November 21, 2025 • 44 mins
You say you want a breakthrough — but you won’t give your life the space it needs to transform. In this raw and brutally honest episode, Kellan reveals the truth almost no one wants to face:
Your ego is choking you — and silence is the medicine you keep avoiding.
We dive deep into the power of space, the lies your mind tells you, the fear underneath your busyness, and what happens when you finally stop running from yourself.
This is not self-help.
This is soul surgery.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or spiritually numb — this episode will confront the parts of you that have been pretending to be “fine.”
- Why silence terrifies the ego
- How “busyness” becomes emotional armor
- What space actually does to your mind, identity & nervous system
- The lies the ego tells to keep you safe (and small)
- Why your breakthrough requires subtracting, not adding
- How noise becomes a spiritual addiction
- What presence reveals that thinking can’t
- The identity you built vs the truth you buried
🔥 Ready to turn your truth into impact?
👉 Join the Dream • Build • Write It Webinar — where bold creators transform ideas into movements. Free seat at dreambuildwriteit.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Because it's critical, it'snot optional, it's not a nice to
have. I'll get there someday.If you don't have that, you're dead.
Welcome to the show. Tired ofthe hype about living the dream.
It's time for truth. This isthe place for tools, power and real
talk. So you can create thelife you dream and deserve your ultimate
(00:23):
life. Subscribe, share,create. You have infinite power.
Hey there. Welcome to yourultimate life. This is the next one
in a series that I'm doingabout leadership and coaching and
(00:43):
its relationship to AI. Andtoday I want to talk about space.
The space that changeseverything. Now, I don't know about
you, but here's what I noticeabout space. Now, I'm a musician,
and you know that I've got 94songs, I think, right this minute
(01:07):
in commercial release andseveral others in their various process
of processes, process,whatever the right word is of recording.
And I'm never going to quitthat. And I love singing and I love
music of all kinds of. Andmusic isn't anything without space.
(01:27):
Miles Davis, the famous jazztrumpeter, was, was just absolutely
famous for space. And, youknow, some aficionados said, you
know, Miles can get more outof a space in a song than most people
can get out of a whole bar ofnotes. Why would that be true? Well,
(01:50):
let's talk about what spaceis. Space is what defines everything
else. Like, if I say a word,it doesn't mean anything except because
of the space before andafterwards. Because if we talk, if
all of the words that we spokeran together and there were no spaces
(02:12):
in between, it wouldn't meananything. So space gives meaning,
it gives definition, itcreates the articulation, the meaning
essentially for words andmusic. One of the things I really
like about jazz is good use ofspace. Now, there's favorite kinds
(02:36):
of music that everybody has,right? And I'm a jazz aficionado,
jazz musician, I write somejazz, play some, I played jazz piano,
blah, blah, blah. There is a,especially in jazz, there's so much
importance for that space.Now, there's one kind of music that
(02:57):
is jazz that was alive for aperiod of time called bop, bebop,
post bop. And it was one ofthe characteristics of that was it
was fast. And it was justcharacterized by what felt like an
almost endless stream ofnotes. That isn't my favorite kind.
(03:19):
There isn't enough space tomake me happy. Now there is enough
space so that the lines flowin a particular way and people that
love it will defend it forthat reason. But I like music that
has more space. The reason Ichose this picture for the background
today is because of the snowand the pine trees. I want you to
(03:44):
think, I don't know, if you'veever had the opportunity, you probably
have, to be in a pine forestlike the one pictured over my left
shoulder here. And to be inthat pine forest in the wintertime
where there's a blanket ofsnow on the ground, and to just be
(04:09):
out in the middle, in betweenthe trees, and maybe it's snowing
right there, right then. Andthere seems to be a stillness, a
slowness, a space about thatsnowflakes are falling. And partly
(04:35):
because of the forest, partlybecause of the blanket of snow, partly
because snow is alreadyfalling, there's a stillness there.
And it has a particularcharacteristic. You can feel it,
right? There's a. There's afeeling in that stillness that is
(05:00):
so powerful and so meaningful.Today I want to talk about space
that is intentional.Intentional space. To me, this is
sacred conversation. Everymiracle that I have ever witnessed
(05:25):
began in silence. In the lastfew years, I've had more trips to
the hospital than I have hadin the rest of my life put together.
The first 67 years of my lifewas quite, you know, healthy for
the most part. Well, when Iwas 62, I had that example where
(05:47):
I died. All right, first 62years. But anyway, a few months ago,
maybe eight or 10 months ago,I. I went back to the hospital. I
was having a. Some symptoms,it doesn't matter what they were,
that made me think, I bettergo get this checked out. On a Saturday,
I went to the er, etc. Theychecked me into the hospital and
I was in there for a couple ofdays under observation, hooked up
(06:09):
to some heart gear and allthat jazz. But here's what I noticed.
They had a TV in there andsomebody volunteered to bring me
some books and all of that.And I even had my phone that could
have kept me, quote, busy. AndI made a conscious decision that
I was simply going to havespace. Now, in my space, I'm often
(06:35):
in communication with thedivine, talking to God, praying,
whatever you want to call it.So what I said to myself is, I'm
just going to use this day 24,36 hours to do nothing. I'm just
going to be with the Lord. SoI imagined myself sitting down, kind
(06:58):
of like on a park bench nextto the Lord with nothing to say,
but just to be there. And thatdecision was a profound miracle.
My mind was empty, my heartwas full, and my intuition was banging
(07:22):
in the red Zone. Ding, ding,ding, ding, ding, ding. Because I
had emptied my mind ofdistractions. I wasn't even worried
about the heart monitor andthe gear hooked up to me and what
it was going to say and was Iokay? And all of that. None of that.
Because at that moment, therewas nothing I could do about it.
(07:44):
They're checking some things.It's going to be whatever it is.
And of course, I prayed andasked for help and healing and all
the rest, but not in a franticway, in a quiet, reverent way. And
then I was just sitting withthe Lord for the rest of the time,
for many hours. Many, many,many, many hours. And the result
(08:08):
of that was miraculous. Herewere some specific things. One, my
heart was calm. In otherwords, there was no worry, there
was no frustration, there wasno fuss. There was nothing. There
was a calm certainty. Now,that certainty didn't tell me I was
(08:30):
going to be okay or thatthings were going to be perfect or
that somehow I was going tomiraculously, anything. It did not
tell me that. What it did tellme was that the Creator was intently
and intensely aware of me, mysituation, my yearnings, my needs.
(08:53):
The prayer that I had said onmy behalf, on behalf of my family,
Joy and the others that wereliving with us, that. That I was
taking care of, that Joy and Iare taken care of, all of that was
communicated in sort of a. Anatmospheric space. I simply knew
that. And that allowed all ofthose things that I could worry about
(09:15):
to be gone. And there was aninvitation to moment, to moment,
get closer and incrementallycloser to the divine. And that was
rewarding and rich beyondwords. I came away now the next,
you know, Monday. They let meout of the hospital on Monday. Maybe
(09:38):
it was Sunday, lateafternoons. No, I think it was Monday.
Anyway, I was in there forabout 36 hours, and I spent that
whole time sitting next to theLord. The space let me feel assured
that things were going to behandled not necessarily like I wanted
them, but whatever it was, wasgoing to be okay. And that let me
not worry about it. The reasonI'm talking about this in this series
(10:01):
on leadership and coaching isbecause learning to cultivate. I
alluded to this the lastepisode. Learning to cultivate your
ability to sit in silence andpurity and love and kindness is priceless
(10:25):
if you don't have thatability. That's something we're going
to talk about today, and we'regoing to talk about how to get it,
because it's critical. It'snot optional. It's not a Nice to
have. I'll get there someday.If you don't have that, you're dead.
If you don't have that, yourcoaching practice is going to die.
If you don't have that, yourleadership is going to suck and you're
going to be marginal at best.And yeah, those are harsh words,
(10:47):
but they're true. And I'msaying them so stridently because
I want you to listen. Now, ifyou're arguing with me, you're full
of crap. You're free to dothat, and it will not serve you.
There's lots of names we giveto this. We call it emotional intelligence.
One part of that, we call itlearning to listen. We call it deep
(11:10):
listening. We might call itmeditation, which is simply the ability
to be still. Meditation has adefinition that I use. And there's
three parts to meditation, andthese three parts will change the
world for you. Part one is toslow down enough to be where you
are now. You might think,kellen, you're an idiot. I'm already
(11:32):
where I am. What do you mean,slow down enough to be where I am?
I'm here. I'm in this place.I'm not anywhere else. That's not
what I mean. When you're therein a place, most of the time you're
not even aware of it. You'rethinking about where you're going,
you're thinking about whereyou've been. Physically, I'm driving,
I'm on my way to I came from.Or mentally, you're thinking about
(11:54):
what happened a minute ago orwhat's going to happen. I call that
being. Somewhen else you'rementally, spiritually, energetically,
somewhere else or somewhenelse. Somewhere else means a different
place, you know, with someoneelse in a different building, in
a different situation.Somewhen else means I'm stuck in
the past or I'm stuck in thefuture, focused on what's coming
(12:17):
or what's been. That won'thelp you. It won't serve your intuition,
and it won't create that senseof calmness or create your ability
to transmit the power ofleadership or coaching that. You're
leaving all your stuff on thetable. And you know what? You're
making yourself extremelyvulnerable to AI. AI doesn't have
(12:41):
the ability to intentionallybe present. Temporally, meaning in
time and physically in space.So the step one of meditation and
meditation isn't standing onyour head in a corner, sitting cross
legged and uncomfortable in alotus position or, you know, making
(13:06):
little circles and humminglittle sounds. You can do Any of
those things. And all of themhave a place. And if you want to
know something about it,there's a thousand free YouTube videos.
I wrote a five volume serieson meditation early in my writing
career, 2009, and I put outthe second edition in 2019 with some
(13:26):
additions and someenlargement. There's a zillion different
ways you can walk, you can laydown, you can stand up, you can sit,
you can do a lot of things.You can be driving and meditating.
Meditating is three simplesteps. Whatever the mechanics you
use. If you use a mantra orwhatever, step one is to slow down.
(13:51):
Slow down enough to be whereyou are. That's creating the musical
space we talked about earlier.Slow down the pace of your thinking,
slow down the pace of yourbeing, even if only for a minute.
Remember the old Roadrunnercartoon where Wiley Coyote. And if
you don't know that, I'msorry, but Wiley Coyote was a guy
(14:12):
that chased the roadrunneraround the desert. Looked like Arizona
all the time, or parts of NewMexico, Nevada. And the coyote was
always trying to catch theroadrunner, presumably for dinner.
And one of the fun thingsabout that was sort of the roadrunner
would be running at an insanespeed and all of a sudden, eek. It
(14:33):
would stop like that, right?And one of the times they did that
with Coyote is he's chasingthe roadrunner and the roadrunner
does something and he'stricked the coyote into running somewhere
where he's running off acliff, right? And Coyote, he's running
like crazy and all of a suddenhe stops. Only where he stops, he's
already 10ft past the end ofthe cliff. So he stops, which with
(14:57):
gravity can't really happen,but in a cartoon, anything, right?
So he stops 10ft there andthen looks down and realizes. All
right, the reason I gave thatexample is because you might think
mistakenly that your life andyour mind is so frantic that you
can't stop. Well, just likethose cartoons, you can stop and
(15:23):
it doesn't take an hour. Youcan stop in less than a minute, with
practice, in less than 30seconds. So if you set five minutes,
I recommend starting withminimum 10. So let's talk 10. I don't
want to say, well, if youdon't have time, do 10. 5. That's
baloney. You have 10 minutesin. Initially, you're going to slow
(15:48):
down slowly and it may takeyou all of your 10 minutes to just
slow down. Here's how you slowdown your breathing. Slow your breathing.
In order to facilitate that,think about you're breathing, whatever
you were thinking aboutbefore, just set it aside just for
(16:10):
a minute, 10 minutes, right?Set it on the shelf and just focus
on your breathing. Feel yourlungs expand and the oxygen go in,
spread out through your body.And there's all kinds of methods
that are taught. And like Isaid, if you want my teaching, then
(16:30):
there's a book calledMeditation the Amazing Journey Within.
It's now in its second revisededition that's on Amazon that you
can get. And I also have anumber of guided meditation songs
in my Spotify playlist, so youcan look that up. But anyway, you
(16:52):
can learn to slow down andlike anything with practice, your
ability to slow your thinkingdown, focus on your breath and just
become present, meaning hereas opposed to somewhere and somewhen
else. That skill gets betterover time. And you'd be surprised.
(17:15):
It doesn't take months, just afew days. Like if it took you 10
minutes to even get to, youknow, slowed down some, tomorrow
you'll find that you're in thesame place in nine minutes and then
eight minutes. And pretty soonyou'll get it down in just a few
days to where you can. It'sjust a practice. Slow yourself down.
(17:40):
It helps me if I'm physicallystill. Although I love walking meditation
like I would love to bewalking in that beautiful pine forest
over my left shoulder withthat stillness. There's something
about doing that and hearingonly the crunch of your boots in
(18:02):
the snow as you walk. And justlike focusing on the sound of that
crunch. Any of those methodswill help you slow your thinking
down. That's step one. Now,whether your thinking is about a
(18:24):
different place or a differenttime, meaning yesterday, tomorrow,
next week, you know, the goalline, Christmas, or some disaster
that happened in thesummertime that trashed your business,
or a partner betrayed you, youknow, if you're someone else, okay,
but you can practice. Ipromise you, you can get better at
(18:45):
that. And I'm talking aboutthis at length because you can just
brush it off and say, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, and it won't do
you any good. Then you gottaget good at this, right? Just like
when you first learned to tieyour shoe. You know, it took a little
bit, took a little while. Youhad to focus and you had to do it
on purpose and you had to doit carefully. You made mistakes.
(19:07):
Sometimes frustration had tostart over. And then pretty soon
you got to where you couldjust do it. This is the same, and
this is way more valuable thanlearning to tie your shoe. It's way
more valuable than any skillyou can develop, period. And that's
a bold promise, but it's true.It's more valuable than any skill
(19:28):
you can learn because itconnects you to intuition and it
connects you to the divine andthe universe and your higher self
and God. I call that God.Whatever you call it, it connects,
it builds the bridge, it opensthe door, it is the portal. Because
that voice is always small,still small voice. It's called that
(19:50):
for a reason, because it is,it's still and it's small. It doesn't
shout. Once in a while itdoes, but that's usually when there's
a an enormous disaster. Mydivine intervention in 2007 was a
flipping two by four and itwas noisy and it was loud and blasted
my head off. But that's sorare. And it's like in life saving
(20:15):
moments. Wouldn't you ratherbe able to summon intuition on demand?
Of course you would. And thisspace is what changes everything.
So number one, practice untilyou can learn to slow down in the
first 30 seconds of the 10minute block. That skill is more
(20:41):
important than anything. Thesecond part of meditation is even
after you slow down, you'vequieted the rush of monkey mind.
You know, that kind of thingthat we all have until we learn to
set it aside. Then the nexttendency of the mind is to, oh, what
(21:06):
do I think about what? What?Oh, there's that noise over there.
Oh yeah, my foot itches. Oh,wow, I didn't notice my pants were
tied on the left knee or oh,there's a hole in that shirt or whatever
it is, right? Our mind startsgrasping for things to think about
because that's the job of themind, is to think. And lots of times
(21:27):
thoughts just come ding, ding,ding, ding and they poke their way
in. And this process islearning to be the director of all
that, right? I've directedplays, I've directed orchestras.
And at first, when you firstput the people together, everybody's
pulling in a differentdirection. And sometimes people don't
listen and they don't knowthat you're serious. As a director,
(21:49):
when you raise your hand, youneed absolute silence and that sort
of stuff. That's all alearning. And it's learning to work
with your mind and your heartand your gut is three brains, right?
Your head has a bunch ofneurons and brain and your heart
has a bunch of neurons andyour gut has a bunch of neurons.
They all have the ability topass messages that are like brains.
(22:11):
So we're not going to do thethree brain stuff right now, but
anyway, so the first thing isto slow down enough. The second thing
is to be still enough tonotice what is there still enough.
What does that mean? Well, itmeans that when all of those frantic,
(22:35):
what do I think about now?Thoughts start crowding, you have
to learn to do something withthem. And the easiest way to start
is using that breath again.Like when you want to think about
your bank balance and when youwant to think about, oh, that phone
call I forgot to make or, oh,that message I was going to answer
(22:58):
or stuff that you weren'tdoing before. But all of a sudden,
when you've slowed down, allthis other stuff crowds in. The next
thing is slow down enough tobe where you are. And when you are,
the second one is be stillenough. Still enough to notice what
is there. And I don't meanthat, oh, I forgot to pay that bill.
Oh, I got to make that phonecall. Oh, oh, oh, oh. All that stuff
(23:20):
that starts. Oh, yeah. Oh, Ineed to. That isn't the notice. What
is there? There are otherthings there. There was this old
television series called KungFu, and I watched it growing up as
a kid, and David Carradine wasa star, and he was a guy that had
trained in a Shaolin temple,and somehow he found himself in the
old west of the U.S. ofcourse, every week he had to get
(23:42):
in some fight in some oldWestern town and demonstrate Kung
Fu. But that wasn't what I wastalking about. When he graduated
from the Shaolin monastery andhe was walking out the front gate
and the old master was sayinggoodbye, he was there. And you could
tell that Carradine was stokedto go out and do whatever it was
he was going to go do. Andthis master was reminding him stuff.
(24:06):
And he said, you know, are youstill. Are you noticing something?
And, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Andhe said, can you hear the grasshopper
at your feet? And, you know,sure enough, there was grasshopper.
He wasn't. So he wasn't stillenough to notice what was there.
And so step two in effectivemeditation, or creating the ability
(24:30):
to direct your thinking andcreating the ability for leadership
and coaching is to be stillenough to notice what is there. Now,
in a leadership context, thatmight mean to notice the feelings
of someone else. It might meanto notice micro expressions on someone's
face that you were completelymissing because you weren't slowed
down and you weren't stillenough to notice. It might be a subtle
(24:51):
tone in a voice. It might beextra space between co workers that
normally sit closer together,indicating there might be some friction
or Problem. It might be one ofa hundred things that are tiny, subtle
cues that give you vastintelligence about the situation,
about people. Someone might besitting with a negative energy. And
(25:12):
you see, I need to follow upon that. Something's wrong. And you're
not going to do it in the teammeeting. But you see, I need to make
a appointment to have a one toone with them and chat. And I need
to do it right away becauseit's feeling important. And so being
still enough to notice what isthere is the next skill. And that
right there is the thing thatallows you to hear your intuition,
(25:35):
your inspiration, the voice ofGod, the stillness, the direction.
Because not only will younotice things about your team, if
you're directing a team, youwill notice things about yourself.
If you're a coach, you willnotice things about your client.
You'll notice you were toobusy to notice, if you're busy thinking
about your next question orthe framework or your own insecurities,
(25:56):
or whether or not you're goingto make a good proposal, or whether
or not they're going to payyou, or whether or not you're going
to make your money this month.If any of that stuff is in your leadership
conversation and membercoaching is leadership, you're dead.
You're finished. You're goingto blow the conversation, blow the
enrollment and mess up themeeting. Now. Caveat maybe. If you
(26:18):
can catch yourself fast enoughand get back to listening that matters.
And remember to get slow rightthis second. Slow down, slow down,
slow down, slow down and thenbe still enough inside. So you've
slowed down. But all of theself consciousness, all of the thinking
that you're doing about whatto say, what's next, what they think,
(26:42):
what's going on, Is this myidea? Is this a good, you know, all
of that crap has to stop andso you can be still enough to notice
what is there. Because spiritspeaks in a still small voice and
so do the cues from yourclients or from the people you lead,
or from your own heart. You'retwo people. You're the habitual thing.
(27:04):
90, 95, 85. Whatever percentit is we do by habit, which means
that only a few percent isintentional choice that needs to
go way up for you while youcreating new habits, habits that
serve you, habits oflistening, habits of love, habits
of service, habits of notthinking about yourself at all, habits
(27:26):
of being outward focusedinstead of inward focus, all of those
are habits that aredevelopable. Developable? Is that
a word? I don't know.Developable as a leader or a Coach.
And in that stillness is themagic. So there's a third step, and
(27:47):
I'll give it to you in aminute. But step one is slow down
enough to be where you are andwhen you are. The second thing is
be still enough inside tonotice what is there. The cues from
others, the subtle cues fromyourself, the discomfort you've been
putting off, the conversationyou know you don't want to have.
(28:11):
There's several medicalstudies that prove that when we avoid
emotional things that arebothering us, conversations we need
to have, you know, things thataren't right in our personal lives
or with our companion or ourteam or whatever, when we put those
off, the body is afflicted.The mind realizes you don't want
(28:33):
to do that, you don't want tohandle it, you don't want to take
care of that. And it hurtsyou. There's a hurt. It's emotional,
you don't want to have it.Spiritual or emotional, you don't
want to take care of it. SoI'm going to distract you from that
by giving you a physical painthat is the genesis of psychosomatic
illness. Guy wrote a bookcalled Mind Over Back Pain, and he
(28:54):
said most of the back pain,upper neck, shoulders, back, you
know, the back is actuallyrobust and strong, and we treat it
like it's fragile, and it'snot. That is just the easiest place
for the mind to attack. Thebody restrict blood flow to certain
muscle groups, and so you getpains. And anytime you've got a pain,
(29:15):
shoulders, neck, back,whatever, lower back, upper legs,
that whole column, and theyexamine it, and, you know, we really
can't find exactly what thatis. You. You're inventing it. I'm
not saying the pain isn'treal. That particular doctor called
it tms, Tension Myositissyndrome, which means the body constricts
(29:37):
blood flow to a certain musclegroup and it atrophies and it hurts.
And so the pain is real, thedamage is real, and it is a reaction
to our unwillingness orinability to deal with some emotional
issue. So to give us adistraction, the body creates a real
physical pain, which is thecore and genesis of psychosomatic
illness. Us. So slow downenough to be where you are, be still
(30:01):
enough to notice what isthere. That is the core of leadership
and transformation. That istransformational space. That is the
place where true change takeplace, takes place in that stillness,
not in instruction. It is thecontainer of safety, of permission,
of invitation. If you havesuggested something to someone in
(30:22):
a leadership context, intalking to yourself, coaching Yourself
or with your own coach or witha potential client, or leading a
team, you can say whatever youwant. It is in the space, that safe,
slow, quiet space after theconversation that change takes place
(30:47):
when there's time for thepondering and the penetration. Pondering
is thinking something throughand penetration is boom. Wow. That
insight, that breakthrough,that light bulb moment, whatever
you want to call it, thatspace is where things happen. Now,
(31:10):
I've spent a ton of timetalking about slowing down enough
to be where you are and bestill enough to notice what is there.
And you can think, I talk toolong. And if you brush it off, you're
blowing it. If you brush itoff, you're missing the key point.
And even if you think youalready know how to do that, start
over. There is another layer.There are another 10 layers. So go
(31:33):
mine them for your own benefitand learning for your own growth
for your potential client,your prospect or your client's growth,
for your team's growth. Mineyour own ability. Because your ability
to create that space for aprospect, a client or a team that
you're leading is limited byyour ability to create it for yourself.
(32:00):
That's like you can't lovesomeone else more than you love yourself.
That's a painful truth peopleargue with. You can go through the
motions and it's not real andisn't backed by the power that real
love has. So your ability tocreate that space, the transformational,
empowering space for others,is limited by. It's unlimited in
(32:24):
real life. But for you and me,it's limited by our ability to create
that for ourselves. That's whyself leadership is the foundation.
It is the first place to be.Noticing what is there has a lot
to do with listening.Listening to yourself, right? There's
(32:44):
surface listening, there'semotional listening, there's energetic
listening, which is belowthat, and even a layer below that
is divine listening. A divinelistening focuses on a different
source, which is what is thethinking or feeling of the divine
to that person or situation?In other words, what would Jesus
(33:08):
do? You could say it that way.Or how does the divine or the universe
or God look at that person orsituation? That's a completely different
question. Surface listeningoften includes judgment. That's what
what do I think about thesituation? Emotional listening think
is focuses on what are theemotions that are present mostly
(33:28):
in them, but also in me.Energetic listening is what is that
person believing aboutthemselves? Right? That's deeper
than the emotion, often givesrise to the emotion, what a person
believes about themselves. Andthe divine listening is what is the
divine believe is possible inthis situation? So only in stillness
(33:49):
can you develop your abilityto listen. You're a conduit. You're
an empty, empty vessel. You'refull of divine devotion and love
because you create that everymorning, right? Your daily creation
process, right? Morningritual, as it were. Because you don't
leave your morning ritualuntil you're full of power and focused
and you've heard the voice ofGod, right? And you're clear on your
(34:12):
mission. Oh, wait, do you evenhave a mission? Do you absolutely
know where you're going? See,this is why that's so important.
To start with self leadershipis non negotiable. It's first and
it's focused and it limits.Without it, you're limited in your
ability to lead others orcoach them or do anything else. You're
limited in creating thatleadership by your own ability to
(34:33):
create it for yourself. Now, Isaid I'd tell you the third element
of meditation, which is allthe stuff we've just been talking
about. Element number one isstill slow down enough to be where
you are. Number two is bestill enough to notice what is there
that is in you, in them,around them, the energetics, which
(34:55):
is below the emotion. We'renot even talking about surface stuff,
but down to the level ofdivine love, divine attention. Are
you a conduit for the divine'slove? Are you busy, focused on yourself
or them, even get out of bothof those and get to the divine. So
that's be still enough tonotice what is there. And the third
(35:16):
thing is trust. What comes toyou is truth. When you've mastered
or are mastering the abilityto slow down enough to be where you
are and then to be stillenough to notice, to listen and to
notice what is there. Theemotion, the energetics, which is
(35:40):
the opinions, the thinking,you know, the framework from which
the emotions are created andbelow that, the divine. What does
the divine think? Does Godthink about this situation? How does
he view me? How does he viewthem, my team, my potential, even
a prospect. Listening fromthat place is where the power is.
(36:02):
And the third, last one istrust. What comes to you is truth.
When you've developed theability to listen like that, to slow
down and to be fully presentin that moment and notice what comes
to you, trusting that it'struth is essential and it is safe.
People say, how do I know thedifference between inspiration and
(36:28):
my own wants and desires? Am Italking myself into that? You know
the difference. Stoppretending you don't. You know the
difference. Because if you'reslowed down enough to be where you
are and you're still enough tonotice what is there, the voice of
the divine sounds completelydifferent than the yearning, anxiety
(36:52):
laden, wanting voice of oh,that's what I want. That voice sounds
a little bit needy, a littlebit hopeful. The voice of the divine
doesn't have any of that. Itcomes with a certainty, a blessed
peace. The implementationmight scare the crap out of you.
(37:17):
See, if I want somethingreally bad and I think, oh good,
I'm being told I need it. Howexciting. That's probably almost
always wanting. When thedivine intuition comes, it almost
always, at least for me, isaccompanied with a little bit holy
(37:39):
crap, can I do that? And thesecond thing that comes out of my
mouth is, oh man, will youhelp me talking to the divine. Because
usually the divine view of thesituation is more expansive, more
powerful and more beautifulthan you. And I even got the chops
to think about so you can tellthe difference. And when you develop
(38:02):
that, the phrase that I'msaying there, trust that what comes
to you is truth and isabsolutely safe. Because you've done
the first two. If you just sayevery idea that comes to me, oh,
must be divine. Okay, cool,then yeah, no, it's not safe because
then you're most likelyfocused on what I want, what I want,
(38:25):
what I want. We're not talkingabout that. So slow down enough to
be where you are, be stillenough to notice what is there, and
trust what comes to you astruth. Now here's your challenge.
You're going to have anopportunity every single day to exercise
leadership. At a minimum,you're going to have the opportunity
(38:45):
to exercise personalleadership. Are you getting up when
you say you will? Do you havea daily creation process that melts
the walls and lights you onfire if you don't? The instructions
about how to create a processthat will blow your mind is in this
book, Living with Purpose andPower. Living with Purpose and Power
is the most powerful book onearth about how to create your day.
(39:10):
Read it, follow theinstructions or it won't do anything.
It's like reading a cookbookand not still being hungry if you
don't follow the directions tomake a cake. Duh. So ask yourself
the questions about selfleadership. Do you have the ability
(39:30):
to slow down enough to bewhere you are? Do you? Do you have
that ability? Are youexercising it regularly, every single
day? Do you know how to bestill enough to notice what is there
in your heart, in your mind?And if you don't, no harm no foul,
but it's. It points to thearea of development. And when you
(39:54):
do that, you will knowimmediately the inspirations that
come from a good place, from ahealthy place, from a healing place,
from a growth place. So yourchallenge this week is focus first
on your self. Leadership isyour daily preparation process. Slamming
a home run every time. If it'snot, fix it. Get a coach. Talk to
(40:16):
me. I can help you. This isnot, oh, someday I'll develop it.
It's essential. Do you want tosucceed as a leader, as a coach,
lead yourself, lead your team,or coaching others? You got to have
this. And if you don't haveit, talk to me. Get that book and
get a hold of me because I canhelp you do it. I've been working
on this now for years, and Ihave mastered this ability. And it
(40:42):
was not easy and it. But I nowknow how for myself and others. So
first with yourself and thenwith each person that you talk to,
whether they're someone youknow, like your wife, your husband
or your kids or your partner,your business partner, whatever,
whether it's a completestranger, whether you're in a coaching
call or whether you're in acall with a potential prospect, or
(41:05):
whether you're just meetingsomeone and you don't know what they
are. Exercise your sovereigncreative ability to create the space
that changes everything. It'snot unusual for people in their first
conversation with me becauseI've learned how to do this. To say
at the end, I had no idea thiswas going to happen. Can we please
(41:30):
talk again? We're not done. Myword, we need. And they're at a loss
for words to say that. Andit's nothing about me special. It
is a reflection of mine andyour ability to tap into that divine
love and energy and share it.Pour it over them. I remind myself
every morning, I am lovepouring over your soul like warm
(41:56):
sunshine, creating miracles inthe moment. Like you have that ability.
I don't know if you're usingit or if you've developed it, but
you can. I encourage you withall my heart to exercise that leadership.
The space provides theopportunity. The space reveals everything
(42:18):
in its plain and true light.And it creates the safety for change,
the safety to consider. MaybeI can. Wow. That right there is the
beginning. And the next stepis, you know, I think I can. And
(42:39):
then, you know, doing things.Silence is your friend. Stillness
is a tool, an excavation, atransformation tool full of love
and full of opportunity. Soremember, the space that changes
(43:04):
everything is yours to createon demand. As you exercise leadership
of self, of others, coach ordo whatever it is that you are on
a mission to do to add good tothe world and create your ultimate
life. Right here, right now.Your opportunity for massive growth
(43:37):
is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical
tips and practices that willchange everything. If you want to
know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more free tools,
go here. Your Ultimate Life CAsubscribe Stand with your heart in
(44:02):
the sky and your feet on the ground.
Because it's critical, it'snot optional, it's not a nice to
have. I'll get there someday.If you don't have that, you're dead.
Welcome to the show. Tired ofthe hype about living the dream.
It's time for truth. This isthe place for tools, power and real
talk. So you can create thelife you dream and deserve your ultimate
(00:23):
life. Subscribe, share,create. You have infinite power.
Hey there. Welcome to yourultimate life. This is the next one
in a series that I'm doingabout leadership and coaching and
(00:43):
its relationship to AI. Andtoday I want to talk about space.
The space that changeseverything. Now, I don't know about
you, but here's what I noticeabout space. Now, I'm a musician,
and you know that I've got 94songs, I think, right this minute
(01:07):
in commercial release andseveral others in their various process
of processes, process,whatever the right word is of recording.
And I'm never going to quitthat. And I love singing and I love
music of all kinds of. Andmusic isn't anything without space.
(01:27):
Miles Davis, the famous jazztrumpeter, was, was just absolutely
famous for space. And, youknow, some aficionados said, you
know, Miles can get more outof a space in a song than most people
can get out of a whole bar ofnotes. Why would that be true? Well,
(01:50):
let's talk about what spaceis. Space is what defines everything
else. Like, if I say a word,it doesn't mean anything except because
of the space before andafterwards. Because if we talk, if
all of the words that we spokeran together and there were no spaces
(02:12):
in between, it wouldn't meananything. So space gives meaning,
it gives definition, itcreates the articulation, the meaning
essentially for words andmusic. One of the things I really
like about jazz is good use ofspace. Now, there's favorite kinds
(02:36):
of music that everybody has,right? And I'm a jazz aficionado,
jazz musician, I write somejazz, play some, I played jazz piano,
blah, blah, blah. There is a,especially in jazz, there's so much
importance for that space.Now, there's one kind of music that
(02:57):
is jazz that was alive for aperiod of time called bop, bebop,
post bop. And it was one ofthe characteristics of that was it
was fast. And it was justcharacterized by what felt like an
almost endless stream ofnotes. That isn't my favorite kind.
(03:19):
There isn't enough space tomake me happy. Now there is enough
space so that the lines flowin a particular way and people that
love it will defend it forthat reason. But I like music that
has more space. The reason Ichose this picture for the background
today is because of the snowand the pine trees. I want you to
(03:44):
think, I don't know, if you'veever had the opportunity, you probably
have, to be in a pine forestlike the one pictured over my left
shoulder here. And to be inthat pine forest in the wintertime
where there's a blanket ofsnow on the ground, and to just be
(04:09):
out in the middle, in betweenthe trees, and maybe it's snowing
right there, right then. Andthere seems to be a stillness, a
slowness, a space about thatsnowflakes are falling. And partly
(04:35):
because of the forest, partlybecause of the blanket of snow, partly
because snow is alreadyfalling, there's a stillness there.
And it has a particularcharacteristic. You can feel it,
right? There's a. There's afeeling in that stillness that is
(05:00):
so powerful and so meaningful.Today I want to talk about space
that is intentional.Intentional space. To me, this is
sacred conversation. Everymiracle that I have ever witnessed
(05:25):
began in silence. In the lastfew years, I've had more trips to
the hospital than I have hadin the rest of my life put together.
The first 67 years of my lifewas quite, you know, healthy for
the most part. Well, when Iwas 62, I had that example where
(05:47):
I died. All right, first 62years. But anyway, a few months ago,
maybe eight or 10 months ago,I. I went back to the hospital. I
was having a. Some symptoms,it doesn't matter what they were,
that made me think, I bettergo get this checked out. On a Saturday,
I went to the er, etc. Theychecked me into the hospital and
I was in there for a couple ofdays under observation, hooked up
(06:09):
to some heart gear and allthat jazz. But here's what I noticed.
They had a TV in there andsomebody volunteered to bring me
some books and all of that.And I even had my phone that could
have kept me, quote, busy. AndI made a conscious decision that
I was simply going to havespace. Now, in my space, I'm often
(06:35):
in communication with thedivine, talking to God, praying,
whatever you want to call it.So what I said to myself is, I'm
just going to use this day 24,36 hours to do nothing. I'm just
going to be with the Lord. SoI imagined myself sitting down, kind
(06:58):
of like on a park bench nextto the Lord with nothing to say,
but just to be there. And thatdecision was a profound miracle.
My mind was empty, my heartwas full, and my intuition was banging
(07:22):
in the red Zone. Ding, ding,ding, ding, ding, ding. Because I
had emptied my mind ofdistractions. I wasn't even worried
about the heart monitor andthe gear hooked up to me and what
it was going to say and was Iokay? And all of that. None of that.
Because at that moment, therewas nothing I could do about it.
(07:44):
They're checking some things.It's going to be whatever it is.
And of course, I prayed andasked for help and healing and all
the rest, but not in a franticway, in a quiet, reverent way. And
then I was just sitting withthe Lord for the rest of the time,
for many hours. Many, many,many, many hours. And the result
(08:08):
of that was miraculous. Herewere some specific things. One, my
heart was calm. In otherwords, there was no worry, there
was no frustration, there wasno fuss. There was nothing. There
was a calm certainty. Now,that certainty didn't tell me I was
(08:30):
going to be okay or thatthings were going to be perfect or
that somehow I was going tomiraculously, anything. It did not
tell me that. What it did tellme was that the Creator was intently
and intensely aware of me, mysituation, my yearnings, my needs.
(08:53):
The prayer that I had said onmy behalf, on behalf of my family,
Joy and the others that wereliving with us, that. That I was
taking care of, that Joy and Iare taken care of, all of that was
communicated in sort of a. Anatmospheric space. I simply knew
that. And that allowed all ofthose things that I could worry about
(09:15):
to be gone. And there was aninvitation to moment, to moment,
get closer and incrementallycloser to the divine. And that was
rewarding and rich beyondwords. I came away now the next,
you know, Monday. They let meout of the hospital on Monday. Maybe
(09:38):
it was Sunday, lateafternoons. No, I think it was Monday.
Anyway, I was in there forabout 36 hours, and I spent that
whole time sitting next to theLord. The space let me feel assured
that things were going to behandled not necessarily like I wanted
them, but whatever it was, wasgoing to be okay. And that let me
not worry about it. The reasonI'm talking about this in this series
(10:01):
on leadership and coaching isbecause learning to cultivate. I
alluded to this the lastepisode. Learning to cultivate your
ability to sit in silence andpurity and love and kindness is priceless
(10:25):
if you don't have thatability. That's something we're going
to talk about today, and we'regoing to talk about how to get it,
because it's critical. It'snot optional. It's not a Nice to
have. I'll get there someday.If you don't have that, you're dead.
If you don't have that, yourcoaching practice is going to die.
If you don't have that, yourleadership is going to suck and you're
going to be marginal at best.And yeah, those are harsh words,
(10:47):
but they're true. And I'msaying them so stridently because
I want you to listen. Now, ifyou're arguing with me, you're full
of crap. You're free to dothat, and it will not serve you.
There's lots of names we giveto this. We call it emotional intelligence.
One part of that, we call itlearning to listen. We call it deep
(11:10):
listening. We might call itmeditation, which is simply the ability
to be still. Meditation has adefinition that I use. And there's
three parts to meditation, andthese three parts will change the
world for you. Part one is toslow down enough to be where you
are now. You might think,kellen, you're an idiot. I'm already
(11:32):
where I am. What do you mean,slow down enough to be where I am?
I'm here. I'm in this place.I'm not anywhere else. That's not
what I mean. When you're therein a place, most of the time you're
not even aware of it. You'rethinking about where you're going,
you're thinking about whereyou've been. Physically, I'm driving,
I'm on my way to I came from.Or mentally, you're thinking about
(11:54):
what happened a minute ago orwhat's going to happen. I call that
being. Somewhen else you'rementally, spiritually, energetically,
somewhere else or somewhenelse. Somewhere else means a different
place, you know, with someoneelse in a different building, in
a different situation.Somewhen else means I'm stuck in
the past or I'm stuck in thefuture, focused on what's coming
(12:17):
or what's been. That won'thelp you. It won't serve your intuition,
and it won't create that senseof calmness or create your ability
to transmit the power ofleadership or coaching that. You're
leaving all your stuff on thetable. And you know what? You're
making yourself extremelyvulnerable to AI. AI doesn't have
(12:41):
the ability to intentionallybe present. Temporally, meaning in
time and physically in space.So the step one of meditation and
meditation isn't standing onyour head in a corner, sitting cross
legged and uncomfortable in alotus position or, you know, making
(13:06):
little circles and humminglittle sounds. You can do Any of
those things. And all of themhave a place. And if you want to
know something about it,there's a thousand free YouTube videos.
I wrote a five volume serieson meditation early in my writing
career, 2009, and I put outthe second edition in 2019 with some
(13:26):
additions and someenlargement. There's a zillion different
ways you can walk, you can laydown, you can stand up, you can sit,
you can do a lot of things.You can be driving and meditating.
Meditating is three simplesteps. Whatever the mechanics you
use. If you use a mantra orwhatever, step one is to slow down.
(13:51):
Slow down enough to be whereyou are. That's creating the musical
space we talked about earlier.Slow down the pace of your thinking,
slow down the pace of yourbeing, even if only for a minute.
Remember the old Roadrunnercartoon where Wiley Coyote. And if
you don't know that, I'msorry, but Wiley Coyote was a guy
(14:12):
that chased the roadrunneraround the desert. Looked like Arizona
all the time, or parts of NewMexico, Nevada. And the coyote was
always trying to catch theroadrunner, presumably for dinner.
And one of the fun thingsabout that was sort of the roadrunner
would be running at an insanespeed and all of a sudden, eek. It
(14:33):
would stop like that, right?And one of the times they did that
with Coyote is he's chasingthe roadrunner and the roadrunner
does something and he'stricked the coyote into running somewhere
where he's running off acliff, right? And Coyote, he's running
like crazy and all of a suddenhe stops. Only where he stops, he's
already 10ft past the end ofthe cliff. So he stops, which with
(14:57):
gravity can't really happen,but in a cartoon, anything, right?
So he stops 10ft there andthen looks down and realizes. All
right, the reason I gave thatexample is because you might think
mistakenly that your life andyour mind is so frantic that you
can't stop. Well, just likethose cartoons, you can stop and
(15:23):
it doesn't take an hour. Youcan stop in less than a minute, with
practice, in less than 30seconds. So if you set five minutes,
I recommend starting withminimum 10. So let's talk 10. I don't
want to say, well, if youdon't have time, do 10. 5. That's
baloney. You have 10 minutesin. Initially, you're going to slow
(15:48):
down slowly and it may takeyou all of your 10 minutes to just
slow down. Here's how you slowdown your breathing. Slow your breathing.
In order to facilitate that,think about you're breathing, whatever
you were thinking aboutbefore, just set it aside just for
(16:10):
a minute, 10 minutes, right?Set it on the shelf and just focus
on your breathing. Feel yourlungs expand and the oxygen go in,
spread out through your body.And there's all kinds of methods
that are taught. And like Isaid, if you want my teaching, then
(16:30):
there's a book calledMeditation the Amazing Journey Within.
It's now in its second revisededition that's on Amazon that you
can get. And I also have anumber of guided meditation songs
in my Spotify playlist, so youcan look that up. But anyway, you
(16:52):
can learn to slow down andlike anything with practice, your
ability to slow your thinkingdown, focus on your breath and just
become present, meaning hereas opposed to somewhere and somewhen
else. That skill gets betterover time. And you'd be surprised.
(17:15):
It doesn't take months, just afew days. Like if it took you 10
minutes to even get to, youknow, slowed down some, tomorrow
you'll find that you're in thesame place in nine minutes and then
eight minutes. And pretty soonyou'll get it down in just a few
days to where you can. It'sjust a practice. Slow yourself down.
(17:40):
It helps me if I'm physicallystill. Although I love walking meditation
like I would love to bewalking in that beautiful pine forest
over my left shoulder withthat stillness. There's something
about doing that and hearingonly the crunch of your boots in
(18:02):
the snow as you walk. And justlike focusing on the sound of that
crunch. Any of those methodswill help you slow your thinking
down. That's step one. Now,whether your thinking is about a
(18:24):
different place or a differenttime, meaning yesterday, tomorrow,
next week, you know, the goalline, Christmas, or some disaster
that happened in thesummertime that trashed your business,
or a partner betrayed you, youknow, if you're someone else, okay,
but you can practice. Ipromise you, you can get better at
(18:45):
that. And I'm talking aboutthis at length because you can just
brush it off and say, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, and it won't do
you any good. Then you gottaget good at this, right? Just like
when you first learned to tieyour shoe. You know, it took a little
bit, took a little while. Youhad to focus and you had to do it
on purpose and you had to doit carefully. You made mistakes.
(19:07):
Sometimes frustration had tostart over. And then pretty soon
you got to where you couldjust do it. This is the same, and
this is way more valuable thanlearning to tie your shoe. It's way
more valuable than any skillyou can develop, period. And that's
a bold promise, but it's true.It's more valuable than any skill
(19:28):
you can learn because itconnects you to intuition and it
connects you to the divine andthe universe and your higher self
and God. I call that God.Whatever you call it, it connects,
it builds the bridge, it opensthe door, it is the portal. Because
that voice is always small,still small voice. It's called that
(19:50):
for a reason, because it is,it's still and it's small. It doesn't
shout. Once in a while itdoes, but that's usually when there's
a an enormous disaster. Mydivine intervention in 2007 was a
flipping two by four and itwas noisy and it was loud and blasted
my head off. But that's sorare. And it's like in life saving
(20:15):
moments. Wouldn't you ratherbe able to summon intuition on demand?
Of course you would. And thisspace is what changes everything.
So number one, practice untilyou can learn to slow down in the
first 30 seconds of the 10minute block. That skill is more
(20:41):
important than anything. Thesecond part of meditation is even
after you slow down, you'vequieted the rush of monkey mind.
You know, that kind of thingthat we all have until we learn to
set it aside. Then the nexttendency of the mind is to, oh, what
(21:06):
do I think about what? What?Oh, there's that noise over there.
Oh yeah, my foot itches. Oh,wow, I didn't notice my pants were
tied on the left knee or oh,there's a hole in that shirt or whatever
it is, right? Our mind startsgrasping for things to think about
because that's the job of themind, is to think. And lots of times
(21:27):
thoughts just come ding, ding,ding, ding and they poke their way
in. And this process islearning to be the director of all
that, right? I've directedplays, I've directed orchestras.
And at first, when you firstput the people together, everybody's
pulling in a differentdirection. And sometimes people don't
listen and they don't knowthat you're serious. As a director,
(21:49):
when you raise your hand, youneed absolute silence and that sort
of stuff. That's all alearning. And it's learning to work
with your mind and your heartand your gut is three brains, right?
Your head has a bunch ofneurons and brain and your heart
has a bunch of neurons andyour gut has a bunch of neurons.
They all have the ability topass messages that are like brains.
(22:11):
So we're not going to do thethree brain stuff right now, but
anyway, so the first thing isto slow down enough. The second thing
is to be still enough tonotice what is there still enough.
What does that mean? Well, itmeans that when all of those frantic,
(22:35):
what do I think about now?Thoughts start crowding, you have
to learn to do something withthem. And the easiest way to start
is using that breath again.Like when you want to think about
your bank balance and when youwant to think about, oh, that phone
call I forgot to make or, oh,that message I was going to answer
(22:58):
or stuff that you weren'tdoing before. But all of a sudden,
when you've slowed down, allthis other stuff crowds in. The next
thing is slow down enough tobe where you are. And when you are,
the second one is be stillenough. Still enough to notice what
is there. And I don't meanthat, oh, I forgot to pay that bill.
Oh, I got to make that phonecall. Oh, oh, oh, oh. All that stuff
(23:20):
that starts. Oh, yeah. Oh, Ineed to. That isn't the notice. What
is there? There are otherthings there. There was this old
television series called KungFu, and I watched it growing up as
a kid, and David Carradine wasa star, and he was a guy that had
trained in a Shaolin temple,and somehow he found himself in the
old west of the U.S. ofcourse, every week he had to get
(23:42):
in some fight in some oldWestern town and demonstrate Kung
Fu. But that wasn't what I wastalking about. When he graduated
from the Shaolin monastery andhe was walking out the front gate
and the old master was sayinggoodbye, he was there. And you could
tell that Carradine was stokedto go out and do whatever it was
he was going to go do. Andthis master was reminding him stuff.
(24:06):
And he said, you know, are youstill. Are you noticing something?
And, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Andhe said, can you hear the grasshopper
at your feet? And, you know,sure enough, there was grasshopper.
He wasn't. So he wasn't stillenough to notice what was there.
And so step two in effectivemeditation, or creating the ability
(24:30):
to direct your thinking andcreating the ability for leadership
and coaching is to be stillenough to notice what is there. Now,
in a leadership context, thatmight mean to notice the feelings
of someone else. It might meanto notice micro expressions on someone's
face that you were completelymissing because you weren't slowed
down and you weren't stillenough to notice. It might be a subtle
(24:51):
tone in a voice. It might beextra space between co workers that
normally sit closer together,indicating there might be some friction
or Problem. It might be one ofa hundred things that are tiny, subtle
cues that give you vastintelligence about the situation,
about people. Someone might besitting with a negative energy. And
(25:12):
you see, I need to follow upon that. Something's wrong. And you're
not going to do it in the teammeeting. But you see, I need to make
a appointment to have a one toone with them and chat. And I need
to do it right away becauseit's feeling important. And so being
still enough to notice what isthere is the next skill. And that
right there is the thing thatallows you to hear your intuition,
(25:35):
your inspiration, the voice ofGod, the stillness, the direction.
Because not only will younotice things about your team, if
you're directing a team, youwill notice things about yourself.
If you're a coach, you willnotice things about your client.
You'll notice you were toobusy to notice, if you're busy thinking
about your next question orthe framework or your own insecurities,
(25:56):
or whether or not you're goingto make a good proposal, or whether
or not they're going to payyou, or whether or not you're going
to make your money this month.If any of that stuff is in your leadership
conversation and membercoaching is leadership, you're dead.
You're finished. You're goingto blow the conversation, blow the
enrollment and mess up themeeting. Now. Caveat maybe. If you
(26:18):
can catch yourself fast enoughand get back to listening that matters.
And remember to get slow rightthis second. Slow down, slow down,
slow down, slow down and thenbe still enough inside. So you've
slowed down. But all of theself consciousness, all of the thinking
that you're doing about whatto say, what's next, what they think,
(26:42):
what's going on, Is this myidea? Is this a good, you know, all
of that crap has to stop andso you can be still enough to notice
what is there. Because spiritspeaks in a still small voice and
so do the cues from yourclients or from the people you lead,
or from your own heart. You'retwo people. You're the habitual thing.
(27:04):
90, 95, 85. Whatever percentit is we do by habit, which means
that only a few percent isintentional choice that needs to
go way up for you while youcreating new habits, habits that
serve you, habits oflistening, habits of love, habits
of service, habits of notthinking about yourself at all, habits
(27:26):
of being outward focusedinstead of inward focus, all of those
are habits that aredevelopable. Developable? Is that
a word? I don't know.Developable as a leader or a Coach.
And in that stillness is themagic. So there's a third step, and
(27:47):
I'll give it to you in aminute. But step one is slow down
enough to be where you are andwhen you are. The second thing is
be still enough inside tonotice what is there. The cues from
others, the subtle cues fromyourself, the discomfort you've been
putting off, the conversationyou know you don't want to have.
(28:11):
There's several medicalstudies that prove that when we avoid
emotional things that arebothering us, conversations we need
to have, you know, things thataren't right in our personal lives
or with our companion or ourteam or whatever, when we put those
off, the body is afflicted.The mind realizes you don't want
(28:33):
to do that, you don't want tohandle it, you don't want to take
care of that. And it hurtsyou. There's a hurt. It's emotional,
you don't want to have it.Spiritual or emotional, you don't
want to take care of it. SoI'm going to distract you from that
by giving you a physical painthat is the genesis of psychosomatic
illness. Guy wrote a bookcalled Mind Over Back Pain, and he
(28:54):
said most of the back pain,upper neck, shoulders, back, you
know, the back is actuallyrobust and strong, and we treat it
like it's fragile, and it'snot. That is just the easiest place
for the mind to attack. Thebody restrict blood flow to certain
muscle groups, and so you getpains. And anytime you've got a pain,
(29:15):
shoulders, neck, back,whatever, lower back, upper legs,
that whole column, and theyexamine it, and, you know, we really
can't find exactly what thatis. You. You're inventing it. I'm
not saying the pain isn'treal. That particular doctor called
it tms, Tension Myositissyndrome, which means the body constricts
(29:37):
blood flow to a certain musclegroup and it atrophies and it hurts.
And so the pain is real, thedamage is real, and it is a reaction
to our unwillingness orinability to deal with some emotional
issue. So to give us adistraction, the body creates a real
physical pain, which is thecore and genesis of psychosomatic
illness. Us. So slow downenough to be where you are, be still
(30:01):
enough to notice what isthere. That is the core of leadership
and transformation. That istransformational space. That is the
place where true change takeplace, takes place in that stillness,
not in instruction. It is thecontainer of safety, of permission,
of invitation. If you havesuggested something to someone in
(30:22):
a leadership context, intalking to yourself, coaching Yourself
or with your own coach or witha potential client, or leading a
team, you can say whatever youwant. It is in the space, that safe,
slow, quiet space after theconversation that change takes place
(30:47):
when there's time for thepondering and the penetration. Pondering
is thinking something throughand penetration is boom. Wow. That
insight, that breakthrough,that light bulb moment, whatever
you want to call it, thatspace is where things happen. Now,
(31:10):
I've spent a ton of timetalking about slowing down enough
to be where you are and bestill enough to notice what is there.
And you can think, I talk toolong. And if you brush it off, you're
blowing it. If you brush itoff, you're missing the key point.
And even if you think youalready know how to do that, start
over. There is another layer.There are another 10 layers. So go
(31:33):
mine them for your own benefitand learning for your own growth
for your potential client,your prospect or your client's growth,
for your team's growth. Mineyour own ability. Because your ability
to create that space for aprospect, a client or a team that
you're leading is limited byyour ability to create it for yourself.
(32:00):
That's like you can't lovesomeone else more than you love yourself.
That's a painful truth peopleargue with. You can go through the
motions and it's not real andisn't backed by the power that real
love has. So your ability tocreate that space, the transformational,
empowering space for others,is limited by. It's unlimited in
(32:24):
real life. But for you and me,it's limited by our ability to create
that for ourselves. That's whyself leadership is the foundation.
It is the first place to be.Noticing what is there has a lot
to do with listening.Listening to yourself, right? There's
(32:44):
surface listening, there'semotional listening, there's energetic
listening, which is belowthat, and even a layer below that
is divine listening. A divinelistening focuses on a different
source, which is what is thethinking or feeling of the divine
to that person or situation?In other words, what would Jesus
(33:08):
do? You could say it that way.Or how does the divine or the universe
or God look at that person orsituation? That's a completely different
question. Surface listeningoften includes judgment. That's what
what do I think about thesituation? Emotional listening think
is focuses on what are theemotions that are present mostly
(33:28):
in them, but also in me.Energetic listening is what is that
person believing aboutthemselves? Right? That's deeper
than the emotion, often givesrise to the emotion, what a person
believes about themselves. Andthe divine listening is what is the
divine believe is possible inthis situation? So only in stillness
(33:49):
can you develop your abilityto listen. You're a conduit. You're
an empty, empty vessel. You'refull of divine devotion and love
because you create that everymorning, right? Your daily creation
process, right? Morningritual, as it were. Because you don't
leave your morning ritualuntil you're full of power and focused
and you've heard the voice ofGod, right? And you're clear on your
(34:12):
mission. Oh, wait, do you evenhave a mission? Do you absolutely
know where you're going? See,this is why that's so important.
To start with self leadershipis non negotiable. It's first and
it's focused and it limits.Without it, you're limited in your
ability to lead others orcoach them or do anything else. You're
limited in creating thatleadership by your own ability to
(34:33):
create it for yourself. Now, Isaid I'd tell you the third element
of meditation, which is allthe stuff we've just been talking
about. Element number one isstill slow down enough to be where
you are. Number two is bestill enough to notice what is there
that is in you, in them,around them, the energetics, which
(34:55):
is below the emotion. We'renot even talking about surface stuff,
but down to the level ofdivine love, divine attention. Are
you a conduit for the divine'slove? Are you busy, focused on yourself
or them, even get out of bothof those and get to the divine. So
that's be still enough tonotice what is there. And the third
(35:16):
thing is trust. What comes toyou is truth. When you've mastered
or are mastering the abilityto slow down enough to be where you
are and then to be stillenough to notice, to listen and to
notice what is there. Theemotion, the energetics, which is
(35:40):
the opinions, the thinking,you know, the framework from which
the emotions are created andbelow that, the divine. What does
the divine think? Does Godthink about this situation? How does
he view me? How does he viewthem, my team, my potential, even
a prospect. Listening fromthat place is where the power is.
(36:02):
And the third, last one istrust. What comes to you is truth.
When you've developed theability to listen like that, to slow
down and to be fully presentin that moment and notice what comes
to you, trusting that it'struth is essential and it is safe.
People say, how do I know thedifference between inspiration and
(36:28):
my own wants and desires? Am Italking myself into that? You know
the difference. Stoppretending you don't. You know the
difference. Because if you'reslowed down enough to be where you
are and you're still enough tonotice what is there, the voice of
the divine sounds completelydifferent than the yearning, anxiety
(36:52):
laden, wanting voice of oh,that's what I want. That voice sounds
a little bit needy, a littlebit hopeful. The voice of the divine
doesn't have any of that. Itcomes with a certainty, a blessed
peace. The implementationmight scare the crap out of you.
(37:17):
See, if I want somethingreally bad and I think, oh good,
I'm being told I need it. Howexciting. That's probably almost
always wanting. When thedivine intuition comes, it almost
always, at least for me, isaccompanied with a little bit holy
(37:39):
crap, can I do that? And thesecond thing that comes out of my
mouth is, oh man, will youhelp me talking to the divine. Because
usually the divine view of thesituation is more expansive, more
powerful and more beautifulthan you. And I even got the chops
to think about so you can tellthe difference. And when you develop
(38:02):
that, the phrase that I'msaying there, trust that what comes
to you is truth and isabsolutely safe. Because you've done
the first two. If you just sayevery idea that comes to me, oh,
must be divine. Okay, cool,then yeah, no, it's not safe because
then you're most likelyfocused on what I want, what I want,
(38:25):
what I want. We're not talkingabout that. So slow down enough to
be where you are, be stillenough to notice what is there, and
trust what comes to you astruth. Now here's your challenge.
You're going to have anopportunity every single day to exercise
leadership. At a minimum,you're going to have the opportunity
(38:45):
to exercise personalleadership. Are you getting up when
you say you will? Do you havea daily creation process that melts
the walls and lights you onfire if you don't? The instructions
about how to create a processthat will blow your mind is in this
book, Living with Purpose andPower. Living with Purpose and Power
is the most powerful book onearth about how to create your day.
(39:10):
Read it, follow theinstructions or it won't do anything.
It's like reading a cookbookand not still being hungry if you
don't follow the directions tomake a cake. Duh. So ask yourself
the questions about selfleadership. Do you have the ability
(39:30):
to slow down enough to bewhere you are? Do you? Do you have
that ability? Are youexercising it regularly, every single
day? Do you know how to bestill enough to notice what is there
in your heart, in your mind?And if you don't, no harm no foul,
but it's. It points to thearea of development. And when you
(39:54):
do that, you will knowimmediately the inspirations that
come from a good place, from ahealthy place, from a healing place,
from a growth place. So yourchallenge this week is focus first
on your self. Leadership isyour daily preparation process. Slamming
a home run every time. If it'snot, fix it. Get a coach. Talk to
(40:16):
me. I can help you. This isnot, oh, someday I'll develop it.
It's essential. Do you want tosucceed as a leader, as a coach,
lead yourself, lead your team,or coaching others? You got to have
this. And if you don't haveit, talk to me. Get that book and
get a hold of me because I canhelp you do it. I've been working
on this now for years, and Ihave mastered this ability. And it
(40:42):
was not easy and it. But I nowknow how for myself and others. So
first with yourself and thenwith each person that you talk to,
whether they're someone youknow, like your wife, your husband
or your kids or your partner,your business partner, whatever,
whether it's a completestranger, whether you're in a coaching
call or whether you're in acall with a potential prospect, or
(41:05):
whether you're just meetingsomeone and you don't know what they
are. Exercise your sovereigncreative ability to create the space
that changes everything. It'snot unusual for people in their first
conversation with me becauseI've learned how to do this. To say
at the end, I had no idea thiswas going to happen. Can we please
(41:30):
talk again? We're not done. Myword, we need. And they're at a loss
for words to say that. Andit's nothing about me special. It
is a reflection of mine andyour ability to tap into that divine
love and energy and share it.Pour it over them. I remind myself
every morning, I am lovepouring over your soul like warm
(41:56):
sunshine, creating miracles inthe moment. Like you have that ability.
I don't know if you're usingit or if you've developed it, but
you can. I encourage you withall my heart to exercise that leadership.
The space provides theopportunity. The space reveals everything
(42:18):
in its plain and true light.And it creates the safety for change,
the safety to consider. MaybeI can. Wow. That right there is the
beginning. And the next stepis, you know, I think I can. And
(42:39):
then, you know, doing things.Silence is your friend. Stillness
is a tool, an excavation, atransformation tool full of love
and full of opportunity. Soremember, the space that changes
(43:04):
everything is yours to createon demand. As you exercise leadership
of self, of others, coach ordo whatever it is that you are on
a mission to do to add good tothe world and create your ultimate
life. Right here, right now.Your opportunity for massive growth
(43:37):
is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical
tips and practices that willchange everything. If you want to
know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more free tools,
go here. Your Ultimate Life CAsubscribe Stand with your heart in
(44:02):
the sky and your feet on the ground.
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