):
a picture of starting from ablank piece of paper. What would
you draw? What would you puton there? Like, what are you drawn
to? And I love the fact thatyou said, don't just sit there forever
and worry about what shouldalready be on the paper. There's
nothing there. So start over.Start now. Start with that and go
create. If somebody wantsright now to have you help them and
(44:53):
they recognize themselves inthis story, what would they do? Where
do they go to get a hold ofyou or talk to you?
Yes. You know, please, you cansend me a direct email. That's it's
super easy. Kaylee k a l I@theearthy executive.com you can send
me an email. I'm also veryactive on LinkedIn so it's my full
(45:15):
name, Kayleigh Fields withWilliams on LinkedIn. You can send
me a DM there and we can, youknow, I would love to meet you and
we can get started there.
You know, I can tell youlisteners that I know Kaylee from
having worked with her writingthis book and having interviewed
her before and just haven'ttalked to her a number of times.
(45:35):
And I testify or attest toher, her openness, her authenticity
and her skill with these, withthese practices and her desire to
help. Those who are tired ofone way and want to create a new
way are asking the question isthis really what life is supposed
(45:58):
to feel like, you know, afterX number of years or whatever? So
Kaylee, I want to thank youfor sharing your book the Renewable
you System, which is realerand your heart with us here today.
Thanks so much Kellen. It'sbeen fun as always.
(46:20):
Oh good. So I really want youto do this. Like I bring people here
that have something for you.Different life experience, different
personalities, different skillsets and each person has a, has something
to offer that is battle testedand real to help you to create your
(46:44):
ultimate life. Right here,right now. Your opportunity for massive
growth is right in front ofyou. Every episode gives you practical,
practical tips and practicesthat will change everything. If you
(47:08):
want to know more, go tokellenflukeigermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here. YourUltimateLife CA Subscribe Share.
(47:29):
Sam.
Foreign.
Of the hype about living adream. It's time for truth. This
is the place for tools, powerand real talk. So you can create
the life you dream and deserveyour ultimate life. Subscribe, share,
(00:23):
create. You have infinitepower. Hello. Hey there. Welcome
to today's episode of youfUltimate Life, the podcast that he
has created for you, thelistener. To create a life, a whole
life, a complete embodiedlife, whether it's your physical
stuff, your financial stuff,your family, whatever it is that's
(00:46):
rooted. And your experienceevery day is purpose, prosperity
and joy. And the way you dothat is by using your own life experience
and your gifts and your, yourskills and all those kinds of things.
And so today I have a specialguest, Kaylee. Kaylee, welcome to
the show.
Thank you very much. So gladto be here, Kelly.
(01:08):
You're welcome. And I knowjust recently we did a LA talk radio
show as we record this, butthis isn't going to be out till the
end of November somewhere. AndI gave you the date, doesn't matter,
but it's going to be a while.And so we were talking just before
the show about whether or notthis is going to be different than
(01:28):
the LA talk radio show. And Isaid yes, it was. And we started
talking about the teaching andthat the only way to teach is the
embodiment. And you wereexplaining something to me that I
stopped you and I want to gethere on the show and in the process
of this, like, I don't dointroductions and we'll get that
as we go. You're a powerfulcreator. You've written a book and
(01:52):
published a book through us, abook challenge that I have. And if
you're Interested,it's@dreambuildriteit.com I don't
have that URL up here. I dosometimes, but not today. And you
were saying something about awhole life thing and I stopped you
because that is the key. Lifeis not segments. It's not this piece
(02:16):
and that piece. And you know,we talk about it in different chunks.
People have 12 part wheels andall that crap, but we only have one
life and we're one person. Sowhen you think about your work and
right where I stopped you,tell me what it is that you have,
that's this whole body systemand integration. Talk about that.
(02:40):
Yeah, well, okay, so first Iwill say, I will get to that answer,
but it may, it may take awhile to get there. So. But you were
mentioning something about ourprofession, you know, our, you know
us as coaches and essentiallythe survival of that and what that
(03:05):
will mean, what we will needto do and which, you know, completely
on board. Really, what youwere saying is true authenticity
and showing up as who you'resaying you are needs to be a part
of that. And in order to, inorder for that to happen, you, you,
(03:28):
us as the coaches, us as theteachers need to be living in the
way that we're saying andthat, that we're, we're trying to
promote. And so, and basicallyyou're like, all right, so let's,
let's, let's talk about thaton the show today. And you know,
what came over me in thatmoment is that, okay, so what I've
created in the renewable youmethod, which I'll get to, is really
(03:52):
a full body, whole personpractice. You know, it is all about
the body, the mind, thespirit, leading, really looking at
oneself first and startingfrom a point of oneself. And so when
(04:13):
I think about me personallyembodying all of my teachings, you
know, initially what comesover me is, oh, my God, like, I'm
not, you know, like I'm, I'm,I'm definitely a human and a living,
walking, breathing example ofwhat a human is and that some things
I am doing well and somethings, you know, I need to work
(04:36):
on. So initially a littlepanic comes over me when I think
about, you know, needing toembody the things that I'm teaching,
you know, all of the time.But, you know, as, you know, you
know, also being a human, it'snot about perfection. And that's
certainly something that Iexplore in my book and some, and
(04:58):
something that I've, you know,actively work on and have overcome,
you know, to a large degreefrom how I was in the past. And it
is that sort of need to feellike I'm doing everything well. And
so, you know, what that oftenshows up as is performance. And so
(05:23):
essentially what I, you know,the performance piece comes from
a place of being verydisconnected from who, from who I
am and who I would, you know.
So it sounds like you'retelling me, yeah, tell. I know I'm
interrupting you, but itsounds like you're trying to make
(05:45):
the distinction between beingperfect and having it all together
and being real andauthentically in progress.
That's right. That'sabsolutely right. That's absolutely
right. And you know, being,not being real, you know, is a sort
(06:05):
of disconnection, which reallyis what this is all about, like helping
you or really showing howbeing more connected to you is the
starting point for all of usand for really all of Humanity.
So you have a book. It'scalled the Renewable You. It's a
(06:28):
beautiful book. I had thechance to both read it and participate
in helping you get it into theworld, and you're creating some products
and stuff behind it. As I readthe book, I was distinctly at one
point, your exact avatar interms of someone who had the obsessive
need to be right all the timeto have it figured out that everything
(06:52):
that was broken around me wassomehow my fault. I should have anticipated
and known that. And if Ihadn't, it mean I'd screwed up in
some meaningful way. And tothe. To the extent that if anybody
around me, family, kids, youknow, I've been married and divorced
three times, and a lot ofthis, you know, is my own creation.
(07:12):
But the. The anticipation thatif anything was not right, I should
have known it and anticipatedit and fixed it ahead of time. And
if I hadn't, it was not only,oh, too bad, but it was something
foundationally wrong with me.You know, it was that level of disease
that I owned that you addresscarefully. And the process that you've
(07:33):
just described, which is beingopen, vulnerable, authentically human,
and actually engaged in theprocess of humanity, which is the
process of growth, love,service in an authentic instead of
a pretend way, or we can callit a performative way when we're
(07:54):
performing a part, is adisease that I suffered with disastrously.
And you did, too, in your way.It's one of the things that gave
rise to this book. So I justwanted to say that as I read it,
I recognized myself veryclearly in a different incarnation
(08:15):
of Kellen. So what is it that.And what I told you is I want you
to teach me. So assuming I'dcome to you not even really knowing
what was wrong, but knowing Iwas busted as hell because for me,
it involved drugs and allkinds of other stuff. But it doesn't
matter what it involves. Like,what is the difference and how do
(08:37):
you identify and work with it,between being authentically engaged
in improving myself and beingbetter, and the idea to have to prove
it to everybody outside insome artificial way that gives rise
to this inauthenticity and performance.
Yeah. So, you know, we. We.We, you and I would talk about, you
(09:02):
know, I'd want to hear alittle more about your story if we
were. If we were actuallygoing to be working together. So
I tend to approach this workin story, you know, more so than
in specific goals that. That.That one. That one has. Like, I like
to get kind of a fullerpicture of what you see and, and
(09:28):
you know, and reflect thatback to you essentially. But, you
know, generally speaking, I'm.I'd be really curious about how you,
you know, where you turn yourenergy to like what you spend your
attention on, you know, duringthe day, like how you spend your
thoughts, when. What are youthinking of? What are you tuning
(09:52):
into essentially?
And I like to get for me.Yeah, just do something for me. I
hated myself. I hated the lifethat I had. I hated everybody that
I felt like had their hooks inme. I felt guilty at the same time
because I shouldn't hate them.I should love them and be caring
for them and I have to go dowhatever the hell it is that I do.
(10:12):
In my case, I was a big shotexecutive and made a lot of money
and had to keep doing thatbecause that's what I was supposed
to be doing. And so I was tornbetween the feeling that nobody knew
me at all, nobody gave a crapas long as I did the thing I was
supposed to do. And I hatedthat conflict.
(10:33):
And I'm curious, the nobodyknew me part, what is that me part
that you're lamenting thatnobody knows? Well.
I didn't have the sense ofthat anybody ask ever about who I
was, what I was feeling ordoing. I had just adopted these roles
(10:55):
and therefore I should dothem. And I had to do them really
well, regardless of anythingelse, regardless of, you know, where
you get to a place where youare in a job and you hate it and
you don't want to do it andyou want, you know, maybe you want
to do something else orwhatever because it's like eating
your life. It feels like Ihave to keep doing this, sort of
(11:18):
that and then sort of in aresigned way feeling like, well,
I have no choice. This is justwhere I am and I have to keep doing
this.
I'm doing this thing I don'treally care about, you know, and
I'm just going to keep doingit because either I have a responsibility
to do it because of the workor responsibility to other people
(11:39):
to do it because, you know,know, whatever, I'm responsible for
them. But, you know, there'sthis piece of me that nobody really
gives a about, like nobody'spaying attention to. You know, maybe
you didn't say this part, butmaybe there's some questioning in
my head about that person too.Like, who is that person worth anything?
You know, are they, do they,do they have a purpose? So that might
(12:03):
be a question that, thatyou're holding on to too. So I, you
know, I'd be very curiousagain to. To understand who that
per. Who that person is thatyou're holding and to know a little
bit more about.
Yeah, the other thing that wasfunny, I wanted to be. I was really,
really gifted with musicaltalent. Okay. From my youth. I played
(12:26):
four or five or six differentinstruments. I did really well at
stuff. I have perfect pitch.I'm really good at arranging and
leading people and motivatingchoirs, and I did all that kind of
stuff. But that was deemed notokay except in the context of either
community service or church.So I was pushed away from doing that.
(12:47):
I wanted to do that, you know,I wanted to make records and make
music and I wanted to be that.And that was considered evil. So
that person was, well, thatgreat, fabulous talent, which is
like extraordinary. It's okayas long as you're only doing this
with it. But if you tried tobe professional or turn it to have
it be your life, it's not okayin the context of my upbringing,
(13:08):
because musicians are all bad.
When did you. When did youenjoy that work? Like. Like when
was this? In high school or.Yeah, you know, when.
When all the way through. Iwas about 21. I really wanted to
do that, but theindoctrination from my upbringing
and everything else was thatthat was a good talent to use for
(13:29):
service and church andcommunity and stuff. But you got
to have a regular thingbecause musicians travel, they're
all drunk, they cheat on theirspouses. There's too much bad stuff
in that world. And Iprincipally, my mom. I don't want
that for you or for your lifebecause, and you'll thank me later,
that kind of thing, right? Andso the ultimate choice that I made
(13:51):
at first, at about, you know,I had the conflict. I opened a recording
studio for many years inPhoenix, and finally I closed that
down because it got big enoughthat I had to really make a choice.
I was working two full timegigs and I had to either put the
life into the music or pursuethe corporate. And because both my
wife at the time and my momhated that idea and I had no one
(14:14):
to, you know, turn to, I choseto shut that down and eventually
it destroyed me. So theconflict that you're describing was
a very real visceral thing forme in those years. And I don't want
to hijack this to be all aboutKellen, but I want to use that as
a context for. I mean, you cando whatever you want, but I wanted
(14:35):
you to teach us the principlesthat you learned from your experience
and so I'm happy to answerquestions and use whatever will be
valuable for the listeners. Oryou can talk as much about your own
experience as you need to. Mygoal is to have the listeners understand
that what you teach isgrounded in truth. It's grounded
(14:58):
in real world experience, andit produces real results that give
a person peace, control overtheir own lives and their ability
to pursue a balanced andfulfilling life.
Yeah, I. I will. I will try.The challenge that I'm experiencing
is now I'm super interestedin. In. In working with. Not working
(15:25):
with you, like as a client oranything like that, but like having
a. A genuine session in a waymore so than. I mean, it's. Yeah,
I guess I'm separate. Tryingto separate how to walk through my
(15:47):
pillars, in theory, with aperson that's not actually getting.
Well, then walk through themin real life. Go ahead. I'm okay
to do that. I just want you tobe able to express the most powerful
and beautiful way, becausewhat I want the listeners to learn
is the truth. And your ownjourney through your own breakdown
(16:09):
and your own burnout and yourown experience taught you these things.
And what I was thinking is,you can use me if you want to, because
it's here and I have it. And Irecognize myself in those years past
as one who was a victim of allthat supposed to stuff. So we can
do that if you like.
(16:32):
Okay. Oh, my gosh. I'm so newto podcasting, hopefully. Are you
going to cut all this?
No, I'm not going to cut anyof it out. This is a conversation
about the reality of the truthof what you teach. If you were in
a session with somebody, youwouldn't worry about. Well, can we
cut that last conversation?
Oh, no, not at all. I'm justtrying to.
(16:54):
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, I actually love thatconversation that we were having.
I'm just.
All right, well, then let'shave it go. And so that. Yeah, I
shut down the studio in 1995.92. I mean, 1992. For the next eight
years, until 2000, it feltlike I built a whole life on top
(17:15):
of a rotten cellar and firstfloor. And I just sort of paved over
it all with concrete and builtanother life that was very, very
successful until in 2000, Ifell apart and just completely got
lost in drugs and alcohol andrehab and addictions and destruction
(17:37):
because of the. What was thennow decades long. It was conflict
on the surface until I buriedone of them completely and left it
buried for eight years. Andthat destroyed everything.
I'm curious, you mentioned themusic part. Was that. Would you say
that was the having to sort ofpush that part of you down? Was that
(18:03):
the challenge, the main issuethat was causing all of this other
disruption and disconnection?
It felt like it to me, but itwas in the context of you have family,
you're married, you have kids,your first obligation is to them.
So, so whatever the hell it isyou want and want to be and want
to think and want to dodoesn't matter. It's all second.
(18:24):
Da, da, da. And I wasn'ttrying to deny any responsibility.
It was just, how do I want toshow up in the world doing these
other things? No, those thingssuck. You need to do it this way.
And I happen to have been ableto create a really successful executive
and consulting career, youknow, in two countries and big shot
this and that and the otherthat I didn't really give a crap
about, I just happened to bereally good at.
(18:49):
And that, that, that what,that is what happens. Right?
That's, that's exactly what happened.
As I'm listening to you, youknow, of course, you know, I'm thinking
of my own experience, butwhich is, which is a very different
story. You know, I, I guess Iwould say I had success too in the
parenting realm. You know,not, you know, it was different,
(19:12):
different area of life, youknow, than, than the corporate, you
know, high executive routeand, but it's, it's similar, you
know, where there's a sort oflosing of yourself by doing that
which you think you should doand that you feel obligated to do.
(19:34):
Well, like in my case, Idefinitely had a loving family, but
you know, I had a single, my,a mother and you know, who is, you
know, very scrappy in, in her,you know, trying to get us raised
well and, but I found myselfin, you know, married with, you know,
several, with four kids in, ina privileged, you know, position.
(19:59):
So I felt that I needed to beand do. And show up much younger,
you know, all, all in. In theparenting and, and, and do it, you
know, a million times betterand oh. And so over perform. And
so what that meant was, yes,there was a sort of disconnection
(20:21):
from those things that I lovedwhich, you know, were really exploring,
exploring the world, talkingto, you know, traveling in and speaking
with people, just connectingwith people sort of more fully. Art,
(20:41):
I certainly put that to theside. I put my career to the side
up until recently and which,you know, kind of brings the two
together, both art andconnecting with folks. And so yeah,
I Think a large part of thatsort of pushing down is what creates
(21:05):
this sort of dissonance andunhappiness and can lead to.
So this is fabulous. Yeah. Soyou look at the circumstance I had,
which was real. You look atthe circumstance you had, which was
real. And if you change thenames and things, it didn't mean
that you weren't going to be agood parent, and it didn't mean that
(21:26):
I wasn't going to take care ofmy obligations either. But you were
sacrificing your ability orwillingness or thought that you could
nest, whatever it is to be agood parent while you had the opportunity
to explore the gifts, talentsand expressions that you wanted to
do. And you felt like you notonly had to do it a certain other
way, but you had to overperform and do it a million times
(21:48):
better and be like, all in,all over the place. Which certainly
mirrors my own. I had to haveeverything else tuned up. So the
cause of the crash, meaningthe lack of your or my ability to
continue in a role that feelsill fit. Like I'm wearing this suit
(22:09):
that chafes and it justdoesn't fit anymore. And pretty soon
the blisters get too big andthe discomfort gets so gross and
painful that somethingexplodes. And mine exploded a certain
way and so did yours. And nowwe get to the core of what you want
(22:32):
to teach us all, which is a.You don't have to do that. It's not
either or. And there is arenewable and sustainable way to
live.
Absolutely. And it's. Well, Iwas going to say it starts with,
you know, what I was speakingof earlier and is that that's paying
(22:52):
attention to where yourattention flows. Right. But really
it's. There's. There's a.There's a start before that, there's
a catalyst before that. Insome instances, it's, you know, you
know, like in my case, losinga. Losing a job where you're kind
of thrust into. Okay, let me.I need to figure this out. You know,
(23:14):
I really want to figure thisout. Or, you know, it's a spark that
you're just tired. You know,that's why I do speak with, especially
lately, you know, women whoare just tired of existing and not
really considering what theywant and they know. And that's the
(23:36):
other piece. It's not, youknow, it's. It's not a sort of reinvention
in a way of rediscovering thisperson who suddenly appears out of
nowhere and. And is going tochange your life, but really it's
a. It becomes an uncovering oran unmasking of that which, you know,
(24:00):
really gave me life before.And it starts with paying attention
to the things that you, youknow, pay attention that you've been,
you know, putting yourattention to. Sometimes, you know,
what. What comes out of thatis, yeah, I spent a lot of time solving
problems for, you know, mypartner, solving problems for, you
(24:20):
know, the. The company thatI'm working with. And then I come
home and I, you know, I knowthat I'm supposed to not just sit
down and watch TV or, youknow, and veg out. I know I'm supposed
to be doing other things, butI just don't have the energy to do
that. I don't have that. Well,usually the what said is I don't
have the time to do it. And sothen that, you know, takes us into,
(24:45):
you know, a differentexploration, which is, okay, let's
talk about time, and let'stalk about, you know, how that's
being. How you're. How you'reusing that, how you're spending.
Spending it really.
It seems like what you'vedescribed is two instances of not
like you had a job where youwere doing really well and you were
(25:06):
doing what you were supposedto do there. You didn't say, but
I didn't get the sense thatthe job that you had was hitting
all the cylinders of who youreally wanted to be, but you were
doing it because you weresupposed to, which means make money
and do something. And then youcame home and had more things you
were supposed to do, and youfound yourself tired, exhausted,
(25:28):
or out of energy, out ofideas, out of creativity. And so
I don't know. Correct me ifthis is wrong, but there were two
baskets of supposed to, andneither one of them seemed like they
were landing in the sweet spot.
Yeah, I mean, in that. Thatexample, I was referring to, not
to myself, but, yeah, Idefinitely had that experience. I
(25:50):
think for me, when I camehome, it was less def. Less about
sitting in front of Netflixbecause I don't even know when people
have the time to watch it. ButI also have four children. So when
I come home, it's not thatit's job number two, which is managing
the house, but, yeah, thatcertainly comes into play. Having
(26:14):
to put. Put yourself on theback burner. Yeah.
So tell me what you do first.You said the first thing you do is
become aware of, be willing totake an inventory of where your time,
attention, and love is focusedtoday. So if I look at the last week
(26:35):
or two, like where are all myhours going? How many of them are
hours of real dedication orhours of obligation? Like, where
am I giving my life to?
That's right. And so what Iwould. What I call it is an energy
audit. So we would sit. Wewould work through that to kind of,
(26:57):
you know, have a betterpicture of your time and energy,
which are different things.Right. So sometimes we may say, I
have. I'm going to do justthese two things today, and that
should be fine. Like, it'sjust two things. Right. But those
two things can require suchlarge energy. There are large energy
(27:24):
pools that we don't evenrealize how much they are. Or it
could be even small. Like, forexample, a lot of parents could.
Can attest to being sort ofthe Uber driver of their family,
you know. And so when you'rejust needing to drive up the street,
you know, five, 10 minutesaway to pick up your kid, to take
(27:44):
them somewhere, you know,that's not just minutes used. I mean,
that's also energy expended,taken away from the work that you
were doing or, you know,whatever it was you were doing or
you want to do that we don'treally account for when we're thinking
of, you know, how our energyis flowing through the day. So how
(28:05):
much. So, yes, so that'sabsolutely something. So reclaiming
that time and energy, that's.And by the way, you know, these steps
that I'm walking, they're not,you know, they're not iterative in
the sense that you need to doone and then the next and then the
next. You know, quite often,you know, once, you know, I. I talk
(28:26):
to someone, it could be thatwe start from, you know, not from
the top, not from reclaim.
But is there a place, Is therea place in here for, like. This is
a perfect example becausewe've had here in our home a refugee
family for three and a halfyears, a Ukrainian mother and daughter,
(28:46):
and they've just moved outabout a month ago. And that was always
the plan eventually for her toget her place, everything else. But
one of the things that, youknow, ended up happening was lots
of chauffeuring because momwas at work, and so we were sort
of the daycare after schooland all that kind of stuff. And the
time that it takes is onething, but if the energy you have
(29:10):
in doing a thing, running anerrand, chauffeuring or something
isn't like all in, but is fullof. I got this thing, it's going
to take a half an hour full ofthat kind of energy. Then it feels
to me like it's drainingtwice. Once because you got to take
the time, and two because youhave this idea. This isn't what I
(29:30):
wanted to be doing anyway.
Yeah, I love that, Kellen. Soyou're getting more into integration
and how different aspects ofdoing or being human, how they interplay.
All right, well, give me theframework. Give our audience the
framework. You have four orfive steps that are the pillars,
(29:52):
and you said you don't have tostart at the top, but you do have
them in a certain order, sothat's okay. So tell me what they
are.
Yes, certain order. Because welove a good acronym. Right. So this
is. First of all, it's therenewable you method. And the acronym
for it is real. Er, so realwith R. And the first step is what
we. What we went through, whatwe discussed already, which is, you
(30:14):
know, reclaim. And so that'spaying attention to your attention
and your energy, where yourenergy is flowing. We also. There's
also ease, which really helpsus to create the condition for energy
flow. So it's getting quietthroughout the day, throughout the
(30:36):
week, so that we can open upspace for. To accept the chaos. I
shouldn't say the chaos. Ijust. But so we can better adjust
to life and what life sort ofthrows at us. Right.
(30:57):
What does the E stand for?
The E stands for ease. Right,so ease. For ease. Right. So it's
reclaiming, then ease. So, youknow, using stillness as a strategy.
So let me ask you a questionabout that. So ease. Somebody could
say ease. So all of a sudden,something's easy. What it feels like
(31:19):
you're saying to me, and Ithink it's way more powerful, is
I take an energy audit, Ireclaim. I figure out where all my
energy and attention, my timeand attention are going. And the
ease would seem to me, the wayyou've described it to be. I give
myself permission to explorewithout drama or judgment in that
(31:44):
space of stillness, whether Ilike where it all is going, whether
I want this to be mydistribution. In other words, here's
my 168 hours in the week andmy 168 hours of time, 168 hours of
attention, energy and love.And I'm going to be still and be
(32:05):
quiet, but also okay with atruthful conversation, an easy conversation
about whether or not, when Ilook at it, this is really what I
meant.
Is that true?
Or am I way off the. Way offthe mark?
No, I think. I think it's truein the big picture, sort of, you
(32:29):
know, eagle eye view, of, ofwhat you're trying to do. Yeah, absolutely.
You know, and it's sort of,you know, more, I guess. What is
it? I always confuse mymetaphors, but is it like the bird's
eye, the close eyed view of,of things? It's throughout your day.
Like are you giving your time,your, your body, you know, and, and
(32:53):
mine enough space to be, torest, to not be active, to even allow
for new thoughts, to allowfor. Yeah. New ideas to even come
into.
So is the ease you saidthere's that are so stillness so
(33:17):
that I can have space for ease?
Yes, it's stillness. It'sstillness. Getting still, getting
still. So in using stillnessas a strategy, not as a point of,
oh, I'm being lazy or weak oryou know, not powerful in this moment
because I'm not showing up anddoing things. I'm, you know, I'm
sitting, I'm, you know,resting. Which for a lot of us is
(33:43):
taboo. I mean, not to behyperbolic, but is revolutionary.
Yes, taboo. You're notsupposed to do that. Right?
Not supposed to do that. Soit's, this is, you know, this is
acknowledging the necessity ofdoing that and how, how, you know,
doing that interplays into thebigger picture of creating this person
(34:04):
in this life that we want tocreate. So ease is, is important
to that for that attune, whichis the a is honoring the idea that
we go beyond our sort ofcognitive brain intelligence. Right.
This is another something elsethat in our culture is kind of heralded
(34:26):
as, you know, the, the. Theking of, of. Of. Of everything like
our, our thinking and ourability to think and, and be smart
and you know, remember andprocess. Right. But that often comes
at a, at a cost of nothonoring our other intelligences
(34:46):
that we. Which is or are ourintuitive intelligence and our somatic
or our body intelligence.Right. So if we allow ourselves to
learn how to one accept that,and this isn't me telling you that
(35:07):
these exist. This is likescientifically these other, you know,
types of intelligence exist.But if we allow ourselves to, to
accept and embrace that andthen to begin to sort of tap into
those intelligences, you know,ourselves, then we can, you know,
better process, you know,problems if you want to process problems
(35:30):
all the time. But we can also,you know, just better understand
what we're feeling so that wecan use that as a legitimate guide
to.
Well, that makes sense that itwould come after E. Because I can't
tune in or attune myself tosomatic or spiritual or other intelligence
(35:53):
which we all know exists like,you don't. I mean, anybody here that
is going to go look for abunch of scientific evidence for
that is. You're welcome to dothat, but you know, intuitively that
there are things outside ofyour own ability and that the body
keeps the score, which is thename of a good book, by the way.
So you have a reclaim. Youhave allow yourself to create a space
(36:14):
or ease, stillness and quiet.And the outcome of that is you now
have space to attune to theseother pieces of input and wisdom
that might serve you.
That's right. And that takesus to leading from a place of alignment.
You know, we have then moreinformation about where we're coming
(36:39):
from, like who we are andwhere we're coming from and to really
lead. And it, you know,doesn't mean to, like, lead all of,
you know, lead teams, althoughsuper helpful there, but lead in
really just showing up, youknow, as who I authentically feel
myself to be. So what leadtaps into is also getting clear about
(37:05):
what's important to you. Youknow, what. What. What you value.
Right. So this is the valuespiece where, you know, where, you
know, by. By this point, youwould have understood the things
that you pay attention tobecause. Right. We could say that
we value a thing, and then ourattention, where our attention goes,
(37:27):
tells us quite something else.
Yeah. When people saysomething's important, I say, well,
show me your calendar and showme your bank account, and I'll tell
you what's important to you.
Exactly, Exactly. Exactly.
Assuming, of course, theKellenish, you know.
Right. And I want to say thatKellen, too, is, you know, this.
That. That doesn't come from aplace of criticism. And I know that
(37:49):
that can also. That can be.Often be a source of shame for people,
you know, to feel like, oh,God, you know, I really want to say
that I value this, but, youknow, I'm not really showing up that
way. Well, you know, it's not.You don't need to come. Come at it
from a point of shame, youknow, but. Or I should say, and,
(38:11):
you know, there's a way tosort of realign the two so that.
So that, you know, you areshowing up. This is what this is
all about.
Yeah. Any. Any. Any growthprogram can either be used as an
indictment, in which case allwe do is hate ourselves and fail,
or. Or it can be used as anopportunity for growth and improvement
(38:33):
when we treat all the stuff asinteresting data points from which
to move, instead of anindictment on our worth or character
or something.
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.Which perfectly Takes us to reframe,
which is the final pillar. Andthis is, I like to call it the Mama
(38:54):
Daddy pillar. This is, youknow, where we really talk about
mindset, right and, and beingaware and responsible for. For those
thoughts that come into ourmind and how we act on those thoughts
or not act on those thoughts.This is really, this is really where
(39:19):
we begin to shift activelyfrom understanding ourselves as extract
extracted vessels from a pointof extraction to the possibility
of, you know, renewal and regeneration.
(39:39):
We didn't really talk aboutthat. We did on the other show, but
here we didn't talk about. Ilove your title the renewable you
which is like thinking aboutrenewable energy and versus extractive
where we dig holes in theworld and make messes and as opposed
to having a renewable sourceand you know, where you recapture
or reclaim, you create a spaceease and then are allowed to attune
(40:02):
into the greater wisdom andthen a lot start with yourself leadership
and from those places you'reallowed to reframe. Not allowed.
You have the power to reframein a positive, growth oriented way.
As you've walked through thatand I think back to my own situation.
If I had had someone, if I'dhad this information and someone
(40:24):
that would have helped mebecause I was a mess for those years,
if I had had this, any ofthese practices or this stream of
practices, it's not difficultfor me to see that I would have been
able to create a differentpath instead of, you know, where
I went. And I say that by wayof endorsement. It's easy for me
(40:48):
to see, as you've explained,those. What I did do, what I didn't
do, where I could have goneand where I went instead. And how
do you help your clients,people that look to you as someone
who's walked this road to helpthem avoid more serious problems
or breakdowns by applyingthis. How do you work with people
(41:11):
to do that?
Yeah, well, you know, I thinkthat, well, the first thing is just
to become, you know, awarethat it can stop here and we get
(41:34):
clear on the vision that theydo have if they have know usually,
you know, as you were talkingabout your experience and having
to give away or give up thesort of the music musicianship of,
of your experience. I mean youhave an idea of who you. Who would
(41:56):
have been your best self, whatyou would have loved like who you
wanted to be, what you wantedto do. And so sometimes just giving
folks permission oftentimes toreally think that through and to
expound on that piece, thatvision of who they see Themselves
(42:18):
is a. Is a. Is a greatstarting point. That's where we start.
Whether it's an individual orwhether I'm working with a leader
and they're talking abouttheir teams. It's like, okay, let's.
Let's think about, you know,if you had. If your. Your, you know,
magic wand moment and, youknow, you. You could envision, you
(42:41):
know, from sight, from, youknow, smell, from, you know, even
textures. Like, what would bedifferent in this moment? Let's.
Let's begin to paint thatpicture. And quite often there's
a blank slate, there's a whitepiece of paper of. I don't know,
(43:05):
I haven't even had.
Time to worry about it. Idon't know, that kind of thing.
Right, exactly. And again,that's also a place of. For some
folks, some shame of I shouldknow and why don't I know?
That would have been me. Yeah.
(43:26):
Right, right. And, you know, Imean, maybe some of that is good
for therapy, but I don't, youknow, I don't spend too much time
in that. We need to, you know,figure out. Figure it out and create
it. If you don't know. I'm allabout, you know, if you want to do
something, if you want to besomething, then be it. And let's.
Let's create it. And so that'swhere the sort of. I mentioned before,
(43:48):
the artistic piece comes in toplay, which we don't really think
of our lives as being likethis thing that we get to create.
We think of it as somethingthat sort of happens. But giving
permission to allow thisspace, you know, this to. To also
(44:09):
be a space of. Of. Of play andcreation is. Is often how I like
to start to.
I love that. And I wanteverybody that's listening to hear
that. Allow yourself tocreate. You do create your life.
Most of us create it fromobligation and from simply allowing
the crap that's going onaround us to define everything from
how we feel to what we'resupposed to do next. And you've painted
(44:32):
a picture of starting from ablank piece of paper. What would
you draw? What would you puton there? Like, what are you drawn
to? And I love the fact thatyou said, don't just sit there forever
and worry about what shouldalready be on the paper. There's
nothing there. So start over.Start now. Start with that and go
create. If somebody wantsright now to have you help them and
(44:53):
they recognize themselves inthis story, what would they do? Where
do they go to get a hold ofyou or talk to you?
Yes. You know, please, you cansend me a direct email. That's it's
super easy. Kaylee k a l I@theearthy executive.com you can send
me an email. I'm also veryactive on LinkedIn so it's my full
(45:15):
name, Kayleigh Fields withWilliams on LinkedIn. You can send
me a DM there and we can, youknow, I would love to meet you and
we can get started there.
You know, I can tell youlisteners that I know Kaylee from
having worked with her writingthis book and having interviewed
her before and just haven'ttalked to her a number of times.
(45:35):
And I testify or attest toher, her openness, her authenticity
and her skill with these, withthese practices and her desire to
help. Those who are tired ofone way and want to create a new
way are asking the question isthis really what life is supposed
(45:58):
to feel like, you know, afterX number of years or whatever? So
Kaylee, I want to thank youfor sharing your book the Renewable
you System, which is realerand your heart with us here today.
Thanks so much Kellen. It'sbeen fun as always.
(46:20):
Oh good. So I really want youto do this. Like I bring people here
that have something for you.Different life experience, different
personalities, different skillsets and each person has a, has something
to offer that is battle testedand real to help you to create your
(46:44):
ultimate life. Right here,right now. Your opportunity for massive
growth is right in front ofyou. Every episode gives you practical,
practical tips and practicesthat will change everything. If you
(47:08):
want to know more, go tokellenflukeigermedia.com if you want
more free tools, go here. YourUltimateLife CA Subscribe Share.
(47:29):
Sam.
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