July 28, 2025 • 22 mins
If you've replied to 14 family texts today but haven't checked in with yourself once...
If you solve everyone else's crises in minutes but take days to decide for yourself...
If you've stood in your kitchen past midnight wondering where the woman you used to be disappeared to, this episode will challenge everything you believe about "good mothering."
Here's a truth that will shake you to your core: Harvard's longest-running happiness study proves children of always-available mothers struggle MORE with independence and life satisfaction as adults.
The very thing you think makes you a good mom? It's teaching your kids that love means self-disappearance.
But here's what transforms everything: You're not broken—you're buried.
Those relentless waves of resentment at 11:47 PM? They're not proof that you don't love your family. They're your soul signaling that your worth got tangled with your willingness to vanish.
In just 22 minutes, I'll share the exact systematic approach that helped me end 2+ years of mornings waking in dread, feeling behind, and worried, to start living from my inherent worth instead of proving it through constant service.
No more band-aid fixes. No more guilt-tripping self-care. This is business-grade methodology for lasting personal transformation.
You'll discover:
- Why "good mothers are always available" isn't just wrong—it's generationally damaging
- The 3-phase framework that transforms buried identity into utmost living (and why half-measures keep you stuck)
- How women like Melinda Gates and Michelle Obama raise confident children while fiercely protecting their identity and worth
- The exact belief reconstruction process that boosted my boundary success rate from 15% to 85% in 90 days
The result? You'll model what it truly means to be a whole, healthy human who loves deeply without losing herself. Your children will learn that worth isn't earned through service—it's inherent and sacred.
Stop being a ghost in your own life.
Claim your free "Invisible to Seen: 7 Day Reset for Moms" at yourutmostself.com/reset—7 days of gentle reality checks designed to help you feel alive, focused, and purposeful again without adding one more thing to your plate.
Because your children don't need an invisible mom. They need YOU—the woman who knows her worth, keeps her identity, and builds a life she genuinely loves while loving them deeply.
📲What would it be like to empower a friend who needs to hear this, letting her know she’s not alone in her struggles? Share this episode today.
🔗 Follow for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself
🎧 What would happen if you never missed a conversation that powerfully reminds you of who you truly are? Subscribe to the podcast now.
✨ How could you continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment with free resources, articles, and more? Visit Your Utmost Self to explore.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
Picture this it's 11.47pm on a Tuesday night.
Sarah is standing alone in herkitchen, still in the same
leggings and stretched outt-shirt she threw on at 6am.
She's washing the last dishwhile the rest of the house
sleeps.
The silence should feelpeaceful, but instead her mind
races like a stormy ocean,crashing with tomorrow's endless
(00:20):
to-dos.
Just a few years ago, she haddreams that lit her up, a voice
that held opinions and joy timethat felt like hers.
But somewhere along the waybetween becoming the family's
emotional safety net, thecalendar keeper and the go-to
for every crisis, shedisappeared.
She's still present, alwayspresent, but not here, not
(00:42):
really, not with herself.
She loves her family deeply,would die for them without
hesitation, but as she scrubsthe same plate for the third
time, waves of something she'sashamed to name wash over her
Resentment, not at them, but atthis version of herself who
can't say no, can't take amoment, can't remember who she
used to be.
(01:02):
As tears mix with soapy water,it dawns on her.
She cannot remember the lasttime that she savored stillness
without the heavy weight ofguilt or made a choice just for
her.
She keeps showing up, answeringevery text, solving every
problem, filling every gap, butthe woman that she used to be
the one who laughed withoutchecking the clock, who dreamed
(01:24):
of road trips and meaningfulconversations, who believed she
was meant for more than laundryand logistics.
She's vanished, or at leastthat's how it feels.
If you have ever stood in thatkitchen, metaphorically or
literally, wondering where youwent in the life that you built,
I want you to know you're notbroken, you're buried.
And the waves of resentment youfeel they're not signs that you
(01:47):
don't love your family.
They're signals that your senseof self-worth has gotten
tangled up with your willingnessto disappear for others.
In today's episode, I'm goingto gently challenge everything
you've been told about whatmakes a good mom and show you
how the very thing that youthought made you selfless might
be what's slowly stealing yourjoy, your identity and your
(02:07):
peace.
By the time that we're done,you'll understand why those
waves of resentment keep comingand, more importantly, how to
reclaim your presence, yourpeace and your power without an
ounce of guilt.
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing that
woman staring back at you, thatwoman who used to have dreams,
passions and a sense of purposebeyond taking care of everyone
(02:30):
else?
As moms, we often loseourselves in the endless cycle
of being everything to everyone,forgetting that our worth isn't
tied to how much we give but towho we inherently are.
We feel the overwhelmingdisconnection from our true
selves, struggle to find balanceand experience that deep
longing to feel confident andworthy again, inherently are.
We feel the overwhelmingdisconnection from our true
selves, struggle to find balanceand experience that deep
longing to feel confident andworthy again.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle.
(02:50):
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering your buriedidentity, building unshakable
confidence rooted in yourinherent worth, and reconnecting
with the joy that lights you upthrough practical strategies
and transformative insights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling invisible to
living as your complete, wholeself, because here's the truth
(03:13):
you weren't created to be justsomeone's everything.
You are someone, a woman, withinherent worth and unique
purpose, and it's time toembrace your utmost self, the
complete, vibrant woman you'remeant to be.
Before I share what I've learnedabout constant availability, I
want you to know.
I've been exactly where you are.
I have felt the exhaustion, thedisappearing act, those
(03:35):
shameful waves of resentmenttoward a life that I thought I
was supposed to love.
I've questioned whether wantingtime for myself made me selfish
.
I've wondered if the problemwasn't that I just wasn't
grateful enough or organizedenough or strong enough.
So when I share what I'm aboutto share, please hear it through
a lens of someone who haswalked this path, not someone
(03:56):
judging from the outside,Because what I discovered
changed everything for me and Ibelieve it can for you too.
So here's what I've learned me,and I believe it can for you
too.
So here's what I've learnedbeing constantly available to
your family, while coming from aplace of love, often creates
something we don't expect Wavesof resentment that leave us
feeling guilty and confused.
And when we operate from thisplace of buried identity and
(04:17):
constant service, we're notactually modeling the healthy,
whole woman we want our childrento become.
I understand why constantavailability feels like love.
We've been told our entirelives that good mothers are
always accessible, alwaysputting everyone else first,
always saying yes.
You've probably watched yourown mother do this, seen it
(04:38):
celebrated in every parentingarticle, and feel guilty every
time.
You want to say not right now.
The message is clear your worthas a mother is tied to your
willingness to disappear.
And here's what makes this evenmore complex.
Your heart genuinely wants tobe there for your family.
The love is real, the desire tohelp and support is beautiful,
(05:00):
but somewhere along the way weconfuse self-sacrifice with
self-worth, availability withlove.
But here's what I've noticedabout the women I admire most
the ones raising confident,independent children while
maintaining their sense of self.
They understand somethingcrucial about boundaries and
identity.
Look at women like MelindaFrench Gates, who built a
(05:22):
foundation while raising threechildren.
Or Renee Brown, whorevolutionized how we think
about vulnerability while beinga present mother.
Or Michelle Obama, whomaintained her career and sense
of self throughout motherhood.
None of these women wereavailable 24-7 to their families
.
None of them responded to everytext within minutes or solved
every problem their childrenfaced.
Yet their children are thriving, confident and independent.
(05:45):
Research from the Harvard Grantstudy, the longest running
study on human happiness itshows that children of mothers
who maintain their own interestsand boundaries are actually
reported to have higher lifesatisfaction and stronger
relationship skills as adults.
Studies on attachment show thatsecure attachment, not anxious
availability, creates thehealthiest children.
(06:05):
Oprah Winfrey has spokenextensively about how her
mother's constant availabilityactually created dependency
rather than strength.
So when we continue to believethat constant availability
equals good mothering, somethinghappens that breaks my heart.
We raise children who strugglewith independency.
They expect others to dropeverything for them.
They never learn that otherpeople have needs, boundaries
(06:28):
and worth beyond what theyprovide.
Meanwhile, we becomeincreasingly disconnected from
our own sense of self-worth.
Those waves of resentmentaren't signals that we don't
love our families.
They're signals that we've losttouch with who we are beyond
what we do for others.
So here's what I've discoveredGood mothers don't disappear for
their children.
They model what it looks liketo be whole, healthy human
(06:49):
beings.
They show their children whatit looks like to value yourself,
pursue your own interests andmaintain your identity beyond
motherhood.
This isn't selfish.
It's the greatest gift we cangive them.
When our children see ushonoring our own worth, setting
healthy boundaries and living ascomplete people, they learn
that all people, including them,have inherent value beyond what
(07:10):
they do for others.
So let me ask you gently do youwant to continue being
constantly available andexperiencing those confusing
waves of resentment toward thefamily you love, or are you
ready to discover what it lookslike to be present, connected
mother who always knows andhonors her own inherent worth?
Now this hits so close to homebecause I've lived this exact
(07:30):
story.
The real issue wasn't timemanagement.
It was that I had completelylost touch with my inherent
worth.
I remember standing in mykitchen at midnight, still
responding to texts from myfamily while they slept
peacefully upstairs.
I was so proud of being thego-to person, the one who always
had the answers, the mom whonever said no.
But beneath that pride wassomething I was afraid to admit
(07:52):
I was proving my worth throughmy availability.
I was drowning, but I couldn'tsee it.
I hadn't read a book in months.
I couldn't remember the lastconversation I had that wasn't
about someone else's problem,and when I looked in the mirror
I saw a stranger exhausted,empty and completely
disconnected from who I used tobe.
The wake-up call came when Irealized that what I was
(08:12):
constantly doing through myconstant availability was
actually creating in my childrenthis learned helplessness and
the belief that love meanshaving someone always ready to
solve your problems.
They would panic when I wasn'timmediately available and every
minor inconvenience became myemergency to solve.
But more than that, I realizedI was teaching them that a
(08:34):
woman's worth comes fromwillingness to disappear for
others.
That's not the lesson I wantedto pass down.
Think about it this way If youwant to teach your children to
swim.
You don't jump in the pool andhold them up every time they
feel scared.
You stay close enough to ensuretheir safety, but far enough
away that they develop their ownstrength and confidence.
You believe in their inherentcapability.
(08:54):
Parenting works the same way.
Constantly rescuing, we rob ourchildren of the opportunity to
develop resilience,problem-solving skills and
emotional regulation, but, moreimportantly, we rob them of the
opportunity to see what it lookslike to live as a person who
knows their worth.
Here's what I discovered.
(09:14):
The belief that good mothers arealways available isn't just
wrong.
It's rooted in a fundamentalmisunderstanding of worth.
When we don't understand ourown inherent value, beyond what
we do for others, we tie ouridentity to being needed.
We mistake being indispensablefor being valuable.
But here's the truth thatchanged everything for me you
(09:36):
are inherently worthy, notbecause of what you do, not
because of how available you are, not because of how much you
sacrifice.
You're worthy because you exist.
You are a unique, irreplaceablehuman being with inherent value
.
When we don't know who we are,apart from our role as the
family problem solver, wedefault to proving our value
(09:58):
through constant service.
But that's like trying toconvince someone.
The sun is bright by workingharder to reflect its light.
The sun doesn't need to proveits brightness and you don't
need to prove your worth.
This is why so many parentingstrategies and self-care
solutions fail.
They treat the symptomsover-availability, poor
boundaries, exhaustion withoutaddressing the root cause a
(10:21):
buried sense of self anddisconnection from our inherent
worth.
You can implement all the timemanagement systems in the world,
but if you don't believe thatyou're worthy of time, you'll
sabotage every boundary.
You can practice saying no, butif you believe that your worth
comes from saying yes, you'llfeel guilty and resentful every
time.
The real issue isn't timemanagement or better boundaries,
(10:45):
though those do help.
The real issue is identity andself-worth.
When you don't know who you areas a person your character,
your values, your inherent worthyou default to proving your
value through constant service.
And here's what breaks my heart.
When we operate from this placeof buried worth, we pass it
down.
Our daughters learn that womendisappear for their families.
Our sons learn that women existto serve All.
(11:08):
Our children learn that loverequires self-sacrifice rather
than self-respect.
But when we do the work touncover our buried identity and
reconnect with our inherentworth, we model something
beautiful what it looks like tobe a whole person who loves
deeply without losing herself.
We show them that healthyrelationships involve two
(11:28):
complete people, not one persondisappearing for another.
The solution to the constantavailability trap isn't just
better boundaries.
It's a complete identity andworth reclamation.
This is about becoming selfishor loving your better boundaries
.
It's a complete identity andworth reclamation.
This is about becoming selfishor loving your family less.
It's about addressing the rootcause systematically, which is
exactly what I teach in yourutmost life method.
(11:50):
This transformation happensthrough three essential phases
that address not just what youdo but who you are Discovering
your buried identity, inherentworth.
Designing new belief systemsthat honor that worth.
And doing the daily work tolive from a place of wholeness.
The first thing you mustunderstand is this You're not
broken, you're buried.
Your identity and sense ofworth didn't disappear when you
(12:11):
became a mother.
They got covered over bydemands of constant caregiving
and the lie that your valuecomes from service.
This phase is about identityand worth excavation.
You need to understand yourcharacter, your personality,
your natural attributes and howyour family dynamics shaped your
people-pleasing patterns.
But, most importantly, you needto reconnect with the truth
(12:33):
that your worth isn't tied towhat you do for others.
When I first started this work,within two weeks I experienced a
level of identity clarity I hadnot felt that in maybe 15, 20
years.
It was like remembering myselfagain, not just who I was before
kids, but who I was created tobe.
Decisions that used to take medays begin to feel easy and
(12:55):
aligned, because I wasn't tryingto prove my worth through every
choice.
Imagine discovering right there, right then, that you are
already a whole and completeperson.
You carry an abundant inherentvalue inside you and you were
designed for greatness greatnessthat goes far beyond mere
servitude.
But here's what most people miss.
If you stop there, if you onlydo the identity work without
(13:17):
addressing your belief systems,you become what I call
enlightened but exhausted.
You know exactly who you areand that you have value and
worth, but you still live thesame life for months and years,
because knowing your worth andliving it are two different
things.
So you have to replace thelimiting beliefs that created
the constant availability trapin the first place.
Beliefs like good mothers arealways accessible.
(13:40):
My worth comes from how much Igive, or taking time for myself
is selfish.
They have to be systematicallyreplaced with empowering truths
about your inherent value.
This isn't positive thinking oraffirmations.
This is strategic beliefreconstruction using proven
psychological principles.
You learn to identify the liesthat you've been believing about
your worth, confront theassumptions that have shaped
(14:02):
your life manual and replacethem with truths that honor your
inherent value.
The work involves understandinghow memories impact your
personal logic about worth,recognize that labels have
shaped your identity andconfront the lies and
assumptions that you've beenbelieving about yourself and
motherhood, and then activelyrebuilding your belief
foundation.
When I went through thisprocess, within 90 days I had
(14:25):
replaced about 8 to 15 limitingbeliefs with empowering truths.
Before this, my boundariesbarely held.
I'd say no, maybe about 1 outof every 10 times, because I
believed saying no meant that Ididn't care.
But after rebuilding my beliefsthrough this process, I started
honoring my boundaries 7 or 8times out of 10.
It wasn't perfect, but it wasreal progress because I finally
(14:48):
believed I was worth protecting.
But again, if you only dodiscovering and designing
without the implementation phase, you create what I call
authentic but capped living.
You live authentically about 75to 85% of the time and you know
your worth intellectually, butyou operate at only 60 to 70% of
your potential because youdon't have the daily systems to
(15:11):
maintain this new way of beingconsistently.
This is where mosttransformation fails in the
implementation.
Knowing your worth is differentfrom living from your worth
daily.
You need systems that help youconsistently operate from this
place of wholeness rather thandefaulting back to proving your
value through availability.
From this place of wholenessrather than defaulting back to
(15:31):
proving your value throughavailability.
This phase involves learning tomanage your thoughts and mental
load.
Retraining neural pathways sothat they honor your worth
becomes automatic, creatingdaily routines that support your
identity as a whole person anddeveloping long-term maintenance
strategies.
The work includes reducing yourmental load from like 2000
random thoughts per day down to1100 focused thoughts,
(15:54):
implementing habitual changesthat support your new identity,
creating daily routines thathonor both your role as a mother
and your identity as a completeperson.
And they build systems for longterm motivation and maintenance
.
When I committed to all three ofthese phases not just
(16:16):
discovering my worth anddesigning new beliefs, but truly
implementing daily systems thathonored my value something
remarkable happened.
I stopped waking up dreadingthe day, my energy didn't crash
at 2 pm like it used to.
And the biggest shift I startedfeeling proud of how I showed
up, not just for others, but formyself, most importantly, when
a mother operates from a placeof secure identity, inherent
worth, her children developindependence, confidence and
(16:38):
emotional resilience.
They learn that people havevalue beyond what they do for
others and they grow up with ahealthy understanding of
boundaries and self-respect.
Here's what I've experiencedand what I see in so many
conversations with other mothers.
We try to fix the availabilityproblem with symptom management
better time blocking, saying nomore often, scheduling self-care
(16:59):
but when we fail to address theroot cause, that buried
identity and disconnection fromour inherent worth, we're
building our life on a shakyfoundation that easily falls
apart.
The availability trap isactually a self-worth issue
dressed up as time managementproblem.
And until you understand yourinherent worth, rebuild your
belief foundation around thatworth and create daily systems
(17:22):
to maintain this new way ofbeing, you'll keep defaulting
back to proving your valuethrough constant service.
Let me bring this all togetherfor you.
The belief that good mothersare always available isn't just
misguided.
It's actually harmful to bothyou and your children.
When you maintain healthyboundaries and model self-worth,
you're not being selfish.
(17:43):
You're giving your children thegreatest gift possible the
example of what it looks like tobe a whole, healthy human being
who knows her inherent value.
Our job as parents is to guide,teach and mold our children to
be independent, healthy membersof society.
That is exactly what happenswhen we show them our worth.
(18:03):
That is literally being a goodmom.
So those waves of resentmentthat you feel, they're not signs
that you don't love your familydeeply.
They're signals that you'vedisconnected from your own worth
.
They're your soul's way ofsaying remember me, remember
that I matter too.
This transformation doesn'thappen through willpower, better
time management or forcingyourself to have better
(18:26):
boundaries.
It happens through systematicidentity and worth reclamation,
using the three-phase approachDiscovering who you really are
beneath all the caregiving rolesand reconnecting with your
inherent value.
Designing new, empoweringbeliefs that honor that worth
and replace the ones that keepyou trapped in constant
availability.
And doing the daily work tomake living from this place of
(18:48):
wholeness automatic rather thaneffortful.
When you complete this fulltransformation, something
beautiful happens.
You stop feeling guilty abouthaving needs because you
understand they're valid.
Your children become moreindependent and confident
because they see what healthywholeness looks like.
Your family relationshipsimprove because you're operating
(19:09):
from fulfillment and worthrather than depletion and
resentment.
And here's the beautiful partwhen you do this work, it
ripples out generationally.
Daughters learn that women canlove deeply without losing
themselves, and sons learn thatwomen are complete people worthy
of respect and care.
Our children learn what healthyrelationships look like Two
(19:30):
whole people choosing to loveeach other, not one person
disappearing for another.
You become the woman who breaksthe cycle of inherited people
pleasing and worth confusion.
You become the one who says inour family we love each other
and we honor ourselves In ourfamily.
Worth isn't earned throughservice.
It's inherent and sacred.
(19:53):
The path forward requires you toaddress the root cause your
buried identity and disconnectedsense of worth, not just the
symptoms of poor boundaries andconstant availability.
If you have felt those waves ofresentment and recognized
yourself in Sarah's story, Iwant to help you take the next
step.
The real issue isn't just yourboundaries.
It's your buried identity andthe lie that your worth comes
(20:16):
from your availability.
What if you could stop beingconstantly available and start
thriving, not only as a motherbut as a whole vibrant person
who knows her value?
If you feel guilty for wanting15 minutes for yourself, you
respond to family texts withinseconds but ignore your own
needs for weeks.
Or if you look in the mirrorand think I don't recognize that
(20:37):
woman.
Visit your utmost selfcomforward slash reset to download
your free invisible to sceneseven day reset for moms.
These seven days of gentleshifts will help you feel alive,
focused and full of purposeagain, without the guilt,
burnout or overwhelm.
You're feeling invisiblebecause you've made everyone
else the main character.
(20:57):
So please do this one thing foryourself Grab your copy of the
invisible to seen.
Seven day reset for moms.
This isn't another take abubble bath guide.
This is seven days of gentlereality checks that will help
you feel alive, focused andpurposeful again, without adding
more to your already full plate.
The woman you were before havingkids isn't gone.
(21:19):
She's just hidden beneath thefalse belief that good mothers
disappear for their families.
But your children don't need aninvisible mom.
They need you, a woman whoknows her worth, maintains her
identity and builds a life thatshe genuinely loves, while
loving them deeply.
You are not meant to be a ghostin your own life.
You are meant to be whole,vibrant, present, a woman who
(21:42):
loves her family from a place offullness rather than emptiness.
You are meant to model for yourchildren what it looks like to
honor yourself by serving others, to maintain your identity
while embracing your rules, toknow your worth while giving
your love.
So why wait?
Go to your utmost selfcom rightnow and take the first step
toward reclaiming your identityand worth, without losing an
(22:04):
ounce of the love that you havefor your family, because they
really need you, not theexhausted, resentful, buried
version of you, but that womanwho knows she's worthy of love,
time, care and a life thatlights her up.
Picture this it's 11.47pm on a Tuesday night.
Sarah is standing alone in herkitchen, still in the same
leggings and stretched outt-shirt she threw on at 6am.
She's washing the last dishwhile the rest of the house
sleeps.
The silence should feelpeaceful, but instead her mind
races like a stormy ocean,crashing with tomorrow's endless
(00:20):
to-dos.
Just a few years ago, she haddreams that lit her up, a voice
that held opinions and joy timethat felt like hers.
But somewhere along the waybetween becoming the family's
emotional safety net, thecalendar keeper and the go-to
for every crisis, shedisappeared.
She's still present, alwayspresent, but not here, not
(00:42):
really, not with herself.
She loves her family deeply,would die for them without
hesitation, but as she scrubsthe same plate for the third
time, waves of something she'sashamed to name wash over her
Resentment, not at them, but atthis version of herself who
can't say no, can't take amoment, can't remember who she
used to be.
(01:02):
As tears mix with soapy water,it dawns on her.
She cannot remember the lasttime that she savored stillness
without the heavy weight ofguilt or made a choice just for
her.
She keeps showing up, answeringevery text, solving every
problem, filling every gap, butthe woman that she used to be
the one who laughed withoutchecking the clock, who dreamed
(01:24):
of road trips and meaningfulconversations, who believed she
was meant for more than laundryand logistics.
She's vanished, or at leastthat's how it feels.
If you have ever stood in thatkitchen, metaphorically or
literally, wondering where youwent in the life that you built,
I want you to know you're notbroken, you're buried.
And the waves of resentment youfeel they're not signs that you
(01:47):
don't love your family.
They're signals that your senseof self-worth has gotten
tangled up with your willingnessto disappear for others.
In today's episode, I'm goingto gently challenge everything
you've been told about whatmakes a good mom and show you
how the very thing that youthought made you selfless might
be what's slowly stealing yourjoy, your identity and your
(02:07):
peace.
By the time that we're done,you'll understand why those
waves of resentment keep comingand, more importantly, how to
reclaim your presence, yourpeace and your power without an
ounce of guilt.
Have you ever looked in themirror, barely recognizing that
woman staring back at you, thatwoman who used to have dreams,
passions and a sense of purposebeyond taking care of everyone
(02:30):
else?
As moms, we often loseourselves in the endless cycle
of being everything to everyone,forgetting that our worth isn't
tied to how much we give but towho we inherently are.
We feel the overwhelmingdisconnection from our true
selves, struggle to find balanceand experience that deep
longing to feel confident andworthy again, inherently are.
We feel the overwhelmingdisconnection from our true
selves, struggle to find balanceand experience that deep
longing to feel confident andworthy again.
Hi, I'm Misty Chelle.
(02:50):
Welcome to your Upmost Life.
Each week, we have real, honestconversations about
rediscovering your buriedidentity, building unshakable
confidence rooted in yourinherent worth, and reconnecting
with the joy that lights you upthrough practical strategies
and transformative insights.
We'll explore what it means tomove from feeling invisible to
living as your complete, wholeself, because here's the truth
(03:13):
you weren't created to be justsomeone's everything.
You are someone, a woman, withinherent worth and unique
purpose, and it's time toembrace your utmost self, the
complete, vibrant woman you'remeant to be.
Before I share what I've learnedabout constant availability, I
want you to know.
I've been exactly where you are.
I have felt the exhaustion, thedisappearing act, those
(03:35):
shameful waves of resentmenttoward a life that I thought I
was supposed to love.
I've questioned whether wantingtime for myself made me selfish
.
I've wondered if the problemwasn't that I just wasn't
grateful enough or organizedenough or strong enough.
So when I share what I'm aboutto share, please hear it through
a lens of someone who haswalked this path, not someone
(03:56):
judging from the outside,Because what I discovered
changed everything for me and Ibelieve it can for you too.
So here's what I've learned me,and I believe it can for you
too.
So here's what I've learnedbeing constantly available to
your family, while coming from aplace of love, often creates
something we don't expect Wavesof resentment that leave us
feeling guilty and confused.
And when we operate from thisplace of buried identity and
(04:17):
constant service, we're notactually modeling the healthy,
whole woman we want our childrento become.
I understand why constantavailability feels like love.
We've been told our entirelives that good mothers are
always accessible, alwaysputting everyone else first,
always saying yes.
You've probably watched yourown mother do this, seen it
(04:38):
celebrated in every parentingarticle, and feel guilty every
time.
You want to say not right now.
The message is clear your worthas a mother is tied to your
willingness to disappear.
And here's what makes this evenmore complex.
Your heart genuinely wants tobe there for your family.
The love is real, the desire tohelp and support is beautiful,
(05:00):
but somewhere along the way weconfuse self-sacrifice with
self-worth, availability withlove.
But here's what I've noticedabout the women I admire most
the ones raising confident,independent children while
maintaining their sense of self.
They understand somethingcrucial about boundaries and
identity.
Look at women like MelindaFrench Gates, who built a
(05:22):
foundation while raising threechildren.
Or Renee Brown, whorevolutionized how we think
about vulnerability while beinga present mother.
Or Michelle Obama, whomaintained her career and sense
of self throughout motherhood.
None of these women wereavailable 24-7 to their families
.
None of them responded to everytext within minutes or solved
every problem their childrenfaced.
Yet their children are thriving, confident and independent.
(05:45):
Research from the Harvard Grantstudy, the longest running
study on human happiness itshows that children of mothers
who maintain their own interestsand boundaries are actually
reported to have higher lifesatisfaction and stronger
relationship skills as adults.
Studies on attachment show thatsecure attachment, not anxious
availability, creates thehealthiest children.
(06:05):
Oprah Winfrey has spokenextensively about how her
mother's constant availabilityactually created dependency
rather than strength.
So when we continue to believethat constant availability
equals good mothering, somethinghappens that breaks my heart.
We raise children who strugglewith independency.
They expect others to dropeverything for them.
They never learn that otherpeople have needs, boundaries
(06:28):
and worth beyond what theyprovide.
Meanwhile, we becomeincreasingly disconnected from
our own sense of self-worth.
Those waves of resentmentaren't signals that we don't
love our families.
They're signals that we've losttouch with who we are beyond
what we do for others.
So here's what I've discoveredGood mothers don't disappear for
their children.
They model what it looks liketo be whole, healthy human
(06:49):
beings.
They show their children whatit looks like to value yourself,
pursue your own interests andmaintain your identity beyond
motherhood.
This isn't selfish.
It's the greatest gift we cangive them.
When our children see ushonoring our own worth, setting
healthy boundaries and living ascomplete people, they learn
that all people, including them,have inherent value beyond what
(07:10):
they do for others.
So let me ask you gently do youwant to continue being
constantly available andexperiencing those confusing
waves of resentment toward thefamily you love, or are you
ready to discover what it lookslike to be present, connected
mother who always knows andhonors her own inherent worth?
Now this hits so close to homebecause I've lived this exact
(07:30):
story.
The real issue wasn't timemanagement.
It was that I had completelylost touch with my inherent
worth.
I remember standing in mykitchen at midnight, still
responding to texts from myfamily while they slept
peacefully upstairs.
I was so proud of being thego-to person, the one who always
had the answers, the mom whonever said no.
But beneath that pride wassomething I was afraid to admit
(07:52):
I was proving my worth throughmy availability.
I was drowning, but I couldn'tsee it.
I hadn't read a book in months.
I couldn't remember the lastconversation I had that wasn't
about someone else's problem,and when I looked in the mirror
I saw a stranger exhausted,empty and completely
disconnected from who I used tobe.
The wake-up call came when Irealized that what I was
(08:12):
constantly doing through myconstant availability was
actually creating in my childrenthis learned helplessness and
the belief that love meanshaving someone always ready to
solve your problems.
They would panic when I wasn'timmediately available and every
minor inconvenience became myemergency to solve.
But more than that, I realizedI was teaching them that a
(08:34):
woman's worth comes fromwillingness to disappear for
others.
That's not the lesson I wantedto pass down.
Think about it this way If youwant to teach your children to
swim.
You don't jump in the pool andhold them up every time they
feel scared.
You stay close enough to ensuretheir safety, but far enough
away that they develop their ownstrength and confidence.
You believe in their inherentcapability.
(08:54):
Parenting works the same way.
Constantly rescuing, we rob ourchildren of the opportunity to
develop resilience,problem-solving skills and
emotional regulation, but, moreimportantly, we rob them of the
opportunity to see what it lookslike to live as a person who
knows their worth.
Here's what I discovered.
(09:14):
The belief that good mothers arealways available isn't just
wrong.
It's rooted in a fundamentalmisunderstanding of worth.
When we don't understand ourown inherent value, beyond what
we do for others, we tie ouridentity to being needed.
We mistake being indispensablefor being valuable.
But here's the truth thatchanged everything for me you
(09:36):
are inherently worthy, notbecause of what you do, not
because of how available you are, not because of how much you
sacrifice.
You're worthy because you exist.
You are a unique, irreplaceablehuman being with inherent value
.
When we don't know who we are,apart from our role as the
family problem solver, wedefault to proving our value
(09:58):
through constant service.
But that's like trying toconvince someone.
The sun is bright by workingharder to reflect its light.
The sun doesn't need to proveits brightness and you don't
need to prove your worth.
This is why so many parentingstrategies and self-care
solutions fail.
They treat the symptomsover-availability, poor
boundaries, exhaustion withoutaddressing the root cause a
(10:21):
buried sense of self anddisconnection from our inherent
worth.
You can implement all the timemanagement systems in the world,
but if you don't believe thatyou're worthy of time, you'll
sabotage every boundary.
You can practice saying no, butif you believe that your worth
comes from saying yes, you'llfeel guilty and resentful every
time.
The real issue isn't timemanagement or better boundaries,
(10:45):
though those do help.
The real issue is identity andself-worth.
When you don't know who you areas a person your character,
your values, your inherent worthyou default to proving your
value through constant service.
And here's what breaks my heart.
When we operate from this placeof buried worth, we pass it
down.
Our daughters learn that womendisappear for their families.
Our sons learn that women existto serve All.
(11:08):
Our children learn that loverequires self-sacrifice rather
than self-respect.
But when we do the work touncover our buried identity and
reconnect with our inherentworth, we model something
beautiful what it looks like tobe a whole person who loves
deeply without losing herself.
We show them that healthyrelationships involve two
(11:28):
complete people, not one persondisappearing for another.
The solution to the constantavailability trap isn't just
better boundaries.
It's a complete identity andworth reclamation.
This is about becoming selfishor loving your better boundaries
.
It's a complete identity andworth reclamation.
This is about becoming selfishor loving your family less.
It's about addressing the rootcause systematically, which is
exactly what I teach in yourutmost life method.
(11:50):
This transformation happensthrough three essential phases
that address not just what youdo but who you are Discovering
your buried identity, inherentworth.
Designing new belief systemsthat honor that worth.
And doing the daily work tolive from a place of wholeness.
The first thing you mustunderstand is this You're not
broken, you're buried.
Your identity and sense ofworth didn't disappear when you
(12:11):
became a mother.
They got covered over bydemands of constant caregiving
and the lie that your valuecomes from service.
This phase is about identityand worth excavation.
You need to understand yourcharacter, your personality,
your natural attributes and howyour family dynamics shaped your
people-pleasing patterns.
But, most importantly, you needto reconnect with the truth
(12:33):
that your worth isn't tied towhat you do for others.
When I first started this work,within two weeks I experienced a
level of identity clarity I hadnot felt that in maybe 15, 20
years.
It was like remembering myselfagain, not just who I was before
kids, but who I was created tobe.
Decisions that used to take medays begin to feel easy and
(12:55):
aligned, because I wasn't tryingto prove my worth through every
choice.
Imagine discovering right there, right then, that you are
already a whole and completeperson.
You carry an abundant inherentvalue inside you and you were
designed for greatness greatnessthat goes far beyond mere
servitude.
But here's what most people miss.
If you stop there, if you onlydo the identity work without
(13:17):
addressing your belief systems,you become what I call
enlightened but exhausted.
You know exactly who you areand that you have value and
worth, but you still live thesame life for months and years,
because knowing your worth andliving it are two different
things.
So you have to replace thelimiting beliefs that created
the constant availability trapin the first place.
Beliefs like good mothers arealways accessible.
(13:40):
My worth comes from how much Igive, or taking time for myself
is selfish.
They have to be systematicallyreplaced with empowering truths
about your inherent value.
This isn't positive thinking oraffirmations.
This is strategic beliefreconstruction using proven
psychological principles.
You learn to identify the liesthat you've been believing about
your worth, confront theassumptions that have shaped
(14:02):
your life manual and replacethem with truths that honor your
inherent value.
The work involves understandinghow memories impact your
personal logic about worth,recognize that labels have
shaped your identity andconfront the lies and
assumptions that you've beenbelieving about yourself and
motherhood, and then activelyrebuilding your belief
foundation.
When I went through thisprocess, within 90 days I had
(14:25):
replaced about 8 to 15 limitingbeliefs with empowering truths.
Before this, my boundariesbarely held.
I'd say no, maybe about 1 outof every 10 times, because I
believed saying no meant that Ididn't care.
But after rebuilding my beliefsthrough this process, I started
honoring my boundaries 7 or 8times out of 10.
It wasn't perfect, but it wasreal progress because I finally
(14:48):
believed I was worth protecting.
But again, if you only dodiscovering and designing
without the implementation phase, you create what I call
authentic but capped living.
You live authentically about 75to 85% of the time and you know
your worth intellectually, butyou operate at only 60 to 70% of
your potential because youdon't have the daily systems to
(15:11):
maintain this new way of beingconsistently.
This is where mosttransformation fails in the
implementation.
Knowing your worth is differentfrom living from your worth
daily.
You need systems that help youconsistently operate from this
place of wholeness rather thandefaulting back to proving your
value through availability.
From this place of wholenessrather than defaulting back to
(15:31):
proving your value throughavailability.
This phase involves learning tomanage your thoughts and mental
load.
Retraining neural pathways sothat they honor your worth
becomes automatic, creatingdaily routines that support your
identity as a whole person anddeveloping long-term maintenance
strategies.
The work includes reducing yourmental load from like 2000
random thoughts per day down to1100 focused thoughts,
(15:54):
implementing habitual changesthat support your new identity,
creating daily routines thathonor both your role as a mother
and your identity as a completeperson.
And they build systems for longterm motivation and maintenance
.
When I committed to all three ofthese phases not just
(16:16):
discovering my worth anddesigning new beliefs, but truly
implementing daily systems thathonored my value something
remarkable happened.
I stopped waking up dreadingthe day, my energy didn't crash
at 2 pm like it used to.
And the biggest shift I startedfeeling proud of how I showed
up, not just for others, but formyself, most importantly, when
a mother operates from a placeof secure identity, inherent
worth, her children developindependence, confidence and
(16:38):
emotional resilience.
They learn that people havevalue beyond what they do for
others and they grow up with ahealthy understanding of
boundaries and self-respect.
Here's what I've experiencedand what I see in so many
conversations with other mothers.
We try to fix the availabilityproblem with symptom management
better time blocking, saying nomore often, scheduling self-care
(16:59):
but when we fail to address theroot cause, that buried
identity and disconnection fromour inherent worth, we're
building our life on a shakyfoundation that easily falls
apart.
The availability trap isactually a self-worth issue
dressed up as time managementproblem.
And until you understand yourinherent worth, rebuild your
belief foundation around thatworth and create daily systems
(17:22):
to maintain this new way ofbeing, you'll keep defaulting
back to proving your valuethrough constant service.
Let me bring this all togetherfor you.
The belief that good mothersare always available isn't just
misguided.
It's actually harmful to bothyou and your children.
When you maintain healthyboundaries and model self-worth,
you're not being selfish.
(17:43):
You're giving your children thegreatest gift possible the
example of what it looks like tobe a whole, healthy human being
who knows her inherent value.
Our job as parents is to guide,teach and mold our children to
be independent, healthy membersof society.
That is exactly what happenswhen we show them our worth.
(18:03):
That is literally being a goodmom.
So those waves of resentmentthat you feel, they're not signs
that you don't love your familydeeply.
They're signals that you'vedisconnected from your own worth
.
They're your soul's way ofsaying remember me, remember
that I matter too.
This transformation doesn'thappen through willpower, better
time management or forcingyourself to have better
(18:26):
boundaries.
It happens through systematicidentity and worth reclamation,
using the three-phase approachDiscovering who you really are
beneath all the caregiving rolesand reconnecting with your
inherent value.
Designing new, empoweringbeliefs that honor that worth
and replace the ones that keepyou trapped in constant
availability.
And doing the daily work tomake living from this place of
(18:48):
wholeness automatic rather thaneffortful.
When you complete this fulltransformation, something
beautiful happens.
You stop feeling guilty abouthaving needs because you
understand they're valid.
Your children become moreindependent and confident
because they see what healthywholeness looks like.
Your family relationshipsimprove because you're operating
(19:09):
from fulfillment and worthrather than depletion and
resentment.
And here's the beautiful partwhen you do this work, it
ripples out generationally.
Daughters learn that women canlove deeply without losing
themselves, and sons learn thatwomen are complete people worthy
of respect and care.
Our children learn what healthyrelationships look like Two
(19:30):
whole people choosing to loveeach other, not one person
disappearing for another.
You become the woman who breaksthe cycle of inherited people
pleasing and worth confusion.
You become the one who says inour family we love each other
and we honor ourselves In ourfamily.
Worth isn't earned throughservice.
It's inherent and sacred.
(19:53):
The path forward requires you toaddress the root cause your
buried identity and disconnectedsense of worth, not just the
symptoms of poor boundaries andconstant availability.
If you have felt those waves ofresentment and recognized
yourself in Sarah's story, Iwant to help you take the next
step.
The real issue isn't just yourboundaries.
It's your buried identity andthe lie that your worth comes
(20:16):
from your availability.
What if you could stop beingconstantly available and start
thriving, not only as a motherbut as a whole vibrant person
who knows her value?
If you feel guilty for wanting15 minutes for yourself, you
respond to family texts withinseconds but ignore your own
needs for weeks.
Or if you look in the mirrorand think I don't recognize that
(20:37):
woman.
Visit your utmost selfcomforward slash reset to download
your free invisible to sceneseven day reset for moms.
These seven days of gentleshifts will help you feel alive,
focused and full of purposeagain, without the guilt,
burnout or overwhelm.
You're feeling invisiblebecause you've made everyone
else the main character.
(20:57):
So please do this one thing foryourself Grab your copy of the
invisible to seen.
Seven day reset for moms.
This isn't another take abubble bath guide.
This is seven days of gentlereality checks that will help
you feel alive, focused andpurposeful again, without adding
more to your already full plate.
The woman you were before havingkids isn't gone.
(21:19):
She's just hidden beneath thefalse belief that good mothers
disappear for their families.
But your children don't need aninvisible mom.
They need you, a woman whoknows her worth, maintains her
identity and builds a life thatshe genuinely loves, while
loving them deeply.
You are not meant to be a ghostin your own life.
You are meant to be whole,vibrant, present, a woman who
(21:42):
loves her family from a place offullness rather than emptiness.
You are meant to model for yourchildren what it looks like to
honor yourself by serving others, to maintain your identity
while embracing your rules, toknow your worth while giving
your love.
So why wait?
Go to your utmost selfcom rightnow and take the first step
toward reclaiming your identityand worth, without losing an
(22:04):
ounce of the love that you havefor your family, because they
really need you, not theexhausted, resentful, buried
version of you, but that womanwho knows she's worthy of love,
time, care and a life thatlights her up.
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