May 26, 2025 • 18 mins
Shame has a way of silencing us—especially when speaking up would serve us most. Have you ever tucked away a self-help book when someone walked in? Or made a casual excuse for that personal growth video that “just started playing”? That tiny flicker of concealment reveals something deeper: a quiet belief that needing help means you’re somehow broken.
This belief is part of a cultural myth that strong women should figure it all out alone—and it creates the perfect trap. You can’t grow without acknowledging where you’re struggling, but acknowledging it feels like confirming your inadequacy.
The irony? The most successful, confident, fulfilled people in the world aren’t avoiding help—they’re intentionally seeking it. In fact, 94% of top performers work with coaches. The strongest women don't avoid help—they embrace it as their superpower.
For years, I lived behind a “perfect” image while silently struggling, believing that if I were truly strong, I wouldn’t need support. But the breakthrough came when I realized this: asking for help isn't weakness—it’s wisdom.
In this episode (and this post), we’ll walk through five transformative practices that will help you shift your relationship with support:
- Conscious Awareness
- Building an Evidence Portfolio
- Reframing Help as Strategic Growth
- Graduated Exposure
- Embracing Discomfort as Growth
You’ll discover that the discomfort you feel when reaching out isn’t a sign to pull back—it’s proof that you’re standing at the edge of real, powerful growth.
So this week, when shame about needing support tries to creep in, pause and remind yourself: This isn’t weakness—this is wisdom.
Being an Utmost Woman isn’t about having it all together. It’s about doing what matters, from a place rooted in who you truly are.
What if you’re not broken at all? What if… you’ve just been buried?
✨ Take one small step toward support this week—listen to a podcast, journal, or open up to someone you trust. Growth doesn’t have to be big to be brave.
📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to know she’s not broken—just buried. Let her know she’s not alone.
🔗 Follow along on Instagram for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are.
✨ Continue your journey at Your Utmost Self - free resources, articles, and more.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
What if you're still overwhelmed, not because you're
broken, but because you've beenbelieving you must fix it all
alone?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They embrace it as part oftheir journey.
Have you ever hidden aself-help book when someone
walked into the room?
Or you've made up an excuseabout personal development?
You know the YouTube videoyou're watching.
Oh, I don't know how thatpopped up.
(00:20):
It's so frustrating when theserandom videos just start playing
.
That little moment of shame,that split second decision to
conceal, speaks volumes about abelief that might be holding you
back in ways you haven't evenrealized.
For years, I lived by a rule Inever consciously chose Strong
women don't need help.
I didn't say it out loud, butit ran everything.
(00:41):
I smiled, I served and I showedup, all while secretly
wondering why does everyone elseseem to have it together?
And the harder life felt, themore I blamed myself for being
unable to figure it out.
Today we're diving deep into abelief that quietly shapes how
you show up in every part ofyour life the idea that needing
help means you're broken or weak.
(01:02):
This invisible thought iskeeping you stuck, isolated and
exhausted.
It's costing you connection,growth and the peace that comes
from embracing your humanityinstead of hiding it.
In this episode, we're going toexpose the quiet shame
underneath that belief andreplace it with the truth.
By the end of our time together, you will not only understand
why seeking help isn't a sign offailure, but you'll have a
(01:24):
completely new perspective thattransforms seeking help into one
of the most courageous, wisedecisions you can make and one
of your greatest strengths.
And by the end, you won't justunderstand the lie, you'll feel
empowered to release it andreclaim your power with peace
instead of perfection.
Motherhood is a gift, but let'sbe honest it can also leave you
feeling overwhelmed, invisibleand disconnected from the woman
(01:47):
you once were.
If you ever wondered who am Ibeyond being a mom, know this
you are not alone.
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
I'm Misty, a mom just like you,who has faced chaos, self-doubt
and the loss of identity,hitting rock bottom and emerging
stronger, with clarity,confidence and purpose.
Each week, we will explorepractical tools and
(02:11):
transformative truths to helpyou reclaim your identity,
rebuild your confidence andrediscover the joy that lights
you up.
On this journey together,you'll break free from overwhelm
, embrace your worth and stepfully into the most authentic
version of yourself.
Through heartfelt conversationsand actionable strategies, you
will learn how to design a lifethat excites and fulfills you, a
life where you become the womanyou were always meant to be,
because you're not just a mom.
(02:31):
You are so much more, and ifyou're ready to embrace her,
let's get started.
Let's start with this the beliefthat if you need help, it means
something is wrong with you isnot your fault, but it's not
your truth either.
This belief that needing helpmeans you're broken didn't
appear in your mind by accident.
We live in a culture obsessedwith self-sufficiency Pull up
(02:53):
your bootstraps, figure it outon your own, don't air your
dirty laundry.
These messages bombard us fromchildhood, creating an
impossible standard where askingfor help becomes equated with
failure.
We live in a culture thatrewards the appearance of
strength, not the reality ofwholeness, that celebrates the
high-functioning mom who'sfalling apart behind the closed
(03:14):
doors but shames the woman whoreaches out for help as if she's
weak.
This isn't strength, it'ssurvival in a costume.
But what if I told you, thisbelief is what's actually
keeping you stuck?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They recognize when old beliefsare holding them back.
Here's the truth that changedthings for me.
The most successful, fulfilledand genuinely strong people are
(03:37):
precisely those who activelyseek growth, feedback and
support.
Did you know that 94% of topperformers across the fields,
from Olympic athletes to Fortune500 CEOs, work with coaches?
The world's most accomplishedindividuals aren't avoiding help
.
They're strategically seekingit to accelerate their progress
and overcome blind spots.
(03:59):
These leaders understand whatwe're learning today.
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They strategically seek it.
The real weakness isn't needingguidance.
It's letting pride or fearprevent you from accessing the
very resources that would helpyou thrive.
When you believe that needingself-help makes you broken, you
create a perfect trap.
(04:19):
You can't improve withoutacknowledging areas for growth,
but acknowledging those areasfeels like you're confirming
your brokenness.
It's a cycle designed to keepyou stuck.
The truth is, you're not brokenfor needing support.
You're wise for recognizing youdeserve more than barely
hanging on.
This recognition is a testamentto your intelligence and
self-awareness.
(04:39):
What if, instead, we recognizethat seeking help isn't about
being broken, but about beingbrave enough to pursue your
highest potential?
What if the strongest thing youcould do isn't pretending to
have it all figured out, buthave the courage to say I am
committed to becoming better?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp because they understand
that vulnerability is thebirthright of growth.
(05:00):
Let me share something personal.
For years, I maintained whatlooked like a perfect life from
the outside Career, success,marriage, health, all the boxes
checked, but behind closed doors.
I was drowning in anxiety thatI had told no one about.
I wake up at 3 am with my heartracing and I was thinking about
work situations or familytensions, convinced that if I
(05:21):
were stronger, if I was justbetter, I'd handle these
feelings better.
Let me tell you something elseI never said out loud.
I used to hide my personaldevelopment books under my bed,
not because I didn't believe ingrowth, but because I didn't
want anyone to see that I waslooking for answers.
I felt like I was a betrayal ofthis unwritten rule, that I
should already be enough.
(05:41):
But here's the deeper truth Iwasn't reading those books
because I was broken.
I was reading them because Irefused to stay broken.
I was fighting for myself,quietly, invisibly, shamefully,
and that's what breaks my heartabout this belief.
We've been taught to beembarrassed by the very thing
that's meant to heal us.
Maybe you're doing the samething, telling your family
you're going to target, butreally sitting in your car
(06:03):
crying, skipping over therapyrecommendations because you
don't want to explain to yourhusband Closing tabs on your
browser when someone walks bybecause they might see you're
reading about anxiety oridentity loss.
I remember reading a book onbody dysmorphia disorder and
hiding it when someone came home.
That small moment capturedeverything about how this belief
operates in our lives, Creatingisolation exactly when
(06:26):
connection would help us themost.
You are not alone and you arenot weak.
You are just living inside asystem that equates needing help
with being defective.
But remember there arecountless others who share your
struggles and understand yourjourney.
When I finally reached out forhelp first through books, then
podcasts and eventually therapy,I felt this strange mix of
relief and shame.
(06:47):
Relieved that there wereanswers, frameworks and support
available, shame that I neededthem at all.
I secretly struggled withimposter syndrome for years.
I'd built an impressive lifeand career, but my lived in
constant fear of being found outas inadequate.
I hesitated for years beforesharing my fears because I felt
like seeking help meant that Iwas confirming my worst fears
(07:07):
about myself that I wasn't goodenough.
The irony when I stopped hidingmy fears and started sharing
them, my confidence transformed,my work performance improved
and I received a promotion.
I'd been waiting for the veryact I'd feared that would expose
my weakness became the catalystfor my greatest strength.
That's what living under thisbelief does to us.
(07:28):
It creates isolation when weneed connection, stagnation when
we crave growth.
A facade of competency thatrequires enormous strength and
energy to maintain, recurringproblems that never truly
resolve and relationships thatremain surface level because
we're afraid to be authenticallyhuman.
And here's what's trulyheartbreaking this belief
(07:48):
creates a world where everyoneis pretending to have it all
figured out, reinforcing theillusion that you're the only
one struggling and behind closeddoors.
Nearly everyone is facingchallenges they don't know how
to navigate alone.
You're not alone and you arenot weak.
You're just living inside asystem that equates needing help
with being defective.
(08:09):
So how do we begin dismantlingthis belief that's been so
deeply ingrained in our thinking?
Let me share fivetransformative approaches that
can help you embrace growthwithout shame.
Remember, the strongest womendon't avoid help.
They transform theirrelationship with it.
Here's how you can do the same.
Practice number one isconscious awareness how the
strongest women recognize theirpatterns.
(08:31):
Your healing doesn't begin withaction.
It begins with awareness.
Start paying attention to theexact moments this belief
surfaces in your day-to-day life.
When does shame whisper thatyou should know better?
When do you hesitate to ask aquestion or hide the fact that
you're reading a self-help bookor listening to a podcast?
When do you tell yourself I'llfigure it out alone?
This is not about judgment.
(08:53):
It's about data.
Awareness of the emotionalsting or the quiet retreat into
isolation helps you recognizethat this belief is not you.
It's something you've inherited.
As you observe these patternswithout criticism, you'll start
to see how persuasive thisthinking has been and how it
shaped your choices.
When you can identify thebelief in action, it loses some
(09:13):
of its invisible power over you.
Awareness loosens its grip andgives you the power to choose a
different way forward.
The simple act of noticing oh,there's that belief again
creates space between you andthe thought, space where new
choices become possible.
Practice two is evidenceportfolio.
This is how the strongest womendocument their growth.
(09:34):
If you've ever doubted whetherreaching out works, it's time to
gather the receipts.
Create a living document, whatI call a growth resume.
This is going to capture everytime seeking support led to a
positive outcome in your life.
Document the books that openedyour eyes, mentors who spoke
truth into you or conversationsthat shifted something deep
(09:55):
inside when your inner criticquestions your need for help,
this resume becomes yourpersonal evidence, counter to
the shame narrative.
Alongside this, intentionallyseek out role models who
normalize continuous learningand growth, people who openly
discuss their journey'schallenges and the support
they're receiving.
Follow women who tell the wholestory, not just the polished
(10:16):
parts.
Listen to interviews whereleaders talk about their
therapists, coach and breakdowns.
Read books that center healing,not just achievements.
If all you see are thehighlight reels and the
effortless success, your beliefwill stay stuck in shame.
But exposure to real, rawnarrative shifts your internal
compass.
Over time, your definition ofstrength evolves from
(10:40):
self-sufficiency toself-awareness.
These combined practices helpreset your understanding of what
strength actually looks like inthe real world, not just in a
cultural mythology.
Practice three is reframing help.
This is how the strongest womenview support differently.
It's time to stop calling itself-help.
Call it self-honor.
Transform how you conceptualizeseeking support by shifting
(11:02):
your language.
When you reach for support, youare not fixing a broken version
of yourself, but investing inthe truest version.
Think of it as strategicresource gathering.
The same way, a great CEOsurrounds herself with advisors,
consultants and trusted guides,not because she's weak, but
because she's wise.
You weren't meant to carryeverything alone, and real
(11:25):
success isn't built in silence.
It's built in connection.
Explore the roots of yourresistance through reflective
questions like when did I firstlearn that needing help was
shameful, who modeled thatbelief for me, and what were
their limitations?
This work isn't about blame,but about understanding.
Most of us inherit thesebeliefs from people doing their
(11:45):
best with limited perspectives,but we can be the generation
that breaks the pattern andbuild something better.
This reframing isn't justsemantic.
It's transformative.
When seeking help becomesstrategic growth, everything
shifts your emotions around it,your willingness to engage in it
and, ultimately, the resultsyou experience from it.
(12:05):
Practice four is graduatedexposure, and this is how the
strongest women begin theirjourney.
Sometimes we're not ready topublicize our growth, and that
is okay.
Begin with what I call stealthgrowth.
It's accessing resources in away that feels safe.
While you're still workingthrough the shame, Listen to
podcasts on your walk, readquietly, reflect privately.
These are not lesser steps.
(12:26):
They are wise bridges that leadyou gently from isolation into
integration.
At some point, visibilitybecomes part of the healing, not
because you owe anyone anyexplanation, but because hiding
reinforces shame.
When you feel ready, try one ofthese.
Mention a podcast you're loving, in conversation with a trusted
friend.
Leave a comment on a post thatmoved you.
(12:47):
Write in your journal whatwould I want my daughter to
believe about asking for help?
You'll realize quickly thesearen't just actions.
They are tiny acts of rebellionagainst a belief that never
served you.
Each one plants a seed ofliberation and gradually
normalizes growth as part ofyour identity.
Key is progression at your ownpace.
Honor where you are whilegently challenging yourself to
(13:09):
move forward.
Each step makes the next oneeasier.
Practice five is embracingdiscomfort.
This is how the strongest womengrow through challenge.
Pay attention to the languageyou use with yourself.
I should be past this by now.
Why can't I get it together?
These are shame scripts andthey sound a lot like voices
you've heard before.
Recognize that the discomfortyou feel when seeking help isn't
(13:31):
a warning sign.
It's evidence of growth at theedge of your comfort zone.
Instead of these shame scripts,try this replacement.
This is me choosing healingover hiding.
And that's not weakness, it'swisdom.
That discomfort you feel whenyou reach out, it's not a sign
you're doing something wrong.
It's a sign you're doingsomething different, something
(13:52):
your nervous system hasn't yetlearned to be labeled as safe,
but it will.
You retrain your body andbeliefs.
With every courageous step, yousee help as valuable and
necessary.
Growth doesn't happen insidethe comfort zone.
It happens at the edge, wherethe shame gets loud and your
choice to move forward anywaybecomes the most powerful act of
(14:13):
self-honor you can make.
The journey to transform thisbelief isn't about dramatic,
overnight change.
It's about consistent, smallsteps that gradually normalize
seeking growth in your life.
With each positive experience,the old belief weakens and a new
, more powerful perspectivetakes its place.
You are not weak for needinghelp.
You're evolving beyond theoutdated myths that kept you
(14:36):
silent, and every small choiceto reach, ask, share or seek is
rewriting your story, oneempowered act at a time.
The key is to take consistent,small steps that gradually
normalize seeking growth in yourlife.
With each positive experience,the old belief weakens and a new
, more powerful belief takes itsplace.
And remember this crucial truththe discomfort you feel when
(14:58):
seeking help isn't a sign youshouldn't do it.
It's often a sign you'regrowing beyond limiting patterns
.
Growth happens at the edge ofcomfort, not within it.
Imagine for a moment what yourlife would look like if you
completely reversed this belief,if you viewed seeking help and
continuous growth, not as signsof weakness, but as the ultimate
(15:18):
expressions of strength andself-respect.
What becomes possible whenyou're no longer exhausting
yourself, maintaining anillusion of having it all
figured out, and whatrelationships might deepen when
you allow yourself to be moreauthentically human with others?
What persistent challengesmight finally resolve when you
access the right support?
When you shift this belief, youone experience the profound
(15:40):
relief of authentic livingrather than consistent
performance.
Two, you form deeperconnections based on genuine
sharing rather than curatedimpressions.
You access tools andperspectives that resolve
long-standing challenges.
You model a healthy behaviorfor your children, partners and
community.
You redirect the mass of energypreviously spent hiding
(16:01):
struggles toward actual growth.
You discover strengths andgifts that were obscured by
shame and isolation, and youbegin making decisions from
wisdom rather than fear.
The truth is, we're all works inprogress.
Every single human being onthis planet is figuring out.
As they go, they're facingchallenges and learning through
experience.
The most fulfilled peoplearen't those who need the least
(16:21):
help, those who are wise enoughto seek it, brave enough to
apply it and generous enough toshare what they learn with
others.
When you embrace this truth,you don't just transform your
own life.
You become permission giversfor others.
Your willingness to beauthentically engaged in growth
creates ripples that extend farbeyond your personal experience.
(16:42):
And consider this what is thealternative?
A life defined by avoidancerather than engagement,
relationships limited byperformance rather than
connection, challenges thatpersist because pride prevents
the resolution.
Is this really the legacy youwant to leave?
The most powerful question youcan ask yourself is this if
seeking help actually reflectscourage rather than weakness,
(17:05):
how might that change thedecisions you make, starting
today?
We begin this episode bydiscussing the moment we hide a
self-help book or make excusesabout therapy, those small but
significant ways we perpetuatethe belief that needing help
means we're somehow broken orweak.
But, as we've explored together, the truth is powerfully
different.
Your willingness to seek growth, to learn continuously and to
(17:28):
gather resources for yourjourney aren't signs of
deficiency.
They're expressions ofself-respect, courage and wisdom
.
They reflect not who you arenow, but who you are committed
to becoming.
The strongest people I knowaren't those who never struggle.
They're those who face theirchallenges directly, with all
the support they need.
They understand that humansweren't designed to figure
(17:50):
everything out in isolation.
We were made for connection,for learning and for continuous
evolution together.
So I invite you to make oneslight shift this week.
Notice when shame about seekinggrowth arises and gently remind
yourself this isn't weakness,this is wisdom.
Perhaps choose one area whereyou've been struggling alone and
(18:10):
take one small step towardgetting support, whether through
a book, a conversation orprofessional guidance.
Remember your willingness togrow isn't evidence of
brokenness.
It's proof of your courage andcommitment to living as your
utmost self.
And that begins when you stopasking what's wrong with me and
start asking what if I'm notbroken but buried?
(18:32):
Being an utmost woman doesn'tmean doing it all.
It means doing what matters,rooted in who you truly are.
You are not too much, you arenot too late and you most
certainly are not weak.
You are rising.
What if you're still overwhelmed, not because you're
broken, but because you've beenbelieving you must fix it all
alone?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They embrace it as part oftheir journey.
Have you ever hidden aself-help book when someone
walked into the room?
Or you've made up an excuseabout personal development?
You know the YouTube videoyou're watching.
Oh, I don't know how thatpopped up.
(00:20):
It's so frustrating when theserandom videos just start playing
.
That little moment of shame,that split second decision to
conceal, speaks volumes about abelief that might be holding you
back in ways you haven't evenrealized.
For years, I lived by a rule Inever consciously chose Strong
women don't need help.
I didn't say it out loud, butit ran everything.
(00:41):
I smiled, I served and I showedup, all while secretly
wondering why does everyone elseseem to have it together?
And the harder life felt, themore I blamed myself for being
unable to figure it out.
Today we're diving deep into abelief that quietly shapes how
you show up in every part ofyour life the idea that needing
help means you're broken or weak.
(01:02):
This invisible thought iskeeping you stuck, isolated and
exhausted.
It's costing you connection,growth and the peace that comes
from embracing your humanityinstead of hiding it.
In this episode, we're going toexpose the quiet shame
underneath that belief andreplace it with the truth.
By the end of our time together, you will not only understand
why seeking help isn't a sign offailure, but you'll have a
(01:24):
completely new perspective thattransforms seeking help into one
of the most courageous, wisedecisions you can make and one
of your greatest strengths.
And by the end, you won't justunderstand the lie, you'll feel
empowered to release it andreclaim your power with peace
instead of perfection.
Motherhood is a gift, but let'sbe honest it can also leave you
feeling overwhelmed, invisibleand disconnected from the woman
(01:47):
you once were.
If you ever wondered who am Ibeyond being a mom, know this
you are not alone.
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
I'm Misty, a mom just like you,who has faced chaos, self-doubt
and the loss of identity,hitting rock bottom and emerging
stronger, with clarity,confidence and purpose.
Each week, we will explorepractical tools and
(02:11):
transformative truths to helpyou reclaim your identity,
rebuild your confidence andrediscover the joy that lights
you up.
On this journey together,you'll break free from overwhelm
, embrace your worth and stepfully into the most authentic
version of yourself.
Through heartfelt conversationsand actionable strategies, you
will learn how to design a lifethat excites and fulfills you, a
life where you become the womanyou were always meant to be,
because you're not just a mom.
(02:31):
You are so much more, and ifyou're ready to embrace her,
let's get started.
Let's start with this the beliefthat if you need help, it means
something is wrong with you isnot your fault, but it's not
your truth either.
This belief that needing helpmeans you're broken didn't
appear in your mind by accident.
We live in a culture obsessedwith self-sufficiency Pull up
(02:53):
your bootstraps, figure it outon your own, don't air your
dirty laundry.
These messages bombard us fromchildhood, creating an
impossible standard where askingfor help becomes equated with
failure.
We live in a culture thatrewards the appearance of
strength, not the reality ofwholeness, that celebrates the
high-functioning mom who'sfalling apart behind the closed
(03:14):
doors but shames the woman whoreaches out for help as if she's
weak.
This isn't strength, it'ssurvival in a costume.
But what if I told you, thisbelief is what's actually
keeping you stuck?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They recognize when old beliefsare holding them back.
Here's the truth that changedthings for me.
The most successful, fulfilledand genuinely strong people are
(03:37):
precisely those who activelyseek growth, feedback and
support.
Did you know that 94% of topperformers across the fields,
from Olympic athletes to Fortune500 CEOs, work with coaches?
The world's most accomplishedindividuals aren't avoiding help
.
They're strategically seekingit to accelerate their progress
and overcome blind spots.
(03:59):
These leaders understand whatwe're learning today.
The strongest women don't avoidhelp.
They strategically seek it.
The real weakness isn't needingguidance.
It's letting pride or fearprevent you from accessing the
very resources that would helpyou thrive.
When you believe that needingself-help makes you broken, you
create a perfect trap.
(04:19):
You can't improve withoutacknowledging areas for growth,
but acknowledging those areasfeels like you're confirming
your brokenness.
It's a cycle designed to keepyou stuck.
The truth is, you're not brokenfor needing support.
You're wise for recognizing youdeserve more than barely
hanging on.
This recognition is a testamentto your intelligence and
self-awareness.
(04:39):
What if, instead, we recognizethat seeking help isn't about
being broken, but about beingbrave enough to pursue your
highest potential?
What if the strongest thing youcould do isn't pretending to
have it all figured out, buthave the courage to say I am
committed to becoming better?
The strongest women don't avoidhelp because they understand
that vulnerability is thebirthright of growth.
(05:00):
Let me share something personal.
For years, I maintained whatlooked like a perfect life from
the outside Career, success,marriage, health, all the boxes
checked, but behind closed doors.
I was drowning in anxiety thatI had told no one about.
I wake up at 3 am with my heartracing and I was thinking about
work situations or familytensions, convinced that if I
(05:21):
were stronger, if I was justbetter, I'd handle these
feelings better.
Let me tell you something elseI never said out loud.
I used to hide my personaldevelopment books under my bed,
not because I didn't believe ingrowth, but because I didn't
want anyone to see that I waslooking for answers.
I felt like I was a betrayal ofthis unwritten rule, that I
should already be enough.
(05:41):
But here's the deeper truth Iwasn't reading those books
because I was broken.
I was reading them because Irefused to stay broken.
I was fighting for myself,quietly, invisibly, shamefully,
and that's what breaks my heartabout this belief.
We've been taught to beembarrassed by the very thing
that's meant to heal us.
Maybe you're doing the samething, telling your family
you're going to target, butreally sitting in your car
(06:03):
crying, skipping over therapyrecommendations because you
don't want to explain to yourhusband Closing tabs on your
browser when someone walks bybecause they might see you're
reading about anxiety oridentity loss.
I remember reading a book onbody dysmorphia disorder and
hiding it when someone came home.
That small moment capturedeverything about how this belief
operates in our lives, Creatingisolation exactly when
(06:26):
connection would help us themost.
You are not alone and you arenot weak.
You are just living inside asystem that equates needing help
with being defective.
But remember there arecountless others who share your
struggles and understand yourjourney.
When I finally reached out forhelp first through books, then
podcasts and eventually therapy,I felt this strange mix of
relief and shame.
(06:47):
Relieved that there wereanswers, frameworks and support
available, shame that I neededthem at all.
I secretly struggled withimposter syndrome for years.
I'd built an impressive lifeand career, but my lived in
constant fear of being found outas inadequate.
I hesitated for years beforesharing my fears because I felt
like seeking help meant that Iwas confirming my worst fears
(07:07):
about myself that I wasn't goodenough.
The irony when I stopped hidingmy fears and started sharing
them, my confidence transformed,my work performance improved
and I received a promotion.
I'd been waiting for the veryact I'd feared that would expose
my weakness became the catalystfor my greatest strength.
That's what living under thisbelief does to us.
(07:28):
It creates isolation when weneed connection, stagnation when
we crave growth.
A facade of competency thatrequires enormous strength and
energy to maintain, recurringproblems that never truly
resolve and relationships thatremain surface level because
we're afraid to be authenticallyhuman.
And here's what's trulyheartbreaking this belief
(07:48):
creates a world where everyoneis pretending to have it all
figured out, reinforcing theillusion that you're the only
one struggling and behind closeddoors.
Nearly everyone is facingchallenges they don't know how
to navigate alone.
You're not alone and you arenot weak.
You're just living inside asystem that equates needing help
with being defective.
(08:09):
So how do we begin dismantlingthis belief that's been so
deeply ingrained in our thinking?
Let me share fivetransformative approaches that
can help you embrace growthwithout shame.
Remember, the strongest womendon't avoid help.
They transform theirrelationship with it.
Here's how you can do the same.
Practice number one isconscious awareness how the
strongest women recognize theirpatterns.
(08:31):
Your healing doesn't begin withaction.
It begins with awareness.
Start paying attention to theexact moments this belief
surfaces in your day-to-day life.
When does shame whisper thatyou should know better?
When do you hesitate to ask aquestion or hide the fact that
you're reading a self-help bookor listening to a podcast?
When do you tell yourself I'llfigure it out alone?
This is not about judgment.
(08:53):
It's about data.
Awareness of the emotionalsting or the quiet retreat into
isolation helps you recognizethat this belief is not you.
It's something you've inherited.
As you observe these patternswithout criticism, you'll start
to see how persuasive thisthinking has been and how it
shaped your choices.
When you can identify thebelief in action, it loses some
(09:13):
of its invisible power over you.
Awareness loosens its grip andgives you the power to choose a
different way forward.
The simple act of noticing oh,there's that belief again
creates space between you andthe thought, space where new
choices become possible.
Practice two is evidenceportfolio.
This is how the strongest womendocument their growth.
(09:34):
If you've ever doubted whetherreaching out works, it's time to
gather the receipts.
Create a living document, whatI call a growth resume.
This is going to capture everytime seeking support led to a
positive outcome in your life.
Document the books that openedyour eyes, mentors who spoke
truth into you or conversationsthat shifted something deep
(09:55):
inside when your inner criticquestions your need for help,
this resume becomes yourpersonal evidence, counter to
the shame narrative.
Alongside this, intentionallyseek out role models who
normalize continuous learningand growth, people who openly
discuss their journey'schallenges and the support
they're receiving.
Follow women who tell the wholestory, not just the polished
(10:16):
parts.
Listen to interviews whereleaders talk about their
therapists, coach and breakdowns.
Read books that center healing,not just achievements.
If all you see are thehighlight reels and the
effortless success, your beliefwill stay stuck in shame.
But exposure to real, rawnarrative shifts your internal
compass.
Over time, your definition ofstrength evolves from
(10:40):
self-sufficiency toself-awareness.
These combined practices helpreset your understanding of what
strength actually looks like inthe real world, not just in a
cultural mythology.
Practice three is reframing help.
This is how the strongest womenview support differently.
It's time to stop calling itself-help.
Call it self-honor.
Transform how you conceptualizeseeking support by shifting
(11:02):
your language.
When you reach for support, youare not fixing a broken version
of yourself, but investing inthe truest version.
Think of it as strategicresource gathering.
The same way, a great CEOsurrounds herself with advisors,
consultants and trusted guides,not because she's weak, but
because she's wise.
You weren't meant to carryeverything alone, and real
(11:25):
success isn't built in silence.
It's built in connection.
Explore the roots of yourresistance through reflective
questions like when did I firstlearn that needing help was
shameful, who modeled thatbelief for me, and what were
their limitations?
This work isn't about blame,but about understanding.
Most of us inherit thesebeliefs from people doing their
(11:45):
best with limited perspectives,but we can be the generation
that breaks the pattern andbuild something better.
This reframing isn't justsemantic.
It's transformative.
When seeking help becomesstrategic growth, everything
shifts your emotions around it,your willingness to engage in it
and, ultimately, the resultsyou experience from it.
(12:05):
Practice four is graduatedexposure, and this is how the
strongest women begin theirjourney.
Sometimes we're not ready topublicize our growth, and that
is okay.
Begin with what I call stealthgrowth.
It's accessing resources in away that feels safe.
While you're still workingthrough the shame, Listen to
podcasts on your walk, readquietly, reflect privately.
These are not lesser steps.
(12:26):
They are wise bridges that leadyou gently from isolation into
integration.
At some point, visibilitybecomes part of the healing, not
because you owe anyone anyexplanation, but because hiding
reinforces shame.
When you feel ready, try one ofthese.
Mention a podcast you're loving, in conversation with a trusted
friend.
Leave a comment on a post thatmoved you.
(12:47):
Write in your journal whatwould I want my daughter to
believe about asking for help?
You'll realize quickly thesearen't just actions.
They are tiny acts of rebellionagainst a belief that never
served you.
Each one plants a seed ofliberation and gradually
normalizes growth as part ofyour identity.
Key is progression at your ownpace.
Honor where you are whilegently challenging yourself to
(13:09):
move forward.
Each step makes the next oneeasier.
Practice five is embracingdiscomfort.
This is how the strongest womengrow through challenge.
Pay attention to the languageyou use with yourself.
I should be past this by now.
Why can't I get it together?
These are shame scripts andthey sound a lot like voices
you've heard before.
Recognize that the discomfortyou feel when seeking help isn't
(13:31):
a warning sign.
It's evidence of growth at theedge of your comfort zone.
Instead of these shame scripts,try this replacement.
This is me choosing healingover hiding.
And that's not weakness, it'swisdom.
That discomfort you feel whenyou reach out, it's not a sign
you're doing something wrong.
It's a sign you're doingsomething different, something
(13:52):
your nervous system hasn't yetlearned to be labeled as safe,
but it will.
You retrain your body andbeliefs.
With every courageous step, yousee help as valuable and
necessary.
Growth doesn't happen insidethe comfort zone.
It happens at the edge, wherethe shame gets loud and your
choice to move forward anywaybecomes the most powerful act of
(14:13):
self-honor you can make.
The journey to transform thisbelief isn't about dramatic,
overnight change.
It's about consistent, smallsteps that gradually normalize
seeking growth in your life.
With each positive experience,the old belief weakens and a new
, more powerful perspectivetakes its place.
You are not weak for needinghelp.
You're evolving beyond theoutdated myths that kept you
(14:36):
silent, and every small choiceto reach, ask, share or seek is
rewriting your story, oneempowered act at a time.
The key is to take consistent,small steps that gradually
normalize seeking growth in yourlife.
With each positive experience,the old belief weakens and a new
, more powerful belief takes itsplace.
And remember this crucial truththe discomfort you feel when
(14:58):
seeking help isn't a sign youshouldn't do it.
It's often a sign you'regrowing beyond limiting patterns
.
Growth happens at the edge ofcomfort, not within it.
Imagine for a moment what yourlife would look like if you
completely reversed this belief,if you viewed seeking help and
continuous growth, not as signsof weakness, but as the ultimate
(15:18):
expressions of strength andself-respect.
What becomes possible whenyou're no longer exhausting
yourself, maintaining anillusion of having it all
figured out, and whatrelationships might deepen when
you allow yourself to be moreauthentically human with others?
What persistent challengesmight finally resolve when you
access the right support?
When you shift this belief, youone experience the profound
(15:40):
relief of authentic livingrather than consistent
performance.
Two, you form deeperconnections based on genuine
sharing rather than curatedimpressions.
You access tools andperspectives that resolve
long-standing challenges.
You model a healthy behaviorfor your children, partners and
community.
You redirect the mass of energypreviously spent hiding
(16:01):
struggles toward actual growth.
You discover strengths andgifts that were obscured by
shame and isolation, and youbegin making decisions from
wisdom rather than fear.
The truth is, we're all works inprogress.
Every single human being onthis planet is figuring out.
As they go, they're facingchallenges and learning through
experience.
The most fulfilled peoplearen't those who need the least
(16:21):
help, those who are wise enoughto seek it, brave enough to
apply it and generous enough toshare what they learn with
others.
When you embrace this truth,you don't just transform your
own life.
You become permission giversfor others.
Your willingness to beauthentically engaged in growth
creates ripples that extend farbeyond your personal experience.
(16:42):
And consider this what is thealternative?
A life defined by avoidancerather than engagement,
relationships limited byperformance rather than
connection, challenges thatpersist because pride prevents
the resolution.
Is this really the legacy youwant to leave?
The most powerful question youcan ask yourself is this if
seeking help actually reflectscourage rather than weakness,
(17:05):
how might that change thedecisions you make, starting
today?
We begin this episode bydiscussing the moment we hide a
self-help book or make excusesabout therapy, those small but
significant ways we perpetuatethe belief that needing help
means we're somehow broken orweak.
But, as we've explored together, the truth is powerfully
different.
Your willingness to seek growth, to learn continuously and to
(17:28):
gather resources for yourjourney aren't signs of
deficiency.
They're expressions ofself-respect, courage and wisdom
.
They reflect not who you arenow, but who you are committed
to becoming.
The strongest people I knowaren't those who never struggle.
They're those who face theirchallenges directly, with all
the support they need.
They understand that humansweren't designed to figure
(17:50):
everything out in isolation.
We were made for connection,for learning and for continuous
evolution together.
So I invite you to make oneslight shift this week.
Notice when shame about seekinggrowth arises and gently remind
yourself this isn't weakness,this is wisdom.
Perhaps choose one area whereyou've been struggling alone and
(18:10):
take one small step towardgetting support, whether through
a book, a conversation orprofessional guidance.
Remember your willingness togrow isn't evidence of
brokenness.
It's proof of your courage andcommitment to living as your
utmost self.
And that begins when you stopasking what's wrong with me and
start asking what if I'm notbroken but buried?
(18:32):
Being an utmost woman doesn'tmean doing it all.
It means doing what matters,rooted in who you truly are.
You are not too much, you arenot too late and you most
certainly are not weak.
You are rising.
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